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1
00:00:05,521 --> 00:00:06,851
It's been a tough week.
2
00:00:06,971 --> 00:00:09,861
I feel like I'm losing
everything I care about.
3
00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:13,162
Oh, come on, hairs, don't leave me!
4
00:00:15,403 --> 00:00:17,202
What are you all dressed up for?
5
00:00:17,203 --> 00:00:18,723
I'm going on a date.
6
00:00:21,403 --> 00:00:24,123
Someone finds Yoda attractive? Urgh!
7
00:00:26,403 --> 00:00:31,242
So who's the unlucky man, then?
Treacher's got a date.
8
00:00:31,243 --> 00:00:33,802
Aw, that's nice. So have I!
9
00:00:33,803 --> 00:00:35,642
What? With who?
10
00:00:35,643 --> 00:00:39,282
Er, Brian. Oh, right. Well, it's not
a date, then, is it?
11
00:00:39,283 --> 00:00:41,922
He's your boyfriend.
So? He's still taking me out.
12
00:00:41,923 --> 00:00:45,802
No. A date is when you don't know the
person very well. It's a date, right?
13
00:00:45,803 --> 00:00:47,642
I don't give a shit.
14
00:00:47,643 --> 00:00:51,522
It's like when people say
that their baby's 19 months old.
15
00:00:51,523 --> 00:00:54,082
It's not. It's one. One year old.
16
00:00:54,083 --> 00:00:58,162
Why do they still say months?
That'd be like me saying I'm...
17
00:00:58,163 --> 00:01:00,202
348 months old. Exactly.
18
00:01:00,203 --> 00:01:04,962
348... Whoa, I'm not that old! Right,
well, I'm going to call it a date.
19
00:01:04,963 --> 00:01:07,323
So I will see you freaks later.
20
00:01:09,523 --> 00:01:11,522
A date?
21
00:01:11,523 --> 00:01:13,442
Don? What?
22
00:01:13,443 --> 00:01:15,562
I've got a date, too.
23
00:01:15,563 --> 00:01:18,682
Great. So everyone's got
a date tonight, except me!
24
00:01:23,443 --> 00:01:25,162
Yes? Ah, hello.
25
00:01:25,163 --> 00:01:28,362
I'm here for Dorothy Treacher.
Gollum!
26
00:01:28,363 --> 00:01:30,442
We've met before, haven't we?
27
00:01:30,443 --> 00:01:32,762
No, thank you, no.
I went before I left.
28
00:01:32,763 --> 00:01:35,162
No, no. What's your name again?
29
00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:38,162
Oh, yes! Who are you?
30
00:01:38,163 --> 00:01:40,642
No, my name's not Hugh. It's George.
31
00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:42,163
Hello, George.
32
00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:48,483
Urgh! It's like watching The Two
Ronnies get off with each other.
33
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:55,042
I was thinking, maybe we should
skip dinner and just get wankered?
34
00:01:55,043 --> 00:01:57,362
Yes!
35
00:01:57,363 --> 00:02:02,923
Now, you bring her back at a decent
hour, you hear? What am I saying?
36
00:02:06,235 --> 00:02:16,628
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
37
00:02:24,363 --> 00:02:26,882
'Later, something very disturbing
happened.
38
00:02:26,883 --> 00:02:29,522
'While I was trying to get
to sleep...'
39
00:02:29,523 --> 00:02:33,403
Oh, no! '..I could hear sex
coming from Sam's room.'
40
00:02:40,723 --> 00:02:43,003
Right, that's got to stop.
41
00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:45,842
Right, I'm sorry, guys,
42
00:02:45,843 --> 00:02:49,282
but I'm not going to allow this
high-energy nailing under my roof.
43
00:02:49,283 --> 00:02:52,202
I know you're both adults.
You especially, Brian.
44
00:02:52,203 --> 00:02:53,802
But them's the rules...
45
00:02:53,803 --> 00:02:55,963
What are you doing?
46
00:02:57,723 --> 00:03:01,522
Oh, thank God! I thought I could hear
Brian nailing you. What?
47
00:03:01,523 --> 00:03:04,042
And you thought you'd come in
and watch?!
48
00:03:04,043 --> 00:03:07,042
Why, would that be OK with you both?
Don, get out!
49
00:03:07,043 --> 00:03:09,202
Hang on. If it's not you, then...
50
00:03:09,203 --> 00:03:14,162
Is that all you've got?
Fuck me inside out!
51
00:03:14,163 --> 00:03:17,162
Is that...? Say my name!
52
00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:21,642
Say! My! Name!
53
00:03:21,643 --> 00:03:23,602
Dorothy Treacher!
54
00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:26,042
Fuck the shit out of me!
55
00:03:26,043 --> 00:03:30,362
Oh, my God. I will never be able
to look at Treacher again.
56
00:03:30,363 --> 00:03:34,482
I'm never going to be able to watch
The Two Ronnies again.
57
00:03:34,483 --> 00:03:37,402
And it's a good night from me...
58
00:03:37,403 --> 00:03:41,282
'It seemed like everyone was in a relationship.
And then there was Eddie -
59
00:03:41,283 --> 00:03:44,602
'he wasn't his usual caring self.'
Why didn't you wake me, Eddie?
60
00:03:44,603 --> 00:03:48,042
I told you I've got an important
appointment today. Hey, Don.
61
00:03:48,043 --> 00:03:51,682
Just making Brian
a little omelette-let. Brian?
62
00:03:51,683 --> 00:03:54,442
Sorry, Brian?!
Who do you work for, exactly?
63
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:56,802
Me or Brian? Neither. I work for Dot.
64
00:03:56,803 --> 00:04:00,762
Oh, yeah. Tell you what, I'll quickly
whip you up some muesli.
65
00:04:00,763 --> 00:04:03,082
Why are you threatening me
with muesli?
66
00:04:03,083 --> 00:04:06,162
It's healthy. It's evil.
Tastes like hamster cage.
67
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:09,922
Now whip me up my usual,
thank you very much. OK. So...
68
00:04:09,923 --> 00:04:13,282
Three fried eggs, three slices of bacon, three
sausages, three beans, three hash browns, chips,
69
00:04:13,283 --> 00:04:16,922
tomatoes, mushrooms, black pudding, cup of tea, fried
slice, and a Terry's Chocolate Orange for afters?
70
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:21,042
That's more like it. Now, I don't
suppose you've run me a bath, have you?
71
00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:26,723
Ooh... Brian's just had one, so I'm just waiting
for the water to heat up again. Unbelievable.
72
00:04:28,883 --> 00:04:30,442
I don't know what's happened.
73
00:04:30,443 --> 00:04:34,682
But I feel like I don't even exist
in my own home. Sorry, what?
74
00:04:34,683 --> 00:04:39,083
I said, I don't know what's happened, but I
feel like I don't even exist in my own home.
75
00:04:50,043 --> 00:04:54,323
Er, yes? Hello?!
76
00:05:01,963 --> 00:05:03,963
You deaf old prune!
77
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,563
Eh? Arrrrgh!
78
00:05:15,323 --> 00:05:18,722
'I was sick of being ignored by people
that don't even live in my house.'
79
00:05:18,723 --> 00:05:23,363
'Especially Brian. I mean, just look at
them all, they all think he's amazing.'
80
00:05:25,603 --> 00:05:31,202
Oi, Treacher! Can you tell your boyfriend
not to just burst into the... Sssh, sssh.
81
00:05:31,203 --> 00:05:35,842
Er, excuse me. I just had a very traumatic
experience... In a second, Don.
82
00:05:35,843 --> 00:05:39,722
In a second? I might have
a horrible disease in a second!
83
00:05:39,723 --> 00:05:45,042
'I couldn't believe it. The way they
always hang on Brian's every word.
84
00:05:45,043 --> 00:05:47,602
'It's like he's the king
of my castle.'
85
00:05:47,603 --> 00:05:50,163
Right, well, I'm going out now.
86
00:05:51,683 --> 00:05:54,282
I said, I'm just popping out.
87
00:05:54,283 --> 00:05:55,762
Brian's talking, Don.
88
00:05:55,763 --> 00:05:58,402
But he thinks,
"I can't wake anybody up..."
89
00:05:58,403 --> 00:06:01,522
You know, you'd miss me
if I were gone.
90
00:06:01,523 --> 00:06:06,162
Yeah, you would, yeah. If I just
dropped dead, you'd miss me!
91
00:06:06,163 --> 00:06:10,002
"If I turn a light on, I'll disturb someone.
" So he goes down to the hallway.
92
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:14,763
He's kind of shuffling down the hallway,
trying to look for the light...
93
00:06:31,483 --> 00:06:33,162
Are you all right, Eddie?
94
00:06:33,163 --> 00:06:37,322
Did Don just say something about
dying? He's being an idiot.
95
00:06:37,323 --> 00:06:41,242
He can't stand someone else getting a
bit of attention. Carry on, babe. Hmm.
96
00:06:41,243 --> 00:06:45,882
What's wrong? Well, it's a letter to Don
from Great Michael Street Hospital.
97
00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:52,242
It says, "We can confirm your appointment
on Tuesday 26th to discuss the transplant."
98
00:06:52,243 --> 00:06:54,283
26th is today. Give it here.
99
00:06:55,723 --> 00:06:58,442
He said something just then
about having a disease.
100
00:06:58,443 --> 00:07:01,642
Jesus, you're right. It does.
Well, what sort of transplant?
101
00:07:01,643 --> 00:07:05,322
Well, it doesn't say. It could be
anything. I mean, he's so unhealthy.
102
00:07:05,323 --> 00:07:07,522
He eats a fried breakfast every day.
103
00:07:07,523 --> 00:07:11,202
He never eats vegetables. Oh, my
God. It's my fault. I've killed Don!
104
00:07:11,203 --> 00:07:15,162
No, Eddie, don't say that.
Oh, God, maybe it's his liver or something.
105
00:07:15,163 --> 00:07:19,803
I mean, he does drink a lot.
What could it be?
106
00:07:24,523 --> 00:07:26,842
Well, you're definitely receding.
107
00:07:26,843 --> 00:07:28,962
Are you sure?
I'm definitely losing it?
108
00:07:28,963 --> 00:07:32,762
I'm afraid so. God, no!
Please, I can't go bald!
109
00:07:32,763 --> 00:07:34,282
Please, I'm so scared!
110
00:07:34,283 --> 00:07:36,402
The good news is,
we can do a transplant.
111
00:07:36,403 --> 00:07:44,203
Really? But you would be looking at a cost of around £5,000.
What!? And it's not a guaranteed 100% cure.
112
00:07:46,323 --> 00:07:47,882
So cold...
113
00:07:47,883 --> 00:07:50,642
So cold. Hold me. Hold me!
114
00:07:50,643 --> 00:07:52,202
Jesus...
115
00:07:52,203 --> 00:07:55,403
'I thought I coped with that
quite well.'
116
00:08:04,203 --> 00:08:07,442
How did it go? How'd what go?
117
00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:10,322
We found the letter, Don.
About your appointment?
118
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,682
Oh. Yeah...
119
00:08:13,683 --> 00:08:16,762
So what did they say? Is it serious?
120
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:20,402
Yeah. It's everything I feared.
Oh, God...
121
00:08:20,403 --> 00:08:26,202
Yeah, they said there's no real cure. But what about
the transplant? Yeah, they could do a transplant.
122
00:08:26,203 --> 00:08:30,442
But it's not 100% guaranteed cure.
And anyway, I can't afford it.
123
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,003
Oh Jesus, Don...
124
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,842
Is it... terminal?
125
00:08:35,843 --> 00:08:40,002
Yeah. Yeah, I suppose
you could put it that way.
126
00:08:40,003 --> 00:08:43,843
Could be gone in a year, a month,
they don't know.
127
00:08:46,243 --> 00:08:48,802
I have to say, I'm surprised
you all care.
128
00:08:48,803 --> 00:08:53,802
Of course we care! I know we fight a lot, Don, but I
still care about you. Why didn't you say something?
129
00:08:53,803 --> 00:08:56,602
Well, I just thought you'd all think
I was being vain.
130
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:59,283
That's ridiculous, Don.
It's not vain!
131
00:09:01,003 --> 00:09:03,082
I'm losing it, guys.
132
00:09:03,083 --> 00:09:06,522
I'm actually losing it.
No, no. You're not. I am.
133
00:09:06,523 --> 00:09:09,482
I've been really good at hiding it,
but... I'm losing it.
134
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:11,962
I think you're being
incredibly brave.
135
00:09:11,963 --> 00:09:13,642
Yeah, I am, aren't I?
136
00:09:13,643 --> 00:09:16,522
What is it?
What do you mean? Hey, hey.
137
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:19,482
Just one step at a time, huh?
No, you're right. I'm sorry.
138
00:09:19,483 --> 00:09:22,682
Just tell us in your own time.
Oh, babe, come here.
139
00:09:22,683 --> 00:09:24,443
Wow!
140
00:09:30,883 --> 00:09:32,202
Not you!
141
00:09:32,203 --> 00:09:36,162
'Now, you've probably spotted the
serious case of crossed wires here.
142
00:09:36,163 --> 00:09:40,082
'Call me stupid, but I genuinely
thought they were upset about my hair.
143
00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:44,602
'It wasn't until Treacher said...
' I always thought I'd be the first to croak.
144
00:09:44,603 --> 00:09:46,963
'..that things started
to fall in to place.'
145
00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:52,962
What did you just say?
Oh, Dot. That's incredibly negative.
146
00:09:52,963 --> 00:09:58,002
We have to think positively!
He might be all right.
147
00:09:58,003 --> 00:10:04,282
Yeah, but there's also no point
in kidding ourselves, is there?
148
00:10:04,283 --> 00:10:07,882
'What the hell am I playing at? Well,
just look at what's going on here.
149
00:10:07,883 --> 00:10:10,722
'I've never been the reason
for a group hug. Ever.
150
00:10:10,723 --> 00:10:13,642
'I finally knew what it felt like
to not be hated.
151
00:10:13,643 --> 00:10:16,283
'And it felt nice. Who knew?'
152
00:10:22,683 --> 00:10:24,162
You all right?
153
00:10:24,163 --> 00:10:29,482
Yeah, just watching
Dude, Where's My Car?
154
00:10:29,483 --> 00:10:32,683
It's actually a really well-made
film. Do you want to join me?
155
00:10:35,403 --> 00:10:38,682
Listen.
Brian and I have been talking.
156
00:10:38,683 --> 00:10:41,282
I hope that's all you've been doing.
157
00:10:41,283 --> 00:10:45,202
Look. Life is precious. Live it
to the fullest, seize the day.
158
00:10:45,203 --> 00:10:49,002
Carpe diem. No, thanks.
I don't like fish.
159
00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:54,322
So, if there's something that you've
always wanted to do - anything -
160
00:10:54,323 --> 00:10:56,763
Brian and I are here
to help make it happen. OK?
161
00:10:59,163 --> 00:11:01,322
You're up for a threesome?
162
00:11:01,323 --> 00:11:04,202
Well, I'd always imagined it
would be with two girls...
163
00:11:04,203 --> 00:11:06,042
Er, Don... Whoa, whoa.
164
00:11:06,043 --> 00:11:07,842
OK, I'm up for it.
165
00:11:07,843 --> 00:11:12,442
Under one condition. Brian, you do
not look at my cum face. Capiche?
166
00:11:12,443 --> 00:11:15,203
Don, that isn't what I meant!
167
00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:20,043
I knew that!
168
00:11:21,643 --> 00:11:24,203
What I just said stays
in this room, OK?
169
00:11:25,443 --> 00:11:27,962
Seriously, though.
You should maybe think of
170
00:11:27,963 --> 00:11:32,083
a bucket list. Surely there's stuff
that you've always dreamt of doing?
171
00:11:51,403 --> 00:11:54,442
I meant stuff that isn't impossible.
172
00:11:54,443 --> 00:11:56,002
Have a think.
173
00:11:56,003 --> 00:11:57,523
OK.
174
00:11:59,203 --> 00:12:04,202
Er, Sam? Yeah? There is actually
something you could both do for me.
175
00:12:04,203 --> 00:12:06,883
Right, well, I'll give
you a call later...
176
00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:15,082
Sorry. It's just having him around is a constant
reminder that I'll never make it to that age.
177
00:12:15,083 --> 00:12:19,922
And as for you, young lady, I'm banning
Ronnie Barker from this house.
178
00:12:19,923 --> 00:12:23,122
You two rutting the way you do
makes me feel ill.
179
00:12:23,123 --> 00:12:24,922
Well, you know, more ill.
180
00:12:24,923 --> 00:12:28,922
It's all right.
I've dumped him anyway. Really, why?
181
00:12:28,923 --> 00:12:31,443
He was only interested
in me for my body.
182
00:12:33,443 --> 00:12:38,002
'And so I began my new life,
as a dead man.
183
00:12:38,003 --> 00:12:40,842
'I never knew dying
would have so many perks.'
184
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:43,042
Can I get you anything?
185
00:12:43,043 --> 00:12:45,323
I'd love a foot rub. Sure.
186
00:12:50,443 --> 00:12:54,763
Yes? Could you get me
a Tizer Martini, please?
187
00:12:54,923 --> 00:12:56,562
Eddie?
188
00:12:56,563 --> 00:12:58,642
Could you feed me those Skittles?
189
00:12:58,643 --> 00:13:01,082
I'm feeling too weak to lift them.
190
00:13:01,083 --> 00:13:02,843
Abso-lulu. Great.
191
00:13:06,323 --> 00:13:08,762
'It was great.
They did whatever I asked.
192
00:13:08,763 --> 00:13:12,402
'Yeah, maybe I got a teeny weeny bit
carried away with it all.'
193
00:13:12,403 --> 00:13:14,042
Now, I don't want a hearse.
194
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:17,042
I want a monster truck
with the coffin on the roof.
195
00:13:17,043 --> 00:13:24,722
And I want the monster truck to crush over all
the other cars as it arrives, yeah? Like...so.
196
00:13:24,723 --> 00:13:26,762
Don. Yes, Eddie.
197
00:13:26,763 --> 00:13:28,362
A hearse is more traditional.
198
00:13:28,363 --> 00:13:30,882
I don't care. They're horrible.
199
00:13:30,883 --> 00:13:34,083
Seriously,
I wouldn't be seen dead in a hearse.
200
00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:38,242
Too soon? Sorry.
201
00:13:38,243 --> 00:13:41,962
Oh, and I would love
to have Brian May in a wind machine.
202
00:13:41,963 --> 00:13:45,602
I'm not sure we're going to be able to
get Brian May to play at your funeral.
203
00:13:45,603 --> 00:13:47,882
Urgh, no, I don't want him to play!
204
00:13:47,883 --> 00:13:50,122
I just want him there.
205
00:13:50,123 --> 00:13:51,802
In a wind machine.
206
00:13:51,803 --> 00:13:54,482
Going faster
than a roller coaster...
207
00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:57,482
Everyone cared about me.
I was so happy.
208
00:13:57,483 --> 00:13:59,002
£7.80, please.
209
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:02,202
Ah, I've only got two pounds.
210
00:14:02,203 --> 00:14:04,522
Oh, come on, mate. I'm dying!
211
00:14:04,523 --> 00:14:07,362
Don, you can't use that
as an excuse. Is that true?
212
00:14:07,363 --> 00:14:08,522
Yeah, but...
213
00:14:08,523 --> 00:14:11,722
All right, have these on me.
214
00:14:11,723 --> 00:14:14,123
Thanks, barman.
215
00:14:16,603 --> 00:14:18,682
Don. Yeah. What's it called?
216
00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:20,722
What's what called?
You know, what you've got?
217
00:14:20,723 --> 00:14:24,562
If you don't want to talk about it, I
completely understand. No, no, that's fine.
218
00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:30,682
It's called Peterson's disease.
It's a stomach thing.
219
00:14:30,683 --> 00:14:33,202
Probably all that bad food
I've eaten over the years.
220
00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:35,882
God, you are dealing
with this so well.
221
00:14:35,883 --> 00:14:39,362
I never thought that you'd be
this brave. Well...
222
00:14:39,363 --> 00:14:41,562
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
223
00:14:41,563 --> 00:14:45,082
What for?
We have argued a lot in the past.
224
00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:48,682
And it just all seems really
petty now. Hey, don't...
225
00:14:48,683 --> 00:14:51,762
If I've ever been mean to you, then
I regret it. You know that, right?
226
00:14:51,763 --> 00:14:54,322
Hey. You haven't been mean.
227
00:14:54,323 --> 00:14:57,122
You've been amazing. I've really,
228
00:14:57,123 --> 00:15:00,802
really loved hanging out with you
for the last few days.
229
00:15:00,803 --> 00:15:03,963
Yeah, me too.
230
00:15:09,523 --> 00:15:14,042
Eddie. Wants to know whether
I want him to run a bath.
231
00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:17,482
You fancy a bath?
232
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:20,362
Well, you're consistent,
I'll give you that.
233
00:15:25,403 --> 00:15:27,642
Eddie! Phone!
234
00:15:31,683 --> 00:15:34,403
Sorry, I was upstairs!
235
00:15:35,323 --> 00:15:36,442
Danbury residence.
236
00:15:36,443 --> 00:15:39,082
'Can I speak to Don Danbury,
please?' It's for you.
237
00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:43,002
Nah. I'm afraid he's not available
at the moment. Can I take a message?
238
00:15:43,003 --> 00:15:44,962
You all right, Dobby?
239
00:15:44,963 --> 00:15:48,683
Yes. I'm fucking marvellous(!)
240
00:15:52,843 --> 00:15:54,042
What?
241
00:15:54,043 --> 00:15:57,363
That was the hair specialist
at Great Michael Street Hospital.
242
00:16:00,203 --> 00:16:01,723
Get lost.
243
00:16:08,003 --> 00:16:12,162
Look, you were the ones who thought
I was dying. I never said it.
244
00:16:12,163 --> 00:16:15,642
You told Samantha you had
Peterson's disease.
245
00:16:15,643 --> 00:16:18,042
There's no such thing, is there?
246
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:21,922
There was no such thing as Parkinson's until
the first person had it. Think of that!
247
00:16:21,923 --> 00:16:24,322
You acted like the transplant
was serious!
248
00:16:24,323 --> 00:16:26,962
Jesus, Eddie, it is serious!
249
00:16:26,963 --> 00:16:28,522
I mean, I don't want to go bald!
250
00:16:28,523 --> 00:16:30,882
You of all people
should know how that feels.
251
00:16:30,883 --> 00:16:32,482
Why?
252
00:16:32,483 --> 00:16:34,843
Well, you know. Cos you're...
253
00:16:36,523 --> 00:16:40,442
What? Well, you're...
254
00:16:40,443 --> 00:16:42,602
What, you really don't get
what I'm saying?
255
00:16:42,603 --> 00:16:46,402
Maybe, if I ever lose my hair,
I'll be able to sympathise.
256
00:16:46,403 --> 00:16:48,642
But right now, Don, I'm hopping mad.
257
00:16:48,643 --> 00:16:51,362
You have to tell them the truth!
258
00:16:51,363 --> 00:16:57,722
Oh, I know, I know. You know, when Sam said she was
sorry for being mean to me I felt really guilty.
259
00:16:57,723 --> 00:17:01,002
At least I think it was guilt.
I've never really felt it before.
260
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:04,282
It's like a weird, twisted,
knotted feeling in my stomach.
261
00:17:04,283 --> 00:17:08,282
Shit, I hope it's not
Peterson's disease! Donald!
262
00:17:08,283 --> 00:17:10,522
I don't want to go back
to being hated.
263
00:17:10,523 --> 00:17:13,202
Dying is the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
264
00:17:13,203 --> 00:17:16,922
She could be up there right now looking
up Peterson's on the wiklepedia.
265
00:17:16,923 --> 00:17:18,802
Oh, don't worry about that.
266
00:17:18,803 --> 00:17:20,122
"It's a stomach thing.
267
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:22,802
"No-one really knows
too much about it yet.
268
00:17:22,803 --> 00:17:28,162
"Doctors say it's likely caused by all
that bad food he's eaten over the years.
269
00:17:28,163 --> 00:17:33,762
"Symptoms include lack of energy
and general laziness.
270
00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:37,122
"It is fatal. Fact."
271
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:39,162
That's the great thing
about Wikipedia.
272
00:17:39,163 --> 00:17:42,402
You can write any old bull crap
and once it's online, it's fact.
273
00:17:42,403 --> 00:17:46,202
I mean, you should see what they say
about Dude, Where's My Car. Scandalous!
274
00:17:46,203 --> 00:17:50,202
Don? OK. I hope you don't mind, but
I've just been on the phone to Brian...
275
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,682
I do mind, actually. No, listen.
276
00:17:52,683 --> 00:17:55,322
Look, we've decided that we want
to throw you a bit of a party.
277
00:17:55,323 --> 00:17:58,642
Really? A party? For little old me?
278
00:17:58,643 --> 00:18:03,162
Yeah. You can invite all your
friends, everyone that you know.
279
00:18:03,163 --> 00:18:06,362
Only if you're up for it. We just
wanted to show you that we cared.
280
00:18:06,363 --> 00:18:10,042
But I'd understand if you don't want
us to cause a fuss. Hey. I love fuss.
281
00:18:10,043 --> 00:18:11,562
Go ahead and cause some.
282
00:18:11,563 --> 00:18:13,043
OK. Right, I'm on it!
283
00:18:14,643 --> 00:18:16,282
Oh, please.
284
00:18:16,283 --> 00:18:21,162
Please? No-one's ever thrown me
a party before. Please?
285
00:18:21,163 --> 00:18:25,042
We'll just have this party tonight,
and then tomorrow I'll tell everyone.
286
00:18:25,043 --> 00:18:28,402
Please? Please?
287
00:18:28,403 --> 00:18:31,882
I was really looking forward
to my own farewell party.
288
00:18:31,883 --> 00:18:34,763
Hundreds of people telling me
how great they think I am.
289
00:18:41,643 --> 00:18:45,322
Love like yours will surely
come my way...
290
00:18:45,323 --> 00:18:46,962
There he is.
291
00:18:46,963 --> 00:18:52,122
I thought you said you were going
to invite all my friends. I did!
292
00:18:52,123 --> 00:18:55,162
But it's just you lot.
And Jason, my boss from work.
293
00:18:55,163 --> 00:19:01,322
Don. I called all the numbers
in your phone. All six of them.
294
00:19:01,323 --> 00:19:05,082
Oh, by the way, I tried
to get in contact with Abby,
295
00:19:05,083 --> 00:19:07,962
but apparently she's on her
honeymoon. She got married?
296
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:09,602
Yeah, sorry.
297
00:19:09,603 --> 00:19:11,603
I'll get you a drink, big guy.
298
00:19:15,963 --> 00:19:20,202
And there was me cursing your name
today for not showing up for work.
299
00:19:20,203 --> 00:19:21,842
Imagine how I feel.
300
00:19:21,843 --> 00:19:24,482
Really, really bad?
301
00:19:24,483 --> 00:19:26,602
Yeah, you should.
302
00:19:26,603 --> 00:19:28,842
Look, you don't need to worry
about coming in.
303
00:19:28,843 --> 00:19:31,642
We'll send you your last pay cheque,
and we'll include today.
304
00:19:31,643 --> 00:19:36,442
Yeah, you might want to keep
the job open though, yeah?
305
00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:40,242
No, but you're...
Well, you never know.
306
00:19:40,243 --> 00:19:43,043
There you go, soldier. Cheers.
307
00:19:46,083 --> 00:19:49,042
For death begins
at life's first breath.
308
00:19:49,043 --> 00:19:52,282
And life begins at touch of death.
309
00:19:52,283 --> 00:19:56,002
What the fuck? Er,
it's from a poem by John Oxenham.
310
00:19:56,003 --> 00:19:58,282
It's one of my favourites, actually.
311
00:19:58,283 --> 00:19:59,803
Well, here's one.
312
00:20:01,363 --> 00:20:03,002
Take my hand.
313
00:20:03,003 --> 00:20:05,242
We'll make it, I swear.
314
00:20:05,243 --> 00:20:08,082
Oh, oh, oh.
315
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:10,682
We're living on a prayer.
316
00:20:10,683 --> 00:20:12,522
Isn't that...? Jonathan Bon Jovi.
317
00:20:12,523 --> 00:20:15,162
Yes, it is. Great, great man.
318
00:20:16,443 --> 00:20:18,683
Would everyone like to take a seat?
319
00:20:22,443 --> 00:20:26,162
Erm,
I'd just like to say a few words.
320
00:20:26,163 --> 00:20:30,882
We wanted to call some of your friends to gather
some stories from across your life. But...
321
00:20:30,883 --> 00:20:32,442
You don't have any friends.
322
00:20:32,443 --> 00:20:34,483
No!
323
00:20:35,963 --> 00:20:38,362
Well, not exactly, no.
324
00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:41,682
I mean, you haven't been that great
at keeping in touch with people.
325
00:20:41,683 --> 00:20:44,482
But look, I'm sure if we had
more time,
326
00:20:44,483 --> 00:20:50,603
then we would have been overflowing with lots
of guests and lovely, lovely sentiments.
327
00:20:57,763 --> 00:20:59,682
Well, I haven't known you long, Don.
328
00:20:59,683 --> 00:21:02,882
But this I do know -
you're a great guy. Really.
329
00:21:02,883 --> 00:21:07,082
Interesting, a little complicated,
but funny and endearing.
330
00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:10,882
Look. I'm not going to sleep with you
if that's what you're suggesting.
331
00:21:10,883 --> 00:21:15,002
I mean, a threesome with her, maybe.
But not just the two of us!
332
00:21:15,003 --> 00:21:18,723
Does anybody else want to say
anything about Don?
333
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:27,043
Eddie. You must have some sweet memories
that you want to share with us.
334
00:21:28,723 --> 00:21:31,442
Er... You'd bloody better have!
335
00:21:31,443 --> 00:21:33,402
How about when you first met?
336
00:21:33,403 --> 00:21:35,722
OK.
337
00:21:35,723 --> 00:21:38,202
I remember when I first met Don.
338
00:21:38,203 --> 00:21:42,562
He said to me, "Hug me again
and I'll kick you in the prick".
339
00:21:42,563 --> 00:21:44,163
He's right. I did.
340
00:21:45,643 --> 00:21:47,842
Right, well, that was
a beautiful story.
341
00:21:47,843 --> 00:21:51,202
Well, what about you?
You must have one.
342
00:21:51,203 --> 00:21:53,602
You've lived with Donnie
for a while. Donnie?
343
00:21:53,603 --> 00:21:58,442
You must have had lots
of fun times together? I, er...
344
00:21:58,443 --> 00:22:03,842
What about that time the two of you shared a hotel
room at that wedding? That must have been lots of fun!
345
00:22:03,843 --> 00:22:05,762
There, you see.
346
00:22:05,763 --> 00:22:08,803
So, what happened at this wedding?
347
00:22:14,123 --> 00:22:18,602
Well, to be honest, Bri, there's
just been so many moments, you know?
348
00:22:18,603 --> 00:22:23,042
There's too many to pick from.
It's just been one big laugh, right, Sam? Yeah!
349
00:22:23,043 --> 00:22:26,322
Come on, let's go and get some food.
350
00:22:26,323 --> 00:22:28,323
You betsy!
351
00:22:33,163 --> 00:22:36,482
This is all wrong, you know? I know!
352
00:22:36,483 --> 00:22:40,082
This party was meant to make me feel
better about my life. Not worse!
353
00:22:40,083 --> 00:22:41,762
Well, your life's not bad, Don.
354
00:22:41,763 --> 00:22:43,802
Eddie. I've achieved nothing.
355
00:22:43,803 --> 00:22:47,242
I'm a fully-grown adult and I've
never had a proper relationship.
356
00:22:47,243 --> 00:22:50,322
I've never had a proper job.
And I've never had a proper beard!
357
00:22:50,323 --> 00:22:52,602
But you're not actually dying.
358
00:22:52,603 --> 00:22:56,002
There's still time to get
these things. It'll never happen.
359
00:22:56,003 --> 00:22:57,762
I mean, I'm just not hairy enough.
360
00:22:57,763 --> 00:23:02,322
I can't hold it in any more, Don.
I'm just not built for lying!
361
00:23:02,323 --> 00:23:04,042
Shut up!
362
00:23:04,043 --> 00:23:05,722
Shh, let me think.
363
00:23:05,723 --> 00:23:08,522
I mean, there must be a less harsh
way of telling them.
364
00:23:08,523 --> 00:23:12,203
You know, something
to soften the blow? Hmmm...
365
00:23:13,163 --> 00:23:16,242
Right,
I have something to tell you all.
366
00:23:16,243 --> 00:23:17,922
It's quite a difficult thing.
367
00:23:17,923 --> 00:23:21,842
Very emotional. So, I thought it
best that I put it in song form.
368
00:23:21,843 --> 00:23:26,202
Better be good. Thanks.
Well, that's wonderful, Donnie.
369
00:23:26,203 --> 00:23:27,882
It's not going to upset us, is it?
370
00:23:27,883 --> 00:23:30,122
I really, really hope not.
371
00:23:30,123 --> 00:23:33,562
In fact, you could even promise me that
you won't get upset? How about that?
372
00:23:33,563 --> 00:23:35,962
I can't promise that, Don.
373
00:23:35,963 --> 00:23:37,762
Shit.
374
00:23:37,763 --> 00:23:39,442
OK.
375
00:23:39,443 --> 00:23:41,202
Ready?
376
00:23:41,203 --> 00:23:43,082
Two, three, four.
377
00:23:43,083 --> 00:23:46,442
Now that you know
that you'll miss me when I'm gone
378
00:23:46,443 --> 00:23:49,962
Will you forgive me
for things I may have done?
379
00:23:49,963 --> 00:23:52,562
Say yes
380
00:23:52,563 --> 00:23:54,602
Yes
381
00:23:54,603 --> 00:23:56,402
Say yes, Don
382
00:23:56,403 --> 00:23:58,482
Yes, Don
383
00:23:58,483 --> 00:24:00,362
Say ooh-eh, ooh-eh
384
00:24:00,363 --> 00:24:02,762
Ooh-eh, ooh-eh
385
00:24:02,763 --> 00:24:06,602
Lions and tigers
and hippos and fowl
386
00:24:06,603 --> 00:24:09,322
They can't forgive each other
cos they're animals
387
00:24:09,323 --> 00:24:10,402
They don't know how
388
00:24:10,403 --> 00:24:14,002
That's what makes us humans
so great
389
00:24:14,003 --> 00:24:18,282
We can forgive each other
when we make a mistake now
390
00:24:18,283 --> 00:24:21,642
I better tell you
that I have been lying
391
00:24:21,643 --> 00:24:25,042
I might have let you all believe
that I was dying
392
00:24:25,043 --> 00:24:26,202
But I'm not
393
00:24:26,203 --> 00:24:28,242
But that's great
394
00:24:28,243 --> 00:24:32,802
Oh, it's something
that we should celebrate
395
00:24:32,803 --> 00:24:36,042
Lions and tigers
and hippos and fowl...
396
00:24:36,043 --> 00:24:38,362
Don!
397
00:24:38,363 --> 00:24:40,922
Erm... What did you just say?
398
00:24:40,923 --> 00:24:44,002
Lions and tigers and hippos...
399
00:24:44,003 --> 00:24:46,722
No, no. Not that bit, the other bit.
400
00:24:46,723 --> 00:24:48,883
The bit about you not dying.
401
00:24:51,003 --> 00:24:53,083
I'm not actually dying.
402
00:24:59,243 --> 00:25:04,242
Hmm, never noticed how loud
that clock is before.
403
00:25:04,243 --> 00:25:08,682
You gigantic fucking twat.
404
00:25:08,683 --> 00:25:11,202
I deserve that. I do.
405
00:25:11,203 --> 00:25:13,322
Now, let's celebrate.
406
00:25:13,323 --> 00:25:15,163
Here's to not dying!
407
00:25:16,123 --> 00:25:17,683
You prick!
408
00:25:20,803 --> 00:25:24,203
You are absolutely fascinating.
409
00:25:29,283 --> 00:25:31,402
Well, I liked it.
410
00:25:31,403 --> 00:25:36,363
Lions and tigers
and hippos and fowl...
411
00:25:38,163 --> 00:25:42,722
I felt so guilty,
and I only had myself to blame.
412
00:25:42,723 --> 00:25:46,963
So I did the decent thing, and spent the
rest of the evening hiding outside.
413
00:25:49,243 --> 00:25:51,002
What are you doing out here?
414
00:25:51,003 --> 00:25:52,922
Staying out of your way.
415
00:25:52,923 --> 00:25:56,162
I know you probably loathe me
right now. And I don't blame you.
416
00:25:56,163 --> 00:25:58,882
I just feel so stupid, Don.
417
00:25:58,883 --> 00:26:01,722
I believed you hook,
line and sinker.
418
00:26:01,723 --> 00:26:03,402
I mean, at first I wasn't sure.
419
00:26:03,403 --> 00:26:05,722
I thought,
"Maybe he's making this up."
420
00:26:05,723 --> 00:26:08,962
But then I thought, "No, not even
Don would stoop that low."
421
00:26:08,963 --> 00:26:10,682
I'm sorry.
422
00:26:10,683 --> 00:26:12,202
Really, I am.
423
00:26:12,203 --> 00:26:14,282
I'll do anything
to make it up to you.
424
00:26:14,283 --> 00:26:19,642
You know, the reason I lied was because I
was really enjoying spending time with you.
425
00:26:19,643 --> 00:26:25,163
But whenever you and I start getting on, you've
just got to go and screw it up. Royally.
426
00:26:26,123 --> 00:26:30,882
We haven't hung out at all since
that time we almost... You know?
427
00:26:30,883 --> 00:26:35,963
Well, yeah, but I've been busy
with, you know, uni, and stuff.
428
00:26:37,483 --> 00:26:41,403
Don't you regret that we never...
You know?
429
00:26:43,043 --> 00:26:47,802
It would've been a mistake
if we'd... You know.
430
00:26:47,803 --> 00:26:49,482
Not necessarily.
431
00:26:49,483 --> 00:26:52,882
Look, I'm with Brian now.
432
00:26:52,883 --> 00:26:57,083
And there's no point in us having
this conversation, so...
433
00:26:58,643 --> 00:27:00,883
I'll see you later.
434
00:27:03,603 --> 00:27:06,082
Sam? Yeah?
435
00:27:06,083 --> 00:27:10,042
There is actually something I need
to tell you. Something very serious.
436
00:27:10,043 --> 00:27:12,202
This better be a joke. It's not.
437
00:27:12,203 --> 00:27:15,722
It's actually pretty bad news.
438
00:27:15,723 --> 00:27:18,482
That specialist I went to see?
439
00:27:18,483 --> 00:27:21,363
He told me that my hair's receding.
440
00:27:26,203 --> 00:27:29,243
Why does no-one care?!
441
00:27:29,244 --> 00:27:39,244
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
442
00:27:39,294 --> 00:27:43,844
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