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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:18,384 - I know what you're thinking. 2 00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,586 "The A Team's let themselves go a bit, haven't they?" 3 00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:22,254 - Should catch something in a bit, guys! 4 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,489 - That's Gaz. 5 00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:25,624 Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 6 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,861 - Why you making it sound like fishing for? 7 00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:30,029 - Well, I guess it is. 8 00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:31,463 - It's nothing like fishing. 9 00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:32,798 Nothing at all. 10 00:00:34,869 --> 00:00:36,135 And this is Smithy. 11 00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:39,271 Not so much the muscle, more the very, very fat. 12 00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:43,108 - Couldn't we try and, you know, wake him up? 13 00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:46,545 - This is Adam. 14 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,114 He's just overdosed on some pills he found. 15 00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:50,149 - Adam! 16 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,717 Adam! 17 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:56,021 Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, 18 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:03,162 Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam! 19 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,164 And me. 20 00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:06,932 Hitchhiking at the side of a road 21 00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:11,637 on a one-way adventure to divorce and unrealized potential. 22 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:14,173 No, I don't think he wants to. 23 00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:19,411 - Oh, I think I've got a bite! 24 00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:28,087 You going anywhere near Dewsbury? 25 00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:28,921 - What? 26 00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:29,922 - Dewsbury. 27 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:43,035 - None of this makes any sense to you. 28 00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:44,036 Of course it doesn't. 29 00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:45,771 I'd be worried if it did. 30 00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:51,877 Let's go backwards for a moment. 31 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:54,580 It should all make sense then. 32 00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:56,215 Ah, the '80s. 33 00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:57,583 A different time. 34 00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,118 The hair was massive. 35 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,286 The clothes were either too big or just not there at all. 36 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,489 Freddos cost only two P. 37 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,023 Two pence! 38 00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,259 Now, you got to sell your lung to afford a Freddo. 39 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:10,395 And in a mostly failing school in North London, 40 00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:12,598 five friends were out to the show the world, 41 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,334 in a small and ultimately unsuccessful way, 42 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:17,002 that we were a little bit cooler 43 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,670 than everyone actually thought we were. 44 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:19,738 - I'm really not okay with this. 45 00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:20,572 - That's me. 46 00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,541 Peter, the brains. 47 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:25,677 Also the wet flannel, but mostly the brains. 48 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,546 - Stop being such a tampon. 49 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:28,647 - Please, can't we just do something else? 50 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,815 - Shh! 51 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,450 Bit noisy. 52 00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:32,351 Ready? 53 00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:36,355 - That's Adam. 54 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:38,023 Adam stapled a kid's ear to the table once 55 00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:41,960 for saying his mum lived in a caravan. 56 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:45,531 - Well, another school year is at an end. 57 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:46,732 - That's Mr. Frazer. 58 00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,066 He did used to live in a caravan. 59 00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,801 - Are well deserved. 60 00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:52,771 - Aw, what have you done now?! 61 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,006 - Frankie. 62 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,274 Without him, none of us would have met. 63 00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:57,843 He was like the glue, if glue had long hair 64 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,478 and a curious obsession with Cyndi Lauper. 65 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,013 - Did you do that on purpose?! 66 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:02,915 Look all you've done! 67 00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:04,983 You poured those on purpose! 68 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,285 - There's Gaz. 69 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,453 He panics in maths when he runs out of fingers. 70 00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:09,955 - Oh, no! 71 00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,957 - What have you done now, hey? 72 00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,559 Give me that! 73 00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:14,993 - This year has also seen 74 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:17,629 the celebration of our centenary. 75 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,365 - Look at you, look at the mess you've made. 76 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:21,900 - I'm a prefect, what if I get caught? 77 00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,635 - What's your name? - Gaz. 78 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:24,870 - Off you go. 79 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,405 - That's right, and what's your name? 80 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,472 - Ow! 81 00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:28,373 - Oh, my God! 82 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,442 - Chauncey's distracted. 83 00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:32,644 I'm gonna go on the lookout. 84 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,146 Got it? - Got it. 85 00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:35,581 - And Smithy. 86 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,149 The loveliest bloke you'll ever meet. 87 00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:38,684 The only time he got in trouble 88 00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:41,053 was when stole a four pack of eclairs from the corner shop. 89 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,222 - I don't know what I should do, though. 90 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:47,426 - Look, as long as they remember it, then it doesn't matter. 91 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,595 - To further mark this 100th year, 92 00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:52,831 we've had a commemorative bust cast. 93 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:56,468 That will be on display in the school library. 94 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,637 - Hey, what is his name?! 95 00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:03,375 Just look at the mess you've made! 96 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:06,845 - Hi Adam! 97 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:07,980 - That's Neville. 98 00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,348 - Oh, hey. 99 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,816 - What you up to? - Huh? 100 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,517 - Can I come? - What? 101 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,920 - He's not involved in this. 102 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,456 - Brilliant. 103 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:18,523 See you later, then. 104 00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:19,825 - You are bonkers, all of you! 105 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,159 You're bonkers! 106 00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:22,527 Hey? 107 00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:23,462 You're driving me mad! 108 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:25,964 And you! 109 00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:26,530 Just get out of this hallway! - Sorry. 110 00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:29,034 - Just get out of here, hey?! 111 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:41,013 - So, what are we doing this weekend, then? 112 00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:42,614 - Stacey Puller's having a house party. 113 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,982 - Brilliant. 114 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,417 Everyone going? - Yeah, if I can pull out 115 00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:46,818 of your mum for a couple of hours. 116 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,489 - Come on, son! 117 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,990 All right, lads! 118 00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,525 - Why are you wearing that? 119 00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:54,793 What have I done? 120 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,295 - I'm only popping out. 121 00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:57,195 Come on! 122 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,066 - See you later, boys. 123 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,870 - Turn that shit off! 124 00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:10,475 All right. 125 00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:18,283 You coming? 126 00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:26,258 - Are you mad, fam?! 127 00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:27,693 You prick, bruv! 128 00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:28,860 You're lucky I don't call my brother down here 129 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,095 to come and stab you up! 130 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,531 Ah, the 21st century. 131 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,966 Russia is still the aggressive drunk at the party, 132 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,135 the government's fucking up all over the place, 133 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,570 everybody's poor, 134 00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:41,173 and Madonna is making everyone feel uncomfortable. 135 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:42,074 - Pagan! 136 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,312 - Remember. 137 00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,448 So, mocks tomorrow. 138 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:50,949 See you all then. 139 00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:30,889 - It's funny how things turn out. 140 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,158 Oxford turned out to be Southend College, 141 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,727 and four brilliant years of education and life lessons 142 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,330 turned out to be three years of fucking torment. 143 00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,966 Party politics turned into event management, 144 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,434 and any hope of any success 145 00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,736 turned into a decade of teaching grunting teenagers 146 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:48,340 in the same school that I spent five years itching to leave. 147 00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:50,976 It's funny how things turn out. 148 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,445 Absolutely fucking hilarious. 149 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:02,921 - Mr. Hudders. 150 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,356 - Sorry. Sorry, everyone. 151 00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:05,390 Rough morning? 152 00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:06,291 - Um. No. 153 00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:09,761 Jazz again. 154 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,329 She's so spirited. 155 00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:14,533 Everyone okay? 156 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,034 - Mrs. Saxon. 157 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,369 - Ah, yes-- - Oh, sorry, just before 158 00:07:17,371 --> 00:07:18,570 I forget, we should discuss history term project-- 159 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:19,471 - No! 160 00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,874 There is an agenda! 161 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,043 An agenda, I'm sorry to say, Peter, 162 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:28,213 that was written out before you arrived. 163 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:31,082 You simply can't bully your way in here-- 164 00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,384 - Bully? - And demand that things 165 00:07:32,386 --> 00:07:34,219 that you want to be discussed 166 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:38,690 be put at the top of the Things To Be Discussed List! 167 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:41,960 - Sorry? 168 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,230 - Next on the agenda 169 00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:49,768 is the end of term assembly tomorrow afternoon. 170 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:52,871 Would anyone like to make a little speech? 171 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:55,240 - I'm out. - Peter, why don't you do it? 172 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:56,708 - I don't think, I think someone else this time-- 173 00:07:56,710 --> 00:08:00,512 - You know, I've always admired your speaking voice, Peter. 174 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:01,446 - Same. 175 00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:02,981 It's got a sort of drone to it. 176 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,718 - Drone? - A sort of pleading to it. 177 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,954 - Eventually, people just listen to you out of pity. 178 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,222 - I actually don't want to do it. 179 00:08:10,224 --> 00:08:11,223 - That's sorted, then. 180 00:08:11,225 --> 00:08:12,491 Cheers, Peter. 181 00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:16,027 - Right, so, I've been thinking. 182 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,729 We've been together a while now. 183 00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,899 Only, I think we've sort of grown up differently. 184 00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,401 I need testosterone, you know? 185 00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:27,539 And you're, well, you're just a bit too estrogen. 186 00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,742 I knew you'd understand. 187 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,577 - No, sorry, I don't. 188 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,250 Are you leaving me? 189 00:08:38,252 --> 00:08:39,084 - What? 190 00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:40,619 No! 191 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,020 Why would you think that?! 192 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,222 - Oh, just for a moment, I-- - You're leaving me. 193 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,790 I've packed your bags. 194 00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:47,192 Sorry. 195 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,694 I just don't think you're man enough for me. 196 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:50,962 - You're telling me to leave? 197 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,197 - I know. 198 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,965 But, you know, new beginnings. 199 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,434 It'll be good for both of us. 200 00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:13,652 Bags are at the top of the stairs. 201 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,787 - We've been married nearly 10 years. 202 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,989 - Yeah, it was nice. 203 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,691 Thanks, and everything. 204 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,493 - We were gonna try for a baby. 205 00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:24,396 - Mental, wasn't it? 206 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:27,332 But I think we can stay friends, yeah? 207 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,734 - I work to pay rent for this house. 208 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,536 You don't do anything. 209 00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:32,904 You leave! 210 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:33,805 You... 211 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,308 Trollop! 212 00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,149 - Being stuck in an unhappy marriage 213 00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:46,084 is a lot like being stuck in quicksand. 214 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,652 Well, people think that if you kick your legs 215 00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:50,722 and make a fuss, you'll sink more quickly and you'll die, 216 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,257 but that's just a myth. 217 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,593 Most people are too tall to be completely swallowed. 218 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:57,829 And, well, like a marriage, well... 219 00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,164 Oh. 220 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:02,167 I completely forgot what my point was. 221 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,450 - Oh, no. 222 00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,218 This, for the lesson, a graphical representation-- 223 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,787 - I don't want to know, Peter. 224 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,693 - Not bad. 225 00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:31,830 - Hello, what can I do for you? 226 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,531 - Peter Hudders. 227 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,800 You haven't changed a bit. 228 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,637 Well, you're older, obviously. 229 00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:41,206 - I'm sorry, I don't... 230 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,107 Richard?! 231 00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:45,377 - How are you, son? - Yeah, fine. 232 00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:48,747 God, I thought you'd be dead by now. 233 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:49,648 - Not yet. 234 00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:53,818 Not yet. 235 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:00,892 How's things? 236 00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,093 - Yeah, fine. Great. 237 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,328 Well, how are you? 238 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,295 - I've got piles. 239 00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:05,830 - Oh. 240 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,565 - Have you ever accidentally sat on one of your balls? 241 00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,000 - Can't say I have, no. 242 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,703 - Well, that's what piles are like. 243 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,371 - Lovely to see you. 244 00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:14,239 Brilliant. 245 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,574 What do you want? 246 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:19,444 - You've not asked how Frankie is. 247 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,513 - I spoke to Frankie not long ago. 248 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:22,981 - A phone call? 249 00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,916 Two years ago? 250 00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,384 Not like when you were younger. 251 00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:29,254 You'd need a crowbar to separate you lot back then. 252 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,655 - How's Frankie? 253 00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:35,226 - Dying. 254 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,594 - What? 255 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:37,495 - Cancer. 256 00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:39,531 Testicular. 257 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:43,468 They say he's not that long left. 258 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:44,369 - Shit. 259 00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,138 - Shit indeed, my boy. 260 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,341 Frankie sent me. 261 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:51,810 He wants to see you again. 262 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,778 - Me? - All of you. 263 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:56,448 Adam, Smithy, Gaz, the lot of you. 264 00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:57,716 Don't know why. 265 00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,484 Never really liked any of you. 266 00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:02,153 - I can't just up and leave, Richard. 267 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,155 I've got work, I've got a wife. 268 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,858 - That'd be why you're camping out in your classroom, is it? 269 00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,927 - Okay, well, things aren't great for me right now, 270 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:12,097 but I'm sorry, Richard, I'm busy. 271 00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:14,432 I haven't seen the others for years. 272 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,334 - About time for a little reunion, then, I'd say. 273 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:19,404 - Richard-- - He's got a week, Peter, 274 00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:23,241 and that's if we're lucky. 275 00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:30,148 I'd hurry up if I were you. 276 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,186 His address. 277 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:37,522 He moved up north a few years ago. 278 00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:38,890 Dewsbury. 279 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,391 God knows why. 280 00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:43,461 Stinks of cow shit, but he likes it. 281 00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,002 A week, Peter. 282 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:56,875 When you're a kid, 283 00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,343 you assume you'll live forever. 284 00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,944 That doesn't last long. 285 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,412 Sooner or later, you realize none of us 286 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:02,881 are here for very long. 287 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,315 - Shit. 288 00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,283 And after that, 289 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,584 whether you realize it or not, 290 00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:09,587 you try and try to push it into the corners. 291 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:12,223 Focus on today, focus on the weekend 292 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:15,193 or the next holiday until you forget. 293 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:19,330 But then forgetting doesn't last very long either. 294 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,968 And, kids, that's why God invented cheap whiskey. 295 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:24,936 - Ah. 296 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,771 Knock yourselves out. 297 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:34,979 Speech. 298 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:35,880 Speech. 299 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:39,784 No speech. 300 00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:40,685 Um. 301 00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:46,558 Oh. 302 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,159 Oh, yeah. 303 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,060 Work hard. 304 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,164 Work hard, guys! 305 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,367 Work hard, it's all you can do! 306 00:13:56,369 --> 00:14:01,439 If you work hard, you can get a really good job and stuff, 307 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,474 and you won't have to come back 308 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:06,177 to the same dump of a school that you went to. 309 00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:10,381 I'm only here 'cause nobody else could be assed! 310 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:16,788 Now, one time, I thought this was a particularly nice place, 311 00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,957 but I think that was a weekend. 312 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:24,662 - I think that's quite enough, Peter! 313 00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,497 - No, I'm fine! 314 00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:27,432 I'm fine! 315 00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,766 Oh, don't listen to me, kids. 316 00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:29,667 Listen... 317 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,770 Do you know what, kids? 318 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:37,842 Election says why does everybody have to be such an asshole? 319 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:39,978 An asshole! 320 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:40,845 Asshole. 321 00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:42,213 Asshole! 322 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,282 Don't, asshole! - Get your things, Peter! 323 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,216 You're fired! 324 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,618 - Fired?! Fired, am I?! 325 00:14:46,620 --> 00:14:49,254 You can't fire me, because I quit! 326 00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:50,655 I quit and good luck! 327 00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:51,689 Life has its little ways 328 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,091 of showing you the way. 329 00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:55,126 It's easy if you know how to spot the signs, 330 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,462 but most of the time, the signs are poxy little things 331 00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:58,796 in complimentary fortune cookies 332 00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,265 written by a seven-year-old North Korean 333 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,333 on a zero-hour contract. 334 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,904 In this case, the sign was pretty straight forward. 335 00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,675 And my nan used to say, 336 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:13,511 "When the universe calls, answer the phone." 337 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,416 Well, she didn't say it. 338 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,817 She wrote it down. 339 00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:21,819 And by that time, she was totally insane, 340 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,688 so she'd written it in her own shit. 341 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,491 But it's the thought that counts. 342 00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:33,031 - Shit, man. 343 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:36,868 I only spoke to him a few months ago. 344 00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:38,436 He didn't say anything. 345 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,271 - So, you'll come, then? 346 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,205 - I don't know, mate. 347 00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:42,340 It might be a bit tricky. 348 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,875 - Why? 349 00:15:43,877 --> 00:15:44,943 - Oh, hello! 350 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:50,615 Didn't say we had have visitors, Garry. 351 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,450 - Sorry, this is Peter. 352 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,619 He's an old mate from school. 353 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:55,553 - Oh. - Yeah. 354 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,221 - Nice to meet you. 355 00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,224 - Yeah. 356 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:02,527 This is Elle. 357 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:03,594 Say hello, darling. 358 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:06,831 - Your baby, Gaz. 359 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,499 - Yeah. - Your. 360 00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:09,767 Bless. 361 00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:11,803 - Yeah, she'll be two in a couple of months. 362 00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:14,405 Right happy little family, we are, yeah. 363 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,074 - Oh, she's so tiny. 364 00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,348 You've been holiday recently? 365 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,248 - Oh, no. 366 00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:26,551 We wish. 367 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:27,452 No, no. 368 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:30,655 Stacey says that happens sometimes. 369 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,156 - Did she? - Yeah. 370 00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:36,127 So, going away for a while might be a bit tricky, mate. 371 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,929 Can't leave Stace on her own, now, can I? 372 00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:39,931 - What's that? 373 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,834 - One of our mates ain't well, babe. 374 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,703 In fact, he ain't got long left. 375 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,438 Pete was saying we should go and see him. 376 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:48,940 - Oh, no. 377 00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:50,775 Aww, that's sad, hey? 378 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:52,810 Well, you should go, babe. 379 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,045 I'll be all right. 380 00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:54,946 - Are you sure? 381 00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:56,214 - Yeah, yeah! 382 00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,783 You should go see your friend, hey? 383 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,518 I'll find someone to occupy me. 384 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,820 Or something! 385 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:03,654 Not someone! 386 00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,823 Oh, what am I like, hey? 387 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,430 - While Gaz was busy playing happy families, 388 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,299 Adam had abandoned his quest for porn celebrity, 389 00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:17,468 but he moved into the world of banking instead. 390 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:20,638 This way, he could screw even more people. 391 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,840 - Mr. Woods has canceled all his appointments today. 392 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,776 I can book you for tomorrow. 393 00:17:24,778 --> 00:17:25,710 - We're old friends. 394 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,145 If you just tell him our names, 395 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,846 I'm sure he'll want to see us. 396 00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:29,747 - Okay. 397 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:39,791 Mr. Woods, I've got-- 398 00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:44,395 - I don't give two fucking useless sacks of runny shit-- 399 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,034 - I think we should just go up. 400 00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,209 - Doors opened. 401 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:04,949 - He seemed really angry, Pete. 402 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:08,686 - Well, it's nice to know he hasn't changed. 403 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:12,957 Adam? 404 00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:15,259 It's Peter. 405 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,161 - And Gaz. 406 00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:19,397 - From school. 407 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,233 Are you all right? 408 00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:30,641 - Maybe he's having a moment to himself. 409 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,876 - What? 410 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,377 - Well, Stace does that sometimes. 411 00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:36,214 When she gets stressed out, she goes away for a few days. 412 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,316 And when she comes back, she's much happier. 413 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:39,784 - You know, Gaz, 414 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:44,088 we need to have a little chat about that at some point. 415 00:18:45,191 --> 00:18:46,090 Adam? 416 00:18:48,061 --> 00:18:49,460 We're coming in. 417 00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:52,396 Fucking hell! - Jesus! 418 00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:58,336 - Quick, get something to cut him down with! 419 00:18:58,338 --> 00:18:59,337 It's all right, Adam! 420 00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,105 I've got you! I've got you! 421 00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:02,073 - Fuck off! 422 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,648 - It's not working! 423 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,717 - You fucking phlegm sacks! 424 00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:13,951 - What is it?! 425 00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:16,654 - A spoon! 426 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,890 - Oh, for fuck's sake! 427 00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:35,706 - What? 428 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,679 I don't know what you're getting so worked up about! 429 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,748 - You were gonna to kill yourself! 430 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,750 - So what, people do it all the time! 431 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,685 - But why would you even try that?! 432 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,788 I mean, it can never be as bad as that! 433 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,323 - Fuck me! 434 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,492 You would too if you had my job. 435 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,360 They're trying to pin me for fraud, Peter. 436 00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:57,962 I mean, since when is signing other people's names 437 00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,797 on documents been considered fraudulent? 438 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,499 - Quite a while, I think, Adam. 439 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,669 They're all fuckers, bankers. 440 00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:05,836 They haven't got a single fucking 441 00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,738 brain cell between them. - Oh, shit! 442 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:08,573 My eye. 443 00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:09,540 Ah! 444 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,675 I'm blind! 445 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:13,678 Ah! - Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. 446 00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:18,716 And this fucking thing never fucking stops! 447 00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:26,591 Connors, listen to me you fucking fanny clot! 448 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,294 If you ever call me on this fucking number again, 449 00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:32,430 so help me, God, I will find the address 450 00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,198 of your first-born's school 451 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,434 and I will fly a fucking airbus into it 452 00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:39,904 first thing Monday fucking morning! 453 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,138 Now, fuck off! 454 00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:52,683 Well, what can I do for you two clownish sponges anyway? 455 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,955 - Frankie's dying. 456 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,867 - That's not good. 457 00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:13,037 - He might not last the week. 458 00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:14,972 His dad came to see me. 459 00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,009 Frankie wants to see us. 460 00:21:20,213 --> 00:21:24,882 - Well, it's either that or I very probably go to jail. 461 00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:27,251 I call shotgun. 462 00:21:31,491 --> 00:21:33,291 Smithy was harder to find. 463 00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,660 No one had heard from him for a few years. 464 00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:39,530 And where do you go when a middle-aged man disappears? 465 00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:41,032 His mother's. 466 00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:42,833 - I never thought I'd see you boys again. 467 00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:48,606 Smithy said he's not seen you in a long while. 468 00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:51,575 - One of our friends has cancer, Mrs. Meadows. 469 00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:53,044 You remember Frankie? 470 00:21:53,046 --> 00:21:54,845 - Oh, that's a shame. 471 00:21:56,215 --> 00:21:58,282 He was the handsome one. 472 00:21:58,284 --> 00:21:59,483 I remember. 473 00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:02,453 - So, we were all going to go and see him. 474 00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:03,988 Together. 475 00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:06,924 But because we've not seen Smithy for such a long time, 476 00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:09,026 we sort of don't know where to look. 477 00:22:09,028 --> 00:22:10,795 - He's at the pub tonight. 478 00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:12,396 He's on a date. 479 00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:14,031 - A what? 480 00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:16,434 - And I was really nervous about tonight. 481 00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:17,435 - So, what do you do? 482 00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:20,071 - I work with Sild Chervice... 483 00:22:20,073 --> 00:22:21,072 Child services. 484 00:22:21,074 --> 00:22:22,139 - No way! 485 00:22:22,141 --> 00:22:23,374 I was a foster kid! 486 00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:24,709 - Oh, were you? 487 00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:27,712 You weren't one of the abused kids, were you? 488 00:22:27,714 --> 00:22:30,281 'Cause there is a lot of them. 489 00:22:33,286 --> 00:22:34,285 - Exactly. 490 00:22:34,287 --> 00:22:35,886 I mean, how hard is it? 491 00:22:35,888 --> 00:22:37,555 The economy has to work. 492 00:22:37,557 --> 00:22:39,790 If not, we're just working our asses off, 493 00:22:39,792 --> 00:22:41,692 waiting for the debt swallow us up! 494 00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:43,094 And what would that make us? 495 00:22:43,096 --> 00:22:43,961 Greek?! 496 00:22:51,537 --> 00:22:52,370 - Greek. 497 00:23:17,597 --> 00:23:19,263 - All right, fatty? 498 00:23:23,703 --> 00:23:25,536 - I can't believe it. 499 00:23:27,273 --> 00:23:29,373 I thought Frankie would live forever. 500 00:23:29,375 --> 00:23:30,274 - I know. 501 00:23:31,110 --> 00:23:32,376 So, you'll come, then? 502 00:23:32,378 --> 00:23:34,278 We'll get a coach first thing tomorrow morning. 503 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,880 - A fucking coach? 504 00:23:35,882 --> 00:23:37,681 I am not getting on a fucking coach. 505 00:23:37,683 --> 00:23:38,916 What's wrong with your car?! 506 00:23:38,918 --> 00:23:40,918 - Chelsea's taking it. 507 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,386 So, you'll come, then? 508 00:23:42,388 --> 00:23:44,054 - Yeah, definitely. 509 00:23:46,626 --> 00:23:47,525 Jesus. 510 00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:52,129 - Well, that's sorted, then. 511 00:23:52,131 --> 00:23:54,465 Ladies, raise your glasses. 512 00:23:56,669 --> 00:23:57,601 To Frankie. 513 00:23:57,603 --> 00:23:59,437 - To Frankie. 514 00:24:07,847 --> 00:24:10,681 - Makes you think, doesn't it? 515 00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,883 Everything's so temporary. 516 00:24:14,487 --> 00:24:15,653 Nothing lasts. 517 00:24:16,756 --> 00:24:19,423 Whatever you do, whatever you say, 518 00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:24,462 it means nothing 'cause it all comes down to this. 519 00:24:25,431 --> 00:24:27,064 Friends, memories-- 520 00:24:28,801 --> 00:24:30,167 - Just shut up. 521 00:24:32,305 --> 00:24:35,306 Barman, eight pints, twelve shots, a yard of White Ace, 522 00:24:35,308 --> 00:24:37,475 and whatever these wank bags are having. 523 00:24:37,477 --> 00:24:39,310 ♪ Beer, beer, beer ♪ 524 00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:41,512 ♪ I'm going for a beer ♪ 525 00:24:41,514 --> 00:24:43,247 ♪ Beer, Beer, Beer ♪ 526 00:24:43,249 --> 00:24:45,516 ♪ I'm gonna drink some beer ♪ 527 00:24:45,518 --> 00:24:49,520 ♪ I like drinking beer ♪ 528 00:24:49,522 --> 00:24:52,022 ♪ Lovely, lovely beer ♪ 529 00:24:53,493 --> 00:24:55,292 ♪ Beer, Beer, Beer ♪ 530 00:24:55,294 --> 00:24:57,595 ♪ I'm going for a beer ♪ 531 00:24:57,597 --> 00:24:59,396 ♪ Beer, Beer, Beer ♪ 532 00:24:59,398 --> 00:25:01,499 ♪ I'm gonna drink some beer ♪ 533 00:25:01,501 --> 00:25:05,436 ♪ I like drinking beer ♪ 534 00:25:05,438 --> 00:25:09,073 ♪ Lovely, lovely beer ♪ 535 00:25:09,075 --> 00:25:11,909 - Yes, of course I'm in! 536 00:25:11,911 --> 00:25:13,711 Well, I didn't asked to be fucking walked home, did I?! 537 00:25:13,713 --> 00:25:16,480 It's not West Side fucking Story! 538 00:25:17,850 --> 00:25:19,750 No, I haven't seen it! 539 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,120 No, I won't be late. 540 00:25:23,122 --> 00:25:26,590 Yes, I'll be there on time, oh, fuck off! 541 00:25:32,498 --> 00:25:34,732 - Good evening, Mr. Woods. 542 00:25:36,602 --> 00:25:37,501 - Yslav! 543 00:25:38,437 --> 00:25:39,670 Dolohov. 544 00:25:39,672 --> 00:25:40,905 What is it, six months? 545 00:25:40,907 --> 00:25:42,439 God, doesn't time fly?! 546 00:25:43,943 --> 00:25:48,379 You're probably here about the money, but I-- 547 00:25:48,381 --> 00:25:50,714 - Eight months, Mr. Woods. 548 00:25:50,716 --> 00:25:51,615 Eight! 549 00:25:53,252 --> 00:25:55,119 We waited for your call. 550 00:25:55,121 --> 00:25:58,956 We hear nothing, so we come find you. 551 00:25:58,958 --> 00:26:01,458 And we told you we would if you played with us. 552 00:26:03,362 --> 00:26:07,164 Final demand, last warning, and final demand. 553 00:26:10,536 --> 00:26:12,870 You do not have my money, Mr. Woods. 554 00:26:12,872 --> 00:26:15,105 And I think that you don't want to give it back! 555 00:26:15,107 --> 00:26:16,373 - What?! God, no! 556 00:26:16,375 --> 00:26:18,976 No, look, just take me to the cashpoint! 557 00:26:18,978 --> 00:26:20,244 I've got it-- - You will not go 558 00:26:20,246 --> 00:26:21,946 to the cashpoint, Mr. Woods! 559 00:26:21,948 --> 00:26:26,850 You knew what would happen if I did not get my money back! 560 00:26:34,860 --> 00:26:36,894 - What? What did he say?! 561 00:26:36,896 --> 00:26:37,962 What's he saying?! 562 00:26:37,964 --> 00:26:39,029 What's happening?! 563 00:26:39,031 --> 00:26:39,863 What are you doing?! 564 00:26:39,865 --> 00:26:42,132 I've got the money! 565 00:26:42,134 --> 00:26:43,400 No need for this! 566 00:26:43,402 --> 00:26:46,270 I've got the money, I've got the money! 567 00:27:34,487 --> 00:27:36,787 - This is terrible idea. 568 00:27:38,858 --> 00:27:42,760 - I'm too old for all of this. 569 00:27:42,762 --> 00:27:43,994 - Well, we made it on time. 570 00:27:43,996 --> 00:27:45,295 - About fucking time. 571 00:27:45,297 --> 00:27:48,399 Ridiculous, just fucking ridiculous! 572 00:27:48,401 --> 00:27:50,000 I might just well have fucking walked, 573 00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:51,135 seeing as you can't drive 574 00:27:51,137 --> 00:27:53,170 more than nine fucking miles an hour! 575 00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:55,072 Fucking waste of skin. 576 00:28:00,746 --> 00:28:03,213 - Was that really necessary? 577 00:28:03,215 --> 00:28:05,215 - Absolutely not. 578 00:28:05,217 --> 00:28:07,151 - Do you even know her name? 579 00:28:07,153 --> 00:28:08,852 - Why does that matter? 580 00:28:08,854 --> 00:28:10,888 Anyway, where's Gaz? 581 00:28:10,890 --> 00:28:12,556 - Oh, Jesus Christ. 582 00:28:12,558 --> 00:28:13,991 - The fuck's wrong with you? 583 00:28:13,993 --> 00:28:17,661 - Oh, must've been that kebab last night. 584 00:28:17,663 --> 00:28:18,562 Oh, Jesus. 585 00:28:21,834 --> 00:28:24,168 There's a toilet on the coach, ain't there? 586 00:28:24,170 --> 00:28:25,469 - Yes, son. 587 00:28:25,471 --> 00:28:26,670 - Brilliant. - Yours to use 588 00:28:26,672 --> 00:28:28,839 for just 20 P a go. 589 00:28:28,841 --> 00:28:30,974 - 20 P to use the toilet? 590 00:28:32,078 --> 00:28:33,911 That's extortion! 591 00:28:33,913 --> 00:28:35,379 - Don't know what that means, mate, 592 00:28:35,381 --> 00:28:37,514 but feel free to stick your wang out of the window. 593 00:28:37,516 --> 00:28:38,916 Some have tried. 594 00:28:38,918 --> 00:28:40,317 Some have even managed not to have it 595 00:28:40,319 --> 00:28:42,553 knocked off by a passing truck. 596 00:28:42,555 --> 00:28:45,789 Right, then, ladies and gents, all aboard! 597 00:28:54,233 --> 00:28:55,499 - Hello? - Good morning, 598 00:28:55,501 --> 00:28:56,500 is that Mr. Peter Hudders speaking? 599 00:28:56,502 --> 00:28:57,701 - Yes, speaking. 600 00:28:57,703 --> 00:28:59,036 - Just a quick courtesy call 601 00:28:59,038 --> 00:28:59,970 to see if you were interested in a limited range 602 00:28:59,972 --> 00:29:00,904 of super cheap life insurance. 603 00:29:00,906 --> 00:29:02,172 - No, I'm not interested. 604 00:29:02,174 --> 00:29:03,373 Thank you. - I'm sorry to hear that, 605 00:29:03,375 --> 00:29:04,341 Mr. Hudders, perhaps we could interest you-- 606 00:29:04,343 --> 00:29:06,276 - No, no, I said no. 607 00:29:06,278 --> 00:29:07,611 Right, I'm disconnecting. 608 00:29:07,613 --> 00:29:10,247 Okay, right, I'm disconnecting. 609 00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:12,282 - Who was that? 610 00:29:12,284 --> 00:29:13,751 - Salespeople. 611 00:29:13,753 --> 00:29:15,452 God knows where they get their numbers from. 612 00:29:15,454 --> 00:29:19,123 - Oh, well, they collect them on a huge database. 613 00:29:19,125 --> 00:29:20,591 And it's not just phone numbers. 614 00:29:20,593 --> 00:29:22,559 Texts, internet searches. 615 00:29:22,561 --> 00:29:23,794 - That's not true, is it? 616 00:29:23,795 --> 00:29:25,028 - It is, it is, it is. - It isn't, it isn't, 617 00:29:25,030 --> 00:29:26,430 it isn't, it isn't. - It is, it is, 618 00:29:26,432 --> 00:29:27,731 it is, it is, it is. - It isn't, it isn't, 619 00:29:27,733 --> 00:29:28,766 it isn't, it isn't! - It is! 620 00:29:28,768 --> 00:29:29,700 - It isn't! - It is! 621 00:29:29,702 --> 00:29:30,634 - It isn't. - It is. 622 00:29:30,636 --> 00:29:31,935 - Isn't. - But it is. 623 00:29:33,939 --> 00:29:37,007 So, I'd watch out if I were you. 624 00:29:39,879 --> 00:29:41,312 - Good morning, it's Jodie calling 625 00:29:41,313 --> 00:29:42,746 from Fast Connection where getting you the number one deal-- 626 00:29:42,748 --> 00:29:44,414 - Yeah, you just called. 627 00:29:44,416 --> 00:29:45,616 I'm not interested. 628 00:29:45,618 --> 00:29:46,717 - It's just a courtesy call 629 00:29:46,719 --> 00:29:48,152 to see if you're interested in our super cheap 630 00:29:48,154 --> 00:29:49,453 range of loft insulation. 631 00:30:00,466 --> 00:30:02,933 - What have you done? 632 00:30:02,935 --> 00:30:03,834 - Nothing. 633 00:30:10,176 --> 00:30:11,508 Toilet wouldn't flush. 634 00:30:13,646 --> 00:30:15,946 - He's emptied his wringer like a fat carol singer. 635 00:30:17,183 --> 00:30:19,249 He's at an ass staff from his doner kebab. 636 00:30:21,387 --> 00:30:23,020 He's left a platter of splatter matter. 637 00:30:24,824 --> 00:30:27,090 He had a close encounter with the turd kind. 638 00:30:28,727 --> 00:30:30,160 - Excellent. 639 00:30:30,162 --> 00:30:31,728 I need to pee too, for fuck's sake! 640 00:30:34,333 --> 00:30:35,599 Does it smell? 641 00:30:47,947 --> 00:30:48,846 Oh, God! 642 00:30:50,049 --> 00:30:50,914 Oh! 643 00:30:50,916 --> 00:30:51,949 Oh, no. 644 00:30:51,951 --> 00:30:52,816 No, okay. 645 00:30:55,154 --> 00:30:56,353 Okay. 646 00:30:56,355 --> 00:30:57,688 Oh, God. 647 00:30:57,690 --> 00:30:58,589 Oh, God-- 648 00:30:58,591 --> 00:30:59,890 Oh, for fuck's sake. 649 00:31:01,093 --> 00:31:02,292 Bloody what?! 650 00:31:02,293 --> 00:31:03,492 - Sorry about that, sir, we seemed to have lost you 651 00:31:03,495 --> 00:31:04,878 during that last call. 652 00:31:04,879 --> 00:31:06,262 Just a quick call to see if you were interested in 653 00:31:06,265 --> 00:31:07,464 a special deal of wholesale crotch rub. 654 00:31:07,466 --> 00:31:09,032 - I don't want fucking crotch rub! 655 00:31:09,034 --> 00:31:10,200 - Right, no problem, sir. 656 00:31:10,202 --> 00:31:11,802 Now, would you be interested in a special deal, sir, 657 00:31:11,804 --> 00:31:13,403 where we provide a 25% reimbursement-- 658 00:31:13,405 --> 00:31:14,771 - Just fuck off! 659 00:31:15,841 --> 00:31:16,707 25%? 660 00:31:19,912 --> 00:31:20,844 That's pretty good. 661 00:31:20,846 --> 00:31:22,079 That's pretty good, actually. 662 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:23,313 Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, say more, say more. 663 00:31:23,315 --> 00:31:27,117 Yeah, no, so, yeah, I have recently become 664 00:31:27,119 --> 00:31:30,587 in need of a new house, so go on, go on, go on, yeah-- 665 00:31:30,589 --> 00:31:32,256 - Our show home scheme is just six viewings 666 00:31:32,258 --> 00:31:34,124 every two months. - Right, yes, fine, yes. 667 00:31:34,126 --> 00:31:35,058 Six? 668 00:31:35,060 --> 00:31:36,093 - Indeed, just six. 669 00:31:36,095 --> 00:31:37,327 - That's great, go on, yeah-- 670 00:31:37,329 --> 00:31:38,462 - You sound quite interested, sir. 671 00:31:38,464 --> 00:31:39,396 Could I possibly arrange for you to call 672 00:31:39,398 --> 00:31:40,697 our show home department 673 00:31:40,699 --> 00:31:43,033 at a time convenient for you? - Yes, yes, yes. 674 00:31:43,035 --> 00:31:44,234 What do I need to do-- 675 00:31:45,437 --> 00:31:46,770 - You don't need to do anything, sir. 676 00:31:48,007 --> 00:31:49,640 I'll just find the number for you now. 677 00:31:51,210 --> 00:31:52,609 - Yes, quickly, yes! 678 00:31:52,611 --> 00:31:53,627 Quickly, quickly-- 679 00:31:53,628 --> 00:31:54,644 - Going as fast as I can, sir. 680 00:31:54,647 --> 00:31:56,079 - But, wait, wait! 681 00:31:58,550 --> 00:31:59,783 Quickly! - I'm sorry, sir, 682 00:31:59,785 --> 00:32:00,751 but there is a protocol to follow 683 00:32:00,753 --> 00:32:02,352 and I am yet to find the number for you. 684 00:32:02,354 --> 00:32:03,587 If you would please just be patient-- 685 00:32:03,589 --> 00:32:05,989 - Oh, God, I do not have time to be patient! 686 00:32:07,493 --> 00:32:10,494 You are slowly sinking into a runny pile of shit! 687 00:32:10,496 --> 00:32:12,362 Ah, here it is, sir. 688 00:32:12,364 --> 00:32:15,299 Number is 0800-634-7754. - Wait! 689 00:32:15,301 --> 00:32:16,566 No! 690 00:32:16,568 --> 00:32:17,401 - Would you like me to reread the number? 691 00:32:17,403 --> 00:32:18,635 - Yes, yes! 692 00:32:18,637 --> 00:32:21,738 - Certainly, sir, it's 0800-634-- 693 00:32:21,740 --> 00:32:22,940 - No, no! 694 00:32:22,942 --> 00:32:24,942 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 695 00:32:24,944 --> 00:32:25,842 Oh, God! 696 00:32:26,679 --> 00:32:27,577 Oh, no! 697 00:32:32,785 --> 00:32:33,817 Oh, God! 698 00:32:33,819 --> 00:32:34,885 Oh, God! 699 00:32:34,887 --> 00:32:36,286 Shit. 700 00:32:36,288 --> 00:32:37,187 Oh, shit. 701 00:32:38,257 --> 00:32:39,156 Oh, shit. 702 00:32:46,632 --> 00:32:47,464 Oh, God. 703 00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:48,365 Oh, God. 704 00:32:56,175 --> 00:32:58,075 - You were ages, mate. 705 00:32:59,745 --> 00:33:02,879 - Jesus Christ, why the fuck do I smell ass diesel?! 706 00:33:02,881 --> 00:33:04,314 - It wasn't me! 707 00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:06,116 - Oh, mate, it's you. 708 00:33:09,421 --> 00:33:10,554 - You didn't. 709 00:33:12,257 --> 00:33:14,224 - Jesus Christ, Peter! 710 00:33:14,226 --> 00:33:16,393 - Don't worry, mate. 711 00:33:16,395 --> 00:33:19,262 Smell probably goes away in a little while. 712 00:33:19,264 --> 00:33:20,163 - Yeah. 713 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:35,912 Come on. 714 00:33:35,914 --> 00:33:36,913 We're here. 715 00:33:42,054 --> 00:33:44,788 Right, so, little issue. 716 00:33:44,790 --> 00:33:47,190 We're meant to be in Dewsbury. 717 00:33:47,192 --> 00:33:48,091 - Yes? 718 00:33:49,828 --> 00:33:51,828 - We're not in Dewsbury. 719 00:33:51,830 --> 00:33:52,729 - No? 720 00:33:53,599 --> 00:33:55,265 - We're in Chester. 721 00:33:57,636 --> 00:33:58,535 - Chester. 722 00:33:59,405 --> 00:34:00,604 Chester. 723 00:34:00,606 --> 00:34:03,507 Chester, as in that little slice of England 724 00:34:03,509 --> 00:34:05,742 that no one gives a fucking shit about! 725 00:34:05,744 --> 00:34:06,877 - Actually, it's meant to be quite a nice-- 726 00:34:06,879 --> 00:34:08,111 - As in Chester there's miles and miles 727 00:34:08,113 --> 00:34:09,946 the fucking away from Dewsbury! 728 00:34:09,948 --> 00:34:10,981 - We are where we are. 729 00:34:10,983 --> 00:34:12,616 We're not that far away, so-- 730 00:34:12,618 --> 00:34:14,551 - So, what are we gonna do now? 731 00:34:14,553 --> 00:34:15,986 - It's late. 732 00:34:15,988 --> 00:34:17,988 We should find a hotel. 733 00:34:17,990 --> 00:34:19,056 - Hotel, is it? 734 00:34:19,058 --> 00:34:20,690 You want The Nip Slip. 735 00:34:20,692 --> 00:34:21,858 Doris is a good friend of mine. 736 00:34:21,860 --> 00:34:23,794 She'll see you right. 737 00:34:23,796 --> 00:34:26,496 Fairbrother Street, 10 minutes up the road. 738 00:34:26,498 --> 00:34:28,865 - Oh, cheers, mate. 739 00:34:28,867 --> 00:34:31,234 - You lot haven't changed, have you? 740 00:34:31,236 --> 00:34:34,638 Just all the same useless cunts you were at school! 741 00:34:38,977 --> 00:34:41,945 - A moron, a semi-suicidal tosser, 742 00:34:41,947 --> 00:34:44,548 me with my shitty arm, and a man who would probably eat 743 00:34:44,550 --> 00:34:47,150 the others if he went without sugar for a few hours, 744 00:34:47,152 --> 00:34:49,486 walk into a hotel, 745 00:34:49,488 --> 00:34:51,388 sounds like the beginning of a joke, doesn't it? 746 00:34:51,390 --> 00:34:52,956 And, in many ways, it was. 747 00:34:52,958 --> 00:34:56,426 One big funny ha-ha-ha fuck-my-life joke. 748 00:34:57,596 --> 00:34:59,963 - You boys were out late. 749 00:34:59,965 --> 00:35:02,766 - Yeah, we ended up on the wrong coach. 750 00:35:02,768 --> 00:35:05,402 - Hey, what are you like! 751 00:35:05,404 --> 00:35:07,471 I'm not one to talk, though, I suppose. 752 00:35:07,473 --> 00:35:09,806 Me and my Hogarth, God bless him, 753 00:35:09,808 --> 00:35:12,309 we were locked up in a cell in Thailand 754 00:35:12,311 --> 00:35:15,345 for a whole month one summer. 755 00:35:15,347 --> 00:35:17,614 Such a cruel race. 756 00:35:17,616 --> 00:35:22,686 I mean, a little bit of Charlie never hurt nobody, did it? 757 00:35:23,489 --> 00:35:25,021 So, how do you swing, then? 758 00:35:27,826 --> 00:35:30,627 You, I know a bottom when I see one. 759 00:35:30,629 --> 00:35:31,495 - No. 760 00:35:31,497 --> 00:35:33,330 No, no, no, no. 761 00:35:33,332 --> 00:35:34,231 No, no. 762 00:35:35,334 --> 00:35:37,801 We are on the way to see a friend. 763 00:35:37,803 --> 00:35:39,436 He's not very well. 764 00:35:39,438 --> 00:35:40,270 It's cancer. 765 00:35:40,272 --> 00:35:42,706 - Oh, nasty disease. 766 00:35:42,708 --> 00:35:43,607 Terrible. 767 00:35:46,411 --> 00:35:48,578 - Is that how Hogarth died? 768 00:35:48,580 --> 00:35:50,447 - Oh, no, love, no, no. 769 00:35:50,449 --> 00:35:52,782 It was the gimp mask that killed him. 770 00:35:52,784 --> 00:35:54,384 Zip jammed on the mouth. 771 00:35:56,522 --> 00:35:57,954 But I sued the company. 772 00:35:57,956 --> 00:36:00,790 Used the money to buy this place. 773 00:36:46,371 --> 00:36:50,507 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 774 00:36:51,376 --> 00:36:53,276 No, no, no, no, no, no! 775 00:36:54,213 --> 00:36:55,912 Oh, God. 776 00:36:55,914 --> 00:36:57,447 Oh, my God! 777 00:37:00,519 --> 00:37:02,919 - Keep the bloody noise down! 778 00:37:02,921 --> 00:37:04,287 - Adam! Gaz! 779 00:37:04,289 --> 00:37:05,388 They're all shagging! 780 00:37:05,390 --> 00:37:06,690 They're all shagging! 781 00:37:06,692 --> 00:37:07,524 - Fuck's sake, mate! 782 00:37:07,526 --> 00:37:08,725 Put it away! 783 00:37:08,727 --> 00:37:10,827 - Is something the matter, love? 784 00:37:10,829 --> 00:37:12,562 - You're all freaks! 785 00:37:20,706 --> 00:37:21,838 - Mm. 786 00:37:39,625 --> 00:37:40,924 - Good morning. 787 00:37:40,926 --> 00:37:43,593 We have a few questions we like to ask you. 788 00:37:43,595 --> 00:37:45,028 - Oh, aye? 789 00:37:45,030 --> 00:37:49,032 What if I don't fancy answering no questions, eh? 790 00:37:51,737 --> 00:37:53,403 - Then I cut off... 791 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:56,373 The lips? 792 00:37:56,375 --> 00:37:58,275 - Da, the lips. - Lips. 793 00:37:59,344 --> 00:38:02,012 - Hey, such a carry on last night. 794 00:38:02,014 --> 00:38:04,648 I just assumed you and your friends knew. 795 00:38:04,650 --> 00:38:07,350 We're highly reviewed in Swinger's Digest. 796 00:38:07,352 --> 00:38:10,020 We even won a Blowie last year! 797 00:38:16,862 --> 00:38:19,562 - Where's Gaz and Smithy? 798 00:38:19,564 --> 00:38:22,065 - Why the fuck should I know? 799 00:38:22,067 --> 00:38:24,534 - Let's just get out of here. 800 00:38:25,971 --> 00:38:28,271 - Here's a little gift bag from us. 801 00:38:28,273 --> 00:38:29,906 Your receipts are inside. 802 00:38:29,908 --> 00:38:32,909 - Thanks, Doris. See you again. 803 00:38:32,911 --> 00:38:34,611 - Ooh, it's lovely, that. 804 00:38:34,613 --> 00:38:37,847 Makes your bits taste like strawberry. 805 00:38:45,023 --> 00:38:45,922 - Don't. 806 00:38:46,825 --> 00:38:48,325 Get off! Get off! 807 00:38:52,564 --> 00:38:53,663 - You're so frigid. 808 00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:54,531 - I am not frigid! 809 00:38:54,533 --> 00:38:56,099 I'm not! 810 00:38:56,101 --> 00:38:58,034 I just draw the line at being passed around 811 00:38:58,036 --> 00:39:01,371 a group of grandparents like nibbles at a party! 812 00:39:01,373 --> 00:39:03,673 - Oh, lighten up, will you? 813 00:39:04,910 --> 00:39:05,975 Ring Smithy. 814 00:39:08,013 --> 00:39:09,579 - You ring Smithy. 815 00:39:21,460 --> 00:39:23,126 - Oi, laddie. 816 00:39:23,128 --> 00:39:25,195 Are you with Gaz? 817 00:39:25,197 --> 00:39:27,664 I don't care, where are you?! 818 00:39:29,167 --> 00:39:29,999 Where? 819 00:39:32,070 --> 00:39:32,902 Oh. 820 00:39:47,552 --> 00:39:48,785 - All right? 821 00:39:48,787 --> 00:39:51,020 - I'm not getting in that. 822 00:39:52,224 --> 00:39:53,890 - Where did you get it? 823 00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:55,392 - Me and Smithy went for a walk this morning. 824 00:39:55,394 --> 00:39:57,794 We met this guy trying to get rid of his car. 825 00:39:57,796 --> 00:39:58,995 Dead nice. 826 00:39:58,997 --> 00:40:00,330 And he said we could have it for free 827 00:40:00,332 --> 00:40:02,732 if I let him take a few photos of me. 828 00:40:02,734 --> 00:40:03,633 - What? 829 00:40:04,403 --> 00:40:06,302 Gaz, did he touch you? 830 00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:08,772 - No, nothing funny. 831 00:40:08,774 --> 00:40:10,306 I just let him take a few photos of me in my pants. 832 00:40:10,308 --> 00:40:12,075 It was dead innocent. 833 00:40:12,077 --> 00:40:12,976 - Was it? 834 00:40:13,745 --> 00:40:15,011 - I'm not getting in it. 835 00:40:15,013 --> 00:40:16,980 - It doesn't matter what it looks like, does it? 836 00:40:16,982 --> 00:40:18,948 - No, as long as it gets us to Frankie. 837 00:40:18,950 --> 00:40:20,483 - I don't give a shit, I'm not getting in it. 838 00:40:20,485 --> 00:40:21,317 I'm not going in the car. 839 00:40:21,319 --> 00:40:22,552 It's not happening. 840 00:40:22,554 --> 00:40:24,921 It's not gonna happen, not on my fucking life. 841 00:40:24,923 --> 00:40:26,656 - A race against time, across the country 842 00:40:26,658 --> 00:40:28,792 to see our dying friend for one last time, 843 00:40:28,794 --> 00:40:30,894 it couldn't be more heart-breaking, 844 00:40:30,896 --> 00:40:32,095 but it could've been in a car 845 00:40:32,097 --> 00:40:35,398 that didn't have RIM JOB as the number plate. 846 00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:36,800 - And how was Doris this morning? 847 00:40:36,802 --> 00:40:39,903 - I don't want her name mentioned around me, thank you. 848 00:40:39,905 --> 00:40:41,604 - Don't see what the fuss was about, really. 849 00:40:41,606 --> 00:40:43,273 - Well, you weren't the one being molested, 850 00:40:43,275 --> 00:40:44,607 were you, Smithy? 851 00:40:44,609 --> 00:40:46,176 - Don't suppose you'd mind, would you, Smithy? 852 00:40:46,178 --> 00:40:47,811 Need to pop your cherry one day. 853 00:40:47,813 --> 00:40:49,078 - Fuck off! 854 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:50,146 I'm not a virgin. 855 00:40:50,148 --> 00:40:51,247 - Don't be silly. 856 00:40:51,249 --> 00:40:52,449 Of course you are. 857 00:40:52,451 --> 00:40:53,483 - I'm not. 858 00:40:53,485 --> 00:40:55,518 - Oh, leave him alone, Adam. 859 00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:57,620 I wish I'd waited a bit longer, mate. 860 00:40:57,622 --> 00:40:59,055 - Losing your virginity to a ham sandwich 861 00:40:59,057 --> 00:41:00,490 doesn't really count, does it, Gaz? 862 00:41:00,492 --> 00:41:01,724 - Shut up, Adam. 863 00:41:01,726 --> 00:41:02,992 - And anyway, you can't not be a virgin. 864 00:41:02,994 --> 00:41:04,327 You spent all of this time wrapped around us. 865 00:41:04,329 --> 00:41:05,428 - I'm not a virgin. 866 00:41:05,430 --> 00:41:06,463 - You are! - I'm not! 867 00:41:06,465 --> 00:41:07,397 - You are! - I'm not! 868 00:41:07,399 --> 00:41:08,364 - But you are, though! 869 00:41:08,366 --> 00:41:09,732 - Are we really doing this? 870 00:41:09,734 --> 00:41:10,667 - First time you had sex. 871 00:41:10,669 --> 00:41:11,501 Go. 872 00:41:11,503 --> 00:41:12,702 - It was at... 873 00:41:14,206 --> 00:41:16,005 I can't. - No, you can't 874 00:41:16,007 --> 00:41:16,973 'cause there isn't one. 875 00:41:16,975 --> 00:41:17,807 - There is. 876 00:41:17,809 --> 00:41:19,375 - Yeah, we believe you. 877 00:41:19,377 --> 00:41:21,311 Is she in the car with us now? 878 00:41:21,313 --> 00:41:22,679 - You know what, Adam, 879 00:41:22,681 --> 00:41:24,414 I bet I lost my virginity before you did! 880 00:41:24,416 --> 00:41:25,882 - Oh, like fuck you did. 881 00:41:25,884 --> 00:41:27,417 Who'd have looked at that pink acne'd face and thought, 882 00:41:27,419 --> 00:41:28,885 "I'll have a slice of that pudding"? 883 00:41:28,887 --> 00:41:30,086 - Well, if it's any of your business, Adam-- 884 00:41:30,088 --> 00:41:31,321 - If you've spread your seed, 885 00:41:31,323 --> 00:41:33,256 I think it's the world's business! 886 00:41:33,258 --> 00:41:34,958 It's quite sweet, really. 887 00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:36,292 Don't need to lie to us. 888 00:41:36,294 --> 00:41:38,394 - I'm not lying. - No, of course you're not. 889 00:41:38,396 --> 00:41:39,596 He is. - I'm not! 890 00:41:39,598 --> 00:41:40,964 - So, who was it, then, chubby?! 891 00:41:40,966 --> 00:41:42,432 Who was she?! 892 00:41:42,434 --> 00:41:43,833 - Just leave it, will you? - Who would fuck you?! 893 00:41:43,835 --> 00:41:45,368 - Why do you need to know?! - Who'd fuck that?! 894 00:41:45,370 --> 00:41:46,669 - Why are you pushing at it?! - That useless piece of shit?! 895 00:41:46,671 --> 00:41:47,470 - It's none of your business! - No one would-- 896 00:41:47,472 --> 00:41:48,705 - Just leave it, Adam! 897 00:41:48,707 --> 00:41:50,673 - No one would-- - Mrs. Carmichael! 898 00:41:56,381 --> 00:41:58,715 - Mrs. Carmichael? 899 00:41:58,717 --> 00:42:00,416 - The music teacher? 900 00:42:04,222 --> 00:42:05,171 - Yeah. 901 00:42:05,172 --> 00:42:06,121 - Mrs. Carmichael the music teacher? 902 00:42:06,124 --> 00:42:06,956 - Yes! 903 00:42:07,792 --> 00:42:08,825 - Fuck off. 904 00:42:08,827 --> 00:42:10,593 - Are you sure? 905 00:42:10,595 --> 00:42:13,263 - I'm pretty sure, Gaz. 906 00:42:13,265 --> 00:42:15,231 - Jesus Christ. 907 00:42:15,233 --> 00:42:17,033 - I'm gonna be sick. 908 00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:18,801 - Are you really sure? 909 00:42:18,803 --> 00:42:19,802 - Yes, Gaz! 910 00:42:23,575 --> 00:42:25,675 I stayed behind one lesson and she sort of-- 911 00:42:25,677 --> 00:42:27,477 - Tried out your flute? 912 00:42:27,479 --> 00:42:28,811 - No, we just-- - Hit some notes? 913 00:42:28,813 --> 00:42:29,646 - No, I-- 914 00:42:29,648 --> 00:42:30,680 - Banged her drums? 915 00:42:30,682 --> 00:42:31,514 - Peter! 916 00:42:31,516 --> 00:42:33,349 - I am gonna be sick. 917 00:42:34,853 --> 00:42:36,586 - So, now, you know. 918 00:42:38,924 --> 00:42:40,390 I'm not a virgin. 919 00:42:47,532 --> 00:42:48,865 - Jesus Christ. 920 00:42:50,335 --> 00:42:53,736 - Well, think I need a drink after that. 921 00:43:11,122 --> 00:43:13,089 - Can you still smell it? 922 00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:16,259 - I think it's faded now, mate. 923 00:43:16,261 --> 00:43:17,894 - Do I want crisps? 924 00:43:18,763 --> 00:43:19,629 - Shitting fuck! 925 00:43:19,631 --> 00:43:20,663 Hide me! Everybody hide! 926 00:43:20,665 --> 00:43:21,998 - What? Hey? 927 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:23,833 - Oh, my God, it's-- 928 00:43:23,835 --> 00:43:25,368 - Wow! 929 00:43:25,370 --> 00:43:26,536 No way! 930 00:43:26,538 --> 00:43:27,870 Oh, my God, wow. 931 00:43:27,872 --> 00:43:29,339 Hi guys! - Neville? 932 00:43:29,341 --> 00:43:31,541 - Yeah, it's the old Nevillator. 933 00:43:31,543 --> 00:43:32,909 What are you doing here? 934 00:43:32,911 --> 00:43:34,377 How long's it been? 935 00:43:34,379 --> 00:43:36,746 What, 26 years, seven months, three weeks, and two days? 936 00:43:36,748 --> 00:43:38,014 That's ages. 937 00:43:38,016 --> 00:43:40,316 - Another century wouldn't go amiss! 938 00:43:40,318 --> 00:43:41,250 - We're on our way to-- 939 00:43:41,252 --> 00:43:45,121 Oh, to a thing. 940 00:43:45,123 --> 00:43:46,556 What you doing here? 941 00:43:46,558 --> 00:43:51,227 - Oh, stops off for a carvery on the way to a funeral. 942 00:43:51,229 --> 00:43:52,161 Mad, isn't it? 943 00:43:53,098 --> 00:43:54,464 - Mental. 944 00:43:54,466 --> 00:43:56,699 - Sorry to hear about your breakup, Peter. 945 00:43:56,701 --> 00:43:58,601 - How'd you know about my breakup? 946 00:43:58,603 --> 00:44:00,169 - Oh, Facebook. 947 00:44:00,171 --> 00:44:01,404 Facebook's brilliant. 948 00:44:01,406 --> 00:44:03,006 I've been following you lot for ages. 949 00:44:03,008 --> 00:44:03,940 Mad, isn't it? 950 00:44:03,942 --> 00:44:05,708 - But I'm not on Facebook. 951 00:44:05,710 --> 00:44:07,110 - I know, but Chelsea is. 952 00:44:07,112 --> 00:44:09,345 Yeah, she seems really happy. 953 00:44:09,347 --> 00:44:10,580 - Brilliant. 954 00:44:10,582 --> 00:44:12,281 - Is it true that she cheated on you? 955 00:44:12,283 --> 00:44:13,883 Is it true she threw you out? 956 00:44:13,885 --> 00:44:15,151 Where are you staying now now? 957 00:44:15,153 --> 00:44:17,053 You can stay with me on my bed seat if you like. 958 00:44:17,055 --> 00:44:19,088 - I think I can manage, thanks, Neville. 959 00:44:19,090 --> 00:44:20,089 - Cool! 960 00:44:20,091 --> 00:44:21,357 Cute kid, Gaz! 961 00:44:21,359 --> 00:44:22,358 How old is she? 962 00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:24,360 - I'm going for a piss. 963 00:44:25,664 --> 00:44:26,829 - Oh, yeah, she's gonna be two 964 00:44:26,831 --> 00:44:28,064 in a couple of months, actually, yeah. 965 00:44:28,066 --> 00:44:29,298 How did you know about Elle? 966 00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:31,300 - I'm friends with Stacey on Facebook. 967 00:44:31,302 --> 00:44:32,602 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 968 00:44:32,604 --> 00:44:33,503 - Have you guys met? 969 00:44:33,505 --> 00:44:35,204 - Yeah. Once. 970 00:44:35,206 --> 00:44:36,839 Killer tattoo she's got. 971 00:44:36,841 --> 00:44:40,309 I didn't know you could get a tattoo there. 972 00:44:40,311 --> 00:44:44,647 Anyway, just gonna go check on the old pussy wagon. 973 00:44:50,155 --> 00:44:51,654 In a bit, homies! 974 00:44:58,363 --> 00:45:00,129 - Of all the people. 975 00:45:00,131 --> 00:45:00,963 - Facebook. 976 00:45:00,965 --> 00:45:02,932 What a load of rubbish. 977 00:45:05,570 --> 00:45:08,204 - What did he mean about Stace? 978 00:45:16,915 --> 00:45:18,314 - Fuck's sake! 979 00:45:18,316 --> 00:45:21,050 You're supposed to leave a fucking space! 980 00:45:21,052 --> 00:45:22,985 It's basic fucking manners! 981 00:45:22,987 --> 00:45:23,820 - Mad, isn't it? 982 00:45:24,656 --> 00:45:25,922 - Isn't it? 983 00:45:25,924 --> 00:45:27,390 - So where are you off to? 984 00:45:27,392 --> 00:45:29,192 - Oh, fuck's sake! 985 00:45:29,194 --> 00:45:31,227 - Ah, fair dos. 986 00:45:31,229 --> 00:45:32,195 Can I come? 987 00:45:36,835 --> 00:45:38,101 - Can we leave right now 988 00:45:38,103 --> 00:45:41,738 before that fuck weasel comes out of the toilet? 989 00:45:42,874 --> 00:45:45,975 - Ah, thank God for, oh, for fuck's sake. 990 00:45:45,977 --> 00:45:48,945 - Adam, you didn't wash your hands. 991 00:45:51,182 --> 00:45:52,448 All right, Adam? 992 00:45:52,450 --> 00:45:53,649 Mad, this, isn't it? 993 00:46:00,225 --> 00:46:03,559 - I have always disliked you immensely. 994 00:46:08,166 --> 00:46:09,298 Gaz, onwards. 995 00:46:20,512 --> 00:46:21,844 - Does anyone want a Polo? 996 00:46:21,846 --> 00:46:22,678 - Oh, yeah. 997 00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:24,514 - Yeah, go on. 998 00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:29,819 Oh. 999 00:46:31,022 --> 00:46:32,755 - Thank you. 1000 00:46:37,028 --> 00:46:41,264 - Gaz, who did you say you got the car from again? 1001 00:46:41,266 --> 00:46:42,832 - What's that? 1002 00:46:42,834 --> 00:46:43,966 Oh. 1003 00:46:43,968 --> 00:46:45,635 He was really nice. 1004 00:46:46,704 --> 00:46:49,238 I think he might have been a bit gay. 1005 00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:50,773 - No, I'm sure the nice man 1006 00:46:50,775 --> 00:46:53,142 just took pictures of you in your pants to show his wife. 1007 00:46:53,144 --> 00:46:54,043 - Really? 1008 00:46:57,549 --> 00:47:00,082 - Why do I get the feeling this is gonna be a long ride? 1009 00:47:00,084 --> 00:47:01,751 - Oh, I don't know. 1010 00:47:17,902 --> 00:47:19,969 - Bloody hell, Brian, what you stop for? 1011 00:47:19,971 --> 00:47:22,038 You near had my eye out! 1012 00:47:24,042 --> 00:47:25,074 Morning, dears. 1013 00:47:25,076 --> 00:47:26,209 Room for two? 1014 00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:30,713 - What you doing, Pete? 1015 00:47:30,715 --> 00:47:33,649 - I'm leaving a review for that hell hole. 1016 00:47:33,651 --> 00:47:35,685 How do you spell debauched? 1017 00:47:35,687 --> 00:47:39,522 - D-E-B, uh, O-R-C-H? 1018 00:47:41,926 --> 00:47:44,427 - No, that doesn't look right. 1019 00:47:44,429 --> 00:47:46,796 Adam, how do you spell, Jesus Christ! 1020 00:47:48,166 --> 00:47:49,532 - Peter! 1021 00:47:49,534 --> 00:47:51,767 - Shit, he looks terrible! 1022 00:47:51,769 --> 00:47:54,036 - Where did you get the second nose from? 1023 00:47:55,707 --> 00:47:56,873 Was it expensive? 1024 00:47:56,875 --> 00:47:58,207 - What's he saying? 1025 00:47:58,209 --> 00:47:59,742 - I think he's high! 1026 00:47:59,744 --> 00:48:02,144 Adam, have you taken something? 1027 00:48:02,146 --> 00:48:03,112 Adam? 1028 00:48:03,114 --> 00:48:05,114 Adam, what have you taken? 1029 00:48:07,285 --> 00:48:08,584 What are these?! 1030 00:48:08,586 --> 00:48:10,086 Where did this come from?! 1031 00:48:10,088 --> 00:48:12,722 Okay, so, the guy handing out the cars for indecent images 1032 00:48:12,724 --> 00:48:14,257 is also a drug dealer too, is he? 1033 00:48:14,259 --> 00:48:15,391 Well, well done, Gaz! 1034 00:48:15,393 --> 00:48:16,626 Well fucking done! 1035 00:48:16,628 --> 00:48:18,127 Adam, look at me! 1036 00:48:18,129 --> 00:48:20,329 You've taken a vicious cocktail 1037 00:48:20,331 --> 00:48:22,965 of various hallucinogenic drugs! 1038 00:48:24,035 --> 00:48:26,102 - Peter, you're so oily. 1039 00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:28,070 - Oily?! 1040 00:48:28,072 --> 00:48:29,839 You prick, I'm not oily! 1041 00:48:29,841 --> 00:48:33,042 - My dad, my dad, when he finds out about this, 1042 00:48:33,044 --> 00:48:35,778 he'll have you turned into tampons. 1043 00:48:36,915 --> 00:48:40,716 And shoved into Hillary's nice love vag. 1044 00:48:40,718 --> 00:48:42,551 Beware the tangerine! 1045 00:48:45,757 --> 00:48:47,657 - Thank fuck for that. 1046 00:48:49,327 --> 00:48:51,727 - Well, he's not dead. 1047 00:48:51,729 --> 00:48:52,995 Just unconscious. 1048 00:48:52,997 --> 00:48:54,230 - Don't we need to get him to a hospital?! 1049 00:48:54,232 --> 00:48:55,598 I mean, he might need his stomach pumped! 1050 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:56,632 - We haven't got time! 1051 00:48:56,634 --> 00:48:58,134 We need to get to Frankie! 1052 00:48:58,136 --> 00:49:01,537 Oh, don't! 1053 00:49:05,343 --> 00:49:06,742 - He'll be fine. 1054 00:49:08,446 --> 00:49:09,879 Who wants another Polo? 1055 00:49:09,881 --> 00:49:10,813 - No! 1056 00:49:10,815 --> 00:49:12,815 - Oh, I do love role-playing. 1057 00:49:12,817 --> 00:49:14,317 It reminds me of the time 1058 00:49:14,319 --> 00:49:16,986 my Hogarth locked me in the basement for a month. 1059 00:49:16,988 --> 00:49:19,055 Oh, he did a brilliant Josef Fritzl. 1060 00:49:19,057 --> 00:49:23,359 The accent was spot on. - Four men came here, yes? 1061 00:49:23,361 --> 00:49:24,927 - You'll have to be a bit more specific, love. 1062 00:49:24,929 --> 00:49:26,462 - Yesterday, four men. 1063 00:49:26,464 --> 00:49:27,797 Where are they? 1064 00:49:27,799 --> 00:49:29,865 - Oh, you mean Peter and his friends. 1065 00:49:29,867 --> 00:49:32,201 Oh, they're not gay, you know, boys? 1066 00:49:32,203 --> 00:49:33,569 You're out of luck. 1067 00:49:33,571 --> 00:49:35,237 Oh, not 'cause I'm judging, of course. 1068 00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:38,240 My friend Mickey, Uncut Mick we call him, just our little-- 1069 00:49:38,242 --> 00:49:39,442 - Where are they?! 1070 00:49:39,444 --> 00:49:41,043 - Mickey and his Paul? 1071 00:49:41,045 --> 00:49:42,511 The Canary's, I think. 1072 00:49:42,513 --> 00:49:44,380 Lovely cruise by all accounts. 1073 00:49:46,985 --> 00:49:48,050 Bloody hell! 1074 00:49:49,053 --> 00:49:50,920 - What are you doing?! 1075 00:49:50,922 --> 00:49:52,388 - Now, you listen here, young man, 1076 00:49:52,390 --> 00:49:54,223 I'm all for a bit of kinky every now and then, 1077 00:49:54,225 --> 00:49:56,559 but I draw the line at violence! 1078 00:49:56,561 --> 00:49:58,294 Think I'm going to faint. 1079 00:49:58,296 --> 00:49:59,128 - Where are they?! 1080 00:49:59,130 --> 00:50:00,429 You tell me now! 1081 00:50:00,431 --> 00:50:01,697 - Well, they left about an hour ago, 1082 00:50:01,699 --> 00:50:03,199 but I don't see what's that got to do-- 1083 00:50:03,201 --> 00:50:04,100 - Fuck it! 1084 00:50:07,271 --> 00:50:09,605 - Don't forget to tell your friends about us! 1085 00:50:09,607 --> 00:50:12,308 The Nip Slip, Blowie Award winning establishment 1086 00:50:12,310 --> 00:50:15,211 of pleasure and rela, oh, fuck it. 1087 00:50:18,016 --> 00:50:20,383 - No. 1088 00:50:22,020 --> 00:50:23,419 Oh, no. 1089 00:50:25,356 --> 00:50:26,589 No. 1090 00:50:26,591 --> 00:50:28,224 Ah, that's-- 1091 00:50:28,226 --> 00:50:29,792 What's that? 1092 00:50:29,794 --> 00:50:30,960 - Aerosmith. 1093 00:50:30,962 --> 00:50:32,028 - No, no, that noise! 1094 00:50:32,030 --> 00:50:33,429 - What? 1095 00:50:33,431 --> 00:50:35,498 - There's a light flashing on the dashboard. 1096 00:50:35,500 --> 00:50:37,867 - Oh, that, that's probably nothing. 1097 00:50:38,770 --> 00:50:40,102 Oh. 1098 00:50:40,104 --> 00:50:41,537 Well, actually, that could be something. 1099 00:50:41,539 --> 00:50:43,372 - Well, quick, pull over! 1100 00:50:43,374 --> 00:50:45,574 Get on the hard shoulder, you fucking fuck stick! 1101 00:50:45,576 --> 00:50:47,076 - All right. 1102 00:50:47,078 --> 00:50:48,544 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1103 00:51:04,495 --> 00:51:06,162 The battery's dead. 1104 00:51:08,132 --> 00:51:10,132 - Oh, how strange. 1105 00:51:10,134 --> 00:51:12,234 It's almost like someone wasted it 1106 00:51:12,236 --> 00:51:15,538 trying to choose a fucking radio station! 1107 00:51:15,540 --> 00:51:16,939 You! 1108 00:51:16,941 --> 00:51:19,675 - I think I've got a bite! 1109 00:51:23,314 --> 00:51:24,980 You going anywhere near Dewsbury? 1110 00:51:24,982 --> 00:51:25,848 - What? 1111 00:51:25,850 --> 00:51:26,849 - Dewsbury. 1112 00:51:59,383 --> 00:52:01,951 - Can I not leave you lot for more than a fucking hour 1113 00:52:01,953 --> 00:52:04,186 and not expect you to fuck things up while I'm gone?! 1114 00:52:04,188 --> 00:52:05,688 - Oh, God! 1115 00:52:05,690 --> 00:52:08,324 - What the fuck have you done?! 1116 00:52:09,627 --> 00:52:10,459 - Where are they? 1117 00:52:10,461 --> 00:52:11,994 - Where are who?! 1118 00:52:11,996 --> 00:52:13,596 - Oh, my head's throbbing. 1119 00:52:13,598 --> 00:52:15,764 - Oh, fuck's sake. 1120 00:52:15,766 --> 00:52:16,999 Peter! 1121 00:52:17,001 --> 00:52:18,300 Peter, wake up! 1122 00:52:21,205 --> 00:52:22,505 - Oh, shit. Where are we? 1123 00:52:22,507 --> 00:52:25,741 - Oh, brilliant fucking question! 1124 00:52:25,743 --> 00:52:26,642 - Are they here? 1125 00:52:26,644 --> 00:52:28,043 - Are who here?! 1126 00:52:29,180 --> 00:52:31,013 - There was two men. 1127 00:52:31,015 --> 00:52:32,214 We were hitchhiking. 1128 00:52:32,216 --> 00:52:33,182 - Hitchhiking?! 1129 00:52:33,184 --> 00:52:34,683 Fucking hitchhiking?! 1130 00:52:34,685 --> 00:52:37,753 Are you trying to get us put on the fucking register?! 1131 00:52:37,755 --> 00:52:38,954 - My ropes aren't very tight. 1132 00:52:38,956 --> 00:52:39,922 - Oh. 1133 00:52:39,924 --> 00:52:42,224 Oh, oh, you should complain. 1134 00:52:42,226 --> 00:52:44,393 - I think I can get my hands free! 1135 00:52:44,395 --> 00:52:45,928 - How many did you say there were? 1136 00:52:45,930 --> 00:52:47,129 - Two. - Two?! 1137 00:52:47,131 --> 00:52:48,197 Fucking two?! 1138 00:52:48,199 --> 00:52:49,832 And there's three of you?! 1139 00:52:49,834 --> 00:52:52,768 Four if fucking Shrek here used me as a blunt instrument! 1140 00:52:52,770 --> 00:52:54,003 Oh, fucking brilliant! 1141 00:52:54,005 --> 00:52:56,038 Are you telling me that two fucking randoms 1142 00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:57,273 got the better of you three?! 1143 00:52:57,275 --> 00:52:58,874 - They were dangerous, Adam! 1144 00:52:58,876 --> 00:53:01,043 - Oh, well, they would have to be, wouldn't they, 1145 00:53:01,045 --> 00:53:04,480 to get the better of you three fucking musket twats! 1146 00:53:04,482 --> 00:53:05,347 Oi! - Adam. 1147 00:53:05,349 --> 00:53:06,515 - Hey! 1148 00:53:06,517 --> 00:53:07,783 You two! 1149 00:53:07,785 --> 00:53:09,351 - Adam. - Where the fuck are you?! 1150 00:53:09,353 --> 00:53:10,786 - Adam. - I wanna find out 1151 00:53:10,788 --> 00:53:14,123 what pair of fucking fuck Muppets 1152 00:53:14,125 --> 00:53:17,193 have got the fucking balloons to tie me up 1153 00:53:17,195 --> 00:53:18,561 in the middle of fucking no where 1154 00:53:18,563 --> 00:53:21,297 with these three augmented tits! 1155 00:53:22,099 --> 00:53:23,365 - Adam, shh! 1156 00:53:23,367 --> 00:53:24,266 - Look. 1157 00:53:27,772 --> 00:53:28,604 - Hi gents. 1158 00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:31,707 I was meant to call you. 1159 00:53:31,709 --> 00:53:33,242 Hello! 1160 00:53:36,414 --> 00:53:37,980 - Oh, fair enough. 1161 00:53:38,849 --> 00:53:41,050 Oh, well, never mind. 1162 00:53:41,052 --> 00:53:42,985 You guys must be really angry. 1163 00:53:42,987 --> 00:53:44,853 Oh, fuck. 1164 00:53:50,027 --> 00:53:54,029 Oh, look, there's my crown. 1165 00:53:54,031 --> 00:53:55,030 Never mind. 1166 00:53:57,835 --> 00:54:00,336 - We have been looking for you, Mr. Woods. 1167 00:54:00,338 --> 00:54:03,405 - You know what it's like, last minute holiday and all that. 1168 00:54:03,407 --> 00:54:05,040 - What? 1169 00:54:05,042 --> 00:54:06,508 - You owe me a lot of money. 1170 00:54:06,510 --> 00:54:07,977 - Oh, well, come on! 1171 00:54:07,979 --> 00:54:10,045 You say a lot of money, it's not a lot of money, not really. 1172 00:54:10,047 --> 00:54:11,814 - 50,000 pounds! 1173 00:54:11,816 --> 00:54:12,848 - 50 grand?! 1174 00:54:14,018 --> 00:54:15,951 - What did you need 50,000 pounds for?! 1175 00:54:15,953 --> 00:54:17,453 - Things! - What?! 1176 00:54:18,689 --> 00:54:19,521 - And anyway, it doesn't really matter 1177 00:54:19,523 --> 00:54:20,723 'cause I've their money. 1178 00:54:20,725 --> 00:54:22,758 - You do not have the money, Mr. Woods. 1179 00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:25,527 If you had the money, I think you would have given it to me. 1180 00:54:25,529 --> 00:54:26,962 - What are you gonna do to him? 1181 00:54:26,964 --> 00:54:28,197 - Him?! 1182 00:54:28,199 --> 00:54:29,331 Him?! 1183 00:54:29,333 --> 00:54:30,899 Oh, thanks a fucking bunch! 1184 00:54:30,901 --> 00:54:32,868 That's solidarity, that is, right there! 1185 00:54:32,870 --> 00:54:34,203 - He's right, Mr. Woods. 1186 00:54:34,205 --> 00:54:36,472 - Yeah, fucking right I'm, what?! 1187 00:54:36,474 --> 00:54:38,474 - We will deal with you, Mr. Woods. 1188 00:54:38,476 --> 00:54:41,243 And your friends will be dealt with also. 1189 00:54:41,245 --> 00:54:42,378 - Huh?! 1190 00:54:42,380 --> 00:54:43,612 What for?! 1191 00:54:43,614 --> 00:54:47,149 - Witnesses, they're not good for business. 1192 00:54:53,224 --> 00:54:55,524 - Fucking untie me, you spatulas! 1193 00:54:58,863 --> 00:55:00,596 Oh, for fuck's sake! 1194 00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:10,706 Oh, get off! 1195 00:55:12,743 --> 00:55:13,742 - You fucking-- 1196 00:55:13,744 --> 00:55:15,344 - I'm so sorry. 1197 00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:37,933 Jesus Christ. 1198 00:55:37,935 --> 00:55:39,335 I've killed him. 1199 00:55:39,337 --> 00:55:41,570 Oh, my God, I've killed him, I've killed him. 1200 00:55:41,572 --> 00:55:42,805 I've killed him. 1201 00:55:42,807 --> 00:55:44,006 Oh, Jesus Christ, I've killed him. 1202 00:55:44,008 --> 00:55:45,574 - No, you've just knocked him out a bit. 1203 00:55:45,576 --> 00:55:48,277 - Fucking untie me, you fucking helmets! 1204 00:55:48,279 --> 00:55:51,146 - Those men, they were following us?! 1205 00:55:51,148 --> 00:55:52,147 - I don't know. 1206 00:55:52,149 --> 00:55:53,082 Maybe. 1207 00:55:53,084 --> 00:55:54,616 - They could've killed us, mate! 1208 00:55:54,618 --> 00:55:57,052 - They are dangerous gangsters! 1209 00:55:57,054 --> 00:55:58,520 And Russian! 1210 00:55:58,522 --> 00:56:01,090 - You should've told us, Adam! 1211 00:56:02,526 --> 00:56:04,793 - Look, all right, I'm sorry. 1212 00:56:04,795 --> 00:56:06,628 - What? 1213 00:56:06,630 --> 00:56:08,364 - I'm fucking sorry! 1214 00:56:09,467 --> 00:56:10,800 - Are you sure he isn't dead? 1215 00:56:10,801 --> 00:56:12,134 Because I don't want to sound big-headed or anything, 1216 00:56:12,136 --> 00:56:13,302 but I did actually hit him quite hard. 1217 00:56:13,304 --> 00:56:14,470 - It really wasn't that hard, mate. 1218 00:56:14,472 --> 00:56:15,871 - Well, look, Gaz, you would be surprised. 1219 00:56:15,873 --> 00:56:17,139 I can be quite strong sometimes. 1220 00:56:17,141 --> 00:56:18,941 I might have hit him really hard, actually, so-- 1221 00:56:18,943 --> 00:56:20,242 - Fuck's sake, it was barely a flick. 1222 00:56:20,244 --> 00:56:22,077 He probably fainted from boredom. 1223 00:56:22,079 --> 00:56:23,512 - No, actually, you don't get to talk! 1224 00:56:23,514 --> 00:56:25,914 You don't get to talk because it's your fault 1225 00:56:25,916 --> 00:56:28,817 someone may or may not be lying dead in there 1226 00:56:28,819 --> 00:56:33,288 because you're a bad friend and a fucking shit face! 1227 00:56:33,290 --> 00:56:34,123 - Jackpot! 1228 00:56:34,125 --> 00:56:35,023 - Yes. 1229 00:57:19,603 --> 00:57:20,736 It's so nice. 1230 00:57:24,642 --> 00:57:25,974 - No, it's not. 1231 00:57:28,279 --> 00:57:30,012 - I'm nervous, Adam. 1232 00:57:32,249 --> 00:57:33,582 - Yeah, me too. 1233 00:57:35,553 --> 00:57:36,618 Hey, what if Frankie's turned into 1234 00:57:36,620 --> 00:57:37,920 a complete prick or something? 1235 00:57:37,922 --> 00:57:39,154 - Gaz. 1236 00:57:39,156 --> 00:57:41,990 You can't say that about dying people. 1237 00:57:43,127 --> 00:57:45,360 - Frankie's not like that. 1238 00:57:47,264 --> 00:57:48,831 He'll be the same. 1239 00:57:54,805 --> 00:57:55,871 Oh, fuck it. 1240 00:58:16,026 --> 00:58:17,960 - Where is everyone? 1241 00:58:17,962 --> 00:58:20,028 - Maybe they're being burgled. 1242 00:58:20,030 --> 00:58:21,263 - Or maybe the door's open 1243 00:58:21,265 --> 00:58:24,833 because of something more reasonable? 1244 00:58:24,835 --> 00:58:27,970 Look, we need to be a bit respectful. 1245 00:58:28,906 --> 00:58:30,439 He's not well. 1246 00:58:30,441 --> 00:58:31,406 He's probably tired. 1247 00:58:31,408 --> 00:58:32,374 - Bollocks! 1248 00:58:33,244 --> 00:58:34,776 He might be bald and skinny, 1249 00:58:34,778 --> 00:58:37,746 but I've been through hell and back to see that gimp. 1250 00:58:38,983 --> 00:58:42,584 Frankie Joseph Budden, you terminal legend. 1251 00:58:54,899 --> 00:58:55,797 - No. 1252 00:58:59,570 --> 00:59:00,469 No. 1253 00:59:03,507 --> 00:59:06,141 - Have they been burgled, Pete? 1254 00:59:12,016 --> 00:59:12,915 Pete? 1255 00:59:20,591 --> 00:59:22,291 - You just missed him. 1256 00:59:22,293 --> 00:59:24,526 He died yesterday morning. 1257 00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:30,699 I'm sorry. 1258 00:59:34,572 --> 00:59:36,805 - I thought we had longer. 1259 00:59:36,807 --> 00:59:41,510 - We had longer with him than we thought we would. 1260 00:59:41,512 --> 00:59:42,744 We were lucky. 1261 00:59:45,149 --> 00:59:46,515 - Did he... 1262 00:59:46,517 --> 00:59:47,349 I mean, was it-- 1263 00:59:47,351 --> 00:59:49,351 - Gaz, it was peaceful. 1264 00:59:55,292 --> 00:59:57,526 The funeral's at the end of the week. 1265 00:59:57,528 --> 00:59:58,927 You should stay. 1266 01:00:01,298 --> 01:00:03,031 - End of the week? 1267 01:00:03,033 --> 01:00:04,366 So soon? 1268 01:00:04,368 --> 01:00:07,936 - He had everything planned out, paid for. 1269 01:00:10,074 --> 01:00:12,874 No point hanging about, eh? 1270 01:00:12,876 --> 01:00:15,377 Adam, son, are you all right? 1271 01:00:20,050 --> 01:00:21,683 He tried holding on. 1272 01:00:21,685 --> 01:00:22,584 He did. 1273 01:00:23,487 --> 01:00:25,887 He really wanted to see you. 1274 01:00:28,759 --> 01:00:30,993 Melanie's coming back tomorrow. 1275 01:00:30,995 --> 01:00:33,829 I'm sure she'd like to meet you all. 1276 01:00:33,831 --> 01:00:35,831 - Who's Melanie? 1277 01:00:35,833 --> 01:00:36,832 - His wife. 1278 01:00:38,969 --> 01:00:41,703 - They loved each other so much. 1279 01:00:45,576 --> 01:00:48,310 God, I hope Tammy remembers him. 1280 01:00:49,413 --> 01:00:50,646 - Who's Tammy? 1281 01:00:52,216 --> 01:00:53,882 - Their girl. 1282 01:00:53,884 --> 01:00:56,485 Little tyke, just like her dad. 1283 01:01:08,298 --> 01:01:09,931 Adam. 1284 01:01:40,197 --> 01:01:41,430 - Hey! 1285 01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:43,899 Hey! 1286 01:02:13,097 --> 01:02:15,263 - I don't want to do this. 1287 01:02:15,265 --> 01:02:16,064 - Why not? 1288 01:02:16,967 --> 01:02:17,899 She's his wife. 1289 01:02:17,901 --> 01:02:19,101 It'll be nice to meet her. 1290 01:02:19,103 --> 01:02:20,836 - I don't want to do it. 1291 01:02:20,838 --> 01:02:23,238 - What's wrong with you? 1292 01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:27,476 There's upset, and there's just plain dickheadery. 1293 01:02:33,050 --> 01:02:35,117 - It's nice to meet you. 1294 01:02:38,555 --> 01:02:41,523 Frankie spoke about you all the time. 1295 01:02:41,525 --> 01:02:43,091 He loved you boys. 1296 01:02:44,561 --> 01:02:47,195 He always meant to, to reunite. 1297 01:02:48,098 --> 01:02:50,732 Then he was diagnosed. 1298 01:02:50,734 --> 01:02:51,633 Sorry. 1299 01:02:54,438 --> 01:02:56,605 - We tried to get here on time. 1300 01:02:56,607 --> 01:02:57,739 - It's fine. 1301 01:02:57,741 --> 01:02:59,608 He knew you were trying. 1302 01:02:59,610 --> 01:03:03,044 It's just, it escalated quite quickly. 1303 01:03:03,046 --> 01:03:03,945 Sorry. 1304 01:03:06,517 --> 01:03:11,086 He was watching this, the night before he died. 1305 01:03:11,088 --> 01:03:13,455 He said you should watch it. 1306 01:03:14,291 --> 01:03:16,191 - Our end of year assembly? 1307 01:03:16,193 --> 01:03:17,759 - From our second year? 1308 01:03:17,761 --> 01:03:19,461 - I think so. 1309 01:03:19,463 --> 01:03:20,762 Do you want to watch it? 1310 01:03:20,764 --> 01:03:23,498 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1311 01:03:28,071 --> 01:03:32,440 ♪ All things bright and beautiful ♪ 1312 01:03:32,442 --> 01:03:36,545 ♪ All creatures great and small ♪ 1313 01:03:37,681 --> 01:03:39,181 - Fucking leaves. 1314 01:03:40,484 --> 01:03:42,617 Why does this even exist? 1315 01:03:43,620 --> 01:03:45,821 - I remember that. 1316 01:03:45,823 --> 01:03:48,223 I had bruises for weeks. 1317 01:03:48,225 --> 01:03:50,058 - Friendship bruises. 1318 01:03:52,963 --> 01:03:56,331 - Why was Frankie laughing? 1319 01:03:56,333 --> 01:03:58,400 - He looks really happy. 1320 01:04:00,103 --> 01:04:01,803 - It sounds a bit silly, 1321 01:04:01,805 --> 01:04:04,206 but I was always got a bit jealous when he talked about you, 1322 01:04:04,208 --> 01:04:06,508 about all the things that you did. 1323 01:04:06,510 --> 01:04:08,710 - Oh, we did so much shit. 1324 01:04:08,712 --> 01:04:10,712 Surprised we never got caught. 1325 01:04:10,714 --> 01:04:12,247 - Nah. 1326 01:04:12,249 --> 01:04:14,115 Frankie was too clever for that. 1327 01:04:21,692 --> 01:04:24,759 - Is this fucking thing recording now, or what? 1328 01:04:24,761 --> 01:04:25,827 Hello, lads. 1329 01:04:27,431 --> 01:04:31,433 First things first: you're really fucking late. 1330 01:04:35,439 --> 01:04:37,005 Not winning, boys. 1331 01:04:38,308 --> 01:04:39,474 You are shit. 1332 01:04:41,678 --> 01:04:45,413 I'm not sure if you will see this video. 1333 01:04:45,415 --> 01:04:46,715 I mean, if you hurry your asses up 1334 01:04:46,717 --> 01:04:49,618 and get here in time, you won't have to. 1335 01:04:49,620 --> 01:04:52,354 But if you are watching this video, 1336 01:04:52,356 --> 01:04:57,092 well, then it means you probably didn't make it in time. 1337 01:04:57,995 --> 01:04:58,894 I know. 1338 01:05:00,364 --> 01:05:02,597 I look like shit, don't I? 1339 01:05:04,468 --> 01:05:06,534 A big bald fucking baby. 1340 01:05:08,906 --> 01:05:11,640 That's all right, I have cancer. 1341 01:05:14,311 --> 01:05:18,079 Okay, so, really wanted to see you all again. 1342 01:05:19,416 --> 01:05:21,082 I really did. 1343 01:05:21,084 --> 01:05:23,418 I don't know why I didn't phone more, 1344 01:05:23,420 --> 01:05:25,553 or why we didn't meet up. 1345 01:05:27,291 --> 01:05:28,523 Guess life just kind of carries 1346 01:05:28,525 --> 01:05:30,425 you away sometimes, don't it? 1347 01:05:32,496 --> 01:05:36,498 So, there is a few things that I wanted to say. 1348 01:05:36,500 --> 01:05:37,399 Okay, Gaz. 1349 01:05:40,003 --> 01:05:44,339 There's no real easy way for me to say this, but... 1350 01:05:51,848 --> 01:05:56,184 Well, basically, your wife has been cheating on you. 1351 01:05:56,186 --> 01:05:57,252 Sorry, mate. 1352 01:06:00,524 --> 01:06:04,359 And, of course, you know, that explains Elle. 1353 01:06:08,899 --> 01:06:10,131 Right, anyway. 1354 01:06:14,271 --> 01:06:15,170 Smithy. 1355 01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:18,206 Smithy, mate. 1356 01:06:19,876 --> 01:06:21,609 You are fucking top. 1357 01:06:23,180 --> 01:06:24,446 Mean that, bud. 1358 01:06:24,448 --> 01:06:25,680 You're fucking top. 1359 01:06:25,682 --> 01:06:27,248 Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. 1360 01:06:27,250 --> 01:06:28,483 You're fucking brilliant. 1361 01:06:28,485 --> 01:06:30,552 Ignore Adam 'cause he's a bellend. 1362 01:06:30,554 --> 01:06:31,453 You know? 1363 01:06:33,724 --> 01:06:36,224 And also talk to Melanie. 1364 01:06:36,226 --> 01:06:38,827 She'll give you some numbers of a few of her mates. 1365 01:06:38,829 --> 01:06:40,128 Just don't leer. 1366 01:06:40,130 --> 01:06:41,463 Yeah, you're a leerer, mate. 1367 01:06:41,465 --> 01:06:42,397 Stop it. 1368 01:06:42,399 --> 01:06:44,666 Girls don't like that shit. 1369 01:06:47,270 --> 01:06:48,269 Peter. 1370 01:06:48,271 --> 01:06:50,005 Peter, Peter, Peter. 1371 01:06:52,709 --> 01:06:55,210 Just wear less knitted vests, yeah? 1372 01:06:55,212 --> 01:06:56,511 Just wear less knitted vests. 1373 01:06:56,513 --> 01:06:57,979 They don't do anything for you, mate. 1374 01:06:57,981 --> 01:07:00,348 They just make you look like a hungry librarian. 1375 01:07:00,350 --> 01:07:01,416 And a prick. 1376 01:07:02,419 --> 01:07:03,752 I'm only joking, mate. 1377 01:07:03,754 --> 01:07:04,686 Love you. 1378 01:07:05,789 --> 01:07:08,623 And last but by no means least, Adam. 1379 01:07:22,973 --> 01:07:23,805 I'll always remember-- 1380 01:07:26,376 --> 01:07:27,275 - No, no. 1381 01:07:29,746 --> 01:07:31,012 What's wrong? 1382 01:07:31,013 --> 01:07:32,279 - Oh, he never had a clue what he was doing 1383 01:07:32,282 --> 01:07:33,748 with this sort of thing. 1384 01:07:33,750 --> 01:07:35,150 I'm sorry, Adam. 1385 01:07:42,392 --> 01:07:43,258 - It's fine. 1386 01:07:43,260 --> 01:07:44,893 It's fine. 1387 01:07:44,895 --> 01:07:47,028 Maybe we should just... 1388 01:07:47,030 --> 01:07:49,898 Maybe we should probably just go. 1389 01:07:49,900 --> 01:07:53,001 - Can you tell Richard we won't be long? 1390 01:07:53,003 --> 01:07:55,236 Just need to get some air. 1391 01:07:57,641 --> 01:07:59,541 Look, I'm sorry about him. 1392 01:07:59,543 --> 01:08:01,810 He's really not taking it very well. 1393 01:08:01,812 --> 01:08:03,545 - It's fine, really. 1394 01:08:05,782 --> 01:08:07,949 - Adam, we all loved him. 1395 01:08:23,266 --> 01:08:26,234 - Were Frankie and Adam boyfriends? 1396 01:08:28,872 --> 01:08:30,371 - I hate camping. 1397 01:08:32,109 --> 01:08:33,842 - We're not camping. 1398 01:08:34,644 --> 01:08:36,244 - No? 1399 01:08:36,246 --> 01:08:38,913 Sitting around a fire, sleeping outdoors? 1400 01:08:38,915 --> 01:08:41,149 No, you're right. 1401 01:08:41,151 --> 01:08:44,252 - Well, it's better than being in there with... 1402 01:08:44,254 --> 01:08:45,653 With them. 1403 01:08:45,655 --> 01:08:47,856 They didn't know Frankie like we did. 1404 01:08:47,858 --> 01:08:50,291 - His wife and his parents? 1405 01:08:50,293 --> 01:08:51,092 - We knew him. 1406 01:08:51,094 --> 01:08:52,327 We did. 1407 01:08:52,329 --> 01:08:53,228 Properly. 1408 01:08:54,431 --> 01:08:56,798 - I met him in detention. 1409 01:08:56,800 --> 01:08:57,232 Frankie, that is. 1410 01:09:01,304 --> 01:09:05,807 When Mr. Gulliver went out of the room, to the toilet, 1411 01:09:05,809 --> 01:09:07,542 he dipped his bullocks in his coffee cup. 1412 01:09:11,014 --> 01:09:12,780 He had scalded bullocks for weeks after that. 1413 01:09:19,222 --> 01:09:20,455 You know, I thought we might be able 1414 01:09:20,457 --> 01:09:23,691 to do something when we got here. 1415 01:09:23,693 --> 01:09:25,927 A few jokes, or something. 1416 01:09:28,198 --> 01:09:29,597 Like we used to. 1417 01:09:44,481 --> 01:09:46,047 - Is it a flower? 1418 01:09:46,049 --> 01:09:47,549 - Is it too much? 1419 01:09:47,551 --> 01:09:49,217 I thought we wanted to be remembered. 1420 01:09:49,219 --> 01:09:50,118 - "Is it too much"? 1421 01:09:50,120 --> 01:09:52,086 - Oh, fucking hell! 1422 01:09:52,088 --> 01:09:53,988 - Yeah, just a smidge. 1423 01:09:55,158 --> 01:09:57,125 - Fuckers. 1424 01:10:01,698 --> 01:10:03,531 - You remember Jamie Risco? 1425 01:10:03,533 --> 01:10:04,599 - Mm. - Yeah. 1426 01:10:06,970 --> 01:10:08,570 - He used to shove my head down the toilet 1427 01:10:08,572 --> 01:10:11,206 every Wednesday before Science. 1428 01:10:12,342 --> 01:10:14,909 Frankie walked in on him doing it once, 1429 01:10:14,911 --> 01:10:16,711 told Risco to do one. 1430 01:10:18,815 --> 01:10:20,882 Never ever did it again. 1431 01:10:24,688 --> 01:10:27,755 He always stood up for me like that. 1432 01:10:30,961 --> 01:10:31,859 Top bloke. 1433 01:10:35,665 --> 01:10:37,465 What about you, Adam? 1434 01:10:38,635 --> 01:10:42,203 You knew him before we did, before school. 1435 01:10:43,873 --> 01:10:45,707 How did you two meet? 1436 01:10:48,345 --> 01:10:50,211 - Oh, for fuck's sake. 1437 01:10:54,918 --> 01:10:56,818 Well, he moved in a few doors down from us, 1438 01:10:56,820 --> 01:11:00,188 and one night I nicked one of Dad's fags 1439 01:11:01,091 --> 01:11:02,523 and took it round the bins, 1440 01:11:02,525 --> 01:11:03,992 and he was already there, 1441 01:11:03,994 --> 01:11:06,294 smoking a 10-pack he'd stolen from his mum's handbag. 1442 01:11:12,335 --> 01:11:15,103 We couldn't separated after that. 1443 01:11:21,478 --> 01:11:24,545 Do I look like I'm fucking crying?! 1444 01:11:24,547 --> 01:11:26,347 - Yes, a bit. 1445 01:11:26,349 --> 01:11:27,248 You do. 1446 01:11:33,923 --> 01:11:36,257 - We made it here together. 1447 01:11:37,427 --> 01:11:41,763 And at least we get to say goodbye to Frankie. 1448 01:11:41,765 --> 01:11:43,665 - Wasn't exactly straight forward, was it? 1449 01:11:45,101 --> 01:11:47,502 - You literally went through shit, Peter. 1450 01:11:53,843 --> 01:11:57,512 - Well, at least I didn't fuck Mrs. Carmichael. 1451 01:11:57,514 --> 01:11:59,347 - Yeah, all right. 1452 01:11:59,349 --> 01:12:00,782 What, and that's worse than posing 1453 01:12:00,784 --> 01:12:02,216 in your Y-fronts to get a car? 1454 01:12:10,226 --> 01:12:11,592 - Cars are here. 1455 01:12:18,535 --> 01:12:22,770 - We are gathered here on this very sad day 1456 01:12:22,772 --> 01:12:26,908 to celebrate the life of our brother Francis. 1457 01:12:29,813 --> 01:12:32,613 I believe Francis's father, Richard, 1458 01:12:32,615 --> 01:12:35,350 has prepared a few words to say. 1459 01:12:54,671 --> 01:12:56,070 - Frankie was... 1460 01:13:08,752 --> 01:13:12,787 He was a total pain in the arse mostly. 1461 01:13:12,789 --> 01:13:14,789 There wasn't a day went by when he was young 1462 01:13:14,791 --> 01:13:19,494 when he wasn't wanting to borrow money or asking a favor. 1463 01:13:21,998 --> 01:13:23,731 I loved those years. 1464 01:13:24,968 --> 01:13:27,335 Me and his mum, Francine, were his chefs, 1465 01:13:27,337 --> 01:13:30,171 chauffeurs, bankers, you name it. 1466 01:13:32,609 --> 01:13:36,177 And he always asked with that cheeky grin. 1467 01:13:40,583 --> 01:13:42,617 The little fucker. 1468 01:13:42,619 --> 01:13:44,519 We could never say no. 1469 01:13:49,926 --> 01:13:52,894 I was with him the night he let go. 1470 01:13:56,399 --> 01:13:58,166 I could tell. 1471 01:13:58,168 --> 01:13:59,400 He could tell. 1472 01:14:00,770 --> 01:14:04,605 It was like there was a big shadow over the house. 1473 01:14:04,607 --> 01:14:07,642 Melanie was telling him about the first time they met, 1474 01:14:07,644 --> 01:14:09,277 and he was smiling. 1475 01:14:13,883 --> 01:14:17,852 It was the first time he'd smiled in ages. 1476 01:14:17,854 --> 01:14:19,353 Frankie would never be overtaken 1477 01:14:19,355 --> 01:14:23,157 by the horrible disease that took him in the end. 1478 01:14:26,996 --> 01:14:29,597 The cancer didn't meet Frankie's wife, Melanie. 1479 01:14:29,599 --> 01:14:32,834 The cancer didn't propose, it didn't marry her. 1480 01:14:32,836 --> 01:14:35,503 The cancer wasn't the father to Frankie's daughter, Tammy. 1481 01:14:35,505 --> 01:14:37,738 The cancer wasn't our son! 1482 01:14:42,545 --> 01:14:43,611 Frankie was. 1483 01:14:47,884 --> 01:14:49,717 That was all Frankie. 1484 01:14:52,989 --> 01:14:54,522 Son, 1485 01:14:54,524 --> 01:14:55,423 husband, 1486 01:14:56,993 --> 01:14:57,892 father, 1487 01:15:01,297 --> 01:15:02,196 and mate. 1488 01:15:08,438 --> 01:15:10,104 I'll miss you, son. 1489 01:15:35,665 --> 01:15:36,898 - Smell that. 1490 01:15:36,900 --> 01:15:39,000 Egg mayonnaise or prawn cocktail? 1491 01:15:39,002 --> 01:15:42,637 Frankly, it's worrying you can't tell them apart. 1492 01:15:42,639 --> 01:15:43,504 - Mad, isn't it? 1493 01:15:43,506 --> 01:15:44,372 - Neville?! 1494 01:15:46,776 --> 01:15:47,775 What? Why? 1495 01:15:47,776 --> 01:15:48,775 This is the funeral you were going to? 1496 01:15:48,778 --> 01:15:49,844 - Yeah. 1497 01:15:49,846 --> 01:15:51,846 - You knew Frankie had died? 1498 01:15:51,848 --> 01:15:53,014 - Yeah, saw it on-- 1499 01:15:53,016 --> 01:15:54,215 - Facebook. 1500 01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:55,616 - Mad, isn't it? 1501 01:15:55,618 --> 01:15:58,152 - You knew Frankie had died, 1502 01:15:58,154 --> 01:16:00,988 but you didn't think to tell his best friends 1503 01:16:00,990 --> 01:16:01,989 when you saw them? 1504 01:16:01,991 --> 01:16:04,625 - No, yeah, must've forgot. 1505 01:16:04,627 --> 01:16:06,327 Sorry, Peter. 1506 01:16:06,329 --> 01:16:07,562 What you doing after this? 1507 01:16:07,564 --> 01:16:09,797 Can I come? - Oh, fuck off! 1508 01:16:10,833 --> 01:16:11,732 Twat rag! 1509 01:16:22,445 --> 01:16:24,946 - Everything sort of unclenches after a funeral. 1510 01:16:24,948 --> 01:16:26,447 The sad stuff's over with, 1511 01:16:26,449 --> 01:16:27,815 and now the one thing everyone wants to do 1512 01:16:27,817 --> 01:16:29,717 is drink and forget. 1513 01:16:29,719 --> 01:16:31,252 One thing to be said for wakes, 1514 01:16:31,254 --> 01:16:33,654 there's always alcohol, and lots of it. 1515 01:16:33,656 --> 01:16:35,256 And one thing to be said for alcohol, 1516 01:16:35,258 --> 01:16:39,493 it's a bloody brilliant cure for big fat wusses like Smithy. 1517 01:16:39,495 --> 01:16:42,029 - I'm gonna go over to her. 1518 01:16:42,031 --> 01:16:43,631 - Right. 1519 01:16:43,633 --> 01:16:46,934 Maybe try to look less murderous before you do. 1520 01:16:46,936 --> 01:16:47,835 - Ah. 1521 01:17:03,152 --> 01:17:04,051 All right? 1522 01:17:06,289 --> 01:17:09,023 Do you come here often? 1523 01:17:09,025 --> 01:17:10,257 - To funerals? 1524 01:17:12,562 --> 01:17:14,829 You must be Smithy. 1525 01:17:14,831 --> 01:17:17,031 Melanie's told me about you. 1526 01:17:17,033 --> 01:17:18,432 - Did she? 1527 01:17:18,434 --> 01:17:19,834 - Mm. 1528 01:17:19,836 --> 01:17:21,802 - Oh, she did, did she? 1529 01:17:23,973 --> 01:17:24,872 - Yeah. 1530 01:17:25,842 --> 01:17:26,741 - She did? 1531 01:17:27,977 --> 01:17:28,876 Okay. 1532 01:17:30,313 --> 01:17:31,445 What exactly did she-- 1533 01:17:31,447 --> 01:17:32,346 - Stop. 1534 01:17:33,683 --> 01:17:35,950 You're doing it all wrong. 1535 01:17:37,220 --> 01:17:38,386 - Yeah. 1536 01:17:38,388 --> 01:17:41,222 Look, I didn't even ask your name. 1537 01:17:42,325 --> 01:17:43,991 Sorry. 1538 01:17:43,993 --> 01:17:44,892 - Sally. 1539 01:17:47,697 --> 01:17:49,664 How about a drink, hey? 1540 01:17:50,733 --> 01:17:51,632 - Yeah. 1541 01:18:11,988 --> 01:18:15,222 - You fucking English bastard! 1542 01:18:36,713 --> 01:18:37,945 - Fuck. 1543 01:18:51,527 --> 01:18:52,426 Yslav? 1544 01:18:54,030 --> 01:18:56,430 Are you all right, mate? 1545 01:18:56,432 --> 01:18:57,331 Oh, shit! 1546 01:19:00,937 --> 01:19:02,503 - I can't hear you properly! 1547 01:19:02,505 --> 01:19:03,471 What, fuck! 1548 01:19:04,273 --> 01:19:05,940 What's happened to you?! 1549 01:19:05,942 --> 01:19:07,775 - There's been a little hiccup. 1550 01:19:07,777 --> 01:19:08,642 Yslav turned up. 1551 01:19:08,644 --> 01:19:09,744 - Did he do this?! 1552 01:19:09,746 --> 01:19:11,345 - A little something happened. 1553 01:19:11,347 --> 01:19:12,446 Minuscule, really. 1554 01:19:12,448 --> 01:19:13,280 Tiny. 1555 01:19:13,282 --> 01:19:15,249 - Jesus Christ, Adam! 1556 01:19:15,251 --> 01:19:16,317 - It was a fucking accident! 1557 01:19:16,319 --> 01:19:17,284 He just slipped! 1558 01:19:17,286 --> 01:19:18,119 - What?! 1559 01:19:18,121 --> 01:19:19,353 What do we do?! 1560 01:19:19,355 --> 01:19:20,454 - Well, we need to get rid of it! 1561 01:19:20,456 --> 01:19:21,489 - What?! 1562 01:19:21,491 --> 01:19:22,556 No! 1563 01:19:22,558 --> 01:19:23,724 No, we can't do that! 1564 01:19:23,726 --> 01:19:25,226 We have to phone the police! 1565 01:19:25,228 --> 01:19:26,894 - Oh, we can't phone the fucking police! 1566 01:19:26,896 --> 01:19:28,462 I'll go to fucking jail! 1567 01:19:28,464 --> 01:19:29,797 - Well, no, it's self-defense! 1568 01:19:29,799 --> 01:19:31,732 That's a thing, isn't it?! 1569 01:19:31,734 --> 01:19:32,700 They'll just tell you off! 1570 01:19:32,702 --> 01:19:34,635 - Tell me off?! 1571 01:19:34,637 --> 01:19:36,036 How fucking old are you?! 1572 01:19:36,038 --> 01:19:37,238 They'll put me cupboard-sized hole 1573 01:19:37,240 --> 01:19:39,707 with Killer fucking Kevin! 1574 01:19:39,709 --> 01:19:42,009 Oi, lardy cake, where the fuck are you going?! 1575 01:19:42,011 --> 01:19:44,111 Now is not the time for a fucking Mars bar! 1576 01:19:44,113 --> 01:19:45,012 - Shh! - Fuck! 1577 01:19:45,014 --> 01:19:46,347 - Someone will hear us! 1578 01:19:46,349 --> 01:19:47,581 - Are you sure he's dead? 1579 01:19:47,583 --> 01:19:49,784 - No, Gaz, I think the large fucking dent 1580 01:19:49,786 --> 01:19:51,685 in the side of his fucking head 1581 01:19:51,687 --> 01:19:54,822 is a fucking fashion statement! 1582 01:19:54,824 --> 01:19:57,691 - The diggers must've left these behind. 1583 01:19:57,693 --> 01:19:59,026 - No! 1584 01:19:59,028 --> 01:20:01,595 No! - It's a cemetery, Peter. 1585 01:20:01,597 --> 01:20:03,130 - Nope, we can't do this! 1586 01:20:03,132 --> 01:20:05,332 I am not involved in this in any way. 1587 01:20:05,334 --> 01:20:06,600 - Well done, fatso. 1588 01:20:06,602 --> 01:20:08,936 Grab a spade. - No, mate, we can't do this! 1589 01:20:08,938 --> 01:20:11,739 - Adam could go to jail for this! 1590 01:20:12,775 --> 01:20:14,341 - Absolutely nothing to do with it. 1591 01:20:14,343 --> 01:20:15,309 Nothing at all. 1592 01:20:15,311 --> 01:20:17,611 - Let's move the body. 1593 01:20:19,482 --> 01:20:21,081 - There's lots of ways to bond. 1594 01:20:21,083 --> 01:20:22,550 You could go on a team building weekend, 1595 01:20:22,552 --> 01:20:25,085 or meet up for a drink a couple of times a week. 1596 01:20:25,087 --> 01:20:26,787 No one's ever said that a great way of bonding 1597 01:20:26,789 --> 01:20:29,256 is to bury the body of a Russian gangster, 1598 01:20:29,258 --> 01:20:31,158 except maybe if you were a gangster. 1599 01:20:31,160 --> 01:20:32,793 - It's not deep enough. 1600 01:20:32,795 --> 01:20:34,328 - From Russia. 1601 01:20:34,330 --> 01:20:36,297 - It needs to be deep enough so the foxes can't smell it. 1602 01:20:36,299 --> 01:20:37,498 Or wherever it is 1603 01:20:37,500 --> 01:20:40,267 that gangsters come from these days. 1604 01:20:40,269 --> 01:20:43,070 - Gaz, you are not holding your shovel properly! 1605 01:20:43,072 --> 01:20:45,306 - Probably somewhere like Stockport. 1606 01:20:45,308 --> 01:20:46,807 - It needs to be deeper! 1607 01:20:46,809 --> 01:20:48,776 - What the fuck happened to you not getting involved?! 1608 01:20:48,778 --> 01:20:49,677 - I'm not! 1609 01:20:50,680 --> 01:20:51,846 I'm just suggest-- 1610 01:20:51,848 --> 01:20:54,548 - Yeah, well, I suggest you take my spade 1611 01:20:54,550 --> 01:20:56,917 and shove it up your ass! 1612 01:20:56,919 --> 01:20:58,219 - Brilliant! 1613 01:20:58,221 --> 01:20:59,620 Well done, Adam. 1614 01:20:59,622 --> 01:21:01,422 Just the sort of attitude we need 1615 01:21:01,424 --> 01:21:02,690 when we're burying the body 1616 01:21:02,692 --> 01:21:05,793 of someone you almost sort of killed! 1617 01:21:06,629 --> 01:21:08,062 - Keep going, jizz bank. 1618 01:21:08,064 --> 01:21:10,097 Go on, I dare you. 1619 01:21:10,099 --> 01:21:11,565 - Stop it! 1620 01:21:11,567 --> 01:21:13,133 Both of you! 1621 01:21:13,135 --> 01:21:16,070 For God's sake, Adam, shut up! 1622 01:21:16,072 --> 01:21:18,439 We're doing this to save your ass. 1623 01:21:18,441 --> 01:21:21,308 And, Peter, why don't you grow a pair 1624 01:21:21,310 --> 01:21:23,043 and help lift this body now! 1625 01:21:23,045 --> 01:21:24,044 - I can't, I'm not involved. 1626 01:21:24,046 --> 01:21:25,846 - Just fucking do it! 1627 01:21:32,855 --> 01:21:36,790 I don't think I can live with my mum anymore. 1628 01:21:36,792 --> 01:21:39,860 I'm not even sure I want to go home. 1629 01:21:43,032 --> 01:21:45,599 What's everyone else gonna do? 1630 01:21:50,039 --> 01:21:51,472 - Well, I'll probably move up north 1631 01:21:51,474 --> 01:21:55,643 with all the other homeless and unemployed people. 1632 01:21:58,481 --> 01:22:03,550 - I really have to have a word with Stacey when we get back. 1633 01:22:04,987 --> 01:22:07,922 There's a few things that just don't make any sense. 1634 01:22:12,328 --> 01:22:14,962 I just don't think Elle's mine. 1635 01:22:15,998 --> 01:22:18,732 - What makes you say that, mate? 1636 01:22:23,306 --> 01:22:25,072 - She's a bit black. 1637 01:22:27,944 --> 01:22:32,179 - Um, well, I suppose, now you come to mention it. 1638 01:22:33,282 --> 01:22:35,215 - And I don't think you can have a black baby 1639 01:22:35,217 --> 01:22:37,818 if both the parents are white. 1640 01:22:37,820 --> 01:22:38,719 Can you? 1641 01:22:41,924 --> 01:22:43,157 - Sorry, mate. 1642 01:22:48,130 --> 01:22:49,930 What about you, Adam? 1643 01:22:52,034 --> 01:22:53,701 - I don't know. 1644 01:22:53,703 --> 01:22:54,902 Go back to work. 1645 01:22:54,904 --> 01:22:57,838 Sort out all the shit I left behind. 1646 01:22:59,141 --> 01:23:01,475 Make sure my receptionist hasn't stuck herself to the desk 1647 01:23:01,477 --> 01:23:02,643 with a staple gun. 1648 01:23:06,248 --> 01:23:09,883 - We'll stay together, though, won't we? 1649 01:23:09,885 --> 01:23:10,751 - Yeah. 1650 01:23:12,355 --> 01:23:13,454 - Definitely. 1651 01:23:14,790 --> 01:23:17,825 - Well, it's either you lot or fucking Neville. 1652 01:23:21,564 --> 01:23:22,796 Come on. 1653 01:23:22,798 --> 01:23:26,600 Let's fill this fucking hole in, and get home. 1654 01:23:36,312 --> 01:23:38,645 - I knew someone whose mum tossed off a dead body 1655 01:23:38,647 --> 01:23:40,948 to get the sperm and have a baby. 1656 01:23:40,950 --> 01:23:42,649 - No you didn't, Gaz. 1657 01:23:42,651 --> 01:23:44,585 - Yes, I did, his name was Billy. 1658 01:23:44,587 --> 01:23:45,919 - Billy, really? 1659 01:23:45,921 --> 01:23:47,488 That was his real name, was it? 1660 01:23:47,490 --> 01:23:50,090 Despite what you just said being 100% impossible? 1661 01:23:50,092 --> 01:23:52,192 - You can get sperm from a dead body. 1662 01:23:52,194 --> 01:23:53,460 And that's how we said 1663 01:23:53,462 --> 01:23:55,062 goodbye to Frankie. 1664 01:23:55,064 --> 01:23:56,897 That wasn't exactly how we planned it. 1665 01:23:56,899 --> 01:23:58,899 There were definitely some differences. 1666 01:23:58,901 --> 01:24:00,634 For instance, Frankie would've actually been alive, 1667 01:24:00,636 --> 01:24:02,136 and we wouldn't have had to bury the body 1668 01:24:02,138 --> 01:24:05,806 of an angry Russian on top of our dear friend. 1669 01:24:05,808 --> 01:24:07,341 Actually, something like that 1670 01:24:07,343 --> 01:24:09,543 was always bound to have happened. 1671 01:24:09,545 --> 01:24:11,011 But we walked away different men. 1672 01:24:11,013 --> 01:24:12,212 - You should try it, Gaz. 1673 01:24:12,214 --> 01:24:13,447 We had changed, 1674 01:24:13,449 --> 01:24:15,716 and we have Frankie to thank for that. 1675 01:24:15,718 --> 01:24:18,218 - Nah, that's well wrong. 1676 01:24:18,220 --> 01:24:19,887 Innit? 1677 01:24:19,889 --> 01:24:22,156 I mean, you can't really do that. 1678 01:24:22,158 --> 01:24:24,191 - Okay, we hadn't changed that much, 1679 01:24:24,193 --> 01:24:26,960 but we definitely weren't the same. 1680 01:24:26,962 --> 01:24:28,362 - Can you? 1681 01:24:29,365 --> 01:24:30,497 - Never mind. 1682 01:24:45,915 --> 01:24:48,916 ♪ I was falling to the side, you will never pick me up ♪ 1683 01:24:48,918 --> 01:24:51,452 ♪ The only money left is the penny in the cup ♪ 1684 01:24:51,454 --> 01:24:53,253 ♪ I tried my best ♪ 1685 01:24:55,724 --> 01:24:57,257 - Egg mayonnaise! 1686 01:24:57,259 --> 01:24:59,626 ♪ I've gotta face another day, I've gotta chase another clue ♪ 1687 01:24:59,628 --> 01:25:02,229 ♪ Bending over backwards for the man who's in the suit ♪ 1688 01:25:02,231 --> 01:25:07,301 ♪ A landmark day, put a smile on my face for you ♪ 1689 01:25:08,370 --> 01:25:10,437 ♪ Minimum wage, yeah, minimum effort ♪ 1690 01:25:10,439 --> 01:25:13,440 ♪ But not too low in this desert ♪ 1691 01:25:13,442 --> 01:25:18,445 ♪ Minimum wage, rolled up my sleeve for you ♪ 1692 01:25:19,515 --> 01:25:21,582 ♪ Minimum wage, yeah, minimum effort ♪ 1693 01:25:21,584 --> 01:25:24,384 ♪ But not too low in this desert ♪ 1694 01:25:24,386 --> 01:25:29,323 ♪ Minimum wage, rolled up my sleeve for you ♪ 1695 01:25:29,325 --> 01:25:32,292 ♪ I've got a shopping list full of bills to pay ♪ 1696 01:25:32,294 --> 01:25:35,095 ♪ I shop at Rische for the chic class A ♪ 1697 01:25:35,097 --> 01:25:40,167 ♪ A landmark day with a smile on my face for you ♪ 1698 01:25:41,003 --> 01:25:42,269 ♪ I've got lump in my throat ♪ 1699 01:25:42,271 --> 01:25:43,537 ♪ 'Cause I'm scared to swallow truth ♪ 1700 01:25:43,539 --> 01:25:45,873 ♪ Go up in the center of another faded youth ♪ 1701 01:25:45,875 --> 01:25:50,944 ♪ A vicious cycle that I'm hanging, ready on two ♪ 1702 01:25:52,014 --> 01:25:54,248 ♪ Minimum wage, yeah, minimum effort ♪ 1703 01:25:54,250 --> 01:25:57,184 ♪ But not too low in this desert ♪ 1704 01:25:57,186 --> 01:26:02,256 ♪ Minimum wage, rolled up my sleeve for you ♪ 1705 01:26:03,325 --> 01:26:05,392 ♪ Minimum wage, yeah, minimum effort ♪ 1706 01:26:05,394 --> 01:26:08,262 ♪ But not too low in this desert ♪ 1707 01:26:08,264 --> 01:26:13,333 ♪ Minimum wage, rolled up my sleeve for you ♪ 1708 01:26:30,653 --> 01:26:33,387 ♪ Minimum wage, yeah, minimum effort ♪ 1709 01:26:33,389 --> 01:26:36,323 ♪ But not too low in this desert ♪ 1710 01:26:36,325 --> 01:26:41,395 ♪ Minimum wage, rolled up my sleeve for you ♪ 1711 01:26:42,464 --> 01:26:44,598 ♪ Minimum wage, yeah, minimum effort ♪ 1712 01:26:44,600 --> 01:26:47,601 ♪ But not too low in this desert ♪ 1713 01:26:47,603 --> 01:26:52,673 ♪ Minimum wage, rolled up my sleeve for you ♪ 115982