Original subtitles

-Why aren't you talking? -TOM: Something's happening.

What is happening, Tom? Why are you being mysterious?

Your whole job is to tell me what's happening.

I don't know. I've never been to an auction before.

Everyone looks angry.

At one $1,300,000 looking for a rise of 50.

We're at 1.3.

Can I tell them the house is on the market?

Just take your time, Josh. Don't let him pressure you.

I don't think they're done yet.

Letting them know we're on the market will help get things moving again.

Yeah, or we could just stop there and it's done.

Be strong, Josh, okay? Don't show weakness.

Okay, no, I just... Yes, fine. We're on the market.

That's below your reserve.

Dad, fine, please, okay? Well, let's just do this thing.

Uh-oh.

-He's just whispered something to her. -I know, Tom.

We're selling! On the market!

I think he whispered "I love you".

Please shut up, okay?

-You wanted me to talk more. -Yeah.

At one million three... One three five... Oh, I have now.

Oh, it's up to 1.35.

(SIGHS)

MAE: What is he saying?

-Are they bidding? -Here, you just do it.

Okay. Talk to me, Tom.

-Wait, wait, wait. -...say one four now.

At one four I have...

Gold sunglasses lady, 1.4 million.

Tom, don't sound excited.

Sorry, Alan.

-That's good. -Yeah, that's... That's good.

At $1,500,000. Never buy real estate shaking your head that way.

I think this is it. 1.5.

1.5 they're selling.

At $1,500,000. First call.

She's doing the going once thing.

-She's doing the going once thing. -It's ending.

At $1,500,000. Are you all out? Done?

At $1,500,000, sold.

-Congratulations and well bid. -Gold!

$1,500,000?

We can scream now. (SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMING)

-Josh, you're a million-and-a-half-aire! -(LAUGHING)

Good result. Good result.

MAN: Your mum's house is sold, mate. Congratulations.

Oh, I think I'm going to start crying again.

(CRYING)

♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

-♪ Yeah, I'll be fine, yeah ♪ -♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

-♪ Oh, yeah ♪ -♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪

-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪ -♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪

-♪ Ooh ♪ -♪ I've left better behind ♪

-♪ I'll be fine ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪

-♪ Yeah ♪ -♪ Fine ♪

-♪ Make my mamma turn another blind ♪ -♪ Eye ♪

BOTH: ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-ay ♪

♪ I've left better behind I'll be fine ♪

Josh, I don't want to be difficult,

but do you think maybe we could take your mum off the table?

Just put her on top of the fridge.

Have you decided what you're going to do with her?

-JOSH: No. -What'd she like?

Not much. Me. She liked me.

I'd like to live in a loft with a ladder. Incredible. Like living in a ship.

Sorry, Tom. Josh and I were just having a little chat about Josh's mum.

Ugh, I'm sick of Josh's mum.

-Whoa! -Oh! (GASPS)

-Sorry. Sorry. -Yeah.

Ah, what were you saying about her? I'd like to add that she was a good woman.

Thank you. Thanks, Tom.

Can we talk about living in a loft now?

Tom, you absolutely would not like living in a loft.

Yes, so what's happened here is you've just found a loophole

to never have to leave your room.

Also, I just don't think it's the right time

to move out and leave Josh.

-Ah, he's fine. -He's not fine.

He's so fine.

Josh, are you fine?

-Yeah. -See? He's not fine.

Harumph.

I just don't think there's that much you can do, to be honest,

because like, I'm sad, you know, and sure,

okay, I guess I'll admit that I've been struggling,

but also my mum just killed herself and like that's...

That's bad, you know?

That's, like... That's going to be bad for a while

and it just sort of seems right to be sad.

So, what brings you here?

Well, um, it's free and also my dad is worried that

because my mum committed suicide that I was going to commit suicide,

but the thing about that is,

that the most efficient way for my parents

to make me not want to do something is for them to do it.

Mmm-hmm.

You think that's insight because I mentioned my parents?

It's not insight, okay? I was just... I was just being funny.

I'm a... I'm a funny guy.

(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

ELLA: Um, are you planning on going home with our dear friend Joshua tonight?

-I think so. (CHUCKLES) -Yes.

Well, you'd better look after him, Jason, because he's a very fragile boy.

(CHUCKLES) I promise I won't hurt him.

Yeah, 'cause if you hurt him, then you'll have to deal with us.

You don't even know what she's capable of, Jason.

I'll be a proper gentleman, I promise.

No, that's not what I want.

He gets really thirsty when he wakes up in the morning,

so what you need to do is you need to have a little glass of water

by his bed waiting for him in the morning.

-Ready. -Uh-huh.

-(SNIFFLING) -TOM: Are you crying again?

Oh.

Oh, no.

-No. -(LAUGHS)

What triggered the crying this time? The water?

I don't know, okay? My emotions are out of control. Maybe I'm pregnant.

His mum died.

Should I go?

No! God, no, please don't make me go to bed alone.

(LAUGHTER)

You get him that water, understood?

So what do you imagine were the reasons she had for choosing to end her life?

JOSH: I don't know.

I googled "Why did Mum kill herself?"

but it just told me why other mums killed themselves.

Now whenever I go on the Internet,

Google Ads keeps trying to sell me a new mum.

(LAUGHS)

(ALAN LAUGHS)

-Yeah? -I got a joke for you.

-Oh, here we go. -Oh, no, you'll like this one.

Okay.

Two gay guys, Tim and Jim, go to a fair.

-I do like gays and fairs, yeah. -No, no, listen.

And Tim decides to go on the ride with the chairs that spin around.

Mmm-hmm.

-So the first time... -Wait, wait, wait.

How old is this gay couple?

(LAUGHS) Does it matter?

They're in their 40s, but they're young at heart.

-Okay. -So the first time he flies around,

he waves at, um, Jim.

-No, Jim's on the ride. -Mmm-hmm. No.

No, Tim's on the ride.

-Oh, it doesn't matter. -No, but it does matter, doesn't it?

It matters to Tim and Jim. It'd matter to Tim and Jim very much.

Yes, okay. So Tim... No, Jim...

-Tim is on the ride. -Tim is on the ride.

-Yeah. -Okay, so he goes around once

-and he waves at Jim... -Why... Why wasn't the other one...

-Why didn't he go on the ride? -Because he gets motion sickness!

-Okay. -Sorry.

So, Jim... No.

Yes, yes, Jim gets motion sickness, Tim is on the ride.

-Is that his name? -Jim.

-You sure? -Yeah. No.

Jim gets motion sickness and Tim is on the ride. Shush!

Just shut up and listen. Listen, okay.

I'm going to start again.

-Two gay guys go to a fair, right? -(LAUGHS)

One gay guy goes on the spinning chair ride.

He goes around once and he waves to the other gay.

He goes around a second time and he waves to the other gay.

And the third time he goes around, the chain snaps, and he flies into a wall.

Oh, really, there's nothing funny about that, Dad.

And the gay who wasn't on the ride rushes over to him and says,

"Are you hurt?"

And the gay on the ground looks up at him and says, "Am I hurt?

"I went round three times and you didn't wave back once.

"Of course I'm hurt!"

(LAUGHS)

No, I mean, I'm not angry at her. I just... (SNIFFLES)

Like, yeah, sure, it's a real douchebag move for her

to kill herself but she's just such a dope, you know.

Like, we know she's a dope.

I know you can't make sense of mental illness. I know.

Like, who knows what version of reality she had going on in her head, yeah?

(SIGHS)

Just, sort of,

feel the same way as I do when people tell me they like cats, you know?

I can't look at them from the outside and try and find sense or purpose.

(CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHS)

What?

I have two cats.

-Hey, guess what? -What?

-We got the place. -What place?

The loft place.

-Which one? -The one with the kitchen.

-Oh, my God! -We got it! We got it, we got it!

-(EXCLAIMING) -Yay!

So what does that mean?

Um, we can sign the lease on Friday.

-Whoa. -Yeah.

Are you happy?

Am I happy? That is the saddest question.

It's hard to tell behind the hat and sunglasses.

-Look like my dad. -Ah!

That's interesting.

Do I, um... Do I remind you of your dad when you're all up in my grill

with your D?

Yeah. Yep.

Do I remind you of your dad

when we're doing a little sexy role play and I'm playing the role of your daddy?

Yeah, yeah. You really commit, yeah.

Do I... Do I remind you of your dad

when I make you a little packed lunch,

put a little secret note in that says,

"That's my good boy, Tommy. That's my boy."

Ah, my dad never made me lunch, actually.

-Do I remind you of your dad? -Sore point.

"Hey, boy, have a good day at school."

Hi, guys, I was thinking about putting a little bit of Mum,

like, just the tiniest bit, in this confetti cannon and then setting it off.

I mean, yes, of course. Let's.

I don't feel better.

Think I accidentally swallowed a bit.

Think she would have liked that. Always felt like she had a crush on you.

Grace, I'm just a little bit concerned because I'm pretty sure

that when I took your nose I gave it back,

but then you took mine and I just don't know what you've done with it.

You check the plant?

Grace, did you put my nose in the plant?

That's where she put mine, huh? (LAUGHS)

Grace, you absolutely cannot go around

taking people's noses and not giving it back.

That's is just... just not done.

Hey, Josh, can you do me a favour?

-Yes. -Can you talk to your dad?

He's not sad enough. You know, he's never sad.

He's like a chubby Stepford wife.

-You want me to convince Dad to be sad? -(SIGHS)

Sad, angry, confused, regret. I don't mind.

Just any negative emotion.

-Oh, not guilt. -Can't he go to a therapist?

That's what I have to do.

-You are not outsourcing this. -Fine.

MAE: Oh!

ALAN: What do you think?

-I think I'm gonna buy this place. -All right.

-Yeah, boy! -Don't get too excited.

-Yeah, boy! -It might be overpriced.

(SCOFFS) Yeah!

I'm very proud of you.

-Good. -(SNIFFLES)

You're doing the right thing. You're spending the money wisely.

I know you would not be saying that

if you saw all the French lace I've been buying.

(SNIFFLING)

(BLOWING NOSE)

Oh, God.

I feel like some baklava.

No, no, I need you to keep crying.

Mae asked me to get you to cry more so you do that.

Why would she say that? I've been fine.

Um, because Mum died and apparently you've been a bit over-perky.

Over...

Yeah.

(SIGHS) I wish Mae would talk to me about this stuff instead.

Me too.

Do you think I've been over-perky?

Mmm-mmm. No, I don't think. I have no thoughts.

Nothing.

Josh, Rose...

Rose and I got divorced. I... (SIGHS)

I just don't think it's right that I burden everyone.

Right.

-That makes sense, doesn't it? -It's deranged.

(TUTS)

Mae and I need to communicate better.

That's a separate issue to your mother, but thanks for telling me. (CLEARS THROAT)

Next time, get her to talk to me.

So, um, while we were at dinner, Mum told me that she was in love with you.

So...

Well, that's, um... (CLEARS THROAT)

I don't know about that.

Like, I don't think she wanted to be married to you,

but she was just sort of acknowledging

that you guys were in love, and she still sort of felt love for you.

I don't know, Dad. I just think you're allowed to be sad, yeah?

Be sad around Mae. Be sad around me.

You and Mum loved each other and then she died.

-That's a big... That's a very big... -(CRYING)

Sad thing.

Hey.

He just saw the strata fees.

Whoa! Yep.

Big, big strata fees.

Emotionally taxing.

(SNIFFLING)

That's good.

Well, I'm absolutely going to turn into my parents, okay?

I spoke to my dad about Mum dying

and he kept trying to explain away why he doesn't need to feel sad,

with what he thought was logic and reason.

And I thought, like... I thought, well, that is so weird,

and then I realised that's what I do.

I'm gonna become my dad.

Can you help me with that, please? Can you stop me becoming my dad?

If I could stop people turning into their parents,

I could afford to commute to work by helicopter.

-$920,000. -At $920,000 it is.

-You got the strategy? -Shh.

Stay firm, don't get spooked, don't go above your limit.

-Just be quiet. -With you, sir, $960,000 bid.

At $960,000 bid now. $960,000 anywhere else?

Shakes his head at $960,000 bid.

-$980,000. -At $980,000, madam.

-At $980,000. -Stay with them, Josh.

Sir, can I see that finger that I've come to know and love?

Well, you know something's not right, ladies and gentlemen,

when a man my age is looking forward to a finger.

(LAUGHING)

That there was a prostate cancer joke.

I will be selling the property out today at $980,000 going once.

Going twice.

$1,000,000.

Fresh bidder, sir. $1,000,000 clean to you.

At $1,000,000, ladies and gentlemen,

at $1,000,000, going once,

going twice, going three times

and sold to the young man in the mint green coat.

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

So this is my house.

I actually just hate you.

Like I actually hate you at the moment. Like I'm so furious.

I'm really, I'm trying not to be because I like having you as a friend

but fuck, you know, like if my mum dies, you just...

You sort of have to be there, yeah?

Like can we promise each other that?

That from now on if my mum dies that you'll be there sometimes?

-Yes. -I could go on about this for hours

but I'm not going to because I'm a good person.

Okay. Well, I was hoping to distract you

from all of that with a housewarming gift.

I do like gifts.

That's good. That's clever.

I also like how right I am and how wrong you are.

I've wanted to talk to you so much

but the more time went by, the more I just got scared.

Yeah. Yeah, okay, I get it.

Can you please just hurry up and open it? You're making me anxious.

No, this is... This is very good.

It's a good pasta maker.

I will be able to glean some happiness from this, thank you.

I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling.

Just bad, that's the answer.

Yeah, death is really bad.

It's just... Death is... That's the worst thing.

What does it feel like?

Today mostly, I feel isolated

because just nobody cares about her as much as I did, and that's...

You know, people have been very nice to me,

they've been very good when I'm standing in front of them.

But then they go off and they get worried

about dinner or tax or Sea World and just...

I just wish there was someone else that cared about it as much as I did, you know?

Like I get it, I get it. She's actually not very interesting.

Like in the scheme of the world, she's just an average lady.

But she was really...

She was a very big, very special thing to me.

(CLAIRE CRYING)

No, are you crying? Claire, stop crying. It's gross.

I'm sorry, it's just so awful.

I can't help it.

I've been thinking a lot that my mum used to be happy and okay, you know,

and then she deteriorated into this dark place.

Okay.

Well, I'm happy and okay, you're happy and okay.

It's terrifying.

I've been worried about my genes, so I googled.

And did Google reassure you that bipolar's not as genetic as some people think?

It said that if you have bipolar, then there's essentially an 80% chance

that it has a genetic origin,

but the chance of it being passed on is only 10%.

Are you worried about going into a dark place, like your mum?

No, I don't think so. That's not for me.

I mean, like, I'm still sad, obviously, but I think that's a normal kind of sad.

There's no right or wrong way to grieve.

Yeah, okay.

But I am top of the class, right?

-Like, I'm... I'm your favourite. -(LAUGHS)

I think you've got some really good tools to deal with the situation you're in,

and I was wondering how you felt about dealing with some of this by yourself.

Are you breaking up with me?

-Are we done? -Well, we're never done.

I just think you're ready to not need me so much.

No, this definitely feels like I'm being broken up with.

It's not personal. It's my professional opinion.

Oh, it's a shame. I quite like you.

When I die, I want to have the saddest funeral.

I don't want any of that celebration-of-your-life bullshit.

I want to have tears. I want...

I want like proper snotty tears.

What I would like is for my body to be laid out on a platform

in the front room on display for four to five days,

so that the community can come and say goodbye.

-JOSH: The community? -They'll come.

And, um, Ella, she will come every morning

in her widow's veil

that she will wear for 40 days and 40 nights,

and then she will wash my body with a damp silk cloth.

I'm not going to wash your manky corpse.

I don't give a shit what you do with me when I die, okay?

You can do anything you like with my body, whatever you want.

Okay, if I could do anything I like, at all,

um, what I would do, first of all, is, um, get it taxidermied.

-Brilliant. -And then what I would do

is I would make it so that when I walked past you,

it says, "Welcome home," like one of those frogs.

(LAUGHS)

-Great. -Good.

-Sorted that out. -I'd like to be remembered as a war hero.

You were in the war?

Nah.

What's this?

Yeah, that's Mum's ashes.

-(GASPS) -(JOSH LAUGHS)

Why did you put her in a cookie jar for?

I wanted to put her somewhere that she would like

and she didn't like that many things, so...

Yeah, everyone like cookie.

-Exactly. -ALAN: It's a bit odd.

Yeah, it is. It is a bit strange, isn't it?

'Cause what it is, right, is it's my mum,

but burned into a pile and then put into a cookie jar in my million-dollar home.

Hey, this'll cheer you up, Josh, okay?

Grace, who is this, hmm?

Grace, who is this?

-Grace? -(MAE SIGHS)

-Who's this? -Okay, so I need you to believe

-that this morning, she said Josh! -Did she?

And it was the most adorable thing in the world.

-Did she say Josh? -Yeah, yeah.

Josh?

Did you, little Gracie, hey?

-Josh. -Josh.

-Josh. -MAE: Say Josh.

-I'm Josh. -Josh.

Josh...

-Josh. -Josh?

-Josh... -Okay, that's enough. All right.

Please, let's go, yeah. Fare thee well.

-Josh! See, she said it. -Bye, bye.

-Bye. -Bye, Josh!

-Bye. Love you! -Okay.

-Love you. -Yup.

Ow!

-Are you alright? -Yep.

How're we going to fit that mattress up there?

It'll be fine.

Just don't think it's going to be fine.

-It's a queen sized mattress, Tom. -It'll be fine.

In the pictures, there was a bed up here.

The only reason for a loft is to sleep in.

-We can get a mattress up here. -Okay!

Can you, like, do something?

I have done so much.

I've been talking to those moving guys the entire day.

I'm so exhausted.

Tom, you've just broken your favourite lamp.

It's not my favourite!

(COUPLE ARGUING)

Is that the side bit?

What is the side bit, Tom?

-I don't know what side bit means. -The longest bit.

-The longest bit of the bed. -Oh, sorry.

Sorry I'm not a bed expert like you clearly are.

I never said you weren't a bed expert.

I didn't even want this fucking ugly bed.

I have...

I have no idea what you want.

You didn't tell me what you wanted the entire move.

I want to break up!

What?

(COUPLE CONTINUE ARGUING)

(HAPPY POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGS ALONG)

(SCATTING)

It's not you, you know.

It is a bit.

A little bit, but not much.

Yeah, you never wanted to live together.

I thought that I'd change my mind by the time we got here. (SIGHS)

You didn't want to look at houses. You wanted to stay with Josh.

I just forced you into it.

I think I was...

I think I just didn't want anything to change

because I was worried that when it did, I wouldn't like it.

(CHUCKLES) Well, I didn't notice.

Why can't I ever notice things?

-You're just thinking about other things. -(LAUGHS)

I'm really not.

I just made this situation happen.

(SIGHS)

You're really not that powerful, Tom.

That was mean.

Yep.

Yeah.

I'm a real shit guy.

(LAUGHS) No, you're not. You're the best. You're the best guy.

(WHALES SINGING)

-Hey, buddy. -Hi.

How's it going?

Really great.

(WHALES SINGING)

What's with the, uh, whale songs?

The neighbours won't stop screaming at each other,

so I'm playing them whale songs to try and calm them down.

(COUPLE ARGUING)

It's not working.

They didn't like The Lion King soundtrack, they didn't like Enya.

They don't like whale songs.

I don't know what they want.

Sorry about your life.

I'm sorry about your life.

Want some dinner?

Yes, please.