All language subtitles for Single Parents s02e11_English

I don't get why you're boxing up
this wine I recommended.

It's got everything you need --
grapes, et cetera.

Because, Miggy, according
to this letter from the FDA,

this wine
with goat on the bottle

also has goat
in the bottle.

The hair or the meat?
How much goat we talking?

Isn't any amount of goat
bad?

Mm...
Look,
we're not doing this.

I gotta get it
off the shelves.
'Kay.

And now Rory's giving me
his "Where's my snack?" eyes.

Daddy hungry.

There she is -- Poppy,
the May to my December.

There he is --
Douglas, my sexy, eh...

lighthouse.

Hey, why don't we, uh,
skip out of here

and spend the afternoon
together, huh?

I gotta blow off steam
after this three-day work week.

Ugh.

I would love to,

but I've got a busy day
carting Rory around.

Plus, now I've got
a goat situation.

There's hoof
in the wine.

Yeah.

Okay.
That's my cue.

I'm gonna go to the club
and maybe hop in a golf cart,

nod off, and just see
where I wake up.

Mm.
You know,
rich guy weekend.

Mm-hmm. Bye.

Ah, sir, a moment?

Thanks. Hi.

Couldn't help but overhear

you totally dropping the ball
with your girlfriend!

She clearly
needs your help here.

If she wanted help,
she would've asked.

That's what grown-ups do.

Shush!

Sweet child.

Shush.

Don't shush me.

My mother would never
ask for help.

That's not who she is.

[ Sighs ] But go ahead.
End up like Davey.

Who's Davey?
Who's Davey?

Her last
serious boyfriend.

He was great.
Tall like you, maybe taller.

Oh, taller than me
is too tall.

Anyway, he never helped her,
and she never asked him to,

so now he's dead.

To her.

But...I get it.

You're totally incapable
of pitching in.

Incapable?
It's a choice.

That's why I hired
a 60-year-old butler
30 years ago.

Well, you keep
those hands clean, Davey.

I mean, Douglas.

Damn you!

Poppy?

Uh, let me
help you out.

Why don't I take Rory
for the day?

Really? No, no, no, no. I could
never ask you to do that.

Eh, you're not asking.
I'm offering. Come on.

Are you sure?
[ Chuckling ] Yes.

Because I can just --
I can --

No, really,
it'll be a breeze.

And I can tell that you have
your hands full with, uh...

Ohhh, Poppy.

I-I think my tum-tums
got the rumb-rumbs!

But it's okay. I'm gonna wash it
down with some more wine.

[ Sips ]
No, Miggy.

[ Goat bleats ]

Ohh. 40 years. Wow.

Your parents have been married
for, like,

over two-thirds
of Douglas.

Yeah, if you'd told me
a month ago

we'd be celebrating
their anniversary,

I would've said
"Buzzer sound!"

'Cause I had
a really sore throat

and it would've hurt
to make an actual buzzer sound.

But also because I thought
their marriage was doomed.

Right. Right.

Because when you were
giving my son the...

sex talk, you learned...

A fact about sex
that I didn't know --

my father was having it
with someone besides my mother.

And not just anyone.

His fellow health teacher,
Ms. Sugars Hawthorne.

Ah, two health teachers.

Do you think it was, like,
super hot or super clinical?

I confronted him about it,
and he talked to my mom,

and clearly,
they worked things out

because here we are,
celebrating their love.

I don't trust anyone
who works through problems.

It's not a real thing.

But I do love
your parents.

They're the only people

still using technology
that I can help with.

Yeah.
Well, they really love you.

And the free tech support.

Hey, you should actually stay
for the party.

Ah, you don't need me.
I mean, won't Tracy be here?

No, she got called into work.
A big story broke.

Apparently, a group of
cats took over [Chuckles]
a sushi restaurant.

It's pretty funny.

It's an anniversary party.

It's gonna be all couples.
Smells datey.

I'm gonna head out.

I came, I saw,
helped set up,

ate all
the mini grilled cheeses.

Thank you for that.

This is a wrap on D'Amato.
Alright.

[ Door opens ]
Bud: Look who's here!

Whoo!
Your two favorite
palindromes --

Mom and Dad!

[ Laughter ]

I'll take one large hug,
please,

hold the pickles.

Ohh!
Ohh!

[ Chuckles ]
Hey.

Ohhhh!

Happy anniversary.

Yeah. [ Chuckles ]

Ohh!

Look at you.
[ Chuckles ]

Oh, it's good
to see you.

You, too.

Listen, my Garmin
is on the fritz again.

Again? Ugh.
I know. Yeah.

What's with the purse?

You're gonna stay for the party,
aren't you?

Oh. Uh...

**

Uh...

Yeah. Sure.

Of course.

I mean, who am I? Meghan Markle?
Where do I gotta be?

[ Both laugh ]

Aah! Staying!

[ Laughter ]

She just threw it
over there.

Ohhh!

What's wrong
with Tony?

Amy: Cassandra
dumped him again.

This time,
she ain't coming back.

I know that look.
Tony's in pain.

There's only one way
to make that man whole again.

He needs a woman.

Should we call
his mom?

Tony used to babysit
Elvis.

You think
his mom's still alive?

I'll get the shovels.

Won't be the first time.

Ladies, I'm not talking
about a mom.

I'm talking about
a special kind of friend.

I don't mean to be crass,
but we need to get this man...

hugged.

Well, no one's gonna hug him
looking like that.

**

Come on.

Let's put in a new backsplash
and flip this house.

Alright.
We did it.

Three farmer's markets,

two laps around
the ointment district,

and a very confusing stop
at a Judaica store.

Okay, they have
the best candles,

and you just know nothing
about atmosphere.

Yeah? Why don't you tell that
to my $30,000 chandelier,

you scrub?

I'm exhausted.

How long have I been
watching you? Two, three weeks?

It's been four hours.
Really?

I don't know how
your mom does this every day.

Alright, here's what I'm gonna
do. I'm gonna take a soft 20.

Do you have a Wall Street
Journal lying around?

Don't you dare
check the markets now.

You still have to take me
to go get my new tap shoes.

Okay, now,
I know for a fact

you have seven different pairs
in your closet.

I've turned on them all.

And they on me.

Well, then you're gonna
have to dance barefoot.

You can make the sounds
with your mouth.

"Click-clack-tap."
See? It's easy.

Well, guess
I should be grateful.

Least I didn't
get kidnapped.

Let me just text my mom.

Hey, Siri,
send message to Poppy.
[ Cellphone chimes ]

"Douglas dropping the ball,
period.

Couldn't provide help,
period.

Suggestions,
question mark."

A-A-At ease, Sarah.

[ Cellphone chimes ]
Alright, fine.

You want shoes? I know the guy
at the Ferragamo store.

He can get us
the illegal stuff.

Oh, no, no, no.

I only get my dance shoes

from Foot Clothes for
Number One Best Music Moving.

It's foreign-owned.

[ Applause ]

Bud: Well,
thank you all for coming.

Uh, boy, being married to me
for all those years,

[ Chuckling ] well,
it couldn't have been easy.

[ Chuckling ] No.

My, uh, hair-plug trial
nearly ruined us.

[ Chuckles ]

Uh, my weight fluctuates
70 pounds

in each direction
every six months,

and I don't
go to Burning Man,

but I talk about it...

all the time.

[ Both chuckle ]
Oh, and also, honey,

don't forget you banged
the girls' health teacher.

[ Chuckles ]
Oh. That was a big one.

They're incredible.

They've had both their arms
ripped off by a gorilla,

and they're still pitching
a perfect game.

I don't know
how they did it.

You're probably wondering
how we did it.

Well, we sought the help

of a licensed
marriage counselor.

And then an unlicensed one
whose office had better parking.

[ Laughs ]

But what we found
most helpful...

was how inspired we were
by a very special couple.

Yes.
They're best friends.

They're co-captains
of the S.S. Romance.

They're partners in the law firm
of Smooch, Hug, and Feingold.

That's right.

We're talking
about our son Will.

And his girlfriend,
Angie.

[ Applause ]

To Will and Angie.

All: Will and Angie!
[ Chuckles nervously ]

[ Whispering ]
Wait. What is happening?
Why are they throwing to us?

Do they want us to say
the name of the couple?

[ Whispering ]
The couple is us, Angie.

Terrible twist --

the toast is coming
from inside the house.

Oh.

Hey, guys.
A note about your toast --

Yeah, less of a note,
more of just, like,

a "What-chu talkin' 'bout,
Willis?"

That's a synonym for note.

Mom, Dad, uh...

the thing about Angie and I
is that we --
I'm sorry.

Did we embarrass you,

Mr. Big Shot Weatherman
Public Personality?

[ Chuckles ]
So, sue us.

We're very proud
that you found true love.

We're parents. We brag.
It's what we do.

No, Mom, we're not --

We didn't want to get
bogged down in details

in front of our friends,
but the truth is...

we were this close
to a divorce.

Oh.
My bags were packed.

Your father grew
a soul patch.

I was one click away
from a black leather couch.

Started wearing my wedding ring
on my thumb.

But in our darkest times,
when it just feels

like there is no point
in trying anymore,

that one ray of light

that cuts through the blackness
and it gives us hope.

Me and Angie?
Us?

Yes,
you're so inspiring,

the way you communicate
and support each other.

Look, we understand it might not
make any sense to you,

but it makes sense to us.
Yeah.

So, Will's relationship
with me

is what's keeping you...

from...a divorce?

Boop.

Bud: Perfectly said.
Yes.

Will,
hang on to this one.

She has a knack
for summaries,

and she can figure out the tabs
on your Netscape!

And your sexual chemistry
is the stuff of volcanoes.

[ Inhales slowly ]

[ Imitates explosion ]

Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna stop you right there.

While it is true
that I, myself,

ooze sexuality
all over the place,

uh, Will and I --

Babe?

A mo'?

Bud and Lucy: Oh!

I think that was short
for moment.

Ugh, your hand is
soaking wet.

Because I'm nervous,
okay?

The only thing keeping my
parents' real marriage together

is our fake relationship.

We have to play along.

Okay, dude.
You are a grown man, alright?

You can handle your parents
getting divorced.

The thing you should
really be upset about

is that they are
going to die.

Not today, but soon.

Come on, all we have to do is
convince a bunch of old people

that we're in love
for like two hours,

just until the sun sets,
and they return home
to watch "Jeopardy!"

It'll be easy.

That's what you think.

No one's gonna buy
that you scored this hot piece.

[ Scoffs ] What?! I'm on TV.
I'm a local celebrity.

Women look at me

and they salivate
like I'm a rotisserie chicken.

The fan mail I get,
Angie -- insane.

Most of it's from prison,
but the things they say
they want to do to me...

You're not writing them back,
are you?

It would be rude if I didn't,
but I am worried

I'm getting in too deep
and can't get out of it.

Anyway, please just pretend
to be my girlfriend.

[ Sighs ] Don't you think
that this is all a bit much?

I don't like it either,
okay?

But I can't let my mom and dad
get divorced.

Divorce is what happens
to other people

and to me personally,
but not to my parents.

Ohh! Bud and Lucy spoke about
the two of you so beautifully.

Oh!
So, tell us,
what's your secret?

[ Smacks lips ]

Um...

**

Honey.

Mm-hmm?

I'll take this one.

[ Chuckles ] Okay.

When I come home
from work,

there are three things
he has waiting for me.

Number one, a hot meal,

number two,
an ice-cold martini...

Agh.
...and number three,
foot rub so intense,

Mama sees angels.

[ Slaps ]
A-A-Also,
we like beaches.

The movie and the place.

**

How you feeling?

I'm gonna find that goat

and make it drink a wine
made out of me.

Well, I finished boxing up
the goat wine.

[ Clears throat ]
So, guess I should
go get Rory.

[ Chuckles ]
He probably has Douglas
in some kind of outfit by now.

O-Or, since he offered
to help,

you ask Douglas
to keep watching Rory.

You deserve a break.

To do what?
Sit around and enjoy myself?

Who am I? Angie?

Come on!
Let Douglas help you.

You don't want
another Davey.

Ooh! Davey!

He was useless.
Useless.

But boy, was he tall.
Tall.

I once saw him eat a leaf
off a tree

like a brontosaurus.

Hunh.

But you're right.
I should do this.

How should I do it?
Okay.

So, you text Douglas

and ask him to keep Rory
for the rest of the afternoon

while you go shopping --
for you!

And maybe for me, if you feel
so inclined. [ Chuckles ]

I don't.
Okay.

But okay.
[ Clears throat ]

Um...you know what?

Just gonna text him
"I'm tied up."

Right? I mean,
why start a thing?

Yeah, close enough.

Alright.
Let's hit the mall.

I want to see teens
and old people

comfortably co-exist.

[ a-ha's "Take on Me" plays ]
How did we meet? Uh...

Well, buckle up,
because it is a yarn.

Remember, darling?

Uh, like it was yesterday,
buttercup.

Uh, we met on a...

ski trip --
Hot August night.

Because we both love
water skiing...

in the dark.

It's actually safer.
Yeah.

[ Click, trimmer buzzing ]
Here we go.

Watch me.
They have to match.

Believe me,
I know symmetry.

Tony! Hold still!

So, next thing we know,
this knucklehead

has signed us up
for the pair skiing competition

at the Lake Winnipesaukee
Olympics!

And we win!
[ Chuckles ]
Wha!

What did you win?

$50,000!
Fish dinner.

[ Sighs ]

It's an easy mistake
because, you know what?

To look into this man's eyes
while he is eating...

makes you feel
like you have won $50,000.

[ Chuckles ]
I do eat fish very sexually.

[ Chuckles ]

Watch me, Tony!

* Take on me

Both:
You missed a spot!

So, now we're back
at our cabin,

first place trophy
on the mantel,

our bellies
full of catfish --

Our hearts full of love.
[ Chuckles ]

And at
the exact same time,

we look at one another
and we say...

Both: "I love you.

Would you like to go out
on a second date?"

[ Laughter, applause ]

* Take on me

* Take on me

And then what happened?

You know what, Betty?
Calm down.

Rory: C'mon,
you big chimney.

Now that we have
my shoes,

only six more stops
until dance class.

Could we take a break?

I've done everything you wanted
and more.

I even pulled over
coming here

because you thought you saw
Jennifer Lawrence at a Rite Aid.

Okay, it was Jennifer Lopez,
and it also...wasn't her.

That was my B.

Now let's go to a deli.
I haven't eaten in 45 minutes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a minute.

You ate 45 minutes ago?
I haven't eaten all day.

Let's sit, huh?

My mom hasn't sat
in 10 years.

DO you know how hard
that woman works?

Whoo! We're wearing
everything we bought!

Two for leisure,
please.

[ Both laugh ]

[ Both gasp ]

It's not
what you think.

Lady, you forgot
your alto saxophone.

Ssst!

**

Here he is!

Men want to be him,
women want to hug him.

Tony!

[ Kids gasp ]

**

All that's left to do

is to get this show pony
to the rodeo.

Now somebody
wake him up.

See?
Look how happy they are.

If only there was
some music playing,

they wouldn't seem
so crazy.

[ Chuckles ]

Hey, uh, thank you for...
being my pretend girlfriend.

Oh. Pfft.
No problem.

It was actually...

Easy.

Yeah.

I'm gonna go double-napkin
some cake to take home.

Delicious.

Son, you really
dressed this party up,

but Angie strutted it
down the runway.

Oh, yeah.
That's my lady.

The ol' ball and chain.
My one and only.

Ohh!

I am so sorry
I'm late.

I had to shower twice
just to get off

all the sake and fur.
H--

Oh, hi.
Hi!

Mmm!

[ Both moaning ]

[ To tune of "The Candy Man" ]
* Angie's walkin' backwards

Ah. Okay, so, that's just
a kiss that we do

that everybody's
cool with.

Uh, Angie, do you want
to take Tracy into the kitchen,

show her that kangaroo-shaped
soap dispenser

where the soap
comes out of the mouth

but you put the sponge in
the pouch, like a little joey?

Thank you.

I am going to take
these parents of mine

into a room
that is not this one.

Guys.

[ Australian accent ]
Let's throw another
soap on the spongy.

What are you --

[ Normal voice ]
Just come see it.

[ Exhales sharply ]
Kissing another woman?

In your own home?
It's brazen. It's brazen!

He got this from you.

Those might as well
be you lips.

Ah. You got my ass,
but you got his lips!

Damn it, Lucy,

I take responsibility
for my own mouth,

no one else's!

Okay, guys, I have
a lot of info to get out,

so I need you to put on
your young-people brains, okay?

Yes,
you saw me kissing a woman.

That woman, known as Tracy,
is my actual girlfriend.

What?
Angie is not my girlfriend,

but when you thought she was,
we went along with it

because you said
our relationship was
saving your marriage.

And it's true -- my friendship
with Angie is very inspiring,

but I have a great thing
going with Tracy,

and not to build it up
too much -- hopefully,

that will be the relationship
that keeps you guys together.

Any questions?

Mom, there's three people
in this room.

You don't have to
raise your hand.

Do you always lie to us?
How long
have you known Tracy?

Was your marriage to Mia
real?
Are you intimate?

And is Sophie
still Sophie?
Where's her family from?

O-Okay, obviously,
we do need to raise hands,

and, Mom,
I saw yours first.

Actually, mine was raised,
but it was low, so...okay.

Is this
the Tracy from work?

Yes.
She's my boss.

Follow-up question --
do we think that's a good idea?

So, it's two questions
per hand raise?

It's good to know.

Everyone will
get their turn.

Yes, Tracy is my boss,

but we are navigating
the tricky waters

of a modern office romance
very well,

and she means a lot to me.

Yes, Father?

Well, what were
we supposed to think?

We've never
even met Tracy,

and we've been to where
Angie went to elementary school.

We didn't want to go,
but she took us there anyway.
Not at all.

Look,
Angie is a good fr--

a great friend.

Honestly,
she's...my best friend.

[ Exhales sharply ]
Caught between two women.

[ Chuckles ]
Sounds familiar.

I was referencing
my own affair.

You're not that deep.

Yeah, Dad, we were able
to crack the code.

[ Clicks tongue ]

Yes, Mother?

Is Tracy Presbyterian?

Are we Presbyterian?

See,
you push on the head,

and it barfs out the soap,
which I love.

Angie...
what are you doing?

See,
you push on the head,

and it barfs out the soap,
which I love.

Okay, Angie.

Look...
[ Exhales sharply ]

It's weird that I'm here.

And not just today,
but...all the times.

And that can't be fun
for you.

You're right.
It's...

it's not.

See,
you push on the head,

and it barfs out the soap,
which I love.

Sorry.
I'm re-reading your text.

"Still up to my ears
in goat wine.

Miggy continues to complain
of rumb-rumbs.

No end in sight."

Yeah. Yeah.

And get this --

the only store
that sells rumb-rumb medicine

keeps woodwinds by the register
for impulse buys.

Alright. I'm sorry.

I just -- I wanted
to take an afternoon off,

and I couldn't bring myself
to ask you.

Look, Poppy,
you shouldn't be afraid

to ask me to do anything,
especially if it involves Rory.

[ Sighs ]

Douglas,
can you please take Rory

for the rest of the day

so that I can have
the afternoon off?

Just for me?

It would be my pleasure.

Rory: Click-clack, click-clack,
click-clickity-clack,

clack-clack-, clack-clack,
click-clickity-clack,

clackity-clack, clackity-clack,
clack-clack-clack-clack.

Son of a bitch
isn't even wearing the shoes.

Angie.

Hey.
Hey.

I'm leaving,
but are you okay?

Not really.

Pretty sure my parents' marriage
is screwed.

It's a lot to process.

Do you think that
maybe I could call you later

and we could --
Will, I love
hanging out with you,

but we need to do
less of it.

For Tracy's sake and...

...for everything.

Okay. Yeah.

No, you're --
you're probably right.

So, are we getting divorced,
or...
[ Chuckles ]

Is this like
a best-friend divorce?

Oh, no, that would --
that'd crush Betty.

Yeah. Yeah.

No, let's just call it
a best-friend trial separation.

Okay.

But I gotta live my life.

I'm gonna be best friends
with other people.

Hey, we're separated.

None of my business.

**

[ Chuckles lightly ]

[ Sighs, chuckles ]

**

We'll always have
Lake Winnipesaukee.

Ah. First place.

[ Chuckles ]

**

[ Door closes ]

Oh. Cool.
You guys have met.

No, we missed
our window,

and now we're stuck
in uncomfortable silence.

Okay. Even better,
because I want to do the honors.

Mom, Dad,

this is my girlfriend,
Tracy Freeze.

[ Chuckles ] Hi.

Lovely to meet you.

Uh...now, correct me
if I'm wrong,

but is "Freeze"
Methodist?

I don't know if a name
can be Methodist...
Oh.

...but my family's
Presbyterian.

[ Gasps ]
I knew it.

[ Sighs ]

We're Episcopalian.

Okay. We've done everything
we can. It's up to him now.

Come on, Tony.

Spread those cheeks and...
let the smile do the talking.

Yeah. Take a lap.
Check out the talent.

Good.

Good.

Yeah.

Now perch
and let the birds flock.

**

Bartender: Here you go.

[ All gasping ]

Amy: Oh, my gosh!

Guys,
look at my arm.

I'm shaking.

[ Sophie gasps ]
[ Chuckles ]

Goodbye, Cassandra.

He's found a new woman,
and he's gonna hug her forever.

Just think of the wedding.

Something small
and intimate.

By the sea.

**

What have we done?

Oh, my God.

We've created
a hug ho!

**

Guys, Tony's asleep.

[ Kids shouting "Tony!" ]