Original subtitles

Agh!

Agh!

Are you sure you don't want any help with that?

I fit my high school best friend into a suitcase

way smaller than this when we were crossing the border

between Laos and Vietnam,

so I'm pretty sure I can figure this out.

Ooh, I can't wait to get to the Galapagos and like,

breathe the sea air and get my...

Beach curls back. Yeah, you've mentioned that a couple times.

Are you still trying to close that thing?

- Agh! - Boys, it looks like

I won't be able to see that wedding venue with you today,

your mother's had a bit of a relapse.

Take it the "Crows" movie is still shelved.

I'm sorry, we've started looking at wedding venues

and no one... chose to tell me?

Touring a wedding venue is an incredibly intimate thing

and we wanted to keep it small.

You invited Dad.

Okay, I don't know what that's supposed to mean, Alexis.

John, something's happening!

Coming, Moira. Don't make any sudden moves.

Okay, you should probably stay here.

- No, you shouldn't - Okay.

John, remind me to reprimand that latch,

it's been awfully moody today.

Well, good-good morning, Sweetheart.

Look who's come to see you.

Finally. I'll have the continental breakfast

with the fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice.

Orange Pekoe tea.

No, Moira, Moira, it's - it's David and Patrick.

Um?

Don't we have something we want to say?

Yes, thank you, John.

Sadly, I won't be able to squire you

for today's wedding venue peregrination.

You invited Mom?

She's literally been asleep in a closet for a week.

Just know that missing this

will be the heavy-hearted part of my day.

Okay, does nobody care that I'm going to be gone

for six months?

Yes, of course we care, Honey.

- Don't we, Moira? - Take me with you.

Okay. On that note,

I think we should get you out of the room.

Alexis, you are more than welcome

- to come see the place with us. - Thank you.

That actually works out super well for me

because you guys can just drive me

straight to the airport after. Hm-hm-hm.

- See what you've done there? - Yeah.

Mhmm. Out. Out, out, out.

- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --

John! Can you turn off your alarm?

David! I've asked you not to over indulge

in that smoky cologne,

it's enough to give someone a seizure!

Is someone vaping?

Oh no, not now!

Help!

Alexis!

No, this is not, this is not how I go!

Somebody help!

Moira!

Oh, Stevie, thank God.

I'm being annulled by a chancy door clasp!

Okay, hang on.

Ahhh!

Okay, all right, all right, okay.

Up, up. There we go.

Jeez, Moira, I wait 'til at least 10:30

before I have my first beer.

Oh, my legs are in slumber. Carry me.

Oh I can't...

Oh jeez, okay. Hang on.

You know, Moira, if Johnny locked you in that closet,

we're going to have to call the police.

Oh wait, wait, wait, wait. My babies...

- No, your kids aren't here. - My girls.

- What girls? - My girls.

- Lorna, second from the left. - Okay.

If she takes on smoke, she'll never recover.

- Okay, this? This one? - And Cindy!

Cindy, below her. Cindy, I just gave her a blowout.

Wow. This place looks nice.

Yeah, it's the only venue for miles

that doesn't look like a crime scene

from a missing person docu-series.

Uh, so no one thought to tell me

I still have my show makeup on?

I thought that was a choice.

Yeah, I left Stevie double-fisting drinks

in a hot tub at the cabaret wrap party last night.

I think I saw you triple-fisting at one point.

Ah, welcome to Elmbridge Manor,

and you must be the happy couple.

- Oh no, not quite. - God, no.

Oh, ladies, I'm so sorry. Congratulations.

- Champagne? - Oh, thank you so much.

- Thank you. - Mhmm, hi.

David Rose. I'm the one getting married

and this is my partner, Patrick.

- Hi. - So.

Gentlemen, please forgive me. I looked at your friend's face

and thought someone had just come from her make up trial.

Now, if our grooms and the...

uh, other couple would like to follow me,

- I will begin our tour. - Wonderful.

You look great.

All of our catering is provided

by the neighboring farm.

We have fresh cheeses, breads, meats.

Oh, now I do apologize if the peonies back there

were a little overwhelming,

it rained last night and they just bloomed.

It's perfect.

David, I know you've made me relinquish most,

if not all of the wedding planning to you at this point,

but for what it's worth,

this place is beautiful.

- I think this is it. - Mhmm.

I think this is it, guys!

See, David?

Imagine if I wasn't here for this moment.

Mhmm, okay. Glad you're here.

So, do we have a winner?

If you're happy, I'm happy.

We have a winner, Clive!

Yes!

It's a hell of a story, Johnny.

So I'm next door, I'm cleaning the bathroom

and I want a snack.

So I grab some of those jail time toaster pops

and I put them in the toaster,

- and suddenly there's a fire. - Oh, Roland.

Why do they call them toaster pops

if it says on the box, "Do not toast"?

How mercurial is life?

We all imagine being carried from the ashes

by the Goddess Artemis

and here I get a balatron from Barnum and Bailey.

Okay.

I, I have no idea what that means,

but it doesn't sound good.

Okay, I'm gonna go to lunch.

Gotta get this burnt toaster pop taste out of my mouth.

Excuse me.

Moira. I'm just glad you're okay.

Hm.

And first thing in the morning,

I'm going in and I'm fixing these latches.

No need, John.

I have been gifted a smoke signal

and you will never again find me back in the closet.

Well, why don't we take this one step at a time?

This may come as a shock to you, dear, but...

I don't believe my career has been that kind to me.

- What? - I all but perished

in the name of an unrequited love

for an industry that has burned me over and over again.

It's been difficult watching you go through this, Moira.

I know you'll want to fight me tooth and nail, John.

It's time my career took its final bow.

Now, if, if...

if that's... what you want, Moira,

just know that I'm here if you need me for anything.

Oh, I have never needed less.

Shall we take lunch outside today?

- What a great idea. - Lay a blanket somewhere!

If you're feeling up for it,

I mean I, I, I know you're still a bit shaken.

That's just it, John, I have never felt more lucid.

I'll fix a basket.

And I am including that Peruvian ayahuasca retreat

we embarked upon with Al and Tipper.

Okay.

Okay, smiles over here please.

Ted wants to know what we're doing.

Okay, like, a little less eager and maybe one without Stevie.

- No offense. - All right. Alexis,

could you put the phone down?

You're gonna be spending six months with Ted,

I think the two of you can chill for a minute.

Okay, this is our pricing guide.

Starting with our gold, silver, and bronze packages.

But, as you'll see,

we can really accommodate almost any request.

- Are these in dollars? - Hm.

Okay, um...

is there a package lower than the bronze package?

Perhaps a copper package?

No, we can't accommodate that.

Did you not ask to see the prices in advance?

- They don't provide... - We don't provide pricing in advance.

Well, now we know why.

This might be the worst day of my life.

Okay, look.

Um, you're clearly very desperate

and I'm feeling terribly for you.

I don't love the way you phrase that.

Now, we did just have a cancellation earlier

in the week for a Sunday afternoon.

- Sundays are good. - We can work with that.

Now, the first Sunday of every month

is discounted already

and we're unlikely to find someone else

this late in the game.

So, I would be happy to offer you an additional 30% off.

Oh my God!

Yes, but the only problem is: it's a month from today.

This is basically free!

David, that's not enough time.

We need to give people notice.

Uh, I planned my ex girlfriend's intervention

in less than an hour. Plus, it'll weed out all the dead weight.

Um... I will not be here in one month,

so I guess that makes me... the dead weight?

I'm feeling a little tension.

We're gonna find another venue, okay?

We can't get married without Alexis.

Why? She's the one that can't wait to get out of here.

I once dated someone who left me for a stuffed animal.

- I'm not having my big day... - Our...

Our big day compromised

because Alexis wanted to chill in a tankini for six months.

Honestly, David,

if this is the kind of bride you're going to be,

- I'm glad that I'm leaving. - Wha?

And I would never wear a tankini!

Uh, just so you're aware,

that is house made bacon from the farm up the road.

- Oh, give me this. - Can... is that for everyone?

- Oh, Please, please. - Oh my God.

Okay! God.

Well, I guess congratulations are in order.

We didn't end up taking the venue.

Really? What stopped you?

Did they like, run out of sandwiches or... ?

Uh, yes. But that's not why.

We don't want to get married without you here, okay?

- And? - And, David?

And I didn't mean to make you feel

excluded from the day.

Then again, when all you talk about

is how excited you are to get out of here,

I don't really feel like including you in stuff.

David, just say you're sorry

so we can get your sister to the airport, okay?

- Nevertheless... - Mhmm.

I might have overreacted

- and for that, I am apologetic. - Wow.

So, you're sorry.

I knew there was a reason I came on this trip.

My God.

I am remorseful over an action I participated in.

- Dammit! - What is going on?

- Car won't start. - What?!

Well, I can't be late for my flight!

Okay, well why don't you go inside

and ask Clive for help then?

Because my feet are killing me, David.

- Oh my God! - Why don't we go inside

and see if there's anything Clive can do, okay?

Why do I feel like Clive doesn't handle stress well?

Come on.

Um, this might be a stupid question,

but... why are you wearing high heels on an airplane?

Oh, I'm not wearing them on the plane,

they hand out slippers with the mimosas.

When was the last time you flew economy?

Hmm?

Hard to believe this is our first trip down to the creek.

You know, Moira, after the week we've had,

this is the perfect way to end it.

To think I nearly made you a widower.

Oh, John, I can just see you

aimlessly wandering through life.

Stoic but stymied,

not a friend in the world and so very lost.

Well, you're here now, Moira,

and so am I.

And, with your career behind you,

we'll be able to... take advantage of more days like this.

Does this not remind you of that wellness retreat

we went to in Evian,

right after Alexis ended things with Sean Penn?

Yes. You and I wandered down to the lake,

ne'ery a person to be found.

Bid adieu to our clothing

and let the cool sting of the mineral water

remind us that we were, in fact,

alive and well.

I lost my Patek Philippe in that lake,

but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

We seem to have found ourselves alone again, Mr. Rose.

- Moira, that was 15 years ago! - Mm-hm?

What if someone sees us?

Who knows what will befall us tomorrow, John?

You could be hit by a Mack truck,

or bopped on the head by a tiny piece of space debris!

I don't know, it feels risky.

Let me just attend to one thing first.

Moira, whatever it is can wait.

No, no. Before we re-baptize ourselves

I'm going to call my agent and make it official!

Moira Rose is tech un-avail,

she has a life to live.

I'm proud of you, Sweetheart.

You just remove those vetements, Mr. Rose,

I'll be back in the shake of a lamb's rump.

As soon as I find a signal.

Ugh! Ugh! Like...

- What's going on over there? - I'm trying to check in!

If we're going to be late, I'm going to at least do everything I can

to not miss my flight, because I have never needed a vacation more.

Yeah, this?

I think this is what might be bothering your brother.

Okay, I get it, my life is an inconvenience.

That. Um,

or the fact that you've been talking nonstop

about how desperate you are to get out of here?

I think it might be hurting his feelings.

Okay. I'm moving to a place that doesn't have a Sephora

for literally 2700 miles,

so I'm sorry if I'm trying to convince myself

that I'm doing the right thing.

I might still be a bit boozy,

- Yes, I can confirm that. - But...

I've actually been jealous of your trip.

Like, you're getting out there,

seeing the world.

And now that Cabaret's over,

I feel like I might need to be doing more of that.

I just wish I had your...

what's going on?

Because I think I might be in the middle of giving you

a compliment for the first time, so.

Yes, and I am super touched, it's just that

I'm having trouble getting my boarding pass.

Like, do they not let people in economy check in

for the flight?

Can I see your phone?

Okay. Um, think I've found the problem...

your flight's not leaving for another month.

What?! Give me that!

No, it says right here, 0-7-0-8.

Yeah, but it's day before month,

so you're not leaving on July 8th,

- you're leaving on August 7th. - What?

Ugh, and my stupid ticket doesn't allow for any changes.

Ugh! What am I supposed to do?

Well, maybe you could start by telling David

that you messed up and he can book the venue after all!

Okay, I would literally rather sleep at the airport

- for a month. - Yeah.

Can you hear me now?

No, I'm not blocking the microphone

with my finger anymore!

Okay, no I was.

Now... yes?

Oh, well, what would the back end look like

on a deal like that?

Oh, I see, what an emphatically Kismetic

turn of events. Oh, John's here now.

Okay, talk soon. Kisses!

Johnathan, have we found ourselves a new friend?

- Hmm. - Hello ma'am, I'm Officer Cornwall.

I was off duty when I came across this man

in a state of undress, down by the creek.

He claims to be your husband?

Last I checked,

a decades-long successful marriage

is not a criminal offense.

No, no it is not.

However, indecent exposure certainly is.

I found your husband sunning himself in the creek,

like he was in some Grecian bath.

No, I don't think we need to editorialize.

John, I'm so sorry,

I was engrossed in a very stirring phone call.

Officer, perhaps we could arrange a plea bargain?

Well, since I wasn't supposed to be fly fishing

at this end of the creek, uh...

I think we can leave it at a warning.

Oh, thank you, Officer,

for your almost militant commitment

to the protection of our community.

I promise to keep my husband habilimented from now on.

John, you won't believe what's happened!

What happened was, you left me alone,

struggling to get out of a creek!

The algae was so slippery,

the cop had to throw me his fishing line.

Well, button back up your birthday tux, John,

because I've just found out the "Crows" movie

is back in business!

- What? - Yes! Apparently it's been

picked up by Interflex,

a brand new streaming service.

Can you believe that?

Moira, you were just saying what a relief

it was to have the ups and downs of your career

- behind you, and... - I know, right?

How serendipitous is this?

At the precise moment I choose to walk away,

the industry comes crawling back to me on all fours.

I just worry about the next time it's not great news.

A new day has dawned.

It took my accepting that I could quit at any time

to realize I mustn’t, John. Ever.

If this is what you really want, then I'm...

- I'm happy for you. - Thank you, John.

It appears officer fly fish has taken his leave,

how about that dip?

Oh, I think the moment has passed.

Okay, roadside assistance

isn't gonna be here for the next hour,

so we're going to call you a cab.

And Clive didn't have jumper cables because he doesn't drive

because he's scared of car horns.

Okay, um, David?

I also have something that I would like to say to you...

as well.

Okay?

I am sorry also,

for rubbing my trip in your face.

The truth is,

is that I'm really gonna miss you.

Thank you.

I'm going to miss you, as well.

And I just feel so bad about standing in the way

- of your dream wedding. - Oh...

But maybe I should just, like,

- push my trip back by a month. - Wow.

Okay. I am not having you push your trip back.

No, I insist.

What's going on?

Nothing, David, just accept your wedding gift.

- Patrick, call a cab, please. - 'Kay.

Okay, no, don't call a cab! Ugh.

- My flight got delayed. - Delayed by a month?

- This is like watching a car crash. - Ugh.

You mixed up the day and the month on your ticket again,

- didn't you? - No! I... no.

Like that time you showed up to Kate Winslet's wedding

- a month late. - The calligraphy was hard to read

and Billy Zane also did the same thing, David.

- Unbelievable. - Okay, well the upside

is that you guys can now take the place,

so actually, you're welcome.

She's right, David.

We could go back and talk to Clive.

Do we go back and talk to Clive?!

Ew.

- Oh my God. - What is that?

It's like a thousand babies teething.

Didn't he say there was a farm up the road?

Uh, that is correct.

They process their pork on the first Sunday of every month,

hence our discounted rates.

Did I hear that the wedding was back on?

Hey. This is not a winner, Clive.

Okay. I can't stop hearing it!

It sounded like a thousand Guinea pigs

were being shoved into a wood chipper.

- Pork chops? - Oh, no thank you.

I'll have my later, thanks.

Well, it sounds to me like you two

dodged a bacon-wrapped bullet. I'll say it again...

life is but a strand of happy accidents.

You've never said that before.

It's such great news about the film, Mrs. Rose.

Interflex is huge.

Oh, wait 'til our movie drops.

So, I just talked to Ted.

He's devastated, obviously,

but he did say that it's probably for the best

because he still hasn't lizard-proofed his place

and I have absolutely no desire to be there until that happens.

You see? Further proof that life is but a...

- Okay. We get it. - Strand.

Well, I, for one, am happy to have you

- for another month, Alexis. - Thank you.

Hey, what if we got married here?

What if we got married under a highway overpass?

I'm serious.

This place means something to you guys.

Put a tent in the back, string up some lights.

You could make it beautiful.

- I'll think about it. - Okay.

Oh, in other news...

your father was arrested for indecent exposure.

- Ew, I'm eating! - Moira.

Okay. There's no backing out now!

- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --