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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:05,840 ♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪ 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:09,640 -♪ Yeah, I'll be fine, yeah ♪ -♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪ 3 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,240 ♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪ 4 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,960 -♪ Oh, yeah ♪ -♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪ 5 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,040 ♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪ 6 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:17,560 -♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪ -♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪ 7 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,720 -♪ Ooh ♪ -♪ I've left better behind ♪ 8 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,560 -♪ I'll be fine ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪ 9 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:23,680 -♪ Yeah ♪ -♪ Fine ♪ 10 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,440 -♪ Make my mamma turn another blind ♪ -♪ Eye ♪ 11 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,600 BOTH: ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-ay ♪ 12 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,280 ♪ I've left better behind I'll be fine ♪ 13 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:34,440 Oh, what are you doing? 14 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,000 -Gnawing on your face. -Why? 15 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,320 It's Christmas, and I wanted to gnaw on my boyfriend's face. 16 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,240 John used to do this, but now he's too old. 17 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,800 Okay. Gnaw on my face. 18 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,000 Yeah? 19 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,240 -It's good, yeah? -Hm. It's all right. 20 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,000 What can I do to make today less shit for you? 21 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,160 -Love me. -Yeah, done. 22 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:02,680 Nailed it. 23 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,480 Have you ever seen a vagina as out as mine? 24 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:09,680 Pardon? 25 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:13,800 Well, I've watched porn, and there are never any outies. 26 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,040 Mine is so out. 27 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:17,680 It's not that out. 28 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,000 Fuck you, it is out. It's really out! 29 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:25,680 Well, I really, really like your vagina and all of its work. 30 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,480 I'm not saying that's a bad thing. 31 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,680 I like outie vaginas. They're really friendly. 32 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,280 -They're like, "Hey, how's it goin'?" -(BOTH CHUCKLE) 33 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:38,000 Well, I think you have a beautiful vagina. 34 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,080 Does Claire have an outie? 35 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:43,920 Well, this feels like a trap. 36 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,480 Hey, hey! Take a look at this pimple for me. 37 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:51,880 -Ooh. -This one. 38 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,280 -Do you think I should pop it? -Mm, what do you think, Gracie? 39 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,240 Should she pop it or should she leave it till tomorrow? 40 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,680 Tomorrow. 41 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,720 Cool. I try tomorrow. 42 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,400 Hurry up, you bastards! 43 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,000 Oh, Hannah! We're gonna be late now! 44 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,000 Oh, fuck! 45 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,240 Fuck! (MOANS) 46 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:16,840 ♪ Hark the... ♪ 47 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,800 Christ! Fuck! 48 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,880 -No! -Oh! Oh, it's... 49 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,760 I should have knocked. I'm sorry. 50 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,120 Yeah. Everything would be great if you'd knocked. 51 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,520 Oh, phew... Er, are you okay? 52 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,120 Think we're beyond that question now. 53 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,280 Do you still wanna do Christmas? 54 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,040 May as well. 55 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,960 -We'll talk about this later. -Yeah. 56 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,480 Between mains and dessert? 57 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,600 (KNOCKS) Hello! It's Santa! 58 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,440 No, I'm just kidding, it's Mum and Hannah. 59 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,560 Hello, yes, please go sit. Hi! 60 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,080 Sorry we're late. It's not Hannah's fault. 61 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,760 -Okay. -And I made my shortbread. 62 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,600 It just isn't Christmas without my shortbread. 63 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:00,440 That's just not true. 64 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,880 -Hi! -Hi. 65 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,800 I made my shortbread. It isn't Christmas without my shortbread. 66 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,200 Here you go, Alan. Oh! Yum. Yes, please. 67 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:08,840 -Hi, I'm Ella. -Hi. 68 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,720 -Mae? -Oh, no, thanks! 69 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,960 Oh! Mae, Mae, have some shortbread. 70 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,000 -Oh, okay. -(BABY CRIES) 71 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:18,080 I'm going to go try to convince Grace to go to sleep. 72 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,960 -Okay. -Oh, yeah! 73 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,360 Thank you. 74 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:23,160 Eugh! 75 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:27,840 Come on, Gracie. 76 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,040 -I dropped the gravy. -Yep. 77 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,760 Does... Does your family like gravy? 78 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,040 Yeah! 79 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,200 What you're gonna do is, 80 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,640 you're gonna take these paper towels and clean up the gravy 81 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,440 and we're just never gonna tell anyone there was ever gravy, all right? 82 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,480 Christmas really lost its sheen 83 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,800 once I started being able to afford my own toys. 84 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,000 ALL: ♪ Gone away is the bluebird ♪ 85 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:54,920 ♪ Here to stay is the new bird ♪ 86 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,640 ♪ He sings a love song As we go along ♪ 87 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,800 ♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪ 88 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,880 -Beans! Beans! -Oh, my gosh. 89 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:06,760 Grace is down. I hope she sleep for a long time. 90 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,920 -MAE: I hope till she's 18. -(LAUGHS) 18! 91 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,280 Got any ice, Josh? The punch is warm. 92 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,600 -Tom? -I forgot to get ice. 93 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,720 Everyone eat, please. It's going cold. 94 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,120 No, no, no! Hey, just not before the crackers, you idiot! 95 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,880 We've got to do the crackers first! 96 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,040 -Yeah, you idiot. -Lame idiot. 97 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,840 Yeah, you look like Ellen DeGeneres if Ellen DeGeneres was a candle. 98 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,440 -I think you're okay. -Fine. Thanks. 99 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,040 MAE: Oh, don't hold so much of it! 100 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:34,480 Did I ever tell you that I'm Jewish? 101 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:36,760 This is properly thrilling. 102 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:38,200 Here we go. 103 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,000 -Oh, why didn't that bang? -I usually make it bang. 104 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,840 Sometime today, I need you to take some shortbread, 105 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,200 and say, "Jeez, Rose, this is delicious shortbread." 106 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:47,280 -Okay, now? -No, not now! It's too obvious. 107 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,040 Why do you keep cheating? Why is it so important to you? 108 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,880 -I'm not friggin' cheating. -Oh, let's not talk about cheating! 109 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,560 Oh, no, Stuart! I meant Stuart, Mae. Not you. 110 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,200 Not you. Or Alan. You, for that matter. 111 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,080 TOM: Why didn't you tell me you were Jewish? 112 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,320 -ELLA: So that you'd get me a gift. -Guys! 113 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,040 Oh, no, Claire has no-one to do her cracker with. 114 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,320 Oh, maybe Claire has to do it by herself. 115 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,640 -I don't wanna do it by myself. -I'll do it with you. 116 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,320 -Okay! -No, Dad, she has to do it by herself. 117 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,880 Yeah. 'Cause she has no partner. 118 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,960 -TOM: No-one in the world. -'Cause she's alone. 119 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,040 Oh, maybe I won't do the cracker, then. 120 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,280 Oh, it's because of that attitude you don't have anyone to do it with. 121 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,040 Josh, Christmas is about charity. You do it with her. 122 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:29,200 -Yeah, Josh! -Yes, I'll do the pity cracker. 123 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,000 Thank you. 124 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,400 -Oh, you... -I won. 125 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,160 Oh, shall I go get ice? 126 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,360 No. Not now. We've just started eating. 127 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,360 There's red wine there. 128 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,840 -Where's the gravy? -Oh, so, guys? 129 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,320 I forgot to make gravy. 130 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,560 -(ALL GASPING) -What? 131 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:56,560 Joshua! Oh, what a shame! 132 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,640 JOSH: Yes, it is a tragedy, I agree, and I'm very sorry, 133 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,280 but perhaps we can just forgive and forget 134 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,920 on this holiest of days, yep? 135 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,320 -Mmm, great shortbread, Rose. -Mmm! 136 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,680 ALAN: Here we go. Ah... What did the zero say to the eight? 137 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,360 -Nice belt. -ELLA: I don't get it. 138 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:18,960 Okay. Why did Santa's helper go to the doctor? Huh? Huh? 139 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,960 -Herpes! -(ALL LAUGHING) 140 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:28,160 Telling me to eat the shortbread was so harsh! 141 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,640 She loved it. It was adorable. 142 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,160 She watched me eat the whole thing like I was a cat taking medicine! 143 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,400 Yeah. 144 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,040 -TOM: Hannah, where's your hat? -What? 145 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,400 Why aren't you wearing your hilarious hat? 146 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,240 You think you're too good for your hat, Hannah? 147 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:42,560 Oh, yeah. Put your hat on, Hannah! King Hannah! 148 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,400 She hasn't clocked that I'm a girl? 149 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,840 It's Christmas. You have to wear the hat. 150 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,560 -Claire's not wearing one. -I don't have a hat. 151 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,720 -'Cause she lost. -She can have mine. 152 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,800 I'd really like to see you in the hat, Hannah. 153 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:54,880 I'm not wearing the fucking hat! 154 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,240 ROSE: Oh, okay, guys... 155 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,760 Hannah's been a bit depressed lately so just go easy, all right? 156 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,200 Fine, fine. 157 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,440 TOM: I guess a novelty hat on a depressed person 158 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,280 would just highlight how depressed they are. 159 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,920 Like how it'd be weird to see a depressed person on a jetski. 160 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,040 Mm. 161 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,040 I think you'd look hot on a jetski. 162 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,040 -Who is that? -This is new. 163 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,920 Yes, I was wondering about that. 164 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,840 That's vegetarian nut roast, and it's for Arnold. 165 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,040 -Nice of Josh to make it for me. -Yes. 166 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,160 Oh! 167 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,160 Oh! 168 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,200 -Tastes like blended cardboard! Ugh! -Does it? 169 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,240 Rose, just put some salt on it. 170 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,400 ELLA: Okay, what is the worst present that everyone's ever received? 171 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,240 I'm gonna go first because, obviously, I want to say mine. 172 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,040 That's why I asked the question. 173 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:43,920 My dad once gave me math tutoring. 174 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,000 Oh, I bet he felt as bad as the two wise men 175 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,360 that brought frankincense and myrrh 176 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,160 when they saw the other bloke brought gold! 177 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,560 (CHUCKLES) 178 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,240 -Did you just make that joke up? -Yup. 179 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:58,760 -No, you didn't. -I did! 180 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,920 -I'm thinking of taking up the flute. -Oh, yeah? 181 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,480 Mm, 'cause I was really musical when I was young, 182 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,080 but I just wasn't pushed enough. 183 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,640 Right. Hannah, turkey? 184 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,080 Yeah. Sure. 185 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:12,880 What's this? What's that made out of? 186 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:14,840 -It's cotton. -Feels really nice. 187 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,720 -What about yours? -Oh, it's cotton too. 188 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,520 -Oh, high five! -Yeah! (CHUCKLES) 189 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:22,760 (BABY CRIES) 190 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,760 Sorry, we are having a bit of trouble getting her to sleep. 191 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,360 Hopefully she will calm down. 192 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:32,320 -Well, she sounds very distressed. -Yes, yes, I know. I can hear her. 193 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,240 I know how she sounds. 194 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,320 Maybe I should go and check on her. 195 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,440 No! 196 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,800 I am not going to be the mean parent. 197 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,200 You bought me the book. You made me read the book. 198 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,520 You agree with what's in the book. 199 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:48,680 So, we have 11 minute and 38 seconds, okay, before we can check on her. 200 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:49,880 It's Christmas, Mae. 201 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,560 But Grace doesn't have a concept of Christmas, does she? 202 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,080 -I will not be the bad guy. -All right. 203 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,680 -She will stop crying. -All right. 204 00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,960 Mae, I think you're doing a really good job. 205 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:01,560 Thank you, Claire. 206 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,400 We didn't have to do this with Josh. 207 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,040 Please, Rose. 208 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:07,840 I have this under control. 209 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,800 Maybe I could sneak in there and have a little nibble. 210 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,600 -Josh, please! She's fine. -No, I'm not worried about her. 211 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,800 I just wanna go in and have a little nibble, you know? 212 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:19,040 Just a little... A little nibble. 213 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,960 Sorry, is no-one gonna make a joke about Josh? 214 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,000 Yeah, how no parenting techniques that are used on him 215 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,520 should ever be used again. 216 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,160 -'Cause he's shit. -Big nostrils. 217 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,880 -You? -I'm trying to be part of the family. 218 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,000 I don't think big nostrils are a result of bad discipline. 219 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,320 -You wouldn't stop picking your nose. -Oh, my mistake. 220 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:40,640 Remember when we told Josh that if he kept on picking his nose, 221 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:41,720 his nostrils would get huge 222 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,200 and then everybody would know that he picked his nose? 223 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,320 I can't believe it's true! (ALL CHUCKLING) 224 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,960 -He went white. -Whiter than that? 225 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,840 -Okay. All right. -I don't think you can get whiter. 226 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,760 -Translucent? -Yep. You know what? I'm happy. 227 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,520 I'm happy to sacrifice myself so we can all bond. 228 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,040 Whiter than going to the farmers' market? 229 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,200 Oh, yeah. Oh! Whiter than binge drinking, huh? 230 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,320 You're right, Josh. He's not boring at all! 231 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:05,920 What? 232 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:10,160 -Oh, it worked. She stop. -ALAN: Good job, honey. 233 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,520 Yeah, today Grace learnt that just because she's upset 234 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,000 doesn't mean she deserves to be cared for. 235 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,200 Rose? That's uncalled for. 236 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,880 It's unfair and it's uncalled for. 237 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,360 All right, all right. I'm sorry. I'm... (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry. 238 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,520 Look, I regret saying it. I'm sorry, Mae. 239 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,280 Yeah. So, Hannah, did you get anything nice for Christmas? 240 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:34,560 -No. -Brilliant. 241 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,720 ELLA: I'm sorry, I don't understand. 242 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,360 What just happened? Why couldn't you go check on her? 243 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,400 -We're doing controlled crying. -Oh, right. 244 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,160 I wouldn't be able to do controlled crying. 245 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,440 No offence, Mae, I just wouldn't be able to do it. 246 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,440 CLAIRE: Why is this all being directed at Mae? 247 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,240 Alan agreed not to check on her too. 248 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:54,320 Everyone is forcing their kids to grow up too soon these days. 249 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,680 MAE: I'm not forcing her to grow up. 250 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,240 I am just making sure 251 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,960 that when she does grow up, she's not some whingeing brat. 252 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,520 -No offence, Josh. -Some taken. 253 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,640 Is there any gravy, Josh? 254 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,760 No, Hannah, there's no gravy. Did you not hear... 255 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,640 No, never mind. 256 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,400 -Hannah, are you okay? -Yeah, I'm fine. Fine. 257 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,840 ELLA: I mean, for all we know, her crying could be baby talk 258 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:19,960 for "Help, there's a snake in my bed!" 259 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,840 Yeah, maybe I'll just pop my head in. 260 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,600 -No, Alan. -What do you think, Tom? 261 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,240 I just wouldn't be bothered checking on her. 262 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,520 No, that's not what you think. 263 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,720 -Yeah. What do you think, Tom? -Yeah, Tom? 264 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,520 Um, I think it's totally fine. 265 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,720 I think it's really responsible parenting, Mae. 266 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,560 Ugh, yuck, that was gross to watch. 267 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,400 Never stand for anything ever again, Tom. 268 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:45,560 I didn't want to! 269 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:47,800 I thought maybe you'd agree with me because I'm your girlfriend. 270 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,040 -Okay, yeah, I agree with Ella. -No, you don't! 271 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,840 I think... Okay, I think whatever is easiest to think. 272 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,920 I just said that before to try and help Mae, 273 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,600 and lonely, poor Claire. 274 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:03,480 Why does everybody keep making jokes about Claire being lonely? 275 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,800 You'd be knocking them back, wouldn't you? Claire? A girl like you? 276 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:09,280 It's 'cause they've got nothing else on me. 277 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:12,000 Dad, you're getting dangerously close to flirting with Claire 278 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,760 and I just wanna intercept early, yeah? 279 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,880 -Oh. Sorry. -Yeah. Yeah, thank you, Josh. 280 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,280 ROSE: You've had heaps of boyfriends. 281 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:23,960 No! I've had, like, a few short-lived mistakes. 282 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,920 -And then there was Josh. -Boom. 283 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,760 -ROSE: That doesn't count. -It counts as a mistake. 284 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,000 -You made him gay. -Oh, thank you, Claire. 285 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:33,680 Ah, there's Tom as well, anybody, if you wanna say anything about Tom. 286 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:35,840 Fuck, yeah. Achievement. Ding ding ding! 287 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,400 -Didn't make me gay, am I right? -Sorry, Ella. 288 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,320 -You can have him back if you like. -At this point, I'd probably consider it. 289 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,280 -Don't say that. -Why would you say that? 290 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:47,720 What? 291 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,120 You're being like Snape's secretary in Love Actually. 292 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,360 No, I'm not. Don't say that! 293 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,320 So, Josh thinks that maybe Tom is still in love with Claire. 294 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,680 (LAUGHS) 295 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,240 -Awkward alert! -JOSH: No, I didn't say that. 296 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,680 -Did I say that? I didn't say that. -I never heard him say that. 297 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,360 -He didn't say that. -I think he said it with his eyes. 298 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,720 -Ooh, he did say it with his eyes. -No. 299 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,680 Don't trust my eyes. I was probably thinking about slow-roasted meats, Ella. 300 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,320 Tom isn't in love with me. 301 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,160 -I'm not. -Mm, maybe a little bit. 302 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:16,920 Why? 303 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,880 I'm not. He's just joking. 304 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,280 Doesn't really seem like joking. 305 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,280 -I'd kill for some ice. -I'll go get it. 306 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,800 -Don't, Ella. -No, it's fine, I'm Jewish, so... 307 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,840 -Ella, don't go. -Don't go. 308 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,680 Really? 309 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,160 Yes. 310 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,080 Okay. 311 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,160 Maybe now that Grace is asleep, 312 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,320 I could just sneak in there for a little nibble? 313 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,800 -Maybe a little munch on her ear? -Josh! 314 00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,120 Since when did you start liking babies, Josh? You hate babies. 315 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,440 Other babies, yes. Not Grace. Grace is the Beyonce of babies. 316 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,240 -Josh, you want babies! -Nope. 317 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,520 Isn't it weird to think that Beyonce was a baby once? 318 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,160 You almost just don't believe it. 319 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,560 -I don't want babies. -Oh, me neither. 320 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,640 -I want a holiday house. -Yup. 321 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,760 I don't much like drinking red wine during the day. 322 00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:22,160 I have seen so much soap shaped like cupcakes this year. 323 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:25,600 I'm just sick of it. Like, it doesn't soap up like real soap. 324 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:29,440 -Nor does it cupcake like cupcake. -You said it! 325 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,880 Um, did you know that some city birds 326 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,080 have started using cigarette butts in their nests 327 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,360 because the burnt nicotine wards off fleas and lice? 328 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,440 -Ahh. -Wow, that's really interesting. 329 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,200 Sounds like a lie put out by Big Tobacco. 330 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,080 (LAUGHS) 331 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,040 Oh, I thought you were joking. 332 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,320 -No, he was not joking. -Not joking. 333 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,080 TOM: Maybe that's what those homeless guys are doing 334 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,560 when I see them pick up cigarette butts off the street. 335 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,480 -What? -For their nests? 336 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,080 Are you sure you're okay? 337 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,280 -What did I say last time? -That you were fine. 338 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:14,240 Okay, so if I tell you I'm not fine, I hate Christmas and I hate myself, 339 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,480 would you back the fuck off? 340 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,360 Okay. 341 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,040 Oh! I forgot to tell you about Stuart! 342 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,640 Apparently, he's back in the psych ward. 343 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,560 I spoke to his wife, you know, Hazel, 344 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:30,600 and apparently he's suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, 345 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,840 'cause he got in a car accident and killed three kids. 346 00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,040 Hazel said it wasn't his fault, but of course she would say that, 347 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,160 wouldn't she? 348 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,440 -Fuck! -Poor guy. 349 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:42,440 Yes, the problem is Hazel's now having a lot of trouble working out 350 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,320 if the bad bits in his personality are because of the PTSD, 351 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,320 or if it's because he's just a dickhead. 352 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,320 Oh, Josh, I've been meaning to ask, how's your friend, Ben? 353 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,760 Alan! That was meant to be a secret! 354 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,600 No, it's okay. I know. 355 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,880 Yeah, everybody knows. It's fine. 356 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,080 Ben is recovering well, thank you for asking. 357 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,880 (BABY CRIES) 358 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,280 Please can we not mention it? 359 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:09,680 -(DOG VOMITING) -Oh, shit! 360 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,720 -John, buddy, what have you eaten? -Oh, it's okay, I'll get it. 361 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:15,920 Hey, hey, hey! Are you all right? 362 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,880 -(BABY CRIES) -She sounds very distressed. 363 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,840 -What if something's wrong? -Nothing is wrong. 364 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,160 Do you want a holiday house in the beach or in the country? 365 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,760 Um, beach. With a fireplace and a grand piano. 366 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,320 She just sounds so sad. 367 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,000 I just wanna spread her ear on a cracker with some quince paste. 368 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,000 Can I just stand outside the door and check? 369 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,800 No, okay? No-one is picking her up! 370 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,440 (BABY STOPS CRYING) 371 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:48,440 -Oh, so, who's Ben? -Sorry, Ben is a friend of mine. 372 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,520 He had brain surgery. I really don't wanna talk about it. 373 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,720 What friend? You don't have other friends. 374 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,720 -I am branching out. -Where would you meet other friends? 375 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,040 -Just around. -ROSE: What, on the Internet? 376 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,120 You don't know who you're talking to on the Internet, Josh. 377 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,200 Could be a troll. 378 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,760 Could someone please change the subject? 379 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:08,000 How are so many guys interested in you? What do they see in you? 380 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:10,120 Personality. 381 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,960 -No. No, no, no. No, no, no. -Yes. 382 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,720 Arnold, can you shed some light on this? 383 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,560 -No, I can't remember. -TOM: Claire? 384 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,200 I was a teenager. I had no confidence. 385 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,600 Wish I could do a focus group and figure it out. 386 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,600 I think maybe they get lost in my eyes. 387 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,080 Why are you friends with him, Tom? 388 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,680 Uh, desperation. Convenience. 389 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:34,600 Honestly, being friends with Josh is just slightly less effort 390 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,600 than having to find somewhere else to live. 391 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,720 (LAUGHS) 392 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,480 -The same for you? -Okay, well he does nice things. 393 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,040 For example, before, he took the blame for me dropping the gravy. 394 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,120 -Oh, no! -Whoa! 395 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:48,440 Whoa! 396 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:52,560 -So, there was gravy? -Yeah, there was, but I dropped it. 397 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,400 -You dropped the gravy? -Yeah, I dropped the gravy. 398 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,320 My God, he just keeps saying it out loud! 399 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,680 -Well, it's just gravy. -"Just gravy"? 400 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,720 Arnold, now you're just being antagonistic. 401 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,400 Arnold, the thing you need to know about gravy is that it's just so good. 402 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,640 It's like the heart of a guide dog. 403 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,680 Vegetarian, huh? Yeah? Am I right? 404 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,600 I didn't do it because I'm a vegetarian. 405 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,640 It was a mistake. 406 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:18,200 I can't fix this for you. Just, I cannot fix this for you. 407 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:21,400 Just imagine Josh, seeing all that gravy on the floor? 408 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,560 His little homely face would've just dropped. 409 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,760 ELLA: Too upsetting to bear thinking about. 410 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,280 I wish he'd never told me. 411 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:32,160 Yeah, no, I knew that Josh would not forget the gravy. I knew that. 412 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,080 Josh, can I ask, was it packet gravy or did you make it from scratch? 413 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,280 I made it from scratch, Dad. I'm not a douchebag. 414 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:42,480 I was enjoying this lunch, but now... Now I can't bear another bite. 415 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:45,720 Probably for the best with those cheeks, am I right? 416 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:52,880 Oh! Not even a laugh for my cheeks, Arnold. 417 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,760 Not even a pity laugh from your boyfriend. 418 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,600 I mean, that's how you know you fucked up. 419 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:04,720 There's your gravy! (CHUCKLES) 420 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,760 (CUCKOO CLOCK CHIMES) 421 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:23,520 Arnold. 422 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,960 I know that was a weird choice. I'm just a bit on edge. 423 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,720 Muhammad's gonna come pick me up in a big black car 424 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,960 and take me to a very fancy, entirely emotionally cold family Christmas. 425 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,200 Okay, if that's what you like, that's what you want. 426 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:39,600 Yeah. 427 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,120 Get me higher. Get me higher. Higher, you dog! 428 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,200 -(CHUCKLE) I'm trying! -Higher, you dog! 429 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,720 (GRUNTS) I'm... Josh! 430 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,600 -Josh? -Yes? 431 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,040 -I don't wanna move in with you. -Let me down. 432 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:56,880 I just... 433 00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,520 When I dropped the gravy, I thought that might be it. 434 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,600 I thought, oh, you're gonna break up with me. 435 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,120 I thought, "I bet Ben never drops any gravy." 436 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,040 All lunch, I kept thinking that I was being less interesting than Ben, 437 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,800 and I can't spend my life worried 438 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,880 that you're gonna find some vulnerable guy 439 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,320 with arthritis or chronic psoriasis or whatever. 440 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,680 I just... I'm tired. 441 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,200 What's a nice thing I can do for you 442 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,040 to prove that there's nothing going on between me and Ben? 443 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,720 Not a nice thing, maybe a mean thing. 444 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,520 Do you wanna go punch him in the balls? 445 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,560 Do you want... Me and you, we'll go in that car, 446 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,680 we'll go to the hospital, we'll punch Ben in the balls. 447 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,840 -Don't think I won't do it. -I don't know. 448 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,520 All right. 449 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,600 -Merry Christmas. -Yep. Merry Christmas. 450 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,280 He's fine. He just wanted to go see his family. 451 00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:09,720 -He's not upset about Ben? -I don't wanna talk about it. 452 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:10,960 Just remember, Josh. 453 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,680 It'd be weird for Arnold knowing that you had Ben in the back of your mind. 454 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,040 He doesn't have Ben in the back of his mind. They're just friends. 455 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,600 No, no, not... Claire said they were lovers. 456 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,720 -Why would she say that? -I'm just not helping today, am I? 457 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,400 There are a lot of desserts, Josh! 458 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,640 Yeah, why so much dessert? We're never gonna eat it all. 459 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,520 Did you know there are people out there who didn't have Christmas lunch today 460 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,440 and here we are with all this food that's gonna go to waste. 461 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,920 I just thought it'd be nice to have a variety of desserts. 462 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,200 -Pretty worked up about the dessert, Josh. -Sorry. 463 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,640 -Dessert is "stressed" backwards. -Tom, you can't feed him chocolate! 464 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,680 -That's a myth. -Yeah, remember when he vomited? 465 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,240 CLAIRE: This punch is so warm. 466 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,040 Yeah, it's really not drinkable without ice. 467 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:46,760 There's red wine but I don't like drinking red wine during the day. 468 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:50,360 Then go and get ice, Dad! I didn't know Tom was going to forget the ice. 469 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,560 I'm sorry, but that's the situation we're in, okay? 470 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,920 So, either leave and get ice, or shut up! 471 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,000 Oh, you always get so worked up around Christmas. 472 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,680 No, actually, it's not Christmas's fault. Let's not blame Jesus. 473 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,440 It was having to hang out alone every year 474 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,360 with you and Dad and Peg just pecking at me. 475 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,880 Just peck, peck, peck, peck, peck. 476 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,640 We're just trying to have a good time! 477 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,200 I know. I know I'm being unfair, and I'm sorry, okay? 478 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,880 But fuck, when I say to you, "I don't want to talk about it", 479 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,720 why can't you stop talking about it? 480 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,680 Son, this is about Arnold and Ben. 481 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,520 Actually, I thought I was pretty clear, okay? 482 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,320 This is about you. I'm frustrated with you, okay? 483 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,280 Claire keeps telling me how disappointed she is with her life 484 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:28,760 instead of going out and creating herself a better life. 485 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,480 Tom keeps making the most horrible choices 486 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,360 and then everyone pretends it's not his fault. 487 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,680 It is your fault, Tom. Ella, it is Tom's fault. 488 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,400 Everything. You probably should have left. 489 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,800 Hannah, wow, no-one's allowed to make fun of Hannah. 490 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,080 And, Mae, well... Mae's fine. 491 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:45,280 Although I don't really understand why you bought me a book 492 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,560 of "easy mid-week recipes." You know I know to cook. 493 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,280 -It was cheap. -Fair enough. 494 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,600 Dad is incapable of communicating with me about feelings. 495 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,720 So instead, he just talks about chores that need to be done all the time. 496 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,400 Mum, well, it's pretty obvious 497 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,360 you've made the choice to go off your medication again. 498 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,360 You're gonna be depressed in two days, again, 499 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:03,280 and then, you're gonna expect me to be there to help, again. 500 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,120 Okay? This is not about Arnold. This is not about Ben. 501 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,320 This is not about Jesus, all right? This is about you. 502 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:13,280 And... And to be honest, I've run out of things to say. 503 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:16,080 But I'm not gonna stop talking 'cause I appreciate that I'm as bad as you, 504 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,000 and I know as soon I stop talking, you're gonna say something 505 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,640 that's probably quite embarrassing. 506 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,720 So, what I'm gonna do is, 507 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,920 I'm gonna take this trifle 508 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,680 and I'm going to go. 509 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:26,880 -To Arnold? -No. 510 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:27,960 -Ben? -No! 511 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:31,360 I'm gonna go and sit alone in a park with my dog and a trifle. 512 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,240 Take some shortbread! 513 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:40,760 You should've seen the tantrum he threw 514 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,440 when we gave him the wrong Donkey Kong. 515 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:44,680 Yeah, I heard that! 516 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,000 What happened was you gave me the same game you already gave me 517 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:48,120 the previous Christmas. 518 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,880 I'm an only child. 519 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,160 (DOOR SLAMS) 41751

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