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1
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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
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(SNORING)
3
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(MOBILE RINGING)
4
00:00:48,980 --> 00:00:50,050
Hello?
5
00:00:56,460 --> 00:00:57,609
Hello?
6
00:00:58,180 --> 00:00:59,739
Get off my grass!
7
00:00:59,820 --> 00:01:02,255
- What?
- Monty, it's Sammy.
8
00:01:02,340 --> 00:01:03,375
Sammy, what are you...
9
00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:06,170
It's 3:15 in the morning!
10
00:01:06,260 --> 00:01:07,580
[SAMMY] What, in the morning?
11
00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:11,896
Well, squeeze my tits
and call me Barbara.
12
00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:13,812
Here, Monty, I didn't wake you, did I?
13
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Of course you woke me! What do you want?
14
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I cannot stop thinking
15
00:01:18,540 --> 00:01:21,737
about last night's gig. You know,
the one at the private member's club.
16
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Nursing home!
17
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I absolutely stormed it, Monty!
18
00:01:25,380 --> 00:01:27,212
(CHUCKLES) And I am ready!
19
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Ready for what?
20
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Yes, I am, shut up!
21
00:01:31,580 --> 00:01:32,695
Excuse me?
22
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:35,693
Sorry, Monty, I wasn't talking to you.
Not talking to you.
23
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What do you mean...
Who were you talking to?
24
00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:40,929
Come on, Monty, let's climb aboard
the comedy cock
25
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,614
and ride it really hard,
to the moon and back!
26
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:46,574
What is this lunatic talking about?
27
00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:49,573
Not cock, chicken...
(MUMBLES) It doesn't matter.
28
00:01:49,740 --> 00:01:52,892
listen, let's do the Solana gig tonight.
29
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(SNORTS, COUGHS)
30
00:01:57,060 --> 00:01:58,733
(NERVOUSLY) Look, Sammy,
31
00:01:58,820 --> 00:02:01,175
why don't I take you out to lunch, huh?
32
00:02:01,260 --> 00:02:02,978
- At Marino's?
- That's good.
33
00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:06,372
Here, Monty, don't wake the rhino!
(CHUCKLING)
34
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:10,499
-(SNORING)
- I'm trying very hard not to.
35
00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:11,650
(CHUCKLES)
36
00:02:13,420 --> 00:02:15,252
Sammy loves you!
I tell you who loves you.
37
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Sammy loves you. Do you love Sammy?
Course you love Sammy.
38
00:02:18,220 --> 00:02:20,097
(PANTING)
Now, don't you ruin this for me.
39
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No, I'm not listening.
40
00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:23,854
La La La La La La La La...
41
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Go on, I dare you!
42
00:02:37,660 --> 00:02:38,730
Oh!
43
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:41,650
What are you doing?
44
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:43,249
I don't know.
45
00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:46,014
Morning!
46
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:51,019
Spoke to Kenneth. Told him
I was doing a bit of freelance work,
47
00:02:51,140 --> 00:02:53,097
as a professional muse
48
00:02:53,180 --> 00:02:55,251
and wouldn't be around much today.
49
00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:56,854
He looked delighted.
50
00:02:58,260 --> 00:03:00,774
So, what time are we starting?
51
00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:04,097
As soon as the barman arrives.
52
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:07,495
Oh, Pauline, no.
53
00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:11,099
I don't need to drink,
I choose to drink.
54
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:15,016
Helps oil the wheels of creativity.
Al the great artists do it.
55
00:03:15,460 --> 00:03:19,294
And she did write
five whole chapters yesterday.
56
00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,017
But they were disgusting.
57
00:03:22,180 --> 00:03:25,059
The main character is based on me.
58
00:03:25,180 --> 00:03:28,332
Obviously, I've changed
the name to protect her identity.
59
00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:32,336
And of course, the physical description
had to be somewhat modified.
60
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:34,816
To protect my identity.
61
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:37,612
Yeah. Let's go with that.
62
00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:39,569
Oh!
63
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:40,735
Oh!
64
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,731
Why do you keep doing that?
Have you got hiccups?
65
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:46,258
- I don't think I...
-(SCREAMS)
66
00:03:47,580 --> 00:03:49,696
How's that? Has that helped?
67
00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,334
Not really.
68
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:57,137
It feels like somebody keeps
prodding me in the back
69
00:03:57,660 --> 00:03:59,617
with something hard.
70
00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:03,337
Hey, just like in chapter three.
71
00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:04,615
(LAUGHS)
72
00:04:04,980 --> 00:04:07,290
(PHONE RINGING)
73
00:04:08,860 --> 00:04:10,089
Solana maison.
74
00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:14,251
Okay, let me find a pen.
75
00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:15,779
Hold onto the line, please.
76
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:22,373
Dennis ...
Den ...
77
00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:28,653
- What do you think you're doing?
- Hmm?
78
00:04:28,820 --> 00:04:31,619
I told you to stay out of the reception.
We're tempting fate here.
79
00:04:31,740 --> 00:04:33,651
You know our quarry's
already getting sussed.
80
00:04:34,180 --> 00:04:36,091
It's his day off today. I've already asked.
81
00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:37,978
- You asked?
- Look,
82
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,734
there's a petting zoo
just an hour's drive away.
83
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:42,250
Do you want to go?
84
00:04:42,340 --> 00:04:43,933
No, of course I don't.
85
00:04:44,140 --> 00:04:46,097
But they got a llama.
86
00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:50,369
Look, we've got two days before we
actually have to do our job and go home.
87
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:53,458
And I plan to spend
both of them keeping my head down,
88
00:04:53,740 --> 00:04:56,254
sitting by the pool and getting a tan.
89
00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:58,418
You never wanna do anything any more.
90
00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:01,330
- You've changed.
- Excuse me?
91
00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:03,610
Remember when we first joined the force?
92
00:05:03,740 --> 00:05:05,856
We used to go out and do stuff
together all the time.
93
00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:10,653
Poker nights and pub crawls, Dennis,
not a sodding petting zoo.
94
00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:13,978
They've got a llama.
95
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,997
3:15 in the morning?
96
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,073
Yeah, all right. That is a bit odd.
97
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,309
A bit?
98
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,000
Sam, the man is a complete lunatic.
99
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,510
You should have seen him
at that nursing home last night.
100
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,999
He did four encores.
101
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,071
- Four!
- That's good, isn't it?
102
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:38,429
No, it is not good.
103
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,479
Even before the first one,
the room was completely empty.
104
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,079
They'd wheeled them all off to bed!
105
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:47,438
Sammy just keeps going out there
anyway. Didn't even notice!
106
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:51,199
And now, he thinks
he's playing here, tonight.
107
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:54,151
I'm gonna have to cut him loose.
I've got no choice.
108
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,032
Okay, let's not be hasty here.
109
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,838
Perhaps if we were to take
another hundred
110
00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:59,638
out of the entertainments fund,
we could...
111
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,279
There isn't an entertainments fund.
112
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:05,433
I've emptied the entire account.
And if Joyce sees that head case
113
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:08,074
I've been spending it on,
she'll kill me.
114
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:09,669
Or divorce me.
115
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Or both.
116
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,955
So, there's no money left at all?
117
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,758
- Not a penny.
- Well..
118
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:19,715
- It's been a pleasure working with you.
- What?
119
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:22,474
There you are! What are you doing here?
120
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,836
You're supposed to be filling in
next week's schedules.
121
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,150
(CLEARS THROAT)
122
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,590
As I was saying,
you're doing a great job
123
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,194
and we're all very pleased with you.
(LAUGHS)
124
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,433
Sorry, darling, I was just giving
the staff a little pep talk.
125
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,630
I do sort of feel that it is part
of my job to help raise morale.
126
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,314
Well, it isn't.
127
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:43,638
And Sam, as I am continually pointing
out to her,
128
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,677
is not Solana staff.
129
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,355
Oh!
130
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,995
Oh, um... You.
131
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:54,118
I just wanted to say,
you're doing great work.
132
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,793
(CLEARS THROAT) Keep it up.
133
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,110
Two very small large vodkas, please.
134
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,590
Hrm...
135
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,993
It's a bit early.
136
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,592
It's okay, I'm a writer.
137
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,559
Come with me.
138
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,315
Come on love.
139
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,273
I think you should
try and eat something.
140
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,073
(SIGHS) I'm not hungry.
141
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:25,077
The nerve of that bloody man,
dragging her off like that,
142
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,032
forbidding her seeing our Rob.
143
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,750
I know, acting like our whole family
is not good enough for her.
144
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,676
Carrying on like we're all
a bunch of scruffy,
145
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,598
bloody common peasants or summat.
146
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:38,157
You've got a bit of egg
on your 'tache, Dad.
147
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,631
Strange. Didn't have egg this morning.
148
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:48,599
Hey. You are Tommy, yes?
149
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,355
- Rob.
- Yes, is close enough.
150
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,156
You girlfriend,
she has called reception,
151
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,158
she is wanting me to give you a massage.
152
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:57,999
She wants you to give me a massage?
153
00:07:58,320 --> 00:07:59,310
Yes.
154
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,354
But I am afraid it is not
having a happy ending.
155
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,638
Oh, a message.
156
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,115
Is what I am saying.
157
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:10,555
She is saying
158
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,071
she is loving you very much,
159
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:17,473
but that her father is very protective
160
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,030
and has taken your number
from her phone.
161
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,074
She was hoping it would be
different this time.
162
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,431
Her last boyfriend worked for him
163
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,592
and he eventually had him shot.
164
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,114
What?
165
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:30,755
Is what she's saying.
166
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,798
This afternoon,
she is returning to her country
167
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:39,273
and you will always be having
a place inside of her heart.
168
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,594
You finished with the breakfast?
169
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:46,834
This is not part of the message.
170
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:51,795
I will come back.
171
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,875
He had her last boyfriend shot?
172
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,076
Oh, of course he didn't.
173
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:03,433
She obviously said "fired" and that
clown of a barman wrote it literally.
174
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,512
I'm so sorry Rob.
175
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,553
We all are kid.
176
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,554
I know.
177
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,400
I know.
178
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:26,594
Hmm.
179
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:40,634
Kenneth, I'm bored.
180
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:42,515
Oh stop moaning.
181
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,472
I gave you Mrs Cattleprod, didn't I?
182
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,756
Yeah, but one client since yesterday.
183
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,315
And her name's Gattleford,
not Cattleprod.
184
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,351
Po-tay-t-o, po-tah-to.
185
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,194
Will you stop going on about
how quiet it is? You're gonna jinx it.
186
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,313
After the week I've had,
I could do with some down time.
187
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,119
Do you know, the universe has been
treating me like a ping-pong ball.
188
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,349
I'm owed some karma, Liam.
189
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:01,919
- All right? Are you open?
- Oh...
190
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,719
Yes.
191
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,513
What can we do for you?
192
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,832
Um, I was hoping to take you up
on your offer, actually.
193
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,594
- What offer?
- Free haircuts for life.
194
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,519
You said last year, me and Tiger
did a bit of modelling for you.
195
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,752
The adverts for Troy's salon.
196
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,274
Oh, that.
197
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,235
Sorry, Troy's gone. Offer's finished.
198
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,078
Should have read your Ts and Cs, love.
199
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,638
We're not exactly rushed off our feet,
Kenneth. And we do owe them.
200
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,030
Hang on.
201
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,599
I don't even think that's the same one.
202
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,354
No, I am...
203
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,433
just got a bit better looking.
204
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,636
Right, fine. Whatever.
205
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,114
Take a seat.
206
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,039
Let's get this over and done with.
207
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:43,670
Psst!
208
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:45,992
Free haircuts for life? Was we drunk?
209
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,315
- We were, yes.
- Hmm.
210
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,071
Any chance of a brew there as well?
211
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,480
We've skipped breakfast for this.
212
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:54,989
(MOUTHING) Cheeky bastard.
213
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,150
Where's Rob?
214
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,592
Uh, I don't know. Said he wanted to be
on his own, so...
215
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,478
So, you just took him at his word?
216
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,515
Well, yeah.
217
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,678
Did it occur to you that perhaps
he needed family around him right now?
218
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,509
Sheron, you need to understand
that men and women
219
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,160
handle these types of situations
very differently.
220
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,037
If Rob said he wants to be alone,
then he wants to be alone.
221
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,078
Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
222
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:28,994
It's true, Sheron.
223
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,837
Young Billy were just the same
at that age.
224
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,597
When his first girlfriend dumped him,
225
00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,273
he wouldn't leave his room for weeks.
226
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,357
It wasn't weeks, it was two days max.
227
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,671
It were an entire summer holidays.
228
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:45,513
He was stopped up there, listening
to that bloody Robin Hood song.
229
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,838
Crying and crying and crying...
230
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:48,950
All right, Dad!
231
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:50,875
The point is
232
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,030
that's how men handle
this sort of thing.
233
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,913
What, by blubbing like babies?
234
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,800
Dawson men might, normal men don't.
235
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,634
Yes, well, in case it's escaped
your attention,
236
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:04,433
Rob is a Dawson man.
237
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,278
Half of him might be,
238
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,870
but the other half is pure
grade-A Chase.
239
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,874
Exactly. Come on, Mam,
we'll take care of this.
240
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,156
No, don't. You'll just make things...
241
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,390
Oh, What's the point?
242
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,111
You know it's true
243
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,317
Everything I do
244
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,678
I do it for you
245
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:27,475
Shut up.
246
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,109
(CHUCKLING)
247
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,877
And you're absolutely positive
248
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:38,352
this is both anatomically
and contortionally possible?
249
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:43,072
Well, I'm not quite sure
what two of those words mean but, uh,
250
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,393
oh, yes.
251
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,479
Hmm.
252
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,438
She should probably say something now.
253
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,229
What should we put?
254
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,911
Oh!
255
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,715
Yeah, that sounds about right.
256
00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:58,394
My hand.
257
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,990
It feels like someone hit it
with a mallet.
258
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:06,558
Oh, what's happening to me?
259
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,959
First me back, then me hand.
260
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,719
(WHIMPERING)
261
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,630
Do you think I might have
some sort of brain disease?
262
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,439
Very probably.
263
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,749
Muse?
264
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,916
Where are you going? Muse!
265
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,633
Excuse me.
266
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,717
I'm sorry to bother you
267
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,592
but do I know you?
268
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,275
I don't think so.
269
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,990
Oh, I'm sure I do.
I never forget a face,
270
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,953
amongst other things.
271
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:43,678
Yeah, I've definitely seen you before.
272
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:48,000
Only, you were dressed
in some kind of uniform.
273
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,278
Not cheerleaders...
274
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,359
Police officers!
275
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,233
That was it. You were police officers.
276
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:59,600
(GASPS) Oh! You were investigating
my Donald
277
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:00,869
for fraud.
278
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,832
Donald?
Donald Stewart?
279
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:03,955
Yes!
280
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,517
You had to drop the case after he died.
281
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,034
Well, I'm, uh... (CLEARS THROAT)...
282
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,914
...really sorry to hear that.
283
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,152
Listen, we are actually
undercover here, so...
284
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:15,953
Oh, that'll be the trees.
285
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,959
Erm, it's why I always
sit over this side.
286
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,709
No, no, no. Undercover?
287
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,236
In the middle of an investigation?
288
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:25,469
On the down-low.
289
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,796
QT, the hush-hush.
290
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,240
Oh!
291
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,114
So it's really, really important
292
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,511
that you don't let anybody know
who we are.
293
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,432
- I understand.
- Mmm-hmm.
294
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:42,391
Well, nice to see you both
again, anyway.
295
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:43,515
And you.
296
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,751
- Nigel?
- It's fine.
297
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,274
She got the message.
298
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,438
There you are, muse.
299
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,996
You can't keep wandering off like that.
300
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,750
Sorry, I was just talking
to them coppers.
301
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:06,352
So your man goes...
302
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,236
"David Beckham doesn't have
his hair cut like this."
303
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,400
And the barber gives it,
304
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,238
"He does if he comes in here."
305
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,391
(LAUGHS)
306
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,199
(JOEY LAUGHING)
307
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:20,589
Well, did he get it cut in the end?
308
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,114
What?
309
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,597
No, Joey. It's a joke.
310
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,992
Oh...
(JOEY LAUGHS)
311
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,914
Here, what happens if your mate
cracks a smile?
312
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:32,155
Does his face shatter?
313
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,118
LIAM; Yeah! (LAUGHS)
314
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:37,719
(MOBILE RINGING)
315
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,029
Oh.
316
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,315
Oh, that's interesting.
317
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,789
What?
318
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,034
You appear to be on the phone.
319
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,271
Err... It...
320
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,149
That's a different Tiger.
321
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,719
A different Tiger?
322
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,394
Do you think I was born yesterday?
Right, Liam, scissors down.
323
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:53,993
Actually, I just finished.
324
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,070
Well good.
325
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,071
I hope you like it,
'cause you're gonna pay for it.
326
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:58,389
Eight euros please.
Come on....
327
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,030
Kenneth.
328
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,193
Liam, he's scamming us.
329
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:03,629
We weren't trying to scam you.
330
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,870
I just thought the offer
could extend to my mate.
331
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,991
It can, it has, you're fine.
332
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,150
Look.
333
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,200
I'll tell you what,
if it bothers you that much,
334
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,920
I'll sit back down in the chair
and you can put all the hair back in.
335
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,713
- Oooh.
- Aye...
336
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,189
Come on, Joey.
337
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,877
- Thanks, Liam.
- You're welcome.
338
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,238
"You're welcome, you're welcome."
339
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:28,557
You do realise we've just
effectively been mugged?
340
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,551
Don't be stupid.
341
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,279
Oh, and what's this?
342
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,440
It's a scratch card. It must have
come out of his pocket.
343
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:38,469
What are you doing?
344
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,551
What do you expect me to do?
It's a scratch card.
345
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,274
It's like giving somebody bubble-wrap
and telling them not to pop it.
346
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:44,680
- Yeah, but...
- (GASPS)
347
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:46,190
Oh, my God!
348
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,315
- 200 euros!
- He's won 200 euros?
349
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,193
No, correction, Liam.
350
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,157
I've won 200 euros.
351
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,833
Karma, Liam. Karma.
352
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,036
- Kenneth! Kenneth!
-(CHUCKLING)
353
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,669
Kenneth!
354
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,190
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
355
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,479
I am sorry for what has happened.
356
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:08,995
Thank you.
357
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,037
But you should not
blame yourself for this.
358
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,391
You should not sit here
like a little cry boy,
359
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,676
thinking to yourself over and over,
360
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:19,390
"Oh, if only I had been a real man,
perhaps she would have stayed."
361
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:20,709
What?
362
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,239
I wasn't thinking that at all.
363
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:23,830
You were not?
364
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,230
No.
365
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:26,760
Oh.
366
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,516
Good. Because you should not.
367
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,639
Okay, yes.
368
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,834
She was very... (WHISTLING)
369
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:37,633
And you are more like...
370
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,029
(RETCHING)
371
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,552
But you should not be worrying that
this is the real reason she has left you.
372
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,115
I'm not.
373
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,235
You are not?
374
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:49,310
No.
375
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,912
Huh! Is good then.
376
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,035
You are over it.
377
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,594
I'm not over it, mate.
378
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,079
She was the love of my life.
379
00:17:58,480 --> 00:17:59,470
(SCOFFS)
380
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,439
How can this be? If she were
the love of your life,
381
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,511
you would not be sitting here,
would you?
382
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:06,750
No.
383
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,831
This is what you do, my friend.
384
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:10,998
You move on.
385
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,630
Hey, we have a saying in Spain.
386
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,757
When you have fallen from the horse...
387
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,079
Get right back in the saddle.
388
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,155
No. You must now ride a donkey.
389
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,474
There you are! We've been...
Where are you going?
390
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,153
She said they were flying
this afternoon.
391
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,469
That means there's still time.
392
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,280
What did I tell you?
Fifty percent Chase.
393
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,671
Well, what are you standing
there for? Go, go!
394
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,550
So, you can see why
this is so important.
395
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,269
You can't say anything to anybody.
396
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:45,709
Do you understand'?
397
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,158
I'm sorry, who are you again?
398
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,676
What about you?
Did you hear what we said?
399
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,353
Hello? Miss?
400
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,556
Oh, I'm sorry.
401
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,790
I thought I just saw...
402
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,589
Yeah, I think we're golden here.
403
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:17,872
Bye, officers!
404
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,075
(BOTH SIGH)
405
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:22,760
We really should have gone
to that petting zoo.
406
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,074
Son...
407
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,790
I were just thinking about
"Breaking Wind".
408
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,636
Right. Well, it's, erm,
409
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:39,792
nice of you to pre-warn me for once.
410
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,434
No! I mean, that telly programme
with baldy fella.
411
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,352
You got box set for Christmas.
412
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,390
Oh. Breaking Bad.
413
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,834
- What about it?
- Well,
414
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,271
some of them on there, they were
from South America, weren't they?
415
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,753
And they had white suits and moustaches.
416
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,793
And private jets.
417
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,312
What are you trying to say, Dad? Are you
trying to say Franco is a drug dealer?
418
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:05,834
Or a gun-runner.
419
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,190
Dad!
420
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,999
You can't say things like that.
That's racist!
421
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:13,879
(SIGHS)
422
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,155
Mind you,
423
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,920
that bit in the message
about the last boyfriend,
424
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,479
that was a bit odd, wasn't it?
425
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:24,749
If you ask me, our Rob's just
had a very lucky escape.
426
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:26,633
I think we all might have.
427
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,551
Well, you'll be pleased to hear
428
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,870
that me and me mam
have taken care of everything.
429
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,554
- Great!
- That's right.
430
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,553
Even as we speak, Robbie's
racing to the airport
431
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,360
to confront Cyd's father one-on-one.
432
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,149
BOTH: He' s what?
433
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:48,755
(EDDIE SIGHS)
434
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:57,755
Hello!
435
00:20:58,120 --> 00:20:59,554
Hello!
436
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,069
What can I get for you?
437
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,631
Oh, nothing.
438
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:09,999
I think perhaps you would like
a nice glass of sherry.
439
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:11,759
Oh, no, I'd better not.
440
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:15,237
I think there might be
something wrong with me brain.
441
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:17,550
You don't say.
442
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,158
Perhaps a cup of coffee?
443
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,712
Okay, I will bring it over to you, hmm?
444
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:30,674
Hello!
445
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,430
Excuse me, waiter?
446
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,195
Yes.
447
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,672
Can I have a glass of sherry, please?
448
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,075
Doreen?
449
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:43,640
Noreen!
450
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,115
I don't why we didn't
just tell 'em what's going on.
451
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,396
Because we don't actually
know what's going on, do we?
452
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,710
If we tell Sheron and Mam,
they'll just think we're nuts.
453
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:14,949
I mean, I think we're nuts.
454
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,951
I'm 60-40 that this gun-runner,
drug-dealer stuff
455
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,872
is just some deluded
fantasy in your head.
456
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,076
But we can't risk it,
we've got to get to that airport.
457
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:22,195
Wait, wait.
458
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,113
Shouldn't we get tooled up first?
459
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:25,515
Tooled up?
460
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,593
Aye, you know, grab a table leg
461
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,796
and a sock stuffed with pool balls
or summat.
462
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:32,354
It's not a prison riot, Dad.
463
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,194
69-40, son.
464
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,754
60-40.
465
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,876
Those chairs in our room
look like they might unscrew.
466
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:41,998
There's a pool table out yonder.
467
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:43,593
Right. Meet back here, five minutes.
468
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,110
So,
469
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,157
have you cashed in
your ill-gotten gains yet?
470
00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:58,959
No, I haven't, as it goes.
471
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,951
A-ha, I knew it!
And you do you know why?
472
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,997
Because deep down,
you realised it would be wrong.
473
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:06,317
No, it's because deep down I realised
that the shop's closed for siesta.
474
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,119
I overheard them talking.
475
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,158
They're after going clubbing but they haven't
even got enough money for the bus fare.
476
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,355
Aww...
477
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,398
This is their holiday, Kenneth.
478
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:17,709
Look, Liam.
479
00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:21,238
that young whippersnapper comes into our
salon pretending to be someone he's not,
480
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,789
cons us out of a free haircut,
demands a cup of tea
481
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,110
and has the audacity to sit there
telling barber jokes?
482
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,152
I'm sorry, but what goes around
comes around.
483
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,719
Well, I hope you sleep well tonight.
484
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,950
Well, since I'm planning on
shoving half me winnings
485
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,112
behind the bar of the Piccadilly,
I don't think that'll be a problem.
486
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,031
Monty! Ooh-hoo!
487
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:55,111
(LAUGHING) Monty's here, Monty's here.
488
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,874
Come on, bring it in for a man-hug. Aww!
489
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,280
Monty, lovely to see you.
Right, come on.
490
00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:01,476
Come and sit your pupper
down here. There we go.
491
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,233
Oh, sit.
492
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:06,512
Sammy, thanks for meeting me. Uh...
493
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,158
Uh, this is a bit difficult.
494
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,238
This is about the Solana gig, isn't it?
495
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:12,800
In a sense, yeah.
496
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,594
And you want me to do the hat routine!
497
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,440
- The what?
- Oh, don't be coy.
498
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,157
Everybody's so coy about it.
499
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,756
"We can't ask Sammy to do the hat routine
he's probably sick of the hat routine."
500
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,309
"He's Sammy Valentino, there's more
to him than just a hat routine."
501
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,552
Listen, I can't make you any promises
but all I'm saying, right,
502
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:34,998
is make sure you stick around
for the fourth encore.
503
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,479
- Fourth?
- Mmm-hmm.
504
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:40,350
Look, Sammy, I've got to cut
straight to the chase here.
505
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,192
I think we have to...
506
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,160
Sammy.
507
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,192
- Sammy Valentino?
- Yes?
508
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:50,590
I don't believe it.
It's really you, isn't it?
509
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:51,670
Yeah.
510
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,110
Can I touch you?
511
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:54,918
Well, as long as it's above the equator.
512
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,070
(LAUGHS)
513
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,549
Wow.
514
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,876
Sammy Valentino.
I'm like your biggest fan.
515
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:09,715
Hey.
516
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:10,949
Who loves you?
517
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,355
Sammy loves you!
518
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,000
Get off my grass!
519
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:16,397
- Don't wake the rhino!
-(LAUGHS)
520
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,349
I'm shaking. I'm literally shaking.
Here, feel my arm.
521
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,039
No, I'm fine, thanks.
522
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:22,990
Hey.
523
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,959
Where's Manny? (CHUCKLING)
524
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,076
Me and Manny no longer work together...
525
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,720
any more, so if you don't mind, I'm in the middle
of a meeting with my manager, thank you.
526
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,155
Oh. Oh, yeah, of course.
527
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:38,469
Sorry, Sammy.
528
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:41,191
Thank you. Thanks. Thank you.
529
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:46,955
Who's Manny?
530
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:48,913
My old double act partner.
531
00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:52,680
You were in a double act?
532
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:54,671
Sadly, he's not with us any more.
533
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,155
Oh. I'm very sorry.
534
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,914
Uh, come on, come on.
About the hat routine.
535
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,230
Sammy...
536
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:06,110
- I just think that we need to...
- Ah, Monty...
537
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:07,713
I knew this would happen.
538
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,950
Every time I get recognised, it happens.
539
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,273
(SIGHS) Come on.
540
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,832
Everybody calm down, all right?
I'm gonna give you 15 minutes
541
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,513
and that's your lot, all right?
542
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,991
No, no, no, Sammy, I think they're just
setting up the karaoke for tonight.
543
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,112
- Come on, let's plug it in.
- Sammy!
544
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,554
Here we go.
Come on, give us it here.
545
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:25,710
Sammy!
546
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,035
But I don't understand.
547
00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:32,713
What are you doing here?
548
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:34,797
My new boyfriend
549
00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:36,838
has a villa out here.
550
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:39,036
- New boyfriend?
- Mind,
551
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,552
that flight was a nightmare.
552
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,629
This irritating little brat behind me
553
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,679
spent the whole journey
554
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:52,354
kicking the back of my seat.
555
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,750
When I got dropped off here,
556
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,798
this idiot of a taxi driver
557
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,634
slammed the door on my hand.
558
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:02,789
Oh!
559
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:07,439
So there's nothing wrong
with my brain after all.
560
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,030
I think the jury's still out there.
561
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,869
Ah! You mean you two
have got one of those
562
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:17,834
Psychopathic links that twins
sometimes get?
563
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:20,794
Oh, I should put that in the book!
564
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,313
Give Jackie a twin sister.
565
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:28,719
And every time Jackie has a,
you know, big finish,
566
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:30,951
her sister has one, too.
567
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,919
Even if she's in the middle of Tesco's.
568
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,314
"Clean-up on aisle six!"
569
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:40,711
You are writing a book?
570
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,749
My debut novel. A steamy erotic fantasy.
571
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,116
Based... on me.
572
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:53,311
I always knew you were destined
for greatness, Pauline.
573
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,996
She takes after me, doesn't she?
574
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:58,070
Yes.
575
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:00,872
Yes, I think she does.
576
00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:04,670
[SAMMY] Are you ready?
Get those hands in the air!
577
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,316
Sweet Caroline
578
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:10,758
Doo ,doo, doo
579
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,832
Good times never seemed so good
580
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:16,515
Isn't he amazing?
581
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:21,917
Actually, when he's working
an audience that isn't half comatosed
582
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,399
and wearing catheters,
583
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:26,275
yes, he kind of is.
584
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,559
I can't believe I'm actually watching
Sammy Valentino live!
585
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,712
Well, if you think this is good,
586
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:35,310
come down to the Solana tonight, it's
the first night of his comeback tour!
587
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:36,959
Do you think he'd do the hat routine?
588
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:38,439
You know something?
589
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,118
I think he just might!
590
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,796
Sweet Caroline
591
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:44,915
Come on!
592
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:50,189
Good times never seemed so good
593
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,674
I've been inclined
594
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:01,275
To believe they never would
595
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,000
Oh, no, no
596
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,436
(AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
597
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:12,831
I love you! I love you, Sammy!
598
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,674
Cyd!
599
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:33,794
- Robbie!
- You.
600
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:35,518
You should not be here.
601
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:36,949
- Come.
602
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:41,389
Father, don't!
603
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:44,869
What are you doing here?
604
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:46,719
What do you think I'm doing here?
605
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,630
Cyd, you can't get on that plane.
606
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:51,155
You can't.
607
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,278
I've got us two tickets to Paris.
608
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:56,558
- Paris?
- My daughter's coming home with me.
609
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:00,354
You know I love you.
610
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:01,909
What is this?
611
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:08,474
Ask me the question, Robbie.
612
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:11,949
- Question?
- The one I couldn't answer before.
613
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:14,434
Ask me now.
614
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:23,914
Cyd...
615
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:28,869
Will you marry me?
616
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:31,000
Yes.
617
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:33,473
I will marry you, Robbie.
618
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,995
You will? What, really?
619
00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:37,315
Yes, really.
620
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:38,750
Oh!
621
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:44,950
What do you think you're...
622
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:46,957
You defy your own father?
623
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:48,995
And you...
624
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,360
You come here despite
everything that I said.
625
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:56,400
You ask for my daughter's hand
in marriage,
626
00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:59,078
right in front of me?
627
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,193
Truly, you are a real man.
628
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,239
And you are a little girl no more.
629
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:16,196
You will talk to my pilot.
He will take you to Paris.
630
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:17,920
We're going on your jet?
631
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:19,270
What will you do?
632
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,437
I will send for another to come
and fetch me.
633
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:49,589
Ping Pong balls?
634
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,558
The pool table were coin-operated.
635
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:55,114
I didn't have any change.
636
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:04,952
Mr Franco, what are you doing here?
637
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:08,189
Do you know these men?
638
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:12,109
I'm going to need five minutes
alone with them.
639
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:15,395
Do not worry about me. I am not here.
640
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:20,358
Whoa, whoa. Whoa, walk...
641
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,074
- Hello? Excuse me?
- Whoa, what you doing, pal?
642
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:24,195
Whoa, whoa!
643
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:26,510
- EDDIE: Hello!
-(LOUD MUSIC IN HEADPHONES)
644
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:40,834
So he's good?
645
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,911
Good? He' s fantastic.
646
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,840
He had the whole crowd
eating out of his hand.
647
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,957
- Huh!
- You were right all along.
648
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,436
He just needed to find his mojo again.
649
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:52,670
- Hmm.
-(LAUGHS)
650
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:53,875
JOYCE: Monty!
651
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,589
Monty, are you down there?
652
00:32:58,760 --> 00:32:59,830
(CLEARS THROAT)
653
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:02,395
Is he here?
654
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:04,029
Is he in there?
655
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:05,914
You've actually done it.
656
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,711
A genuine light entertainment legend.
657
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,519
Was there ever any doubt?
658
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,110
- Wait, can I meet him?
- Uh...
659
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:17,312
You can meet him soon enough.
660
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,471
At least give me some kind of clue!
661
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:21,309
"Get off my grass!"
662
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:23,709
Alan Titchmarsh?
663
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,435
Er...Joyce...
664
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:28,358
All will be revealed.
665
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,554
Trust me.
666
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,873
Just go upstairs,
make sure the guests are having fun
667
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:35,359
and we'll take it from there.
668
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:36,709
Oh!
669
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:39,349
Ooh!
670
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,233
Oh.
671
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:43,320
(CLEARS THROAT)
672
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:47,958
SAMMY: Come in!
673
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,751
How you doing? (LAUGHS) Monty!
674
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:53,473
Sammy!
675
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,518
Glad to see you, Monty.
Ooh! Who might you be?
676
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,397
Sam? We've met several times,
including yesterday.
677
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:01,920
Okay, did we? (WHISTLES)
678
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,795
Ah, never mind. Anyway.
You hold on to this, thank you.
679
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:06,359
This is my props bag.
680
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:08,915
This is for the hat routine.
681
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:10,195
That's not a hat.
682
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,750
Yeah, but don't ruin the punchline,
darling, all right?
683
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:16,634
It must be in here.
684
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,637
Jacket! Famous jacket!
685
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:20,797
- Sorry?
- My sparkly jacket.
686
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:22,635
I must have left it at home.
687
00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:23,949
It's just a jacket.
688
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:26,198
Monty, what do you mean,
"just a jacket"?
689
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:29,193
And I suppose Hendrix's Fender Strato
was just a guitar, was it?
690
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,431
Monty, I need the jacket.
I need the jacket!
691
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:33,597
All right, all right. All right.
692
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:37,358
You're not on till 9:00,
I'll go and get it. Okay?
693
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,314
Just... just try and keep yourself calm.
694
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,196
- Here.
- Get the jacket.
695
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:45,394
Get the jacket.
696
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:46,590
Find the jacket.
697
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,231
Right, I'll go and fetch his jacket,
698
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,470
but he's starting to get the fear again.
699
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,955
You need to stay here
in case he tries to leg it.
700
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,310
I can't! I'm supposed to be
meeting Joey for a...
701
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:02,792
I had a picture of you in my mind
702
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:07,072
Never knew it would be so wrong
703
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,516
A fizzy orange juice, please.
704
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,389
Are you you,
or are you your crazy sister?
705
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:14,675
I'm me.
706
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:19,793
Okay, I believe you.
707
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,510
(LAUGHING)
708
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:30,678
Engaged? He's got engaged?
And he didn't tell me?
709
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:33,553
From what Franco tells us,
it was kind of spontaneous.
710
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,634
Yes, I do believe he loves my daughter,
711
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,075
and she him.
712
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,156
I've always liked that girl.
713
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:46,114
What?
714
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:50,875
You haven't cashed it, eh?
715
00:35:51,240 --> 00:35:53,356
- Haven't had time.
- You got time now.
716
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,511
Shop doesn't close
for another 10 minutes.
717
00:35:58,280 --> 00:35:59,918
You do feel guilty, don't you?
718
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,115
No!
719
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,593
They're just kids, Kenneth.
720
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,796
You're honestly telling me you
didn't do worse things
721
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,951
than blagging a free haircut
when you were their age?
722
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:10,110
Come on!
723
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:11,634
Let' s go over.
724
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:15,037
Do a good deed. You said it
yourself, what goes around comes around.
725
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,276
Karma, Kenneth. Karma.
726
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,556
All right! Fine.
727
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:21,752
But not 'cause I feel guilty, okay?
728
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:22,915
Just to shut you up.
729
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,473
Why'd it take me so long just to find
730
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,510
The friend that was there all along
731
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:32,635
You'd be there
732
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:38,593
I will fetch champagne.
733
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:41,229
Oh, oh, no, champagne's not
part of the all-inclusive.
734
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:44,670
Oh... right, billionaire, forgot.
735
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:49,232
Well, he better bloody ring me as soon
as he lands, that's all I can say.
736
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,196
You two went down there armed?
737
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:53,919
He got into me head.
738
00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:55,833
Convinced me the guy was a gun-runner.
739
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:57,399
Pair of idiots.
740
00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,478
Well, I don't think you're an idiot.
741
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,113
I think you're brave.
742
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:03,550
Risking your own life for our son.
743
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:05,995
Yeah. Yeah, I suppose I did.
744
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,313
What do you think about that,
then, Loretta?
745
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:10,392
Not bad for a Dawson man, eh?
746
00:37:11,240 --> 00:37:13,311
Guess we're not all a bunch
of cry babies after all.
747
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:19,239
Look into my eyes
748
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,077
You will see
749
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:23,992
Excuse me, I just, erm,
750
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:25,559
need to use the little boy's room.
751
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:29,110
Bless him.
752
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:32,039
Search your heart?
753
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:34,910
Search your soul!
754
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:40,589
And when you find me there...
755
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,149
- You can do it, Kenneth.
- For God's sake!
756
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:47,792
(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me.
757
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,070
Oh, it's you.
758
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,559
I just wanted to kind of
apologise about this morning.
759
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,750
I've been under a lot of pressure
lately and...
760
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,153
I shouldn't have taken it out on you.
761
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,551
No worries mate.
Apology accepted.
762
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,830
- Oh.
- That's not the end of it.
763
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:04,075
Excuse me!
764
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,437
And just to show
there's no hard feelings,
765
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:11,069
I found this.
766
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:14,991
Shop's still open for 10 more minutes.
767
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,710
So if you run, you'll probably be
able to cash it tonight.
768
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,195
I don't know what to say. That's just...
769
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:22,672
- Wow! Thanks, man.
- Oh!
770
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:24,637
(LAUGHING)
771
00:38:24,720 --> 00:38:26,916
I told you they were cool!
772
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,476
There. Now, don't you feel better?
773
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,000
Oh, do you know what, Liam?
774
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:34,634
I have got a kind of warm, fuzzy feeling
going through me.
775
00:38:34,720 --> 00:38:36,552
- Yeah.
- Get off!
776
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:39,795
Oh. Sorry, Mrs Cattleprod.
777
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:41,394
- Gattleford.
- Gattleford.
778
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,352
I didn't see you there.
You all right, love?
779
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,319
No. I bought a scratch card this morning
780
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:47,799
and I can't find it.
781
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:50,911
I didn't leave it in the salon, did I?
782
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:54,712
Stupid boy!
783
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,394
You know it's true
784
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,115
Everything I do
785
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:07,676
I do it for you
786
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:50,874
Manny?
787
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:00,234
(SCREAMS)
788
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:13,354
Sawdust?
789
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:29,999
Err... Excuse me!
790
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:31,914
Guests aren't allowed back here.
791
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:33,918
I'm looking for Sammy Valentino.
792
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,115
I'm his biggest fan.
793
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:36,629
You have my sympathies.
794
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:38,758
I was hoping he could sign
some of me merch.
795
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:41,512
I've got some old fliers.
796
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,912
Photos. I've...
I've even made replica props.
797
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,236
(CHUCKLES) Look.
798
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:48,919
I hand-stitched this meself.
799
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:51,553
Er.. Can I borrow this?
800
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:05,997
You think that I don't even mean
801
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:09,591
A single word I say
802
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,833
It's only words
803
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,913
And words are all I have
804
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,998
To take your heart away
805
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:26,712
He flies in tomorrow. I can't wait
for you to meet him.
806
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,310
And you, especially, Pauline.
807
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:34,031
'Cause I know we've always
had the same tastes.
808
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,230
Plus, he's about your age.
809
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:40,154
What?
810
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:43,791
Oh, so you're a cougar, then.
811
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:45,393
I'm a what?
812
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:49,595
How dare you speak to me like that?
813
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:53,310
Oh, no, I didn't mean... Oh, dear.
814
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:56,359
Um, hello, officers!
815
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:58,669
For crying out....
816
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,310
Will you please just listen to me?
817
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:05,313
We are undercover!
818
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,673
On the down-low. The QT. The hush-hush.
819
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:10,433
Did that help last time, Dennis?
820
00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:12,119
- No.
- No!
821
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:15,114
Try to understand,
we are not police officers.
822
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:17,789
We're just a couple of
retired green-grocers.
823
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:19,996
- Gay ones.
- Yes, thank you, Dennis.
824
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,474
Green-grocers?
825
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:23,198
That's your cover story?
826
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:24,469
Pathetic.
827
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,876
You'd never cut it as creative writers.
828
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:30,072
You need to come up with
something much more exotic than that.
829
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:32,319
Why don't you say you're...
830
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:35,034
treasure hunters?
831
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:36,389
Brilliant!
832
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:37,595
Thank you, Aunty D.
833
00:42:37,720 --> 00:42:40,360
What? No! We're not treasure hunters.
834
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:43,034
We're green-grocers, okay?
Green-grocers.
835
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,229
- Gay ones.
- You don't have to keep adding that.
836
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,314
And words are all I have
837
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:55,196
To take your heart away
838
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:58,633
It's only words...
839
00:42:58,720 --> 00:43:02,190
I'm so excited! Oh, come on,
surely you can tell me now.
840
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:03,953
Once you ... (GASPS)
841
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:05,789
It's Cliff, isn't it?
842
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:07,389
It has to be Cliff!
843
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:09,596
-(MOBILE RINGING)
- Oh!
844
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:12,832
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
845
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:16,599
- Hello?
- Sam.
846
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:18,591
Sam! Cancel everything.
847
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,990
You've got to get him
out of that hotel now.
848
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:24,232
The man is a 24-carat bona fide nutjob.
849
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,358
- Sorry?
- His ex-double act partner was a puppet!
850
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:31,079
And I think he must have put him
through the woodchipper at some stage
851
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:32,719
and now he keeps him in an urn!
852
00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:34,958
He thought the sodding thing was alive
853
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:37,231
and attempting to sabotage his career.
854
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:39,436
He's been through a whole string
of breakdowns over it
855
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:43,115
and in and out of various different
institutions for two decades!
856
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:44,395
How do you know that?
857
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:46,835
Because he's kept all the bloody
press cuttings!
858
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:49,994
I think he thinks they're positive.
859
00:43:51,240 --> 00:43:52,753
He's put them all in a scrap book,
860
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:55,997
and covered the front in glitter.
861
00:43:59,240 --> 00:44:00,389
Uh-oh.
862
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:02,279
What do you mean, "uh-oh"?
863
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:04,637
So without further ado,
864
00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:08,111
please welcome the Solana Benidorm's
865
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:10,760
Mr Entertainment himself.
866
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,399
Whoa-hook!
867
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:14,790
Oh! Sammy Valentino!
868
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:16,279
I'll take it from here, sugar tits.
869
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,352
Way.. Woo Hoo..
870
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:21,954
MONTY: Sam? Sam?
871
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,190
Who loves you?
872
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:27,515
Sammy loves you!
873
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:29,792
That's right, Sammy loves...
874
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:39,149
YOU?
875
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:42,998
You can't be here. You're dead,
you're dead, I killed you.
876
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:44,718
I killed you.
877
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:46,074
I killed you once!
878
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:49,959
And I will kill you again!
879
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,437
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
880
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:56,514
(SAMMY SHOUTING)
881
00:44:57,080 --> 00:45:00,391
Shouldn't you two
do something about this?
882
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:02,073
What's it got to do with us?
883
00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:03,639
We're just treasure hunters.
884
00:45:03,720 --> 00:45:04,869
Gay ones.
885
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:21,238
(WINCES) Oh.
886
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:22,839
What's happening? Sam?
887
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:24,035
Sam?
888
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:25,590
Monty.
889
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:27,910
Oh, God...
890
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:31,557
Would you mind awfully
coming back to the hotel, please?
891
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:34,954
I think we need to have a little chat.
892
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,756
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
62775
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