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1
00:00:01,845 --> 00:00:03,350
A Pop original series.
2
00:00:05,818 --> 00:00:08,755
You literally watch
this woman pop pimples?
3
00:00:08,788 --> 00:00:10,890
She is a board-certified dermatologist,
4
00:00:10,922 --> 00:00:12,429
and she doesn't do just pimples.
5
00:00:12,525 --> 00:00:15,695
She does whiteheads,
blackheads, cysts, lipomas...
6
00:00:15,727 --> 00:00:18,797
Ew! That is gross. You are such a freak.
7
00:00:18,831 --> 00:00:21,301
She has millions of subscribers.
8
00:00:21,334 --> 00:00:22,869
Who are these people?
9
00:00:22,901 --> 00:00:24,770
People who find it wildly satisfying.
10
00:00:24,804 --> 00:00:26,672
- Ugh.
- [clears throat]
11
00:00:26,706 --> 00:00:28,775
This is our table,
and you need to get up.
12
00:00:28,808 --> 00:00:30,710
Well, this isn't a John Hughes movie,
ladies.
13
00:00:30,743 --> 00:00:34,814
There's no need for discord.
It's 2018. We are women.
14
00:00:34,847 --> 00:00:36,249
Hear us roar! [laughs]
15
00:00:36,281 --> 00:00:38,083
Feel free to have our table
when we're done.
16
00:00:38,116 --> 00:00:40,887
Okay, just watch one video, I swear.
17
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,055
You know, I did just eat.
18
00:00:42,088 --> 00:00:43,423
If you don't get up now,
19
00:00:43,455 --> 00:00:45,190
we're going to have
to put a curse on you.
20
00:00:45,223 --> 00:00:47,092
All right, slow your roll, Hot Topic.
21
00:00:47,125 --> 00:00:49,962
Look, just because I'm a feminist
doesn't mean I won't cut a bitch.
22
00:00:49,995 --> 00:00:52,431
Yeah. Maybe you should
go back to high school.
23
00:00:52,464 --> 00:00:54,034
Beverley, do not help.
24
00:00:54,067 --> 00:00:55,869
[eerie music intensifies]
25
00:00:55,902 --> 00:00:57,237
What's happening?
26
00:00:57,269 --> 00:00:58,837
Girls.
27
00:00:58,870 --> 00:01:00,673
Girls: ? Alluwah, alluwah ?
28
00:01:00,707 --> 00:01:02,342
? Alluwah, alluwah ?
29
00:01:02,375 --> 00:01:06,745
? Zig-a-zig-ah, zig-a-zig-ah,
zig-a-zig-ah, zig-a-zig-ah ?
30
00:01:06,778 --> 00:01:09,015
Y'all do know that's
a Spice Girls song, right?
31
00:01:09,048 --> 00:01:11,183
Let's go.
32
00:01:11,217 --> 00:01:14,220
God, is that what we have to
look forward to with our girls?
33
00:01:14,253 --> 00:01:15,455
I'm really concerned about crop tops,
34
00:01:15,488 --> 00:01:17,357
and I own, like, 20.
35
00:01:17,390 --> 00:01:18,992
Oh, you know what I should've said?
36
00:01:19,024 --> 00:01:21,093
Take your bitchcraft somewhere else!
37
00:01:21,126 --> 00:01:22,227
No, Bev, it's too late.
38
00:01:22,260 --> 00:01:26,198
You can't... You can't yell insults,
like, five minutes after. Doesn't work.
39
00:01:26,232 --> 00:01:29,135
[upbeat electronic music]
40
00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:32,205
?
41
00:01:32,238 --> 00:01:35,275
? You think you're rock and roll ?
42
00:01:35,307 --> 00:01:38,877
?
43
00:01:38,911 --> 00:01:40,414
? You think you're rock and roll ?
44
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,706
The girls, like, surround us.
45
00:01:43,739 --> 00:01:45,808
Then they start doing this weird,
like, chanting
46
00:01:45,841 --> 00:01:48,377
and, like, it was bizarre.
47
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,578
That sounds amazing and ridiculous,
48
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,380
and I'm really sad that
I wasn't there for that.
49
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:53,382
- Oh.
- Oh, my God.
50
00:01:53,415 --> 00:01:54,749
I am so sorry I'm late.
51
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,085
I got a parking ticket.
52
00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:58,086
Ooh, God, sorry.
53
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,856
- I just got a text from Tori.
- Oh, Spelling?
54
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,024
Yeah, she never texts me.
55
00:02:03,058 --> 00:02:07,630
Spelling. Spells. Is that weird?
56
00:02:07,662 --> 00:02:10,065
The only one that is actually
cursed here is me, okay?
57
00:02:10,099 --> 00:02:11,834
My dating life sucks.
58
00:02:11,867 --> 00:02:14,737
I think I just need to take it
all the way back and, like,
59
00:02:14,769 --> 00:02:17,373
reset my dating juju from the beginning.
60
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:18,974
What beginning are we
talking about here?
61
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:22,411
My first kiss, which happened to be
on "Full House." That kid, Rusty.
62
00:02:22,444 --> 00:02:24,746
- Oh... Rusty?
- Yeah, he was on this episode.
63
00:02:24,780 --> 00:02:26,882
It was, uh, "Terror in Tanner Town,"
64
00:02:26,915 --> 00:02:29,885
where Danny dates a single mom,
and she has a kid
65
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,453
who plays pranks on everybody.
66
00:02:31,487 --> 00:02:33,022
Oh... yeah. Right, right, right, right.
67
00:02:33,054 --> 00:02:34,037
"Oh, yeah, right, right, right."
68
00:02:34,055 --> 00:02:35,491
You have no idea
what I'm talking about, do you?
69
00:02:35,583 --> 00:02:37,086
You didn't watch my show.
70
00:02:37,118 --> 00:02:38,286
That's all right. Neither did I.
71
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:39,689
Well, anyway, I think there was,
72
00:02:39,721 --> 00:02:41,290
I don't know,
kind of a spark between us,
73
00:02:41,322 --> 00:02:43,159
but I never saw him again.
He was written off the show.
74
00:02:43,191 --> 00:02:44,493
I don't know, Jodie.
75
00:02:44,527 --> 00:02:46,061
You don't even know what
this guy looks like.
76
00:02:46,094 --> 00:02:47,662
He was... cute when he was 12.
77
00:02:48,036 --> 00:02:49,739
Oh, shit.
78
00:02:49,772 --> 00:02:51,840
- What?
- No, actual shit..
79
00:02:51,874 --> 00:02:53,109
A bird just pooped on me.
80
00:02:53,142 --> 00:02:55,644
- Ew!
- Maybe it is the curse.
81
00:02:55,677 --> 00:02:57,947
Sorry, Bev, this is seeming
like too much of a coincidence.
82
00:02:57,980 --> 00:03:00,950
No, it's just bad luck.
83
00:03:00,982 --> 00:03:02,951
Oh, man!
84
00:03:02,984 --> 00:03:04,686
Disgusting.
85
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,956
We're at a park.
There's just a lot of birds.
86
00:03:06,988 --> 00:03:08,089
It's just fine. It's fine.
87
00:03:08,123 --> 00:03:10,091
You guys... walk far away from me.
88
00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:12,428
I don't need to get shit on.
89
00:03:12,914 --> 00:03:15,207
I'm telling you, Bev, I think
they really did something to us.
90
00:03:15,265 --> 00:03:17,966
Christine, people
get parking tickets all the time.
91
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,901
Not you. You don't.
92
00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:21,069
Now, that is true.
93
00:03:21,102 --> 00:03:22,904
But people do get pooped on.
94
00:03:22,938 --> 00:03:26,007
And people get text messages
from Tori Spelling.
95
00:03:26,041 --> 00:03:27,576
Okay, maybe not Tori Spelling,
96
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:30,546
but people named Tori.
Yeah, I'm just saying,
97
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:32,614
- I don't think we're cursed.
- I don't know.
98
00:03:32,648 --> 00:03:34,583
I got a weird feeling about this.
99
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,452
I mean,
haven't you ever seen "The Craft"?
100
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:37,886
Whatever happened to Fairuza Balk?
101
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,922
Oh, you know what? I just saw her
on "Ray Donovan." She was great.
102
00:03:40,956 --> 00:03:42,757
Okay, bad example.
103
00:03:42,791 --> 00:03:45,494
I just think we shouldn't have
given those girls our seats.
104
00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:47,563
Ah! Ow...
105
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,130
See? What did I just say?
106
00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:50,166
[irreverent rock music]
107
00:03:50,198 --> 00:03:52,100
I think we're cursed.
108
00:03:52,133 --> 00:03:54,536
?
109
00:03:56,004 --> 00:03:59,409
[cell phone chiming]
110
00:04:00,242 --> 00:04:02,545
- Hello?
- Bev. I found him.
111
00:04:02,577 --> 00:04:04,179
- Who?
- Rusty.
112
00:04:04,213 --> 00:04:05,748
Well, not Rusty. Jordan.
113
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,148
He works at a tattoo parlor.
114
00:04:07,182 --> 00:04:08,617
Oh, tattoos?
115
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,852
Um... I guess that's perfect for you.
116
00:04:10,886 --> 00:04:11,654
I know.
117
00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:13,617
He's not on social media, though,
which is a little weird,
118
00:04:13,689 --> 00:04:14,816
so I don't know what he looks like.
119
00:04:14,890 --> 00:04:15,733
Oh, that's not weird.
120
00:04:15,825 --> 00:04:17,220
I mean, my mom's not on social media,
121
00:04:17,259 --> 00:04:20,830
but she's 62, so I guess
maybe that is a little weird.
122
00:04:20,862 --> 00:04:22,730
Wish me luck. I'm going in.
123
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,799
Well, stay in public,
and don't get in his car...
124
00:04:24,833 --> 00:04:26,635
and don't get a hibiscus tattoo.
125
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,102
Still regrettin' that one, huh?
126
00:04:28,136 --> 00:04:29,237
Every day.
127
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:30,239
Yeah.
128
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:31,840
Okay, bye.
129
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:37,846
[wondrous choral music]
130
00:04:37,879 --> 00:04:40,048
Jord...
131
00:04:40,081 --> 00:04:41,249
Oh.
132
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:42,818
You're not... sorry.
133
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,552
[choral music resumes]
134
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:48,090
- Jordan... no.
- What can I do for you?
135
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:50,593
No, I-I was...
just looking for somebody,
136
00:04:50,626 --> 00:04:52,895
but I don't think they're here.
137
00:04:54,432 --> 00:04:55,800
Oh, my God.
138
00:04:55,834 --> 00:04:57,302
Jodie Sweetin?
139
00:04:57,336 --> 00:05:02,975
?
140
00:05:03,007 --> 00:05:05,310
Jodie?
141
00:05:05,343 --> 00:05:07,379
Rust... uh, Jordan.
142
00:05:07,413 --> 00:05:09,282
How are you?
143
00:05:09,315 --> 00:05:10,548
Wow.
144
00:05:10,581 --> 00:05:12,517
I-I had no idea you worked here.
145
00:05:12,550 --> 00:05:14,019
What a coincidence.
146
00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:16,689
[exotic percussive music]
147
00:05:18,856 --> 00:05:20,625
Bev.
148
00:05:20,658 --> 00:05:22,427
What do you think this is?
149
00:05:22,461 --> 00:05:23,562
Ooh, I don't know. It's pretty.
150
00:05:23,594 --> 00:05:26,698
What do you use that for?
151
00:05:26,731 --> 00:05:27,966
Oh, ew!
152
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,702
Come on, two for one.
Don't you want one?
153
00:05:29,735 --> 00:05:31,804
No, no. I don't want any of that.
154
00:05:31,836 --> 00:05:33,839
- Too much sage, Bev.
- That's terrible.
155
00:05:33,872 --> 00:05:36,609
Oh, hey, look, look. It's David. Yeah.
156
00:05:36,641 --> 00:05:37,509
David!
157
00:05:37,543 --> 00:05:38,677
- Oh!
- David Lascher.
158
00:05:38,711 --> 00:05:40,680
Oh, my God.
159
00:05:40,713 --> 00:05:42,715
- How are you?
- Guys, it's been so long.
160
00:05:42,747 --> 00:05:45,084
- Yeah!
- How are you? How're the kids?
161
00:05:45,117 --> 00:05:46,718
Oh, you know, crazy as always.
162
00:05:46,752 --> 00:05:49,355
Um, listen.
I'm so happy we ran into you.
163
00:05:49,387 --> 00:05:50,755
Yeah, why?
164
00:05:50,788 --> 00:05:52,757
I think somebody put a curse on us.
165
00:05:52,790 --> 00:05:53,726
What?
166
00:05:53,759 --> 00:05:55,628
We were out to lunch at this restaurant,
167
00:05:55,661 --> 00:05:57,028
and these girls wanted our table,
168
00:05:57,062 --> 00:05:58,864
and they basically were
trying to kick us out,
169
00:05:58,896 --> 00:06:00,800
but we didn't move,
and long story short is,
170
00:06:00,832 --> 00:06:02,834
they then started, like,
chanting and doing weird stuff.
171
00:06:02,867 --> 00:06:05,504
Yeah, and all this crazy stuff
has started happening to us.
172
00:06:05,536 --> 00:06:06,771
I mean, tell him about the ketchup.
173
00:06:06,805 --> 00:06:08,774
They put ketchup
in the middle of the table,
174
00:06:08,807 --> 00:06:10,576
and they put it in, like,
a shape of a hexagon.
175
00:06:10,608 --> 00:06:12,478
I mean, it was nuts.
176
00:06:12,511 --> 00:06:14,814
I'm sorry, why are you telling me this?
177
00:06:14,846 --> 00:06:17,382
You're here at this store. You know?
178
00:06:17,415 --> 00:06:18,683
You obviously believe in all this,
179
00:06:18,716 --> 00:06:20,919
like, magic and crystals and...
180
00:06:20,952 --> 00:06:24,122
I'm just looking for a
gag gift for my wife.
181
00:06:24,156 --> 00:06:25,557
In this store?
182
00:06:25,591 --> 00:06:27,026
I don't think that's how gag gifts work.
183
00:06:27,059 --> 00:06:29,095
I'm gonna head out,
but good luck with this.
184
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:30,096
I'll see you girls around.
185
00:06:30,129 --> 00:06:31,964
Thanks. Bye.
186
00:06:31,997 --> 00:06:33,432
Man.
187
00:06:33,464 --> 00:06:36,468
Someone needs a chakra
up his you-know-what.
188
00:06:36,502 --> 00:06:37,737
Ladies?
189
00:06:37,769 --> 00:06:41,039
I hope you don't mind, but I overheard.
190
00:06:41,072 --> 00:06:42,474
[melodic percussive music]
191
00:06:42,507 --> 00:06:44,609
This sounds like a classic revenge hex.
192
00:06:44,642 --> 00:06:47,113
It's effective but very reversible.
193
00:06:47,146 --> 00:06:49,014
- So you can reverse it?
- Yes.
194
00:06:49,047 --> 00:06:49,865
Oh, that's great.
195
00:06:49,881 --> 00:06:51,086
Why don't the both of you come
196
00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:53,685
to the meeting of the
coven tomorrow night?
197
00:06:53,718 --> 00:06:54,954
The other witches will
be more than happy
198
00:06:54,987 --> 00:06:56,022
to help you with this.
199
00:06:56,055 --> 00:06:57,690
- That would be great.
- Yeah. Thank you so much.
200
00:06:57,723 --> 00:06:58,891
Yeah, okay. We'll be there.
201
00:06:58,923 --> 00:07:00,759
Just be incredibly careful until then,
202
00:07:00,793 --> 00:07:04,028
because this spell is
effective until reversed.
203
00:07:04,062 --> 00:07:06,465
Should we just maybe hide
under our beds tonight?
204
00:07:06,497 --> 00:07:08,033
No!
205
00:07:08,065 --> 00:07:10,168
Your tiny body will be crushed
underneath the weight
206
00:07:10,202 --> 00:07:13,906
of that bed and smashed
into little pieces.
207
00:07:13,939 --> 00:07:15,708
I would just sleep in
a bathtub or something,
208
00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:17,842
unless there was a water
elemental spell included,
209
00:07:17,875 --> 00:07:20,111
in which case, no liquids.
210
00:07:20,144 --> 00:07:23,081
?
211
00:07:23,115 --> 00:07:23,996
Okay.
212
00:07:24,049 --> 00:07:26,418
Hey, was that the guy from "Blossom"?
213
00:07:26,452 --> 00:07:27,653
- Yeah.
- He's your friend?
214
00:07:27,685 --> 00:07:28,920
- Yeah.
- Like, you hang out?
215
00:07:28,954 --> 00:07:30,489
- Well, yeah.
- At, like, barbecues?
216
00:07:30,521 --> 00:07:31,856
We see each other. Every now and then.
217
00:07:31,889 --> 00:07:33,759
Discount. Whatever you want.
Anything in the store.
218
00:07:33,791 --> 00:07:35,161
Oh. Great. Yeah, I'll take that.
219
00:07:35,194 --> 00:07:36,662
- Bev, you sure you don't want...
- No, I'm good.
220
00:07:36,694 --> 00:07:37,896
- I'm buying.
- Nope, I'm good.
221
00:07:41,513 --> 00:07:43,963
So do you know what kind of
tattoo you're looking to get?
222
00:07:43,969 --> 00:07:46,805
A tattoo. I mean, yeah, a tattoo.
223
00:07:46,839 --> 00:07:48,178
Yeah, I don't... I don't know.
224
00:07:48,206 --> 00:07:50,442
- So you're a virgin.
- I mean, I have two kids.
225
00:07:50,476 --> 00:07:52,478
No, no, no, like...
226
00:07:52,510 --> 00:07:54,346
this is gonna be your first tattoo.
227
00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:56,582
Oh. Yeah, of course. Ideas?
228
00:07:56,615 --> 00:07:57,850
I mean, you could go generic.
229
00:07:57,882 --> 00:07:59,484
There's a lot of flash
you can choose from.
230
00:07:59,517 --> 00:08:00,785
We could do some barbed wire.
231
00:08:00,818 --> 00:08:02,587
I'm a big fan of the big
dick on the forehead.
232
00:08:02,620 --> 00:08:04,289
Oh. Yeah. Perfect.
233
00:08:04,322 --> 00:08:05,690
That is super classy.
234
00:08:05,724 --> 00:08:06,719
You can't go wrong with dicks.
235
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,861
Never, never,
and it's exactly what I need
236
00:08:08,894 --> 00:08:10,396
for my third-life crisis.
237
00:08:10,428 --> 00:08:12,565
Dicks aside, I'd be happy to help you
238
00:08:12,598 --> 00:08:14,700
actually make something if
you want something designed.
239
00:08:14,733 --> 00:08:16,435
- Amazing.
- Okay.
240
00:08:16,467 --> 00:08:18,370
Anyone special in your life?
241
00:08:18,404 --> 00:08:19,906
Uh, well, it's just the two kids now.
242
00:08:19,938 --> 00:08:21,873
I got one myself. I got a little boy.
243
00:08:21,906 --> 00:08:26,245
And the, um, terrible,
messy divorce that goes along with
244
00:08:26,277 --> 00:08:27,345
things like that, so...
245
00:08:27,378 --> 00:08:28,914
Great. I mean, not great.
246
00:08:28,947 --> 00:08:30,382
That's not... yeah.
247
00:08:30,416 --> 00:08:32,518
I've got three of 'em myself.
248
00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:33,718
Let's see here.
249
00:08:33,751 --> 00:08:35,921
Uh... maybe I should
250
00:08:35,955 --> 00:08:38,457
come back and think
about this a little bit more.
251
00:08:38,490 --> 00:08:39,659
Okay. It's kind of permanent.
252
00:08:39,692 --> 00:08:41,360
More so the marriage.
253
00:08:41,393 --> 00:08:43,529
Okay, yeah. All right.
254
00:08:43,562 --> 00:08:45,498
I mean, but maybe we could,
like, get together
255
00:08:45,530 --> 00:08:47,766
and draw some stuff out and talk.
256
00:08:47,799 --> 00:08:49,434
- How's tomorrow night?
- Yeah, sure.
257
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:51,269
- Okay.
- I mean...
258
00:08:51,303 --> 00:08:53,272
you're not, like,
a murderer or anything, are you?
259
00:08:53,304 --> 00:08:54,406
- Totally.
- Oh. Perfect.
260
00:08:54,439 --> 00:08:55,808
How about I give you my number?
261
00:08:55,841 --> 00:08:57,510
- That'd be fantastic.
- All right, here.
262
00:08:57,543 --> 00:08:59,378
I do this for a living.
263
00:08:59,410 --> 00:09:03,548
So, are we ruling out
the dicks on the...
264
00:09:03,582 --> 00:09:05,217
- [laughs]
- Face?
265
00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:07,220
- Perfect.
- Okay.
266
00:09:07,253 --> 00:09:08,588
?
267
00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:10,222
This better work,
268
00:09:10,255 --> 00:09:11,996
'cause I can't take a
donut to another premiere.
269
00:09:13,071 --> 00:09:15,329
I can't believe you walked the
red carpet with that thing.
270
00:09:15,364 --> 00:09:18,731
Ladies, welcome, what a pleasure
to see you here in my store,
271
00:09:18,764 --> 00:09:20,566
in my presence, our energy connecting.
272
00:09:20,598 --> 00:09:21,900
[inhales] Mm.
273
00:09:21,933 --> 00:09:24,437
- Hi.
- Great to see you again.
274
00:09:24,470 --> 00:09:26,606
Oh, is that the coven?
275
00:09:26,639 --> 00:09:27,865
Is there a dress code?
276
00:09:28,729 --> 00:09:30,610
In order to get closer
to the moon goddess,
277
00:09:30,643 --> 00:09:31,911
we wear all white.
278
00:09:31,943 --> 00:09:34,146
Oh. I really did not get the memo.
279
00:09:34,181 --> 00:09:37,649
- We can come back another time.
- No, no, no. No need for that.
280
00:09:37,683 --> 00:09:39,385
Listen, I'm so happy you're both here.
281
00:09:39,418 --> 00:09:42,455
I know that you both need to... heal?
282
00:09:42,487 --> 00:09:43,856
- Mm.
- Mm.
283
00:09:43,889 --> 00:09:46,759
Yes, I know you were
overexposed in your youth.
284
00:09:46,792 --> 00:09:51,364
But just know that here,
in these walls...
285
00:09:51,396 --> 00:09:52,564
you're safe.
286
00:09:53,148 --> 00:09:56,501
- Thank you.
- Right this way.
287
00:09:56,534 --> 00:10:00,405
Wow. It's like she gets us.
288
00:10:00,438 --> 00:10:02,274
She already knows so much about me.
289
00:10:02,308 --> 00:10:03,842
We were both on hit TV shows as kids.
290
00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:06,345
I mean, anyone could Google
us and have that information.
291
00:10:06,378 --> 00:10:07,713
Don't read into it.
292
00:10:07,745 --> 00:10:11,284
No, no, no, no, I feel...
I feel empowered,
293
00:10:11,317 --> 00:10:14,419
like, by all this female energy.
294
00:10:14,452 --> 00:10:15,487
All right.
295
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,724
[woman chanting out of tune]
296
00:10:25,364 --> 00:10:26,599
Women.
297
00:10:26,631 --> 00:10:28,433
Thank you for joining us this evening.
298
00:10:28,466 --> 00:10:32,370
In our practice, we connect to the earth
and the cycles of the moon
299
00:10:32,404 --> 00:10:35,975
to push us into the
best witches we can be.
300
00:10:36,008 --> 00:10:39,945
I mean, how are you actually
supposed to sit on a donut?
301
00:10:39,977 --> 00:10:42,447
You just have to kind of...
Yeah, maybe just...
302
00:10:42,481 --> 00:10:43,816
Yeah, mm-hmm.
303
00:10:43,848 --> 00:10:47,686
I anoint you with the
symbol of our coven.
304
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:48,954
Swish.
305
00:10:48,986 --> 00:10:50,021
Dot, dot, dot.
306
00:10:50,054 --> 00:10:51,356
Splash.
307
00:10:51,390 --> 00:10:54,393
That's a symbol just like
the girls had at the restaurant.
308
00:10:54,425 --> 00:10:57,896
Yes, each coven has its own symbol.
309
00:10:57,929 --> 00:11:00,399
Dot, dot. Splash.
310
00:11:00,432 --> 00:11:04,637
That's what Charles Manson
said, right? No?
311
00:11:06,404 --> 00:11:07,807
Dot, dot, dot. Splash.
312
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:08,941
Mm.
313
00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:13,411
[eerie music]
314
00:11:13,444 --> 00:11:14,713
It's newt's blood.
315
00:11:14,746 --> 00:11:15,914
[gags]
316
00:11:15,947 --> 00:11:18,683
Its skin is thin and easy for piercing.
317
00:11:18,716 --> 00:11:22,787
Kind of like a juice box or Go-Gurt
or the insides of a Pop-Tart.
318
00:11:22,821 --> 00:11:24,457
?
319
00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:26,392
And now we chant.
320
00:11:26,424 --> 00:11:29,394
Connect elbows.
321
00:11:29,428 --> 00:11:32,597
[vocalizing]
322
00:11:42,441 --> 00:11:43,409
Let me feel it!
323
00:11:43,442 --> 00:11:46,645
[vocalizing intensifies]
324
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:49,715
[upbeat rock music]
325
00:11:49,812 --> 00:11:51,345
- Jodie. Hi.
- Hey!
326
00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:52,809
- How are you?
- Good, how are you?
327
00:11:52,844 --> 00:11:54,279
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you too.
328
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,520
I just put our name in for a table.
329
00:11:55,553 --> 00:11:57,456
- Cool, cool, cool.
- Who's this?
330
00:11:57,489 --> 00:11:58,923
This is my son, Gavin.
331
00:11:58,957 --> 00:12:00,726
- Hi, Gavin, nice to meet you.
- You too.
332
00:12:00,759 --> 00:12:03,696
So, yeah, we did have a
sitter lined up for the night,
333
00:12:03,729 --> 00:12:06,132
but we had to let her go
'cause turns out
334
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:08,466
she was driving for Rideshare
when she was supposed to be sittin'.
335
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:09,969
She was leaving him at home alone?
336
00:12:10,001 --> 00:12:12,070
Oh, no, no, she took him with her.
337
00:12:12,104 --> 00:12:13,706
She was splitting the tips.
338
00:12:13,739 --> 00:12:15,541
That's how I bought my trampoline.
339
00:12:15,573 --> 00:12:17,575
So, I mean, I know this is sudden.
340
00:12:17,609 --> 00:12:18,878
If you need to reschedule...
341
00:12:18,910 --> 00:12:20,478
- No.
- We can do this another time.
342
00:12:20,511 --> 00:12:21,746
No, absolutely not.
343
00:12:21,779 --> 00:12:23,582
- It's completely fine.
- You sure?
344
00:12:23,615 --> 00:12:24,750
Yeah, it's a part of parenting.
345
00:12:24,783 --> 00:12:26,685
- Jodie, party of two.
- Three.
346
00:12:26,717 --> 00:12:27,186
[upbeat rock music]
347
00:12:27,275 --> 00:12:28,853
Okay. Right this way.
348
00:12:28,886 --> 00:12:30,055
- Great.
- Come on, bud.
349
00:12:33,706 --> 00:12:35,142
I think this is just great.
350
00:12:35,227 --> 00:12:37,429
I've never felt so connected
to so many women.
351
00:12:37,462 --> 00:12:41,666
I just, I feel so grounded,
like, to the earth.
352
00:12:41,699 --> 00:12:43,601
No, no, no. Not buying it.
353
00:12:43,635 --> 00:12:45,538
Oh, come on. Stop being silly.
354
00:12:45,571 --> 00:12:47,576
You love all this kind
of hocus-pocus stuff.
355
00:12:47,611 --> 00:12:49,608
Yeah, when it's crystals
and tarot cards,
356
00:12:49,639 --> 00:12:51,776
not, like, newt's blood and black magic.
357
00:12:51,809 --> 00:12:53,645
I'm telling you, Bev,
something about this
358
00:12:53,678 --> 00:12:55,548
feels very dark and very wrong.
359
00:12:55,581 --> 00:12:57,149
It's just not adding up.
360
00:12:57,182 --> 00:12:59,084
All right, ladies.
It's time to lift your curse.
361
00:12:59,116 --> 00:13:01,645
And when you say "lift the curse"...
362
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,088
Would you like to pay with Venmo,
PayPal, or personal check?
363
00:13:04,121 --> 00:13:06,891
- Now it's adding up.
- Wait, sorry?
364
00:13:06,924 --> 00:13:09,262
Yes, we usually charge $2,000,
365
00:13:09,297 --> 00:13:14,066
but for you two, we have a deal
of 1,500 or 350 payments of 19.95.
366
00:13:14,098 --> 00:13:16,801
- $1,500?
- Yes.
367
00:13:16,835 --> 00:13:19,971
Newt's blood is very expensive.
368
00:13:20,005 --> 00:13:21,474
I'll let you two think about it.
369
00:13:21,506 --> 00:13:23,174
[melodic percussive music]
370
00:13:23,207 --> 00:13:25,285
Okay, dark magic or not,
371
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,077
I mean, she is clearly running a racket.
372
00:13:27,112 --> 00:13:29,770
Uh, yeah, I told you there
was a negative energy here.
373
00:13:29,805 --> 00:13:32,551
Now, listen, let's just blow
this whole Black Sabbath video,
374
00:13:32,583 --> 00:13:34,619
go back over to the coffee shop,
talk to the girls.
375
00:13:34,653 --> 00:13:35,620
They're teenagers.
376
00:13:35,654 --> 00:13:36,989
We were teenagers once.
377
00:13:37,021 --> 00:13:38,923
We were, like, the teenagers once.
378
00:13:38,957 --> 00:13:41,659
Yeah! We're America's teenagers.
379
00:13:41,692 --> 00:13:44,897
I'm sure that they would love
to have a civil conversation with us.
380
00:13:44,929 --> 00:13:47,165
- Yeah. Let's go.
- Ladies.
381
00:13:47,198 --> 00:13:48,233
Come.
382
00:13:48,266 --> 00:13:51,870
It's time to disrobe.
383
00:13:51,904 --> 00:13:53,005
Wow, okay, they're, like,
three minutes away
384
00:13:53,038 --> 00:13:54,539
from a Kool-Aid experience.
385
00:13:54,572 --> 00:13:55,507
Yeah, no. No, no, no.
386
00:13:55,540 --> 00:13:56,708
- Sorry.
- Okay, bye.
387
00:13:56,741 --> 00:13:58,077
No, wait!
388
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:02,847
We're never gonna make our rent.
389
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,716
I mean,
were all three of them that vulgar?
390
00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:06,217
Oh, yeah. I mean, Bob was the worst,
391
00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:08,754
but it was an interesting childhood.
392
00:14:08,787 --> 00:14:10,734
If I remember correctly,
it was the Olsen twins
393
00:14:10,769 --> 00:14:13,091
that had the foulest mouths
out of everybody on the set, right?
394
00:14:13,125 --> 00:14:14,159
Oh, for sure.
395
00:14:14,192 --> 00:14:16,160
It was just "eff this" and
"eff that" constantly.
396
00:14:16,193 --> 00:14:18,200
That entire experience,
I gotta say, was a lot of fun.
397
00:14:18,264 --> 00:14:20,625
- I got some hate mail afterwards.
- You did?
398
00:14:20,666 --> 00:14:24,035
There was a lot of Team Stephanie
that was not, uh, very happy
399
00:14:24,068 --> 00:14:26,572
with how I treated you on the show.
400
00:14:26,605 --> 00:14:28,039
In that respect, I'm a little glad
401
00:14:28,072 --> 00:14:30,308
that I don't get recognized
for this anymore.
402
00:14:30,341 --> 00:14:33,645
Um, I'm actually surprised
that you recognized me.
403
00:14:33,678 --> 00:14:35,847
This is gonna sound really
creepy and stalkerish,
404
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,082
and I don't mean it that way at all,
405
00:14:37,115 --> 00:14:41,553
but I sort of have looked you up
and figured out where you worked.
406
00:14:41,587 --> 00:14:43,822
Because, I don't know,
I've had terrible luck
407
00:14:43,855 --> 00:14:45,858
dating lately, and I don't know,
408
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:47,726
I wanted to go back to my first kiss,
409
00:14:47,759 --> 00:14:50,162
which was actually you on the show.
410
00:14:50,194 --> 00:14:52,063
I wanted to see if
there was a spark there.
411
00:14:52,096 --> 00:14:53,765
And I hope that doesn't sound crazy,
412
00:14:53,798 --> 00:14:55,266
and it probably does, and I'm sorry.
413
00:14:55,299 --> 00:14:57,902
I don't think that sounds
crazy in the slightest.
414
00:14:57,936 --> 00:14:59,138
I think that sounds really sweet.
415
00:14:59,867 --> 00:15:01,039
To be perfectly honest with you,
416
00:15:01,072 --> 00:15:02,875
I always kind of wondered
what would have happened
417
00:15:02,910 --> 00:15:05,678
if there, you know,
could've been something between us.
418
00:15:05,711 --> 00:15:08,179
- Yeah, me too.
- I was pretty glad that this happened.
419
00:15:08,212 --> 00:15:09,914
So am I. I mean, it's...
420
00:15:09,947 --> 00:15:12,717
this night's been great.
I've really enjoyed it.
421
00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:14,852
- Oh!
- Until that.
422
00:15:14,885 --> 00:15:17,055
Probably some teenagers or something,
423
00:15:17,088 --> 00:15:18,923
had the table before us.
424
00:15:18,957 --> 00:15:21,159
I'm gonna go find a waitress
and see if I can't maybe get,
425
00:15:21,192 --> 00:15:23,261
you know, another order of fries.
426
00:15:23,294 --> 00:15:25,197
Ooh!
427
00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:28,133
Oh, my God. I am so sorry.
428
00:15:28,165 --> 00:15:30,068
Oh, my God, I must have tucked
429
00:15:30,101 --> 00:15:32,971
the table cloth into
my pants when I got up.
430
00:15:33,005 --> 00:15:33,903
I mean, that's so weird.
431
00:15:33,940 --> 00:15:35,975
I don't know how else
that would've happened.
432
00:15:36,008 --> 00:15:37,376
Don't even worry about it.
433
00:15:37,409 --> 00:15:39,211
I'll get the waitress,
get us another round of food.
434
00:15:39,244 --> 00:15:41,647
I'm gonna go to the bathroom
and clean myself up.
435
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:43,149
[irreverent music]
436
00:15:45,082 --> 00:15:46,784
[minimal rock music]
437
00:15:46,817 --> 00:15:49,654
Hey, kid. We need to talk, okay?
438
00:15:49,688 --> 00:15:51,390
I understand that you're a big
"Full House" fan,
439
00:15:51,423 --> 00:15:54,326
and you're just trying to recreate
your dad's character on the show
440
00:15:54,359 --> 00:15:56,729
where he scared Danny
off from dating his mom.
441
00:15:56,761 --> 00:15:58,130
It's not gonna work, okay?
442
00:15:58,163 --> 00:16:00,298
Look, I have been
on terrible dates recently,
443
00:16:00,332 --> 00:16:02,333
and you are not gonna
ruin this for me, all right?
444
00:16:02,366 --> 00:16:05,670
Kid, this isn't TGIF where
some sappy music's gonna play
445
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,238
and all of a sudden I'm
gonna feel bad for you
446
00:16:07,271 --> 00:16:08,873
because your mommy and
daddy aren't back together.
447
00:16:08,907 --> 00:16:10,776
All right?
So we are gonna go back to that table,
448
00:16:10,808 --> 00:16:12,877
and we are gonna have fun,
and we are gonna have a good...
449
00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:14,345
[clears throat]
450
00:16:14,379 --> 00:16:17,950
We are gonna have a good date,
do you understand me?
451
00:16:17,982 --> 00:16:19,952
I like your hair.
452
00:16:23,851 --> 00:16:25,911
Okay, girls. We get it.
453
00:16:25,991 --> 00:16:27,714
I'm sorry, who are you?
454
00:16:27,792 --> 00:16:30,062
Oh, don't act
like you don't remember us.
455
00:16:30,095 --> 00:16:32,398
We're the people that
wouldn't give you this table.
456
00:16:32,431 --> 00:16:34,066
Now, look,
we just wanted to come over here
457
00:16:34,098 --> 00:16:36,834
and say we get it, all right?
458
00:16:36,867 --> 00:16:38,337
I mean, we were teenagers once.
459
00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:40,339
In fact, some people might call us
460
00:16:40,371 --> 00:16:43,308
the pop culture examples
of the postmodern teen.
461
00:16:43,341 --> 00:16:45,844
I mean, "Entertainment Weekly,"
"People" magazine.
462
00:16:45,876 --> 00:16:49,313
Sometimes, as a teenager,
it's really hard to fit in,
463
00:16:49,346 --> 00:16:51,850
so we get that, like,
witchcraft is probably
464
00:16:51,883 --> 00:16:56,855
that safe space for you, so...
you can have our table.
465
00:16:56,888 --> 00:16:59,224
I mean, we already have it, so...
466
00:16:59,256 --> 00:17:01,292
If you reverse the curse.
467
00:17:01,326 --> 00:17:03,829
Yeah, some really bad stuff
has been happening to us,
468
00:17:03,861 --> 00:17:07,131
and enough is enough.
I mean, I bruised my coccyx.
469
00:17:07,165 --> 00:17:10,069
Just say tailbone, Bev.
470
00:17:10,101 --> 00:17:13,405
[scoffs]
471
00:17:13,438 --> 00:17:14,773
Reverse the curse.
472
00:17:14,805 --> 00:17:16,774
Phones are waterproof now, you old hag.
473
00:17:16,807 --> 00:17:18,143
Oh, well, are they smash-proof?
474
00:17:18,243 --> 00:17:19,206
Wait, no!
475
00:17:19,244 --> 00:17:21,279
Okay, we didn't actually curse you.
476
00:17:21,313 --> 00:17:24,182
God, I mean, how gullible are you?
477
00:17:24,216 --> 00:17:26,185
We're not really witches.
478
00:17:26,217 --> 00:17:28,253
It's just some fun shit we say.
479
00:17:28,285 --> 00:17:30,788
I mean, wicca's super in right now.
480
00:17:30,822 --> 00:17:32,925
But what about all that crazy
shit that happened to us?
481
00:17:32,957 --> 00:17:36,294
That can be explained by the
Baader-Meinhof phenomenon.
482
00:17:36,328 --> 00:17:37,985
Like, once you notice a white car,
483
00:17:38,062 --> 00:17:40,064
you start to see other
white cars everywhere.
484
00:17:40,098 --> 00:17:42,835
Once you think you're cursed,
everything appears to be
485
00:17:42,868 --> 00:17:44,006
a result of that curse.
486
00:17:44,068 --> 00:17:45,719
You know what,
that actually makes a lot of sense.
487
00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:47,552
I once did a movie with Dean Cain.
488
00:17:47,638 --> 00:17:49,975
I saw Superman stuff for,
like, three weeks.
489
00:17:50,007 --> 00:17:50,898
Okay, phone.
490
00:17:50,942 --> 00:17:53,745
Thank God we didn't pay that crazy fee.
491
00:17:53,778 --> 00:17:55,413
So you don't actually
care about these seats?
492
00:17:55,447 --> 00:17:57,116
No, these seats are ours.
493
00:17:57,149 --> 00:17:59,083
Stay off, donut ass.
494
00:17:59,117 --> 00:18:00,252
[irreverent rock music]
495
00:18:00,284 --> 00:18:01,786
Well, this has been great.
496
00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:03,956
I mean,
except for all the messes, but...
497
00:18:03,988 --> 00:18:05,857
- Well...
- But thank you so much.
498
00:18:05,890 --> 00:18:07,825
Yes. Absolutely my pleasure.
499
00:18:07,859 --> 00:18:09,995
I'm thinking we had
a lot of fun tonight, yeah?
500
00:18:11,897 --> 00:18:13,298
What's so funny?
501
00:18:13,331 --> 00:18:16,301
Uh, you have a little, uh...
a little something.
502
00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:17,835
Do I have something in my teeth?
503
00:18:17,869 --> 00:18:19,004
- A little something.
- Oh.
504
00:18:19,036 --> 00:18:21,405
How embarrassing. [chuckles]
505
00:18:21,438 --> 00:18:23,909
Oh, my G...
506
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:26,010
Ugh! You know what?
507
00:18:26,043 --> 00:18:27,946
Your son has been messing
with me the whole night.
508
00:18:27,978 --> 00:18:29,951
Jodie, it... it wasn't him.
509
00:18:29,986 --> 00:18:35,052
All of this was compliments
of the master of disaster!
510
00:18:36,139 --> 00:18:38,222
- What? You did this?
- Oh, yeah.
511
00:18:38,257 --> 00:18:40,559
Oh, my God, what is wrong with you?
How old are you?
512
00:18:40,591 --> 00:18:42,326
I thought you liked the pranks.
513
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,228
No, I don't like the pranks.
That was a stupid character
514
00:18:44,262 --> 00:18:45,898
you played when you were, like, ten.
515
00:18:45,930 --> 00:18:47,399
That wasn't a character, that was me.
516
00:18:47,431 --> 00:18:49,867
They just asked me to come
on the show and play myself.
517
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:52,204
So, are we going to Tongue Town or what?
518
00:18:52,236 --> 00:18:54,105
Gross.
519
00:18:54,139 --> 00:18:57,042
Yes. Yes, I agree. That is gross.
520
00:18:57,074 --> 00:19:00,077
You know what, and I am so sorry,
sweetie, that I yelled at you.
521
00:19:00,111 --> 00:19:01,880
I feel terrible,
but mostly I feel terrible
522
00:19:01,912 --> 00:19:03,815
because your father is an asshole.
523
00:19:03,849 --> 00:19:05,298
Like Rusty always used to say,
524
00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:07,386
if you fell for it, you deserve it.
525
00:19:07,418 --> 00:19:08,419
Right?
526
00:19:08,453 --> 00:19:09,421
- You know what?
- Mm.
527
00:19:09,454 --> 00:19:10,923
You are the... ugh!
528
00:19:10,956 --> 00:19:13,292
Here. You deserve that.
529
00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:17,529
So are you still getting
that tattoo or what?
530
00:19:18,237 --> 00:19:20,498
Jodie. Jo... She's gone.
531
00:19:20,532 --> 00:19:22,501
- How rude.
- Right?
532
00:19:22,534 --> 00:19:24,035
You want half of this?
533
00:19:24,069 --> 00:19:26,004
[upbeat rock music]
534
00:19:26,036 --> 00:19:28,039
Trying to sit on a donut in a dress,
535
00:19:28,072 --> 00:19:30,108
I'm, like, having
a "Basic Instinct" moment.
536
00:19:30,140 --> 00:19:31,836
Okay, can we please focus here?
537
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,479
I'm trying to clear
Jodie's bad dating karma.
538
00:19:34,512 --> 00:19:38,183
I still don't get why we're not sitting
at a regular table.
539
00:19:38,216 --> 00:19:39,851
Because teenage girls are scary,
540
00:19:39,884 --> 00:19:41,419
even if they don't have magical powers!
541
00:19:41,453 --> 00:19:45,023
What's really scary is dating in 2018.
542
00:19:45,055 --> 00:19:46,952
I've become one of
those crazy old ladies
543
00:19:46,987 --> 00:19:49,126
who dresses to match my dog.
544
00:19:49,159 --> 00:19:50,361
I should get a dog.
545
00:19:50,395 --> 00:19:53,165
Okay. Now, just close your eyes,
546
00:19:53,197 --> 00:19:55,967
and I will finish the very last part.
547
00:19:56,001 --> 00:19:57,402
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
548
00:19:57,435 --> 00:19:59,905
No, I draw the line at you
putting food on my face.
549
00:19:59,938 --> 00:20:01,406
- Oh!
- Oh!
550
00:20:01,438 --> 00:20:03,909
- A little jumpy today, huh?
- David! Again?
551
00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:05,443
Oh, my... Ladies.
552
00:20:05,476 --> 00:20:08,280
You're not still buying into
that whole witchcraft thing, are you?
553
00:20:08,313 --> 00:20:10,015
- No, what?
- No.
554
00:20:10,047 --> 00:20:12,016
No, no, no, no.
Oh, we were just having fun.
555
00:20:12,050 --> 00:20:13,351
- [cell phone chiming]
- Take that.
556
00:20:13,384 --> 00:20:15,953
Ah, it's my wife. I gotta take this.
557
00:20:15,986 --> 00:20:17,188
See you guys.
558
00:20:17,222 --> 00:20:18,056
Bye.
559
00:20:18,089 --> 00:20:19,524
[ominous choral music]
560
00:20:19,556 --> 00:20:21,525
Wait. Was that...
561
00:20:22,198 --> 00:20:23,061
What?
562
00:20:23,093 --> 00:20:24,328
No, it couldn't be.
563
00:20:24,361 --> 00:20:26,364
Couldn't be what? What happened?
564
00:20:26,398 --> 00:20:29,901
No, no, no, no, it's just
the Bernie Madoff phenomenon.
565
00:20:29,935 --> 00:20:32,137
Baader-Meinhof, but yes, yes.
566
00:20:32,169 --> 00:20:34,305
What? What're you talking about?
567
00:20:34,339 --> 00:20:37,220
Wait a minute. If the curse isn't real,
568
00:20:37,255 --> 00:20:39,577
then does that mean I need
to buy new patio furniture?
569
00:20:39,611 --> 00:20:41,313
[lighthearted music]
570
00:20:41,345 --> 00:20:43,147
- What's this thing?
- Hi, is this Pottery Barn?
571
00:20:43,180 --> 00:20:44,982
- Coffee stirrer?
- No, uh, no, no.
572
00:20:45,015 --> 00:20:46,485
That, I'll just... I'll take that.
573
00:20:46,517 --> 00:20:49,287
He knows me. Yeah, just put him on.
574
00:20:52,306 --> 00:20:54,325
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
575
00:20:54,375 --> 00:20:58,925
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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