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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,991
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:34,715
(SCREAMS)
3
00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:38,088
Sorry, love. You okay?
4
00:00:39,979 --> 00:00:42,368
- What do you think you're doing?
- What's it look like I'm doing?
5
00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,450
Do you not read your text messages?
6
00:00:44,539 --> 00:00:46,177
- I'm on me holidays.
- Yes.
7
00:00:46,259 --> 00:00:47,579
Well, if we don't get to the airport,
8
00:00:47,659 --> 00:00:49,570
you'll be on your holidays
for the foreseeable future.
9
00:00:49,659 --> 00:00:51,252
There's a baggage handlers' strike
at Alicante.
10
00:00:51,339 --> 00:00:53,615
Yeah, but our flight's not till 5 o'clock.
11
00:00:53,779 --> 00:00:54,769
What did I just say?
12
00:00:54,859 --> 00:00:57,977
I've got at least three hours
of me holiday left, so piss off.
13
00:00:58,139 --> 00:01:00,494
Fine. I'll see you back at home.
At some point.
14
00:01:01,139 --> 00:01:02,698
Oh, brilliant.
15
00:01:02,779 --> 00:01:03,974
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
16
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:08,617
Last day of me chuffing holiday, ruined.
17
00:01:08,699 --> 00:01:09,928
I'm sorry.
18
00:01:10,019 --> 00:01:11,373
You know there's a
baggage handlers' strike?
19
00:01:11,459 --> 00:01:12,574
We don't go home today.
20
00:01:12,699 --> 00:01:14,098
I don't think any of us will.
21
00:01:14,899 --> 00:01:16,731
- What's going on?
- Baggage handlers' strike.
22
00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:19,009
- At the airport?
- No, in reception.
23
00:01:19,099 --> 00:01:21,215
Phew! Close shave.
24
00:01:22,179 --> 00:01:24,489
You know there's a baggage handlers'
strike on, don't you?
25
00:01:24,579 --> 00:01:26,695
Yeah, but it's only in the reception.
26
00:01:26,779 --> 00:01:28,816
- What's he been drinking?
- He doesn't drink.
27
00:01:28,899 --> 00:01:30,970
He doesn't bloody need to. (CHUCKLES)
28
00:01:31,379 --> 00:01:34,292
Maybe the baggage strike
is at the airport.
29
00:01:34,379 --> 00:01:37,770
You know what, Joey?
You might have a point.
30
00:01:37,859 --> 00:01:39,293
We should go and check with Sam.
31
00:01:39,379 --> 00:01:41,768
No, no. She, um... It's her day off.
32
00:01:41,859 --> 00:01:44,897
Oh, that's right.
She's on a date with Angelo the D.J.
33
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,697
It's not a date. It's just her ex.
34
00:01:46,779 --> 00:01:48,929
Mate, you're gonna have to decide
what you wanna do about that.
35
00:01:49,019 --> 00:01:50,214
You said to play it cool.
36
00:01:50,299 --> 00:01:52,859
You have done that and where is she now?
37
00:01:52,939 --> 00:01:55,658
In her room bouncing off the walls
with Angelo.
38
00:01:55,779 --> 00:01:56,769
(SIGHS)
39
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,490
Joey, it was a joke!
40
00:02:02,819 --> 00:02:04,218
SHERON: Who can tell us what's going on?
41
00:02:04,299 --> 00:02:06,017
(ALL TALKING AT ONCE)
42
00:02:06,139 --> 00:02:08,528
Please speak to your rep.
There she is. Look.
43
00:02:08,619 --> 00:02:10,337
Hey, hey! You're the rep.
44
00:02:10,579 --> 00:02:12,013
What's going on with this
baggage handler's strike?
45
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:14,773
I'm sorry, I can't help you.
It's my day off today.
46
00:02:14,859 --> 00:02:17,373
Bugger that. We've been here ages!
47
00:02:17,459 --> 00:02:20,133
That's not my fault.
I'm not working today.
48
00:02:20,299 --> 00:02:22,336
- Well who is working?
- What's happening with me bloody flight?
49
00:02:22,419 --> 00:02:25,411
Look, can everyone just calm down?
50
00:02:25,499 --> 00:02:27,729
(ALL CLAMOURING)
51
00:02:29,419 --> 00:02:30,693
Shut up!
52
00:02:31,979 --> 00:02:33,014
Right.
53
00:02:33,099 --> 00:02:34,612
If you want some help in getting home,
54
00:02:34,699 --> 00:02:36,815
get yourselves over
to the Benigo travel desk
55
00:02:36,899 --> 00:02:39,459
and someone will be with you
as soon as possible.
56
00:02:39,539 --> 00:02:41,371
Here we go.
Bloody ma�ana.
57
00:02:41,459 --> 00:02:45,214
And obviously, the people at the front
of the queue will be dealt with first.
58
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,619
LORETTA: Hey, we were here first.
59
00:02:49,859 --> 00:02:52,772
Oh, Mateo, I'm supposed to meet a mate
but I can't stay here with idiots
60
00:02:52,859 --> 00:02:54,896
who don't understand
the concept of a day off.
61
00:02:54,979 --> 00:02:57,858
Maybe because only an idiot
would come to work on their day off.
62
00:02:57,939 --> 00:03:00,818
Oh, for God's sake,
I just need you to tell him where I am.
63
00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:04,295
-�5.
- Why are you being such a dick?
64
00:03:04,379 --> 00:03:07,451
Right, I'll leave him a note.
Pass me a pen and some paper.
65
00:03:07,539 --> 00:03:09,212
Pen and paper? �1.
66
00:03:09,459 --> 00:03:11,530
Mateo, you're really starting
to get on my nerves!
67
00:03:11,939 --> 00:03:14,533
Gotta say, living in Spain's
really chilled you out, babe.
68
00:03:14,619 --> 00:03:16,610
Why didn't you reply to my messages?
69
00:03:17,219 --> 00:03:18,448
You've lost your phone, haven't you?
70
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,492
You know me
better than anyone else, Sam.
71
00:03:20,579 --> 00:03:21,569
(SAM CHUCKLES)
72
00:03:25,059 --> 00:03:26,936
Come on, let's get out of here.
73
00:03:28,299 --> 00:03:30,097
Oh, Sam, you're going so soon?
74
00:03:30,379 --> 00:03:32,416
After you are telling all these people
to wait for you.
75
00:03:32,499 --> 00:03:33,853
WOMAN: Hey!
MAN: Hey, what's going on?
76
00:03:34,099 --> 00:03:36,010
- (ALL CLAMOURING)
- Come on, you've got to help us now.
77
00:03:36,219 --> 00:03:37,573
Okay, okay, calm down.
78
00:03:38,179 --> 00:03:39,977
(CHATTERING CONTINUES)
79
00:03:41,379 --> 00:03:43,768
Okay, ma�ana la puerta.
Tomorrow the door.
80
00:03:43,859 --> 00:03:46,533
No, no. Not ma�ana.
81
00:03:46,619 --> 00:03:49,133
- Where are you going?
- Leave it Jacqueline, leave it.
82
00:03:49,219 --> 00:03:52,450
- I'll have a quiet word with Jesus.
- Jesus?
83
00:03:52,539 --> 00:03:54,815
-(SPANISH PRONUNCIATION) Jesus.
- Bless you.
84
00:03:54,899 --> 00:03:57,175
I thought about going to see Kenneth
about midday.
85
00:03:57,259 --> 00:03:59,933
Oh, do you think he'll be up by then?
86
00:04:00,019 --> 00:04:04,013
Oh, he went through
such a traumatic event last night.
87
00:04:04,099 --> 00:04:06,659
Fancy being buried alive.
88
00:04:06,819 --> 00:04:09,254
Well, he weren't exactly buried alive.
He just couldn't get out.
89
00:04:09,339 --> 00:04:13,173
He did, though.
He tunnelled out like, uh...
90
00:04:13,259 --> 00:04:15,648
Oh, what were it called?
91
00:04:15,739 --> 00:04:17,173
Oh, you know.
92
00:04:17,259 --> 00:04:21,048
(UPBEAT)
93
00:04:21,139 --> 00:04:24,257
(BOTH HUMMXNG THE GREAT ESCAPE THEME)
94
00:04:33,779 --> 00:04:35,531
Oh, Kenneth!
95
00:04:35,619 --> 00:04:38,498
Oh, we were just talking about you.
96
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:42,334
- We were worried.
- Yeah. looks like it.
97
00:04:42,419 --> 00:04:44,569
We were just doing the theme from...
98
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:47,128
Oh, I know what you were doing.
Having a laugh at my expense.
99
00:04:47,219 --> 00:04:48,857
LIAM: No, Kenneth.
We would never do that.
100
00:04:48,939 --> 00:04:50,896
-(JACQUELINE GASPS)
-(LAUGHS)
101
00:04:52,219 --> 00:04:53,971
Well, what was I supposed to do with it?
102
00:04:54,059 --> 00:04:57,131
I shaved all me hair, off me tits on
cheap vodka and permanent solution.
103
00:04:57,219 --> 00:04:58,368
I had to do something with it.
104
00:04:58,539 --> 00:04:59,813
I'll put the kettle on.
105
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,129
Not for me, thank you, Jacqueline.
I'm having hair of the dog.
106
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,688
Kenneth, is that advisable
after what you've been though?
107
00:05:04,779 --> 00:05:06,178
Oh, don't you worry, Liam.
108
00:05:06,259 --> 00:05:09,297
Having to tunnel my way out of
Blow 'n' Go after being left to die,
109
00:05:09,379 --> 00:05:11,495
entombed in me own place of work,
will be nothing
110
00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:14,048
compared to what's going to happen
to that Joyce Temple-Savage.
111
00:05:14,539 --> 00:05:17,850
I'm sorry we haven't got any vacancies
for you at the moment, Elvis,
112
00:05:17,939 --> 00:05:21,898
but if you'll give me your full name,
then I'll put you in our system.
113
00:05:21,979 --> 00:05:24,016
(AS ELVIS PRESLEY)
The thing is, Miss Temple-Savage,
114
00:05:24,099 --> 00:05:26,568
I-I just generally go
by the name of Elvis.
115
00:05:28,259 --> 00:05:29,658
I didn't understand a word of that.
116
00:05:29,739 --> 00:05:32,015
(CHUCKLES)
The thing is, Miss Temple-Savage,
117
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,375
I-I just generally go
by the name of Elvis.
118
00:05:36,139 --> 00:05:37,812
Doesn't matter. Date of birth?
119
00:05:37,899 --> 00:05:41,733
Uh, that would be, uh,
8th of January, ma'am.
120
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:45,016
It's more the year we want.
We're not sending out birthday cards.
121
00:05:45,099 --> 00:05:46,612
(CHUCKLES) Uh-huh.
122
00:05:46,699 --> 00:05:49,213
Uh, uh, 1977, ma'am.
123
00:05:49,299 --> 00:05:52,098
- And place of birth?
- Skegness, ma'am.
124
00:05:53,739 --> 00:05:55,730
- Skegness?
- Yes ma'am.
125
00:05:56,659 --> 00:05:59,094
- You were born in Skegness?
- That is correct, ma'am.
126
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,372
But you obviously didn't stay there.
127
00:06:01,659 --> 00:06:03,491
(LAUGHING)
128
00:06:03,579 --> 00:06:06,332
No, no, no, no. No, siree, Bob.
No way, no how. No, no.
129
00:06:06,419 --> 00:06:08,376
My folks and I moved
many, many miles away
130
00:06:08,459 --> 00:06:10,177
when I was a little, itty-bitty baby.
131
00:06:11,139 --> 00:06:13,096
And where did you move to?
132
00:06:13,179 --> 00:06:14,613
Leeds.
133
00:06:14,699 --> 00:06:15,848
Sorry?
134
00:06:15,939 --> 00:06:17,532
(BRITISH ACCENT)
It's in West Yorkshire...
135
00:06:17,619 --> 00:06:19,292
(AMERICAN ACCENT) West Yorkshire, ma'am.
136
00:06:20,419 --> 00:06:23,775
Well, look,
we have your details on file.
137
00:06:23,859 --> 00:06:28,012
I'm sorry Crystal let you go,
but she clearly doesn't need a chauffeur
138
00:06:28,139 --> 00:06:31,655
when she spends half her life
on round-the-world cruises.
139
00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:34,618
Well sure, ma'am, I do believe
that is a stone-cold fact.
140
00:06:34,699 --> 00:06:39,296
And in addition to that, of course,
there is the, um, the takeover bid.
141
00:06:42,179 --> 00:06:45,137
- Takeover?
- Yes, ma'am.
142
00:06:45,419 --> 00:06:48,411
(BRITISH ACCENT) Miss Hennessy-Vass
is in the, uh, process of...
143
00:06:48,499 --> 00:06:51,013
(AMERICAN ACCENT) Process of, uh,
selling the Solana Group
144
00:06:51,099 --> 00:06:52,737
to, uh, Belroy Hotels.
145
00:06:53,419 --> 00:06:56,696
But being the, uh,
manager of the Solana Benidorm,
146
00:06:56,779 --> 00:06:58,736
I-I guess you knew that.
147
00:06:59,979 --> 00:07:02,209
- Yes, of course I did.
- Yep.
148
00:07:02,299 --> 00:07:05,530
Miss Hennessy-Vass
sure is trimming the fat.
149
00:07:05,899 --> 00:07:08,334
Right. Uh,well.
150
00:07:08,419 --> 00:07:12,856
As I say, uh, we have your details
on our file.
151
00:07:13,019 --> 00:07:17,172
Um, in the meantime, best of luck.
152
00:07:18,459 --> 00:07:19,938
I understand. (SIGHS)
153
00:07:25,899 --> 00:07:28,129
- Miss Temple-Savage?
- Yes Elvis?
154
00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:30,292
Thank-ya-very-much.
155
00:07:34,619 --> 00:07:36,496
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- (DOOR OPENS)
156
00:07:36,579 --> 00:07:38,377
(PEOPLE CLAMOURING)
Joyce, can I have a word?
157
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,331
What is that noise out there?
158
00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,649
Oh, I've no idea.
They're all screaming for the rep.
159
00:07:43,539 --> 00:07:46,053
Can we nip out the back
and get a coffee somewhere?
160
00:07:47,059 --> 00:07:48,379
I've got something to tell you.
161
00:07:49,499 --> 00:07:51,217
Oh, so do I.
162
00:08:00,471 --> 00:08:01,506
Luton?
163
00:08:01,591 --> 00:08:03,821
Well, you said I needed to get a job,
and you're right.
164
00:08:04,071 --> 00:08:05,744
But in Luton?
165
00:08:05,831 --> 00:08:09,267
In your own words,
nobody likes a freeloader,
166
00:08:09,351 --> 00:08:10,386
so I'm paying my way.
167
00:08:10,471 --> 00:08:15,022
Monty, don't drive a wedge between us
to try and win an argument.
168
00:08:15,231 --> 00:08:17,905
I'm not trying
to drive a wedge between us.
169
00:08:17,991 --> 00:08:19,789
A lot of people
work away during the week.
170
00:08:19,871 --> 00:08:21,191
I'd be back at weekends.
171
00:08:21,391 --> 00:08:23,951
What job have you been offered in Luton?
172
00:08:24,031 --> 00:08:27,103
British Consulate Airport
Liaison Officer. (CHUCKLES)
173
00:08:27,791 --> 00:08:30,544
It's mainly form-filling,
but working with the public as well,
174
00:08:30,631 --> 00:08:31,666
which is always interesting.
175
00:08:31,791 --> 00:08:35,147
You hate the public,
plus form-filling and...
176
00:08:36,151 --> 00:08:37,949
British Consulate?
177
00:08:38,031 --> 00:08:41,103
So this job has come from Sir Henry.
You hate Sir Henry.
178
00:08:41,311 --> 00:08:44,588
It's come via Sir Henry.
I won't be working with him.
179
00:08:44,751 --> 00:08:47,140
I know.
You'll be working in bloody Luton.
180
00:08:47,231 --> 00:08:49,950
Look, Joyce, I've made my decision.
181
00:08:50,031 --> 00:08:52,261
If it doesn't work out,
all I have to do is leave.
182
00:08:52,351 --> 00:08:55,070
I need to feel
I'm contributing in some way
183
00:08:55,151 --> 00:08:57,461
to our relationship, to our marriage.
184
00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:00,942
Afford me this one shred of dignity.
185
00:09:01,071 --> 00:09:04,063
Says a man going to work in Luton.
186
00:09:05,901 --> 00:09:06,901
So how long are you here for?
187
00:09:06,911 --> 00:09:08,911
I'll be heading back on the 5 o'clock ferry.
188
00:09:08,971 --> 00:09:10,325
What, tonight?
189
00:09:10,471 --> 00:09:13,145
You've come all the way to Benidorm
and you're only staying for five hours?
190
00:09:13,471 --> 00:09:14,984
I live in Ibiza, Sam.
191
00:09:15,071 --> 00:09:18,268
Egg and chips and Sweet Caroline
aren't exactly my comfort zone.
192
00:09:18,971 --> 00:09:22,168
- (SIGHS) So why are you here, then?
- To see you.
193
00:09:22,971 --> 00:09:24,609
I've needed to see you for a long time.
194
00:09:24,971 --> 00:09:26,609
Should we get a coffee?
195
00:09:26,971 --> 00:09:29,281
As long as nobody's
eating egg and chips.
196
00:09:29,971 --> 00:09:32,008
I wouldn't want you to be
out of your comfort zone.
197
00:09:39,471 --> 00:09:41,509
Did you ring Derek Dingle
or whatever his name was?
198
00:09:42,991 --> 00:09:45,710
- Who?
- The fellow at the rugby club.
199
00:09:45,791 --> 00:09:47,190
SHERON: Get them out here now.
200
00:09:47,271 --> 00:09:49,467
I don't know any Derek Dingle
at rugby club.
201
00:09:49,551 --> 00:09:52,828
I can't remember his name.
You made the booking with him.
202
00:09:52,951 --> 00:09:53,941
What booking?
203
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:57,268
Billy and Sheron's
25th wedding anniversary.
204
00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,149
I don't know what you're talking about.
205
00:09:59,351 --> 00:10:01,627
Oh, for God's sake, Eddie!
206
00:10:01,751 --> 00:10:02,866
(CHUCKLES)
207
00:10:03,431 --> 00:10:05,707
- I had you going there, didn't I?
- You what?
208
00:10:05,791 --> 00:10:08,385
Billy asked me
what I were doing tonight.
209
00:10:08,471 --> 00:10:10,860
I said, "Oh, I'm probably staying in
with a good book" and
210
00:10:10,951 --> 00:10:13,511
�This holiday's knackered me out".
211
00:10:13,591 --> 00:10:18,461
He's got absolutely no idea that we're
planning a surprise party for them.
212
00:10:18,671 --> 00:10:21,390
And the Oscar for lying
through his teeth goes to Eddie Dawson.
213
00:10:21,551 --> 00:10:23,781
It were only a white lie.
214
00:10:23,871 --> 00:10:26,704
And yes, everything's sorted.
215
00:10:26,951 --> 00:10:30,228
- How many people did you invite?
- Didn't invite anybody.
216
00:10:30,911 --> 00:10:34,984
- Thought you were doing that.
- Oh, for crying out loud!
217
00:10:35,271 --> 00:10:37,865
MATEO: She is not here. She is not here.
218
00:10:37,951 --> 00:10:40,545
I am not like the magician
with a bif-baf-boof.
219
00:10:40,791 --> 00:10:42,225
Well, get her on the phone.
220
00:10:42,311 --> 00:10:44,302
We need to know what's happening
with this baggage strike.
221
00:10:44,391 --> 00:10:46,951
We give you the sun,
we give you the hotel,
222
00:10:47,031 --> 00:10:50,228
we give you the swimming pool,
we give you the all-inclusive piggy food
223
00:10:50,311 --> 00:10:52,985
and the alcohol we use to the clean
the furniture when you are not looking.
224
00:10:53,071 --> 00:10:54,584
Everything else,
you need to see the rep.
225
00:10:54,671 --> 00:10:57,663
- It's the rep's day off!
- Is not my fault!
226
00:10:57,871 --> 00:10:59,589
Mateo, where's Temple-Savage?
227
00:10:59,671 --> 00:11:03,426
How many times do I have to say this?
I do not know.
228
00:11:03,551 --> 00:11:05,701
All right, keep your knickers on.
What time will she be back?
229
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:08,903
Are you taking the Mickey Mouse?
230
00:11:08,991 --> 00:11:12,871
If I say I do not know something,
I do not know.
231
00:11:12,951 --> 00:11:15,864
I do not get paid enough
to listen to this drizzle.
232
00:11:15,951 --> 00:11:17,862
And I am sick to the front of my teeth
233
00:11:17,951 --> 00:11:20,181
about always
being the ciggy in the middle.
234
00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:24,020
"Ciggy in the middle"?
What the frig does that mean?
235
00:11:24,111 --> 00:11:25,624
Ugh! No idea.
236
00:11:25,711 --> 00:11:28,305
Oh, and if you're going home today
get to the airport as quick as you can
237
00:11:28,391 --> 00:11:30,541
'cause it's first come, first served
when these strikes are on.
238
00:11:30,631 --> 00:11:32,304
Hasta lumbago love.
239
00:11:32,391 --> 00:11:33,790
Thank you very much.
240
00:11:33,871 --> 00:11:36,260
I've just been told
we need to get to the airport ASAP.
241
00:11:36,351 --> 00:11:38,501
Yeah the travel company
said the same thing. Right, come on.
242
00:11:38,591 --> 00:11:41,185
- Dad, where are your cases?
- Where do you think they are?
243
00:11:41,271 --> 00:11:44,263
- This isn't the time for "I bloody Spy".
- They're up in me room.
244
00:11:44,351 --> 00:11:45,910
Right. Come on, let's go.
245
00:11:45,991 --> 00:11:48,221
(SIGHS) Come on, Mam!
246
00:11:50,031 --> 00:11:52,386
(LOST QUEEN PLAYING ON EARBUDS)
247
00:11:58,071 --> 00:12:02,304
- Thought you went back inside.
- I did. I saw Sam with Angelo.
248
00:12:02,391 --> 00:12:04,860
So I found a quiet corner
to think about my life.
249
00:12:04,951 --> 00:12:07,704
A quiet corner
with an exclusive view of the bins?
250
00:12:08,151 --> 00:12:09,186
(SIGHS)
251
00:12:10,631 --> 00:12:12,065
I'm sorry.
252
00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:17,264
- You're sorry? For what?
- For being moody on this holiday.
253
00:12:17,351 --> 00:12:20,469
- Your first-ever holiday.
- I've had a fantastic time.
254
00:12:20,551 --> 00:12:22,189
- Really?
- Yeah.
255
00:12:22,271 --> 00:12:23,670
It's the best holiday I've ever had.
256
00:12:23,831 --> 00:12:25,265
(BOTH LAUGH)
257
00:12:25,351 --> 00:12:26,671
So, what are you gonna do about Sam?
258
00:12:26,791 --> 00:12:29,624
Gonna go up to her room,
pull Angelo off her,
259
00:12:29,711 --> 00:12:32,863
punch him in the face
and then carry her off into the sunset?
260
00:12:32,951 --> 00:12:35,704
I can give you a hand with that as well,
you know, the carrying part.
261
00:12:37,271 --> 00:12:38,830
Joke. It's a joke.
262
00:12:38,911 --> 00:12:40,788
It just doesn't make sense
why you'd be so obsessed
263
00:12:42,111 --> 00:12:44,341
with how much Sam does or doesn't weigh.
264
00:12:45,071 --> 00:12:47,187
- I'm sorry.
- Whatever.
265
00:12:51,791 --> 00:12:53,589
You know why
I keep making those fat jokes?
266
00:12:53,751 --> 00:12:54,980
No, I don't, actually.
267
00:12:55,071 --> 00:12:56,982
- And she's not even fat.
- No.
268
00:12:58,071 --> 00:12:59,744
- But I was.
- Eh?
269
00:12:59,831 --> 00:13:02,744
Massive. Up until I was about 16.
270
00:13:02,831 --> 00:13:06,620
In fact, I was 16 years old
and 18 stone.
271
00:13:06,711 --> 00:13:08,065
- What, are you serious?
- Yeah.
272
00:13:08,151 --> 00:13:10,586
At school, everybody called me "Pig-Pen".
273
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:14,383
Because I was the size of a pig
and I couldn't hold a pen properly.
274
00:13:14,471 --> 00:13:17,350
So if you were bullied for being big
when you were a kid,
275
00:13:17,431 --> 00:13:19,866
why would you say mean things
to someone else about their weight?
276
00:13:19,991 --> 00:13:21,311
I don't know.
277
00:13:22,071 --> 00:13:23,709
Payback, I suppose.
278
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:25,864
What goes around comes around.
279
00:13:25,951 --> 00:13:29,262
- Payback for people you don't know?
- I didn't say it made sense.
280
00:13:30,631 --> 00:13:32,030
I'm sorry.
281
00:13:34,071 --> 00:13:37,189
So, what are you gonna do about Sam?
282
00:13:37,591 --> 00:13:38,945
I've thought about it a lot.
283
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:42,781
And I do have
feelings for her, obviously.
284
00:13:43,791 --> 00:13:45,020
But it would never work.
285
00:13:45,431 --> 00:13:48,389
There's 20 years
and 2,000 miles between us.
286
00:13:48,711 --> 00:13:51,703
Plus, her ex is back on the scene.
287
00:13:51,791 --> 00:13:54,943
So I'm ready to draw a line
under it all.
288
00:13:55,031 --> 00:13:56,305
Fair enough.
289
00:13:57,271 --> 00:14:01,230
So, tonight is the last night
of your first-ever holiday.
290
00:14:01,311 --> 00:14:02,540
What do you fancy doing?
291
00:14:03,351 --> 00:14:04,341
Shots and girls.
292
00:14:04,551 --> 00:14:06,940
You can have the shots,
I'll look after the girls.
293
00:14:07,031 --> 00:14:10,023
Mmm, he's back in the game.
294
00:14:10,111 --> 00:14:11,101
Boom.
295
00:14:11,191 --> 00:14:12,784
Hold on, I'm gonna start to pack.
296
00:14:12,871 --> 00:14:15,226
- Already?
- Yes, mate.
297
00:14:15,311 --> 00:14:19,191
Tonight is gonna be one very long night.
298
00:14:19,271 --> 00:14:20,705
Bring it on!
299
00:14:26,431 --> 00:14:27,705
Gracias.
300
00:14:28,831 --> 00:14:31,300
You must have had a rough night
if you're still on the black coffees.
301
00:14:31,391 --> 00:14:32,620
I don't drink any more.
302
00:14:33,791 --> 00:14:36,704
- Are you serious?
- Alcohol, drugs, meat.
303
00:14:37,351 --> 00:14:39,228
I've poisoned my body for too long, Sam.
304
00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:42,622
Bloody hell. Well, I suppose
the party's gotta end at some point.
305
00:14:42,711 --> 00:14:44,429
No, but that's just it, babe.
306
00:14:44,511 --> 00:14:47,947
- I feel like my life's just beginning.
- Well, good for you.
307
00:14:48,031 --> 00:14:49,101
I'll drink to that.
308
00:14:50,311 --> 00:14:53,064
You're probably wondering why I came
all the way out here to tell you that?
309
00:14:53,151 --> 00:14:54,710
Midlife crisis, isn't it?
310
00:14:54,791 --> 00:14:58,147
It was either this or you rocking up in
a red sports car with a ponytail.
311
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,791
No, but I mean,
specifically to talk to you.
312
00:15:01,031 --> 00:15:02,260
Go on, then.
313
00:15:03,071 --> 00:15:05,347
Sam, I'm, um...
314
00:15:06,311 --> 00:15:07,665
I'm gonna become a monk.
315
00:15:08,031 --> 00:15:09,305
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)
316
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:14,100
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
317
00:15:17,231 --> 00:15:21,304
Okay, I believe the no drinking,
the no more drugs,
318
00:15:21,391 --> 00:15:22,904
even the no more meat,
319
00:15:23,431 --> 00:15:24,910
but you a monk?
320
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:28,746
By this time next week, I'll be in
Thailand in a Buddhist monastery.
321
00:15:28,831 --> 00:15:31,220
Where the monks live
with tigers roaming round the grounds.
322
00:15:31,311 --> 00:15:32,904
Have you dropped an E?
323
00:15:32,991 --> 00:15:35,665
And before I give my life over
to a higher power,
324
00:15:35,751 --> 00:15:38,789
I'm visiting all the people
that, you know, I've got issues with
325
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:40,589
and putting them to rest before I go.
326
00:15:40,711 --> 00:15:41,701
What issues?
327
00:15:41,791 --> 00:15:44,385
I know how in love with me
you were, Sam.
328
00:15:44,831 --> 00:15:46,583
Well, we had a laugh.
329
00:15:46,671 --> 00:15:48,184
And I know how you've never got over it.
330
00:15:48,311 --> 00:15:49,460
Excuse me?
331
00:15:49,551 --> 00:15:51,622
Oh, I can't imagine
what it's been like for you.
332
00:15:51,711 --> 00:15:55,067
Suffering a superficial,
loveless existence in Benidorm,
333
00:15:55,231 --> 00:15:58,030
the only glimmer of hope thinking
we might get back together again.
334
00:15:58,951 --> 00:16:02,865
I'm sorry, Sam, but you and me,
it's never gonna happen again.
335
00:16:04,271 --> 00:16:05,261
Right.
336
00:16:05,551 --> 00:16:09,431
First of all, who are you
to come here uninvited,
337
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,422
the biggest caner
and pill-head in Ibiza,
338
00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:14,151
and talk to me about a
superficial, loveless existence?
339
00:16:14,311 --> 00:16:17,747
Sam, you're a single 40-year-old
holiday rep in Benidorm.
340
00:16:17,831 --> 00:16:19,060
It don't get much worse than that.
341
00:16:19,151 --> 00:16:23,145
Okay, first,
I'm 41 and very proud of it.
342
00:16:23,311 --> 00:16:25,348
Second, I love Benidorm.
343
00:16:25,431 --> 00:16:28,389
And I love my job of helping people
have an amazing holiday.
344
00:16:28,471 --> 00:16:31,111
And third, who said I'm single?
345
00:16:31,271 --> 00:16:34,070
- You're not?
- No, I'm very much not single.
346
00:16:34,151 --> 00:16:37,860
In fact, I'm seeing a beautiful
chilled guy who's 20 years younger,
347
00:16:37,951 --> 00:16:40,784
who I'm having the best sex
I've ever had in my life with.
348
00:16:40,871 --> 00:16:43,590
Well, sex isn't something
to base a relationship on, Sam.
349
00:16:43,671 --> 00:16:46,584
Oh, yeah.
Giving up that as well, aren't you?
350
00:16:46,671 --> 00:16:49,060
Well, don't worry.
It's no loss, pencil dick.
351
00:16:49,151 --> 00:16:50,346
You were crap at it.
352
00:16:50,431 --> 00:16:52,707
Sam, I'm picking up a lot of negativity.
353
00:16:52,791 --> 00:16:54,668
Bloody hell, giving up meat has really
354
00:16:54,751 --> 00:16:56,662
heightened your sense of awareness,
hasn't it?
355
00:16:56,751 --> 00:16:58,424
Well, while I've got your attention,
356
00:16:58,511 --> 00:17:01,503
my relationship with Joey
goes a lot deeper than sex.
357
00:17:01,591 --> 00:17:05,346
In fact, seeing you here today has made
me realise what an amazing guy he is.
358
00:17:05,431 --> 00:17:06,580
And I'm going to go and tell him
359
00:17:06,671 --> 00:17:08,708
I want to take our relationship
to the next level.
360
00:17:08,791 --> 00:17:10,065
Well, I hope he agrees.
361
00:17:10,151 --> 00:17:11,824
Bless you, my child.
362
00:17:11,911 --> 00:17:14,187
And I hope you get to Thailand,
363
00:17:14,271 --> 00:17:17,024
shave your hair,
get into your lovely orange robes
364
00:17:17,111 --> 00:17:19,671
and a great big tiger
bites your fucking head off!
365
00:17:22,111 --> 00:17:23,545
Now, there's no need for that.
366
00:17:28,391 --> 00:17:30,109
(CHANTING)
367
00:17:37,611 --> 00:17:39,648
(INAUDIBLE)
368
00:17:50,855 --> 00:17:53,688
If the flight's not cancelled
and we've got seats on it,
369
00:17:53,775 --> 00:17:54,890
then what's the problem?
370
00:17:54,975 --> 00:17:56,966
Can you tell me where the nearest
toilet is? That one's shut.
371
00:17:57,095 --> 00:17:59,325
Your flight is indeed scheduled, madam.
372
00:17:59,415 --> 00:18:01,975
But the flight after it and
the flight before it has been cancelled.
373
00:18:02,135 --> 00:18:04,172
- But where's the nearest toilet?
- It's there.
374
00:18:04,415 --> 00:18:07,407
But that's what I'm saying. It's not
our flight that's been cancelled.
375
00:18:07,615 --> 00:18:09,731
So why are we being told
we might not get on it?
376
00:18:09,935 --> 00:18:11,084
Told you already, that one's shut.
377
00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:13,485
Just 'cause you're booked
onto a flight, madam,
378
00:18:13,575 --> 00:18:15,213
it doesn't mean
you're guaranteed a place on it.
379
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:18,094
- Please, I need the toilet.
- What? What did you just say?
380
00:18:18,175 --> 00:18:19,848
- I said I need the toilet.
- Not you!
381
00:18:19,935 --> 00:18:22,973
If that sentence
is too difficult for you to understand,
382
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:24,967
I'm very happy to write it down for you.
383
00:18:25,055 --> 00:18:26,568
I beg your pardon?
384
00:18:26,735 --> 00:18:28,772
Will somebody tell me
where the other toilet is, please?
385
00:18:28,855 --> 00:18:30,892
We're trying to contain
a massive backlog.
386
00:18:31,015 --> 00:18:33,086
Oh, not as much as I am.
Where's the bog?
387
00:18:33,775 --> 00:18:35,288
Are you raising your voice to me, sir?
388
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:36,774
Oh, for Christ's sake!
389
00:18:40,935 --> 00:18:42,448
Hello, sweetheart.
390
00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:46,768
My disabled wife and I are
on the same flight as this lady here.
391
00:18:47,775 --> 00:18:49,971
Oh, Maxine. (CHUCKLES)
392
00:18:50,335 --> 00:18:52,008
It's my granddaughter's name.
393
00:18:52,135 --> 00:18:53,569
- Oh, really?
- EDDIE: Mmm.
394
00:18:53,655 --> 00:18:56,295
Bless her.
It's her 25th wedding anniver...
395
00:18:56,655 --> 00:19:00,808
I mean, it's her birthday.
It's her 25th birthday party tonight.
396
00:19:01,095 --> 00:19:04,406
And we're going to miss it
if we don't get that... This flight.
397
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:09,054
Oh, she's got your pretty...
green eyes as well.
398
00:19:09,535 --> 00:19:10,605
Really?
399
00:19:11,495 --> 00:19:14,726
Well, we have to verify
stories such as yours.
400
00:19:15,175 --> 00:19:16,893
How do you do that when she's not here?
401
00:19:16,975 --> 00:19:18,295
Very simple.
402
00:19:18,655 --> 00:19:21,090
Is Maxine, your granddaughter,
on Facebook?
403
00:19:21,335 --> 00:19:23,975
Yeah, but, he real name's Jodie.
404
00:19:24,055 --> 00:19:27,207
- I just call her Maxine.
- I see.
405
00:19:27,655 --> 00:19:29,612
- Surname?
- Dawson.
406
00:19:29,695 --> 00:19:31,811
- Jodie Dawson.
- Oh.
407
00:19:32,055 --> 00:19:34,251
Same surname as this lady here.
408
00:19:34,615 --> 00:19:36,208
What a coincidence!
409
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:40,448
Aye, she looks very young for 25.
In fact, she looks about 10.
410
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:44,092
Oh, what a shame.
411
00:19:44,615 --> 00:19:46,128
Computer's gone down.
412
00:19:46,695 --> 00:19:49,369
Well, good luck getting onto the flight,
Mr and Mrs Dawson.
413
00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:50,604
I think you'll need it.
414
00:19:50,695 --> 00:19:53,653
You can shove your flight
up your big flabby arse,
415
00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:57,694
you old menopausal
sour-faced bitch!
416
00:19:57,975 --> 00:19:59,488
SHERON: Brilliant.
417
00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:02,215
Well done, both of you.
Now we'll never get home.
418
00:20:02,295 --> 00:20:04,855
Oh. Now, that is better.
419
00:20:04,975 --> 00:20:07,171
I feel a stone lighter.
Are we all checked in?
420
00:20:10,655 --> 00:20:12,293
LIAM: I don't care
what you say, Kenneth.
421
00:20:12,375 --> 00:20:14,810
After what you've been through,
you need to be home with your feet up.
422
00:20:14,895 --> 00:20:17,284
Oh, no. I'm having it out
with that woman today
423
00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:18,809
if it's the last thing I do.
424
00:20:18,895 --> 00:20:20,727
Oh, what have I done now?
425
00:20:20,815 --> 00:20:22,886
Nothing.
I'm talking about Temple-Savage.
426
00:20:23,215 --> 00:20:26,253
Oh, I'm going to sue that old witch
from arsehole to breakfast time.
427
00:20:26,335 --> 00:20:27,734
Don't know a good solicitor, do ya?
428
00:20:28,575 --> 00:20:29,804
BOTH: No.
429
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,010
Here you are, Kenneth.
430
00:20:31,095 --> 00:20:32,608
Oh, no thanks, Jacqueline.
431
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:35,045
My body needs cauterising with alcohol.
432
00:20:35,135 --> 00:20:36,967
I ate that much strawberry hair wax
last night.
433
00:20:37,055 --> 00:20:39,524
Every time I burp
me gob smells like a gay soap dispenser.
434
00:20:39,735 --> 00:20:41,009
You better make use of some time off.
435
00:20:41,095 --> 00:20:42,927
'Cause next week
I've got to go back to the UK.
436
00:20:43,015 --> 00:20:45,529
Oh, sorry, Jacqueline, I meant to ask.
Can I take some holidays?
437
00:20:45,735 --> 00:20:47,373
No, it's Benidorm Gay Pride next week.
438
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:49,685
I'm going to be in the back room
up to me eyeballs in pubic hair.
439
00:20:49,775 --> 00:20:51,732
Make sure you pop in to work
from time to time.
440
00:20:53,495 --> 00:20:55,930
What are you going back to the UK for
anyway? You've only just come back.
441
00:20:56,135 --> 00:20:59,253
Me dad's gone home to sort out
his tax stuff. I'm giving him a hand.
442
00:20:59,335 --> 00:21:01,008
(SCOFFS)
You're helping him with his tax?
443
00:21:01,095 --> 00:21:03,086
You have to take your mittens off
to count up to 10.
444
00:21:03,175 --> 00:21:04,973
It's something called moral support!
445
00:21:05,575 --> 00:21:06,645
Eh?
446
00:21:06,735 --> 00:21:08,453
Moody get, come back here!
447
00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:11,330
Liam.
448
00:21:12,015 --> 00:21:13,005
Liam!
449
00:21:13,495 --> 00:21:14,849
Oh, for God's sake.
450
00:21:14,975 --> 00:21:16,886
Do you know when you want
to pull someone's trousers down
451
00:21:16,975 --> 00:21:18,773
- and give their legs a good slap?
- No.
452
00:21:21,415 --> 00:21:23,565
- What have you done to your hair?
- Eh?
453
00:21:23,855 --> 00:21:26,085
Oh. Something you wouldn't
understand, Mateo.
454
00:21:26,175 --> 00:21:27,324
It's called fashion.
455
00:21:27,615 --> 00:21:29,891
Your head.It look's like a gay potato.
456
00:21:31,535 --> 00:21:33,651
Well, I say just your head...
457
00:21:33,735 --> 00:21:36,124
MONTY: Oh, he's there.
just keep walking.
458
00:21:36,215 --> 00:21:39,333
Oh, here she is,
the "Costa Blanca Killer".
459
00:21:39,575 --> 00:21:42,294
(SIGHS) Kenneth,
I've been meaning to call you.
460
00:21:42,375 --> 00:21:44,651
Call me? Call my solicitor, love.
461
00:21:45,215 --> 00:21:47,047
There's no need
to be like that, Kenneth.
462
00:21:47,135 --> 00:21:48,967
The builders got the plans
the wrong way round.
463
00:21:49,055 --> 00:21:50,966
- (SCOFFS)
- And as you can see,
464
00:21:51,055 --> 00:21:53,524
it's this archway that's supposed to...
465
00:21:54,015 --> 00:21:55,414
What are you doing?
466
00:21:55,495 --> 00:21:57,168
You're not supposed to
leave the fish in there.
467
00:21:57,255 --> 00:21:58,734
They'll starve to death.
468
00:21:58,815 --> 00:22:01,614
First, she tries to kill
Benidorm's premier hair stylist,
469
00:22:01,735 --> 00:22:04,295
now she's got it in
for a tank full of tropical fish.
470
00:22:04,535 --> 00:22:07,766
Dear God, woman, you're like
Benidorm's answer to Pol Pot.
471
00:22:07,855 --> 00:22:10,165
Did you hear me? Stop this at once.
472
00:22:10,335 --> 00:22:11,689
We have stopped now. Siesta.
473
00:22:11,775 --> 00:22:13,095
No, no, no, no siesta.
474
00:22:13,175 --> 00:22:14,893
Where are you going? (SIGHS)
475
00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:18,131
What on Earth
have you done to your hair?
476
00:22:18,215 --> 00:22:19,205
You look ridiculous.
477
00:22:19,295 --> 00:22:22,367
Oh, never you mind about all that
'cause I'm going to take you to the...
478
00:22:23,055 --> 00:22:25,410
Ridiculous? How dare you!
479
00:22:25,495 --> 00:22:27,850
This is Jose Luis's finest work.
480
00:22:27,935 --> 00:22:30,370
He came into the indoor market at
9 o'clock this morning to do this.
481
00:22:30,455 --> 00:22:33,288
- What did he do at five past nine?
- (GASPS)
482
00:22:33,375 --> 00:22:35,366
Right, that is it.
483
00:22:35,455 --> 00:22:37,253
Attempted murder and slander.
484
00:22:37,335 --> 00:22:38,689
You're going away for a long time.
485
00:22:38,935 --> 00:22:40,846
Now, get in that office, Savage.
486
00:22:40,935 --> 00:22:43,051
You'll be hearing from my solicitor
within the hour.
487
00:22:44,135 --> 00:22:45,694
And get a door up on that salon!
488
00:22:47,495 --> 00:22:49,850
Diego?
Diego?
489
00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:51,209
Diego!
490
00:22:51,295 --> 00:22:52,524
What is wrong with that boy?
491
00:22:52,615 --> 00:22:54,925
- Is he deaf?
- No, he is not a deaf.
492
00:22:55,015 --> 00:22:56,972
Well, why does he never answer me?
493
00:22:57,055 --> 00:22:58,853
Probably because his name is Ricky.
494
00:22:58,935 --> 00:23:02,087
Ricky? What a ridiculous name
for a member of staff.
495
00:23:02,175 --> 00:23:03,290
Ricky!
496
00:23:06,615 --> 00:23:08,014
(SIGHS) Ricky?
497
00:23:08,495 --> 00:23:10,372
You are behind reception.
498
00:23:10,815 --> 00:23:13,807
- Mateo, pool bar.
- Yes, Miss Temple-Savage.
499
00:23:15,095 --> 00:23:16,085
Oh!
500
00:23:20,215 --> 00:23:21,250
What are you doing?
501
00:23:21,335 --> 00:23:23,008
Just waiting for me dad
to come out of the toilet.
502
00:23:23,095 --> 00:23:24,290
Why?
503
00:23:24,375 --> 00:23:26,173
It's more productive
than just sitting there in a heap
504
00:23:26,255 --> 00:23:27,654
waiting for our flight to be cancelled.
505
00:23:27,735 --> 00:23:28,884
Is it?
506
00:23:31,015 --> 00:23:32,164
Excuse me, madam.
507
00:23:32,255 --> 00:23:34,246
Sorry, but I just have to
shake you by the hand.
508
00:23:34,335 --> 00:23:36,246
Really? Most people want to
shake her by the neck.
509
00:23:36,335 --> 00:23:37,655
- Why?
- In five years
510
00:23:37,735 --> 00:23:39,772
I've never seen anyone
leave Maxine speechless.
511
00:23:39,855 --> 00:23:41,528
Oh, she was only just warming up.
512
00:23:41,695 --> 00:23:43,527
I swear to God,
anyone who throws enough shade
513
00:23:43,615 --> 00:23:45,447
to crack Maxine's resting bitch face,
514
00:23:45,535 --> 00:23:46,855
is a legend in my eyes.
515
00:23:46,935 --> 00:23:50,610
Well, if she's a legend, can't you get
her on that plane? And us, of course.
516
00:23:50,695 --> 00:23:52,129
That's why I came over.
517
00:23:52,215 --> 00:23:54,525
So these are the last four
guaranteed places on the flight.
518
00:23:54,615 --> 00:23:57,209
Unless they cancel that one as well.
But fingers crossed.
519
00:23:57,295 --> 00:23:59,286
And here's four passes
for the airport lounge.
520
00:23:59,375 --> 00:24:00,774
Seriously, I think I'm in love with you.
521
00:24:00,855 --> 00:24:03,608
Well, maybe we can meet up sometime.
522
00:24:03,895 --> 00:24:05,124
Do you ever get to Leeds?
523
00:24:05,215 --> 00:24:07,047
Mother, he doesn't mean it like that.
524
00:24:07,135 --> 00:24:09,445
Believe me, if I wasn't happily married,
I'd consider it.
525
00:24:09,535 --> 00:24:12,175
Well, tell your missus
she's a very lucky lady.
526
00:24:12,415 --> 00:24:14,326
Don't you worry. He knows he is.
(CHUCKLES)
527
00:24:15,695 --> 00:24:18,414
How can one man stay in a toilet
for so long? What's he doing in there?
528
00:24:18,495 --> 00:24:19,644
Right, come on.
529
00:24:19,735 --> 00:24:21,726
- Where are you going?
- VIP lounge.
530
00:24:21,815 --> 00:24:23,965
- What about me dad?
- Well, go and get him.
531
00:24:24,055 --> 00:24:25,648
- We'll see you there.
- I can't just go in there
532
00:24:25,735 --> 00:24:28,409
and drag him off the...
Oh, for crying out loud!
533
00:24:28,535 --> 00:24:30,845
(COUPLE ARGUING)
534
00:24:30,935 --> 00:24:32,653
BILLY: Whoa, whoa, Love. Coming through.
535
00:24:32,735 --> 00:24:33,884
MAN: Why don't you piss off...
536
00:24:34,815 --> 00:24:36,886
Ah, this is the life, isn't it?
537
00:24:36,975 --> 00:24:39,444
Oh, yes. I think I could
get used to this.
538
00:24:39,535 --> 00:24:43,210
And if they cancel flights,
we'll just sit supping in here
539
00:24:43,295 --> 00:24:46,606
and rugby club can whistle
for their deposit. (CHUCKLES)
540
00:24:47,095 --> 00:24:49,052
- What deposit?
- For tonight.
541
00:24:49,895 --> 00:24:51,010
Oh, bollocks.
542
00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:54,209
You useless lump of lard.
543
00:24:54,295 --> 00:24:55,444
What's going on?
544
00:24:57,095 --> 00:24:58,449
Dad, what are you talking about?
545
00:24:58,535 --> 00:25:00,731
You know when you asked
if we were organising
546
00:25:00,815 --> 00:25:03,614
a 25th wedding anniversary party for you
547
00:25:03,695 --> 00:25:05,368
- and we said no?
- Yeah?
548
00:25:05,455 --> 00:25:06,889
Well, we lied.
549
00:25:07,295 --> 00:25:09,491
We've organised one at rugby club.
550
00:25:09,735 --> 00:25:11,965
Except Eddie forgot to invite anyone,
551
00:25:12,055 --> 00:25:14,808
so I've spent all morning
texting people to come.
552
00:25:14,895 --> 00:25:16,294
Oh, my God.
553
00:25:16,375 --> 00:25:18,969
Im sorry Sheron love.
We should have told you.
554
00:25:19,055 --> 00:25:21,205
It's not that.
We've organised one as well.
555
00:25:21,295 --> 00:25:23,172
And when were you going to tell us that?
556
00:25:23,255 --> 00:25:25,610
On the plane, as a surprise.
557
00:25:26,535 --> 00:25:28,208
-(SIGHS)
- Oh, my God.
558
00:25:28,895 --> 00:25:31,489
Oh, my God. look who it is!
559
00:25:34,015 --> 00:25:35,050
Who is it?
560
00:25:35,855 --> 00:25:37,084
I don't believe it.
561
00:25:37,775 --> 00:25:40,085
- I don't believe it.
- Sheron, look.
562
00:25:40,175 --> 00:25:41,893
- Is that who I think it is?
- BILLY: It is.
563
00:25:41,975 --> 00:25:43,295
What's he doing in Alicante?
564
00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:45,048
What's he doing anywhere?
565
00:25:45,135 --> 00:25:47,649
Will somebody tell me
who the frig it is?
566
00:25:47,735 --> 00:25:49,806
It's Holly Johnson
from Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
567
00:25:49,935 --> 00:25:51,164
EDDIE: Is it bollocks.
568
00:25:51,335 --> 00:25:53,690
It's Ron Pickford from top of my street.
569
00:25:59,695 --> 00:26:01,333
What do you mean
the flight is cancelled?
570
00:26:01,415 --> 00:26:04,009
It's the word we give to a flight
that's been withdrawn from service.
571
00:26:04,095 --> 00:26:06,371
I know what "cancelled" means.
572
00:26:06,455 --> 00:26:10,289
Then it would appear any further
explanation is somewhat redundant.
573
00:26:10,375 --> 00:26:13,891
Yeah. Which is what I'm going to be
before I've even started me job.
574
00:26:15,535 --> 00:26:16,650
God's sake...
575
00:26:22,495 --> 00:26:24,486
I can't believe it's Holly Johnson.
576
00:26:24,615 --> 00:26:26,891
I can't believe it's Ron Pickford.
577
00:26:27,215 --> 00:26:28,888
I thought Ron Pickford was dead.
578
00:26:28,975 --> 00:26:31,615
He died last year
and they sold his house
579
00:26:31,735 --> 00:26:34,124
and all of Eddie's stuff
that he had in his garage.
580
00:26:34,215 --> 00:26:36,775
Well, for someone who died last year,
he's looking surprisingly well.
581
00:26:36,855 --> 00:26:38,254
What do you think he's doing here?
582
00:26:38,335 --> 00:26:42,568
Maybe he's haunting Eddie
to make the rest of his life a misery.
583
00:26:42,655 --> 00:26:44,566
I know I would if I was dead.
584
00:26:44,655 --> 00:26:46,646
Not him.
I'm talking about Holly Johnson.
585
00:26:46,735 --> 00:26:48,726
That can't be Ron Pickford.
He definitely died.
586
00:26:48,815 --> 00:26:51,011
It must be another Ron Pickford.
587
00:26:51,535 --> 00:26:53,970
This is me son, Billy. His wife, Sheron.
588
00:26:54,055 --> 00:26:55,693
And her mother, Loretta.
589
00:26:55,775 --> 00:26:57,334
Hello. How do you do?
590
00:26:57,815 --> 00:26:59,010
Pleased to meet you.
591
00:26:59,095 --> 00:27:01,006
You don't mind
if Ron sits with us, do you?
592
00:27:01,095 --> 00:27:02,085
- No.
- No, love.
593
00:27:02,175 --> 00:27:03,973
Well if you paid to get in,
you can sit where you like.
594
00:27:04,055 --> 00:27:06,934
Well, that's just it.
I haven't paid.
595
00:27:07,215 --> 00:27:09,855
I followed Holly Johnson in
to get a selfie...
596
00:27:09,935 --> 00:27:11,414
You remember that "Relax"?
597
00:27:11,495 --> 00:27:15,011
Remember it?
Best song in the world ever.
598
00:27:15,095 --> 00:27:16,415
Uh, we're a bit confused.
599
00:27:16,495 --> 00:27:20,250
We thought Ron Pickford was the name of
your friend who passed away last year.
600
00:27:20,335 --> 00:27:21,848
Well, that's open to interpretation.
601
00:27:21,935 --> 00:27:23,289
What? Whether he's your friend?
602
00:27:23,375 --> 00:27:26,094
No. Whether Ron Pickford died last year.
603
00:27:26,175 --> 00:27:27,927
You told us they buried him.
604
00:27:28,015 --> 00:27:29,414
Well, they certainly buried summat.
605
00:27:29,495 --> 00:27:32,726
It was actually a load of shite out
of my garage that was in that coffin.
606
00:27:32,815 --> 00:27:35,967
- Stuff I don't even remember buying.
- What sort of shite?
607
00:27:36,055 --> 00:27:38,251
You know, rubbish that we collect
over the years.
608
00:27:38,335 --> 00:27:41,771
Heavy books, radios, an old guitar.
609
00:27:42,615 --> 00:27:44,845
- You buried my Strat?
- What are you talking about?
610
00:27:44,935 --> 00:27:48,166
EDDIE: You buried my �800 Stratocaster?
611
00:27:48,495 --> 00:27:50,088
And me collection of radios?
612
00:27:50,255 --> 00:27:52,769
Hey, look, summat's going on here.
613
00:27:53,095 --> 00:27:56,008
Bugger that.
What about my stuff in his garage?
614
00:27:58,215 --> 00:28:00,729
Excuse me.
There appears to have been a mistake.
615
00:28:00,815 --> 00:28:03,489
My colleague's just told me that
he gave you the last boarding cards
616
00:28:03,575 --> 00:28:05,407
for the 1700 Leeds-Bradford flight.
617
00:28:05,895 --> 00:28:09,854
No, he didn't give them to her,
he gave them to me.
618
00:28:09,935 --> 00:28:11,653
And if you're thinking
of taking them back,
619
00:28:11,735 --> 00:28:14,011
I'd like to see you try.
620
00:28:14,175 --> 00:28:17,805
Look, I can just issue
new boarding cards to our VIPs
621
00:28:18,215 --> 00:28:20,126
and have you refused onto the flight.
622
00:28:20,455 --> 00:28:22,731
Actually, I'm doing you a favour
by telling you.
623
00:28:22,815 --> 00:28:24,931
Tell Holly he can have my ticket
if he likes.
624
00:28:25,015 --> 00:28:27,052
Absolute legend.
625
00:28:27,135 --> 00:28:30,332
If you're going to start giving
our tickets away to people
626
00:28:30,415 --> 00:28:31,769
just because they're famous,
627
00:28:31,855 --> 00:28:33,448
I'll have you know that I am
628
00:28:33,575 --> 00:28:36,044
very well-known
in the Leeds-Bradford area.
629
00:28:36,255 --> 00:28:38,565
Used to do a bit of singing
in the clubs, you know.
630
00:28:38,655 --> 00:28:40,931
He'd give you a song,
but they buried his guitar.
631
00:28:41,015 --> 00:28:42,289
He didn't even go to the funeral.
632
00:28:42,375 --> 00:28:45,049
It's her 25th wedding anniversary today.
633
00:28:45,175 --> 00:28:47,815
- They've got a party booked.
- Two parties.
634
00:28:47,895 --> 00:28:50,205
Well, maybe you should have
thought about that
635
00:28:50,295 --> 00:28:51,615
before you started gobbing off.
636
00:28:51,815 --> 00:28:54,887
I swear to God, I'm going to
punch you so hard,
637
00:28:54,975 --> 00:28:57,171
you're going to have to shove
a toothbrush up your arse
638
00:28:57,255 --> 00:28:58,370
to clean your teeth.
639
00:28:58,575 --> 00:29:00,691
- Have you got travel insurance?
- You what?
640
00:29:00,895 --> 00:29:03,364
When you booked the holiday,
did you get travel insurance?
641
00:29:03,535 --> 00:29:05,526
- Course we did. Why?
- RON: Then you're sorted.
642
00:29:05,615 --> 00:29:07,526
Time to make friends with a legend.
643
00:29:07,615 --> 00:29:10,812
Excuse me, sir. Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir.
644
00:29:10,895 --> 00:29:12,374
If your airline cancels your ticket,
645
00:29:12,455 --> 00:29:14,605
your insurance will
give you a free flight,
646
00:29:14,695 --> 00:29:18,689
your extra accommodation here tonight
and your parties at home.
647
00:29:18,775 --> 00:29:20,174
And we get another night in Spain.
648
00:29:20,255 --> 00:29:21,689
Everyone's a winner.
649
00:29:22,695 --> 00:29:24,652
BILLY: So you see,
it's not putting us out at all.
650
00:29:24,735 --> 00:29:26,089
In fact, we get another day's holiday...
651
00:29:26,175 --> 00:29:27,688
Well, night, really,
but you know what I mean.
652
00:29:27,775 --> 00:29:30,972
Sorry. Sorry, but I've just got to say,
653
00:29:31,055 --> 00:29:33,012
"Relax", what a song!
654
00:29:33,175 --> 00:29:34,768
I know you've heard
that a million times,
655
00:29:34,855 --> 00:29:36,766
but shitting hell, what a song!
656
00:29:36,855 --> 00:29:39,085
Sorry. I didn't mean to swear.
657
00:29:39,175 --> 00:29:42,293
I wanted it as the first dance
at our wedding, "Relax",
658
00:29:42,415 --> 00:29:44,292
but the wife said no.
659
00:29:44,375 --> 00:29:46,810
Idiot. Total idiot.
No idea why I married her.
660
00:29:46,895 --> 00:29:50,684
Mind you, 25 years today,
so can't say it's not lasted.
661
00:29:50,775 --> 00:29:52,846
I've talked too much, haven't I?
Don't even answer that.
662
00:29:52,935 --> 00:29:54,414
I've taken too much
of your time already.
663
00:29:55,335 --> 00:29:56,769
Anyway, thanks for the chat.
664
00:29:56,855 --> 00:29:58,687
Well, for...for listening. Uh...
665
00:29:59,135 --> 00:30:00,967
Better get the wife back to the Solana.
666
00:30:01,055 --> 00:30:03,808
A bit shabby and outdated.
But, uh, she's good to the kids.
667
00:30:03,895 --> 00:30:06,489
Oh, bless you, Billy.
And thanks very much for the tickets.
668
00:30:06,655 --> 00:30:08,328
And happy anniversary.
669
00:30:08,415 --> 00:30:10,247
Shall we have a hug?
670
00:30:15,175 --> 00:30:16,813
Holly Johnson.
671
00:30:16,895 --> 00:30:18,249
Holly Johnson!
672
00:30:20,535 --> 00:30:22,606
(WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH PLAYING)
673
00:30:26,555 --> 00:30:29,593
I've got something to tell you
674
00:30:30,435 --> 00:30:33,268
I've got something to say...
675
00:30:33,435 --> 00:30:36,075
I don't understand
why Monty has gone to the UK so soon.
676
00:30:37,315 --> 00:30:39,431
It's very difficult to explain, Mateo.
677
00:30:39,555 --> 00:30:42,115
- Okay, forget it.
- No, no. Come back.
678
00:30:43,355 --> 00:30:47,269
Monty and I both feel
that our relationship would work better
679
00:30:47,355 --> 00:30:50,313
if he was in full-time employment.
680
00:30:50,555 --> 00:30:52,466
So why were you giving him the sack?
681
00:30:52,555 --> 00:30:54,034
The way things are at the moment,
682
00:30:54,115 --> 00:30:55,992
he might be the only one around here
with a job.
683
00:30:57,155 --> 00:30:58,384
- What do you mean?
- (SIGHS)
684
00:30:58,475 --> 00:31:00,193
Nothing.
Serve our customers.
685
00:31:02,555 --> 00:31:04,546
While they're still ours to serve.
686
00:31:06,515 --> 00:31:08,586
There are three people in reception
asking for the manager.
687
00:31:08,675 --> 00:31:11,747
Oh, God, I can't take any more today.
I'm going to bed.
688
00:31:11,835 --> 00:31:13,792
Whatever it is,
it can wait till tomorrow.
689
00:31:13,875 --> 00:31:16,185
I don't think it will.
They look quite official.
690
00:31:16,275 --> 00:31:19,347
And if that's their car out front
of hotel, they're pretty important, too.
691
00:31:19,515 --> 00:31:21,233
Oh God, it's started.
692
00:31:21,315 --> 00:31:23,511
- What's started?
- Oh, never mind.
693
00:31:23,675 --> 00:31:26,713
When the going gets tough
The tough get going
694
00:31:26,875 --> 00:31:30,630
When the going get rough
The tough gets rough
695
00:31:30,715 --> 00:31:33,184
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
696
00:31:38,635 --> 00:31:41,832
There you go, sir. The last seat
on the last flight to Luton.
697
00:31:41,915 --> 00:31:43,474
(SIGHS) And that's me done.
698
00:31:43,555 --> 00:31:45,114
You, uh, clocking off for the night?
699
00:31:45,195 --> 00:31:47,345
Not for the night, forever.
700
00:31:47,435 --> 00:31:50,666
- Oh, bad day?
- Yeah. Another one.
701
00:31:50,755 --> 00:31:53,508
Well, a job's a job, isn't it?
We all need one.
702
00:31:53,595 --> 00:31:55,791
Yeah. But at what price?
703
00:31:55,875 --> 00:31:57,946
I work days, my other half works nights.
704
00:31:58,035 --> 00:32:01,790
What's the point in doing a crappy job
I don't want to do
705
00:32:01,875 --> 00:32:03,912
that keeps me apart from
the person I love most?
706
00:32:05,035 --> 00:32:06,150
Something else will turn up.
707
00:32:06,235 --> 00:32:09,626
- But will it?
- Maybe it will, maybe it won't.
708
00:32:09,715 --> 00:32:10,989
But I'll tell you something.
709
00:32:11,075 --> 00:32:15,672
Life's too short to not see the face
of the person you love every day.
710
00:32:16,755 --> 00:32:18,234
Have a safe flight.
711
00:32:18,315 --> 00:32:20,875
Darlin'
I'll climb any mountain
712
00:32:20,955 --> 00:32:24,550
Darlin'
I'll do anything
713
00:32:24,635 --> 00:32:26,273
Ooh
Ooh
714
00:32:26,355 --> 00:32:27,948
Can I touch you?
Can I touch you?
715
00:32:28,035 --> 00:32:30,675
And do the things that lovers do?
716
00:32:30,755 --> 00:32:32,553
Can I touch you? Ooh...
717
00:32:32,635 --> 00:32:34,467
Well, you've missed your chance
718
00:32:34,555 --> 00:32:36,466
if you still want to
have it out with her.
719
00:32:36,555 --> 00:32:38,193
She's just left.
720
00:32:38,275 --> 00:32:41,028
I wouldn't lower meself, Jacqueline.
She can speak to my legal team.
721
00:32:41,115 --> 00:32:44,745
- Oh, so you saw a solicitor, then?
- Well, I didn't actually see one,
722
00:32:44,835 --> 00:32:46,508
but I got his number
from of them free papers
723
00:32:46,595 --> 00:32:48,154
so I spoke to him on the phone.
724
00:32:48,235 --> 00:32:51,591
Hey, funny name, though.
Winter Smallcock.
725
00:32:51,675 --> 00:32:53,871
But he speaks English
and he's "no win, no fee",
726
00:32:53,955 --> 00:32:55,354
so I've got nothing to lose.
727
00:32:55,435 --> 00:32:56,550
Yeah.
728
00:32:59,355 --> 00:33:00,754
All: Cheers.
729
00:33:02,795 --> 00:33:04,513
Sure you don't mind me
joining you tonight?
730
00:33:04,595 --> 00:33:06,506
It might be a night out for you,
731
00:33:06,595 --> 00:33:09,906
but for us
it's harbouring a known fugitive.
732
00:33:09,995 --> 00:33:11,952
Eddie, will you frigging well chill out?
733
00:33:12,035 --> 00:33:15,915
- I'll buy you another guitar.
- I don't want another guitar.
734
00:33:15,995 --> 00:33:17,429
I want my guitar.
735
00:33:18,155 --> 00:33:20,715
So what's it like
living full-time in Spain then, Ron?
736
00:33:20,795 --> 00:33:24,186
It's paradise. I'm in a tiny little
village in the middle of nowhere.
737
00:33:24,275 --> 00:33:26,471
Nobody bothers me, hey,
and I don't bother them.
738
00:33:26,555 --> 00:33:29,069
How the bloody hell do you
go about faking your own death?
739
00:33:29,235 --> 00:33:31,704
Very straightforward
when you got enough friends.
740
00:33:31,795 --> 00:33:33,991
Enough friends? (LAUGHS)
741
00:33:34,075 --> 00:33:36,305
I were the only friend you had.
742
00:33:36,395 --> 00:33:39,035
Not strictly true.
I'm a member of a... Well, a...
743
00:33:39,515 --> 00:33:41,028
a kind of a social club
744
00:33:41,115 --> 00:33:43,470
that's got
lots of well-connected people.
745
00:33:43,995 --> 00:33:45,793
Bloody Freemasons!
746
00:33:45,995 --> 00:33:50,705
I knew it. I knew you weren't going up
to Wetherby to play darts every Tuesday.
747
00:33:50,795 --> 00:33:52,194
No, I wasn't.
748
00:33:52,275 --> 00:33:54,551
So what were you doing
in Alicante airport?
749
00:33:54,635 --> 00:33:56,911
I booked a ticket
to go and see a friend in the UK.
750
00:33:56,995 --> 00:34:00,147
But now, when I think back,
it was way too risky.
751
00:34:00,275 --> 00:34:02,312
And when I heard
they'd cancelled me flight,
752
00:34:02,435 --> 00:34:04,108
I knew it was a sign.
753
00:34:04,195 --> 00:34:05,913
Everything happens for a reason.
754
00:34:08,155 --> 00:34:10,624
I'll, uh, I'll get them in.
755
00:34:10,715 --> 00:34:12,149
- Same again?
- Aye.
756
00:34:12,275 --> 00:34:14,664
Uh, not for us.
Uh, we're gonna have an early night.
757
00:34:15,355 --> 00:34:16,754
What's the point in coming out
758
00:34:16,835 --> 00:34:19,395
if you're not gonna
celebrate your anniversary?
759
00:34:19,475 --> 00:34:21,944
Oh, don't worry.
We're gonna celebrate it, all right.
760
00:34:22,035 --> 00:34:24,265
- Come on.
- I'll get the same again for us.
761
00:34:24,355 --> 00:34:25,754
Aye.
762
00:34:26,115 --> 00:34:28,789
Look's like Ron's got
his eye on Jacqueline.
763
00:34:28,915 --> 00:34:31,191
Don't worry, he'll soon do a runner
764
00:34:31,275 --> 00:34:33,789
when he finds out
she's biggest swinger in town.
765
00:34:33,875 --> 00:34:36,515
I don't know.
Birds of a feather flock together.
766
00:34:36,595 --> 00:34:38,472
What do you mean?
767
00:34:38,555 --> 00:34:40,034
I heard a rumour
768
00:34:40,115 --> 00:34:43,870
that she faked her husband's death,
although they didn't get away with it.
769
00:34:43,955 --> 00:34:45,673
Bloody hell.
770
00:34:52,755 --> 00:34:54,507
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
771
00:34:54,595 --> 00:34:56,984
And thank you to John-Paul and Ash.
772
00:34:57,075 --> 00:35:00,193
Now, the star of the show is you.
773
00:35:00,275 --> 00:35:02,471
And the first singer tonight is Holly.
774
00:35:02,555 --> 00:35:05,069
Do we have a Holly in the audience?
(CHUCKLES)
775
00:35:05,155 --> 00:35:06,668
(INTRO TO RELAX PLAYING)
776
00:35:06,755 --> 00:35:09,429
(HOLLY JOHNSON VOCALISING)
777
00:35:09,715 --> 00:35:13,674
Give it to me one time now
778
00:35:16,395 --> 00:35:18,068
This one's for Billy.
779
00:35:18,155 --> 00:35:19,987
Well!
780
00:35:22,315 --> 00:35:24,625
Whoa!
781
00:35:26,195 --> 00:35:28,232
Well!
782
00:35:28,395 --> 00:35:30,033
Now
783
00:35:30,875 --> 00:35:32,707
Relax, don't do it
784
00:35:32,795 --> 00:35:34,832
When you want to go to it
785
00:35:34,915 --> 00:35:37,111
Relax, don't do it
786
00:35:37,195 --> 00:35:39,106
When you want to come
787
00:35:39,195 --> 00:35:41,550
Relax, don't do it
788
00:35:41,635 --> 00:35:43,387
When you want to suck it, chew it
789
00:35:43,475 --> 00:35:45,751
Relax, don't do it
790
00:35:46,795 --> 00:35:48,115
When you want to come...
791
00:35:48,195 --> 00:35:50,789
It's our last night.
What are we doing here?
792
00:35:50,875 --> 00:35:52,912
I told you. Free food in here,
793
00:35:52,995 --> 00:35:55,111
more money to spend on alcohol
in the new town.
794
00:35:55,275 --> 00:35:56,834
- You don't even drink.
- I know.
795
00:35:56,915 --> 00:36:00,874
I've got a feeling there might be
some girls in town that do-oo!
796
00:36:00,955 --> 00:36:02,389
I'll drink to that.
797
00:36:03,835 --> 00:36:06,714
Here, we may not make it
as far as the new town.
798
00:36:07,675 --> 00:36:09,074
- Hi.
- Hey, Sam.
799
00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:12,065
- Can we have a chat?
- CALLUM: I'll get some drinks.
800
00:36:14,355 --> 00:36:15,550
Well, I'll say one thing.
801
00:36:15,635 --> 00:36:17,626
The standard of karaoke
is getting better in here.
802
00:36:18,315 --> 00:36:20,989
I'm so glad you came.
I wanted to see you before we leave.
803
00:36:21,075 --> 00:36:22,748
I've got something to say to you.
804
00:36:22,835 --> 00:36:25,554
- Listen, I know what it is.
- Do you?
805
00:36:25,635 --> 00:36:29,310
Absolutely.
And Sam, it's the right thing to do.
806
00:36:29,395 --> 00:36:31,466
- It is?
- Totally.
807
00:36:31,555 --> 00:36:33,592
I know we've been a bit heavy this week,
but I get it.
808
00:36:33,675 --> 00:36:36,906
What we got between us
can't go any further.
809
00:36:36,995 --> 00:36:38,668
No, Joey, what I was going to say was...
810
00:36:38,755 --> 00:36:42,544
Sam, it's fine.
I'm not as stupid as some people think.
811
00:36:42,635 --> 00:36:44,387
We live in different countries
812
00:36:44,475 --> 00:36:46,386
and there's 20 years' difference
between us.
813
00:36:46,475 --> 00:36:49,991
And, well,
when your ex turned up out of the blue,
814
00:36:50,515 --> 00:36:52,233
it was kind of a relief, to be honest.
815
00:36:53,635 --> 00:36:55,751
Kind of draws a line under, well,
816
00:36:55,835 --> 00:36:58,304
whatever we had, which was great but...
817
00:37:00,555 --> 00:37:04,628
Sam, don't worry. It's all good.
818
00:37:04,715 --> 00:37:06,467
I've got my whole life ahead of me.
819
00:37:07,915 --> 00:37:09,553
I'm happy for you, Sam.
820
00:37:09,635 --> 00:37:11,433
And I want you to be happy for me.
821
00:37:11,875 --> 00:37:15,505
As I was telling Callum earlier,
we're no-dramas kind of people.
822
00:37:16,035 --> 00:37:17,628
That's why we got on so well.
823
00:37:18,395 --> 00:37:20,272
Yeah, no dramas.
824
00:37:21,555 --> 00:37:23,671
Maybe see you in the morning
before we leave?
825
00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:25,270
Yeah, of course.
826
00:37:27,955 --> 00:37:30,185
Whoa-ooh
827
00:37:37,555 --> 00:37:39,273
What a beautiful night.
828
00:37:40,035 --> 00:37:42,345
Well, it's not exactly the Red Fez,
but it'll do.
829
00:37:42,435 --> 00:37:44,108
(LAUGHING)
830
00:37:46,155 --> 00:37:47,304
(SIGHS)
831
00:37:49,115 --> 00:37:52,073
Where did you hope you'd be 25 years ago?
832
00:37:54,395 --> 00:37:55,829
Right here.
833
00:37:56,595 --> 00:37:59,189
- What? In Benidorm?
- No.
834
00:38:00,315 --> 00:38:01,749
Sitting next to you.
835
00:38:07,155 --> 00:38:09,192
- (RELAX PLAYING IN DISTANCE)
- What's wrong?
836
00:38:10,995 --> 00:38:12,190
Can you hear that?
837
00:38:13,515 --> 00:38:14,550
What is it?
838
00:38:15,555 --> 00:38:16,625
They're playing Relax.
839
00:38:17,115 --> 00:38:18,230
What were the chances of that,
840
00:38:18,355 --> 00:38:20,073
bumping into Holly Johnson
at the airport
841
00:38:20,155 --> 00:38:21,270
and they're playing Relax?
842
00:38:21,355 --> 00:38:23,073
You see, it was all meant to be.
843
00:38:24,715 --> 00:38:26,114
Do you want to go in for a dance?
844
00:38:27,475 --> 00:38:29,034
I could do with another drink as well.
845
00:38:29,915 --> 00:38:31,394
Another five minutes.
846
00:38:32,835 --> 00:38:34,712
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
847
00:38:35,795 --> 00:38:36,830
HOLLY: Thank you very much.
848
00:38:37,275 --> 00:38:42,065
This is for all those whose flights
were cancelled out of Alicante tonight.
849
00:38:43,035 --> 00:38:44,355
Including mine.
850
00:38:44,435 --> 00:38:46,665
BACKING SINGERS: Americanos
851
00:38:54,715 --> 00:38:58,629
(VOCALISING)
852
00:39:00,155 --> 00:39:01,873
Ah yeah
853
00:39:04,515 --> 00:39:08,793
There's a place
where a kid without a cent
854
00:39:08,915 --> 00:39:13,864
He can grow up to be president
To be president
855
00:39:15,115 --> 00:39:17,629
Looks like you have been traded up
for a younger model.
856
00:39:18,555 --> 00:39:21,149
I don't cry because
something's over, Mateo,
857
00:39:23,235 --> 00:39:24,748
I smile because it happened.
858
00:39:25,915 --> 00:39:28,748
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go and get on with my job
859
00:39:28,835 --> 00:39:30,826
of making sure
people have a brilliant holiday.
860
00:39:31,355 --> 00:39:33,153
Something I think you could learn from.
861
00:39:33,635 --> 00:39:35,512
Blue jeans and chinos
862
00:39:35,595 --> 00:39:38,428
Coke, Pepsi and Oreos
863
00:39:38,515 --> 00:39:39,710
Americanos...
864
00:39:39,795 --> 00:39:41,672
A pint of lager, please, and a...
865
00:39:41,795 --> 00:39:44,230
I'll have a Harvey Slowbanger, please.
866
00:39:46,635 --> 00:39:48,592
You know what? I knew it.
867
00:39:48,675 --> 00:39:50,393
As soon as you mentioned Middlesbrough.
868
00:39:50,475 --> 00:39:52,751
- So you're WSA?
- Yeah.
869
00:39:52,835 --> 00:39:54,712
Wetherby Swingers Association.
870
00:39:55,035 --> 00:39:57,424
I think we might have met before.
871
00:39:57,515 --> 00:39:58,505
Well, kind of.
872
00:39:58,635 --> 00:40:01,354
Shrewsbury Swingers Association
Christmas Finger Buffet.
873
00:40:01,555 --> 00:40:02,704
You remember the pigs in blankets?
874
00:40:02,835 --> 00:40:05,111
You mean the Crosby sisters?
875
00:40:05,235 --> 00:40:07,272
No, the food.
876
00:40:07,355 --> 00:40:08,550
The little sausage roll things.
877
00:40:08,635 --> 00:40:11,832
I think so. It was a few years ago.
878
00:40:11,915 --> 00:40:12,950
I made them.
879
00:40:13,035 --> 00:40:15,265
I spent most of the night
just offering them round.
880
00:40:15,355 --> 00:40:18,711
Oh. And I'm usually so good with faces.
881
00:40:18,795 --> 00:40:20,354
Oh, no. I was on all fours.
882
00:40:20,435 --> 00:40:21,709
They were on a tray on me back.
883
00:40:21,795 --> 00:40:24,355
Oh, now I remember you.
884
00:40:24,915 --> 00:40:26,508
Are you on your holidays?
885
00:40:26,595 --> 00:40:29,269
No, no. I live here. Well, in Spain.
886
00:40:29,555 --> 00:40:31,785
Oh, so do I.
887
00:40:31,875 --> 00:40:34,549
- Maybe we can go out sometime?
- Maybe we can.
888
00:40:34,635 --> 00:40:38,993
- Dogger's beach, midnight?
- Oh, yeah!
889
00:40:39,635 --> 00:40:41,194
See you there.
890
00:40:41,275 --> 00:40:42,913
Americanos
891
00:40:42,995 --> 00:40:44,668
Blue jeans and chinos
892
00:40:44,755 --> 00:40:47,634
Coke, Pepsi and Oreos
893
00:40:47,715 --> 00:40:51,265
Americanos
894
00:40:51,355 --> 00:40:53,426
Low-riding Chicanos
895
00:40:53,515 --> 00:40:57,907
In the land of the free
you can be what you wanna be...
896
00:40:58,035 --> 00:41:02,074
You know, I don't think we'll ever see
a better tribute act than this in here.
897
00:41:02,155 --> 00:41:04,431
I don't know, you've never seen my Lulu.
898
00:41:04,515 --> 00:41:05,664
No, and I don't think I want to.
899
00:41:05,755 --> 00:41:08,065
Oh, now about these holidays
you're taking.
900
00:41:08,155 --> 00:41:09,270
Can I get some dates, please?
901
00:41:09,355 --> 00:41:11,153
I don't want it clashing
with the Elvis convention.
902
00:41:11,235 --> 00:41:12,987
Well, I got some news about me dad.
903
00:41:13,155 --> 00:41:14,953
Oh, now, I've been thinking about that.
904
00:41:15,035 --> 00:41:17,311
Exactly how much
does he owe the tax man?
905
00:41:17,395 --> 00:41:19,625
- 'Cause we can have a whip-round.
- About �80,000.
906
00:41:20,195 --> 00:41:23,153
- Right, what was your plan?
- Well, me dad spoke to a solicitor
907
00:41:23,275 --> 00:41:24,504
and because of the amount owed
908
00:41:24,595 --> 00:41:26,268
and the fact that he concealed
assets and income,
909
00:41:26,355 --> 00:41:28,949
it means a custodial sentence is likely,
so I'm moving back to the UK.
910
00:41:29,035 --> 00:41:31,675
Hang on a minute. Slow down.
911
00:41:31,755 --> 00:41:33,234
What was that bit about custard?
912
00:41:33,355 --> 00:41:35,312
Me dad's going to prison
so I'm moving back to the UK.
913
00:41:35,395 --> 00:41:37,511
But Liam, I can't run
the salon on me own!
914
00:41:37,595 --> 00:41:39,029
You're not on your own,
Jacqueline's here.
915
00:41:39,115 --> 00:41:40,105
Jacqueline?
916
00:41:40,195 --> 00:41:42,630
She's about as much use
as a pair of peep-toe Wellies.
917
00:41:42,715 --> 00:41:43,785
No, Liam, I need you here.
918
00:41:43,875 --> 00:41:45,593
I'm sorry, Kenneth,
me dad needs me more.
919
00:41:45,675 --> 00:41:47,268
We're taking it one step at a time.
920
00:41:47,355 --> 00:41:49,187
And all I know is
I'm not getting depressed about it
921
00:41:49,275 --> 00:41:50,993
and I'm only seeing the positive side.
922
00:41:51,555 --> 00:41:53,990
Oh, good. I only wish I could.
923
00:41:54,075 --> 00:41:59,275
In the land of the free
you can be what you wanna be...
924
00:42:01,275 --> 00:42:03,471
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
925
00:42:05,315 --> 00:42:06,714
Thank you.
926
00:42:07,475 --> 00:42:11,309
And this one is especially
for Billy and Sheron.
927
00:42:11,395 --> 00:42:12,794
Happy anniversary.
928
00:42:13,395 --> 00:42:14,749
(THE POWER OF LOVE PLAYING)
929
00:42:15,635 --> 00:42:17,592
I'll protect you from the hooded claw
930
00:42:18,075 --> 00:42:19,793
Keep the vampires from your door...
931
00:42:19,875 --> 00:42:22,344
Miss Temple-Savage,
I think there's someone to see you.
932
00:42:22,755 --> 00:42:24,029
Ooh.
933
00:42:24,195 --> 00:42:26,709
Joyce, have I come at a bad time?
934
00:42:26,795 --> 00:42:29,435
- Sir Henry.
- I came over with some papers for Monty,
935
00:42:29,515 --> 00:42:31,108
I thought I could leave them with you.
936
00:42:31,475 --> 00:42:32,909
Let's sit down.
937
00:42:32,995 --> 00:42:36,113
(CLEARS THROAT)
We'll have that cava please, Mateo.
938
00:42:39,275 --> 00:42:42,791
Dreams are like angels
939
00:42:42,875 --> 00:42:46,709
They keep bad at bay, bad at bay
940
00:42:46,795 --> 00:42:49,150
Love is the light
941
00:42:49,235 --> 00:42:54,753
Scaring darkness away...
942
00:42:54,995 --> 00:42:58,067
I know you've already helped us out
by giving Monty a job.
943
00:42:59,035 --> 00:43:01,390
But I need to ask for more.
944
00:43:01,635 --> 00:43:02,784
- Go on.
- Well, uh,
945
00:43:03,555 --> 00:43:07,310
the Solana Group is being taken over
by Belroy Hotels.
946
00:43:07,435 --> 00:43:10,826
- Joyce, how do you know this?
- I have my sources.
947
00:43:11,435 --> 00:43:13,187
I assumed Crystal told you.
948
00:43:13,275 --> 00:43:16,393
Joyce, I'm a shareholder
in Belroy Hotels.
949
00:43:16,475 --> 00:43:17,670
I've known for some time.
950
00:43:17,755 --> 00:43:21,464
And you didn't tell me?
My job could be on the line here.
951
00:43:21,555 --> 00:43:23,228
All our jobs here at the Solana.
952
00:43:23,315 --> 00:43:26,194
Joyce, I want you to know
that I will make it my business
953
00:43:26,275 --> 00:43:29,188
to ensure your position
at the Solana is safe.
954
00:43:29,515 --> 00:43:31,108
Sir Henry.
955
00:43:31,835 --> 00:43:33,587
(SOBBING) I've been so worried.
956
00:43:35,275 --> 00:43:37,266
The Solana is my life.
957
00:43:38,595 --> 00:43:39,915
Thank you.
958
00:43:45,915 --> 00:43:48,031
Monty, I thought you had gone to Luton?
959
00:43:48,835 --> 00:43:49,950
Yeah.
960
00:43:50,355 --> 00:43:52,426
Looks like someone else
thought that as well.
961
00:43:55,915 --> 00:43:58,065
- Oh!
- (ALL GASP)
962
00:43:58,155 --> 00:43:59,828
Monty, what on Earth
do you think you're doing?
963
00:43:59,915 --> 00:44:01,633
I could ask the same question.
964
00:44:01,715 --> 00:44:03,786
Henry, are you all right? Oh!
965
00:44:05,875 --> 00:44:07,388
I thought you were in Luton.
966
00:44:07,475 --> 00:44:08,465
Clearly.
967
00:44:08,555 --> 00:44:11,946
I was thanking him for your job,
you blithering idiot.
968
00:44:12,035 --> 00:44:13,594
And trying to save my own.
969
00:44:13,675 --> 00:44:15,313
What... What do you mean, save your own?
970
00:44:15,395 --> 00:44:17,784
- It doesn't matter.
- Joyce...
971
00:44:18,755 --> 00:44:20,473
- Do you love me?
- What?
972
00:44:20,635 --> 00:44:22,308
Please, just answer the question.
973
00:44:22,395 --> 00:44:24,227
Do you love me?
974
00:44:24,315 --> 00:44:26,784
I wouldn't have married you
if I didn't love you but...
975
00:44:26,875 --> 00:44:28,274
But what?
976
00:44:28,355 --> 00:44:31,108
Love isn't going to solve
all our problems.
977
00:44:31,195 --> 00:44:34,551
Love might not solve all our problems
978
00:44:34,635 --> 00:44:38,265
but without it, we don't stand a chance.
979
00:44:38,995 --> 00:44:42,306
Joyce, I love you so much.
980
00:44:42,715 --> 00:44:44,752
I know, Monty. I know.
981
00:44:45,155 --> 00:44:51,868
A sky-scraping dove
982
00:44:52,355 --> 00:44:55,825
Flame on burn desire
983
00:44:56,035 --> 00:44:59,266
Love with tongues of fire
984
00:44:59,475 --> 00:45:02,035
Purge the soul!
985
00:45:02,435 --> 00:45:07,794
Make love your goal
986
00:45:08,035 --> 00:45:12,552
- Listen, is that...
- What?
987
00:45:14,155 --> 00:45:15,145
Nothing.
988
00:45:16,595 --> 00:45:18,347
Here's to the next 25 years.
989
00:45:20,195 --> 00:45:21,993
To the next 25 years.
990
00:45:22,235 --> 00:45:25,785
The power of love
991
00:45:25,995 --> 00:45:30,068
A force from above
992
00:45:30,155 --> 00:45:33,944
Cleaning my soul!
993
00:45:37,115 --> 00:45:40,904
The power of love
994
00:45:40,995 --> 00:45:44,670
A force from above
995
00:45:44,755 --> 00:45:51,388
A sky-scraping dove
996
00:45:52,235 --> 00:45:55,353
Flame on burn desire
997
00:45:55,435 --> 00:45:59,144
Love with tongues of fire
998
00:45:59,355 --> 00:46:01,869
Purge the soul!
999
00:46:01,955 --> 00:46:08,827
Make love your goal
1000
00:46:08,877 --> 00:46:13,427
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