Original subtitles

♪ Living in America ♪

Bow: There are many shared experiences

for kids that grew up in the '80s --

fanny packs, MTV, Cabbage Patch Kids,

Jane Fonda workout videos,

and my personal favorite, the mixtape.

Hey, Rainbow.

♪ Living in America ♪

[ Gasps ] Oh.

Hey, Bryce. What's the haps?

Um, I was just wondering...

do you like music?

Totally. Music is, like, the best.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Um...

I made this for you.

My first mixtape -- January 28, 1986.

If you think I'm crazy

for remembering the exact date,

well, that's because another iconic '80s experience

took place the same day.

Ms. Collins: Okay, take your seats,

take your seats.

Today, we're sending

teacher Christa McAuliffe into space.

NASA has selected a woman

who is no different from and no better than me.

But we're not bitter.

Yup. It was the launch

of the Space Shuttle Challenger,

and I was excited.

My dad and I were even building a rocket of our own.

He had watched the moon landing

and couldn't wait to share his enthusiasm with me.

Oh, I think it's happening.

It took two hours to set this up.

Let's go.

Ooh, countdown. Six...

All: Five, four, three, two, one.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

For 73 seconds, the country watched

as the Challenger soared through the sky.

♪♪

But in an instant, something went terribly wrong.

[ Explosion ]

Man: Flight controllers here

looking very carefully at the situation.

Obviously a major malfunction.

Uh, relay through the flight dynamics officer

that the vehicle has exploded.

We are now looking at, uh,

all the contingency operations and are waiting --

Oh, oh, no. No, no.

[ TV shuts off ] Um...

Mac and cheese today at lunch.

♪♪

Nancy and I are pained to the core

over the tragedy of the Shuttle Challenger.

Bow: This may have been before social media,

but we were all connected.

Because we were all watching

the live feed of the Challenger.

♪♪

I didn't know how to react.

And I wasn't alone.

[ Sighs ] Man: Recovery forces have been sent out into the --

Wow. Um...

Maybe we should take a moment to reflect

or...do whatever your beliefs move you to do

at a time like this.

Thanks, Alicia. I needed that.

Okay, let's get back to work.

Harrison, don't you think that we --

What I think is that we need to get back

to the critically important work we do here on a daily basis.

Important work like...

"Ostrich kicks Blind Man."

If not for us, who would fight for justice

for this poor, defenseless blind man?

Actually, we're representing the ostrich.

Harrison, it's clear we all need a moment to process this.

Which you just had.

Now, everybody back to work.

Ms. Collins: Okay, let's not pretend

that any sort of learning is happening here today.

So, talk amongst yourselves as needed.

And just to get out in front of it,

this -- this is coffee.

Weird day.

Bow: Maybe I was in denial,

but for as sad as I was about the Challenger --

and I was so sad --

I couldn't stop thinking about my mixtape.

This was basically a pre-engagement ring.

Was I about to get my first boyfriend?

Are you seriously thinking about Bryce right now?

On the day the Challenger exploded?

No.

I mean, maybe a little.

Look, I really am super sad about what happened,

but my mind keeps drifting to Bryce.

It's okay. I don't think that makes you a monster.

I didn't think I was a monster.

No, it's good.

Especially in tragedy, love can conquer all.

Think of Romeo and Juliet.

They both died in the end.

Thanks.

Denise: Sis, I can't believe what happened.

I know. Horrible.

That could've been me up there.

How?

I work in aerospace.

Well, sure,

but you do customer service at an airport.

I mean, certainly you wouldn't be up on a space shuttle.

I don't know.

We're a pretty tight-knit community.

I play cards with the baggage handlers,

plus a couple years ago,

I thought I wanted to be a teacher.

But then I remembered I don't like kids.

What if I hadn't remembered that?!

I could've been that teacher up there!

Hmm. So, with that in mind,

I have decided since life is short

and can be taken away in an instant,

I am vowing to right the wrongs I've done in my life.

♪♪

Good luck, sis.

Thanks, I'ma need it.

I've done a lot of bad.

♪♪

How are you doing? [ Door opens ]

I feel sad, you know, shocked. [ Door closes ]

Mm. And honestly, guilty,

'cause I got the kids so excited about the launch.

Especially Rainbow --

we were building a rocket together.

All that you can do is love them... [ Sighs ]

...and let them know you're there for them.

Yeah.

How are you doing?

I'm fine,

but your father's doing that thing

when you bury yourself in work

so you don't have to deal with what's bothering you.

Oh. Yeah. That's his move.

When I dropped out of school,

he slept at the office for a month.

He'd shower at a pay-by-the-hour motel,

and I'm just now realizing

that he probably wasn't there showering.

I don't think anyone else at work could even notice

what was wrong with him or even care to do anything.

I'm gonna help your father feel.

Good luck with that. [ Door opens ]

I almost forgot --

since I'm making things right with everyone,

I need to tell you,

I have sold pictures of both of your feet.

But as soon as this batch sells out, I'm done.

Whew!

This is good!

♪♪

There was Bryce, looking sad.

And cute.

That's irrelevant.

Any other friend, I would go over and console.

And Bryce was my friend.

What's the worst that could happen?

Hey, friend, how are you doing?

[ Scoffs ] Not now, Rainbow.

Shut it down!

Flirting on the day the Challenger exploded?

What is wrong with you?

You monster.

I was being crazy.

The right thing to do was to comfort my friend,

who was so cute.

Hey.

You doing okay?

Yeah.

No. Today was tough.

Yeah, it was.

Especially after all the buildup.

My dad and I were so excited.

We were building a rocket.

Really?

We were going to launch it today.

Whatever. It seems dumb now.

No, it doesn't seem dumb.

In that moment, I wanted to kiss him.

And that made me feel like a garbage person.

Uh...got to go.

Good luck... grieving and stuff.

Uh, Rainbow.

Do you know how to drive?

I was determined to stop thinking about Bryce.

So when my dad was comforting us,

I was gonna convince everyone, including myself,

that all I was feeling was sadness.

A good way to deal with our grief

is for each of us to say how we're feeling right now.

I'm sad.

Yeah, I'm sad, too.

I'm the saddest person in the world.

I'm sorry.

Do you want to talk more about that?

I don't really have the words right now.

And I probably never will.

Maybe we can each think of

something good that happened today.

Uh, on my way to school today, I saw a raccoon give birth.

[ Chuckles ]

And the coffee at the teacher's lounge today was perfect.

We'll circle back to that.

Bow?

Anything good happen today?

What?! No! Nothing.

Even if something good happened, why would I notice?

I mean, there was a tragedy.

How could you even think that was a possibility?

You're the monster.

She's in a mood.

[ Ostrich chirping ]

Harrison: Take a look at this.

People visit ostriches because they look weird.

But a blind man can't see.

That's suspicious.

You have a sec? No, but I'm guessing that you --

I'm just worried about you.

Oh, here we go.

I know you're burying your feelings about the Challenger,

which is toxic to the body and can lead to anger outbursts.

Holding on to my anger

is what let me graduate top of my class,

unlike all those rich kids who had fathers they "knew."

Wow.

You know what? [ Clears throat ]

I know an exercise that might help.

Close your eyes and picture yourself as a flower.

No. [ Exhales sharply ]

Picture yourself as the tallest redwood in the forest.

No. I'm fine.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't need any distractions.

[ Telephone rings ]

Distractions like this phone.

What if that was a work call?

Get me a new phone.

Cliff, remember when we broke up

because of my "ailing health"?

That was a lie.

In fact, I did a marathon the month we split up.

Uh-huh.

Well, now, the wheelchair was a rental, baby.

Sir, the photograph you purchased

is actually not of Whitney Houston's feet.

In prosperity.

Hello, is this the organizer of the Tri-City marathon?

Well, I'm calling to apologize

for taking a bike most of the way

so that I could finish first in my age group.

Uh, my name is unimportant.

In prosperity.

Paul: I know today was hard.

But one way to deal with death is to celebrate life.

So, I thought we could have a positive memory today

by getting each of you your very own pet.

Wow! Cool!

Paul: Yeah, so, what are their names?

Cat. Okay.

Santamonica. Of course.

Rainbow, what's your fish's name?

Not Bryce.

Okay.

What do you say we make these buddies roommates?!

Pour them in.

Very cool.

Santamonica: Aww! Now, see?

Even in times of darkness,

it's important to remember that life goes on.

Johan: Wow.

They're swimming really fast.

[ Gasps ] Look, they're kissing!

[ Water bubbling ] With...teeth?

Uh-oh.

Why is the water turning red?

I'm now counting four fish.

Look away. Do something, Dad!

Why would you do this?! I trusted you!

Oh, my --

[ Toilet flushes ]

Another thing about life is

things don't always go as planned.

[ Clears throat ]

Does anyone want to share their feelings?

Dad, I think you've done enough for today.

[ Sighs ]

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.

I was trying to make you feel better.

You're the kindest, most heart-forward person I know,

so I'm sure today was harder on you than most people.

Yeah, sure.

You were so excited about our rocket,

so of course you're devastated about this.

You don't know what I'm excited about.

Stop acting like I'm a better person than I actually am.

I spoiled "Romeo and Juliet" for my friend.

And I felt nothing.

Huh. Okay, hon.

Okay.

Well, you know, my door is always open if you want to talk.

Yeah, I don't.

Okay.

♪♪

You were loved.

From now on,

only imaginary pets for our kids.

I had an imaginary toad named Sampson,

and we had fabulous adventures.

Mm, don't beat yourself up about it.

Your heart was in the right place.

How are you doing with everything?

Well, your father spent three hours screaming at a zookeeper

who refused to be an expert witness.

And the kids are still struggling.

Yeah, I know, but I asked about you.

Maybe we set up painting easels for the kids

so they can express any emotions they don't have words for.

It worked for Vincent Van Gogh.

He killed himself.

Thanks.

Anything else bothering you?

Well, I'm worried about Denise, because she --

Babe, I keep asking about you,

and you're focused on everyone else.

Yeah. Maybe I am.

I mean, I love that you're trying to help other people,

but are you doing okay?

I'm kind of rattled.

It wasn't just a teacher going to space.

She was a mom. She had kids.

Many of them did.

I can't even imagine.

Oh, come here.

Mm.

I was focused on everyone else because it's so sad

to think about how screwed the kids would be

if you were the only one raising them.

[ Scoffs ] That's true.

I made them watch an aquatic murder-suicide.

Well, at the end of the day,

the only thing they will remember

is you being there for them.

Nope. We remember the bloodbath.

I love you.

♪♪

No matter how much I tried to sleep,

all I could think about was Bryce's mixtape.

It was just sitting there.

But how could I listen to it?

That would make me --

Oh, who am I kidding?

I was weak.

[ Katrina and the Waves' "Walking on Sunshine" plays through speakers ]

♪♪

[ Volume increases ]

[ Button clicks, music stops ]

You need to plug in the headphones, dummy.

Oh, sorry.

And don't touch my stuff.

Hey, Santi?

You still awake?

You were just awake, so I think you're still awake.

What, girl?

Oh, good. You're awake.

Does it make me a psycho if something monumental happens

and I can only think about myself?

I don't follow.

Like, I'm not thinking about

the other peoples' feelings at all.

What does it mean to think about other peoples' feelings?

Maybe you're not the right person to come to for this.

Agreed.

I'm more of your go-to for beauty and style tips.

Those pajamas ain't working.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

Hey, Dad.

I'd actually like to talk -- Aah!

Oh! Nothing!

Wh-- Uh, Rainbow! [ Clears throat ]

You said your door was open!

I can't believe you two.

And on the day the Challenger exploded?!

You know, when two people like us -- like your parents --

love each other...

Yeah...

As if walking in on my parents

trying to make me another sibling wasn't bad enough,

then I had to sit through the most awkward conversation ever

about intimacy and its role in healing.

And it can feel very good for women, too. Very.

Nope, not quite done.

So, I hope that all makes sense.

Okay. Done.

I feel like that was way too much information

for the question I asked.

Right. Processing grief.

The bigger point here is

everyone deals with grief in different ways.

You know, all day, I've been focusing on

how your granddad is handling things.

I was judging him for not processing,

but your dad helped me realize

it was my way of avoiding my own feelings

because they were hard to face.

Yeah, we can't ever judge ourselves

or other people for how we're processing emotions,

'cause there's no one right way to feel. Hmm.

I mean, take your Aunt Dee-Dee.

She spent the better half of the day

returning squeegees to gas stations.

Okay, then can I tell you something?

I feel guilty because all day,

I've been thinking about Bryce --

not the disaster, but a boy.

On the day the Challenger exploded?

[ Laughs ] Paul!

[ Chuckles ] What?

It's fine to laugh with your loved ones.

It's good.

Life is a kaleidoscope of emotions,

and even on really bad days,

it's okay to feel happy, sad, hopeful.

And it's totally normal

for you to be thinking about a boy.

Even today.

Thanks, guys.

Mm-hmm.

Mwah!

So, when are we gonna finally get to meet him?

Ah, yeah, when do I get to size this kid up,

shake his hand way too hard?

Mm.

[ Knock on door ]

Got a sec?

How did you get in here?

I made copies of all of Alicia's keys.

I apologized to her already.

Listen, I got a lawyer question.

What's the statute of limitations on public nudity?

What are you talking about?

I am righting the wrongs of my life,

but before I apologize

to everyone who attended the 1978 Orange Bowl,

I want to make sure I can't be arrested for it.

I was wearing a football helmet, if that makes a difference.

Why are you doing all of this now?

[ Sighs ]

The Challenger.

I work with the sister of the college roommate

of the guy that did the countdown at NASA,

so this hit me pretty hard.

You know, I have my own connection to this thing, too.

I was in the same battalion

as a guy who used to beat up Buzz Aldrin in grade school.

Wow.

[ Sighs ]

It really messed me up, Harrison.

I'm proud to work for an airline.

Every time I put on my uniform,

I feel like I'm a part of something bigger than myself.

I hear you.

I take pride in America and her accomplishments.

I hate to see her fail.

Amen.

Every time I think about how hard it is to be black,

I remember it's much better than being Russian.

Cheers to the fall of communism.

Cheers to that.

Thanks for coming by.

I needed this.

Oh, what about the public nudity?

Ah, don't worry about it.

They can't prove it was you since you wore that helmet.

Smart move.

Thank you! [ Chuckles ]

No. Mnh-mnh.

The next day, I was finally

starting to feel back to normal.

Hey, Dad, if it's okay with everyone else,

I was thinking we could launch the rocket.

I think that'd be great.

Can I do the fuse?

I can make fire with only my hand.

And a lighter I found in a gutter.

And I'll sing "God Bless America."

Bring your tissues.

Let's go.

Paul: Come on. Let's do it.

[ Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time" plays ]

The Challenger disaster was a traumatic moment

for me and for most people I know.

♪♪

I'm sorry I tried to force you to grieve.

[ Sighs ]

It was my way of avoiding my own feelings.

Maybe I needed it.

I talked to your sister last night.

She helped me make an emotional breakthrough.

Which was...?

Helpful.

♪ Almost left behind ♪

Okay.

But whenever you lose something... Yoo-hoo!

...you gain an opportunity for growth.

You found my bike?!

Craziest thing.

It ended up in the parking garage of my apartment complex.

Why is there a marathon sticker on it?

♪♪

I look back on that moment as the one where

I learned to be honest with myself

about how complicated it is to navigate feelings.

Hey, Bryce.

I listened to your mixtape and really liked it.

Good! I actually had it in my backpack for three weeks,

but I was too nervous to give it to you.

Well, I'm really glad you did.

♪ When you're lost, you can look, and you will find me ♪

♪ Time after time ♪

♪ If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting ♪

I think about those two days a lot.

♪ Time after time ♪

It would've been easy for me to run away from Bryce,

put down that rocket and never pick it up again.

But because I had my first crush,

I walked in on my parents,

and -- I can't believe I'm saying this --

I'm very happy that I did.

Because I'll never forget what I learned that day.

♪ I will catch you, I'll be waiting ♪

♪ Time after time ♪

[ Rocket launches ] Whoo!

Attagirl.

♪♪

♪♪

Seriously, on the day after the Challenger exploded?!

What is wrong with you?!

Go back in the house, ma'am.

We have been on a journey.

♪ Time after time ♪

-Mom! -Shh. Daddy's working.