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1
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:28,677
(WOMAN SPEAKING ON PA IN SPANISH)
2
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:39,319
- Oh, that is lovely.
- You're very welcome.
3
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,913
- Another satisfied customer.
- Oh yeah.
4
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,317
Who else have you been rubbing
with suncream?
5
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,193
That's for me to know
and you to find out.
6
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,513
- It's a joke.
- Yeah.
7
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,711
Like your dodgy claim for disability.
8
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:56,831
That was for you to know
and the DSS to find out
9
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,109
and they bloody did, didn't they?
10
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:02,199
Yeah. well, it's all sorted now.
Not a care in the world.
11
00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:05,995
Not a care in the world.
We're up to our eyeballs in debt.
12
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:07,679
We've got an 8 year old with ADD
13
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,030
and a 17 year old
with a 9-month-old baby.
14
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,879
Yeah. well, that's the beauty
of a holiday in the sun, isn't it?
15
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,389
Forget all your cares and worries.
16
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,032
Like these two.
Black and white minstrels.
17
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,436
Look at the state of them.
They couldn't give a shit.
18
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,076
- Don't you go upsetting him today.
- Don't go upsetting him?
19
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,272
He could have an argument
in a phone box with no money, that one.
20
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,277
Mind you, he has paid for this holiday.
21
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,030
- Oh, Christ. And don't we know about it.
- A bit of gratitude wouldn't go amiss.
22
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,835
- He nearly died in that pool yesterday.
- And whose fault was that?
23
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:41,999
Nobody told him to have a diving
competition with Fatty Arbuckle.
24
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,151
Anyway, it was me that gave him
the kiss of life.
25
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,999
I know. It's no wonder he looks so ill.
26
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:51,954
Hiya, mam.
27
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,879
(MADGE GRUNTING)
28
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,916
Hiya, Mel. How are you feeling?
29
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,834
- Lucky to be alive.
- Yeah.
30
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:03,316
But I'd rather not talk about it
if it's all the same to you.
31
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,351
We had a terrible night.
32
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,958
Madge ran me a bath
and I started having flashbacks.
33
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,720
I think it were the sound of the water.
34
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,469
But to be honest,
I'd rather not talk about it.
35
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,637
Probably best if you don't.
36
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,355
Doing the old karaoke tonight, Mel?
37
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:25,270
Its terrible when your whole life
flashes in front of you like that.
38
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:29,359
I couldn't even see it properly
because I didn't have me glasses on.
39
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,233
Still, I'd rather just forget about it
if it's all the same to you.
40
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,636
Yeah. We could deal
with that no problem.
41
00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:35,875
Can I get you a drink, Mel?
42
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,675
I can still feel the chlorine in
the water ravaging me eyes.
43
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,518
Oh, for fuck's sake.
44
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,958
What's wrong with him?
45
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,393
Oh, we knew you'd be back,
the pair of you. Didn't we, Jacqueline?
46
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:52,954
Oh yes.
47
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,640
Well, actually it's a belated honeymoon.
48
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,353
Oh, lovely.
49
00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:00,120
'Cause this is where you proposed,
isn't it?
50
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,709
Yes. We've returned
to the scene of the crime.
51
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,990
- How romantic.
- Yeah.
52
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,794
Plus 160 quid all inclusive for a week.
53
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,116
- Cost more to stay at home.
- Oh, exactly.
54
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,870
We've got a friend at our sauna,
Big Donna,
55
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,197
she's been banned from most of the
all-you-can-eat restaurants
56
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,358
- in our area, isn't she?
- She's a big girl.
57
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:21,993
But she comes to Benidorm
58
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,680
and they just let her get on
with it here, don't they?
59
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:25,995
It's buffet heaven.
60
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,475
She even got caught
smuggling pancake rolls
61
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:32,673
in her knickers from Mr Woo's,
but they just gave her a doggie bag.
62
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,117
It's as if we never left.
63
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,679
(COOLIO CRYING)
64
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,996
No wonder he's crying.
You're shaking him too much.
65
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,794
- You're gonna make him puke.
- Michael, I won't tell you again.
66
00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,355
- He's giving me a headache.
- Well, go somewhere else then.
67
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:56,110
- I wanna stay with you.
- Then stop asking stupid questions.
68
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,233
- Why did you have a baby?
- What've I just said to you?
69
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:03,069
Well, that's not a stupid question.
Why did you have a baby?
70
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,432
Because I just did.
71
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:08,271
Do you think nana and Mel
will have a baby?
72
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,119
- No, I don't.
- Why not?
73
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,151
Because they're too old.
74
00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:17,839
- I wish they would have one.
- Why?
75
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:21,794
Because then we'd have a brown baby
and an orange one as well.
76
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:30,031
Oh, hello there. What's wrong with you?
77
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,237
- Can I pick him up?
- Yeah.
78
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:43,520
- Do you want to look after him tonight?
- Hello. My name's Kate.
79
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:45,790
Hiya. Do you wanna look
after him tonight?
80
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:47,991
Do you really think it's wise to be
asking someone you don't know
81
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,236
-to babysit for you?
- Well, I know who you are.
82
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,113
You were here last year when our Michael
dropped a log in the pool.
83
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:54,355
Sorry.
84
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,795
- What's your baby's name?
- Coolio.
85
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,791
- Coolio?
- After the rapper.
86
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,759
Oh, I see.
87
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:08,350
-I don't think I know any of his songs.
- Gangsta's Paradise?
88
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,436
Sticky Fingers? Ugly Bitches?
89
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:15,230
90
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,479
- Hiya.
91
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,273
Just spoken to the hotel in Altea
92
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,789
and they said they might
be able to have us back tomorrow.
93
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:29,355
So it looks like we're stuck here
for a bit longer.
94
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,357
Well, at least tonight.
95
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,320
I'm sure we can find something to do.
96
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:52,192
You're all right, mam, on that scooter?
We can find you another sunbed.
97
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:55,950
I'm all right on here, thank you.
Got everything I need here.
98
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,309
(CHOKING)
99
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,273
You all right, Mel?
100
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,039
I'll survive.
101
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,039
Might be nice for Mel to use
the wheelchair for a couple of days
102
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,436
while he's not feeling too good.
103
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,836
Dick-A-Dum-Dum or Great Balls of Fire?
104
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,076
- You what?
- Karaoke for tonight.
105
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,476
Here we are. Fill your boots.
106
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,910
I might have a crack
at Wuthering Heights.
107
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,031
Yeah. I'll look forward to that.
108
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,958
Hey, you and Telle should do a duet.
109
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,515
What about Ebony and Ivory?
110
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,790
Why don't we have
a nice night in together?
111
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,433
You should be taking it easy.
112
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,279
What, with karaoke on the go? No danger.
113
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:35,031
Here we are, Madge. This round's on me.
114
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,310
I think you'll find
the drinks are on Mel.
115
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,953
It's all-inclusive.
116
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,832
I had little change from 900 quid
for this holiday.
117
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,713
- Not that I've had much thanks for it.
- What's that you're talking about?
118
00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:47,117
Me saving your life yesterday?
Oh no. Don't mention it.
119
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,514
Cheers, Mel.
120
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,358
Oh, you won't get any thanks
out of that one.
121
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:51,800
I just said �thank you".
122
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:56,039
I've never understood that selfish,
ungrateful streak in my kids.
123
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,720
I said "thank you".
124
00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:01,151
When she was a child,
she used to eat her sweets on the toilet
125
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:02,953
so she didn't have to share them
with anyone.
126
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,276
Now, do you actually believe
this stuff yourself, mother,
127
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,392
or you just enjoy making it up
as you go along?
128
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,110
Hiya.
129
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,399
What do you want?
130
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,750
Just wanted to see if you were all right
after yesterday.
131
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,917
I'm fine, no thanks to you.
132
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,398
- I beg your pardon?
- You heard me.
133
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,158
If it hadn't been for you,
I wouldn't have banged me head
134
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,352
-on the bottom of the pool.
- How do you work that out?
135
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,791
You've done enough damage.
Why can't you leave the man in peace?
136
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,675
- Leave him in peace?
- It's idiots like you get people killed.
137
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,789
Who are you calling an idiot,
you dickhead?
138
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:41,471
- All right, ladies. That's enough.
- Dickhead? Dickhead?
139
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,954
You can't talk to me like that.
My father fell at Normandy.
140
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:48,152
I don't care if he went arse over tit
in Scunthorpe, you're a dickhead.
141
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:49,714
Can we just all calm down?
142
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,593
Think yourself lucky.
You should be up for attempted murder.
143
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,631
- Fuck off.
- Right, that's it.
144
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,319
- Mel.
- Come here.
145
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:58,754
See you mum's coming.
146
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,678
JANICE: Mel, what are you doing?
Sit down...
147
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,679
MEL: Come on. Come on. Come on now, boy.
148
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:06,719
(SQUABBLING)
149
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,598
Break it up. Break it up now.
150
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,030
You, fat boy.
You caused problems here before.
151
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,754
- I remember. Hup!
- Yeah. Yeah.
152
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,631
Well, keep away from me. Did you hear?
153
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,876
-(SHOUTS IN ANGER) Keep away.
- On yer bike.
154
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,435
And that goes for Touch� Turtle
in the wheelchair an'all.
155
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,359
- Go. Go with your mommy.
- I'm going.
156
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:32,754
Dickheads.
157
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,635
Who the freak's Touch� Turtle?
158
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:52,635
- (SCREAMS)
- Shut up!
159
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,394
Martin, turn the television off.
We can't have that on with a baby here.
160
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,557
Why not? He might like it.
161
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,599
Martin, please don't try to be funny.
It's very tiring.
162
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:12,553
And close the balcony door.
There's a draught.
163
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,433
(COOLIO CRYING)
164
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,957
That'll be the baby then.
165
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,075
And put some proper shoes on.
166
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,039
Hello. Come in.
167
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,590
Hiya. Right.
It's got a bottle in the front pocket.
168
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,996
If that runs out,
there's some powdered stuff in the bag.
169
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,157
He's got two dummies
in the side zip pocket.
170
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,556
If you drop them on the floor,
put them in boiling water.
171
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,479
If he cries, he's got a teething ring
in the inside pocket.
172
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:51,514
I shouldn't be too late.
Wet wipes are in the bottom of the bag.
173
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,229
- Hiya.
- Right.
174
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:56,912
- Okay.
- Anything else?
175
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,474
No. That's it.
176
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:02,992
Oh, and I think he might need changing.
Thanks a lot. I'll see you later.
177
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,872
Is it all right to open
the balcony door again?
178
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,554
- How's your chicken, mam?
- A bit bland.
179
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:34,274
I wish I'd gone for the beef curtains.
180
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,760
Beef medallions, mam. Do you mind?
181
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,599
- Beef curtains.
- You knew what she meant.
182
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,671
Oh, Jesus. Who needs cabaret
with your mother sat there?
183
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,713
- Shut up.
- Hiya, love. Did you have him sorted?
184
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,592
Yeah. They were dead chuffed
to have him.
185
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,030
Oh lovely. It's only
for a couple of hours, isn't it?
186
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,231
Yeah. Where's Mel?
187
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,799
He'll be here soon.
He was getting changed.
188
00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:02,158
- Does Mel like beef curtains, Madge?
- Will you pack it in?
189
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,557
- What are beef curtains?
- Now look what you've done.
190
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,233
Oh, my God.
191
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,916
Everyone all right for drinks?
192
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,191
Vodka and orange, Madge?
193
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,594
194
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,631
No, I'm fine. Thank you.
195
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,113
Back in a minute.
196
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,795
Jesus, looks like we're getting
cabaret after all.
197
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,558
Well, hello Saturday Night Fever.
198
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,557
Is that the bloke who was wearing
a thong yesterday?
199
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,717
Yes. Quite a natty dresser.
200
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,429
I've got a swimsuit with a thong.
201
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:56,834
It's very summery,
202
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,271
but it can ride up a bit,
if you know what I mean.
203
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,830
Excuse me, could you cancel
my order for the blancmange?
204
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:16,109
Supermart... dig it in the fast lane
205
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:20,916
Listen to the countdown
They're playing our song again
206
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,350
I can't get, Jumpin' Jack
Just wanna hold, Get Back
207
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,517
Moonlight Muzak
Knick knack, paddywhack
208
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,517
Talk about Pop Muzik
209
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,470
- He won't stop.
- Yes. I have noticed.
210
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:40,159
Well, don't just stand there.
Do something.
211
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,436
- What on earth are you doing?
- I'm dancing.
212
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:02,440
Why on earth do you think
a nine-month-old baby would want...
213
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,514
He likes it.
214
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,313
(COOLIO CRYING)
215
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,033
Well, don't stop.
216
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:24,958
(COOLIO LAUGHING)
217
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,957
Talk about Pop Muzik
218
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,356
Talk about Pop Muzik
219
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,598
What is he wearing?
220
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,393
Everybody made it
221
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,955
I suppose you could say
he's made an effort.
222
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:41,037
You should try it sometime.
223
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,878
Not if I end up looking like that.
224
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,196
Moonlight Muzak
Knick knack, paddywhack
225
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,709
Talk about Pop Muzik
226
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:50,354
Talk about Pop Muzik
227
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,791
I mean, he's actually not a bad mover.
228
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,833
It's all around you
229
00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,430
Right. It might help us
if you define the word "bad".
230
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:03,234
Munich, everybody talk about Pop Muzik
231
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,317
Talk about Pop Muzik
232
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,636
Talk about Pop Muzik
233
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,434
Pop, Pop, Pop Muzik, Pop
234
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:13,473
He's quite sexy in some ways, isn't he?
235
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,352
Talk about
236
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,074
I'm sorry.
Are we all looking at the same thing?
237
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:22,353
Don't get me wrong.
He's not conventionally attractive,
238
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:27,395
but I have been known to go
for some unusual types in my time.
239
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:30,791
You don't say.
240
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,160
Loud and clear
241
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,155
(MARTIN PANTING)
242
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,874
I'm getting tired. Can you take over?
243
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,799
-I can't do that.
- Of course you can.
244
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,638
It's all in the hips.
245
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:02,995
Ready?
246
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,679
It's no good.
He likes it when you dance.
247
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,272
Martin, what are you doing?
Martin, don't pick him up.
248
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,198
He liked your dancing.
249
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,158
It's not your dancing.
250
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,159
He likes you.
251
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,872
I'm on the hitline goin' home
252
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,470
Oh no
253
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,073
(AUDIENCE WHISTLING)
254
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,759
Thank you.
255
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,994
Thank you. Thank you.
256
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:54,960
Nailed it.
257
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:57,994
Nailed it.
258
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,878
You're my oxygen.
259
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,596
There you go.
That's Geoff with Pop Muzik.
260
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:12,111
Cracking straight on
we've got Mel singing Lonely Girl.
261
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,311
Let's hear it for him. Yaaah!
262
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,832
MAN: All right, Mel.
263
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:22,953
Come on, Mel.
264
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,074
Mel!
265
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,918
Thank you very much.
266
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,829
I'd like to dedicate this
to a very special lady,
267
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:36,636
who over the last few weeks has
made me feel like a very special man.
268
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:41,675
Madge.
269
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:55,593
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Hey there, lonely girl
270
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:59,315
Lonely girl
271
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:03,877
Let me make your broken heart like new
272
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:10,518
Hey there, lonely girl
273
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:14,679
Lonely girl
274
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:19,431
Don't you know
this lonely boy loves you
275
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:27,473
Ever since he broke your heart
276
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:32,155
You seem so lost
277
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:36,554
Each time you pass my way
278
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:42,478
Oh how I long to take your hand
279
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:47,110
And say "Don't cry"
280
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:51,319
"I'll kiss your tears away"
281
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,796
Hey, lonely girl
282
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,231
Lonely girl
283
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:04,953
It's not natural.
284
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:09,151
Well, at least it's in tune, sort of.
285
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:10,873
I think his thong might
be a bit too tight.
286
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,355
You don't think he put yours on
by mistake, do you, Madge?
287
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,360
This lonely boy loves you
288
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,437
I'm sorry to interrupt,
289
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,439
but I just wanted to apologise
for my son
290
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,949
having a go at your husband today.
291
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:29,358
Oh, he's not me husband.
He's... He's just a friend.
292
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:33,235
Well, an acquaintance really.
I hardly know him.
293
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:37,558
Oh, right. I just didn't want it
to spoil your holiday.
294
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,240
No, don't be daft.
It were just a misunderstanding.
295
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:43,318
Well, he can get a bit out of control
296
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,432
When he was little, he had one of them
leather crash helmets,
297
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,439
you know, to stop him nutting the wall.
298
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,676
But it don't fit him any more.
299
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:55,350
Well, they grow so fast, don't they?
300
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:56,879
Bye, bye.
301
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,992
Lonely girl
302
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:05,511
Don't you know
this lonely boy loves you
303
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,318
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
304
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,595
Thank you.
Just before I hand the mic back,
305
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,678
there's a small announcement
I'd like to make.
306
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:42,949
As some of you know,
yesterday I had an accident in the pool,
307
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,071
which nearly took my life.
308
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,198
It's times like this
that make you realise
309
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,632
that life is not a rehearsal.
This is it.
310
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,994
And, yes,
I've made a success of my life.
311
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,999
I've got five sunbed shops
in Manchester.
312
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:01,873
But I think it was
Charles Manson who said,
313
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:06,358
"You're not living life to the full
if you're living it alone.�
314
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,436
I know, my late wife, Nerys,
315
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:15,718
who died in a crazy paving accident
in 1979,
316
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,117
will be smiling down on me now,
as I say,
317
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,749
Madge Delilah Barron...
318
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:26,998
Will you marry me?
319
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:29,519
Fucking hell!
320
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:39,435
Yes.
321
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,991
Yes. I'll marry yer.
322
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:50,590
(PEOPLE WHISTLING AND WHOOPING)
323
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:13,151
Mel, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
324
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,191
Oh, Jesus. Mick! Mick!
325
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,596
- What are you doing?
- MICK: Mel, don't...
25216
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