Original subtitles

- Hey, there.

Oh, hello, I'm nash rickey from the hit band sloppysecondz.

- ♪ l.A. Deli

There are a few things that I truly love:

Being sober, my lord and savior jesus christ,

Performing cunnilingus, and of course,

Selling smoked meats to the greater los angeles area.

♪ l.A. Deli

So experience the vibe of party hit l.A. Deli

Right here at the del rey deli,

The l.A. Deli in marina del ray.

Technically, it's mar vista.

With the southland's biggest virgin daiquiri bar,

You can always has fun at del rey deli

Without losing control.

Bottom's up.

You sure there's no booze in this?

No, no, no, I want to-- re-pour these again.

I didn't see the process.

[clears throat] where's my purell?

All of our waitstaff is in recovery,

And we're taking it one day at a time,

Isn't that right, sweetie?

I want you to know, your tits look amazing.

'kay.

We're making our way through this crazy world,

Controlling it, taking meetings,

And making delicious sandwiches and coffee.

48, 49.

Okay, there's supposed to be 50 here.

With bathrooms cleaned every 10 minutes,

Tables cleaned every 15 minutes,

And the kitchen cleaned in the quarter hour,

Nothing is more important than hygiene here at del rey deli.

Let me just clear out some of this, um--

- Oh! Sorry. - Okay.

You know what, meal's on me. Get up, just--

- Can we get a to-go box?

- No, there's no to-go boxes here.

The styrofoam doesn't stack right.

Please get up. - Come on, varla.

- Could I get a waitstaff here?

No more food today. It's been corrupted.

Shut down the kitchen! We're done for the day.

[dubstep music]

♪

John, you got a million-dollar idea?

- I do have a million-dollar idea.

Okay, here it is.

You go into a car, right? - Mm-hmm.

- You've got the umbrella, but you can't close it really

And get into the car easily,

So the umbrella should close out.

- [whooshing] and it goes out that way...

- Yeah. - And then I can slip it

Right in, 'cause otherwise, I get it stuck in the door.

- Yeah, there you go. - Oh--[laughs]

That's it?

Male narrator: After making millions

As professional athletes, these stars are seeing

Just how fast they can spend it,

Fielding business proposals from amateur entrepreneurs.

- You want to invest in this?

- I've had just about enough of it!

- Tell me what the freakin' pitch is.

Narrator: Who will be the first to spend his signing bonus?

Let's meet the jocks.

Cal culvers is a harvard-educated pitcher

With a serious gambling addiction.

After dumping gatorade on his coach,

Offensive lineman dante levante

Dumps $100 bills on nightclub crowds.

Argentinean soccer phenom matteus soto

Moved to seattle for a higher salary,

But is unable to say no to anyone asking him for money.

Entrepreneur tony bell is seeking $1 million

For his new invention.

- It's good, y'all. Like, greetings and salutations.

Yo, yo, but let me, like, ask you this, though.

Like, what keeps you from getting wet in the rain

When it's, like, wet?

- Umbrella. - An umbrella.

- Right, I [bleep] with that, but, like,

What keeps the umbrella from getting wet?

Boom, you see that? That's the top umbrella,

And it--it keep the bottom umbrella nice and dry

So you're, like, not wet with the--you know what I mean?

- The second umbrella is gonna be wet.

- Right.

- Why do you need to keep the under umbrella dry?

- Honestly, like, imagine you're with a bitch, right?

She got the mother[bleep] clap and all that.

My [bleep] steve caught that,

But like, had he had two condoms,

The first one woulda broke,

Second one, he woulda been all good.

- Okay, so this is a cumbersome physical metaphor

For sexual misfortune?

- Like, honestly, like, that's how I feel.

- I am prepared to invest the full 5 million.

- That's what's up, man.

Narrator: Next up is jeff, a disgraced nba referee.

- Okay.

You guys having fun today?

- Yeah. - Lot of good pitches.

- Yes, yes. - Yeah.

- You guys lock in plans for afterwards, or...

Oof.

- Uh, I'm sorry?

- Did you guys lock in plans for--

You know, when you're done shooting, or--

- I'm probably just gonna go home.

- This is not nerves.

I'm completely comfortable in this situation.

- It appears exactly like nerves.

- Yeah.

A lot of pro athletes get out there,

They're big brothers, big sisters,

Stuff like that, okay,

But there's no money in that, right?

So here's the pitch.

It's like a-- so here's the pitch.

It's called "hang time," okay?

You guys, professional athletes go and hang out,

Not with kids, but with cool adults.

- Uh, I'm a hard "no."

- Dante?

- No way in hell, or hell no. Take it either way you want it.

- All right, I'll choose that one on my--on my own time.

- All right, all right. - Matteus?

- You seem terrible and your body confuses me.

- All right.

No.

- Life is all about making choices,

And I had chosen to attend upper peninsula state,

But I was starting to wonder, would anybody choose me?

- Hey, madison. - Oh, hey, elliot.

- What's going on? - You really like fruit, huh?

- Oh, yeah, I guess I just take 'em back to my room

For in-between meal snacks.

That way, I never have to pay for food.

- Wow, that's really smart.

- Yeah, I'm on the flex-450 semester meal plan,

So as long as I don't go over 17 meals a week,

I am golden.

- What up? Mind if I cut?

I'm just getting chips using all points.

The meal plan's kind of for suckers.

Did you know the peninsula pit's

Taking points at all those restaurants now?

- Really? - I don't know,

Would you maybe want to go check it out some Friday night?

- What--what time?

- That's the beauty of points, whenever we want.

- Okay.

- Well, I'll see you then, red.

- You were saying something.

- I'll see you later, madison.

- ♪ today I am thankful

♪ I pray to be thankful 'cause of you ♪

- ♪ thankful for each day

- ♪ god, 'cause of you

- And so I started spending points,

Hoping to run into the guy who told me about them

In the first place.

Logan, it's so funny seeing you here.

So this hamburger is 300 points.

How much is that in dollars?

- $3.

- Well, how much do these fries cost?

- 175 points, red.

- How much is that in dollars?

-$1.75.

- How do you keep it all straight?

- Maybe it'd be easier if I showed you.

Let's say these fries were 111 points.

You just have to move the decimal point.

You get it now?

- ♪ I could never walk on water ♪

♪ the way you did as the bible says ♪

- This is great, huh?

- You know what you should do is throw a party.

We could go to the deer deli, maybe pick up some nacho chips,

Cola, couple magazines.

You can buy all that with points.

♪ mm-hmm

♪

[upbeat synthesizer music]

- Pardon.

Do you have seasonal depression there?

Oh, don't change the channel.

You get out.

Hey there, canadian youngsters. I'm gene creemers,

And I'm here to gently prod canada's youth to...

All: Get out!

- [whispering] get out. - Pardon?

- Get "oot"!

- Great wagonwheels, ladies.

- What "aboot" safety?

- [blows whistle] safety first, eh?

All: Safety rules!

- Remember, tie those trainers.

- Double knot.

- Is this exercise?

- Yeah.

- What if I need energy?

- Well, try some g.O.R.P. - What's g.O.R.P.?

It's a cereal that you eat with your hands.

Remember, kids, just 1/4 of an hour a day, that's it.

Don't quit, and remember...

All: Get out! - Okay.

[dramatic music]

- Ciao. How's it going?

I'm a european.

So cool, very cool. This is a very cool scene here.

So this is, for example, a bracelet that is a magnet.

- Oh. - Okay, is that your pitch?

- Hey, hold your horses, roy rogers.

[both chuckles]

The pitch is that I like to smoke marlboro cigarettes.

You know, the coolest car to have is a tiny car.

- Is that connected to your product?

- In europe, the product is not as important as the process.

- Yes. - So where

Is your process taking you?

- The process is taking us throughout the globe,

Wherever they be, in the americas, or in africa,

Or--uh, ching-- [mumbles]

- Ching who? - I'm sorry, did you just do--

- Oh, I'm sorry, we can't make these jokes?

In the states they can't-- they will get angry?

I can't be funny like "zeinfeld" here?

- What is your pitch?

- It's dinner at 11:45, it's toddlers who drink wine,

It's 7 to 12 sausages per meal. - Okay.

- So let--let's start with 15,000 euro?

- This is a steal.

I don't know why you guys are sitting on your hands,

But I will bid 15,000 euros, without problem.

Narrator: Next up is men's rights activist, bob ducca.

Let's see if he can wow the judges.

- Thank you, honorable judges.

My first product that I have is a grabber grabber.

Now, this is a grabber

For when somebody drops their other grabber,

And they have a bad back, and you can just reach down

And grab it.

Moving on.

You know what, I have a list of things.

You just tell me which catches your fancy.

- Okay, are you just gonna keep pitching stuff

Until we go for something? - Mm-hmm.

- All right, uh--

- A planned parenthoodie.

If you want to cover your face when you're getting an abortion.

- Bob, what's that on your hand?

- Uh, mega carpal tunnel wrist guard.

- Okay, and what about your neck?

- That's a neck brace.

- From-- what happened to you?

- Hmm? - What happened to you

Besides a life of tragedy? - I was thrashed.

- What? - I was thrashed.

- You were thrashed? - Mm-hmm.

I don't know what it was. There was a creature.

I was sleeping in a cul de sac, and I woke up.

Some creature had me by the scruff of my neck

And was thrashing me around like a rag doll.

- Was it just a man, or-- - I don't know.

I woke up in a veterinary emergency room.

- They brought you to a vet to be treated?

- My hair was longer then.

- Okay, you know,

I feel like this is just gonna continue...

- Oh, sure. - Until somebody

Jumps on one of these ideas. - I have nowhere to go.

- Okay, I'll give you $100 for the scooper.

- Oh, wow. Okay, excellent.

- Terrific. - Do I get paid now?

- You need the $100 right now? - I don't know how it works.

- Uh, the production's gonna send you money down the road.

I mean, if you need--

- Oh, are we on television?

- Tell us about your million-dollar idea.

- My million-dollar idea is this:

Everyday heroes.

- I love it.

- The paramedic, saving the life.

The janitor, making it clean.

The cop on the corner helping a kid,

Giving him a football card for-- with trivia on it.

- [laughs] - good luck.

- If you're not wearing shoes and you're not wearing socks,

You're barefoot.

I didn't know fred flintstone was flying today.

How are you? Nice to see you.

You know what movie actually scares me?

I'm gonna git you sucka.

I gotta go through here, let 'em use the x-ray machine,

See what's slopping around inside.

- It'll just be a minute folks, then he's taking a break.

He promised me himself. Didn't you, jeff?

- I think I swallowed a whistle about 12 years ago

During a basketball.

- One, two, three. - I'm locked in, hold on.

All right, okay.

- [grunts] - give uncle jeff

A push in the tush.

If they'd let me, I'd take twice as many.

- [laughs] you're so strong.

- Uh, hold on. Uh, hold on.

[beeping]

[beeping]

- Okay, I'm gonna reach on your stomach.

You okay with that? - Mm-hmm.

- Okay, okay. Oh, jeez louise.

I don't even need to get online tonight.

- You like this? This is hot, right?

[both laughing]

- Is--I-I feel like she wouldn't be interested

In a guy like me, right? She's probably got

Some big, black boyfriend, or something like that.

What would I say to a girl like that?

- [laughs] - I don't know.

Try not to say "lock down plans," though.

Maybe something more casual.

- "you want to lock down sex?" something like that?

"you want to lock down... My--"

Really? You don't have a boyfriend?

- Mm-mmm. - I can't imagine that.

You're always-- you're always "d-d-d-d-d."

- Oh, I'm just making plans with my girls, you know?

- Ah. - Trying to find a man.

- Trying to find a man? - Trying to lock it down.

- Right? Trying to lock it down?

- [laughs]

- 'kay.

- Hello, european person.

Are you going to the states for a holiday?

Well, there's a lot of rubbish there.

Let me tell you the coolest things and places to be.

[techno music]

District of columbia is cool for a class trip,

To buy a baseball hat, a baseball pant.

They only have two days for the weekend,

Which is cool, 'cause you pack in lots of fun stuff

Like beach volleyball and hamburgers.

U.S. Has, like, totally defined sexualities,

And you can tell which is man and which is woman.

Little wayne is a little man with a big voice.

He is the king of new orleans.

Royalty in the u.S. Is people like hulk hogan,

His daughter brook hogan, ben affleck,

A cat who can play piano.

By law, the only rental car you can get is a pt cruiser.

Jesus is, like, the coolest person in the u.S.

Like, how frankenstein is the coolest person in europe.

The coolest museums are the m&m store in times square.

[techno music]

[party music and chatter]

♪

- Can't believe we've been roommates this long

And we've never thrown a party.

Where'd you get all this stuff?

- Let's just say I made a life change.

- I use points, I fill up at the beginning

Of the semester, do about 5,000.

I actually told this girl here who's room it is,

Madison over there.

She bought all this chips and stuff and soda, but like,

She seems, like, a little green, you know?

[sad music]

- Do you guys just want to get outta here?

Say good-bye to madison. Bye, madison.

- To say the least, last night did not go like I planned.

I was so confused. Did logan like me, or not?

Was I just another swipe on his deer dollars card?

[alert beep]

- Sorry, you have a zero balance.

- What?

- Looks like somebody had a pretzel party.

- What am I gonna do?

- Well, I can get you breakfast. I'll use one of my guest passes.

- Elliot, are you sure? [beep]

I mean, you only get five per semester,

And people usually like to save them

For off-campus guests. - Yeah, I don't mind.

- That's really nice.

- Well, it's not that big of a deal.

I have a friend of mine who hacked into the deer net

And put a bunch of points on his girlfriend's account.

- Could you do that for me?

- Um, yeah. Sure.

- Oh, my god, I'd love you forever.

- Cool. [chuckles] I could do that.

- I mean, you've been on it since the beginning.

I wanted to call it "the nick show kroll."

You were never onboard. - No, I wanted.

"krolling around with nick clown."

- Yes, that was-- that was the name

That you were supporting. - Yeah.

- And you did not like "the krollsby show,"

Another pitch of mine. - [sighs]

I liked that as, like, one of 100 interchangeable titles

More as-- more than the only title.

- Versus "krolling around with nick clown."

- That would have worked as the only title for the show.

[both laughing]

Yes, and we'd be a hit-- we'd be a hit by now

If you'd let me. - [laughs]

[dubstep music]

All: Get out! - [whispering] get out.

- Pardon? - Get "oot"!

- What happened to the kids of get out!?

- This is... - Get out!...

- 20 years later.

- I'm angela mackenzie. I played sharon in get out!

After get out! Came out, it was explosive, you know.

After things settled down, I started to feel pretty alone.

Yeah, next thing you know, I'm strung out on heroin

In vancouver, british columbia, on hastings and main there.

- After get out!, I mean, things spiraled,

And, you know, a lot of girls back then.

Yeah. We called them "the get out! Girls."

That's what we'd say when we were done,

"get out," you know?

Hi, I'm quentin brian, and I played

One of the dancing kids in the get out! Psa.

But I did end up turning my back on my parents.

- Hey, there, pal.

You auditioning for cirque du soleil?

- Look, you know, gene creemer said to me,

"you could be in cirque du soleil,"

And I took him at his word, and, well, I never made it.

I never even came close to making it.

I can barely touch my toes.

Sorry for disappointing you.

- I'm a bit bigger now.

- It's tough when I see me saying my famous line up here,

"is this exercise?" the director was asking me

To say "is--" put the emphasis on "this,"

And as a kid, I didn't really understand.

I said, "is this exercise?"

Is this exercise?

But now I know I should've been, like, "is this exercise?"

- Yeah.

Since get out!, well,

I've been on some version of wheels ontario

For my entire adult life.

You know, get out! Actually inspired me to come out.

I'm a gay man and I live with my husband in banff.

Got a little cottage there, we got dogs and cats,

And we got a black child, so...

- [sighs]

[sad pop music]

♪

- ♪ kid, where you been?

♪ who are you hiding from?

♪ if you need someone to talk to ♪

[alert chimes]

- [computer voice] access granted.

- Yes, I'm in.

- You going home for break? - Nah, not this time.

- Yeah, me neither.

Ain't got nobody waiting there for me.

Both my parents passed.

- Really? - Yeah, freshman year.

But forget about that.

Let's go see the "d" beat the gophers tonight.

- [laughs] - you know you can use points

To get concessions.

[alert chimes]

- [computer voice] you have added 500 points

To madison's account. - Cool.

- Hey, what are you doing in here?

- I-- - you're in a lot of trouble,

Mister.

- Can I use my meal plan to make a call?

[walkie beeps]

- Caught a trespasser in the cafeteria.

- Hey, I got caught.

- I'll be right there.

You gonna call our parents? - Well, we can call your parents

And deal with this within the u.P.S. System,

Or I can turn you over to the police

Where you'll be charged as adults.

It's your choice.

Narrator: On the next...

- Madison, do you want to spend spring break with me

Doing habitat for humanity?

- Or you could come see u2 with me in san diego.

[horn blast] - if you guys wanted to lock in

Plans for after the game, I would--

You know, nothing alcohol.

What's the story with the on-campus restaurant?

Is it a list situation? They take money?

Is there points? Can you use points?

I got--I got...$2.

Narrator: Catch all the highs...

- My product is called "acc-you-puncture."

It's not supposed to hurt.

- God. - Oh, what the hell?

Narrator: And the lows. - Oh, god.

- One side, you got your liquids,

Flip is over, the other side, you got your dry foods.

- Um, no. [chuckles]

- Oh! You've ruined it!

- You can pelt me with all the questions you want,

But the one thing you don't have the answer to

Is what I'm about to say next.

When I befriended a group of aliens just three years ago,

I was lost. - Okay, there it is.

- There's the answer.

- Well, I had a feeling something like that was coming.

- Do you believe in yourself, cal?

- Yeah.

- Do you believe in a cool group of down-to-earth aliens

Who love to hang out, have fun, and have great ideas

About what kind of food you can eat?

- No, that's crazy.

- [whispering] that's what I thought.

Narrator: With a special visit from rock legend, nash rickey.

- ♪ l.A. Deli

[rock fanfare]

- I'm here to pitch you an idea today

For the del rey deli,

The l.A. Deli near marina del rey.

- That already exists. - Yeah.

- I've--I've eaten there.

- You're ineligible.

- Fair enough. Love you guys.

- ♪ I'm gonna ride that winged beauty on home ♪

- Ha ha. Good at bizness.

- Some of them aren't doing too good, you know.

They got out a little bit too far,

They didn't reel it back in, you know.

I guess brian eggers is dead. He's in a lake somewhere.

Got himself involved in the mafia

And couldn't get out.