All language subtitles for Mixedish s01e11_English

♪ Living in America ♪

Bow: There are many
shared experiences

for kids that grew up
in the '80s --

fanny packs, MTV,
Cabbage Patch Kids,

Jane Fonda workout videos,

and my personal favorite,
the mixtape.

Hey, Rainbow.

♪ Living in America ♪

[ Gasps ] Oh.

Hey, Bryce.
What's the haps?

Um,
I was just wondering...

do you like music?

Totally.
Music is, like, the best.

I was hoping
you'd say that.

Um...

I made this for you.

My first mixtape --
January 28, 1986.

If you think I'm crazy

for remembering
the exact date,

well, that's because
another iconic '80s experience

took place the same day.

Ms. Collins: Okay,
take your seats,

take your seats.

Today, we're sending

teacher Christa McAuliffe
into space.

NASA has selected a woman

who is no different from
and no better than me.

But we're not bitter.

Yup.
It was the launch

of the Space Shuttle
Challenger,

and I was excited.

My dad and I were even building
a rocket of our own.

He had watched
the moon landing

and couldn't wait to share
his enthusiasm with me.

Oh,
I think it's happening.

It took two hours
to set this up.

Let's go.

Ooh, countdown.
Six...

All:
Five, four, three, two, one.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

For 73 seconds,
the country watched

as the Challenger
soared through the sky.

♪♪

But in an instant,
something went terribly wrong.

[ Explosion ]

Man: Flight controllers here

looking very carefully
at the situation.

Obviously a major malfunction.

Uh, relay through
the flight dynamics officer

that the vehicle has exploded.

We are now looking at, uh,

all the contingency
operations and are waiting --

Oh, oh, no.
No, no.

[ TV shuts off ]
Um...

Mac and cheese
today at lunch.

♪♪

Nancy and I
are pained to the core

over the tragedy of
the Shuttle Challenger.

Bow: This may have been
before social media,

but we were all connected.

Because we were all watching

the live feed of
the Challenger.

♪♪

I didn't know how to react.

And I wasn't alone.

[ Sighs ]
Man: Recovery forces have been
sent out into the --

Wow. Um...

Maybe we should
take a moment to reflect

or...do whatever your beliefs
move you to do

at a time like this.

Thanks, Alicia.
I needed that.

Okay,
let's get back to work.

Harrison, don't you think
that we --

What I think is that
we need to get back

to the critically important work
we do here on a daily basis.

Important work like...

"Ostrich kicks Blind Man."

If not for us, who would
fight for justice

for this poor,
defenseless blind man?

Actually, we're representing
the ostrich.

Harrison, it's clear we all need
a moment to process this.

Which you just had.

Now,
everybody back to work.

Ms. Collins:
Okay, let's not pretend

that any sort of learning
is happening here today.

So, talk amongst yourselves
as needed.

And just to get out
in front of it,

this -- this is coffee.

Weird day.

Bow: Maybe I was in denial,

but for as sad as I was
about the Challenger --

and I was so sad --

I couldn't stop thinking
about my mixtape.

This was basically
a pre-engagement ring.

Was I about to get
my first boyfriend?

Are you seriously thinking
about Bryce right now?

On the day the Challenger
exploded?

No.

I mean,
maybe a little.

Look, I really am super sad
about what happened,

but my mind keeps
drifting to Bryce.

It's okay. I don't think
that makes you a monster.

I didn't think
I was a monster.

No, it's good.

Especially in tragedy,
love can conquer all.

Think of Romeo and Juliet.

They both died
in the end.

Thanks.

Denise: Sis, I can't believe
what happened.

I know.
Horrible.

That could've been me
up there.

How?

I work in aerospace.

Well, sure,

but you do customer service
at an airport.

I mean, certainly you wouldn't
be up on a space shuttle.

I don't know.

We're a pretty tight-knit
community.

I play cards with
the baggage handlers,

plus a couple years ago,

I thought I wanted
to be a teacher.

But then I remembered
I don't like kids.

What if I hadn't
remembered that?!

I could've been
that teacher up there!

Hmm.
So, with that in mind,

I have decided
since life is short

and can be taken away
in an instant,

I am vowing to right the wrongs
I've done in my life.

♪♪

Good luck, sis.

Thanks, I'ma need it.

I've done
a lot of bad.

♪♪

How are you doing?
[ Door opens ]

I feel sad,
you know, shocked.
[ Door closes ]

Mm.
And honestly, guilty,

'cause I got the kids
so excited about the launch.

Especially Rainbow --

we were building a rocket
together.

All that you can do
is love them...
[ Sighs ]

...and let them know
you're there for them.

Yeah.

How are you doing?

I'm fine,

but your father's
doing that thing

when you bury yourself
in work

so you don't have to deal
with what's bothering you.

Oh. Yeah.
That's his move.

When I dropped out
of school,

he slept at the office
for a month.

He'd shower at
a pay-by-the-hour motel,

and I'm just now realizing

that he probably
wasn't there showering.

I don't think anyone else
at work could even notice

what was wrong with him
or even care to do anything.

I'm gonna
help your father feel.

Good luck with that.
[ Door opens ]

I almost forgot --

since I'm making things right
with everyone,

I need to tell you,

I have sold pictures
of both of your feet.

But as soon as this batch
sells out, I'm done.

Whew!

This is good!

♪♪

There was Bryce,
looking sad.

And cute.

That's irrelevant.

Any other friend,
I would go over and console.

And Bryce was my friend.

What's the worst
that could happen?

Hey, friend,
how are you doing?

[ Scoffs ]
Not now, Rainbow.

Shut it down!

Flirting on the day
the Challenger exploded?

What is wrong with you?

You monster.

I was being crazy.

The right thing to do
was to comfort my friend,

who was so cute.

Hey.

You doing okay?

Yeah.

No.
Today was tough.

Yeah, it was.

Especially after
all the buildup.

My dad and I
were so excited.

We were
building a rocket.

Really?

We were going to
launch it today.

Whatever.
It seems dumb now.

No,
it doesn't seem dumb.

In that moment,
I wanted to kiss him.

And that made me feel like
a garbage person.

Uh...got to go.

Good luck...
grieving and stuff.

Uh, Rainbow.

Do you know
how to drive?

I was determined to stop
thinking about Bryce.

So when my dad
was comforting us,

I was gonna convince everyone,
including myself,

that all I was feeling
was sadness.

A good way to
deal with our grief

is for each of us to say
how we're feeling right now.

I'm sad.

Yeah, I'm sad,
too.

I'm the saddest person
in the world.

I'm sorry.

Do you want to talk
more about that?

I don't really
have the words right now.

And I probably never will.

Maybe we can each think of

something good
that happened today.

Uh, on my way to school today,
I saw a raccoon give birth.

[ Chuckles ]

And the coffee at the teacher's
lounge today was perfect.

We'll circle back
to that.

Bow?

Anything good
happen today?

What?!
No! Nothing.

Even if something good happened,
why would I notice?

I mean,
there was a tragedy.

How could you even think
that was a possibility?

You're the monster.

She's in a mood.

[ Ostrich chirping ]

Harrison:
Take a look at this.

People visit ostriches
because they look weird.

But a blind man can't see.

That's suspicious.

You have a sec?
No,
but I'm guessing that you --

I'm just worried about you.

Oh, here we go.

I know you're burying your
feelings about the Challenger,

which is toxic to the body
and can lead to anger outbursts.

Holding on to my anger

is what let me graduate
top of my class,

unlike all those rich kids who
had fathers they "knew."

Wow.

You know what?
[ Clears throat ]

I know an exercise
that might help.

Close your eyes and picture
yourself as a flower.

No.
[ Exhales sharply ]

Picture yourself as the tallest
redwood in the forest.

No.
I'm fine.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I don't need any distractions.

[ Telephone rings ]

Distractions
like this phone.

What if that was
a work call?

Get me a new phone.

Cliff,
remember when we broke up

because of my "ailing health"?

That was a lie.

In fact, I did a marathon
the month we split up.

Uh-huh.

Well, now, the wheelchair
was a rental, baby.

Sir, the photograph
you purchased

is actually not of
Whitney Houston's feet.

In prosperity.

Hello, is this the organizer
of the Tri-City marathon?

Well, I'm calling to apologize

for taking a bike
most of the way

so that I could finish first
in my age group.

Uh, my name is unimportant.

In prosperity.

Paul:
I know today was hard.

But one way to deal with death
is to celebrate life.

So, I thought we could have
a positive memory today

by getting each of you
your very own pet.

Wow!
Cool!

Paul: Yeah,
so, what are their names?

Cat.
Okay.

Santamonica.
Of course.

Rainbow,
what's your fish's name?

Not Bryce.

Okay.

What do you say we make
these buddies roommates?!

Pour them in.

Very cool.

Santamonica: Aww!
Now, see?

Even in times of darkness,

it's important to remember
that life goes on.

Johan: Wow.

They're swimming
really fast.

[ Gasps ]
Look, they're kissing!

[ Water bubbling ]
With...teeth?

Uh-oh.

Why is the water
turning red?

I'm now counting
four fish.

Look away.
Do something, Dad!

Why would you do this?!
I trusted you!

Oh, my --

[ Toilet flushes ]

Another thing
about life is

things don't always
go as planned.

[ Clears throat ]

Does anyone want to
share their feelings?

Dad, I think you've done enough
for today.

[ Sighs ]

Sweetheart,
I'm so sorry.

I was trying to
make you feel better.

You're the kindest, most
heart-forward person I know,

so I'm sure today was harder
on you than most people.

Yeah, sure.

You were so excited
about our rocket,

so of course you're devastated
about this.

You don't know
what I'm excited about.

Stop acting like I'm a better
person than I actually am.

I spoiled "Romeo and Juliet"
for my friend.

And I felt nothing.

Huh.
Okay, hon.

Okay.

Well, you know, my door is
always open if you want to talk.

Yeah, I don't.

Okay.

♪♪

You were loved.

From now on,

only imaginary pets
for our kids.

I had an imaginary toad
named Sampson,

and we had
fabulous adventures.

Mm, don't beat yourself up
about it.

Your heart was
in the right place.

How are you doing
with everything?

Well, your father spent three
hours screaming at a zookeeper

who refused to be
an expert witness.

And the kids are
still struggling.

Yeah, I know,
but I asked about you.

Maybe we set up painting easels
for the kids

so they can express any emotions
they don't have words for.

It worked for
Vincent Van Gogh.

He killed himself.

Thanks.

Anything else
bothering you?

Well, I'm worried about Denise,
because she --

Babe,
I keep asking about you,

and you're focused on
everyone else.

Yeah.
Maybe I am.

I mean, I love that you're
trying to help other people,

but are you doing okay?

I'm kind of rattled.

It wasn't just a teacher
going to space.

She was a mom.
She had kids.

Many of them did.

I can't even imagine.

Oh, come here.

Mm.

I was focused on everyone else
because it's so sad

to think about how screwed
the kids would be

if you were the only one
raising them.

[ Scoffs ]
That's true.

I made them watch
an aquatic murder-suicide.

Well,
at the end of the day,

the only thing
they will remember

is you being there
for them.

Nope.
We remember the bloodbath.

I love you.

♪♪

No matter how much
I tried to sleep,

all I could think about
was Bryce's mixtape.

It was just sitting there.

But how could I listen to it?

That would make me --

Oh, who am I kidding?

I was weak.

[ Katrina and the Waves'
"Walking on Sunshine" plays
through speakers ]

♪♪

[ Volume increases ]

[ Button clicks, music stops ]

You need to plug in
the headphones, dummy.

Oh, sorry.

And don't touch
my stuff.

Hey, Santi?

You still awake?

You were just awake,
so I think you're still awake.

What, girl?

Oh, good.
You're awake.

Does it make me a psycho
if something monumental happens

and I can only think
about myself?

I don't follow.

Like, I'm not thinking about

the other peoples' feelings
at all.

What does it mean to think about
other peoples' feelings?

Maybe you're not the right
person to come to for this.

Agreed.

I'm more of your go-to
for beauty and style tips.

Those pajamas
ain't working.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

Hey, Dad.

I'd actually like
to talk -- Aah!

Oh!
Nothing!

Wh-- Uh, Rainbow!
[ Clears throat ]

You said
your door was open!

I can't believe you two.

And on the day
the Challenger exploded?!

You know, when two people
like us -- like your parents --

love each other...

Yeah...

As if walking in on my parents

trying to make me another
sibling wasn't bad enough,

then I had to sit through the
most awkward conversation ever

about intimacy
and its role in healing.

And it can feel very good
for women, too.
Very.

Nope, not quite done.

So, I hope
that all makes sense.

Okay. Done.

I feel like that was
way too much information

for the question I asked.

Right.
Processing grief.

The bigger point here is

everyone deals with grief
in different ways.

You know, all day,
I've been focusing on

how your granddad
is handling things.

I was judging him
for not processing,

but your dad
helped me realize

it was my way of
avoiding my own feelings

because
they were hard to face.

Yeah, we can't ever
judge ourselves

or other people for how
we're processing emotions,

'cause there's no one
right way to feel.
Hmm.

I mean,
take your Aunt Dee-Dee.

She spent the better half
of the day

returning squeegees
to gas stations.

Okay, then can I
tell you something?

I feel guilty
because all day,

I've been thinking
about Bryce --

not the disaster,
but a boy.

On the day the Challenger
exploded?

[ Laughs ]
Paul!

[ Chuckles ]
What?

It's fine to laugh
with your loved ones.

It's good.

Life is a kaleidoscope
of emotions,

and even on
really bad days,

it's okay to feel happy,
sad, hopeful.

And it's totally normal

for you to be thinking
about a boy.

Even today.

Thanks, guys.

Mm-hmm.

Mwah!

So, when are we gonna
finally get to meet him?

Ah, yeah, when do I get to
size this kid up,

shake his hand
way too hard?

Mm.

[ Knock on door ]

Got a sec?

How did you get in here?

I made copies of
all of Alicia's keys.

I apologized to her
already.

Listen,
I got a lawyer question.

What's the statute of
limitations on public nudity?

What are you
talking about?

I am righting the wrongs
of my life,

but before I apologize

to everyone who attended
the 1978 Orange Bowl,

I want to make sure
I can't be arrested for it.

I was wearing a football helmet,
if that makes a difference.

Why are you doing
all of this now?

[ Sighs ]

The Challenger.

I work with the sister
of the college roommate

of the guy that did
the countdown at NASA,

so this hit me
pretty hard.

You know, I have my own
connection to this thing, too.

I was in the same battalion

as a guy who used to beat up
Buzz Aldrin in grade school.

Wow.

[ Sighs ]

It really messed me up,
Harrison.

I'm proud to work
for an airline.

Every time
I put on my uniform,

I feel like I'm a part of
something bigger than myself.

I hear you.

I take pride in America
and her accomplishments.

I hate to see her fail.

Amen.

Every time I think about
how hard it is to be black,

I remember it's much better
than being Russian.

Cheers to
the fall of communism.

Cheers to that.

Thanks for coming by.

I needed this.

Oh, what about
the public nudity?

Ah,
don't worry about it.

They can't prove it was you
since you wore that helmet.

Smart move.

Thank you!
[ Chuckles ]

No.
Mnh-mnh.

The next day,
I was finally

starting to feel
back to normal.

Hey, Dad,
if it's okay with everyone else,

I was thinking we could
launch the rocket.

I think that'd be great.

Can I do the fuse?

I can make fire
with only my hand.

And a lighter
I found in a gutter.

And I'll sing
"God Bless America."

Bring your tissues.

Let's go.

Paul:
Come on. Let's do it.

[ Cyndi Lauper's
"Time After Time" plays ]

The Challenger disaster
was a traumatic moment

for me
and for most people I know.

♪♪

I'm sorry I tried to
force you to grieve.

[ Sighs ]

It was my way of
avoiding my own feelings.

Maybe I needed it.

I talked to your sister
last night.

She helped me make
an emotional breakthrough.

Which was...?

Helpful.

♪ Almost left behind ♪

Okay.

But whenever
you lose something...
Yoo-hoo!

...you gain an opportunity
for growth.

You found my bike?!

Craziest thing.

It ended up in the parking
garage of my apartment complex.

Why is there
a marathon sticker on it?

♪♪

I look back on that moment
as the one where

I learned
to be honest with myself

about how complicated it is
to navigate feelings.

Hey, Bryce.

I listened to your mixtape
and really liked it.

Good! I actually had it
in my backpack for three weeks,

but I was too nervous
to give it to you.

Well,
I'm really glad you did.

♪ When you're lost, you can
look, and you will find me ♪

♪ Time after time ♪

♪ If you fall, I will catch you,
I'll be waiting ♪

I think about
those two days a lot.

♪ Time after time ♪

It would've been easy
for me to run away from Bryce,

put down that rocket
and never pick it up again.

But because I had
my first crush,

I walked in on my parents,

and -- I can't believe
I'm saying this --

I'm very happy that I did.

Because I'll never forget
what I learned that day.

♪ I will catch you,
I'll be waiting ♪

♪ Time after time ♪

[ Rocket launches ]
Whoo!

Attagirl.

♪♪

♪♪

Seriously, on the day after
the Challenger exploded?!

What is wrong with you?!

Go back in the house,
ma'am.

We have been
on a journey.

♪ Time after time ♪

-Mom!
-Shh. Daddy's working.