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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,799
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:26,710
I do.
3
00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:28,438
LESLEY: Have you got something borrowed?
4
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:29,835
I do.
5
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:35,435
Have you got something blue,
apart from the veins in your legs?
6
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,670
- Lesley, as if I'm not nervous enough.
- (LAUGHS)
7
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,831
I'm only messing with you
Mrs Temple-Savage.
8
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,670
Hey, that's a point!
Will you be taking Monty's name?
9
00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:45,274
- No.
- What is Monty's surname?
10
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,033
Can you just sort my dress out, lesley?
11
00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,679
This wedding is making me
a nervous wreck,
12
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,797
I don't know where we're going,
I don't know what we're doing.
13
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,440
- That's because it's a surprise.
- Yes, I know.
14
00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:55,631
Oh, I love a surprise, me.
15
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,313
Makes things more exciting!
16
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:58,720
It depends what they are.
17
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,514
I've been subjected to Monty's
surprises before!
18
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:11,230
Hurry UP!
19
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,031
Monty, is Spanish bank.
20
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,680
You are lucky if your car tax
is still valid when I have finished.
21
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,274
Look, will you shut up
about the car tax?
22
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,273
�210.
23
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,797
This is all I have
until the end of the month.
24
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:28,393
Yeah, so you keep saying.
25
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,429
Let's get to the marina
before I lose my deposit!
26
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,234
(TYRES SQUEALING)
27
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:35,594
Madre Mia!
28
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:48,710
(BILLY HUMMING)
29
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Oh, um... (CLEARS THROAT)
Thank you, um...
30
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,270
Thanks.
31
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,240
Sorry, um...
32
00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,433
No money. It's all-inclusive, um...
33
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:11,196
No, uh... No pockets
in boxer, uh, shorts.
34
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,237
- What's he waiting for?
- I don't know. (CHUCKLES)
35
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,920
Uh, no change. Sorry.
36
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,229
Very nice.
37
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,874
Hey, you cheeky beggar! That's my wife!
38
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,593
(LAUGHING)
39
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,278
Well, at least he said "very nice".
40
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:29,159
This is our third breakfast in bed
since we got here.
41
00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:30,878
Has he been having
a geg at you every morning?
42
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:31,950
Not that I've noticed.
43
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,639
Yeah well, no more.
44
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,838
Uh, this is our 25th
wedding anniversary holiday.
45
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:38,513
You said I could have anything I wanted.
46
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,591
Ooh! (LAUGHING)
47
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:44,350
It's not the money, it's peeping Pedro.
Nobody needs that.
48
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,478
Plus, I don't like to think of me dad
eating on his own.
49
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:51,474
(SIGHS) If I want continental breakfast
in bed every day, I'll have it.
50
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:56,555
(SIGHS) That's another thing,
croissants and Danish pastries.
51
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,353
I like a sausage in the morning.
52
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,477
Hmm, yeah, so do I.
53
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,876
Oh, hang on. Be careful.
54
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,156
let me just put this tray down first...
Hang on!
55
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:06,514
We're gonna get crumbs everywhere!
56
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:07,999
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
57
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:21,318
Rutger? Rutger?
58
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:29,120
Rutger? Where are you?
59
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:34,430
Rutger?
60
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,353
- Relax, my friend.
- Oh!
61
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:38,749
Oh, good God.
62
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:41,309
- You frightened me.
- So much shouting and panic.
63
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,549
- Here, I got the rest of the money.
- Money?
64
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,392
The balance, the money, for the boat.
65
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:48,517
Oh, I'm sorry Harry.
66
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,194
The money had to be paid
in full yesterday.
67
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,791
You have lost your deposit.
68
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:54,915
What? "Harry"?
69
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,680
Who the bleedin' hell is Harry?
My name's Monty.
70
00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,239
Oi! Where are you going?
71
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,078
And what's this about a deposit?
72
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:05,119
I paid you �700 at the beginning
of the week and this is the rest.
73
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:08,795
You show me your receipt and maybe
we get to the bottom of this.
74
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,996
You know I don't have a receipt.
75
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,390
You gave me �500 off for cash.
76
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:17,189
So, you are �500 better off
than you thought.
77
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:18,515
No! You...
78
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,314
- You just listen to me.
- There is a problem?
79
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,914
What are you doing here?
I told you to keep an eye on the ca...
80
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,830
Oh, my good God. The police are here!
81
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,593
- If I get a ticket...
- Relax!
82
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,110
Is Raul and Rico,
I went to school with them.
83
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:32,630
Oh, okay.
84
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,673
Well, maybe they could help settle this
little argument
85
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,273
about �700.
86
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,274
No problem.
87
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,075
Raul? Rico?
88
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,599
(NERVOUSLY) Okay, okay!
89
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,836
We sail directly on the clock of two.
90
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,389
One minute late, forget it.
91
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:56,116
Are you sure you have my and Monty's
mobile in case of emergency?
92
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,277
If you think I'm gonna ring you
on your wedding day
93
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,198
or your honeymoon, you must be crazy.
94
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,909
Plus, what could go wrong in three days?
95
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,514
(APPLAUSE)
96
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,435
Oh, my God.
97
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,074
You never said anything about it
being a double wedding. (CHUCKLES)
98
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:18,711
Oh, Mrs Temple-Savage,
you look champion!
99
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,229
Lesley, what on earth are you doing?
100
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,914
- What do you mean?
- Why are you wearing white?
101
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,911
It's supposed to be me getting married.
102
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,118
Oh, I thought it was
kind of an off-white,
103
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,113
bordering on ivory, don't you think?
104
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,077
It's snow white!
105
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,992
I need to dig out that receipt
for my laser eye surgery.
106
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:39,874
Oh, bloody hell!
107
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,111
Which one of yous is supposed
to be getting married?
108
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,395
Don't you start as well.
109
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:44,590
You're to catch the bouquet,
110
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,069
not wrestle it off the bride
before she gets married.
111
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,549
Oh, I forgot, those are yours.
112
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:50,670
Thank you.
113
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,752
Oh, don't you look smashing!
114
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:56,593
Are you going anywhere nice
on your honeymoon?
115
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,518
The whole thing's a surprise.
116
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,240
All she's got is her passport
and a clean pair of knickers.
117
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,312
-(LAUGHS)
- Oh, that's the whole idea with me now.
118
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,518
Although, I've got a lot further
without my knickers
119
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,553
-than I have without my passport.
-(LES LAUGHS)
120
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:14,275
Okay, the car's arriving in ten minutes.
Where's my suitcase?
121
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:15,998
Don't panic. It's gone on ahead.
122
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,914
Right, ten minutes!
I've just got time for a witch's kiss.
123
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,994
This dress has got more undercarriage
than a 747.
124
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,070
(KENNETH LAUGHING)
125
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,470
JOYCE: Do either of you know
what's happening today?
126
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:32,155
No idea. Time for a swift one, though,
before the car gets here.
127
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:33,759
You don't mind
if I ride with you and Mateo,
128
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:35,990
do you, Joyce?
We're only going as far as the...
129
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:38,949
Wherever it is we're going.
130
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:45,229
Okay, you are ready, Miss Temple-Savage?
131
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,513
- Mateo?
- Yes.
132
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,394
Your suit...
133
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,160
Is not right? Is Monty's choice.
134
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,080
It's very right.
135
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,518
You look beautiful.
136
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:03,036
Hey, is your wedding day,
I should be saying these things to you.
137
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,440
That's true.
138
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,239
Okay, we're ready to go?
139
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,920
Oh, wait for me.
140
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,919
Here we go, Mrs T,
put your head between your legs
141
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,680
and kiss your arse goodbye. (LAUGHS)
142
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,550
Shall we?
143
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,270
You have got mine and Monty's
mobile, haven't you?
144
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,233
Go! Have a lovely day!
145
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,069
Thank you.
146
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,069
Have you got everything?
147
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,037
Course I have, it's in the van.
Do you want it all in now?
148
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,838
No, not in the front.
Bring it round back.
149
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,319
Oh, you smell incredible.
150
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,550
So did you. Did you jog here?
151
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:39,480
Come on, hurry up.
152
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,389
(LAUGHING)
153
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,036
Oh, you finally surfaced.
154
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,118
We're all on holiday, Dad.
We don't have to stick to a timetable.
155
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:52,952
You'll get sleeping sickness.
156
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:54,874
We weren't sleeping.
157
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:56,678
What you been doing all morning?
158
00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,720
Oh, bloody hell.
159
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,158
Your father was always
very fond of holiday sex.
160
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,110
When I eventually found out
who he was having it with,
161
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,555
I strung the bastard up by his knackers.
162
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,558
- When does our Rob get here?
- Tomorrow.
163
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,996
- He's not coming straight here, is he?
- How do you mean?
164
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,469
He'll need to be inoculated
before he gets here.
165
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:20,914
Inoculated?
166
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,514
He's been in jungle
for past three months.
167
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,871
Do you really think the hotel's
gonna want him swimming in that pool
168
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,991
frothing at the mouth with beriberi?
169
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,718
He's been backpacking in South America,
170
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,552
not skinny-dipping in the Ganges.
171
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,837
I bet you don't even know
where Ganges are.
172
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,557
Of course I bloody do,
or else I wouldn't have said it.
173
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:40,079
Where are they, then?
174
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,479
Well, does it really matter?
175
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,233
He'll be here tomorrow.
176
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,311
With his new fancy woman.
177
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,956
It's not a...fancy woman.
It's just a friend.
178
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:52,678
You said it was his girlfriend.
179
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,076
Oh, whoever it is, they won't be here
till tomorrow.
180
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,750
I'll go to the bar
before we all die of thirst.
181
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,750
Champagne?
182
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,114
Bluetooth head phones!
183
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:09,833
(LAUGHS) An Xbox!
184
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:12,669
A laptop-
185
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,032
Hope we're gonna have enough
profit for my cut.
186
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,875
Oh, don't worry,
this is all just for show.
187
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:19,475
But people have to win.
188
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,159
I know they call you Dodgy Dave,
189
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,719
but if you're suggesting
we have a raffle
190
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,069
where no one wins a prize,
191
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,310
I think we're redefining the word dodgy.
192
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,559
- You are so sexy when you get angry.
- Dave...
193
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,233
We do it all the time.
194
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,358
Darren wins the Xbox,
Denise wins the champagne,
195
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,829
Dean wins the headphones
and Dan wins the laptop.
196
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,280
It runs like clockwork.
197
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,670
- And who are all these people?
- My kids.
198
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,032
This sort of thing,
you gotta keep it in the family.
199
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,429
So, what happens when the people
200
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,591
on holiday realise
none of them have won?
201
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:49,149
That's where the knock-off
perfume comes in.
202
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,993
Between every big prize, a regular
punter wins a bottle of smelly.
203
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,758
I bet it is smelly and all.
204
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,678
Well, it's not the real thing,
of course.
205
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:56,995
(CHUCKLES) Of course.
206
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,390
But they like to keep hold of it
and give it to someone at home.
207
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,073
One less present
to buy at duty-free, isn't it?
208
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,352
But if none of the guests in the hotel
209
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,511
win a big prize, isn't that a bit fishy?
210
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,594
Brains as well as beauty.
211
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,397
- You are driving me mental.
- Dave...
212
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,031
That's where the star prize comes in.
213
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:17,556
Whoever wins this, we tell them that
it'll cost a fortune to ship it home.
214
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,916
So, we offer them a few bottles
of perfume instead.
215
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,640
Just don't sell any tickets to anyone
that lives here.
216
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:24,638
Strictly holiday-makers only.
217
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:26,913
looks like you've got it all sorted.
218
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,759
Well, we do need someone
to sell the raffle tickets.
219
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,914
Someone with charm,
sophistication, beauty.
220
00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:35,033
- A cracking pair of...
- Dave, for God's sake,
221
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,269
you're old enough to be me dad.
222
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,398
Lungs! I was gonna say
cracking pair of lungs.
223
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,910
You need the gift of the gab
to sell a load of raffle tickets.
224
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,949
All right. Well, I'd better
get on with it, then.
225
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,796
This stuff will all be safe in here
until tonight.
226
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,029
We keep it locked.
227
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,197
I should hope so.
There's a lot of dodgy people about.
228
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:52,390
Hmm.
229
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,193
You didn't have to get up. I can manage.
230
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,391
- What if it's a bloke?
- It's not a bloke!
231
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:20,110
Why has our Rob never said
"she" or "her" in his texts?
232
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,953
Well, he hasn't said "he" or "him",
either.
233
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,190
I mean, it makes no difference to me.
234
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,272
It's just, me dad and loretta,
they're from a different generation.
235
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,432
Oh, I see. So, it's me mum and Eddie
you're worried about.
236
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:31,710
Yeah.
237
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,191
Well, my mother is the biggest
fag hag going.
238
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,112
She'd love it if our Rob's fallen for
239
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,760
a six-foot, bronze South American hunk
called Cyd.
240
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,678
It's that name, Cyd.
241
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,279
(SCOFFS) We'd been over this.
242
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:45,432
It's C-Y-D as in Cyd Charisse.
243
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:48,473
I know! But, what if in South America
Cyd is...
244
00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,430
well... Cyd.
245
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,796
(LAUGHS) Well, I'm excited.
246
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,554
I've never been to a gay wedding.
247
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:57,960
Oh, Sheron, Sheron.
248
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,989
MAN: Congratulations.
MONTY: Oh, thank you. Very kind.
249
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,278
I'll give it to the wife later.
250
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,398
- And the cigar.
-(BOTH LAUGHING)
251
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,395
- Where the bleedin' hell are they?
- Harry?
252
00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,400
You know, it is ten minutes
before the clock at two, yeah?
253
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,915
Now, listen to me Rutger,
I got one thing to say to you,
254
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,075
my name is not ..
255
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:19,870
All right, come on!
256
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,718
Get on board. All aboard, everybody.
257
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,274
Come on, get a shift on.
258
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,471
Yeah, come on. let's be having...
259
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,709
What the bloody hell do you want?
260
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,395
Oh, dear.
261
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:31,431
Yeah, my sentiments exactly.
262
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,473
Do you mind? This is a private party.
263
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,073
I've been sent by the church.
264
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,113
Oh, it's a donation you want.
265
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,510
(LAUGHS) Bleedin' marvelous, isn't it?
266
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:44,470
Sir Henry Barrington Codswallop,
a messenger from God? (LAUGHS)
267
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,119
Well, you can tell the priest...
268
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,757
Priest? Where's the bleedin' priest?
269
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,798
How am I supposed to get married
without a priest?
270
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:53,553
I was called by the church this morning.
271
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,551
The priest has lost his voice.
272
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,430
I was asked to officiate a marriage
on Peacock Island.
273
00:12:58,560 --> 00:12:59,959
Believe me, had I known it was you...
274
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,439
No... Never.
275
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,279
There's gotta be somebody else.
276
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,755
You are not marrying me and Joyce.
277
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,150
Five minutes until the clock of two.
278
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,114
Oh, for crying out loud.
Get on the boat, come on.
279
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,079
And stay away from me
until we get to the island.
280
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,037
Hang on, two ticks. Right.
281
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,391
(LESLEY GRUNTS AND LAUGHS)
282
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,918
Bloody hell, you've pushed the boat
out here, Monty.
283
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,510
You get it? Pushed the boat out.
284
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,558
(LAUGHS)
285
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,757
Oh, look at that. Fabulous.
286
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,997
Do you know what, I was gonna
wear my sailor outfit
287
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,350
but I thought,
"I don't want to spoil any surprises."
288
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,719
- Ah. ..
- (GUESTS APPLAUDING)
289
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:57,710
Miss Temple-Savage.
290
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,157
Will someone please tell me
what's going on?
291
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,792
I hope we're not
getting married on a boat.
292
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,118
No, my darling, we're getting
married on Peacock Island.
293
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,999
Peacock Island? Is that a joke?
294
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:12,955
Okay, I will go.
295
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,713
You don't like Peacock Island, my angel?
296
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,877
Have you ever been to Peacock Island?
297
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:17,990
Well, not exactly.
298
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,673
But the catering staff were there
this morning
299
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,313
and they haven't complained.
300
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,430
And where's the honeymoon?
301
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,397
Now, that is a surprise.
302
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,431
No, Monty, no more surprises.
303
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,239
Of all the time you've known me,
have you ever seen me on a boat?
304
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,556
Well, exactly! It's something new.
305
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,313
The reason you haven't seen me on a boat
306
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,914
is I suffer from chronic sea sickness.
307
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,278
One minute until the clock of two.
308
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,519
- Come on, we're getting on board.
- No!
309
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,194
- No, I don't...
- Come on, get up the steps.
310
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,118
Get up the steps. There we go.
311
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,192
- Go on. Yes!
-(JOYCE SCREAMING)
312
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,637
So, that's Friday at ten o'clock.
313
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:57,949
Okay, goodbye.
314
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:00,794
Oh, I'm sorry.
315
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,554
We're not taking walk-ins today.
316
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:07,914
Unless it's a quick wash and blow
you're after.
317
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,277
I was wondering if...
Well, if Kenneth was around?
318
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,476
No, love. He's at a wedding.
319
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:14,795
I can't go on like this.
320
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,598
Oh, it's not that bad.
321
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,438
It only needs a bit of a trim.
322
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:22,554
- I desperately need help.
- Do you fancy a number two allover?
323
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,077
Even I can do that, nice and fresh
for the summer.
324
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,673
I've nowhere else to turn.
325
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,673
Have you tried Hepburn's
in the indoor market?
326
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,639
Oh, God. (SOBBING)
327
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,279
Oh...
328
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:37,836
Come on. Come and sit down.
329
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,036
- Come on.
- Thank you. So kind of you.
330
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,633
- Thank you.
- Just sit.
331
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,913
(MUFFLED) Oh, God.
332
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,671
(BLIND CLOSING)
333
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,479
(RADIO PLAYING QUIETLY)
334
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,154
- I'll put the kettle on.
-(SNIFFlING)
335
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,594
I won't be a minute.
336
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,034
Nice, hot tea.
337
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:57,870
Thank you.
338
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,515
(RETCHING)
339
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,438
(COUGHING)
340
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,395
You all right, love?
341
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,194
Mind her dress.
342
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,395
(RETCHING)
343
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,275
- Fig roll anybody?
- I don't know how you can eat.
344
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,518
Me guts are doing somersaults.
345
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:22,551
Oh, I'm no good
on an empty stomach, Lesley.
346
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,473
Luckily, I've not had one of them
since the mid 80's.
347
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,951
If I can have your attention,
ladies and gentlemen...
348
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,195
(EXCLAIMS)
349
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,877
I'd, uh, like to apologise today
350
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,911
for this slightly rough crossing.
351
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,070
(RETCHING)
352
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:43,074
This is due to a slight
northeasterly breeze.
353
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,235
(RETCHING)
354
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,438
For God's sake, will you stop
puking down the sides of the boat?
355
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,160
It's not as though, we can run it
through a car wash on the way back.
356
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,038
He's going too fast.
357
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,555
- You what?
- He's going too fast.
358
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,840
There are speed limits in place,
my darling,
359
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,958
even here on the Med.
He can't be going faster than those.
360
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,077
- (ENGINE REVVING)
- (PEOPLE SCREAMING)
361
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,917
I'm going to be sick.
I'm going to be sick!
362
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,958
No, not on the suit! It's got to
get back to the shop by 6!
363
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,480
(RETCHING)
364
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,912
Oh, my God.
365
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,957
LESLEY: Land, ahoy!
366
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,878
Women and children first!
367
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,478
Then men who look like women. (LAUGHING)
368
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,790
(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)
369
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,510
JOYCE: There's no chance, Monty.
Absolutely no way.
370
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,831
But Sir Henry is the only person on
the island who can marry us.
371
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,070
And that's another thing, what on
earth possessed you to bring us here?
372
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,117
Well, it was supposed to be a surprise.
373
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,554
It is! A bloody awful one.
374
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,199
Oh, don't be like that, Joyce.
375
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,319
I hate boats.
376
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,279
I can't stand the thought
of being stranded on an island.
377
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,112
I don't know half the people here.
378
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,674
I'm being married by the only man
379
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,070
apart from you that has kissed me
in the last ten years.
380
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,520
Where did Sir Henry kiss you?
381
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,669
Up the Consulate.
382
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,871
- No, I mean, where...
- What does it matter?
383
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,115
On the cheek!
384
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,197
Oh, Monty, I just...
385
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:06,479
(SIGHS) I just wanted today
to be perfect.
386
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,439
Joyce, today may not be perfect but...
387
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,315
I know something that is.
388
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:13,510
You.
389
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,358
Oh, Monty.
390
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,039
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
391
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,951
-(SPLATTERS)
-(JOYCE SCREAMING)
392
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,036
Oh, Miss Temple Savage, are you okay?
393
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,357
Oh, bloody hell, Mrs T.
394
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,238
That's one hell of a shite!
395
00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:33,550
Bugger knows what these seagulls
have been eating.
396
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,390
- Come on, let's get you sorted.
-(JOYCE GROANING)
397
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,039
Can you hurry up in there, please?
This is an emergency.
398
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,791
(TOILET FLUSHING)
399
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,792
I'd give that a minute
if I were you, love.
400
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,756
Only when you leave
I need to love you ?
401
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,350
(CONTINUES SINGING)
402
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,079
Come on, let's get this frock sorted.
403
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:11,435
All I ask
404
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,433
is that you pass on my business proposal
to Kenneth
405
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,557
and ask if he'll consider it.
406
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,231
Of course, I realise,
after what happened between us,
407
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,191
he may not even entertain the idea,
but I...
408
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:25,793
I really have nowhere else to turn.
409
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,714
Well, the thing is
it's not up to Kenneth.
410
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,519
- It's not?
- No!
411
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:34,918
I'm the major shareholder in
Blow 'n' Go Industries Limited.
412
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,513
- You are?
- Mmm-hmm.
413
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,920
Hmm, fascinating.
414
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:39,909
Mmm...
415
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:41,679
Very good beef tea, by the way.
416
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:45,555
Oh, yes, I've always been interested
in business.
417
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,109
- Mmm.
- My late husband Donald
418
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,431
had his finger in a lot of pies.
419
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,670
And a few other things as well.
420
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:54,830
(BOTH LAUGHING)
421
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:58,515
So, what do you think
of the idea of a dental surgery
422
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,035
here in Blow 'n' Go?
423
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:04,351
Well, obviously I'd have to
think about it.
424
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:10,229
Shall we schedule a breakfast meeting
about it sometime next week?
425
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:15,474
Or I could bring my gear in
from the van that's waiting outside.
426
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:17,914
Well, I wouldn't want to...
427
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,276
A van that I'm paying for by the hour.
428
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:22,476
Well, it wouldn't be that simple.
429
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:27,391
There's quite a lot of rubbish
in that back room to clear out.
430
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,073
Oh, you'll do that in no time,
431
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:30,753
big strong girl like you.
432
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,396
No. I'm sorry, Mr Kane, but I can't...
433
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:36,834
I have a year to live.
434
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,678
Oh, I beg your pardon?
435
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,354
Obviously, I'd hate that
to sway your decision.
436
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,831
But I need to get my life back on track
437
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,834
before it's too late.
438
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:48,875
Will you help me...
439
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:50,670
Jacqueline?
440
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:55,275
Oh. Well, I suppose
you could store your stuff?
441
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,078
In the back room to begin with.
442
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,879
You're an angel sent from heaven.
443
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,592
Right, I've got a few calls to make,
444
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,359
but I'll get the chaps to unload the van
445
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:07,839
and you can make a start
on the back room.
446
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,316
Your late husband was a very lucky man.
447
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,911
That really was an exceptional beef tea.
448
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,599
(SNAPS FINGERS) Spit-spot!
449
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,280
Oh, bloody hell!
450
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:32,873
(SIGHS)
451
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,198
Have you got your raffle tickets yet?
452
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,232
Oh, what raffle is that, love?
453
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:52,958
Is it the luggage raffle?
454
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,793
Take your ticket and hope
you get your suitcases back?
455
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,149
I'm sorry?
456
00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,073
You lost his cases last year,
but he doesn't like to talk about it.
457
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,549
No, it's the best raffle in Benidorm.
458
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,996
Win an Xbox, branded perfumes,
gold watch,
459
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,914
and the mystery star prize worth �1,500.
460
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,274
How much are the tickets?
461
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,351
�1 a ticket, �5 a strip.
462
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:14,714
There you are, love, �5.
463
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:17,269
Muchas gracias.
464
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,431
Go on, I'll have a fiver's
worth as well.
465
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:22,640
Two strips for me, love.
466
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:26,840
One for me, please.
467
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,480
-�5?
- No, I mean, one ticket.
468
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,153
What's the point in buying one ticket?
469
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:35,518
'Cause only one ticket's gonna win
the �1 ,500 mystery prize.
470
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:36,715
Just give him five.
471
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,916
I don't want five tickets.
472
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,355
Tightest man alive!
473
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,635
It's a false economy.
474
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:46,315
With five tickets, you get 500% more
chance of winning the big prize.
475
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,630
Plus, I don't have any change.
476
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,518
Oh, for God's sake.
477
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,750
- Give us a five.
- Thanks.
478
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,549
The draw's tonight in Neptune's,
8 o'clock sharp.
479
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,797
I've been pressured into this.
480
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:02,235
I'm not happy.
481
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,880
You're determined to enjoy yourself
on this holiday, aren't you?
482
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,189
(LORETTA LAUGHS)
483
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,118
(WEDDING MARCH INTRO PLAYING)
484
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,432
(MUSIC CUTS OUT)
("SMACK MY BITCH UP" STARTS PLAYING)
485
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,069
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Hang on. Hang on!
486
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,514
Hang on. Hang on!
487
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:32,995
Sorry.
488
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,197
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)
489
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,113
You look amazing.
490
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:53,030
Thank you.
491
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:55,475
Not you. Sit down, you great tit.
492
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:05,672
"This place, at which we are now met
has been duly sectioned..."
493
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,478
Sorry, sactioned.
494
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,512
I knew I should have brought my glasses.
495
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:14,351
"...according to law,
for the celebration of marriages.
496
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:18,237
"We are gathered here today
to witness the joining in matrimony
497
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,233
-"of Joyce Skinhead Temple Savage..."
- Um...
498
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:22,590
(SNORTS)
499
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,159
- Sinead.
- Sorry?
500
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,312
My middle name is Sinead,
you just said Skinhead.
501
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,834
Did I? Oh.
502
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,719
- Terribly sorry.
- I've got an old pair of readers.
503
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,918
- Do you want to have a borrow of them?
- Oh, yes. Thank you.
504
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:41,992
(LAUGHING QUIETLY)
505
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,916
�'Of Joyce Sinead Temple-Savage"
506
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,113
"and Montgomery John Thomas Staines..."
507
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,870
(ALL LAUGHING)
508
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:09,954
Now, Monty and Joyce have exchanged
their vows and pledged their commitment,
509
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:11,360
each to the other.
510
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:16,560
And have declared the same by
joining hands and by exchanging rings.
511
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,396
It now only remains to ask if there is
any person or persons present?
512
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,518
Who objects to this marriage.
513
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,991
let them speak now,
or forever hold their peace.
514
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,150
Anyone?
515
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,110
Anyone at all? Speak now,
516
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,240
because forever is quite a long time
to hold your peace. (CHUCKLES)
517
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:45,039
Just get on with it.
518
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:46,709
(SIGHS)
519
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,712
By the power vested in me by God and man
520
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,438
and the mayor of Benidorm, of course...
521
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:55,914
(SIGHS)
522
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:57,917
I pronounce you husband and wife.
523
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,719
-(JOYCE SIGHS IN RELIEF)
- You may now kiss the bride.
524
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,995
- LES: Yay!
- (All CHEERING)
525
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,549
Joyce, I'm sorry this hasn't been
a perfect wedding,
526
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,435
but I think I used up all my luck
and good fortune when I met you.
527
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,638
You don't think I'm going to keep
falling for your smooth lines,
528
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,677
-do you, Monty?
- You don't have to.
529
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,239
(CHUCKLES) I've got you now.
530
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,395
You're my wife.
531
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:31,758
My beautiful wife.
532
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:35,833
So true
533
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:41,074
Funny how it seems
Always in time
534
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,949
But never in line for dreams
535
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:49,318
Head over heels when toe to toe
536
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:54,750
This is the sound of my soul!
537
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:58,799
This is the sound
538
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,552
Bought a ticket to the world
539
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:08,271
But now I've come back again
540
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:13,229
Why do I find it hard to
write the next line?
541
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:16,991
I want the truth to be said
542
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,989
Ah-ah-ah ah-ah
543
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:27,951
Ooh, I know this much is true
544
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:32,480
Ah-ah-ah ah-ah
545
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:38,272
Ooh, I know this much is true
546
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,393
Excuse me, are there
any more boat trips today?
547
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:42,550
No!
548
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,950
No more boat trips
until tomorrow morning
549
00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:47,430
at 30 minutes past the clock of ten.
550
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,234
Happy wedding day, Harry.
551
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,998
I must say, it was Kenny's
Uncle Herbert who turned me on
552
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,239
to what they now call Cowell White.
553
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,751
Oh, well, I suppose I could get
used to them.
554
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:19,038
Right. First client in 20 minutes.
555
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,554
You'd better put some kind
of a sign outside, I suppose.
556
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:24,354
Now that we're official.
557
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,477
(HUMMING)
558
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,319
You say to Mr Wu
559
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,119
you just want to fill up
on chips and rice.
560
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:37,072
I said no such thing.
561
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,231
Check yourself
before you wreck yourself.
562
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,393
You're calling Mr Wu
liar, liar, pants on fire?
563
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:44,554
I just remembered what we said.
564
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,200
You asked me which banquet I wanted.
565
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,875
I said I want the full Monty,
chips and rice.
566
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:54,794
Monty gonna be more than full on
75 portions of chips and rice.
567
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:59,073
Chips and rice!
Chips and rice!
568
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:00,998
That means I wanted everything.
569
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:03,833
Mr Wu give you
everything you asked for.
570
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:07,151
You got chips and rice!
571
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,995
You don't understand,
it's a saying.
572
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,117
No, you don't understand.
573
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:16,270
Mr Wu got to go now.
My son picking me up on his jet ski.
574
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,636
But you pay your bill by tomorrow,
575
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:21,314
or you will have had your chips.
576
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:22,720
That's another saying.
577
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,034
You get it?
Had your chips?
578
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:26,190
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
579
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:42,509
JOYCE: What did he say?
580
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,357
There's been a slight misunderstanding.
581
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:47,115
Rice and chips.
582
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:50,199
I like to think of it more as
chips and rice.
583
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,320
We can say it's a metaphor.
584
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,472
Our guests weren't expecting a metaphor,
585
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,949
they were expecting
a three-course lunch.
586
00:29:58,040 --> 00:29:59,792
Oh, look at that, bloody typical.
587
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,595
On the day I was supposed to
start me no-carb diet.
588
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,509
Oh, well. Tomorrow's another day.
589
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:09,753
Mmm, lovely chips, though.
590
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:11,555
You're not eating, love?
591
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,593
I'm going under my speech.
592
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:14,915
No, you mean over it.
593
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:16,795
Is what I am saying.
594
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:18,310
Let's have a look.
595
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:26,390
Oh, my God.
596
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,517
- You're actually gonna say all this?
- Yes.
597
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:31,114
I get from the interweb.
598
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:33,315
Is not horrible?
599
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,832
Is tradition for the best man
to be rude about the bride, no?
600
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:41,351
Yes! Oh, no... Yes, look.
Oh, it's brilliant, Mateo.
601
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:42,714
I can't wait to hear this.
602
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:44,870
(GLASS CLINKING)
603
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,796
Can we have the best of order, please,
604
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:52,476
for the honorary best man for the bride,
605
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:55,759
Mr Mateo Castelanos.
606
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:57,911
(APPLAUSE)
607
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:03,435
(MATEO CLEARS THROAT)
608
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:06,873
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
609
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:11,353
It's my pleasure to be giving you
the traditional best man speech.
610
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:13,395
(MATEO CLEARING THROAT)
611
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:16,871
-Joyce Temple Savage...
-(JOYCE CHUCKLES SHYLY)
612
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:18,919
What a slag!
613
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:20,149
(CROWD GASPING)
614
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,712
Joyce has had so many men in her life,
615
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:28,359
for her 40th birthday,
616
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:32,115
her vagina was fitted with a turnstile.
617
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:35,310
I am not saying she is easy,
618
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:39,280
but she has been cocked more times
than John Wayne's gun.
619
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,033
(KENNETH LAUGHING)
620
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,029
John Wayne is a famous cowboy,
621
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:46,355
who has a gun.
622
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,038
At college, she had so many balls
in her mouth,
623
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:53,794
she was known as the Hungry Hippo.
624
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:56,632
This is not because she's fat,
625
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:58,717
is a game for children.
626
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:00,997
(KENNETH LAUGHING)
627
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:05,475
I hope Monty and Joyce enjoy
their honeymoon in Wales.
628
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:10,114
I think this is where they are going,
because Monty said,
629
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,511
after the wedding he's going to Bangor
for a few days first.
630
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:18,832
Bangor is a town in Wales,
which is in England.
631
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:21,958
Uh, Mateo over there
with a lovely speech,
632
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,954
highlighting our bride's
fabulous sense of humour.
633
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:27,354
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
634
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,717
And now, could we have your
appreciation for the groom.
635
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,798
(APPLAUSE)
636
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:40,151
Well, believe it or not,
this has been
637
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:41,913
the happiest day of my life.
638
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,830
I can appreciate
that it is probably not yours.
639
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,440
Let's face it, the whole thing's
been a complete disaster.
640
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:49,755
None taken.
641
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:52,074
Oh, not you Tony.
642
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:55,875
But there is one thing
643
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,671
Monty Staines is well-known for,
644
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:02,789
and that is snatching victory
from the jaws of defeat.
645
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,638
What say we all go back
to the Solana early
646
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,439
and have a good old-fashioned
Benidorm knees-up!
647
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,399
(CROWD CHEERING)
648
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,630
After which, I'll be taking
my beautiful bride
649
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:18,791
on the 10 o'clock flight to Venice
650
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:21,478
for our honeymoon.
651
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:22,675
Venice?
652
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:24,630
Really?
653
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:28,600
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the blushing bride.
654
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:30,796
All: The blushing bride!
655
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,518
(APPLAUSE)
656
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,633
Oh, bloody hell! Joyce,
have you got a phone signal?
657
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:43,994
It's in my bag.
658
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:45,834
You're trying to get a phone signal,
659
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,397
good luck with that, love.
I've been offline from Grindr
660
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,118
for three hours.
People will think I'm dead.
661
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,075
- Who are you trying to ring?
- The boat.
662
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,669
I told Rutger to come back at 7:30
663
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:57,876
but that's another
two hours stranded here.
664
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:00,600
What do you think we're gonna do here
for another two hours?
665
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:02,512
I don't know. (GROANS)
666
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,718
Has anybody out there
got any sort of a phone signal?
667
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:07,632
(ALL MURMURING)
668
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:12,872
Bloody hell. Tony Hadley!
669
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:14,555
Come on.
670
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,155
Wait for me!
671
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:23,873
- Wait, wait!
- Wait, wait!
672
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:25,519
Wait, come back!
673
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:28,912
MATEO: The boat, it's turning around.
674
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:33,997
He's coming back.
He's coming back.
675
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,280
I told you you'd want an encore
in the end.
676
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,600
Thank you for coming home
677
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,718
Sorry that the chairs are all worn
678
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:52,078
- I left them here, I could have sworn
- We need a lift back to Benidorm!
679
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,594
These are my salad days
680
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,474
Slowly being eaten away
681
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:01,359
- Just another Play for Today
- Can you get a message to the boat?
682
00:35:01,720 --> 00:35:04,075
Oh, but I'm proud of you
683
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:05,595
Proud of you
684
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:09,753
- Can you hear me?
- Nothing left to make me feel small
685
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:13,037
- Love has left me standing so tall
- Would you stop singing! We're stranded!
686
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:14,519
MATEO: Come back!
687
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:15,590
(ALL MURMURING)
688
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:19,030
- Gold
- (ALL SHOUTING)
689
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:23,316
Always believe in your soul
690
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,835
You've got the power to know
691
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:28,912
- Come back!
- You're indestructible
692
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:34,871
- Always believing
- MONTY: Tony!
693
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:43,358
I still haven't heard from our Jodie.
694
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,159
Oh, don't be mithering her today.
It's her first day of filming, isn't it?
695
00:35:46,240 --> 00:35:47,753
Well, I thought she'd be
finished by now.
696
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:50,278
Oh, I keep forgetting
we're an hour ahead.
697
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:54,356
Still, I suppose it's an improvement
on putting 'em up chimneys.
698
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,111
- I'm sorry?
- Child labour.
699
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,150
I suppose if she had been
born in India,
700
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,239
she'd be sewing footballs,
manacled to a worktop.
701
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:06,109
So, we should be thankful
for small mercies.
702
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:07,595
What's he talking about?
703
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,876
Dad, how much have you had to drink?
704
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:11,837
I've had no alcohol today.
705
00:36:13,240 --> 00:36:14,435
Just a few lagers.
706
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:18,509
Isn't it strange, our Jodie being
the breadwinner for the family now?
707
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,750
I beg your pardon?
She's not the breadwinner.
708
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:25,912
She's doing a dog food commercial
in Germany. Same one she did last year.
709
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,714
Exactly. And if I they hadn't renewed
the option at such short notice,
710
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:30,837
she would have been here
on this holiday with us.
711
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:33,680
- Exactly.
- She's following her dream.
712
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:38,074
Exactly. Plus we promised to take her
to the Eden Project when we get back.
713
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:41,869
Ooh. Oh, I bet she'll look forward
to that. (LAUGHS)
714
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:45,510
Why have a holiday in Spain
with sun, sea and sangria
715
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,672
when you can watch caterpillars
in pissing rain?
716
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:51,994
She doesn't drink sangria, she's 10.
717
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:53,713
That's just it.
718
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,597
You don't know what she's doing
in Hitler's heartland
719
00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:00,320
with her drama teacher,
Miss Lez-be Friends,
720
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:04,030
-smokin' a cigar in comfortable shoes.
- What?
721
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,114
Still, I suppose
she's safer than our Robert.
722
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,271
Up Limpopo without a paddle.
723
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:10,953
Right, that's it!
724
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,156
I'm not lying here
listenin' to this rubbish.
725
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:15,595
Sheron...
726
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:18,835
Look what you've done now!
727
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:23,234
See you in Neptune's.
728
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:24,910
All right.
729
00:37:25,720 --> 00:37:28,758
Will you let me have a read
of that book when you're finished?
730
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:30,069
What book's that?
731
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,834
How To Win Friends And Influence People.
732
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:39,029
(MOUTHING)
733
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:50,675
Just out of interest, where are
the people who run Peacock Island?
734
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,952
It was �500 extra to have staff.
735
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:55,189
It was cheaper to bring our own.
736
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:57,351
But there must have been someone here
when we got here today.
737
00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:59,676
Yeah, Mr Wu and Tony Hadley.
738
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:02,673
Oh, well done for that, by the way.
Top booking, fabulous.
739
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:03,870
(CHUCKLES) Thanks.
740
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,555
I dabbled in artist management
in the early '80s.
741
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,389
Got very close to signing T'Pau.
742
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,678
I was talking about Mr Wu.
Fabulous chips.
743
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:16,150
How are we going to find out
what's happened to the boat?
744
00:38:16,240 --> 00:38:17,799
I don't think anything's
happened to the boat,
745
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,558
I just think he's not coming back.
746
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:21,398
Why would he not come back to get us?
747
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,076
Ah. Because you threatened him
with the police.
748
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:25,350
You did what?
749
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,353
Hang on a minute,
the police were your friends.
750
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:30,636
Why did you threaten
the owner of the boat
751
00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:32,358
with the police?
Of course he's not coming back!
752
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,193
You don't understand,
he was an absolute bastard
753
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,715
who tried to screw me for �700.
754
00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:40,076
And yet you still hired a boat from him.
755
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:42,117
Oh, shut up, you don't understand!
756
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:43,679
I beg your pardon?
757
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,270
I'm sorry, my darling,
I didn't mean to shout at you.
758
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:48,637
Excuse me, I'm sorry to intrude
759
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:50,799
but I think you need a strong swimmer.
760
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:53,349
- A swimmer?
- To swim to Benidorm.
761
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:55,360
It's approximately three kilometres.
762
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,154
You just need a strong swimmer.
763
00:38:57,240 --> 00:39:00,198
Someone brave enough to take on
dear old mother Med
764
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,476
and to sacrifice their own safety
for the benefit of others.
765
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,069
And you're volunteering?
766
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:06,037
Christ on a bike, no,
I'm not that stupid.
767
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:08,631
Anyway, I am absolutely
terrified of water.
768
00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:11,030
Spent the whole trip here
in the toilet with my eyes closed.
769
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:12,713
Then just go away!
770
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:15,275
(SIGHS)
771
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:16,829
He's right, mind.
772
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:18,959
That's exactly what we need.
773
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:21,039
Yeah, but, who will do such a thing?
774
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:31,829
Kenneth!
775
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:33,638
MATEO: Kenneth, what are you doing?
776
00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:35,791
Oh, don't be ridiculous man.
777
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,315
MATEO: Oh, no, no, no, no!
Kenneth, come back here.
778
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,232
(ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
779
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:51,953
Don't laugh at me 'cause I'm a fool!
780
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,759
I am who I am, oh, yeah!
781
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,069
I know it's true
782
00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:01,352
Yes, I'm a fool...
783
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:05,674
So, what time does
our Rob arrive tomorrow?
784
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:07,080
Early afternoon, I think.
785
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:08,315
Their connection's in London
786
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,073
and I've asked him to text
in the morning.
787
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:12,670
What's his girlfriend's name again?
788
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,111
Summat weird, isn't it?
Eric or something?
789
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,795
Cyd, as in Cyd Charisse.
790
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,557
And he hasn't said Cyd's his...
791
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,719
girlfriend. They could just be friends,
for all we know.
792
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:26,359
We shouldn't jump to conclusions.
793
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:30,320
Well, if they're just friends, what the
bloody hell is he bringing her here for?
794
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:34,156
Because people of the opposite sex
can be just friends, you know.
795
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:37,114
Haven't you ever had a male friend
that you've never had sex with?
796
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:38,599
Oh, don't bother answering that.
797
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:40,555
(EDDIE CHUCKLES)
798
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:42,876
- Where's the rest of your tickets?
- I sold 'em.
799
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:44,911
- Who to?
- Does it matter?
800
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,759
I were coerced into buying
all them tickets.
801
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:50,516
Lucky 100. That's all I need.
802
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,638
And you watch, he'll end up winning,
the jammy git.
803
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,316
'Cause I'm a fool!
804
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,789
I am who I am, oh!
805
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:01,558
So, you pick me at random
to do the draw,
806
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,995
and I'll do everything
to make sure the right tickets come out.
807
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:07,034
Dave, are you all right?
You look like you're about to explode.
808
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,634
I took the family on the beach today
and we all fell asleep.
809
00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:12,834
It'll calm down in a few days,
don't you worry about me.
810
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,833
I'm not worried about you, you just
look like a dog's dick with eyes.
811
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:17,075
Oh, listen, Sam,
812
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,629
we might have to calm down the old
flirting tonight, the wife's in.
813
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:23,675
Dave, we don't flirt. It's just you who
persistently dribbles on my knockers.
814
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,637
Oh, God, I love it when you talk dirty.
815
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,632
Yes, I'm a fool!
816
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:33,593
So, here's to our new
business venture, hmm?
817
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:38,791
The Solana Dental Studio incorporating
Blow 'n' Go hair salon.
818
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,073
Well, to be fair,
while we're on this trial run,
819
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:43,270
- I think...
- Cheers.
820
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:46,879
Yes. Mmm...
821
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,594
Stanley, would you do me a favour?
822
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:51,750
Of course, Jacqueline.
823
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:53,592
After all the kindness you've shown me.
824
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,799
Well, when Kenneth gets back,
825
00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,116
- do you mind if I'm the one...
- Sorry to interrupt,
826
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:03,114
but I don't suppose you can
lend me �50, could you?
827
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,354
�50? I don't know, really.
828
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:07,630
What's it for?
829
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:11,071
Well, um, I've got
a few niggling errands to run
830
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,069
in the morning and �50 should cover it.
831
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:15,793
Unless you've got some more.
832
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,874
- I've got �70 but...
- That's perfect.
833
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:21,357
Jacqueline, you are a brick.
834
00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:23,909
I honestly don't know what
I would have done with you today.
835
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,512
Oh, it appears my luck is
finally starting to change.
836
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:29,355
Cheers.
837
00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:33,392
- Cheers.
- Don't laugh at me
838
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:40,753
'Cause I'm a fool
839
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,591
Thank you! Thank you.
840
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,319
Kenneth, are you absolutely
sure about this?
841
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,876
Oh, don't be fooled by this generous
yet well-proportioned physique, Joyce.
842
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:57,793
When do you ever see a skinny mini
swimming in the Channel? Never.
843
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,157
'Cause they need a layer of fat
to get them to France.
844
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:03,591
- Where are you swimming to, Norway?
- (LES LAUGHS)
845
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,751
Kenneth, you're sure you can do this?
846
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:07,393
Oh, don't worry about me, Mateo.
847
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:09,238
I was top of my swimming club.
848
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:11,670
- When was this?
-1978, love.
849
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:17,079
(JOYCE GASPING)
850
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:20,075
He'll never make it.
851
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:21,230
Not a hope in hell.
852
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:29,713
Go on, Kenneth, lad!
853
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:42,189
Another lucky winner there
of the big money prize.
854
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,357
All right, son, piss off,
don't milk it.
855
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,198
This is for the gold watch,
ladies and gentlemen.
856
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:50,029
Okay-d okay .
857
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:51,952
Here we go, here we go, here we go.
858
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:55,160
And the winner is...
859
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,157
Blue 489.
860
00:43:59,240 --> 00:44:01,470
Blue 489.
861
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:03,557
Woo! We have a winner!
862
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:06,989
Thanks dad.
863
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:14,511
Dave, you absolute dick.
864
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:16,876
All your lot are
sticking out like sore thumbs.
865
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:18,957
The punters are smelling a rat.
866
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:21,156
Well, they've got no proof,
just get on with it.
867
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:24,640
And this is for the star prize,
868
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:29,358
an upright mobility scooter
worth over �1,500!
869
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:31,636
(CROWD CHEERING)
870
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:37,309
And the number is Yellow 101.
871
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:39,631
Oh, yes, it's me! I won!
872
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,351
Oh, it's wonderful, I love it.
873
00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:49,311
-She's a bit of a brute.
-Very heavy.
874
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:52,153
It could cost you as good couple of
hundred euros to get that home.
875
00:44:52,240 --> 00:44:56,598
Or, we could offer you ten bottles of
top-quality perfumes instead.
876
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:58,591
No need, I am home.
877
00:44:58,720 --> 00:45:00,996
I have a new dental surgery
in the Solana.
878
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:07,071
I told you not to sell any tickets
to staff.
879
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:08,395
I didn't.
880
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:09,800
(CROWD JEERING)
881
00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:11,230
Cheers Eddie.
882
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:12,515
Cheers.
883
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:15,434
Fantastic!
884
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:22,474
Hey, this perfume stinks
of cat piss.
885
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:26,917
(GASPS) Ooh,
it's a text from our Robert.
886
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:28,110
Is he all right?
887
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:29,599
Of course he's all right.
888
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,029
�Just boarding in Bogata.
See you tomorrow".
889
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:34,599
�My beautiful Cyd says...�
890
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:38,595
Says what?
891
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:47,754
EDDIE: What does she say?
892
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:13,669
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
67412
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