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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:02,380 ♪ Oh, Mandy 2 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:07,840 ♪ Well, you came and you gave without taking 3 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,880 ♪ But I sent you away 4 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:11,640 ♪ Oh, Mandy 5 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:16,800 ♪ Well, you kissed me and stopped me from shaking 6 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,360 ♪ And I need you today 7 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:21,440 ♪ Oh, Mandy... ♪ 8 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:30,360 Ey, Lola, some dickhead's gone and bred a strain of giant bees. 9 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:31,760 I'll bet it was a man. 10 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,640 Of course it was a man! 11 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:37,320 Women haven't got time to breed a strain of giant bees. 12 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:38,720 We're too busy. 13 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,440 Did you hear about the Banksy? 14 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:46,560 The what? 15 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,720 Banksy. The artist. 16 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,320 He has done another very clever satirical painting 17 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,200 on the side of the library. 18 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,880 What do they look like? 19 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:58,720 Well, he'll do things like two policemen kissing 20 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,040 or a very big mouse holding a balloon. 21 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,120 Very clever. 22 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,120 Everyone is talking about it. 23 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,760 I hope he does another one on the front of the salon. 24 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:10,960 They will bring so much money to the area. 25 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,440 How? 26 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,800 Well, hopefully, when people visit to see the Banksy, 27 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,840 they will come in and get some acrylic tips put on - 28 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,320 make a day of it. - Oh, right. 29 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,240 Might go and see it. 30 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,080 See if I can squeeze it in before the Jobcentre. - Mm-hm. 31 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:38,680 Hey, Lee! 32 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,320 Lee! 33 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:45,520 Sorry, Mandy. Noise-cancelling. 34 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,240 Where are you off to? - Going to go and look at a painting. 35 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,480 That doesn't sound like you. 36 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,240 No, well, I'm at a bit of a loose end. 37 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:53,600 - Not working, then? - I'm not good at anything. 38 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,520 What are you up to? - This and that. 39 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,400 I've got to go away for a while tomorrow. 40 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,680 - Oh, what, holiday is it? - Sort of. 41 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:02,440 The thing is, I've got no-one to water me plants. 42 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,600 You wouldn't be up for doing it? - Oh, I don't know. 43 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,680 All's you got to do is let yourself in 44 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,240 and water the plants. 45 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,240 Hang out, watch TV while you're there. 46 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:11,680 I've got a big screen. 47 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,240 - How big? - 65 inch. 4K. 48 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:15,280 I'll do it. 49 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,000 And there'd be a few quid in it for you. 50 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,040 - Sounds right up my street. - Great. 51 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,200 Come back to mine, I'll give you the spare key. 52 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,520 Forget the painting. 53 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,720 - But I've never seen a Banky. - I have. 54 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,280 Essentially, they all look the fucking same. 55 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,200 Here you go. 56 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,200 I'll leave some instructions in the hall. 57 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,400 The main thing is, 58 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,960 DON'T LET THEM DIE! 59 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:38,920 Or we'll both be in a lot of trouble. 60 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,080 What sort of trouble? 61 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:41,480 Oh, nothing. Forget about it. 62 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,520 But DON'T LET THEM DIE! 63 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:44,800 Here you go. 64 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,760 Ta. Have a nice holiday, Lee, I'll see you soon. 65 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,520 Cheers, Mandy. I will. 66 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,960 Er, I'll text you when I'm coming back, yeah? 67 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,640 - Yeah. See ya. - All right. 68 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,200 OK, here we are. 69 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,040 Have you ever worked in a fish and chip shop before? 70 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,480 No. 71 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:07,160 Well, 72 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:10,360 they say no experience required, they'll train you up on the job. 73 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:11,920 Mm, lucky old me. 74 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,040 Shall I give them a ring? 75 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,480 - Do what you like. - Oh, my G... 76 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,840 I'll give them a ring, then. Honestly, your attitude... 77 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,680 ..absolutely stinks. 78 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,640 Oh, hi. Is that Le Chippery? 79 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,320 Oh. No, I don't want to order anything. 80 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:27,560 No, no. God, no. 81 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,000 No, I'm just... I'm calling from the Jobcentre. 82 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,560 Yeah, I've got someone here who is 83 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,200 extremely interested in your trainee position. 84 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,400 Oh. OK! Great! 85 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,720 Um, yeah, no problem. 86 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,720 Fantastic! I'll pass it on. 87 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,640 Well, Mandy, it's your lucky day. 88 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,160 They're absolutely desperate. 89 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,440 They say you don't need to interview for the position. 90 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,200 You just turn up tonight at 6pm. 91 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,560 OK? It's minimum wage, 92 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,440 but you do get all the green chips you can eat. 93 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,440 Mm-hm. I thought you'd like that. 94 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,400 Bloody hell, he likes it hot in here. 95 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,960 He must have forgotten to turn the thermostat off. 96 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,240 ♪ Zoo be zoo be zoo 97 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,920 ♪ Zoo be zoo be zoo 98 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,440 ♪ Zoo be zoo be zoo Zoo be zoo, zoo be zoo 99 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,680 ♪ Means that I love you! 100 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,840 ♪ Zoo be zoo be zoo 101 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,320 ♪ Zoo be zoo be zoo 102 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,520 ♪ Zoo be zoo be zoo Zoo be zoo, zoo be zoo... ♪ 103 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:57,960 Fuck me, 104 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,120 he loves his plants. 105 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:05,440 ♪ Here's a simple idea for you... ♪ 106 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,560 ♪ I'm in over my head 107 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,920 ♪ Fire fills me, hot and red 108 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,920 ♪ Raging like a blood red sun 109 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,800 ♪ Fire fueled by deeds undone 110 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:26,440 ♪ Burning and I just can't wait to give a helping hand to fate 111 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:30,520 ♪ Change this crazy world around First we gotta cool down 112 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:34,360 ♪ Take me dancing naked in the rain 113 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:38,480 ♪ Feel it washing over me, Oh, oh... ♪ 114 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,520 ♪ Join me dancing... ♪ 115 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:41,880 Uh... 116 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,680 Turn that down. 117 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,400 Save him a fortune. 118 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,880 Let's see how the Red team is doing. 119 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,200 Sue and Jeff think this toasting fork... 120 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,360 They'll never get 60 quid for... 121 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,280 ..for that lamp! 122 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,240 Look at the fucking state of it! 123 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,840 It's back to the drawing board for the Red team, 124 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:22,320 which they think will net them a tasty £300. 125 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,920 Thank you very much. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, 126 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,120 and welcome to Pointless. 127 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,880 Pointless?! How long have I been asleep for? 128 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,680 Oh, fuck me, I'm late. 129 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,880 - Are you from Jobcentre? - Yeah. 130 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:44,240 - You are late! - I know, sorry, I fell asleep. 131 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,880 You work in chip shop before? 132 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,960 No, but I've spent a lot of time in them. 133 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,440 You know? And sometimes, if I can't afford chips, 134 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,000 I'll just come in and look at the saveloys under the hot lamp. 135 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,200 This is for you. 136 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,800 Oh, you fucking...! 137 00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:00,040 This is your first and ONLY training session. 138 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,600 Pay attention! 139 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,480 You do chips. I do fish. 140 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,000 Chips easy. 141 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,920 Fish hard. 142 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,640 I do fish. Understand? 143 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:11,880 Yeah, yeah, I understand. 144 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:13,440 See this? 145 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:14,680 Chips. - Chips. 146 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:15,920 See this? 147 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,160 Hot fat. - Hot fat. 148 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,000 200 degrees. Put chips in. 149 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,080 Wait! 150 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,760 Take chips out. - Take chips out. 151 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,080 Easy. 152 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,600 You think even YOU can do it? 153 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,280 Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah. 154 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,280 I do fish. Much harder. 155 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:31,680 Very skilled job. 156 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,240 This fish batter... 157 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:34,960 - Do not touch! - Agh! 158 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,680 Ooh... - You good at chips, 159 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,560 you learn fish in maybe four... 160 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,040 ..five years. Understand? 161 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,720 Yeah..yeah..yeah, I understand, it's a long-term career. I get it. 162 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,640 So now, it's going to get very busy here. 163 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,760 - Is it? - I'll go get fish from freezer. 164 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,880 YOU, make chips. Make chips! 165 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,320 What?! What is happening here? 166 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,120 You let chips burn! 167 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,200 You just stand there! 168 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,120 What is the meaning of this?! 169 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:25,440 You burn many chips - that comes out of your pay. 170 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,800 You must pay attention! 171 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,600 You are stupid lady! 172 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,360 You fucking bitch! 173 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:34,760 Agh! 174 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,280 Er, two cod and chips, please. 175 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,680 Can you wait 15 minutes for the chips? 176 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:50,080 Mm. 177 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,760 Interview at Radcliffe Police Station. 178 00:08:55,760 --> 00:09:00,560 For the purpose of the tape, those present: DCI Shaun Lambert, 179 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:03,680 DS Colin Butler and Mandy Carter. 180 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,640 You can't smoke in here, Mandy. 181 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,440 What about Sharon Stone? She smoked in her police interview. 182 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,000 And she wasn't wearing any pants. 183 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,880 I always wear 'em. 184 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,360 You never know when you might get run over by a tram. 185 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:17,720 Or arrested. 186 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,600 Mandy, do you know why you're here? 187 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,160 What is it this time? Doing a job for the cash 188 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,800 and not telling the social 189 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:27,040 while billionaires fiddle their books to avoid paying tax? 190 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,520 Grievous bodily harm. 191 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,040 And supplying cannabis. 192 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,720 What?! I've done neither. 193 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,640 Remember this? Mm? 194 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,040 Mrs. Tanaka at Le Chippery? 195 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:38,320 You know what we could do you for - 196 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,960 battery! 197 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,160 Do you get it? Ba... 198 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,640 - Not now, Colin. - Sorry. 199 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,320 Do you recognise that woman? 200 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,040 Yeah, but she was a nutjob, she pushed me too far. 201 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,560 Have you not got a legal representative 202 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,040 that's supposed to be here for you? 203 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,560 They said they'd send me a lawyer but no-one's turned up yet. 204 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,640 Look, let's just get on with it, shall we? 205 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,760 Knowing you lot, you'll fit me up anyway. 206 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,160 Do yourself a favour, sweetheart, and get yourself a lawyer! 207 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,840 A good one. 208 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,080 Yeah. DS Butler's got a good point. 209 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:08,200 Maybe we should just...give him a few more minutes to get here. 210 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,640 - Sorry I'm late. - For the purpose of the tape, 211 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,360 the suspect's lawyer has just entered the room 212 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,840 on an e-scooter. 213 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,600 You know those things are illegal on public highways? 214 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:31,960 And pavements. 215 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,520 Of course I know. I'm a lawyer, aren't I? 216 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:36,440 Anyway, I'm not on the pavement - 217 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:37,960 I'm inside the room. 218 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:43,080 Hello, I'm Mark. I'm your legal representative. - Mm. 219 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,480 Move over, OJ, I've got my own fucking Dream Team. 220 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,360 Just say "no comment" to everything, 221 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,920 like they do on the television. 222 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,720 What are the charges against my client? 223 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:56,200 Grievous bodily harm and supplying cannabis. 224 00:10:57,560 --> 00:10:58,960 Bloody hell. 225 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:00,600 I normally do parking. 226 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:04,240 Do you recognise this man? 227 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,080 Yeah, that's my mate, Lee. 228 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,960 Yeah, well, your mate is wanted by Interpol 229 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,560 for supplying cannabis. Any idea where he is? 230 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:12,400 Said he had to go away for a while. 231 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,800 He will be going away for a while if WE catch up with him. 232 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,200 A long while! 233 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,320 There is a way out of this for you, Mandy. 234 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,560 We can make you a deal. 235 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,600 You let us know when Lee's back in the country, 236 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,320 and we'll get you a reduced sentence on the cannabis charge. 237 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:28,880 And we'll even turn a blind eye on that chip shop incident. 238 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,280 Deadly as-sault and vinegar! 239 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:33,440 - Colin, not now. - Sorry. 240 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,120 What do you think? 241 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,480 No comment. 242 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:42,760 How did it go at court? 243 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,800 - Eh? - I said, how did it go at court? 244 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,840 Oh, I have to do community service. 245 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,560 I've already started. 246 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:49,760 They've given me a jet-washer 247 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,160 and I have to get all the chewing gum and muck off the streets. 248 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,560 I quite like it. 249 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:54,800 How much do you have to do? 250 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,120 100 hours. 251 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:59,520 That's not much for a drugs charge, is it? 252 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,840 No, well, 253 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,640 I had a good lawyer. 254 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,760 Hey, these um...these vegetarian sausage rolls from Werzel's 255 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,320 are incredible. You wouldn't know it wasn't meat. 256 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,400 Oh, 'ello! Look who it is. 257 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,360 Suspect is approaching the property. 258 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,520 OH, SWEET JESUS! 259 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,400 Suspect is now inside the property. 260 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,560 Suspect is on foot. 261 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,800 Mandy, what the hell have you done?! 262 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,160 Go, go, go! 263 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,320 Ring me back as soon as you get this message! 264 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,680 Lee Smith, you're under arrest - 265 00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:56,360 possession of cannabis plants with the intent to supply! 266 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,960 Intent to supply? 267 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,000 Supply what? Dead plants? 268 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,240 Oh... thank you, Mandy Carter. 269 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,400 Oh, fucking hell, that looks awful. 270 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,000 Soon have that shit off. 271 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,040 ♪ In over my head... ♪ 272 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,080 It's a Banksy! 273 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,240 ♪ Fire fills me, hot and red... ♪ 274 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,320 ♪ Raging like a blood red sun... ♪ 275 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,200 ♪ Fire fueled by deeds undone... ♪ 276 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,280 -Get her down! Someone get her down! -Bloody idiot! 277 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,600 What?! 278 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,120 Oh. 279 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,360 I got that graffiti off. 280 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,920 As an apology, cos of your face. 281 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,840 Is that job still going? 282 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,080 Mandy Carter, 283 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,120 I HATE YOU! 284 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,600 ♪ Aimer toujours le meme homme 285 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,520 ♪ C'est des histoires a la gomme 286 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,800 ♪ L'amour mon vieux c'est tout comme 287 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,360 ♪ Du bubble, bubble gum. ♪ 20442

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