Original subtitles

- Good morning! - Jesus Christ!

What are you doing sitting on the toilet in the dark?

Well, it starts with "A" and ends with "poo�.

I mean, why haven't you got the light on?

This might come as a surprise to you, Brandy,

but even I can find my bottom in the dark.

I just don't expect someone to be creeping round at 5:00 in the morning.

It's actually 6:20 and I can assure you, I haven't done an awful lot of creeping.

Personally, I find when having a poo,

being stationary is almost certainly the best option.

- I'm just going to brush my teeth. - Please, don't let me stop you.

Well, aren't you gonna ask me where I've been?

Brandy, in the bar last night, you declared

that you didn't intend to be short of male company that evening.

You then stayed out all night and have returned seven hours later,

looking like a scarecrow and smelling like an alley cat.

But we are on this holiday together only as friends.

Nothing more. Perhaps not even that now.

So no, I don't wanna know where you've been,

because I really don't care.

You think you're so much better than me, don't you?

Not at all. My marriage has been a failure.

I'm 32, living on my own,

and reduced to taking a holiday in a place

I swore I would never return to simply because it was free.

But aside from all this, I still have one remaining attribute,

which I obviously value significantly more than you.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

My dignity.

(FARTING)

Excuse me.

(GAGGING)

I don't know how many times I can say I'm sorry.

We had the conversation about you being gay.

And you said you were ready to come out.

I'm sure that's how it happened.

But I obviously got it wrong, and I'm so sorry.

You haven't said a word to me all morning, son.

We can't carry on the rest of our holiday like this.

Geoff!

Can you please tell us what this is all about?

- Are we going on a boat, Mel? - All will be revealed.

We're going on a boat! I bet we're going on a boat.

I get seasick if Mel fills the bath too full.

That's all we need, old queasy-chops throwing up all over the place.

She's not joking. Remember that time you booked to go to Ireland on the ferry?

She was sick four times.

And that was just in the travel agent's, thinking about it.

Look, there's some fishermen over there.

We'll go on a boat, and you can stay here and play with their flies.

Ooh, I should have never had that liver with me bacon this morning.

Onward.

Come on, love, we're going on a boat.

(MADGE EXCLAIMS IN FEAR)

Steady, steady. Here we go. Come on.

Look, your mum's gonna spew.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Thank you.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Is it free? Is it free? - Stop doing that.

- Good morning! - Hola!

- Oh, hello! - Great night, last night.

- Really enjoyed it. - Oh, yes.

We wondered if either of you wanted to come up to the old town with us.

We're all right here, thank you.

Well, we were more thinking of Geoff.

There's a great gay scene in the old town.

No! You see I made a bit of a mistake last night and I...

There's a fabulous chubby chaser night

at The Man Hole fun pub.

Oh, we know you've lost some weight, but they are very accommodating.

For your information, I am off into the old town tonight.

And the reason I'm going is, I've got a date.

But before you ask, it's not with a man. It's with a woman.

Because for the last time,

I am not gay!

Oh, dear.

Well, I'm no Clement Freud,

but it sounds to me as though he's still a little bit in denial.

Morning, Geoff.

- Here she is, the belle of the ball. - You disappeared quick last night.

- Don't tell us.

You were in a hot, sweaty gay club till the early hours, top off,

punching the air to Kelly Marie with your new-found gay brethren.

Then one last rousing chorus of I Am What I Am,

tottering home along the Levante beach reeking of Babycham and poppers.

- Look... - No, he's more subtle than that.

I think he went back to his apartment,

threw on a little black off-the-shoulder number

and spent the night miming to Martine McCutcheon's This is My Moment

into a hair brush, in the mirror.

Look, I am not gay.

- We know you're not. - Then why me mother thought...

- You what? - Of course we know you're not gay.

It was a laugh, though, wasn't it?

Me mother telling the whole of Neptune's I was gay

and then singing Y.M.C.A. to me,

while you lot dance around her dressed as the Village People.

Funny bloody sense of humour.

Stupid breeder.

I can't believe he didn't know we were pulling his leg.

Pull it? I don't think I could lift it.

Oh, she's on top form today.

I, uh...

Have you got that extra key I gave you for your apartment last night?

- Yes. - Can I have it back?

Can't I keep it?

Why, planning on locking yourself out again tonight?

(SIGHING)

Can I help you?

Is it not working out with your new girlfriend?

I'm sorry, but I fall to see what business that is of yours.

All right, don't get your knickers in a twist.

I can see somebody didn't get any last night.

Martin.

I think we need to talk.

No, it's no good, Mel.

You're gonna have to tell them to turn back.

Tell them to turn back? We're nearly there. Look.

Peacock Island.

Mam, Coolio's gone green.

We've all gone green.

What the bloody hell are we going to this Peacock Island for anyway? Eh?

What have they got there that we haven't got at the apartments?

- They haven't got anything there. - You what?

All they got on the whole of the island is one restaurant.

Well, then what the frig are we going there for?

Mam, me nana's been sick again.

Believe me, it's the business opportunity of a lifetime.

Are you all right, princess?

I told you I was no good on boats.

If I've seen that liver I had for me breakfast once,

I've seen it three times now.

Oh, mother.

Whoa!

(RETCHING)

Fourth time lucky.

Sorry, Mel.

Por favor, grabe su mensaje despu�s de la se�al.

(BEEPING)

Uh... Hiya, Lesley. Um, it's Geoff,

from the, uh, internet chat room thing.

I know that we were going to meet tonight,

but, well, I wondered if you was free today?

We could get a bit of lunch.

And obviously if you're busy, you know,

I'll just see you tonight, but, um...

No, no, you're probably busy.

(STAMMERS) I'm busy.

Got quite a lot of, you know, admin shit and stuff.

(BEEPING) Um...

Shit.

Shit. I can't believe it. You sounded like a right dickhead!

Hi, I'm Geoff.

Hi. Geoff.

You must be Lesley?

What? Oh, this hat.

It's just something I picked up in Capri.

Oh, you've never been?

Oh, we must go sometime.

- 3 euros. - What?

Oh, right.

No, you're all right. Thanks.

(BEEPING)

Come on!

Muchas gracias, se�or.

Ugh...

Janice, Papa is talking to you, wants to know where we're going.

I don't know where we're going, do I?

What's the idea of going to the top?

(COOLIO CRYING)

It's like that Alfred Hitchcock film, isn't it?

(YELLS)

Can't believe we've come all the way here for this.

Planet of the bloody apes.

Believe me, this is the opportunity of a lifetime.

Ooh, I need a drink.

All I can taste is liver and hot chocolate.

- Oh, nice. - Come on, mam, let's get some dinner.

Telle, come on, get Michael, hurry up.

Your nana needs a drink.

What can you see?

Um, not a lot.

Exactly.

This is the only undeveloped part of Benidorm.

What, you want to build a shop here?

Not a shop.

An empire.

Restaurants, caf�s, an aqua park, maybe a hotel.

Sod Mel's Mobility Shop.

What about Mel's Island?

Oh, thank God for that.

For a minute there, I thought you were going to say

something completely ridiculous.

(SIGHING)

Julio. Julio. Julio. King of the Latin lovers.

What have you got that I haven't got?

How do you do it? I mean...

I know you got the looks, the money, the fame.

Oh, yeah, that's how you do it.

All I need is an ounce of what you've got, that's all.

I just need a little bit of you inside me.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Hiya.

That sounded bad, didn't it?

Is that all you're giving me?

- You want me to give you more? - Yeah.

I asked for a large one.

A very large one.

You're sure you can take it?

Try me.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Anytime.

(CLICKING TONGUE)

Madre m�a!

The problem is, Brandy, I'm finding our time together

on this holiday very confusing.

You're constantly blowing hot and cold.

Who are they?

No, I mean I'm getting mixed messages from you.

We arrive here as friends,

and you're coming on to me very strong, then you're staying out all night.

Martin, have you any Idea the last time I had sex?

I don't know. What time is it now?

I last had sex in 2006.

Well, good for you. I'm glad to hear that somebody's getting...

I beg your pardon?

This is all a front.

I've been doing and saying stupid things because...

Well, I like you.

And I'm scared. Scared of getting hurt.

So, where did you stay last night?

I slept on a sofa, in reception.

- Really? - Yeah.

Didn't want to come back after all the hurtful things you said to me.

Well, I was a little bit drunk.

A bit drunk? You were arseholed.

Anyway, I just think, if we can start being honest with each other,

that this could be the start of something big.

- Really? - Mmm-hmm.

Well, I'll drink to that.

(GIGGLING)

(SPITTING)

Jesus Christ! What'd you put in there?

Sorry. That must be mine.

(GIGGLING)

Can't work them two out.

What's to work out?

She's a filthy, freeloading slapper

taking advantage of a wet, spineless mother's boy.

I mean, I know his wife seemed a bit of a misery, but...

I can't see what he sees in her.

I believe they're called breasts.

Yeah.

Why have we come all the way here for our dinner?

Don't be ungrateful. It's a nice day out.

Nice day out? I thought me guts were going to turn inside out on that boat.

Yeah? Funny, you seemed to recover just as you were offered

a plate of steak and kidney pudding.

Dad, where's Mel?

Mel? Oh, you mean Donald Trump.

He's over there, looking for the sale of the century.

- Hola. - Hola.

Smoke?

Oh, gracias se�or.

Excuse me, se�or, I was wondering if I could pick your brains.

Brains?

Do you know who the island belongs to?

S�.

Who?

Is, island.

No, I need to know who the island belongs to.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Slowly.

Me, build shops,

mall, restaurants, maybe hotel, here.

Build?

Aqui?

- Here? - Yes, here.

Is no posible.

But why is no posible?

Who does the island belong to?

The island, it belong to the Dovez.

The Dovez?

S�.

Who is the Dovez?

You want permiso... Permission to build?

Yes.

Is no posible.

Yes, I understand, but who is the Dovez, the boss, the owner?

Peacock Island belong to the Dovez.

Right, I see.

It's not what you know, it's who you know.

S�.

Oh, uh, could I have one of my cigarettes?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Yeah, I thought you'd say that.

Not bad, that, as it goes.

Pass us the menu. Are there any puddings?

Right, have you lot finished? The next boat goes back in five minutes.

- Mel, me dad said you did a trump. - You what?

I said he was Donald Trump, you silly bugger.

Very funny.

Right, come on, let's be having you. I've got to get back to Benidorm.

Need to see a man about an island.

What, no pudding?

Pudding were included.

Oh, Mick, look!

No!

- Hey, look. - Oh, yeah.

Oh, lovely, look. Hey, I like that.

I look as sick as a parrot.

Hiya, Lesley, it's Geoff.

Um, I'm not sure what happened to you at the auditorium.

I waited a couple of hours,

but you may have been held up in traffic or something else came up.

Um, I've sort of wandered into the old town,

where we were originally going to meet tonight.

Um, so I might just stay here.

You know, we were meeting at 8:00

and it's already 2:30 now,

so let me know if you get here early, for tonight, I mean.

It's Geoff, by the way. I don't know if I said that at the start of the...

(BEEPING)

Geoff?

Geoff, great to see you!

Hola!

Hiya. You all right?

I thought you weren't meant to be here until tonight.

Yeah, I thought, you know, I'd stretch me legs for five or six hours first.

Oh, smashing.

You could come with us.

We're off to the Rich Bitch.

It's a fabulous drag bar just round the corner.

Drag bar?

Yeah, you know, men dressed as women.

Yes, we've never been into the tranny scene much,

but a friend of ours, Big Donna from our swinger's association,

she put us in touch.

It is invitation-only this afternoon,

but I'm sure they could squeeze you in somewhere.

(GRUNTING)

Aw!

Maybe catch you later!

Hmm.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Grande beer por favor.

That's 2 euros, please, darling.

Hola, guapa.

Mine's a large one, if you're buying.

What are they talking about?

- Who? - Me dad and Mel.

I don't know. Something to do with Mel's business.

Will you keep your nose out? We don't want you meddling in Mel's affairs.

Oh? Mel having an affair?

Business affairs. You know what I mean.

Well, he does have a history of shagging around.

What about that woman he had a fling with last year?

The one in the wheelchair?

Don't be disgusting. You know that was a misunderstanding.

Mel only fancy women in wheelchairs?

Apparently, once you get your metal wings, there's no turning back.

What is she talking about?

I have no idea.

Well, then tell her to shut up.

Telle, shut up.

You're too forward, you are.

Better then being backward, like you.

There's no wonder you're not married.

I don't wanna get married.

Just as well. Nobody'd have you.

Mother, can we leave it, please?

Thank you.

You've got no role models. That's your problem.

We had people like Vera Lynn and Doris Day to look up to.

Who've they got these days? Amy Whitehouse?

And celebrities on TV reality shows fiddling with pigs.

Mother, what have I just said?

For God's sake!

Yeah, shut up.

Oh, you shut up!

Janice, tell her. She's putting her finger up at me.

No, I'm not.

Right, that's it I've had enough.

What's wrong with her?

I don't know.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

And it's not just me mam that doesn't understand me.

I know you won't believe this, but I haven't got many friends.

Well, I have got one mate who I drink with, he's called Eric.

Think he must be in his 80s.

He's a war hero, but he doesn't like talking about it.

He's every night at the pub,

we have a few pints, I tell him all me troubles.

He doesn't often say much back to me, but...

You know, he's from a different generation.

I sometimes think if he hadn't lost his legs at Dunkirk,

that he'd just get up and walk away from me.

But I don't suppose I'll ever know.

Another beer?

No, no, I'd best go, clear me head.

I... I've got a blind date tonight, well, not completely blind.

I mean, we've texted each other.

Any rate, you take care.

And don't forget, never give up hope.

Who knows? The right girl might just come along for you.

Thanks.

No problem.

Oh, hello. Just come down from your parachute?

De nada.

Hiya.

MmMmm.

Hola.

I wondered if you can do me a favour.

Anything.

I've got a friend staying here,

and I want to leave her something in her room as a surprise.

Is there any way I can get into her room without asking for her key?

If you give the present to me, I can deliver for you.

I have a pass key that fits all the rooms.

Yeah, thought you might have.

What if you give me that pass key, and I can do it meself?

Is not possible.

What about if I meet you later on, and we do it together?

You want to do it... with me?

Oh, yeah. I want to do it with you.

What about your boyfriend?

Him? I don't think he'd be all for it. He's a bit straight like that.

No. I mean, what if he finds out we...

did it together?

Well, we'll just have to make sure he doesn't, won't we?

(SLURPING)

So what you're saying is, if you find this fellow who owns the island...

Dovez.

...you think you can convince him to let you build on it.

Exactly.

Only problem is, where to start looking?

I made a few enquiries, but the place is full of bloody tourists.

Yeah, funny that, isn't it?

- Excuse me. - Yes, love?

That barman who serves behind here, do you know where he's from?

Eh, I think he's Spanish.

(EXHALING)

You know what? The tan, the dark hair, the Spanish accent,

I think she might be on to something there.

I meant, where in Spain.

Haven't got a clue.

Why don't you ask him yourself? Mateo!

Right, I think I see my gorgeous wife over there having a beer on her own,

so I'll leave you three to your Mensa meeting.

Can I help you, boss?

I need to find a man.

A man?

Yeah. A local man.

There are a few gay bars in the old town.

I could take you maybe later in the week?

Not that sort of man. I'm looking...

I'm looking for a local businessman, goes by the name of the Dovez.

The Dovez?

No.

Never heard of this man.

Are you sure?

You don't know anyone connected with land or property

in Benidorm goes by that name?

- Sorry, boss. - Aye, all right.

Well, ask around for me.

A few euros in it for you, if you find him.

Sure thing, boss.

(WHISPERING) Dovez.

Boss!

Boss!

I think I know who you mean, Antonio Dovez.

He's a powerful man, much property and land in Benidorm.

Oh, now we're getting somewhere. So, where will I find him?

You say there would be a few euros for me?

Yeah, well, I'll stand you a couple of drinks.

You're offering to buy me a couple of drinks in an all-inclusive resort.

All right, 20 euros. Where can I find Antonio Dovez?

20 euros? Hmm, my memory's not so good.

- 50 euros. - 100 euros.

- Piss off.

Hang on, hang on. Come back here.

All right, 100 euros. For that price, I want you to take me directly to him.

For 100 euros, I will bring him to you. Tonight, 9:00 in Neptune's.

9:00, Neptune's.

Hey, hey, hey. The 100 euros.

When I see the Dovez, you see the 100 euros.

Done!

Yeah, I have been.

Hey! Hey!

- What? - Hey!

Uh, sorry.

I must have fallen asleep.

(BEEPING)

Shit!

Excusez-mol s'il vous plait, Plaza del Castell?

Plaza del Castell, a la derecha.

Cheers.

Good evening, sir. May I help you?

Hiya. I'm sorry. I'm supposed to meet someone here.

Name?

The Oracle. I mean, Geoff.

I mean... I mean, Lesley.

Is this a group booking?

Lesley, it'll be under the name Lesley. Two people.

This way, please, sir.

A drink while you wait, sir?

Pint of lager, please.

But of course, sir.

(SNIFFING)

Come on, Geoff, don't mess this one up.

You never know. She could be the one.

(CLICKING FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Hello. You must be Geoff.

I'm Lesley.

Yeah, I'm sorry about earlier on, but, uh, I had a flat tyre.

I'd done me own servicing and I'd forgotten to grease me wheel nuts.

So I've been on me hands and knees all afternoon.

- Nice here, mind, isn't it? - Lovely.

Yeah, when I first came to Benidorm,

I thought it was all English breakfasts and karaoke,

but you'd be surprised.

I have been.

Now then, before we go any further,

there's something I want to tell you, Geoff.

Okay.

We chatted on-line a lot yesterday, and, well,

there was one thing I wasn't completely truthful about.

- Really? - Yeah.

I want to get it out of the way now.

I mean, we don't want an elephant in the room, so to speak.

No, wouldn't want that.

No. But I've got a sneaking suspicion you know what I'm going to say.

Might have crossed me mind.

Geoff...

I'm not 35.

- Really?

I wasn't 100% honest with you on that score.

Right.

I mean, I've been nervous about telling you that

but, well, you haven't done a runner yet.

I can't move.

Well, I must say, that's a weight off me shoulders.

Mind you, in saying that, I might be in me 40s but I'm not dead yet.

As me old grandma said as they were trying to zip up the bodybag.

(LAUGHING)

Uh, do you know what? I don't know what it is,

but I feel very relaxed with you, Geoff.

Some men give me the creeps. You know what I mean?

Absolutely.

But with you, well, I just feel I can let me hair down.

- Eh, you any good at massage? - No.

Oh, I done a course just a couple of years back.

Uh, are you familiar with Shiatsu?

Aye, I've just done one.

Well, it's a finger-pressure massage technique.

It releases toxins from the body.

I know that sounds a bit technical, but at the end of the day,

all it involves is one person lying face down on the bed

while the other one gives him a good poke.

You think you'll be up for that?

Sir?

Madamoiselle?

Champion!

Now, I usually have two starters here 'cause they're only small.

Sex bomb, sex bomb

You're my sex bomb

And, baby, you can turn me on

You can give me more and more counting up the score

Yeah

You turn me upside down and inside out

Make me feel the real deal

Uh-huh

And I can give it to you anytime because you're mine

You not hungry, mam?

I can't believe it.

What?

Tom Jones!

Oh, aye, he's good, isn't he?

Sex bomb, sex bomb

You're my sex bomb

Doesn't seem to have aged.

She has got to be joking.

Mam, you do know that's not Tom Jones, don't you?

What do you mean, it's not Tom Jones?

Well, what she means is, it's not Tom Jones!

No need to shout!

Mam, that's the fella that was on last night.

Do you remember when Mick asked him to sing a song for me?

You wouldn't believe they could afford Tom Jones

in a place like this, would you?

I think she's on crack.

And, baby, you can turn me on

Oh, oh, yes!

Yes! Yes!

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

It's a great pleasure to be here at Neptune's.

Here's another classic from the man himself,

The Green, Green Grass of Home.

The old home town looks the same

Not Tom Jones!

I suppose the fact that he's got a Welsh accent is just a coincidence as well.

(LAUGHING)

Hell! It's Will Smith!

(LAUGHING)

What have you got changed for? I thought you'd gone to the bar.

Where's Tommy Lee Jones? He's not been eaten by an alien, has he?

I've got a very important business meeting.

You haven't seen that greasy barman, have you?

Can you narrow it down a bit?

You all right, Madge?

Cheer up! It might never happen.

Yes!

Sorry! Oh! Oh!

- Oh, shit. - Not yet!

Oh, no, no, no.

I mean, I have to go.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm sorry. I have an important meeting.

At this time? Well...

What about me?

Maybe we can finish this another time, huh?

Oh, fat chance.

Hostia!

What's wrong?

Joder! I lost my pass key.

If you find it, can you bring it to me tomorrow?

Yeah, of course.

Okay.

Close the door on your way out.

(WHISPERING) You're very hot.

What's your meat like?

- I beg your pardon? - Your steak.

Oh, yeah.

It's all right.

You did right going for well-done.

Ask for it rare, and they pull the horns out, wipe its arse over here.

(CHUCKLING)

So, how long you been married, then?

- Married? - A-ha! I'm just testing.

I do attract a lot of married men for some reason.

Really?

I mean, really?

Oh, yeah. Don't know what it is. They're like moths to a flame, man.

I suppose I do have a certain unattainable quality.

That's good to know.

Well, how long have you been single?

Well, I'm on a kind of break from somebody.

But I think they want to get back with me.

Quite a lot.

- But you're not interested. - Well..

- You've moved on. - Not really.

Or else, why would you be here?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I've been single for a while now.

Been living on me own for nearly a year.

Right.

It's funny, but when I'm single I don't really miss the sex.

Do you?

Definitely not.

Not interested in it at all.

No. There's lots of other things in life, aren't there?

Loads.

Loads of other things.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I've had some fantastic wild sex over the years.

But you know the one thing I'm missing?

No?

The craic.

You know, bit of banter with somebody at the end of the day.

I've got a small chihuahua, but it's hardly the same, is it?

DONALD: Hi, Geoff!

Lovely night!

(GIGGLING)

Friends of yours?

I need to go to the toilet.

Yeah, you look a bit piggy.

See you in a minute.

The night grows cold

My search for gold

Is leading nowhere

Where've you been?

Told you. Went to the toilet.

That was nearly an hour ago.

- Martin... - What?

I think I'm in love.

- In love? - Yeah.

Who with?

Who do you think?

Se�or Harvey...

How do you do, sir?

(MOUTHING)

Gracias.

So, you're the man they call the Dovez?

No.

You what?

My name is Antonio Dovez. What can I do for you?

Right, but you have a lot of interests in property, land and the like?

I co-own the sister Hotel to the Solana,

I have a number of villas in and around Benidorm,

and some land in Calle Fiesta.

I was told you are a businessman, se�or Harvey.

I do not wish to be rude, but I'm a very busy man.

Peacock Island.

What about it?

I've been there today.

What do you want, a round of applause?

No, I mean, I want to build on Peacock Island.

But you can't.

That's right. Because you own it.

- No. - You what?

No, I do not own Peacock Island.

But I was told you did.

Well, then you were misinformed.

Hang on a minute. Let me get this right.

Your name is Dovez, and you don't own Peacock Island?

- Correct. - So, who does own it?

Nobody owns it. It is a nature reserve.

A man on the island told me it was owned by the Dovez.

I can assure you, se�or Harvey, he was not referring to me.

That just doesn't make sense.

For heaven's sake, Peacock Island is protected.

You cannot build there because it would disturb the wildlife.

The wildlife?

Yes, mainly the birds.

Mainly the birds!

The white birds.

Dovez.

Doves!

Oh, my God!

I'm sorry. I've heard enough.

Where's my 100 euros?

- What? - My 100 euros, I want it back.

Bloody dunce, he was talking about the birds.

- Excuse me. - Birds.

- What birds? - The white birds on the island.

And they weren't even doves, they were bloody seagulls.

I don't know what you're talking about. What are you talking about?

I want my money back! Give me my bloody money back!

Oh, go away. You don't scare me.

- Do you mind? I'm trying to get... - Hey, get your hand out...

Hey, hey! Get your hand out!

Something's wrong

Well, don't just sit there.

Another dawn, another boy

A boy from nowhere

There has to be a place for me

And I must go there

Get him out!

Yeah, come on, then! Come on, then!

I'm afraid we really must close now.

Perhaps your friend had some kind of emergency.

Yeah, that was probably it.

That really won't be necessary.

You're a very kind man.

I um...

I don't suppose you fancy coming back to my place, do you?

Yeah, all right.

Good.

What'll it be?

To Madge.

To Madge? No problem.

I once saw you in Blackpool in 1958.

Oh, did you?