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1
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:31,996
(DRILLING)
2
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,758
Has he gone off?
3
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:37,191
He's on his way.
I think he quite likes the drilling.
4
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,789
Aw, bless.
5
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:43,959
Look at his little face.
He is so beautiful.
6
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,674
Aren't you beautiful?
Ooh, give us a kiss.
7
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,956
It's still not too late
to change his name, you know.
8
00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:56,710
Mam, I've told you,
I am not changing his name.
9
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,116
But what sort of a name is Coolio
for a little lad?
10
00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,230
It's his name.
11
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,318
- You stick to your guns, Telle.
- Thanks, Dad.
12
00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:06,796
I think you should call
the next one Doddy, after Ken Dodd.
13
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,958
- Don't be stupid.
- Well, you frigging started it.
14
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,435
My nana said she wanted you
to call him after her dad.
15
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,154
Hey, we are not calling him Adolf.
16
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,918
(GIGGLING)
17
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,920
I hope me mam's all right.
They should be down by now.
18
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,951
She looked terrified last night.
19
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,037
I know. Wasn't the most
convincing acceptance
20
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,674
of a marriage proposal I've ever seen.
21
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,360
I think when he picked her up
and carried her out the back,
22
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:34,235
It was supposed to be like
An Officer and a Gentleman.
23
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,591
More like
Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
24
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:41,759
It spoilt it a bit when they
had to come back for her wheelchair.
25
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,036
Are my nana and granddad married now?
26
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,879
No, they aren't,
and he's not your granddad.
27
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,229
Not yet.
28
00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,433
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
29
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,551
Martin, can you try again?
They can't still be engaged.
30
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,069
They said they'd let us know
when a room became available.
31
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,794
I double-checked they had our number.
32
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:10,318
Oh, it's switched off.
33
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,713
We shouldn't be staying here at all.
We paid for the hotel in Altea.
34
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,390
They made the double-booking,
it's their fault we're here.
35
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,989
Any real man would have told them that.
36
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:22,997
Do you really think I want to be here?
37
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,636
Watching the man you have an affair with
strutting around like a peacock?
38
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:30,879
It wasn't an affair.
It was a moment of madness.
39
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,355
Yes, well, I'm pretty
bloody mad myself right now.
40
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:37,439
Well then, I suggest you get on
the phone and get us out of here.
41
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,432
- Hola!
- Fuck off.
42
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,111
It's a shame I don't really tan.
43
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:12,279
My mother was the same,
white as a sheet she was.
44
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,631
Your granddad didn't let her answer
the door on Halloween
45
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:18,798
because she used to
frighten the kiddies.
46
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:21,514
Mum, I'm trying to get these finished.
47
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,717
How many are you gonna have to do?
48
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,196
I don't know, 30, 40.
49
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,278
You'll get writer's cramp.
50
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,349
Our Pauline said she had that.
51
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:40,838
That's why she didn't write to me
when they were in South Africa.
52
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:45,357
Or was that writer's block?
53
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:51,317
No, I think that's the one
Jeffrey Archer had
54
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,351
when he were in prison.
55
00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:01,830
Or was it that he didn't get
writer's block in prison
56
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,917
after thinking he might?
57
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,314
I can't remember
which magazine it were in.
58
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,511
Mum, you're frying me brain.
59
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,109
Oh, your father used to eat brains.
60
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,630
I'm going to give these out.
61
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,594
Lamb's brains.
62
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,551
They were fried as well.
63
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,313
(COUGHING)
64
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,709
Ooh, look, Brad and Angelina are up.
65
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,990
Oh, yeah, I wonder if we'll
be invited to the wedding.
66
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,952
I'd rather suck out my eyes
with a vacuum cleaner
67
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,151
and replace them with hot toffee apples.
68
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,476
I'll tell them to put us down
as not sure.
69
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,273
Hey, do you want to go out
for some lunch today?
70
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,438
"Nero's all you can eat
Italian buffet, €8."
71
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,200
No. A free mystery meat burger
near the pool
72
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,675
will make my life complete
for today, thank you.
73
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,350
Here you are. Mystic Maureen, Capricorn.
74
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,994
"Your mind is clear, your emotions calm.
75
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,919
"And this will help you to make
the right choices for yourself
76
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,429
-"and people you care about."
- Aw.
77
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:10,679
"A handsome stranger will make you
an attractive offer you cannot refuse.”
78
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,029
GEOFF: How are you, lads?
79
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:15,312
Arm-wrestling competition
near the pool at 1:00.
80
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,114
€5 entry, winner takes all.
81
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,515
Bloody hell, she's good, ain't she?
82
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,275
Move!
83
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:35,390
Well?
84
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,512
- Still engaged.
- Oh, for goodness sake.
85
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:46,955
Hiya, arm-wrestling competition at 1:00.
€5 entry, winner takes all.
86
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,391
Hey, lads, do you want to enter
an arm-wrestling competition?
87
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:50,635
Well..
88
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,317
You can't say
there's nothing to do here.
89
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,795
Dear God in heaven.
90
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,957
Kate, where are you going?
91
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,593
(YAWNING)
92
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:15,949
Hiya, Mel
93
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,230
Morning, mam, did you sleep all right?
94
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,670
No, we were up half the night.
95
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,279
I think Mel's done his back in.
96
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,074
Ooh, spare us the gory details, will ya?
97
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:29,034
Don't be disgusting.
It was carrying Madge up the stairs.
98
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,357
Should have known,
I've always had a weak back.
99
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:36,792
Jesus, how weak is your back? She only
weighs about three stone wet through.
100
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:40,436
Started as a twinge at the base
of me spine when I went to bed.
101
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,110
And, during the night,
it was more of a dull ache.
102
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,435
Right.
103
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,518
And this morning, it had turned
into a persistent, nagging pain
104
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,756
that moved right up to me shoulders.
105
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:51,915
Yeah?
106
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:56,193
No, it's like being constantly stabbed
by a thousand hot knives.
107
00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,469
Right.
108
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,511
Do you think
you should see a doctor, Mel?
109
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,075
No, I'm not one to complain.
110
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:09,913
Right. I'm going to get meself a brew.
111
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,998
No, don't worry about us,
we're fine, thanks.
112
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:14,270
Ah!
113
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,719
- Did you have a nice lie-in?
-"Nice lie-in"?
114
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,592
With him snoring like a pig next door
115
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,916
and banging about in the bathroom
till all hours?
116
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,758
You must be joking.
117
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,278
I think he's got haemorrhoids.
118
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:28,435
Ugh!
119
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:34,313
Your father was the same. The hot
weather always used to bring 'em down.
120
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,431
Did you have
a good talk last night, mam?
121
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,871
Sweats as well.
Comes out of him in buckets, it does.
122
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,310
Apart from his back,
the sweating and his piles,
123
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,238
I think you've got yourself
a real catch there, Madge.
124
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,430
(MICK CHUCKLING)
125
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:50,111
Never trust a man who sweats,
they've always got something to hide.
126
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,880
So when are you getting married, nana?
127
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,957
Telle, take Michael to go
and play on the swings.
128
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:58,550
I don't want to play on the swings,
I want to stay here and see Mel's piles.
129
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,796
MICK: (CHUCKLING) No, you don't.
130
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,116
Come on, mam,
let's take the baby for a walk.
131
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:06,198
Good idea.
I could do with stretching me legs.
132
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,110
Don't strain yourself, Madge.
133
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,310
MADGE: Bugger off!
134
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,430
(MICHAEL GIGGLING)
135
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,916
Thank you very much.
136
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,758
Thank you, darling.
137
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,757
Geoff. Geoff. Come here, son.
138
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,269
What are you doing?
I'm trying to organise everything here.
139
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,914
Ay, we've got €55.
140
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,439
Well, nice one. Give us it here.
141
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,551
Hey, what's going on here?
142
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:40,915
Nothing.
143
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,078
What do you mean "nothing"?
Why have you moved all the chairs?
144
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,713
You are not allowed to do this.
145
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,956
We're having an
arm-wrestling competition.
146
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,673
Shut up!
147
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,031
What competition?
You cannot make your own competition.
148
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:54,389
She's only joking.
149
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:58,229
- But we've already taken people's money.
- For Christ's sake!
150
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,636
You cannot make
arm-wrestling competition here.
151
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,353
I bring the manageress.
152
00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,710
Hang on. Hang on, mate.
153
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,551
There's nearly €100 here.
154
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,479
€5 per entry, winner takes all.
155
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:14,070
You let us have the competition,
you can enter for free.
156
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:19,079
- Winner takes all?
- If you win it, you get the lot.
157
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,036
Wait here, I get a better table.
158
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,754
- Where's the lid?
- Do the chairs.
159
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,118
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
160
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,872
- It's Big Donna.
- Oh, any news?
161
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,594
"You and Jacqueline
greatly missed last night.
162
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,951
"A session with the MSA,
Middlesbrough Swingers Association,
163
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,071
"was resounding success.
164
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:56,080
"New members Edith and Eddie Gibson
are very much into anal.
165
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,636
"So that's two more for our
September Bottoms Up evening."
166
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,398
Ah! Smashing!
167
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:05,434
"Good news, Alan's glasses turned up
in the Nardini's hot tub.
168
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:08,757
"Bad news, Keith Barclay's
homemade lubricant has stripped
169
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,757
"the leather off my three-seater.”
170
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,439
Oh, dear.
171
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,318
- Another screaming orgasm?
- Oh, yes.
172
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:25,999
Here you are, mam.
173
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,111
He's got an evil look, that child.
174
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,312
Mother, that's your great-grandson.
175
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,910
Your Uncle Douglas had that look,
and he murdered a man.
176
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,113
Lug-less Douglas?
He was deaf and only had one eye.
177
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,153
- Who's he supposed to have murdered?
- Oh, they covered it up.
178
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:45,160
He drowned a man in Medley Street Baths
for borrowing his soap.
179
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,235
Oh, turn that buggy round,
he's giving me black looks.
180
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,636
Mother, I won't tell you again.
181
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,199
Thank you, love.
182
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,119
So, what's going on with Mel?
183
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,273
What do you mean, what's going on?
184
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,518
Well, last night when he asked you
to marry him and you said yeah,
185
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,995
- you didn't mean it, did ya?
- Of course I meant it.
186
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,679
Why would I say yes if I didn't mean it?
187
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:14,589
But, mother, you've just spent
half the day moaning about him.
188
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,034
I don't know,
there's something about him.
189
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,800
I just don't think he's right.
190
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,151
Of course he's not right.
He's off his bleeding nut.
191
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,157
So why are you going to marry him?
192
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,840
Because it may have escaped your notice,
193
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,237
but I've not exactly got offers
coming out me ears.
194
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,150
I need someone to look after me.
195
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,112
I thought I looked after you.
196
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,516
I can hardly compare you to him.
197
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:47,320
He's a successful businessman with five
shops and a static caravan in Lytham.
198
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,478
What have you got?
199
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:57,953
This tea is cold.
200
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,352
I'll get you another.
201
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,069
Come on!
202
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,793
(CROWD CHEERING)
203
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,071
(EXCLAIMING)
204
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,952
(CROWD BOOING)
205
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,071
Come on, big guy! Come on!
206
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:32,039
Come on! You can do it! Come on!
207
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,558
(EXCLAIMING)
208
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,398
MAN: Come on! Come on!
209
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:54,754
Yeah! Yeah!
210
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:56,719
You were putting me off!
211
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,319
(WHOOPING)
212
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,957
MICHAEL: Come on, granddad!
213
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:04,749
(GROANING)
214
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,109
Come on!
215
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,758
Come on, granddad!
216
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:17,835
Ah!
217
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,317
No, me back's gone.
218
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,156
MAN: Yes, yes! Come on, come on!
219
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,314
Hola!
220
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,398
- What do you want?
- I like you.
221
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:38,118
I like a woman with...
How do you say? Spunk.
222
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:44,714
Look, I know it's not going to be easy,
but the past must remain in the past.
223
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,754
I'm flattered that you still hold
a torch for me, but I'm a married woman.
224
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:54,000
What happened between us last year
was a moment of madness, nothing more.
225
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,636
- Last year?
- Yes, last year.
226
00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,433
We have met before?
227
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:02,477
You mean you don't even remember?
228
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,989
I am a busy man.
229
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,077
My God! You're an animal.
230
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:11,592
So, you want to eat
some Spanish sausage or not?
231
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,555
Now I remember you.
232
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,273
Come on, Martin!
233
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,479
Come on, Martin!
234
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,716
Keep going, Troy. Keep it going.
235
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,629
Come on!
236
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,720
KATE: Yes!
237
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,598
Sorry, I didn't hurt
your hand there, did I?
238
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,074
No, really, I'm fine.
239
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,237
Come on, out of the way.
240
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,829
- Right, you're in the final
- Poor thing.
241
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,270
- Martin, you've beaten four people.
- I know.
242
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,631
- You're in the final.
- Surprised you noticed.
243
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,592
Okay, second semi-final,
244
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:50,600
The Oracle, that'll be me,
versus Potato.
245
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,552
- Mateo.
- Yeah, whatever.
246
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,752
Me and you, semi-final. Bring it on.
247
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,191
Let's do this properly, huh? Follow me.
248
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,469
Fat boy!
249
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,074
CROWD: Ooh!
250
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,760
MICK: Come on, Michael,
let's see where he's going.
251
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,950
Not a bad cup of tea that
considering they're foreigners.
252
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,559
(WHEEZING)
253
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,398
Not in front of the baby, mother.
254
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,670
He doesn't understand about cigarettes.
255
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,279
I don't mean you setting a bad example,
256
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,630
I'm talking about passive smoking.
257
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,320
Passive smoking is just a myth.
258
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:38,479
It's like them people who say
going on sunbeds is bad for ya.
259
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,635
Well, it is.
260
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,230
I've smoked since I was 16 and I've been
using sunbeds since the mid-'80s
261
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,795
and look at me, picture of health.
262
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:46,990
Yeah.
263
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:48,830
(SIGHS)
264
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:53,830
Right, let's get shifted. I didn't come
all the way to Spain to sit indoors.
265
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:59,273
Mam, what I said about Mel,
I've got nothing against him personally.
266
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,437
I just want the best for ya.
You know that, don't you?
267
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,517
I know you do, darling.
268
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,554
And believe me, I'm well aware
that Mel is by no means the best.
269
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,437
But he'll do for me.
270
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,710
Come on.
271
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,559
I wonder if they do pile cream out here?
272
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:20,834
(ALL CHEERING)
273
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,831
Come on, big fellow! Come on!
274
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,032
- Looks pretty good.
- Oracle, come on!
275
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:38,910
Come on, Son, keep going.
Just push harder than him.
276
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,713
I know how to do it.
277
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,196
Sorry, son, I'm just
trying to be helpful.
278
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,879
You're not helping.
279
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,035
- Hey, excuse me, love.
- Out of the way!
280
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,912
- Non-players off the green, please.
- Get out!
281
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,838
Get off me, will you?
282
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:56,670
MICK: Come on, lad!
283
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,553
The Spanish will never win,
his technique is all wrong.
284
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,240
If you're such an expert,
how come you got knocked out?
285
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,796
I did better than you, knocked out
in the first round by a bloody woman.
286
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,558
Yes, we're sorry about that,
287
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,150
but my Jacqueline's always had
strong wrists, haven't you, darling?
288
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,634
Oh, yes.
289
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,836
- Come on!
- Come on!
290
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:22,875
Come on, Potato.
291
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,560
Go on.
Go to your mommy, you big, fat baby.
292
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,433
I'm not a baby, I'm a dragon!
293
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:32,471
(ALL GROANING)
294
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,277
All right, sit down.
295
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,914
No, no, illegal move!
296
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,156
Illegal move!
You used both hands at the end!
297
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,193
Don't be an idiot.
You're the loser, deal with it. Next.
298
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,556
Hey, mate, you're in the final,
who do you think won?
299
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:53,389
Well, there's no doubt in my mind
who I'm in the final with.
300
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,234
Shall we?
301
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:57,509
CROWD: Ooh!
302
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:01,873
Well, thanks a bunch, pal.
Nice to see us Brits sticking together.
303
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,679
Hey, wait a minute, this is not fair.
He's had a rest. I need 10, 15 minutes.
304
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,393
(CROWD LAUGHING)
305
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,749
(CROWD JEERING)
306
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,109
Siesta!
307
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:18,830
Right, you don't want to wrestle,
forget it. I'm okay to go again.
308
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,913
(CROWD LAUGHING)
309
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,550
Look, will you give me that?
310
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,830
Okay, okay, I fight.
311
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,720
- Come on, Martin.
- Come on, lad.
312
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,114
After you.
313
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,355
Oh, you're back.
We were gonna send out a search party.
314
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,710
MEL: Excuse me, lady coming through.
315
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,751
Here, me darling. Front row seats.
316
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,473
Thanks, Mel.
317
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:49,749
GEOFF: Right!
318
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:55,273
This is the grand final of the Benidorm
Arm-wrestling Competition, 2007.
319
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,879
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
320
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,149
England
321
00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,839
(ALL CHEERING)
322
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:01,959
versus Spain.
323
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,115
(ALL BOOING)
324
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,197
- Boo!
- MATEO: Boo you!
325
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:09,356
- Henry Cooper once said...
- Get on with it.
326
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,472
All right, all right. Lock hands.
327
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,232
That's not nice. That's not nice.
328
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:20,755
Take the strain.
329
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,154
(GRUNTING)
330
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,315
And wrestle!
331
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,793
Come on, Martin!
332
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,032
- Martin! Martin! Martin!
- Martin! Martin! Martin!
333
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,996
- Martin! Martin! Martin!
- Martin! Martin! Martin!
334
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,918
KATE: Come on, Martin!
335
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,640
Yes!
336
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,276
Hang on, hang on. His elbow left
the table, surely that can't be right.
337
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:55,720
- Elbow!
- That's not right!
338
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:56,955
That's cheating!
339
00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:00,198
Your elbow left the table,
you're disqualified.
340
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,835
You dirty, twisting, Spanish bastard!
341
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,759
All right, mam, sit down!
342
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,676
No, no, let's go again.
343
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,473
- You what?
- Let's go again!
344
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,318
I don't want to win by default.
345
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,397
Are you stupid? You've won.
346
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,512
Martin, Martin,
take the disqualification.
347
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,029
Yes, it is the only way
you're going to win.
348
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:26,473
Why don't you take
the dissiqualification, Martin?
349
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,230
Not on your Nellie.
350
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,720
- All right, come on.
- Come on, Martin!
351
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,319
Let's get on with it.
352
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,874
- Come on!
- Come on now, Martin!
353
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,277
- Come on! Come on, lad!
- Come on, Martin!
354
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,836
The excitement's unbearable.
I hope it lasts.
355
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,230
Take the strain.
356
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,353
And wrestle!
357
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,109
Come on, Martin.
358
00:20:56,240 --> 00:21:02,236
(SCREAMING) Come on!
359
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,918
- Come on, you can do it!
- Come on!
360
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,919
Does the winner get to sleep
with your wife?
361
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,192
(SCREAMING)
362
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,549
Yes!
363
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,989
Bravo, diva! Bravo, diva!
364
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,233
Waiter, waiter,
get us some drinks, please.
365
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,120
(OINKING)
366
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,880
Here you are. Well done, son.
367
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,836
Come on, we're going upstairs.
368
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,394
(KATE GASPS)
27702
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