All language subtitles for The.Durrells.S03E01.HDTV.x264-ORGANiC[ettv]

Dear Aunt Hermione, I
hope Belgium was good

and this letter reaches
you safely in Dijon.

Mmmmm. Mustard!

We are all happy. Larry
is writing his third novel

which is more than Leslie has read.
And Les has a girlfriend, Daphne.

But won't let us meet her. Margo
had ditched her boyfriend, Zoltan,

because we begged her to.

And Gerry, as ever, prefers his
animal family to his human one.

I have given up searching for love.

So, will all my new free time,
I'm thinking of learning the harp.

Or getting a cello between my legs.

Time just for me.

It is gorgeous here.

- I can see it, Gerry.
- He followed me.

- Infuriating. - That's what
you said about most of them.

Scorpions don't follow people home.

I have nobody. I feel like
a dog without an owner.

You are a terrific young woman, Margo.

You don't need someone to own you.

Thank you, lonely spinster.

- I am neither. I'm a busy widow. - Ugh!
Even worse (!) - Look at this letter!

- Aarghhhhh!
- Agh!

I think I heard a crack.
Endless sorry animals.

- I've broken my leg!
- Unlikely, darling.

I just wrote to my aunt
that we're all happy.

- Argh! - Where's Leslie?
- Oh, I'll show you.

Arrghhhhhhh!

Well, life hasn't
showered Leslie with gifts.

He's allowed a girlfriend.

So, that's Daphne.

- Hello, Daphne!
- No. No. No. No. It's not her.

He's got three girls. I found
these in his secret nook.

He's made the mistake of
photographing his victims.

- So what do you expect me
to do about it? - I dunno.

Oh. Nice cardie.

Oh, God. They look like trouble.

Well, tell your publisher
that you won't use a pseudonym.

I've got no choice.

My last novel did so badly
my name is commercial leprosy.

A pseudonym is when you use a
name that isn't yours because...

I know what a pseudonym is. Don't
confuse boredom with ignorance.

- Oh, please, Margo. Get
a ruddy hobby. - Evening.

Is it true you have THREE girlfriends?

- Yes, it is. - And do they
all know about each other?

- No, they don't. - I can't help
thinking one would be simpler.

This makes up for all the
time I had no girlfriends.

If you average it out,
I have one girlfriend.

Lots of animals mate for life.

- Yeah, that's what I'm going for.
- Me too.

He doesn't mean they mate
constantly throughout their life.

Have only one mate their whole life.
Otters, penguins, the prairie vole.

No, I'm not a prairie vole. I'm me.

It would be nice to meet
your friends. Oh, no. No.

- I don't want you sticking your oar in.
- Hermione will.

- She's coming back.
- It's weed on you.

She's coming back again? Why?

Warmth. Renewal. Her friend Mr Anestis.

In fact, she's planning
to stay permanently.

My niece Dionisia is Leslie
girlfriend. Soon, he will be family.

I'm afraid you're jumping ahead.
Leslie is seeing three girls.

- Three?
- Aaghhhh!

- Do you really think
it's broken? - Yes.

All right. I'll fetch the doctor.

- As you insist, I've chosen a hobby.
- Oh, good.

Making sculptures out of soap.

- What? - Well, it seems stupid
but so do a lot of things.

Like hockey and feet. And testicles.

Is that the same flamingo?

Yes.

Oh, dear. Ah! Florence.

- It's actually your husband
I wanted to see. - Hold this.

Oh.

Little Adonis. Isn't he a sweetie?

Fatuous bloody name! Not so
much Adonis more a Dennis!

No, he's... He's bonnie.

Leslie was a monstrous troll of a baby.

And he's not exactly Clark Gable now!

Look, Florence it will get easier.

You've waited so long for this baby.

- So, what's happened to Larry?
- Well...

He thinks he's fractured his
leg tripping over the dog.

They kept him quiet for
all of three seconds.

These might be a bit sharp.

Oh, boo hoo. Well, I can't
help. My husband's in Kavos.

They have a backlog of
cases. Dr Frangos is working.

I'm a better doctor than Dr Frangos.

Larry needs an X-ray more than a doctor.

- And where could he get one of those?
- Athens. Naples.

- Turn left out of the house. Try Istanbul.
- This is ridiculous.

Yes, it is. But Larry is no
stranger to accidents and illnesses.

- He obviously likes the attention.
- You may not be interested

in being a good parent but I am.

So I'll try another way.

And I'm sorry you don't
think Leslie's handsome

but he has three girlfriends.

- Do you have any remedies for
excess libido? - Childbirth.

Mrs Durrell. Founder of a
dynasty. What a pleasure.

How delightful to find someone
who isn't grumpy or cross with me.

Oh, yes. There's lots of
crossness. Even on a Greek island.

Because they have no
thermocyclops to keep them happy.

Oh. He's in here, is he?

Several hundred of them.
It's more of a soup, really.

Hmm. But it's Larry I'm here about.

- He suspects he's broken his leg.
- Oh, dear.

Florence can't help and
well, there's no backup.

You have medical training. What can I do?

I'd love to help but I
didn't qualify as a doctor.

Besides, who else will monitor the
thermocyclops and other copepods?

Well, that's one defective
son. On to the next.

- Hello, Spiros.
- Mrs Durrells.

- Home?
- Yes, please.

I would walk but I have a favour to ask.

- Anything. - This is one occasion
where I wish I had a husband.

Or, at least, Leslie had a father.

Would you explain to him why
it's wrong to be promiscuous?

That mating with too many ladies?

Erm... yes. But we tend to
say 'mating' only for animals.

Hm. What would you say?

I don't know.

Leslie, Spiros would like a word.

Gerry, I said no more.

We don't have the food or the room.

- I'm sorry, I'm going
to release one. - No!

I'm researching if their colour
will change if they alter their diet.

At your age, with the girls, I
was like a cat in a mouse house.

Happy times.

Were yours pretty? Mine are so pretty.

Ha-ha. Yes. One was incredibly...

What's the word? Er...

- Busty.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah. Busty.

- I can't tell you how busty.
- Are you sure you can't?

Enjoy it. Enjoy it while you can b...

.. Because... erm...

So, to recap... What are you doing? Huh?

The love of one good woman...

.. is nice and...

Pelican tart, for supper.

And Gerry will be
releasing some of his pets.

Please do the same... Leslie.

Or I will.

I'm buying more goats from Sven.

Their cheese always does well.

But we need to sell more.

Whoa. It's boring being paupers.

I'd love a porpoise.

So, I'm putting you in
charge of animal produce.

That way, you'll be among
animals but useful ones.

- Still no milk from her? - No.
- Look, Sven loves his goats.

But when they come to the end
of their working lives...

We don't slaughter people who retire.

Animals aren't people and you
merrily eat meat someone has killed.

You're right. From now
on, I'm a vegetarian.

- Gerry, I am NOT cooking
two different meals. - Theo!

Mrs Durrell, Professor Durrell...

I've brought you a leopard spotted gecko.

Found in a crate of Indian mangoes.

Thank you. Look at that.

I'll see if I can milk it.

So we can make some money (!)

I just wanted a word with your mother.

Hm.

Our chat earlier sparked a
crisis of conscience in me.

Am I more useful improving health in Corfu

than scrutinising molluscs?

Yes, you are.

- Of course, molluscs are vital links
in the complex chain of life. - Hm.

I don't care. But what will you do?

I have an idea of how to help Larry.

- I'm going to the mainland to investigate.
- Thank you, Theo.

Across Europe Auntie strides,
like the Mongol hordes.

But wearing more talcum powder.

- What's your sculpture of?
- Wouldn't you like to know?

Yes. I'm agog to know what you're
making out of shards of old soap (!)

Which pseudonym do you prefer?

Hieronymous Schmoop or Tom Orange?

It depends. Do you want to
sound like a pretentious ponce

or a simpleton?

- Pretentious ponce.
- Oh.

- You remember which of your stable
of ladies you're meeting? - Yes.

- You can't keep all three.
- Well, I can.

Tell us why you like each one.

Well, Daphne's so confident.

Sometimes me and her have
a right old shouting match.

Tsanta is really gentle and kind.

And Dionisia made us laugh
so much once we wet ourselves.

She is such fun.

I know it's hard to find one person
who gives you everything but...

Yeah, exactly.

You managed to get up the stairs, then?

If you hadn't hidden the
booze, I'd have danced up.

How did I not know Leslie has
been accumulating girlfriends?

Oh, we all need secrets. I've
got some absolute humdingers.

Well, yes, but you're not Les.

He needs special care.

Ideally, I'd spend all day
with him. Like a bodyguard.

Five yards behind pointing out hazards.

He has three girlfriends
not three landmines!

They're people. He's not good with people.

He is good with things.

Yes, he's very good with things.

All parents have one
child that they fear for.

You know, the one who
gets bitten or rejected.

Or the one who chooses bad friends.

Or falls off Bournemouth Pier.

Please try not to get involved.

Well, what am I here for?

He's heading for disaster. It's his
first ballet class all over again.

- You're going to tell him who to pick.
- Oh, I would never do that.

What are you planning, then?

To protect my most vulnerable child.

I've forgiven you for acting
like Jack The Lad with Leslie

because I'm afraid I need your help again.

Mrs Durrells, I love to help and
your family gives me many chances.

I now know the names and whereabouts
of his three girlfriends.

So we're going to go and
find out what they're like.

- Why? - Well, Leslie has a
history of making bad choices.

Well, I can't bear to watch him do
it again and have his heart broken.

I remember his first
girlfriend cheated on him.

He sobbed into my arms.

I wanted to kill her.

Is this his revenge?

No. It's love of women.

I can think of bigger sins.

Is this the one who laughs with
Leslie till they wet themselves?

No, that's Dionisia. And once. I
don't think it's a regular thing.

- Kalimera.
- Kalimera.

- Daphne?
- Yes.

I'm your friend Leslie's mother.

He mentioned you and we were passing.

I wondered if you'd seen him.

I think you come to see how I look.

Very confident.

Oh, no. Besides, who cares about looks?

I do.

Actually, I do too.

Leslie looks strong but
he's surprisingly delicate.

No, he's not. You're wrong.

Have you met Spiros?

Yes.

Aunt Hermione doesn't dawdle, does she?

Look, she's reached Venice.

Maybe she'll catch Cholera
like Gustav von Ashenbach.

Death In Venice.

- It's a book.
- It's a book. Of course it is.

Look, I'll tell you why it's a bad
idea to have three girlfriends.

- Cos it's three more
than you have (!) - A...

one day you'll call them by
the other girls' name. B...

- they'll find out you're cheating and dump you.
- I haven't lied to them.

Spoken like a cheap lawyer.
C, Mother isn't happy.

- D...
- Let's do the whole alphabet.

.. if you had one girlfriend... I
know, boring... and she had two men,

- how would you feel? And...
- If you say, "E", I'll kick your bad leg.

- Aaghhh!
- R?

Oh, I give up. Do what you want.

Yeah, we know it hurts.

And it says here 'a broken limb can
become deformed if not set properly.'

W-Why don't I make you a plaster cast?

Because you're not a doctor.

- I delivered Lugaretzia's granddaughter...
- So I practically am!

- Yassas.
- Yassas.

- Sorry to disturb you. Are
you Tsanta? - Yes, I am.

- I am Mrs Durrell, your
friend Leslie's mother. - Oh.

What a pretty blush. Mr
Halikiopoulos and I were passing.

- Weren't we?
- OK.

Leslie said you helped out here and
I've always wanted to visit this church.

Haven't I, Spiros?

Yes, I had to tell her, "Stop
going on and on and on about it."

I didn't go on and on about it.

I am very pleased to meet you.

I see why Leslie loves his mother.

You go straight into the lead.

- The lead?
- Er...

- Yassas.
- Yassas.

You are Dionisia?

- Neh.
- Leslie's mother.

Mrs Durrells. He mentioned
you. We were just passing.

- ~
- She doesn't speak English.

Oh. So how do they make each other laugh?

~

~

Mind your own business.

So what does she like about Leslie?

~

Hmmm. ~

He's silly.

Kalimera. ~

~

If anyone's silly, you're silly.

- You want my opinion of the ladies?
- I think I've made my own mind up.

- Daphne's tough because her
father is a gangster. - What?!

- Well, why didn't you say?
- You can't pick your daddy.

Dionisia, I think, lives for now
and does what comes naturally.

Tsanta is a sweet peasant girl...

- who keeps her knees together.
- You're guessing.

- Yes, but I knew her mother well.
- Of course you did.

I just want Leslie to find
someone who'll love him

like I loved my husband.

So, what now?

I talk to Leslie and tell
him who he should choose.

- You... are... family...
of... Lugaretzia. - Lugaretzia.

Stop it now. That's really mean.

Plaster cast. Want to sign it?

Just trying to keep it erudite.

Who did it?

Les. It does hurt less
but it is rather heavy.

Oh, Leslie, I dropped in
on all of your girlfriends.

So, obviously, that took quite a while.

Why did you?

Well, because I haven't met
them. I worry about you.

- Well, you didn't mention any
of my oddities, did you? - No.

They're all very pretty.

And Tsanta's lovely. Choose her.

Sorry, Lugaretzia.

Invite Tsanta round for tea and
we can all kick off our shoes

- and get to know each
other better. - No.

Look, I'm trying to
save you some heartache.

Having three times the normal number
of girlfriends cannot end well.

Then stop interfering. I'm trying to
run a tight ship and keep them happy.

Oh.

Don't all glower at me.

Well, it's not gone brilliantly,
has it? Now you've alienated Leslie.

I'm getting involved. I understand women.

Well, I wouldn't kick
any of them out of bed.

Dionisia is the best. My family.

- She looks fun. I'm backing her.
- She's just like Leslie first girlfriend.

- Who was unfaithful to him.
- Love is a whirlpool.

Some drown.

Tsanta's kind and her English is good.

- Dionisia only speaks Greek.
- This is Greece, no?

- Les needs a strong woman.
- No. You mean YOU do.

You can tell Daphne doesn't take any
bullshit. I'll make sure he picks her.

How we going to do that?

Gerry, they hate me. Get rid of them.

Flamingoes don't like being
looked in the eye. I told you.

See them in the wild.

Do you know why they stand on one leg?

- For a bet? I don't know.
- Nor do I.

No one does. Not until
we study them some more.

- And it's easier here.
- For once, will you listen to me?

Leslie doesn't. Larry doesn't. And...

Margo's got a brain like
a room full of starlings.

- I wondered where I could
get some starlings. - Listen!

No more creatures.

- Hello, Margo. Good timing. I'm
just back from Athens. - Oh, good.

- Theo, do you have any soap?
- Yes, I do.

May I have it, please?

I may need to wash at some point.

Are you trying the ancient
craft of soap sculpture?

Originally from Siam, I believe.

You really are a brainbox, aren't you?

- What are you doing in Athens?
- Can't say yet. It's very exciting.

As exciting as a family torn apart
by a choice between three women?

Leslie's girlfriends.
Apparently, it's like King Lear.

Except Les hasn't got
a kingdom to give away.

Gosh. I wouldn't have
expected that from Leslie.

I see him more as a Bottom.

The Shakespearean character
Bottom not THE bottom.

Oh.

Thank you so much.

Come on, Theo. Spit it out.

Mrs Petridis has opened
up a spare room for me.

What do you think?

- A photography studio?
- Sort of.

A radiography unit. X-rays.
A phenomenal diagnostics tool.

People are suffering
and dying needless here.

Theo, this is...

wonderful.

If you need me, I'll be next door
asleep in a pool of my own tears.

Why has our neighbour got a wheelchair?

His toes went black and had to be cut off.

Wait. Jar.

Come on, handsome.

- You heard what mother said.
- I have a plan.

- Hello. Herete.
- Herete.

~

~

You are very pretty and nice.

~

Leslie must be with you.
You are the most jolly.

We need more fun in our family
and modern fashion like yours.

~

Leslie is very funny.

I don't think it's deliberate.

Kalimera.

- Daphne?
- Yes.

We're Leslie's brothers.
We're just passing.

Came along to say hello.

Larry needs an outing every
once in while or he gets grumpy.

- I've never seen one that big.
- Thank you. I hear that a lot.

Before we chat, I am available
if you prefer me to Leslie.

No.

Good. That was a test.

- Why do you like Leslie?
- He's a good person.

- Leslie thinks about me.
- Yes. When he has time.

But we're here to advise
you how to win Leslie over.

I have already won him over.

- Well...
- Not quite.

- Pretend to love guns and shooting.
- And he hates books.

Just say you don't like them.
And come to tea on Sunday.

So we think of you as Leslie's girlfriend.

- Hello, Tsanta.
- Mrs Durrells.

- You come to see the
church again? - No.

I've come to see you.

Oh.

- Is Mother out?
- Yes.

Thank you, driver.

Go on. One in, one out!

Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

Go on. Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo!

You know Hitler's a vegetarian, Gerry?

- And like you, he writes books.
- Hm. He sounds all right, then.

- Your hands are filthy.
- Margo's used all the soap.

Enjoy the chicken, everyone.

- Since Gerry's shooed ours away.
- You said to get rid of some animals.

That is hilarious. Be fair.

Delicious (!)

- And no one was killed.
- Good day at the orifice?

Leg still feeling good?
You're most welcome.

It's bearable thanks to the booze I
managed to smuggle past the guard.

Leslie's less strong-minded than he seems.

He needs help and reassurance.

And sometimes, we forget to give it.

So you can do that.

Because that will make
him love you... even more.

Thank you. You're very nice.

My latest. Larry's idea.

It's Hydra, the serpent
woman with three heads.

Hello, I'm Margo.

Leslie's sister and emotional
advisor. You must be Tsanta.

Are you sure you like
Les? He's a lot of trouble.

No, he's not. Go away.

- Where is Leslie? - I told him to be
here at five o'clock for Sunday tea.

- Oh, God! - It's a bit of
England we've brought with us.

That and sarcasm.

And a fear of emotions.

Guests for tea!

- Excuse me.
- Excuse me.

I bring my niece for five
o'clock tea like you say.

Oh. How... lovely.

Well, let's have it over here.

You'll get draughty in
this dress, Dionisia.

- I'll lend you a scarf.
- Ignore her. You look stunning.

She is pretty. My family
usually is not pretty.

- I'll bring Leslie right over.
- Where is he?

Good question. I'll go and look for him.

Where did you bring Dionisia?

I'm just the driver. I couldn't say no.

My leg is hot and veering to the left.

I want this cast off NOW!

I have tools.

Dionisia has arrived. We have
to keep her and Tsanta apart.

- And Daphne's coming any minute.
- What?!

I didn't know you were bringing
all the contestants. Daphne.

She's the best one for Les. Give up now.

- She's much better than the nun woman.
- She's not a nun!

It's not fair on Leslie
finding them all here.

You wanted him to choose and now's
his chance. Like a beauty parade.

Or a police line-up.

Daphne. Well, what a surprise.

- Hello.
- Oh, it's terribly hot, isn't it?

- No.
- No.

Even so, let's go indoors and have tea.

- I don't know where Leslie is.
- There.

Oh.

Er... excuse me.

Leslie, Leslie, don't approach the house.

Why not?

Because Larry is one saw stroke
away from having his foot lopped off.

- Well, I wouldn't want to miss that.
- No, darling...

Why did you let Leslie...?

Your foot's stuck.

What's all this, then?

- Hello, Leslie.
- Hello.

- Hello, Leslie.
- Yes.

Who are these girls?

They're just mates.

Daphne, old Daffers...

I've no idea who she is.

"Larry is a bastard."

- Who wrote that?!
- And -- Bigfoot, Bighead.

Come on.

- There's your pseudonym.
- This family is a disgrace.

Spiros, saw off the leg. Nobody cares!

I'm sorry, Greek people.

- Do I hear the language of Shakespeare?
- Aunt Hermione!

Greetings.

Why are you always early?

- I opted to skip Foggia.
Don't shout. - Auntie.

Thank goodness you're here.

Please sort out my children.

And as you can't decide which
of your girlfriends you prefer,

Aunt Hermione will do it.

Right here. Right now.

You see, I wouldn't dream
of policing anybody's family

or romantic life. When it comes
to love, we're all beginners.

You see, my visits here
have taught me that the world

is too lovelier place
to be a dictatorship.

Honour others, be kind. But...

obey only the whisperings
of your own soul.

- What is that?
- Oh, do you like it?

I could do you one if you want.
With fewer heads or more heads.

Auntie, you used to be so blunt
and clear about everything.

Oh, my dear, this place has changed me.

I'm like a dog who wonders
why she spent so long barking.

Leslie, I'm sorry your dilemma
was so publicly exposed.

But better to live excessively
than not to live at all.

Anyway, I'm glad to be among you again.

Welcome back. We've been
following your return on a map.

Yes. It's been a long journey.

You know, I've learnt to
say, "Where the hell are we?"

in SIX European languages.

Ha! So I'm going for a swim.

Sorry I shouted before.

I just don't want to remember Corfu
as the place that destroyed my leg.

- Theo's just set up an X-Ray unit.
He says Mother's inspired him. - What?

Why didn't you tell me this before?
Spiros, please take me there now.

It's not ready yet. Theo's still
working out what the knobs do.

- Well, I'll sit and wait until he has.
- I'm coming too.

Leslie! I promise we weren't
trying to humiliate you.

What have I done?

You are good, Leslie.

- I'm not, though, am
I? I'm horrible. - No.

- Thank you.
- But...

I don't want to see you anymore.

- She was the nicest of them.
- That's why I brought her here.

Leslie, I have one thing to do.

And that's make sure
four children are happy.

I really was just trying to help you.

I know I shouldn't have had
three girlfriends but...

Oh, I was just waiting for natural wastage

- as they realised I'm not that special.
- But you ARE, Leslie.

- In your way. - With my plan, I'd
have been left with the keenest one

least likely to cheat on
me. Now I have nobody.

But you WILL.

Somewhere out there, there's
a girl who will cherish you,

and love you even more than I do.

And I will look at the two of you with joy

and my work will be done.

No, I'll just stay at home with you.

Oh, Leslie.

You are a kind, sweet boy.

Aarrghhhhhhhh!

- You're marking the tiles.
- I can't lift it up!

Ohhhhhh!

- Hello.
- X-Ray me, doc.

- Give me the bad news.
- The equipment's not ready.

And I'm not a doctor. Though I did
buy myself a stethoscope and mask!

- He's not leaving until you do it.
- Can you X-Ray him through concrete?

What do you think? Huh? What do you think?

Dr Petridis must have some special tools.

Yes, he has.

Ssh. Sssh.

Here we are.

Argh!

Aarrghhhhhhh!

I haven't had much sleep but
I seem to be weirdly strong.

It's OK. Have a sit down. Have a sit down.

- My husband's away, you know.
- Yes, we do.

I can't even look after my own baby.

- How did you do that?
- I've slept so I'm more relaxed than you.

Babies sense these things.

Don't they?

Can I suggest a technique I used
while making my soap sculpture?

Thank you for coming.

I didn't need much excuse.

Wimborne Minster has been very dank.

Are you planning to see
your Greek gentleman...

- Mr Anestis?
- Yes.

But if I don't settle here, I also
have two suitors in East Dorset.

So I can hardly criticise Leslie.

I've done that enough in the past.

Look, it's obvious... now.

I've given up my love life so I've
turned my attention to my children's.

You are a resourceful mother to a
platoon of strong-minded children.

- Enjoy them without judging them.
- Judging's the only fun I get.

You know better than me

but good parenting isn't about
meddling in your children's lives.

It's about loving them.

- Arrghhhh!
- Ssh. Ssh. Sssh.

- It's softening.
- Try the shears again.

Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agghhhh!

Agh! Agh! Agh!

Agh! Aarrghhhhh!

- Your turn.
- Oh, come on, Larry.

Aarrghhhhh!

Come on, Larry.

We're nearly there.

- Aarrghhhhhh!
- Come on!

Can you wipe my face, please?

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, Les. Sorry about you and your women.

At least you know it would
have never worked with Tsanta.

Because Tsanta only comes once a year.

I hope Theo says your leg
is twisted and broken

- and you never walk again!
- Sibling discord? Is this possible?

- Sorry. - Sorry. - Well,
don't mutter apologies.

Expand, explain, share!

I was being insensitive.
It's one of my strengths.

Good. Stop that, then, dear.

- Leslie?
- I'm just sad.

And a bit relieved. I thought
I was enjoying it but...

having three girlfriends is like...

.. trying to ride three bikes.

Anyway, all will be well.

The girls clearly like you.

- How could they not? - Go and settle
things with Daphne and Dionisia.

Tell the one you love the most
that she's the only one for you.

Oh, Margo.

- Time for a new hobby?
- Spaghetti weaving?

- Banana bending?
- No, I'm moving on.

I'll see you at the doctor's
in an hour. I have a plan.

Well, everyone else has had one.

I'm sorry if I don't always
appreciate your animal collecting.

Don't they miss being with their friends?

I'm their friend.

Oh.

- Don't look them in the eye.
- Oh.

It's also good advice
with lawyers, of course.

It's for him. I'll release them when
I've seen if their colour changes

according to what I feed them.

He's doing it! He's eating from my bowl.

Doctor Stephanides.

As I say, I'm not actually a doctor.

But why not? I look like one.

Theo, you've done it. You've
actually made a difference.

I have the results of my first X-Ray...

from one Lawrence Durrell.

But I should only show the patient.

- We'll tell him.
- Don't worry about it.

I don't know if you can see there.

Oh, yes. Gosh.

Leg. Tibia. Fibula.

We can see clearly that
Larry has broken his...

record for how low his pain threshold is.

I suspect he has a torn muscle.

- He's asleep.
- Oh, Florence.

- I'm worried about you. How are you?
- It's very ageing, parenting.

Don't worry. I'm coming
to work for you both

as a radiography assistant-cum-nanny.

That was my plan.

I'm good with people and babies.
I need to be useful for a change.

And I like seeing men
with their clothes off.

Pay me what you can afford. Right.

Let's organise. Hm. Right. Florence...

.. you've got vomit on your shoulder.

Oh.

I don't think she's going to turn up.

- Sorry.
- Where's Aunt Hermione?

Out for drinks with Suitor No.1.

- We love Aunt Hermione now.
- She's a good sort.

- Hello.
- Kalos ilthes.

~

Yes.

I am... pleased... to... be... here.

Oh.

- Oh, gosh.
- Fresh bread. From the bakery.

- Very pretty.
- Yes.

Well, I hope you'll all
enjoy your vegetarian meal.

- Gorgeous.
- Ambrosial.

- Evening, everyone.
- Evening, auntie.

Mr Anestis sends his... Oh,
what are they?.. regards.

I know you're all desperate to
know which pseudonym I chose.

- Is it Ivor Perfectly-Goodleg?
- No. It's...

Charles Norden.

I'll fetch the meat.

- No, Auntie, there's isn't...
- It's fine. I'm happy to get it.

Oh.

- Auntie reminded me last night...
- I did?

.. that all that matters
is that we love each other.

And we let each other know in
whatever way we find possible.

I do it by protecting us all with my guns.

I'll dedicate my next book to you all.

We'll promise we'll try not to
talk to you so much in the future.

Pass the vegetables, please.

Auntie. Would you like tomato?

Is there enough veg for us all?

Don't hold back, Gerry.

I really like his humour.

So...

now we are seven.

How do you split up
nicely from a girlfriend?

We should talk about...
life and how it starts.

- Please be mine again.
- No.

Look, this is a noble sacrifice.

- Why are we staring at a wall?
- It's alive. It's called Geronimo.

- Please look after my children...
while I'm away. - I'd love to.

Agree to marry my daughter.