All language subtitles for Classic Candy USAC

Candy, don't you think that you're
seeing a little bit too much of Manuel?

Now, Mrs. Howard told me that you spent
all day Saturday talking with him.

That sort of thing does not look good to
the neighbors.

Now, you know what I mean, Candy.

Yes, Daddy.

Daddy, would you fix yourself something
for dinner?

What with the exams coming up and all,
I'd just like to go straight on to bed

and get some sleep.

Whatever you wish, dear.

That kind of thing doesn't look good to
the neighbors.

After all, we mustn't shock Mrs. Howard.

Oh, Daddy.

I mean, really, I am 20.

That's me.

The world's last 20 -year -old virgin.

Well, I don't care what he thinks.

I'm a woman.

So, Chiquita, you wish to be the woman
of Manuel Leyva?

I admire your ambition.

Shame, shame, shame, Candy.

What will the neighbors think?

Manuel, don't leave me. I would just die
if you go.

Let me be your woman.

You need me, darling.

I can make you happy.

Please, oh, darling, please.

Oh, Manuel.

Oh,

Manuel.

Oh, man.

Oh, right there.

Oh.

Shame,

shame, shame. What will the neighbors
think?

Oh, Manuel.

I can make you happy, darling.

Oh,

Manuel.

Oh.

Please.

Manuel.

Oh.

Candy.

So sweet.

It feels so good.

Oh, Manuel.

Oh, Manuel.

Oh,

Manuel.

What the hell?

Oh, Manuel.

Well, I guess that settles that.

Daddy?

Daddy, are you up?

Oh.

Well, Candy's about to find out if
dreams really do come true. I doubt if

will really understand what she's
getting at. Besides, good morning,

Manuel is a good boy.

Manuel's grasp of English is practically
non -existent.

Hello, Manuel.

How are you this morning?

It's nice day, senorita, no?

Oh, yes.

That certainly doesn't look like much
fun.

Why don't you come in for a cold drink?

Oh, don't worry. Daddy's gone out this
morning.

You poor dear.

Well, don't worry about a thing.

I'll fix something and bring it to the
greenhouse.

The greenhouse, Manuel?

I'll meet you in the greenhouse.

Greenhouse? Yes.

You poor dear. I have so much to teach
you.

Oh my, you're so dedicated, Manuel.

Here you go.

Gosh, you sure were thirsty.

Manuel, tell me about yourself.

What are your plans for the future?

Manuel, people must communicate.

That's the trouble with this world.

Nobody communicates.

I can help you, Manuel. I know I can.

Why not?

Manuel, don't change the subject.

I know. I'm embarrassing you. I'll stop.

But, Manuel, you do think people must
communicate, don't you?

Si.

Oh, my darling Caballero.

You really do need me so.

Believe me, I understand.

It must be very hard for you with women.

Well, with your nationality being what
it is and all.

But don't worry.

I'm here to help you.

Sandy,

are you out there?

Good grief, Daddy.

But don't you worry, you poor dear.

Candy will take care of you.

Candy?

That's my bedroom there, in the corner.

Come tonight.

For whatever you do, don't do anything
until the lights in Daddy's

room are out.

Okay?

Until tonight, my Cavalero.

You can go back to work now.

But I'll be waiting when it's dark.

Right there.

I sure hope you got those windows right,
Manuel.

Mandy! Are you out there?

Manuel? Manuel, hello.

Hi, Kalinda.

Manuel? Oh, devil.

It's me.

Manuel, look.

I was a... No, man, you weren't.

No, you weren't. Slow down.

Ow!

Quiet down.

I'll molest her. Bullshit, Mr.
Christian. Manuel is a good boy. Don't

trouble. Shut up.

I'm going to kill you.

Oh, God.

You've got the best in the school.

Oh, my.

Things have really gotten out of hand.

Father had to be rushed to the hospital.

I just hope Candy can find his room.

I'm not saying she's dumb, mind you. In
fact, she's really very clever in her

own selective manner.

Which is to say, bless her sweet little
heart, that she deals with just one

thing at a time. Which at least keeps
her confusion exclusive.

Eight, seven, six, five, four, three,
two,

one. Check off.

Great.

Are you here for masturbation? I beg
your pardon?

Masturbation? Onanism?

Whacking off?

Beating the old meat?

Fiddling the clit, as the case may be?

I'm surely not here for that.

And what do you mean by that?

Do you think there's something, quote,
wrong? Or, quote, dirty about it?

Well, it does give you pimples, doesn't
it?

Or maybe I'm thinking of what. Yeah,
that's it for it.

Young lady.

You're not thinking at all.

Haven't you read my book, Masturbation
Now?

No. I'm afraid not.

I thought as much.

Well, if you had, you'd understand that
normal sexual relations are the basis

for all mental disorders.

I mean, the stresses and anxieties that
go along with, quote, normal sex

are the...

that ignite the fires of insanity.

Hmm.

Fires of insanity.

Not bad.

Dr. Johnson wants in surgery.

There's only one way to solve this
epidemic of lunacy,

and that's for all of us to take things
into our own hands.

As it were, we must take a grip on
ourselves.

Yeah.

And then, and only then, will this lead
us to the path of total

independence.

Now, come here. Let me help you. No!
Come. Don't be ashamed of it.

Very good, my dear. Very good. Keep at
it. Go.

Good. Good.

Good.

Excellent. Go.

My dear, you're doing very well. Thank
you.

Keep going.

Good. Excellent.

Keep going.

Great. You're doing wonderful.

Good.

Terrific. Come now. Come.

I was just looking for my daddy's room.
He's hurt. He's had a terrible accident.

Was he in there?

No, but there was... Don't tell me. I
don't want to hear it. Just tell me his

room number, and I'll help you find it.

324. Dr. Bishop to surgery, please.
Okay. Dr.

Bishop to surgery.

Listen,

let me tell you something. A lot worse
things could happen.

Everybody gets over amnesia, just like
in the movies.

I wouldn't even mind losing my memory
around here for a few weeks.

We'd look at the lovely nurses and...
Oh.

That.

That is class puss.

And here you've got your own private
room.

Right down here.

Candy's Auntie Craven.

Married to Candy's Uncle Dick, who is
her father's identical twin brother.

Auntie fit well in the family. She was
as unique as any of them in her own

special way.

Auntie was probably the most foul
-mouthed, habitually horny, and utterly

uninhibited broad in the whole country.

Candy had always been intimidated by her
aunt. The woman was both lovely and

sophisticated, and never exactly the
same.

Sometimes she would treat Candy as if
she were a child of three who should be

ignored.

And sometimes she would become the woman
of the world for Candy and speak

lightly of adultery and homosexuality,
keeping the impressionable girl both

titillated and guilty.

Her puritanical father would have sent
her to religious school if he'd ever

heard one of those conversations.

Now, the minute you get out of here, I'm
taking you directly to Dr. Putts.

The man's an absolute genius.

Like Cosmo says,

That he's not simply a plastic surgeon.
He's a sculptor.

Seymour Putz.

That's the man.

Well, he'll have you looking like a
goddamn Burt Reynolds.

Oh, Dick. This is a lot of horseshit,
and you know it. I am not going to spend

another minute talking to this drooling
mongoloid.

Finally.

Oh, Dick. Oh, my poor, poor daddy.

My poor, poor darling.

Somebody tell me what's wrong with
daddy.

What's wrong with him and how long will
it last?

We have to be careful with him. We can't
move him.

Why can't we move him?

What did the doctor say, Uncle Dick?
What's wrong with poor daddy?

What the hell do you think's wrong with
him? He's slipped his rails, you know,

flipped his cookies.

Now, now, my dear, there is no need for
this sort of ugly... Oh, cut the

bullshit. The kid's got to find out that
her old man is bonkers.

Oh, Candy, you're looking terribly well.

But, my dear, you seem a bit flushed.

Oh, my God.

You're not pregnant.

Well, I don't know why I should act
surprised.

Oh, Auntie, you know I'm not.

What you said.

How can you be so thoughtless in front
of poor Daddy?

Oh, poor Daddy's been playing with his
toes for the last ten minutes. And

incidentally, what gives you the right
to come on like such a pure virgin in

front of your favorite old auntie? Oh,
Auntie, how can you say things like that

at a time like this?

Oh, come now, you can tell your old
auntie.

Really, how many boys have been in
those?

Cute little pants of yours.

Now, honestly, dear, this is hardly the
appropriate time for this sort of

conversation.

Marvelous. You can't tell the drunk from
the dummy. Well, thank you very much.

I'm getting out of here because this
whole fucking circus is starting to bore

me.

She doesn't handle these things very
well, Ken.

She is very sensitive in her own way.

It must be terrible for you, Uncle Dick.

She doesn't seem to understand your
needs.

Well, I guess it's just the way things
work out.

Right now, it's your poor father that we
have to take.

Oh, you poor dear.

Oh, you poor darling.

You really do need me so.

No, dearest. Uncle Dick, no. You mustn't
sleep here.

Oh, wait. No, it's against the hospital
rules. Come on. I'll help you. Wait a

moment. Your aunt never lets me sleep.

She's so cold, too. Oh, I'll keep you
warm, Uncle Dick. I need your warmth,

Oh, Uncle Dick, I'll keep you warm.
Uncle Dick.

Oh, you do need my warmth.

Oh, Uncle Dick.

Oh,

darling.

Uncle, dear.

I need your warmth, Andy.

Give me your warmth.

Give me your warmth. Give me your
warmth.

Oh, uncle.

Give me your warmth.

Give me all your warmth.

Oh, Andy.

Have you no shame?

Those people must have made him crazy.

It was at that precise moment that Candy
thought of going to visit her Aunt

Lucy. After all that confusion in the
hospital, anyone would need a vacation.

At any rate, it's a long way to
California.

Hi, how you doing?

Hi. You must be new in town, huh?

What makes you say that?

Well, because I go through this park at
least twice a day and I've never seen

you here before.

Well, maybe you just weren't looking.

Well, pardon me for saying so, but
you're not the type of person you really

to look hard to see twice.

Well, as a matter of fact, you're right.

I am new in town.

I just got in this morning.

Where from?

Michigan.

I was a student there, but I just sort
of had to get away.

Oh, listen. I know where you're coming
from.

I've been there just the same like you.
I just had to escape. My name is Sean,

and welcome to our city.

What's your name?

Candy. Candy Christian.

Well, listen, Candy.

I'm on my lunch hour. How would you like
to go grab a bite to eat with me? Lunch

hour for what?

I'm on a used car sale.

Well...

I am awfully hungry.

Is there a nice place to eat around
here? The best. The best. My place. I'm

fantastic cook.

Okay. Why not?

All right.

Come on in, Candy.

Oh, my God.

Why don't you have a seat?

Okay.

You sure do have a nice place.

Sean? Thank you. Listen, I'm going to go
into the kitchen, put something in the

oven for our lunch, okay?

Okay.

Hey, listen, are TV dinners okay?

Sure.

All right.

Nothing in the house to feed her, and
I'm going to go nuts.

What are you doing?

Okay.

Want to see a picture of my mother?

Sure.

I love you.

Sean, you shouldn't say things like
that.

You can't possibly love me.

Oh, no.

I've hurt you.

Here, come and sit next to me.

Sean, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

Well, you women are all alike.

As soon as you find out I have a
problem, a deformity, you think you can

all over me.

Sean, I certainly... Hey, listen.

It's always the same. No one will ever
love me. Ever.

Not real love. I'll probably wind up
alone somewhere in an apartment.

All alone except for 30 or 40 cats.

Old and miserable.

Hey, listen, I've been everywhere. I've
been all over the United States.

All the specialists, they all say the
same thing.

No one can help me.

Help you what?

I don't see any deformity or anything.

No. Sean, what is it? Listen, don't even
ask. Don't ask. It's horrible.

Just horrible.

I should never have been born.

Don't say such a thing.

Whatever is it? No, no, no. If I show
you, you'll just...

He'll laugh and run away like the rest
of them.

I won't. I promise I won't.

I'm not like the other girls, Sean.

I can help you.

I don't know why I'm doing this, but...
But okay,

Candy.

Just for you.

See?

I told you there was nothing wrong with
you.

It's all in your head.

Here, I'll help you put your pants back
on. See? See, I told you. I told you.

You think it's so ugly you can't even
stand to look at it. No.

That's not what I meant at all.

You should be proud to have such a
gigantic... Well, such a nice, nice

You should be glad you're different.

Well... Perhaps different was the wrong
word.

I meant special.

That's it. You're special.

Do you really mean it? It doesn't bother
you?

No, not even a little bit.

You can touch it if you want to.

You really like it?

You can kiss it.

If you really want, I...

And you can even put it in your mouth.

I can't.

Yeah, that's

Oh,

yeah, that's the way

Oh, yeah. Ooh, just like that.

Oh, that's it. Yeah, move like that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I love it.

Candy.

Let me put it between your legs, okay?

Oh, but you can't.

I really must go now. I have another bus
to catch.

See? You're just like the rest of them
after all. You had me fooled for a

I'll admit it, but the truth always
comes out sooner or later.

If you leave me now, I just know I'll do
something drastic.

Please, Sean, please. You've got to
stop.

Stop? Stop what?

Stop this?

Cease, quit, terminate, desist?

That kind of stop?

It's because of this, isn't it? No, I've
already told you that.

Anyway, what difference does it make?

I have blue eyes and you have that.

Big deal.

Yeah, but I love you, though. I love
you. I'm so close.

Thank you.

Whoa.

I'm going to miss my bus if I don't
scoot.

Candy's Auntie Em had always had a
relaxed, calming effect on her.

So it was very natural for Candy to
visit her when she had a problem.

I just can't believe it, Candy. Hasn't
your father told you anything?

Oh, don't bother to answer that. He
wouldn't know what to say or how to say

Anyway, we'll set things right.

nothing to set right, Em.

Honestly, I did what I felt was right.

I only gave my kindness.

Hogwash. All you gave him was a little
free fun.

Well, now, there's nothing wrong with
that, you know. I mean, girl's got the

kind of equipment you have for playing
around. But, honey, if you're going to

play around, for God's sake, play it
safe.

Hell, maybe you're not pregnant at all.
Maybe it's just a nervous trauma or

something. People get those, you know,
but with your father so ill and all. But

Dr. Andrew will take care of you for
sure.

Dr. who?

No, no, no, no. Dr.

Andrew. I never heard of who.

Anyway, trust me a minute.

You'll just love him. All my friends at
the bridge club go to him.

Yes, doctor.

Miss Christian, the doctor will see you
now.

Okay.

Now, disrobe and put this on. The doctor
will be with you shortly.

Okay.

No, you've got it on backwards.

The hole goes in the back.

Oh, okay.

Is this the first time you've seen a
gyno, honey?

Well, to tell you the truth, I... Spare
me. Spare me. Just get your bottom up

here.

Okay.

Now, what are we here for today?

Well, I don't know what we're here for,
but I'm here because I think I may be

pregnant. Oh, really?

Well, what makes you think that?

My period is late.

Exactly how late is it?

One day.

One day?

Good Lord, one day isn't anything.

But you don't understand.

I'm never late.

A late period doesn't make you pregnant,
my dear. Men do that.

So, uh, you've been fooling around, huh?

Now, these are going to feel a little
cold.

But you just relax.

Because I'm going to check out
everything.

Close your eyes.

Tell me about those men you've been
with.

Oh, well, actually, I haven't really
seen many men.

I've only just got started.

Oh, well, that's all right. Just tell me
about the first. It's easier that way.

Oh, let's see. Maybe we should check out
these literal...

Reflexes.

Can you feel that?

Good grief.

Yes.

Close your eyes. Shut your eyes.

Keep them shut.

And tell me about those men.

Well, the first one was with my...

Manuel. What?

Manuel. He was our gardener.

And then there was my uncle Dick.

Your uncle, huh? Well, almost, anyway.

I see.

Is that all?

No. One more.

This guy I met in a park.

Nurse! Nurse Franklin!

You're just fine, my dear. Just fine.

Now, if you don't start your period in a
few days, you just come right back

here.

Now, make sure that Candy gets all our
free samples.

Terrible discharge.

You mean you've never really been
examined before?

Good grief, yes.

But never by a doctor.

Oh, I almost forgot.

There's a letter for you. Oh.

Smells like your Aunt Craven.

Bye -bye.

Bye -bye, Auntie. Take care.

Bye -bye.

Well. How the hell have you been,
sweetcakes? And how's your cute little

baby? I tell you, there's nothing I'd
travel to keep your quiver quivering.

Reminds me of Italy.

I got so much of that Dago cock that I
thought I'd stop menstruating and start

administroning. Now, pull your hand out
of your hot little pants and get serious

for a second.

Don't panic.

But your dear stupid daddy has flown the
coop. That's right.

Split, gone, kaput.

There must have been some kind of
bananas mix -up at the hospital. It

it was Uncle Dick under those bandages
for days now.

The other day, he and old Charlie were
pretending to do a strip. I got one look

at the old plunger of his, and I knew it
was Dick.

I don't know how long he'll be wacko
this time, but I've been getting some

marvelous therapy from a Dr.

Kalanick. He's really something.

Can not just a shrink. He's an inventor,
too.

He figures to make millions on a double
therapy couch.

Thank you.

Boo!

Hmm.

Hmm.

All right.

I'll tell you something, sugarpuss. If a
woman don't function, she ain't shit.

Think it over, kiddo. And don't take any
wooden dildos, your loving Auntie

Crave.

What makes life a neater?

Restless and completed.

It's the good you show. It's the good
you know. It's the right somebody to

Candy makes you feel so dandy.

But if you ask me, she's the right
somebody to love.

Have you experienced your love quotient
yet today?

Gosh, I'm not really sure.

Love can be as simple as a small
donation.

It will feed our people as well as
saving your immortal soul.

Oh, now I am embarrassed.

I don't have very much money and
certainly not enough to save my immortal

Oh, money is only the most menial way of
helping.

Actually, we are here to help you, yeah.

But how can you help me if you don't
even know what's wrong?

My name is Graham Hollander.

I am the leader of the sect of the body,
Krishka.

It is our belief that love will cure the
ruptured groin of mankind.

And it is for us...

To instill in you the inner strength so
that you may fight the flames of desire

that plague your body.

My.

My name is Candy.

How did you know about the, you know,
flames and all that?

It was my destiny to know.

And to help.

It was no accident that you have come
here to me today, Candy.

No, no, no. This is...

The rightful path for you to follow in
your spiritual advancement.

I certainly hope so.

I've been on a pretty rocky path so far.

And where has this... Where has this
path of yours taken you?

Well, I first took the bus for a
mission. Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no. My... My child.

What I mean is... To what stage of
spiritual advancement have you reached?

Oh.

I don't know.

I mean, I never really thought about it
that way before.

Then we must begin this very day.

There are many stages on the road to
spiritual knowledge, and each stage

is more difficult than the next.

Many, many, many choose this path, but
very few remain.

There is only one true way to knowledge.

Remember this.

Golly, how many stages are there?

Candy, you will live with us in our
house.

You will grow and be spiritually lifted.

You will be able to look at the world
like... Like a man on a mountain looks

the peaks and the valleys below him.

It is inexpressible reality, Candy.

I don't get it.

A person...

A person must unshackle the constraints
of self, become free of the burden

inherent within personality, and then,
and only then, will he be truly free.

Toto looks so puzzled.

It's a very, very difficult task, but I
know you can do it.

I still don't quite get it.

Well, come with me, Candy, and you'll
get it sooner.

Trust me, and you'll be able to relieve
yourself of all these past experiences.

Well, I've had some pretty unusual
experiences.

Maybe you can help me.

We shall travel the path of wisdom
together.

We shall grow and be spiritually
uplifted.

Come with me.

I'm sorry. I was just thinking how all
this might appear to one who is

not aware.

Aware of what?

Aware that all of these people here are
doing control of the

senses. What you see before you are
exercises designed to set the spirit

free from the bonds of the body. Yes,
you understand?

Well, I don't really know. Let me
explain, Connie. Perhaps it will help in

first lesson.

For instance, that couple, excuse me,
that couple over there, they are doing

exercise known as the rigid nipple.

Yeah, don't go to the rigid nipple, huh?

Golly! Yeah, that's right.

Ah, and those people there, they are
doing the Yoni Mitchell, the Yoni

position. You notice the circular motion
of both figures in perfect harmony.

Oh, it is just, it is beautiful. It is
through cosmic rhythm.

Gosh. They are well on the path, those
people there, yes.

Path to where? The path, Candy.

To infinite oneness.

Mano. Oh, no, no, no. There we go. A
very good one.

That one there is known as the bacon,
lotus, and tomato.

Bacon, lotus, and tomato. You hold the
mayo, huh? That's a joke.

I don't get it.

Let's see what we have here. We have
many, many people here.

Ah!

Most people dead.

That is known as the yang bang.

That's one of my very, very favorite
ones.

Oh, this is a new one.

That is the Anita Orange.

Anita Orange?

Oh,

they're well on the path.

See?

Would you like to see something?

I'd like very much to show you.

All these people here can achieve true
cosmic consciousness at the very snap of

a finger.

They can?

Yes, you believe me. I'll show you what.

Oh, gosh!

Truly,

Candy, the path is very, very difficult.

Many choose, very few arrive.

Have they arrived?

Oh, no, my child, no.

They have not arrived.

They have come.

See? Oh.

Come this way, my little fig leaf. Come
with me.

There is a very, very special place here
which I go to do my most intense

meditation. There is?

Yes, yes, there is. And I would like
very much if you would come with me. You

do?

Now, the first thing we must do is to
shed our bodies of

all worldly apparel.

Are you sure?

Candy? I am very, very sure, yes.

Now, come, come.

Now lay down.

Lay down. Lay down flat.

Now, spread your legs and you must lace
your fingers behind

your head in true yoga fashion.

Henry, you must trust me. I am the
guiding spirit of your soul.

I have no desire for your body.

It is your spirit that concerns me.

I understand.

Very good. Very nice.

Now I will teach you the first lesson in
spiritual awareness.

You will learn to soar above your bodily
senses and fly

with your spirit.

Trust me.

Now, Candy, this is a mystic zone.

Feels good, yes?

Now, this is another mystic zone.

And this is also a mystic zone.

Ah, Candy, you're very, very wet mystic
zone down there.

Love.

Lovely child, yes.

Relax. I think he should

be still.

Oh, my goodness.

What a very sweet child.

Ah.

Do you like that candy?

Tell me.

Well, I... Sure.

Are you sure this is the way?

shows us the way.

Beautiful mystic zones all over.

Now, you are ready for another lesson.

One must be fully aware of one's senses
in

order to control them.

Now, for example, You'll notice that I
have erected my penis. It is stout and

stiff.

Oh, no, don't be deceived. No.

It is just an illusion.

Without any material desire whatsoever,
I have managed an erection.

Go ahead. Touch it.

Squeeze it. Go ahead.

Touch it some more, yes.

Gosh, that's amazing.

Squeeze it.

Squeeze it, Candy.

You see?

Now, you remember those people before?
We do an exercise in cosmic

weird, like you saw those people do.

Gosh.

I will demonstrate yet one more mystical
power to you. Not only do I have

complete control over my bodily
senses...

but over my glandular ones as well.

Good, good.