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1
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[big band music]
2
00:00:05,330 --> 00:00:06,630
♪ ♪
3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,170
[music warps, stops]
4
00:00:08,970 --> 00:00:11,770
both: OHHH...
5
00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:13,710
GOOD-BYE.
6
00:00:15,180 --> 00:00:16,310
- NORMALLY WE SAY "OH, HELLO."
7
00:00:16,310 --> 00:00:19,550
BUT TODAY WE'RE SAYING
"GOOD-BYE" TO THE CITY
8
00:00:19,550 --> 00:00:20,910
OF NEW YORK.
- NEW YORK CITY.
9
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,620
[cheerful music]
10
00:00:23,620 --> 00:00:25,050
- THIS CITY IS NOW RUN
11
00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:25,820
BY CORPORATIONS.
12
00:00:25,820 --> 00:00:29,420
- "STIBUCKS" AND "CHEAPOTLE"
COVERS THE LANDSCAPE.
13
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:33,530
- THE FUHRER, RUDY GIULIANI,
MADE THIS A POLICE STATE.
14
00:00:33,530 --> 00:00:34,900
YOU CAN'T EVEN SMOKE
15
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:35,960
IN A HOSPITAL ANYMORE.
16
00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:38,270
- GET STUFFED.
THANKS FOR NOTHING.
17
00:00:38,270 --> 00:00:39,800
50 YEARS OF GARBAGE.
[spits]
18
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,670
- THE POWER WENT OUT A FEW YEARS
AGO AND PEOPLE DIDN'T EVEN
19
00:00:43,670 --> 00:00:46,240
STEAL VCRS AND KILL EACH OTHER.
20
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,810
SO, SCREW OFF, NEW YORK.
21
00:00:49,810 --> 00:00:53,550
- AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE FINALLY
OUR LANDLORD REALIZED
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00:00:53,550 --> 00:00:56,880
THAT WE HAD BEEN LIVING
IN A DEAD MAN'S APARTMENT
23
00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:00,590
FOR FREE FOR THE LAST 35 YEARS.
24
00:01:01,420 --> 00:01:02,720
both: OHH...
25
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,060
- GOOD-BYE, APARTMENT.
26
00:01:04,060 --> 00:01:06,860
- SO MANY MEMORIES,
SO MANY BEAUTIFUL NEIGHBORS
27
00:01:06,860 --> 00:01:08,560
OVER THE YEARS.
- YOU REMEMBER, THERE WAS--
28
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,230
THERE WAS--THERE WAS
RACHEL AND MONICA.
29
00:01:10,230 --> 00:01:13,500
AND DOWN THERE, THERE WAS...
both: CHANDLER AND JOEY.
30
00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:17,970
- ALL OF THEM MICE THAT I NAMED
AFTER THE PEOPLE ON FRIENDS.
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00:01:17,970 --> 00:01:19,440
[grunts]
- OHH.
32
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,580
- LOOK AT THAT.
- LOOK AT THAT!
33
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:24,040
- SO WHERE WE GONNA
MOVE TO, GEORGE?
34
00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:26,180
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "MOVE"?
WE'RE GONNA KILL OURSELVES,
35
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TOGETHER.
WE'RE TIRED OF NEW YORK,
36
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,180
SO WE'RE GONNA JUMP
INTO THE ELEVATOR SHAFT
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AND KILL OURSELVES.
- WHAT?
38
00:01:31,690 --> 00:01:32,950
- YEAH.
- I THOUGHT WE WERE MOVING.
39
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,990
- NO, NO, NO, WE'RE NOT MOVING.
I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE CLEAR.
40
00:01:35,990 --> 00:01:39,790
- I DON'T WANT TO DIE.
I JUST GOT THESE PANTS TAILORED.
41
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,130
- UH, LET'S JUMP ON ONE,
IN HONOR OF NEW YORK 1,
42
00:01:43,130 --> 00:01:47,700
THAT GREAT CHANNEL THAT
AUTOMATICALLY COMES UP.
43
00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:50,670
OH, BOY.
THIS IS GONNA HURT SO MUCH.
44
00:01:50,670 --> 00:01:52,970
ALL RIGHT, AND...
both: ONE.
45
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,340
- [screams]
- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT.
46
00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:55,510
I LEFT MY CLOCK RADIO ON.
[thud]
47
00:01:55,510 --> 00:01:57,980
I'D HATE FOR THE BATTERY
TO RUN OUT.
48
00:01:57,980 --> 00:02:01,080
[dubstep music]
49
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:09,320
♪ ♪
50
00:02:12,030 --> 00:02:14,330
- IF YOU WERE TO KILL YOURSELF,
HOW WOULD YOU DO IT?
51
00:02:14,330 --> 00:02:15,360
- PILLS.
COME ON.
52
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:15,930
[both laugh]
53
00:02:15,930 --> 00:02:20,330
- IT'S THE EASIEST QUESTION I'VE
EVER BEEN ASKED IN MY LIFE.
54
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:21,470
- BUT WHAT--HOW
WOULD YOU--BUT WHAT--
55
00:02:21,470 --> 00:02:24,640
- GEE, LET'S SEE.
UM, I LOVE TAKING PILLS.
56
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:25,910
- UH-HUH.
[both laugh]
57
00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:28,410
SO MAYBE...
- YEAH, BUT MAYBE--
58
00:02:28,410 --> 00:02:30,610
- MAYBE DOING WHAT I LOVE?
59
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:35,280
- SOME ACE THE FIRST SERVE,
WHILE OTHERS NEED A SECOND SHOT.
60
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,780
AND THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
61
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:40,890
I PAIR FATALISTIC SINGLES
WITH THEIR PERFECT PARTNERS.
62
00:02:40,890 --> 00:02:43,890
AND HOPEFULLY FIND A LITTLE
SOMEONE FOR MYSELF
63
00:02:43,890 --> 00:02:45,330
WHILE I'M AT IT.
64
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:47,330
IT'S GAME, SET, MATCH
65
00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:50,630
ON THE LOSER'S BRACKET.
66
00:02:50,630 --> 00:02:51,970
[chuckles]
67
00:02:52,870 --> 00:02:55,200
TWO DRINK MAXIMUM!
68
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:59,340
WHY AM I CRYING?
WHO'S INTERVIEWING WHO?
69
00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:01,280
HEY, HEY, HEY, BRENTH.
70
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:02,080
- HEY, GENIE.
71
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,940
- HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT?
- YEAH, IT WAS GROSS.
72
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:07,150
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
- OKAY, WELL--
73
00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:09,780
WHAT DO WE HAVE?
- OKAY.
74
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,920
OUR MVL TODAY IS ARMOND.
75
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:13,990
HE'S A PET PLASTIC SURGEON.
76
00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:15,720
HE'S BEEN MARRIED
FOUR TIMES ALREADY.
77
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:19,260
AND HE JUST BEAT A MURDER RAP
ON A TECHNICALITY,
78
00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:22,130
WHICH IS NOT THE SAME
AS BEING FOUND INNOCENT.
79
00:03:22,130 --> 00:03:23,000
- MY NAME IS DR. ARMOND.
80
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,830
I'M CALIFORNIA'S PREMIER
ANIMAL PLASTIC SURGEON.
81
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:28,070
I'VE BEEN MARRIED
SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE,
82
00:03:28,070 --> 00:03:29,800
AND I'M LOOKING
FOR MY NEXT VICTIM.
83
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:33,010
THAT JOKE WOULD HAVE KILLED
A FEW YEARS AGO,
84
00:03:33,010 --> 00:03:34,510
BUT NOW, IT DOESN'T WORK
85
00:03:34,510 --> 00:03:37,240
AS I'VE BEEN ACCUSED OF
MURDERING MY OWN WIFE, SHANNON,
86
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:41,250
WHO WAS ONE OF THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN I'VE EVER SEEN.
87
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:43,150
- THAT WAS NICE, HUH?
ARE YOU WATCHING?
88
00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:45,990
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS?
- YOU LOOK GREAT.
89
00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:47,620
[brakes screech]
90
00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:48,360
- OH.
91
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,990
- THE DOCTOR...IS IN.
92
00:03:50,990 --> 00:03:54,530
- AM I THE ONLY ONE IMAGINING
THIS GUY INSIDE ME?
93
00:03:54,530 --> 00:03:56,700
- I WAS ACCUSED OF MURDER.
- OH.
94
00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:57,900
UH-OH.
[nervous laughter]
95
00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:00,700
- IT WAS A MISTRIAL.
I GOT OFF ON A TECHNICALITY.
96
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:02,100
BUT I DIDN'T MURDER MY WIFE.
97
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:04,300
- THIS IS GONNA BE REALLY FUN.
ARE YOU READY FOR LOVE?
98
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,610
- I'M READY TO SERVE
AN ACE TO LOVE.
99
00:04:06,610 --> 00:04:09,510
- A LITTLE MIME WORK.
- BUT IF I HAVE TO RUSH THE NET,
100
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:10,880
I WILL.
[thwack]
101
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,050
[buzzer]
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR LOVE?
102
00:04:12,050 --> 00:04:14,280
- I MEAN, I'M NOT NOT.
[laughs]
103
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,550
- WELL, MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU
AROUND TOWN.
104
00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:18,490
- OH.
[laughs]
105
00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:20,250
WHAT IF I GOT ON?
THAT WOULD BE FUNNY, RIGHT?
106
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,360
- THAT'D BE HILARIOUS.
- IF I GOT ON.
107
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,490
- GENIE GETS IT WET
FOR MOST OF OUR CONTESTANTS,
108
00:04:24,490 --> 00:04:26,390
BUT I WOULD SAY THERE'S
SOMETHING DIFFERENT
109
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,030
ABOUT THIS MURDERER.
110
00:04:27,030 --> 00:04:29,900
- SO TELL ME ABOUT YOU.
WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?
111
00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:33,070
- WELL, MY NUMBER ONE HOBBY
RIGHT NOW
112
00:04:33,070 --> 00:04:34,030
IS MY BEAUTIFUL SON ROMAN.
113
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,270
HE'S IN THE THROES
OF HIS RENAISSANCE.
114
00:04:36,270 --> 00:04:37,800
IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO WATCH.
115
00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:40,270
- OKAY, PEOPLE ARE NOT HOBBIES.
116
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,340
WHAT ARE YOUR INTERESTS?
117
00:04:41,340 --> 00:04:43,410
- OBVIOUSLY,
DOG REJUVENATION SURGERY,
118
00:04:43,410 --> 00:04:44,910
WHERE I MADE MY LIVING.
[dog yaps]
119
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:47,550
I ALSO LOVE FRANCE.
120
00:04:47,550 --> 00:04:49,020
- WOW.
- AND THEN WHEN I'M NOT
121
00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:50,080
THINKING
ABOUT THOSE THINGS,
122
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,250
I'M THINKING ABOUT THE BRUTAL
MURDER OF MY WIFE SHANNON.
123
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,790
- NO, NO, NO.
LET'S NOT DO THAT.
124
00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:55,890
AND DEFINITELY
DON'T ADD A GESTURE.
125
00:04:55,890 --> 00:04:57,760
IT'S A LOT TO HEAR.
[laughs]
126
00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,890
- IT WAS A LOT TO SEE.
127
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:01,960
- YOU WERE THERE?
128
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:02,860
- I WASN'T THERE.
129
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:06,800
WELL, I WAS THERE,
BUT NOT DURING THE MURDER.
130
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,070
I WAS THERE SOON AFTERWARDS.
131
00:05:10,070 --> 00:05:11,510
- HE'S SAYING
ALL THE RIGHT THINGS,
132
00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:13,310
BUT BEFORE I AGREE
TO TAKE ON ARMOND,
133
00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:16,340
I HAD TO SERVE UP SOME
HARD-HITTING QUESTIONS.
134
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,840
YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUSH
THE NET.
135
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:20,850
BUT I NEED TO KNOW YOU'RE
WILLING TO PLAY THE GAME.
136
00:05:20,850 --> 00:05:22,650
ARE YOU OVER YOUR DEAD WIFE?
137
00:05:22,650 --> 00:05:25,890
- I'LL NEVER BE OVER
MY DEAD WIFE.
138
00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:27,550
BUT I AM...
139
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:28,890
READY TO DATE AGAIN.
140
00:05:28,890 --> 00:05:30,060
- YOU'RE SURE?
141
00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:32,360
- CROSS MY HEART
AND HOPE TO DIE.
142
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,290
STICK A NEEDLE IN MY EYE.
143
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,030
GENIE'S SERVING UP
SOME TOUGH QUESTIONS.
144
00:05:36,030 --> 00:05:39,400
BUT I'M KNOCKING THEM RIGHT BACK
WITH MY PATENTED BACKHAND.
145
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,700
- I'M GONNA THROW YOU A MIXER
WITH ALL THE BEST LADIES,
146
00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:45,370
A TWO-DRINK MAXIMUM,
AND NO TALK OF YOU-KNOW-WHAT.
147
00:05:45,370 --> 00:05:46,310
- OUR MUTUAL ATTRACTION?
148
00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:48,880
- [laughs]
I WAS GONNA SAY "MURDER."
149
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,740
I THINK I FINALLY FOUND LOVE.
150
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:51,280
AHH!
151
00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:52,950
WANNA SEE MY BACKHAND?
[giggles]
152
00:05:52,950 --> 00:05:54,950
- GENIE'S ONE OF THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL MATCHMAKERS
153
00:05:54,950 --> 00:05:55,780
I'VE EVER SEEN.
154
00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:56,950
- LET ME TRY.
[grunts]
155
00:05:56,950 --> 00:05:57,980
- WOW, THERE SHE GOES.
156
00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:59,390
I'M INTOXICATED BY HER,
157
00:05:59,390 --> 00:06:01,020
AND I HOPE TO MAKE HER MY WIFE.
158
00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:02,060
- KI-YAH!
159
00:06:02,060 --> 00:06:03,490
HE'S AMAZING.
160
00:06:03,490 --> 00:06:06,530
SORRY, COULD WE CUT?
I--
161
00:06:10,730 --> 00:06:12,300
- HE PLAYS MIKEY
ON WHEELS: ONTARIO,
162
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:15,400
BUT YOU KNOW HIM BETTER AS
THE ACTOR AND ENTERTAINER:
163
00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:17,340
THIS IS OUR WEEKLY CHEQUE-IN
WITH OUR
164
00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:19,510
IN-HOUSE BRYANTOLOGISTS:
THE HOFFMAN TWINS!
165
00:06:19,510 --> 00:06:22,810
- HI, I'M SHELBY HOFFMAN.
- I'M CAROL HOFFMAN.
166
00:06:22,810 --> 00:06:23,780
- WE'RE THE HOFFMAN TWINS.
167
00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,480
- SO HERE'S WHAT'S NEW
THIS WEEK.
168
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:28,780
- BRYAN THREW A TANTRUM.
HE DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO BED.
169
00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:29,650
AND I DON'T BLAME HIM.
170
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,550
- WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT, MOM?
- GO TO BED!
171
00:06:31,550 --> 00:06:33,320
- GO TO BED, MOM?
- YES.
172
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,760
- I'M NOT GOING TO BED, MOM!
173
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,090
- WHAT'S MOM'S PROBLEM?
174
00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:38,330
- GOING TO BED IS LAME.
BUTT OUT, MUM.
175
00:06:38,330 --> 00:06:39,730
- I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED.
[glass shatters]
176
00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:42,630
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED.
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED.
177
00:06:42,630 --> 00:06:46,400
- HE JUST WANTED TO--HE JUST
WANTED TO HANG WITH HIS HOMIES.
178
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:47,000
- THANKS, GIRLS.
179
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,740
- AND BE SURE TO CATCH BRYAN IN
THE SEASON PREMIERE OF...
180
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:51,540
both: SHOW US YOUR SONGSCOMMONWEALTH.
181
00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:54,240
- IN PRAISE OF THE CROWN.
182
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,940
- PREMIERING RIGHT NOW!
183
00:06:55,940 --> 00:06:58,110
- WELCOME TO SHOW US YOUR SONGSCOMMONWEALTH.
184
00:06:58,110 --> 00:07:01,210
- AS YOU KNOW, EVERY FOUR YEARS
WE OPEN UP SHOW US YOUR SONGS
185
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:04,250
TO ALL THE HAPPY CITIZENS
OF THE QUEEN'S COMMONWEALTH.
186
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:07,720
- ALL 53 NATION STATES FROM
ANTIGUA TO ZANZIBAR
187
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:08,290
ARE REPRESENTED,
188
00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:11,560
LEADING UP TO THE GREAT FINALE
IN LONDON, ENGLAND.
189
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,060
[horn instruments]
190
00:07:13,060 --> 00:07:16,930
- NOW, AS YOU KNOW, WE START THE
AUDITION PROCESS RIGHT HERE
191
00:07:16,930 --> 00:07:17,630
IN, UH, THE MOTHERLAND.
192
00:07:17,630 --> 00:07:19,900
- LET'S SEE WHAT CANADA CAN
BRING TO THE COMMONWEALTH.
193
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:23,340
- HOPEFULLY WE'LL GET TO SEE ALL
THEIR SONGS BEFORE YOUR BEDTIME.
194
00:07:23,340 --> 00:07:24,270
[both laugh]
195
00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:26,740
NOW, GOING TO BED ON TIME
IS A BIG PART OF CANADIAN LIFE.
196
00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:28,740
- BUT SOMETIMES ONE DOESN'T
WANT TO GO TO BED,
197
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:29,510
SO ONE DOESN'T HAVE TO.
198
00:07:29,510 --> 00:07:32,280
- LET'S GET IT STARTED,
HERE WE GO.
199
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,780
SHOW US YOUR SONGS!
200
00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:38,550
ALL RIGHT.
201
00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:39,420
WHAT'S YOUR NAME THERE?
202
00:07:39,420 --> 00:07:41,520
- UH, MY NAME'S
ANGELA MACKENZIE--
203
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:42,320
ANGELA MACKENZIE-NG.
204
00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:43,820
- ANGIE, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW US
YOUR SONGS?
205
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:44,620
WHAT DO YOU GOT HERE THEN?
206
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:47,730
- TODAY I'M GONNA BE SINGING
PLEEP PLOOP.
207
00:07:47,730 --> 00:07:50,100
- PLEEP PLOOP. GREAT.
- AND A ONE, AND A TWO
208
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:51,600
AND A ONE, TWO...
209
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,730
♪ PLEEP PLOOP,
PLEEP PLEEP PLOOP ♪
210
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,570
♪ PLEEP PLEEP PLOOP,
PLEEP PLOOP ♪
211
00:07:55,570 --> 00:07:57,500
♪ PLA-PLEEP PLOOP,
PLEEP PLEEP PLOOP ♪
212
00:07:57,510 --> 00:08:00,810
♪ PLEEP PLOOP,
PLA-PLEEP PLOOP PLEEP ♪
213
00:08:00,810 --> 00:08:02,710
[music stops]
214
00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:03,240
- ALL RIGHT.
215
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:06,950
- NOW, YOU'RE CLEARLY TALENTED
AND YOU GOT THAT X-FACTOR,
216
00:08:06,950 --> 00:08:08,320
BUT UNFORTUNATELY--
- OKAY.
217
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,050
♪ PLEEP PLOOP,
PLEEP PLOOP ♪
218
00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:11,450
- ALL RIGHT.
- ♪ PLA-PLEEP PLOOP ♪
219
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:13,650
♪ PLEEP PLEEP PLOOP,
PLEEP PLOOP PLOOP ♪
220
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,190
♪ PLA-PLEEP PLOOP,
PLEEP PLEEP PLOOP ♪
221
00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:17,860
♪ PLEEP PLOOP,
PLA-PLEEP PLOOP PLEEP ♪
222
00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:19,530
[music stops]
- IS IT OVER?
223
00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:20,060
HA HA HA!
224
00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:21,730
IS IT OVER?
'CAUSE I LOVED IT.
225
00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:22,830
- ♪ PLA-PLEEP PLOOP ♪
226
00:08:22,830 --> 00:08:25,200
- OH!
- WHOA.
227
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,670
♪ PLEEP PLOOP,
PLA-PLEEP PLOOP ♪
228
00:08:27,670 --> 00:08:30,270
♪ PLEEP PLEEP PLOOP,
PLEEP PLOOP ♪
229
00:08:30,270 --> 00:08:31,370
♪ PLA-PLEEP PLOOP PLOOP ♪
230
00:08:31,370 --> 00:08:34,940
[music stops]
♪ BABY IS A PLOOP PLOOP ♪
231
00:08:34,940 --> 00:08:36,040
- YOU'RE GOING TO LONDON.
232
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,010
OKAY?
YOU'RE GOING TO LONDON!
233
00:08:38,010 --> 00:08:41,620
[musical fanfare]
234
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:44,780
- OKAY, SO WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
- GORDON.
235
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:45,790
- OH, HEY, GORDON.
- HI.
236
00:08:45,790 --> 00:08:46,720
- ALL RIGHT, GORDO.
- HELLO, GORDON!
237
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,520
- ALL RIGHT, I LIKE THE CUT OF
YOUR JIB THERE, PAL.
238
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:50,220
- THANK YOU.
239
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,760
- WHAT SORT OF FELLA ARE YOU?
240
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,190
ARE YOU A MARRIED FELLA,
OR...
241
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,260
- WELL, I WAS MARRIED, BUT MY
WIFE PASSED AWAY 12 YEARS AGO
242
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:59,330
DURING CHILDBIRTH.
MY DAUGHTER WAS STILLBORN.
243
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,230
- OH.
- YEAH, WHICH IS GREAT.
244
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,000
SHE'S 11 YEARS OLD NOW.
245
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,100
YOU KNOW, DESPITE
THE DIFFICULT PREGNANCY,
246
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,870
SHE WAS STILL BORN,
THANK THE LORD.
247
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:09,140
- WELL, WE'RE GLAD YOUR DEAD
DAUGHTER'S STILL ALIVE THERE.
248
00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:11,010
- THANK YOU.
- LET'S SEE YOUR SONG, SIR.
249
00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:13,450
- OH, MY SONG IS MY WOOD.
- UH!
250
00:09:13,450 --> 00:09:15,480
WHEN YOU FEAR THE WORST,
SAFETY FIRST.
251
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:16,380
OKAY.
- THANK YOU, GENE.
252
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,320
- WELL, LET'S, UH--
- I DON'T NEED TO GO TO BED,
253
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:19,290
AND I DON'T NEED
TO WEAR GOGGLES.
254
00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:21,320
- WELL, THEN YOU MAY HAVE
A PARTICULATE IN YOUR EYE
255
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,920
AFTER THIS BIG WOOD CHOP.
LET'S SEE THAT, GORDO.
256
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,660
- [grunts]
257
00:09:25,660 --> 00:09:27,590
- ♪ YOU DID IT ♪
258
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,000
- WHAT A FANDANGO HERE!
- THANK YOU.
259
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,760
THANK YOU.
- I JUST WANNA SAY, LIKE,
260
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:34,330
EVERYONE THINKS OF CANADA
AS A BUNCH OF DEAD LUMBERJACKS.
261
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:36,970
WE MAY WANT SOME ACTS
THAT FEEL JUST LIKE MORE MODERN
262
00:09:36,970 --> 00:09:38,810
AND NOT LIKE A BIG OAF...
- THANK YOU.
263
00:09:38,810 --> 00:09:41,340
- WHO DRINKS MAPLE SYRUP
AND CHOPS WOOD FOR A LIVING.
264
00:09:41,340 --> 00:09:42,940
- OH, YEAH?
WELL, I, UH, I HAVE A FEELING
265
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:46,310
THE YAK THAT THEY SLAUGHTERED
TO MAKE YOUR VEST.
266
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,780
IS STILL SCREAMING IN HELL,
OKAY?
267
00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:51,050
WE'RE TAKING YOU TO LONDON,
AND THAT'S THAT!
268
00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:52,820
WE'RE SENDING EVERYONE
TO LONDON.
269
00:09:52,820 --> 00:09:53,950
- THANK YOU.
- THIS IS
270
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,420
SHOW US YOUR SONGSCOMMONWEALTH.
271
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:57,260
- I'VE AUDITIONED FOR...
272
00:09:57,260 --> 00:09:59,490
120 THINGS, PROBABLY.
- MM-HMM.
273
00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:01,030
- I'VE BEEN A REGULAR
ON TWO THINGS--
274
00:10:01,030 --> 00:10:04,300
A SHOW THAT I CREATED
CALLED MULANEY, AND YOUR SHOW.
275
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,170
AND THAT'S IT.
[both laughing]
276
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:07,930
I HAD TO DO A STARBURST
COMMERCIAL
277
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,240
WHERE, LIKE, IT WAS LIKE
A SHIRTLESS GUY
278
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,670
CARRYING A DOG.
[both chuckle]
279
00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:14,310
SO THEY'RE LIKE,
"TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF."
280
00:10:14,310 --> 00:10:16,780
THIS IS ALREADY THE WORST.
AND THEN THEY--
281
00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:17,740
THEY DIDN'T HAVE A DOG,
282
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,750
SO THEY HANDED ME LIKE
A BOX OF TISSUES.
283
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,650
AND I WAS LIKE, "WELL,
IF YOU DON'T HAVE A DOG,
284
00:10:21,650 --> 00:10:23,380
"HOW COME I HAVE TO TAKE
MY SHIRT OFF?
285
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:24,920
ALSO, I'M NOT GONNA GET IT."
286
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,820
- WELL, WE KNOW WHAT A DOG
LOOKS LIKE.
287
00:10:26,820 --> 00:10:29,590
BUT WE CAN ONLY ASSUME
WHAT YOUR MACARONI BODY
288
00:10:29,590 --> 00:10:31,860
AS IT APPEARS TO BE.
- WE DON'T KNOW WHAT
289
00:10:31,860 --> 00:10:34,230
YOUR MR. BURNS BODY
WILL LOOK LIKE.
290
00:10:34,230 --> 00:10:35,660
[end chords]
291
00:10:35,660 --> 00:10:38,770
- OH!
- OH...
292
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:41,330
- HELLO!
- [chuckling] HELLO.
293
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:42,870
- [sighs]
WHAT'S GOING ON?
294
00:10:42,870 --> 00:10:45,510
- I BROKE BOTH MY LEGS
'CAUSE GEORGE ST. GEEGLAND
295
00:10:45,510 --> 00:10:47,270
WANTED TO LEAVE NEW YORK.
296
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:47,670
- YEAH.
297
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,510
- UH, THAT DOESN'T REALLY--
YOU BROKE--
298
00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:51,680
- HE BROKE BOTH HIS LEGS
'CAUSE GEORGE ST. GEEGLAND,
299
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:52,910
WHO WAS ME,
WANTED TO LEAVE NEW YORK.
300
00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:55,220
- I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU GUYS
TO USE A DIFFERENT DOCTOR.
301
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:56,620
- YOU'RE LIKE A DORE-TER TO US.
302
00:10:56,620 --> 00:10:58,450
- A DAUGHTER THAT WE PRANKED
WITH TOO MUCH TUNA,
303
00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,290
WHICH WILL BE COMING SHORTLY.
304
00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:01,760
- YOU'VE BEEN PRANKING ME
SINCE I WAS AN INTERN,
305
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,960
AND IT GETS LESS FUNNY
EVERY TIME YOU DO IT.
306
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,190
THE FIRST TIME'S THE BEST.
307
00:11:06,190 --> 00:11:07,630
SECOND TIME, THIRD TIME,
FOURTH--
308
00:11:07,630 --> 00:11:08,760
IT STARTS TO LOSE
ITS APPEAL.
309
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,630
- WE DID PRANK HER BUT GOOD.
AND THEN I KEYED YOUR CAR.
310
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:14,970
AND YOUR CHEAP CAR LOOKED LIKE
[bleep] AFTER I KEYED IT.
311
00:11:14,970 --> 00:11:17,440
- I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU HAD TO DO THAT.
312
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:19,040
- ARE YOU UNMARRIED?
313
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,840
- I-I AM UNMARRIED, YES.
314
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,110
- INTERESTING.
I HAVE A SON.
315
00:11:23,110 --> 00:11:25,150
MAYBE HE COULD SET UP
A CAMCORDER
316
00:11:25,150 --> 00:11:26,550
AND YOU AND I GO AT IT
LIKE WOLFS.
317
00:11:26,550 --> 00:11:29,080
- CAN YOU NOT USE
THE LATEX GLOVES, ACTUALLY?
318
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,220
- THIS IS INCLUDED
IN MY HEALTH COVERAGE.
319
00:11:31,220 --> 00:11:32,090
I HAVE A OSAMACARE.
320
00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:34,220
- YOU MEAN OBAMACARE?
- NO.
321
00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:36,060
WE'RE ON A COBRA PLAN FROM...
322
00:11:36,060 --> 00:11:37,560
- FROM AL-QAEDA.
- YEAH.
323
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:38,790
WELL, I FORGET NOW
THE DETAILS,
324
00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:40,430
BUT WE DID GIVE THEM
A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY.
325
00:11:40,430 --> 00:11:42,160
- YOU REALLY DONATED MONEY
TO AL-QAEDA?
326
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,330
- YEAH, WE DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT THEY WERE GONNA GET INTO.
327
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,670
- ALL THEY WERE DOING
BACK THEN WAS...
328
00:11:47,670 --> 00:11:48,600
WELL...
- ACTUALLY,
329
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,170
YOU'RE TOTALLY UNCOVERED,
AND THAT'S FINE.
330
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:52,370
WE DON'T TURN ANYBODY AWAY.
331
00:11:52,370 --> 00:11:54,840
- WE'RE ABOUT TO PRANK HER
WITH TOO MUCH TUNA.
332
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,880
- SHE IS REALLY
ABOUT TO GET IT.
333
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:57,910
- YOU COULD JUST LEAVE.
334
00:11:57,910 --> 00:12:01,550
YOU COULD GO CROSS-COUNTRY
AND PRANK OTHER PEOPLE.
335
00:12:01,550 --> 00:12:03,520
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN--
LEAVE THE CITY?
336
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:04,720
- YEAH.
- LIKE WE HAD PLANNED
337
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:05,790
BEFORE GEORGE ST. GEEGLAND
338
00:12:05,790 --> 00:12:07,790
TRIED TO THROW ME
OFF OF AN ELEVATOR SHAFT?
339
00:12:07,790 --> 00:12:10,260
- MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE
OUR PRANKS AND OUR LIVES
340
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:11,830
ON THE ROAD.
- I'VE BEEN THINKING
341
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:13,460
ABOUT LEAVING NEW YORK
MYSELF.
342
00:12:13,460 --> 00:12:15,400
NEW YORK IS NOT WHAT
IT USED TO BE.
343
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:18,130
MARS BAR CLOSED.
THERE'S NO MORE CBGB'S.
344
00:12:18,130 --> 00:12:19,530
[flatline tone]
- [muttering]
345
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:22,770
OH! OH, THIS PATIENT
IS DYING!
346
00:12:22,770 --> 00:12:24,270
[both laughing]
347
00:12:24,270 --> 00:12:26,870
OR IS HE VERY MUCH ALIVE?
348
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,010
[musical fanfare]
349
00:12:29,010 --> 00:12:30,540
- GREAT. IT'S A...
[both chortling]
350
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,680
CAKE MADE OUT OF TUNA
THAT SAYS
351
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,080
"GET BENT."
- TRANSLATION--
352
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:35,880
GET STUFFED.
353
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,320
- THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST
WRITE GET STUFFED ON IT?
354
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,250
- 'CAUSE WE COULDN'T
FIT IT ON THE CAKE.
355
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:44,620
- NOW, WHY DON'T YOU DROP
YOUR SKIRT AND TOUCH THE FLOOR?
356
00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:49,200
[upbeat music]
357
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,760
- SOME OF THEM LOOK PROMISING.
358
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,030
IT'S NOT THE WORST
WE'VE DONE.
359
00:12:53,030 --> 00:12:56,100
WOW! THERE ARE A LOT OF LOSERS
HERE TODAY,
360
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:59,440
BUT ONLY ONE CAN WIN
AT THE LOSER'S BRACKET.
361
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:02,610
INTRODUCING THE MAN
OF YOUR CURRENT REALITY,
362
00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:03,640
DR. ARMOND!
363
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:08,110
SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW HIM
AS A PREMIER PLASTIC SURGEON.
364
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,680
- FOR DOGS.
- OTHERS...
365
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,280
AN ACCUSED MURDERER.
- OF WOMEN.
366
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,590
[laughter]
- CALM DOWN, LADIES.
367
00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:14,120
HEY, HEY,
TWO DRINK MAXIMUM.
368
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:17,820
- I FELT LIKE I WAS BEATING
THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OFF
369
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:18,460
LIKE FLIES.
370
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:19,930
WOW. [smack]
AMAZING. [smack]
371
00:13:19,930 --> 00:13:20,890
SIMPLY GORGEOUS.
[smack]
372
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,260
I THINK I'VE BEEN SURROUNDED.
373
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,660
- IS THE SPECIAL SURPRISE
READY?
374
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,130
I'M BRINGING IN
THE FORENSIC DUMMY
375
00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:27,730
USED IN ARMOND'S MURDER TRIAL.
376
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:30,000
BECAUSE I NEED TO TEST HIM.
- YEAH, WE'RE GOOD.
377
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,170
- HE'S GONNA BE PRETTY SURPRISED
378
00:13:31,170 --> 00:13:32,440
WITH WHAT I'VE GOT
UP MY SLEEVES.
379
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,240
- YEAH, 'CAUSE
IT'S A REALLY WEIRD IDEA.
380
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,380
- BUT THE ONLY THING
I'M GUILTY OF
381
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:38,580
IS BEING INTRIGUED BY Y'ALL.
382
00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:39,250
[laughter]
383
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,450
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- I DON'T KNOW.
384
00:13:41,450 --> 00:13:42,920
[phone playing tune]
- OH, YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME.
385
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,880
THAT'S MY DEAD WIFE'S SONG.
THAT'S MY RING TONE.
386
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,350
I'M HOPING TO FIND SOMEONE
WHO CAN HELP ME CHANGE IT.
387
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,690
- DON'T BRING UP THE TRIAL.
DON'T BRING UP THE TRIAL.
388
00:13:49,690 --> 00:13:52,290
- OH...IT'S MY GOOD FRIEND
KELSEY...
389
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,290
- [gasps]
390
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,590
- GRAMMER.
391
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:55,260
- [gasps]
392
00:13:55,260 --> 00:13:56,800
KELSEY GRAMMER?
SAY WHAT?
393
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,570
- YOU'RE IMPRESSED
WITH JUST KELSEY?
394
00:13:58,570 --> 00:14:01,530
- WHILE MOST PEOPLE KNOW
KELSEY AS A GREAT ACTOR...
395
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,000
I KNOW HIM AS MY BEST FRIEND.
396
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,210
KELSEY,
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME.
397
00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:08,780
I'M SURROUNDED BY TEN
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN RIGHT NOW.
398
00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:12,910
BUT I'M LOOKING AROUND THIS
ROOM AND THINKING I'M OVER HER.
399
00:14:12,910 --> 00:14:14,750
[women murmuring]
400
00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:16,120
SO I'VE--
401
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,220
[glass shatters]
402
00:14:17,220 --> 00:14:18,150
THERE SHE IS.
403
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:20,920
IT'S THE FORENSIC DUMMY
OF MY DEAD WIFE SHANNON.
404
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,720
THIS BRINGS BACK
A LOT OF MEMORIES.
405
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,460
- I HAVE TO HAVE A FRANK TALK
WITH ARMOND.
406
00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:26,230
DR. ARMOND, EXCUSE ME.
407
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:28,330
COME WITH ME.
- PARDONNEZ-MOI, LADIES. FRENCH.
408
00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:29,560
- YOUR HEAD
IS NOT IN THIS GAME.
409
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,830
- YOU HAVE SUCH A KEEN SENSE
OF ME, GENIE.
410
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:34,530
- I KNOW I DO.
IT'S MY JOB.
411
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,070
- LET'S THROW CAUTION
TO THE WALL...
412
00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:38,710
AND LOG ONE UP...
413
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,010
[slide whistle]
414
00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:42,340
[silence]
415
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,380
[thwack]
FOR LOVE.
416
00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:45,040
- LOOK, I KNOW
YOU'RE IN A LOT OF PAIN.
417
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,680
- I HAVE TO ADMIT,
IT HAS BEEN A BLUE PERIOD,
418
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:48,250
LIKE PICASSO.
419
00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:50,080
I LOVE FRANCE.
I KNOW HE'S FROM SPAIN,
420
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,750
BUT THERE WAS A LOT OF
CROSS-POLLINATION.
421
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,120
[bzzzzzz]
422
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,320
- OKAY, YOU HAVE A VERY
IMPRESSIVE BRAIN.
423
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,220
- AND IT'S FILLED TO THE BRIM.
- BUT I NEED YOU
424
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,130
TO GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
- OKAY.
425
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:00,990
- AND FEEL!
- SURE.
426
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,560
- CLOSE YOUR EYES.
- HERE WE GO.
427
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:03,900
- THINK BACK TO THE MOMENT
428
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:06,630
YOU FOUND YOUR WIFE'S
LIFELESS BODY.
429
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:07,770
[eerie music]
430
00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:09,100
- SACRE BLEU!
- WHAT IS IT?
431
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:11,670
- I KNOW WHO MURDERED
MY WIFE.
432
00:15:11,670 --> 00:15:15,070
[suspenseful music]
433
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,310
- WAS IT YOU?
434
00:15:16,310 --> 00:15:17,280
- NO.
435
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:18,210
[plink, plink]
436
00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:20,480
[dramatic chords]
437
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,450
- DR. ARMOND
SAYS WHOLE PARAGRAPHS
438
00:15:22,450 --> 00:15:24,420
WHERE YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT THEY MEAN
439
00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:25,450
UNTIL THE LAST WORD.
440
00:15:25,450 --> 00:15:28,150
AND THEN THEY FINALLY
JUST LAND ON THE GROUND.
441
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,020
AND EVERYONE'S RELIEVED
BECAUSE HE GOT IT OUT.
442
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:33,960
WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
- HE'S BECOME ENTIRELY
443
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,830
JUST A, LIKE, JOKE TELLER.
444
00:15:35,830 --> 00:15:37,460
- WELL, NOT ENTIRELY
A JOKE TELLER,
445
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,470
BECAUSE HE'S ALSO
A PANTOMIME ARTIST...
446
00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:40,870
AND AT THIS POINT,
PANTOMIMES
447
00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:44,000
EVERY LINE OF DIALOGUE,
AS FAR AS I CAN TELL.
448
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:45,670
[upbeat music]
- ALL RIGHT, CANADA,
449
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:47,410
TUCK THOSE LITTLE ONES IN BED,
450
00:15:47,410 --> 00:15:48,880
AND LET US SERENADE YOU
451
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:50,680
WITH SHOW US YOUR SONGS!
452
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,080
[upbeat music ends]
453
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,980
- [grunting]
454
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,050
UUHHHH...
455
00:15:58,050 --> 00:15:59,420
- [softly]
WHOO!
456
00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:01,720
- UHH! UHHHHH! UUUUHHH!
- WHOA!
457
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,090
- UHH!
- BULL!
458
00:16:04,090 --> 00:16:05,330
THAT'S A STRONG MAN!
459
00:16:05,330 --> 00:16:07,860
- IT'S A HEAVY COW.
- WELL...
460
00:16:07,860 --> 00:16:09,430
YOU'RE SCARING THE CRAP
OUTTA ME,
461
00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:10,500
BUT I WANNA SEND YOU
TO LONDON
462
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,970
JUST 'CAUSE I LIKE IT!
[cheerful music]
463
00:16:12,970 --> 00:16:14,770
- UHHH!
464
00:16:14,770 --> 00:16:15,600
- OH!
- WOW!
465
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,640
- YOU KNOW WHAT, UH, CAN YOU
GIVE ME A LITTLE HAND HERE?
466
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,870
I'M HAVING TROUBLE, UH,
BUSTING THESE OPEN.
467
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,410
- UH-HUH. I'M STRONG.
468
00:16:22,410 --> 00:16:24,410
- YEAH, JUST COME ON
OVER HERE.
469
00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:27,610
- HE'S SO STRONG!
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
470
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,620
COME ON.
JUST A LITTLE BIT FURTHER,
471
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:31,180
AND THEN WE'LL BE
AT THE CASHEWS.
472
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,090
OHH...I NEED SOME PROTEIN
DURING THE DAY
473
00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:35,860
OR ELSE I, UH, JUST GET
SO--I DON'T KNOW--
474
00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:38,020
OUT OF IT!
- P-PEANUTS?
475
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:38,660
- YEAH, YEAH.
476
00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:40,560
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
GET THOSE OPEN,
477
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,330
AND I'LL LET YOU HAVE ONE.
478
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:45,930
[paper crinkling]
- EH...
479
00:16:45,930 --> 00:16:47,070
AH...
480
00:16:47,070 --> 00:16:48,000
- OH!
481
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,400
- ♪ YOU DID IT ♪
- WHOA!
482
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,540
[laughing]
- FOUR STARS!
483
00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:54,670
- ♪ YOU MADE THE STARS
SO BRIGHT FOR ME ♪
484
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,850
- AND NOW, THE WORLD PREMIERE
OF BRYAN'S NEW MUSIC VIDEO
485
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:01,510
IN...
486
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,120
- WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT, MOM?
- GO TO BED!
487
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,750
- I'M GOING TO BED, MOM!
- YES, GO TO BED!
488
00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:09,760
- I DON'T WANNA GO TO BED!
I DON'T WANNA GO TO BED!
489
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,830
[musical buildup]
490
00:17:12,830 --> 00:17:15,460
- P-P-PAINFUL MUSIC.
491
00:17:15,460 --> 00:17:16,200
- LACROIX!
492
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,060
LACROIX, LACROIX,
MY BOY!
493
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:20,730
- ♪ HEY, MOM, I KNOW
YOU MEAN WELL, WELL ♪
494
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,340
♪ BUT I'M HANGING
WITH MY BOYS TONIGHT ♪
495
00:17:23,340 --> 00:17:25,970
- LOONEY BIN!
- ♪ WE SIPPIN' SODA POP ♪
496
00:17:25,970 --> 00:17:27,810
♪ AND MOOSEINEX,
INEX ♪
497
00:17:27,810 --> 00:17:30,480
♪ STAYIN' UP TILL
THE MORNING LIGHT ♪
498
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,210
SLAP SHOT!
♪ OTTAWANNA GO TO BED ♪
499
00:17:33,210 --> 00:17:34,380
♪ MOM,
MOM ♪
500
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:36,350
♪ WE'RE TRYING TO TEXT
SOME GIRLS ♪
501
00:17:36,350 --> 00:17:37,850
♪ WE LIKE, WE LIKE ♪
[text chime]
502
00:17:37,850 --> 00:17:40,320
♪ SO GET THE HECK
OUT OF MY ROOM, MOM ♪
503
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,660
- GET OUT!
♪ MOM, ME AND THE LOONEY BIN ♪
504
00:17:42,660 --> 00:17:46,790
♪ ARE HIGH HIGH
HIGH HIGH HIGH ♪
505
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,130
♪ OTTAWA OTTAWA ♪
506
00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:50,030
♪ OTTAWANNA GO TO BED ♪
507
00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:51,600
♪ OTTAWA OTTAWA ♪
508
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,230
♪ OTTAWANNA GO TO BED ♪
509
00:17:53,230 --> 00:17:54,830
♪ OTTAWA OTTAWA ♪
510
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,740
♪ OTTAWANNA GO TO BED ♪
511
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:58,240
♪ OTTAWA OTTAWA ♪
512
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,140
♪ I TORONTO GO TO BED ♪
513
00:18:00,140 --> 00:18:01,740
♪ MES AMIS, MES AMIS ♪
514
00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:03,480
♪ OTTAWANNA GO TO BED ♪
515
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,110
♪ MANITOBA, MANITOBA ♪
516
00:18:05,110 --> 00:18:06,850
♪ GO, MISS MANITOBA ♪
517
00:18:06,850 --> 00:18:08,180
♪ MANITOBA, MANITOBA ♪
518
00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:11,020
- BRYAN'S NEW SONG DROPPED!
519
00:18:11,020 --> 00:18:12,450
IT'S JUST INCREDIBLE!
520
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:13,790
A REAL DEPARTURE!
521
00:18:13,790 --> 00:18:16,490
I WISH I WAS
IN THE LOONEY BIN!
522
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,360
- ALL RIGHT!
ALL THE WAY FROM, UH, EUROPE,
523
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,460
WE GOT THIS NEXT GUY.
SHOW US YOUR SONG.
524
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,900
- I HAVE MANY SONGS.
525
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:27,930
FOR EXAMPLE, I CAN DRINK
A TINY COFFEE
526
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,970
EVERY ONE HALF HOUR,
TWO HALF HOUR.
527
00:18:29,970 --> 00:18:33,410
- WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO THERE?
- ONE OF MY SONGS
528
00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:34,410
IS TO WEAR A SHORT PANT.
529
00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:38,040
ANOTHER ONE OF MY SONG
IS TO HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT.
530
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:41,010
[ominous music]
- THAT'S THE COOLEST PLACE
531
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:42,580
TO HIDE.
- HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
532
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:43,750
- I FEEL LIKE
YOU KNOW SOMETHING
533
00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:47,350
THAT I DON'T KNOW.
- A SHOUT-OUT TO DR. ARMOND.
534
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,890
YOU WILL NEVER CATCH ME,
535
00:18:48,890 --> 00:18:49,890
AND ALSO, UM,
536
00:18:49,890 --> 00:18:51,660
THE SATAN POWER
THAT LIVES INSIDE OF ME--
537
00:18:51,660 --> 00:18:53,990
I AM THE DEVIL.
I AM THE KILLER.
538
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,530
- SACRE BLEU.
- WHAT IS IT?
539
00:18:55,530 --> 00:18:58,060
- I KNOW WHO MURDERED
MY WIFE.
540
00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,100
[rock music]
541
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:01,430
[siren whoops]
542
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,340
- SO YOU GOT A LEAD
ON A KILLER?
543
00:19:03,340 --> 00:19:04,270
I'M DETECTIVE SMART.
544
00:19:04,270 --> 00:19:07,670
- YEAH. I THINK IT WAS
SHANNON'S VOCAL COACH.
545
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,510
- ♪ OH, ARMOND ♪
546
00:19:09,510 --> 00:19:11,910
♪ YOU'RE...♪
547
00:19:11,910 --> 00:19:13,810
- SHE HAD A VOCAL COACH?
548
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,850
- DETECTIVE SMART,
I SAW HIM THAT DAY.
549
00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:17,080
I MUST HAVE SUPPRESSED
THE MEMORY
550
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:19,850
AFTER THE SHOCK
OF SEEING SHANNON'S BODY.
551
00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:21,890
OH...SLEEPING BEAUTY.
552
00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:23,190
LOOKS LIKE YOU
NEED TO BE AWOKEN
553
00:19:23,190 --> 00:19:25,120
BY A KISS
FROM PRINCE CHARMING.
554
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:26,590
[thunder rumbles]
555
00:19:26,590 --> 00:19:27,260
- FREEZE!
556
00:19:27,260 --> 00:19:29,260
- OH, MY.
SHE HAS NO PULSE.
557
00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:32,030
- KEEP AWAY FROM THE GIRL.
- DON'T TAKE ME AWAY.
558
00:19:32,030 --> 00:19:34,100
THAT'S MY WIFE!
[dramatic music]
559
00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:37,470
- OH, ARMOND, YOU ARE
ONE HALF HOUR TOO LATE.
560
00:19:37,470 --> 00:19:38,940
[chortling]
561
00:19:38,940 --> 00:19:41,710
- SO WHAT'S THIS GUY'S NAME?
- I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME.
562
00:19:41,710 --> 00:19:42,910
THAT'S THE FUNNY THING.
563
00:19:42,910 --> 00:19:43,610
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
564
00:19:43,610 --> 00:19:46,150
- HE WAS LIVING IN THE U.S.
ON AN EXPIRED GREEN CARD.
565
00:19:46,150 --> 00:19:47,950
IT WAS UNCLEAR WHERE
IN EUROPE HE'S FROM,
566
00:19:47,950 --> 00:19:49,720
BUT I KNOW THAT HE WAS
DEFINITELY A EUROPEAN.
567
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,880
LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO FRANCE
AFTER ALL.
568
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:52,620
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
569
00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:53,790
WE GOTTA TAKE THIS DOWN
TO THE STATION.
570
00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:56,560
- OH, COME ON.
I'LL POP FOR PLANE TICKETS...
571
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:57,720
PARTNER.
- SORRY, DOC.
572
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:58,930
THIS IS OFFICIAL
POLICE BUSINESS NOW.
573
00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:01,890
- BUT WHAT WILL THE POLICE DO
IF THE KILLER'S IN EUROPE?
574
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:02,630
- BYE-BYE, ARMOND.
575
00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:05,000
- IT'LL BE OUTSIDE OF
THEIR JURISDICTION, WON'T IT?
576
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,500
- I DON'T KNOW.
I'M JUST A COP.
577
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,970
- NO, YOU'RE NOT JUST A COP,
DETECTIVE SMART.
578
00:20:08,970 --> 00:20:11,740
YOU'RE MY BEST MALE FRIEND
BESIDES KELSEY GRAMMER.
579
00:20:11,740 --> 00:20:13,440
- AH!
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
580
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,510
- THAT WAS A LITTLE PRICK
TO SEDATE YOU.
581
00:20:15,510 --> 00:20:17,440
THIS ONE...
WILL MAKE YOU
582
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:20,010
LOSE CONTROL OF YOUR MUSCLES
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
583
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,810
THIS IS A B12 SHOT.
- OHH!
584
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:23,920
- THIS...
- NO, NO, NO.
585
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:24,750
STOP IT!
586
00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:27,120
- LET IT GO.
LET IT HAPPEN.
587
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,220
- YOU SICKO FREAK!
588
00:20:28,220 --> 00:20:29,490
- THIS ONE WILL KNOCK YOU OUT
FOR ENOUGH TIME
589
00:20:29,490 --> 00:20:31,420
SO THAT I CAN SAY GOOD-BYE
TO MY BEAUTIFUL SON ROMAN.
590
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:33,790
AND WHEN YOU AWAKE, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE VERY LITTLE BLOOD SUGAR,
591
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,660
SO I'VE GIVEN YOU THIS ORANGE.
592
00:20:35,660 --> 00:20:36,330
[squish]
593
00:20:36,330 --> 00:20:38,000
YOU'RE A WONDERFUL LAWMAN...
594
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:38,860
AND A TERRIFIC FRIEND,
595
00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:41,870
AND NOW, DETECTIVE SMART,
I'M OFF TO CATCH THE KILLER.
596
00:20:41,870 --> 00:20:46,570
UNLESS HE CATCHES ME FIRST
BECAUSE, LET'S BE HONEST...
597
00:20:46,570 --> 00:20:48,040
I'M QUITE A CATCH.
598
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,310
[siren whooping]
[rock music]
599
00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:52,980
- ♪ TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH ♪
600
00:20:52,980 --> 00:20:58,450
♪ TOO MUCH,
TOO MUCH LOVE ♪
601
00:20:58,450 --> 00:21:01,720
- HA HA.
GOOD AT BIZNESS.
602
00:21:02,420 --> 00:21:04,620
- OW!
603
00:21:06,190 --> 00:21:07,760
- I WENT THROUGH SCENE
AFTER SCENE AFTER SCENE,
604
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:08,630
AND I DIDN'T SEE MY NAME.
605
00:21:08,630 --> 00:21:10,060
IT WAS UNBELIEVABLY CRUEL
OF YOU, AND I--
606
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,330
- GOD DAMN IT, YOU WANT
BREAKING BAD IN KROLL SHOW.
607
00:21:12,330 --> 00:21:15,430
GOD DAMN IT!
- WITH THE SAME AMOUNT OF LINES.
608
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,570
[laughter]
609
00:21:16,570 --> 00:21:20,710
THAT'S THE GENIUS!
THE GENIUS OF MY CAREER!
44676
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