Original subtitles

[ticking]

[ticking speeds up]

-[drum hit] -[ticking stops abruptly]

Okay, so that's our class.

Next class, we'll get into comparing the themes

of Pride and Prejudice and Mansfield Park.

-Goodbye. -Mr. W., why did Jane Austen

write the characters of Kitty and Lydia

if their personalities are identical?

Great question, and a perfect place to pick up tomorrow.

What are you talking about? There's still five minutes left in class.

Well, Beth, studies have shown kids need quiet time...

to metabolize what they've learned.

-Cite your sources. What studies? -Studies.

Now, everyone, close your eyes and think about the material.

[Marina] Wow.

I think I get it now.

Me too.

[ambient street noise]

-[♪ fast, rhythmic music playing] -Josh!

Hey!

I can't believe I forgot my change of clothes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, when you said you were gonna change,

I didn't know you were gonna do it here.

I don't have a choice, okay?

Between teaching and my rehearsal schedule

for the play, there's no time.

Can you squirt some water in my mouth? [grunting]

I love this dedication, man.

But are you sure you can juggle all this?

This is the life of an artist.

-And I think I'm killing it. -Really?

Because you're half naked in Central Park.

I'm sure I'm not the only one.

-Do you have any food or anything? -Just this small bag of cashews

-for my midday snack. -Give me those.

Thank you.

What am I supposed to do with these?

[♪ upbeat, electronic music playing]

[♪ festive holiday music playing]

-It arrived. -Oh, God.

Please, no more Christmas decorations.

I'm scared of the Elf on the Shelf.

[♪ ominous sting]

You need to tell me if you did that.

How could I have done that?

If you touch him, he returns to Santa.

And no, this is my gift for Bill.

You can't give him that.

-Why not? -I'm not sure if you're aware,

but rings are often associated with marriage.

More importantly, it's ugly.

Ah, but it's ugly and meaningful.

Bill was the first person in his family to go to college,

but he couldn't afford a class ring when he graduated.

So, I went on eBay, and turns out

one of his classmates just died. How lucky is that?

Well, maybe don't tell him that part.

I'm so excited, I'm gonna sneak it to him

at the Fisher Stassen holiday party.

-Are you coming with me? -[sighs]

I wish I could be there, but I have to work.

Wait, did you find a new celebrity to style?

Who? Clooney? Pedro Pascal?

-Jacob Elordi? -No.

I'm going after someone even better. Jack McBrayer.

Jack McBrayer?

I know he's hilarious, but is he a fashion person?

No, but neither was Austin.

Look, anyone can style Pedro Pascal.

I think the fastest way for me to build my client roster

is to transform normal famous people into fashionable ones.

I still need to find a way to talk to his publicist,

but I'm working on that.

Plus, I've activated my secret weapon.

My grandma in India is fasting for me. Ammamma's a beast.

Should she be fasting, though? She's very tiny.

Yeah, no kidding. I need to find a client ASAP.

[ambient street noise]

-Would you like to round up for charity? -[Josh] Of course.

I always round up.

And put two dollars on there for yourself.

[chuckles]

-[card reader chirping] -Declined?

-Oh. [chuckles] -Sorry. [chuckles]

[chirping]

[barista] Still declined.

I-- I already took a bite of the monkey bread.

If you can't pay, please leave.

Ken, why don't my credit cards work?

[Ken] [on phone] I'm sorry, Josh. Your dad instructed me to cut you off.

Cut me off?

Because I made him clean up a spill?

Correct. But according to your dad,

you did it in a really bitchy way.

This is unbelievable.

Josh, all you have to do is apologize, and he'll get over it.

Like when your sister went to that protest.

Well, unlike her, I will never apologize.

I stand by my actions. I am a man of principle.

You're gonna be a man of ramen noodles soon.

You know your dad can be extremely vindictive.

Fine. I don't need him.

I have a job in television.

In news. Do you know how much money you make?

I'll text you the amount.

[phone dings]

[gasps]

So, I thought I'd give you a choice for the last 15 minutes of class,

I could keep telling you about Pride and Prejudice,

or Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle can.

[students chanting] Colin Firth! Colin Firth! Colin Firth!

[students cheering]

Wait, where are you going?

Uh, I thought you'd wanna watch it without me.

You know, the male gaze.

You're not that masculine, it's not a problem.

Shut up, Beth! We need this.

[door closes]

Hey, Davis, do you wanna get lunch?

Play Cava roulette? I pick your bowl, you pick mine?

-No, I have lunch plans. -Is everything okay?

You've been pretty quiet recently.

-I'm great. -Just, this is the least

you've ever spoken to me.

Wow, what a stupid thing to say.

Remember when I had strep for a week

and I could only communicate with a small wipey board?

I do remember that. I'm sorry.

No, no, no. I'm sorry.

Next time, I'll make sure my pain is more memorable for you.

Paula, I've done the math.

Given my salary and the hours I work,

I am technically impoverished.

You order takeout every day

and leave your leftovers in the fridge. You're rich.

My situation has recently changed. I need a raise.

Welcome to TV journalism. It's a dying industry.

I am a 62-year-old woman with a wife and a roommate.

First of all, I have a lot of questions about that dynamic.

But Paula, that's crazy. Why do you keep doing this job?

Because it's important. It's not about the money.

Our payment is keeping the world from going completely to shit.

Alright, I'm gonna tell you what I've told every PA before you.

If you wanna steal food from the snack station, I don't care.

-[♪ "Colours" by BLOWSOM playing] -♪ Staring at the pictures ♪

♪ With the colours I was about to get her ♪

♪ To get her ♪

♪ Staring at the window makes it better, best feeling ever ♪

♪ Ever, ever ♪

[♪ music fades out]

Morgan, you have a delivery from Celine.

[Morgan] Oh, my God, from Michael?

He does not need to be getting me gifts.

Is it the Triomphe? He owes me.

-It's actually nothing. -Excuse me?

There's nothing in the bag but tissue paper.

I pretended to be a messenger to get in here to talk to you.

Dylan, call security!

No! No, no, no. Please, please, please, please.

Just hear me out. My name is Abby Chilukuri.

I'm a stylist, and I used to work with Austin Blanchett.

So, you were the one behind his little transformation?

Yes! And now, I would love to work

with your client, Jack McBrayer.

Yeah, so would everyone. He's the gem of Georgia.

Jack doesn't need a stylist.

That kind of stuff doesn't really interest him.

It didn't interest Austin either.

But I think there's a big opportunity for Jack in men's fashion.

Please, just send him the Canva link

and see what he thinks.

If he's interested or has an event coming up,

I will happily waive my fee for him.

Okay.

Jack is doing a live reading of his new memoir tomorrow,

and he has been saying he wants to be more rock-and-roll,

whatever the hell that means.

I'll pitch you to him and we'll go from there.

That is incredible!

Morgan, thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.

Um, while I'm here... [chuckles]

if you have any other clients that need a stylist or--

Quit while you're ahead.

Bye.

Thank you so much for helping me with my finances.

Oh, of course, dude, I got you. Okay, first things first.

What are these $150 charges at Roberto Caglia's every two weeks?

Oh, Roberto? He executes my hair vision.

Allen Ginsberg meets Mystery from K-Pop Demon Hunters.

-He's my barber. -Not anymore. You're going to Supercuts.

[door opens]

Oh, there he is. How was rehearsal today?

Oh, could not have gone better.

That's great. Kel, question for you.

How often do you get a facial?

-What? Never. -[Josh] What?!

Goddammit, beautiful people save so much money.

I'm sorry, what's going on?

Josh is budgeting for the first time in his life.

-Oh, boy. -[Josh] And to get ahead of it,

it is very important that I keep my monthly donation to the Sierra Club.

Okay, then I don't think you need subscriptions

to The New York Times, The New Yorker,

and New York Magazine.

The holy trinity? Yeah, I need those.

Screw the Sierra Club.

Sorry, wildlife. The planet's cooked anyway.

-I must be under budget now. -Nowhere near it.

I'm calling my dad to apologize. I can't live like this.

He kicked me off our Amazon Prime account.

We're men, Josh. We can get our own Prime account.

Okay, don't look so sad.

I'm taking both of you boys

to the Fisher Stassen holiday party tomorrow.

Free food, free drinks.

-We rage all night, until 9 p.m. -[Kel] Hold on.

You sure you still wanna go to that?

I mean, won't AJ and Bill be there?

Maybe. I don't care.

When I look at her at work, I feel nothing 'cause I've moved on.

Ladies of Fisher Stassen, beware! Hurricane Davis...

-is making landfall. -[chuckles] That's right, buddy.

Hey. [patting table] Guys, enough.

Can we get back to the budget? I am so stressed.

My weekly massage cannot come soon enough.

-[AJ] Hi! -Oh, hi.

-Where are you off to? -There's a free reading at the library,

and Davis told me I can't afford to buy audiobooks anymore.

Uh-huh. Hey, can I walk with you for a second?

-I, uh, just have a question. -Sure.

Ooh, can you slow down?

I'm walking New York normal. You speed up.

So, Davis is, like, barely speaking to me at work.

Is something going on?

Kel knew you were seeing someone.

And I saw Bill leaving your apartment.

We had to tell him.

Oh, my God!

I am so stupid. Dammit, this is so bad.

Do you think he'll tell anyone?

No, I don't. He's not that type of guy.

[sighs] Thank God.

It's just, things with Bill and I are getting kinda serious.

I think we might even tell people at work in the new year.

I just-- I don't wanna mess this up.

Well, your secret's safe with me.

And Davis and Kel.

And Roberto, former hair guy.

-We have no secrets. -I appreciate that.

You wanna come to this library thing with me?

-Ooh, what is it? -It's a historian

reading from his own book on Dutch street names in lower Manhattan.

-I'd rather kill myself. -[chuckles] Fun fact.

"Kill" means "river" in Dutch.

It is amazing that society accepts you.

Oh, now who's walking fast?

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Hey, Kate, you wanted to see me?

Beth, what are you doing here?

We both wanted to see you. Have a seat.

I'll tell people when to have a seat, Beth.

Have a seat, Kel.

So, what's going on?

Have you been leaving your class unsupervised?

Okay. Okay, yes.

But it was an emergency. I had a tech rehearsal for my play.

Of course you're an actor.

From the minute I met you, I knew something was off.

Vice Principal Woodson, arrest him.

I am not arresting him.

-Also, I don't think I can do that. -Fine.

-You're fired. -What?

No, no, you're not fired.

But there are consequences.

Kel, you're gonna chaperone the formal tonight

to show your commitment to the students.

What? That's not a punishment.

This formal is gonna be the best night of my life.

And now, he's gonna be there wearing something dorky?

This is so unfair. I always knew

you didn't care about teaching, and once again, I'm right.

-[door opens and closes] -Kel, what the hell?

-Come on. -I know.

But Kate, I don't really have to chaperone this dance, right?

I have my roommate's holiday party tonight.

-And I really learned my lesson. -[sighs]

Maybe you and I can, uh, talk about it over dinner?

Well, there is this new tapas place under the High Line

I've been meaning to try.

Mm, I'd love that.

Great. But you do have to chaperone the dance.

You'll be in charge of building the balloon arch

and making sure the kids don't hook up in the bathroom.

Mm.

Have a great rest of your day.

[Kel claps]

[♪ pop music playing over PA]

Hm.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, okay.

[soft exhale] Excuse me.

Would, uh, studio services let me pull this for a client?

I'm a stylist to the stars. Lots of big ones.

We can definitely check. What's your name?

Abby Chilukuri.

-And who are you pulling for? -Jack McBrayer.

Oh, I love Jack McBrayer. He's the gem of Georgia.

I'm sure that will be fine.

-Oh, thank God. -What?

Nothing. Nothing, uh, just excited

to meet a fellow member of the McBrayer mafia.

[sighs]

[♪ jazz holiday music playing]

[people chattering]

Holy shit! [chuckles]

I mean, paid for with blood money, but holy shit, this party's insane.

'Tis the season for signature cocktails and premium mistakes.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I see at least 15 ladies

I need to talk to before my beta blocker wears off.

-Wingman? -Sorry.

Tonight, I'm testing the limits of unlimited buffet.

You brought Tupperware?

Bro, that's why you're the GOAT!

-Thank you. -Thanks.

-[both] Cheers. -[glasses clinking]

So, have you been naughty or nice?

I think naughty.

[♪ "Best Things in Life" by The Dreamliners playing]

♪ You and me ♪

♪ So young and free ♪

Is that a gingerbread house for two?

♪ Yes, these are the best things in life ♪

Wouldn't wanna live there anyway.

Whoa, ladies!

Snowstorm's coming!

Ah!

Uh, who wants whipped cream?

[clears throat]

[with mouth full] Brutal.

[can hissing]

[♪ music fades out]

[♪ hip-hop music playing]

[people chattering]

-[glass clinking] -Yes!

Oh! Great job, Mr. W.

-Thank you. -[chuckles]

Kel, will you dance with me?

Marina, you know I can't do that.

Alright. [chuckles]

[under breath] For now.

Beth is still in the bathroom crying.

She's being so dramatic.

-Wait, Beth is crying? Why? -Who even knows?

She's been acting like a dictator about this dance.

-Like Muammar Gaddafi. -Or Idi Amin.

We're learning about dictators in World History.

I'm over it. Let's just go put on fake freckles.

♪♪

-[♪ jazz band playing] -[people chattering]

Hey. Can we talk?

I'm busy.

Hey, you can't just grab people at a party, AJ!

That's my personal space.

And that's where I got my flu shot!

-What? -I know you know about me and Bill.

I should have told you.

It-- it just felt like you might think it was--

Unprofessional? Shitty? Gross?

Complicated, because we all work together.

Yeah. God, I bet it was so hot

keeping it from us, your sexy little secret.

Giggling in bed about me, Dileep, and Jocelyn.

Talking about how weird my ears are, how bad my handwriting is.

What? No!

-We never did that. -Yeah, right.

AJ, I just thought...

What?

I just didn't think you were the type.

Well, it's a good thing I don't care what you think,

-because this has nothing to do with you. -Great.

Anything else you wanna force me to talk about

-that has nothing to do with me? -No.

Just don't tell anyone, okay?

Don't worry, AJ, your little secret's safe with me.

[music and chatter continues]

[knocking] Male teacher entering.

-[Beth sniffling and sobbing] -Male teacher entering.

Beth? You okay?

[Beth] [scoffs] What do you want?

What's going on?

What's going on is... [sniffing]

...this gown was supposed to be a reference

to Kylie's Kardashian Christmas Party green satin Ralph & Russo gown.

Yeah, yeah, for-- for sure. I've-- I've heard of that one.

And my stupid mom never listens to me,

and she didn't get the dress tailored right,

so now everything's ruined! [sobbing]

[sniffling]

Everyone lets me down.

I'm so sorry, Beth.

I guess I'll just go find my boyfriend, Rocco.

And since my self-esteem is so low, I'll probably go all the way.

Jesus, don't do that.

Uh, just give me one second.

I think I know someone who can help.

Sorry about my stuff.

It's just really inconsiderate.

[phone ringing]

Kel, I'm on the subway. I might lose you.

-Is everything okay? -[Kel] [on phone] No.

I really need your help. One of my students is in a crisis.

What? No! I'm on my way

to the biggest fitting of my life. And I hate kids.

Please. I'm at the school dance,

and my student's dress doesn't fit.

She's crying, she won't leave the bathroom,

and she's threatening to lose her virginity to Rocco.

[Beth] For the last time, it's not just a school dance.

It's the winter formal.

Wait, this is a formal?

A formal is the most defining moment of a high school girl's life.

I know, that's why I'm calling you.

[groaning] Okay, okay. I have a few extra minutes.

-Thank you. -I'll see you soon.

Bye.

[♪ determined music playing]

Excuse me, excuse me.

-Hey, what's going on? -I have a gift for you.

Oh, uh, presents.

-I don't-- I don't think this is the time. -I know.

It'll take two seconds.

[chuckles]

Thank you, Pascarelli.

I was too excited to wait to give it to you,

but we can still do our holiday dinner.

Oh, uh, I'm actually going to be gone next week

for some work stuff.

Work stuff? Like, something I should know about?

No, just some annoying housekeeping stuff

that I've been putting off.

Oh. Okay.

Yeah, we can do our dinner when you get back.

Yeah, I'll, uh, be back by New Year's, and we'll talk then.

Uh, we should probably...

Oh, my God, Abby, you're so cool.

I don't know why you're friends with Mr. W., but thank you.

Of course.

And can I just say, you look better than the reference.

Shut up. That's so rude to Kylie.

Beth, bruh. Over here.

Um, thank you.

-I'm guessing that's Rocco? -Punk.

Thank you again.

Of course.

Wait, come here.

[♪ "Memories" by I Can't Speak French playing]

-♪ I don't wanna feel ♪ -[clearing throat]

♪ The weight of you if I... ♪

-It's better. -Mm.

Okay. I have to run.

Yeah, yeah. Of course.

Get outta here.

Bye, Mr. W.

♪ Now I sleep without you ♪

[♪ jazz holiday music playing]

I'm sure they'll refill it.

Got any holiday plans, Bill? And don't say work.

-It'll make me look bad. -Ha.

No, I, uh, I'm leaving town with my girlfriend tomorrow for Aspen.

AJ, you lucky bastard.

[♪ jazz holiday music continues playing]

Excuse me. Are you the stylist Morgan mentioned?

Yes. Hi, I'm Abby.

Thank you so much for this opportunity.

I'm so excited about all of these looks.

Me too! But now, I have to ask,

based on the photos that you sent, do you see me

as, like, a bad boy or... [chuckles]

That's a great question. I-- I guess if that's--

Because between you and me,

I've always seen myself as a bad boy.

Behind these kind eyes lurks a real scoundrel.

I love it.

I actually have the perfect jacket for you.

-Oh, yes, that Prada jacket. -Yes.

Whoo! When Morgan showed me that picture,

I was like, "The man that wears that jacket?

"Oh, he doesn't play the sweetie pie.

"He plays the hero dangling from a helicopter

"screaming, 'I am the storm!'"

[laughing]

I just rewatched all the Mission Impossibles.

Okay, slight wrinkle. It seems the jacket didn't make it.

What? Well, what does that mean?

The jacket's not here.

But we have so many other incredible options.

This Zegna, this Brunello.

This Versace is just amazing.

Those are nice, but that jacket

is what got me excited about all of this. [chuckles]

You know what? I'm just gonna wear this.

-[chuckles] -No, no. Please. Please.

-We can make you look like a bad boy. -It's fine.

It was so nice to meet you. I'm sorry this didn't work out.

And honestly, I blame myself. [laughing]

Please don't.

I don't, actually. I was just being polite.

Okay.

[sighs]

[people chattering]

Josh? What are you doing here?

[chuckles] I'm Davis's plus one.

This party is insane.

Eighteen people have offered me cocaine.

-Only 18? -[chuckles] Wait, dude.

We have to talk Aspen. My family goes every year.

-Hm? -If you see my dad

at The Little Nell, tell him I'm doing great.

What? I am not going to Aspen.

But I just overheard Bill telling some guy

he's going with his girlfriend tomorrow.

Oh, yeah, Aspen.

Sorry, I am so sleep deprived, I forgot.

Will you excuse me for a second?

[♪ jazz music playing]

-[Abby] [on phone] Hey. -Hey, Abby.

Um, h-how did everything go with Jack?

Did you need something, Kel?

Uh, no, I-- I just wanted to see if, um...

Is everything okay?

No, actually. I got fired,

and I lost an $18,000 jacket because of you.

How is that my fault?

I left it on the subway when you made me go to that stupid school.

Sorry, I--

[♪ soft pop music playing]

[Abby] Why is my door open? Hello?

[Kel] Abby? Abby?

[phone beeping]

Oh, my God, what happened?

[sobbing and sniffling]

[grunting]

[Josh] Thank you. I'm sorry.

I'm in a battle of the wills

that has led to my financial ruin,

and therefore, I cannot tip you.

That's okay. But maybe your friend

can take me out sometime?

Uh, maybe he can.

Great.

[♪ lively swing music playing]

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

-[sniffling] -After you gave him that ugly ring

and everything?

Did you yell at him? What did he say?

Mm, nothing. He doesn't even know that I know.

-I had to hear it from Josh. -[scoffs]

We're going to Bill's.

-No. -Mm-hmm.

-No, no. I took my bra off. -Please.

Your boobs are small. Put a jacket on.

You need answers.

-I know the answer. -No.

He needs to know that you know.

At the very least, you get to ruin his vacation.

Maybe he'll be thinking about it and fall off a ski lift.

That's the spirit. Let's get to Tribeca,

home of Manhattan's villains and one angel.

[both] Taylor Alison Swift.

Kel, I wish you could have been there, man.

We both cleaned up.

Me, more food based, but Davey over here

got a girl's number just by needing a coat.

-We're so back. -Hell yeah, we are.

Totally, totally.

Hey, Josh, can I ask you for a favor?

What do you need, buddy?

Can you just tell me that AJ's not that great?

And that she's not that pretty, and she's not the girl of my dreams?

I mean, you-- you hate her, so just, like, tell me how much she sucks.

I'm sorry, I can't.

But I can tell you this.

You are gonna find someone who deserves you.

Someone even better.

How? I've been trying for two decades.

Hey, if you could fall in love with the girl across the hall,

I promise there is someone else in this city for you.

[Kel] Yeah, don't blame yourself.

I mean, if anything, blame the building. It's cursed.

None of us are having any luck here.

And if we can't find anyone,

-we'll move to Denver. -Denver?

Of all cities, you pick Denver?

I'd move to Denver with you, bro.

-Think about all the hikes we'd go on. -You don't even hike with me here.

I would in Denver.

I'm not moving to Denver.

Okay, fine, then you're not invited to Denver anymore.

-[Josh scoffs] -Bang.

[Josh chuckles]

I'll be at the Duane Reade down the street.

Come find me as soon as it's over.

You got this.

[sighs]

[inhales deeply]

[doorbell ringing]

AJ, what-- what are you doing here?

Who are you going to Aspen with?

I wanted to talk to you when I got back.

Well, I'm here now.

Uh, Catherine and I got back together.

She came into town a few weeks ago and wanted to talk.

I don't understand.

-You said we were exclusive. -No.

I said you made me want to be.

Are you kidding?

You lied on a technicality?

Is that supposed to make me feel better?

No, it's not. And I'm-- I'm sorry.

Okay, I...

AJ, we don't have a future.

And I knew that, but I did this anyway

because I liked you so much.

If you like me so much, then why can't we be together?

You're incredible.

But you're not the person I should be with.

We're too similar.

So what, you want someone who sits at home

and makes you breakfast in bed?

Someone who doesn't challenge you, or understand you,

or get the thing you devoted your life to?

Yes, I need that.

That's what we need to do this job.

I need a Catherine to take care of me,

and trust me...

you're gonna need someone like that, too.

[sniffles]

I'm sorry.

[♪ "Skeletons" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs playing]

♪ Soon comes rain ♪

♪ Dry your eyes ♪

♪ Frost or flame ♪

♪ Skeleton me ♪

♪ Fall asleep ♪

♪ Spin the sky ♪

♪ Skeleton me ♪

[voice] Go to bed.