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1
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,400
(LAUGHTER)
2
00:00:18,00 --> 00:00:20,680
(VINNIE AND REENIE LAUGH)
3
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,720
(HUMS)
4
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,160
Hey-hey!
5
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,600
Top banana!
6
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,640
(SQUEALS)
7
00:01:03,80 --> 00:01:04,680
- REENIE: Vinnie!
- Just a minute, dear.
8
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,200
I'm doing the games.
9
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:09,480
Never mind the games, dear!
We've lost a bag.
10
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,600
- What's that, dear?
- We've lost a bag!
11
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,240
| was just upstairs
doing the bags...
12
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,880
- The bags, yeah.
- All of a sudden,
13
00:01:15,00 --> 00:01:17,520
a gust of wind comes along,
and whoosh, it's gone!
14
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,120
- What, the bag's gone?
- Whoosh!
15
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,640
Somebody must've left
the window open.
16
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,680
BOTH: That Merrill!
17
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:25,880
What bag was it, dear?
18
00:01:26,00 --> 00:01:28,560
Pink, | think. It shook me up,
that! Shook me right up.
19
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,160
I'll put the kettle on.
Are you thirsty?
20
00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:31,880
No, dear, | don't do Thursdays!
21
00:01:32,00 --> 00:01:34,400
- No, dear, thirsty, thirsty!
- All right!
22
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:36,800
- No need to be rude, dear!
- I'm not being rude, dear!
23
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:38,00
You are.
24
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:39,560
Ooh, I've got a stitch!
25
00:01:41,40 --> 00:01:43,40
Anyway, how are you getting on
with the games?
26
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:44,800
Yeah, well, I'm all right,
| think.
27
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,680
I've taken the top hat
out of Monopoly
28
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,720
- and put it into Mouse Trap.
- Yeah?
29
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,400
l've taken the cage
out of Mouse Trap,
30
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:51,720
- put it into Cluedo...
- Yeah...
31
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,800
..and I've stuck
Professor Plum into Colditz!
32
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:55,720
Ha-ha! That'll show 'em!
33
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,920
What've you done
with the rules?
34
00:01:58,40 --> 00:01:59,880
All in ‘ere, dear. All in ‘ere.
35
00:02:00,00 --> 00:02:02,320
Right. I'll maybe come in
early tomorrow, dear,
36
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,40
give you a hand
with these jigsaws.
37
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,520
Oh, what, a piece out of each?
38
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,160
- Yeah. See you tomorrow, dear.
- See you tomorrow.
39
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,720
(LAUGHS)
40
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,120
Oh! Oh!
41
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,760
Reenie, it's a ba...!
42
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,520
Hey, it's a ba...! Ah!
43
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:30,760
Aah, got it!
44
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,520
(SCREAMS)
45
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,600
Silly old bag.
46
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,480
(CHOKES)
47
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:57,840
Vinnie?
48
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,960
Vinnie, we've got some stuff.
49
00:03:00,80 --> 00:03:01,600
What, is it clothes, is it?
50
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,200
Yeah, it's clothes, dear.
You wanna come and have a look?
51
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,640
Nice big bag as well. Now,
then, what have we got here?
52
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:09,440
Ooh, some gloves.
53
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:10,680
Some gloves, dear.
54
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,680
Got to get a few pence
for these.
55
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,280
What else?
56
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,520
Ooh, a dress.
57
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:18,40
Oh, you'd like this dress,
Vinnie!
58
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,240
Few holes in it, though.
59
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,440
Now, then,
what's this in ‘ere, then?
60
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:25,440
Ooh, teeth!
Never had teeth before.
61
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,360
Old woman's teeth, Vinnie!
62
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,720
Old woman's teeth!
63
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:31,920
And a hat.
64
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,160
One of those hats that you...
65
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,640
Hat...teeth...
66
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,200
...dress...gloves.
67
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:44,880
Vinnie!
68
00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:47,480
Oh, Vinnie! (WHIMPERS)
69
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:51,160
It's all good stuff, dear.
70
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,720
It's all good stuff. (SOBS)
71
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,280
They call them Disney classics.
72
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,400
Some of the buggers
aren't even a year old.
73
00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:07,920
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Oh, Shelley, come ‘ere.
74
00:04:08,40 --> 00:04:09,680
Come here.
Come and settle this.
75
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,200
Tell our new projectionist
which is the best dog cartoon.
76
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,960
- | say Fox And Hound.
- (LAUGHS)
77
00:04:14,80 --> 00:04:15,840
Fox And The Hound.
Tell him, Shelley.
78
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,400
All Dogs Go To Heaven.
79
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:21,240
Thank you. All Dogs Go To
Heaven. Don Bluth, 1989.
80
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:22,480
| think you'll find it piddles
all over
81
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:23,680
your Fox And flicking Hound.
82
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,480
Oh, but Fox And Hound
is good film!
83
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,200
It's all right, but A// Dogs,
it's got Burt Reynolds.
84
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,440
Who can you offer me?
Mickey bloomin' Rooney.
85
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,920
- | rest my cause.
- Boss, | need a word.
86
00:04:33,40 --> 00:04:34,520
You see, Oshi, there's nothing
87
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,240
you can tell me
about dog films.
88
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,720
Zero, squat.
89
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,160
People used to say to me,
90
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,600
"Kenny, a dog cinema?
You're crackers!
91
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:43,560
"Where's the variety?"
Variety?
92
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,200
I'll give you flicking variety.
Just off the top of me head -
93
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,560
Look Who's Talking Now,
Beethoven's 2nd,
94
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,40
Zoltan... Hound Of Dracula.
95
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:51,320
As a triple bill,
that has got to be
96
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,600
up there with the Godfathers.
Tell him, Shelley.
97
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,440
How many people did we have
in here last Sunday?
98
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:56,920
- 37.
- 37.
99
00:04:57,40 --> 00:05:00,120
A double bill -
The Shaggy Dog, The Shaggy DA.
100
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:03,160
| saw lads with shaven heads
pissing themselves laughing.
101
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:04,840
- Boss.
- 1976,
102
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,200
- and fresh as a daisy.
- Boss!
103
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:08,560
I've got some news.
104
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,560
What is it? Don't say
they've let me down on Cujo?!
105
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,760
- No!
- Oh, thank God for that.
106
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,400
I've a party of goths
coming over from Leeds.
107
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:18,600
It's Dougal Siepp.
108
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,120
You fucking what?
109
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:24,840
He's back!
110
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,160
(DOG HOWLS)
111
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,400
Here we go.
112
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,560
Now, then, this is
where you'll be stood, Keith.
113
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,440
- Er, right.
- I'll be upstairs
114
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,520
doing the bags. Did you have
bags at the Spastics, dear?
115
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,200
We did, but | should say
it's actually called Scope now.
116
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,360
What's that?
You said Spastics.
117
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,240
They're not Spastics any more,
they're Scope.
118
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,400
Ooh! Vinnie!
119
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:50,680
No.
120
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,960
So did you work with many bags
at the Scope, dear?
121
00:05:54,80 --> 00:05:56,760
One or two, yes.
Actually, speaking of bags,
122
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,800
I've brought in
some stuff of my own.
123
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,960
Like the saying goes,
charity begins at home.
124
00:06:01,80 --> 00:06:02,280
Oh, lovely. Good stuff, is it?
125
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,360
Well, it's mainly costume
jewellery from my am-dram days.
126
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:07,400
| had a falling-out
with the costume designer.
127
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,280
But don't you think these are
so right for Banquo?
128
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,320
(BELL RINGS)
129
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,160
- Excuse me?
- Yes, dear?
130
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,640
| bought this games compendium
last week.
131
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:15,840
There's a few pieces missing.
132
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,880
I'll be upstairs
if you need me, dear.
133
00:06:20,00 --> 00:06:21,640
Keep the bag.
134
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,320
Sorry, sir, you were saying?
135
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:26,520
Yeah, there are a few draughts
missing.
136
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,200
Ah. Now, | could offer you
a couple of these buttons.
137
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,240
We're doing The Diary
Of Anne Frank at the moment.
138
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:32,400
| snipped them off a Nazi.
139
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,00
- They're quite a good match.
- Right.
140
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,160
What else?
141
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,640
Er, I'm a red counter short
on Connect Four.
142
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,840
Hmm, tricky.
Try my ruby brooch.
143
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,600
That should slip down
your crack.
144
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,120
OK.
145
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,880
Er, yeah, and I'm also missing
a black queen.
146
00:06:49,00 --> 00:06:51,120
There's no answer to that,
is there?
147
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,600
Use this thimble.
148
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,560
Thanks very much.
You've been very helpful.
149
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,320
- Not at all. See you again.
- Yeah.
150
00:06:58,440 --> 00:06:59,480
(PHONE RINGS)
151
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,400
I'm just glad he had
a full set of tiddlywinks.
152
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:04,720
Hello, Keith Drop.
153
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,240
Oh, hello, Yves, how did you
get on with the costumes?
154
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:09,920
Right.
155
00:07:10,40 --> 00:07:11,120
Oh, you're joking?!
156
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,520
Tonsillitis?!
157
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,800
So who are we going to get
to play the Nazi?!
158
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,760
(ROARS)
159
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:20,880
Where is Anne Frank?!
I'm a Nazi!
160
00:07:21,00 --> 00:07:23,840
(ROARS AND MUMBLES)
161
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,280
Good eve...
162
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:40,920
Good afternoon.
My name is Dean Tavalouris.
163
00:07:41,40 --> 00:07:45,360
I'm about to go out onto
the streets of Royston Vasey
164
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:49,40
doing my magic
and all my tricks.
165
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,120
Dean! Have you fed them fish?
166
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:52,600
Oh, Mam!
167
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,160
I'm doing me programme!
168
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,760
The power of the human mind,
madame.
169
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,120
The power of the human mind,
sir?
170
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,760
The power of the human mind,
sir?
171
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,00
Eh?
172
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,240
I'm here on the streets
of Royston Vasey
173
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:08,920
doing magic for my programme.
174
00:08:09,40 --> 00:08:10,200
Is he talking to us?
175
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,40
Tell him no, Frank.
176
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,440
These are my friends.
All 52 of ‘em.
177
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:16,880
Look, Frank.
178
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:21,200
- Is this for the telly?
- Yes. It'll be on in the fall.
179
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,920
Now, look at these.
All just normal.
180
00:08:23,40 --> 00:08:24,480
There's nowt wrong with them.
181
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,720
Right. Here, hold me bag,
Minn.
182
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,600
Now, pick a card, any card,
is it?
183
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,240
You won't know it.
| thought this up.
184
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,520
Hurry up, Frank,
it's freezation!
185
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,40
Thank you, my friend.
186
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,720
Now, I'd like you to take
a look at this.
187
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:42,440
Hey... Hey, our Jack's got one
of these. It's an Instamatic...
188
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:45,120
Careful! That cost loads!
189
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,80
| said I'd get
those Hoover bags.
190
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,280
Aye aye! Look who it is!
191
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:50,960
All right, Frank.
192
00:08:51,80 --> 00:08:52,640
It's not getting any warmer,
is it?
193
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:56,80
Excuse me!
Now, this is a magic camera.
194
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,920
It sees all the thoughts
within your ‘ead.
195
00:08:59,40 --> 00:09:01,440
(CAMERA CLICKS AND WHIRS)
196
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:02,960
MAN: What's all this, then?
197
00:09:03,80 --> 00:09:05,720
This young man's doing
a conjuring trick.
198
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,160
Oh, aye? Do | have to
pick a card?
199
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,360
No. I've already done that.
Now...
200
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,440
MINN: There were black ice
on our steps.
201
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:14,960
Have you tried Binns?
202
00:09:15,80 --> 00:09:17,320
It's Hammonds now.
203
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,40
- Was this your selection?
- Eh?
204
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,320
Your card. Was this your card?
205
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,200
I'm sorry, son. l...
206
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,640
| can't remember.
207
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,760
Was your card
the card in the picture?
208
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,160
| couldn't tell you, son.
209
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,40
- | honestly couldn't say.
- Did you see it?
210
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,360
Come on, Frank. It's bitter!
211
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,920
You take a good picture, Frank.
212
00:09:42,80 --> 00:09:44,920
What is wrong with people
round here?
213
00:09:45,40 --> 00:09:47,80
What is wrong with people?!
214
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,320
Here we are, dear, two teas.
215
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,480
Oh, thanks,
I'm spitting feathers!
216
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:54,240
Now, how are you getting on
with the book?
217
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,760
Yeah, well, all right, | think.
218
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,200
| did it in pencil,
like you said,
219
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:58,640
and now I'm going over it
InN pen.
220
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,560
That's right, dear,
nice and bold!
221
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,520
Bold and blue!
222
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,00
I'll be upstairs
if you need me, dear.
223
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,40
Right.
224
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,440
(LAUGHS)
225
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,480
(DOOR OPENS)
226
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,880
Hello.
Sorry to bother you again.
227
00:10:19,00 --> 00:10:20,560
Well, we're just closing,
actually.
228
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:22,480
It's all right,
it won't take long.
229
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,240
| just wanted to ask you
about this brooch.
230
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,80
Oh, yes. Didn't it fit?
231
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,600
Oh, it's not that. | wanted to
ask you where it came from.
232
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,160
In there.
233
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,280
No, | mean originally.
234
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,400
Oh, | don't know.
235
00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:36,600
l've only just started
working here, I'm afraid.
236
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,280
Well, | was
under the impression
237
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,600
- these items were yours.
- Yes. Well...
238
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,600
...some of them are.
Let's have a look at it.
239
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,920
You see, the thing is,
my wife Katie had a brooch
240
00:10:46,40 --> 00:10:48,320
- just like that.
- Mm. They're very common.
241
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,440
Yes, but she was wearing it
the day she went missing.
242
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,880
Look, in this photograph.
243
00:10:53,00 --> 00:10:54,880
She's been missing
ten months now.
244
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,480
They are very similar, but
I'm afraid | can't help you.
245
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,760
Do you mind if | look through
the box,
246
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,920
- see if there's anything else?
- No, go right ahead.
247
00:11:03,40 --> 00:11:04,840
I'll just be a minute
gathering my things.
248
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,600
So how long did you say
she's been missing now?
249
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,80
Ten months.
250
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,80
A lot of women went missing
in this area.
251
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,00
Around the time the circus
came to town...
252
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:16,720
- (YELLS)
- (SHOUTS)
253
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,360
(GROANS)
254
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,760
She's my wife!
255
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,80
(CLANG!)
256
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,280
Now what the bloody hell's
going on?!
257
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,240
Dougal Siepp
was the assistant manager.
258
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:45,720
He persuaded Mr Harris
to branch out into cat films.
259
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,680
| was a bloody fool. Cat films
are shit. Everyone knows it.
260
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,560
- What about That Darn Cat?
- Oh, fuck off, Oshi.
261
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:53,560
There's not the variety
in felines.
262
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,400
But Siepp was a stubborn sod.
He wouldn't give way.
263
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,240
And then the rot
began to spread.
264
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,00
Films with tenuous links.
265
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,320
He tried to persuade me
to put on Pet Sematary,
266
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,00
all cos of the zombie cat.
| said to him,
267
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,440
"Dougal, we've got a rule -
the mutt's the star."
268
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,160
What does it say
above the door, Shelley?
269
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,480
- Dog Cinema.
- Dog Cinema, thank you.
270
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,40
Tell him. Tell Oshi
what was the last straw.
271
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,240
- Mr Harris was in hospital.
- | was in hospital
272
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,320
with bowel cancer.
Thank God they caught it early.
273
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,520
| come out after three weeks.
What were he showing, Shelley?
274
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,680
- Rock-A-Doodle.
- Rock-A-flicking-Doodle.
275
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,280
| went apeshit.
276
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,200
| screamed at him,
"Dougal Siepp,
277
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,560
"that movie is about
a Chicken that sings!
278
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:30,360
"You know what's behind
this venture.
279
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,760
"Now clear your desk, get
your Garfield off the window
280
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,320
- "and get out of my sight."
- Audiences were down 40%.
281
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,120
We've clawed our way back.
282
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,120
I've had an article about me
in the Winnipeg Post.
283
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:43,440
Canada, Oshi. Think about that.
284
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:45,840
And it's not cos
we show films about chickens.
285
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,200
- (LAUGHS)
- (GROWLS)
286
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,600
Agh-ah! Aa-agh!
287
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,600
Now, could someone tell me
what's going on?
288
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:55,880
Where's Keith?!
289
00:12:56,00 --> 00:12:58,280
There is no Keith.
Look at this.
290
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,920
So who's this Papa Lazarus?
291
00:13:02,40 --> 00:13:03,640
Papa Lazarou.
292
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,200
| wish | Knew. He came here
last year with that circus.
293
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,80
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
294
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,640
| think I've got a poster
for that here somewhere!
295
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,80
- Is this it, dear?
- Yes.
296
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,120
That's the one.
Now, where is she?
297
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,920
- Where's my wife?
- (CHUCKLES)
298
00:13:18,40 --> 00:13:19,120
You'd better tell me.
299
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,720
Talk, you bastard,
or I'll call the police!
300
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,360
No need to be rude, dear.
301
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:23,920
- Talk!
- Bonjour!
302
00:13:24,40 --> 00:13:26,400
- What's he say?
- La plume de ma tante!
303
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,40
He's just toying with us.
304
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,520
I'll tell you who speaks
good French. That Merrill.
305
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,160
- Merrill!
- Do you know her?
306
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,720
| heard she'd run off
with a black man.
307
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,760
(SPEAKS GIPPOG)
308
00:13:38,40 --> 00:13:39,160
Come on.
Let's go to the police.
309
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,200
# Mein Hut, er hat drei Ecken!
310
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,80
# Drei Ecken hat mein Hut... #
311
00:13:51,00 --> 00:13:53,320
- Where's Siepp?
- (CAR ENGINE STOPS)
312
00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,160
(CHURCH BELL TOLLS)
313
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:00,800
(DOG GROWLS)
314
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,320
(CAT MEOWS)
315
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,240
Kenny Harris...
316
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,40
...as | live and breathe.
317
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:11,320
(DOG GROWLS)
318
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,80
(CAT MEOWS)
319
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,120
Hey. Here we go.
320
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:19,880
Now, then, what is it?
999, is it?
321
00:14:20,00 --> 00:14:21,920
Wait, wait.
Let's just think about this.
322
00:14:22,40 --> 00:14:23,720
He'll never talk to the police.
323
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,480
| might never see my wife
again.
324
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,120
Well, what are we gonna do,
then?
325
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:31,160
You're not leaving him ‘ere!
I've gotta do the book!
326
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,40
We've got to let him
lead us to her.
327
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,720
| Know. | want you
to make him some food
328
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:38,520
and take it up to him
on a tray.
329
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,800
Oh! What did your last slave
die of?
330
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,640
But make sure you leave him
a knife and fork.
331
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:44,640
Hang on, hang on!
332
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,160
If we leave him a knife,
he'll escape!
333
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,920
Exactly. We let him think
he's escaped
334
00:14:49,40 --> 00:14:50,160
and then we'll follow him.
335
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,720
All right,
but you'd better be quick.
336
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,320
Countdown starts
in half an hour.
337
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,80
(CATS MEOW)
338
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,960
Are you not out of business
yet, Kenneth?
339
00:15:02,80 --> 00:15:03,520
Quit carping, Siepp!
340
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,160
We do video and DVD rental now.
341
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,960
Do you know
what my biggest title is?
342
00:15:08,80 --> 00:15:10,360
I'm sure
you're going to tell me.
343
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,600
Digby. Digby, The Biggest Dog
In The World.
344
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,160
What did you say about it?
Can you remember?
345
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:17,880
Funnily enough...
346
00:15:18,00 --> 00:15:19,200
NO.
347
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,840
That it were dated. That no-one
would want to see it
348
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,240
in this day and age.
349
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,360
17 rentals in 22 weeks.
350
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:26,720
Explain that!
351
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,360
Fortunate you're here, Harris.
352
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,720
Just in time to see
the unveiling.
353
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,600
Mr Griffin, would you oblige?
354
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,440
- (CATS SNARL)
- Bloody Nora!
355
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,200
Oshi! (SPEAKS JAPANESE)
356
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,40
The bastard's gone live!
357
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,240
(MEOWING CONTINUES)
358
00:15:48,40 --> 00:15:50,400
(HUMS)
Here we are, dear.
359
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,840
| brought you some soup.
360
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,160
Merci.
361
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,720
It's leek and potato.
It's good soup, is that.
362
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:00,320
Kindly undo these bags!
Agh! Agh!
363
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,480
Ah-ah-ah-ah!
364
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,160
I'm afraid | can't do that,
Mr Papa Lazarou.
365
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:08,280
If | undo those bags, you might
take this big sharp knife
366
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,640
and try and escape through
that open window over there.
367
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,160
(GROWLS)
368
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,800
- (THUNDER RUMBLES)
- |am not Papa Lazarou.
369
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,280
Well, who are you, then?
370
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,920
You're not my lovely Keith,
that's for sure.
371
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,840
AS VINNIE: Why you do this
to me, Reenie?
372
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:29,920
What's that?
373
00:16:30,40 --> 00:16:31,880
You killed me, Reenie.
374
00:16:32,00 --> 00:16:34,960
You let that red bag
fly out the window.
375
00:16:35,80 --> 00:16:36,720
You're not my friend!
376
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:40,200
Oh, I'm frightened, Reenie!
Please undo the bags!
377
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,200
You're not my friend!
378
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,640
(SOBS)
379
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,560
(THUNDER CRASHES)
380
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,360
Checking the lens.
381
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,280
And now we are prepared.
382
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:55,680
Is this gonna be on the telly?
383
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,240
That is right. In the fall.
384
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:58,680
And what's your name again?
385
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,240
|! am he called Dean.
Dean Tavalouris...
386
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,480
Aah! Ha-ha-ha!
387
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:09,480
Now, which one of you beautiful
daughters of Archimedes
388
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,600
will furnish me
with a cigarette?
389
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,760
Just one will be suffice.
390
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,680
May | take the pleasure?
391
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,160
Now, | take a cigarette...
392
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:27,440
... thusly.
393
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,960
(GASPS)
394
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,560
Soon it will be but a memory.
395
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,480
Like smoke in the wind.
396
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,800
If you would shake
the magic cloth.
397
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,120
- That's pretty good.
- Nice. | like that.
398
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,200
- That's very good, that one.
- Will you show it to me?
399
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,720
No, the Magician's Code
forbids me, but...
400
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,480
- (BOTH CHEER)
- It's Miggy! Miggy!
401
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:54,560
Yous two, come in ‘ere.
402
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,40
You've gotta check
this guy out.
403
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,560
Do you know what this bloke can
do, you know? He can do tricks.
404
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,280
It's gonna be on the telly,
this, in the fall.
405
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,440
Go on, then. Show us it.
406
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,480
No, the Magician's Code
forbids...
407
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,520
Fuck off. Show us.
408
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,520
Do you know what he can do?
He can make a fag disappear.
409
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,200
- (CHEERS SARCASTICALLY)
- Oh, Bongo. Leave him.
410
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,880
Go on, Miggy, give him a fag.
Go on.
411
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:17,920
(COUGHS)
412
00:18:18,40 --> 00:18:20,40
| take the fag thusly.
413
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,960
Soon it will be but a memory.
414
00:18:22,80 --> 00:18:23,360
Like smoke in the wind...
415
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,920
- (BURPS)
- You're minging!
416
00:18:26,40 --> 00:18:28,40
Whoa, whoa!
Where's your hand going?
417
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,560
Is that for putting
your cock in?
418
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:33,840
Absolute rubbish.
419
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,440
- What a con!
- Argh!
420
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:36,600
I'll show you how it's done.
421
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:37,800
Go on, Miggy!
422
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:38,960
- Go on!
- N-No!
423
00:18:39,80 --> 00:18:41,480
- No!
- (WOMEN CHEER AND LAUGH)
424
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,240
- (SCREAMS)
- (WOMEN CHEER)
425
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,600
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
426
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,120
Hey! Hey, Miggy.
427
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,640
Bet this is worth a bit.
428
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:52,920
Please don't touch it!
429
00:18:53,40 --> 00:18:54,960
Don't touch it! Don't touch it!
430
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,840
(ALL LAUGH)
431
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,480
(GRUNTING AND MUMBLING)
432
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,400
- | don't want to.
- Go on. It'll be a laugh.
433
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,200
(GROANS)
434
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,840
- (KNOCKING)
- More than that.
435
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,480
Down. That's it. Down.
436
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,640
(BOTH LAUGH)
437
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,400
Around...
438
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,880
(REENIE WHEEZES)
439
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,360
(GASPS AND GRUNTS)
440
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:45,760
Oh!
441
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,360
Ooh, he's done all his work
surfaces in that Corian.
442
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,920
Shh!
443
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,800
(DOOR CREAKS)
444
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:03,960
What's he done with them?
445
00:20:04,80 --> 00:20:05,640
He's clever.
446
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,280
He's put them all into piles
so he can bag them all up.
447
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,200
He's got some good stuff
in here.
448
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:13,640
It's brand-new.
449
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,440
(WHISPERS) Come on.
450
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,640
(MUMBLES)
451
00:20:20,00 --> 00:20:21,160
...a brown one...
452
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,440
He's not gonna get much for
these bras. They're all wet.
453
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:50,840
(LAUGHS)
454
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,360
Spastics'll be green
when they see this lot.
455
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,840
- (WHIMPERING)
- What's that?
456
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,520
Oh, what's the matter, dear?
457
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,120
Are you all right?
458
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:14,600
Don't cry, dear.
I'll look after you.
459
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,920
I'm your friend.
460
00:21:18,00 --> 00:21:20,680
| can't believe you fell
for that one! (LAUGHS)
461
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,320
(SCREAMS)
462
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,960
Hello, Dave.
463
00:21:28,80 --> 00:21:30,160
(SNARLS)
464
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:38,600
You see, the thing that people
don't realise about make-up
465
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,520
is you can tend to overdo it.
466
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:46,200
It's much better to have
too little and then add on.
467
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,400
Hmm, try telling that
to your little girl.
468
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:49,720
Shut up!
469
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:54,00
| learned my skills
from my wives.
470
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:58,200
Each one of them has
something different to offer.
471
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,320
Your wife, for example,
472
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:05,40
knows a great deal
about curling eyelashes.
473
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,360
You...didn't know that,
did you?
474
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:13,320
Perhaps you should have
paid more attention to her.
475
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,840
| know / did.
476
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,920
What have you done with her?!
477
00:22:18,40 --> 00:22:19,960
Do you know,
| can't even remember
478
00:22:20,80 --> 00:22:22,280
if she's alive or dead.
Simba!
479
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:23,440
Yeah, boss?
480
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,160
Bring me the book of wives!
481
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:26,720
What's that? The book?
482
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,760
He's not stole the book
as well, has he?
483
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,880
- Oh! Keith the thief!
- Shut up!
484
00:22:31,00 --> 00:22:32,160
Here you are, boss.
485
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,200
Now, then, what was
my wife's name again?
486
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,480
Katie Morgan.
487
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,80
Dave.
488
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:43,480
Hmm, D, D, Dave, Dave,
Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave...
489
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,440
Hmm-mm.
490
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,800
Is she alive?
491
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:50,480
- Alive?
- (THUNDER RUMBLES)
492
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,560
In a manner of speaking.
493
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,40
Would you like to see
what she looks like now?
494
00:22:57,80 --> 00:22:58,00
No.
495
00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:01,680
| think you would much rather
see her
496
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,280
in the flesh.
497
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:04,360
(SCREAMS)
498
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,200
Oh, what's happening?
What's happening?
499
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:07,360
(REENIE SCREAMS)
500
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:15,680
(GASPS)
501
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:17,400
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, oof!
502
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,80
Ah, Dave!
503
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,360
You are awake! Pleasant dreams?
504
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:22,760
What have you done
with my wife?
505
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,880
Tik-Tikk.
506
00:23:25,00 --> 00:23:27,400
(LAZAROU LAUGHS)
507
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,720
(STRUGGLES)
508
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,880
Oh!
509
00:23:32,00 --> 00:23:33,960
Oh, Dave?
510
00:23:34,80 --> 00:23:36,800
Someone to see you, Dave!
511
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,40
- (GROWLING)
- (YELPS)
512
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,440
- WOMAN: Help me!
- Katie?
513
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:46,840
Help me, Brian!
514
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,520
Show him what you can do.
Up! Up!
515
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:54,680
You're going to be
an elephant.
516
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,400
(ALL LAUGH)
517
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,400
(LAUGHTER ECHOES)
518
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,480
Hello?! Anybody there?
519
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,80
| need to go toilet.
520
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:10,440
(BELL RINGS)
521
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,00
Lovely day, isn't it?
522
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:30,680
(PHONE RINGS)
523
00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:34,360
Hello, Keith Drop.
524
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,80
AS LAZAROU:
Ah, how are the animals?
525
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,200
So we just need one more wife
for the elephant?
526
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:40,440
Leave it with me.
527
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,560
Excuse me.
528
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:46,960
- You dropped this.
- (SCREAMS)
529
00:24:47,80 --> 00:24:48,440
(ENGINE REVS)
530
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,640
Oh, my God! Are you all right?!
531
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,800
- (SCREAMING IN BACKGROUND)
- Tony?
532
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:02,160
Don't try to speak.
533
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:03,640
Give me your hand.
534
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,480
If it wasn't for
that St Christopher,
535
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:08,560
you'd be dead by now.
536
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:09,920
It's fate, Tony.
537
00:25:10,40 --> 00:25:11,00
Come on.
538
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,440
Let me take you
back to the shop.
539
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,200
You saved my life!
540
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,440
Ha! Beauty and the Beast.
541
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:18,840
What's that?
542
00:25:20,00 --> 00:25:21,520
(WHISPERS)
Beauty and the Beast.
543
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,200
AS LAZAROU: Hmm. Tell me...
544
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,520
...do you like animals?
545
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:29,760
Charlie!
546
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:31,800
Charlie?
547
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:38,960
I've just heard
like a massive noise,
548
00:25:39,80 --> 00:25:41,920
| don't know what it was.
I'm gonna go and find out now.
549
00:25:42,40 --> 00:25:43,920
(SIREN WAILS)
550
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:47,880
Stay back. Stay back.
551
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,440
What's happened?
What's happened?!
552
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:52,640
We're gonna take him
to hospital.
553
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:53,800
Everything's going to be
all right.
554
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,120
Just tell me what happened!
555
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,240
Will you get out of the way?
We're trying to work here!
556
00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:59,120
- Tell me what his name is.
- What's happening?
557
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,160
- Oh, shit, where's he going?
- Who's that?!
558
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,560
We're trying to do our job!
559
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,240
Bugger off.
Show some respect for the dead.
560
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:32,800
You may kiss the bride.
561
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,200
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
562
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,120
(MUSIC PLAYING)
563
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,640
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
564
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,920
(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)
565
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,640
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
566
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,320
(LION GROWLS)
567
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,240
(ROARS)
568
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,560
(ALL WHIMPER)
569
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,120
(APPLAUSE)
570
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:52,80
(ELEPHANT TRUMPETS)
571
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,80
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
572
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:06,480
(BABY CRIES)
573
00:28:08,40 --> 00:28:09,480
Oh...
574
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:12,320
Oh!
575
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,760
BARBARA:
My beautiful darlings.
576
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:19,920
(SHUSHES)
37323
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