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1
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,360
Morning! Oh, morning!
2
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,880
Have you recovered? Recovered?
3
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:41,920
From last night! Your Geoff...
He got a bit upset.
4
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,160
Did he? Don't you remember?
5
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:49,880
You mean the quiz. Oh, you know
how competitive he gets.
6
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:53,120
No. That wasn't him upset.
7
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:57,080
He once met the bloke
who sets The Times crossword,
8
00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:01,240
and he threw him under a bus!
Threw him under a bus?!
9
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:05,560
Was it moving?
Well, his wife got a bit teary.
10
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:09,040
No! I meant, was the bus moving?
11
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,600
Oh, no. It were in
the York Transport Museum.
12
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,320
He's not a psychopath.
13
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:18,440
Er... How's Ronald?
14
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,480
Ronald? Your husband!
15
00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:23,720
Oh! You mean Donald! That's it.
16
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,200
He's fine. He's on holiday in France.
17
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,440
Oh! We're nearly out of sunscreen.
18
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:34,000
What side do you want your towel?
Oh, I can't lie down on there.
19
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,240
I think I'll get some breakfast.
20
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:39,040
My back's in absolute agony
after last night.
21
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,640
Morning.
22
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:43,120
Morning!
23
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,200
Who's that?
24
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:50,680
Oh, that's Glynn. Donald's
on holiday with his wife, Rhiannon.
25
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:54,640
Oh, I see!
So, you've done, like, a swap.
26
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,760
Yeah. Just for a week, you know!
27
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,840
He didn't look very happy about it.
28
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:05,120
Well, I think he's a bit bored,
sitting round the pool.
29
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,680
He's a very physical man.
30
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,640
Is he, now?
31
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,120
Oh, yes! Right!
32
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:16,120
I'd better get something hot
inside me.
33
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,960
Glynn says
he's gonna run me ragged today!
34
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,920
Oh! Good luck! See ya.
35
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,720
Go away!
36
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:48,560
Housekeeping!
What are you doing? I said go away!
37
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,920
Well, I thought we needed
a breakfast meeting.
38
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:56,720
So I brought a selection of cereals,
a jug of juice and two full English.
39
00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,560
I don't want all that! That's for
me. Liam's brought you a croissant.
40
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:03,360
No butter! We know
you're watching your figure!
41
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,880
How dare you burst in here?
I could've been naked! Don't worry.
42
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:10,880
Liam looks 12, but he's seen it all
before, haven't you, love? Well...
43
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:15,360
The doctor says you're doing OK,
but he needs to know what was in that injection.
44
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:19,280
I'm off to the Chinese shop with the
box to see if he can translate it.
45
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:23,040
I've cancelled all today's
appointments. You are our priority.
46
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:27,240
Liam, four sausages? Are you trying
to kill me? You asked for them!
47
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,480
Oh, you're looking so much better
than you did last night.
48
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:34,440
I haven't slept a wink. I can't help
feeling partly responsible.
49
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:38,760
Partly responsible?!
You repeatedly injected my face
50
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:42,560
with an unknown substance bought
from the Chinese pound shop!
51
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,360
It's euros! Shut up. Sorry!
52
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:49,040
It could've been anything! I've
just seen a woman on the internet
53
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,920
who nearly died when her face
was injected with petrol!
54
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,760
We wouldn't have done that. Not with
the price of petrol these days.
55
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,960
That's why I'm off
to get a translation.
56
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,080
And remember, love,
don't go in all guns blazing.
57
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,440
They're a very proud people,
the Chinese.
58
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:07,920
They will be devastated
if they've given us something dangerous by mistake.
59
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:10,120
Oh! Konnichiwa.
60
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:12,680
Ahh! He's like
the Kofi Annan of Benidorm.
61
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,800
How's the wounded soldier?
62
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,480
Right, that's it.
Get out, all of you. Get out!
63
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,480
I just wanted to ask,
while you're incapacitated,
64
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,840
shall I assume the position
of acting manageress?
65
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,520
After the pig's ear
you made of it last time?
66
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,640
You must be joking!
Somebody's got to be in charge,
67
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,960
else we're all gonna descend
into chaos.
68
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,720
This place is in chaos 24/7!
69
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:40,240
Do you really think anybody's
going to notice a difference?
70
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,720
Now, get out!
71
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:51,000
I've left you a sausage. Get... out!
72
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,880
It's not actually bad, this food.
You reckon?
73
00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:00,880
Well, there's plenty of it. That's
the problem with all-you-can-eat.
74
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,320
You keep wanting to go back
for more.
75
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,560
Oh! Back in a minute.
76
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,920
What's going on there? Auntie Terri
shagged the barman last night.
77
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,440
Oh, dear God! What's wrong with that?
She's on her holidays.
78
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,480
She's single.
What if they try and sue us?
79
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:22,200
Why would they sue us?
I dunno. Mental anguish?
80
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,840
Listen, about last night...
Don't worry.
81
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,480
It's water under the bridge.
You what?
82
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,760
I accept your apology.
It's not a problem.
83
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,840
I didn't apologise! Oh.
I was just gonna ask you
84
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:41,080
if you wanted to join me in making
a formal complaint. About what?
85
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:44,480
Basically,
I'm on the board of directors
86
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,160
for the UK Pub Quiz
Watchdog Committee.
87
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:50,400
Now, we don't have
a lot of jurisdiction in Europe,
88
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,720
but I'm pretty sure I can get
a strongly worded caution
89
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:57,320
emailed over to 'em by the end
of today. What you going on about?
90
00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,880
He wants to complain about the quiz
last night. Basically.
91
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:04,800
Oh, yeah? What - conducting a quiz
without due care and attention?
92
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:08,200
I think they should all be lined up
against the wall and shot.
93
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,520
And their families made to watch.
Excellent!
94
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,080
Glad we're on the same page.
95
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:18,240
I'm Geoff.
People call me The Oracle.
96
00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:21,160
Clive. This is my son, Tiger.
97
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,400
Cool.
98
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,440
Maybe we can all grab a cold one
together over lunch.
99
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:33,440
Not often I meet someone as
passionate about quizzing as myself. Lovely. Laters.
100
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,840
Oh, my God!
101
00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,400
What a dick!
102
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:45,880
I just wanna say, what happens
in Vegas stays in Vegas.
103
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,560
I have never been to Vegas.
No. It's a saying.
104
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,480
I know, but I have still never been
to Vegas.
105
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,640
I meant it about me and you,
last night in Benidorm.
106
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,320
Then, why didn't you say
"in Benidorm"?
107
00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:01,080
Because "what happens in Benidorm
stays in Benidorm" isn't a saying.
108
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,680
It's "what happens in"...
Bloody hell, you're hard work, you!
109
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,480
Listen, I have to be careful
nobody hears this.
110
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:11,000
That is what I'm saying!
I realise you can get in trouble,
111
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,480
you know, for fraternising
with the guests,
112
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:17,400
so I'm here to tell you
you've got this one on tap.
113
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:21,240
On tap? Yeah, baby. If you want
another slice of Mamma's pie,
114
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:25,160
you just call room service, and I'll
deliver it straight to your door,
115
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,360
all hot and steaming...
116
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,640
..no questions asked.
117
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,040
You blackmail me
and make me sleep with you
118
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,560
so I can keep my job.
So now I have eaten the pie
119
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,000
and feel lucky
I did not get food poisoning,
120
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:41,280
even though the pie was out of date!
You can't say that to me!
121
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,840
I wanna speak to your boss.
Have you seen this email?
122
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,680
Temple-Savage has put YOU in charge.
123
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,400
What? I know! It's unbelievable!
124
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:54,320
I am the boss? Not exactly the boss,
but she's put you in charge
125
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:58,000
while she's not feeling well.
Excuse me. I have to leave now,
126
00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,040
but if you have any complaints,
127
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,720
well,
make sure you ask for the boss.
128
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,320
Lesley, I will be in my office.
129
00:08:14,855 --> 00:08:19,735
It is just not possible. Sorry. What
part of this don't you understand?
130
00:08:19,775 --> 00:08:24,015
I want to exchange currency.
Money. You know - money!
131
00:08:24,055 --> 00:08:28,165
Buenos dias!
There is a complication?
132
00:08:28,173 --> 00:08:31,733
I need to exchange some money.
I am begging your pardons.
133
00:08:31,773 --> 00:08:36,213
My name is Mr Castellanos.
I am being the manager of the hotel.
134
00:08:36,253 --> 00:08:39,333
I am in charge of the hotel -
the entire hotel.
135
00:08:39,373 --> 00:08:42,973
Manager, top position.
There is nobody higher.
136
00:08:43,013 --> 00:08:46,293
Euros. I need euros.
This is not being a problem.
137
00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:50,293
Please furniture me with the key
of your room. I'm not staying here!
138
00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:52,933
Ah!
Then, we have a slight drawbridge.
139
00:08:52,973 --> 00:08:55,893
The change of currency
is only for residentials.
140
00:08:55,933 --> 00:08:59,413
May I suggest you try
Lucky Kev's money exchange
141
00:08:59,453 --> 00:09:02,533
in the caravan park?
But a world of warning -
142
00:09:02,573 --> 00:09:06,133
he has the sticky fingers.
If you don't change this money now,
143
00:09:06,173 --> 00:09:08,733
I'm gonna take that donkey
and shove it up your -
144
00:09:08,773 --> 00:09:12,013
What are you doing here?! Liam!
145
00:09:12,053 --> 00:09:14,413
I wanted to surprise you!
146
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:18,013
Go inside.
I'll make us a cup of tea.
147
00:09:19,053 --> 00:09:22,813
Do you know this crazy woman?
Yeah, I do. She's my mother.
148
00:09:30,093 --> 00:09:33,893
Problem is not to translate,
but I don't know the words.
149
00:09:33,933 --> 00:09:37,933
You don't need a Chinese restaurant.
You need a Chinese doctor. I know.
150
00:09:37,973 --> 00:09:40,773
Don't suppose you got a doctor
in your family?
151
00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:45,413
Of course. My sister. But
she is living outside of Benidorm.
152
00:09:45,453 --> 00:09:49,293
How far outside Benidorm?
About 10,000 kilometre.
153
00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:52,533
She in China.
154
00:09:57,253 --> 00:10:01,653
I make joke!
155
00:10:01,693 --> 00:10:04,933
Hilarious. What are you doing?
I'm taking my box back!
156
00:10:04,973 --> 00:10:07,133
Wait. Sit down.
157
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:10,333
You are lucky man.
158
00:10:10,373 --> 00:10:13,733
I have incredible special ability
with my sister.
159
00:10:13,773 --> 00:10:17,773
If I hold something in my hand,
like this,
160
00:10:17,813 --> 00:10:21,173
she can see it,
even though she in Beijing.
161
00:10:21,213 --> 00:10:24,893
How'd you do that?
It's called... iPhone!
162
00:10:27,453 --> 00:10:29,493
Heh-heh. Very good.
163
00:10:33,653 --> 00:10:35,653
Oh! I send by email.
164
00:10:35,693 --> 00:10:38,493
She always answer in ten, 15 minute.
165
00:10:38,533 --> 00:10:41,213
You wanna buffet while you wait?
166
00:10:41,253 --> 00:10:44,333
No, I better not.
I just had a very late breakf-...
167
00:10:44,373 --> 00:10:47,533
Ooh, bloody 'ell!
That smells gorgeous.
168
00:10:48,733 --> 00:10:51,213
Go on, then. Just one plateful!
169
00:10:51,253 --> 00:10:54,173
OK. Email sent.
170
00:10:54,213 --> 00:10:58,533
Remember, Kenneth,
Mr Wu's golden rule -
171
00:10:58,573 --> 00:11:01,093
don't eat like a big fat pig,
172
00:11:01,133 --> 00:11:04,133
or you put me out of business!
173
00:11:04,173 --> 00:11:06,773
Lunatic!
174
00:11:12,293 --> 00:11:14,933
There you go.
Very strong, no milk, no sugar.
175
00:11:14,973 --> 00:11:17,933
Try not to look too excited
to see me.
176
00:11:17,973 --> 00:11:21,573
You don't return my emails or texts.
I gave up trying to ring you.
177
00:11:21,613 --> 00:11:25,213
I'm not a bit surprised to see you
tip up in Spain unannounced.
178
00:11:25,253 --> 00:11:28,053
Emails? Texts?
You know I don't understand them.
179
00:11:28,093 --> 00:11:31,013
I'm here to see YOU, love.
I miss you.
180
00:11:31,053 --> 00:11:33,053
No, you don't.
181
00:11:34,053 --> 00:11:37,053
What do you want?
Don't you speak to me like that.
182
00:11:37,093 --> 00:11:39,573
I'm your mother.
183
00:11:40,573 --> 00:11:45,293
Son, it's time to come home.
I am home. This is where I live.
184
00:11:45,333 --> 00:11:48,493
You can't fritter your life away
on your own in this dump.
185
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,973
You need to be with a family.
I'm with my dad.
186
00:11:51,013 --> 00:11:55,053
From what I've heard about him, no
wonder you're sitting here in a pinny
187
00:11:55,093 --> 00:11:57,373
doing women's hair.
What does that mean?
188
00:11:57,413 --> 00:12:00,053
Look, I know
I've not been in touch recently,
189
00:12:00,093 --> 00:12:03,533
but I've not had time. My feet
have hardly touched the ground.
190
00:12:03,573 --> 00:12:05,813
I've met someone.
I'm very happy for you.
191
00:12:05,853 --> 00:12:09,253
Do you want a biscuit with that?
He's called Mad Dog.
192
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:12,453
Beautiful name.
Well, his real name's Alan.
193
00:12:12,493 --> 00:12:14,613
Naturally.
But he's a real character.
194
00:12:14,653 --> 00:12:17,773
He's got his own
debt-collecting business in Oldham.
195
00:12:17,813 --> 00:12:22,093
Earns 150K a year. You'd love him!
He sounds a delight.
196
00:12:23,093 --> 00:12:26,133
Are you taking the piss?
Mother, I live in Spain!
197
00:12:26,173 --> 00:12:28,453
I'm very happy.
My boss is like a brother.
198
00:12:28,493 --> 00:12:30,533
Me and my dad
have never been closer.
199
00:12:30,573 --> 00:12:33,253
My life is here now.
Alan says, if you come back,
200
00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:37,733
he'll guarantee you a job for life.
People will always be in debt, son.
201
00:12:37,773 --> 00:12:41,093
Oh, what a lovely thought!
Well? What do you say?
202
00:12:41,133 --> 00:12:44,253
Collecting debts in Oldham
with a man called Mad Dog?
203
00:12:44,293 --> 00:12:47,253
It's a dream come true!
£30K a year, and your own van?
204
00:12:47,293 --> 00:12:49,933
You're not kidding.
Yeah, I'm taking the piss!
205
00:12:49,973 --> 00:12:52,733
I'm not impressed with
the way you've turned out.
206
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:55,453
You must be surrounded by
very bad influences.
207
00:12:55,493 --> 00:13:00,613
You could say the feeling's mutual.
Everything all right, son?
208
00:13:00,653 --> 00:13:02,653
Mateo said you had a...
209
00:13:04,373 --> 00:13:06,573
..a visitor! Well, well, well.
210
00:13:06,613 --> 00:13:10,013
I wouldn't have believed it
had I not seen it with my own eyes.
211
00:13:10,053 --> 00:13:12,293
The great Les Conroy!
212
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:16,453
Thank Christ the people who came to
our wedding can't see you now.
213
00:13:16,493 --> 00:13:20,453
Look in the mirror, Les.
Just look at yourself!
214
00:13:20,493 --> 00:13:24,013
Call yourself a father!
You're a disgrace!
215
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,453
You look like a melting clown.
216
00:13:26,493 --> 00:13:29,533
It's good to see you, Gloria.
You've lost weight.
217
00:13:29,573 --> 00:13:32,813
About 12 stone of ugly fat
when I left you.
218
00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:35,293
And your hair's amazing, too!
219
00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:37,893
I'm jealous.
You're a freak of nature.
220
00:13:37,933 --> 00:13:41,573
Your skin's good, as well. You're
really looking after yourself.
221
00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:44,293
Do you actually go outside
looking like that?
222
00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:46,893
I don't know how long
you're here for, Gloria,
223
00:13:46,933 --> 00:13:50,933
but for every negative, hurtful,
poisonous thing you say to me,
224
00:13:50,973 --> 00:13:53,653
I'll try and say something positive
to you.
225
00:13:53,693 --> 00:13:56,573
Because you think
you're better than me? No.
226
00:13:56,613 --> 00:14:00,293
Because I live a wonderful life
in the sunshine, with a job I like,
227
00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:03,893
and friends I cherish,
and a devoted son I adore.
228
00:14:03,933 --> 00:14:07,733
It only seems fair to try and give
some of the love back.
229
00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:11,493
See you 'round.
230
00:14:25,173 --> 00:14:27,453
Drop the latch when you leave.
231
00:14:45,613 --> 00:14:48,733
Is it much further?
Just round this corner.
232
00:14:48,773 --> 00:14:51,573
A little exercise
won't do you any harm.
233
00:14:51,613 --> 00:14:55,813
Consider it a warm-up. It's not
the exercise I'm bothered about.
234
00:14:55,853 --> 00:15:00,053
It's just this path is so narrow
that every time a lorry goes past,
235
00:15:00,093 --> 00:15:02,973
you look like
you're either gonna get sucked off
236
00:15:03,013 --> 00:15:06,013
or end up in somebody's bush.
237
00:15:06,053 --> 00:15:08,893
We're here!
238
00:15:09,893 --> 00:15:13,173
Oh, what's the date today?
Oh, I don't know!
239
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:18,413
It's the 15th! Oh, blast!
There's a local league game on.
240
00:15:18,453 --> 00:15:21,773
What does that mean?
It means we can't play!
241
00:15:21,813 --> 00:15:24,413
Oh, well! We'll just have to watch!
242
00:15:28,773 --> 00:15:30,573
Come.
243
00:15:36,813 --> 00:15:39,373
You wanted to see me,
Miss Temple-Savage?
244
00:15:39,413 --> 00:15:42,733
Er, yes, thank you, Mateo.
I just wanted to...
245
00:15:44,053 --> 00:15:48,293
Everything is OK? Yes, everything
is O-... You scrub up well!
246
00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:50,973
Scrub? It means you look very nice.
247
00:15:51,013 --> 00:15:55,613
Oh! I am thanking your most kind
words and your hospital gratitude.
248
00:15:55,653 --> 00:16:00,053
Hospital? I... I just wanted to
check you were OK being in charge.
249
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:04,933
It's just for the day. I can
persuade you to put all of your optical confidence inside me.
250
00:16:04,973 --> 00:16:08,533
Why are you talking like that?
Like what? Well... rubbish!
251
00:16:08,573 --> 00:16:11,893
If I am to be scaling mismanagement,
252
00:16:11,933 --> 00:16:14,373
I am requiring words
of a higher calibrate.
253
00:16:14,413 --> 00:16:18,093
But you're using all the wrong
words, and not in the right order.
254
00:16:18,133 --> 00:16:21,573
Mateo, just be yourself, OK?
255
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:25,493
OK. I will be myself. Good.
Now, can you go and find Kenneth?
256
00:16:25,533 --> 00:16:28,933
He was supposed to be coming
straight back. No problem.
257
00:16:28,973 --> 00:16:32,693
Oh... Thank you for
this most respicious opportunity.
258
00:16:32,733 --> 00:16:34,813
Just go away.
259
00:16:37,053 --> 00:16:39,053
Thank you.
260
00:16:39,093 --> 00:16:41,133
Thank you. Thank you.
261
00:16:41,173 --> 00:16:43,853
Thank you.
262
00:16:43,893 --> 00:16:46,013
Thank you.
263
00:16:56,933 --> 00:17:00,853
So, what kind of building do you do?
You name it, we build it.
264
00:17:02,733 --> 00:17:05,053
A pyramid. Eh?
265
00:17:05,093 --> 00:17:07,773
You said, "Name it and we build it."
266
00:17:07,813 --> 00:17:11,453
No. I mean houses, flats,
that sort of thing.
267
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:16,373
It's a minefield, innit? Yeah, well,
I been in the game a long time,
268
00:17:16,413 --> 00:17:20,933
so I know my way round.
Nah. I mean the English language.
269
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,893
Right...
270
00:17:24,693 --> 00:17:27,493
What is it you do again? Well...
271
00:17:27,533 --> 00:17:31,093
It's really difficult to put into
actual words what I do.
272
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,013
Which is ironic, really,
cos words ARE what I do.
273
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,893
Right. I've no idea
what you're talking about.
274
00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:40,373
I've been called a swami, a guru...
275
00:17:40,413 --> 00:17:43,853
I suppose a lot of people would say
I'm a life coach.
276
00:17:43,893 --> 00:17:46,653
Right.
My son could do with one of them.
277
00:17:46,693 --> 00:17:49,013
Any time
you want me to speak to him -
278
00:17:49,053 --> 00:17:51,373
I wouldn't bother. I've tried that.
Nah.
279
00:17:51,413 --> 00:17:55,693
What you've probably tried to do is
promote your own ideals and values.
280
00:17:55,733 --> 00:17:58,093
As Mr Miyagi said,
281
00:17:58,133 --> 00:18:02,773
"There's no such thing as a bad
student, only a bad teacher."
282
00:18:02,813 --> 00:18:06,173
Well, I can't really blame
his teachers. No.
283
00:18:06,213 --> 00:18:09,253
I mean you! Oh, thanks!
284
00:18:10,773 --> 00:18:15,813
A kid learns the most when he thinks
he's not being taught.
285
00:18:17,133 --> 00:18:20,173
I'll give you a shout in a bit,
show you what I mean.
286
00:18:20,213 --> 00:18:21,693
Yeah.
287
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:23,733
I can't wait.
288
00:18:29,453 --> 00:18:33,093
Kenneth? Kenneth!
289
00:18:34,773 --> 00:18:36,373
KENNETH!
290
00:18:36,413 --> 00:18:38,613
Oh, sorry! Didn't hear you.
291
00:18:38,653 --> 00:18:42,413
That's OK.
You were in what we call BSA -
292
00:18:42,453 --> 00:18:45,173
buffet suspended animation.
293
00:18:45,213 --> 00:18:47,893
Food here at Mr Wu so delicious,
294
00:18:47,933 --> 00:18:52,053
it make your taste buds work
overtime, and affect other senses.
295
00:18:52,093 --> 00:18:55,933
Either that, or you just big, fat,
greedy pig.
296
00:18:55,973 --> 00:18:59,013
Very funny. That's twice
you've called me that.
297
00:18:59,053 --> 00:19:02,213
You like the capado chicken?
Which one was that?
298
00:19:02,253 --> 00:19:04,973
Is this one.
Oh, my God, that was gorgeous.
299
00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:09,213
What is in that beautiful red sauce?
A secret. But whatever in it,
300
00:19:09,253 --> 00:19:11,653
you better wipe
from around your mouth,
301
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:14,693
or you look like Buffet the Vampire.
You get it?
302
00:19:14,733 --> 00:19:18,653
Not Buffy the Vampire.
Chinese Buffet the Vampire!
303
00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:24,693
Yeah. Very funny.
304
00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:30,133
So, what did your sister say?
Oh, yeah! I forgot about that!
305
00:19:30,173 --> 00:19:32,293
Wait a minute. OK.
306
00:19:32,333 --> 00:19:36,973
What she say is, she bought
a new carpet for her living room,
307
00:19:37,013 --> 00:19:39,933
but she wanna change it.
She also new car!
308
00:19:39,973 --> 00:19:44,213
Oh! She got a Buick! They must've
got rid of their Citroen.
309
00:19:44,253 --> 00:19:48,173
The ingredients in the medicine!
Wait. I think she getting to that.
310
00:19:48,213 --> 00:19:50,853
Ahh, her friend Lucy got a new dog.
Oh!
311
00:19:50,893 --> 00:19:53,213
Ah, that's why
she wanna change carpet.
312
00:19:53,253 --> 00:19:58,093
For God's sake! I've got to get
back to work! Check yourself before you wreck yourself!
313
00:19:58,133 --> 00:20:01,293
You not in hurry when you chomping
on Mr Wu's po-pos, huh?
314
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:04,053
That does sound funny!
315
00:20:05,853 --> 00:20:07,933
Hilarious.
316
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:10,613
OK.
317
00:20:10,653 --> 00:20:14,173
Ah. Oh!
"Content is basically canine drug
318
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:18,093
used to cause temporary paralysis
for medical reasons."
319
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:20,453
Did you just say "canine"?
320
00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:24,333
Oh, God!
What you been using this for?
321
00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:28,253
I injected it into my boss's face!
322
00:20:39,213 --> 00:20:42,853
No. No. Serious.
What did you do with this?
323
00:20:44,133 --> 00:20:46,573
Oh, shit! Thanks, Mr Wu.
324
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:49,133
I better get back
and ring that doctor again.
325
00:20:49,173 --> 00:20:53,053
Kenneth! It's not a doctor you need.
What you need is a vet.
326
00:20:56,293 --> 00:20:59,453
Hey! No! Six euro for the buffet.
Kenneth!
327
00:20:59,493 --> 00:21:02,613
I haven't got my bum bag with me.
I'll pay you tomorrow.
328
00:21:02,653 --> 00:21:05,893
He eat enough for five people,
and he pay for nothing!
329
00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:08,013
Typical!
330
00:21:09,693 --> 00:21:12,573
"It's not a doctor you need,
it's a vet."
331
00:21:20,333 --> 00:21:23,493
I didn't think
it'd be this exciting!
332
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:28,413
Oh, it's a great game, pelota,
and they take it so seriously! Mmm!
333
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:30,733
Bloody 'ell!
334
00:21:30,773 --> 00:21:32,813
That nearly took my head off!
335
00:21:32,853 --> 00:21:36,013
If you're in the crowd,
you're legally part of the game.
336
00:21:36,053 --> 00:21:39,373
I once saw a supporter
screaming from the stands,
337
00:21:39,413 --> 00:21:43,533
when the ball whizzed across
the court, and he swallowed it!
338
00:21:43,573 --> 00:21:47,613
The things those players did to that
poor man to get their ball back!
339
00:21:47,653 --> 00:21:50,853
Made MY eyes water, never mind his.
340
00:21:50,893 --> 00:21:53,493
Agh!
341
00:21:53,533 --> 00:21:55,853
Oh, dear, oh, dear!
342
00:21:55,893 --> 00:21:59,493
This does not look good.
343
00:21:59,533 --> 00:22:03,173
What's he saying?
He's saying, "My ankle, my ankle."
344
00:22:03,213 --> 00:22:05,373
What do you think's wrong with him?
345
00:22:05,413 --> 00:22:07,773
I think he's hurt his ankle.
346
00:22:07,813 --> 00:22:11,253
Mm. Oh! What's going on now?
347
00:22:11,293 --> 00:22:14,293
Well, that man wants his sub
to carry on,
348
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:18,093
but the official is saying he can't,
because he isn't from Polop.
349
00:22:18,133 --> 00:22:21,853
He's not from what?
Polop. It's the local village.
350
00:22:21,893 --> 00:22:24,853
This match is between Polop
and Benidorm.
351
00:22:32,213 --> 00:22:34,373
I live in Polop!
352
00:22:34,413 --> 00:22:36,453
I thought you lived in Wales!
353
00:22:36,493 --> 00:22:38,493
Ssh! You live in Polop?
354
00:22:38,533 --> 00:22:41,493
Yes. My wife and I just moved there.
OK.
355
00:22:41,533 --> 00:22:44,533
Looks like
I'm going to get a game after all!
356
00:22:44,573 --> 00:22:47,333
Hurry up!
357
00:22:48,533 --> 00:22:51,613
Change those ridiculous shoes.
Ridiculous?!
358
00:22:53,933 --> 00:22:57,013
Oh, thank you! Viva Polop!
359
00:23:01,693 --> 00:23:05,253
This is exciting!
Your husband, he can play?
360
00:23:05,293 --> 00:23:09,213
Well, he's very good at volleyball,
but he's in France.
361
00:23:09,253 --> 00:23:12,613
Oh! That husband!
362
00:23:12,653 --> 00:23:15,013
Yeah! Oh, yeah.
363
00:23:15,053 --> 00:23:17,213
He's really good.
364
00:23:22,893 --> 00:23:24,693
Oof!
365
00:23:42,903 --> 00:23:44,703
Hello!
366
00:23:46,411 --> 00:23:48,611
You're not here on your own,
are you?
367
00:23:49,611 --> 00:23:52,291
Well, not really.
I'm visiting my son.
368
00:23:52,331 --> 00:23:57,091
Oh, I see. I'm just scouting around
for a ping-pong partner.
369
00:23:57,131 --> 00:23:59,331
I'm sorry?
370
00:23:59,371 --> 00:24:01,931
Well, I'm here with my son, too.
371
00:24:01,971 --> 00:24:04,571
But he's very competitive,
372
00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:08,731
whereas I just love being
knee-deep in schat.
373
00:24:09,851 --> 00:24:11,971
Knee-deep in what? Chat!
374
00:24:12,011 --> 00:24:15,491
You know, banter. Oh! Right.
375
00:24:15,530 --> 00:24:18,410
Can I ask you a question? Fire away.
376
00:24:18,451 --> 00:24:22,211
As a customer at this hotel,
do you think that's right?
377
00:24:22,251 --> 00:24:24,491
Do I think what's right?
378
00:24:24,531 --> 00:24:27,851
Staff being allowed to dress up
like pantomime dames!
379
00:24:27,891 --> 00:24:33,211
Do you know who the best dame
in the business was?
380
00:24:34,251 --> 00:24:38,931
Danny La Rue! A close personal
friend of my late husband!
381
00:24:38,971 --> 00:24:42,491
Yeah. Well, that is MY late husband.
382
00:24:42,531 --> 00:24:44,971
So, how do you think I feel?
383
00:24:45,011 --> 00:24:47,571
I don't know how you feel.
384
00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:51,011
You certainly sound pretty angry
to me.
385
00:24:52,011 --> 00:24:55,651
I reckon,
if what you do makes you happy,
386
00:24:55,691 --> 00:25:00,091
and it isn't hurting anyone else,
go for it!
387
00:25:00,131 --> 00:25:03,291
Wouldn't it be wonderful
if we could all go through life
388
00:25:03,331 --> 00:25:06,651
with rose-tinted spectacles like you?
389
00:25:06,691 --> 00:25:08,411
Yeah.
390
00:25:08,451 --> 00:25:10,971
Yes, it would.
391
00:25:11,011 --> 00:25:12,771
Les!
392
00:25:14,011 --> 00:25:17,451
We need to talk. We don't have
anything to say to each other.
393
00:25:17,491 --> 00:25:21,371
If you genuinely care about our son,
you'll listen to me.
394
00:25:21,411 --> 00:25:24,731
I'm listening.
Not here. Somewhere private.
395
00:25:30,891 --> 00:25:32,891
Follow me.
396
00:25:34,291 --> 00:25:37,251
Om...
397
00:25:52,931 --> 00:25:55,731
Listen, I'm going back.
What you talking about?
398
00:25:55,771 --> 00:25:58,891
This is for your benefit.
How'd you work that out?
399
00:25:58,931 --> 00:26:01,531
This is... character-building!
400
00:26:01,571 --> 00:26:04,891
Oh, there you are! What's going on?
401
00:26:04,931 --> 00:26:08,771
He's gonna walk across
burning-hot coals. Oh, no!
402
00:26:08,811 --> 00:26:11,771
Geoff, not with your bunions!
403
00:26:11,811 --> 00:26:14,371
Please listen to me, son.
404
00:26:14,411 --> 00:26:18,291
He can't hear you.
He's in some sort of trance.
405
00:26:31,931 --> 00:26:34,091
Aaaargh! They're burning!
406
00:26:34,131 --> 00:26:38,051
IT'S BURNING!
Then, get off it, you great twat.
407
00:26:38,931 --> 00:26:42,091
It's stuck in my foot!
Get it out, somebody! Get it out!
408
00:26:42,131 --> 00:26:45,931
I ain't touching it.
We need some salad tongs.
409
00:26:45,971 --> 00:26:48,171
Aaargh!
410
00:26:49,851 --> 00:26:53,491
Get out of the way! Get out the way!
411
00:27:10,251 --> 00:27:12,691
What are you lot looking at?
412
00:27:35,371 --> 00:27:37,611
I'm listening.
I'll come to the point.
413
00:27:37,651 --> 00:27:41,651
I've offered Liam a job, a flat
and a new life in the UK.
414
00:27:41,691 --> 00:27:45,611
I could see he was tempted. Well,
who wouldn't want 30 grand a year,
415
00:27:45,651 --> 00:27:48,171
plus pension,
not to mention a company car?
416
00:27:48,211 --> 00:27:52,331
But he didn't take it. I know why.
Because he's got a life here.
417
00:27:52,371 --> 00:27:55,731
You may dress like a fool, Les,
but don't act like one.
418
00:27:55,771 --> 00:27:57,971
What sort of a life is this?
419
00:27:58,011 --> 00:28:00,451
Scrabbling around
trying to make ends meet,
420
00:28:00,491 --> 00:28:04,251
living off all-inclusive leftovers,
drinking during the day...
421
00:28:04,291 --> 00:28:08,931
There's only one thing stopping him
going back to the UK. You.
422
00:28:08,971 --> 00:28:12,051
He's a grown man.
He does what he wants to do.
423
00:28:12,091 --> 00:28:16,251
Oh, wake up and smell the coffee,
Les! There's nothing for him here.
424
00:28:16,291 --> 00:28:19,811
I'm here.
And what an example you are to him!
425
00:28:19,851 --> 00:28:23,371
I can't make him go if he
doesn't want to. No. You're wrong.
426
00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:26,971
Don't ask me to explain why,
but he'd do anything for you.
427
00:28:27,011 --> 00:28:29,011
I won't do it.
428
00:28:32,531 --> 00:28:34,851
I think you will.
429
00:28:37,211 --> 00:28:40,651
What's this? £10,000.
430
00:28:40,691 --> 00:28:46,291
It's yours. Convince Liam
he has to go back and live in the UK.
431
00:28:46,331 --> 00:28:49,931
You've got to be joking! This way
you get what's best for both of you.
432
00:28:49,971 --> 00:28:52,851
I couldn't look at him
and tell him I didn't want him!
433
00:28:52,891 --> 00:28:55,331
So, write him a letter.
434
00:28:59,211 --> 00:29:01,251
£10,000 is a lot of money.
435
00:29:03,891 --> 00:29:08,811
You could sort out all your finances
and still have plenty to live on.
436
00:29:12,051 --> 00:29:14,491
I can't. Les...
437
00:29:14,531 --> 00:29:18,571
denying yourself £10,000
makes you an idiot.
438
00:29:18,611 --> 00:29:22,971
But denying your only son
the life and career he deserves
439
00:29:23,011 --> 00:29:26,331
makes you something much, much worse.
440
00:29:28,571 --> 00:29:32,531
It's not about the money.
It's about Liam's future.
441
00:29:34,531 --> 00:29:36,611
Look at your life now.
442
00:29:36,651 --> 00:29:41,131
Is this what you want for your son...
when he's 60?
443
00:29:46,491 --> 00:29:49,691
Oh! There's one thing more.
444
00:29:49,731 --> 00:29:52,331
For the remaining time
that Liam's still here,
445
00:29:52,371 --> 00:29:55,171
you'll stop
all this ridiculous dressing up.
446
00:29:55,211 --> 00:29:57,371
It's one thing embarrassing yourself.
447
00:29:57,411 --> 00:30:00,331
But from now on,
you do what's best for Liam.
448
00:30:01,531 --> 00:30:03,531
Do we have a deal?
449
00:30:04,851 --> 00:30:06,851
Get out.
450
00:30:08,291 --> 00:30:10,291
You know it makes sense.
451
00:30:14,331 --> 00:30:17,011
You're doing the right thing, Les.
452
00:30:28,971 --> 00:30:31,331
This clown
is going to lose our match.
453
00:30:31,371 --> 00:30:35,091
There is another person
from Polop here.
454
00:30:35,131 --> 00:30:37,291
There's no-one. I ask everyone.
455
00:30:37,331 --> 00:30:39,531
Me! You?
456
00:30:39,571 --> 00:30:43,371
Yeah! Glynn's from Polop,
and, if you remember,
457
00:30:43,411 --> 00:30:47,571
I'm Glynn's wife, so that means
I live in Polop, as well.
458
00:30:47,611 --> 00:30:50,611
Neither of you lives in Polop.
How do you know that?
459
00:30:50,651 --> 00:30:54,811
Polop is a small village. I know
every British person living there.
460
00:30:54,851 --> 00:30:56,771
Plus, if you live in Polop,
461
00:30:56,811 --> 00:30:59,491
why are you wearing
a Benidorm hotel wristband?
462
00:30:59,531 --> 00:31:03,691
I'm also Middlesbrough volleyball
mixed-doubles champion
463
00:31:03,731 --> 00:31:06,251
six years in a row.
464
00:31:07,731 --> 00:31:10,491
Arbitro! Cambio!
465
00:31:11,531 --> 00:31:13,051
Tu!
466
00:31:15,291 --> 00:31:17,571
Go on! OK!
467
00:31:19,171 --> 00:31:21,171
Sorry. Come and watch.
468
00:31:21,211 --> 00:31:26,211
Watch? You can't pull me off!
I'm just about to come into my own!
469
00:31:26,251 --> 00:31:29,691
If I had a euro
every time I heard that...!
470
00:31:34,811 --> 00:31:37,691
It is good? Yeah. OK.
471
00:31:37,731 --> 00:31:39,851
Viva Polop!
472
00:31:48,611 --> 00:31:50,171
Whoa!
473
00:32:39,731 --> 00:32:42,731
A vet?
I don't wanna be seen by a vet!
474
00:32:42,771 --> 00:32:47,931
How rude! Juan's come all the way
from Finestrat! I don't care if he's come from Fleetwood!
475
00:32:47,971 --> 00:32:52,171
I'm not being examined by a vet!
She gets excitable around strangers,
476
00:32:52,211 --> 00:32:54,931
but she doesn't bite.
Kenneth! I'm only joking.
477
00:32:54,971 --> 00:32:57,771
He doesn't need to examine you -
just give you a shot
478
00:32:57,811 --> 00:33:01,011
to counteract the rabies injection
I gave you. Rabies?!
479
00:33:01,051 --> 00:33:03,931
You've got to be joking!
She has no symptoms,
480
00:33:03,971 --> 00:33:07,331
apart from the paralysis?
Excuse me! I do speak English!
481
00:33:07,371 --> 00:33:11,211
Not that I know of.
No excessive panting or whining?
482
00:33:11,251 --> 00:33:14,691
Oh! Now you come to mention it,
there has been a lot of whining.
483
00:33:14,731 --> 00:33:17,851
And she's been pulling herself along
by her front paws,
484
00:33:17,891 --> 00:33:20,931
dragging her bum across the grass.
I'm only messing!
485
00:33:20,971 --> 00:33:23,571
You have injected me in the face
486
00:33:23,611 --> 00:33:27,091
with something you give to dogs
that have rabies?!
487
00:33:27,131 --> 00:33:30,491
Which begs the question,
why are you frothing at the mouth?
488
00:33:30,531 --> 00:33:34,051
Out of here, now! Do you have
any rope to tie up the hind legs?
489
00:33:34,091 --> 00:33:37,691
In my room, but that's
three floors down. Hold them!
490
00:33:37,731 --> 00:33:40,171
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! OK!
491
00:33:40,211 --> 00:33:43,291
We need to swap positions.
Get round the head.
492
00:33:43,331 --> 00:33:47,171
Those teeth look sharp. Will you
stop talking about me like this?
493
00:33:47,211 --> 00:33:51,131
I'm not an animal!
I'm a human being!
494
00:33:54,691 --> 00:33:56,611
Aaarrgh!
495
00:33:56,651 --> 00:33:59,291
Ssh, ssh, ssh.
496
00:33:59,331 --> 00:34:02,051
Muy bueno.
497
00:34:03,851 --> 00:34:06,731
There you are!
I've been looking for you.
498
00:34:06,771 --> 00:34:09,131
Slow day at work?
I'm having a late lunch.
499
00:34:09,171 --> 00:34:12,051
Son, we appear to have got off
on the wrong foot.
500
00:34:12,091 --> 00:34:15,731
Yes, you do. I don't hate your dad.
501
00:34:15,771 --> 00:34:18,531
I'm just frustrated
he's holding you back.
502
00:34:18,571 --> 00:34:22,371
What do you mean? That's why I'm
offering you a fresh start in the UK.
503
00:34:22,411 --> 00:34:26,211
I don't want one! What would you say
if I offered you a fresh start here?
504
00:34:26,251 --> 00:34:28,891
What would I want to live here for?
Exactly!
505
00:34:28,931 --> 00:34:33,131
Liam, why don't we have tea together
tonight?
506
00:34:33,171 --> 00:34:36,851
What, with Mad Dog? No, no. He's on
a shooting weekend in Madrid.
507
00:34:36,891 --> 00:34:40,331
Oh! What's he shooting -
people in debt?
508
00:34:40,371 --> 00:34:43,771
Don't be daft. Birds, small animals,
that sort of thing.
509
00:34:43,811 --> 00:34:47,211
I don't think Mad Dog and I
are gonna get along. Why not?
510
00:34:47,251 --> 00:34:50,451
It's just a feeling.
Me and you, tonight.
511
00:34:50,491 --> 00:34:53,691
Eight o'clock.
I'm staying at the Belroy.
512
00:34:53,731 --> 00:34:56,811
They do a lovely a la carte.
I will have dinner with you -
513
00:34:56,851 --> 00:34:59,371
in Neptune's, eight o'clock.
514
00:34:59,411 --> 00:35:01,571
And then, tomorrow...
515
00:35:03,251 --> 00:35:07,571
..I want you to go home,
and leave me and my dad in peace.
516
00:35:08,571 --> 00:35:11,211
We'll see. Eight o'clock.
517
00:35:12,211 --> 00:35:15,131
Eight o'clock.
518
00:35:20,171 --> 00:35:23,651
Right. I know it's been difficult
without me, but I'm back.
519
00:35:23,691 --> 00:35:26,851
Back at work. Back in the game.
Are you all back?
520
00:35:26,891 --> 00:35:30,331
You never went anywhere.
Miss Temple-Savage, are you OK?
521
00:35:30,371 --> 00:35:33,731
Why are you dressed like
an undertaker? Did somebody die?
522
00:35:33,771 --> 00:35:38,291
I have been manager while you were
not well. Do you not remember? You?
523
00:35:38,331 --> 00:35:42,411
Manager? You couldn't manage a fart
without shitting yourself.
524
00:35:42,451 --> 00:35:45,451
I'm hungry. I'm so hungry!
I'm going to get some food.
525
00:35:45,491 --> 00:35:47,771
Anybody want any food?
526
00:35:50,971 --> 00:35:53,331
Well, it's good
that Joyce is back on form.
527
00:35:53,371 --> 00:35:56,731
She's climbing the walls!
What have you done to her?
528
00:35:56,771 --> 00:35:59,971
You have given her something.
She was feeling a bit groggy
529
00:36:00,011 --> 00:36:04,771
after her visit from the vet -
the doctor, so I slipped a few uppers into her Bovril.
530
00:36:04,811 --> 00:36:08,051
She'll be fine!
531
00:36:08,091 --> 00:36:10,331
What is Bovril?
532
00:36:16,131 --> 00:36:19,011
Well!
It's not exactly the Belroy, but...
533
00:36:20,011 --> 00:36:22,891
I was gonna say
I've eaten in worse places,
534
00:36:22,931 --> 00:36:25,131
but I'm not sure I have.
535
00:36:25,171 --> 00:36:28,651
He's quite funny, Geoff, isn't he?
Geoff? The Oracle.
536
00:36:28,691 --> 00:36:31,051
Depends what you mean by funny.
537
00:36:31,091 --> 00:36:35,011
Weird, laughable, an embarrassment -
that kind of funny, yeah.
538
00:36:35,051 --> 00:36:39,251
Your problem is, you're threatened
by another alpha male. Alpha male?!
539
00:36:39,291 --> 00:36:42,971
He's on holiday with his mum! He's
more of a man than you'll ever be.
540
00:36:43,011 --> 00:36:46,371
Oh, my God! And you fancy him.
You do!
541
00:36:46,411 --> 00:36:50,691
You fancy him!
He's not my usual type,
542
00:36:50,731 --> 00:36:53,651
but he does have
a vulnerable quality to him.
543
00:36:53,691 --> 00:36:55,931
What, with his burned feet?
544
00:36:57,091 --> 00:36:59,171
Hello!
545
00:37:00,171 --> 00:37:03,011
It's Theresa, isn't it? Yeah. Terri.
546
00:37:03,051 --> 00:37:06,971
I must say,
I was thrilled when Geoff told me
547
00:37:07,011 --> 00:37:09,651
that you'd asked us
to join you for dinner.
548
00:37:09,691 --> 00:37:12,251
He'll be down in a minute.
549
00:37:12,291 --> 00:37:15,091
I've just got to go
and wash my hands.
550
00:37:15,131 --> 00:37:18,731
For the past half hour,
I've been creaming his feet.
551
00:37:18,771 --> 00:37:21,171
See you in a jiffy!
552
00:37:22,411 --> 00:37:24,731
Creaming... his feet?
553
00:37:30,150 --> 00:37:32,810
The thing is, Liam,
554
00:37:32,831 --> 00:37:35,511
I think your dad
has finally come to his senses,
555
00:37:35,521 --> 00:37:37,961
and not before time.
What do you mean?
556
00:37:38,001 --> 00:37:40,961
Well, it came as quite a shock,
557
00:37:40,965 --> 00:37:43,165
but he asked to see me
this afternoon,
558
00:37:43,205 --> 00:37:47,525
and... well, basically, he thinks
that you should move back to the UK,
559
00:37:47,565 --> 00:37:50,405
with me. Why would he say that?
560
00:37:50,445 --> 00:37:54,685
I admit he's changed his tune
pretty quick,
561
00:37:54,725 --> 00:37:57,205
but he said you both need to...
562
00:37:57,245 --> 00:37:59,405
Oh, what was his phrase?
563
00:38:00,405 --> 00:38:02,965
"Wake up and smell the coffee."
564
00:38:02,969 --> 00:38:04,669
He doesn't like coffee.
565
00:38:04,724 --> 00:38:09,404
He thinks you should take the job,
with proper career prospects,
566
00:38:09,444 --> 00:38:11,804
and he's taking stock of his life,
too.
567
00:38:11,844 --> 00:38:16,364
And he's gonna stop all that dressing
up and making a fool of himself.
568
00:38:16,405 --> 00:38:20,765
How stupid do you think I am?
What's that got to do with anything?
569
00:38:20,804 --> 00:38:24,404
Those are your words, not my dad's.
Ask him yourself. I will!
570
00:38:24,445 --> 00:38:27,085
I think you're putting words
into his mouth.
571
00:38:27,124 --> 00:38:29,844
Me and your dad were married
for 20 years.
572
00:38:29,884 --> 00:38:32,324
I know him
better than he knows himself.
573
00:38:33,324 --> 00:38:37,644
Liam, sometimes,
no matter how late in life,
574
00:38:37,684 --> 00:38:40,524
people do eventually grow up.
575
00:38:40,564 --> 00:38:42,684
This is for you.
576
00:38:42,724 --> 00:38:46,044
Liam, the gentleman's got
something for you.
577
00:38:46,084 --> 00:38:48,364
No. It's for you.
578
00:38:49,364 --> 00:38:52,204
Hello! I have work to do.
579
00:39:07,524 --> 00:39:10,204
The moment I wake up
580
00:39:11,204 --> 00:39:14,004
Before I put on my make-up
581
00:39:14,044 --> 00:39:18,124
I say a little...
Prayer for you
582
00:39:19,324 --> 00:39:21,804
While combing my hair, now
583
00:39:21,844 --> 00:39:25,764
And wondering what dress to wear,
now
584
00:39:25,804 --> 00:39:27,684
Wear now
I say a little...
585
00:39:27,724 --> 00:39:29,924
Prayer for you
586
00:39:29,964 --> 00:39:31,124
Forever
Forever
587
00:39:31,164 --> 00:39:33,124
♪ Forever ♪ And ever
♪ You'll stay in my heart
588
00:39:33,164 --> 00:39:35,644
And I will love you
Forever
589
00:39:35,684 --> 00:39:37,044
And ever...
590
00:39:37,084 --> 00:39:40,524
Hello?
591
00:39:40,564 --> 00:39:46,044
Well, I must say,
this was a good idea.
592
00:39:46,084 --> 00:39:50,084
Safety in numbers,
that's what I say!
593
00:39:50,124 --> 00:39:55,284
Although I once did have
a holiday here on my own.
594
00:39:55,324 --> 00:39:59,364
Oh, yeah? How was that?
Oh, it was an absolute stinker.
595
00:39:59,404 --> 00:40:02,244
I mean, Geoff's in-laws were here,
596
00:40:02,284 --> 00:40:04,844
and I chummed up with them
for a bit.
597
00:40:04,884 --> 00:40:07,484
But I don't think
I'll be doing that again.
598
00:40:08,404 --> 00:40:10,724
You're married? Separated.
599
00:40:10,764 --> 00:40:13,644
Well - never married, to be honest.
600
00:40:13,684 --> 00:40:17,604
Although we do have a son, Py.
See him every other weekend.
601
00:40:17,644 --> 00:40:21,324
You got a son called Pie?
What, as in "steak and kidney"?
602
00:40:21,364 --> 00:40:25,684
No! As in Pythagoras.
You called your son Pythagoras?
603
00:40:25,724 --> 00:40:28,324
Yeah. Why? Nothing.
604
00:40:29,884 --> 00:40:33,324
Pythagoras is my favourite
of all the Greek philosophers.
605
00:40:33,364 --> 00:40:36,444
Seriously?
Well, apart from Socrates. Obvs!
606
00:40:36,484 --> 00:40:39,404
I used to love all that at school.
All what?
607
00:40:39,444 --> 00:40:43,364
Ancient Greek philosophy.
The nearest you got to ancient Greece
608
00:40:43,404 --> 00:40:46,364
was having a kebab on
a Saturday night after 12 pints.
609
00:40:46,404 --> 00:40:49,884
Hello! Oh, this is ridiculous!
610
00:40:51,124 --> 00:40:54,684
Same again? Oh, lovely.
Yeah. I'm fine.
611
00:40:54,724 --> 00:40:58,404
I'll help you. I can manage to bring
back four drinks on my own.
612
00:40:58,444 --> 00:41:00,684
I said, I'll help you!
613
00:41:14,164 --> 00:41:17,244
Miss Temple-Savage,
you are sure you're OK?
614
00:41:17,284 --> 00:41:21,084
When bleeding a radiator, it is
essential to have a third party
615
00:41:21,124 --> 00:41:24,204
to keep an eye on the boiler gauge.
It's essential.
616
00:41:24,244 --> 00:41:26,724
Maybe you need to lie down
for a while.
617
00:41:26,764 --> 00:41:31,804
I was once taken up the Valley
of the Kings by a close relation of Alan Whicker. No regrets!
618
00:41:31,844 --> 00:41:35,404
Although I did get to meet
David Yip, the Chinese Detective.
619
00:41:35,444 --> 00:41:39,964
I didn't realise it was him till we
were halfway home in a taxi! OK...
620
00:41:40,004 --> 00:41:43,844
Listen. I am going now,
but if you need anything,
621
00:41:43,884 --> 00:41:46,164
please let me know. The group!
622
00:41:46,204 --> 00:41:48,924
Group?
I didn't book the group for tonight!
623
00:41:48,964 --> 00:41:52,924
It's OK. We can just do karaoke.
Karaoke? Not on my watch, soldier.
624
00:41:52,964 --> 00:41:56,644
Is that what Vera Lynn told the
troops in 1940? "Sing it yourself?"
625
00:41:56,684 --> 00:41:59,804
I'll do my Yma Sumac
from my old Ashby-de-la-Zouch days.
626
00:41:59,844 --> 00:42:02,004
They won't know what hit them!
627
00:42:02,044 --> 00:42:05,884
I'm warning you, Clive! Keep your
fat snout clear of my business.
628
00:42:05,924 --> 00:42:09,004
What you talking about?
I feel a connection with Geoff.
629
00:42:09,044 --> 00:42:12,644
I'm ready for a relationship.
The only relationships you have
630
00:42:12,684 --> 00:42:16,804
are standing up in pub car parks.
Maybe I'll settle for that tonight.
631
00:42:16,844 --> 00:42:20,484
I doubt it,
not with the state his feet are in!
632
00:42:20,524 --> 00:42:23,364
That's my prayer, now
633
00:42:24,844 --> 00:42:27,444
♪ That's my prayer ♪
634
00:42:36,764 --> 00:42:40,604
I really enjoyed today!
You were right!
635
00:42:40,644 --> 00:42:45,364
You can do too much of lying
staring at a swimming pool.
636
00:42:45,404 --> 00:42:48,524
You're always going to have
a degree of beginner's luck.
637
00:42:48,564 --> 00:42:52,884
I think someone's jealous!
Don't be ridiculous.
638
00:42:52,924 --> 00:42:55,364
You are! You're jealous!
639
00:42:55,404 --> 00:42:57,764
No. You're right.
640
00:42:57,804 --> 00:43:02,284
Fair play to you, Jacqueline.
You played brilliantly.
641
00:43:02,324 --> 00:43:05,124
Here's to a great day out!
642
00:43:05,164 --> 00:43:07,524
I tell you what it did, as well.
643
00:43:07,564 --> 00:43:11,044
It made you forget that,
while you're here,
644
00:43:11,084 --> 00:43:15,364
your wife is sharing a bed with
my husband in the South of France.
645
00:43:19,284 --> 00:43:20,924
Whoops!
646
00:43:48,884 --> 00:43:51,204
Whoo! What they do in Peru
647
00:43:51,244 --> 00:43:53,884
Tusurikusun viditay... Whoo!
648
00:43:53,924 --> 00:43:57,324
So, is this really what passes for
entertainment round here?
649
00:43:57,364 --> 00:43:59,604
Oh, I love it.
It's very Martha Graham.
650
00:43:59,644 --> 00:44:02,724
What was your letter? Er, nothing.
651
00:44:02,764 --> 00:44:06,204
It's, er... just some details
about a trip.
652
00:44:06,244 --> 00:44:09,644
They do some great free trips
to the waterfall. Where's it to?
653
00:44:09,684 --> 00:44:14,004
No. It's, um... been cancelled.
654
00:44:14,044 --> 00:44:17,484
Gloria. Liked the song, son?
You were fabulous!
655
00:44:17,524 --> 00:44:19,964
You off out tonight?
656
00:44:20,004 --> 00:44:23,484
Meeting a few of the girls up
the Rich Bitch. I'd say join us,
657
00:44:23,524 --> 00:44:27,244
but I don't think it's your mother's
cup of tea. I might join you. No.
658
00:44:27,284 --> 00:44:30,804
Spend time with your mother.
She's not here for long. True.
659
00:44:30,844 --> 00:44:33,964
And we've got the rest of our lives
together. You said it.
660
00:44:34,004 --> 00:44:36,684
See you both tomorrow.
661
00:44:45,124 --> 00:44:48,324
She's got the moves,
I'll say that for her!
662
00:44:48,364 --> 00:44:51,764
Do you like to dance, Geoff?
Not really.
663
00:44:51,804 --> 00:44:55,444
I dunno. You busted some sick moves
on those hot coals today.
664
00:44:55,484 --> 00:44:58,684
Oh, you weren't sick as well,
were you?
665
00:44:58,724 --> 00:45:01,084
You've got a big day tomorrow!
666
00:45:01,124 --> 00:45:04,244
Oh, yeah?
What's happening tomorrow, Geoff?
667
00:45:04,284 --> 00:45:06,964
Nothing. Nothing at all.
668
00:45:07,004 --> 00:45:10,644
Oh, he does get shy! Mother...
669
00:45:10,684 --> 00:45:14,284
Geoff's fiancee's arriving tomorrow.
670
00:45:14,324 --> 00:45:17,964
..besame si,
en tus brazos me quiero morir
671
00:45:18,004 --> 00:45:20,484
Cholito lindo, besame
672
00:45:20,524 --> 00:45:24,084
Oh...
673
00:45:24,124 --> 00:45:26,324
Oh...
674
00:45:26,364 --> 00:45:29,004
♪ Oh! ♪
675
00:45:30,601 --> 00:46:00,601
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
676
00:46:00,651 --> 00:46:05,201
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
55594
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