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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,633 --> 00:00:07,973 Right, I'm staying at Karl's tonight. 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,700 What? You have a house, Karl? 3 00:00:10,733 --> 00:00:12,673 Huh! I thought you lived here. 4 00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:15,570 -Bye, Don. -See you later. 5 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,100 DON: Being in love with Abby has made me boring. 6 00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:20,433 I used to go out all the time partying. 7 00:00:20,467 --> 00:00:22,897 Recently I've just stayed in watching telly. 8 00:00:22,933 --> 00:00:24,503 Oh, I know. 9 00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:27,300 We should have sex tonight. 10 00:00:27,333 --> 00:00:29,233 Wouldn't that make things quite awkward between us? 11 00:00:29,267 --> 00:00:31,497 Not with each other, you douchebag. 12 00:00:31,533 --> 00:00:34,233 Listen, if you were the last living thing on this planet... 13 00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:36,267 You still wouldn't want to make sex with me. 14 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:38,200 I know, I know, I've heard it all before. 15 00:00:38,233 --> 00:00:39,903 No, I wasn't going to say that. 16 00:00:39,933 --> 00:00:42,273 I was going to say if you were the last living thing, then maybe I would. 17 00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:46,900 Yeah? I'm not homophobic, Eddie. I just need a very good reason. 18 00:00:46,933 --> 00:00:49,503 But you're not the last living thing, are you? 19 00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:51,833 There are thousands of women out there. 20 00:00:51,867 --> 00:00:55,627 All we need to do is find ourselves two sexy chicklets, 21 00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:59,227 bring them back here and have pointless sex with them. 22 00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:02,367 That way, I think I might feel better about myself. 23 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,470 I think I'll just stay in, thanks. 24 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,130 Oh, come on, Eddie baby. 25 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,397 You and me in the saddle together, yeah? 26 00:01:08,433 --> 00:01:10,133 Oh, it's not really my thing. 27 00:01:10,167 --> 00:01:14,227 What? Pulling some horny babies and bringing them here for sexy intercourse 28 00:01:14,267 --> 00:01:15,727 isn't your thing? 29 00:01:15,767 --> 00:01:17,797 What are you, gay? 30 00:01:17,833 --> 00:01:21,133 Hang on, are you gay? We've never talked about this. 31 00:01:21,167 --> 00:01:22,797 I'm not homosexual, Don, no. 32 00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:27,973 Well, then, that's settled. You and I out on the pull, eh? 33 00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:29,767 This is going to be a great laugh. 34 00:01:50,567 --> 00:01:52,727 DON: Ah, yes. 35 00:01:52,767 --> 00:01:55,367 -This is more like it. On the pull. -(MUSIC PLAYING) 36 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,530 It's been ages since I've been out picking up chicklets. 37 00:01:59,567 --> 00:02:01,527 Hey. You all right? 38 00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:05,127 Hey! 39 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,270 (SIGHS) 40 00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,400 This was a good idea of mine. 41 00:02:11,433 --> 00:02:15,873 This is wonderful. Look. All these fit honeys. Great! 42 00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:18,230 Now, I want us to play this cool, okay? 43 00:02:18,267 --> 00:02:21,697 I don't want us looking like a pair of pricks. Okay? 44 00:02:25,467 --> 00:02:27,627 Hey, 12 o'clock. 45 00:02:29,633 --> 00:02:32,073 Oh, yeah, getting some looks. Right. 46 00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:33,367 Could be Eye of the Tiger. 47 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,200 (GROWLS) The thrill of the fight. 48 00:02:36,933 --> 00:02:38,533 I'm gonna go in, all right? 49 00:02:38,567 --> 00:02:42,827 I will bring us back a pair of females and a packet of sheaths. 50 00:02:42,867 --> 00:02:46,067 -What flavour do you want? -Uh... Prawn cocktail. 51 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,467 Okay. See you in a bit. Bye. 52 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:52,370 Uh, two milks, please. 53 00:02:54,833 --> 00:02:56,773 You don't mind if I join you, do you? 54 00:03:00,733 --> 00:03:04,073 I'm not the sort of guy that comes out with cheesy one-liners. 55 00:03:04,067 --> 00:03:07,067 So, who fancies a screw? 56 00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:08,967 Do you want to come back to my place? 57 00:03:09,067 --> 00:03:13,667 -Yeah. Which one of us are you talking to? -The one that says yes? 58 00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:17,470 I'm not just talking to you because you're the sluttiest-looking girls here. 59 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,770 Do you fancy going halves on a bastard? 60 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,270 Do you have any STDs? 61 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:25,100 -Ugh, no! -Good. Do you mind getting one? 62 00:03:29,967 --> 00:03:33,067 Yeah, well, maybe it's not me who's the cock. 63 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:37,800 Hey. 64 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:43,930 -What's that you're drinking? -Milk. Would you like some? 65 00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:46,697 Milk? What, like, a White Russian? 66 00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:49,767 No, like, milk. 67 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,800 You know, from cows' udders. 68 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,603 (LAUGHS) 69 00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,133 (LAUGHING) 70 00:03:58,167 --> 00:04:00,067 Who are you here with? 71 00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:03,067 Oh, um, my friend, Don. I look after him. 72 00:04:03,067 --> 00:04:04,527 (LAUGHS) 73 00:04:04,567 --> 00:04:08,167 You look after him? He looks old enough to look after himself. 74 00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:14,667 Hey! How's it going? 75 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:17,530 Either of you two fancy going halves on a bastard? 76 00:04:20,367 --> 00:04:24,567 -Is he a retard? -Um, kind of. 77 00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:27,773 I'm Fiona, by the way. 78 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,370 Oh, Eddie. 79 00:04:32,267 --> 00:04:34,627 I tell you what, the girls in here are weird. 80 00:04:34,667 --> 00:04:37,427 No one seems up for anything. 81 00:04:37,467 --> 00:04:41,297 Hey. I just wish women were more like men, you know. 82 00:04:41,333 --> 00:04:43,803 Oh, as in, I wish they didn't have standards. 83 00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:46,733 I don't mean I wish women had beards and balls. 84 00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:48,770 Just be patient, yeah. 85 00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:51,400 So, what's your name? 86 00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:54,273 Oh, um, Don, this is Fiona. Fiona, Don. 87 00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:57,470 -What, you two know each other? -Yeah, we just met. 88 00:04:57,500 --> 00:05:00,270 Oh, look, don't take the piss out of him. He's a good guy, really. 89 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,870 I'm not taking the piss out of him. What do you mean? 90 00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:06,400 I mean, he may not be the coolest cat in here, 91 00:05:06,433 --> 00:05:08,303 but that's no reason to taunt him. 92 00:05:08,333 --> 00:05:12,173 Uh, Don. She wasn't taunting me, we were just chatting. 93 00:05:12,633 --> 00:05:14,533 Weren't we? 94 00:05:14,567 --> 00:05:16,697 -Really? -Yeah, yeah. It was nice. 95 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:20,903 Yeah. We were also enjoying watching you at work. 96 00:05:20,933 --> 00:05:25,073 Yeah, well, some people just don't see a good thing when it's right in front of them. 97 00:05:25,767 --> 00:05:26,767 I can. 98 00:05:27,433 --> 00:05:29,773 -Yeah? -Yes. 99 00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:36,327 Yeah, well, Edward baby and me, we're a bit autistic when it comes to pulling. 100 00:05:36,367 --> 00:05:38,197 It has to be even numbers. 101 00:05:38,233 --> 00:05:41,303 So unless you've got a cute friend to create a foursome, I'm afraid... 102 00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:43,303 -I do, as it happens. -Yeah? 103 00:05:43,333 --> 00:05:45,403 Mmm. I think she might like you. 104 00:05:45,433 --> 00:05:46,703 -Yeah? -Yeah. 105 00:05:46,733 --> 00:05:50,703 She's got absolutely shocking taste in men. Hang on. 106 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,300 Hey, it looks like we might be onto a winner here. 107 00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:57,203 -She's quite nice, isn't she? -Who? Her? 108 00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:59,133 No. A bit too clever-clever for my liking. 109 00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:01,127 -I think she's nice. -Eh... 110 00:06:01,167 --> 00:06:05,097 Listen, if my one is in any way, shape or form attractive, 111 00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:08,803 let's take them back to the ranch, pronto. 112 00:06:08,833 --> 00:06:12,503 Scrap that. Even if she's not attractive, let's go back to the ranch. 113 00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:16,767 Hey, meet my friend, Jemima. 114 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,300 -Hello. -Hi. 115 00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,067 First impressions? 116 00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:23,873 Cute. 117 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:27,100 Bingo! Now, listen, whatever I say or do in the next couple of hours, 118 00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:31,233 please just keep remembering your first impressions of me, yeah? 119 00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:33,067 (BRAYS WITH LAUGHTER) 120 00:06:36,633 --> 00:06:39,503 Um, we were thinking of heading back to the ranch, 121 00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,933 which I think means Don's house. 122 00:06:41,967 --> 00:06:43,597 -Do you want to come along? -Yeah. 123 00:06:43,633 --> 00:06:45,873 Um, could I have four tequila shots, please? 124 00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:48,570 Um, no offence, I just don't want to remember this tomorrow. 125 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,230 No. No offence taken. 126 00:06:50,267 --> 00:06:52,167 Only I drink Samuel Buca. 127 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,630 Oh, no, sorry, these are for me. 128 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,427 Right, put on some protection. 129 00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:01,067 What, like elbow pads? 130 00:07:01,067 --> 00:07:05,267 -(BRAYS WITH LAUGHTER) -Ugh, shut up. It's not that funny. 131 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,370 -Do you have condoms? -Oh, what? 132 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,200 I don't have to wear a love-cape, do I? 133 00:07:09,233 --> 00:07:13,133 -Yes. Now, talk less and do more. -Mmm. 134 00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:26,100 Oh, don't worry, it's not contagious. 135 00:07:27,667 --> 00:07:31,697 Actually, you don't mind if I quickly call my mum, do you? 136 00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:35,573 Right, be warned, last time I had sex, 137 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,470 I did a bit of bum rubbish mid-orgasm. 138 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:42,330 Do you mind if I call you by my ex-girlfriend's name while we're doing it? 139 00:07:42,367 --> 00:07:45,167 Do you mind if I call you Alan while we're doing it? 140 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,600 You don't mind if I reuse an old one, do you? 141 00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:52,873 It's just, I'm, uh, environmentally conscious. 142 00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:54,070 Ugh. 143 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,503 Yeah, I'm a eunuch. 144 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:02,330 Cool, eh? Do you want to feel? Smooth. 145 00:08:02,367 --> 00:08:04,097 So, can I get you anything? 146 00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:06,433 A drinklet? Tea? Coffee? 147 00:08:06,467 --> 00:08:10,067 (STAMMERS) A snacklet? A corned beef panini? 148 00:08:13,433 --> 00:08:16,403 Uh, I should probably pop upstairs and see if they need something. 149 00:08:16,433 --> 00:08:17,673 Shh. 150 00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:24,927 (STAMMERING) It's just that they might need post-coital... 151 00:08:24,967 --> 00:08:26,797 ...orange segments. 152 00:08:26,833 --> 00:08:28,803 -KARL: I don't see why you can't live with me. -Or something. 153 00:08:28,833 --> 00:08:30,133 (DOOR CLOSES) 154 00:08:30,167 --> 00:08:31,297 ABBY: Well, if it bothers you that much, I don't know 155 00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,303 why you come back in the first place! 156 00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:36,073 Oh, that's just Don's flatmate and Cockface. 157 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,397 How many shirts are you wearing? 158 00:08:41,533 --> 00:08:42,533 Four. 159 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,170 -Oh, yeah. -(MOANS) 160 00:08:50,133 --> 00:08:51,333 -Tweak my nipples. -Yeah. 161 00:08:51,367 --> 00:08:52,467 -Tweak my nipples. -Like that? 162 00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:54,600 -Ah, yeah... I like that. -Yeah. 163 00:08:54,633 --> 00:08:56,273 (BOTH GRUNTING) 164 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,400 (KARL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 165 00:09:00,433 --> 00:09:03,103 -Shh. Shut up! -Don't tell me to shut up! 166 00:09:03,133 --> 00:09:04,433 Shh. Shut up. 167 00:09:04,967 --> 00:09:06,197 What's that? 168 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:08,970 It's Abby and the freak. 169 00:09:09,067 --> 00:09:11,867 Don, this isn't making me feel very sexy. 170 00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:14,070 Shut up! They're really arguing. 171 00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:15,867 This could be a massive leap forward. 172 00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:17,530 Oh, God. Sod this, I'm off. 173 00:09:17,567 --> 00:09:18,597 Oh, no, I'm sorry. 174 00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:21,433 Ah, yes, lick, lick. 175 00:09:21,467 --> 00:09:22,527 Ah, yes! 176 00:09:22,567 --> 00:09:24,697 (MOANING) 177 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:28,073 Ow, ow! 178 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,870 Yes! Ooh! 179 00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:34,070 Ow, ow, ow. My face! 180 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,627 Quiet! I can't hear them. 181 00:09:35,667 --> 00:09:36,697 (BOTH GRUNTING) 182 00:09:36,733 --> 00:09:38,533 Ow, you're freaking me out now. 183 00:09:39,267 --> 00:09:41,397 (THUD) 184 00:09:41,433 --> 00:09:43,773 -Ow! -Do you get off on listening to people arguing 185 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,430 whilst you're having sex? 186 00:09:45,467 --> 00:09:48,367 Or are you such a massive busy-body you can't resist listening? 187 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,630 Which answer would make me seem less weird? 188 00:09:51,667 --> 00:09:55,127 I just don't see why you can't move in with me, that's all. 189 00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:56,927 We have been through all of this. 190 00:09:56,967 --> 00:09:59,227 Do you really enjoy living here that much? 191 00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:01,427 Yes, actually, it's fun. 192 00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:04,127 Well, why don't you go out with Don, then? 193 00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:06,727 I can't handle your jealousy any more, Karl. 194 00:10:07,667 --> 00:10:09,267 So have I definitely blown it? 195 00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:11,430 Well, give me one good reason why I should stay. 196 00:10:11,467 --> 00:10:12,727 I can't. 197 00:10:12,767 --> 00:10:15,627 I just wanted to know I'd definitely blown it before I do this. 198 00:10:15,667 --> 00:10:16,767 What? 199 00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:19,200 You're a weirdo. 200 00:10:19,233 --> 00:10:21,633 Ah, this is useless. 201 00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,170 Fiona warned me. She told me you were trouble. 202 00:10:28,167 --> 00:10:29,997 (ABBY AND KARL ARGUING) 203 00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,797 -Can you call me a taxi? -Shh. Huh? 204 00:10:35,833 --> 00:10:37,233 Eddie will do that. 205 00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:41,103 (CHUCKLES) 206 00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:43,773 Oh, um, you lost your earring 'round here, you say? 207 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,600 KARL: What are you doing, Don? 208 00:10:45,633 --> 00:10:49,803 Oh, well, this platonic friend of mine dropped her earring somewhere. 209 00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:51,003 Hi, Abby. 210 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,597 You are such a dickhead. 211 00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:54,633 (DON GRUNTS) 212 00:10:55,433 --> 00:10:56,533 (SCREAMING) 213 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:58,630 Ow! 214 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:00,830 It's all right, I'm fine. 215 00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:02,727 Oh, Abby! 216 00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:09,330 Oh, how are you getting on with your one? Good? 217 00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:14,370 -Are you all right, Don? -Well, I've just fallen down a flight of stairs. 218 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,330 -What do you reckon? -Come on, Fi, we're off. 219 00:11:16,367 --> 00:11:18,467 -FIONA: Really? But I... -Yeah. Really. 220 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,070 Do you want me to give you a lift? 221 00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:21,667 -Do you mind? -Of course not. 222 00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:23,570 Prick! 223 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,700 Nice to meet you too. 224 00:11:24,733 --> 00:11:26,103 Out of the way, please. 225 00:11:27,467 --> 00:11:29,367 -Karl! -(DOOR SLAMS SHUT) 226 00:11:36,767 --> 00:11:38,497 (CAR ENGINE STARTING) 227 00:11:38,533 --> 00:11:39,673 Are you all right? 228 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,067 I heard you arguing. 229 00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:45,327 I was trying not to listen, 230 00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,797 but you were pretty loud. 231 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,073 ABBY: Don, 232 00:11:49,967 --> 00:11:51,397 Karl and I have split up. 233 00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:05,073 Really? 234 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,797 Are you sure it's definitely over? 235 00:12:15,833 --> 00:12:18,233 Yeah. We're just too different 236 00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:20,067 and I keep avoiding the issues. 237 00:12:21,267 --> 00:12:22,267 Here. 238 00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:25,127 (SNIFFLES) 239 00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:26,927 (CHUCKLES) Thanks, Don. 240 00:12:26,967 --> 00:12:28,327 That's all right. 241 00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:35,067 -I think I'm going to go to bed. -Hey, listen. 242 00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:37,497 If I can help you with anything, 243 00:12:37,533 --> 00:12:40,073 get you anything, you know, a cup of tea, 244 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,370 if you just want to chat, 245 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,100 or someone to spoon in bed with... 246 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,367 Thanks, Don, you're a doll. 247 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,730 DON: I can't believe it. It's just like buses. 248 00:12:55,767 --> 00:12:57,797 You wait for ages and then as soon as 249 00:12:57,833 --> 00:12:59,203 you hop on one for a ride, 250 00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:02,333 another comes along. Well, something like that. 251 00:13:05,967 --> 00:13:07,927 -Abby? -ABBY: Yeah? 252 00:13:07,967 --> 00:13:09,597 I made you a coffee. 253 00:13:09,633 --> 00:13:11,133 ABBY: Aw, thank you. 254 00:13:11,867 --> 00:13:13,667 Shall I leave it on the landing? 255 00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:16,700 -No, you can bring it in, please. -Really? 256 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:18,800 Won't I see you naked? 257 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:20,670 ABBY: No. 258 00:13:22,733 --> 00:13:24,103 Coming in. 259 00:13:27,533 --> 00:13:29,573 Just put it over there, please. 260 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,070 -Yeah. -Thank you. 261 00:13:32,233 --> 00:13:33,673 I'm really glad you're here, Don. 262 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,730 -Really? -Yeah. 263 00:13:39,733 --> 00:13:42,203 What are you, um, 264 00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:46,103 -doing tonight? -Nothing much. What are you up to? 265 00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:48,070 Nothing. 266 00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:52,327 I could cook us a meal if you like? 267 00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:53,567 Something nice. 268 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:54,830 -Don? -Hmm? 269 00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:56,097 You can't cook. 270 00:13:56,133 --> 00:13:58,073 Oi! I can cook. 271 00:13:58,067 --> 00:14:00,667 You have not cooked once since I moved in here. 272 00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:03,200 -Yes, I have. -When? 273 00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,933 Just then. I cooked you that coffee. 274 00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:07,167 (LAUGHS) 275 00:14:08,167 --> 00:14:10,697 -Well, if you want to. -Yeah. 276 00:14:11,533 --> 00:14:12,733 That'd be lovely. 277 00:14:14,233 --> 00:14:16,633 -See you tonight, then. -See you tonight. 278 00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:20,333 I mean, I might bump into you 279 00:14:20,367 --> 00:14:22,797 around the house before, but, you know... 280 00:14:22,833 --> 00:14:24,803 Hmm, that's quite likely. 281 00:14:31,833 --> 00:14:35,473 DON: I don't believe in God, but I thanked Him anyway. 282 00:14:41,767 --> 00:14:44,367 -Edward Singh. -Hey, Don. 283 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,100 Sorry I abandoned you last night. 284 00:14:46,133 --> 00:14:49,873 Hey, don't worry about it, big guy. 285 00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:51,830 -Did you go back to hers? -I did. 286 00:14:51,867 --> 00:14:53,427 I just got back, as a matter of fact. 287 00:14:53,467 --> 00:14:56,467 -And? -Well, we had a lot of fun. 288 00:14:56,500 --> 00:15:00,930 We shared a bed, but she kept trying to touch my cock. 289 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,127 (LAUGHS) 290 00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:04,403 Weird. 291 00:15:06,933 --> 00:15:08,733 Shame your night ended so badly. 292 00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:10,797 Oh, on the contrary, 293 00:15:10,833 --> 00:15:12,373 it couldn't have been better. 294 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:16,170 Abby dumped Cockface last night. 295 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,630 -Oh, poor Cockface. -Screw Cockface. 296 00:15:19,667 --> 00:15:21,967 Don't you get it? Abby's single now. 297 00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:23,627 Poor Abby, she must be lonely. 298 00:15:23,667 --> 00:15:26,067 -Are you insane in your mind? -No, why? 299 00:15:26,067 --> 00:15:27,527 Am I doing that weird tick again? 300 00:15:27,567 --> 00:15:31,067 Who have I been in love with for weeks? Nay, months? 301 00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:33,067 -Abby? -Exactly. 302 00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:37,727 Oh, I see. So, now's the chance for you to benefit from Cockface's misery. 303 00:15:37,767 --> 00:15:40,827 All right, there's no need to put it like that. 304 00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:42,897 She wants me, Eddie, I can feel it. 305 00:15:42,933 --> 00:15:46,273 That's what this is all about. It's destiny. 306 00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,100 I'm going to cook her a meal tonight. 307 00:15:48,133 --> 00:15:49,503 You're cooking her a meal? 308 00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:52,873 No, you're cooking her a meal. I'm taking the credit. Deal? 309 00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:55,330 Well, this is special. Maybe you should cook for her. 310 00:15:55,367 --> 00:15:57,727 -Do you think? -No, it'd be a disaster. 311 00:15:57,767 --> 00:16:02,097 -Oh, this is exciting. -Yeah. You can cook whatever you want. 312 00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:03,373 -Whatever? -Whatever. 313 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,370 Ooh, I might do a salmon... 314 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:09,170 -Not salmon. -Um... Ah, I might magic up a risotto... 315 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,230 -Not risotto. -Beef bourguignon... 316 00:16:11,267 --> 00:16:16,467 Hate beef bourguignon. Just cook something that says "sex". 317 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:19,570 Uh, bangers and mash? 318 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:23,070 Yeah, yeah, that kind of does say sex, doesn't it? Brilliant. 319 00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:24,697 Clever balls. 320 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,573 Bangers and mash it is. Oh, yeah. 321 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,400 (BEAT BOXING) 322 00:16:30,433 --> 00:16:31,433 Ooh. 323 00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:37,427 Bangers and mash. Bangers and mash. Ooh, ah, ah. 324 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,333 Wow, I've never seen you this happy before. 325 00:16:42,367 --> 00:16:44,127 I've never been this happy. 326 00:16:44,167 --> 00:16:47,097 Finally, life isn't shitting on me. 327 00:16:47,133 --> 00:16:49,573 -Feels good, doesn't it? -Sure does. 328 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,730 Don't. 329 00:16:51,767 --> 00:16:55,367 I think I'm going to have to pull out all the stops tonight, Eddie. 330 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,700 I might serenade her with a song. What do you reckon? 331 00:16:57,733 --> 00:17:02,733 -Well, it depends. What song? -Well, one of my own, of course. 332 00:17:02,767 --> 00:17:05,167 Maybe you should play me the song first 333 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,300 and then we can see whether it's a good idea. 334 00:17:07,967 --> 00:17:10,327 Okay. 335 00:17:10,367 --> 00:17:14,467 Right, so I'm thinking of playing it between main course and pudding. 336 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,670 Okay. Oh, ski yoghurts for pudding. 337 00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:19,070 Good. Ready? 338 00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:20,867 -Yep? -Yep. 339 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:22,970 Two, three, four. 340 00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:27,497 * Abigail, I've got a really cool idea 341 00:17:27,533 --> 00:17:32,233 * Baby girl, you and I should have sex after dinner 342 00:17:32,267 --> 00:17:36,397 * You can finish your yoghurt I don't mind waiting 343 00:17:36,433 --> 00:17:38,333 * But once you've finished your yoghurt 344 00:17:38,367 --> 00:17:41,167 * Let's go upstairs, do some nailing 345 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,800 * Sex, uh, yeah 346 00:17:42,833 --> 00:17:45,573 * Something I've longed to do with you 347 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,270 * Sex, uh, yeah 348 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,770 * Imagine me entering you 349 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:54,700 * Abigail, Abigail, Abigail, Abigail, Abigail 350 00:17:54,733 --> 00:17:56,103 -* Abigail -Don? 351 00:17:56,133 --> 00:17:57,373 * Abigail, Abigail 352 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,270 Don? Don? Don? 353 00:18:00,533 --> 00:18:01,573 What? 354 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,570 -It's not... -Melodic enough? 355 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,430 -No, it's not... -The right tempo? 356 00:18:06,467 --> 00:18:08,867 -It's not... -Romantic enough? 357 00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:11,870 I think it's inappropriate, Don. 358 00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:14,600 -Really? -I mean, I'm not hugely acquainted with matters 359 00:18:14,633 --> 00:18:18,203 of sexual relations, but I do know there are certain things you're not 360 00:18:18,233 --> 00:18:20,433 supposed to do when you invite someone over for dinner. 361 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:21,467 Like what? 362 00:18:25,133 --> 00:18:26,873 So, what's for dinner? 363 00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:28,830 Oh, there's some bangers in the fridge. 364 00:18:28,867 --> 00:18:30,067 (LAUGHS) 365 00:18:30,933 --> 00:18:34,073 I'm serious. Get cooking. 366 00:18:34,867 --> 00:18:36,427 Let's get stuck in. 367 00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:39,800 Mmm... 368 00:18:42,867 --> 00:18:46,327 Oh, I just couldn't think of anything to wear, so... 369 00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:48,397 You not hungry? 370 00:18:50,633 --> 00:18:52,273 I'm just going to do a shit. 371 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,200 (MOANS) 372 00:18:55,233 --> 00:18:57,573 Oh, yeah, you like? 373 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:01,070 Oh, yeah, I bet you do. Oh, yeah, how about that? 374 00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:03,097 (MOANS) 375 00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:09,897 Ooh! That was like giving birth to an otter. 376 00:19:09,933 --> 00:19:13,133 What happens if you're eating a massive rump steak, huh? 377 00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:17,067 -I mean, surely you need to take a half-time dump? -Let's get you ready. 378 00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:27,373 * You can finish your yoghurt, I don't mind waiting 379 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,630 * But once you've finished... * 380 00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:30,797 -Potatoes? -Mashed. 381 00:19:30,833 --> 00:19:32,603 -Bangers? -Banged. 382 00:19:32,633 --> 00:19:36,973 Now all you have to do is to dish them out onto these, which are plates. 383 00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:38,667 Plates. Right. 384 00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:40,970 Ooh. 385 00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:42,067 Oh, what do you think? 386 00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:43,270 -Lovely. -Yeah? 387 00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:45,300 It was my granddad's lucky suit. 388 00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:48,073 Lucky? I thought he died in it. 389 00:19:48,067 --> 00:19:50,497 Yeah, at the end of a very lucky life. 390 00:19:50,533 --> 00:19:54,103 -He was 26. He died of a cold. -Get out. 391 00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:56,473 Come back. Wish me luck. 392 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,770 I'm very proud of you. 393 00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,727 I'm finding this awkward. 394 00:20:05,133 --> 00:20:08,233 Now remember, don't think with your penis. 395 00:20:08,267 --> 00:20:12,767 I know, Eddie. Think with my balls. 396 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,070 -Good luck. -Yeah. 397 00:20:17,033 --> 00:20:18,673 Right. 398 00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:19,700 Hmm. 399 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,230 Wine with your meal? 400 00:20:22,867 --> 00:20:24,297 (IMITATES WINE POURING) 401 00:20:25,733 --> 00:20:27,473 Sex with your meal? 402 00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:28,670 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 403 00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:34,230 -Good evening, madam. -Hello. 404 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:36,397 -You're late. -What? 405 00:20:36,433 --> 00:20:39,533 Oh, nothing. Don't worry... So... 406 00:20:39,567 --> 00:20:41,367 -(MOBILE PHONE RINGS) -Oh, sorry. 407 00:20:42,667 --> 00:20:43,667 Hello? 408 00:20:44,933 --> 00:20:47,703 Sure. Oh, me too. 409 00:20:48,867 --> 00:20:51,497 Okay. Yeah. Bye. 410 00:20:53,833 --> 00:20:55,473 That was Karl. 411 00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,700 Hmm, what did he want? 412 00:20:57,733 --> 00:21:00,703 He's coming 'round. 413 00:21:00,733 --> 00:21:04,703 -But I'm just... -We need to talk and see if we can resolve a few things. 414 00:21:04,733 --> 00:21:07,073 Make it work, you know? 415 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:10,970 Right. Yeah. Um, when's he getting here? 416 00:21:11,067 --> 00:21:13,527 -Any minute. -(DOORBELL RINGS) 417 00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:17,067 -That was quick! -He's been on the doorstep for hours. 418 00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:18,967 Ugh, creepy. 419 00:21:19,067 --> 00:21:21,497 He was too nervous to ring the doorbell. 420 00:21:34,067 --> 00:21:35,197 Don. 421 00:21:36,467 --> 00:21:37,497 Karl. 422 00:21:38,367 --> 00:21:40,497 You're expecting a guest? 423 00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:44,073 Oh, bollocks! I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. 424 00:21:44,067 --> 00:21:47,067 No, no, it's fine. It's fine. Don't worry. 425 00:21:47,067 --> 00:21:48,427 We were going to eat together tonight. 426 00:21:50,067 --> 00:21:51,497 -Really? -Yeah. 427 00:21:51,533 --> 00:21:54,873 But, um, you know, there were other people coming as well. 428 00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:58,870 I didn't tell you about that. You know, it was going to be a group thing. 429 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:03,500 A non-sexual, group event. Yeah. 430 00:22:03,533 --> 00:22:09,303 So, uh, you know, you two go upstairs and sort your shit out. 431 00:22:11,167 --> 00:22:13,127 Shall we? 432 00:22:13,167 --> 00:22:15,227 Listen, we'll just stay upstairs out of your way, 433 00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:19,297 -so make sure you have fun. -Just go upstairs. 434 00:22:19,333 --> 00:22:21,803 -Well, have fun. -Okay, okay, go, go, go. 435 00:22:21,833 --> 00:22:23,533 -I'm really sorry again. -It's fine. 436 00:22:37,667 --> 00:22:40,327 -All right? -Yeah. You? 437 00:22:41,267 --> 00:22:42,397 No. 438 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,430 -Not really. -Me neither. 439 00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:49,267 What are we like? 440 00:22:50,100 --> 00:22:51,530 (DOORBELL RINGS) 441 00:22:51,567 --> 00:22:54,927 DON: Ah, Crispin, come in! Oh, it's good to see you. 442 00:22:54,967 --> 00:22:58,667 Christ, the last thing you need when you're feeling bad is that maniac. 443 00:22:58,700 --> 00:23:01,130 -There you go again, Karl! -(DOORBELL RINGING) 444 00:23:01,167 --> 00:23:04,627 Okay! I'm coming, I'm coming. Be patient. 445 00:23:05,767 --> 00:23:07,627 Ah, Jeremy. 446 00:23:07,667 --> 00:23:08,727 (IN DEEP VOICE) Ah, hello, Don! 447 00:23:08,767 --> 00:23:10,327 (NORMAL VOICE) Susan, come in. 448 00:23:10,367 --> 00:23:11,497 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Hello, Don. 449 00:23:11,533 --> 00:23:13,573 (NORMAL VOICE) Ah, how are you both? 450 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,530 (DEEP VOICE) Oh, I'm fine, Don. How are you? 451 00:23:15,567 --> 00:23:19,797 I'm all right. Wow, Jeremy, you've really put on weight, haven't you? Yes 452 00:23:19,833 --> 00:23:20,933 (DEEP VOICE) What do you mean? 453 00:23:20,967 --> 00:23:26,397 Look, I really like living here. It's fun. 454 00:23:26,433 --> 00:23:28,803 I don't know, it's quirky. 455 00:23:28,833 --> 00:23:30,473 You've guzzled down that mash. 456 00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:33,470 (DEEP VOICE) Yes, well, I love mash. You know that, don't you, Don? 457 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:36,300 I do know that about you, you fat git. 458 00:23:36,333 --> 00:23:38,273 You can't blame me, though. Can you? 459 00:23:38,300 --> 00:23:41,370 Can you honestly say you don't think he wants to climb into your underwear? 460 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,870 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) No, thank you, Don. 461 00:23:42,900 --> 00:23:45,670 You know red wine hurts my ning-ning when I wee. 462 00:23:45,700 --> 00:23:48,770 (NORMAL VOICE) Oh, right, yes, I forgot about that. 463 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,730 You know, I thought you'd been to the doctors about that. 464 00:23:52,767 --> 00:23:56,867 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Yes, I have, but that was about my puppy biscuits. 465 00:23:56,900 --> 00:23:58,500 Your what? 466 00:23:58,533 --> 00:24:00,933 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Puppy biscuits. You know, my nipples. 467 00:24:00,967 --> 00:24:02,267 Oh, right, yeah, of course. 468 00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:05,600 I think it might be for the best if we lived together. 469 00:24:05,633 --> 00:24:07,503 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Have you been to the theatre recently? 470 00:24:07,533 --> 00:24:11,633 (NORMAL VOICE) Um, no, I don't think I've ever been, actually. 471 00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:13,367 What's it like? 472 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,400 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) It's really good. There's a new play at the moment. 473 00:24:15,433 --> 00:24:21,673 Um, it's a musical, based on the, um, Stallone Rambo sagas. 474 00:24:24,633 --> 00:24:28,103 -You know, I really think this is for the best. -So do I. 475 00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:29,733 Not touching your food? 476 00:24:29,767 --> 00:24:32,967 (DEEP VOICE) Uh, yeah, you've just put me off, calling me fat. 477 00:24:33,067 --> 00:24:35,067 (NORMAL VOICE) Sorry about that. 478 00:24:35,067 --> 00:24:38,667 (DEEP VOICE) Actually, we're going to go. Come on, Susan. 479 00:24:38,700 --> 00:24:40,330 (NORMAL VOICE) Well, where are you going? 480 00:24:40,367 --> 00:24:42,967 (DEEP VOICE) We've got a keys-in-the-ashtray party to go to. 481 00:24:43,067 --> 00:24:44,527 (NORMAL VOICE) Oh, wow, that sounds fun! 482 00:24:44,567 --> 00:24:49,497 How about you and me get ourselves a drink? 483 00:24:51,067 --> 00:24:53,067 Oh, right then, see you, everyone. 484 00:24:53,067 --> 00:24:54,667 Thanks for coming 'round. 485 00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:59,070 And hey, stop eating all those crisps, Crisp-sin. 486 00:24:59,100 --> 00:25:00,270 (CHUCKLES) 487 00:25:01,267 --> 00:25:02,267 (SIGHS) 488 00:25:08,067 --> 00:25:09,967 They didn't stay long. 489 00:25:10,067 --> 00:25:13,927 Oh, you know, leave them wanting more, I say. 490 00:25:13,967 --> 00:25:15,767 Oh, how do you mean? 491 00:25:16,700 --> 00:25:18,370 Oh, well, you know, um, 492 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,570 no coffee, or after-mints, that kind of thing. 493 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:22,770 (LAUGHS) 494 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,870 So, um, how are you both? 495 00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:28,430 Have you sorted out your problems? 496 00:25:28,467 --> 00:25:32,267 You're touching each other, so I'm assuming you have. 497 00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:37,300 Yeah, we did manage to resolve a few issues. 498 00:25:40,533 --> 00:25:42,103 Great. Great. 499 00:25:42,133 --> 00:25:43,473 -ABBY: Don? -Hmm. 500 00:25:44,933 --> 00:25:46,803 Karl and I are moving in together. 501 00:25:46,833 --> 00:25:50,173 -What? Why? When? -KARL: As soon as possible. 502 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:54,470 So it looks like you'll be on your own. Sorry, old boy. 503 00:25:57,433 --> 00:26:00,233 So what, are you, um, moving into his place? 504 00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:02,327 God, no! His place is hideous. 505 00:26:02,367 --> 00:26:04,667 It's like some '80s bachelor pad. 506 00:26:04,700 --> 00:26:08,070 -You never said. -Why do you think we never go to your house? 507 00:26:08,067 --> 00:26:11,597 So what, you're gonna move in somewhere new? 508 00:26:11,633 --> 00:26:15,573 -I guess so. -Uh, yes. We will. 509 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,270 Which is a shame, because I really love it here. 510 00:26:19,300 --> 00:26:20,700 I'm going to miss the old place. 511 00:26:20,733 --> 00:26:24,073 Hang on. Why don't you both move in here? 512 00:26:24,067 --> 00:26:25,967 -What? -Yeah, why not? 513 00:26:26,067 --> 00:26:29,067 I mean, you could have the top floor, like your own apartment, yeah? 514 00:26:29,100 --> 00:26:31,800 -You cannot be serious! -I can and I am. 515 00:26:31,833 --> 00:26:34,533 Yeah. I won't even charge you extra. How about that? 516 00:26:34,567 --> 00:26:38,167 -That is tempting. -Great. 517 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,370 Don, do you have any idea what you're saying? 518 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,400 Not a clue. 519 00:26:42,433 --> 00:26:45,733 But I'd take me up on my offer before I change my mind. 520 00:26:46,667 --> 00:26:49,167 I really don't want to move out of here. 521 00:26:49,867 --> 00:26:51,497 Please. 522 00:26:51,533 --> 00:26:53,603 Oh, please, Karl. 523 00:26:53,633 --> 00:26:55,233 How can you resist? 524 00:26:55,267 --> 00:26:56,467 Please. 525 00:26:57,967 --> 00:26:59,327 Okay. 526 00:26:59,367 --> 00:27:01,197 Oh... 527 00:27:01,233 --> 00:27:03,333 DON: Yes, I know what you're thinking. 528 00:27:03,367 --> 00:27:07,067 Such a selfless act, giving Abby and Karl a helping hand 529 00:27:07,067 --> 00:27:11,067 as they embark on to the next stage of their relationship. 530 00:27:11,100 --> 00:27:14,200 Even though I'm hopelessly in love with her. 531 00:27:14,233 --> 00:27:16,403 I don't get it, Don. Why did you do it? 532 00:27:16,433 --> 00:27:19,273 Look, I'd rather he moved in than her move out. 533 00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:22,070 -(DOOR CLOSES) -(SOFTLY) Anything but her move out. 534 00:27:22,067 --> 00:27:24,767 If she went, I might never see her again. 535 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,430 So, we're all done. 536 00:27:26,467 --> 00:27:28,067 Oh. Great. 537 00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:32,500 This is going to be fun. 538 00:27:32,533 --> 00:27:34,073 Yeah, fun. 539 00:27:34,100 --> 00:27:36,470 -Hmm, perfect. -Cheers. 540 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:37,430 Cheers. 541 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:42,030 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39997

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