Original subtitles

Hi there, I am sex and relationship coach Caitlin V

and today I'm gonna tell you what to do

if you cum too early during sex.

Even men who have no trouble lasting for a long time in bed

sometimes cum too soon,

or experience premature ejaculation,

and there's a whole variety of ways that you can respond

to ejaculating too soon

when you are in bed with a woman.

Today I'm gonna tell you what to do

and what not to do

if that happens to you.

Number one, do not throw a pity party.

Do not get down on yourself.

Do not start making assumptions

about what she thinks about you.

Do not cry and definitely,

do not turn away from her.

Listen, women have sex for physical intimacy

as well as emotional intimacy,

and if you start to feel shame,

and stigmatized and turn away from her,

you're cutting off that emotional intimacy.

Yeah, the physical intimacy is not there anymore,

at least not for that moment, right.

But you can recover that

if you don't lose the emotional intimacy

by turning away from her

and just getting in your own

head or getting in your own shame.

Here's what you should do

if you ejaculate too early.

Number one, ask her

what would work for her.

You can use the exact phrase.

"What would give you the most pleasure in this situation?"

Maybe it's a back rub.

Maybe she wants to take a break

and get a glass of water.

Offer to make it up to her by going down on her,

or using your mouth and your fingers to stimulate her.

See if you can get her to have an orgasm.

Especially if you are not gonna be able to go for round 2,

and if you will be able to go for round 2,

suggest that at the time.

Say hey, I'm sorry that this happened,

but I'll be ready to go again in 20-30 minutes,

how about a back rub in the meantime.

That's a great response.

Definitely, do not act as if it didn't happen.

The best thing that you can do is acknowledge it,

discuss it with her,

take responsibility and ownership for it,

and then come up with a great plan

for what to do next.

That's how you'll be an amazing lover.

It doesn't take six hours of straight pounding

to be an amazing lover.

It takes care, consideration, and communication

and if you demonstrate those after you ejaculate too soon,

you can still be one of the best lover she's ever had.

In fact, you might be better because you were there,

you created the emotional intimacy,

you listened to her,

you asked creative questions,

and you were able to listen to the answers.

And I don't know about for all women but for me,

that's what I'm looking for in a lover.

Finally, understand that her reaction to your PE,

depends a lot on you.

If you freak out, flip out, and go into shame,

chances are that she is gonna do the same.

If you accept it,

acknowledge it in our game to do something about it,

then she's gonna respond in kind and most importantly,

do not make assumptions about what she thinks or how she feels.

In your mind she might think, ooh my gosh he's inadequate,

he's not a great lover, I'm gonna have

to go have sex with someone else yada yada yada.

Those thoughts are not helping you

and they are not necessarily true.

You cannot assume to know

what's actually happening in her mind.

So, you have to ask those questions.

Recognize that making assumptions

is only hurting you.

It's only getting into your internal dialogue,

and getting in your way

and preventing you from being a calm

and confident man in the bedroom.

If you liked this video,

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