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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,959
No way, you and Mark finally
broke up? Yeah, last week.
2
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,719
Well, now you're single, you can
have some fun. I've already started!
3
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:11,239
You little minx!
Come on who was it? Was he fit?
4
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,839
Kind of, yeah.
5
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:17,519
He's about five-eleven, good teeth,
slightly wonky eyes, thin hair.
6
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,439
He sounds vile. How drunk were you?
7
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,240
I was pretty pissed, actually.
8
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,359
I just recall
waking up in his weird house
9
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:28,279
and meeting his freaky friends.
10
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:34,720
This programme contains adult
behaviour and some strong language
11
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,519
Morning.
Can I get you some breakfast?
12
00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,599
Argh! No, I won't suck you off,
Louis Walsh!
13
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:42,639
What's going on?
14
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:43,959
There's a strange man in your room.
15
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,999
No, he's all right.
He's just here to take our breakfast order, eh, Eddie?
16
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,200
That's right, Don.
17
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:51,839
Plus, I just gave him
a quick bed bath.
18
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,239
He does tend to get a bit pongy
after intercourse.
19
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:55,799
Argh! Argh!
20
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:56,959
'And if that wasn't bad enough,
21
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,639
'I was getting out of his shower
when suddenly...'
22
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,279
Argh!
23
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:02,439
All right?
24
00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:07,399
The toilet's blocked.
Dickhead won't pay to get it fixed.
25
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,559
Oh, get me out of here.
26
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,519
'And then the strangest thing...'
27
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:12,599
Oh.
28
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:18,079
Ah, let me guess, you slept with Don,
woke up to find an overgrown baby sat on the edge of the bed
29
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,879
offering you some breakfast
and then met an old lady who looks surprisingly similar to Gollum,
30
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,519
probably doing something
incredibly vile?
31
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,519
Urgh.
32
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,080
SHE GIGGLES
33
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:38,239
No doubt she'll be ringing me up
soon, requesting another session with the quim ninja.
34
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,479
Erm, she didn't look
like a returner, to me.
35
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:42,919
Wait...
36
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,159
Has there ever been a returner?
Oh, you're so evil, Samantha.
37
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,519
Oh, poor Donald.
38
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:52,160
If it's any consolation,
I think I'm just as bad with relationships as you are.
39
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,559
Right, I'm going to go
for a bath, before uni.
40
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:59,439
Is the hot water back on, Eddie?
Oh, you betsy. Fixed the boiler last night.
41
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,559
Must tackle the loo next.
42
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,959
Eddie, what have I told
you about coming into my bedroom when I've got a chicklet in there?
43
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,159
Try to wash you
very, very quietly?
44
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,240
Exactly.
45
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,120
There is a massive shit
in the bathtub!
46
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,080
Gollum went poo-poo!
47
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,919
Ah, Christmas.
48
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:41,679
The time for the sharing and giving.
49
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:45,879
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
50
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,599
Families together.
51
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,799
And, of course, Santa.
52
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,120
Well, two Santas...
53
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:54,440
..beating the crap
out of each other.
54
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:57,479
Yep, that's me.
55
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,479
You probably want to know
what's going on.
56
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,439
Let me take you back a few weeks,
to the beginning of December.
57
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:10,239
Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas.
58
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,919
Guess what I've just got a job as?
59
00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:14,959
Erm...
60
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,359
Elvis impersonator? No.
61
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,199
A lap dancer? God, no.
62
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:24,159
Roller skating waitress in a 1950s
themed restaurant? That's a good one!
63
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:28,239
No! I'm the local community centre's
new Santa Claus.
64
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,159
No, I don't see it.
65
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,519
What happened to Greg Pitcher? He's
been doing Santa for years.
66
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:38,359
Oh no, poor Mr Pitcher can't do it
this year. How come?
67
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:42,679
I can't remember. I think he's got a
cold or something.
68
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:46,600
Oh no, that's it!
He was caught having sexual intercourse with a child.
69
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,559
Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!
70
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,599
Hang on, what about Gollum?
71
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,039
I thought you were meant to be
looking after her.
72
00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,639
Oh no, that's the great thing,
I get to bring her along.
73
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:02,679
All right?
74
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:07,000
The kids adore her!
75
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:12,079
Argh! It's a massive rat!
76
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:17,759
They give her all kind of pet names.
Eddie I'm hungry, make me dinner.
77
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:21,559
Now, Dot, that's not really
the way to ask, now is it?
78
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,800
Oh, BLEEP off,
you BLEEPing BLEEPing BLEEP.
79
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,839
I'm telling you,
she is getting worse.
80
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:30,439
I have never met
an old person like her.
81
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,679
You know, the other day she asked me
if I used a vibrator. Eugh!
82
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:34,719
Do you?
83
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,559
That is not the point.
What is the point?
84
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,000
She asked if she could borrow it. Oh!
85
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:41,680
And did she? Oh you!
86
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,639
'I'm still crazy about Sam.
87
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:49,439
'I'm starting to think
I've missed my opportunity.'
88
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,279
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I use to be so confident.
89
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:55,439
But with Sam, I'm just nervous
she's going to knock me back.
90
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,639
What do you think?
91
00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,559
I think they're too small,
can I try the size 9s?
92
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,679
Certainly, sir.
93
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,039
'I started working in a shoe shop
about a month ago.
94
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,640
'The art galley closed down,
so I had to get a proper job. And it sucks.'
95
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,639
Urgh! You couldn't
just have worn some socks?
96
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:17,519
But I hate wearing foot shoes.
I like to let my toes breathe.
97
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:21,079
'I hate everything about this job,
especially my boss.'
98
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,119
Don.
99
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,599
Can I have a word, please?
100
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,719
'Oh no, Jason's not my boss,
not any more, anyway.'
101
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,199
Do you want to grab some lunch?
Oh, yes, please.
102
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,839
Hello, where do you think
you're going, Pops?
103
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:34,959
'This is my boss.'
104
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,559
Oh, lunch. It's 12.59.
105
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:41,199
Yeah, lunch is at one. It's not one,
though, is it? It's 12.59.
106
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,320
I think someone's overdue
to know the difference.
107
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,679
Right.
108
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:52,759
Off you scoot.
109
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,679
And I'd try avoiding the carbs.
110
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,919
I know what people your age are like
for napping in the afternoon.
111
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,719
Why do you keep calling me old?
We're practically the same age.
112
00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:04,519
I don't think so, Gramps.
I'm 24, what are you, 40?
113
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,279
I'm 29!
114
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:07,400
Ha!
115
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,880
All right I'm 30...something. Yeah.
116
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:20,239
'Jason also got a job
in the shopping centre. He is the manager of a posh supermarket.'
117
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,519
I miss the art gallery.
118
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,319
We used to have such a laugh,
didn't we?
119
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,359
Don, you were the bane of my life.
120
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,920
Oh, thanks, Jace!
121
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,919
'I never would have predicted it,
but we've become good friends.'
122
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,079
Where are you going to be
this Christmas?
123
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,319
Just at home on my own, I guess.
That's depressing. Yeah.
124
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,160
Do you always spend it alone?
No, not always.
125
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,439
Merry Christmas, Mr Homeless Man.
126
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,039
Merry Christmas, Don.
127
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,959
Ooh, somebody's had too much!
128
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,319
No, no turkey this year,
but I've got a lovely big ham.
129
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,920
I'm afraid you are just
for Christmas.
130
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,959
So you still not made a move
on Sam yet? No. Why?
131
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:02,959
Her and Brian broke up ages ago.
132
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,279
Oh, we're getting
on really well at the moment.
133
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,519
I don't want to balls it up...again.
134
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,239
I'm waiting for the right moment.
135
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:13,879
A little advice - don't dilly-dally
too long. Sam's a beautiful woman.
136
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,679
Someone else will get in there
if you don't hurry up.
137
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:22,439
'So, life was pretty shit -
30-something, single, terrible job and I live with this.'
138
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:26,479
This cup of tea
tastes of BLEEPing BLEEP!
139
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,839
Dorothy Treacher, if you
continue acting like a child, I shall put you across my knee.
140
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,639
Oh BLEEP this BLEEP,
I'm going for a bath.
141
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,319
What the hell?
142
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,879
Eddie, don't you think it's time
we put Treacher in a home?
143
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,999
No, you can't do that, they're awful.
144
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,839
Hey, you're insulting one of
the places Eddie works, Missy.
145
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,119
Sorry, Eddie.
146
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:48,319
No, that's all right,
I agree with you. That's why I mainly do home visits.
147
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:52,799
It upsets me to see the elderly
being thrown out by their families, like they're being tossed in a bin.
148
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,439
Come on, Eddie,
she's getting out of hand.
149
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:59,519
Try and get her in
an old people's bin. Don! Sorry.
150
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,639
Try and get her in an old people's
bin, please. That's better.
151
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:07,359
There's no hot water. Oh, not again.
I've only just fixed the boiler.
152
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:11,879
How am I meant to have a bath?
I'm sorry, Dot, you will have to...
153
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,000
Oh, dear God!
154
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,679
Dorothy, put some clothes
on immediately.
155
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,680
Why? Too arousing for you?
156
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,679
BLEEP.
157
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,639
I can't believe
I just saw Gollum's ning-ning.
158
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,400
I can't believe
she's got a Brazilian!
159
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,479
I think it might be time
to get rid of the old boiler.
160
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,839
That's what I have been saying,
she's nuts in the mind.
161
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,879
What? No, I'm talking about the
boiler - the pressure vessel for heating water.
162
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:41,319
Oh, right. Yeah, come on, landlord,
step up to your responsibilities.
163
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,759
Excuse me, but do you know how
much a boiler costs these days?
164
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:45,919
No, how much?
165
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:50,719
No I'm asking, do you know how much?
Because I've already got to fork out for the toilet,
166
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,719
the roof's leaking, the whole place
is falling apart and I'm skint.
167
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:56,360
I'm telling you,
I'm going to need a miracle.
168
00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:00,399
What's that? This morning's post.
169
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,520
Oh, will you please
put some clothes on?
170
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,200
It's like a large pale raisin's
walking about the place.
171
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:12,639
Oh God. I think it's from my
solicitors, Smith and Bitchman.
172
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:13,759
How can you tell?
173
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:18,519
Well, it says it's from my
solicitors, Smith and Bitchman. Oh.
174
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:22,120
Great just what I need.
More bad news about the house.
175
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:27,439
John Bon Jesus!
176
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,680
What is it? Is it bad?
177
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:34,840
It says I'm up-to-date on all
payments and if I so wish, I can sell the house.
178
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:39,959
Woo-hoo!
179
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,719
I'm rich!
180
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:46,439
I'm stinking filthy rich.
Woo-hoo-hoo! Ha-ha!
181
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:50,159
See you later, you rotting, falling
apart, pathetic excuse of a house.
182
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,239
I'm off. I'm out of here. Woo-hoo!
183
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,359
♪ Baby, you're a rich man
184
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,839
♪ Baby you're a rich man
185
00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:02,359
♪ Baby, you're a rich man, too!
186
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:07,439
♪ Be a rich man, baby
You're a rich man, baby... ♪
187
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,799
What? Enjoying yourself?
188
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,639
You're not really going to sell,
are you, Don?
189
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,639
No, you're right, Eddie,
what was I thinking?
190
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,519
Why would I want to make
thousands of pounds,
191
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,839
when I could just stay here
and live in this shithole?
192
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,560
Congratulations, Don,
I'm really happy for you.
193
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,439
This is it, Eddie. Next year's
going to be my year, I can feel it.
194
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,159
Getting rid of the dead wood -
the house, Treacher...
195
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,359
This bit of dead wood.
196
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,679
Right, remember to speak
to the old people's home, yeah?
197
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:43,799
♪ Baby, you're a rich man
Baby, you're a rich man. ♪
198
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,439
We are pretty full now,
but there is a space coming up on Christmas Eve for Dorothy.
199
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,519
Not normally a great time for
people.
200
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:54,319
No. No, that's great.
Thank you, Belinda.
201
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,839
Hey, don't be so down,
she'll be fine here.
202
00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,199
Oh no, I'm fine, honestly.
203
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,159
'But I wasn't fine,
I felt like I was losing everyone.
204
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:07,239
'Darn it, Eddie, you forgot
the first rule of caring -
205
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:11,839
'never get too close to them -
and, boy, did I get too close.'
206
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:15,159
SILENCE
207
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,639
What are you doing?
208
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:17,680
SILENCE
209
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,319
Oh, am I doing
the mouth thing again?
210
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,320
Sorry, that's just a bad habit
I picked up from my friend, Don.
211
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:30,039
'While Eddie was sorting out
Treacher's new home, I went to see a property developer.
212
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,119
'My solicitors told me
it would be more profitable
213
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,479
'than if I just sold it
through an estate agent.'
214
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:38,999
SILENCE
215
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:43,599
Eh, you do realise you're just
mouthing words, right?
216
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:47,800
Oh, sorry, yeah I do that sometimes.
I find it hard to think and speak at the same time.
217
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,919
Right.
218
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:54,279
So let me tell you exactly
what we do here, Don.
219
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,879
'Eddie wasn't too happy
about this, though.
220
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,719
'He's worried about what
they might do to the house.'
221
00:11:58,720 --> 00:11:59,759
He told me to be...
222
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,119
easily won over by whatever
they are going to offer you.
223
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,519
Find out what they are going
to do with it, first.
224
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:05,959
It's a beautiful building.
225
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,519
Please don't forget that.
226
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:12,279
Let me cut to the chase, Don. We're
willing to pay twice what you'd get.
227
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,959
I'm in, where do I sign?
What? Really?
228
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:16,999
God, I'm good.
229
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,879
That was easy.
230
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:24,079
I mean, normally people get
a bit put off when they hear we're knocking down their beautiful home
231
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:28,319
and replacing it with an ugly-looking
block of ugly-looking flats.
232
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,199
You are doing what now?
233
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,480
Nothing.
234
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:41,479
So let's wrap this deal up ASAP
and then we can get you that lovely large sum of money.
235
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,599
How does that sound, Don?
Oh, yes, please.
236
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:47,559
SILENCE
237
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,759
You know you're doing it now?
238
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,320
Am I?
239
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:53,839
Shit.
240
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,839
Right, do you want the good news
or the bad news first?
241
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,479
Always best to end on a positive.
Let's have the bad news first.
242
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:07,359
The good news is, on January 2,
I'm going to have lots of gorgeous money entering my bank account.
243
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,040
Oh! And the bad news?
244
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,559
Well, the bad news is,
they're grrldddtt the house.
245
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:15,599
Sorry? What?
246
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,479
They're going to ock down the house.
247
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:18,679
No, didn't catch that.
248
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,359
They're going to ock down the house.
249
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,319
Don, for some reason I can't seem
to understand what you're saying.
250
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,360
They're going to knock down
the house! Oh, Don.
251
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,399
It turns out Costner
was wrong all along.
252
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,479
It is, "If you knock it down,
they will come."
253
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,799
You BLEEPing idiot.
254
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,199
Look, it's my house, OK? She's
talking to the telly, Don, not you.
255
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,119
It's Deal Or No Deal,
it always gets her in a tizzle.
256
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,839
Oh, yeah, look, he's saying no
to a seven grand offer. Idiot!
257
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,959
Not him. The other one. There!
258
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,959
That's Noel Edmonds, the presenter.
259
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,720
I know, look at him. BLEEPing idiot!
260
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:59,479
Don, seeing as Dorothy's going to be
leaving us on Christmas Eve,
261
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:03,039
what do you about us all going
out for a farewell dinner tonight?
262
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:07,599
I've heard about this fantastic new
steak house, called Meat Freaks.
263
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,600
You know, for people
who are freaks for meat. OK.
264
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,279
'I could tell
Sam was annoyed with me.
265
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,639
'I thought I'd better
smooth things over.'
266
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,319
Do you hate me?
267
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,760
Of course I don't.
268
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:24,559
I just think you could have
looked at other options first, but it's your house.
269
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:28,800
They've offered me a lot of money.
I know and I am happy for you.
270
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,600
I guess I'm just sad to see the old
place go. I'm going to miss it.
271
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:38,759
Hey, Zeus!
I never thought I'd say that!
272
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,599
You could move in with me
to my next place. What?
273
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,799
Yeah, why not,
until you finish your last term?
274
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,759
We wouldn't have to put up
with the Krankies any more.
275
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:52,439
Oh, I'm going to be miss being
part of the Addams Family.
276
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:57,759
Do you think that we'd get on,
though? I mean, just the two of us?
277
00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,840
Get IT on, more like. Don! What?
278
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:06,279
I thought you were being serious,
then. I was. I am. I'm sorry! Oh.
279
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,160
'Smooth, eh?'
280
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:14,479
Oh, that's won-tabulous!
We'll see you at 2000 hours, then.
281
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,959
Toodle-pip!
282
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,719
That's great. Table for five
booked at Meat Freaks.
283
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:23,720
I'd better get you into some
gladrags, Dorothy - excited?
284
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:29,199
Good. Thought you'd appreciate that.
285
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:33,039
'That night, we all went out
for Treacher's farewell dinner.'
286
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,359
Hi, we have a reservation? Name?
287
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:39,840
Edward Janet Singh.
Ah, yes, follow me, sir.
288
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,240
Was she just wearing stockings?
289
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,600
This is a strange restaurant.
290
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,399
Hi, guys, what can I get you? Erm...
291
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:04,999
Steaks all round?
292
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:09,359
I'm afraid we don't do food.
This is Meat Freaks, isn't it?
293
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:14,319
Certainly is! What is it, are
we not all freaky enough for you?
294
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:18,879
Hang on, do you mean
meat freaks, as in,
295
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,439
let's go and meet some freaks?
You've got it.
296
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:26,519
We're the number one nightspot for
celebrating the weird and wonderful.
297
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:31,319
You thought this was a steakhouse!
I'll let you decide on your ord-...
298
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,679
Oh! Where did you get
the massive rat?
299
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,799
Freaky! (I like it!)
300
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:42,199
I should have known,
he's done this sort of thing before.
301
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,839
The other week,
it was Chicks With Dicks.
302
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:48,599
Surely that was obvious? Turns
out it was a nightclub where women
303
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,399
are only allowed in
with someone called Richard.
304
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,999
Hang on, you actually wanted it
to be chicks with dicks?
305
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:59,279
Right, so I'm assuming we all
want to go somewhere else, right?
306
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:03,040
Hang on a minute. I didn't
say I wanted to go, did I?
307
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:08,360
It is Dorothy's farewell. OK.
308
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,400
Hey, what's the worst
that could happen?
309
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,040
UPBEAT TRUMPET WITH MUTE PLAYS
310
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:37,439
It's weird, being in a club and
not being hit on by any dickheads.
311
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:41,199
It's a compliment. People come
here to meet someone strange.
312
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,480
Exhibit A.
313
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,559
You didn't come out hoping to meet
someone, did you? Of course not.
314
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:52,359
But it's Christmas! It's a bit shit
being single this time of year.
315
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:55,519
Anyway, I'm going to go
for a Francis of Apee-pee.
316
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:59,599
Oh, and yes, Don, I would
love another drink, thank you(!)
317
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,559
Well? Surely now's your moment?
318
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,079
Really? She's practically
begging for a boyfriend.
319
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,599
I didn't get that. Are you an idiot?
320
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,919
No, Jason, and it hurts
my feelings you even asking.
321
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:16,760
That's it, I give up. Clearly you
don't like her as much as you say.
322
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,879
You not pulled yet, Gollum?
323
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,599
I would have thought
they'd love you!
324
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,399
You may be surprised, but
I prefer the conventional type.
325
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:29,759
You know - handsome, debonaire.
That IS surprising.
326
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,519
And a massive cock.
327
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,880
Right, great.
328
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:42,039
Hey. Hey.
329
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,239
You all right? Yeah, great.
330
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:49,599
Well, maybe not great. I'm
dreading tomorrow, to be honest.
331
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,159
Why? It's Christmas Eve!
332
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,879
Yeah, and I'm spending it
with my mum this year.
333
00:18:55,880 --> 00:19:00,039
I feel bad,
but we just argue all the time,
334
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,159
so I think,
what's the point in going?
335
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,679
And she always gives me
such a hard time about men.
336
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,319
I'm only 26 and she says I'm
wasting my life by being single.
337
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:13,559
That's ridiculous.
Isn't it?! Having said that,
338
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:18,799
I do wish that I had someone to
take with me, just to shut her up.
339
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,799
I think I know someone
who might do that for you.
340
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,720
Really? Who?
341
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,759
Hey, what's everyone drinking?
Wow, you've perked up. Yeah.
342
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,039
I don't feel so bad about
going down to my mum's now.
343
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,999
Cool.
Yeah, Jason said he'd come with me.
344
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:43,199
It's really sweet of him,
isn't it? Yeah. What?!
345
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,639
I can't believe you're trying
to steal Sam from me.
346
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:46,919
She's not yours to steal.
347
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,559
How could you be so evule
and hurtfule and spitefule?
348
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,839
I warned you it would happen? When?
I told you time and time again -
349
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,719
if you don't do it soon,
someone else will. You never said it would be you!
350
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,759
You should have read
between the lines. Don.
351
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,400
I'm not clever enough
to do that, Jason.
352
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:09,279
Look, I like Sam. A lot.
I always have.
353
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,199
So why have you never
said anything, then?
354
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:17,479
Because I was being a friend to you.
A friend? A friend?! A friend?
355
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,599
A friend, a friend.
356
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,919
A friend? It sounds weird now,
doesn't it? A friend.
357
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,399
Look, I backed off for ages.
358
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,679
I kept it to myself
and it's been killing me.
359
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,799
How long was I meant to wait? You're
clearly never going to do anything.
360
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,239
TOILET FLUSHES
361
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,599
Oh, sorry,
I thought this was the men's.
362
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,240
Yes, it is the men's.
363
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,479
'So I spent the rest of the night
drowning my sorrows.
364
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,880
'I woke up feeling pretty rotten.'
365
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,840
No. No, I can't have.
366
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,359
Oh fuck! All right?
367
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:13,439
Listen, whatever happened last night
stays between us.
368
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,519
Jon Bon Jesus, how drunk did you get
me, woman? What you talking about?
369
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:21,559
This! Us! God, I can't even believe
I'm saying "us".
370
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:25,399
I've lowered my standards before,
but this is off the scale. Eurgh!
371
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:30,159
Don't be disgusting. As if I'd
ever have you as a sex opponent.
372
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,359
You mean, we didn't... Course not.
373
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:35,079
Eddie put me in here
a couple of hours ago,
374
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,959
cos Gollum did poo-poo in bed.
375
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,680
Then who was I...?
376
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:49,080
Thank God.
It was just a male midget.
377
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,719
'I wasn't prepared to lose Sam.
378
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:57,120
'I decided I needed
to do something - and quickly.'
379
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,679
Do you not want to say toodle-pip
to Jason and Samantha?
380
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,199
They just left. Why would I want
to say goodbye to Jason?
381
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,799
He stabbed me in the back.
382
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,399
What do you mean?
He's trying to steal Sam from me.
383
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,639
I don't understand how
he could be so evule.
384
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,239
He's the first proper,
normal friend I've ever had.
385
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,640
What about me? I said normal.
386
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:20,759
Sometimes I just get the feeling
people don't care about me, Eddie.
387
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:26,039
Maybe it's something to do with
the way you behave. Go on.
388
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,399
I know that deep down
you're a good person,
389
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:33,519
but maybe if you were a bit nicer
to people - a bit more likeable -
390
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,240
then you'd be more popular.
391
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,879
APPLAUSE
392
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,599
Morning, Don!
393
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:45,079
How was your date last night?
Not great.
394
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,479
I was sat there
for almost an hour, thinking
395
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,279
she must have gotten cold feet.
396
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,039
ALL: Aah.
397
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,999
Turns out I was at the wrong place!
398
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,040
LAUGHTER
399
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,119
You see, we were meant
to meet at Ricky's Diner,
400
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,640
but I went to Mickey's Diner!
401
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:05,120
Donald, you are sweet.
402
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,719
CHEERING
403
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:14,679
Morning, Dorothy.
Good morning, lovely boy.
404
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:18,079
Did you sleep well? Actually, no.
405
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,599
I was up all night
tossing and turning.
406
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:26,799
Same here. Well, more tossing than
turning, if you know what I mean!
407
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:27,840
SILENCE
408
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,039
I am trying to be a better person,
Eddie. Look,
409
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,279
I'm writing a song for Samantha,
for her Christmas present. Lovely!
410
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,959
I want to seduce her
with my melodies.
411
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:43,919
I figure it's the only way
I can genuinely express myself without messing it up.
412
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,479
Lovely!
413
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,839
Then, when she realises
she should be with me,
414
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,279
Jason can go fuck himself,
deep in his own asshole.
415
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,279
Oh, lovely(!)
416
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,039
Could you drive me down to
her mum's tonight, to drop it off?
417
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,799
I can't, Don. I'm meant
to be dropping Dot off at the elderly centre later.
418
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:00,839
Please, Eddie.
419
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,119
We'll just drive down,
drop off the present
420
00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:05,519
and drive back before
the old fogey home closes.
421
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:08,599
Please? Come on, when do
I ever ask for anything from you?
422
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,079
All right, silly question.
423
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:15,319
All right, Don. If it helps you get
the girl, then you can count on me.
424
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,679
Why do you keep...? I don't know.
425
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:21,919
♪ It's beginning to look
a lot like Christmas
426
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:27,120
♪ Everywhere you go. ♪
427
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:33,080
Merry Chrimble, Samantha! Hello.
428
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,679
You back home for
the holly-bubs, are you? Yeah.
429
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,239
Jason, these are our neighbours -
Anne and Derek Yeaman. Hi.
430
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:45,599
Yes, we are. High on life.
Poppets, come and say greetings.
431
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,519
Hello, do you remember me? What's
your name, little fella? Billy.
432
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,679
My name's Samantha. Jason.
433
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,160
No, Samantha.
434
00:24:56,360 --> 00:25:00,359
She is a beacon of light
in a world of darkness.
435
00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,559
They chose her name because of me.
436
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:07,439
And I pray every night that she
grows up to look just like you.
437
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,839
Oh, thanks.
438
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,479
Now, now, poppet, behave,
439
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,879
otherwise Santa
won't visit us tonight.
440
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,479
(Highly unlikely.)
441
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,719
Yes, Dalek has hired
a Santa Claus to visit this evening.
442
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,359
Can't wait to see
the little mites' faces.
443
00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:27,839
Dalek? It's just a silly nickname
for Derek.
444
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,680
Exterminate! Exterminate!
445
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:37,399
Hello! Mum?
446
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,359
THEY WHISPER
447
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,719
Yes, can I help?
448
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:46,359
Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry, you are...?
449
00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:51,679
I mean, you resemble my daughter,
but it's been so long
450
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:55,119
since she visited, I barely remember
what she looks like.
451
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:58,320
Mother, let's not cause a scene.
We have company, see?
452
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:05,239
You didn't tell me you were
bringing a boy. Yes, this is Jason.
453
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:08,919
Jeanette Parker, nee Whittle.
Nice to meet you.
454
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:14,519
What do you do for a living? Mum!
What? I'm getting to know the man.
455
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,519
I'm a manager of a shop.
456
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,599
Oh, so, what is it?
457
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,039
Is he great in the bedroom?
458
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,279
Mum! Drink, Jason?
459
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,399
It's two o'clock.
460
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:30,879
No, it's Christmas.
Yeah, why not? I'll have a...
461
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,080
You'll have what you're given.
462
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:39,759
I warned you she can be a total
nightmare. No, she seems fine.
463
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,959
< Jason?
464
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:47,080
I'm assuming you'll probably
want Malibu. Am I right?
465
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,439
It stinks in here. Sorry.
466
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,239
That was you? Don't know.
467
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,639
Happens without me knowing
these days.
468
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:02,519
Smells like one of mine,
though.
469
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:04,239
What are we doing?
470
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:09,359
We need to get some snacks. Dorothy,
would you like a refrigerated scotch egg from the petrol shop?
471
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:12,199
Yeah, all right. You're getting out?
472
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,799
You actually want people to know
you're the driver of this thing?
473
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,160
Why? What's wrong with it?
474
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:25,159
♪ Away in a manger... ♪
475
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,800
Ah.
476
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:33,080
Oh, the tree is beautiful,
isn't she?
477
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,720
Look at me, I'm weeping
like a small girl's blouse.
478
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,399
I just love Christmas so much.
Oh, darling.
479
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:49,599
Listen, why don't you pop yourself
upstairs and have
480
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,679
a nice, hot, creamy, bubble bath,
481
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:54,559
before (you-know-who arrives)?
482
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:59,479
Good idea, Booby. I'm a bit
of a Sweaty Betty, aren't I?
483
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,799
Which one is it?
Not sure. It's one of these.
484
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,559
OK, well, good luck.
485
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,199
Hmmm.
486
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:08,959
What's up?
487
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:12,119
It seems a shame to come all this
way just to drop off a present.
488
00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:14,719
Don, I told you, I have to get back
to drop Dorothy off.
489
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,279
No, no, no, it's fine.
We won't stay.
490
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:21,079
I just want to make a big entrance,
win Sam's affections,
491
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,119
emotionally seduce her.
492
00:28:23,120 --> 00:28:25,239
So when I leave, she's all like,
493
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:27,599
"Oh, I miss Don,
I wish he was still here."
494
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,759
And then Jason can go fuck himself
deep in his own asshole!
495
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:33,999
I saw a man do that once
on the internet.
496
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,639
Not as arousing as it sounds.
497
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:41,639
Yeah, I'm really going
to miss you, Dobbo(!)
498
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,599
Ooh, why don't you wear
my Santa suit?
499
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,479
No-one can resist Father Christmas.
Works every time.
500
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:53,199
Bon Jovi, Eddie, you might be on
to something there. Clever balls.
501
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:57,399
♪ Oh, come all ye faithful... ♪
502
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,879
Mummy, look!
503
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,239
Oh!
504
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,839
Dalek! Dalek!
505
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,199
Our guest has arrived.
506
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,119
♪ To Be-ethlehem
507
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:15,599
♪ Come and behold him
Born the King of Angels. ♪
508
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:19,799
I can't wait to see their faces
when I bowl in dressed like this.
509
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:23,319
What an entrance.
Jesus, Eddie, these are massive.
510
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,199
What size are you,
you fatty, bum-bum?
511
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,079
I like to be very method
when I'm playing Santa, Don.
512
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,639
I want it to be authentic.
513
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:35,239
I suppose you could call my approach
"Santaslavski"!
514
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:36,520
HE CHUCKLES
515
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,679
Psst! Over here.
516
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:45,119
That must be Sam's mum.
Wish me luck. Good luck.
517
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,559
Hey. Hi?
518
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:50,279
Are you Sam's mum? Indeed, I am.
519
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,559
She is going to be
so excited to see you.
520
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,559
Really? She mentions me?
She talks about nothing else.
521
00:29:55,560 --> 00:30:00,199
Oh, wow. I have to say,
you're much younger than I imagined.
522
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,279
Stop that immediately, St Nicholas.
523
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,239
Come on.
524
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,359
♪ Ding-dong merrily on high.. ♪
525
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:12,679
Look who I've just found.
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas...
526
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,279
Every...body. Santa!
527
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:20,839
Oh, er...hello, children,
have you been good this year?
528
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:22,840
I have, I have. Yes, yes, yes.
529
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,480
FARTING
530
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:30,919
Did I do it again?
531
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,680
SINGS HYMN LUSTILY
532
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:50,999
He's here. Who's here?
The Santa you booked. He said he wouldn't be here until 8.30?
533
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:55,559
Is it? Is that your beard?
All right, chill your boots.
534
00:30:55,560 --> 00:31:01,199
I love you, Santa. That's a bit gay.
Where are our presents, Santa?
535
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:04,479
Yeah, we want our presents.
I don't have any presents.
536
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:05,759
Maybe she's upstairs.
537
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:09,519
CHANTING: Presents, presents,
presents, presents, presents...
538
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,080
All right, shush your mouths.
I'll give you a present.
539
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,440
There you go. Now, shut up.
540
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,119
What? Screwdriver.
541
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:29,679
Anyway, you're throwing me
in the old biddies' bin on Monday.
542
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:36,040
My windy backside will be
someone else's problem. Strange.
543
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:49,600
Nights, holy night...
Merry Christmas. Who's...?
544
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:57,959
Keep quiet about this, yeah? Who are
you? And what are you doing here?
545
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:00,399
I thought you knew.
I'm here for Samantha.
546
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:06,439
Oh, Jesus, our Lord and saviour.
What do you want with her? Well...
547
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:11,920
I'll be honest, I'm here to seduce
her. Why would you do that?
548
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:17,559
Well, cos she's sexy.
God, you are sick.
549
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:21,039
I think you should leave,
before we call the policeman.
550
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:25,239
Whoa, no, wait, wait. I think you've
got the wrong end of the stick.
551
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:28,479
You see I'm fairly certain
she feels the same way about me.
552
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,240
We almost made love once. Oh!
553
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:39,120
Please, come on. Oh.
554
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:50,360
♪ Here comes Santa Claus
Here comes Santa Claus... ♪
555
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:56,920
Which one's Dickhead? I can't tell.
556
00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:59,040
Stop!
557
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:04,040
I'm not sure,
but I think he's the one being hit.
558
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:17,880
Please.
559
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:20,560
I'm sorry.
560
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:24,560
Maybe they didn't like his present.
561
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,919
What's going on?
Is everything all right?
562
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:33,319
A paedophile has intruded our home.
Hey, Sam.
563
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:37,400
Merry Christmas! Don?
564
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:42,440
Well, that went well.
565
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,559
Right,
I've calmed the Yeamans' down,
566
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,319
they're not going to call
the police now.
567
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,399
I should be the one calls them,
after what that Santa did to me.
568
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,279
That's what Greg Pitcher's
victim said.
569
00:33:56,280 --> 00:34:00,159
You completely ruined their
Christmas. You're such a fuckwit.
570
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,639
I'm sorry. I was trying to do
something nice for you.
571
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:06,999
Look, I've brought you
your present, see?
572
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,759
You could have just given this
when I got back.
573
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:12,359
But I wanted you to open it
on Christmas Day.
574
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:16,279
It's a...very personal present.
575
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:21,679
Right. Well, thanks.
576
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,200
Merry Christmas?
577
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,040
Don, are you all right?
578
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:37,879
It's probably time to hit
the hay. Big day tomorrow.
579
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:43,559
Oh, you're probably right. Jamal,
will you help me up? It's Jason.
580
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:45,600
It's what?
581
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,199
Ooh, haven't you got
lovely, long fingers!
582
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:54,920
I wonder what you get up to
with those?
583
00:34:58,600 --> 00:34:59,759
Right, here you go.
584
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:05,239
Oh, I thought...you know, we...
585
00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:08,159
We might be sharing. Oh!
586
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:09,999
Um, Jason, I...
587
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:14,199
Look, I really appreciate
you coming here with me,
588
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,759
but it was never like that.
589
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:19,999
I thought you knew. Sorry!
No, it's fine.
590
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,279
I didn't have any plans
this year, anyway, so, eh...
591
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:27,279
Cool. Yeah.
592
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:32,200
OK... All right.
I'll see you in the morning. OK.
593
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:49,919
Not so fast, young man.
594
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:51,599
If she's not interested,
595
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:55,879
I certainly want to see what
you can do with those fingers.
596
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,440
♪ MUSIC: "Mrs Robinson"
by Simon and Garfunkel
597
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,999
Well, it's too late
to drop Dot off now.
598
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,159
I just hope they don't mind
us arriving on Christmas morning.
599
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,839
Ah, Dot, are you sure you
should be drinking that now?
600
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,959
Don't be such a poof!
601
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,319
Eddie, I've been thinking.
602
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:25,159
After she's moved out, there's no
real reason for you to be here?
603
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:28,519
I'd still like to come over
and help out around the house.
604
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,319
Nothing's changed there.
But I'm moving out soon.
605
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,719
It's time I got used
to doing things on my own -
606
00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:35,479
without you and Treacher.
607
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,680
And...Sam.
608
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,879
But I... I' ve already thought
about this. What if... Sorry.
609
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:46,679
But I... No. Maybe... I can't.
Don... No.
610
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:48,799
What if... I'm sorry.
Don... Please.
611
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:52,400
Don't. Please... . No. I can't...
Stop this madness!
612
00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:59,399
Look, it's been great having
you around, but I just think
613
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,999
we all have to accept
it's the end of an era.
614
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,080
OK?
615
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:06,840
Absolutely.
616
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,519
What are you doing? Come on.
617
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,159
No, no, no. Come on.
618
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:19,600
Ow.
619
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,399
What have I told you
about hugging me?
620
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:37,799
If I ever do it again,
you'll kick me the penis? Yes.
621
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:41,719
Now, if you don't mind,
I'm feeling depressed and horny,
622
00:37:41,720 --> 00:37:44,759
so I'm going to go upstairs
and masturcry.
623
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:45,960
Goodnight.
624
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:52,960
Masturcry? Mastur... Oh! Oh.
625
00:37:56,200 --> 00:38:02,159
'So on Christmas Day 2011,
Eddie took Dorothy Treacher to her new home.'
626
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:05,239
So, welcome to your new home,
Dorothy.
627
00:38:05,240 --> 00:38:08,039
Not very attractive, are they?
628
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,599
Oh, it's a companion you're after,
is it?
629
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:15,440
Companion, fuck-buddy, sex opponent -
whatever you want to call it.
630
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:20,240
Could we just have a moment,
please? Of course.
631
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:26,399
Dot. What? What did I tell you
about how to behave in this place?
632
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,240
Behave as badly as possible?
633
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:35,879
'Meanwhile, I was spending
Christmas Day all on my lonesome.
634
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:40,439
'At least next year, I'll have loads
of money and a new bachelor pad.
635
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,200
'# Tra la la la la, la la la la. #'
636
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:05,639
So, hello, Samantha.
Welcome to your Christmas present.
637
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:08,599
I've never been very good
at expressing myself,
638
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:12,839
always seem to say the wrong thing,
so I've decided to write you a song.
639
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:14,800
I hope you like it.
640
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:25,040
♪ Christmas time is for giving
641
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:32,120
♪ And for living out your fantasies
642
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:39,800
♪ So I would like to get naked
643
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:46,800
♪ And by naked, I mean, emotionally
644
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,919
♪ I want to tell you
what's on my mind
645
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:58,519
♪ I think about you
every day and night
646
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:03,560
♪ I just wish you'd spend
Christmas time with me
647
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:07,120
♪ That's my fantasy
648
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:14,480
♪ I know I've done some things
that are stupid
649
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:22,120
♪ But I hope that one day
you will forgive me
650
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:29,199
♪ I want to tell you
what's on my mind
651
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:33,159
♪ I think about you
every day and night
652
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:37,560
♪ I just wish you'd spend
Christmas time with me
653
00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:43,199
♪ That's my fantasy
654
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:46,639
♪ You and me
655
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,679
♪ That's my fantasy
656
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,639
♪ Let's make this a bit
more Christmassy, come on
657
00:40:52,640 --> 00:41:00,239
♪ Hear the bells ringing out
Christmas time
658
00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:06,120
♪ Hear the bells ringing out
Christmas time
659
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:13,880
♪ Hear the bells ringing out
Christmas time
660
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:18,759
♪ Hear the bells ringing out
Christmas time. ♪
661
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:20,519
What are you doing?
662
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,399
I want to spend Christmas with Don.
663
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,079
♪ Christmas time. ♪
664
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:26,759
And mum?
665
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:30,200
Please try and stop hating everyone
all the time.
666
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:33,039
♪ Christmas time
667
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:37,120
I don't hate everyone, do I?
668
00:41:38,720 --> 00:41:41,760
♪ Christmas time
669
00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:44,840
♪ Christmas time
670
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:52,920
♪ With you, me and you. ♪
671
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,279
Is there any pudding, Eddie?
672
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:02,359
Christmas isn't Christmas
without Christmas pudding.
673
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,559
I don't care, I want it now.
674
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:07,959
You want Christmas pudding,
don't you, Samantha?
675
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:13,039
What's that, Gollum? You want to
pull a cracker? Yeah, sure, OK.
676
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,319
Grab hold of it. I win.
You're all right, aren't you?
677
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:18,799
You haven't had a heart attack.
678
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:20,199
DOORBELL RINGS
679
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,399
Oh, I suppose I've got to get that,
have I?
680
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:25,119
DOORBELL RINGS
681
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,799
Is the doorbell actually ringing
or is that part
682
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,679
of this strangely vivid
hallucination I'm having?
683
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,079
DOORBELL RINGS
684
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:33,880
All right, I'll get it.
685
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,839
Hey. What are you doing back?
686
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:43,200
Surprise!
687
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:47,399
'I couldn't believe it.
Abby Jones, the girl I used to have
688
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:49,799
'a big thing for,
sitting in my living room again.
689
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:54,239
'I hadn't seen her in over two
years. We spent ages catching up.'
690
00:42:54,240 --> 00:42:57,959
Let me get this straight,
you flew to New Zealand, met a guy,
691
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:01,239
you came back, got married, flew
back to New Zealand, got divorced
692
00:43:01,240 --> 00:43:03,479
and now you're back again.
693
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:05,959
You make it sound like
we were barely married.
694
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:09,760
How long were you together for?
Six months.
695
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:15,559
Yeah. All right. Sorry.
696
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:19,760
So, I was hoping that there might
be room at the inn. Which inn?
697
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:25,639
Can I crash here for a few days?
Oh, right, yes. Of course you can.
698
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:29,599
It's just until I get the courage
to go home and face the music.
699
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,079
You can stay as long as you like.
You can have my bed if you want.
700
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:36,319
Don't be daft, I'm fine on the sofa.
Are you insane in the mind?
701
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:39,479
It's freezing down here
and we've only got one heater.
702
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,480
I don't mind sharing,
that will keep us warm.
703
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:46,720
Head to toe, like a sleepover?
Hmm, sleepover.
704
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:51,639
Don Danbury, you have not changed.
You mean I haven't aged?
705
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,720
Thank you very much.
I wasn't saying that. Oi!
706
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:07,000
I'm just going to go and check
to see what state my room's in.
707
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:16,359
Don!
708
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:21,519
Oh. Sorry, I didn't know
that Don had company.
709
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:22,880
I'm Abby.
710
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:27,919
Abby. Yeah, right,
Don's mentioned you.
711
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:30,079
Sorry, you are?
712
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:35,559
Sam, Don's...flatmate.
He didn't mention he had a flatmate.
713
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:37,759
He didn't?
714
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:41,280
No, of course he didn't.
I mean, why would he?
715
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,079
Abigail, are you coming up or what?
716
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,720
It was really lovely
to meet you, Sam.
717
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:14,160
No, no, they're a bit tight.
They're pinching me.
718
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:20,479
Can I have a word?
You can have two if you like.
719
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,079
One of them's "off".
720
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:25,599
Don, I've come to apologise.
It's a bit late, innit?
721
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:29,200
Please, can we talk in private?
Lover's tiff?
722
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,639
Look, Don, I'm sorry, OK?
Are you? Are you sorry?
723
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:43,079
Are you actually sorry?
You know, I have feelings too.
724
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:44,439
I've been besotted with Sam
for ages.
725
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,679
I've had to sit here and listen
to you go on and on about it.
726
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,719
How about you listen to how I feel?
727
00:45:49,720 --> 00:45:55,639
I listen. I'm a great listener.
People call me "The Listener".
728
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:58,439
Look, I thought about what
I did to you and, yeah,
729
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:01,039
I could have handled it better.
730
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:02,679
I'm sorry.
731
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:04,840
I'm actually quite ashamed.
732
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:09,759
Look, if I'm being honest,
I'm just a bit lonely, Don,
733
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,879
and I just want to be... You think
we could complete in two days?
734
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:17,239
Don! I'll call you back.
Sorry, what?
735
00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:18,279
Never mind.
736
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:22,439
So, anyway, I hear Abby's
back in town, right?
737
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:24,679
How did you hear about that?
Well, Sam told me.
738
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:28,039
You've seen Sam? Where is she?
She hasn't been to the house.
739
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,879
Well, you're shacked up with Abby,
aren't you?
740
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:33,359
I'm not shacked up with Abby!
741
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:37,439
That's what Sam seems to think.
What? No! No!
742
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,279
I don't get it. Why does
she think you are, then?
743
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:42,839
Oi, Abigail,
are you coming up or what?
744
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:45,320
It was really lovely to meet you,
Sam.
745
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:51,239
Hey. Hey. You didn't tell me
you had a gorgeous new flatmate!
746
00:46:51,240 --> 00:46:54,559
Oh, what, Sam? Yeah.
She's been here a while now.
747
00:46:54,560 --> 00:47:00,039
She seems really nice. How would you
know? I just met her. Downstairs.
748
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,520
Sam! Sam?
749
00:47:08,240 --> 00:47:09,919
Are you sure it was her?
750
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:13,039
No, you're right, I must
have imagined talking to her.
751
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:14,199
I don't get it.
752
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,719
Don, what is going on?
753
00:47:16,720 --> 00:47:19,639
This may be the most grown-up
thing I've ever said,
754
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:21,879
but I don't think
I can sleep with you tonight.
755
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,559
We were only sharing a bed. Yeah,
but it might have led to something.
756
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,999
It wouldn't. It might,
you know what it's like.
757
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:31,639
It wouldn't have. Cuddling,
spooning. It really wouldn't have.
758
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:34,439
Don't get me wrong,
I used to have a crush on you.
759
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:37,639
I can't believe
I finally admitted that!
760
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:40,840
See? I can express myself.
I'm growing up.
761
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:49,280
But I love Sam. She's the
first person I've ever developed a proper connection with.
762
00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:00,560
'I waited up all night
for Sam to return.
763
00:48:04,240 --> 00:48:05,640
'But she never did.'
764
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:10,519
So now, she won't
even return my calls.
765
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:12,640
SOBBING
766
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:16,959
Dude, are you crying?
767
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:21,360
You really love her, don't you?
And she doesn't even know it.
768
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:26,879
Hey. Hey, there, there.
769
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:30,359
I'm sorry.
I'm just an old romantic at heart.
770
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:32,399
You're telling me!
771
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:33,439
Hey, listen,
772
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:38,839
if the Bridges of Madison County
ever comes on your telly, switch it over.
773
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,600
That would floor you! Yeah!
774
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:46,040
People can see us!
775
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:52,959
Come on, Jase, tell me where Sam is,
please. She's staying at mine.
776
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:56,119
What are you doing?
I'm going to see her.
777
00:48:56,120 --> 00:49:00,879
She's out. She knew you'd be out,
so she went to get her stuff from your place. Donald!
778
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:04,119
We need to have words.
Look, I'm sorry, but I've got to go.
779
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:06,959
I don't think so, Mister,
come here, immediately.
780
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:09,440
I'll deal with this.
781
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:13,920
Go!
782
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:17,999
Get out of the way.
783
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:19,239
Get out!
784
00:49:19,240 --> 00:49:21,920
I will step over you.
785
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:26,519
Sam! Sam?
786
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:31,719
Has Sam been back here?
Yes, she left about 20 minutes ago. She was in a bit of a panic.
787
00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:35,759
What do you mean? She mentioned
a message on the answer machine.
788
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:37,999
She was a bit frosty with me,
to be honest,
789
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:39,200
so I just kept out of her way.
790
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:45,519
'Hi, there, this is Belinda Myers
from the Elderly Centre.
791
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:47,199
'We're having a bit of an emergency
with Dorothy Treacher and wondered
792
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,679
'if you could pop down
as soon as possible.'
793
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:54,039
I didn't know people still
had an answering machines! I didn't know WE had one.
794
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:57,919
Listen, Abby, I need your help.
I've got to try and win Sam back.
795
00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:00,359
I'm all yours. What do you need?
KNOCK AT DOOR
796
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,039
Please open the door, Dorothy.
797
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:05,839
Treach, it's me, Sam.
798
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:08,119
I just swung by for a visit.
799
00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:10,679
Hey, is everything OK?
Thanks for coming.
800
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:12,359
It's all right, I'm here for her.
801
00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:14,439
Right, she's locked herself
in her room...
802
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:18,439
No, no, no, I'm here for HER.
We need to talk.
803
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:21,039
Don, we're worried about Treacher.
804
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:22,319
She's been in there for ages.
805
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:24,799
I'm not with Abby. I never was.
806
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:27,439
Well, what's she doing here, then?
807
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:28,799
She just gave me a lift.
808
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:30,559
I wanted to help him get to you.
809
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:31,919
What's going on?
810
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:33,279
I'm trying to win Sam back.
811
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,359
Actually,
we're trying to help Dorothy.
812
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:36,799
We're trying to help Dorothy,
813
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:39,039
but while they're doing that,
I'm trying to win Sam back.
814
00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:40,599
I'll go for the door.
815
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:42,959
I saw her go up to you.
816
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:45,679
Then I came back down,
but you were gone.
817
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:49,399
Sam, you have always been
the one for me.
818
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:51,280
We're the same.
819
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,959
Do you really think this can work?
820
00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:57,999
I mean, we are both
terrible at relationships.
821
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,719
Exactly, we're the same.
822
00:51:00,720 --> 00:51:03,399
Please open the door, Dorothy.
823
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:06,040
I listened to that song you wrote.
824
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:08,600
And?
825
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:11,800
I loved it.
826
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:23,679
Holy Costner.
827
00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:27,159
For BLEEP sake, Henry,
will you just get it in me.
828
00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:29,319
It's no use, Dorothy.
829
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:32,960
Too many creases and wrinkles and I
can't tell which one's your muffin.
830
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,479
I'm sorry, but in all the time
I've worked here,
831
00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:41,799
I've never seen
such disgusting things.
832
00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:44,039
And I've worked here
for three weeks.
833
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:46,079
She's a bad influence.
834
00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:48,959
She's been here for six days
and she's created chaos.
835
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:52,079
She steals medication, she crushes
her pills and snorts them,
836
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:54,119
uses profanities
at the top of her voice,
837
00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:55,999
she walks around in the nude,
838
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:58,519
she sexually dominates
the weaker gentleman.
839
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:00,439
ALL: Aw!
840
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:02,559
Classic Treacher.
841
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:03,719
It pains me to say this,
842
00:52:03,720 --> 00:52:06,319
but we're going to have to
let her go, I'm sorry.
843
00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:08,319
No! What? You can't do that.
844
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,760
She's got nowhere else to go.
845
00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:15,920
I got here as quick as I could. Why?
846
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:19,040
I don't know.
847
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:22,199
Eddie, can you look after her
for a while,
848
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:24,079
just till we find
another place to go?
849
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:26,999
I'd love to, but I'm sleeping
in the Santa van at the moment.
850
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:30,759
Living the American dream.
Stop it. Sorry.
851
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:34,119
Could you do it? Me? No, I can't.
852
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:38,639
I don't know where I'm going to be.
I'll take her. What?
853
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:42,159
No, she'll just have to find another
place again when you move out.
854
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:44,319
Not if I don't sell.
855
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:46,879
Guys, I spent one day
in that house on my own
856
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,479
and I almost went insane.
857
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:51,959
All right, I went insane.
858
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:56,719
Look, you're my family
and I missed you.
859
00:52:56,720 --> 00:52:59,480
Yes, even Gollum, believe it or not.
860
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,959
That will be a lot of money
you are turning down.
861
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:07,279
I don't care.
I'm willing to make that sacrifice.
862
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:10,479
You see, I'm growing up
and taking some responsibility.
863
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:13,799
And now that I've grown up
and become a man,
864
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:15,559
there's just one last thing
I need to say to you.
865
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,119
What's that?
866
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,119
Will you come out with me?
867
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,040
SHE LAUGHS
868
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:26,040
Oh...
869
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:37,679
Yes!
Oh, why did you wait that long?!
870
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:41,560
That was like an X Factor
result pause! That was horrible!
871
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:44,840
Come here.
872
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:53,720
I told you it would work, didn't I?
873
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:56,959
Dot? What?
874
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:59,759
What did I tell you about
how to behave in this place?
875
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:02,600
Behave as badly as possible?
876
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:07,240
Exactly.
877
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:16,719
Hey, you're not going to grow up
too much, are you?
878
00:54:16,720 --> 00:54:19,639
Because I quite like the fact
that you're a bit of a fuckwit.
879
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:22,240
Hmm. "Cool-smart".
880
00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:26,719
Come on, everybody! Ten...
881
00:54:26,720 --> 00:54:28,679
ALL: Nine...eight...
882
00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:30,639
Wait, is it the time already?
883
00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:31,679
ALL: ..six...
884
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:35,959
No, it's just gone six.
They need to be in bed, so we're pretending it's 12 already.
885
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:37,439
ALL: ..two...one...
886
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:40,839
ALL: Happy New Year!
887
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,719
CHEERING
888
00:54:43,720 --> 00:54:50,880
♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind... ♪
889
00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:55,479
♪ Walking through the doors
to somewhere else
890
00:54:55,480 --> 00:55:00,039
♪ Turning the handle
I watched it melt - all over me
891
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:02,239
♪ Picking up the ways I couldn't be
892
00:55:02,240 --> 00:55:04,919
♪ Picking up the things I never see
893
00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:08,679
♪ In front of my eyes
894
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:11,560
♪ Is it going to be
Is it going to be all right?
895
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:16,400
♪ Is it going to be
Is it going to be all right?
896
00:55:17,720 --> 00:55:22,639
♪ Yeah, it's going to be
Yeah, it's going to be all right
897
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:23,719
♪ Yeah, it's going to be
898
00:55:23,720 --> 00:55:27,599
♪ Yeah, it's going to be all right
899
00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:29,719
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
900
00:55:29,720 --> 00:55:32,279
♪ Took a little time
but now he's changed
901
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:34,559
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
902
00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:36,519
♪ Took a little time
but now he's changed
903
00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:37,559
♪ Whoa, whoa
904
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:38,839
♪ Whoa, whoa
905
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:41,439
♪ Took a little time
but now he's changed
906
00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:45,040
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
907
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:51,279
♪ Is it going to be
Is it going to be all right?
908
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:53,199
Is it going to be all right now?
909
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:56,039
♪ Is it going to be
Is it going to be all right?
910
00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:57,679
♪ Is it going to be?
Is it going to be?
911
00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:00,679
♪ Yeah, it's going to be
Yeah, it's going to be all right
912
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:02,319
♪ Yeah, it's going to be all right
913
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:05,239
♪ Yeah, it's going to be
Yeah, it's going to be all right
914
00:56:05,240 --> 00:56:07,519
♪ It's not going to be all right
915
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:09,960
♪ Is it going to be
Is it going to be all right?
916
00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:15,999
♪ Is it going to be
Is it going to be all right?
917
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:19,480
♪ Yeah, it's going to be
Yeah, it's going to be all right
918
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:26,199
♪ Yeah, it's going to be
Yeah, it's going to be all right
919
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:28,720
♪ Is it going to be
Is it going to be all right?
920
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:35,119
♪ Is it going to be
Is it going to be all right?
921
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:39,559
♪ Yeah, it's going to be
Yeah, it's going to be all right
922
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:44,399
♪ Yeah, it's going to be
Yeah, it's going to be all right
923
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:48,839
♪ Is it going to be
Is it going to be all right?
924
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:52,159
♪ Is it going to be
Is it going to be all right? ♪
925
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:53,519
THEY CHEER
926
00:56:53,520 --> 00:56:56,560
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
927
00:56:56,610 --> 00:57:01,160
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
75066
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