Original subtitles

- Welcome to a narrowly focused "can I finish?"

We are talking about one topic today:

The trial of dr. Armond.

We're gonna start right away with the prosecutor.

Ruth diamond phillips,

Lay out the case against dr. Armond.

From what I understand, it's a very compelling case.

Go! No one interrupt her.

- So I think that you will see that the case is...

- I'm not listening, I'm not listening.

- Compelling and deeply disturbing.

- Thank you. Now we're gonna move over

To the defense attorney ron funches.

Go ahead, ron. What do you say

On behalf of your client dr. Armond?

Tell me, convince me he didn't murder her.

- I'm not here to say... - This is a--can I--

- He didn't murder her. - Mm.

- Actually, yes, I'm here to say she--

He didn't murder her. - And we'll see about that.

- You have done a poor job

Of defending your client, mr. Funches.

- Can I at least finish? - We're gonna go to dana hawke.

Dana, weigh in on this. What do we need to know?

- The case is extremely complicated,

With a lot of different characters.

- So hang on now. We're gonna throw now

To men's rights advocate bob ducca. Go, bob.

- Nobody has been speaking about women who murder men.

Lizzie borden--

We find it okay to make

Children's rhymes out of the exploits

Of female murderers, but nobody

At a slumber party invokes john wayne gacy.

- Bob, it's hard to listen to you.

There's something about you that's just so incredibly sad.

- But can he finish? - You know, today for--

- This woman is dead. - Can I finish?

- She made a video tribute to her husband.

Let's watch it now, and maybe watching this

Will allow the gravity of this situation

To sink in so that somebody can finish.

- ♪ you're my special lover man ♪

♪ the most wonderful kind

♪ you make me feel love

- Ah... - ♪ exploding out of my mind

- This is tough to watch.

- ♪ so tall and handsome

- Get rid of it.

That's a rough thing to watch.

That's horrible. It cannot finish.

- And in this case, shannon, the beautiful shannon,

Murdered by a fan who was also her husband,

A fan till death did they part.

- Ruth diamond phillips... - Can I--can I finish?

- Has had it out for me-- - the thing is is that--

- Can I finish what I was gonna say?

- It's "may I finish?"

The proper grammar is "may I finish?"

- Let the man tell us from his own words

What happened and how it is from his perspective.

Dr. Armond, go. And everybody, shut up.

- My life till this point has been based on appearances.

I appear guilty, but I'm anything but.

I'm not a murderer.

I'm a man who's had bad luck,

Who's had his heart broken.

I just have to let it hurt.

- Oh, that's the passion of an innocent man.

- Dr. Armond, that was an incredibly eloquent

And persuasive speech.

If you ask me, it was too eloquent and too persuasive.

An innocent man doesn't need a well-rehearsed speech.

Folks, I am ready to issue a verdict here,

Just because I've got it all figured--excuse me?

We're out of time? You got to be kidding me.

- My neck was injured in a sneezing thrash.

[dubstep music]

♪

- I took karate class with a group of--

With a group of cops in my town.

It was like a self-defense class.

Sounds--it's a crazy thought to you?

- Yeah. Well, it's just that--

- We come from very different backgrounds.

- We do. [both laugh]

- So I was working with the cops

In a self-defense class... - Okay.

- 'cause we were on the same team.

- I was calling them, hoping they'd

Show up in time for things. They never did.

[both laugh]

- Yo, what's up, tv? I'm c-czar.

Blap, blap, blap. And if I ever want

To meet my baby,

I got to learn a whole new set of skills.

And I'm not allowed to see my--

The mom until I do that.

Welcome to this is dad academy.

I'll straight up sock you out, baby.

Yo, fair enough. You gave me a shot,

And I'm grateful for it, tiny professor.

So who's today's expert? Where he at?

- [baby talk]

Finding ladybugs in the grass.

[baby talk]

- I could've sworn tiny professor

Told me to go to the beach

For my new lesson, and nobody's there.

It was like our first misunderstanding.

[hip-hop music]

- ♪ you're now rocking with the best ♪

- Sorry I'm late, c-czar.

I'm lactic acid.

I'm here to get you in shape.

I want to whip you up. You want to be a father?

- Yeah! - Pushing the stroller,

Taking them to school, soccer practice.

- I'ma make my kid proud by getting all jacked up.

- Get jacked up!

- Yeah. Let's do this! - Let's do this!

- Blap, blap, blap, blap, blap!

- No, no, no, no, no! Don't shoot the surfboard.

- Okay, I got carried away,

Lactic c-czar. - You got carried away.

- Yo, this crazy-ass dude seems to be matching my energy.

I'm responding. - Oh, I can handle it.

I'm dedicated to being the best trainer

I can be in long beach.

Blap, blap! - [laughs]

- What am I doing? - I love it.

You the first dad on dad academy

That I'm ready to listen to.

Let's get ripped.

- One...

Getting him a souvenir cup.

Both: Two...

- Getting him a real sugary drink.

Now, switch it up. - Paramore's, like, a cool band.

- They're great. Paramore--coming out on tour.

If your child is giving you a hard time--

And it's gonna happen.

You're gonna have ups and downs.

Do it for your son! - For my son, son!

I'm gonna get ripped like 50 cent.

- 50 cent!

So, c-czar, tell me what you know about surfing.

- Surfers get crazy [bleep].

- They get chicks. They get women.

Kelly slater was with pamela anderson.

- Oh, snap. That old-ass bitch

With that crazy-ass face?

- You know what? She works hard.

She does weights.

She lives out in malibu. - Okay.

- She cares about the ocean.

- We done did done that dad [bleep].

- That's a lot of "d"-- where you going?

Listen to me, c-czar.

- What? - Let's do a push-up.

One, two, three, four.

Are you smoking?

- I don't know.

- Get that out of your face.

Son of a bi--

- ♪ you say your boyfriend

♪ was a jerk again today

- I'm a straight-up villain!

- ♪ what do you see?

- Blap, blap, blap, blap, blap!

- You've been good all day,

And now you're beginning to act up.

I can tell by your body language that you're upset.

- I don't know how to swim. - Okay.

- It's just ironic because I was born

In the toilet water, and then I couldn't

Been done had be able to go swimming.

I feel stupid and embarrassed like that time

I left a dookie in my pants.

- We've all been there.

C-czar, I took a dookie in my pants in first grade...

And they were corduroys.

Look, I'll hold your hand.

We'll walk out there and get our feet wet.

We don't have to jump in, just real easy.

Just dipping our toes in.

- [laughs] it's not so bad.

- It's not bad. - No.

All right, let's go back.

- C-czar, there's no turning back.

[rock music]

♪

C-czar will remember this day as the day that he learned to swim.

[rapping gavel]

- Dr. Armond, please rise.

You stand here accused of murder in the second degree.

How do you plead?

- Guilty...Of loving my wife.

- [laughs]

- Hmm, well, we'll see about that.

I think the court will decide

That probably you're guilty of murder.

[hawk screeches]

[intense music]

- Opening arguments were an absolute slaughter

As friendly defense attorney ron funches

Couldn't cope with the onslaught

From hard-charging prosecutor ruth diamond phillips.

- A lot can happen in ten seconds.

You'd be surprised.

Let me surprise you.

One, he busts into the room.

Two, "shut up," he probably said.

Who knows?

Three, he takes out a large needle

To put down horses that have hurt their feet

Because they run too fast in races

And actually, they can't even live anymore

And they have to put them down.

He puts the needle into her forehead,

Throws her across the room

With the brute strength of a veterinarian.

- While ron funches seems to be playing a game,

The rules of which we do not know.

- Would a murderer wear that hilarious apron?

[snickering]

Look at that apron.

- As for the witnesses, detective smart's testimony

Should've been enough to convince anyone.

The forensics were dazzling.

- At that point, I would imagine

That his torso was right up against that--

That heaving bosom. - Mm.

- I'm surprised he was able to get the syringe kind of past...

- Past just how the breasts would probably

Almost stand at attention.

- Like, uh...

Dominique wilkins back in the day,

That tomahawk slam he used to do?

- Yeah. - Yeah, so put like a syringe

Right through her forehead. - The human highlight film.

- That is true.

- Even his own son couldn't say he didn't do it.

- You're not cool at all.

You're completely the opposite of cool.

- He's the opposite of cool. - Yup.

- Might that be... A murderer?

- Yeah. [courtroom murmuring]

- Go get 'em, ruth.

[intense music]

[mellow music]

♪

- ♪ I tried

♪ I tried

- [grunting, water running]

[doorbell rings]

Who would dare to interrupt one of my nighttime workout showers?

I'm [bleep]. I'm [bleep].

- Hey, it's me, farley.

- I thought I told you I never wanted to see your face again.

And yet here it is, your face again.

No offense-- you look very beautiful.

- [talk/rapping] I like your face too.

Pretty eyeballs.

Love your facial hair, your chest is glisten-y.

- [talk/rapping] let me stop you there.

What are you here for?

- To make a demo.

I need you to make a music demo for me.

- Okay, dell computer in full effect,

State-of-the-heart microphone.

- I don't know. I'm nervous.

- Then you just need to "relas" a little bit.

- But how could I do that? I told you I'm nervous, stupid.

- Let me help you feel the sexy.

- That's nice.

♪ that feels so good

♪ that feels so good, bobby ♪

♪ ooh, bobby, ooh, bobby ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, bobby

Oh, my god! Wow.

It's like your kisses activated my voice.

- No doubt.

- ♪ I feel so

♪ ready for love

♪ yeah [woman moaning, beeping]

What the [bleep] is that?

- No, it's nothing. Just--your beautiful voice

Crashed my hard drive.

- Yeah, right. You got one of those viruses?

I told you. Get a second computer.

- I got a second computer.

I gave it to my mom for her email.

- Oh, here we go. Goddamn, you're a bitch.

- I swear to god, farley.

Nothing's more important to me than business.

- Oh, really? Then what's happening right now

With this rinky-dink ass microphone?

- Don't you ever make fun of my microphone.

- You think mariah carey sings into this?

- I wish I could be nick cannon to you.

- Who do you know? What do you bring to the table?

- Trippy d.

- Yo, who the [bleep] is that?

- Trippy d works with mgmt, lmfao, rudtf.

- Rudtf?

- Most definitely.

[both laughing]

- You got me, you devil.

[both laughing]

- Ho ho! Bobby b! How you doing, baby?

- Trippy d, how you doing, my brother?

- Really good.

Who is that beautiful mama?

- Oh, that? That's farley.

Turn around. - Yeah.

- Turn around!

Turn around!

- She looks like she can sing real good.

- Oh, come on in, girl. - I see she got the talent.

- Hey, I'm farley. Hi.

- Hey, pleased to meet your acquiescence.

- So, farley, come stand by me.

- No, trippy d is a music industry professional.

- Yeah, but let me kiss on her neck.

That makes her sing good.

- We trying to do some work right here, man.

Why don't you step out for a minute?

- Thanks for dropping me off, though.

[giggles]

- You like my microphone?

- It's so big.

♪ bigger than bobby's ♪

♪ so big - uh.

- ♪ bigger than bobby's ♪

- Don't you ever make fun of my microphone.

Both: Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce,

Bounce, bounce... - No disrespect.

I think I've heard and seen enough.

- Oh!

- I love violence.

- Are we cool, brother?

- No, we're not brothers.

Bobby b...

You my [bleep].

- [exhales] total respect, bro.

- ♪ he loves jesus

♪ he loves his mama

♪ he loves vodka, he loves drama ♪

♪ he good at business, he wears tight clothes ♪

♪ who am I speaking 'bout? ♪

♪ you know it's bobby b ♪

- Miss collabelli, do you have a stage name?

- I just go by farley.

- Were you a friend of the victim's?

- Where do I know shannon?

[sighs]

You know what?

I just remembered it was at the studio for sure.

I was just putting finishing touches on my new single bounce,

Which basically is about to be, like,

Whatever the most platinums you can get is.

- I-I'm sorry, the name of the single was bounce?

- What kind of costumes do you wear?

- I love, like, bangles.

I'm not doing it today, 'cause court.

- Were you the victim's friend?

- Yes, she was my dearest and closest friend.

She was so scared. When he came around,

It's like she would almost tremble,

And she'd be so stricken with fear.

And I'd say, "what is it, girl?

What's up?"

- She was afraid...

Of this man right here?

- [gulps] - this is the man

That murdered shannon.

- Objection. - Ladies and gentlemen

Of the jury, you know in your heart.

It's like that feeling,

And that's how law should work: Feelings.

- Into the specifics of you and shannon

As a pair of acquaintances. - Right.

Here's the thing that's crazy.

Shannon--like the day that she died,

She sent me a pic of her dead face.

I was like, "what's happening?"

- Do you feel like that did happen?

- That's a stone-cold murderer. It didn't matter if he's rich.

Those are the main mother[bleep] that kill people.

And he killed my friend [muttering] shannon.

'cause he's a [bleep] psycho like me.

That's why I know he did it.

Put this little crazy orange jackal behind bars.

He deserves death.

- All right, so that's bounce, dropping April 15th.

- Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce.

- To quickly talk about the time

That you threw a packet of ranch.

- Oh, yeah. Well, me and nick were on a tour.

Donald and nick were doing an interview.

This is before donald was a rapper.

And what I did was, from across the room,

There was a little crudites setup.

And so one of those dips was a ranch packet.

I threw it.

I knocked nick's glasses askew just slightly.

- Straight head shot.

- What was that? - That was a ranch dressing.

Puh-pow! Outta nowh--[belches]

Oh, man. [both laughing]

What happened there? I got excited.

- That's a keeper.

- Dr. Armond. - He's your favorite?

- That's my favorite. His inner monologue--

Whatever's going on, he just takes one look

And he communicates a whole lot.

Just--mm-hmm. Just one eyebrow.

No one loves him.

No one cares about him.

I would date both lizzes easily.

- Yeah? - Are you kidding me?

- Yeah? - What?

- We're going to dr. Armond's publicist.

Pretty liz, how can you possibly spin this

To make your client look anything other than guilty?

Go. - Honestly, who's to say?

Like, fiddle-dee-dee, honestly.

- Oh, pretty liz, I have some questions.

Forgive me. - Can I finish?

'cause, like, I'm pregnant. - Pretty liz, who's the father?

Obviously, you let somebody finish inside of you.

That's a sex joke. It's a dirty, off-color joke.

It won't happen.

- That question has been asked to me a lot.

Also, I did let someone finish inside of me,

And I'm proud of that

'cause usually it just goes all over my stomach.

But that information will be revealed

On the season finale of publizity and dad academy.

Those are not linked in any way.

- Welcome to dad academy.

Yo, straight up, let's get drunk, baby.

- Okay.

Yo, that tiny professor was right.

How am I gonna be a dad if I don't even know my own?

And there was only one person who knew who he was.

I found my mommy in a halfway house,

But her answer was not as simple as I had hoped.

- You got a girl pregnant. You didn't even

Bring a girl over for your mother

To meet the girl before you get her knocked up?

- I'm not allowed to see her. It's part of the show.

It's part of-- that's what's dad academy.

That's why I'm here is to--

- Oh, that's good. That's good.

Let the dads get their own show.

I had to take care of you all by myself,

And it was the greatest moment of my life, my boy.

I'm living in a halfway house. I'm doing great.

- I wish I could just stay here with you.

I don't want to go back out there.

But dad academy says I got to find my daddy.

- I could help you. - Really?

- Yeah, let's talk about it,

But I think we should get out of here.

- But aren't we--are you allowed to leave here?

- Fortunately, c-czar is very distractible.

This is my place, okay? - Really?

- I own this halfway house.

Mama is doing good. - Mama's a baller, huh?

- C-czar came at a really good time for me.

Okay, watch the door, and mama's gonna go out the window.

- Wait, why are you going out the window?

Holy crap, we're straight-up villains.

[exciting music]

Yo, we outside. Like, tell me who my dad is now.

- There were a lot of men, c-czar.

I don't know who your daddy is.

- Well, what about your patients, mom?

- I am a patient, you idiot.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Baby, mama's got to fly.

Do whatever you got to do. Find him, c-czar.

- Blap, blap, blap, blap!

I'm the only villain in this neighborhood!

Mom, I'm coming for you.

I just can't run fast 'cause my pants are so low.

- Pull them up, baby!

I'm sorry I lie a little.

- It was disappointing not to know who my dad was,

But it was great to reconnect with my mom.

And that meant it was time for another sweet tattoo.

The producer said that this tattoo says,

"sort of coming to terms with my dad,"

Which I almost did.

I still can't read.

What's your million-dollar idea, joe?

- Oh, I have a few of them, obviously.

- Okay. Obviously?

- Yeah. There is a hurdle involved.

And the first part of my business

Would be that everyone in america

Would have to put a picture of their [bleep]

Or their [bleep]... - [laughing] yeah?

- Password-protected or something.

It's not like it's on there for everyone's viewing.

It's safe.

It's in a, you know, an internet lockbox.

And then it'd be like itunes.

For, like, 99¢, anyone could look at them.

- If someone was like, "you know what?

"I need to spend a dollar

To see what joe mande's [bleep] looks like"?

- Yeah, I'd get a dollar.

- And is everybody forced to do this?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah, by the government.

That's my--that's my main hurdle.

- That's the main hurdle.

- Yeah, my mom's a federal judge.

- I know who your mom is. - I should go.

- And for the first time,

You can see the armond murder trial

Uncensored as [bleep]!

- I swear I wish I could shoot you.

- Strike that from the record.

- Strike it right to the dvd!

- That's 'cause she [bleep] [bleep] on me [bleep].

- [bleep].

- They'd never show this on television.

- 'cause even though my father's a total ass[bleep],

I know he can't kill anyone.

- I'm gonna cut you off right there,

'cause you don't disrespect your father in this courtroom,

You little piece of [bleep]. - Can I go, dad?

- I'll pick up chikk klub on the way home

As long as I'm not convicted of murder.

- Quick update from the "I can finish!" news desk:

A surprising development in the murder trial

Of dr. Armond.

Dr. Armond took the stand and, once again,

Failed to convince anyone he isn't a murderer.

- She's one of the most beautiful victims

I've ever seen.

- Ruth diamond phillips rose to the deliver the knockout blow,

But the disgraced prosecutor overplayed her hand.

- I have a question.

What would you do if you saw shannon again?

- Is that her actual dress?

- Is she wearing evidence? [courtroom murmuring]

- Where have those clothes been?

- First, what happ--he was--

He went into the room,

And the clothes were in the room, and I-I--

- Took them... - To my home to do role--

To study role-play.

And I haven't got it down pat,

Which is why some of this was rather rough,

But I felt the feelings. I felt good about it.

- You're free to go.

- What do you have to say to that, dana?

- She's not the one on trial. Armond is the murderer.

- It's really unfair, you know, how this is being played.

And it's interesting how it's being spun,

You know, by a group of men--

- To see dr. Armond celebrate

With the luckiest lawyer in the world, ron funches,

Is to be sick to my stomach.

- Even though I won on a mistrial,

I did not murder my wife.

[laughter]

For the first time, I wasn't telling one of my "hit" jokes.

- [laughs]

- ♪ if I can do it, anyone can ♪

- Ha ha. Good at bizness.

- We go now to bob ducca, men's rights advocate.

- Can I--can I finish? - I wanted to speak about

Chris brown. A lot of people don't know

That rihanna hit chris as well.

And, you know, when you go after breezy,

Breezy goes after you.