All language subtitles for Please Like Me s04e04_English

-MAN: Hello.
-WOMAN: Hello.

Josh.

Hey, Dad.

Here he is. Big man.

Everybody's very dressed up.

Yep.

Yeah, it's a pleasure to see you, too.

Oh, my God, yeah,
I have been doing squats, Dad.

Thank you for noticing.

How expensive is this place?

Yeah, okay, I'm buying you
and Mum a nice dinner, okay?

You were worried about Mum,
I was worried about Mum.

I just thought it might be nice
if I bought you guys dinner, mm-hmm?

Well, you could have told me
to wear a nice shirt.

Oh, don't be modest.
That is a beautiful shirt.

-Really?
-Mm.

-I'm not sure about it.
-Mm-hmm.

Lock up your daughters, everyone,
because Alan's here.

Alan is here to do things
with your daughters.

-Thank you.
-Sex things.

-Hey, Ma.
-Hello!

-How are you, Rose?
-Oh, yes, good. (LAUGHS)

-Can I take your coat?
-Oh, yes.

-I'm Josh's mum.
-Perfect.

♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

-♪ Yeah, I'll be fine, yeah ♪
-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

-♪ Oh, yeah ♪
-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪

-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪
-♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪

-♪ Ooh ♪
-♪ I've left better behind ♪

-♪ I'll be fine ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪

-♪ Yeah ♪
-♪ Fine ♪

-♪ Make my mamma turn another blind ♪
-♪ Eye ♪

BOTH: ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-ay ♪

♪ I've left better behind
I'll be fine ♪

Look at this gorgeous plating!

There is literally 15 dishes coming.

He didn't ask us what we wanted.

It's a set menu.

Oh, Josh, I've always wanted to eat
15 tiny little meals for dinner.

-Thank you.
-Josh, I'm on a diet.

No. You're not on a diet.

WAITRESS: Our puffed pig's ear.

Dad, you made me drink fruit juice
every morning

of my entire childhood, okay?

You don't get to be
on a diet this evening.

It's too much, Josh.

It's too much.

Oh, bugger me, that's good.

MAN: I'm sorry to interrupt.
My name's Dan.

I'll be taking care
of the pairings this evening.

To begin, we're off to South Gippsland.

-A little blend of Riesling.
-Thanks, Dan.

And a little touch
of skin contact Semillon.

Cheers. Here we go.

Cheers. Eye contact.

-Eye contact!
-Okay.

This is going to cost
about 200 bucks a head.

Costs the same whether you
complain about it or not, okay?

So, let's just...

Stop.

Sorry, I'm just tired.

All right, what's going on
in your little head, little matey?

All I said, was that Grace has been
watching the iPad a lot lately

and somehow Mae's twisted that
to mean I think she's a bad mother.

Well, Grace has been watching
the iPad a lot.

And then she said I had no idea,

and I said something stupid
and stormed out.

Well, what did you say?
You have to...

Don't skip that bit.

I said Grace probably thinks
Peppa Pig is her Mum.

-(LAUGHING)
-It wasn't funny.

I disagree.
I think it's a little funny.

And now she's texting me.

Mm, my compliments to the chef.

I'll certainly pass those on.

Just text her and tell her you're sorry,
okay? And then let's move on.

-All right. Good.
-Good.

Feels better.

DAN: These nests are your golden eggs.

May be eaten shell and all.

Beautiful cured goose ham with
gorgeous flavours of lavender

and cherry blossom.

-Thanks, Dan.
-Thank you.

Josh, you meeting any new men?

Oh, you'll like this.
I met a podiatrist.

Hmm, there you go.

But then he smoked meth.

Oh, well that's not good, Josh.

-(SNICKERING) It's not.
-That is bloody serious, Josh.

It's not funny.

Yeah.

I mean, you must be clever,
don't you think?

To be that successful
and hold down a meth addiction.

I mean, that's impressive.

Please tell me you didn't do it.

(JOSH LAUGHING)

Is this an intervention?

I didn't organise my own intervention.

-It's destroying rural communities.
-(LAUGHING)

Did you or not?

No I didn't. Of course I didn't!

Josh! Could everyone just behave, please!

I just had to make sure.

Sorry.

Tasty.

It's delicious.

I don't like you on these apps.

Why? You used to internet date.

What's the difference?

ALAN: Mmm. Aged beef is good.

Oh, that's not the same thing.

Don't you think that I don't know
it's not the same thing, Josh.

Well, it depends on the app.

You know on Tinder,
you get a selection of people's photos,

and if you swipe right,

it means that you like them

and if they also swipe right,
Tinder introduces you.

Yes. Correct.

Oh, it does sound convenient.

Well, yeah, but then you run the risk
of having to bed this bozo. (LAUGHING)

ROSE: It must be very vulnerable,

putting yourself out there
like that, though.

Well, what choice do I have?

Where am I meeting people?

-There's no people.
-Do you get rejected a lot?

Okay, you just learn to focus
on the people that like you,

instead of the people
that don't like you. It's fine.

I don't like the idea
of you walking around

with all that rejection in your pocket.

It's just... It's really not like that.

I bet the first thing you do,
every day when you wake up,

is to check your phone to see the time

and then, you get curious
about those apps and bam!

Before you know it, you've been rejected
before you even get out of bed.

Sometimes I get accepted.

And everyone making snap judgements
based on your photo.

-Mmm.
-Like, you're a sweet guy, Josh.

You know, how do you
put that across in a photo?

Right, because I'd say,
the most alluring thing about you

is your sense of humour.

Thanks, Dad.

I don't want to encourage you,

but I have a really lovely photo of you.

Oh, God.

Oh, yeah.

-No, that is nice.
-That's good.

-Mmm.
-Yeah?

-I'll send you a picture message.
-Oh, thanks, Mum.

-What are these?
-It's fish eggs.

Do you miss Arnold?

Um...

Sometimes I think I miss him

but then, I think, maybe,
I just miss having someone around

to fill the space and make noise.

Oh, like a wind chime?

-Yeah.
-ALAN: And this?

BOTH: It's honeydew.

So, do you still talk to each other?

Sometimes he messages me
that he misses John.

It's probably code for you.

WAITRESS: Porridge of sunflower seeds
and winter walnuts,

enriched with lamb's udder
that's been ageing for 13 months.

And just a touch of mackerel essence.

-Oh, yeah.
-ALAN: Thank you.

Alan, how's work?

Oh, it's busy, yeah.

There's a lot more bullshit
involved lately.

Good.

Dad, I think I have a confession to make.

ALAN: Yeah?

I don't think I know what you do.

Very funny.

What do you actually do?

How do my son and my ex-wife
not know what my job is?

I feel like,
maybe you told me when I was 13

and I didn't really understand it,

and then as I got older
it got too embarrassing/scary

to ask you again.

I'm a managerial consultant, Josh.

Ah.

Yeah. Goes right over my head.

I was so sure that it had something
to do with real estate.

Well, yeah, I invest in real estate,
but it isn't my job.

Funny hobby.

DAN: So next, we have a little Syrah
from McLaren Vale.

Some beautiful black fruits mixed with
black pepper and some baking spices.

Absolutely stunning with
the very happy duck that's coming next.

-Thank you, Dan.
-Thanks, Dan.

What are black fruits?

Black fruits are like, you know,
like blackberries or like blackcurrants.

Just dark berries.

And how do they get them into the wine?

No, they don't...

They don't put fruit into the wine.

They don't put the berries
into the wine, Rose.

Have you been thinking all night

that they've been putting tropical fruit
in the wine?

No, okay, so what it is, Rose.
There just shouldn't be much else in wine

other than grapes, okay?

The reason why wine's interesting
is because...

Like, the same variety of grape grown
in different soil or different weather

would always taste different, right?

So they're just words that they use

to try and describe
this particular flavour profile.

It's sort of why wine
is so, like, romanticised,

why it can be so expensive, is because...

You can never replicate
what's happening in that bottle.

That's a once off, just that one year.

That make sense?

Oh, I can smell the berries!

-JOSH: Yeah.
-Yeah, I can.

Mm.

And spices and pepper...

You should be able to
smell oak in there, too.

They do put the oak in.

That's interesting, isn't it?

No, I don't smell any oak.

There's no oak.

There's definitely...
There's just definitely oak.

-Dan?
-ROSE: Oh, God.

Is there oak in this?

No, no, this one's made entirely in steel,

but it does get
a really nice sense of structure

from the terroir of McLaren Vale.

Is that a no?

-No, no oak in this one.
-Thank you, Dan.

ROSE: Zero oak.

Bit of stainless steel.

-All right, all right.
-(ALAN LAUGHING)

Don't embarrass me in front of Dan.

(ROSE LAUGHING)

I'm working on something here.

ROSE: Oh, yum!

(ROSE SQUEALING)

(ALAN CHUCKLING)

ROSE: Hey, do you remember
the birds' nests?

Oh!

What? What's going on?

(ALAN AND ROSE LAUGHING)

On our honeymoon, on the island,
there were these...

There were all these holes
where the birds would lay their eggs.

They should have warned us
in the brochure.

(LAUGHING) Your dad,
every time we tried to go for a walk,

your poor Dad would just trip
in one of the holes.

So furious. You can imagine.

BOTH: Fucking muttonbirds!

ROSE: And then he's up at reception.

Someone should fill in those bloody holes!

Well, they should have filled them in.

It was a health and safety hazard.

ROSE: Health and safety hazard.

Should have been in the brochure.

I feel like every time you guys talk
about

the best parts of your relationship,
it's always before I was born.

Yeah, oh, yeah, absolutely.
There's no doubt about that.

Josh was definitely
the worst part of the relationship.

-ROSE: No!
-Okay.

Josh wasn't the worst part.

The affairs were the worst part.

JOSH: Ooh, ah.

-ROSE: What?
-I don't...

No, it's fine. I'm just saying,
the reason we broke up were the affairs.

Other than that, he's all right.

I think there were a number of reasons
for the separation.

Oh, yeah, you had reasons.
I was a nightmare.

But you know, the affairs,
I couldn't look past them.

But you're not too bad.

Have you seen his emu impression?

Yeah. Yeah, we've all seen
the emu impression, haven't we?

Oh, he's doing it now.

(ROSE GIGGLING)

JOSH: Great.

(ROSE LAUGHING LOUDLY)

Alan, sit down!

-Sorry, Dan.
-ALAN: Sorry, Dan.

Sorry.

ALAN: Actually, I'm surprised
you weren't bullied at school.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Of course I was bullied at school.
What are you talking about?

No, you weren't.

-Were you?
-How do you not know this?

Well, you never told us.

-Did he tell you?
-Well, I had a feeling.

I didn't need to tell you.
You saw me in school musicals.

Just because you were in school musicals
doesn't mean anything.

It means I was bullied.

I did worry when you went
to school in red tights.

Yeah, why would you let me do that?

I told you not to dress as a fairy.

I was Cupid, obviously, okay?

I mean, I had heart-shaped arrows.

What were we supposed to do?

Anything. Not driving me to school
in red tights seems easy enough.

Oh, it was just so often, lovey.

It was the ritual theatre.
The purple hair.

-Okay.
-The cheerleading.

-Mmm-hmm.
-Performing arts prefect.

-The accordion.
-Yep, all right.

You had those full body bathers.

Anyway, we were all bullied at school
a bit, weren't we?

Were we? Were you?

Oh, yeah.

You were... Who bullied you?

Nick Wasserman
was constantly harassing me.

-How?
-He was always calling me stupid names.

-What'd he call you?
-Peaches.

-Peaches?
-Peaches?

On the bus, across the oval.
Always Peaches.

I mean, that's not so bad, is it?

Peaches. Delicious!

Ah, excuse me, my name is Alan.

-What did you call him? Just Nick?
-Yeah.

Not Big Boy?

Sugar Lips? Nectarine?

-Nala?
-No.

Did he do anything else to you
apart from calling you Peaches?

Sometimes he'd turn up
at my house unannounced.

So, your bully in school was a guy
who gave you a delightful nickname

and then sometimes wanted to hang out.

I don't think that boy
was a bully, Peaches.

I think he was in love with you.

-(LAUGHING)
-Oh!

Why are you so desperate
to have been bullied?

It's okay to have not been bullied.

Mae bullies me.

Oh, Mae's not a bully.

Okay, she's not.
I just wanted to say that.

I don't know why.

Are you two all right?

Oh, yeah, we're...

We're working through things...
No, it's good, it's good.

-So do you think you'll stay together?
-Yeah, yeah.

Yes, you're staying together.
Dad, you're staying together.

No, don't say that, Joshua.

Sometimes it's best to know
when things are over,

and if they were to separate
it's better to do it when Grace is young.

Shut up.

Oh, fuck.

Oh.

Fuck off.

Oh, God, that's fucked in the head.

That's like North Korea but in a lychee.

It's like blood diamonds, you know.

I'm going to list
some other bad things now.

Okay, erm...

Income inequality.

Diabetes.

Cats.

Cat people.

What about getting a pimple
in your nostril?

Murder.

And speed cameras.

Murdering lots of people.

Or when, erm, orcas are in captivity.

Vegans but not all the vegans.

Just quite a lot of them.

I haven't got one.

Erm...

Oh, Josh, erm...

I had something I wanted to tell you
but I can't remember.

I'm not done listing bad things.

-Hitler!
-Whoa, and we're done.

Yeah, you can't beat Hitler.

Oh, I remember. (CHUCKLES)

What? What is it?

I just wanted to remind you
that you're shit at sports.

-(LAUGHING)
-Brilliant. Funny.

Josh, have you heard from Hannah?

Yeah, we've been texting.

How is she?

Mm, she's getting bees.

I suppose those bees are going to be
easier to live with than me.

I couldn't live with Hannah.
(WHISPERS) Terrifying woman.

Just text her, okay?

She's got room
in her social calendar for you.

No, I'm too scared to see what she says.

Do you want to send her
a little video message?

Hey? That could be cute.

I know how to do a face swap.

-Hello, Hannah.
-(GIGGLING)

(BURPS)

ROSE: Oh, sorry.

Oh, it's a smelly one.

Okay, I'm ready.

I'm already filming.

No, can we start again, Josh?

Nah.

-No, Josh, I really want to start again.
-I'll edit it.

No, I don't...
What am I going to say?

What do you want to say?

I'm sorry for being shit.

Well, then say that.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(SIGHS)

I'm sorry for being shit.

I hope you're well.

And put some papaya on your eye.

And end. Good.

Beautiful performance.

You didn't edit that, did you?

No, no.

Have you found someone
to rent Tom's room yet?

Oh, my God, they're so far
from moving out, you know.

They're not very good at doing things.

Well, you'd better bloody get onto it.

Yes, it's just that Tom is still in it.

Well, who do you think
you're going to have move in?

I don't know.

Okay. Well, just make sure
that you interview them

before you give them the room.

-I know, Dad.
-Girls are neat.

-Are they?
-No, they're not.

Make sure they sign the lease,

and make sure they direct debit the rent.
No excuses.

Yes! Dad, I know all this.

Why do you think
I don't know all this, okay?

I know, yeah?

Why do you always have to
pre-empt my mistakes?

Can't you just let me do the thing

and if something goes wrong,
then I'll deal with it?

You're always getting annoyed at me

before the potentially
annoying thing happens.

I just think you need
to calm down a bit, Josh.

Well, it's just never ending.

It's just always.

Insufferable.

Well, I have to pre-empt your mistakes

because I'm the one who pays
when it all goes tits up.

Actually just not true, okay?

I haven't asked for your help lately.

Sometimes you turn up and get cranky,

but I've not asked you for nothin'.

Well, I do because
I'm the bloody landlord!

But jeez, forget it then.
I'm sorry.

No, Dad, you can't eat an artichoke
and chamomile dessert like that, okay?

You have to be mindful.
Just slow... Just stop it!

Okay, I... Okay, stop it.

I just want to say a few things.

Now, putting aside,
when you're a bit of a brat with your Dad,

you're a great person, Josh.

(SIGHS)

No, you are.

Now...

I don't know if we just got lucky or...

If I owe your dad and Aunty Peg

more credit than I ever gave them.

It definitely wasn't my doing.

You are a very special young man.

And I just want to let you know
how thankful I am for that.

(SNIFFLING) And that I'm
very proud of you.

Okay.

-That was a lot.
-Well, no, I don't care.

That's what you get for treating us
just this nicely.

Okay, Dad, tell me everything
you want to tell me about the house.

Well, I was just going to say that,
when you find someone to move in,

ask them if they have a partner,

otherwise you'll be copping two
for the price of one

and they'll be paying half price.

I'm going to the toilet.

I have something to tell you.

Oh, you've already said quite a lot.

I'm still in love with your dad.

-No, you're not.
-Yes, I am.

-You are not.
-Yes, I am.

-Are not.
-I'm still in love with your father.

-Actually, you are not.
-I am.

Why are you saying this?

Because it's a thing you tell people

and I don't have that many people
I can tell.

Well, you aren't telling Dad.
Absolutely not.

Mmm...

No. Mum, absolutely not.

No, I won't.

I won't.
Stop looking so scared.

Oh, I mean, how?

He's a fully grown adult

and he's completely befuddled
that things happen.

He's just shocked
that things in life occur.

Oh, I'm not longing for him.

I mean, I don't want anything to change.

Well, it's just a nice feeling
to feel love for someone

and I don't feel it very often

and look, I actually remember
why I loved him.

And I feel it,

and you gave me wine,

and I am indulging
in my love for your dad.

ALAN: It is gross.

Oh! So sorry. Sorry.

God, they're flash bathrooms.

They've got mirrors
on every side of the cubicle.

I felt like I was pissing
into infinity. (LAUGHING)

-You're looking very slim, Rose.
-JOSH: No she’s not.

-I'm sorry?
-Sorry, I mean, yeah, okay.

Yep, you look good.

He's just jealous of the compliment.

-Aw, you're looking slim too, Josh.
-Thanks, Dad.

Hey, you should go see the toilets.

No, I... I don't need to.

Well, it doesn't matter, but, you know,

because you have never
seen anything like them,

-honestly, go on!
-I don't need to go to the toilet!

All right, all right.

DAN: So, back when you
were five or six,

on a rainy day, your mum
set you up on the kitchen bench and said,

"Let's bake a cake."

So we began with a little flour,

and some butter.

A touch of baking powder,

beautiful flavours of vanilla,

some star anise and pistachios,

a little nutmeg, touch of cinnamon...

ROSE: Oh, this is wild!

Oh!

DAN: Of course, some milk.

(ROSE CHUCKLES)

And to finish, a few eggs.

(LAUGHING)

(ALAN LAUGHING)

-ALAN: Thank you.
-ROSE: Oh.

-ROSE: Oh.
-Wow.

ROSE: Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Mmm.

Oh. Mmm.

ROSE: Mmm.

ALAN: Yeah!

It seems like your mum
is in a really good place, doesn't it?

Yeah, yeah, she seems good.

Yeah.

I don't think I've seen her
this happy for years.

She looks healthy, too.

Yep, yeah, very healthy.

Josh, do you think, maybe you could say
something nice to your mum?

What do you mean?
I took her to a 15-course meal.

-Isn't that nice?
-Yeah, no, I know. Yeah, it's nice.

But you know, I just think
it would really make her day

and maybe keep her in this mood

if you could just, you know,

go out on a limb
and say something from the heart.

There are real towels in the bathroom.

Real, not paper.

-I used two, just because.
-Right.

Can I get you anything else?
A tea or coffee?

JOSH: Oh, God, no.

ALAN: Ah, no, thank you, Ellie.
I don't have any room left.

No, me neither.

Would you like me to organise the bill?

Yeah, thank you.

Erm, Rose...

Josh was just saying
some really nice things

about you while you were in the bathroom.

Weren't you, Josh?

Yep.

Okay, so...

Mum, I've never said that really...

That many genuine things about you,

I guess,

and that's because I tend to think
nice things unsaid

are usually the best things.

But,

I can see by the face
that you're making right now

that you would much prefer it
if they were not unsaid.

-(ALAN CHUCKLING)
-JOSH: So...

Um...

Just, thank you for keeping me alive.

That would have been hard, right?
That would have been a hard thing.

Secondly,

ah, you're a fun person.

Yeah, I feel like,
maybe you don't know that, but...

But the decisions you make,

they're genuinely entertaining,

especially when they're terrible,

and that has always been the only
prerequisite I have for a friend.

Ah.

Also, um, you're a good person,

and...

I love you.

-When you're ready.
-Whoa, Dad.

What are you doing?

No, I'm paying.

I, I just want to have a look.

No, no.

Josh, you're being silly.
Come on, come on.

No, please just give it to me.
Please, just let me have it.

(GASPS)

$900?

-What?
-$900?

Yep.

Dad, I haven't bought you
a Christmas present for like, 25 years.

I can't believe this, Josh.

This is exactly
what I was talking about before!

You don't have to worry about it
because I'm paying.

You can't afford that.

Yes, I can.

-How?
-I'll put it on my credit card.

Oh, get fucked,
you don't have a credit card.

-Do you?
-I get points.

I'm paying!

-No!
-ALAN: No, you are not!

No, already have.

You let me. You let me!

-She can't afford this.
-Oh!

This is the best $900
I have ever spent in my whole life.

Are you kidding?

Thanks, Mum.

ALAN: Oh, boy, oh, boy.
I've had too much to drink.

I cannot drive home, so,
I'm probably gonna get a parking ticket

on top of everything else.

Just book me an Uber.

How am I going to get home
if you're in my Uber?

-Book two.
-You can't book two Ubers.

JOSH: Just get a taxi.

HANNAH: Nah, get stuffed.

Next time you send a video,
get some skin out.

I was waiting for a text
to confirm my pizza.

Call me tomorrow.
-ALAN: ...you won't even book me a car?

I thought people your age
preferred getting taxis.

ALAN: What the hell
is that supposed to mean?

-Oh, I love you, darling.
-Okay, thanks, Ma.

-Thanks so much.
-Oh, thank you for an incredible night.

ALAN: Thank yourself.

I love you, too, Alan.

I am so glad I got a chance
to clean up the mess for a change.

It was not a mess.

Ah, Rose, do you need a lift home?

Ah, no.
No, I'm going to catch the last train.

-Bye.
-See ya.

-She probably shouldn't kiss me like that.
-Yeah.

Right?