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1
00:00:01,777 --> 00:00:03,181
So, to recap,
2
00:00:03,910 --> 00:00:07,848
I'm in love wiht my flatmate,
but I never get a second alone with her.
3
00:00:08,918 --> 00:00:12,296
That's not her.
Actually, who is that?
4
00:00:13,215 --> 00:00:14,056
'Morning.
5
00:00:15,219 --> 00:00:16,868
I was feeling down about Abby,
6
00:00:16,988 --> 00:00:19,649
the girl of my dreams
having a boyfriend.
7
00:00:19,883 --> 00:00:21,296
So I went out, got drunk
8
00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:22,868
and had sex with a stranger.
9
00:00:23,085 --> 00:00:25,312
I don't know why.
I don't feel any better.
10
00:00:25,432 --> 00:00:27,919
Listen, I really got to dash but,
11
00:00:28,323 --> 00:00:31,815
I had a really good time, last night.
We should do it again some time.
12
00:00:32,183 --> 00:00:33,956
What is your number?
13
00:00:37,729 --> 00:00:38,638
Listen,
14
00:00:39,194 --> 00:00:41,136
I don't think
I should give you my number.
15
00:00:41,729 --> 00:00:42,416
Why?
16
00:00:44,296 --> 00:00:47,616
5 Bad reasons
for not seeing someone again
17
00:00:47,776 --> 00:00:51,755
I don't think I should give you
my number because, you were shit in bed.
18
00:00:52,923 --> 00:00:56,214
I work for the government,
so I can't have relationships.
19
00:00:56,962 --> 00:00:58,291
Get out, quick.
20
00:00:58,411 --> 00:01:01,964
My number's cursed
if you call it, you'll die.
21
00:01:03,211 --> 00:01:06,103
Because I'm gay.
I mean, I wasn't before,
22
00:01:06,369 --> 00:01:07,822
but after last night
23
00:01:08,637 --> 00:01:10,332
definitively a gay man now.
24
00:01:10,773 --> 00:01:13,376
Because, I'm in love with someone else.
25
00:01:14,114 --> 00:01:15,776
You're in love with someone else?
26
00:01:17,081 --> 00:01:19,896
Sometimes the truth
is the best option.
27
00:01:20,338 --> 00:01:22,549
Do you always cheat on your girlfriend?
28
00:01:23,058 --> 00:01:24,726
She's not my girlfriend.
29
00:01:24,846 --> 00:01:26,896
- But, you're in love?
- Yeah.
30
00:01:27,179 --> 00:01:29,416
I've been trying to get her
to fall for me for weeks.
31
00:01:29,577 --> 00:01:31,308
God, I know all about that one.
32
00:01:31,428 --> 00:01:34,516
My roommate confessed to be madly
in love with me the other week.
33
00:01:34,940 --> 00:01:36,376
- Did he?
- She.
34
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:38,397
She?
35
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:43,133
I probably shouldn't have kissed her
that night.
36
00:01:43,776 --> 00:01:45,536
I just go a bit mental when I'm drunk.
37
00:01:45,696 --> 00:01:48,352
Maybe, you should take my number.
38
00:01:48,472 --> 00:01:51,384
I can pop around next week,
with a bottle of absinthe
39
00:01:51,504 --> 00:01:52,920
or Samuel Bucka.
40
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,699
- That'd be fun.
- Yes, it would.
41
00:01:56,504 --> 00:02:00,096
When you leave, would you mind
popping a sheet over your head?
42
00:02:00,256 --> 00:02:02,736
La Dickeads Team présente...
43
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:09,735
VO : DeX
44
00:02:09,895 --> 00:02:11,576
Synchro : mpm et SilverArrow
45
00:02:11,736 --> 00:02:14,176
Episode 2 Saison 1
46
00:02:14,336 --> 00:02:15,416
The Young Ones
47
00:02:15,576 --> 00:02:18,136
How Not To Live Your Life
48
00:02:18,867 --> 00:02:21,576
Every morning, since I moved
in my dead Nan's house,
49
00:02:21,696 --> 00:02:23,903
I wake up to find Eddy in the kitchen.
50
00:02:24,169 --> 00:02:25,748
That's him, there, look.
51
00:02:25,964 --> 00:02:29,238
He was my nan's carer,
but he still turns out to do errands,
52
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:30,834
even though she's dead.
53
00:02:31,216 --> 00:02:33,859
Donald Danbury,
wants he a little drinklet?
54
00:02:34,176 --> 00:02:35,293
Coffee, tea, tisane?
55
00:02:35,413 --> 00:02:39,016
He's weird. I mean, what sort of human
like doing things for other people?
56
00:02:39,372 --> 00:02:40,618
So, drinklet?
57
00:02:40,738 --> 00:02:43,760
Why do you keep adding "let"
on the ends of words?
58
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,816
It's just a thing I do.
59
00:02:45,976 --> 00:02:47,976
Well, just stop it.
It's annoying me.
60
00:02:48,136 --> 00:02:50,456
Don't you like to have fun
with words, sometimes?
61
00:02:53,825 --> 00:02:56,416
What do you call an omelette?
An omelettelet?
62
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,978
Is this your way of asking me
if I make you breakfast?
63
00:03:00,565 --> 00:03:02,742
One omelettelet, on its way.
64
00:03:03,374 --> 00:03:05,468
It's nice and quiet today, isn't it?
65
00:03:05,850 --> 00:03:07,816
- Glad cockface ain't here.
- Who?
66
00:03:08,543 --> 00:03:09,540
Cockface.
67
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:12,416
You know, Abby's boyfriend, Karl.
68
00:03:16,795 --> 00:03:19,056
- What do you call?
- Feeling a bit stupid?
69
00:03:19,745 --> 00:03:20,476
Why?
70
00:03:20,859 --> 00:03:23,696
The cockface thing?
No, it's just a friendly nickname.
71
00:03:24,091 --> 00:03:27,764
Like gibbon tits, or vagina eyes or...
72
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:29,424
twat.
73
00:03:29,873 --> 00:03:31,668
It's just, you know, something I do.
74
00:03:32,731 --> 00:03:33,413
So,
75
00:03:36,039 --> 00:03:37,252
you're here,
76
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:38,536
again.
77
00:03:38,696 --> 00:03:42,525
Abby never wants to come over to mine.
So whenever I want to see her, I have to
78
00:03:43,088 --> 00:03:43,973
come here.
79
00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:45,976
Well, I have the perfect solution.
80
00:03:46,407 --> 00:03:47,136
What?
81
00:03:47,479 --> 00:03:48,296
Dump her.
82
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,532
That way, you don't have to come here.
83
00:03:50,652 --> 00:03:54,053
And then everyone
and I mean everyone's a winner.
84
00:03:54,336 --> 00:03:56,456
Brat?
I don't know what she sees in you.
85
00:03:56,617 --> 00:03:58,920
What she sees in me? Why, is she...
86
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:02,485
- She said something about me?
- Anyway, I'll be away this week-end.
87
00:04:02,605 --> 00:04:04,413
So you'll have the place to yourselves.
88
00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:06,906
- Ourselves?
- Yeah, you and your boyfriend.
89
00:04:07,536 --> 00:04:09,748
He is not my boyfriend.
90
00:04:10,778 --> 00:04:12,341
There you go sexy pants.
91
00:04:14,348 --> 00:04:15,816
He has never said that before.
92
00:04:15,976 --> 00:04:19,296
3 Times Eddie has said that before
93
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,896
There you go, sexy pants.
94
00:04:24,052 --> 00:04:25,946
There you go, sexy pants.
95
00:04:27,243 --> 00:04:29,270
There you go, sexy pants.
96
00:04:30,816 --> 00:04:32,777
Right, are you nearly ready?
97
00:04:35,136 --> 00:04:37,208
- That look tasty.
- You want some?
98
00:04:37,456 --> 00:04:40,194
No I'm fine. Thanks.
No, go on. It's amazing!
99
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,410
You see? The perfect couple.
100
00:04:46,842 --> 00:04:48,554
Me and Abby. Not him.
101
00:04:49,153 --> 00:04:50,798
Babe, can I have a word?
102
00:04:52,510 --> 00:04:56,466
Look, I can't keep coming over here.
It's him, I just gonna bite him.
103
00:04:56,732 --> 00:04:59,457
Let's not talk about this right now,
thank you.
104
00:04:59,956 --> 00:05:03,155
Are you sure you're okay with coming.
Of course, I can't wait.
105
00:05:03,577 --> 00:05:04,757
What are you planing?
106
00:05:04,877 --> 00:05:07,011
We're taking my kids away
for the week-end.
107
00:05:07,131 --> 00:05:09,268
You've got kids? You never said!
108
00:05:09,850 --> 00:05:13,606
- The kids I teach at school.
- God, you're useless Donald.
109
00:05:14,254 --> 00:05:16,814
Promise me that you're not gonna be
on your mobile phone
110
00:05:16,934 --> 00:05:19,074
- the all time over there.
- I promise.
111
00:05:20,022 --> 00:05:22,637
Look, they don't need me
at the conference today.
112
00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:25,257
You know, I ran it passed Suzy
last night.
113
00:05:25,377 --> 00:05:28,078
- What? You're going as well?
- He's a life saver.
114
00:05:28,198 --> 00:05:30,703
There's a horrible dicky tummy bug
going around the school.
115
00:05:30,823 --> 00:05:32,648
All of the teachers
are dropping like flies.
116
00:05:32,768 --> 00:05:35,579
- And they'll have to cancel the trip.
- Abby happens to think that men
117
00:05:35,699 --> 00:05:38,361
who are good with kids are sexy.
Don't you babe?
118
00:05:38,481 --> 00:05:39,416
Really?
119
00:05:39,576 --> 00:05:41,951
Well, a little bit, yeah.
120
00:05:43,787 --> 00:05:45,516
I'm just gonna go.
121
00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:49,572
- You have everything that you need?
- Yeah, I've got 3 pairs of pants,
122
00:05:49,692 --> 00:05:51,416
and I brought my trunks.
123
00:05:51,649 --> 00:05:53,806
Once we hit the road,
I'm turning it off. I promise.
124
00:05:53,926 --> 00:05:55,214
Karl Menford speaking.
125
00:05:55,334 --> 00:05:57,824
- Hello, it's Suzy.
- Hi, Suzy.
126
00:05:58,446 --> 00:06:00,654
God, you sound awful.
127
00:06:00,774 --> 00:06:02,552
What? You got a dicky tummy bug.
128
00:06:03,576 --> 00:06:05,137
- What?
- Sorry, yes.
129
00:06:05,257 --> 00:06:07,740
But I thought you said it would be OK.
It'll be fine.
130
00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:09,435
Sorry to break it to you.
131
00:06:09,825 --> 00:06:13,787
I'm afraid you're going to have to come
to the conference.
132
00:06:14,392 --> 00:06:16,848
There's no way out of it. Hang on.
133
00:06:17,546 --> 00:06:18,560
Get lost.
134
00:06:21,312 --> 00:06:23,014
Also, your dad said
135
00:06:23,134 --> 00:06:26,315
that if you don't come{ to the conference},
he'd bite your balls off.
136
00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:28,625
- He said that?
- Sorry, yes.
137
00:06:28,824 --> 00:06:31,118
Right, yep, yep, okay. Bye.
138
00:06:33,187 --> 00:06:35,286
- What's going down?
- Darling?
139
00:06:35,406 --> 00:06:37,484
Great. We're supposed
to be leaving in an hour.
140
00:06:37,604 --> 00:06:39,675
How am I gonna find
somebody else to come
141
00:06:40,218 --> 00:06:43,160
It turns out they do need me there
today, I have to.
142
00:06:43,492 --> 00:06:45,816
Apparently my dad said
he'd bite my balls off.
143
00:06:45,976 --> 00:06:47,695
- If I didn't show.
- I'll come.
144
00:06:47,856 --> 00:06:50,656
I don't think so.
Abby needs a responsible adult.
145
00:06:50,816 --> 00:06:51,906
Oh, you.
146
00:06:52,706 --> 00:06:54,265
But it's looking after kids.
147
00:06:54,678 --> 00:06:55,857
I love kids.
148
00:06:56,225 --> 00:06:58,349
- Really?
- Yeah. Kids.
149
00:07:00,178 --> 00:07:03,070
I just love their innocence.
Their thick little minds.
150
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,748
So easily influenced.
151
00:07:04,868 --> 00:07:07,707
Sometimes, if I'm walking
past the school playground,
152
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:10,482
I'll just stop and watch them play.
153
00:07:10,976 --> 00:07:13,491
Careful, you can be put
in a list for that.
154
00:07:14,189 --> 00:07:15,216
Bite me.
155
00:07:15,585 --> 00:07:17,430
So? What do you reckon?
156
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:19,590
Great, it's agreed. I'm coming with.
157
00:07:19,989 --> 00:07:21,252
I'll just get dressed.
158
00:07:21,518 --> 00:07:23,862
I'll be honest, I hate kids.
159
00:07:24,103 --> 00:07:26,928
But this was the only way I could be
with Abby without cockface there.
160
00:07:27,048 --> 00:07:29,771
Why don't you go on and say hi
to the kids and introduce yourself?
161
00:07:29,891 --> 00:07:31,183
How hard can it be?
162
00:07:31,303 --> 00:07:34,616
You just got to speak to children on
their level, without patronizing them.
163
00:07:35,139 --> 00:07:36,951
Right. Shut up! Shut up!
164
00:07:37,183 --> 00:07:38,096
Shut up.
165
00:07:40,241 --> 00:07:41,536
Right. "A".
166
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,205
Less "Mr Danbury" ballcrap.
167
00:07:44,325 --> 00:07:47,416
You can call me Don or the Double D.
168
00:07:47,536 --> 00:07:48,296
And 2,
169
00:07:48,782 --> 00:07:50,816
keep the noise down.
170
00:07:51,826 --> 00:07:54,896
See, I went out last night,
and I got absolutely shitfaced.
171
00:07:55,615 --> 00:07:57,876
It was a really good night actually.
172
00:07:58,856 --> 00:08:02,480
But now, I've got a headache,
I feel like puking up my innards.
173
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,056
I really wanna quite frankly kill myself
174
00:08:05,176 --> 00:08:07,615
and your noise isn't helping.
175
00:08:07,735 --> 00:08:11,255
So be good little midgets
and shush your mouth.
176
00:08:12,402 --> 00:08:13,256
Good.
177
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,261
You got them to be quiet.
178
00:08:21,469 --> 00:08:23,016
You're a natural-born teacher.
179
00:08:23,176 --> 00:08:24,261
Well, you know.
180
00:08:25,457 --> 00:08:26,970
When you're ready, driver.
181
00:08:48,776 --> 00:08:51,416
So, after two hours
of throwing up my innards,
182
00:08:51,577 --> 00:08:54,856
we go to the campsite and it where dawn
to me what we were doing.
183
00:08:55,016 --> 00:08:57,141
I've never been one for the outdoors
and nature.
184
00:08:57,626 --> 00:08:58,528
Bollocks.
185
00:08:58,648 --> 00:08:59,907
Cocking bollocks.
186
00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:05,776
Remember, there are children here.
187
00:09:07,269 --> 00:09:09,896
You, you little shit.
Help me erect my tent.
188
00:09:10,828 --> 00:09:11,529
What?
189
00:09:11,649 --> 00:09:14,696
There are certain words you cannot use
in front of the kids.
190
00:09:14,816 --> 00:09:17,736
What, "erect"? That's probably
a little a bit iffy, nowadays.
191
00:09:17,896 --> 00:09:19,976
No, I'm talking about the swearing.
192
00:09:20,136 --> 00:09:21,496
I haven't been swearing.
193
00:09:21,656 --> 00:09:24,976
3 Times Don "hasn't" been swearing
194
00:09:28,758 --> 00:09:30,569
That is... shit.
195
00:09:31,550 --> 00:09:33,204
This so fucking.
196
00:09:34,359 --> 00:09:36,896
Should we just... of to a hotel?
197
00:09:49,472 --> 00:09:51,936
Sorry, I didn't realized
I was doing that.
198
00:09:52,097 --> 00:09:54,350
Never mind, but,
no more for no on, yeah?
199
00:09:57,358 --> 00:10:00,117
We gonna go in a walk, soon,
do you think you'll be ready?
200
00:10:00,576 --> 00:10:03,026
Of course, shouldn't take long
to put up. Should it?
201
00:10:04,361 --> 00:10:06,654
And so I spent the afternoon
with the kids.
202
00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:09,845
I won them over
by pretending to fall over,
203
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,256
honestly, I was pretending.
204
00:10:14,532 --> 00:10:16,643
I was like the teacher they never had.
205
00:10:19,834 --> 00:10:22,593
They respected me
as an authority figure.
206
00:10:28,867 --> 00:10:30,363
And I made them laugh.
207
00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:32,623
Help me! Help me!
208
00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:35,399
Well, kind of.
209
00:10:37,353 --> 00:10:40,336
Then, that night, I finally got Abby
on her own.
210
00:10:40,739 --> 00:10:44,313
This was my chance to charm her.
Tell her romantic tales.
211
00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:47,076
When the lights came back on,
212
00:10:47,196 --> 00:10:50,524
I realized it was my nan Betty
I'd be groping.
213
00:10:50,644 --> 00:10:52,336
It was so embarrassing.
214
00:11:02,450 --> 00:11:05,136
- I don't know, nothing. Don't worry.
- No, what?
215
00:11:06,314 --> 00:11:08,558
- You'd get offended.
- No I wouldn't.
216
00:11:09,347 --> 00:11:10,736
- Promise?
- I promise.
217
00:11:11,611 --> 00:11:13,016
Why do you act like a prick?
218
00:11:13,731 --> 00:11:14,496
What?
219
00:11:14,657 --> 00:11:16,002
See, you're offended.
220
00:11:16,122 --> 00:11:18,336
What would you expect?
You just called me a prick.
221
00:11:18,497 --> 00:11:21,856
No, I said you act like a prick.
There is a difference.
222
00:11:22,446 --> 00:11:25,336
You know, I think I'm the only person
that get to see the real you.
223
00:11:26,684 --> 00:11:27,656
Alright.
224
00:11:28,056 --> 00:11:30,196
Why are you with Karl?
225
00:11:30,486 --> 00:11:33,616
- What's that got to do with anything?
- It's got nothing to do with anything.
226
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:36,719
But I just wanna know.
You know, you two are so different.
227
00:11:36,839 --> 00:11:37,825
It's weird.
228
00:11:38,136 --> 00:11:40,825
Mr Danbury, I can't sleep.
229
00:11:41,371 --> 00:11:44,014
Midget, get lost.
We're talking, here.
230
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:48,256
- What's up Sammy?
- I need to do a poo.
231
00:11:50,014 --> 00:11:52,096
And I want the Double D to take me.
232
00:11:52,556 --> 00:11:55,149
- You don't mind, do you?
- No way, José.
233
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,656
I think the poo
is starting to come out.
234
00:11:58,739 --> 00:12:00,701
Alright, I'm coming.
235
00:12:05,238 --> 00:12:06,135
Alright.
236
00:12:06,850 --> 00:12:09,194
I can't be ask to try
and find the toilet.
237
00:12:09,809 --> 00:12:11,188
This tree will do.
238
00:12:11,604 --> 00:12:13,199
Go on, do you bum rubbish.
239
00:12:13,465 --> 00:12:14,246
What?
240
00:12:14,479 --> 00:12:16,357
Deposit some ass trash.
241
00:12:17,138 --> 00:12:18,019
Quicker.
242
00:12:20,978 --> 00:12:22,723
You owe me big time, Sammy.
243
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,736
I was finally getting
somewhere with Abby.
244
00:12:24,897 --> 00:12:26,978
- Who's Abby?
- Miss Jones, to you.
245
00:12:27,098 --> 00:12:28,922
Is she a girlfriend, sir?
246
00:12:29,042 --> 00:12:32,279
- I wish.
- I wish she was my girlfriend too.
247
00:12:32,761 --> 00:12:34,696
I saw her first, you keep away.
248
00:12:39,576 --> 00:12:43,336
This is a good idea, coming on
this trip. Showing I'm good with kids.
249
00:12:43,650 --> 00:12:46,096
- Sir, there's no...
- Shut up, I'm thinking aloud.
250
00:12:46,256 --> 00:12:47,157
Shut up!
251
00:12:48,387 --> 00:12:49,936
You see, I listen to my balls.
252
00:12:50,431 --> 00:12:52,076
And my balls never let me down.
253
00:12:52,196 --> 00:12:54,619
They said:
"Don, you gotta get rid of Karl,
254
00:12:54,739 --> 00:12:58,176
take his place on the strip
and Abby will be yours forever".
255
00:12:59,074 --> 00:13:00,004
Clever balls.
256
00:13:00,254 --> 00:13:01,336
- Sir?
- What?
257
00:13:01,633 --> 00:13:03,216
There's no toilet paper.
258
00:13:03,376 --> 00:13:05,423
- Don't got a napkin or something?
- No.
259
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,348
Just use one of your socks.
260
00:13:13,976 --> 00:13:15,113
We're back.
261
00:13:18,576 --> 00:13:19,600
What's up?
262
00:13:20,647 --> 00:13:22,856
Well, what a... pleasant surprise
263
00:13:23,190 --> 00:13:25,144
I can believed
you just showed up like this.
264
00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:27,456
- Neither could I.
- What are you gonna do about tomorrow?
265
00:13:27,617 --> 00:13:29,515
It's alright, babe.
I just told my dad
266
00:13:29,635 --> 00:13:32,060
I can't always be a slave
to the company.
267
00:13:32,180 --> 00:13:35,636
There's a girl in my life
who I happen to love very much.
268
00:13:36,184 --> 00:13:37,049
And she
269
00:13:38,380 --> 00:13:39,776
is more important.
270
00:13:39,936 --> 00:13:41,601
What a cockface!
271
00:13:41,924 --> 00:13:43,374
You got that right.
272
00:13:44,582 --> 00:13:46,776
- Well, let's get less talking.
- Surely, what can I do?
273
00:13:47,536 --> 00:13:48,656
Here, catch this.
274
00:13:50,166 --> 00:13:52,865
- What's this?
- Sammy's sock, it needs cleaning.
275
00:13:54,122 --> 00:13:56,449
How is he getting on with the kids?
276
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,224
Good, I think.
277
00:13:58,344 --> 00:14:01,016
Right, I'm going to take Sammy to bed.
278
00:14:08,663 --> 00:14:10,788
I think I'm gonna hit the hut.
Are you coming?
279
00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:14,170
Yeah, I'll be in there in just a sec.
280
00:14:15,318 --> 00:14:17,810
- 'Night Sammy.
- 'Night Double D.
281
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,550
I went into work, earlier.
282
00:14:24,002 --> 00:14:26,376
And there was Suzy
all perky and healthy.
283
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:28,359
Funny that?
284
00:14:29,593 --> 00:14:31,436
Not laugh out loud, funny.
285
00:14:31,677 --> 00:14:34,520
I mean, I wouldn't certainly use it
in an after dinner speech.
286
00:14:35,336 --> 00:14:37,103
I came to the conclusion
287
00:14:37,411 --> 00:14:39,912
that someone
must have hoaxed the call.
288
00:14:40,816 --> 00:14:42,999
I wonder why someone would do that.
289
00:14:49,269 --> 00:14:50,044
What?
290
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,063
I'm going to bed
291
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:54,260
with my girlfriend.
292
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,496
'Night Don.
293
00:14:57,534 --> 00:14:59,936
I couldn't believe cockface was there.
294
00:15:00,096 --> 00:15:02,622
Just as I was finally
making progress with Abby.
295
00:15:02,742 --> 00:15:04,589
Alright, she just called me a prick.
296
00:15:04,709 --> 00:15:06,741
But I knew
what she was really getting at.
297
00:15:06,861 --> 00:15:09,323
To make things worse,
I had to sleep on my own, in a tent,
298
00:15:09,443 --> 00:15:11,379
with strange noises outside.
299
00:15:11,499 --> 00:15:12,658
I'm from the city,
300
00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:16,016
I used to the comforting sounds
of car alarms and people screaming help.
301
00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:19,256
4 places Don would rather be right now
302
00:15:40,162 --> 00:15:41,160
It's Don.
303
00:15:44,136 --> 00:15:47,895
I know it might seem weird, but,
can I come in there and sleep with you?
304
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,950
- Why?
- For Peter Sake.
305
00:15:51,971 --> 00:15:54,519
Good one, Don.
See you in the morning.
306
00:15:55,326 --> 00:15:58,408
- He cracked me.
- No, I'm being serious.
307
00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:00,728
It's just I keep hearing noises.
308
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,816
Don't worry about it, it's just nature.
309
00:16:04,094 --> 00:16:07,216
I'm worried nature might climbed
into my tent and rape me.
310
00:16:07,524 --> 00:16:10,174
- Don't be a baby.
- I can deal with this, Karl.
311
00:16:10,294 --> 00:16:11,976
I don't think it's a good idea.
312
00:16:12,136 --> 00:16:13,736
Yeah it is. It's a great idea.
313
00:16:14,259 --> 00:16:16,004
Go away, Don.
314
00:16:18,037 --> 00:16:19,364
You'll be fine.
315
00:16:19,626 --> 00:16:22,206
I see you in the morning.
Bright and early.
316
00:16:22,759 --> 00:16:24,552
- 'Night.
- 'Night.
317
00:16:35,379 --> 00:16:36,458
After a weird dream
318
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:39,486
where I was the ringmaster
of a traveling midget show.
319
00:16:39,606 --> 00:16:41,935
I woke up, to the sight of midgets.
320
00:16:42,158 --> 00:16:44,376
- Morning.
- Morning Double D.
321
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,807
I think Sammy is going
to take a real show into you.
322
00:16:50,257 --> 00:16:52,371
You become
a bit of an influence on him.
323
00:16:52,823 --> 00:16:56,218
You should always
listen to your balls.
324
00:16:56,338 --> 00:16:57,933
That's disgusting.
325
00:16:59,857 --> 00:17:01,697
I think
you're really rubbing off on him.
326
00:17:01,817 --> 00:17:04,827
Please, don't ever say
I'm rubbing off one of the kids.
327
00:17:04,947 --> 00:17:06,419
Makes me feel uneasy.
328
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,554
What's on the agenda today?
329
00:17:11,844 --> 00:17:14,166
I thought we'll all go
to a scavenger hunt.
330
00:17:14,286 --> 00:17:16,514
- Sounds fun.
- No, you must have misheard her,
331
00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:19,415
- she said "scavenger hunt".
- Yeah, I love stuff like that.
332
00:17:19,576 --> 00:17:22,169
I was a sixer in the scout
when I was younger.
333
00:17:22,289 --> 00:17:24,792
Don't worry, we won't be out there
for long. I'm...
334
00:17:24,912 --> 00:17:26,656
whiteout to this country.
335
00:17:28,407 --> 00:17:30,392
- What?
- Just picking up twigs.
336
00:17:30,512 --> 00:17:32,536
You don't have to be
Christopher Columbia.
337
00:17:32,696 --> 00:17:34,429
You think it's easy, do you?
338
00:17:34,549 --> 00:17:35,817
Yes, I do.
339
00:17:36,147 --> 00:17:37,536
Easy and boring.
340
00:17:37,796 --> 00:17:38,875
Well, then,
341
00:17:39,380 --> 00:17:41,416
how about we make it interesting.
342
00:17:41,576 --> 00:17:45,336
- OK. Should we do it on mushrooms?
- No, I'm talking about a little wager.
343
00:17:46,409 --> 00:17:48,966
Right kids?
We'll be split up into two teams.
344
00:17:49,086 --> 00:17:51,796
The winning team doesn't have
to cook or wash up tonight.
345
00:17:51,916 --> 00:17:53,301
Now, who's with me?
346
00:17:54,822 --> 00:17:57,241
- What's going on?
- It's alright, babe.
347
00:17:57,925 --> 00:18:01,112
- I'm not sure this is a good idea.
- A little competition is helpful.
348
00:18:01,232 --> 00:18:04,935
- Who wants to be in my team?
- That's lots of pressure you're putting
349
00:18:05,096 --> 00:18:07,256
- on Don making him go alone with them.
- He'll be fine.
350
00:18:07,416 --> 00:18:10,084
It's only for a couple of hours.
Trust me, babe.
351
00:18:10,204 --> 00:18:11,393
It will be fun.
352
00:18:11,513 --> 00:18:13,654
Right, what sort of stuff
353
00:18:13,774 --> 00:18:15,950
do we do on the scavenger thingy?
354
00:18:17,336 --> 00:18:18,896
The Scavenger Thingy
355
00:18:53,308 --> 00:18:55,428
- Hey, how was it?
- Great fun.
356
00:18:55,798 --> 00:18:57,922
- Yeah?
- My feet hurt.
357
00:18:58,183 --> 00:18:59,416
It was hard work.
358
00:18:59,781 --> 00:19:01,656
No pain, no gain. Kiddies.
359
00:19:02,496 --> 00:19:04,256
You pushed them too hard.
360
00:19:04,416 --> 00:19:06,645
Just enough to succeed.
Any sign of Don, yet?
361
00:19:06,765 --> 00:19:07,911
No, not yet.
362
00:19:08,031 --> 00:19:10,840
Yes, kiss my ass,
I knew I'd shit in his face.
363
00:19:12,481 --> 00:19:13,268
Sorry.
364
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,277
Sorry kids, come on.
365
00:19:21,986 --> 00:19:24,364
I shouldn't have let you
talk me into this.
366
00:19:25,056 --> 00:19:26,847
God. What was I thinking?
367
00:19:27,358 --> 00:19:29,696
Please, let them be OK. Please.
368
00:19:29,856 --> 00:19:31,761
Look, stop panicking, babe.
369
00:19:35,470 --> 00:19:36,780
They'll be fine.
370
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:55,011
Okay, kids,
I'm gonna leave it with you.
371
00:19:55,131 --> 00:19:56,197
We're lost.
372
00:19:56,317 --> 00:19:59,856
We're lost in the middle of nowhere,
in the dark, with no provisions.
373
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,611
That's not looking good.
374
00:20:01,731 --> 00:20:03,576
What's gonna happen to us, sir?
375
00:20:03,856 --> 00:20:05,627
I'm gonna tell you the truth.
376
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,589
'cause I think
you're old enough for it.
377
00:20:07,709 --> 00:20:09,368
I think you might all die.
378
00:20:09,488 --> 00:20:11,216
You're just acting like a little girl.
379
00:20:11,512 --> 00:20:12,455
So are you.
380
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,912
- That's 'cause I am one.
- "That's 'cause I am one."
381
00:20:16,978 --> 00:20:17,858
Oh, God.
382
00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:23,159
I'm cold. Are you cold? I'm cold.
383
00:20:23,674 --> 00:20:26,554
So scary. Oh, God.
Abby's gonna kill me.
384
00:20:26,901 --> 00:20:30,346
As if we don't get killed
by something else first. Help!
385
00:20:30,657 --> 00:20:33,002
Now, I just want to clarify one thing.
386
00:20:33,122 --> 00:20:35,943
I wasn't actually that scared.
I wasn't.
387
00:20:36,296 --> 00:20:38,141
It was reverse psychology.
388
00:20:38,261 --> 00:20:41,453
Look at them, they're calm.
Had I been calm, they'd be freaking out.
389
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:45,056
Loosing their minds.
Maybe even eating their own bum rubbish.
390
00:20:45,216 --> 00:20:47,222
It isn't how I pictured my death.
391
00:20:47,342 --> 00:20:49,421
With a group of midgets.
392
00:20:51,488 --> 00:20:55,449
I always thought of dying
in the arms of a beautiful prostitute.
393
00:20:56,002 --> 00:20:57,880
At the age of 120.
394
00:20:59,242 --> 00:21:01,736
Me, not the... beautiful prostitute.
395
00:21:03,198 --> 00:21:06,708
Only in the future, of course,
they'd have android escorts.
396
00:21:07,431 --> 00:21:09,598
Prostidroids. Ho-bots.
397
00:21:10,323 --> 00:21:11,493
Sir, look!
398
00:21:11,884 --> 00:21:14,055
- What is it boy?
- Lights.
399
00:21:14,918 --> 00:21:16,022
We're saved.
400
00:21:16,333 --> 00:21:18,963
Quick, come on children, run!
401
00:21:19,083 --> 00:21:20,556
Run like the wind!
402
00:21:21,055 --> 00:21:23,333
Oh my God, it's a pub, we're saved.
403
00:21:29,053 --> 00:21:30,427
Come on, hurry up.
404
00:21:30,931 --> 00:21:32,924
Come on, it's cold, hurry up.
405
00:21:35,717 --> 00:21:39,147
- Sorry mister, no children allowed.
- I don't believe it.
406
00:21:39,267 --> 00:21:40,998
They don't let kids in.
407
00:21:41,541 --> 00:21:43,472
Come on, you'll all wait outside.
408
00:21:43,592 --> 00:21:46,259
Come on.
I'll only have a couple. No more.
409
00:21:46,707 --> 00:21:47,599
Come on.
410
00:21:50,405 --> 00:21:52,787
A pot of your best please. Gorgeous.
411
00:21:54,689 --> 00:21:56,674
It's cold out there, ain't it.
412
00:21:56,918 --> 00:21:58,716
If you don't mind me asking,
413
00:21:58,836 --> 00:22:01,536
what's a man of your age
doing with all those kids.
414
00:22:01,696 --> 00:22:04,416
- It's suspect, isn't it?
- Well...
415
00:22:04,576 --> 00:22:07,896
4 bad reasons for having kids with you
416
00:22:08,056 --> 00:22:09,569
I collect rare kids.
417
00:22:09,689 --> 00:22:13,056
It's a kind of hobby of mine.
Well, more a passion.
418
00:22:13,613 --> 00:22:17,430
They're not kids, they're adults.
They suffer from that aging disease.
419
00:22:17,550 --> 00:22:20,594
You know, like Gary Coleman?
What you talking about Willis?
420
00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,848
Yeah, I'm a child catcher.
421
00:22:24,465 --> 00:22:26,002
They actually exist.
422
00:22:26,366 --> 00:22:28,632
They're mine children.
What can I say.
423
00:22:28,752 --> 00:22:30,936
I just can't keep it in my pants.
424
00:22:32,315 --> 00:22:33,947
They're all your kids?
425
00:22:35,981 --> 00:22:39,497
That one there, that's Sammy.
One next to him, that's Sucky.
426
00:22:39,762 --> 00:22:41,896
And the big one, that's Ting Tao.
427
00:22:44,519 --> 00:22:46,536
Look, the landlord isn't in, tonight.
428
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:49,666
Seems a bit harsh
to make them wait outside.
429
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:51,737
Thanks, barmaid.
430
00:22:58,497 --> 00:23:00,096
Right. What you want?
431
00:23:01,059 --> 00:23:02,433
I don't trust him.
432
00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:06,051
And why are you always
sticking up for him, I'll never know.
433
00:23:06,922 --> 00:23:08,416
Anyone would think...
434
00:23:09,231 --> 00:23:11,373
What? Anyone would think what?
435
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:14,757
He may not have his life
all figured out like you.
436
00:23:14,877 --> 00:23:18,770
But he has been lovely this weekend.
You had to go and push him, didn't you?
437
00:23:20,056 --> 00:23:21,359
They'll be fine.
438
00:23:21,607 --> 00:23:23,736
I'm sure they're gonna be fine.
439
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,411
This little fellow is Sam Bucka.
440
00:23:29,835 --> 00:23:31,951
Sir Samuel of Bucka.
441
00:23:33,256 --> 00:23:34,656
Mister Bucka to you, lads.
442
00:23:35,354 --> 00:23:37,045
Okay, we're ready.
443
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,535
Of to three. One,
444
00:23:39,944 --> 00:23:41,770
two, three. Go!
445
00:23:47,782 --> 00:23:50,656
What have we learn this evening,
446
00:23:50,917 --> 00:23:52,103
children?
447
00:23:54,079 --> 00:23:56,683
We learned that white wine
isn't actually white.
448
00:23:56,803 --> 00:23:59,794
- That's more like greeny color.
- Brilliant.
449
00:24:00,126 --> 00:24:00,971
White
450
00:24:02,247 --> 00:24:04,192
not... green.
451
00:24:06,385 --> 00:24:08,056
Excellent. Anyone else?
452
00:24:08,396 --> 00:24:09,456
Yes, Thingy.
453
00:24:09,999 --> 00:24:12,296
I think we should be getting back
to camp, sir.
454
00:24:16,514 --> 00:24:17,446
Boring.
455
00:24:17,738 --> 00:24:19,905
Ms. Jones might be getting worried.
456
00:24:21,252 --> 00:24:22,976
May be your point.
457
00:24:23,634 --> 00:24:25,785
One more before
we hit the road, though?
458
00:24:27,383 --> 00:24:28,599
Whose round is it?
459
00:24:29,744 --> 00:24:31,999
I can't get a bloody signal, out here.
460
00:24:32,538 --> 00:24:33,627
What's that?
461
00:24:34,291 --> 00:24:35,894
I can hear something.
462
00:24:40,656 --> 00:24:42,172
I want everyone
463
00:24:42,441 --> 00:24:43,933
in bed immediately.
464
00:24:44,686 --> 00:24:45,449
Now!
465
00:24:45,710 --> 00:24:48,997
I got the sneaking suspicion
that Abby was a bit cross.
466
00:24:49,117 --> 00:24:51,395
Is it wrong that I found that sexy?
467
00:24:51,713 --> 00:24:53,838
I really want a kebab.
468
00:24:54,256 --> 00:24:57,456
- I love you, Miss.
- Go to bed, Sammy.
469
00:24:59,574 --> 00:25:01,136
What were you thinking?
470
00:25:01,733 --> 00:25:02,649
And you?
471
00:25:03,095 --> 00:25:05,838
- What? Why me?
- Just go to bed, Karl.
472
00:25:12,496 --> 00:25:14,616
- I want a word with you.
- Want you a bean?
473
00:25:16,048 --> 00:25:17,246
Are you drunk?
474
00:25:17,931 --> 00:25:18,936
A little bit.
475
00:25:19,096 --> 00:25:20,701
Where the hell have you bean, Don?
476
00:25:20,821 --> 00:25:23,496
I've been freaking out,
properly freaking out.
477
00:25:23,616 --> 00:25:27,096
I thought you might have been.
That's why I left the pub when I did.
478
00:25:27,371 --> 00:25:30,256
You see?
Thoughtful. Not at all prickish.
479
00:25:30,416 --> 00:25:33,817
You was in the pub?
That's were you've been all this time.
480
00:25:33,937 --> 00:25:36,655
We got lost,
you're map was very confusing.
481
00:25:38,193 --> 00:25:41,821
I can't believe you. I can't believe
you took my kids drinking.
482
00:25:42,056 --> 00:25:45,496
Well, I wouldn't call it drinking.
We just had 4 or 5 shots.
483
00:25:46,008 --> 00:25:50,136
In fact, some of them puke them
right back out, so technically, none.
484
00:25:50,954 --> 00:25:52,739
Except for the fat kid.
485
00:25:52,859 --> 00:25:54,296
She could knock'em back.
486
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,334
Don't you get it?
487
00:25:56,856 --> 00:25:58,376
I could lose my job over this.
488
00:26:00,875 --> 00:26:01,720
Sorry.
489
00:26:02,224 --> 00:26:05,136
I just wanted to show you
that I'm good with children.
490
00:26:06,813 --> 00:26:08,163
It's my own fault.
491
00:26:09,778 --> 00:26:11,786
How did I get it so wrong?
492
00:26:15,854 --> 00:26:17,648
So, I'm back to were I started.
493
00:26:17,768 --> 00:26:21,201
I'm nowhere closer to win over Abby.
I've got a monster hangover.
494
00:26:21,321 --> 00:26:22,991
And Eddy's in my house.
495
00:26:24,910 --> 00:26:27,176
I don't know why you drink so much.
496
00:26:27,519 --> 00:26:29,398
- Because it's fun.
- Fun?
497
00:26:30,166 --> 00:26:32,688
You obviously don't know
the effect of alcohol.
498
00:26:32,808 --> 00:26:35,775
Yeah I do.
It makes you think you're always right.
499
00:26:35,895 --> 00:26:38,464
It makes other people far
more attractive.
500
00:26:38,727 --> 00:26:42,576
And it makes food that you wouldn't
normally touch taste amazing.
501
00:26:42,940 --> 00:26:43,797
Correct?
502
00:26:44,752 --> 00:26:45,598
Enter.
503
00:26:58,427 --> 00:26:59,936
I made a huge mistake this weekend.
504
00:27:00,993 --> 00:27:02,305
Don't be silly.
505
00:27:02,425 --> 00:27:03,696
You were great.
506
00:27:04,019 --> 00:27:05,276
I mean with you.
507
00:27:05,559 --> 00:27:07,420
I should never let you come.
508
00:27:09,596 --> 00:27:12,895
- You know I'm sorry, right?
- You won Sammy's heart.
509
00:27:13,189 --> 00:27:15,499
- What do you mean?
- It turns out the kids had
510
00:27:15,619 --> 00:27:18,780
a blast on the field trip.
He wants you to come on all of them.
511
00:27:19,295 --> 00:27:21,276
Cool. Count me in. I'm there.
512
00:27:21,795 --> 00:27:24,155
You never coming on one again, mister.
513
00:27:25,741 --> 00:27:26,528
Right.
514
00:27:29,246 --> 00:27:30,174
Anyway.
515
00:27:31,286 --> 00:27:33,216
I know your heart
was in the right place.
516
00:27:41,536 --> 00:27:44,376
Thank you for the weedend Mr Danbury!
517
00:27:48,639 --> 00:27:49,661
Bed bath?
518
00:27:53,010 --> 00:27:53,832
Okay.
519
00:27:54,256 --> 00:27:56,272
www.sub-way.fr
520
00:27:56,322 --> 00:28:00,872
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