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1
00:00:02,218 --> 00:00:04,628
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,981 --> 00:00:08,723
Ho-ho!
What's the rush, man?
3
00:00:08,724 --> 00:00:10,125
I almost forgot.
4
00:00:10,126 --> 00:00:12,077
It's 6:00, and today's my
15th wedding anniversary.
5
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:14,112
Ah, you're going out
and buy Vera a present
6
00:00:14,113 --> 00:00:15,373
before the stores close?
7
00:00:15,381 --> 00:00:17,448
(horn beeping)
8
00:00:17,516 --> 00:00:18,917
Happy anniversary, honey.
9
00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:23,254
Sorry, Sammy, you were saying?
10
00:00:26,775 --> 00:00:28,626
(theme song begins)
11
00:00:31,514 --> 00:00:34,215
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
12
00:00:34,283 --> 00:00:37,985
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
13
00:00:39,688 --> 00:00:43,791
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
14
00:00:43,859 --> 00:00:46,494
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
15
00:00:46,562 --> 00:00:49,230
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
16
00:00:49,298 --> 00:00:53,268
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
17
00:01:12,254 --> 00:01:14,122
Okay, fellas,
let's call it a night.
18
00:01:14,190 --> 00:01:16,224
Boy, that's the longest day
of my life.
19
00:01:16,292 --> 00:01:17,792
Yeah? Why so
tired, Sammy?
20
00:01:17,793 --> 00:01:19,577
Oh, I didn't get a wink
of sleep last night.
21
00:01:19,578 --> 00:01:21,963
Ooh!
Ooh!
22
00:01:21,964 --> 00:01:23,848
Oh, no, no, give me
a break, will you?
23
00:01:23,849 --> 00:01:26,384
Not everything I do in my
life has to do with sex.
24
00:01:26,451 --> 00:01:27,502
Sure it does, Sammy.
25
00:01:27,503 --> 00:01:28,836
Come on, give us the details.
26
00:01:28,837 --> 00:01:29,871
Yeah, come on.
27
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,589
Yeah, well, I had silverfish
28
00:01:31,657 --> 00:01:33,691
all over my apartment
last night.
29
00:01:33,759 --> 00:01:35,009
Ewww!
30
00:01:35,077 --> 00:01:36,645
Silverfish!
31
00:01:36,712 --> 00:01:40,464
Spent the whole night rolling
up newspapers and swatting them.
32
00:01:40,532 --> 00:01:42,750
Oh, kinky.
33
00:01:42,818 --> 00:01:44,152
SAM:
It got so bad
34
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:45,453
there for a while, I...
35
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,989
I started rubbing ammonia
on the baseboard.
36
00:01:47,990 --> 00:01:50,258
(howls)
Sammy, don't know what that means,
37
00:01:50,259 --> 00:01:53,161
but does she have a sister?
38
00:01:53,228 --> 00:01:54,862
Hey, guys, I...
I'm serious, man.
39
00:01:54,863 --> 00:01:56,631
I've got some...
I've got a real problem
40
00:01:56,632 --> 00:01:57,749
with insects in my place.
41
00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,620
As a matter of fact, uh,
they're, uh,
42
00:01:59,621 --> 00:02:01,502
tenting the whole building,
you know,
43
00:02:01,503 --> 00:02:04,238
and fumigating it
for, like, 24 hours.
44
00:02:04,239 --> 00:02:05,973
Ouch!
Where are you gonna sleep?
45
00:02:05,974 --> 00:02:07,309
I happen to be
spending the night
46
00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:08,776
with a very close friend
of mine.
47
00:02:08,777 --> 00:02:11,067
(grunting salaciously)
Close friend! Hey!
48
00:02:11,068 --> 00:02:12,980
Sam, you don't have to spend the
night with one of your bimbos.
49
00:02:12,981 --> 00:02:14,081
You can come over to my house.
50
00:02:14,082 --> 00:02:15,517
I have a fold-out couch.
51
00:02:15,584 --> 00:02:17,335
(Norm howls, Cliff snickers)
52
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:19,971
As nice as that
offer sounds, uh,
53
00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:22,073
the alternative
is to spend the night
54
00:02:22,074 --> 00:02:23,775
with a stewardess who's offered
55
00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:25,376
to bump me up to first class.
56
00:02:25,444 --> 00:02:27,645
CLIFF AND NORM:
Ooh...
57
00:02:27,713 --> 00:02:30,031
Oh, yeah, hey,
I had a stew once.
58
00:02:30,099 --> 00:02:31,549
Yeah, used to go out with her.
59
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,035
Boy, was she wild in the sack.
60
00:02:34,103 --> 00:02:35,269
What airline?
61
00:02:35,337 --> 00:02:37,238
Shut up.
62
00:02:37,239 --> 00:02:40,174
Well, Sam, if you
change your mind,
63
00:02:40,175 --> 00:02:41,576
you do have a place to stay.
64
00:02:41,644 --> 00:02:43,978
Yeah, well, you know,
with all due respect,
65
00:02:44,046 --> 00:02:46,036
we're not talking
about your love life.
66
00:02:46,037 --> 00:02:47,682
We're talking about
my love life.
67
00:02:47,683 --> 00:02:49,968
It will work out for Sammy.
68
00:02:50,035 --> 00:02:54,439
If your ego needs a place
to stay, give me a call.
69
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,857
CLIFF:
Of course it'll work out.
70
00:02:55,858 --> 00:02:56,991
It's a stew, isn't it?
71
00:02:57,059 --> 00:02:58,559
Boy, don't I know.
72
00:02:58,627 --> 00:02:59,677
How do you know?
73
00:02:59,728 --> 00:03:01,796
Shut up!
74
00:03:03,199 --> 00:03:06,034
Hey, Wood, come on,
I'll walk you to your car.
75
00:03:06,035 --> 00:03:07,118
Good night, Sam.
76
00:03:07,119 --> 00:03:08,486
Good night, Woody.
77
00:03:08,553 --> 00:03:10,788
Oh, hey, uh, listen, Sam.
78
00:03:10,789 --> 00:03:12,540
You know, don't worry
about that
79
00:03:12,541 --> 00:03:13,458
bug killer stuff.
80
00:03:13,459 --> 00:03:15,660
They say to stay out
for 24 hours,
81
00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:17,695
but that's just overcautious.
82
00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:19,163
They sprayed my building once.
83
00:03:19,164 --> 00:03:20,214
I went right back in.
84
00:03:20,232 --> 00:03:21,282
Come on.
85
00:03:23,052 --> 00:03:24,519
Okay, let's go.
86
00:03:24,587 --> 00:03:26,954
Oh, by the way, Sam,
uh, listen,
87
00:03:27,022 --> 00:03:28,590
uh, I was meaning to tell you.
88
00:03:28,591 --> 00:03:30,291
Don't worry
about that bug killer stuff.
89
00:03:30,292 --> 00:03:32,162
They tell you to stay out
for 24 hours.
90
00:03:32,194 --> 00:03:33,514
That's just overcautious.
91
00:03:33,515 --> 00:03:34,896
They sprayed my building once.
92
00:03:34,897 --> 00:03:35,963
I went right back in.
93
00:03:36,031 --> 00:03:37,515
You ready, Carla?
94
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:39,967
Okay, guys, come on, let's go.
95
00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:41,036
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
96
00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:42,170
All right, good night.
97
00:03:42,171 --> 00:03:45,206
Hey, good luck with
that stewardess, huh?
98
00:03:45,274 --> 00:03:48,443
Swat a few silverfish for me.
99
00:03:48,511 --> 00:03:50,501
Cliffie, you just
don't get it, do you?
100
00:03:50,513 --> 00:03:52,647
No.
101
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:56,484
(humming)
102
00:04:08,997 --> 00:04:10,764
(spritzing)
103
00:04:14,236 --> 00:04:16,221
(knocking)
104
00:04:16,288 --> 00:04:17,371
Ooh, yes!
105
00:04:17,439 --> 00:04:21,126
(singing happily)
106
00:04:21,193 --> 00:04:22,994
Hold on.
107
00:04:23,062 --> 00:04:24,112
There we are.
108
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,496
Hi, Sam.
109
00:04:25,564 --> 00:04:28,867
(laughing):
Look at you- you wore your uniform.
110
00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:31,235
Hey, what do you say
we, uh, lock ourselves
111
00:04:31,236 --> 00:04:33,805
in the bathroom there and
relive our first meeting?
112
00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:35,073
Oh... I'd love to, Sam,
113
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,831
but I just stopped by
to tell you,
114
00:04:36,842 --> 00:04:38,977
I gotta be on a plane
in 45 minutes.
115
00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:39,844
No!
116
00:04:39,845 --> 00:04:42,464
Aw... well, heck.
117
00:04:42,531 --> 00:04:44,365
Well, 45 minutes-
that gives us
118
00:04:44,433 --> 00:04:46,167
plenty of time to relive it.
119
00:04:46,168 --> 00:04:47,118
What say, huh?
120
00:04:47,119 --> 00:04:48,486
No, no, no, I've got to go.
121
00:04:48,554 --> 00:04:49,620
The airport's a zoo.
122
00:04:49,688 --> 00:04:52,323
50,000 Shriners are coming in
for a convention.
123
00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:55,376
Why... why don't they stay
in their own country, huh?
124
00:04:57,646 --> 00:04:58,713
(rattling)
125
00:04:58,781 --> 00:05:00,181
Oh...
Oh, yeah, sorry.
126
00:05:00,248 --> 00:05:01,949
You've just gotta...
127
00:05:02,017 --> 00:05:03,084
There you go.
128
00:05:03,152 --> 00:05:04,419
Good night.
Thanks.
129
00:05:04,486 --> 00:05:05,653
See you when I get back.
130
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,121
Yeah, you bet, you bet.
131
00:05:07,189 --> 00:05:08,906
Shoot, shoot.
132
00:05:08,974 --> 00:05:10,591
Well...
133
00:05:10,659 --> 00:05:12,026
Oh, oh, oh, wait a minute.
134
00:05:12,027 --> 00:05:13,127
Wait, wait... oh!
135
00:05:13,128 --> 00:05:14,629
Say, Julie?
136
00:05:14,696 --> 00:05:15,929
Julie?
137
00:05:15,930 --> 00:05:18,032
Hey, honey, listen,
I need a place to stay.
138
00:05:18,033 --> 00:05:19,284
Julie!
139
00:05:19,351 --> 00:05:20,401
(latch clicks)
140
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,071
(rattling latch)
141
00:05:29,611 --> 00:05:31,312
Oh, no.
142
00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:39,520
SHRINER: Believe me, honey,
you were wise to stay home.
143
00:05:39,521 --> 00:05:42,289
This town is nothing
compared to Cincinnati.
144
00:05:42,358 --> 00:05:47,662
Yeah, I just, uh, stayed in
my hotel room, watched CNN.
145
00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:49,497
I don't watch movies like that.
146
00:05:49,565 --> 00:05:50,998
You know that.
147
00:05:51,066 --> 00:05:53,334
Hey, excuse me,
I gotta use the phone.
148
00:05:53,335 --> 00:05:54,852
I locked myself out of my bar,
149
00:05:54,853 --> 00:05:56,721
and I gotta call my waitress
to get the keys,
150
00:05:56,722 --> 00:05:57,855
so could you hurry up, please?
151
00:05:57,856 --> 00:06:00,057
Hey, uh, look, I gotta run.
152
00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:02,677
Honey, you know
I wanted to bring you,
153
00:06:02,745 --> 00:06:05,379
but none of the guys
brought their wives.
154
00:06:05,447 --> 00:06:08,282
Don't start.
Don't start.
155
00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:10,685
You're starting again.
Don't start.
156
00:06:10,752 --> 00:06:12,986
Once she gets started...
157
00:06:15,558 --> 00:06:18,092
Yes. Yes, dear.
158
00:06:23,432 --> 00:06:28,102
(ringing doorbell insistently)
Carla! Carla!
159
00:06:32,608 --> 00:06:34,058
Oh. I'm... I'm sorry.
160
00:06:34,059 --> 00:06:36,394
You know, I didn't know
you were going to be here.
161
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:37,695
And now you do.
162
00:06:37,763 --> 00:06:40,564
Uh... Wait a minute. Come back!
Hey, let me in, will you?
163
00:06:40,632 --> 00:06:42,550
I locked myself out of the bar.
164
00:06:42,551 --> 00:06:44,052
I need to borrow Carla's keys.
165
00:06:44,053 --> 00:06:45,453
Fine.
166
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,021
Carla!
167
00:06:47,089 --> 00:06:49,323
Sam's here.
168
00:06:49,391 --> 00:06:50,809
Hey, you know what?
169
00:06:50,876 --> 00:06:54,112
I could borrow your keys
to Melville's.
170
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:56,764
Yes, you could. Carla!
171
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,534
Hey.
Hey.
172
00:07:00,602 --> 00:07:02,036
What's up, Sammy?
173
00:07:02,104 --> 00:07:04,906
Oh, well, I, uh...
My date didn't turn out,
174
00:07:04,907 --> 00:07:06,607
and I locked myself
out of the bar,
175
00:07:06,608 --> 00:07:08,238
and so I need to
borrow your keys.
176
00:07:08,243 --> 00:07:09,543
You have my set.
177
00:07:09,611 --> 00:07:11,145
No, I don't.
Yeah. Remember?
178
00:07:11,146 --> 00:07:12,963
Woody lost his,
so you gave him yours,
179
00:07:12,964 --> 00:07:14,865
and then you took mine,
and then he lost yours again.
180
00:07:14,866 --> 00:07:18,085
Oh, I do hope you haven't sold
the movie rights
181
00:07:18,153 --> 00:07:21,188
to this fascinating story.
182
00:07:21,256 --> 00:07:23,625
Hey, why don't you go over
to Rebecca's?
183
00:07:23,692 --> 00:07:25,159
I mean, she offered, right?
184
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,744
No, no, no, no.
I said some stuff.
185
00:07:26,745 --> 00:07:28,979
I don't want her to
throw it back in my face.
186
00:07:29,047 --> 00:07:32,800
Well, I guess you could
stay here for the night.
187
00:07:32,867 --> 00:07:33,917
Yeah! Yeah!
188
00:07:33,919 --> 00:07:35,636
All right, thanks. Yeah.
189
00:07:35,704 --> 00:07:37,521
Look, Sammy...
What?
190
00:07:37,589 --> 00:07:39,590
No matter what you hear,
191
00:07:39,658 --> 00:07:42,393
no matter how much I scream
or call for help,
192
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:44,979
do not open the bedroom
door- got it?
193
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:47,665
Ditto for me, too, Sam.
194
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,534
Oh, no, no, no, uh, listen...
195
00:07:49,601 --> 00:07:51,335
maybe, uh...
I-I tell you what.
196
00:07:51,403 --> 00:07:53,203
I know a guy who's
got a hotel near...
197
00:07:53,271 --> 00:07:54,705
Fabulous idea!
198
00:07:57,776 --> 00:07:59,209
Good night, Sam.
199
00:08:06,484 --> 00:08:08,235
No. We have no rooms.
200
00:08:08,303 --> 00:08:10,571
Every hotel is full.
201
00:08:10,638 --> 00:08:13,374
There's a Shriners' convention
in town.
202
00:08:13,442 --> 00:08:15,776
Stop bothering me!
203
00:08:15,844 --> 00:08:18,346
If I have to deal with
one more idiot tonight,
204
00:08:18,347 --> 00:08:19,681
I'm going to strangle him.
205
00:08:19,682 --> 00:08:22,483
How may I help you, sir?
206
00:08:22,551 --> 00:08:25,052
Hi.
Steve working tonight?
207
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,687
Steve? No.
208
00:08:26,688 --> 00:08:28,889
Steve hasn't worked here
for the last six months.
209
00:08:28,890 --> 00:08:31,659
He was unreliable.
210
00:08:31,660 --> 00:08:33,628
Is there anything
I can help you with?
211
00:08:33,629 --> 00:08:35,513
Yeah. Uh...
212
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:38,633
This is, uh... this
is pretty funny, Mario.
213
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,750
You're going to get
a big kick out of this.
214
00:08:40,769 --> 00:08:43,638
Uh... See, I... I left
my, uh... left my wallet
215
00:08:43,705 --> 00:08:45,640
in my place of
business and I, uh...
216
00:08:45,707 --> 00:08:48,209
I don't have a credit
card or money or,
217
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:51,078
for that matter, any
identification at all.
218
00:08:51,079 --> 00:08:52,196
(wry laugh):
Yuh-huh.
219
00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:55,500
That's funny stuff, sir.
220
00:08:57,736 --> 00:09:00,505
The point is, uh...
I'm gonna need a room,
221
00:09:00,572 --> 00:09:02,806
and I... I can't
pay for it tonight.
222
00:09:02,874 --> 00:09:05,426
Oh, I see- you want
one of our free rooms.
223
00:09:05,427 --> 00:09:06,544
No, no, it doesn't
have to be free.
224
00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:08,646
I can, you know,
I can pay for it in the morning.
225
00:09:08,647 --> 00:09:10,364
Well, whatever's
convenient for you.
226
00:09:10,365 --> 00:09:13,267
Now, would you like
a suite or a room?
227
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,002
A suite would be great.
228
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:16,837
All right.
Colour TV? Sauna?
229
00:09:16,905 --> 00:09:19,323
Well, sure.
230
00:09:19,391 --> 00:09:22,243
Is that going to be a queen
or a king-sized bed?
231
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:24,178
Uh... king.
Yeah, please.
232
00:09:24,179 --> 00:09:26,046
And, Mario, non-smoking,
if you don't mind.
233
00:09:26,047 --> 00:09:27,515
But of course.
234
00:09:27,583 --> 00:09:30,473
And would you like me to carry
you to your room piggyback?
235
00:09:32,153 --> 00:09:33,588
Oh, I see.
236
00:09:33,589 --> 00:09:36,023
You're, uh... you're being
sarcastic, aren't you?
237
00:09:36,024 --> 00:09:37,041
If you had spent the day
238
00:09:37,042 --> 00:09:39,427
fending off joy buzzers
and squirting carnations,
239
00:09:39,428 --> 00:09:41,796
you'd be
a mite cranky yourself.
240
00:09:41,864 --> 00:09:44,632
So you're, uh...
you're not going to give me a room, huh?
241
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:46,100
I don't have a room to give.
242
00:09:46,101 --> 00:09:47,435
Nobody in Boston has a room.
243
00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:49,870
The entire town
is infested with Shriners!
244
00:09:49,938 --> 00:09:52,290
Now, if you're desperate
for a place to sleep,
245
00:09:52,357 --> 00:09:54,558
might I suggest
you become a Shriner?
246
00:09:54,626 --> 00:09:57,228
I'm not entirely sure
how one goes about that,
247
00:09:57,229 --> 00:09:58,595
but it appears to
have something to do
248
00:09:58,596 --> 00:10:02,400
with driving a tiny car
through the lobby of my hotel.
249
00:10:02,467 --> 00:10:05,286
Can I use your phone, please?
250
00:10:05,353 --> 00:10:06,888
Oh, but of course.
251
00:10:06,955 --> 00:10:08,739
Would you like
to call Australia?
252
00:10:08,807 --> 00:10:12,142
Perhaps one of our new picture
phones will suit your needs.
253
00:10:12,210 --> 00:10:14,428
Never mind.
Never mind.
254
00:10:14,496 --> 00:10:15,596
Enjoyed your stay?
255
00:10:15,664 --> 00:10:17,665
Why not tell a friend?
256
00:10:20,268 --> 00:10:23,337
NORM:
No problem, Sam. Mi casa es su casa.
257
00:10:23,338 --> 00:10:24,655
Oh, bless your heart, man.
258
00:10:24,656 --> 00:10:26,624
I think I'll just
stretch out on the couch here.
259
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:28,792
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight.
260
00:10:28,793 --> 00:10:31,061
You're sleeping
on the couch? Yeah.
261
00:10:31,062 --> 00:10:32,763
Yeah. Sometimes, when
I come home late from Cheers,
262
00:10:32,764 --> 00:10:34,098
I don't like to wake Vera up,
263
00:10:34,099 --> 00:10:35,909
so I just crash
out on the couch here.
264
00:10:35,967 --> 00:10:38,168
But you're always late
at Cheers.
265
00:10:38,236 --> 00:10:40,020
Yeah. How about that?
266
00:10:40,088 --> 00:10:41,888
Oh, please?
267
00:10:41,956 --> 00:10:43,124
Oh, now, now, now, now...
268
00:10:43,192 --> 00:10:44,525
Please.
Okay. All right.
269
00:10:44,592 --> 00:10:46,828
Aw, bless you.
If you're that desperate,
270
00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:49,663
I'll show you
what a good friend I am.
271
00:10:49,731 --> 00:10:51,465
Go ahead and sleep on the couch.
272
00:10:51,533 --> 00:10:54,202
I'll go sleep with my wife.
273
00:10:54,269 --> 00:10:56,437
Thank you.
Thank you.
274
00:10:58,673 --> 00:10:59,941
(sighs)
275
00:11:00,008 --> 00:11:01,375
Well, here I go.
276
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:06,864
You're going to let me do this,
aren't you?
277
00:11:06,865 --> 00:11:09,166
I'm so tired.
278
00:11:09,234 --> 00:11:13,053
All right.
You owe me big time, Malone.
279
00:11:13,121 --> 00:11:16,073
VERA:
Norm? Norm, is that you?
280
00:11:16,141 --> 00:11:17,674
NORM:
Yes, dear.
281
00:11:17,742 --> 00:11:19,676
VERA:
You've come home to me.
282
00:11:19,744 --> 00:11:22,213
Come here, lover boy.
283
00:11:36,745 --> 00:11:40,498
Okay, Sam, there're some
extra towels by the sink
284
00:11:40,565 --> 00:11:41,798
in the guest bathroom.
285
00:11:41,799 --> 00:11:42,866
Oh, God!
286
00:11:42,867 --> 00:11:44,201
If there's anything else
you need,
287
00:11:44,202 --> 00:11:45,236
just let me know.
288
00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:46,604
Don't worry
about disturbing Lilith.
289
00:11:46,605 --> 00:11:49,406
(chuckles)
She's, uh, sleeping in the cellar.
290
00:11:49,474 --> 00:11:50,791
In the cellar?
291
00:11:50,859 --> 00:11:54,095
Yes- you can take the girl
out of the Eco pod, you know...
292
00:11:54,162 --> 00:11:55,396
(laughs)
293
00:11:55,463 --> 00:11:57,231
Ah, thank you.
294
00:11:57,298 --> 00:11:59,600
You bet.
Uh, listen, that's it.
295
00:11:59,668 --> 00:12:02,386
I'll just bid you
a fond Bonne nuit.
296
00:12:02,454 --> 00:12:04,639
(child cries in distance)
297
00:12:04,706 --> 00:12:06,473
Say, uh, wha...
298
00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:09,276
Is that, uh, is that Frederick?
299
00:12:09,344 --> 00:12:11,011
Yes, that's Frederick.
300
00:12:11,012 --> 00:12:12,580
Having a bit of a tantrum
tonight.
301
00:12:12,581 --> 00:12:14,114
Trying to manipulate me,
you see.
302
00:12:14,115 --> 00:12:16,149
It's a common tactic
of a four-year-old,
303
00:12:16,150 --> 00:12:19,086
and as any good parent knows,
the secret is to just ignore it.
304
00:12:19,087 --> 00:12:20,487
He's just gonna have
305
00:12:20,555 --> 00:12:23,223
to cry himself out,
the little weasel. (chuckles)
306
00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:26,159
He's got, uh,
good lungs, though, huh?
307
00:12:26,227 --> 00:12:28,361
Well, night-night.
308
00:12:28,429 --> 00:12:30,659
(crying continues,
increasing in volume)
309
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,087
(quietly):
Oh, God!
310
00:12:40,075 --> 00:12:43,210
Hey...
311
00:12:43,278 --> 00:12:44,879
Hey, Freddie!
312
00:12:44,947 --> 00:12:47,181
Can you hear me, Freddie?
313
00:12:47,248 --> 00:12:49,850
I-It's Sam Malone!
Uncle Sammy!
314
00:12:49,918 --> 00:12:52,519
Say, uh, Freddie,
315
00:12:52,588 --> 00:12:56,557
you're kind of a big boy to be
throwing a tantrum, aren't you?
316
00:12:56,625 --> 00:12:58,993
Do you think you could hold off
317
00:12:59,061 --> 00:13:00,461
until tomorrow morning?
318
00:13:00,528 --> 00:13:03,214
(crying stops)
319
00:13:03,281 --> 00:13:06,083
Thank you.
320
00:13:06,151 --> 00:13:09,603
Oh! Oh, thank you, God.
321
00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:13,157
(weary sigh)
322
00:13:13,158 --> 00:13:15,226
(Frederick wailing) Oh...
323
00:13:25,586 --> 00:13:27,804
I'm so tired.
324
00:13:27,872 --> 00:13:28,939
I'm desperate.
325
00:13:29,007 --> 00:13:31,775
God forgive me for this.
326
00:13:33,845 --> 00:13:35,246
Sam!
327
00:13:35,313 --> 00:13:37,981
Clifford, look, it's one
of your little friends!
328
00:13:48,543 --> 00:13:51,712
(wearily): I'm so sorry to
come so late like this, Cliff.
329
00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:53,950
It's just that I'm
so very, very exhausted.
330
00:13:54,015 --> 00:13:55,182
Oh, thank you!
331
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,718
You know, with the key
and everything?
332
00:13:57,786 --> 00:14:00,688
No apologies needed, young man.
333
00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:02,490
You poor thing.
334
00:14:02,557 --> 00:14:04,124
So cold and no muffler!
335
00:14:04,192 --> 00:14:06,460
You could have caught
your death.
336
00:14:06,528 --> 00:14:07,628
Oh!
337
00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:08,930
Yeah, you're always
welcome here, Sammy.
338
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:10,765
You should know that, buddy.
339
00:14:10,832 --> 00:14:13,817
Oh, Cliffie, man,
you're the best.
340
00:14:13,885 --> 00:14:16,052
And you, too,
Mrs. Clavin.
341
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,905
Oh, what a dear.
342
00:14:17,973 --> 00:14:20,841
Now, I'll bet you're anxious
to get some sleep.
343
00:14:20,909 --> 00:14:23,627
(giddily):
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
344
00:14:23,695 --> 00:14:25,529
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
345
00:14:25,596 --> 00:14:27,131
CLIFF:
Good.
346
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,684
Well, that's a pretty comfy bed
there, isn't it, Sammy, huh?
347
00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:43,013
Am I sharing the same bed
with Cliff?
348
00:14:43,081 --> 00:14:44,982
Well, of course, silly.
349
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,351
You didn't expect
to sleep with me!
350
00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:48,536
(laughs)
351
00:14:48,603 --> 00:14:50,671
No, no, this is...
this'll be all right.
352
00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:51,739
This is fine.
353
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:53,841
All right, then,
nighty-night.
354
00:14:53,909 --> 00:14:55,208
Good night, Ma.
355
00:14:58,914 --> 00:15:03,017
Cliff, this is probably
one of those things
356
00:15:03,084 --> 00:15:06,253
that we should
just keep between the two of us, right?
357
00:15:06,321 --> 00:15:09,156
Gotcha, Sam.
358
00:15:09,224 --> 00:15:11,959
Oh, I almost forgot.
359
00:15:12,026 --> 00:15:15,779
Clifford, wake your
friend for prayers.
360
00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:18,482
Oh!
Sam, Sam, wake up.
361
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:20,684
Huh?
362
00:15:23,371 --> 00:15:25,089
Oh, yeah.
363
00:15:26,658 --> 00:15:30,210
Dear Lord,
bless Clifford and me,
364
00:15:30,278 --> 00:15:32,179
unworthy wretches that we are.
365
00:15:32,247 --> 00:15:35,783
Bless the postal system
and keep it from harm,
366
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:40,655
by helping it to detect
the real loonies.
367
00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:43,090
Bless our friends,
and thank you
368
00:15:43,158 --> 00:15:46,693
for letting Sam find
succour here tonight.
369
00:15:46,761 --> 00:15:49,129
Bless the late
Mr. Clavin.
370
00:15:49,197 --> 00:15:51,064
I know he's not
in your vicinity,
371
00:15:51,132 --> 00:15:55,435
but rather roasting
in hell, on a spit...
372
00:15:55,503 --> 00:15:58,538
on a spit reserved for those
who desert their families.
373
00:15:58,606 --> 00:16:00,174
Amen.
Amen.
374
00:16:00,241 --> 00:16:02,459
MRS. CLAVIN:
Sam? Hmm?
375
00:16:02,527 --> 00:16:03,727
Is there anyone special
376
00:16:03,795 --> 00:16:06,130
you would like the
Lord to remember?
377
00:16:06,197 --> 00:16:07,781
No, not particularly.
378
00:16:09,818 --> 00:16:12,720
Well, don't be surprised
if he doesn't remember you.
379
00:16:12,787 --> 00:16:14,187
Oh, please, please.
380
00:16:14,255 --> 00:16:15,585
Can't we just go to sleep?
381
00:16:15,590 --> 00:16:17,424
I'm so very tired.
Please!
382
00:16:17,492 --> 00:16:20,060
Great, Ma,
you made my friend mad.
383
00:16:20,127 --> 00:16:22,146
Any wonder
I don't have anybody over?
384
00:16:22,213 --> 00:16:24,348
Any wonder I don't have
any friends?
385
00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:27,851
Oh, you don't have
friends because of me?
386
00:16:27,919 --> 00:16:33,857
Me... who spent 36 hours
of the most painful labour
387
00:16:33,925 --> 00:16:35,305
the hospital had ever seen?
388
00:16:36,644 --> 00:16:38,362
There she goes.
389
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:40,600
If you think
you're better off without me,
390
00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:42,132
you're welcome
to live by yourself.
391
00:16:42,133 --> 00:16:43,700
Just see how long you can last.
392
00:16:43,768 --> 00:16:45,169
Fine!
393
00:16:45,236 --> 00:16:46,787
A day- I give it a day.
394
00:16:46,854 --> 00:16:48,604
And that's during
daylight hours.
395
00:16:48,623 --> 00:16:51,091
Night falls and it's,
"Where's my mommy?"
396
00:16:51,159 --> 00:16:53,043
CLIFF:
Oh!
397
00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:54,161
Oh, is that right?
398
00:16:54,212 --> 00:16:56,347
Well, let me tell you, missy,
399
00:16:56,414 --> 00:16:58,549
that it takes two
to be codependent!
400
00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:01,685
You're the enabler!
You're the enabler!
401
00:17:01,753 --> 00:17:03,887
Oh! I'm the enabler
am I tonight, huh?
402
00:17:03,955 --> 00:17:06,890
Like last night
and the night before?!
403
00:17:06,891 --> 00:17:08,475
Well, you know why
I'm the enabler?!
404
00:17:08,476 --> 00:17:11,611
Because you demand it!
405
00:17:11,679 --> 00:17:13,630
Everything I do is wrong!
406
00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:15,366
Is that it, Clifford?!
407
00:17:16,968 --> 00:17:21,104
Oh, Ma, I'm sorry.
408
00:17:21,172 --> 00:17:23,239
Oh, now, don't be upset.
409
00:17:23,307 --> 00:17:25,308
I just, I just push too hard.
410
00:17:25,376 --> 00:17:27,278
No, I'm too domineering.
411
00:17:27,295 --> 00:17:29,113
Oh, Ma, Ma, it's me.
412
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,480
I, you know, Ma, it's me.
413
00:17:30,548 --> 00:17:31,982
Sam...
414
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:34,084
Hmm?
415
00:17:34,152 --> 00:17:36,253
Sam, which one of us is worse?
416
00:17:39,207 --> 00:17:42,442
(weakly):
Can't we please go to sleep?
417
00:17:44,095 --> 00:17:47,331
I suppose that is a good idea.
418
00:17:47,398 --> 00:17:49,933
Good night, sweet precious.
419
00:17:50,001 --> 00:17:52,469
Goodnight, Ma.
420
00:17:52,536 --> 00:17:55,305
Don't forget the bathroom
and turn off the light.
421
00:17:55,373 --> 00:17:56,473
All right.
422
00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:05,415
Oh, my God!
Cliff, what a nasty scene!
423
00:18:05,483 --> 00:18:06,917
What was?
424
00:18:08,753 --> 00:18:10,720
Nothing. Nothing.
425
00:18:10,788 --> 00:18:12,089
Good night.
426
00:18:12,156 --> 00:18:14,057
Good night, Sam.
427
00:18:18,529 --> 00:18:21,164
(whispers):
Sammy?
428
00:18:21,232 --> 00:18:23,666
Sammy?!
429
00:18:23,734 --> 00:18:25,969
(wearily):
Yes, Cliff?
430
00:18:26,037 --> 00:18:27,804
You awake?
431
00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:30,507
Yes, Cliff.
432
00:18:30,574 --> 00:18:32,142
Hey...
433
00:18:32,210 --> 00:18:34,211
Sam...
434
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:35,745
you know what's fun?
435
00:18:35,813 --> 00:18:38,382
What's fun, Cliff?
436
00:18:38,449 --> 00:18:41,985
Well, when you take the
letters of somebody's name
437
00:18:42,053 --> 00:18:44,621
and make another
word out of it.
438
00:18:45,923 --> 00:18:49,926
You know, like if
it were my name- Clifford Clavin.
439
00:18:49,994 --> 00:18:54,731
Well, first word that comes
to mind, I'd say: Ford.
440
00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:56,433
Well, there's also cliff.
441
00:18:56,501 --> 00:18:59,836
You know, like the geo...
geographical structure.
442
00:18:59,904 --> 00:19:03,941
There's almost clavicle.
443
00:19:12,016 --> 00:19:14,901
Livid.
444
00:19:14,969 --> 00:19:17,103
Cliffie, please.
445
00:19:17,171 --> 00:19:21,608
Oh, can't think of any?
446
00:19:21,676 --> 00:19:24,878
I'm trying
to sleep here, Cliff.
447
00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:26,513
Sure thing, Sam.
Good night.
448
00:19:31,419 --> 00:19:33,153
How 'bout florid?
449
00:19:33,221 --> 00:19:35,989
Cliff, damn it, man!
I'm tired!
450
00:19:35,990 --> 00:19:38,158
I'm really, really tired!
I'm trying to sleep here!
451
00:19:38,159 --> 00:19:39,993
Can't you just stop talking
for once?!
452
00:19:39,994 --> 00:19:42,596
Please, stop talking?!
453
00:19:49,337 --> 00:19:50,604
I'm sorry, Sammy.
454
00:19:50,672 --> 00:19:54,975
I was just, it's a problem
I have- I, uh...
455
00:19:57,912 --> 00:20:00,581
You know, I try to
stop talking and...
456
00:20:02,917 --> 00:20:05,619
and I just keep on talking.
457
00:20:05,620 --> 00:20:08,489
You know, it's kind
of like those people
458
00:20:08,490 --> 00:20:09,890
who live near Niagara Falls,
459
00:20:09,891 --> 00:20:13,126
and after a while they
just don't hear it anymore.
460
00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:20,534
I mean I read an
article about this couple...
461
00:20:20,535 --> 00:20:23,036
they've lived near the Falls
for about 40 years or so,
462
00:20:23,037 --> 00:20:27,240
and they moved away and
the, uh... silence was,
463
00:20:27,241 --> 00:20:28,341
you know, just deafening.
464
00:20:28,342 --> 00:20:29,643
They had to move back.
465
00:20:29,711 --> 00:20:31,412
Couldn't stand it.
466
00:20:31,479 --> 00:20:34,715
Why are some people like that
467
00:20:34,783 --> 00:20:39,586
and... and just other
people aren't, Sammy?
468
00:20:39,654 --> 00:20:41,588
You ever think about that?
469
00:20:42,256 --> 00:20:44,591
Sam?
470
00:20:45,527 --> 00:20:46,577
Sammy?
471
00:20:49,931 --> 00:20:51,732
Sam?!
472
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,601
MRS. CLAVIN:
He's gone, isn't he, Clifford?
473
00:20:54,669 --> 00:20:57,604
It's all your fault, old woman!
474
00:21:06,831 --> 00:21:08,165
Rebecca?
475
00:21:09,868 --> 00:21:11,168
Rebecca?
476
00:21:13,154 --> 00:21:15,455
What?
Sam, what are you doing here?
477
00:21:15,523 --> 00:21:16,723
I thought you had a date.
478
00:21:16,791 --> 00:21:18,091
Well, yeah, I did.
479
00:21:18,092 --> 00:21:19,859
But, uh, things didn't work out
the way I expected,
480
00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:21,094
so I thought I'd, you know,
481
00:21:21,095 --> 00:21:22,696
swing by here and take you up
on your offer.
482
00:21:22,697 --> 00:21:24,798
Oh, old boring me?
483
00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:27,167
Oh, I don't know how good
that'd be, Sam.
484
00:21:27,168 --> 00:21:29,870
I wouldn't want to, I wouldn't
want to slow you down,
485
00:21:29,871 --> 00:21:31,604
in your great,
swinging love life.
486
00:21:31,605 --> 00:21:34,991
Please, you have no idea
what I've been through.
487
00:21:35,059 --> 00:21:37,961
(imitating his weak voice):
Yes, I do. Carla called.
488
00:21:38,028 --> 00:21:39,613
Ah...
And then Norm.
489
00:21:39,614 --> 00:21:41,748
I've been sitting here for
three hours eating popcorn,
490
00:21:41,749 --> 00:21:43,850
watching movies, waiting
for you to come by here.
491
00:21:43,851 --> 00:21:45,269
Can I stay here?
492
00:21:45,336 --> 00:21:46,670
Can I go to sleep, please?
493
00:21:46,671 --> 00:21:47,654
Yes.
494
00:21:47,655 --> 00:21:49,939
Oh! Thank you!
495
00:21:50,007 --> 00:21:51,057
Come on. Get up.
496
00:21:51,075 --> 00:21:53,009
Don't get crazy about this...
497
00:21:53,077 --> 00:21:55,011
Oh, no. Oh, God.
498
00:21:55,012 --> 00:21:56,079
No, no!
499
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:57,981
No more "Oh, no's!"
No, not tonight.
500
00:21:57,982 --> 00:21:59,048
Please. What's wrong?
501
00:21:59,049 --> 00:22:00,116
It's locked.
502
00:22:00,184 --> 00:22:02,385
Well, so, call the super!
503
00:22:02,453 --> 00:22:05,239
Well, I am the super.
504
00:22:11,813 --> 00:22:17,884
How 'bout, uh, anvil?
505
00:22:17,952 --> 00:22:21,254
Anvil is a...
that's a good one.
506
00:22:21,322 --> 00:22:23,990
Oh, no.
We did that an hour ago.
34894
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