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1
00:00:01,350 --> 00:00:04,051
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,821 --> 00:00:08,289
Oh, Sammy, look who's here.
3
00:00:08,357 --> 00:00:09,591
Harry the Hat.
4
00:00:09,658 --> 00:00:10,798
Aw, man, how many times
5
00:00:10,799 --> 00:00:12,994
am I gonna have to chase
that guy out of here?
6
00:00:12,995 --> 00:00:15,330
Grab your wallets, everybody.
7
00:00:15,397 --> 00:00:17,365
Hello, Harry.
Hey, Sam.
8
00:00:17,366 --> 00:00:19,984
What you doing, trying to
sell some bogus watches,
9
00:00:19,985 --> 00:00:22,587
some knock off's to my customers
and try to cheat 'em?
10
00:00:22,588 --> 00:00:24,122
Sam, that hurts.
11
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,374
This is no knock off.
That's a $5,000 Rolex.
12
00:00:26,441 --> 00:00:28,293
But it's on sale for $2,500.
13
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,929
Is this a real Rolex, Harry?
Yeah.
14
00:00:30,996 --> 00:00:32,797
Whoa.
15
00:00:32,865 --> 00:00:36,668
Hey. Sounds like a
Rolex, doesn't it?
16
00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:38,970
Oh, look at that-
still ticking, too.
17
00:00:39,037 --> 00:00:41,606
Uh, Sam...
18
00:00:41,607 --> 00:00:42,557
Hey, do me a favour.
19
00:00:42,558 --> 00:00:44,025
Just, just take
your bogus goods
20
00:00:44,026 --> 00:00:45,727
and peddle them
someplace else, will ya?
21
00:00:45,728 --> 00:00:48,258
So Harry, are you interested
in buying the watch?
22
00:00:48,297 --> 00:00:52,066
No, but I think my
friend Sam might be.
23
00:00:55,872 --> 00:00:57,772
(theme song begins)
24
00:01:00,008 --> 00:01:02,344
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
25
00:01:02,411 --> 00:01:05,513
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
26
00:01:05,581 --> 00:01:08,183
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
27
00:01:08,251 --> 00:01:11,652
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
28
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:15,523
♪ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ♪
29
00:01:16,658 --> 00:01:18,960
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
30
00:01:19,061 --> 00:01:23,448
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
31
00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:29,354
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
32
00:01:29,421 --> 00:01:31,623
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
33
00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:34,192
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
34
00:01:34,259 --> 00:01:38,496
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
35
00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:41,666
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
36
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:44,903
♪ People are all the same ♪
37
00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:49,541
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
38
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,344
All right. All right.
39
00:02:09,345 --> 00:02:11,346
But now, the band I'm looking
for is gonna have to be able
40
00:02:11,347 --> 00:02:12,814
to do all
the old Irish standards.
41
00:02:12,815 --> 00:02:15,533
Yeah. "Danny Boy," "Galway Bay,"
42
00:02:15,534 --> 00:02:17,785
"When Irish Eyes Are Smiling,"
that kind of thing.
43
00:02:17,786 --> 00:02:19,570
You think you can handle that?
44
00:02:19,638 --> 00:02:21,105
All right then.
45
00:02:21,173 --> 00:02:22,974
Okay, I'll get back to you.
46
00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:25,509
Yeah, adios to you too, Manuel.
47
00:02:27,546 --> 00:02:31,616
Oh, well, I see
you're getting an early jump
48
00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:33,284
on Saint Patrick's Day.
49
00:02:33,285 --> 00:02:34,352
Yeah. That's right.
50
00:02:34,353 --> 00:02:35,786
You know, this time tomorrow
51
00:02:35,787 --> 00:02:37,522
when Gary's still decorating
Olde Towne Tavern,
52
00:02:37,523 --> 00:02:40,024
this place's gonna be open,
people are gonna be flooding in.
53
00:02:40,025 --> 00:02:42,255
That's a good idea, Sam.
You're damned right.
54
00:02:42,261 --> 00:02:45,162
Hey, finally, for the first
time, St. Patrick's Day,
55
00:02:45,163 --> 00:02:46,898
Cheers is gonna do
more business
56
00:02:46,899 --> 00:02:48,332
than Gary's Olde Towne Tavern.
57
00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:50,501
Yes!
Yes!
58
00:02:50,502 --> 00:02:51,970
I wouldn't be too
sure about that.
59
00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:53,238
He's beaten you
ten years running.
60
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:54,689
I know but I've got a feeling.
61
00:02:54,706 --> 00:02:56,707
You know, lucky 11?
62
00:02:56,775 --> 00:02:58,726
We can't lose
this time, Dr. Crane.
63
00:02:58,727 --> 00:03:00,295
We're pulling out
all the stops.
64
00:03:00,296 --> 00:03:02,397
We've got, a two
for one special,
65
00:03:02,464 --> 00:03:05,700
we've got balloons,
we've got a live Irish band,
66
00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:09,603
we've got Mr. Peterson
mixing up some green beer.
67
00:03:09,671 --> 00:03:12,140
Oh, hey, how's that
beer coming, Norm?
68
00:03:12,208 --> 00:03:14,975
You want it fast or
you want it good?
69
00:03:15,043 --> 00:03:17,812
Come on, you've been working
on it for three hours.
70
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:21,049
And I'm prepared to work on it
all night long, Sam,
71
00:03:21,116 --> 00:03:23,584
because damn it, I care.
72
00:03:23,652 --> 00:03:25,203
Normie, watch this.
73
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:27,872
(knocking)
Hey, Carla. You-you through in there?
74
00:03:27,940 --> 00:03:29,750
CARLA:
Hold your horses. I'm coming.
75
00:03:36,815 --> 00:03:38,850
Shut up, everybody.
76
00:03:38,851 --> 00:03:39,967
Hey, look, everybody.
77
00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:43,437
It's our little
leprechaun, Brill O'Head.
78
00:03:43,505 --> 00:03:48,042
Keep talking, Clavin, you'll
lose your left Blarney Stone.
79
00:03:48,110 --> 00:03:50,161
This outfit is ridiculous.
80
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:51,829
I mean, I want to beat Gary
81
00:03:51,897 --> 00:03:55,066
as much as the next guy,
but I'm not wearing this, okay?
82
00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:56,668
I think it kind of looks nice.
83
00:03:56,735 --> 00:03:59,287
Yeah, I think it
looks kind of sexy. That's it.
84
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:03,124
Please, please.
85
00:04:03,191 --> 00:04:05,877
Hey, everybody,
I've got great news.
86
00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:07,746
I applied to the Boston
League of Businesswomen,
87
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,330
and they might let me join.
88
00:04:09,398 --> 00:04:10,565
Oh, who are they?
89
00:04:10,633 --> 00:04:13,033
Oh, it's this very
prestigious organization
90
00:04:13,034 --> 00:04:15,069
that helps raise the stature
of women in society...
91
00:04:15,070 --> 00:04:17,655
and that kind of crap.
92
00:04:17,723 --> 00:04:19,053
Sam, I need a couple hours
93
00:04:19,054 --> 00:04:21,142
off tomorrow because
they want to interview me.
94
00:04:21,143 --> 00:04:23,344
Honey, it's the
busiest day of my year.
95
00:04:23,345 --> 00:04:24,612
What difference does it make?
96
00:04:24,613 --> 00:04:25,980
She doesn't do anything anyway.
97
00:04:25,981 --> 00:04:28,283
You know what?
98
00:04:28,284 --> 00:04:29,917
Why don't you take
the whole day off?
99
00:04:29,918 --> 00:04:32,987
You're a peach.
100
00:04:33,054 --> 00:04:34,222
Hi, everybody.
101
00:04:34,290 --> 00:04:35,723
(booing)
102
00:04:35,791 --> 00:04:38,843
What the hell do you
want here, Gary?
103
00:04:38,844 --> 00:04:40,928
Well, you know, in the spirit
of Saint Patrick's Day,
104
00:04:40,929 --> 00:04:43,230
I thought I'd come over here and
give you guys a chance
105
00:04:43,231 --> 00:04:44,491
to call off our little bet
106
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,100
and, uh, save yourselves
the supreme humiliation.
107
00:04:46,101 --> 00:04:48,119
I'll tell you what, Gary,
108
00:04:48,186 --> 00:04:50,388
we're gonna win this
lousy bet this year.
109
00:04:50,389 --> 00:04:52,506
Not only that, we're gonna make
ten times more money than you.
110
00:04:52,507 --> 00:04:54,342
And you know why?
Because we've got a strategy.
111
00:04:54,343 --> 00:04:56,928
Well, you know, if you're so
sure of yourself, Malone,
112
00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:58,796
maybe you'd like to raise
the stakes a little bit
113
00:04:58,797 --> 00:05:00,698
and make it more interesting
than the usual 100 bucks?
114
00:05:00,699 --> 00:05:02,366
What you got in mind?
115
00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:04,752
Oh, just a little something
that the loser has to do.
116
00:05:04,753 --> 00:05:06,487
What are you doing?
117
00:05:08,723 --> 00:05:11,325
Oh, I don't know, Gary, uh...
118
00:05:11,326 --> 00:05:14,061
Well, okay well,
if you're going to be chicken about it.
119
00:05:14,062 --> 00:05:16,313
Oh, I'm not being chicken,
because we're gonna win anyway.
120
00:05:16,314 --> 00:05:19,133
So, we've got a deal?
121
00:05:19,134 --> 00:05:20,518
Uh, all right. All right.
Yeah, yeah.
122
00:05:20,519 --> 00:05:23,321
But wait a minute, what is the,
uh, what are the ground rules?
123
00:05:23,322 --> 00:05:25,540
Malone, there's only
one rule, no rules.
124
00:05:25,607 --> 00:05:27,859
Just the way I like it.
Great.
125
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,877
May the best man win.
126
00:05:29,945 --> 00:05:32,447
Sam, may I have
a word with you? Yeah.
127
00:05:32,448 --> 00:05:34,114
I strongly urge you
to reconsider.
128
00:05:34,115 --> 00:05:36,617
Listen, why do you think Gary's
so willing to up the stakes?
129
00:05:36,618 --> 00:05:39,454
I mean, it stands to
reason that he thinks he's going to win.
130
00:05:39,455 --> 00:05:40,488
No, no, he's bluffing.
131
00:05:40,489 --> 00:05:41,809
What makes you think that?
132
00:05:41,857 --> 00:05:44,058
Well he-he's beaten us
ten times in a row.
133
00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:46,728
And not one of those times
has he raised the stakes.
134
00:05:46,795 --> 00:05:49,196
He's running scared.
135
00:05:49,264 --> 00:05:53,267
Well, don't I feel stupid.
136
00:05:53,335 --> 00:05:57,004
All those degrees really don't
do much, do they, Doctor?
137
00:06:02,310 --> 00:06:03,461
Sammy, what's up?
138
00:06:03,462 --> 00:06:05,630
I thought you wanted to get
an early jump on Gary.
139
00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:07,498
Yeah, I did. That's
why I'm here at 9:00.
140
00:06:07,499 --> 00:06:08,549
9:01, Sam.
141
00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:10,168
Some of us were
here at 9:00.
142
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:12,137
Hey, relax, will you.
It's in the bag.
143
00:06:12,204 --> 00:06:14,922
I fixed it so Gary
can't ever win.
144
00:06:14,990 --> 00:06:16,657
Yeah?
Yeah? What'd you do?
145
00:06:16,658 --> 00:06:18,426
Yeah, you're gonna love this.
You know that-that sign
146
00:06:18,427 --> 00:06:19,727
he's got outside
his window there,
147
00:06:19,728 --> 00:06:21,195
"50 cent beer,
Saint Patrick's Day Special?"
148
00:06:21,196 --> 00:06:23,030
CARLA:
Yeah. Yeah, well I added a zero.
149
00:06:23,031 --> 00:06:25,433
I mean who's going to pay
$5 for a beer, huh?
150
00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,268
Good one, Sam.
Yeah.
151
00:06:27,336 --> 00:06:29,270
Sometimes I scare myself.
152
00:06:29,338 --> 00:06:31,072
It's 9:02, Sam. Let's go.
153
00:06:31,139 --> 00:06:33,191
All right. Sorry.
154
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:34,175
$5 beer.
155
00:06:34,176 --> 00:06:36,244
(laughing)
156
00:06:36,311 --> 00:06:37,778
Yeah, let's see him top that.
157
00:06:37,846 --> 00:06:40,481
(gasps)
158
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:47,304
See now, that,
that's not right.
159
00:06:47,372 --> 00:06:49,890
Gary did it to us again.
160
00:06:49,958 --> 00:06:53,628
Walled off from the keg.
161
00:06:53,695 --> 00:06:56,397
I want him dead, Sam.
162
00:06:56,465 --> 00:06:57,665
His family, dead.
163
00:06:57,733 --> 00:06:59,467
His friends, dead!
164
00:06:59,534 --> 00:07:02,086
SAM:
Oh, now see, this, this is,
165
00:07:02,154 --> 00:07:04,322
this is the lowest thing
a person can do.
166
00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:05,589
This is pure evil.
167
00:07:05,657 --> 00:07:06,707
Yeah.
168
00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:08,876
Why can't we think like that?
169
00:07:08,943 --> 00:07:10,578
Tell me about it.
170
00:07:10,646 --> 00:07:13,931
I thought you left Woody here to
guard against things like this.
171
00:07:13,999 --> 00:07:16,469
WOODY (voice echoing):
Sorry, Sam. I fell asleep.
172
00:07:19,337 --> 00:07:23,875
They walled Woody in the bar.
173
00:07:25,443 --> 00:07:27,728
Woody, you all right in there?
174
00:07:27,796 --> 00:07:30,664
Well, I'm feeling
light-headed and woozy, Sam.
175
00:07:30,732 --> 00:07:32,450
That's the way I want to feel.
176
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,385
Somebody tear this thing down!
177
00:07:38,873 --> 00:07:42,143
New Armani, new hair.
178
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:45,813
Am I ready for the Boston League
of Businesswomen or what?
179
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:49,450
I just have to get my resume
and then I'm on my way.
180
00:07:55,607 --> 00:07:58,109
Is this in any way my fault?
181
00:07:58,177 --> 00:07:59,777
No, sweetheart.
182
00:07:59,845 --> 00:08:02,296
Okay then wish me luck.
Bye-bye.
183
00:08:05,667 --> 00:08:08,352
Yep. Crisis solved.
184
00:08:08,420 --> 00:08:10,004
Where'd you get the beer?
185
00:08:10,071 --> 00:08:13,201
I've got a few squirrelled away
around the bar for emergencies.
186
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:16,110
I always kind of figured it
would be a nuclear thing,
187
00:08:16,111 --> 00:08:18,178
but I think this qualifies.
188
00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:24,752
Where would you like us
to set up, Mr. Malone?
189
00:08:24,820 --> 00:08:26,320
Oh, hi. fellows.
190
00:08:26,388 --> 00:08:28,556
Uh... uh, yeah, why not?
191
00:08:28,557 --> 00:08:29,990
I'll tell you what,
right over there.
192
00:08:29,991 --> 00:08:31,124
Thank you very much...
193
00:08:31,125 --> 00:08:32,193
Hey, come on, Norm, Carla,
194
00:08:32,194 --> 00:08:33,661
listen we can still win
this thing, right?
195
00:08:33,662 --> 00:08:35,563
We, we've got
the green beer, we've got the band.
196
00:08:35,564 --> 00:08:37,798
All we've got to do is
get rid of this wall somehow
197
00:08:37,799 --> 00:08:39,534
and hustle like
there's no tomorrow.
198
00:08:39,535 --> 00:08:42,703
All we need is, uh, well, a little
winning attitude, right? There you go.
199
00:08:42,704 --> 00:08:44,172
A little positivity.
Hey, fellas,
200
00:08:44,173 --> 00:08:45,973
do me a favour,
play us a little something
201
00:08:45,974 --> 00:08:47,741
to get us in the mood.
Yeah.
202
00:08:47,809 --> 00:08:51,745
♪ They broke
into our Dublin home ♪
203
00:08:51,813 --> 00:08:54,515
♪ The dirty English dogs ♪
204
00:08:54,583 --> 00:08:56,950
♪ They took away my sister ♪
205
00:08:57,018 --> 00:08:59,987
♪ And they beat my
da with logs ♪
206
00:09:00,055 --> 00:09:02,823
♪ Limey scum, limey scum ♪
207
00:09:02,891 --> 00:09:05,960
♪ I toss a bomb
and still they come... ♪
208
00:09:06,027 --> 00:09:07,261
Everybody.
209
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:10,097
♪ Limey scum, limey scum... ♪
210
00:09:14,052 --> 00:09:17,137
♪ And everywhere I looked ♪
211
00:09:17,205 --> 00:09:20,975
♪ Was death, death, death ♪
212
00:09:21,043 --> 00:09:23,310
♪ Everywhere I looked ♪
213
00:09:23,378 --> 00:09:26,146
♪ Was death, death, death. ♪
214
00:09:26,215 --> 00:09:27,481
(one person applauds)
215
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:35,406
And now, for a sad song.
216
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:37,625
(mournful melody)
217
00:09:37,693 --> 00:09:41,228
♪ 'Twas a baby's crib
that floated... ♪
218
00:09:41,296 --> 00:09:42,964
No! No! No! No!
No baby's crib!
219
00:09:43,031 --> 00:09:44,298
Stop it.
220
00:09:44,299 --> 00:09:46,033
Here, get the hell
out of here, will you?
221
00:09:46,034 --> 00:09:47,568
Take your money.
Go on, get out.
222
00:09:47,636 --> 00:09:49,436
Go to hell.
223
00:09:53,909 --> 00:09:55,993
Let's face it;
It's over, huh?
224
00:09:56,061 --> 00:09:58,663
Might as well tally up and
see what we've got there.
225
00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:00,214
Yeah, Woody, what's the total?
226
00:10:00,215 --> 00:10:04,017
Well...
(adding machine keys clicking)
227
00:10:04,085 --> 00:10:07,087
$1 million,
five hundred thousand.
228
00:10:07,155 --> 00:10:09,490
Decimal point, Woody.
229
00:10:09,557 --> 00:10:12,976
Oh. Hold everything.
230
00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:14,178
$150 even.
231
00:10:16,898 --> 00:10:18,549
Hey guys, bad news.
232
00:10:18,616 --> 00:10:20,117
I just came from Gary's.
233
00:10:20,185 --> 00:10:22,386
He's raking in the money,
hand over fist.
234
00:10:22,387 --> 00:10:23,921
And then again why shouldn't he?
235
00:10:23,922 --> 00:10:25,912
I mean, he's charging
five bucks a beer.
236
00:10:28,093 --> 00:10:29,977
Looks like we lost again.
237
00:10:29,978 --> 00:10:32,096
Well, Sammy, guess you're
gonna have to fork over
238
00:10:32,097 --> 00:10:33,764
that 150 to Gary.
239
00:10:33,832 --> 00:10:37,417
Uh, actually, we
raised the stakes, remember fellas?
240
00:10:37,418 --> 00:10:38,770
Oh, yeah, how much
do you have to pay?
241
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:40,454
Well, it's, it's not money.
242
00:10:40,522 --> 00:10:43,190
It's uh, it's more like
a, a little favour, actually.
243
00:10:43,258 --> 00:10:45,025
Oh yeah? What is it?
244
00:10:45,093 --> 00:10:48,629
It's, it's something
that people do everyday.
245
00:10:48,697 --> 00:10:50,898
Uh, uh, I'm going to,
uh, need, uh,
246
00:10:50,966 --> 00:10:53,100
you three guys
to help me out here.
247
00:10:53,168 --> 00:10:56,236
Hey, just once I'd like
to be included, huh?
248
00:10:56,304 --> 00:10:57,872
All right, Paul, you're in.
249
00:10:57,939 --> 00:11:00,107
Thank you. Thanks,
I owe you Sammy.
250
00:11:00,175 --> 00:11:02,909
Well, what do we have to do?
251
00:11:02,977 --> 00:11:05,696
Uh, it's no big
thing, really, Norm.
252
00:11:05,763 --> 00:11:09,416
We've just got to go over
to Gary's and... (mumbles)
253
00:11:09,484 --> 00:11:10,918
What?
254
00:11:10,986 --> 00:11:12,420
Uh, it's no big deal.
255
00:11:12,487 --> 00:11:15,456
Fellas, all we've got
to do is, is let him (mumbles).
256
00:11:17,526 --> 00:11:20,528
What?
Just get your coats and follow me.
257
00:11:20,595 --> 00:11:22,129
I'll tell you on the way over.
258
00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:23,531
Hey, Sam, what's the big deal.
259
00:11:23,532 --> 00:11:25,700
Why don't you just tell us
what we have to do?
260
00:11:25,701 --> 00:11:26,934
All right, you got to...
261
00:11:27,001 --> 00:11:29,837
(all screaming)
262
00:11:39,924 --> 00:11:42,666
SAM:
Well, what do you think?
263
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:44,102
NORM:
Well, let's get it over with.
264
00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:45,937
Yeah, yeah, all right, Gary.
Go on. Go on. Go on.
265
00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:49,140
Okay, I want to see
some big smiles.
266
00:11:50,008 --> 00:11:51,976
Ladies and gentlemen,
267
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,679
Gary's Olde Towne Tavern has the
privilege of presenting an act
268
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:59,016
so humiliating, so embarrassing,
so degrading
269
00:11:59,017 --> 00:12:01,352
that it could only happen
to the men of Cheers!
270
00:12:01,353 --> 00:12:02,787
Let's hear it for them!
271
00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:04,622
(whistles, applause)
272
00:12:06,591 --> 00:12:09,260
Gentlemen?
273
00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:14,031
(cheers and whistling)
274
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,684
Whoo! Whoo!
275
00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:33,884
And three, and four, and...
276
00:12:33,952 --> 00:12:37,455
♪ Getting to know you ♪
277
00:12:37,522 --> 00:12:41,342
♪ Getting
to know all about you ♪
278
00:12:41,409 --> 00:12:47,364
♪ Getting to like you,
hoping that you like me ♪
279
00:12:47,432 --> 00:12:50,117
♪ Haven't you noticed? ♪
280
00:12:50,185 --> 00:12:55,122
♪ Suddenly I'm bright
and breezy ♪
281
00:12:55,190 --> 00:13:02,013
♪ Because of all the beautiful
and new things ♪
282
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,599
♪ I'm learning about you ♪
283
00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:11,338
♪ Day by day. ♪
284
00:13:11,406 --> 00:13:13,173
(cheering)
285
00:13:19,313 --> 00:13:22,750
It was the low point
in my life.
286
00:13:22,817 --> 00:13:27,955
Never ever have I been naked
and not had fun.
287
00:13:29,424 --> 00:13:32,142
I tell you it was degradation.
288
00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:35,012
I thought we were
a lot tighter the second show.
289
00:13:37,415 --> 00:13:40,101
How am I ever gonna show my face
in here again?
290
00:13:40,168 --> 00:13:42,986
Paul, it's not your
face that's burned into my memory.
291
00:13:46,374 --> 00:13:48,876
You know, I kind of found
the whole thing,
292
00:13:48,943 --> 00:13:51,111
uh, quite exhilarating.
293
00:13:52,481 --> 00:13:53,830
Exhilarating?
294
00:13:53,898 --> 00:13:57,768
I meant humiliating.
295
00:13:57,836 --> 00:14:00,537
It was really humiliating.
296
00:14:02,073 --> 00:14:04,241
Uh, guys, you've been really
good to me,
297
00:14:04,309 --> 00:14:05,776
so I'm gonna be good to you.
298
00:14:05,843 --> 00:14:06,910
You need a finish.
299
00:14:06,978 --> 00:14:09,530
Yeah, that's real funny.
300
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:10,947
That's real funny stuff.
301
00:14:10,948 --> 00:14:12,516
I'll tell you something, man.
302
00:14:12,517 --> 00:14:14,785
I'm gonna get you- I don't
care how long it takes,
303
00:14:14,786 --> 00:14:17,054
how much money it costs,
how many lives are lost,
304
00:14:17,055 --> 00:14:19,523
I'm gonna get you, Gary,
once and for all.
305
00:14:19,591 --> 00:14:20,690
Oh, I hope not
306
00:14:20,691 --> 00:14:22,326
because I'm still shaking
from that terrifying
307
00:14:22,327 --> 00:14:23,494
five-dollar-beer prank.
308
00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:26,763
Yeah, well, I'm still
gonna get you.
309
00:14:26,831 --> 00:14:28,465
Sammy, let's just give it up.
310
00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:29,750
No! Never!
311
00:14:29,818 --> 00:14:31,652
I tell you
I'm gonna get that guy.
312
00:14:31,719 --> 00:14:33,470
I don't give a...
Oh, you know...
313
00:14:33,538 --> 00:14:36,040
Oh, yes,
yes-yes-yes.
314
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,275
There's one guy who can help us
out here, fellows.
315
00:14:38,276 --> 00:14:39,877
I'm calling in Harry the Hat.
316
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,344
(all exclaim)
317
00:14:43,514 --> 00:14:45,982
You know, my underwear's
a little tight.
318
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,952
It's funny, mine's
a little loose.
319
00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:50,454
(both scream)
320
00:14:52,730 --> 00:14:55,509
HARRY:
Let me get this straight.
321
00:14:55,510 --> 00:14:57,944
Over the years, Gary has put
sheep in your office,
322
00:14:57,945 --> 00:15:00,481
had exterminators shut you down,
323
00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:02,083
and then yesterday
he built a brick wall
324
00:15:02,084 --> 00:15:04,685
around the bar
and had you perform naked?
325
00:15:04,752 --> 00:15:07,404
Listen, we need your help bad.
326
00:15:07,472 --> 00:15:09,774
I'm sorry, Sam,
I'm not interested.
327
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:11,609
Oh, all right, fine.
Fine, Harr.
328
00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:12,726
What is your price?
329
00:15:12,744 --> 00:15:14,374
No, I don't want
your money, Sam.
330
00:15:14,379 --> 00:15:16,647
Besides, if I did,
I could take it.
331
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:18,966
I kind of like you guys.
332
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:22,603
So let me give you a piece of
advice: stop trying to top Gary.
333
00:15:22,604 --> 00:15:23,838
You're never gonna beat him.
334
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:26,273
Face it.
You're a bunch of losers.
335
00:15:28,176 --> 00:15:29,616
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
336
00:15:29,617 --> 00:15:30,794
It's your nature you know?
337
00:15:30,795 --> 00:15:32,263
It's the way God made you.
338
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:33,480
You're part of his master plan.
339
00:15:33,481 --> 00:15:34,948
If it weren't for you guys,
340
00:15:35,016 --> 00:15:37,417
how would we know
who the winners were?
341
00:15:39,221 --> 00:15:41,422
No, we're not losers.
342
00:15:41,489 --> 00:15:43,179
All right, fine,
have it your way.
343
00:15:43,224 --> 00:15:44,858
Woody, give me a beer, huh?
344
00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:46,360
Sure.
345
00:15:46,361 --> 00:15:48,128
CLIFF: Yeah, but don't
forget to charge him, Woody.
346
00:15:48,129 --> 00:15:49,329
Get some money out of him.
347
00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:50,464
Yeah, all right, all right.
348
00:15:50,465 --> 00:15:51,735
What do I owe you, Woody?
349
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,466
Well, that'll be two dollars.
350
00:15:53,467 --> 00:15:54,869
Hey, you know, I got
a lot of change here.
351
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,738
Will you take all this
and give me a 20?
352
00:15:56,739 --> 00:15:58,522
Well, you know,
353
00:15:58,573 --> 00:15:59,873
be careful of that Woody.
354
00:15:59,941 --> 00:16:00,991
I think he's pulling
355
00:16:00,992 --> 00:16:02,376
his flimflam
short change thing here.
356
00:16:02,377 --> 00:16:03,377
Really?
357
00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:04,545
Yeah, yeah.
Count the money.
358
00:16:04,546 --> 00:16:07,948
Oh... oh, this isn't right.
359
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,166
Aha. Yeah, see?
360
00:16:09,233 --> 00:16:10,501
You gave me too much.
361
00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:11,569
Huh?
362
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:12,736
That's your tip, Woody.
363
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,955
Oh, no, I'm not falling
for that.
364
00:16:15,022 --> 00:16:17,991
I'll just keep
the two dollars for the beer.
365
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,478
Yeah. See, Harry?
366
00:16:20,545 --> 00:16:22,813
We're not as stupid
as you think we are.
367
00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:23,961
No, I guess you're not.
368
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:25,883
Here's your wallet, Cliff.
369
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:32,422
Wow, he's good.
Very good.
370
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,191
Aw, who are we kidding,
you guys?
371
00:16:34,258 --> 00:16:35,759
We might as well just quit.
372
00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:38,979
Hey, wait, wait a minute.
What are you saying?
373
00:16:39,046 --> 00:16:41,047
You mean after
Gary's done to us,
374
00:16:41,048 --> 00:16:42,816
you're just gonna roll over
and die?
375
00:16:42,817 --> 00:16:44,017
You're gonna walk away?
376
00:16:44,018 --> 00:16:45,536
You're gonna be a quitter, Sam?
377
00:16:45,537 --> 00:16:47,621
Yeah, Carla, that's exactly what
I'm gonna do.
378
00:16:47,622 --> 00:16:49,824
I'm gonna quit!
I'm tired of losing to the guy.
379
00:16:49,825 --> 00:16:51,124
Tomorrow I'm gonna go
over there.
380
00:16:51,125 --> 00:16:53,727
I'm gonna make my peace with him
once and for all.
381
00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:55,229
Well, go.
382
00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:57,097
But I'm not lettin' him
off the hook.
383
00:16:57,098 --> 00:16:58,332
This is personal now.
384
00:16:58,399 --> 00:17:00,334
And I don't know what,
I don't know,
385
00:17:00,401 --> 00:17:02,802
but I swear I am gonna do
something to that guy.
386
00:17:02,803 --> 00:17:04,238
Look, Carla,
we're willing to give in.
387
00:17:04,239 --> 00:17:05,572
You should, too.
388
00:17:05,573 --> 00:17:07,608
It's not like you had
to dance naked over there.
389
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:10,577
No, but I had to look at it
on videotape.
390
00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:14,515
Gary's selling videotapes?
391
00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:17,935
No, He's giving them away
with every five-dollar beer.
392
00:17:22,323 --> 00:17:25,125
Can you believe it?
The League rejected me.
393
00:17:25,193 --> 00:17:26,293
Why?
394
00:17:26,361 --> 00:17:28,531
Because they said I was
too self-involved
395
00:17:28,532 --> 00:17:30,163
and that I wasn't
community-minded enough.
396
00:17:30,164 --> 00:17:32,633
So now I have to spend
the next six months
397
00:17:32,701 --> 00:17:35,769
doing community
service. Yawn.
398
00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:37,754
Woody, get me a charity
on the phone.
399
00:17:37,822 --> 00:17:38,872
Which one?
400
00:17:38,889 --> 00:17:40,490
How the hell do I know?!
401
00:17:40,491 --> 00:17:42,909
Just make sure it's close by.
402
00:17:42,910 --> 00:17:45,596
And I don't want one
that's real depressing.
403
00:17:46,964 --> 00:17:48,665
And no weekends!
404
00:17:57,025 --> 00:17:58,492
(knocking)
405
00:18:10,304 --> 00:18:12,272
(engine starts)
406
00:18:19,714 --> 00:18:21,815
Oh! Oh!
407
00:18:25,103 --> 00:18:26,286
Oh, God! Oh, God!
408
00:18:26,354 --> 00:18:29,589
Oh, God!
409
00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:31,274
Oh, Carla!
410
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,150
(hushed):
Carla!
411
00:18:40,151 --> 00:18:42,803
I just came back from Gary's!
412
00:18:42,804 --> 00:18:44,771
Wha, what were you thinking?!
413
00:18:44,839 --> 00:18:46,373
Are you crazy?!
414
00:18:46,374 --> 00:18:48,275
I really got him good,
didn't I, Sam?
415
00:18:48,276 --> 00:18:49,510
Got him good?
416
00:18:49,577 --> 00:18:51,567
Honey, we're in
serious trouble here!
417
00:18:51,613 --> 00:18:53,847
What are you talking about?
418
00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:55,883
Malone!
You went way too far this time.
419
00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:57,651
You're gonna go to jail
for this!
420
00:18:57,669 --> 00:19:00,337
I swear to God, Gare, we had
nothing to do with this.
421
00:19:00,338 --> 00:19:01,738
Wha-what are you talking about?
422
00:19:01,739 --> 00:19:03,307
Just yesterday, you swore
in front of witnesses that,
423
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,593
that you were gonna ruin me.
You said you'd do anything!
424
00:19:05,594 --> 00:19:07,327
That's true, Sam.
I was there.
425
00:19:07,395 --> 00:19:09,729
What the hell
were you thinking, Malone?
426
00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:11,365
Did you think you were
gonna get away with this?!
427
00:19:11,366 --> 00:19:12,783
Well, forget about it.
I'm gonna call the cops.
428
00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:13,967
The cops?!
429
00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:15,118
Wait a minute!
430
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:16,753
Putting a rat
in a heating system
431
00:19:16,754 --> 00:19:18,221
isn't even a misdemeanour!
432
00:19:18,222 --> 00:19:21,242
Carla, sweetheart, please,
you're just making things worse.
433
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,076
My, my bar is ruined!
434
00:19:23,161 --> 00:19:25,479
Please, man, don't bring
the cops into this.
435
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,846
Listen, I-I'm begging you.
436
00:19:26,847 --> 00:19:28,348
I'm on my knees here.
437
00:19:28,416 --> 00:19:29,650
No, you're not.
438
00:19:32,554 --> 00:19:33,887
Oh...
439
00:19:36,424 --> 00:19:37,991
Please...
440
00:19:38,058 --> 00:19:40,594
Oh, and this is supposed
to be enough?
441
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:44,314
Help me out here, will ya?
Come on.
442
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,550
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
443
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:54,708
Sam! Ha-ha, I gotcha!
That's news.
444
00:19:55,493 --> 00:19:58,045
What's, what's going on here?
445
00:19:58,046 --> 00:19:59,746
You fell for it.
It was a trick.
446
00:19:59,814 --> 00:20:00,948
What is a trick?
447
00:20:01,015 --> 00:20:02,882
I saw your bar being bulldozed!
448
00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:05,168
Somebody bulldozed your bar?
449
00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:06,836
I bulldozed my bar.
450
00:20:06,837 --> 00:20:08,905
You see, I sold my property
to a commercial developer,
451
00:20:08,906 --> 00:20:10,774
and he's going to put a shopping
centre on my old spot.
452
00:20:10,775 --> 00:20:12,376
I'm getting a million bucks
for it.
453
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:13,643
But the best part is,
454
00:20:13,644 --> 00:20:16,113
you guys have humiliated
yourselves at the feet
455
00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:18,648
of the master one last time.
456
00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:20,534
Yeah, well, the joke's on you.
457
00:20:20,601 --> 00:20:23,436
We happen to need a shopping
centre in this area.
458
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:25,922
Sam, I hope you don't mind,
459
00:20:25,923 --> 00:20:27,691
but since I don't have
a bar anymore,
460
00:20:27,692 --> 00:20:29,593
I invited the developer
over here to, you know,
461
00:20:29,594 --> 00:20:31,762
help me celebrate.
462
00:20:38,510 --> 00:20:42,689
Sam, I'd like you to
meet your new neighbour,
463
00:20:42,690 --> 00:20:44,458
Rutherford Cunningham.
464
00:20:44,459 --> 00:20:45,993
Real nice place you have here.
465
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:48,695
Nice to meet you.
466
00:20:48,763 --> 00:20:50,163
Sam, is it?
467
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:52,032
Yeah.
468
00:20:52,083 --> 00:20:53,867
A bottle of your
finest champagne.
469
00:20:53,952 --> 00:20:56,269
(phone rings)
WOODY: Cheers.
470
00:20:56,271 --> 00:20:58,622
Oh, Gary, uh, phone for you,
the bank.
471
00:20:58,623 --> 00:21:01,441
Oh, yeah. Sam, do you mind
if I take that in your office?
472
00:21:01,442 --> 00:21:03,010
It's big business,
that sort of thing.
473
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:05,128
Sure.
474
00:21:05,263 --> 00:21:08,615
Bank's not used
to million-dollar deposits.
475
00:21:08,683 --> 00:21:11,635
So, Sam!
It's good to see you again.
476
00:21:11,702 --> 00:21:14,954
Now what's that I heard about
the finest champagne?
477
00:21:15,022 --> 00:21:16,690
Did you do this?
478
00:21:16,757 --> 00:21:19,176
Did you, did you destroy
his bar?
479
00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:21,662
No, I didn't.
Gary did.
480
00:21:21,729 --> 00:21:23,963
He's the one hired
the bulldozer.
481
00:21:23,964 --> 00:21:26,166
Me? I'm just an interested
land developer
482
00:21:26,167 --> 00:21:28,602
who's gonna come up a little
short on funds...
483
00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:33,073
say about a million bucks short.
484
00:21:33,140 --> 00:21:37,043
I have the same problem
with a decimal point.
485
00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:39,813
(Gary screams)
486
00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:40,998
Excuse me.
487
00:21:41,065 --> 00:21:44,034
I believe that's the sound
of my check bouncing.
488
00:21:45,302 --> 00:21:47,470
Mr. Cunningham?
489
00:21:47,538 --> 00:21:51,508
Uh, where's,
uh, Mr. Cunningham?
490
00:21:51,559 --> 00:21:52,943
Uh, he left.
491
00:21:53,010 --> 00:21:54,845
Uh, why, Gary?
492
00:21:54,979 --> 00:21:56,830
Uh, no reason.
493
00:21:58,218 --> 00:22:00,233
Oh, man!
494
00:22:00,234 --> 00:22:02,102
Oh, you are terrific!
495
00:22:08,109 --> 00:22:11,260
If you guys ever need any more
help, you just give me a call.
496
00:22:11,328 --> 00:22:12,929
Oh, thank you, Harry.
497
00:22:12,997 --> 00:22:14,397
Ah, don't mention it.
498
00:22:14,465 --> 00:22:17,333
I guess I've always had
a soft spot for you lunkheads.
499
00:22:17,369 --> 00:22:19,619
Hey, how are we ever
gonna pay you back?
500
00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:23,022
Sam, you already have.
501
00:22:23,091 --> 00:22:25,392
Aw, what a guy, huh?
502
00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:26,627
Wonder what he meant by,
503
00:22:26,694 --> 00:22:28,684
we already have
paid him back, though?
504
00:22:28,713 --> 00:22:29,830
Oh, I don't know.
505
00:22:29,831 --> 00:22:32,599
You know, probably that warm
spirit, the camaraderie,
506
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:33,967
something like that.
507
00:22:34,035 --> 00:22:36,603
Yeah, yeah, he stole
all my money.
36739
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