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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,276 - OKAY, SO, WE ARE GOING TO INJECT YOU 2 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:14,346 WITH ENOUGH PROPOFOL TO TEMPORARILY KILL YOU, 3 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,882 BUT THEN WE'LL BRING YOU BACK WITH ADRENALINE 4 00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:17,616 SO YOU DON'T HAVE ANY-- 5 00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:19,718 - OH, OH...NO SPOILERS, NO SPOILERS. 6 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:20,719 - AND ONE MORE THING... 7 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,088 YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SUE US, ARE YOU? 8 00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,824 - OH, NO. LITIGATION IS FOR THE MIDDLE CLASS. 9 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:28,394 - ASPEN, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE DYING, IT'S HILARIOUS. 10 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:29,495 IT'S LIKE BEING JOHN MALKOVICH 11 00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:30,696 BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO TO JERSEY. 12 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:33,799 AS LONG I CAN DISCOVER THE FIRST LINE OF MY SCREENPLAY. 13 00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,467 I'M DOWN FOR WHATEVS. 14 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,236 - OKAY. HERE WE GO. 15 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:38,971 - BYE. - BUH-BYE. 16 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,574 [heart monitor beeping] 17 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,410 - MMM. 18 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:48,580 [irregular beeping] 19 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,683 [sustained beep] 20 00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:57,856 HELLUR? 21 00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:01,894 DR. TODDS? 22 00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:07,332 OH, A DOOR. 23 00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:10,369 - OH, HEY, MAN. 24 00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:12,337 - AM I SUPPOSED TO BE AFRAID OF YOU? 25 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:13,639 - I DON'T THINK SO. 26 00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,340 I'M JUST, LIKE, HANGIN' AND BANGIN'. 27 00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,042 I LIKE TO COME TO THE FLATLINING UNIVERSE 28 00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:19,211 'CAUSE, LIKE, IT JUST HELPS ME CONCENTRATE 29 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,145 ON WRITING MY SCREENPLAY. 30 00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:22,781 - HONESTLY, IT'S, LIKE, REALLY EXCITING TO MEET 31 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:23,515 A FELLOW WRITER. 32 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,185 LIKE, I DON'T WANT TO, LIKE, GEEK OUT ON YOU, 33 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,519 BUT, LIKE, I'M A FAN. 34 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:28,787 - AND I'M JUST LIKE, "CHEERS." 35 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:29,488 - OH, MY GOD. 36 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:30,923 - I FEEL LIKE WHAT WE'RE BOTH TRYING TO DO IS, LIKE, 37 00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:33,358 STAND ON THE SHOULDERS OF GIANTS. 38 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,794 LIKE TED TURNER, KUROSAWA... 39 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:36,795 - COEN BROTHERS. 40 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:37,529 DAVID FINCHER. 41 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,531 - OH, MY GOD, I LOVE DAVID FINCHER. 42 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:43,135 [both laughing] 43 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:46,004 - DO YOU WANT TO COME IN AND, LIKE, CHILL OUT? 44 00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,506 - CHEERS. I WOULD LOVE TO. 45 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,908 - YEAH, THAT'S ONE OF THE MAIN CHALLENGES 46 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,176 TO WRITING THIS SCREENPLAY. 47 00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:54,646 IT NEEDS TO BE FUNNY RIGHT AWAY. 48 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,215 - YEAH. IT'S GOT TO BE FUNNY. 49 00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,750 BUT IT ALSO HAS TO, LIKE, GRAB YOU. 50 00:01:58,752 --> 00:01:59,618 - YEAH. 51 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,519 - I LOVE STORY. 52 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:03,088 BUT THEN I'M ALSO LIKE, "I LOVE CHARACTER." 53 00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,123 - I JUST FEEL LIKE 54 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,257 THAT FIRST LINE OF THE SCREENPLAY 55 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,893 PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE LIKE, "OH, LOOK AT THAT FIRST LINE." 56 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:08,894 LIKE, "WOW." - YEAH. 57 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,028 - I THINK WE SHOULD TAKE A BREAK. 58 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,296 I FEEL LIKE WE'VE DONE A LOT OF GOOD WORK, 59 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,098 AND I THINK WE DON'T WANT TO GET BURNED OUT. 60 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,666 SO, LIKE, LET'S JUST CHILL OUT. 61 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,834 - WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? 62 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,669 - I DON'T KNOW, DO YOU WANT TO JUST, LIKE, 63 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,172 YANK EACH OTHER OFF TO COMPLETION? 64 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:23,909 - DEFINITELY. 65 00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,277 OH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME? 66 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,112 IT'S LIKE A DOPPELGANG-BANG, ISN'T IT? 67 00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:30,249 - STOP ACTING LIKE SUCH A LITTLE DICK AND JACK ME OFF, 68 00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:31,884 YOU LITTLE BITCH. 69 00:02:31,886 --> 00:02:32,818 GIVE ME A PEN AND PAPER. 70 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,887 I JUST WROTE THE FIRST LINE OF MY SCREENPLAY! 71 00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:35,787 - PEN AND PAPER, PLEASE. 72 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,289 - THE WRITER'S BLOCK IS OVER! THE WRITER'S BLOCK IS OVER! 73 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:42,961 - UM, ASPEN, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT, UH... 74 00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,062 WENDY IS DEAD. 75 00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,965 [sustained beep] 76 00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:52,304 - FADE IN... 77 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:55,474 [dubstep music] 78 00:02:55,476 --> 00:03:03,782 ♪ ♪ 79 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,288 - I HAVE HAD A VERY BAD TRIP, 80 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,989 UH, WHEN I TOOK MUSHROOMS, 81 00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:14,626 BECAUSE [bleep] TOOK MORE MUSHROOMS 82 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,161 THAN ANYBODY SHOULD EVER TAKE. 83 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:17,196 HE COULDN'T FIND HIS OWN APARTMENT 84 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,531 WITHIN HIS APARTMENT BUILDING, SO WE COULDN'T TAKE HIM HOME, 85 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,934 SO WE JUST HAD TO KEEP WALKING AROUND AND-- 86 00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:23,835 DIDN'T YOU GUYS END UP GOING INTO-- 87 00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:25,470 HE WAS LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, THIS IS MY APARTMENT," 88 00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:27,372 AND YOU WALKED IN AND IT WAS NOT HIS APARTMENT? 89 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,373 - YES. WE WENT INTO AN APARTMENT. 90 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,810 HE WAS VERY CONFIDENT, AND HE SAID, "THIS IS MY APARTMENT." 91 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:32,911 HE WALKED INTO THE APARTMENT, 92 00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:35,247 TOOK OFF HIS SHOES, FOR SOME REASON, 93 00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,682 AND THEN LAY DOWN ON HIS COUCH-- 94 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:37,883 - HE HAS A NO-SHOE APARTMENT. - YEAH. 95 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,352 AND THEN HIS ROOMMATE GETS UP AND GOES, 96 00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:41,086 "WHO ARE YOU GUYS?" 97 00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:42,321 - [laughs] - WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? 98 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,923 AND THEN HE PULLED A KNIFE OUT OF THE KITCHEN KNIFE BLOCK, 99 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,125 AND WAS LIKE, "WHY DID YOU BREAK INTO MY HOUSE?" 100 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,026 AND I GO, "HEY, MAN... 101 00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:51,063 WE'RE HAVING A REALLY BAD TIME RIGHT NOW," 102 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:52,197 AND I SHOWED HIM MY EYEBALL, 103 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:53,599 AND HE IMMEDIATELY UNDERSTOOD. 104 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:56,668 HE WAS LIKE, "OH, OH. DO YOU GUYS WANT SOME WATER?" 105 00:03:56,670 --> 00:04:01,607 [humming] 106 00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:02,641 - HEY, LIZ. 107 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:03,375 - OH, HEY, GUYS. 108 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:04,843 YOU DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE ME. 109 00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,144 - LIKE, ARE YOU, LIKE, HIDING 110 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,013 FROM, LIKE, THE PAPARAZZI, OR WHAT? 111 00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,182 - I MAY AS WELL SOON BE, CONSIDERING. 112 00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:13,885 - CONSIDERING, LIKE, WHAT? 113 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:17,489 - BANGS! I GOT BANGS! 114 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,891 ♪ FEELIN' SO GOOD ♪ 115 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:24,997 - CONGRATS. 116 00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:25,964 I'M LIZ. 117 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:26,698 I HAVE A "B." 118 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,834 AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GROW UP. 119 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,535 - AND I'M LIZ. 120 00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:32,004 I GOT BANGS! 121 00:04:32,006 --> 00:04:35,741 - OUR PR FIRM IS CALLED "PUBLIZITY." 122 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,945 - IT'S BASED OFF OUR NAMES. 123 00:04:40,713 --> 00:04:41,446 I GOT BANGS. 124 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:42,381 YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME. 125 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,583 IT'S LIKE A CLEANSE FOR, LIKE, YOUR FACE. 126 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:47,753 - THEY'RE BANGS. THEY'RE GREAT. CONGRATURITOS. 127 00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,288 [slurping] 128 00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:49,955 [swallowing] 129 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,923 - WAIT, HOLD ON. IS THAT A DIG? 130 00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,225 I HAVE BANGS NOW, AND, LIKE, 131 00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:54,693 YOU'RE BEING, LIKE, JEALOUS 132 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,895 OF, LIKE, THE RISK-TAKING THAT I'VE DONE BY, LIKE, 133 00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,163 GETTING BANGS. 134 00:04:58,165 --> 00:04:59,331 - LIKE, ARE YOU DONE? 135 00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:00,465 LIKE, IS IT OVER? 136 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,500 - YOU THINK IT'S, LIKE, FUN FOR ME 137 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,568 TO HAVE MY, LIKE, BEST FRIEND, LIKE, BE LIKE, 138 00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,570 "OH MY GOD, LIKE, YOU GOT BANGS," LIKE IT'S NO BIG DEAL, 139 00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:06,772 LIKE, OBVIOUSLY IT'S, LIKE, A BIG DEAL. 140 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:09,141 - HONESTLY, FOR ME, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT-- 141 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,108 LOVE YOUR JAR. 142 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,476 - IT'S A MASON! 143 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,712 - BUT LIKE, WHY WOULD YOU SHOW UP TO WORK WEARING SALMON 144 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:14,813 WHEN YOU KNEW THAT, LIKE, HONESTLY, 145 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,915 ONE OF THE OTHER EXECUTIVES WAS WEARING SALMON? 146 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,817 I HEARD THAT SALMON IS HEALTHY FOR YOU, 147 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,687 BUT APPARENTLY TOO MUCH CAN MAKE YOU SICK. 148 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,789 - I WORE SALMON ALL ON MY OWN, OKAY? 149 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:24,823 AND I'M SWIMMING UPSTREAM, 150 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,925 AND INSTEAD OF SEEING ANOTHER SALMON, 151 00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:27,826 I'M SEEING A BEAR. 152 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,062 - REALLY? 'CAUSE I'M SEEING A WHALE. 153 00:05:30,064 --> 00:05:33,632 [ominous music] 154 00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:36,134 [whale song] 155 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:39,304 LIZ, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, LIKE. 156 00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:42,808 [whale song] 157 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:43,842 LIZ. 158 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,143 DON'T DO THIS. 159 00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:47,579 OH, MY GOD. 160 00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,348 LIZ. 161 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:51,116 WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU? 162 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:53,752 - MAYBE IT'S NOT LIKE WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO ME, 163 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:56,955 IT'S LIKE WHAT'S GOTTEN ONTO ME. 164 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,023 IT'S THESE BANGS. 165 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:01,960 I AM LEAVING TOWN UNTIL THESE BANGS GROW OUT. 166 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:05,364 - SHE HAS NEVER WALKED OUT OF A MEETING BEFORE. 167 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:06,631 - CASSANDRA! - LIZ! 168 00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:07,733 - CASSANDRA! - LIZ! 169 00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,768 - CASSANDRA, GIVE ME MY GO BAG. 170 00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:14,639 - BANG VOYAGE. 171 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:18,243 ♪ YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR LOVE ♪ 172 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:21,213 ♪ BUT NO ONE CAN HELP YOU SEE ♪ 173 00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:24,316 ♪ IT'S ALL IN THE MYSTERY ♪ 174 00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:25,450 - WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 175 00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:27,686 [unintelligible] 176 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:28,487 CASSANDRA! WHAT? 177 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,756 WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE GOING ON RIGHT NOW WITH YOU? 178 00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:33,392 NOBODY CARES, LIKE, HONESTLY, WHY-- 179 00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:34,760 WHERE'S LIZ? 180 00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,228 - SHE LEFT. 181 00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:38,663 - YOU MAKE ME SICK. 182 00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,232 ♪ I'LL TREAT YOU RIGHT ♪ 183 00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:53,745 both: OH... 184 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,479 HELLO! 185 00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:56,415 - OF COURSE I'M GEORGE ST. GEEGLAND. 186 00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:59,317 - AND I'M CHARMED, I'M SURE, GIL FAIZON. 187 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,453 THIS IS TOO MUCH TUNA. 188 00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:05,657 - TRUCK STOPS, REST STOPS, AND TENTS. 189 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,261 NOW WE ALL KNOW TOO MUCH TUNA. 190 00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,463 THE SHOW WHERE NOBODIES AND SCHMUCKS 191 00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,465 ARE PRANKED BY TWO CELEBRITIES. 192 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:14,433 WE'RE HERE IN THE HEARTLAND. 193 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:16,635 THESE DUMPS THOUGHT THE DEPRESSION WAS A PROBLEM? 194 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:19,771 WAIT TILL THEY'RE PRANKED SO BAD THEY CAN'T FACE THEIR FAMILIES. 195 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,808 - WE'RE ABOUT TO PRANK A REAL-LIFE TRUCKER. 196 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:23,809 - THIS GUY MAY DRIVE A BIG RIG, 197 00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:26,578 BUT HE'S GONNA HAVE A BIG FROWN WHEN HE'S PRANKED, 198 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,448 'CAUSE HE'S NOBODY, AND I'M KING. 199 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,752 - OH. I DRIVE A RIG. IT'S PARKED OUTSIDE. 200 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,053 - OOH, YOU'RE A TRUCK DRIVER. 201 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,055 - ARE YOU GUYS MAKING A TV SHOW? 202 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,156 IS THAT WHY THE CAMERA'S HERE? 203 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,459 - YEAH, THE CAMERAS ARE HERE FOR A PRANK SHOW, 204 00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:41,860 TOO MUCH TUNA. 205 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:42,494 - WHAT? 206 00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:44,029 - YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. 207 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:46,164 - DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO YOU? 208 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:47,866 - NO. 209 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:48,567 - YOU LIFT WEIGHTS? 210 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,869 - YEAH. YOU GOT TO WORK OUT HARD TO GET ANY RESULTS. 211 00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:52,704 I'VE BEEN DOING IT SINCE I WAS 15. 212 00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:53,371 - I DO CARDIO. 213 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:57,142 I THROW BREAD AT PIGEONS, AND THEN I TRY TO GET IT BACK. 214 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,110 - YOU SHOULD GO TO THE GYM MORE OFTEN. 215 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,679 - SIR, HAVE YOU EVER, UH, 216 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:03,448 BEEN RICH IN NEW YORK, OR... 217 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:04,249 HAS IT ALWAYS BEEN THIS? 218 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,617 - YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS ARE KIND OF RUDE. 219 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,385 - WHAT, WHAT? 'CAUSE I'M TALKING DOWN TO YOU? 220 00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:08,420 'CAUSE I LOOK DOWN ON YOU? 221 00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:10,222 - YOU SHOULD WATCH OUT. 222 00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:14,226 - I DON'T THINK THIS GUY HAS ANY IDEA WHAT'S COMING. 223 00:08:14,228 --> 00:08:15,260 both: OH! 224 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,395 - LOOK... LOOK WHAT HAS ARRIVED. 225 00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:18,997 - WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? 226 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,832 LET'S SEND THIS RIGHT DOWN I-24. 227 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,701 - BEEP-BEEP. HERE COMES THE TRUCK! 228 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:23,835 - WHAT THE [bleep] IS THIS FOR? 229 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,437 - WELL, WHY DON'T YOU LOOK UNDER THE NAPKIN? 230 00:08:25,439 --> 00:08:28,106 I THINK THE ANSWER'S RIGHT THERE. 231 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,674 BEEP-BEEP. GO TO HELL, BEN! 232 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:30,642 - AH, THAT'S FUNNY. 233 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,010 OH, [bleep] YOU GUYS. 234 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:32,878 - THIS IS A PRANK SHOW. 235 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,379 THIS IS A PRANK SHOW. WE'VE TAKEN IT ON THE ROAD. 236 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:35,614 - THERE'S A CAMERA HERE. - IT'S A PRANK SHOW? 237 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,782 - THERE'S A CAMERA RIGHT HERE. - YEAH, THERE'S A CAMERA THERE. 238 00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:38,984 COULD WE GET YOU SAYING, 239 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:42,654 "I KNOW I'M DUMB, BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN PRANKED THIS HARD"? 240 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,256 - OH, GOD! 241 00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:47,526 AHH! AHH! GUYS, HELP ME! 242 00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:49,628 - WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? 243 00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:50,996 - YOU'RE BOTH COMING WITH ME. 244 00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:52,063 - BACK TO NEW YORK? 245 00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:52,864 - BACK TO MY TRUCK. 246 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,733 - OH, GOD. [truck horn honks] 247 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,468 - I THINK HE'S UPSET ABOUT THE PRANK. 248 00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:57,836 - HE'S UPSET ABOUT THE TUNA PRANK. 249 00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,271 - I'M GONNA KILL YOU ASSHOLES! 250 00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:00,839 - PUT US OUT OF OUR MISERY! 251 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:03,708 - [sniffing] WHAT THE [bleep] IS THAT SMELL? 252 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:04,242 - TUNA. 253 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:08,246 - I GET THE TUNA SWEATS WHEN I GET INTO PANIC SITUATIONS. 254 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:11,082 - GET OUT! 255 00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:11,917 [truck horn honks] 256 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,685 - SO WE'RE NOT GONNA BE MURDERED? 257 00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:16,121 I'M CONSTANTLY NOT IN THE NEWS. 258 00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:19,424 WOULD YOU EVER DO, LIKE, A ROCK OF LOVE SHOW 259 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,293 WHERE YOU FIND LOVE? 260 00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:21,893 - NO. 261 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,062 NO, I DON'T WANT TO DO HACK TV LIKE THAT. 262 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,730 - WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ELEMENT? 263 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,133 [laughs] IT'S A CRAZY QUESTION. 264 00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:28,833 - WHAT ARE WE-- 265 00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:31,303 - WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, LIKE, GOLD, SILVER, PLATINUM. 266 00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:33,371 - OH, YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN A JEWELRY GUY. 267 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,407 - NO? - NO. I GOT A RUBBER WATCH ON. 268 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:38,577 - THAT'S A GREAT-LOOKING WATCH. - I DON'T VALUE METAL. 269 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:39,177 [hawk cries] 270 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,146 male announcer: LOTS OF GOLD IN THEM THAR HILLS. 271 00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:43,548 AND EVEN MORE WAYS TO MINE IT. 272 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:44,683 MEET TODD. - GOOD DIRT. 273 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,151 THERE'S GOLD UNDER THIS DIRT. 274 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,252 announcer: AND THIS IS DUSTY. 275 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,688 - LISTEN. LIFE IS TOUGH. 276 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:50,822 YEAH. I'M UNHAPPY. 277 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,524 announcer: AND HERE'S OUR NEWEST MINER: 278 00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:52,991 LIZ. 279 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,727 - I LEFT LOS ANGELES TO GROW OUT MY BANGS, 280 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:59,397 AND I'M IN THE SIERRAS LOOKING FOR LOVE. 281 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:00,832 [squeaky toy noise] 282 00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:01,600 [hawk cries] 283 00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,301 announcer: THEY'RE GONNA NEED TO WORK TOGETHER 284 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,470 IF THEY WANT TO STRIKE IT RICH. 285 00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:10,041 - AND WHO WILL WIN MY HEART? 286 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,309 - WHAT? 287 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:15,213 [hawk cries] 288 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,082 - WELL, WE'RE NOT GONNA GET RICH BY EATING BREAKFAST. 289 00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:20,185 CLAIM OFFICER DEMANDS 75 OUNCES BY END OF DAY. 290 00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,419 - HI, I'M LIZ. 291 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,722 SORRY MY HANDS ARE SO COLD. 292 00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:24,923 HI. 293 00:10:25,424 --> 00:10:26,891 I'M SO SORRY MY HANDS ARE SO COLD. HI. 294 00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:29,461 - HI, LIZ. I KNOW WHAT YOUR NAME IS, SO YOU DON'T NEED TO... 295 00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:31,229 - MY HANDS ARE SO COLD. - YEAH, I KNOW. 296 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,030 - I'LL BE HONEST. 297 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,898 WHEN LIZ ARRIVED, I WAS SKEPTICAL, BUT-- 298 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:37,168 [laughs] SHE'S LIKE A BREATH OF FRESH AIR, YOU KNOW? 299 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,470 - OOH! - OH! [laughs] 300 00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:41,506 - EVEN THOUGH YOU WARNED ME, THAT WAS VERY COLD. 301 00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:42,207 [both laughing] 302 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,576 - I WANT TO KEEP MY BANGS UNDER WRAPS, 303 00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:46,378 OR IN THIS CASE, UNDER HATS, BECAUSE, LIKE, 304 00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:47,312 I DON'T WANT ALL THESE HOT GUYS 305 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:50,115 TO SEE THAT I MADE THE MISTAKE OF, LIKE, A LIFETIME. 306 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,549 - HOW DID I END UP WITH THESE GUYS? OH. 307 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,752 UH, FOR ME PERSONALLY, I WAS GIVEN THE OPTION, 308 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,654 EITHER SIGN ON TO THIS SHOW OR GO TO PRISON. 309 00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:59,357 - YEAH, I'M...I'M PRETTY SURE DUSTY'S TRYING TO KILL ME. 310 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,727 - OH, MY GOD. YOU GUYS, STOP FIGHTING OVER ME. 311 00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:03,395 [hawk cries] 312 00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:05,830 THERE'S, LIKE, PLENTY OF ME TO GO AROUND. [laughs] 313 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:06,831 EVEN THOUGH I DO SOULCYCLE NOW, 314 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,701 SO I'M, LIKE, BASICALLY, LIKE, A TOOTHPICK. 315 00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:12,570 - RIVERBED'S DRY. I'M GONNA GO DOWN BELOW TO GET MORE GRAVEL. 316 00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:13,405 I'M GONNA NEED A PARTNER. 317 00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:15,440 - OH, MY GOD. I'D BE HONORED. 318 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:16,174 - YEAH, I WASN'T-- 319 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,575 - I MEAN, THE THING WITH LIZ AND TODD 320 00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:18,510 I MEAN, I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE. 321 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,246 RIGHT? WHERE THE WOMAN I LOVE GOES OFF WITH ANOTHER GUY. 322 00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:22,013 - LET'S GO! - OKAY. 323 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,015 WOW, YOUR HANDS ARE FREEZING COLD. 324 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,784 - THEY GET YOU TO LOVE THEM, 325 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,886 AND THEN THEY [bleep] BETRAY YOU. 326 00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,021 YOU KNOW, THEN THEY... THEY BREAK YOU. 327 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,222 AND THAT'S WHAT SHE'S TRYING TO DO. 328 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,424 I KNOW THAT'S WHAT SHE'S TRYING TO DO. 329 00:11:32,426 --> 00:11:34,759 WHAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW IS I'M GONNA BREAK HER FIRST. 330 00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:36,061 [laughs] 331 00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:40,198 - HUH? OH, NO. I MURDERED MY--WELL. [laughs] 332 00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:44,669 [hawk cries] 333 00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:49,574 - I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS, 334 00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:50,608 BUT, UH... 335 00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:52,043 WENDY IS DEAD. 336 00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:57,115 - [gasps] 337 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,750 'SUELA? - WHY? 338 00:11:58,752 --> 00:11:59,384 - WHAT? 339 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,251 - WHY DID YOU LET ME DIE, WENDY? 340 00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,687 WHY DID YOU LET ME DIE? TELL ME! - SHUT UP! 341 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:04,923 - YOU LEFT ME FOR DEAD IN MEXICO. 342 00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,091 DON'T YOU REMEMBER? 343 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:06,725 - REMEMBER ME? 344 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,027 YOU CRASHED YOUR CAR INTO MY HOUSE. 345 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:09,828 - YOU DIDN'T TIP ME! 346 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,730 DON'T YOU KNOW WAITERS LIVE ON TIPS? 347 00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:12,831 - IS THERE, LIKE, ANYONE COOL HERE? 348 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:15,600 IS, LIKE, EASY-E HERE OR SOMETHING? DIDN'T HE DIE? 349 00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,502 - YOU MUST ATONE, WENDY. 350 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:20,905 - WHOA! HEY, GANDALF, THERE'S A THING CALLED PERSONAL SPACE. 351 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:21,873 TRY AND, UH, DEAL WITH IT. 352 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:24,509 - IN THIS FIELD ARE ALL THE PEOPLE YOU'VE HARMED 353 00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:25,443 IN YOUR SHORT LIFE. 354 00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,978 - I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 355 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:27,846 YOU SEEM GREAT. 356 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:28,813 - I'M YOUR GRANDFATHER. 357 00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,682 I DIED LESS THAN A YEAR AGO. 358 00:12:30,684 --> 00:12:31,583 - OH! YEAH. 359 00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:34,719 - WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT FORM YOU'D LIKE ME TO TAKE? 360 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,489 - WHO WOULD I TURN TO IN A TIME OF NEED? 361 00:12:37,491 --> 00:12:40,658 - IF YOU WANT TO FIND PEACE, YOU MUST MAKE AMENDS 362 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,561 WITH ALL THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE WRONGED IN YOUR LIFE. 363 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:44,896 - OHH, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! 364 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:45,897 - YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE. 365 00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:46,831 - YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! 366 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:47,632 - I HOPE YOU STAY DEAD! 367 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,467 - SIRI, WHEN ARE THESE PEOPLE GONNA SHUT UP? 368 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,803 - THIS IS ALL INSIDE YOUR MIND, WENDY, 369 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:52,570 SO IT IS UP TO YOU. 370 00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:54,339 - OKAY, SO THIS IS, LIKE, DREAM RULES, 371 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:55,974 AND I CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN? 372 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,108 - YES. 373 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,042 - GUN. 374 00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,578 [laughs] YEAH. 375 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:02,147 [bleep] YOU. 376 00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,015 - I ACCEPT MY FATE. 377 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,818 - [laughing] 378 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:07,919 LATER, SKATER. 379 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:08,887 - OH, WELL. 380 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,288 - [laughs] WOO! 381 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,656 [rifle cocks] 382 00:13:13,025 --> 00:13:13,925 YEAH! 383 00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:15,493 STUPID NERD. 384 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:18,797 [laughs] WHAT IS HAPPENING? 385 00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:20,331 LET ME SEE. 386 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,900 MAYBE IF I... 387 00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:29,707 - NO ONE KNEW WENDALL SHAWN AS WELL AS I. 388 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:30,975 - I'M HIS SISTER. 389 00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:31,676 AND THAT'S TRUE. 390 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,745 - YOU KNOW, I'M REMINDED OF A FUNNY STORY. 391 00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:37,482 WENDALLS AND I WERE STAYING AT A W HOTEL IN MINNEAPOLIS 392 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,016 AS A JOKE. 393 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,718 WENDALLS WAS IN ONE OF HIS HILARIOUS 394 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,487 SHNEEF-FILLED RAGES. 395 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:43,822 EXCLAIMING, 396 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:46,324 "IF I EVER DIE... 397 00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,994 "I WANT TO BE CARRIED FROM THIS EARTHLY REALM 398 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:55,033 "ON A FIERY RAFT, LIKE A PERVERT KING FROM GAME OF THRONES, 399 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:55,867 "A SHOW I'VE NEVER SEEN, 400 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:59,270 BUT I ASSUME IS WONDERFUL, BECAUSE IT'S ON HBO." 401 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:00,371 - I'M JUST VERY UPSET 402 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,107 BECAUSE I REALIZED I FORGOT MY PASSWORD 403 00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:04,709 TO HBO GO. 404 00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:07,545 I CAN'T GET ON HBO GO ANYMORE. 405 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,247 - AS WENDY WOULD HAVE WANTED, 406 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,784 I WILL NOW DIP THIS ARROW IN GASOLINE... 407 00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:15,186 AND LIGHT HIM AFLAME. 408 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,654 ARRIVEDERCI. 409 00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:19,757 - [screams] 410 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:20,325 OH! 411 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,926 - WENDALLS, YOU'RE ALIVE! 412 00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:22,961 - DUDE, IS THIS MY FUNE? 413 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,696 - WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD, FOR REAL. 414 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:25,997 - HEATH FLEW BACK FROM DUBAI. 415 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,632 - AND YOU CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD. 416 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:29,767 NICE JOB, WEND', GOOD TURNAROUND. 417 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,502 - HE'S GONNA HAVE MASSIVE BRAIN DAMAGE. 418 00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:33,304 - NO ONE'S GONNA BE ABLE TO TELL. 419 00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:34,339 - I WAS IN HEAVEN. IT RULED. 420 00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:36,574 - WEND', YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED. GOOD FOR YOU. 421 00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:37,442 - POP TARTS AND PEYOTE? 422 00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,978 LIKE, YOU GUYS PUT THE "FUN" IN "FUNERAL." 423 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,980 I WENT TO HEV, I MET JEEZ... 424 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,182 I FEEL JUST AMAZING, LIKE-- 425 00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,750 IS THERE SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT YOU? 426 00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:48,019 YOU SEEM, LIKE, LESS LIZARD-LIKE. 427 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,988 - WENDALLS, I'M ONLY HALF JEWISH. 428 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,623 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 429 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:56,194 I THINK I MIGHT NOT HATE JEWS ANYMORE. 430 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,061 - NO WAY. THIS IS MAJOR. 431 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,864 LIKE, I'M REALLY IMPRESSED BY YOUR OPEN-MINDEDNESS. 432 00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:03,635 - I TOTALLY GOT IT DOWN THIS TIME. 433 00:15:06,438 --> 00:15:09,240 - DO I HAVE, LIKE, HIRING AND FIRING, LIKE, POWERS? 434 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,675 WHAT ARE MY POWERS? 435 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:11,542 LIZ IS GONE, 436 00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,912 AND I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO STEP IT UP 437 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:16,347 AND GET DOWN TO BUSINESS. 438 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,415 [gasps] 439 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,216 OH, MY GOD. 440 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:19,651 [gasps] OH, MY GOD. 441 00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:20,485 ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE, LIKE, 442 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:23,521 LITERALLY SLAMMING BINDERS DOWN ON MY DESK, 443 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,423 AND I'M JUST LIKE, "WHO ARE YOU?" 444 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,791 IN TERMS OF, LIKE, THE MONEY-- 445 00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:27,959 - OH, THAT'S THE WHITE BINDER. 446 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,828 - THIS ISN'T MONEY, LIKE, THAT'S WHY THERE'S, LIKE, 447 00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:31,829 PROBLEMS HERE, LIKE, 448 00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:34,132 WHAT IS "COLLATERAL" MEANS? 449 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,834 RIGHT NOW, ALL I SEE IN FRONT OF ME IS WORK, 450 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,102 AND I DON'T SEE LIZ, 451 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,939 AND SHE IS THE ONE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO DO THE WORK. 452 00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,540 WHERE'S LIZ? 453 00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:50,114 - WHEN THE CLAIMS OWNER COMES BY, 454 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,583 IT'S THE MOST STRESSFUL PART OF MY DAY. 455 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,285 [spits] 456 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,620 - ALL RIGHT, BOYS. 457 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,388 TIME TO PAY UP. 458 00:15:57,390 --> 00:16:00,258 - IT'S NO USE, BOYS. WE'RE FINISHED. 459 00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:01,359 - SEVEN OUNCES. 460 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,394 WE AGREED ON 75 OUNCES. 461 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,930 THIS AIN'T NOWHERE NEAR THAT. 462 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,198 [hocks] 463 00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:11,736 - HOLD ON. IT'S TIME FOR ME TO WEIGH IN. 464 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:14,539 I REALIZED THAT THE GUYS WEREN'T GONNA MAKE THEIR WEIGHTED GOAL, 465 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:17,742 SO IT'S TIME FOR LIZ TO SAVE THE DAY YET AGAIN. 466 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:20,078 WHEN I STUMBLED UPON THIS REALITY SHOW 467 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,347 AFTER A VERY VIGOROUS CASTING PROCESS, 468 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:26,417 THEY TOLD ME THAT IT WAS A SHOW ABOUT DIGGING FOR GOLD. 469 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,286 BUT I KNEW THAT SUBTLY THEY MEANT 470 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:29,654 THAT IT WAS DIGGING FOR LOVE, 471 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:32,724 AND AFTER KNOWING ALL OF YOU FOR SO LONG, 472 00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:35,560 I REALIZED THAT IT'S--ALL OF YOU ARE MY FAMILY 473 00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:38,396 AND I COULD NEVER MAKE LOVE TO ANY OF YOU. 474 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,164 EXCEPT UNLESS YOU WANTED TO, 475 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,599 IN WHICH CASE I WOULD BE DOWN. 476 00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,601 - YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY, THAT WAS REALLY BEAUTIFUL, 477 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,136 BUT WHO THE HELL IS THIS? 478 00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:47,338 - HI. MY NAME IS LIZ. 479 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,274 SORRY MY HANDS ARE SO GOLD. 480 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:52,010 [hawk cries] 481 00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,812 OH. MY FINGERS ARE SWOLLEN. 482 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,247 - THE CLAIMS GUY WAS COMING DOWN ON US REAL HARD, 483 00:16:56,249 --> 00:17:00,051 BUT THEN LIZ, SHE PUT THAT GOLD RIGHT THERE ON THE COUNTER-- 484 00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:00,752 WE WIN. 485 00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:02,520 - AND NOW I JUST NEED TO DO MY NECKLACE. 486 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,321 - COME ON, LITTLE LADY. 487 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,190 LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST ABOUT MADE IT. 488 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,793 - WHOA. WHOA. 489 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:09,527 - YOU DID. 490 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,328 - WELL, THAT'S GREAT NEWS. 491 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,662 - YEAH, IT IS GREAT NEWS, AND YOU KNOW WHAT, LIZ? 492 00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:14,399 YOUR HAIR REALLY FRAMES YOUR FACE PERFECTLY. 493 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:17,769 - AHH! YOU CAN SEE MY BANGS? 494 00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:21,506 I'M SO EMBARRASSED, 'CAUSE THE WHOLE REASON I CAME 495 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:25,009 TO HIDE OUT IN A MINING TOWN WAS TO LOOK FOR LOVE, 496 00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:26,677 BUT ALSO TO HIDE MY BANGS. 497 00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:29,514 - NO, THEY'RE FANTASTIC. I WISH I COULD HAVE BANGS. 498 00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,249 - YOU REALLY LIKE 'EM? 499 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:32,216 - MM-HMM. - YEAH. 500 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,051 - YEAH, THEY'RE GOOD. 501 00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,218 - YOU GUYS HAVE MADE ME FEEL... 502 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,087 [strained] YOU KNOW, SO GOOD. 503 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:37,488 - THAT'S FANTASTIC. WELL-- 504 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,157 WE REALLY SHOULD GET BACK TO WORK. 505 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,292 - YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO. 506 00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:41,959 - ALL RIGHT. 507 00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:43,728 - I ENJOYED MY EXPERIENCE HERE, 508 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:44,629 BUT IT'S TIME TO GO. 509 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:47,432 YOU'RE ALL AMAZING! - all: THANK YOU. 510 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:48,599 - I'M REALLY GONNA MISS HER. 511 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:51,202 - I CAME IN A CRISIS, AND I'M LEAVING 512 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,237 WITH A BANGS. 513 00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:55,640 BYE. 514 00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:00,545 [hawk cries] 515 00:18:03,115 --> 00:18:04,682 - RIGHT NOW I'M PRETTY... PRETTY LOCKED INTO 516 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,418 BEING OBSESSED WITH SURVIVAL-BASED SHOWS. 517 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,086 - OH, YEAH? 518 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:11,289 - YEAH, DUAL SURVIVAL, NAKED AND AFRAID, 519 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:11,823 - MM-HMM. 520 00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:13,658 - THE MORE YOU WATCH, THE MORE YOU BELIEVE 521 00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,827 YOU COULD DO IT BETTER THAN THEY ARE DOING IT. 522 00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:18,229 - THAT'S FUNNY THAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SURVIVAL SHOWS, 523 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:19,797 'CAUSE YOU'RE IN THIS NEXT SKETCH. 524 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:20,998 - EW. WHAT? 525 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,901 OOF. THIS IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD CHOREOGRAPH. 526 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:24,936 [both laughing] 527 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,938 [jungle yell] 528 00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:31,008 WHEN THE JUDGE GAVE ME THE CHOICE 529 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,578 OVER GOING TO PRISON FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER 530 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,947 OR MINING FOR GOLD, I CHOSE GOLD. 531 00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,381 AND WHEN PRODUCERS CAME TO ME AND SAID, 532 00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:40,585 "EITHER GO TO JAIL, OR DO THIS OTHER SHOW," 533 00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,286 I CHOSE THIS OTHER SHOW. 534 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,021 SO NOW WE'RE OUT IN THE WOODS. 535 00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:45,456 SURVIVING BY OUR WITS ALONE. 536 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,257 - [yells] 537 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,291 - THIS... - THIS... 538 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:48,426 - IS HUNT... - HUNT... 539 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,328 both: OR GATHER. 540 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:51,662 - GATHER. - HUNT OR GATHER. 541 00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:53,631 OKAY, IT'S ON. - IT'S ON? ARE YOU SURE? 542 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,367 NOW, YOU REALIZE THAT EVERY TIME WE SET THIS UP FOR ONE OF THESE 543 00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,669 WALK-AWAYS, WE HAVE TO WALK BACK AND GET THE CAMERA. 544 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,037 - YEAH. I REALIZE THAT. I'M AWARE OF IT. 545 00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,372 - OKAY, WELL, DON'T SCREW IT UP THIS TIME. 546 00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,674 - I DIDN'T SCREW IT--OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE THE WORST. 547 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,176 - WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT MY FEET ARE KILLING ME. 548 00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:06,777 THESE FINGER SHOES HAVEN'T BROKEN IN PROPERLY. 549 00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:07,979 - WELL, THE FINGER SHOES WERE YOUR IDEA. 550 00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:10,681 YOU SAID THEY WERE THE ONLY WAY TO TRAVEL ON THIS EARTH. 551 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,216 - THEY'RE THE BEST WAY TO GATHER. ALL RIGHT? 552 00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:14,318 - YOU MADE ME WIPE WITH THAT POISON MAPLE OAK. 553 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,454 - LOOK, YOU NEEDED TO CLEAN YOURSELF DOWN THERE. 554 00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:19,090 IT'S AFTER 1:00 P.M. COME ON. - YEAH. 555 00:19:19,092 --> 00:19:19,790 - HEY. 556 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:20,791 - MISS? - EXCUSE ME. 557 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:21,792 - OH, LOOK AT THE BIRDIE. 558 00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:22,894 - LADIES. - EXCUSE ME. 559 00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:23,661 - HEY, THAT'S NO BIRD. 560 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,396 THIS IS ONE OF THOSE PARANORMAL ACTIVITIES. 561 00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,899 - OH, NO. I DON'T LIKE SCARY MOVIES. 562 00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:28,766 - NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 563 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:29,734 - PLEASE MOVE AWAY FROM THAT. 564 00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:32,170 - WE ARE THE GHOSTS. - UH-UH. HEY! 565 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,872 both: OH. 566 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:35,740 HELLO. 567 00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,675 - SO, UH, WE LOST A COUPLE OF GOOD HOURS 568 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,444 BECAUSE WE HAD TO GO BACK AND REDO THE WALK-AWAY SHOT, 569 00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:41,012 LIKE I SAID, 570 00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:43,147 AND BECAUSE WE HAD TO RESCUE THOSE OLD MEN. 571 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:44,248 - THAT GUY'S TALKING INTO A SWATCH. 572 00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,851 - I'M TRYING TO DO MY TESTIMONIAL HERE, SO PLEASE-- 573 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,754 I HAD TO GATHER EXTRA SCORPIONS... 574 00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:50,855 WHICH TASTE TERRIBLE. 575 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,523 - LOOK, AS LONG AS YOU'RE CAPTURING THINGS, 576 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,425 WOULD YOU RUN OUT, GET ME CENTRUM SILVER? 577 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,260 - MAN, I WISH DUSTY WOULD HELP ME OUT, 578 00:19:56,262 --> 00:19:58,162 BUT APPARENTLY HE'S SLEEPING THE DAY AWAY AGAIN. 579 00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,764 - I'M NOT SLEEPING. SHUT UP! 580 00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:01,432 - WHOA! - GOD DAMN IT! 581 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,234 - GRASS MAN. 582 00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:04,936 - WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IF YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING? 583 00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:06,337 - HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CATCH SOMETHING 584 00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:07,238 IF I'M NOT CAMOUFLAGED? 585 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,106 - YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DOING ANYTHING! 586 00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,308 - I'M GONNA GET OUT OF THIS TENT 587 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:13,110 AND I'M GONNA PRANK YOU GUYS WITH TOO MUCH TUNA. 588 00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:14,912 - YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RUINING OUR SHOW. 589 00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:17,448 - OH, GOD DAMN IT. - OH, JESUS! 590 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,917 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 591 00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:25,723 - LOOK, YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING THE OUTDOOR DIRT SHOW, 592 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:26,691 BUT IT'S A PRANK SHOW. 593 00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:30,461 - WE WERE AT CANTER'S DELI ON FAIRFAX 594 00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,463 AND OUR WAITER WALKS BY VERY QUICKLY 595 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,265 AND SETS DOWN A HUGE TUNA SANDWICH 596 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:37,768 AND WE BOTH WENT, "NO, NO, NO, WE DIDN'T ORDER THIS." 597 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:38,502 [both laughing] 598 00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:39,637 - AND HE GOES, "READ THE NOTE." 599 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:42,173 AND THE NOTE ON IT SAID, "YOU'VE BEEN PRANKED." 600 00:20:42,175 --> 00:20:44,141 - YEAH. - TOO MUCH TUNA. 601 00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:45,042 - AND, UH, WE GOT TOO MUCH TUNA. 602 00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,677 - AND A COUPLE FAT HIPSTERS OVER THERE 603 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,446 THOUGHT THEY WERE REAL SPECIAL. 604 00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,381 - BUT THEY NOT ONLY PRANKED US, 605 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:52,350 BUT WE REACTED. - [laughs] YEAH, WE REACTED. 606 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:54,218 - WENT, "NO, NO, NO, WE DIDN'T ORDER THIS. 607 00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:55,920 - NO, NO, THIS IS... THIS IS TOO MUCH... 608 00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,388 - NO, WHOA, WHAT IS THIS? I THINK-- 609 00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:58,689 - THIS IS TOO MUCH TUNA. 610 00:20:58,691 --> 00:20:59,557 HA HA. 611 00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:01,759 GOOD AT BIZNESS. 612 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,628 OW! 613 00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:07,665 [heart monitor beeping] 614 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:08,966 - AND THIS IS SPARKLING? 615 00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:09,500 - NO, UH, 616 00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:12,236 THERE'S NO BUBBLES EVER PERMITTED IN YOUR BLOODSTREAM. 617 00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:13,537 IT'LL KILL YOU. 618 00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:14,438 - REALLY? 619 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,941 - DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THAT STUFF THAT KILLED MICHAEL JACKSON? 620 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,509 - HIS FAMILY UPBRINGING? 621 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:18,542 THAT'S SOMETHING WE CANNOT PROVIDE. 43986

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