Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:47,560
- (RIPPING)
- Oh!
2
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:52,760
That the post?
3
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,680
Never you mind -
it's not for you.
4
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,240
And what exactly are you doing?
5
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:01,760
| was just thinking
how nice it would be
6
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:05,520
to have some kind of gazebo
out the back there.
7
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,80
Well, you can forget
about that.
8
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,320
They'll be here this afternoon.
9
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,360
Now, go and get those dildoes
waxed!
10
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:13,840
Yes, my love.
11
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,240
Here it is -
Where Eagles Dare.
12
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,360
One of Alistair MacLean's
finest.
13
00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:28,40
If you should find yourself
at a loose end this evening,
14
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,560
it is a smashing read.
15
00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:31,760
Alternatively,
there is a Satan Bug
16
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,120
floating around here
somewhere.
17
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:34,240
Alibis.
18
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,440
Oh, yes. You must understand,
it's very important
19
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,960
that no-one knows
we've gathered here.
20
00:01:40,80 --> 00:01:42,280
Our guest of honour
is a very cautious man.
21
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,00
I'm brass-rubbing
in East Anglia.
22
00:01:46,40 --> 00:01:47,840
Oh!
Do you know, by any chance,
23
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:51,280
the nave of St Wulfric's?
In Ely, | think it is.
24
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:52,440
There's a smash...
25
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:56,520
(SIGHS)
26
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,280
Ah!
27
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:02,800
Sue and Tank,
or should | say Mr and Mrs...
28
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,720
.. Armoured Personnel Carrier?
29
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,40
Interesting alias there.
Should be a diverting weekend.
30
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:10,520
Yeah.
31
00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:12,720
Looking forward
to some heavy fucking.
32
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,960
Yes. Uh, we've put you
in the Ullswater Suite.
33
00:02:17,80 --> 00:02:18,80
Now, | have borne in mind
34
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,240
various comments
about the teas in the rooms,
35
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:23,400
so you'll be pleased to find
a summer fruits sachet,
36
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,40
a lemon and ginger,
37
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,600
and a Lady Grey...
38
00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:30,560
...If you're feeling
adventurous.
39
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,800
Mr Steele.
40
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,00
That's me.
41
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,400
| believe you are expecting me.
42
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:46,920
Oh! Mr...
43
00:02:47,40 --> 00:02:50,520
Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh!
44
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,160
Call me...
45
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,160
...Daddy.
46
00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,880
Let me tell you
about the rectum.
47
00:03:01,00 --> 00:03:03,280
The rectum
is a beautiful organ.
48
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,560
You may have read my monograph
The Pipe Of...
49
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,800
| have to say,
my tits can only stand so much.
50
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,600
The hat pins | can cope with.
51
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,520
But she doesn't get on
with the hot wax.
52
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:14,320
Oh, luvvie,
are you coming on with us
53
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,360
to the Cliterotica on Saturday?
54
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,40
It'll be me first time.
55
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,800
| did Quimcon in Eastbourne
last year
56
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:25,160
and the International Symposium
of Anal Love in '97.
57
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,760
Have you ever
shaved another man's balls?
58
00:03:29,40 --> 00:03:31,320
There was this fellow
in Hyderabad.
59
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,00
His testicles were the size
of cooking apples!
60
00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,920
The fact is,
azaleas are very vulnerable
61
00:03:36,40 --> 00:03:37,840
to an early frost.
As it happens,
62
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,560
| had already
planned extensively
63
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,400
for that part of the garden.
64
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,440
I'd even gone so far
as to remove a laburnum
65
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,160
which had sprung up there.
Poisonous, as you probably...
66
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,800
OLD WOMAN: Oh!
Oh, I'm terribly sorry!
67
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:49,840
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
68
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,880
Not to worry.
69
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,360
Hey, you.
Have you got everything ready
70
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,200
for Daddy's demonstration
tomorrow?
71
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,640
| have, but, uh,
I'll cry off, if | may.
72
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,520
Autoerotic asphyxiation
plays havoc with the old tubes.
73
00:04:10,00 --> 00:04:11,160
Actually, | was wondering
74
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:12,920
if | had time
to nip to the garden centre
75
00:04:13,40 --> 00:04:14,80
before it closes?
76
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,280
Again?
77
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,760
Ooh, there's something
wrong with you.
78
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,440
How many pebble fountains
79
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,800
is it possible for one man
to own?
80
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,520
It's just that
there's a special offer
81
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,160
on the Sankey
converter compost bin
82
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:27,760
of which | want
to avail myself.
83
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,800
Well, you can forget it.
You're staying here
84
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,520
to explore the limits
of your sexuality
85
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,600
with the rest of us.
Now go and drain the Swede!
86
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,240
Everything all right in there,
Mr Ulvaeus?
87
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,480
(SWEDISH ACCENT)
I'm fine, thank you, Mr Steele.
88
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,320
- (GROANING)
- (LAUGHTER)
89
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,00
I'm just nipping to Hammonds,
love.
90
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:05,920
I've found
we're out of Highland Fingers.
91
00:05:06,40 --> 00:05:09,40
MRS STEELE:
Oh, shut that ruddy door!
92
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,160
Righto.
93
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,600
Excuse me.
Do you sell barbecue coals?
94
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:34,800
Yes, sir.
95
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,920
Do you want them
with firelighters?
96
00:05:37,40 --> 00:05:39,80
Er, no, wi' custard.
97
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,680
I've got these
terrible cravings.
98
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,920
Well, sir... madam,
you'll find them over there.
99
00:05:44,40 --> 00:05:45,160
Oh, right. Thanks.
100
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:46,640
And then there's our own brand
101
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,840
of ant and crawling insect
killer,
102
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,40
which provides
an effective prophylaxis
103
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:56,00
against nearly 74%
of all herbaceous pestilence...
104
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,560
- (VOICE FADES)
- (SOFT MUSIC)
105
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:03,160
...woodlice, whitefly,
blackfly, greenfly...
106
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,200
Come on, Noel, wind it up.
Have you got everything?
107
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:06,320
Only what was on the bed.
108
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,360
If it wasn't on the bed,
| haven't brought it.
109
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,480
Told us in the judge's head,
you know - punctuality.
110
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,240
Come on, Casey, big smile!
111
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,680
Do you want to be Upper Junior
Little Miss Elegance or not?
112
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,880
We're doing all this for you,
you know. How do | look?
113
00:06:18,00 --> 00:06:19,520
- You look fabulous!
- Do |?
114
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,680
You certainly do.
Come on, let's knock 'em dead!
115
00:06:31,40 --> 00:06:33,240
- Name?
- Casey Emma Glass!
116
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,480
- Age?
- Seven and three-quarters.
117
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,80
Hello, Casey.
118
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,160
Now, you know the theme
of this year's pageant
119
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:41,120
is History Through the Ages.
120
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,80
Yes, she does!
121
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,00
And you've prepared
your two-minute dance solo?
122
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:47,400
Yes, she has.
The costume cost £158.
123
00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:48,600
And you are?
124
00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,280
Nancy Glass. Casey's mother.
125
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,320
She's not my real mum.
126
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,280
Speak when you're spoken to,
Casey!
127
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,600
Uh, now, uh,
where are the changing rooms?
128
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,320
The girls' changing rooms
are full at the moment,
129
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:00,960
so you're probably better
130
00:07:01,80 --> 00:07:03,160
finding yourself
a little corner in the gym.
131
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:07,320
Ha, sorry,
this is Casey Emma Glass.
132
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:08,800
This has won two Silver Salvers
133
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,680
and a Recommended
in the last five years.
134
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,720
She was the Papoose Princess
135
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,40
November
in the Huggies calendar,
136
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,360
and as a baby,
she was Miss Piss '95.
137
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,200
We've got three Golden Potties!
138
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,760
So a corner of the gym
just will not do, so I'm sorry!
139
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:23,280
| bet Natalie Burkitt's mother
140
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,120
isn't hanging tutus
on a big apparatus!
141
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,720
She was here on time.
142
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,360
Noel, come on.
143
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:30,680
One other thing -
have they announced
144
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:31,720
the Upper Junior judges yet?
145
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,400
- Yes.
- Nancy!
146
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,80
It'll be Joyce Wilson.
147
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,280
Go on, go on, go on.
148
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,240
- Arnold Engelman.
- Not to worry, not to worry!
149
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:39,520
Who's chair?
150
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:40,560
Cherry Bakewell.
151
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,120
Ah-ha-ha! Thank you very much!
152
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,160
Happy with that!
153
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,40
Now, then. Do we phone Cherry
or pop a note through?
154
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,80
| don't think push it.
Remember Huddersfield.
155
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,00
Is there a toilet here, please?
156
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,120
Casey!
157
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,40
...gnats, midges,
158
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,520
gallinippers and domestic cats.
159
00:07:58,640 --> 00:07:59,640
Ahem.
160
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:03,960
Excuse me a moment, please.
161
00:08:05,00 --> 00:08:07,520
Of course, the ancients, too,
162
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:11,280
were conversant
in the erotic power
163
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,40
of breath constriction.
164
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:19,40
As was King Henry VIII,
when forced to...
165
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,240
...arouse himself
166
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,200
before his plain
Flemish wife...
167
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,880
..Anne of Cleves.
168
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,960
But it was not until
comparatively recently
169
00:08:34,80 --> 00:08:36,200
that science caught up
with the...
170
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:38,960
...erotic urge.
171
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,560
And so we come
172
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,480
bang up to date.
173
00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,960
The reason we are all here
this afternoon.
174
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:55,640
Behold...
175
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:56,680
(GASPS)
176
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,120
...the Medusa!
177
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,640
Can | help you, sir?
178
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,360
Yes, I'm, uh,
179
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,80
interested in purchasing
a barbecue.
180
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,280
- Really?
- Oh, yes.
181
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,40
I've had my eye on one
for quite some time.
182
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,160
Can you...
183
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,80
...describe it for me?
184
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,760
It's a beautiful model.
185
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,560
Smooth, elegant, with a...
186
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:36,240
... stainless finish.
187
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,800
| myself favour
the Flamemaster Trident.
188
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:47,40
It's solid, sturdy, reliable,
189
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:48,840
with an adjustable gas nozzle
190
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,640
that performs well
191
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:52,920
and certainly impressed me.
192
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,40
| think this grill-pan's
in danger of overheating,
193
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:58,280
Miss Buckle.
194
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,480
Do you want
to turn the gas off?
195
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,920
Oh, no.
196
00:10:02,40 --> 00:10:03,600
Maybe | like my meat well done.
197
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:04,680
Maybe you do.
198
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:05,920
Suppose we get
our fingers burnt?
199
00:10:06,40 --> 00:10:07,120
Suppose we do.
200
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,600
Suppose someone comes in
and throws cold water
201
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:09,880
over my sausage?
202
00:10:11,00 --> 00:10:13,760
Yes, well, we all know
who that would be, don't we?
203
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:14,880
Yes.
204
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,280
Listen, she's going away.
205
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:21,320
What?
206
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:22,760
To Rotterdam.
207
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,120
For the whole weekend.
208
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,840
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
209
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:33,520
Calm!
210
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,440
Trus-s-st!
211
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,360
Trust your daddy.
212
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,480
Do not be afraid, my children.
213
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,480
Let not fear
214
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,480
cloud the naked carnality
of our spirits...
215
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,400
...and our souls.
216
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,480
Remember the safe word.
217
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,400
Juliet Bravo!
218
00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:05,960
ALL: Juliet Bravo!
219
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,680
You only have to say it once
and | will...
220
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,120
...release you!
221
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,440
But do not be afraid,
my children.
222
00:11:17,00 --> 00:11:18,400
You will undergo
223
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,880
extraordinary sensoria!
224
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,160
Now...Daddy...
225
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,920
...controls your breathing!
226
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,120
(MOANING)
227
00:11:43,40 --> 00:11:45,920
(MOANING INTENSIFIES)
228
00:11:46,40 --> 00:11:47,880
(GIGGLING)
229
00:11:48,00 --> 00:11:50,40
I'm not sure about this.
She might find out.
230
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:51,440
Trust me, it's simple.
231
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:52,880
I'll play up the asthma.
232
00:11:53,00 --> 00:11:54,520
She'll be only too glad
to go without me.
233
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,480
- Yes, but...
- I've, er...
234
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,360
I've got that special video
you wanted.
235
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,320
We could watch it together
in bed.
236
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:04,200
Three and a half hours
of Watercolour Challenge!
237
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,480
I'll be round at eight
with the Rummikub.
238
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,00
And I'll have the kettle on.
239
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:10,960
BOTH: Jump leads for two!
240
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,400
(MACHINE HISSES)
241
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,440
You are doing splendidly,
my children.
242
00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:22,680
You are entering a world
243
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,760
of unknown pleasure!
244
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,240
Your whole being
will be renewed
245
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,00
just as mine has been.
246
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,40
Would you think to look at me
247
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,840
that | am actually
40 years old?
248
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,80
No, | thought not.
249
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,560
|! am aman reborn!
250
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:48,600
A man...
251
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,440
Oh! Argh!
252
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,280
(PANTS)
253
00:12:58,720 --> 00:12:59,720
Oh!
254
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,480
(STRAINING)
255
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,840
Juliet Bravo!
256
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,600
- Juliet Bravo!
- Juliet Bravo!
257
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,960
- Juliet Bravo!
- Juliet Bravo!
258
00:13:11,80 --> 00:13:12,280
(DOORBELL RINGS)
259
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,920
(SLOW GROANS)
260
00:13:35,40 --> 00:13:36,80
(DOORBELL RINGS)
261
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,760
(LAUGHS) Hello there, madam.
262
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,40
Don't worry,
we're not going to get you!
263
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:44,880
Basically,
I'm just back in the area
264
00:13:45,00 --> 00:13:46,120
checking that you
and your family
265
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,720
have had your LTP arranged.
266
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:48,760
A what?
267
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,440
LTP - Life Time Protection.
268
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:53,240
| know most of this street
have had it done.
269
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:54,560
It's a lovely area, in't it?
270
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:57,400
My name's Terry, by the way.
This is Anne. Don't laugh.
271
00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,240
Have you got a porch light?
272
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,280
Sorry, no. What's this about?
273
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,320
Well, can we come in
for a little cup of tea?
274
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,680
| Know Anne's gasping.
Aren't you, Anne?
275
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,80
No. Is this insurance?
276
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,760
Oh, of a kind. Look at
the illustrations in this book.
277
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:13,560
It's a shame
you haven't got a porch light.
278
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:14,720
This iS us now.
279
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,160
We all look unhappy,
and the sky is a grey colour.
280
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,40
But if we turn the page
281
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,640
and enter the Kingdom of Light
282
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:21,960
you begin to see
the kind of place
283
00:14:22,80 --> 00:14:23,880
the Lord had in mind for us.
As you Can see,
284
00:14:24,00 --> 00:14:26,40
there's food in abundance
here on the grass.
285
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,40
A depiction
of peace and harmony.
286
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,320
The colours in these photos
are very vivid,
287
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:32,560
even though
it's quite an old book.
288
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,640
| think you'd better come back
when my dad's in.
289
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:35,880
No, we're not allowed!
290
00:14:36,00 --> 00:14:37,520
If me and Anne
let you go back in there
291
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,520
and your lovely hair
becomes involved in, say,
292
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:40,640
a Chip-pan fire,
293
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,800
then I'm gonna be in trouble
with the boss.
294
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,920
And if you think chip oil
is hot, brace yourself -
295
00:14:46,40 --> 00:14:48,680
I'm going to show you
another photo.
296
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,40
This was taken
in the fiery pit of Hell!
297
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:52,760
Notice how the infernal devils
298
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,760
constantly prick at the damned
with their hooks and forks!
299
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,160
Yeah, but that's not
a photograph, though, is it?
300
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,360
Yes, it is -
it's a factual rendering.
301
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,960
No, that's a little
coloured drawing
302
00:15:02,80 --> 00:15:03,800
like in a Ladybird book.
303
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,120
Well, either way,
you've seen the proof
304
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,360
of what's in store for you,
unless we sign you up now.
305
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,520
You'll be the only one
in the street not protected,
306
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:10,920
and | don't know
if we're coming back
307
00:15:11,40 --> 00:15:12,480
in this area again.
Do you, Anne?
308
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,480
Tuesdays!
309
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:15,760
Shut it up!
310
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,320
Look, I'm sorry,
I'm really not interested.
311
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,600
Oh, you're not interested
in eternal happiness
312
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,40
for you and your loved ones?
And your mummy and daddy
313
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:26,680
won't mind being damned by you,
will they?
314
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,00
No.
315
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,840
OK, just for me paperwork,
are you a Jew?
316
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,40
Well, | dunno. My dad deals
with that side of things.
317
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,00
Right, never mind.
Before we go,
318
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,160
are you interested
in a loft conversion?
319
00:15:39,80 --> 00:15:43,120
CASEY:
# There is a castle on a cloud
320
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:47,880
# | like to go there
in my sleep
321
00:15:48,00 --> 00:15:52,800
# Aren't any floors
for me to sweep
322
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,560
# Not in my castle on a... #
323
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,160
- You've gone over!
- Gone over, Casey.
324
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,840
- They'll deduct you for that!
- Is that what you want?!
325
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,520
Start again!
326
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:05,360
# There is a castle on a cloud
327
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,200
# | like to go there
328
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:10,40
# In my sleep... #
329
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:14,680
# Say, si Si
330
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,360
# And you
and your Spanish eyes... #
331
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,520
Home is the hunter!
332
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,160
Sunny?
333
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,00
(COSTUME SQUELCHES)
334
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:44,400
Sunny!
335
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:45,880
(COSTUME SQUELCHES)
336
00:16:46,00 --> 00:16:46,920
Sunny!
337
00:16:47,40 --> 00:16:50,200
(COSTUMES SQUELCH)
338
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:52,440
Sunny!
339
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,120
Dead!
340
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,440
All dead!
341
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,520
Uh...um... Police!
342
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,00
(COSTUMES SQUELCH)
343
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,320
No, ambulance first.
344
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,240
Judith!
345
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,720
Judith!
346
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,680
OK, ladies and gentlemen,
the time has come.
347
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,160
Please put your hands together
and welcome
348
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,760
reigning Junior Upper
Miss Elegance herself -
349
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,520
Natalie Burkitt!
350
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,40
Here we go.
351
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:36,120
Are you timing it?
352
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,880
- Yes.
- Smiling!
353
00:17:39,00 --> 00:17:40,320
Oh, my God!
354
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:41,440
Oh, that's clever.
355
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,200
- It's Cleopatra!
- Yes!
356
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,960
- Why didn't we think of that?
- Cleopatra...
357
00:17:45,80 --> 00:17:46,240
| Knew she'd do a queen!
358
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,480
This is good!
359
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,00
This is very good!
360
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,160
Oh, there's a movement
on every beat!
361
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,40
Oh, shit, look at that dress!
362
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,920
Must weigh a ton, though,
all those sequins.
363
00:18:00,40 --> 00:18:01,600
We can only hope
it slows her down.
364
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,640
- (GASPS) Velcroed!
- Velcroed!
365
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,120
I'm sorry,
she's had help with that.
366
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,160
Is she looking over?
367
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:09,400
- Who?
- Elaine.
368
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:10,640
Yes, give her a wave.
369
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,800
- She's dyed her hair, look.
- That won't impress Cherry.
370
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:16,280
Oh!
371
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,320
She's tumbled!
372
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:18,680
Are you sure
that wasn't her plie?
373
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,360
No, she slipped.
Look - the smile's gone.
374
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,280
Ho-ho, that was an ugly fall!
375
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,560
The bottom lip's going.
What's Cherry doing?
376
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,680
- She's writing something.
- Good.
377
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,440
We have tears, Nancy!
378
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:29,960
She's not going to walk off,
is she?
379
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,480
She is, she is!
It's a walk-off!
380
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:34,960
And the music plays on!
381
00:18:35,80 --> 00:18:36,520
That's a disqualification,
isn't it?
382
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,880
Only in this round,
but, yeah, it is, yeah.
383
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:42,80
Well done, Natalie.
384
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,80
Oh, well done, love!
385
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,800
Serves you right
for having so many sequins!
386
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:47,80
That'll shatter her confidence!
387
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,120
| hope so.
388
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,160
| think I'll go and tell Casey.
389
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,360
Oh, yeah,
she'll be absolutely delighted.
390
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,840
(DOORBELL RINGS)
391
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:11,800
Judith.
392
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,360
You got rid of her, then?
393
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,400
- What?
- Has she gone?
394
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,560
Oh, yes.
Off to the Low Countries.
395
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,120
Wouldn't it be terrific
if she never came back?
396
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,440
He fires the blooming arrow
and he's shot, of course!
397
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,560
I'm sorry about the quality
of the repast.
398
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,360
| didn't have a lot of time.
399
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,640
But | can promise a Carte D'Or
for afters, so...
400
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,840
Oh! Noodles!
401
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,520
Oh, it's nothing.
I'll get a cloth.
402
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,640
Oh, no! Let me!
403
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,240
Where does the stupid
old tart keep them?
404
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,200
| bet she doesn't even know
what a cloth looks like!
405
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,640
No!
406
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:03,720
This is the one.
407
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:04,760
Oh.
408
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,720
I'll sort this out.
Only take a mo.
409
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,40
Well, shall | get the ice cream
while we're up?
410
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,840
No, it'll go soft.
411
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,680
I'll come back for it
presently.
412
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:16,800
OK.
413
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,920
Everything all right,
my little Bagpuss?
414
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,240
Yes, Professor Yaffle.
415
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:33,120
You're not scared
she might come back, are you?
416
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,960
No...not really.
417
00:20:37,80 --> 00:20:38,880
One day, we won't
have to live like this -
418
00:20:39,00 --> 00:20:41,760
stolen moments
of heated passion.
419
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,240
(SLURPS)
420
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,560
Absolutely.
421
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,240
(COSTUME SQUELCHES)
422
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:52,720
Excuse me.
423
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,840
(SQUELCH)
424
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,800
- Oh.
- Alvin!
425
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,880
The full English
talking its toll, I'm afraid.
426
00:21:04,40 --> 00:21:05,680
(THUNDERING SQUELCH)
427
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,680
Oh, God! The smell, the smell!
428
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:11,800
(SQUELCHING)
429
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,320
(SCREAMS AND WHIMPERS)
430
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,960
- (SQUELCHING)
- (SCREAMS)
431
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:20,720
(GASPS)
432
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,520
Alvin!
433
00:21:29,00 --> 00:21:30,400
| can explain.
434
00:21:35,00 --> 00:21:36,840
It's all over bar the shouting.
435
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,920
They're just doing
the three-to-five-year-olds.
436
00:21:40,40 --> 00:21:41,520
Well, better than expected.
437
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,200
In fact, uh...she won!
438
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,560
Yeah, ho-ho,
she's absolutely delighted,
439
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,480
obviously.
June says, "Congratulations!"
440
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,480
Ah, well, tell her, "VWWhoo-oo!"
441
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,160
Yeah. Oh, we shall be having
a few sherberts,
442
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,480
don't worry about that!
443
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,360
No, no, no.
Tell her about Nottingham.
444
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:00,920
Oh, yeah. Now,
we want you to get to work
445
00:22:01,40 --> 00:22:02,840
on Casey's costume
for Nottingham.
446
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,920
Yeah. It's Cleopatra.
447
00:22:05,40 --> 00:22:06,720
Yeah?
Oh, we've got a few ideas!
448
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,800
See you later, June! Bye!
449
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,760
Oh, | always knew
| could do it, Noel.
450
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,400
Ah, well,
you're a very clever girl.
451
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:15,440
Am |?
452
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:16,520
You certainly are.
453
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:17,720
Now, have we got everything?
454
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,960
Yeah, come on, wind it up.
455
00:22:20,80 --> 00:22:22,160
I'm all right to drive,
aren't |, Noel?
456
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,00
Oh, yes. Just make sure
you keep your lights on.
457
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,440
All right, don't nag me,
please!
458
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:27,680
(ENGINE STARTS)
459
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:29,80
Did you see her face?
460
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,640
- Who? Natalie?
- Elaine!
461
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,520
Oh-ho-ho! The state of that!
462
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,920
Oh!
463
00:22:36,40 --> 00:22:38,840
Casey! Casey, come on!
464
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,760
You didn't think
we'd forgotten you, did you?
465
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,00
We need you for Nottingham!
466
00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:45,400
Now, come on.
Wind it up, darling.
467
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:46,480
That's it.
468
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,520
Mummy's not mad with you
any more.
469
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,760
BOTH: Come on, Casey!
470
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,200
NOEL: Hurry up now!
471
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,40
Survivor's on
in quarter of an hour.
472
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:56,800
Mummy wants to get home.
473
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,680
Put ‘em in the back, Casey.
Just hurry along.
474
00:22:58,800 --> 00:22:59,840
Mummy needs to go to toilet.
475
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:01,120
Did you set that video, Noel?
476
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,480
- No, | didn't.
- | bloody told you!
477
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,400
Casey, get in the back.
Mummy's getting cross.
478
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,400
Course, | should've
gone to the police immediately
479
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,400
but all | could think about
was you.
480
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:10,880
But we must call them now
481
00:23:11,00 --> 00:23:12,400
and explain
it was all an accident.
482
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,40
Oh, must we?
483
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,520
Well, of course, I...
484
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,560
Plan for success.
Plan for success.
485
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,80
You said yourself
these "friends" of your wife's
486
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:21,360
all arrived here
under assumed names.
487
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,200
Nobody knows they're here.
488
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,960
But the due process
of the law...
489
00:23:25,80 --> 00:23:27,40
Will find us guilty of murder.
490
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:28,800
It's the classic
crime passionnel.
491
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:29,960
The glamorous mistress,
492
00:23:30,80 --> 00:23:31,960
the pathetic,
henpecked husband.
493
00:23:32,80 --> 00:23:34,680
The constant trips
to the garden centre.
494
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,200
We'll have to be clever.
495
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:42,920
Leave it to me.
496
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,160
(STRAINS)
497
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:53,680
You all right?
498
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,880
I'm not looking forward
to the fat one.
499
00:23:57,360 --> 00:24:00,320
Shame it's not a loamier soil,
actually.
500
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:11,800
It's just for one day.
501
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,760
We'll come back tomorrow
and sort it out.
502
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:14,800
Are you sure?
503
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,00
We're over the worst.
504
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,80
You've been magnificent,
Judith.
505
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,480
Oh, Sunny!
506
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,200
Oh, please!
507
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,680
Just name one thing
she ever did for you!
508
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:31,440
LAURENCE LLEWELYN-BOWEN:
"As | explained
509
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,720
"in the first letter,
my husband loves his garden,
510
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,680
"but never has a chance
to get in it.
511
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,520
"He's always dreamed
about a fancy patio.
512
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,520
"I'm so thrilled that you
and the team are coming."
513
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:44,880
Now, Mrs Steele, God bless her,
514
00:24:45,00 --> 00:24:47,320
has taken her husband away
for the entire weekend,
515
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,240
which means
that when he returns,
516
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:51,920
this bare plot of earth
will be the Elysian Fields,
517
00:24:52,40 --> 00:24:54,600
complete with
an Italianate terrace.
518
00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:58,920
(DOORBELL RINGS)
519
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,400
This is gonna be
such a lovely surprise.
520
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,160
And he's never
gonna suspect anything
521
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,40
in a million years!
522
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:09,680
OK, there's nobody in,
523
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,680
so let's go round the back
and get started.
524
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,320
- CREW ONE: I've got the line.
- CREW TWO: Reloading!
525
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,160
(EXHALES)
526
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:29,680
Light!
527
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,440
Looks like someone's given us
a head start.
528
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,00
It's been freshly dug!
529
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:47,760
(ENGINE REVS)
530
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,320
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
531
00:25:58,80 --> 00:25:59,520
(GROANS)
34258
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof