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1
00:00:38,344 --> 00:00:41,264
What do you think you're doing?!
I beg your pardon?
2
00:00:41,279 --> 00:00:43,679
You just nearly stapled my face
to the bamboo wall!
3
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,758
Why was it up against
the bamboo wall in the first place?
4
00:00:46,759 --> 00:00:48,679
I was putting up the posters
you gave me!
5
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:52,479
Why was your face
up against the wall?
6
00:00:53,599 --> 00:00:55,639
I just like the way it feels.
7
00:00:58,599 --> 00:01:02,918
Oh, is there a competition?
Yeah, it's a dance competition.
8
00:01:02,919 --> 00:01:04,958
Oh, lovely.
9
00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:07,199
What do you have to do?
10
00:01:08,399 --> 00:01:11,639
Dance.
Oh, smashing!
11
00:01:22,279 --> 00:01:24,478
Sorry. I'm not laughing.
12
00:01:24,479 --> 00:01:28,598
Really? Then would you mind that
irritating noise you keep making?
13
00:01:28,599 --> 00:01:31,478
I can't believe you had your leg
in plaster
14
00:01:31,479 --> 00:01:34,518
for the whole of your last holiday
and now you've done this.
15
00:01:34,519 --> 00:01:37,318
Here you go. I got you some toast.
16
00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:39,038
What took you so long?
17
00:01:39,039 --> 00:01:42,518
Have you ever tried getting dressed
with only one arm? No.
18
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,718
Oh, I tell a lie.
19
00:01:44,719 --> 00:01:49,638
I once got off with a really fat
bloke and he fell asleep on my arm.
20
00:01:49,639 --> 00:01:52,198
It was like that film, 48 Hours.
21
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:53,959
What, he was like
a fat Eddie Murphy?
22
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,878
Not 48 Hours. Erm...
23
00:01:55,879 --> 00:01:58,998
Oh, the one where he plays
a whole family and they're all fat?
24
00:01:58,999 --> 00:02:01,078
Er... Nutty Professor.
No.
25
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,479
The one where he gets trapped
in a really tight hole
26
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:06,678
and has to cut his arm off.
I'm sorry, but for one,
27
00:02:06,679 --> 00:02:09,119
I don't believe the fat bloke
had to cut his arm off.
28
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,318
And two, if he was with you,
29
00:02:11,319 --> 00:02:14,998
I certainly dont' believe he got
trapped in a really tight hole.
30
00:02:14,999 --> 00:02:18,038
Is this the singles table?
31
00:02:18,039 --> 00:02:20,359
You what?
Are you both single?
32
00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:24,559
Yeah.
Oh, lovely.
33
00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:29,918
Oh, haven't you got a bonnie face?
34
00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:34,598
There was a lass who looked like you
around the pool yesterday,
35
00:02:34,599 --> 00:02:37,879
only she didn't have her arm
in a sling.
36
00:02:42,839 --> 00:02:47,038
So, that's 1:00 today,
shampoo and set.
37
00:02:47,039 --> 00:02:49,878
Yeah, no problem.
Unless you can do it now.
38
00:02:49,879 --> 00:02:51,718
No, I can't do it now.
Why not?
39
00:02:51,719 --> 00:02:54,878
I'm waiting for a new member of staff
to arrive. Why can't she do my hair?
40
00:02:54,879 --> 00:02:56,918
Because she's not here.
41
00:03:02,039 --> 00:03:05,118
Well, can she do it now?
No. Why not?
42
00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:07,118
Because she doesn't speak
any English.
43
00:03:07,119 --> 00:03:10,118
Oi! That's criminal damage, that!
44
00:03:10,119 --> 00:03:11,917
I don't know why you're complaining.
45
00:03:11,918 --> 00:03:13,879
It's free advertising
for your salon.
46
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:15,958
Oof.
47
00:03:15,959 --> 00:03:18,639
Bloody hell, Carmen,
you haven't left home, have you?
48
00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:21,959
What's in the suitcase, love?
49
00:03:23,719 --> 00:03:25,599
Never mind. In you go.
50
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:29,158
Come on.
I may as well do you now quick.
51
00:03:29,159 --> 00:03:32,758
Frig that. I'm not paying for it
when I can win this competition
52
00:03:32,759 --> 00:03:36,318
and get it done for free.
It's a dance competition.
53
00:03:36,319 --> 00:03:38,038
I don't want to worry you, love,
54
00:03:38,039 --> 00:03:40,919
but you might be required
to use your legs.
55
00:03:42,079 --> 00:03:44,958
Yeah. Yeah.
56
00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:47,598
I wanna speak to my Dad!
Sorry, Mick, say that again.
57
00:03:47,599 --> 00:03:50,038
I can't hear you.
58
00:03:50,039 --> 00:03:52,118
Well, if you get here
this afternoon,
59
00:03:52,119 --> 00:03:54,398
there's a dance competition
on tonight.
60
00:03:54,399 --> 00:03:57,518
Yeah, that's what I thought.
61
00:03:57,519 --> 00:03:59,958
Is that your father?
No, that's my mam.
62
00:03:59,959 --> 00:04:02,638
Dad's the one with the short hair
and the deep voice.
63
00:04:02,639 --> 00:04:05,079
I don't know what's happening to you,
Michael Garvey,
64
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,958
but you're turning into
quite a nasty piece of work.
65
00:04:07,959 --> 00:04:10,238
Yeah. I wonder where I get it from,
66
00:04:10,239 --> 00:04:13,438
cos there's none of that
in our family!
67
00:04:13,439 --> 00:04:15,959
Have you booked your hair?
No.
68
00:04:17,639 --> 00:04:20,398
Mam, I said I wanted to
speak to my dad!
69
00:04:20,399 --> 00:04:23,598
Sorry, son. Well, he'll be here
tonight. You can talk to him then.
70
00:04:23,599 --> 00:04:25,958
Text from your phone.
I haven't got no credit.
71
00:04:25,959 --> 00:04:27,758
Can I use your phone?
72
00:04:27,759 --> 00:04:30,438
I thought you only wanted
a wash and blow dry. Mam!
73
00:04:30,439 --> 00:04:34,758
Very lazy race of people, the gays.
And you can't say anything to 'em
74
00:04:34,759 --> 00:04:36,838
because they're classed as
a minority.
75
00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:39,718
Not that there seems to be
a shortage of them.
76
00:04:39,719 --> 00:04:41,598
Morning!
77
00:04:41,599 --> 00:04:44,358
I don't think they're all lazy -
that one never stops.
78
00:04:44,359 --> 00:04:46,718
Why does no one ever listen to me?
79
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:50,918
In my day, you had to ask permission
to leave the table. Shove it!
80
00:04:50,919 --> 00:04:52,758
Are you gonna stand for that?
81
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:54,878
He didn't say it to me.
82
00:04:54,879 --> 00:04:58,958
Well, he'll never win it.
I've seen the dancing he does.
83
00:04:58,959 --> 00:05:00,799
All that writhing around
on the floor
84
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,799
like you're trying to
break your own back.
85
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,758
It's called street dancing.
86
00:05:04,759 --> 00:05:07,318
My Mel was a beautiful dancer.
87
00:05:07,319 --> 00:05:09,599
Very light on his feet.
88
00:05:11,079 --> 00:05:13,158
Maybe I could dance with
our Michael.
89
00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:16,078
Mel wasn't that much taller
than him.
90
00:05:16,079 --> 00:05:17,758
We used to do a Jitterbug.
91
00:05:17,759 --> 00:05:19,878
It wouldn't take that long
to teach him.
92
00:05:19,879 --> 00:05:25,398
Then again, I could always resurrect
my Black Bottom.
93
00:05:25,399 --> 00:05:29,439
Yeah. That'd cheer him up no end!
94
00:05:33,119 --> 00:05:35,718
'Chamber maid!'
95
00:05:35,719 --> 00:05:38,559
'Chamber maid!'
Please go away!
96
00:05:41,439 --> 00:05:44,518
Chamber maid!
How did you open the door?
97
00:05:44,519 --> 00:05:46,919
I've got a pass key.
But you don't work for the hotel.
98
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,919
How did you get that?
It's not who you know...
99
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,638
it's who you sleep with. Right,
we've got a little light breakfast
100
00:05:52,639 --> 00:05:54,798
and then we need to find you
a dance partner.
101
00:05:54,799 --> 00:05:57,277
I don't want a dance partner.
Please leave me alone.
102
00:05:57,278 --> 00:05:59,117
But I need you to win
this competition
103
00:05:59,118 --> 00:06:00,999
so I don't have to pay out
on the prize.
104
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:05,478
Oh, come on.
I know your dirty little secret.
105
00:06:05,479 --> 00:06:08,038
I beg your pardon?
All them dance trophies
106
00:06:08,039 --> 00:06:11,038
you once tried to take to the
car boot and Troy wouldn't let you.
107
00:06:11,039 --> 00:06:13,678
I won those when I was 12.
Aw, bless.
108
00:06:13,679 --> 00:06:16,798
I can see you now in your maroon
cat suit, bursting at the seams
109
00:06:16,799 --> 00:06:20,038
like a little saveloy in tap shoes.
I am not dancing for you.
110
00:06:20,039 --> 00:06:23,318
Even if I wanted to, which I don't,
that was almost 30 years ago.
111
00:06:23,319 --> 00:06:25,159
Believe me,
dancing is like the clap...
112
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,558
once you have it, you never lose it.
Please, Kenneth. I won't ask again.
113
00:06:28,559 --> 00:06:31,879
Just leave me alone.
I'm just trying to - Please!
114
00:06:33,079 --> 00:06:36,318
It's not my fault
you've had a row with Troy.
115
00:06:36,319 --> 00:06:39,078
I was just trying to make sure
that you have a nice holiday.
116
00:06:39,079 --> 00:06:42,678
But fine. If you want me to go,
that's just fine.
117
00:06:42,679 --> 00:06:44,838
I know when I'm not wanted.
118
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:47,079
You won't see me again today.
119
00:06:51,359 --> 00:06:54,158
There's no point in letting this
go to waste, is there?
120
00:06:54,159 --> 00:06:56,159
See you later.
121
00:06:57,759 --> 00:07:01,278
Yesterday she electrify swimmers in
the pool with her stupid microphone
122
00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,159
and today you say
she shoot you with a gun.
123
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,078
This woman has to go.
124
00:07:05,079 --> 00:07:08,038
It was a staple gun. And anyway,
I'm pretty sure it was an accident.
125
00:07:08,039 --> 00:07:10,078
Ow!
Hold still, young' un. Nearly done.
126
00:07:10,079 --> 00:07:13,038
If we all stick together
and say we cannot work with her,
127
00:07:13,039 --> 00:07:14,998
they will sack her, yes?
128
00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:17,558
Come on, has the mouse
got your tongues?
129
00:07:17,559 --> 00:07:19,798
She looks like a scary drag queen
130
00:07:19,799 --> 00:07:22,718
with her big hair and too much
make-up. No offence, Lesley.
131
00:07:22,719 --> 00:07:26,118
Yeah, but we've got rid of her now.
What are you talking about?
132
00:07:26,119 --> 00:07:30,678
I'm saying, now we've the new one
that you really like!
133
00:07:30,679 --> 00:07:33,398
Are you crazy?
Listen to what I am saying.
134
00:07:33,399 --> 00:07:35,639
I do not like the new manager. I...
135
00:07:37,799 --> 00:07:40,039
I... I...
136
00:07:42,119 --> 00:07:43,719
love her.
137
00:07:44,999 --> 00:07:47,078
I cannot explain it.
138
00:07:47,079 --> 00:07:51,238
Yes, she is beautiful,
but it is more than that.
139
00:07:51,239 --> 00:07:56,158
Every time we are together,
my heart beats so fast.
140
00:07:56,159 --> 00:07:58,598
But how can I say this to her?
141
00:07:58,599 --> 00:08:01,838
She is the boss
and I am just a barman...
142
00:08:01,839 --> 00:08:05,038
a very good looking barman,
but just a barman.
143
00:08:05,039 --> 00:08:07,719
I know we can never be together.
144
00:08:11,639 --> 00:08:15,078
Mrs Temple-Savage, how long
have you been standing there?
145
00:08:15,079 --> 00:08:17,238
Not long.
146
00:08:17,239 --> 00:08:19,358
Carry on with your work, boys.
147
00:08:19,359 --> 00:08:21,118
Ladies.
148
00:08:21,119 --> 00:08:25,399
And it's Miss Temple-Savage.
149
00:08:30,799 --> 00:08:33,398
I think I got away with that one.
150
00:08:33,399 --> 00:08:35,319
Mateo.
151
00:08:40,279 --> 00:08:42,399
I'm not sure you did, pal.
152
00:08:53,222 --> 00:08:57,142
All right.
There you go. That should be OK.
153
00:08:58,462 --> 00:09:01,101
But I think, for safety reasons,
154
00:09:01,102 --> 00:09:04,141
you should just stick to
one person, one sun bed.
155
00:09:04,142 --> 00:09:08,461
My wife and I were practising
the high lift from Dirty Dancing.
156
00:09:08,462 --> 00:09:11,381
For the competition tonight.
Right.
157
00:09:11,382 --> 00:09:13,541
Why don't you practice it
in the pool?
158
00:09:13,542 --> 00:09:17,621
Then next time, if you drop her,
it won't be so dangerous.
159
00:09:17,622 --> 00:09:21,742
Oh! You think it should be
lifting Jacqueline?
160
00:09:27,422 --> 00:09:30,621
Ooh, there you are.
161
00:09:30,622 --> 00:09:33,461
Three teas.
162
00:09:33,462 --> 00:09:37,701
You don't want to be drinking alcohol
at this time of the day.
163
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:42,421
You'll end up with a spastic liver
by the time you're 40.
164
00:09:42,422 --> 00:09:44,502
Or 50.
165
00:09:46,102 --> 00:09:49,061
You know, I'm actually
a year younger than Sam.
166
00:09:49,062 --> 00:09:50,941
Oh, are you?
167
00:09:50,942 --> 00:09:53,661
I am sorry.
I didn't mean to be rude.
168
00:09:53,662 --> 00:09:57,941
Come to think of it,
you do look a similar age...
169
00:09:57,942 --> 00:10:01,582
if you don't count the face area.
170
00:10:02,622 --> 00:10:06,821
We were just saying, we don't mind
if you want to sit somewhere else.
171
00:10:06,822 --> 00:10:11,061
We spend most of the day
eyeing up men and talking about sex.
172
00:10:11,062 --> 00:10:12,861
We wouldn't want to offend you.
173
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:16,741
Oh, I've been around the block
a few times, don't you worry.
174
00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:19,462
I could be your look out.
175
00:10:22,582 --> 00:10:25,782
Fresh bit of meat at 11 o'clock.
176
00:10:26,982 --> 00:10:30,302
Hey! Nice one, Noreen!
177
00:10:36,942 --> 00:10:40,421
What can I do you for, young man?
Hello. Is Liam around?
178
00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:42,581
Not right now.
Can I give him a message?
179
00:10:42,582 --> 00:10:44,701
Yeah. I just need to give him
some keys.
180
00:10:44,702 --> 00:10:47,101
Ah. You must be Jack,
his new flat mate.
181
00:10:47,102 --> 00:10:48,941
Liam's my son.
182
00:10:48,942 --> 00:10:51,822
Oh, hello. I thought he said his mum
lived in the UK.
183
00:10:52,982 --> 00:10:55,941
She does. I'm-I'm his dad.
184
00:10:55,942 --> 00:10:58,341
Oh, right.
185
00:10:58,342 --> 00:11:01,061
Sorry, it's just that in Benidorm,
186
00:11:01,062 --> 00:11:04,461
you get loads of ugly,
middle aged women with deep voices.
187
00:11:04,462 --> 00:11:07,261
No offence.
No, no, no, no.
188
00:11:07,262 --> 00:11:09,542
None taken... I think.
189
00:11:10,502 --> 00:11:13,621
Yes, pet?
Cup of tea and a Diet Coke please.
190
00:11:13,622 --> 00:11:15,302
Coming right up.
191
00:11:18,702 --> 00:11:20,702
Oh, my God.
192
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,701
What are you doing here?
I'm sorry?
193
00:11:24,702 --> 00:11:26,901
How did you know I was here?
I didn't.
194
00:11:26,902 --> 00:11:30,741
Oh, right.
So it's a big coincidence, is it?
195
00:11:30,742 --> 00:11:34,021
Look, Jack, you got into
enough trouble last time we met.
196
00:11:34,022 --> 00:11:36,661
I think it's best if you just go.
197
00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:39,021
How do you know my name?
You what?
198
00:11:39,022 --> 00:11:41,342
You just called me Jack.
How do you know my name?
199
00:11:41,343 --> 00:11:43,141
Have we met before?
200
00:11:43,142 --> 00:11:46,821
Well, apart from you stalking me
and ruining my mother's wedding day?
201
00:11:46,822 --> 00:11:49,661
Are you taking the piss?
Jack! Are you all moved in?
202
00:11:49,662 --> 00:11:52,421
All right, mate.
Yeah, sweet, all sorted.
203
00:11:52,422 --> 00:11:55,701
Here. One set of keys,
returned as promised. Brilliant.
204
00:11:55,702 --> 00:11:58,022
I've got to put up a sign.
It'll only take ten minutes.
205
00:11:58,023 --> 00:12:00,822
Then I'm on a break.
JACK: I'll just chill here. Cool.
206
00:12:02,582 --> 00:12:04,502
I hope you find
who you're looking for.
207
00:12:05,582 --> 00:12:08,182
One cup of tea, one Diet Coke.
208
00:12:09,822 --> 00:12:12,822
Everything all right?
No, it's not.
209
00:12:17,182 --> 00:12:22,341
Now, we need to make sure
the water's not too hot. Hot.
210
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,061
Mr Dixon's son is a solicitor.
211
00:12:24,062 --> 00:12:27,381
We don't want to be sued from
arsehole to breakfast time, do we?
212
00:12:27,382 --> 00:12:30,421
Actually, he's a barrister.
Best keep your mouth shut, Mr Dixon.
213
00:12:30,422 --> 00:12:33,101
We don't want it filling up
with hot water, do we?
214
00:12:33,102 --> 00:12:35,301
Now we put on the shampoo.
215
00:12:35,302 --> 00:12:37,022
Shampoo.
216
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:40,381
That's right.
217
00:12:40,382 --> 00:12:43,221
Now, I know this seems extravagant
for that amount of hair,
218
00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:45,021
but we never discriminate...
219
00:12:45,022 --> 00:12:47,381
even if the client
is a breath away from death.
220
00:12:47,382 --> 00:12:50,421
It is perfume-free shampoo, isn't it?
221
00:12:50,422 --> 00:12:53,941
I have a bit of an eczema problem
around the scalp.
222
00:12:53,942 --> 00:12:58,421
Can you be quiet, please, Mr Dixon?
Tricky part of the operation, this.
223
00:12:58,422 --> 00:13:00,182
Plus you may as well
save your breath...
224
00:13:00,183 --> 00:13:03,221
Carmen's still not up to speed
with the language. Lovely, Carmen.
225
00:13:03,222 --> 00:13:06,261
Ooh, that'll be the new sign.
226
00:13:06,262 --> 00:13:08,502
I'll be back in a minute.
227
00:13:14,022 --> 00:13:15,862
More, more.
228
00:13:17,502 --> 00:13:20,942
Are you going anywhere nice
on your holidays?
229
00:13:23,622 --> 00:13:26,621
Oh, thanks Liam. I owe you a drink.
230
00:13:26,622 --> 00:13:29,461
No worries. I said when it came
I'd put it up for you.
231
00:13:29,462 --> 00:13:32,541
When you've finished with the sign,
we can go grab a spare room!
232
00:13:32,542 --> 00:13:34,301
Hey, cheeky!
233
00:13:34,302 --> 00:13:37,141
What's going on here?
I'm re-branding.
234
00:13:37,142 --> 00:13:39,822
Blow and Go?
235
00:13:40,782 --> 00:13:43,942
Take that sign down now.
236
00:13:45,182 --> 00:13:48,021
Leave that sign where it is.
237
00:13:48,022 --> 00:13:50,342
I am telling you
to take down that sign.
238
00:13:51,422 --> 00:13:54,181
And I am telling you
to leave that sign where it is.
239
00:13:54,182 --> 00:13:56,901
Make a decision!
I don't know if I'm coming or going.
240
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:59,541
It's this kind of filth
that's going to downgrade us
241
00:13:59,542 --> 00:14:03,422
to a two star rating and I'm trying
to get us up to a four.
242
00:14:05,182 --> 00:14:08,261
I think you'll find the only filth
is in your mind.
243
00:14:08,262 --> 00:14:11,861
I am Derby Blow Wave champion
six years running.
244
00:14:11,862 --> 00:14:15,421
I am at the cutting edge
of fashion and hair design
245
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,581
and I'm not letting you stand in way
246
00:14:17,582 --> 00:14:20,861
of me attracting a young, hip,
trendy clientele.
247
00:14:20,862 --> 00:14:24,221
I think I've had a bit of a reaction
to that shampoo.
248
00:14:24,222 --> 00:14:26,782
Oh, my God!
249
00:14:33,222 --> 00:14:36,141
Of course it's him.
250
00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:38,621
I'd recognise that skinny little
runt anywhere.
251
00:14:38,622 --> 00:14:41,661
He wants to thank his lucky stars
my Mel's not still around...
252
00:14:41,662 --> 00:14:43,582
we'd have a bloodbath on our hands.
253
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,181
What if he's still hanging around
when Mick gets here?
254
00:14:46,182 --> 00:14:49,661
Ooh, that's a point.
If Mick starts, skinny or not,
255
00:14:49,662 --> 00:14:52,421
that lad'll make mince meat
out of that big pudding.
256
00:14:52,422 --> 00:14:54,221
I beg your pardon?
257
00:14:54,222 --> 00:14:56,821
My husband is very capable
of defending my honour.
258
00:14:56,822 --> 00:14:59,141
And where is he when you need him?
259
00:14:59,142 --> 00:15:02,061
He's been at home making sure
we've got a business to go back to
260
00:15:02,062 --> 00:15:03,901
when we've finished this holiday.
261
00:15:03,902 --> 00:15:06,342
And when he comes here,
he'll find you sitting there
262
00:15:06,343 --> 00:15:09,021
slavering over the lad
you had a fling with.
263
00:15:09,022 --> 00:15:12,661
I did not have a fling with him,
and I'm not slavering.
264
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:17,421
I just told you, I met him once
and he became obsessed with me.
265
00:15:17,422 --> 00:15:21,982
Oh, I can see that.
He can't keep his eyes off you!
266
00:15:27,582 --> 00:15:30,301
Why are you girls
sitting in the shade?
267
00:15:30,302 --> 00:15:34,661
You're welcome to join me here.
I don't bite, unless you ask nicely.
268
00:15:34,662 --> 00:15:36,342
I like the sound of that.
269
00:15:37,942 --> 00:15:40,061
All right, less is more.
270
00:15:40,062 --> 00:15:41,781
In the buffet of life,
271
00:15:41,782 --> 00:15:45,582
you get nothing for standing
at the back of the queue.
272
00:15:49,902 --> 00:15:51,661
Excuse me. I want a word with you.
273
00:15:51,662 --> 00:15:55,141
Oh, no, not again.
I don't know what your game is, lad,
274
00:15:55,142 --> 00:15:57,102
but I'd make yourself scarce
if I were you.
275
00:15:57,103 --> 00:15:59,061
Calm down, She-Ra.
276
00:15:59,062 --> 00:16:02,541
You what?
Don't Trudy. She's a nutter.
277
00:16:02,542 --> 00:16:05,101
I think I can sort this out, ladies.
278
00:16:05,102 --> 00:16:07,141
I obviously look like
someone you know.
279
00:16:07,142 --> 00:16:10,261
But I can assure you
we've never met.
280
00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:13,262
A case of rather sad
but wishful thinking.
281
00:16:14,422 --> 00:16:16,781
Better luck next time, love.
282
00:16:16,782 --> 00:16:20,061
You're starting to get on my nerves,
lady. It's just a misunderstanding.
283
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,101
Just keep your distance, soft lad,
284
00:16:22,102 --> 00:16:25,101
because if my husband
sees you're still stalking me
285
00:16:25,102 --> 00:16:29,541
when he gets here later on, believe
me, your life won't be worth living.
286
00:16:29,542 --> 00:16:34,461
Stalking you? I didn't realise
it was grab a granny week.
287
00:16:34,462 --> 00:16:36,541
No, it's not.
288
00:16:36,542 --> 00:16:40,021
Oh, my God!
It's strangle a slapper week.
289
00:16:40,022 --> 00:16:43,421
And unless you want a bit more of
this, I recommend you take yourself,
290
00:16:43,422 --> 00:16:45,741
your skanky mate
and your 12-year-old boyfriend
291
00:16:45,742 --> 00:16:49,261
as far away from me as possible.
Use both hands!
292
00:16:49,262 --> 00:16:51,861
I know what I'm doing, thank you,
mother.
293
00:16:51,862 --> 00:16:54,541
I can't breathe!
And for your information,
294
00:16:54,542 --> 00:16:56,901
I a grandmother and proud of it.
295
00:16:56,902 --> 00:16:58,982
What's going on here?
296
00:17:00,142 --> 00:17:02,582
Just a bit of friendly advice.
297
00:17:03,662 --> 00:17:07,061
You should have ripped her head off
and thrown it in the pool.
298
00:17:07,062 --> 00:17:10,461
Don't be ridiculous, mother.
Our Michael's got to swim in that.
299
00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:12,221
Well?
300
00:17:12,222 --> 00:17:15,622
Well what?! That mad bitch
just nearly killed me!
301
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,741
Shh, shh. This is not
the kind of behaviour
302
00:17:18,742 --> 00:17:21,741
we tolerate at a Solana resort.
303
00:17:21,742 --> 00:17:26,222
You're not in some grubby Spanish
all inclusive now, you know.
304
00:17:28,702 --> 00:17:30,861
I've got my eye on you two.
305
00:17:30,862 --> 00:17:33,221
That was unbelievable.
306
00:17:33,222 --> 00:17:37,501
Yeah. Thanks for jumping
so gallantly to my defence!
307
00:17:37,502 --> 00:17:40,941
Oh, God, what do you call it?
Grievous bodily harm.
308
00:17:40,942 --> 00:17:43,221
No. Out of Star Wars.
309
00:17:43,222 --> 00:17:45,781
Darth Vader Death Grip. That's it!
310
00:17:45,782 --> 00:17:48,301
Wicked!
311
00:17:48,302 --> 00:17:50,742
Right, that's all sorted.
312
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:55,822
I see you've made friends already.
313
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:05,379
Good afternoon, ladies and
gentlemen, senors and senoritas,
314
00:18:05,380 --> 00:18:08,579
mein herr and mein... him.
315
00:18:08,580 --> 00:18:11,339
Joyce Temple-Savage here,
your Solana manageress,
316
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,139
reminding you
of tonight's dance competition.
317
00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:18,419
Rehearsal space will be available
in the Hawaiian function room
318
00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:23,900
with coaching
from TV's very own Cyril Babcock.
319
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:36,339
OK, OK, stop the music.
320
00:18:36,340 --> 00:18:39,739
Thank you, Irene, Brendan.
Just stay there for a minute.
321
00:18:39,740 --> 00:18:43,020
Now, where do I start?
322
00:18:44,180 --> 00:18:47,259
That was supposed to be
the Argentine Tango.
323
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,499
I could see nothing
resembling a Tango
324
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:51,739
and the only thing that reminded me
of Argentina
325
00:18:51,740 --> 00:18:54,140
was the fact you looked like
two lumps of corned beef
326
00:18:54,141 --> 00:18:57,300
shuffling around the floor.
OK, assume the position.
327
00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:01,699
No, no, no, no, no.
328
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:03,939
This is the Tango.
329
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:07,739
It's about passion, it's about lust,
it's about sex.
330
00:19:07,740 --> 00:19:11,299
I need you both oozing sexuality.
331
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:14,179
I think Irene and Brendan
could start oozing a few things,
332
00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:15,979
but sexuality is not one of them.
333
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:19,939
Oh, I don't know.
I like bald men who wear glasses.
334
00:19:19,940 --> 00:19:21,699
Do you?
Oh, yeah.
335
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:24,339
And I like bald men
who don't wear glasses.
336
00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:26,139
Right.
337
00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:29,459
I'm quite keen on men with hair
that don't wear glasses, too.
338
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:33,219
Oh, yeah?
And of course, I love men with hair
339
00:19:33,220 --> 00:19:35,339
that do wear glasses.
340
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,739
I suppose
you could save a bit of time
341
00:19:37,740 --> 00:19:40,219
and just say you like
all men, really.
342
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,179
Oh, yeah.
343
00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,579
And women, of course.
344
00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:48,860
I'm not fussed either way
if they wear glasses or not.
345
00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:57,099
I think you've made
a rod for your own back
346
00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:59,739
as far as she's concerned, son.
What does this mean?
347
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:02,259
With Joyce, man.
She thinks it's game on.
348
00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:05,939
One smile from you and she'll jump
on you like a tramp on a kipper.
349
00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:08,539
Can you stop talking like this?
I do not understand.
350
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,940
You've got to tell her
you're not interested, man.
351
00:20:10,941 --> 00:20:14,419
You've got to lay your cards
on the table. Lay them on the table?
352
00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:16,659
Absolutely.
But remember, she's the boss.
353
00:20:16,660 --> 00:20:19,459
Just you make sure
you let her down gently.
354
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:22,139
OK, you two, Maria and Pilar
are taking over here.
355
00:20:22,140 --> 00:20:24,499
I want you both in
the Hawaiian function room.
356
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:27,099
Bit top heavy on women dancers
so we need a couple of men
357
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,099
to balance things out.
Nae bother.
358
00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:31,819
My wig was starting to chafe
in this heat anyway.
359
00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:34,619
I'll just gan swill my face.
Spoken like a true lady!
360
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:36,460
Mateo?
361
00:20:37,860 --> 00:20:39,619
A word, please.
362
00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:42,060
Come on, come on.
363
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:55,819
I think it only fair to tell you
that I heard what you said earlier.
364
00:20:55,820 --> 00:20:57,819
Yes. I need to talk to you
about this.
365
00:20:57,820 --> 00:20:59,579
Yes.
366
00:20:59,580 --> 00:21:01,539
I am sorry I made a rod for you.
367
00:21:01,540 --> 00:21:03,259
Ooh.
368
00:21:03,260 --> 00:21:06,379
Well, thankfully you were
standing behind the bar at the time
369
00:21:06,380 --> 00:21:08,299
and nobody noticed.
370
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:12,299
Miss Temple-Savage, listen to me.
Yes.
371
00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:16,060
I have many cards
and I need to lay you on the table.
372
00:21:17,420 --> 00:21:19,339
Please, call me Joyce.
373
00:21:19,340 --> 00:21:23,139
Joyce, I need you to know
how I feel.
374
00:21:23,140 --> 00:21:27,179
I want you to go... down gently.
375
00:21:27,180 --> 00:21:31,019
Well, don't worry.
I've got a lot of experience.
376
00:21:31,020 --> 00:21:32,819
You're in very safe hands.
377
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:36,299
Erm... you wanted to see me?
378
00:21:36,300 --> 00:21:38,380
Yes!
379
00:21:39,580 --> 00:21:42,260
Hasta la vista, carino.
380
00:21:44,460 --> 00:21:46,820
Can you dance?
No.
381
00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:53,859
Don't worry, it's still there.
What is?
382
00:21:53,860 --> 00:21:55,900
Your head.
383
00:21:57,060 --> 00:21:58,980
Here you are,
get that down your necks.
384
00:21:58,981 --> 00:22:01,179
Nice one.
385
00:22:01,180 --> 00:22:03,659
Thank you.
Everything all right?
386
00:22:03,660 --> 00:22:07,059
Here he is. Come on, son.
You're a drink behind.
387
00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:10,339
You lot go without me. I've got to
stay and dance with some pensioners.
388
00:22:10,340 --> 00:22:12,660
Oh, my God, mate.
Your job is just mental!
389
00:22:15,740 --> 00:22:17,459
Is it for this dance competition?
390
00:22:17,460 --> 00:22:20,419
Yeah. I've told my boss
I'm no good at dancing
391
00:22:20,420 --> 00:22:22,499
but she said I've got to
make up the numbers.
392
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:26,699
There's a prize for 100 euros, isn't
there? A voucher for the salon, yeah.
393
00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:28,739
Great. I'll come with you.
394
00:22:28,740 --> 00:22:30,939
Why don't we all go?
It'll be a laugh.
395
00:22:30,940 --> 00:22:32,580
Don't put yourself out.
396
00:22:34,940 --> 00:22:37,819
I don't think your mate likes me.
No, I don't think she does.
397
00:22:37,820 --> 00:22:39,739
Oh, no, I'm choked.
398
00:22:39,740 --> 00:22:41,540
Did you get it? Choked.
399
00:22:42,860 --> 00:22:45,060
Yeah. Hilarious!
400
00:22:55,620 --> 00:23:02,219
No, no. Stop the music. I'm sorry.
I can't watch any more of this.
401
00:23:02,220 --> 00:23:06,619
Our friend in the yellow, with the
blistered forehead - your name is?
402
00:23:06,620 --> 00:23:08,339
Mr Dixon.
403
00:23:08,340 --> 00:23:13,939
Mr Dixon. I'm sorry, sir, but your
timing is all over the place.
404
00:23:13,940 --> 00:23:17,299
Feet are very heavy and plodding,
there's far too much hesitation.
405
00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:20,259
There's no connection with the music.
406
00:23:20,260 --> 00:23:23,579
I mean, it's a disaster.
It's an unmitigated disaster.
407
00:23:23,580 --> 00:23:27,859
Well, I must say, I haven't
taken to the floor in some time.
408
00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:30,179
You nearly took to the floor
for the last time
409
00:23:30,180 --> 00:23:32,219
the way our friend in blue
was dragging you.
410
00:23:32,220 --> 00:23:34,819
Does he owe you money or something?
You what?
411
00:23:34,820 --> 00:23:37,099
I mean, a lady of your petite size
412
00:23:37,100 --> 00:23:41,859
should have style and grace to spare,
but it's just terrible.
413
00:23:41,860 --> 00:23:44,379
What's your name, my darling?
414
00:23:44,380 --> 00:23:46,539
My name is Madge.
415
00:23:46,540 --> 00:23:49,779
Madge.
I just don't know where to start.
416
00:23:49,780 --> 00:23:53,499
Your head position is all over
the place, your lines were dreadful.
417
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:57,979
You're not extending from the hip.
I'm lost for words.
418
00:23:57,980 --> 00:24:01,819
Really? Well, for somebody
who doesn't know what to say,
419
00:24:01,820 --> 00:24:04,499
you're something of a gob shite.
420
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:06,619
I beg your pardon?
421
00:24:06,620 --> 00:24:09,299
Listen here.
I was doing the Viennese waltz
422
00:24:09,300 --> 00:24:13,859
before I you could walk. And don't
talk to me about style and grace
423
00:24:13,860 --> 00:24:16,259
standing there
looking like a busted orange
424
00:24:16,260 --> 00:24:19,699
with your nylon wig
and your big girl's blouse.
425
00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:21,899
And as for extending from the hip,
426
00:24:21,900 --> 00:24:25,939
I'll be extending my right fist
into that fat, ugly face of yours
427
00:24:25,940 --> 00:24:28,579
if you don't learn some manners!
428
00:24:28,580 --> 00:24:31,459
Ladies and gents,
I think it's time for a break. Yeah!
429
00:24:31,460 --> 00:24:34,059
It'll be your fat neck
if I get another peep out of you.
430
00:24:34,060 --> 00:24:36,059
Look, Maud -
Madge!
431
00:24:36,060 --> 00:24:39,339
Madge. You're very welcome to leave
at any time.
432
00:24:39,340 --> 00:24:43,059
I am merely here to offer people
some expert advice
433
00:24:43,060 --> 00:24:45,500
and point them in
the right direction. Direction?
434
00:24:45,501 --> 00:24:47,659
You couldn't direct piss
into a bucket!
435
00:24:47,660 --> 00:24:52,219
Mother, sit down.
Yeah, show Squirrel some respect.
436
00:24:52,220 --> 00:24:54,419
Thank you, I -
I beg your pardon?
437
00:24:54,420 --> 00:24:56,380
You are the teacher,
she is the pupil.
438
00:24:56,381 --> 00:24:59,659
She should show you some respect.
No, I mean, what did you call me?
439
00:24:59,660 --> 00:25:03,019
Squirrel.
Squirrel?
440
00:25:03,020 --> 00:25:06,219
Yes. It's your name -
Squirrel Bigcock.
441
00:25:06,220 --> 00:25:08,499
It's a stage name, yes?
442
00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:11,659
Squirrel Bigcock?
443
00:25:11,660 --> 00:25:14,619
My name is Cyril Babcock.
444
00:25:14,620 --> 00:25:16,539
Oh.
445
00:25:16,540 --> 00:25:19,219
Is the same, no?
No, it is not the same.
446
00:25:19,220 --> 00:25:21,739
Keep your opinions to yourself.
You're staff.
447
00:25:21,740 --> 00:25:25,779
You should speak when spoken to.
Hey, what is wrong with you?
448
00:25:25,780 --> 00:25:27,659
I was saying you are the teacher.
449
00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:31,179
If I was teaching someone to dance,
I would want some respect.
450
00:25:31,180 --> 00:25:35,299
Yes, well, you're not a dancer.
You mop up spilt drinks for a living.
451
00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:38,019
Go and sit down, young man.
I think we can all do with a...
452
00:25:38,020 --> 00:25:41,019
I can dance better than you.
453
00:25:41,020 --> 00:25:46,980
Would you care to repeat that?
I can dance better than you.
454
00:25:48,500 --> 00:25:53,940
Are you challenging me
to a dance off, young man?
455
00:25:55,260 --> 00:25:58,019
Mateo versus Squirrel.
456
00:25:58,020 --> 00:25:59,820
Let's do it.
457
00:26:01,620 --> 00:26:03,660
Music!
458
00:26:32,620 --> 00:26:34,419
What's going on here?
459
00:26:34,420 --> 00:26:36,380
Cyril and Mateo
are having a dance off.
460
00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:41,259
Well, he's here to teach.
461
00:26:41,260 --> 00:26:44,140
He shouldn't be dancing like that.
He's got a heart condition.
462
00:26:49,660 --> 00:26:51,939
Do you know him, like?
463
00:26:51,940 --> 00:26:57,379
Well... we worked together in a Club
Med resort in the early nineties.
464
00:26:57,380 --> 00:26:59,939
I was a rep
465
00:26:59,940 --> 00:27:05,299
and Cyril and his wife, well, they
were resident dancing instructors.
466
00:27:05,300 --> 00:27:07,780
We were very close.
467
00:27:08,940 --> 00:27:11,340
I mean, just good friends.
He was a married man.
468
00:27:19,420 --> 00:27:22,620
Anyway, that was all
a long time ago.
469
00:27:59,180 --> 00:28:01,100
Ole!
470
00:28:07,220 --> 00:28:09,379
Oh!
471
00:28:09,380 --> 00:28:11,819
Oh, my God, my God!
472
00:28:11,820 --> 00:28:13,659
Cyril! Are you OK?
473
00:28:13,660 --> 00:28:17,659
Joyce. My darling Joyce.
474
00:28:17,660 --> 00:28:19,420
It's been a long time.
475
00:28:27,107 --> 00:28:30,146
Are you sure
you don't want to see a doctor?
476
00:28:30,147 --> 00:28:34,067
I'm fine, I'm fine.
I just need to get my breath back.
477
00:28:35,387 --> 00:28:38,546
I'd heard you were working here.
I assumed you were avoiding me.
478
00:28:38,547 --> 00:28:41,107
Not at all, Cyril.
Why would I do that?
479
00:28:42,467 --> 00:28:45,746
I just didn't want to make things
difficult for you.
480
00:28:45,747 --> 00:28:49,306
You know your wife didn't like me.
I assumed she'd be here.
481
00:28:49,307 --> 00:28:52,106
Genevieve died in 2001.
482
00:28:52,107 --> 00:28:54,986
Oh, Cyril, I'm so sorry.
483
00:28:54,987 --> 00:28:58,386
It was a steam roller accident
at a country fair.
484
00:28:58,387 --> 00:29:01,786
Oh, my God. She was run over
by a steam roller?
485
00:29:01,787 --> 00:29:04,106
No, no. Nothing as horrific as that.
486
00:29:04,107 --> 00:29:07,306
She was driving it.
Had a heart attack at the wheel.
487
00:29:07,307 --> 00:29:09,746
I'm so sorry.
488
00:29:09,747 --> 00:29:12,106
The two main loves
in Genevieve's life
489
00:29:12,107 --> 00:29:15,106
were dance
and agricultural machinery.
490
00:29:15,107 --> 00:29:19,546
She used to show tractors, ploughs
and such at these country fairs.
491
00:29:19,547 --> 00:29:22,386
It became something of an obsession.
492
00:29:22,387 --> 00:29:27,786
She was only 56 when she died.
She'd just put a deposit down
493
00:29:27,787 --> 00:29:31,707
on a four wheel drive rear-mounted
hydraulic potato sorter.
494
00:29:33,427 --> 00:29:35,627
It was delivered
on the day of her funeral.
495
00:29:36,547 --> 00:29:38,267
She never even saw it.
496
00:29:40,387 --> 00:29:44,386
But listen to me dancing down
memory lane! How are you?
497
00:29:44,387 --> 00:29:47,986
You look radiant.
498
00:29:47,987 --> 00:29:50,786
You haven't aged a day
since Faliraki.
499
00:29:50,787 --> 00:29:52,906
I certainly feel as though I have.
500
00:29:52,907 --> 00:29:57,906
No, I'm fine. You know me,
same old Joyce. All work and no play.
501
00:29:57,907 --> 00:29:59,626
Married?
No.
502
00:29:59,627 --> 00:30:03,466
But you must have
a gentlemen friend. No. Not really.
503
00:30:03,467 --> 00:30:06,026
I just don't understand it, Joyce.
504
00:30:06,027 --> 00:30:08,506
I was never what you'd call handsome
505
00:30:08,507 --> 00:30:10,786
but I seemed to get
the pick of the crop.
506
00:30:10,787 --> 00:30:18,106
Whereas you are as beautiful and as
ravishing as you were 20 years ago,
507
00:30:18,107 --> 00:30:20,226
yet you seem just as lonely.
508
00:30:20,227 --> 00:30:25,826
Something has happened...
very recently, here in fact.
509
00:30:25,827 --> 00:30:30,746
He's far too young for me,
but he's very keen.
510
00:30:30,747 --> 00:30:35,986
Of course he is.
He'd be a fool not to be.
511
00:30:35,987 --> 00:30:39,586
Ah, Squirrel.
Are you sure you are OK?
512
00:30:39,587 --> 00:30:43,386
I have somebody outside
who can take you to the hospital.
513
00:30:43,387 --> 00:30:48,106
Suddenly everything seems
very clear.
514
00:30:48,107 --> 00:30:51,266
Mr Babcock is fine, Mateo,
515
00:30:51,267 --> 00:30:53,786
if you'd like to get back to work.
516
00:30:53,787 --> 00:30:58,506
Hey, Squirrel,
you are a good dancer, you know.
517
00:30:58,507 --> 00:31:00,586
I think you won.
518
00:31:00,587 --> 00:31:02,906
No.
519
00:31:02,907 --> 00:31:08,227
No, my friend. I think you'll find
you are the winner.
520
00:31:23,587 --> 00:31:28,946
OK, ladies and gentlemen, let's get
the contest off to a great start
521
00:31:28,947 --> 00:31:31,386
with contestants number one.
522
00:31:31,387 --> 00:31:35,106
Please welcome to the floor,
dancing the Lambada,
523
00:31:35,107 --> 00:31:37,546
Donald and Jacqueline Stewart.
524
00:31:37,547 --> 00:31:40,187
Let's hear it, folks.
525
00:32:04,844 --> 00:32:07,763
Oh, my God. That is rough!
526
00:32:07,764 --> 00:32:11,803
They're actually not that bad.
They're better than me and Trudy.
527
00:32:11,804 --> 00:32:14,723
How you getting on with Sam?
She's dead nice, isn't she?
528
00:32:14,724 --> 00:32:17,323
Yeah, she's OK. Not my type, though.
529
00:32:17,324 --> 00:32:20,084
No? What is your type?
530
00:32:21,444 --> 00:32:23,444
Specific, mate.
531
00:32:24,844 --> 00:32:26,804
Very specific.
532
00:32:31,444 --> 00:32:33,603
She's gonna put her back out.
533
00:32:33,604 --> 00:32:36,243
And then when he falls on top of her,
that'll be her lot.
534
00:32:36,244 --> 00:32:38,443
Thank you and good night.
535
00:32:38,444 --> 00:32:41,643
Are you nervous, Michael?
I wanted my dad to see me.
536
00:32:41,644 --> 00:32:46,443
Where is he? He was supposed to be
here ages ago. Why hasn't he rang?
537
00:32:46,444 --> 00:32:49,443
The flight must have been delayed.
He'll be here soon.
538
00:32:49,444 --> 00:32:52,923
Maybe he's had a better offer.
What does that mean?
539
00:32:52,924 --> 00:32:55,643
He's always had a wandering eye,
that one.
540
00:32:55,644 --> 00:32:59,923
On a plane, all them young dolly bird
stewardesses.
541
00:32:59,924 --> 00:33:02,444
You won't see him tonight.
542
00:33:04,924 --> 00:33:07,563
Oh, look, she's coming over now.
543
00:33:07,564 --> 00:33:10,803
You better say something or she'll
be sniffing round you all season
544
00:33:10,804 --> 00:33:12,603
like a fly round a cow's arse.
545
00:33:12,604 --> 00:33:16,083
But I've tried. I cannot make her
understand. You must help me.
546
00:33:16,084 --> 00:33:18,324
Oh, sorry pal, you're on your own
with this one.
547
00:33:22,044 --> 00:33:27,723
We need to talk. Get two gin
and lemons and join me over there.
548
00:33:27,724 --> 00:33:31,804
But I don't like gin.
Oh, yes. Bring a drink for yourself.
549
00:33:43,084 --> 00:33:47,723
Donald and Jacqueline there with
their unique take on the Lambada.
550
00:33:47,724 --> 00:33:50,323
Can we have a mop and bucket
on that floor, please?
551
00:33:50,324 --> 00:33:55,643
Next up we have Michael Garvey
with his solo street dance.
552
00:33:55,644 --> 00:33:57,324
Let's hear it for Michael.
553
00:34:32,044 --> 00:34:33,723
Miss Temple-Savage -
Joyce.
554
00:34:33,724 --> 00:34:36,563
Joyce, I need to tell you something.
Please, let me speak first.
555
00:34:36,564 --> 00:34:38,683
No, this is very important.
You and me...
556
00:34:38,684 --> 00:34:42,203
it's never going to happen.
If you'll just listen - What?
557
00:34:42,204 --> 00:34:45,523
You're a handsome man
and I am very flattered,
558
00:34:45,524 --> 00:34:47,763
but you're not the one for me.
559
00:34:47,764 --> 00:34:49,443
OK.
560
00:34:49,444 --> 00:34:51,284
I know this is going to be
very difficult
561
00:34:51,285 --> 00:34:54,843
but you're going to have to
put your passion for me to one side.
562
00:34:54,844 --> 00:34:58,643
See, I've already missed
an opportunity to be with somebody
563
00:34:58,644 --> 00:35:00,963
that I cared for very deeply.
564
00:35:00,964 --> 00:35:05,243
Now circumstances
mean there's another chance.
565
00:35:05,244 --> 00:35:09,924
And at my age, that's something
you can't pass up on.
566
00:35:11,564 --> 00:35:14,084
I'm going to need
some Dutch courage.
567
00:35:16,524 --> 00:35:19,324
Oh, I'm sorry.
What is it you wanted to say to me?
568
00:35:34,484 --> 00:35:40,363
Michael Garvey there
with a very modern and novel routine.
569
00:35:40,364 --> 00:35:47,284
Next up, with a twist, we have
Mateo Castellano and Noreen Maltby.
570
00:36:23,764 --> 00:36:26,723
Oh, you little beauty!
571
00:36:26,724 --> 00:36:29,043
I'm not dancing.
What are you having to drink?
572
00:36:29,044 --> 00:36:30,883
Nothing. I'm fine.
573
00:36:30,884 --> 00:36:33,043
This is gonna be a fun evening,
isn't it?
574
00:36:33,044 --> 00:36:35,364
He hasn't called.
Of course he hasn't called you.
575
00:36:35,365 --> 00:36:38,963
It was you who suggested
coming out here on your own.
576
00:36:38,964 --> 00:36:40,923
Oh, look.
577
00:36:40,924 --> 00:36:44,043
Just because he hasn't rung
doesn't mean he loves you any less.
578
00:36:44,044 --> 00:36:45,883
No, it's quite the reverse.
579
00:36:45,884 --> 00:36:49,323
He thinks you've asked for a bit of
space and he's giving it to you.
580
00:36:49,324 --> 00:36:51,764
That's how much he loves you.
581
00:36:59,284 --> 00:37:01,723
Now will you please
show how much you love me
582
00:37:01,724 --> 00:37:04,244
and win this competition
so I don't have to pay out?
583
00:37:05,284 --> 00:37:07,763
I'm not dancing with you.
Yes!
584
00:37:07,764 --> 00:37:11,403
Now, don't worry. Your dance partner
should be here along any minute now.
585
00:37:11,404 --> 00:37:13,724
Who?
Shh!
586
00:37:14,924 --> 00:37:17,124
Whoa!
587
00:38:08,164 --> 00:38:10,923
Don't think Sam and Jack
are getting on too well.
588
00:38:10,924 --> 00:38:12,843
I think he likes her.
Really?
589
00:38:12,844 --> 00:38:15,723
Well, when I say that, I mean
he hasn't tried to strangle her yet.
590
00:38:15,724 --> 00:38:18,643
He's a bit weird, isn't he?
I thought he was your mate.
591
00:38:18,644 --> 00:38:21,523
No, he just answered an ad
in the paper about my spare room.
592
00:38:21,524 --> 00:38:24,123
You just gave it to the first nutter
that came along?
593
00:38:24,124 --> 00:38:25,964
Genius!
594
00:38:31,364 --> 00:38:35,763
That was Liam and Trudy.
Very nicely done.
595
00:38:35,764 --> 00:38:40,683
Next on the floor with the pasodoble,
Gavin Ramsbottom and partner.
596
00:38:40,684 --> 00:38:42,484
Right.
Come on, you, get on your feet.
597
00:38:42,485 --> 00:38:44,484
It's you, isn't it?
I'm dancing with you?
598
00:38:44,485 --> 00:38:47,324
Forget about it.
I'm not making a fool of myself!
599
00:40:04,884 --> 00:40:08,883
There's a turn up for the books.
The pros are in tonight, folks.
600
00:40:08,884 --> 00:40:12,404
Next in line
are Janice and Mick Garvey.
601
00:40:16,164 --> 00:40:19,923
Sorry, love, he's not here.
Well, there's a surprise!
602
00:40:19,924 --> 00:40:22,763
I wonder who she is this time.
603
00:40:22,764 --> 00:40:25,363
I've never spoken to you
like this before, mother,
604
00:40:25,364 --> 00:40:27,243
and God forgive me for saying it,
605
00:40:27,244 --> 00:40:30,243
but if you don't shut your gob,
I will happily shut it for you!
606
00:40:30,244 --> 00:40:36,483
Never mind. That just leaves us with
our final contestants, Jack and Sam.
607
00:40:36,484 --> 00:40:40,083
I hope that's not two fellas.
We do have some standards, you know.
608
00:40:40,084 --> 00:40:42,803
Where are you, Jack and Sam?
We didn't rehearse anything.
609
00:40:42,804 --> 00:40:45,763
What dance are we supposed to be
doing? A gentleman's excuse me.
610
00:40:45,764 --> 00:40:47,884
How does that go?
It's easy. Excuse me.
611
00:40:49,684 --> 00:40:51,683
May I have this dance?
612
00:40:51,684 --> 00:40:55,564
No, you may not. Now piss off.
Now, now, that's not very nice.
613
00:41:09,964 --> 00:41:14,083
What is wrong with your mate?
I told you, he's mental.
614
00:41:14,084 --> 00:41:16,564
He's not my mate.
He just answered an ad in the paper.
615
00:41:18,524 --> 00:41:20,724
An ad for what? Psychotic nut job?
616
00:41:23,164 --> 00:41:24,923
Let go of me.
617
00:41:24,924 --> 00:41:27,643
I'm sorry for pretending
not to recognise you, Janice.
618
00:41:27,644 --> 00:41:30,004
It just that the last time
we bumped into each other,
619
00:41:30,005 --> 00:41:33,763
you weren't that keen, so I thought
I'd try a bit of reverse psychology.
620
00:41:33,764 --> 00:41:36,004
When that didn't work,
I realised I would have to
621
00:41:36,005 --> 00:41:38,163
go for good old fashioned
brute force.
622
00:41:38,164 --> 00:41:40,163
Let go of me! I don't even know you
623
00:41:40,164 --> 00:41:42,044
and my husband will be here
in a minute.
624
00:41:42,045 --> 00:41:44,163
I'll believe that when I see it.
625
00:41:44,164 --> 00:41:46,364
Fancy meeting you here.
Mick.
626
00:41:53,484 --> 00:41:56,163
Who's that knob head?
Somebody who thought he was helping
627
00:41:56,164 --> 00:41:59,204
until you got here.
Yeah, well, I'm here now.
628
00:42:02,164 --> 00:42:06,163
I want a word with you.
What? Outside now.
629
00:42:06,164 --> 00:42:09,644
Who died and left you
a pair of balls? Outside!
630
00:42:15,804 --> 00:42:17,523
What?
631
00:42:17,524 --> 00:42:19,563
Keys.
632
00:42:19,564 --> 00:42:21,363
What?
Keys to my flat.
633
00:42:21,364 --> 00:42:23,123
I've changed my mind.
634
00:42:23,124 --> 00:42:25,524
Don't be like that, Liam.
I thought we were friends.
635
00:42:25,525 --> 00:42:28,723
I don't want a coward
who goes around threatening women
636
00:42:28,724 --> 00:42:31,963
as a flatmate, and I certainly
don't want him as a friend.
637
00:42:31,964 --> 00:42:35,004
Well, I'm sorry mate.
That's not the way I see it.
638
00:42:36,164 --> 00:42:38,163
I want my keys back.
639
00:42:38,164 --> 00:42:41,323
What, these?
Yeah. Oops.
640
00:42:41,324 --> 00:42:43,523
Oops.
641
00:42:43,524 --> 00:42:45,524
I think you'll find
these are my keys.
642
00:42:46,804 --> 00:42:49,803
You can't stay in someone's flat
when they don't want you there.
643
00:42:49,804 --> 00:42:51,764
Really? Who says I can't?
644
00:42:53,164 --> 00:42:55,403
I do.
645
00:42:55,404 --> 00:42:58,963
Oh, my God! You've killed him!
Course I haven't, soft lad.
646
00:42:58,964 --> 00:43:02,043
Have you never smashed anyone
over the head with a bottle of beer?
647
00:43:02,044 --> 00:43:04,083
No, I haven't!
Come on.
648
00:43:04,084 --> 00:43:07,363
They're about to announce the winner
of the dance competition.
649
00:43:07,364 --> 00:43:10,723
We can't just leave him here
in the middle of the street!
650
00:43:10,724 --> 00:43:16,804
OK, ladies and gentlemen,
it's Gavin Ramsbottom and partner!
651
00:43:25,724 --> 00:43:29,963
Well done, everybody. And remember,
it's not the taking part...
652
00:43:29,964 --> 00:43:32,163
it's the winning - that counts.
653
00:43:32,164 --> 00:43:37,124
Now, if you'd like to all join in,
it's the last dance of the evening.
654
00:43:45,684 --> 00:43:51,084
♪ I wonder should I go
or should I stay ♪
655
00:43:53,004 --> 00:43:58,603
♪ The band had only one more song
to play...♪
656
00:43:58,604 --> 00:44:01,723
So on scale of one to ten,
how much have you missed me?
657
00:44:01,724 --> 00:44:03,763
Is everything all right
with the shop?
658
00:44:03,764 --> 00:44:06,403
Did they find out the cause
of the fire? Oh, that much?
659
00:44:06,404 --> 00:44:09,443
Of course I've missed you, silly sod.
I'm just asking.
660
00:44:09,444 --> 00:44:11,804
The cause of the fire
were them cheap tanning tubes
661
00:44:11,805 --> 00:44:15,563
I bought off Chinese Eric. The place
went up like a bunch of dried twigs.
662
00:44:15,564 --> 00:44:18,683
Bloody hell. Well thank God
we only tried them out in one shop.
663
00:44:18,684 --> 00:44:20,684
Yeah. Thank God.
664
00:44:26,724 --> 00:44:29,163
Joyce, I don't know what to say.
665
00:44:29,164 --> 00:44:31,683
I'm not the man I used to be.
666
00:44:31,684 --> 00:44:34,803
I can hardly compete
with your young chap.
667
00:44:34,804 --> 00:44:37,963
He never was my chap.
668
00:44:37,964 --> 00:44:43,523
I leave for Thailand tomorrow.
A month-long contract
669
00:44:43,524 --> 00:44:46,404
choreographing for
The Bobby Chung Situation.
670
00:44:46,484 --> 00:44:50,443
The what?
A lady boy revue in Bangkok.
671
00:44:50,444 --> 00:44:52,243
Oh.
672
00:44:52,244 --> 00:44:54,403
I'll be back in four weeks.
673
00:44:54,404 --> 00:44:56,803
Wait for me.
674
00:44:56,804 --> 00:44:58,804
You know where to find to find me.
675
00:45:06,164 --> 00:45:08,403
What are we gonna do?
What do you mean?
676
00:45:08,404 --> 00:45:10,803
What do you think I mean?
Everything's insured.
677
00:45:10,804 --> 00:45:14,083
There's nothing to worry about.
When you took over the shops from Mel
678
00:45:14,084 --> 00:45:16,883
you said insurance was a mug's game
and refused to pay it.
679
00:45:16,884 --> 00:45:19,083
Of course I paid it.
Now stop worrying.
680
00:45:19,084 --> 00:45:20,804
One of the shop's burns to the ground
681
00:45:20,805 --> 00:45:24,083
and he says stop worrying?
Oi, come here.
682
00:45:24,084 --> 00:45:27,083
Just tell me you've paid
the insurance premium, Mick.
683
00:45:27,084 --> 00:45:29,683
What do you take me for?
Some kind of idiot?
684
00:45:29,684 --> 00:45:31,804
Now come here.
685
00:45:47,604 --> 00:45:49,604
Can somebody help me, please?
686
00:45:51,084 --> 00:45:53,164
Hello!
687
00:45:54,444 --> 00:45:56,724
Can somebody help me, please?
688
00:45:56,779 --> 00:46:02,079
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