All language subtitles for KC S3 E18

Thanks, Byron, that was
actually really, really cool.

I've never been to the
Lincoln Memorial at night.

Well, I've never seen anyone

jump into Lincoln's lap
and take a selfie, so...

And I've never run
so fast from security.

But it was your idea
to play Truth or Dare.

I say we keep playing.

I dare you to go out
on another date with me.

Oh! I pick truth this time.

Fine. Tell the truth.

Do you want to go to the movies
with me tomorrow night?

I do, yeah. It's a date.

- Cool.
- Oh, uh, you have an eyelash.

You know what they say,
if you blow on it

and make a wish, then
your wish can come true.

- Oh, well...
- Oh-kay!

I wish you would leave
my daughter alone

and go home.

You know, Mr. Cooper, you
shouldn't say your wish out loud,

'cause it might not come true.

And you shouldn't irritate
your date's father,

or you won't come back.

Oh, look at the time!

- Look at it!
- I'd better get going.

- Buh-bye. Buh-bye.
- Okay.

Buh-bye. Look at that!
My wish came true!

Hey! Ha ha!

Dad, come on, that was not cool.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I gotta
brief you on a mission.

Oh, what, is it Operation KC's
Never Gonna Have a Boyfriend?

Oh, that's an ongoing mission.

- It's going on...
- Ugh!

And on till you're 31!

♪ Oh, when danger
comes for you ♪

♪ You know
I'll stand beside you ♪

♪ 'Cause ain't nobody
keep their head so cool ♪

♪ I'll always find a way,
a way out of the fire ♪

♪ Don't tell nobody,
tell nobody ♪

♪ I'm not perfect ♪

♪ So many things
I wanna tell you ♪

♪ But I, I, I,
I keep it undercover ♪

♪ Livin' my life, on red alert ♪

♪ Doin' my thing,
gonna make it work ♪

♪ Know I'm the realest,
baby, I'm fearless ♪

♪ But I always got your back ♪

♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪

♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪

♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪

♪ It's all part of the plan ♪

♪ I keep it undercover ♪

♪ I keep it undercover, cover ♪

This is Henry Parker.

He donated $5 million
to American University,

and they're renaming
the library in his honor.

There's been a bunch
of threats against him,

so you're going
to the ceremony to protect him.

Who would hate someone who puts
money towards a library?

I hope it's not Marisa.

No, the threats
were spelled correctly,

and there were no hearts
over the I's.

Okay, so what am I
supposed to do,

like, stand in the crowd
and keep an eye out on him?

Not exactly. You're gonna
be doing it from the drumline.

Okay, yeah, one problem.
I don't know how to drum.

Which is why they should've
given this assignment to me!

I was actually
on the drumline in college.

Pop! Wah!

I'm sorry. Wait a minute. Uh...

Dad, are you suggesting
that you can

go undercover
as a college student?

Well, I think
I could pass for a senior.

- Pfft!
- Ha! A senior what,

a senior citizen?

Hey, come on.

Okay, okay, okay.

The Organization wants you
up front and center,

which means you have
to get the big drum solo,

and you're gonna do it with
these specialized drum sticks.

Oh! Thank you, DC!

You know, I got
a real career with this.

- Well...
- Relax.

With these, any idiot
can drum like a pro.

- Aah! Ow!
- Okay.

Apparently not any idiot.

All right, everybody, we need to
practice for the library dedication

for some millionaire
Henry Parker dude, or something.

Look, I don't know.

I graduate in two weeks.

I am super checked out.

Um, all right, where's William?

We need to go over his solo.

Actually, William
couldn't make it,

so I'm filling in for him.

I'm Cassandra Bailey

from the drumline at Georgetown.

What's wrong with William?

Something about
his neck went out.

But it's cool.

He taught me his solo,
so I'm good to go.

All right. Everybody,
this is Cassandra.

I guess she'll be
filling William's shoes.

Ah, actually,
brought my own shoes.

Ringworm is no joke, people.

This is ridiculous!

So, a stranger walks in
off the street,

and you're just going
to hand her

the biggest drum solo
of the year?

Look, man, I know
you don't know me,

but I promise you,
I got more beats

than a farmer's market.

Ha ha! You know,
when beets are in season.

Thank you.

Oh, and you know what I got?

The rulebook.

According to section five,
subsection A

of the Drumline Charter Bylaws,

I hereby invoke my right
to a drum-off!

- Come on, Elliot...
- I invoke!

- I invoke!
- All right.

All right, fine,
if it'll shut you up.

Cassandra, Elliot,
it's a drum-off!

Oh, ho!
Cassandra, you got the solo!

But that's not fair!

It's okay, Elliot,

look, you can play
the solo, too, okay?

Just "so low"
nobody can hear you.

Thank you again.

I don't know why they said
this was a chick flick.

There's a lot in it
for dudes to enjoy, too.

What're you doing?

Oh, um, I was watching
a war movie,

The Guns of, uh...
what do you want?

- Where's KC?
- On a mission.

What? No! She's supposed to
help me with my college essay!

The deadline for the Fashion
Institute of Technology is in...

five hours.

Good thing you didn't wait
till the last minute.

Come on, this is not funny.

My essay needs to be
as strong as it can be.

All right, fine, I'll help you.

Oh, thank you.

"Dear Fashion Institute
of Technology,

Please let me in.

Sincerely, Marisa Miller."

I'm bad, right?

No, not bad. Terrible.

This isn't an essay.

Plus, you spelled
"Marisa" wrong.

Okay, whatever.
I know it stinks.

I don't know what else
to write about.

Try writing about your life.

Please, what am I
supposed to say?

That I woke up a few months
before graduation

and realized that I'd actually
be good at design

because my designs
are really, really good,

and I love design?

That they should accept me
into this prestigious school,

despite the fact that I failed
most of my classes,

but it was only because
I didn't really care about them.

But I know I would be
a success at F.I.T.

because I'm actually
really passionate about this

and desperately want to learn
about fashion and design!

Yeah, that works.

You're right, it does!

Hey, get me one
of those wrighty thingies.

Uh, you mean a laptop?

Yeah, yeah, one of those.

Okay, now that you've secured
at prime spot

next to Parker at the
library renaming ceremony,

all you gotta do is protect him,

and pretend to play the drums.

Really, Dad?
You're still on that?

Look, just being honest,
okay, you can not pass

for a college student anymore.

Maybe if I shaved a little...

Shaved off 20 years?

I get it, KC, I'm older,

but I can still play.

There was a reason they
called me Sticks back in college.

Yeah, wasn't it because you
ate a lot of fried mozzarella?

Okay, there were two reasons.

You know what?
I'm gonna make sure

all your surveillance cameras
are in place.

Maybe you should try
bashing that drum

instead of your dear old dad.

Oh, uh, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Excuse me. You can't be
on the quad

without a proper wristband.

They didn't give me one,

but it's cool...
I'm with the drumline.

Oh! Well, in that case, yeah,
let me just slap one on ya.

- Ahh...!
- Yeah, that's right.

I'm Barney Feffer, Campus
Security, Part-Time Division...

and you are under campus arrest.

- For what?
- Suspicion...

of being suspicious.

Okay, look, I think
you've made a mistake.

As I've said, see?
Check my visitor's pass.

Student of Georgetown,
Cassandra Bailey, right there.

No, you are a liar!

Because according
to my research,

the only Cassandra Bailey
who ever attended Georgetown

died in 1914 of the rickets.

Oh, you know,
you look pretty good

for a 100-year-old corpse.

Okay, look, you know what,

I should not be
telling you this...

but I'm an undercover
police officer

sent here to protect
the rich guy

who gave all the money
to the library.

Oh, that's interesting!

You don't look
or feel like a rug,

so why you gotta lie like one?

Hmm, you know, you don't look
or feel like a security guard,

yet here we are!

I can prove it to you, okay?

I have these special drum
sticks in my backpack,

that were given to me

by the Police Advance
Technical Department,

Musical Division.

Do I look stupid to you?

You really want me
to answer that question?

No.

Just try them out, okay? They're
right there in my backpack.

Anyone who plays with them
can play like a pro.

Wow!

Oh, well, I mean,
color me embarrassed.

I am so sorry, officer.

Yeah, it's no problem.

Yeah, hey,
but I guess that means

that we're working
the case together.

Oh, well, if by "working
the case together"

you mean going our separate ways

and pretending we never met,
then yeah, bingo!

No! No, no, no, no, no!

Please. This is my last shot

to become a full-time
security officer.

I mean, right now, my badge,
it's just a sticker.

It's just a sticker...

Okay. Okay, okay, you know what,

um, how about you start

by securing the perimeter
of the campus.

I am on it!

Attention all units!
Attention all units!

This is Part-Time
Security Officer Feffer

calling for a complete
campus lockdown!

Okay, first, that is
a bit of an overreaction,

and secondly, that's
not connected to anything.

Oh! No wonder no one
ever answers me back.

I don't know.

I think it's perfect.

I would just probably add

a few of those things
that we talked about.

Right. Commas!

I'd say this is a great essay.

It's real, it's from the heart,

it's funny, and it's you.

The Fashion Institute's
gonna love it.

Thank you so much, Ernie.

Honestly, like, I couldn't
have done this without you.

It was my pleasure.

Oh, okay, yeah!

I'm gonna finish
this one at home.

Good idea. Go home.

All right, I-I'll see you later.

- Okay.
- Bye.

- I'm going now!
- Please do!

- Okay!
- Hey, wait, that's my laptop!

Okay...

All right, everybody,
get in formation.

We're gonna start
with the solos.

Wait, wait, wait,
I can't find my sticks.

Why don't you use mine?

You're taking everything else
from me.

No, I have to use mine!

Um, 'cause that's gross.

I mean, would you use
somebody else's toothbrush?

Are you planning
on putting them in your mouth?

Maybe. You don't know
my routine.

Start us off. Now.

One, two, three, four.

Five, six, seven, eight!

- Cassandra!
- What?

Does this group go
with, like, prime numbers

or something? If so, no problem.

Two, three, five, seven...

Would you please play?!

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
For sure. Gotcha.

Here we go. Solo.

Ahem.

Maybe your drumming
would sound better

if you did put
the sticks in your mouth.

Okay, Elliot, relax.

It was just a warm-up,

just a little bit of a warm-up.

Let's get into this...

Five, six, seven.
One, two, three.

Okay. Ahem! Mm!

Come on, Captain!

She's clearly choking!

Give me back my solo!

You got it, Elliot.
You can go now.

Oh, man.

You too, Cymbals?

Thought we were friends.

Oh, Officer Bailey!
Officer Bailey!

Officer Bailey!

Shh! What? W-What? What is it?

- I found something!
- Well, clearly it wasn't antiperspirant,

- 'cause you're drenched in sweat.
- No, I found your... I found...

- I found your...
- Okay, I need you to stop saying, "I found your,"

- and tell me what you found.
- I found your sticks.

Oh! My sticks! Okay, thank you.

Wait, were did you find these?

In that drummer guy
Elliot's locker.

You know, he seemed
suspicious to me,

so I invaded his privacy,

which I assumed was my right

when you deputized me.

Of course, no, no, no.
Elliot is the threat.

That's why he wanted
the solo so bad.

He's trying to get close to
Parker at the dedication ceremony.

So, what do I do next?

Okay, listen carefully,
all right?

Hold on.

Okay. I'm listening.

I want you to go...

Go.

Home.

Hom... Wait a minute!

It seems like you're
trying to get rid of me.

I want to help! I'm the one
who found the drum sticks.

Okay. Okay. I guess another
set of eyes couldn't hurt.

You get full clearance.

Yes! Full clearance. Oh!

I haven't been fully cleared
since the arson investigation.

Listen here, Barney,
don't make me rethink this.

- Hey, hey, hey.
- What do you want now?

I want my drum solo back.

Too late.

Yeah, well, I hereby invoke
section five, subsection A...

According to the amendment
bylaws enacted in 1997,

a formal petition
must be presented

in advance, for
a second drum-off.

Per the 2004 addendum
to that amendment,

it clearly states that if there
are extenuating circumstances...

You don't know
what you're talking about!

Okay, enough! Enough!

Two weeks!

I have two weeks of school left,

and you're ruining it!

So you'll both just do the solo!

You'll both stand
on either side of Parker.

- Got it?
- Nuh, I got it.

Is that cool with you, Elliot?
Does it ruin your little plan?

My only plan is to drum my butt
off at Parker's dedication ceremony.

Don't get in my way.

I will be in your way...

except for the parts
where I choreographed

to be out of your way.

Then I won't be.

Or will I?

Um, hey Bryan.

Hey, KC!

I'm at this thing
my dad dragged me to,

but I'll be free in time
for our movie.

- What movie?
- The movie we said we were going to tonight.

The movie I already
bought tickets for!

Uh, right. Right, right, right.

Yeah, of course, that movie.

Um, about that. I can't go.

You're blowing me off?

No, no. I'm not blowing you off.

I'm just canceling
at the last minute.

Okay, that is the very
definition of blowing someone off.

No, see, listen,
you didn't let me finish, okay?

I can't go tonight
because my grandma is not well.

Yeah, have you ever heard of
acute necrotizing ulcerative gingivitis?

Oh. No, I haven't.

Then that's what she has.

I-I am so sorry.

Go take care of your grandma.

- Thank you.
- I hope she feels better.

Thank you.

Heyyy!

How's it going?

Uh, did you get
your application in?

I did! I did! Thank you!

Thank you so much for your help.

It was my pleasure.

So we're not gonna talk
about what happened!

- Works for me.
- Oh, me too!

- See you later.
- Ah, see you.

Okay, we clearly need to
talk about what's happening.

Um, what is going on?

I mean, I barely like you,

and I certainly don't
"like you, like you."

And I feel the same way
about you... times ten!

So what is going on here?

I don't know. I don't know.

Um, maybe it's because
you're really passionate

about going to this school,

and somehow that passion

spilled over
into your appreciation?

Yes! Yes! My passion

spilled over
into my appreciation,

and onto your lips!

That makes perfect sense.

- It was nothing!
- Less than nothing.

I'm so glad we cleared that up!

Me too!

Congratulations
to our benefactor

and to the man
we're celebrating here today,

Mr., uh, Henry Parker!

And now, in a special salute,

the American University
Drumline!

I know you stole my sticks
and put them in your locker.

What? What, locker,
what are you, in high school?

I don't have a locker.

Oh. Yeah, right,
that makes sense.

Wait, if it wasn't you, then...

Barney Feffer.

Congratulations!
I'm giving you your solo back!

It was never yours to give!

Drumline sounds amazing.

Just wish we could
see it better.

Ooh!

So, you played stupid
and I fell for it.

Played stupid, or am stupid?

Either way, you fell for it.

Well, what's your beef
with Parker?

It all started 35 years ago
at this very university.

Parker and I were assigned
the same dorm room.

I distinctly called dibs
on the top bunk, but Parker!

Okay. Okay. I've lost interest.

Okay, I'm taking you in.
Let's go.

Yeow!

Nice drum roll, Barney.

Oh, come on.

Well, look at that, Barney.

You just got upgraded
to maximum security.

Wow, Dad, that was amazing.

I'm so glad that we came.

KC? What are you doing here?

Rob, your name's on TV!