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1
00:00:02,369 --> 00:00:03,168
- Felt very constricting.
2
00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:05,637
- Every day was filled
with fear and anxiety.
3
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:09,375
- I just would like to get up
today and live a normal life.
4
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,110
- When I was
on the san diego diet,
5
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:13,078
I was thin and sad.
6
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,646
But today...
7
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:15,247
[crowd ohs]
8
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:18,317
I'm introducing
the san diego mindset.
9
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,020
Every time I got skinny,
I'd get depressed.
10
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:24,823
I would start taking all types
of pharmaceutical drugs.
11
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,291
They were poisoning my body.
12
00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:28,660
But then I started eating
the food I wanted to eat,
13
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:31,330
And all of a sudden,
I didn't need any drugs.
14
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:31,864
[belches]
15
00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:34,967
Both: We're going
to san diego in here.
16
00:00:34,969 --> 00:00:37,703
- There is no pain,
no restrictions.
17
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,638
- It's time for you
to unlock the secret
18
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,007
That generations of people
have known.
19
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:45,144
Every single pharaoh
had a favorite food,
20
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:48,013
And he would eat that food
when he had to make
21
00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:49,348
Important decisions.
22
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:50,849
When abraham lincoln
freed the slaves
23
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:54,486
And made this country equal,
he ate a meal.
24
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,422
And now we live
in the integrated society
25
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:59,224
That we bless
our country with today.
26
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,125
I'll tell you one thing
27
00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:03,028
That the pharmaceutical industry
and the diet industry
28
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:04,363
Will never tell you,
29
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,665
Is that aliens
are always eating food.
30
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:10,002
They are eating big meals
every day on the spaceships
31
00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:13,305
That they're flying
through space on to get to us.
32
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,375
Why do you think those aliens
are always trying to eat humans?
33
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:19,945
Because humans are ice cream
to aliens.
34
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:22,581
A lot of people are gonna
tell you a lot of things,
35
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:26,585
But let me tell you
something right now, friend.
36
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,688
[dubstep music]
37
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:37,996
♪
38
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:48,841
I can't be
in the sun anymore.
39
00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:51,743
I'm allergic to the sun.
I'm allergic to california.
40
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,712
And we had ray wise
come in here.
41
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,848
He plays wendy's father
in rich dicks.
42
00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:56,915
I go into the makeup trailer,
43
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,183
And they have to put
a lot of makeup on me,
44
00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:01,753
Like sunscreen and tons of--
to even it all out.
45
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:05,257
Ray wise comes in.
He's gotta be about 60.
46
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,758
Two minutes
in the makeup chair,
47
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,794
He's like, "no sunscreen.
48
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:12,698
"no, there's no need
for sunscreen.
49
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,132
Later."
50
00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,500
And walks out,
and I'm just like,
51
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:17,002
"can I have
a little more sunscreen
52
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,504
And foundation please?"
53
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:20,906
He's like,
"ah, we used to wear oil."
54
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:24,009
Just like a beautiful piece
of popcorn.
55
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,477
♪
56
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:29,248
- Getting out cash is my least
favorite part of drug deals.
57
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,516
Six, six, six, nine.
58
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:33,318
Because the devil
loves [bleep] jobs.
59
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,386
- [chuckles]
60
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:35,487
[beeping]
61
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,624
- Ugh, they're charging me money
to take out my own money.
62
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,926
- It's like, enough
with the surcharges barkley.
63
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,227
- Ahh!
I rage against you.
64
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,196
I rage against you,
machines.
65
00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:46,932
These parasitic banks
are taking down america.
66
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:50,469
Hi, this is wendall shawn.
Can I talk to my father?
67
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:53,038
- Shall I ready the purell?
- Definitely.
68
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,274
- ♪ money,
big money, big dough ♪
69
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:57,676
♪ get the paper, get
the cheddar, get the scrilla ♪
70
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,411
♪ money,
man, I sack every day ♪
71
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,345
♪ bend the block right away
72
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:03,849
♪ 'cause I, I'm all about ♪
73
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,087
- Ahh!
74
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:12,157
[laughs]
[slide whistle]
75
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:13,525
- Can I help you?
76
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,627
- Dad, it's wendy.
77
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,229
Your son from skinny carol.
78
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:17,963
- I know who you are.
79
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,631
- And this
is my friend aspen.
80
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,333
He's jewish
from summertimes.
81
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,569
Hey, mr. Shawn.
I'm on peyote.
82
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,305
- Mm-hmm.
Can't you see I'm working here?
83
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:28,607
- I went to one
of our family atms
84
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,075
To get out 5 hundo,
85
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,977
And they charged me $3.
86
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,579
- I make money
from those surcharges.
87
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:36,515
- Right, do you really want it
to go to, like, fat carol
88
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:37,249
And, like, james?
89
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,084
- So now you know the value
of a dollar, huh?
90
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:40,419
- Yeah, it's like
half a euro, right?
91
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,955
- No offense, mr. Shawn.
You are the lizard king.
92
00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:45,657
But I think you should just,
like, chill mickelson because--
93
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:48,260
- Enough!
I'm cutting you off.
94
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,162
You go get a job.
95
00:03:50,164 --> 00:03:51,363
Then we'll talk.
96
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:52,864
- I'm gonna cut you off.
97
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,933
Like jean shorts, okay?
98
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,435
I'm gonna ruin you.
99
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,070
I'm gonna take your bank down
100
00:03:58,072 --> 00:03:59,771
In a way
that makes you proud.
101
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,773
I love you.
[laughter]
102
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:02,674
[knock on door]
103
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:04,743
- What up,
faceless internet vigilantes?
104
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:09,848
- Hey, um, we need you to help,
uh, destroy my daddy's bank.
105
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,917
- Wikileaks style.
106
00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:14,486
- I'm liz.
107
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,054
- And I'm liz.
108
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,489
I'm the bigger one.
109
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,024
- And this is temporary.
110
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:22,561
Our p.R. Firm is called
"publizity."
111
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:23,962
[slurping]
112
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,765
- It's based off our names.
113
00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:31,203
- [scatting]
114
00:04:31,205 --> 00:04:32,471
Hey, liz, what's up?
115
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:33,905
- I'm just getting started
116
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,475
On, like, an amazingly
scathing email.
117
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:37,909
I'm so angry all the time,
118
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:41,346
And I find, like, email's,
like, a really good place
119
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:42,414
To take out that anger
120
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:46,585
And sort of, like,
in a logical, very fiery way.
121
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:47,653
- [belches]
122
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,621
- Oh, my god.
Are you okay?
123
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,223
- Liz.
- What?
124
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:52,557
- I'm pregnant.
125
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:55,060
- Wait.
What?
126
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:55,694
Pregnant?
127
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,530
- This is not the first time
I've told liz
128
00:04:58,532 --> 00:04:59,464
About my pregnancy.
129
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:02,301
But, like, you're carrying
this one to term?
130
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:03,235
- I decided to keep this one.
131
00:05:03,237 --> 00:05:05,170
Like, I know many others
have fallen away.
132
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,839
- First off, I feel, like,
blindsided by this.
133
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,741
Like, second of all...
- How dare you?
134
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,410
- Like, congratulations.
- Thank you.
135
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,278
- You're welcome.
136
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,079
[slurping]
137
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,914
- Um, just one quick--
138
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,784
- Cassandra, just wait
for, like, a natural lull
139
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,652
In the conversation.
140
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,753
[slurping]
141
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:25,357
- So I really loved
working here.
142
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:25,791
- Obvi.
143
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:28,327
- But the time has come
for me to move on.
144
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:31,296
But don't worry, I am not gonna
leave you guys in the lurch.
145
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,798
I've already found
my replacement.
146
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,299
I'm gonna train him
really, really well
147
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:37,469
So that no business
is interrupted in any way.
148
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,270
- Like, honestly, cassandra,
149
00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:40,572
Like, and I'm, like,
an open, kind spirit,
150
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,074
And, like, I don't
hold a grudge.
151
00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:44,710
So I just wanna say, like,
I'm so happy for you
152
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:47,012
That you're, like,
taking time to, like,
153
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,647
Go out there
and, like, do nothing
154
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,282
And, like,
try and find yourself
155
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:52,851
And just, like, find out
if your personality is.
156
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:56,488
- ♪ we're a team ♪
157
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:59,091
- I got my own reality show.
158
00:05:59,093 --> 00:05:59,991
- What?
159
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,827
- It's about me
and my family.
160
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,463
- What?
- [belches]
161
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,164
- Liz, how does your back
feel right now?
162
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,099
- You know what,
actually, like,
163
00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:10,702
My back hurts me a bit because
I'm pregnant, first of all.
164
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:11,603
- Wait, what?
165
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:14,206
- I'm having a baby.
166
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,607
- Anything
that makes me question
167
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,676
My own place
in my own life,
168
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:18,944
I black it out.
169
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:21,213
Liz might be pregnant
with a baby right now,
170
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:23,348
But I am pregnant
with furiosity, okay?
171
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:24,783
And I am not taking epidural,
172
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:28,053
'cause I wanna feel
everything.
173
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,221
Coming up next...
174
00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:29,921
- On publizity...
175
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,990
- I found this guy.
His name is brenth.
176
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,458
It's not my problem anymore.
177
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,494
- We have, like,
an all-hands-on-deck meeting
178
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,395
Later this afternoon.
179
00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:37,262
- I would love to be there,
180
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:40,232
But I actually
have an audition at 11:45.
181
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,033
It's for a play...
- Uh-huh.
182
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:43,635
- Of cruel intentions.
183
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:44,903
Both: Oh, my god.
- Great.
184
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,805
- But I will come in
for lunch.
185
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:49,074
- Ah!
I love gay guys.
186
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,843
So amazing.
187
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:54,713
- You're from boston.
Do you like larry bird?
188
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:55,947
- I love larry bird.
- Uh-huh, you like, like--
189
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:59,017
- I also love wade boggs.
I like people like that.
190
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,652
- You like, like,
white athletes.
191
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:03,054
- I like white athletes.
192
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,022
[laughter]
193
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:06,591
Somebody should
give them a chance, you know?
194
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,593
- White guys?
- Yeah.
195
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:11,363
[upbeat music]
196
00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:12,831
- ♪ we work
the hard, honest job ♪
197
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,000
♪ we ate our corn
off the cobb ♪
198
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:18,370
♪ we were
proud young americans ♪
199
00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:20,605
♪ ooh yeah
200
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,245
- Hey, ma.
201
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:30,382
I finished plowing
the fields.
202
00:07:30,384 --> 00:07:31,116
- [sniffles]
203
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,484
- I'm sorry it took so long.
204
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:33,852
I'll go faster next time,
205
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,455
Although I do like
to be by myself.
206
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:39,024
What's wrong, ma?
207
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:42,360
- Our house
is being foreclosed on.
208
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:44,696
Your father has gone on
down to the bank
209
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,097
To beg for mercy.
210
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,333
- [sighs]
well...
211
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:53,205
I did see this flyer for
a two-point shooting contest.
212
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:53,872
I could enter it,
213
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:56,408
And if we win enough money,
we could save the house.
214
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,910
- You know what your pa
says about shooting,
215
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,379
That shooting's for show-offs.
216
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:04,249
You know how much
your father loves fundamentals.
217
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:07,319
- But, ma, I got
the sweetest stroke around.
218
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,754
Ask any of the cows.
219
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:11,790
[crack]
ow, my back.
220
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,825
- Oh, larry, lie down.
221
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:14,359
- [groans]
222
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,495
- Oh, larry,
I believe in you.
223
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:19,564
I can drive you to
the two-point shooting contest.
224
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:22,133
- [sighs]
tape me up.
225
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,835
[upbeat music]
226
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,338
- ♪ we didn't slouch
when we walked ♪
227
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,874
♪ we didn't cuss
when we talked ♪
228
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:31,710
♪ we were
proud young americans ♪
229
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:35,013
♪ ooh yeah
230
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,082
[indistinct chatter]
231
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:40,051
- Hello, mrs. Thompson.
232
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,788
- Aren't you gonna
get to stretching?
233
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:46,591
- I don't stretch.
Stretching's for show-offs.
234
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:51,463
- My ball playing
does the talking for me, so...
235
00:08:51,465 --> 00:08:52,564
- [chuckles]
236
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,332
- [blows whistle]
237
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:57,435
[funk music]
238
00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:03,508
♪
239
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:06,311
[cheers and applause]
240
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:07,846
[blows whistle]
241
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:10,582
[cheers and applause]
242
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,059
[blows whistle]
243
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,295
- Come on, larry,
you lazy bum.
244
00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:23,995
You good-for-nothing.
245
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,297
Never done anything
in your life.
246
00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:27,933
Why don't you go
and do something with yourself
247
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:32,137
Instead of just sitting around
and being a lazy "b"?
248
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:35,874
[dramatic music]
[back cracking]
249
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:42,213
♪
250
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:45,650
[cheers and applause]
251
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:49,154
♪
252
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:52,290
[somber music]
253
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:55,093
♪
254
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,696
- You know what your pa
says about shooting,
255
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,030
That shooting's for show-offs.
256
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:02,100
You know how much your father
loves fundamentals.
257
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,402
- Come on, larry,
you lazy bum.
258
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,203
You good-for-nothing.
259
00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:08,006
Never did anything
in your life.
260
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:11,142
♪
261
00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:17,649
[funk music]
262
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:20,385
[cheers and applause]
263
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:23,388
- Oh, my boy.
264
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,924
- I didn't win the money
to save the farm.
265
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:30,695
- No house could be worth
more than the pride I have
266
00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:31,930
In your fundamentals.
267
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:32,731
- Thank you, sir.
268
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,867
- We're gonna have
to live in the car now.
269
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:39,838
- You got a lot of talent,
larry bird.
270
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,073
- Make no mistake,
magic johnson,
271
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,876
I will [bleep] end you.
272
00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,380
[chuckles]
273
00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:50,649
- ♪ we said our prayers
before bed ♪
274
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,817
♪ we didn't sex till we wed ♪
275
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,787
♪ we were
proud young americans ♪
276
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:59,190
♪ ooh yeah
277
00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:03,728
- Oh, this is great.
I love these masks.
278
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:06,831
It's like we bought a zoo
in the matrix.
279
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,933
More like "eyes wide slut."
280
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,001
[both chuckle]
281
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:10,568
Both: Whoa!
282
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,671
- What's up
with bloody finger dude?
283
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,005
- Finger magnets.
284
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,306
It's an initiation ritual.
285
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,776
We stick our hands in ice
for half an hour,
286
00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:21,079
Implant the magnets,
then stitch them up.
287
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,515
- Ooh, aspen like.
288
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:31,489
- [ominous voice]
we are the nameless.
289
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,925
We are
a worldwide organization
290
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:38,563
Dedicated to bringing down
the parasitic system
291
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,597
Known as society.
292
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:42,634
You have two minutes
to tell me
293
00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:46,671
Just exactly
what you're doing here.
294
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,106
[normal voice]
okay?
295
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,508
- Thank you for having us.
This is a sweet lair.
296
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:51,476
- What do you want?
297
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,378
- We want in.
Are you hiring?
298
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,145
- This isn't a job.
299
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:57,415
It's a revolutionary
organization.
300
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,984
- What's the diz
with the fingy mags?
301
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:03,021
- All of us citizen scientists
have these finger magnets.
302
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:07,892
- So that's for picking up,
like, paper clips or...
303
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,928
- Yeah, you can pick up
really anything metal
304
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:12,030
As long
as it's not too heavy.
305
00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:13,465
- Well, like,
we're the most tech
306
00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:14,899
Out of all our friends,
like--
307
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,134
- It's not about being tech.
308
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:20,038
It's about realizing
that structure is an illusion.
309
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,340
- But are you the leader
of this organization?
310
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,542
- Yeah.
- So is that like--
311
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,978
- Okay, don't.
Don't do that.
312
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,546
- Shawn bank
is my daddy's bank.
313
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:31,616
We wanna help you
bring it down.
314
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,051
- Your daddy's bank, huh?
315
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,987
- And he's being a [bleep] dick
to us at the golf course.
316
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,255
- I have daddy issues too.
317
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,924
I mean, I am
a walking representation
318
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:42,427
Of having issues
with your father.
319
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,628
- Pretty self-aware.
320
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,563
- All right.
321
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:48,166
Can you get me security codes?
- Totally, yeah.
322
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:50,802
- This is something
that we definitely wanna do.
323
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:54,839
- Take these two rich dicks
to initiation.
324
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:55,373
- Thanks.
325
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:58,109
Is that, like,
a big [bleep] fest?
326
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,878
- ♪ all my fears
327
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:03,715
♪ float around me
328
00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:06,050
♪ like butterfly
329
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:08,820
♪ and in our eyes
330
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:13,358
♪ no redemptions
331
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:17,529
♪ no exceptions
332
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:21,399
♪ no freedom
333
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:25,003
♪ there's no escape from ♪
334
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,204
- Oh!
335
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,840
Totally worth it.
336
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,546
- Cassie, come here.
337
00:13:34,548 --> 00:13:35,547
Sweetheart.
- Yeah.
338
00:13:35,549 --> 00:13:39,417
- Do be a wonderful daughter
and get me some egg nog.
339
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:41,820
Assist me, cassie.
340
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,956
I didn't want tepid
eggy nog nog.
341
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:47,725
I wanted cold eggy nogga.
342
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:55,400
Cassie, I can't do all
the heavy lifting in the house.
343
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:56,968
I'm the one
changing the channel.
344
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,604
Can you at least do
some cleaning up around?
345
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,972
- My dad is
the fattest person yet.
346
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:03,842
- You know how much
I've tried to lose the weight,
347
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:07,645
But that pool volleyball
is for worms and plebeians.
348
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:13,251
- We all had really high hopes
for pool volleyball.
349
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,820
- I'm on
the san diego mindset now.
350
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:18,256
I'm going to san diego where?
351
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,024
- Dad, in your head.
352
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:20,925
- In here.
353
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:22,193
[breathing heavily]
354
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:22,594
- Okay.
355
00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:26,264
- You've been working so hard
taking care of me, cassandra.
356
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,633
I wanna give you
back something.
357
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,768
- Thanks, dad.
I appreciate that.
358
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,537
- A song.
- Okay.
359
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:35,073
- ♪ when a father
360
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,442
♪ loves his daughter
361
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:42,046
♪ and they live together
as partners ♪
362
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,815
- So today I have
a new couch arriving
363
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:44,515
As a special surprise.
364
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,317
It's gonna be a challenge
to get him off the old one.
365
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:51,289
- ♪ and you'll think of her
often with fondness ♪
366
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:51,856
- Love you, dad.
367
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:53,024
- Go get me some egg nog,
sweetie.
368
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:55,860
- Yeah, you want
some egg nog now?
369
00:14:57,997 --> 00:15:00,131
- Brought me
my special sandwich?
370
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:00,632
- I did.
371
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:02,033
- Well, hand it to me,
my dear.
372
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:03,701
- Okay.
- What are you doing?
373
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,803
- Dad, you have
to reach for it.
374
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:07,338
- Why would I have
to reach for it
375
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,374
When you could
just hand it to me?
376
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:12,944
- I'm gonna take the remote.
377
00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:15,113
Dad, I know you can do it.
378
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,415
I'm here for you.
379
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,983
- I'm so scared, cassie.
380
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:21,352
- You're gonna
get that sandwich,
381
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,721
And you're gonna
feel accomplished.
382
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,623
- [sighs]
383
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:28,960
[groans]
384
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:31,729
[groaning]
385
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:34,299
I'm so scared, cassie.
386
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:39,570
[groaning]
387
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,040
[doorbell chimes]
388
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,474
- The new couch is here.
389
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,710
- Cassandra,
hand me the sandwich.
390
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:46,778
I've done my part.
391
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,613
Are they inside, cassie?
392
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,381
- Dad, they're not looking.
393
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,349
- Bring my cover sheet.
394
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:55,153
I won't be shamed
in front of these pedestrians.
395
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:57,655
Tell them
about my master's degree.
396
00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:58,990
- I already told them.
397
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,292
- Don't try to move me.
398
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:04,696
[groans]
399
00:16:04,698 --> 00:16:07,532
Feed it to me.
400
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:08,566
Mmm.
401
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:11,636
You know, I know
I chastised you just now,
402
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:16,240
But this has provided me with
more excitement and exercise
403
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,608
Than I've had in years.
404
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:20,445
And I can do this with you,
my dear.
405
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:23,414
- Dad, I know we can do this.
406
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,717
I'm gonna move you
to the couch,
407
00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:29,754
And I'm gonna get a ramp
and a dolly.
408
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,492
I understand.
409
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,161
- Is my mic still on?
410
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:40,431
[upbeat techno music]
411
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:46,170
♪
412
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,206
I'm not an animal.
413
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:51,075
- ♪ I'll treat you right ♪
414
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:51,876
- What?
415
00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,011
Like, why is everyone
so mad at me
416
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,512
That, like, I'm not responding
to their emails?
417
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,548
It's, like, overwhelming.
Like, what happened here?
418
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,783
- That's weird.
I don't have any emails.
419
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,718
- Yeah, brenth, you were
supposed to handle, like,
420
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,788
All of our work-related emails
as our assistant.
421
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,189
- Yeah.
- Are you sure?
422
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:05,923
- Yeah.
423
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,425
- I'm not, like, a techie.
424
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,027
- Totally.
Like, you're a best friend.
425
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:11,562
- Like, we don't mean
to cause, like, friction.
426
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:12,663
- Maybe I don't, like--
427
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:15,033
- Oh, my goo-goo.
428
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,934
- Wow!
- Hey, guys.
429
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:19,404
- Look what the dog
brought in.
430
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:20,505
- I think, like,
the problem with, like,
431
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,408
Fat dad, dirty house:The curse of cassandra
432
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,275
Is, like, the three elements.
433
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,110
One is, like, the fat dad
'cause that's disgusting,
434
00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:27,512
A dirty house
'cause that's disgusting,
435
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,847
And cassandra, 'cause
that's, like, disgusting.
436
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:32,016
- Maybe she's just here
for lunch!
437
00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:34,652
[laughter]
438
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,220
- Hi, guys.
439
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:36,988
- Oh, hi.
440
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:41,192
- Actually, um,
I brought cupcakes.
441
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,661
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god, cupcakes.
442
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,296
It must be a special occasion.
443
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:48,433
- Yeah, like,
that it's late 2012,
444
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,768
Because honestly, cassandra,
445
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:51,502
Cupcakes are out.
446
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,571
Supermarket cakes
and doughnuts are in.
447
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,306
And also,
[bleep] you.
448
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,775
- Oh, my god,
I did get an email.
449
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:58,743
Yellow head.
- Hi.
450
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,511
- Baby bump.
- How are you?
451
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:03,548
- I am moving on
to a much better job.
452
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,283
- Like, are you, like,
leaving us?
453
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,785
- Like, oh, my god.
[squeals]
454
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,654
- Working with you
has been like...
455
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:11,456
[sobbing indistinctly]
456
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:12,090
- Right!
457
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,124
And, like, I'm pregnant.
458
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,158
Like, this is hard for me.
459
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,227
- Wait, what?
- Liz.
460
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:18,029
- Oh, my god, this is,
like, double bombshell.
461
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:21,132
It's like, where am I,
in china during world war I?
462
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:24,469
- And those people, like,
bit it, like, so hard.
463
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:25,403
Like, honestly--
464
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,206
- This is how
I'm gonna remember you.
465
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:28,773
- Oh, my god.
466
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,741
- Oh, my god,
you're, like, so sweet, brenth.
467
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,443
- Bye, brenth.
We love you.
468
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,544
- Bye, brenth.
469
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:35,046
[both sob]
470
00:18:35,048 --> 00:18:35,580
Both: Cassandra!
471
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,748
[phone rings]
- answer the [bleep] phone.
472
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,717
- Good afternoon.
Publizity.
473
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,652
- It's based off our names.
474
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,721
- ♪ I'll treat you right ♪
475
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:46,257
- Ladies like themselves
some supermarket cake.
476
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,992
And gentlemen
seem to not be able
477
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,760
To get enough buffalo wings.
478
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:50,561
It's crazy.
479
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:51,929
There's something,
I guess, very comforting
480
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,765
About eating that, like,
really processed sugar.
481
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,567
But, like,
if you ever wanna know
482
00:18:56,569 --> 00:19:00,872
If a woman is not feeling
good about herself, mm...
483
00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:03,975
See if she's buying
supermarket cake.
484
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,014
- Occupy golf street.
485
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,415
- Whoa, we're so drunk.
486
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:12,817
- I've had just
about enough of this.
487
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,385
- What's up?
- I can't stand this anymore.
488
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:17,788
Just tell me, how much money
do I need to throw at this thing
489
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:18,456
To make it go away?
490
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:22,360
- Dad, dad, you're gonna
be so proud of me.
491
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,728
I got a job.
492
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:24,395
- Oh, let me guess.
493
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:25,930
You're sitting
in bean bag chairs
494
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,298
In a loft space downtown.
495
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,199
- No, we're actually talking
496
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:29,300
About the digital revolution
every day
497
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,802
And how we can spread it across
america and change the world.
498
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,704
But what we need from you
499
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,273
Is just pretty much
just, like,
500
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,475
Access to the security codes
for shawn bank,
501
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,609
And we'll be, like, set.
502
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,144
- I don't have
the time for this.
503
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:42,747
I'm calling security
to have you removed.
504
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:44,582
- Oh, boy,
no don't do that,
505
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,717
'cause then I have to--
506
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:51,155
There's a magnet
in my finger now for my job.
507
00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:55,660
- Would you look at that?
508
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:00,765
I've got to show this
to the boys at the club.
509
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:01,332
- Okay, daddy.
510
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:03,834
- Is it just me or is
all this father-son stuff
511
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,736
Chubbing you out?
512
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:08,339
[gentle music]
513
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:11,475
- [vocalizing]
514
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:14,278
♪
515
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:19,083
♪ you'll pave the way ♪
516
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:20,051
♪ in fact
517
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:23,788
♪ he loved me first
518
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:28,426
♪ a love a son deserved
519
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:32,263
♪ thank you for being
my dad ♪
520
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,498
♪ daddy
521
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,834
♪ being my dad
522
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:39,537
♪ daddy
523
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:43,808
♪ being my father
524
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:47,845
- [slow-motion]
I'm proud of you, son.
525
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,014
- [slow-motion]
thanks, dad.
526
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:54,218
- ♪ thank you for being
my father ♪
527
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:57,521
- Nothing brings
families together
528
00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:00,191
Like finger magnets.
529
00:21:00,193 --> 00:21:02,460
- Ha ha.
530
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:07,598
- So this is a response
to all the haters out there.
531
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,601
President/king obama
532
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:13,070
And his desire
to take away our guns
533
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:16,674
Is a sign of the apocalypse
that is upon us.
534
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:19,310
So watch yourself.
37490
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