All language subtitles for The Sensuous Nurse (1975) DUBBED WEBRip Oldies

No, no, no, don't get nervous.

Even if the story begins here, it's
basically an entertaining one.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm the old fool that left the
windshield wipers running.

The Honorable Leonida Bottessi.

Well -known producer of fine wines, man
of flawless virtue, age, old enough to

know better, widower.

You got that?

Widower.

And it's thanks to that particular
detail that our little tale begins in

morbid setting.

Because ever since the unhappy day my
incomparable better half departed for

great beyond, I made it my habit to come
here, disconsolate and inconsolable,

every Wednesday and Saturday to leave
flowers on her tomb.

That's the reason why, on that
particular Wednesday, my adoring nephew,

by the gravekeeper's wife over the phone
that I had taken ill, dropped their

pressing obligations and hastened to the
consecrated ground, frantic with worry

and despair.

Hell -bent for leather, perfect
submarine weather. If you see the enemy

that's all over and out.

Making it worse.

Look at this, the old fool. Doesn't he
know any better?

He'll run down the batterers.

It's very well for him to bring flowers
to poor auntie, but not in a pouring

rain.

God rest her soul.

Serves him right, dirty old man. And
just when he was taking it slower.

when she first died? He brought her
flowers every day. Every single day.

Lilies, no less.

Daisies were good enough for him. Oh,
no. Five years of lilies.

500 lira a piece, a small fortune.

And at home he's so cheap, he won't even
let us eat the swimming pool.

Who got him up here?

He came up by himself. He knows the way.

Ah, I see. He felt sick and knocked his
tomb and came up here looking for help.

Actually, when he came up, he felt fine
like he always does. Midwife.

It doesn't matter. Just get him out of
this house, quickly.

Good Lord, woman. Can't you see the
condition he's in?

This could be a heart attack.

He has to stay quiet.

But my husband's coming any second.

Ah, your husband will understand.

If he understands what I understand,
we're in trouble.

The poor old darling, he loved it so
much.

Apparently, it was thought best not to
wait for the ambulance.

I was rushed into the car and driven
home, where the real reason I had taken

was not revealed.

And here, while Dr. Pavan concerned
himself with my heart, the local priest,

Reverend Atilio, gave me the last rites
and then desperately set about trying to

save my soul with the rosary.

They were all there.

The entire household staff, Nane and
Tosca.

My poor departed Ramona's nephew,
Gustave, retired colonial military

and her two nieces, that flighty little
baggage, Yole, and her dim -wit sister,

Italia, who made the mistake of marrying
an out -of -work wine taster, Benito

Verotto, and unfortunately brought him
into the house, too.

And this one here, crying, is Adonis,
Yole's son.

And the less said about that, the
better.

doing speaking?

I can't imagine.

I could have sworn.

Pussy.

Yeah, Pussy. He's saying Pussy. It was
his pet name. He's right. Yes, he's

right. Poor Anthony. He always was fond
of Pussy.

Amen.

Dr., for God's sake, tell us something.

I'm sorry. Unfortunately, there's not
much to say.

It'll be a miracle if he lasts through
the night.

Isn't there anything we can do?

Pray. That's what I was doing.

I want to speak with Mr.

Kitsch. That's right. Thank you. Thank
you.

They're putting him on the line now.

Hello. Hello.

Mr. Kitsch. Good night.

Good morning. I mean good afternoon.

You remember me, don't you? Benito
Baroto.

Yes. No, no, not Baroto.

Baroto. Yes, that's the one.

Listen, remember that thing we were
talking about? Can you talk about it

Wonderful, wonderful.

No, actually, the old man hasn't
actually changed his mind. He's changed

life. He's changed his life. His life is
in danger.

Well, what can you do? Ashes to ashes
and dust to dust.

Tomorrow morning. Perfect. Yeah, we'll
expect you.

Nani? Yeah?

I'm scared.

Come on, nobody's going to come down
here at this hour. I know, that's why.

could be Jack the Raper.

You could be Joan of Arc.

We're going to drink to the health of
the old man. And the hell with the rest

the Stingy family.

How about me?

Ah, if you want a drink, you know the
price.

No, it's too cold down here.

The wine will warm you up.

Then give me a drink.

Ah, ah, first things first.

You can't fool me.

Item number one, take off your sweater.
No.

Give it here.

It's like velvet.

If you think that's good, try some of
this. It tastes like fire.

Give me some.

Your blouse, sir?

No.

No, I don't want to.

Well, my feet will get cold.

What the hell?

I don't know. I make the rules and shoes
are last. You've got to take off your

panties. What kind of a girl do you
think I am? No, no, panties are out. The

is closed.

Quickie, and I'll give you a gallon.

You're drunk.

Well, what's the difference?

You keep your filthy hands to yourself.

Two gallons.

You heard me, no.

Three gallons.

Sex maniac.

Sex maniac.

I'll show you.

I'll show you.

Oh, little butterfly.

Where are you, little butterfly?

All naked and pretty, just waiting for
the big butterfly hunter to catch you in

his net.

Where are you?

Oh, my little butterfly, just one bang.

Just a little bang.

Just one.

Come here!

You're a thief, thief, thief, thief!

I'll show you what orgy means, you
imbecile!

Thank you, Mr. Kitch. As I was saying,
we the Count's heirs...

I'm

very kind of you.

We the only heirs have always been in
agreement with your ideas, Mr.

Kitch. That our participation in your
company at the capital investment

opens chances of merchandising
expansion.

Modest scene and company has the
opportunity to become a kind of pilot

in this region, right?

It's something the old man simply
doesn't comprehend, with all due

course.

But his business notions are old
-fashioned, and he refuses to change. In

meantime, the conglomerates like you are
teaching us you can't function any

longer as a one -horse outfit, no?

Because drinkers want to drink.

The consumer of great wine is a thing of
the past.

The age of the blend is at hand. A drop
of potassium is a drop in a bucket.

But it's our wine that can make your
vermouth worth drinking.

Okay, Mr. Fagoto.

Since we're all in agreement... You
Americans, you're marvelous.

Always right to the point.

We have a saying.

Time.

His money. Oh, that's good.

One small point. We're all in agreement.
Except the deceased.

Oh, his demise is expected any minute
now.

You're saying... He isn't dead?

Oh, yes.

For all intents and purposes.

I mean, it's only a matter of an hour at
most.

For all I know, maybe it's already
happened.

If you'll allow me, I'll just check.

Hello, Tosca.

I'd like to speak to Madame.

Did you send the flowers?

To my wife?

No, sir, not yet. I'll do it this
afternoon.

Good.

Lilies, remember?

White lilies.

Is that you, Italian?

Oh, in a coma.

What does the doctor say?

36 hours.

Can he guarantee that?

It's really the end.

That's swell.

36.

So now with each hour, his death gets
closer.

Optimistic, yes, but with reservation.

He's outlived the 36 -hour prognosis.

And this gives us reason for hope.
There's no question.

But that doesn't mean the battle's over.

A second attack would be fatal.

Fatal? Fatal, yes, fatal. It's adamantly
sword over our heads.

I would hazard to say a great deal
depends on you.

On us?

Yes, indeed, and nobody else.

Imagine that your uncle was already dead
and born all over again.

He needs to be treated like a newborn
child.

It's like you're keeping him in a
nursery.

He mustn't be left alone, even for an
instant.

I personally recommend that you take on
specialized assistance.

Such as?

I'm speaking about a registered nurse
who would be on duty 24 hours a day and

who'd know what to do in case of
emergency.

A registered nurse? Oh, that's a good
idea.

Then it's agreed.

How's Uncle Leonid?

Ask me, he'll outlive all of us, you
included. Is it true, Mama?

He's better!

Well, what's with all the long faces?

He's over the hump.

I'll be back this evening. Thank you.

I'll be back this evening.

Bye -bye, Doctor. Thank you. Bye -bye.

Ta -ta.

I'll break my balls. But Benito, it's
not the doctor's fault if he's not dead

yet. Benito, it's not the doctor's fault
if he's not dead yet.

He'll all live, every one of us.

The American will have to learn patience
like everyone else. Are you crazy? You

can't insist on patience when we're the
ones who want to unload the company.

What am I going to say to Mr.

Kitch? What do you want to do, kill
uncle?

to do but wait and hope.

A watched pot never boils.

Well, I'll say one thing now that he's
out of danger.

Uncle Leona, there is a sneak.

At home it's all prayers and rosaries,
but outside... The dirty old man was in

nothing but his socks and shirt with a
gravekeeper's wife.

And in the same cemetery as poor Aunt
Ramona.

The old bastard's got no morals at all.

Dinner's getting cold.

Dinner can wait.

Tosca!

Yes, sir?

Has the Count ever tried to... You know
what I mean.

You must know.

Don't be embarrassed, girl. Out with it.
Well, only once, just after the Count

has passed away.

But auntie's still warm in her grave.

But I couldn't resist.

He was so funny.

Real funny.

Even laughing from one bed to another.

I'm scandalized by all this.

Old man is perverted.

The old bastard's almost a necrophile.

Why don't we employ the gravekeeper's
wife as a nurse?

Why do you always have to say such
ridiculous things?

Not as ridiculous as you think.

At this point in the story, it's only
fair I fill you in on the background.

It's important for you to know that two
years before I got sick, that imbecile

Benito slipped and fell in the bathtub,
practically setting the world's record

for broken bones.

Fibias, tibias, clavicles, calicles, and
anything else I could name, including

his brain, which wasn't anything to
write home about even before the

Anyway, to patch him together, we had to
ship him off to this special clinic in

Switzerland, where unfortunately they
were unable to keep him longer than

months, but he did have time to make
several new friends.

Benito! Anna!

My little sweet child!

Oh, I'm sorry, Benito.

Yes, my little cuckoo. I came here quite
convinced I wouldn't find you.

Why? Were you afraid I'd go off and get
married?

Why not?

I mean, look at you.

Are the doctors here so jaded they can't
get it up?

Oh, they manage.

From the chief surgeon on down. The
trouble with me is I always seem to go

the wrong ones.

You know, like interns who don't make
any money. Whatever happened to that?

was he, gynecologist?

You know, the one who wanted to leave
his wife to run away with you.

The last time I saw him, he was bringing
his wife here to deliver their fourth

kid.

You wanted to leave your wife for me.

Well, I meant it.

And you made a big mistake not to take
me seriously.

The wrong doctor is one thing, but the
wrong patient is worse.

Oh, we had a moment together, Benito.

But we never try to fool each other.

You don't have to believe me, my little
Swiss chocolate.

But I have a confession to make.

I was deadly serious about you.

I suppose I should be flattered, Benito.

But I don't believe you.

Oh, come on, darling.

At least I learned something from my
experiences.

Now I don't play hit the sack with every
two -bit charmer who comes in with a

fracture.

Oh, my little Swiss timepiece.

Tell me, Benito, have you thought about
me since you left here? Oh, you've been

on my mind, my sweet.

What a liar you are.

What is the truth?

You get a light?

Where are you, my love?

Where are you now that you're mine?

My old flame.

It won't work.

As usual.

Little Swiss bank.

No, no, no, Benito. It's not necessary.

Please, I really enjoyed myself.

Benito, all that.

Why? Just say it's a down payment on the
villa.

What villa?

I'll make it a Swiss chalet if you like.

View of the Alps, ski runs, swimming
pools, sauna.

All this for me?

For Uncle Leonid.

Uncle Leonida. Uncle Leonida.

Look what I've brought you.

She's all yours.

Your own private nurse, eh?

Look, look at her, Uncle.

Yeah, yeah, pussy.

Well,

let's leave him alone now.

In his peace, quiet.

What did I do wrong?

You sex maniac!

You think you can bring your trash into
this house?

You're so -called nurse.

What's it to you?

I'm not your wife, you know. You can't
trifle with me.

I'll cut it off. I'll castrate you. I'll
try to castrate you. I will. I will.

Don't come near me.

I said, don't take a step closer.

Don't come near me or I'll scream.

Don't touch me. I'll call for help.

I'm going to call for help.

Benito, pass the salt, please.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Good evening, everybody.

Hi, there.

This is the lady who's going to take
care of Uncle Leonidas.

Why are you so late to dinner?

He had work to make up at school and
took a later trolley.

Don't just stand there gawking, boy. Sit
down.

On the double.

Do you always wear your hat at the
table?

Sorry,

I'll be right back.

Your books! Do you always have to leave
a pile of books everywhere you go?

Tell Tosca to serve your soup. Yes,
Mother.

How old is he?

Sixteen.

I had him when I was only eighteen.

Are you a widow?

Yes.

Oscar, Adonis doesn't have any soup.

How was I supposed to know he was here?

Nobody ever tells me anything.

Well, where's your head tonight?

I don't want any soup, Mother.

Well, have some meat at least. You can't
go to bed on an empty stomach at your

age.

Adonis, did you wash your hands?

Benito, don't you think that was unkind?

It's impossible to say anything to him
these days.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Did you sleep well?

Fine, thanks.

How's Uncle Leonie, though?

He's sleeping.

I'm sorry.

Last night.

Don't be.

I see you have a swimming pool.

May I use it?

Oh, yes, of course. But the water will
be cold.

Oh, good.

It will wake me up.

Is there anybody out there?

Just Uncle Gustav. He's doing his
exercises.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

We are on the bridge.

Interdiction fire.

20 rounds HE.

At my command.

Pirate radio here.

We interrupt with a bulletin.

Hey, Colonel.

Now that the old man is dying, why don't
you buy a couple of tags?

No!

Impudent scoundrel!

Put my walkie -talkie down!

You better get ready to get sides to
pieces, you fat old phony!

Show your face!

I'll have you shot!

You villain!

Shooting's too good for you!

to see things.

I've got to give up drinking.

Even if it isn't a pink elephant.

Nanny!

I've got you in my sight.

You won't get away this time.

Give me my walkie -talkie back.

Now! You're in a lot of hot water. You
know that.

Morning.

up the sharp.

Oh, my scientific research has gone down
the drain. This is vinegar.

Need any help, Mr. Benito, sir?

No.

I haven't gone anywhere, Mr. Benito.

Taste this.

Thank you.

Well? Well?

But... Get me another one.

Slowly, taste it. Don't gulp.

It's quite good.

My color is reddish, so on the light
side, what it'll do.

Very smooth.

Harmonious. Full body.

Ripe fruit flavor.

Swedish, but pleasantly so.

I can figure all that out by myself.

Get to the point.

Will it stand up against a wine made
with grapes?

Well, it stands up in alcohol content.

Percentage, I'd say, is 14 .2.

Somewhat sulfurous.

Can it get 0 .2 or 0 .4 percent?

Is it 2 or 4?

0 .4.

Regarding your sulfides, 380 or

395, a bit much.

But this wine couldn't be one of yours,
could it, Mr. Benito?

Why do you ask?

Because it seems much too good for one
of yours.

Get out of here before I break your head
open, you damn bastard!

May I offer my condolences, Mr. Fagoto?

It's been a while since the 36 final
hours were up.

And I'm still waiting for your phone
call.

You see, I'm a patient man, but not
forever.

I quite understand, but you have my
personal insurance. It's only a question

hours or days at the most.

Now, listen here.

A few days ago, you told me that the
count was almost in his grave.

Now what has he done? Climbed back out
again?

Yes, no. I mean, he's in a coma, you
see.

Well, there are comas and there are
comas.

How deep is this one?

How deep?

Oh, it's going to go like the Grand
Canyon.

The Grand Canyon.

Seems to me he's a tough old bird, huh?

Yes, yes, yes. Tough old bird.

A full body like his wine.

Well, bodies are corruptible and

mortal.

But I haven't much time for Gotoh.

Is there hope?

No, absolutely hopeless. Hopeless.
Completely hopeless. No hope at all,

promise you.

Well, good luck then.

And we'll talk again soon.

Don't call me.

I'll call you.

Yes, yes, yes. Goodbye. Goodbye, Mr.
Kitch. Goodbye.

Tosca?

The senora's calling. Go and see what
she wants.

Which senora? Who cares? Just go.

Lost interest.

He's lost interest in a hanky -panky.

We're ruined.

Ruined.

Uncle Leonid! Uncle Leonid, think of
your family!

Come back to your senses!

Where's your own soul?

Ah, you see, he hasn't listened.

Oh, that's better. I almost had a heart
attack.

What were you expecting?

Rape at first sight?

Wait for the patient.

Ah, screw the patient.

Now, see here, Anna.

I don't think you understand the urgency
of all this.

All I can say is, do it, baby, and the
world is yours.

Once more into the mage.

Tell it to Mother Nature. She has more
to do with it than I do.

After her recuperates a bit, perhaps...
Recuperate?

How long will that take?

Ask Mother Nature.

Your idea is just insane. It's just
pouring money down the drain. I don't

what we're really paying for or why we
really need a home.

Would you prefer a limerick? There once
was a nurse called Anna. A little

patience and maybe our plan will work.

The military mind has spoken.

Don't you see?

Uncle has to get better so he can get
worse.

Oh, yes? Who said that?

Benito. And you expect sense from a
moron? Is this something we don't know

about?

It's part of the scheme.

It's Mother Nature's way.

To make him worse, we have to get him
better.

How much better?

Better enough to get worse.

Much worse?

Much, much worse.

Much, much worse?

Much, much worse.

Ah.

I've chosen to include this little scene
as another example of my charming air

of tasteful delicacy.

One week passed in vain.

The presence of a trained and, I might
add, highly remunerated nurse still had

not produced the desired effect.

Or at least no effect that had anything
to do with me.

So gracious and so sweet that even
strangers, when they meet my woman, find

their tongues grow still.

Until she, with sweet humility and
grace, Acknowledged the warm and

praise With a smile as from heaven sent
to earth.

Her eyes so bright,

So pure her heart.

Then from her lips there rose on high,
as from her soul, love's soft, sad

cry.

My love is nigh.

Oh, sigh.

Well, sir.

We are feeling better, aren't we?

Mama.

Yes, I finally began to feel better.

At this point, I'm tempted to say he's
out of danger. But no, now is the real

danger. As I said before, a second
attack could be fatal.

If you want your uncle to survive, you
must realize he's living on a razor's

edge.

Did you hear that, Fraulein?

Yes, Doctor.

The patient is in your hands.

Reaction negative.

No, you're totally impervious to
females. I'm playing hard to get on

Otherwise, what is the point of the
experiment?

He's a guinea pig. He's got a point. If
it works on him, it'll work on anyone.

The Count doesn't need much
encouragement to put his hands all over

Do me a favor, will you, and think
positive.

According to Masterson Johnson.

The orgasm is an anti -climax.

It's the build -up, the foreplay, the
anticipation that rigorously brings

blood to a boil and makes you work up an
esteemed...

A

little of the old comic...

Right, right.

Remember Pearl Harbor.

Pearl Harbor. Remember the name.

Sneak attack.

That's the ticket.

What have you got on your head?

My cap.

It's standard uniform.

I know, I know, but not a nurse of your
kind. And why are you all dressed up

like this? Open your buttons and see
your abundance.

Like this.

A vast improvement.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, you see.

his temperature.

No, no, no, no.

On the other side.

Here, give it to me.

Nothing at all should be left to chance.

It's a small detail, maybe, but make the
most of it.

Haven't you ever seen a good porno film?

It's all technique.

Now, over here.

Sit down.

Exposure, right?

Two undershirts? You're not a guinea
pig, you're a horse's ass.

Now, watch how I do it.

Remove thermometer.

Read thermometer.

Symbolism. Oh, my God!

My pencil!

Oh, where are you, little pencil? Where
are you? Where did you go?

Where are you?

Oh, the Mona Libas.

Get it?

You put your mind to it and he's as good
as dead.

Yeah, sure.

He'll die laughing.

Here, drink it. Mrs. Mominer, aren't you
going to take it out?

Where did you put it? It wouldn't stay
under the arms, so I stuck it.

Then you'll have to take it out
yourself.

If I do, all the water will spill out.

You've got a free hand.

No, not really. My little sugar dumpling
is not free at all.

Oh, you're really the top.

Oh, that's perfect, perfect, perfect.

Just what I've been dreaming of.

What the hell is this, a railroad
station?

Excuse me. Am I disturbing you?

I came to say good night.

Yeah, well, good night and good
riddance.

Good night. Get out.

Get out.

Get out.

Oh, is there anything I can get for you?
No, no, no. Everything I want. You just

scram. Tomorrow I have to go into town
in case you need anything else. Here I

on my deathbed and he's using up all the
air in the place.

I know.

Oh, yes. Some batteries for my radio.

What voltage?

My voltage.

I'm not sure.

Let's go and look.

It won't open.

You want to try?

Would you like me to hold it for you?

I'll pick them up for you tomorrow.
Adonis!

Thank you.

You'd better go.

Your uncle seems to be nervous.

It is a goddamn railroad station.

Hi there.

May I come in a moment?

You're an express.

Oh, it's you, Adonis. Why are you always
under everyone's... Indeed. You know

Uncle shouldn't be disturbed.

He needs to rest.

You're so right.

Get out.

Not just him. You too. Get out.

Oh, right away.

I dropped in to bring you some light
reading.

Night, Uncle.

Pleasant dreams.

Before I get any more visitors, all I
need now is Gustav to break my arm.

The Battle of Iwo Jima!

No. Not the Battle of Iwo Jima?

No. No.

No Iwo Jima, no present.

Pretty soon he'll be running out of
ammunition, as usual.

There was a time when all he needed was
a fanfare.

Don't ask me how I know. Let's just say
that I've got my spies.

Count, there is always one black sheep,
even in the best of families. This one's

got a flock.

I must be glad you can laugh about it.

I want to cry sometimes.

He may be running out of ammunition, but
he's not surrendering.

Doesn't know any better.

And Tusker, poor deluded child.

He keeps right on trying, but his gun's
a harmless weapon.

Do you know where the nurse is?

Wasn't she with your uncle? No, I was
already up there. How should I know?

Last time I saw her, she was up in the
attic with Mr. Benito.

been a mouse.

You're going to fill a prescription for
me, doctor.

I ain't no doctor and this ain't no
pharmacy.

Like it wasn't no grocery yesterday.

Oh, holy shit.

Oh, I got to have a few words with my
bicycle.

Oh, well, as long as we're here, you
might as well give me the usual.

No guy worse.

No, it's the kid.

Adonis has got himself a fever that
would kill a horse.

Don't you know your own mother?

No.

She's delirious.

If it's malaria, it'll wreak her.

Tramp.

Trish.

Pussy.

Adonis, pull yourself together.

Pussy.

Delirious.

No, I think you're wrong.

You won't say anything.

Wait. until the fever drops.

I'll handle him.

How?

I don't know yet.

Obviously, I can't deny what he saw.
It's not what he saw. It's what he

Heard what?

Little harmless whispering?

Your groans?

It's not funny.

We were talking about the old coot at
first, who said he was already digging

own grave.

And I suggested that a shove or two from
you might help him over the edge.

But that was before he was there.

You know how long he was spying on us,
eh?

I'm getting

out of here.

For God's sake!

This is no time to get hysterical!

What if he tells the Count?

Or even the police?

Don't panic!

Keep your own wits about you.

Let's stop the whole thing.

I'm scared. Are you crazy? You want to
stop now and blow the whole deal with

Kitch after all the trouble I've gone
to?

Where's the medicine?

You've been gone over three hours.

I guess.

Sorry.

The delay was due to a slight detour
from the scheduled route.

Unforeseen. I can spell it from your
breath. Give me that stuff. Yes, sir,

Buttigieg. Oh, yes, sir. In that case, I
might just as well go back where I came

from and furnish some unfinished
business that I went and left

I'm going.

I think I'm still here. I think so, too.

Here we go.

He's been meaning it.

I prefer to do certain things than read
about them.

No, Count, what are you doing?

You mustn't exert yourself.

You know, in your condition, it could be
dangerous.

How are we feeling?

Such a child.

I was wrong.

You are a child.

If you weren't, I wouldn't have to tell
you certain things.

Good God, Adonis.

So you saw me with Benito. So what?

I can understand that at your age, life
is more poetry than

reality.

But you expect too much from people.

At least those you care about.

Because you do care about me, don't you?

Adonis, look at me.

The one thing I'm sorry about is that I
disappointed you.

But I can't feel guilty about it.

You see, a woman like me, who is alone
in life, is like all women.

She needs a man.

It doesn't matter if he's not his wife.

It happens to all of us.

And I'm no exception.

That's three minutes. You can go now.

Please close the door when you leave.

He's jealous. He's jealous. We don't
have to worry about a thing.

You really think so?

Sure.

Do you know what he was reading? What?

It's called Strategy of a Murder.

That little creep. I'm going in there
and punch him in the mouth. It couldn't

a coincidence, could it?

No, no, no, it couldn't be a
coincidence.

Wait, maybe you're right.

Can't you make up your mind, Benito?

There's not a question of that.

Our whole future depends on that goggle
-eyed kid.

Oh, I know you think he's cute, but if
he snitches, we're down a creek.

A creek.

We have to find out exactly what he
knows.

And you're the only one equipped for the
job.

No, I've had enough. No, no, no, come
on, just wait a minute, please.

Now look, if he does know something,
we'll just deny everything, and you can

back to your cuckoo clocks.

That you can count on. I'll be on the
first train.

Now look, it...

And

this could have been the perfect...

Coffee, Colonel?

Decaffeinated. Yes, decaffeinated.

Look who's in it.

Timothy Power.

Tyrone Power.

Clean your glasses.

Tyrone Power.

He's going to play a marine.

Yolly. It's Marina's father.

How awfully exciting.

It's the third year of the war.

By now, Hitler's forces have invaded all
Europe.

Stalin's army is in difficulty, and the
only potent opposition to Goring's

Luftwaffe is dauntless Great Britain.

The Hun met his match with the Great
British.

London is in flames.

Good evening.

Wouldn't you like to come closer to the
set? You can't see back there. Gustav,

would you make room for the nurse?

Yoli, Yoli, sit here.

All this commotion.

Sit down. You're not trained to
pedantry, sir.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

Didn't remember war and peace and how he
moved.

Excuse me.

But on Sunday, the 7th of December,
1941, acting on the orders of Admiral

Yamamoto,

attack Pearl Harbor, taking the
Americans by surprise.

All is fair in war and love.

Herr Gustav?

I thought you liked war movies.

I've seen this one three times.

Drama.

Nothing but sex.

Pornographic films do it every time.

Darling, please.

I'll be back. I promise I'll be back.
I'll be waiting for you my darling. I'll

be waiting Well,

we're playing soldier again

War is war.

And what's a war without a good
blackout?

Make love, not war, huh?

That old fart wants to make love and
make war.

That's just not right.

Because I am a papa fish.

Everyone take cover.

Who shut out the lights?

Goddamned electric company.

What a shame, Benito. Now we'll miss the
rest of the movie.

Oh, the whole bastard. I bet he won't be
able to get up for the rest of his

life.

What are you doing here?

What do you want?

What?

I didn't call you. I don't need
anything.

You must be crazy. Then you're lost.

I won't look.

Don't look.

Mohamed Ali.

Joe Frazier.

Norton Foreman.

Sonny Liston. Rocky Marciano.

Patterson. Archie Moore.

Wagner. Cooper.

Racing drivers.

Lauda. Moss.

Jimmy Clark. Hicks.

Hawthorne.

Why are you laughing?

Stop laughing.

Stop. Why are you laughing?

Murderer.

Yes, murderer.

Murderer. What did you say?

What did you say?

Adonis, repeat what you said.

Murderer.

Look me in the eye.

Look at me and tell me about the face of
a murderer.

But I heard you.

I know you heard.

And I know what you heard.

But you misunderstood.

That's what you think. You're in cahoots
with Uncle Benito.

Not only with Benito.

Your whole lovely family's in on it.

Including your mother.

Yes, your mother.

She's in it up to her neck.

They brought me all the way from
Switzerland.

But you don't know why I agreed to come.

To prevent them from turning to some
other nurse who would have really gone

through with the scheme.

I swear that's a real story.

You're lying.

You came to kill him.

If I had, your uncle would have been
dead the day I arrived.

Do you love Uncle Benito?

Silly question.

I was stalling for time.

But then... But then what?

Oh, I'm so ashamed.

I'm afraid to even look you in the face.

Forgive me.

You're not a murderer.

You're an angel.

No.

I'm probably closer to a harlot.

But I'm harmless.

I'd never hurt a fly.

Don't you feel like an ass? Me? No,
never.

Why?

Well, it doesn't make sense.

We paid for last rites, and we're
getting an initiation ceremony.

Blasted girl.

What's taking so long? What's getting my
nerves?

My stomach.

My heart.

You're living on salami.

That's your 15 slaps.

Your stomach's revolting.

Not half as revolting as your face. If
you continue to eat salami like that,

you're going to break out in pimples.
I'll go squeeze your head.

At least Adonis is having fun.

Mind you, with a military band in the
background, I

wouldn't mind.

He doesn't know a thing.

It was all jealousy.

Oh, good girl.

So we're in business again.

Everything's going to be all right.

Let's drink a toast.

Roses are red, violets are green. We're
about to bury old man Borstein.

They're doing it!

Benito! They're doing it!

Benito!

Benito! They're doing it!

Benito! She's succeeding!

They're doing it!

Benito!

It's about goddamn time!

She had to pick right now! The first
time in three weeks!

Take a look.

Under the weeping willow.

I'll be goddamn.

Oh, Ramona, this was our garden of Eden.

Now it's become the outhouse where we
stray in the neighborhood.

My dear, you must forgive me for making
you bring me all the way out here. But

I... I have intentions that are, let's
say, less than honorable.

Oh, for Christ's sake. I got it out of
my hand. And it serves you right.

You can never seem to remember that you
are the patient and I am the nurse.

And there are some things you are not to
do.

Well, I couldn't do them anyway with my
hands all dirty. We might as well go

back inside.

Well?

Is she finished?

She's finished.

And Uncle?

He's walking.

His last steps.

Let me see.

What are you talking about?

He's back in his old form. The old
carter never looked better.

Senor Benito, the American is on the
phone.

Point my way out in the boondocks, you
friggin' jackass. You'll recognize the

cattle, I ball -buster.

Calm down, calm down. Take the upper
hand. There's nothing to worry about. I

mean, after all, the Americans are
infants when it comes to business

You can't hold a candle to us Italians,
Latin lovers.

Now, Capone was no slouch. Mr.

Kitsch will wait as long as I tell him
to wait.

My dear Mr.

Kitsch. I'm quite certain that your
interest in Bottasine and... has more

interest to us than to you. He's
arranged a meeting on the road that

the competition, the Treviso wineries,
to the Venetian vineyards.

Oh, my God, it's all over.

Easy, Benito, easy.

It all depends on you now.

Help me to take it easy.

Here, think, Gaetano. Help me to screw
the American.

Hello, Mr. Ketch.

Good night.

You Americans.

Well, always punctual. I like that.

Well, I have a good deal. We're just
about to close the news.

There's only a few slight technical
difficulties. Nothing serious.

Is the count dead?

That's one of the difficulties.

You are dead then, Mr. Fagoto.

That's it, Maroto.

Ask me, your name is Mud.

It's too much.

Oh, go on, take it. Consider it an
expression of our gratitude for having

such very good care of our uncle.

You earned it.

I can't. I didn't do anything to deserve
it.

I couldn't agree more.

Please, Italia, we'll decide things.
Don't butt in.

All right, I'm sorry.

No, no, no. Signora Italia is right.

This was not what we agreed upon.

I backed out.

You what?

I backed out.

When I came here, it was with the
agreement that I would behave in a

with the Count.

I mean, you didn't exactly engage me to
cure him.

So?

So, I couldn't go through with it.

When I saw him so helpless, I realized
that I'm not cut out for

murder.

And besides, I eventually grew very fond
of the Count.

And so I pretended to go along with your
game. It is time to recover.

And I can assure you, it was a pleasure.

Because your Uncle Leonida is more of a
man than most.

You double -crossing little bitch! Do
you think you can make a fool out of me?

I've got a good mind to tell you!

I'll try nothing! Just because you're
wearing one!

Here, take your earnings and get out.

No, I can't accept it.

What the hell do you want anyway?

I bet you want the blackmailers.

Oh, no. I could never think that. How
much do you want? I'm sure you have your

price. I said I don't want anything.

Your money makes me sick.

Oh, I...

that we... Get out!

Phil!

Murderer! Please!

Please get out. I hope I never have to
see any of you ever again.

No more fanfares. No more plotting. And
above all, no more extracurricular

lovemaking.

The only thing that I regret is blowing
my top at you is not allowed.

You're so cruel.

Yes, indeed.

Up yours.

Let's go. Let's go.

It's all the fault of that cow.

If anyone's a cow, it's you.

You're having a class of a tough -any
-whore. And make sure you never come

Filthy traitors, all of you.

I want you to think of this house as
your own. You'll always be welcome here.

Adonis, you hurry up, you hear me?

Goodbye, Anna. Goodbye, Adonis.

No, no, no, no, no. Fortunately, the
story isn't over yet.

Or unfortunately.

To Signor Giovanni Nanni, Villa
Bottasini, Cunagliano Veneto, province

Treviso. Greetings from Leone de
Bottasini and wife.

To Signorina Tosca Florezani.

Villa Botticini, Conigliano Veneto,
province of Treviso.

Dear Tosca, having a wonderful time. See
you soon.

Leonida Botticini and wife.

To my dear nephew Adonis Scarpa,
Barbarigo Academy, Padua.

Much love from Uncle Leonida and Aunt
Anna on the day of their wedding.

I never sent the cards I wrote to my
other relatives because Anna tore them

And maybe she was right.

The post office might have brought me up
on an obscenity charge.

Thank you. And for the gentleman?

A double portion of spaghetti with clam
sauce.

Very well. And then I'll try the lobster
au beurre, and then a duck l 'orage,

some artichokes, two helpings of fried
potatoes, and for dessert, I'll have the

chocolate mousse. Very well.

Oh, and while we're waiting...

Some mixed seafood delicacies. Yes,
absolutely.

One seafood antipasto. Oh, and listen,
do you have a good bottle of pinot

bautisine? Yes, naturally. Ah,
wonderful, wonderful.

My husband is only joking.

He'll have a consommé du stade.

Consommé au crouton. Then a small veal
cutlet. Very well done. And salad.

Yes, madame.

That's all.

Yes, madame. And your room number?

112.

112. Thank you.

Who is this? Did I get married or check
into a hospital?

You just married your nurse. Nurse, huh?
I'll show you a little treatment

waiting to see.

What is this?

What kind of a honeymoon suite is this?

No, no, no, no, Leona. No, it was my
idea, the twin bed.

Now, look.

I was married once before.

I can assure you it's too narrow.

Too narrow for what?

For what?

But what do you mean for what? For it.

But, Leona, darling, you know what a
doctor says.

You mustn't be thinking of me like that.
Are you serious? I can't think about

anything else. No, no, no. You're a bad
boy. No, no. Come now, let's not waste

any more time.

Do it. Do it. Darling, be reasonable. Do
it. Do it. You know what the doctor

said. You promised.

I was just humoring him.

Promises are supposed to be kept.

Stop it or I'm changing rooms.

a honeymoon without a honeypot.

You got anything to keep down the
libido?

No, no, darling. Into bed.

It's been an awfully long day.

Yes, dear.

Spend my wedding night reading the
paper.

You too?

Man kills wife's girlfriend at a
birthday picnic.

Oh, that sounds so depressing.

What else?

What else?

A new American space probe launched. The
satellite, alias One, was sent a lot

from Cape Canaveral yesterday.

The space family's newest addition was
placed into an elliptical orbit that

varies from 200 to 300 miles above the
Earth.

And?

And? And then I lost my place.

This guy carries a remaining orbiter for
six years. It's a special computer

onboard which functions with solar
batteries.

This spacecraft also carries a billion
dollars worth of electronic equipment.

And... and... Go on.

Oh, yeah.

Photographic equipment's purpose of
which is to...

Study the integration patterns of the
common ant.

Since when do ants migrate?

Well, in any case, it would be stupid to
study it with a satellite.

I can't resist anymore.

I can't resist anymore.

Leonido! I can't stand it. It drives me
crazy, Anna. No, no, no, Leonido. Your

blood pressure. Think about your heart.
Remember what the doctor said.

I'd like to see what he'd do.

Relax, darling, relax.

We'll have fun together when you are
well again.

Oh, my God, cover yourself.

Oh. Thank you. You're right. It's all my
fault.

Let's put you to bed. I'll give you a
tranquilizer.

Yes, what I need.

Yes. Now you'll be a good boy and get a
good night's sleep.

Now, in the bed we go.

Okay. Now lie down.

The doctor said you must get as much
rest as possible.

Oh, gosh.

Okay.

Go to sleep.

I wish I hadn't changed my diaper.

No, damn it, no! Leonida!

Now close your eyes.

Good night, darling.

You asleep?

Resist. Resist.

Be calm.

Are you mad?

No, you can't.

Leonida, no, no. No.

The doctor's orders. You can't.

Think of your adrenaline.

For my sake.

Think of me.

Try it. Fight it. Resist.

Think of your poor arteries.

Your heart.

Percy. Percy.

Percy. Percy.

Percy. Percy. Percy.

Oh, Percy.

That's right.

Here we are.

Unfortunately, the old quack of a doctor
was right.

The second heart attack did the trick.

No, no, no, no, no. No tears, please.

Tell the truth.

Anna's a real beauty, eh?

What hair.

You can't see it now since she has it
all pulled up under her hat.

When she lets it down, it flows over her
shoulders.

It's a dream.

And what eyes.

What eyes.

And everything else.

Just think. She loved me.

Sure she loved you.

You stay out of my affairs.

I'll speak when I want. I have a perfect
right.

Well, Mona, be good, will you?

If I'd been around, you'd still be
alive.

Naturally. You removed all temptation.

never could stand me. Oh, for heaven's
sake.

We have a whole eternity ahead of us.

I'd be better off alive.

Ramona, this is a happy ending.