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1
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:08,970
[metal clanging]
2
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,140
- Ahh!
3
00:00:10,170 --> 00:00:12,370
- Que? Que?
[speaking spanish]
4
00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:13,540
[both speaking spanish]
5
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:14,780
- What is it?
What's wrong?
6
00:00:14,810 --> 00:00:17,240
- He says this stone
is from 1,000 miles away.
7
00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:19,210
No man can tell
how it got here.
8
00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:21,020
- Hmm.
9
00:00:21,050 --> 00:00:24,050
Actually,
I know one man that can.
10
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:27,860
- He was a member of
an elite force in desert shield
11
00:00:27,890 --> 00:00:30,820
Who made the cardinal sin
of stepping on a roadside bomb.
12
00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:33,830
Only an igneous rock formation
allowed him to breathe
13
00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:35,660
And ultimately survive.
14
00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:38,530
Legally dead,
he now roams the earth's crust
15
00:00:38,570 --> 00:00:41,270
On his motorcycle
as a renegade geologist.
16
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:44,710
[blues rock music]
17
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:49,880
♪
18
00:00:49,910 --> 00:00:51,550
[eagle screeching]
19
00:00:59,050 --> 00:01:00,550
- Doctor, you made it.
20
00:01:00,590 --> 00:01:03,460
- Now let me see
this so-called rock.
21
00:01:03,490 --> 00:01:05,890
- Right here.
- Hmm.
22
00:01:05,930 --> 00:01:10,900
Now let me investigate.
23
00:01:10,930 --> 00:01:13,900
This appears to be
conglomerate silica sediment.
24
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,740
- Huh?
- Huh?
25
00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:18,010
- Limestone.
26
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,310
[laughing]
gotta go.
27
00:01:25,550 --> 00:01:28,850
[dubstep music]
28
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:36,890
♪
29
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,070
Mm. Mm.
30
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,110
What's the appropriate age
31
00:01:53,140 --> 00:01:56,140
For a man
to get plastic surgery?
32
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,410
What do you think
that age is?
33
00:02:00,450 --> 00:02:03,780
[sighs]
why don't I ask dr. Armond?
34
00:02:03,820 --> 00:02:05,790
Roll it.
[camera shutter clicks]
35
00:02:05,820 --> 00:02:08,120
This is one of
the most relaxing hand massages
36
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,490
I've ever had
in my entire life.
37
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,790
[phone chimes, barks]
oh, my.
38
00:02:11,830 --> 00:02:13,560
"shannon hearts armond."
39
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:17,660
My heart is jumping
out of my chest.
40
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:21,340
- ♪ so happy to be
41
00:02:21,370 --> 00:02:24,170
♪ dr. Mrs. Armond
42
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:27,640
- Wow.
There she is.
43
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,280
- ♪ you're special lover man
44
00:02:29,310 --> 00:02:31,780
♪ the most wonderful kind
45
00:02:31,810 --> 00:02:35,650
♪ you make me feel love
exploding out of my mind ♪
46
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:39,290
♪ oh, armond,
you're the one ♪
47
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:42,420
- This is my soon-to-be
ex-wife shannon.
48
00:02:42,460 --> 00:02:44,390
Have you ever been so in love
49
00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:46,330
That you made a video
for someone?
50
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,530
- Not that in love, no.
- Hmm.
51
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,970
Then this really must be
something special.
52
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,700
I mean, your substantial jaw
must be on the floor, kelsey.
53
00:02:54,740 --> 00:02:57,100
- You're not considering
reconciling, old friend.
54
00:02:57,140 --> 00:02:59,410
- I love my wife.
What can I do, kels?
55
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:00,670
- Play the fiel--
[earpiece beeps]
56
00:03:00,710 --> 00:03:02,910
- Oh, my.
The door is ajar.
57
00:03:02,940 --> 00:03:04,850
Watch out, my sweet.
Here I come.
58
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:08,150
As I approached the bed,
something seemed off.
59
00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:09,880
It looks like you need
a kiss from a prince
60
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,190
To wake you up.
61
00:03:11,220 --> 00:03:13,650
- Freeze!
62
00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:16,520
- Oh, my.
She has no pulse.
63
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,990
As california's premier
animal plastic surgeon,
64
00:03:19,030 --> 00:03:20,660
I always strive
for perfection.
65
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,130
- [screams]
66
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,830
- But sometimes, there are
even problems that I can't fix.
67
00:03:25,870 --> 00:03:28,540
I've always been
something of a homebody.
68
00:03:28,570 --> 00:03:29,740
[device beeps]
69
00:03:29,770 --> 00:03:31,910
But this is just absurd.
70
00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:35,880
This is armond
of the house...Arrest.
71
00:03:35,910 --> 00:03:38,850
Kelsey,
I've got a confession to make.
72
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:40,480
I'm guilty.
- Oh, dear god.
73
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,780
- Guilty of falling
74
00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:43,280
For one of the most
beautiful women in the world.
75
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:45,450
- [laughing]
oh, armond.
76
00:03:45,490 --> 00:03:47,420
- I didn't murder her, kelsey.
77
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:48,990
I need you to believe me.
78
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:51,990
But just in case,
maybe get a white bronco.
79
00:03:52,030 --> 00:03:53,190
[doorbell rings]
80
00:03:53,230 --> 00:03:54,760
- Armond, the cops are here.
81
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:55,930
Am I gonna miss shannon?
82
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,660
Hell no.
That bitch was wack.
83
00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:58,870
You know, rest in peace.
84
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:01,170
Make me a feast, ho.
85
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,240
[device beeps]
86
00:04:02,270 --> 00:04:03,740
- Dr. Armond,
this is officer long.
87
00:04:03,770 --> 00:04:05,410
I'm detective smart.
88
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,410
- You must be to rise
to the rank of detective.
89
00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:13,150
- This is my beautiful son
roman.
90
00:04:13,180 --> 00:04:14,250
[smack]
91
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,120
- Well, you must very proud.
92
00:04:16,150 --> 00:04:18,150
- First, I had to convince
this detective
93
00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:19,590
That I hadn't murdered
my wife.
94
00:04:19,620 --> 00:04:21,320
But almost more importantly,
95
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,990
I had to make sure that my son
had the breakfast he so desired.
96
00:04:25,030 --> 00:04:27,930
- Where were you when you first
discovered your wife's body?
97
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,700
- I was deciding
whether to sever her...
98
00:04:29,730 --> 00:04:31,270
- [screams]
99
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,600
- Ties to me.
100
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,170
[squeak]
101
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,740
- Do you have any access
to sedatives or drugs?
102
00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:39,770
- Only enough to kill a horse.
103
00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:41,140
[whip cracks,
horse neighs]
104
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:42,680
- You're not intimidating me
with your fancy shirt.
105
00:04:42,710 --> 00:04:44,710
I know what you did.
- Is it okay if I go?
106
00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:46,150
- I just prepared
a feast for you.
107
00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:47,310
- I'm not eating that.
108
00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:49,920
I'm going to chick club
with my friends.
109
00:04:49,950 --> 00:04:51,080
This looks like [bleep].
110
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,850
- But the joke's on him.
111
00:04:52,890 --> 00:04:55,790
More for me.
112
00:04:55,820 --> 00:04:57,290
- What's wrong with you?
113
00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:58,830
Like, your face
isn't even moving.
114
00:04:58,860 --> 00:05:00,130
Your wife just died.
115
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,530
- What would be
a more appropriate thing
116
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:02,930
For me to do with my face?
117
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,770
- Have it move.
118
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,940
- [howling]
119
00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:11,610
Since my tear ducts
are now closed,
120
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,010
The only way I can cry
is through my mouth.
121
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:17,480
[howling]
122
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:25,550
[overlapping howling]
123
00:05:25,590 --> 00:05:27,250
- I forgot to hang up,
old friend.
124
00:05:27,290 --> 00:05:29,460
I'm sending over my lawyer
zack sword.
125
00:05:29,490 --> 00:05:32,360
[sword unsheathes]
- I've never lost a case.
126
00:05:35,060 --> 00:05:37,560
- Police treat me
as if I'm a beautiful woman.
127
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,400
So I was driving
to san francisco.
128
00:05:39,430 --> 00:05:41,840
I'm going down the hill
towards grapevine.
129
00:05:41,870 --> 00:05:44,170
- Mm-hmm.
- Not a thought in my head.
130
00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:45,670
The policeman pulls me over.
- Mm-hmm.
131
00:05:45,710 --> 00:05:47,010
- He says to me,
132
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,210
"are you aware that you're going
95 miles per hour?"
133
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,580
- Mm-hmm.
134
00:05:50,610 --> 00:05:53,050
- I said to him, "I wasn't aware
that I was driving."
135
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,980
He chuckles and says,
"on your way."
136
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:58,190
- Really?
- He loved it.
137
00:05:58,220 --> 00:05:59,950
- John,
I just want you to know...
138
00:05:59,990 --> 00:06:02,360
You are beautiful woman.
- Thanks.
139
00:06:04,890 --> 00:06:07,590
- ♪ money, big money,
big dough, big ♪
140
00:06:07,630 --> 00:06:09,960
- Oh, my god, okay.
How does that feel?
141
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,470
- How does what feel?
- Me being inside of you.
142
00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:13,970
- Don't fall in love with me,
aspen.
143
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,700
- Winn?
- [clears throat]
144
00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:16,770
- Winn!
- [sighs]
145
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,940
- Ignore him.
- O.M.G.
146
00:06:18,970 --> 00:06:21,140
Aspen, can you stop [bleep]
my sister for five seconds?
147
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:22,680
- Wen, there are, like,
zero reasons
148
00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:24,180
For you to have that attitude
right now.
149
00:06:24,210 --> 00:06:25,780
- Listen, winnie,
we need to talk, okay?
150
00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:27,410
Did you even get the email
I sent you?
151
00:06:27,450 --> 00:06:29,580
- First of all, I told you
I changed my name to heath.
152
00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:31,120
- Ah.
- Oh, sorry.
153
00:06:31,150 --> 00:06:32,990
Heath, did you even get
the email I sent you?
154
00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:34,920
- I am not going online, okay?
155
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,520
I told you I'm taking a "brark"
from the "internaht."
156
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:38,930
- Mommy just called.
157
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,230
Grandpa goobie is basically
a vegetable, okay?
158
00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:43,900
He's a piece of broccolini.
Like, he's about to "dar."
159
00:06:43,930 --> 00:06:44,970
- Oh, my god.
Okay.
160
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,400
- We need to eulogize
grampy goobie,
161
00:06:46,430 --> 00:06:49,340
Or else we're gonna lose
all of our money.
162
00:06:49,370 --> 00:06:51,570
- Well, that should be
the headline, wen.
163
00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:54,340
- Grampy goobie's bank account
owns this house, okay?
164
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:55,910
We'll be homeless people
if we don't get up there.
165
00:06:55,940 --> 00:06:57,440
- Okay, I have an idea.
166
00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,310
We'll take my car,
we'll riff out the eulogy,
167
00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:02,020
We'll do a little "curcaine,"
168
00:07:02,050 --> 00:07:04,550
Then we'll go to your
grandfather's stupid funeral.
169
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,090
And then we'll just
hit wine country,
170
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,120
And we'll just get
sancerre to the dune.
171
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,160
- I love it, but I can't take
anything with tannins
172
00:07:10,190 --> 00:07:11,320
'cause it makes my face red.
173
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,290
- Like a little asian girl?
Oh, my god!
174
00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:14,590
Now I'm about to finish.
175
00:07:14,630 --> 00:07:15,960
Wendall, move out of the way,
so I can look at myself.
176
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,960
[grunts]
let's do a late brunch.
177
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,170
- I'm gonna "pyurk."
178
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,970
- Brunch is ready!
179
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,600
O.M.G., consuela,
you made us "warfles."
180
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:25,710
- Oh, my god,
they're beautiful.
181
00:07:25,740 --> 00:07:26,940
Let's just instagrammy.
- "turtally."
182
00:07:26,970 --> 00:07:28,040
- But--uh--
183
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,940
- Consuela,
how's your boy doing?
184
00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:32,010
- Still sick.
The doctor doesn't know--
185
00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:33,250
- Okay, I don't have time
to talk about that right now
186
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,410
Because we're leaving.
187
00:07:34,450 --> 00:07:36,350
Can you pack us for a two-day?
I love you.
188
00:07:36,380 --> 00:07:37,350
[horn honks]
189
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,190
- What is taking her so long?
190
00:07:39,220 --> 00:07:41,050
Suela, it's getting dark!
191
00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:42,920
- Suela, beep beep,
chop chop.
192
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,390
- Guys, we have to make sure
that we have everything we need.
193
00:07:45,430 --> 00:07:47,760
- Cell phone chargers?
- Yeah, like snacks.
194
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,600
- Um, I brought the gat.
195
00:07:49,630 --> 00:07:51,300
- Just one?
- Mm-hmm. Sorry.
196
00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:52,700
- I think I forgot
my pumpkin.
197
00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:54,970
- We need to bring things
that are gonna inspire us.
198
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,540
- O.M.G.! Costumes from
the original movie dick tracy.
199
00:07:57,570 --> 00:08:00,370
- Suela, bring costumes
from the movie dick tracy.
200
00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:01,810
- [laughing]
word up.
201
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,240
- [gasps]
we need to bring tampons.
202
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:04,850
- Yes, for butt chugs.
203
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,250
- Well, we don't need condoms
204
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:07,680
'cause I'm gonna put a baby
in you this weekend.
205
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,050
- Aspen, I cannot be
with a jewish boy
206
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,450
And ruin my bloodline.
207
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,720
My parents would rather me
have a baby with my brother.
208
00:08:12,750 --> 00:08:14,220
- Yeah.
No poop in the water supply.
209
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:15,490
- I'm only half jewish.
- Ugh!
210
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:16,790
Jews are a snooze.
211
00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:19,490
- Suela, we miss you.
We love you already.
212
00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:22,300
- Hasta la vista, baby.
213
00:08:22,330 --> 00:08:23,730
- Okay,
the car is not starting.
214
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,970
So either we have
a full-on "brarkdown,"
215
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,740
Or we're out of gas, which is
fundamentally the same thing.
216
00:08:28,770 --> 00:08:30,200
- Okay, let's just make
a youtube
217
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:31,610
And sent it to santa barbie.
218
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:33,310
- Take advantage
of the digital age.
219
00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:35,110
- Youtube--youtubeulogy.
220
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,380
- Are you on molly right now?
221
00:08:36,410 --> 00:08:38,950
- My mo--my mouth's not
"worsing" anymore.
222
00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:40,950
- You're so high on molly
right now, your heart is open.
223
00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:42,380
Let's get you on-camera
immediately.
224
00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:44,750
- Let's kill it.
- I wanna touch something.
225
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:47,320
- Suela, unpack for us.
We're staying in.
226
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,690
Change of play-plays.
227
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,160
[dubstep music]
228
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,840
- [speaking spanish]
229
00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:06,510
- What is it?
What's wrong?
230
00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:09,140
- He says he found a fossil of
a fish on this prehistoric rock.
231
00:09:09,180 --> 00:09:11,850
- This is a sensitive site.
We'll have to stop construction.
232
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,150
- [speaking spanish]
233
00:09:13,180 --> 00:09:14,450
- Well, he says
there's no way to know
234
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:15,920
Without continuing to dig.
235
00:09:15,950 --> 00:09:18,320
- Actually, I know one man
who can tell us.
236
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,920
- After losing his passport
on a mission to the andes,
237
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,560
He was forced to live
in obscurity.
238
00:09:22,590 --> 00:09:24,260
He visited
the american consulate
239
00:09:24,290 --> 00:09:25,930
Numerous times
to sort it out
240
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,830
But was told,
according to their files,
241
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:28,830
He was legally dead.
242
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,060
He tried to explain
243
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:31,570
That there had been
a geological anomaly,
244
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:32,970
Which had saved his life,
245
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,300
When suddenly a freak landslide
tore through the consulate
246
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:36,770
And destroyed all the files,
247
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,870
Giving the consulate no choice
but to issue emergency passports
248
00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:41,340
On a provisional basis.
249
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:43,380
He now roams the world
on his motorcycle
250
00:09:43,410 --> 00:09:46,150
As a renegade geologist...
Again.
251
00:09:46,180 --> 00:09:49,150
[blues rock music]
252
00:09:49,180 --> 00:09:55,360
♪
253
00:09:55,390 --> 00:09:57,560
[eagle screeching]
254
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,200
- Doctor,
you made it.
255
00:10:04,230 --> 00:10:07,400
- Let me see the fossil.
- Of course.
256
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,800
- This whole place
used to be under water.
257
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:12,370
Technically,
we're at a prehistoric beach.
258
00:10:12,410 --> 00:10:13,910
- Playa prehistorica.
259
00:10:13,940 --> 00:10:15,540
- Playa prehistorica?
260
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:18,680
- A prehistoric beach.
261
00:10:18,710 --> 00:10:20,950
Cowabunga.
262
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,320
Makeup's gonna--
come here, come in.
263
00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:27,590
So I'm gonna--
say hi to the camera, trent.
264
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,090
- Oh, jeez.
- Oh, jeez.
265
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:30,660
- Hi.
- Hi.
266
00:10:30,690 --> 00:10:32,130
I wear chapstick.
267
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:37,630
My lips absorb moisture
at a crazy rate.
268
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:39,000
Yeah?
269
00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,170
Trent just told me
270
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,900
It's universal
with me and porn stars.
271
00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:46,610
Trent works with porn stars.
272
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:50,540
I'm wondering
if he shares makeup brushes.
273
00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:51,850
- ♪ when I tell you
I'm hungry ♪
274
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,710
♪ you always bring me food
275
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:57,220
♪ and you never make me touch it
when I'm not in the-- ♪
276
00:10:57,250 --> 00:11:00,250
[electricity crackling, beep,
dog barks]
277
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,160
- [groans]
278
00:11:04,190 --> 00:11:06,160
I appreciate the business.
279
00:11:06,190 --> 00:11:08,800
You know, a lotta people, uh,
see me as a plumber,
280
00:11:08,830 --> 00:11:10,630
And they don't ever hire me
as handyman.
281
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,300
- Well, people see me
as a murderer...
282
00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:15,370
- [screams]
283
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,040
- And not
as an animal plastic surgeon.
284
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:18,510
[dog barks]
285
00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:20,640
That's why I guess I brought
my business home with me,
286
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,840
And all the medical equipment
287
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,710
Seems to be shorting out
the circuits.
288
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:28,180
- Well, you should see my place.
Nothing works.
289
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:29,480
You know, I get home,
I'm exhausted.
290
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:30,650
- Well, if you ever
wanna talk about it,
291
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,950
You know where to find me.
292
00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:32,990
[device beeps]
293
00:11:33,020 --> 00:11:34,020
- Yeah.
294
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,260
- But my lawyer's
coming shortly,
295
00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:36,460
So I'll have to scoot.
296
00:11:36,490 --> 00:11:37,990
- Uh, do you know
where the main breaker is?
297
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,130
I need to shut off the power
in order to fix this.
298
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,590
- You know, it's my son roman
299
00:11:41,630 --> 00:11:43,200
Who's the real digital wizard
in the house.
300
00:11:43,230 --> 00:11:44,600
I'm gonna go ask him.
301
00:11:44,630 --> 00:11:45,670
[device beeps]
302
00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:47,030
[guns shooting on video game]
303
00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:49,100
Dingdong,
it's the good witch.
304
00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:51,300
How are you, roman?
305
00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:53,110
- Eww! Eww!
306
00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:54,610
- Roman, are you having
a nice afternoon?
307
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,340
- No! Leave me alone.
308
00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:59,180
- My attorney's about to show
up, so you need to clean up.
309
00:11:59,210 --> 00:12:00,510
- You know
you're gonna go to jail
310
00:12:00,550 --> 00:12:02,080
For, like, probably ever,
right?
311
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,080
- Where's the circuit breaker?
- Just leave.
312
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,120
It's by the garage,
frankenweenie.
313
00:12:06,150 --> 00:12:08,860
- Fyi, the power's gonna be down
for a little bit,
314
00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:10,390
So you'll lose
your internet.
315
00:12:10,420 --> 00:12:12,660
- No! I need the internet
for my game, idiot!
316
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:13,890
[glass breaks, dog barks]
317
00:12:13,930 --> 00:12:15,300
[device beeps]
318
00:12:15,330 --> 00:12:17,230
- Well, if the plastic surgery
biz doesn't work out,
319
00:12:17,260 --> 00:12:20,200
Maybe I can become
the handyman's assistant, chico.
320
00:12:20,230 --> 00:12:22,400
You stay there.
321
00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:26,270
It's off.
- What's that?
322
00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:28,340
- Oh, my. Chico.
Don't wander.
323
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,010
[device beeps]
324
00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:32,110
Oh, no.
325
00:12:32,150 --> 00:12:34,480
I was out of my house arrest
perimeter.
326
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,020
Chico, I'm on trial
for murder.
327
00:12:37,050 --> 00:12:38,890
- [screams]
328
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,790
- My son's being difficult.
329
00:12:40,820 --> 00:12:41,960
- What's that, dad?
330
00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:43,590
You hid the gun where?
331
00:12:43,620 --> 00:12:45,660
- The handyman is depressed.
332
00:12:45,690 --> 00:12:47,390
- You should see my place.
- [screams]
333
00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:50,830
- I need you to meet me
halfway on this one, okay?
334
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:52,070
[sword unsheathes]
335
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,830
- [whistles]
ah, come here, little guy.
336
00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:55,240
Ahh.
337
00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:57,970
I believe
this gentleman belongs to you.
338
00:12:58,010 --> 00:13:00,710
- Oh, either you're
a knight in shining armor
339
00:13:00,740 --> 00:13:02,180
Or my new superstar lawyer.
340
00:13:02,210 --> 00:13:03,580
- How about both?
I'm zack sword.
341
00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:05,080
[sword unsheathes]
- dr. Armond.
342
00:13:05,110 --> 00:13:06,350
- Three things
you should know about me.
343
00:13:06,380 --> 00:13:09,150
One, I've never lost a case.
[swords clink]
344
00:13:09,180 --> 00:13:11,480
Two, this suit cost $10,000.
345
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,450
And three,
did you kill your wife?
346
00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:15,460
I'm sorry.
347
00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:16,690
I had to ask that question
348
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,260
Because a jury's gonna
ask that question.
349
00:13:18,290 --> 00:13:19,530
And if you could
take it from me,
350
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:20,990
You could take it from them.
351
00:13:21,030 --> 00:13:23,700
- Well, mr. Sword, I've been
taking it from everybody.
352
00:13:23,730 --> 00:13:25,370
- [laughing]
353
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:29,800
- ♪ you'll always be
my best friend ♪
354
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,170
- Holy [bleep].
- What?
355
00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:35,210
- Your gums are really bloody.
356
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,380
- Well, I guess I like
to protect all my canines.
357
00:13:37,410 --> 00:13:38,780
[dog barks]
358
00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:41,710
I may have taken flossing
to a slightly unhealthy level.
359
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:44,480
That's house arrest for you.
360
00:13:46,850 --> 00:13:48,020
- I just want something casual.
- Okay.
361
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,960
- So...Um...
362
00:13:49,990 --> 00:13:51,360
Hey.
- I don't even care.
363
00:13:51,390 --> 00:13:53,330
- You don't care about this?
- No.
364
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,230
You know, this is real talk.
- Oh.
365
00:13:55,260 --> 00:13:58,160
- I was third runner-up for
most casual at my high school.
366
00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,470
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
367
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:00,630
- What happened
to the other two kids?
368
00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:02,340
- They wanted it less.
369
00:14:02,370 --> 00:14:04,670
[laughter]
370
00:14:06,310 --> 00:14:09,040
- [muttering]
- [snoring]
371
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:10,710
- Mr. Wendy.
372
00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:12,680
Mr. Wendy.
- [snoring]
373
00:14:12,710 --> 00:14:14,010
- Mr. Wendy!
374
00:14:14,050 --> 00:14:16,020
- Ugh.
Suela.
375
00:14:16,050 --> 00:14:17,450
- I sorry to wake you,
376
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,120
But your grandfather died
last night.
377
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:22,860
- No, grampy goobie.
Winnie!
378
00:14:22,890 --> 00:14:24,390
- My name is heath.
- Heath.
379
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:26,790
Did we come up with
all the words for the eulogy?
380
00:14:26,830 --> 00:14:28,290
- I don't remember.
- Oh.
381
00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:29,530
- Don't worry, babies.
382
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,500
I took care of it, okay?
It's all on my "iphern."
383
00:14:32,530 --> 00:14:34,330
- [groans]
- and this is embarrassing.
384
00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:36,140
When you start something,
finish it.
385
00:14:36,170 --> 00:14:38,200
It's like we're still
in [bleep] middle school.
386
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,540
Both: Hey!
- What's up?
387
00:14:40,570 --> 00:14:43,040
Welcome to grampy goobie's
eulogy video.
388
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,740
- We hope that other people
enjoy this
389
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:46,150
When they play it
when you die
390
00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:47,210
'cause we know
you won't be able to see it
391
00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:48,210
'cause you'll be
in the ground.
392
00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:49,980
[cheerful music]
393
00:14:50,020 --> 00:14:51,520
Early life.
394
00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:53,650
- I am grandpa goobie
as a young man.
395
00:14:53,690 --> 00:14:54,920
I'm horny.
396
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,720
- Wartime.
397
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,960
- Grampy goobie
is signing up for the war.
398
00:14:59,990 --> 00:15:01,390
War ii.
399
00:15:01,430 --> 00:15:03,500
Hitler's rolling for poland.
400
00:15:03,530 --> 00:15:06,070
- Oh, no, it's dick tracy.
Ahh!
401
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:07,230
- Oh, no.
402
00:15:07,270 --> 00:15:09,340
- Blooper reel.
403
00:15:09,370 --> 00:15:10,640
- We shouldn't be
doing this on-camera.
404
00:15:10,670 --> 00:15:12,010
[bleep] it,
let's just do it on-camera.
405
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,240
Verite.
406
00:15:13,270 --> 00:15:14,740
If grandpa goobie could be
any animal in the world,
407
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,180
What animal would he be?
408
00:15:16,210 --> 00:15:17,280
- Um--
- pills.
409
00:15:17,310 --> 00:15:18,780
- [laughing]
410
00:15:20,950 --> 00:15:22,520
- Rest in peace.
411
00:15:22,550 --> 00:15:23,780
[laughter]
412
00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:25,550
- Kill bill, bro.
413
00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:28,020
[screaming]
- cut my neck!
414
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:30,690
- I feel like--like,
"houston, we have a problem,"
415
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,830
And the problem is
that there's not enough love.
416
00:15:32,860 --> 00:15:35,560
The lack of love is really hard
for me to handle right now.
417
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,900
- A baptismal, wendall.
Let's do it!
418
00:15:37,930 --> 00:15:39,800
Yeah!
419
00:15:39,830 --> 00:15:40,900
- That must have been
hard to do.
420
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,140
- Oh, my gosh, yeah.
It was so--
421
00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:44,470
I'm so wet.
I'm so wet.
422
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,510
- I'm so wet too.
423
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,440
- What the [bleep]
is going on?
424
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,480
Grandpa goobie wouldn't
want this this way.
425
00:15:52,510 --> 00:15:55,550
- Grandpa goobie is dead!
426
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,920
- I mean, I still wanna
wes anderson/david fincher
427
00:15:57,950 --> 00:16:00,420
The whole thing,
but that's basically the idea.
428
00:16:00,450 --> 00:16:02,990
- Yeah, I mean, I don't usually
like myself on-camera,
429
00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:04,490
But this time,
I was pleasantly surprised.
430
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,760
- You're my muse.
- Aspen, don't.
431
00:16:06,790 --> 00:16:08,590
- It seems disrespectful.
432
00:16:08,630 --> 00:16:10,060
- What seems disrespectful?
433
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,700
- Your grampy goobie
just died,
434
00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:14,830
And it looks like
you're having a party.
435
00:16:14,870 --> 00:16:16,170
- You were at that party,
consuela.
436
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,440
Who was fighting
with the dick tracy
437
00:16:17,470 --> 00:16:18,810
In the background?
438
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,010
- Wait, are you trying to say
439
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,610
That this could jeopardize
our "inharitance?"
440
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,510
- I don't know anything
about "inherances."
441
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,650
- Yeah.
No, you don't know, do you?
442
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,080
[laughing, inhales]
443
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,480
[grunts]
444
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,050
All right,
here's what we need to do.
445
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:34,190
We need to fix the car,
jettison up to santa barbie,
446
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:35,490
And come up with some eulogy
that is dope
447
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,860
And fly and fresh enough
for grammy goobie to cry at.
448
00:16:37,890 --> 00:16:40,660
And if we don't,
we lose everything.
449
00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:44,260
Friends, shawn family,
450
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:46,030
We are gathered here today
because we are people
451
00:16:46,070 --> 00:16:48,330
Who love grampy goobie.
452
00:16:48,370 --> 00:16:50,800
Grampy goobie's
grampy goobie.
453
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,070
My great,
great grandfather goobie
454
00:16:53,110 --> 00:16:54,510
Owned glass,
455
00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:57,110
And now I feel as though
456
00:16:57,140 --> 00:16:59,550
My heart
is made from glass
457
00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:03,380
Because it just shattered
into a million pieces.
458
00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:06,190
I know that if grampy goobie
was here right now,
459
00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:09,020
He'd say, I'd be happy
if me and grammy goobie
460
00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:10,590
Could just sit around all day
461
00:17:10,620 --> 00:17:13,330
And read his favorite
comic strip dick tracy.
462
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:14,390
[laughter]
463
00:17:14,430 --> 00:17:16,460
Though he didn't like
the movie.
464
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:18,400
To grampy goobie.
465
00:17:18,430 --> 00:17:23,040
[bubbling]
466
00:17:23,070 --> 00:17:24,800
- To grampy goobie.
467
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,610
I literally have, like, nothing
at stake here.
468
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,640
[dubstep music]
469
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:37,680
- Mom, how did people migrate
from eurasia to the americas?
470
00:17:39,990 --> 00:17:42,890
- He was a me--
[engine revs]
471
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,560
- Doctor, you made it.
472
00:17:44,590 --> 00:17:45,730
- Yeah.
[grunts]
473
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,190
- You okay?
- Yeah.
474
00:17:47,230 --> 00:17:49,600
Well, that's as far
as I'm gonna get.
475
00:17:49,630 --> 00:17:51,200
And that's not
what the people
476
00:17:51,230 --> 00:17:53,570
Who migrated
across the bering strait said.
477
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:54,700
- Do we know him?
478
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,100
- The world used to be
one supercontinent
479
00:17:57,140 --> 00:17:58,140
Called pangaea.
480
00:17:58,170 --> 00:18:03,740
[engine revs]
481
00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:06,780
[blues rock music]
482
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:14,520
- Do you know that you are going
to get killed on-camera today?
483
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,620
- Not my favorite, but--
- [laughs]
484
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:18,890
Say thank you.
- Thank you.
485
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,060
Thank you, everybody,
to all my fans
486
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,530
And the paparazzi
and my publicist.
487
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,730
I love you all.
488
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:30,500
[whimsical music]
489
00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:33,140
- I find the alcohol
helps anesthetize my mouth.
490
00:18:33,170 --> 00:18:35,140
And I found that drinking
during the day
491
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:37,680
Agrees with me.
492
00:18:37,710 --> 00:18:38,810
[thud]
493
00:18:38,850 --> 00:18:40,010
Oh, now it's a party.
494
00:18:40,050 --> 00:18:43,420
My forensics team.
[glass shatters]
495
00:18:43,450 --> 00:18:46,490
- You seem very comfortable
for a man in your situation.
496
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:47,990
- Well, my case
is a slam dunk.
497
00:18:48,020 --> 00:18:49,420
[cheers]
498
00:18:49,460 --> 00:18:51,420
These guys are proving
that what the police say I did
499
00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:52,760
Is impossible.
500
00:18:52,790 --> 00:18:54,360
I'd have to have been
superman.
501
00:18:54,390 --> 00:18:56,430
[heroic music plays]
502
00:18:56,460 --> 00:18:57,600
[wind blowing]
503
00:18:57,630 --> 00:18:59,770
- Hey, is the power off?
504
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,600
- Yeah, didn't you hear me?
505
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,500
- Uh, no, no.
I'm sorry, doc.
506
00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:04,670
- Are you joking?
507
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:06,610
I was shouting it
from the rooftops.
508
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:07,940
It's off.
509
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,310
Maybe once you get
the electricity fixed,
510
00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:11,780
You can get
your hearing fixed.
511
00:19:11,810 --> 00:19:14,150
I'm joking.
Join us for a drink, won't you?
512
00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:16,450
- Uh--
513
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,920
- A toast.
514
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:20,350
To life.
515
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,120
- Not behind bars though.
- Hmm.
516
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,490
And I thought
I was the funny one.
517
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,730
[squeak]
518
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:26,730
[phone chimes]
519
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,200
- ♪ sudoku in the hot tub
520
00:19:29,230 --> 00:19:31,030
♪ cappuccinos in the hood
521
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:32,600
- Can you get the power
back on?
522
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,370
- And now it's a mad dash
apparently.
523
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,270
- Ah, that's a shannon song?
- Yes.
524
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:42,410
She was one of the most
beautiful women in the world.
525
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,750
And it's only matched
by her voice.
526
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:46,750
- It's powerful.
527
00:19:46,780 --> 00:19:48,150
- Mm-hmm.
- ♪ oh, armond
528
00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:49,980
♪ you're the one
- I wish it would stop.
529
00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:51,750
- Well, I can put
an end to it right now.
530
00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:53,790
[video stops]
- thank you.
531
00:19:53,820 --> 00:19:55,290
- One thing I didn't put
an end to
532
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,960
Is my wife's life.
[sword unsheathes]
533
00:19:56,990 --> 00:19:58,460
I can tell you right now,
534
00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:01,960
Flatly and surely,
I didn't kill her, counselor.
535
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,330
- Then I am convinced.
536
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:05,770
I would be proud
to be your attorney.
537
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,100
- Thank you, mr. Sword.
538
00:20:07,130 --> 00:20:09,900
Although I'll warn you
that my forensics team
539
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:13,440
Is making me hemorrhage
thousands of dollars a day.
540
00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:16,480
I don't think I'll be able to
afford to pay you for some time.
541
00:20:16,510 --> 00:20:18,080
[spring reverberates]
542
00:20:18,110 --> 00:20:20,010
- I wish I could be
your attorney,
543
00:20:20,050 --> 00:20:23,120
But unfortunately,
it will not work out.
544
00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:25,220
Please tell kelsey
that I said yes,
545
00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:26,490
But you and I had
a scheduling conflict.
546
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:27,650
And good luck to you.
547
00:20:27,690 --> 00:20:29,160
[sword unsheathes]
548
00:20:29,190 --> 00:20:31,790
- Looks like you and I will be
drinking alone today, chico.
549
00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:33,260
[beeping]
550
00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:34,430
[dog barking]
551
00:20:34,460 --> 00:20:36,260
- ♪ you're the one
552
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:39,200
- What happened
in those ten seconds?
553
00:20:39,230 --> 00:20:40,930
- [screams]
- the infamous ten seconds.
554
00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:42,200
- Cameras were outside
for ten seconds.
555
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,470
- Where were you
when you first discovered
556
00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:44,840
Your wife's body?
- Freeze!
557
00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:46,670
- She has no pulse.
I didn't kill her, counselor.
558
00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:47,910
- What happened
in those ten seconds?
559
00:20:47,940 --> 00:20:49,480
- You killed that angel.
- Kind of.
560
00:20:49,510 --> 00:20:50,840
- What are you doing!
561
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,180
[beeping]
562
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:57,180
- [grunting]
563
00:20:57,220 --> 00:20:58,820
- ♪ oh, armond
564
00:20:58,850 --> 00:21:00,520
♪ you're the one
565
00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:07,790
- Were you engaged
to stone cold steve austin?
566
00:21:07,830 --> 00:21:09,130
- Mm-hmm.
567
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,630
- Are you still with him?
- No.
568
00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:12,630
- Did you stab
stone cold steve austin?
569
00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:14,170
- Absolutely not.
570
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,570
I mean, I wouldn't be here,
right?
571
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,270
- Right.
Did he run over your foot?
572
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:20,110
- No comment.
I can still walk though.
40990
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