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1
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,636
Kate, I said I'm sorry.
2
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,876
Well, there's not a lot we can
do about it now, is there?
3
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:54,153
Well, there is. I could apologise
for shouting at you, which I have,
4
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:58,239
and you could forgive me
and we could try and enjoy this holiday.
5
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:02,158
I don't think being sarcastic is
really going to help, do you?
6
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:03,554
No.
7
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,591
MAN: I can't breathe.
8
00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,553
- Janice, I said I can't breathe.
- Okay.
9
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,872
Okay? What do you mean, okay?
Are you taking the piss?
10
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,911
I said I can't breathe.
I could be dying.
11
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,714
- Well, you're not, are you?
- How do you know?
12
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,353
(HACKING COUGH)
13
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:25,517
Christ's sake.
Have you heard me mother next door?
14
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,632
- She probably is dying.
- Aye, fingers crossed.
15
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,951
Oh, I am sweating cobs, I'm telling you.
I can't breathe, I'm so hot.
16
00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:37,913
For fuck's sake!
Will you either get up or shut up?
17
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,317
My head's banging
like a shithouse door in a gale.
18
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,035
Nobody forced you to drink
a bottle of Baileys on the plane.
19
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,117
(TOILET FLUSHING)
20
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,831
- No, it's too hot.
- Right, that's it! Get out! Out!
21
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,474
All right, all right. Calm down.
22
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,872
- Do you want owt from shops?
- Sun cream, we didn't get any.
23
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,832
Yeah, all right.
24
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,429
Mam, do you want owt from the shops?
25
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,997
(HACKING COUGH)
26
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,433
Are you all right, Madge?
27
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:17,317
I need to buy some sun cream.
It's for the kids.
28
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,916
KID: Mam, I'm hungry.
29
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,270
Do you want owt from shops?
30
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,679
Mam, have you seen me flip-flops?
31
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,711
I think she's swallowed them.
32
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,114
- Telle, get up!
- I'm up!
33
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:49,077
- Oh, my God, just look at the people!
- Chill out, Gavin.
34
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,838
Don't tell me to chill out.
35
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,190
I told you we should have gone
for named apartments.
36
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,597
You don't get �200 each
all-incluslve with named apartments.
37
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,279
Come on, let's have some breakfast.
38
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,040
That's if there's any left after
these fat pigs have been at the trough.
39
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,356
Ooh, hark at the Slimcea girl.
40
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,440
- Morning.
- Morning.
41
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:12,552
Donald Stewart.
This is the wife, Jacquellne.
42
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,240
Do you mind if we join you?
The Germans will be down in a minute,
43
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,830
and the females can be
a bit whiffy this time of a morning.
44
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,429
I've nothing against
overweight women per Se,
45
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,074
but not when they smell of sausage.
46
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,271
- I'm Martin, this is Kate.
- Good to know you.
47
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,633
- Are you poolside?
- Poolside?
48
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,354
Does your apartment overlook the pool?
49
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:37,871
No, apparently we're overlooking the
wheelie bins and our room's not ready.
50
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,958
Oh, God, 1 to 26.
51
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:44,038
Check your toilet when you get in,
they don't flush.
52
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,629
- When were we there?
- 96.
53
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,993
We got here at 3:00 in the morning
and Donald went to spend a penny
54
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:55,159
and there was a shite looking up at him
the size of a tuna baguette.
55
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,430
Terrible. would not flush.
56
00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,437
We had to sleep
with the balcony door open.
57
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,597
We got to the Wednesday
58
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:06,476
and Donald had to tackle it himself
with a pointed stick.
59
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:10,230
Did you try the black pudding?
It's very good.
60
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,238
Capital of Chile?
61
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,033
Santiago.
62
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,630
Capital of Ethiopia?
63
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,952
Addis Ababa.
64
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:31,153
The capital of...
Oh, can we have a break, son?
65
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,680
What's wrong with you?
This is educational.
66
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,997
I know.
It's just that me eyes are hurting.
67
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,513
Aye. All right.
68
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,910
Here we are, what about presidents?
69
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,634
Do you want to test me on presidents?
70
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:48,433
(SNORING)
71
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,755
Unbelievable!
72
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,237
(WHALE SOUNDS)
73
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,153
Right. Are we all ready?
74
00:04:57,280 --> 00:05:00,318
Did you know Vanessa Feltz
is going out with a black man?
75
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:03,114
Come on, Telle, are you gonna take
your coat off? We're in Spain, love.
76
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,629
- Where's me dad gone?
- Big black fella.
77
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,637
I always thought she was Jewish.
78
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:11,549
Come on, love, it's boiling outside.
You'll feel sick in that.
79
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,637
Michael, get a move on.
We're going outside.
80
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,637
Just shows, you can never tell, can you?
81
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,229
- Are you ready?
- I've been ready since seven.
82
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,671
Michael, what are you doing?
Christ almighty!
83
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,632
Give me that!
Get in there.
84
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,434
Mam, what have I told you about
leaving your lighters lying around?
85
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:27,880
Oh, that's right, blame me.
86
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,389
I'll be dead soon,
you can blame me for that as well.
87
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,558
We'll all be dead if he doesn't stop
frigging around with your lighters.
88
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,149
I'm not the only one
round here that smokes.
89
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:39,591
- Fuck off, you smelly witch.
- Hey, that's enough from you, lady.
90
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,074
Your nana doesn't smell.
91
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,635
Well, I'm off. I'm not sitting here
listening to that filth.
92
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,433
I'm gonna get some sun.
93
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,636
Is that what you're going to be
doing this holiday? Reading?
94
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,115
Well, some of it.
95
00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,880
Some of what?
Some of the book or some of the holiday?
96
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,879
Some of the book, some of the holiday,
I should imagine.
97
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,718
Don't be smart, Martin.
98
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,274
No. No. No. No!
99
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,038
Martin, Katie!
100
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,277
- What are you doing over there?
- Hi.
101
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,392
For God's sake, man,
you'll be in the shade come one o'clock.
102
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,670
Over here. Over here.
103
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,351
What are you doing?
104
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,391
They seem nice.
105
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:37,315
- Frig me, it's boiling.
- Lovely that, bit of sun.
106
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,193
- Mam, I'm hungry.
- We're gonna get something to eat now.
107
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,834
- It's too hot.
- Don't you start.
108
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,678
(KID SHOUTING)
109
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:48,919
Take that coat off.
110
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,475
- Nobody here cares how fat you are.
- Mother!
111
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,479
- Where's Mick? He's been gone ages.
- He'll be all right.
112
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,831
I don't give a frig if he's all right
or not, I've only got 10 cigs left.
113
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,315
- I'm off in the pool.
- Michael be careful.
114
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,590
- Are you gonna take that coat off?
- Piss off!
115
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,074
Hey, I've warned you!
116
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,271
You know what'd happen if I
spoke to my grandmother like that?
117
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,993
Nothing, she's dead.
118
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,793
Mam, help!
119
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:12,589
Mam!
120
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,075
Oh, my God!!
Mlchael! Jesus Christ!
121
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,270
Mam!
122
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,233
Oh, mam, mam, mam
123
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,033
Mam!
124
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,117
Here, bring him here.
125
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,880
What do you think you're doing?
I told you to be careful
126
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,037
He'll have ruined
that football top I bought him.
127
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,117
- Are you all right?
- It's rubbish here.
128
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:36,995
Of course he's all right.
He's just playing slily beggars.
129
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,596
Ooh, you're a big, fat lad, aren't you?
130
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,918
Ooh, sorry!
131
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:04,472
You're all right.
Great minds think alike.
132
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,518
Not bad for three euro.
133
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,950
Oh, aye, love.
It's all cheap as chips out here.
134
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,152
- The name's Mick, by the way.
- Is it now?
135
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:16,079
Hey, do you think
I'd get away with these, hmm?
136
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:22,354
- I think you should wear the gold ones.
- Oh, and why is that?
137
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,590
They'd match your wedding ring.
138
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,553
I mean, you won't find
139
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,638
a more broad-minded couple here,
will they, Jacqueline?
140
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:35,875
Oh, no.
141
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:39,436
A friend of mine, Jim Turner, army lad,
six foot three,
142
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:43,235
known him 35 years, last year
he turns round to me and he says,
143
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,749
"Donald, I want to be a woman."
144
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:47,712
I said, "You go for it, son.
145
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:50,514
"I don't know where you'll get shoes
to fit you, but you go for it."
146
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:54,156
You only live once.
Grasp the nettle with both hands.
147
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,237
You know what I'm saying?
148
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:57,839
Absolutely.
149
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:02,033
Television heart-throb,
five and eight.
150
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,434
Bruce Forsyth.
151
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,152
Oi, oi! Fill your boots.
152
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:18,600
Where have you been?
153
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,270
The hunter has returned
with food for his hungry family.
154
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,515
Get off!
155
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:27,110
You wanna see it out there, it's mental.
It's like Blackpool with sun.
156
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,232
Oh, he's been up to no good.
I know that look on a man's face.
157
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,351
I had it for 30 years with your father.
158
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,835
Oh, dear, did the washing-up liquid
on your wheels not work?
159
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,315
I thought you'd be trapped
under your chair in the deep end by now.
160
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,000
Here, do you want 'em, Madge?
Do you want 'em?
161
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:41,519
Fetch!
162
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,274
I've been nowhere near that pool,
but your son has.
163
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,199
Fell in and nearly drowned,
and where were you?
164
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:53,393
It were brilliant, Dad!
You should have seen me, I nearly died!
165
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:54,919
She pushed him in.
166
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,998
You wanna be careful how many of those
hot dogs you eat or that coat won't fit you.
167
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,634
Right, that's enough.
So where have you been?
168
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,592
You know where I've been.
I've been to the shops.
169
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:06,953
What, and that took an hour and a half?
Where is this shop, Fleetwood?
170
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,516
- This sun cream's half empty.
- Yeah, well, it were half price.
171
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,917
- And where did you get them flip-flops?
- I hope you didn't use my money for 'em.
172
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:17,396
No, I didn't. I just found them outside.
173
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,158
I want to go outside.
174
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:22,159
- Is it really like Blackpool, Dad?
- You're going nowhere, son.
175
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:23,873
- You're staying in here.
- Why?
176
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,752
Because out there
you've got to pay for stuff.
177
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,076
Whereas in here, it's all free!
178
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:31,551
(ALL LAUGHING)
179
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,113
So then what happens is they cut
down the length of the penis,
180
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,709
take out all the gubblns,
the bits in the middle,
181
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:43,073
and poke that flappy shaft back up,
making an artificial vagina.
182
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,997
(WHALE SOUNDS)
183
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,117
WOMAN: Mateo.
184
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:15,791
Oi, room 26.
They're over there with their suitcases.
185
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:32,513
Today!
186
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,759
Afternoon.
187
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:42,750
Donald Stewart, and that's my wife
over there, Jacqueline.
188
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,996
No reasonable offer refused.
189
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:51,271
- I'm The Oracle.
- Oh, right. What's that, nickname?
190
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:55,075
Reigning Lancashlre Pub Quiz Champion.
Unbeaten since 1993.
191
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,760
Oh, right. Smashing.
192
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,554
- You here with the wife?
- No.
193
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:03,115
- Me mum.
- Oh, I see.
194
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:04,355
(SNORING)
195
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,551
Is she okay?
196
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,399
Yeah. She always looks like that.
197
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:17,958
Gracias, senor.
198
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,878
Sorry, no cash. All-inclusive.
199
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,116
- I'll give you later?
- Okay.
200
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,311
(DRILLING OUTSIDE)
201
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,638
Oh, God!
202
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,109
We've waited all morning for this?
203
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,358
It's fine. We're not going to be
spending much time in here anyway.
204
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,471
No, we're not.
205
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,591
- Kate, are you okay?
- Get off me.
206
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,996
I didn't want to come here
in the first place.
207
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,590
My mother was right.
It's time apart we need, not together.
208
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,514
I thought I might have a swim.
209
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,278
There's a bar in the pool.
210
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,597
Martin, just because the drinks
are included on this so-called holiday,
211
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,313
doesn't mean you have to go mad.
212
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,398
Everyone likes a drink,
nobody likes a drunk.
213
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:16,518
Well, what if I go for a swim,
but don't have the drink?
214
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:18,758
Oh, do what you want.
215
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,470
Okay, well you get some sleep.
216
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,750
Here, lock the door after me.
217
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,315
Martin!
218
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,913
- Have you ever tried home brew?
- No.
219
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,715
I've got a couple of demi-johns
of barley wine in the conservatory
220
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:50,673
that'll be vying for my attention
when I get home.
221
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,916
Yes, a few of the lads round,
222
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:57,273
open a few bottles of home brew,
loosen up, you know what I mean?
223
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,516
Me mam doesn't like
having a lot of people in the house.
224
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:02,871
Oh, really?
I'm very lucky in that respect.
225
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,038
Jacqueline is very accommodating.
226
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,353
Very accommodating.
227
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,516
Ah, yes, night before we flew out,
228
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:15,076
I had six of the lads round,
the crazy gang.
229
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,873
All big lads, you know.
230
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,992
The thing is, if you've
got a beautiful wife,
231
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,511
to me it would seem churlish
to keep her to yourself.
232
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,436
Mind you, at the end of the night,
233
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:30,110
her vagina looked like
a pair of padded coat hangers.
234
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,191
I had to pay for extra leg room for her
on the plane.
235
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,396
I'd best check on me mam.
236
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,399
Yep, make sure she's still breathing.
237
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,315
Oi!
238
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,031
- What time is it?
- Half past six.
239
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:56,992
Where's the key?
240
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:00,719
Shit!
241
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,869
No wonder these Spanish
have a kip in the afternoon.
242
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,833
- It's called a siesta.
- Dad, can I have a siesta?
243
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,679
Course you can son, it's all-inclusive.
244
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,639
Nana?
245
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,278
(SNORING)
246
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,111
Come on, Gladys.
How long are you going to be?
247
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,913
We're missing all the free booze.
248
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,839
I thought
we were going into the old town.
249
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:42,039
I'm not wasting these new jeans
on a room full of pikey breeders.
250
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,676
All sitting in their Primark clothes
singing country and western songs
251
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,634
while they force-feed their boss-eyed
ginger kids buckets of Turkey Twizzlers.
252
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,274
Oh, come on,
you make it sound so much fun.
253
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,152
They do a proper dinner in this bar,
don't they?
254
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,477
Yes, they do,
and it's all free so get a move on.
255
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,319
Hey, not too many
Turkey Twizzlers for you
256
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,558
or you won't get into them jeans
by the end of the week.
257
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,792
Come on.
258
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,672
Oh, I think not.
259
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,510
Have I got your nose? Eh?
Have I stolen your nose? Look.
260
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,551
Oh, God, me mam!
261
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,193
Shit!
262
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,159
Nana's dead!
263
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,918
I can't believe you didn't bring her in!
264
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,998
Oh, yeah, 'cause you really missed her
when you were getting ready, didn't you?
265
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,350
What if me nana's dead?
266
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,517
Can we still go to the pub?
267
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:37,759
Mam?
268
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,553
Mam, can you hear me? Oh, God.
269
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,397
Mam, I'm really sorry. Mam.
270
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:49,475
Oh!
271
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,638
What do you think you're doing
creeping around in the dark?
272
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,671
I nearly shat meself.
273
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:59,355
What time is it? Where have you been?
274
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,074
We haven't been anywhere. we just...
275
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,760
we just thought
you'd want to get the last of the sun.
276
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,791
The last of the sun?
277
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,797
It's pitch black!
278
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,760
Come on, I need a drink.
279
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,751
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
280
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,759
and welcome to Neptune's Bar.
281
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,434
You must remember to wear your
all-inclusive wristbands at all times,
282
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:31,315
remembering Neptune's motto...
If you want to get pissed...
283
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,273
ALL: ...then show 'em your wrist!
284
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:38,474
Also tonight at Neptune's
we have karaoke night,
285
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,477
and if you want to join in the fun,
286
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:44,719
you will find pen and paper
at the front, so don't be shy.
287
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,036
Come up and put your name down there.
288
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,676
Also, ladies and gentlemen,
we have our lovely...
289
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,674
I'm not sitting next to Benny Hlll.
290
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:55,997
Did you see them by the pool?
291
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,760
His wife's got a bigger packet than me.
292
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,270
What about something vegetarian?
293
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:06,637
There's veggie lasagne.
294
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,911
Or what about a baked potato?
You'd be fine with that.
295
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,638
Good scran that, innit?
296
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,353
My liver was black.
297
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,040
You're all right,
it'll match your lungs.
298
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,790
Where were you? In my day you had to
ask permission to leave the table.
299
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,319
Are you still alive?
300
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,477
That's enough, you two.
You're not spoiling tonight.
301
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,672
We've had a lovely tea and
now we're gonna get rat-arsed for free.
302
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,110
- Wey-hey!
- Hey, what a holiday.
303
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,880
NANA: Hey, let's not forget
who's paid for this holiday.
304
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,640
- Not much chance of that.
- Thanks, mam.
305
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:43,515
Right, boys and girls, first cab
off the rank tonight for our karaoke is
306
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,597
Chantelle singingYou Raise Me Up.
307
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,438
Come on, Chantelle.
308
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,790
Go on, our Chantelle.
Go on, girl!
309
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,196
Come on, Chantelle.
310
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,594
Come on!
311
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,712
Do you want to take your coat off,
darling? It's hot up there, you know.
312
00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:58,877
- No, I'm okay.
- All right, sweetheart.
313
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,594
Chantelle, ladies and gentlemen.
314
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,513
What's she gonna do?
What's she gonna do?
315
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:14,032
When I am down
316
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:18,279
And oh, my soul so weary
317
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:19,834
- Aah.
- Shh.
318
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,110
When troubles come
319
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:26,757
And my heart burdened be
320
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,358
Then I am still
321
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:35,077
And wait here in the silence
322
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:39,229
Until you come and sit...
323
00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:42,830
I know we're not the perfect family,
and I wouldn't want that,
324
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,429
but I am so proud of all of you.
325
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:49,235
And I really think
this is going to be a lovely holiday.
326
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:50,509
Aah.
327
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:53,912
Hiya, Mick.
328
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:59,113
Good job you didn't wear those
gold flip-flops, we'd have clashed.
329
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,157
Who the fuck is that?
330
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,672
Do you want a pizza?
331
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,596
Oh, here we are, prawn salad.
332
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,319
If I ask them to do it
without mayonnaise?
333
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,510
Kate, do you want the prawn salad?
334
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,234
No, Martin, I don't want a prawn salad.
335
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,871
Well, what do you want?
336
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,871
I want a baby.
337
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,717
We've been through this.
338
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,997
You know I can't give you a baby.
339
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,630
Then I want a divorce.
340
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,195
I said, who the fuck is that?
341
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,150
- I've no idea!
- Well how does she know your name?
342
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,669
Who is she, Derren fucking Brown?
343
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,479
You raise me up
344
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:59,310
So I can stand on mountains
345
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:02,910
You raise me up...
346
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,674
- It's all right, she's just fainted.
- Excuse me, it's me daughter.
347
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,076
Telle, Telle, can you hear me, darling?
348
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:17,158
- Take her coat off, she'll be roasting.
- Get off her, you!
349
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,271
Are you all right love?
350
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,232
(GASPS)
351
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,510
Oh, my God, she's pregnant!
352
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,790
Didn�t you know she was pregnant?
353
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,514
Mateo, ambulance quick, come on.
354
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,353
- She's only a child.
- Let's get her coat off.
355
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,793
It's all right, darling, I'm here now.
356
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,439
Just breathe, Telle. Breathe in and out.
357
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,631
- Ring us, Jan. Ring us.
- I've no money.
358
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,478
I suppose
I've got to pay for that as well.
359
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,273
Will you leave it, Madge?
Please leave it.
360
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,198
It's a fine way to start the holiday.
361
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,470
JANICE: Put your foot down now, Pedro!
28375
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