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1
00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:05,543
- Everyone knows our target
audience...
2
00:00:05,572 --> 00:00:08,942
Is 18 to 34-year-old males.
3
00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:11,605
But how do we
hit that target?
4
00:00:11,644 --> 00:00:15,214
- How?
- How?
5
00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:17,018
By relying on market testing?
6
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:18,020
No.
7
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:20,051
- [scoffs]
no.
8
00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:22,786
- By trusting our gut?
No.
9
00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:24,862
We need more.
10
00:00:24,891 --> 00:00:26,931
Lars.
11
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,730
And so
for the past six months,
12
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:31,162
We have been developing
a prototype
13
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,267
That combines all
of our target viewers
14
00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:35,229
Into one composite viewer.
15
00:00:35,268 --> 00:00:39,608
Ladies and gentlemen,
the future of television.
16
00:00:39,639 --> 00:00:41,569
[thudding]
17
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:46,308
A fully functional
18 to 34-year-old male.
18
00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:47,506
- Pizza.
19
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:50,577
- Let's give them a little
demonstration
20
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,147
Of how he works.
21
00:00:53,186 --> 00:00:56,686
[tv turns on]
[upbeat music]
22
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,263
- [robot beeps]
[all applaud]
23
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:03,962
- He loves it.
24
00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:05,827
[seductive music]
[moaning]
25
00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:08,395
[robot beeps]
26
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:10,195
He likes it.
27
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,536
That's a hit.
28
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:12,771
- Uh, george, if I may?
29
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,366
I've been working on a little
show myself
30
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,938
And I gave it to lars and,
well, I'm curious to see
31
00:01:17,977 --> 00:01:19,177
What the demo monster
thinks about it.
32
00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:20,752
I think he's gonna love it.
- Oh.
33
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:21,950
It'll be a true test.
34
00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:23,951
- Fell pretty good
about it, george.
35
00:01:23,983 --> 00:01:25,353
- I'm liz.
[cameras snapping]
36
00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:28,585
I'm an amazing person
with an amazing life.
37
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:29,961
- And I'm liz.
I'm--
38
00:01:29,989 --> 00:01:31,289
[gunfire]
39
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:33,164
[robot buzzes angrily]
40
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,963
- You know what, let me actually
give him a different sketch.
41
00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:37,055
[gun reloads]
oh, god, no!
42
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:41,097
[gunfire]
- [guttural moaning]
43
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,966
[wet noises]
44
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:52,037
- You think he's
badly hurt, lars?
45
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:53,678
- [flatulence]
46
00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:54,883
- [dings]
47
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:57,924
[dubstep music]
48
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:05,961
♪
49
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,300
- Here's a sentence you have
never heard--
50
00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:13,531
You know who's better on cocaine
is scotty.
51
00:02:13,566 --> 00:02:16,536
I love the paranoid
stares he gives me.
52
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:19,909
I love the company scotty keeps
when he's shneefed up.
53
00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:22,469
With pot, I mean, some people
are lazy and stupid.
54
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:26,079
But you're never like,
"that guy made my life s--"
55
00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:27,852
Well, that's no true.
[laughs]
56
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,681
I guess pot has
ruined some lives.
57
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:32,746
I don't like
when people say "smoke up."
58
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:34,015
"hey, do you wanna
go smoke up?"
59
00:02:34,053 --> 00:02:35,253
I'm like, what are
we in eighth grade?
60
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:36,418
Come on.
61
00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:39,456
Let's get baked.
62
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,413
- [groans]
63
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,840
Oh, my god.
- [yelps]
64
00:02:55,875 --> 00:03:00,205
- Loud.
Loud!
65
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:01,476
- Off.
66
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:04,184
- Shut up, gosling,
you beautiful idiot.
67
00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:06,047
- Nice shot, wendells.
68
00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:09,485
- I'm the michael jordan
of throwing vicodin everywhere.
69
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:12,862
- I'm so hung over--suela,
consuela, suela!
70
00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:15,492
- Oh, yayo.
Yayo.
71
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,398
- Why is our life so [bleep]
hard, wendy?
72
00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,160
- Shut up!
73
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,329
- You know, I'm just gonna have
a little coffee.
74
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:23,938
[snorts and moans]
75
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:26,170
- I just gotta check
my email real quick.
76
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,106
- Oh, god. Oh, god.
[farts]
77
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:31,282
- Oh, [bleep].
Oh--
78
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:32,781
[farts]
- what? Wendells, what?
79
00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:34,852
- [groans]
oh, god.
80
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,981
- I'm going as fast
as I can, wendells.
81
00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:38,416
- Oh, my god, please hurry.
82
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:41,191
I've gotta push out
a big gray coke snake.
83
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,351
- Oh, my god,
I am just spraying
84
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,118
Chocolate shaving cream
right now.
85
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,587
- Yeah. No durr.
86
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:48,285
- Where are the baby wipes?
- I don't know!
87
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:50,198
- Fine, I'll just keep using
these carpet samples,
88
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,160
But we need to go to one
of those big bulk stores
89
00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:53,968
And buy, like,
a thousand rolls of tp
90
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,530
And we'll never have
to go to a store again.
91
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,468
- Those big box stores are
ruining america.
92
00:03:57,503 --> 00:03:59,913
- We do it once,
we do it right.
93
00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:01,239
We'll just get
shneefed to the dome
94
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:03,684
And then we'll go make fun of
fat americans.
95
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,410
- Oh, nice.
- Yeah.
96
00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:08,945
- I'm gonna go in the hot tub.
97
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,782
[groaning and splattering]
98
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,088
- Wendy, that's not the bidet.
99
00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:14,289
- What?
100
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,390
- That's not the huge bidet.
101
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:19,422
- It's fine.
It's gonna work.
102
00:04:23,796 --> 00:04:25,556
- Hey, fellow americans.
103
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:27,268
Stop your remote
thumb and listen.
104
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,800
- Do you want
nice possession,
105
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:30,395
But have no money
for possession you want?
106
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:31,396
- Yes.
107
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:32,597
- Then get a fun loan.
108
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:33,609
- Fun loan?
109
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:37,680
- Super deluxe fun loan.
110
00:04:37,710 --> 00:04:41,410
Follow me.
111
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,747
- Hey, cool guy.
112
00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,282
What are you gonna
buy with your loan?
113
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:45,547
- Steamed milk coffee drink?
114
00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:47,615
- New york city.
- Cool.
115
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:48,624
- College?
116
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:49,915
Super deluxe fun loan.
117
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,756
Hey, cool guy,
you want speed boat?
118
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,131
Get super deluxe fun loan.
- I like it.
119
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,160
- Dog as pet?
120
00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:56,604
Get super deluxe fun loan.
121
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,999
- Tight jean.
Big truck.
122
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,631
- Easy sex.
- Get a super deluxe fun loan.
123
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:01,627
- That's cool.
124
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:02,768
- Wanna play some baseball?
125
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,302
- Get a super deluxe fun loan.
126
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:05,297
- [laughs]
127
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:06,768
- Hey, look who it is.
128
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,036
Bart simpson.
129
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:09,714
- Cool.
Bart simpson.
130
00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:10,842
Don't have a cow.
131
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,237
Super deluxe fun loan.
132
00:05:12,278 --> 00:05:13,808
It's basically free money.
133
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:14,976
- When do I pay this back?
134
00:05:15,014 --> 00:05:16,084
[ominous music]
- stay cool.
135
00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:17,445
- Don't get a job.
136
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,723
Both: Get a loan.
137
00:05:19,752 --> 00:05:22,652
Both: Sheh sheh.
138
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,259
- I'm liz.
139
00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:26,860
I'm an amazing person
with an amazing life.
140
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,863
- And I'm liz.
141
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,195
I'm a college graduate
and I expect the best.
142
00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:32,260
I'm the driven one.
143
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:33,898
- And I'm trying to have a life.
144
00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:37,873
Our pr firm
is called publizity.
145
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:41,474
- It's based off our names.
146
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,767
So this morning,
we have meeting with, like,
147
00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:44,509
A very demanding new client.
148
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:48,684
The ceo of cultured yogurt water
and liz better wake up.
149
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,575
Yogurt water? I love it.
- Wow.
150
00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:53,216
I think, like, a lot of women
really want to drink something
151
00:05:53,252 --> 00:05:56,222
That's, like, medium-thick.
- Try it.
152
00:05:56,255 --> 00:05:57,855
- I'm gonna try it,
if you don't mind.
153
00:05:57,890 --> 00:05:59,930
Like, I lie in meetings a lot,
it's true.
154
00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:02,189
I like the idea of just,
like sucking down
155
00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:03,328
One of these little things.
156
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,533
But, like, in this case,
I really do hate water.
157
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:06,625
Like, I hate it.
158
00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:07,626
It's, like, very exciting
159
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,397
To be trying a new beverage.
[sniffs]
160
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:10,935
I love it.
It's delicious.
161
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,570
- Well, th--thank you.
- I like water,
162
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:17,305
But I want that sour taste that,
like, only yogurt can bring.
163
00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:19,753
So what can we do to help
promote your product?
164
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:20,809
Um, let's see.
[snorts]
165
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:22,947
Oh, I just had
an amazing idea.
166
00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:24,082
What if we did an event?
167
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,617
- Liz!
Sorry.
168
00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:27,351
You are a genius.
- I love you.
169
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,817
- I love you, too.
- You're my best friend.
170
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:30,085
- You're my best friend.
- Here's what I'm thinking
171
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,123
We should do.
172
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,457
Cultured water is, like,
very cultured,
173
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:35,763
And, like, what is the
most cultured thing--
174
00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:37,325
[snorts]
oh, my god. England.
175
00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,263
- Oh, England.
- London, England.
176
00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,098
- Oh, my god,
I love london England.
177
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,674
- So it's, like,
a theme party all about
178
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,603
London, England
and cultured water.
179
00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:47,968
And then we can have,
like, adele perform!
180
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:49,977
We should have
adele perform!
181
00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:52,309
- I think adele might be
a little expensive.
182
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:54,975
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
I could perform then.
183
00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:56,184
I could do it.
184
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:57,575
I could actually just complete
the performance.
185
00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,517
I could do it.
I could perform.
186
00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:00,692
- Right?
- But--
187
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:01,990
- You don't perform.
- Mm.
188
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:04,721
- Liz is, like,
crazy untalented,
189
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,157
And I don't know
if she can deliver.
190
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:09,732
So I'm thinking what if we had
anybody else perform?
191
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,202
- Mm, or I could do it.
192
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:13,030
- Or you know what we could do
is we could just have, like,
193
00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:15,825
A monkey with down syndrome
smashing on cymbals.
194
00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:18,938
I thought that was, like, a good
possibility for something to do.
195
00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:20,141
- You know what, liz,
I'm gonna stop you right there
196
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:23,543
Because I would be
so nervous for you
197
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,936
If that tiny monkey
with the brain problem
198
00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:28,148
Were to jump up and just scratch
on someone's face.
199
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,021
- It's, like,
the client's decision.
200
00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:32,479
Whatever you think
is best is fine.
201
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,088
So, like, either
we do the monkey
202
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,320
Or something else
or we have liz sing.
203
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:39,315
- Right, and, like,
whatever you think is free.
204
00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:40,688
- Well why don't we try it?
205
00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:43,326
Why doesn't liz have a song--
- great. Amazing.
206
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:44,702
- Let's try it.
207
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:45,700
[singing nasally]
- ♪ I would love to sing
208
00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:48,001
♪ at your event
209
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,774
- Wow.
210
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:51,542
- Well that's proof positive
right there that we should
211
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:52,971
Think of a bunch of options.
212
00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:55,665
Coming up next on publizity...
213
00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:58,708
What is she doing?
214
00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:07,746
- [speaks spanish]
215
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:08,747
- [speaks spanish]
216
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:13,288
[arguing in spanish]
217
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:18,426
- [speaks spanish]
218
00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:21,474
[dial tone and beeping]
219
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:24,840
- [speaks spanish]
220
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:27,071
- Este, I think my boyfriend,
221
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:28,966
He's cheating on me.
222
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,308
- [speaks spanish]
223
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,283
- [speaks spanish]
224
00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:34,851
- [speaking energetically]
225
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:40,321
You are on the air on...
[speaks spanish]
226
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,853
[trumpet blares]
227
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:43,618
[rooster crows]
228
00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:45,316
[speaking gibberish]
229
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:49,128
- Well, I find text messages
on my boyfriend's phone.
230
00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:51,331
All: Ooh...
231
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,334
- [speaks spanish]
232
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,796
Cynthia, would you like to talk
to an expert about this?
233
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,465
- Yes, I wanna
talk to an expert.
234
00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:58,843
- Okay, okay, here we are.
235
00:08:58,871 --> 00:08:59,841
[high-pitched]
hola?
236
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,612
Uh-oh, it's a baby.
237
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:03,241
[speaks spanish]
238
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,306
- I'm serious,
what should I do?
239
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,154
- What should you do?
- Yes.
240
00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:10,749
- Maybe you should do doo doo.
[laughs]
241
00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:11,753
[elephant trumpets]
242
00:09:11,784 --> 00:09:12,754
- [speaks spanish]
243
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:14,285
Is there any reason
244
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,790
I should stay with carlos?
245
00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:18,921
- Is there any reason she should
stay with carlos?
246
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,028
That's a great question.
247
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,089
Goat, what do you think,
you stupid goat?
248
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:24,498
[slurred]
uh, I don't know.
249
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:25,500
I just a goat.
250
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:27,171
I just want to eat garbage.
251
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:29,599
You are useless to me,
you [bleep] goat.
252
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,235
- Here's what I
think we should do.
253
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:33,810
I think we should call carlos
por telefono.
254
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:36,039
- No, no.
- We're going to prank call him.
255
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,775
- [speaks spanish]
256
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:40,610
- Okay!
- Bueno.
257
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:42,646
- Why are you texting
another woman
258
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,982
When you have a beautiful
woman at home?
259
00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:46,547
- [speaks spanish]
[buzzer buzzes]
260
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,786
- Oh, he dances around.
261
00:09:49,822 --> 00:09:51,822
Ah, we just
disconnected him.
262
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:55,527
[laughter]
263
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:57,931
- Okay, cynthia, does that make
you feel better?
264
00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:01,274
- Si, chupa.
I feel better, but, you know,
265
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,400
It's not gonna bring
his amor back to me.
266
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,936
- Ooh, maybe we have a four-way
with me, you,
267
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:08,212
Consuela and el bebe.
268
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,810
[weak voice]
what about me?
269
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:14,253
Oh, old man juarez has been
in the studio the whole time.
270
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:18,050
He doesn't speak much, but when
he does, he speaks volumes.
271
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:20,524
- Uh, I don't know.
272
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,293
Maybe he's not for me.
273
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:24,961
- Oh, old man juarez,
cynthia not interested in you.
274
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:27,361
[weak voice]
my legs are not working anymore.
275
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:30,003
Wow, that's a downer.
276
00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:31,099
[cries like a baby]
277
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,470
I want to go out with cynthia.
278
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:35,499
- Aw.
279
00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:36,974
- Okay, cynthia,
are you happy now?
280
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,303
- Si, gracias.
281
00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:40,967
- Okay, you're going
to go on a date with a baby!
282
00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:42,067
Thank you, consuela.
283
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,478
Thank you, cynthia.
284
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:46,579
Call back any time you want
at chupacabra
285
00:10:46,612 --> 00:10:49,182
[speaks gibberish]
286
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,415
- I can't trust
the banking system
287
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:52,550
In the United States
of america.
288
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,185
It was ruined
by the presidents.
289
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,820
What can I trust?
290
00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:56,855
[laughs]
291
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:58,259
- [laughs]
292
00:10:58,290 --> 00:10:59,560
- Digital money!
293
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,332
- Digital money.
294
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,400
- First, get digital mine
to win compu-coin.
295
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:06,260
[ticking and whirring]
296
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:09,968
$1,000 equals $1 million in
cybercash!
297
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,102
- Trade in all your dollars
for cyber cash.
298
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:14,268
- Oh, yeah, I'm a millionaire!
299
00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:15,336
- Oh!
- [laughs]
300
00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:16,544
Both: Digital money!
301
00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:18,405
- Cybercash-redeemed
best product.
302
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:22,514
- Hand fan.
Tax free.
303
00:11:22,548 --> 00:11:24,178
There's no way
to end up in prison.
304
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:25,946
[giggles]
305
00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:28,945
[dance music]
306
00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:36,628
♪
307
00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:38,332
- You're welcome,
and I hope you liked it.
308
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,804
Well, how are you doing?
309
00:11:39,832 --> 00:11:40,972
Would you like to
try a mini quiche?
310
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,830
They're called petite quiche.
311
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:45,468
- My baby boy might.
- Goo goo ga ga.
312
00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:46,944
- Hope you like
the petite quiche.
313
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,112
- Oh, just what I want.
314
00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:49,570
Quiche from a grocery store.
315
00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:51,708
No, thank you, I had
diarrhea already today.
316
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:52,714
- Okay, well we have--
317
00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:53,705
- Speaking of, can you tell us
318
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:55,006
Where the toilet paper is?
319
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,677
- Toilet paper
is in aisle eight.
320
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,117
- We'll just be on our way then.
[quiche plops]
321
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:02,352
- You guys
are so interesting.
322
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:05,288
- Well, we're super rich, and
this place is for poor people
323
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:07,364
So it's
a very interesting dynamic.
324
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,363
- But I really think you would
enjoy these quiches.
325
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,125
- [farts]
ooh, doorknob.
326
00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:13,333
- Oh, well.
327
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:15,365
Thank you.
328
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:23,138
- Look at america, it's crazy.
I mean, this kid.
329
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:24,705
- [sighs]
the world's coming to an end.
330
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,384
- I wanna tell him it's gonna
get better
331
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:29,152
Because of the internet videos,
but I don't think so.
332
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:30,621
- I think that's
for gay kids,
333
00:12:30,649 --> 00:12:33,419
Not for kids who are
just going down in flames.
334
00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:35,192
Hey!
335
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,561
- [groans]
336
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,060
- I'm the king of gallons!
337
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,762
[both cackle]
338
00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:44,959
- Yes!
- Blop blop blop!
339
00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:46,027
- What can I do
for you today?
340
00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:47,625
- We just wanna
dome some cats.
341
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:50,336
- What gun did
the menendez brothers use
342
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,099
To rightfully kill
their parents?
343
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:53,608
- They used a shotgun,
but I'm thinking you boys
344
00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:55,469
Might like something
like a, uh, glock.
345
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,008
- Wow.
- Glock.
346
00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:58,712
- Check it out.
347
00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:00,154
- Oh, and then do you have
hollow points?
348
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:01,779
What are hollow points?
- Hollow points?
349
00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:03,214
Hollow points are
a type of ammunition
350
00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:06,049
And what they do is they go in
small and they come out big.
351
00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:07,885
- [explosion sound]
they make your head explode.
352
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,150
- Exactly.
- Aw.
353
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:11,458
- If you would...Shoot
someone in the head.
354
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:14,230
- Nice. And so, like, is there
a waiting period for, like,
355
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:15,490
White people?
- Good question.
356
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,798
- For white people?
No. No.
357
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:20,870
- So, as far as sex goes,
does owning a gun,
358
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,030
Like, change that forever?
359
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,267
- I wanna, like, curve it.
- No, it--
360
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:25,542
- You know, like mcavoy
in wanted. Like--
361
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:26,671
[gunshot]
- [screams]
362
00:13:26,705 --> 00:13:29,305
My ear!
- Wendells! Behave yourself.
363
00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:31,911
- Oh, bebe, I'm so sorry.
[alarm siren blares]
364
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:33,914
- Freeze!
- Ooh...
365
00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:36,076
- You're going to jail!
366
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,815
You're going to jail!
367
00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:39,850
- Cool, so is this, like,
a courtesy shuttle?
368
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:49,063
- Thanks, maureen.
369
00:13:49,094 --> 00:13:51,704
Both: Oh...Hello.
370
00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:53,870
- How are you?
I'm george st. Geegland.
371
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:54,899
- Oh, charmed, I'm sure.
372
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:58,644
I'm gil faizon.
373
00:13:58,671 --> 00:13:59,871
What am I supposed to say?
374
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:01,135
- And this is our prank show.
375
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:05,413
- And this is our prank show,
too much tuna.
376
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:08,614
- Every week on
too much tuna, we prank someone
377
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:10,347
By giving them
too much tuna fish.
378
00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:11,482
- Which is a delicious fish.
379
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,117
- Pranks are
the hot new thing.
380
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:15,752
From candid camera to bloopers
and practicing jokes.
381
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:19,988
- To ashram kitchen's pranth'd.
382
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:23,055
- This week our guest
is our dear, dear friend,
383
00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:24,655
Dr. Jeffrey gurian, d.D.S.
384
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,697
- Jeffrey gurian, you've led
such a fascinating life.
385
00:14:26,732 --> 00:14:30,372
Do tell us about it.
386
00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:33,072
- Well, you know,
I have led a fascinating life.
387
00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:34,965
I was born in new york.
388
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:36,877
I, uh, I write.
I write projects.
389
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:39,009
Gurian news network.
- Oh.
390
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,384
- Gnn.
- Gnn.
391
00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:41,952
- Can I get shot of you two?
- Yeah.
392
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:44,321
- Yeah? Okay. Cool.
393
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:45,380
[snaps picture]
394
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:47,317
One more.
- One with my eyes closed.
395
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:48,593
- Yeah.
[snaps picture]
396
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,091
- You know, jeffrey, you're on
our prank show,
397
00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:51,992
Too much tuna where
we're gonna deliver
398
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:53,464
Too much tuna fish to you.
- I mean, I--
399
00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:58,462
- Well let's just see
what happens.
400
00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:00,127
Oh, that's wonderful.
Thank you.
401
00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:02,225
- Okay.
You're probably thinking...
402
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:03,898
- You're probably...
- You're probably thinking
403
00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,066
That's too much tuna.
404
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:06,074
- No, I'm not
thinking anything. No.
405
00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:07,065
I think it's great.
406
00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:08,206
- You ticked off?
407
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,210
- No, not at all. It's--
408
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,211
- Are you just heated at us
409
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,612
For giving you
this much tuna?
410
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:12,984
- Not at all.
- Too much.
411
00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:14,852
- We've had a lot of guests
on too much tuna.
412
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,480
- And this is just
too much tuna.
413
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:17,515
- This is fabulous.
414
00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:18,519
- Listen, that's too much tuna
415
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:20,220
And we just pranked you
but good.
416
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,422
I mean, there's
a camera right there.
417
00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:22,423
- Look, oh y--
- you want me to leave here?
418
00:15:22,454 --> 00:15:23,424
- You're on a prank show.
419
00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:24,515
There's a camera behind you.
420
00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:25,516
- I'm not looking,
I'm not looking.
421
00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:26,817
- There's a camera over there.
422
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:27,829
- I'm not even looking.
- You've been pranked.
423
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:28,830
You're sitting here.
424
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:29,831
- How do you feel?
425
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:30,962
- The tuna's perfect.
426
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,356
- You're on
a prank show called
427
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:33,668
Too much tuna, jeff, whether
you like it or not.
428
00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:37,269
- No, I'm not.
429
00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,743
- ♪ I'll treat you right
430
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,342
- So the party's going,
like, amazing.
431
00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:44,784
Like, everything is, like,
really english.
432
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:47,780
The ceo is, like, really happy
with how I'm schmoozing her.
433
00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:48,853
Thank you cassandra.
434
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,451
I just, like,
don't know if liz
435
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:51,682
Could, like bring it.
436
00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:54,517
- I'm backstage,
totally calm
437
00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:57,193
And ready to take on
the performance.
438
00:15:57,222 --> 00:15:58,462
- I think what we're doing
is just, like,
439
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:00,290
Building anticipation.
440
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:01,786
You know
that feeling of, like,
441
00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:03,057
"oh, my god,
is it gonna happen?
442
00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:04,755
Is it gonna happen?"
- all right. Is it gonna happen?
443
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,967
- [vocalizes nasally]
444
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,930
- Oh, my god,
you look amazing.
445
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,099
- Oh, my god,
you look amazing.
446
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,166
Are you putting on weight?
447
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:14,214
- Wait, weight?
448
00:16:16,842 --> 00:16:18,742
The client is ready and then
she's super demanding.
449
00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:20,277
She knows exactly
what she wants...
450
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:21,312
- Right.
- And, like, what she wants
451
00:16:21,347 --> 00:16:22,407
Is a great night.
452
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:23,648
- Liz.
- Uh-huh?
453
00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:25,822
- I feel like you think
I'm not gonna deliver.
454
00:16:25,851 --> 00:16:27,321
- [muffled]
oh, my god.
455
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:29,223
- Why would I put
our business at risk?
456
00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:32,194
- Like, if you don't
[muffled speech]
457
00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:33,194
- [squeaky]
I want to perform!
458
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:34,825
- Of course,
then, like, just do it.
459
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,000
- Right.
- It's gonna be [muffled speech]
460
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:38,599
I'm, like, freaking out.
461
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:41,230
Am I gonna have to get up there
and sing myself?
462
00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:43,066
I have a beautiful voice,
but I have not
463
00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:45,402
Sang since my bat mitzvah.
464
00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:48,307
- [hyperventilates]
465
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:52,310
[squeaking]
466
00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:55,354
- Oh, my god,
here she is.
467
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:04,315
[tires screeching]
hold on, what is she doing?
468
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,456
- ♪ look at me,
don't look at me ♪
469
00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:08,492
♪ I'm the one who knows
who's me ♪
470
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:11,497
♪ I'm the queen,
the queen of mean ♪
471
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,830
Oh, my god,
my voice sounds amazing.
472
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,426
♪ I am the queen of mean
473
00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:19,168
- I always had total faith
that liz could deliver,
474
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:20,174
And she did.
475
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,805
- ♪ I need a drink
476
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,710
♪ cultured water
477
00:17:23,742 --> 00:17:26,042
- It's, like, so on brand,
and it's like perfect
478
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:27,848
For cultured water, right?
479
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,950
She's really delivering.
480
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:33,683
- Did you remember
to refrigerate this?
481
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:36,389
- Weigh it?
482
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:39,392
- ♪ I'm the queen,
the queen of mean ♪
483
00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:42,855
♪ I am so mean,
so mean to the extreme ♪
484
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:46,225
♪ so just let me be mean
485
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:49,465
♪ I am the queen of mean
486
00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:53,501
To the land of England.
487
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,339
- Apparently they neglected to
refrigerate the yogurt drinks.
488
00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:00,408
Everyone got sick.
489
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:02,146
It's been
all over the internet.
490
00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:04,181
- Oh, my god.
491
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:08,185
- ♪ I'll treat you right--
[belches]
492
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:16,257
- [speaks chinese]
493
00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:05,875
- Yes, the fun loans people
are gonna make
494
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:07,281
A ton of money off of me.
495
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,682
I didn't realize
that it was 50% interest,
496
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:12,875
But, I mean, the opportunity
to meet bart simpson
497
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,888
Was just too much for me.
498
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,220
- [laughs]
499
00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:21,686
- Can you take an animated gif?
500
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:22,987
- One where I look
like the black dude
501
00:19:23,028 --> 00:19:24,828
Who looks like the predator
in dave matthews band.
502
00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:26,863
The violin player.
503
00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:38,481
What's up, guys?
504
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:42,380
- What up?
505
00:19:42,414 --> 00:19:43,684
- I like you.
506
00:19:43,715 --> 00:19:45,175
- I like you too, man.
507
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:46,777
- I'm gonna kill you.
508
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:47,788
- This is where
I start to cry.
509
00:19:47,819 --> 00:19:49,219
- I'm gonna rape you.
510
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:50,894
- You seem great.
511
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:54,063
- Bruckenhiemer, shawn,
you are free to go.
512
00:19:54,092 --> 00:19:55,732
- Oh, thank you, daddy.
513
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:57,901
- [bleep] you.
514
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,300
- [bleep] you!
515
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:01,201
- [bleep] you!
- [bleep] you!
516
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,403
- Blow me, bro.
517
00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:04,174
- [bleep] hitler.
518
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,073
- [laughs]
- see ya.
519
00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:08,814
- Cell phone.
- For the hoes.
520
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,780
- One gold nail file.
- For the toes.
521
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:14,810
- That's it, gents. Empty.
522
00:20:17,249 --> 00:20:18,349
- Come on.
523
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:20,083
- We came in with one more thing
in our pockets.
524
00:20:20,118 --> 00:20:22,788
- Um...I don't know what you
guys are talking about.
525
00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:24,961
- I did a semester at bart,
so I'm a pretty good writer.
526
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,990
So the yelp review I'm gonna
write about this place
527
00:20:27,025 --> 00:20:28,985
Is gonna be scathing.
528
00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:30,897
- His word choice
is brilliant.
529
00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:32,599
- You're idiots.
530
00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:34,031
Leave now.
531
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:37,066
- Give me my cocaine or I'm
gonna have a spaz attack!
532
00:20:39,671 --> 00:20:44,911
- So do you guys have, like,
good memories? Or...
533
00:20:44,943 --> 00:20:46,943
- [cracks neck]
534
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,580
- Bummer.
535
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:51,576
- Bruckenhiemer, shawn,
you are free to go.
536
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:52,817
[both laugh]
537
00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:54,491
- Thank you, daddy.
538
00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:56,819
- [bleep] you!
539
00:20:56,855 --> 00:20:58,255
- [bleep] you!
540
00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:00,490
[bleep] you!
- [bleep] you!
541
00:21:00,525 --> 00:21:02,525
- Eat my [bleep].
Okay?
542
00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:04,561
- [laughs]
good at bizness.
543
00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:09,399
- My hand--my hand smells so bad
I'm passing out.
544
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,804
- What do they smell like?
- Tuna.
545
00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:11,796
- Oh.
546
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:13,337
- You know what,
I have purell.
547
00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:15,612
I have purell--
I carry purell on my waist.
548
00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:16,811
- You gotta carry purell.
549
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,842
Oh, there you go.
- It hangs from my waist.
550
00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:20,207
- And it looks like
a kabbalah bracelet.
551
00:21:20,245 --> 00:21:21,245
- It does.
38836
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