Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:04,265
MIKE:
You should
2
00:00:04,308 --> 00:00:06,180
consider yourself lucky.
A couple short months,
3
00:00:06,223 --> 00:00:08,791
-you're gonna be a brother.
-Why is that lucky?
4
00:00:08,921 --> 00:00:11,185
Why is that lucky? Well, whoeverit is, you're can have fun with.
5
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:12,229
You can spend
a whole weekend saying,
6
00:00:12,273 --> 00:00:13,752
"Hey, why are you
hitting yourself?
7
00:00:13,796 --> 00:00:15,363
-Stop hitting yourself."
-Quit it! Quit it!
-Dad.
8
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:17,452
-No, stop...
-Quit it! Ow!
-Dad?
9
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:20,237
-KRISTIN: Hi.-Stop it! Stop hitting yourself!
10
00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:22,587
I don't know
what's wrong with you.
11
00:00:22,718 --> 00:00:25,982
Mandy used to hit herself, too.
12
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,244
I'm gonna go set up
the hockey goal.
13
00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:28,506
And then I'll teach you
about noogies.
14
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:29,551
I'm good at this.
15
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:30,900
Yeah, my brother,
eight years old,
16
00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:33,033
had a bald spot from
all the rubbing.
17
00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:36,123
-BOYD: Hi, Grandma.
-Hi, sweetie.
18
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:39,169
Well, guys,
how was the baby shower?
19
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:41,128
Amazing.
But it wasn't a shower.
20
00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:42,390
-It was a sprinkle.
-Oh.
21
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,914
Which is a smaller get-togetheryou do before the shower.
22
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:46,263
Everybody's doing them.
23
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:49,397
"Before shower."
So, uh, BS.
24
00:00:49,527 --> 00:00:50,833
Look, we took so many pictures.
25
00:00:50,963 --> 00:00:52,313
-Look at all the pictures!
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
26
00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:54,097
-Kristin looks so cute.
Want to see?
-Oh, my God. And then...
27
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,794
-Yeah, show him. Look, here,she's wearing this little hat...-[chattering]
28
00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:57,405
You know what, you know what?
29
00:00:57,535 --> 00:01:01,148
How about I just lookat her,she's right here. Look at that.
30
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:02,627
You know what? Fine. I'll
just... I'll put them online,
31
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:03,976
and you can look at them later.
32
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:05,630
You know, when you used to haveto pay for film,
33
00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:07,980
every photo wasn't
an event, right?
34
00:01:08,024 --> 00:01:10,418
My birth photoand my graduation from college--
35
00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:12,333
same roll of film.
36
00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:14,552
Yeah, you know what?
37
00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:16,163
That's the big crisis
facing the planet.
38
00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:18,208
Too much joy-sharing.
39
00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:23,648
Uh, uh-oh, looks like Boyd
is tangled in the hockey net.
40
00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:25,389
-Oh. You gonna get get him?
-No.
41
00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:27,174
Ha-ha, but I am gonna
get a picture.
42
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:32,440
You know what? I am having
the best time with Kristin.
43
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:34,442
-Yeah?
-And you want to hear
the most exciting part?
44
00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:37,314
-Mm-hmm?
-She wants
a gender reveal party.
45
00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:39,186
Yay, more parties.
46
00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:42,189
You know, I would throw
the best party ever.
47
00:01:42,232 --> 00:01:44,408
Now, that video would go viral.
48
00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:47,455
"Go viral." Remember whenthat used to mean a high fever,
49
00:01:47,585 --> 00:01:49,979
severe itching, and body sores?
50
00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:51,981
I miss those days.
51
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,115
♪
52
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:01,817
-Hey, Dad.
-Hey.
53
00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:05,429
-Got a sec?
-Yeah. For you, 30 seconds.
54
00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:08,432
But for my grandchild,
all the time in the world.
55
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,347
[chuckles] Good.
56
00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:11,479
Uh, I wanted to talk to you
57
00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:13,437
about the gender reveal party.
58
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:16,092
Put me down for plus-none.
59
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,443
Right. Um, so the person
in charge of the gender reveal
60
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:21,880
has a lot of responsibility.
61
00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:26,494
Sure. Let's see, do we buypink confetti or blue confetti?
62
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,713
It's just like Eisenhower
during D-Day.
63
00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:31,412
Yeah.
64
00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:33,196
And much like D-Day,
the hardest part
65
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,243
is keeping the secret
until the very last minute.
66
00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:39,333
Until then, only that person
and the doctor knows
67
00:02:39,376 --> 00:02:40,812
what is in here.
68
00:02:40,856 --> 00:02:43,424
You're worried about your momcracking and spilling the beans.
69
00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:46,296
Ah, you hit the nail
on that curly blonde head.
70
00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:50,735
Which is why, uh, Ryan and I
71
00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:53,912
would like to have you do it.
72
00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:57,525
[chuckles]
73
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,962
You want me to plan a party?
74
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:02,312
Yeah... No, I know you think
that they're ridiculous
75
00:03:02,356 --> 00:03:04,358
-and you don't want
to be there...
-I'll do it, I'll do it.
76
00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:08,231
Wh... I'm-I'm sorry?
I thought you hated parties.
77
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:12,409
I hate parties. But I love
tormenting your mother.
78
00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:16,326
[chuckling]
And me knowing something
79
00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:19,764
that she really wants to know
is gonna drive her crazy.
80
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:22,724
Yeah, um, Dad, that's-that'snot really why we're asking you.
81
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,160
I know, that's just a perk.
82
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,292
Um...
83
00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:27,337
Wait, have you told her yet?
84
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:30,732
-No.
-Don't, don't, don't, don't.
Let me do it.
85
00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:33,300
I'm gonna savor
every minute of this.
86
00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:34,866
This is great.
87
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:35,911
Don't look at me like that.
88
00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:38,479
She would do the same thing
to me.
89
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,307
That's why we make
such a great couple.
90
00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:43,962
You have an odd marriage.
91
00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:45,747
Every relationship's
about power,
92
00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:48,576
and you just gave me
the nuclear codes.
93
00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:54,669
Oh, just the man
I'm looking for.
94
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:56,932
Chuck, do you happen
to be free this weekend?
95
00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:59,674
I'm free! Count me in.
96
00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:01,023
You shouldn't agree
to do something
97
00:04:01,153 --> 00:04:02,416
before you know what it is.
98
00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:04,461
That's easy for you
to say, Chuck.
99
00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:06,594
You're not lonely.
100
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:10,380
Well, as you know, you know,
Bonnie's moving in with me
101
00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,426
after we're married,
and I'm remodeling a room
102
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,384
-just for her.
-Oh, which room?
103
00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:16,299
The discotheque.
104
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:19,520
I barely go in there,
so, you know...
105
00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,696
So you need somebody to, uh...
106
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:23,263
To paint the place,
hang some shelves,
107
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,787
and find a buyer for
a giant mirrored ball.
108
00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:29,399
-Let me think about it.
-ED: You already said
109
00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:31,836
that you're free and lonely,
all right?
110
00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:33,925
Hard to walk that back.
111
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:36,363
All right, I'm in.
112
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:37,973
I'll do it for the disco ball.
113
00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:40,323
Perfect last touch
for my man cave.
114
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,151
Sold, sold, sold.
There you go.
115
00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:43,413
Hey, wait a minute.
I didn't know
116
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,763
we were asking for stuff.
I'd like a thousand dollars.
117
00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:49,376
Huh. How about I order you
a pizza?
118
00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:51,856
Done.
119
00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:57,732
Hey, Jen.
Is Vanessa around?
120
00:04:57,775 --> 00:04:58,950
I think she's upstairs.
121
00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:01,475
Okay. Little warning...
122
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,738
you might want to put
your guard up around her
123
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:04,956
until Saturday.
124
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,001
Why?
125
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:09,091
Get this: Kristin asked me
126
00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:11,963
to put on
the gender reveal party.
127
00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:13,878
It's gonna make
my beautiful, lovely wife
128
00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:16,098
go stark, raving mad.
129
00:05:17,186 --> 00:05:18,579
She asked you?
130
00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:20,537
But Vanessa was convinced
shewould be the one
131
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,234
trusted to do this
unpleasant task.
132
00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:25,325
I know...
133
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:28,632
Your attitude is confusing.
134
00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:32,984
Is it some cultural difference
I don't understand,
135
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:35,509
or are you just being a jerk?
136
00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,773
Bingo.
137
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,385
All she wants to know
is the gender of this kid
138
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:43,865
before anybody else.
139
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:46,215
But now only youwill know
that secret.
140
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:48,609
I know.
141
00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:51,220
So why do Ineed
to keep my guard up?
142
00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:52,395
She'll probably try to work youfor information.
143
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,919
-And you want to be
on the winning team.
-Hey.
144
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:56,791
-Hey.
-Hey, Jen. Hi, honey.
145
00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:59,924
-Hi, baby.
-Uh, what winning team?
146
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:02,449
The field hockey team at school.
147
00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,059
They're a winning team.
I might try to join.
148
00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:05,495
Maybe I'll be a middle fielder,
149
00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:06,409
although Mr. Baxter thinks
I'll be more effective
150
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:07,802
as an attacker,
like maybe right wing,
151
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,020
and I'm going to take that
into consideration,
152
00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:11,675
but I really need
to finish my homework.
153
00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:18,595
Uh... how was yourday?
154
00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:21,816
-A little slower than that.
-[both chuckle]
155
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:24,253
I had a great day, actually.
Had a great lunch, hamburger,
156
00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:25,646
garlic fries;
oh, and Kris asked me
157
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,517
to plan the gender reveal party.
158
00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:29,476
What?
159
00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:30,825
She asked youto do it?
160
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,827
Yes, indeed.
161
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:35,612
What?I thought she was gonna ask me.
162
00:06:35,743 --> 00:06:38,136
Yeah. Well, now, I'm the only
one that's gonna know
163
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:40,922
if we're gonna have a grandson
or a granddaughter.
164
00:06:44,882 --> 00:06:47,929
-Okay.
-Ha-ha.
165
00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:49,191
Wait, wh... whoa-whoa-whoa.
166
00:06:49,321 --> 00:06:50,627
Is that how you're gonna
play this?
167
00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:51,933
Like you really don't
want to know?
168
00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:54,196
Honey. No, of course
I want to know,
169
00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,677
and I will know, at the party,
when everybody else does.
170
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,722
But in the meantime,
I'm just gonna
171
00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,724
enjoy the excitement
building every day
172
00:07:00,768 --> 00:07:02,422
from now until then.
173
00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:07,775
She didn't seem upset at all.
174
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:10,778
No, she didn't.
175
00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:13,128
She came to play.
176
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,659
-Hi, Vanessa.
-Hey.
177
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,139
What are you doing?
178
00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:27,185
I'm just helping Mike out a bitby setting up the drinks table.
179
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,188
Cool. Cool.
180
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:33,757
So, did you find out
whether it's a boy or a girl?
181
00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:35,455
Uh, I don't know.
182
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:36,891
[chuckling]:
Only Mike knows that.
183
00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:40,808
It's killing me.
184
00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:45,682
You know, we could probably
come up with a plan
185
00:07:45,726 --> 00:07:47,684
to find out before
everyone else does.
186
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:50,687
I doubt it. Mike is pretty goodat keeping a secret.
187
00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,602
Oh, yeah?
188
00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:56,563
Well, I'm pretty good at gettingpeople to tell me secrets.
189
00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:59,043
That's how I found out
Kyle's PIN number.
190
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:01,437
Oh, come on. Everybody knows
Kyle's PIN number,
191
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,570
it's one-two-three-four.
192
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:06,529
See, I didn't know that.
193
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,749
But now I do.
194
00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:11,621
Well, I am sure
you're very good,
195
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,449
but it is very hard
to trick Mike Baxter.
196
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,844
Seriously, what is your plan?
197
00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:18,933
I don't have one.
198
00:08:18,976 --> 00:08:21,196
I'm just gonna find out
when everybody else does.
199
00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:26,027
There is no plan.
200
00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:28,072
There's got to be a plan.
There's got to be.
201
00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:31,380
Listen, go back in there
and find out what she's up to.
202
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:32,729
Yougo in there.
203
00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:38,082
I'll stay here
and guard the piñata.
204
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:41,564
This isn't a piñata.
This is the finest
205
00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:43,479
confetti cannon money can buy.
206
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:47,048
This is the same unit Elton Johnuses for all his concerts,
207
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,050
his house parties,
and every time
208
00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:50,791
he gets out of a car.
209
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:53,620
Have you considered
the possibility
210
00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:55,491
that Vanessa
doesn't have a plan,
211
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,232
and she's just being honest?
212
00:08:57,275 --> 00:09:00,278
Yeah.
Uh, that would be a nightmare.
213
00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:01,628
Why?
214
00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:03,891
Because if this isn't
driving her crazy,
215
00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:07,764
all I'd be is a party planner.
216
00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:12,421
[knock at door]
217
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:15,816
Okay, that's a...
Oh, hey,
218
00:09:15,859 --> 00:09:17,774
look at that.
219
00:09:17,905 --> 00:09:19,471
Great job, fellas.
220
00:09:19,515 --> 00:09:21,648
Great job. Terrific.
All right. Now--
221
00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:24,868
-Now for the fun part.
-Right, heading home
with my Zumba ball.
222
00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:27,131
I mean, disco ball.
223
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:28,829
No. Just put everything
in these boxes
224
00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,134
up on those shelves, that's all.
225
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:31,614
Oh, sounds easy.
What have you got there?
226
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:34,356
Okay. Dolls. Yeah?
227
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:35,879
Yeah, there are a couple
of dozen or so, so...
228
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:38,490
let's just get them
on these shelves...
229
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:41,363
and call it a weekend.
230
00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:44,279
[playful teasing, chuckles]
231
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:46,063
Let's see, now...
232
00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:49,240
Hey, you guys finished
ahead of schedule.
233
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:52,504
So... I'll cancel the pizza.
234
00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,821
-You okay, buddy?
-I don't like dolls.
235
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:06,344
I don't like their eyes,
I don't like their heads,
236
00:10:06,388 --> 00:10:07,781
I don't like the fact that
237
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:08,738
they think they're better
than you.
238
00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:12,263
[laughs] Relax, Joe.
239
00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:13,656
They're just toys.
240
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,702
Yeah, until it's nighttime
and you're asleep.
241
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,573
And you think
they're asleep, too.
242
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:21,838
[chuckling]: You've seen
far too many movies, man.
243
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:22,926
Oh, really, Chuck?
244
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:26,843
Or should I say, Chucky?
245
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:29,803
You can say whatever you want,
246
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:32,849
but you are not dragging me intoyour private little freak-out.
247
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,639
You don't think this is creepy?
248
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:42,554
No, man.
I was in Desert Storm.
249
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:44,687
It's gonna take a lot more
than that to scare me.
250
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:47,124
-DOLL: Mama.
-[screams]
251
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,954
I knew it.One of them's still alive.
252
00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:52,521
Maybe more.
253
00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:55,437
Let's just-- let's just
get out of here, okay?
254
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:59,093
-Open the door.
-I'm trying, but it's stuck.
255
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:00,703
Mama.
256
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,314
[both scream]
257
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:08,624
I don't know about you guys,
258
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,018
but I have no idea how my dad'sgonna do the big reveal.
259
00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:14,021
Oh, if I know Mr. B,
it's gonna be big and loud.
260
00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:16,806
I'm the father, and if Mike
has any respect for me at all,
261
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:20,418
he's not gonna do some
big, macho explosion.
262
00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:23,639
He's gonna do a big,
macho explosion.
263
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,641
Hey, hon.
264
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,904
Uh, look, I don't want
to horn in on your party,
265
00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:31,603
but, um, what do you thinkof this cradle, huh? It's cute.
266
00:11:31,647 --> 00:11:33,040
You know what's cute?
267
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:35,782
This little game you're playing.
268
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,348
[sighs]
269
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:39,437
Mike, what-what are you being
crazy about now?
270
00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:41,004
Ah, nothing.
I know you're dying
271
00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:43,267
-to know what this kid is.
-Yeah, well...
272
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:47,054
But I just can't figure out
what your... your angle is.
273
00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:49,230
[laughs]
I don't have an angle.
274
00:11:49,273 --> 00:11:52,015
Look, I'm sorry, I guess
I've just matured into someone
275
00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:54,148
who doesn't need to know
everyone's secrets.
276
00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:56,150
So, the cradle?
277
00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:57,412
Too busy.
278
00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:59,631
[scoffs]
279
00:11:59,675 --> 00:12:01,416
Hey, great party, Mr. B.
280
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:03,635
Whatever.
281
00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:06,769
Yeah, even with the food,
you're keeping us guessing.
282
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:09,903
First hotdogs, then tacos.
283
00:12:09,946 --> 00:12:11,513
Brilliant.
284
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:13,167
Just go ahead and say it.
285
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,473
I'm an amazing
little party planner.
286
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:18,738
You're an amazing
little party planner.
287
00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:21,436
I got into this racket
to annoy my wife,
288
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:23,438
and now she's matured.
289
00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:25,440
So you know what that makes me?
290
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:29,487
An amazing little party planner?
291
00:12:29,531 --> 00:12:34,231
It makes me a man
who fans out napkins.
292
00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:40,063
Napkins.
293
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:42,065
Okay, I'm not entirely sure
what's happening right now.
294
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:44,198
-So can I...?
-Go.
295
00:12:48,289 --> 00:12:50,421
All right, everybody. I'm gonnalet the cat out of the bag.
296
00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:51,771
Five minutes.
297
00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:55,644
So that's how he's gonna do it.
298
00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:01,084
I hate this stupid party.
299
00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:02,912
You know you're talking
to the party planner?
300
00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:05,001
What do you mean,
you hate this party?
301
00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:07,090
I didn't get a party,
302
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:09,832
but I guess I was
just Mom's big mistake.
303
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:19,233
Listen up. Might be more
like six minutes.
304
00:13:19,276 --> 00:13:22,802
Ooh.
I bet the cat got out.
305
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:32,028
Hey, Boyd.
306
00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:33,813
Cut the TV off.
We got to talk.
307
00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:35,249
I'm fine.
308
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:38,818
Listen, nobody who watches
Don Lemon is fine.
309
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,387
Did you really mean
what you said,
310
00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:45,259
about being
your mom's big mistake?
311
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:47,348
It's true, isn't it?
312
00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:49,872
You weren't the biggest mistake.
313
00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:54,007
You were a monumental,
colossal, gigantic mistake.
314
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:55,878
What?
315
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:58,925
Listen, when an unmarriedhigh school girl gets pregnant,
316
00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:01,014
we don't throw parties.
317
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,755
Most times, the families move.
318
00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:06,149
Did you come in here
to make me feel better?
319
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,977
I came in here
to tell you the truth.
320
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:09,979
It was a really rough time
for everybody.
321
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:12,155
We didn't know
what was gonna happen.
322
00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:14,157
Okay.
323
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:17,073
-Thank you for telling me
the truth.
-I'm not finished yet.
324
00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:19,946
Then you happened.
325
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:23,993
March 14, 2:15 in the morning.
326
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:25,995
Your grandma wasthe birth coach, I was somewhere
327
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,519
in the hospital
looking for salty snacks.
328
00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:32,741
But I heard you, and man,
you were a loud kid.
329
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:34,743
-I was?
-Yeah.
330
00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:36,179
I think you woke up
the coma patients
331
00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:38,442
on the other side
of the hospital.
332
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:42,403
Wait, you're calling meloud?
333
00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:45,188
When I first heard you,
334
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:50,106
suddenly,
there was no mistake anymore.
335
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:52,674
It was just you.
336
00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:55,198
And you made everything better.
337
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,680
So you were never ashamed of me?
338
00:14:58,810 --> 00:14:59,986
No.
339
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:02,771
Well...
340
00:15:02,814 --> 00:15:03,990
Come on, you dropped a pass
341
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:05,600
in the end zone,
could've won the game.
342
00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:07,341
I wasn't-- that wasn't
the best moment for me--
343
00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:09,343
I was...
344
00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:12,389
No. No.
345
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:14,652
All right.
346
00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:17,612
Now, how would you like to helpme introduce the newest member
347
00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,135
of this family?
348
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:22,008
I amloud.
349
00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:23,923
Come on.
350
00:15:26,403 --> 00:15:28,231
Oh, and just so you know,that was a tough pass to catch.
351
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:31,365
-I mean, it hit me
in a bad spot.
-Yeah. Your hands.
352
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,066
Okay, this is
the sixth message, Ed.
353
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:39,939
We're locked in your doll room.
354
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,596
-What are you doing?-I've seen enough movies to know
355
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,077
you don't turn your back
on a haunted doll.
356
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:51,080
There's no such thing
as a haunted doll.
357
00:15:53,865 --> 00:15:57,173
There is no such thing.
358
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,218
[knocking on door]
359
00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:01,961
[sighs]
360
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,397
What's with you dumbbells?
361
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,051
We were locked in here, Ed.
362
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:06,313
Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Oh, yeah, I forgot,
363
00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:07,836
it's busted.
364
00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:09,751
I was gonna get you
to fix that later.
365
00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:12,667
Oh, look at this. Bonnie's gonnalove her new collection.
366
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:15,278
New? Well, aren't these hers?
367
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:17,280
No, no, no, no. No, j-just one
of them. One of them is.
368
00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:18,934
Uh, where'd the rest of them
come from?
369
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,284
Oh, so this old lady died
and they were in her attic.
370
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:23,417
You'd be surprised
how little I paid for them.
371
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,420
No, I wouldn't.
372
00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:28,726
Bonnie's always loved her doll.
373
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:31,033
So, I thought, what's better
than one doll, right?
374
00:16:31,077 --> 00:16:33,862
Uh, zero dolls.
375
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:36,299
I mean, so,
so this is the wedding gift?
376
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:38,214
Yes, yes.
I can't wait to see her face.
377
00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:40,956
Oh, Ed, I'm-a do you
a favor, man. Um...
378
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,090
-Okay, just for a second,
pretend you're Bonnie.
-Yep?
379
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:47,223
-What?-Come on,just-just pretend you're Bonnie.
380
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:50,096
-Uh...
-Who-who should I be?
381
00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:53,447
You should be quiet.
382
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:55,318
-Okay, come on, I'm Bonnie.
Now what?
-Okay, okay, okay.
383
00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:57,320
-Um, okay, now...
-Yeah...
384
00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:58,756
-All right.
-...close your eyes.
385
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,062
-Oh, close your eyes.
-All right.
386
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:03,065
Now, imagine the man
you are about to marry
387
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,502
-says he has a surprise for you.-Mm-hmm.
388
00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:10,594
He says he created a room
in his big house just for you.
389
00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:13,902
-Mm-hmm.
-He leads you in here...
390
00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:18,298
-Mm-hmm.
-...you open your eyes, and...
391
00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:25,087
Jumping Jeffrey Dahmer.
392
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:27,481
Oh...
393
00:17:30,962 --> 00:17:32,225
[exhales]
394
00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:34,183
Uh, yeah,
it's-it's not too late, Ed.
395
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:36,316
We'll just, uh, grab the doll
that belongs to Bonnie,
396
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:37,839
we'll put the rest in boxes
397
00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:39,101
and we'll turn this
into a sewing room.
398
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:40,798
I don't know
which one is Bonnie's. I...
399
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,278
-Um...
-Look, you guys
figure it out, okay?
400
00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:44,802
I am out of here.
401
00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:49,285
Oops.
402
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:50,808
DOLL:
Let's play a game.
403
00:17:50,852 --> 00:17:52,854
[grunts]
404
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:59,252
All right, gather, everybody,
for the big reveal.
405
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:02,733
Let's do this.
Um, uh, where is Vanessa?
406
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:05,780
I haven't seen her.
I think maybe she's hurt.
407
00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:07,303
Maybe she thought
her husband should have
408
00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:09,784
a higher opinion of her
than he apparently does.
409
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:13,135
[clears throat]
Interesting theory.
410
00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:15,006
-[loud boom]
-[Vanessa shouts]
411
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:17,226
VANESSA:
Damn you, Mike Baxter!
412
00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:19,620
Yes!
413
00:18:19,663 --> 00:18:21,535
-What was that?
-Oh, that explosion
414
00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:24,799
was the sweet sound
of me being right.
415
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,323
Whoa!
416
00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:29,151
[Mike laughing]
417
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,587
[gasps]
418
00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:33,851
You know what? You probably
thought that if you looked
419
00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:36,202
in that cannon, you'd get
the gender of the baby?
420
00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:38,247
Maybe.
421
00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:40,902
What you didn't knowwas that I rigged it to explode,
422
00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:42,773
-Right.
-'cause... knowing you'd do
just that, because you are
423
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:45,689
the childish, immature woman
that I fell in love with.
424
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:47,822
Oh. I'm the grandmother.
I should be the first to know.
425
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:51,478
-Oh, honey.
-I mean, who even
are all these people?
426
00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:54,829
Uh, well, we're the parents.
427
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,613
Uh, so Mom's green.
428
00:18:56,657 --> 00:19:00,269
Does that mean that we're havinga little baby lizard?
429
00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:01,488
No, no, that was just a trap.
430
00:19:01,618 --> 00:19:03,490
The glitter cannon
was just a diversion.
431
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:06,275
A green herring, if you will.
432
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:09,844
[laughs]
433
00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:14,588
It's got everything you needwith a joke: a color and a fish.
434
00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:16,807
All right, all right. Can we,
can we just get on with this?
435
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:18,157
And everyone, stop staring.
436
00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:19,854
I'm green, all right?
Get over it.
437
00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,290
Yeah, yeah,
let's get this thing going.
438
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,728
I want to find out if I'm gonnabe an aunt or an uncle.
439
00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:28,341
Listen, the gender reveal
is a big honor.
440
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:30,256
And who better
to have that honor
441
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:33,476
than the baby's
big brother? Yeah?
442
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,957
-Thanks, Grandpa.
-It's right there.
443
00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:42,181
It's snowing.
444
00:19:42,311 --> 00:19:44,270
Oh! Oh! Pink snow!
445
00:19:44,313 --> 00:19:46,185
Honey, it's a girl.
446
00:19:46,315 --> 00:19:48,056
-It's a girl.
-We're having a girl.
447
00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:51,190
Finally, a soprano
to harmonize with.
448
00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:56,064
Kyle, Kyle,I wouldn't eat any of that snow.
449
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:57,631
It was suspiciously cheap.
450
00:19:57,674 --> 00:20:00,155
Honey...
451
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,417
Are you, are you excited
452
00:20:01,461 --> 00:20:03,202
about getting
your first granddaughter?
453
00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:06,553
Yes, I am, and also about beingmarried to Swamp Thing.
454
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,468
[laughs]
455
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:10,339
Well, I hope this baby
doesn't inherit
456
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,907
my need to know every secret.
457
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,343
-Well, I hope it does.
-Hmm...
458
00:20:14,474 --> 00:20:16,563
-And everything else.
-Aw.
459
00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:19,522
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
460
00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:21,698
Mmm...
461
00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:23,352
[Kristin laughs]
462
00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:26,529
Now this, I got to get
a picture of.
463
00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:35,234
Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.
464
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:37,540
[chuckles] My kid is about
to have another kid,
465
00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:40,108
which makes me think about
the little one's adventures,
466
00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:42,328
and the ones I had
when I was a kid.
467
00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:45,722
Learning the hard way bedsheetsmake a lousy parachute.
468
00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:48,377
12 feet off the garage
didn't seem like that much,
469
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:51,685
but in free fall? Ouch.
470
00:20:51,728 --> 00:20:54,688
Skinny-dipping in a river
so cold my buddy Matt Clark
471
00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:58,474
got freezer burn on his nuts.
472
00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:01,303
Or the time Archie Harris pushedme off my bike, broke my arm.
473
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:04,393
I asked him to sign my cast,
then I clubbed him with it.
474
00:21:04,437 --> 00:21:07,309
[laughs]
The point is, we did stuff.
475
00:21:07,353 --> 00:21:09,964
And sure, most of it
was injuring each other,
476
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:13,576
but we weren't just watching
life or taking pictures of it.
477
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:15,839
Life was all the amazing thingsthat happened
478
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:18,712
between trips
to the emergency room.
479
00:21:18,755 --> 00:21:21,584
Now, thanks to the Gram,
Snapchat and TikTok,
480
00:21:21,628 --> 00:21:23,412
I worry that
the future generations,
481
00:21:23,456 --> 00:21:24,979
like my granddaughter's,
482
00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:27,982
won't even know how to look
each other in the eye.
483
00:21:28,025 --> 00:21:30,593
If you can't look
each other in the eye,
484
00:21:30,637 --> 00:21:32,595
how the hell are you gonna
hit someone in the throat
485
00:21:32,639 --> 00:21:34,162
with your slingshot?
486
00:21:36,164 --> 00:21:37,774
Baxter out.
487
00:21:39,472 --> 00:21:40,734
[chicken clucks]
488
00:21:40,777 --> 00:21:42,779
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
36010
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
