All language subtitles for En.therapie.S01E29.1080p.BluRay.DD+5.1.x264-SbR_track4_[eng]

Hello.

She’s downstairs, on the phone.

She’ll be a while, I reckon.

IN THERAPY

LÉONORA AND DAMIEN,
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2015, 5 P.M.

It’s non-stop at the moment.

Her boss is putting pressure on her.

She was on the phone on the metro,
like it can’t wait till Monday.

She’d have missed our stop
if not for me.

We’ve come together today.

It’s part of the new plan.

I’m trying to be pleasant
and easy-going.

If she wants us to come here together,
on the metro, that’s what we’ll do.

I got fed up and left her in the lobby.
I bet she didn’t even notice.

Do you never stop?

- Not even on Christmas Eve?
- I’m off next week.

- Didn’t Léonora tell you?
- No.

Aren’t you Jewish?

I can still enjoy Christmas.

I bought Léonora a present.

I was thinking of a necklace.

There’s this little shop she loves.
She often walks by it.

But I gave up on that idea.
Do you know why?

Tell me.

It’s your fault.

I spent an hour in the shop,
trying to think like Léonora.

I made the saleswoman try on
all the models, one after the other.

And just as I was about to decide,
the saleswoman said,

“That chain’s a great choice.
It’s my favorite.”

That stopped me dead.

What did?

The chain stopped me.

It reminded me of the idea
of chaining Léonora up as a prisoner.

- Are you with me?
- Very good.

You infected my brain with
your stupid associations. It’s true!

You could have focused on the fact
that she said it was a good choice,

and bought it.

I don’t think I have
such an influence on you.

I’m not so sure.

I don’t know. Maybe you simply
didn’t want to buy her a necklace.

Or maybe you’re on the alert,

and you’re so careful not to seem

like the old, possessive, jealous Damien
that you’re overanalyzing.

- What did you buy her in the end?
- What does it matter?

So do you do Christmas here?

No? We’re going to Léon’s mom’s.

Robin’s there already.
She’ll be stuffing him with chocolate.

It’s Christmas.
I’ve decided not to say anything.

Docile, easy-going...

pleasant.

Let’s make the most of it
before her phone rings.

I’m sorry.

You didn’t wait?

No. What did I tell you?

What did you tell him?

That you probably didn’t even notice
I’d left you down there.

And?

- And what?
- Is that bad? Were you hurt?

I didn’t say that.

Anything else to blame me for?

- I wasn’t blaming you.
- Go ahead, that’s what we’re here for.

I hung back on purpose
so you two could talk.

Calm down.

Don’t tell me to calm down,
it winds me up.

How has the week been for you both?

Fine. Right?

Apart from...

running around
getting ready for Christmas.

And you? Your week? Your preparations?

Maybe you don’t do Christmas.

He does.

Before we begin
I’d like to say that last week

we had a session,
just Léonora and I...

- I’ve told him.
- Really?

- Why are you bringing it up?
- I want it to be clear.

Sorry about last week,
I had a meeting with a councilor

to see if my breeze block
is economically viable.

And is it? Is he going to order some?

- Are you spoiling for a fight?
- It was a joke.

Right, a joke.

Are you very busy, Léonora?

No more than usual.

- She gets home at all hours.
- Don’t start.

You’re addicted to your job.

That’s true, isn’t it?

Your boss puts pressure on you...

What would a professional slacker know?

I’m worried about you.
That’s normal, isn’t it?

- I’m fine.
- Okay.

Stop talking about my work,
it’s annoying.

- Is something wrong?
- It’s okay.

Everything’s fine. Can we move on?

Sorry, I must be tired.

- And irritable.
- And irritable.

I don’t understand.

I thought we’d slipped back
into a nice calm family life.

She gets home, I cook dinner,
we have a drink...

We don’t see each other much.

Everything’s been fine.

I did the tree with Robin.

Just us two fellas together!

We got it from the florist,
I bought tinsel and baubles.

And we decorated it as a surprise
for when Léonora got home.

As I kid
I’d do it with my mom and my brother.

It used to take ages.

She had loads of decorations
she preciously kept in a mahogany box.

It was a ritual.

She’d go and fetch the box.

There were Santas, bells, ribbons...

By the end you could barely see the tree
for all the decorations.

Then we’d wait for my dad,

to get back from the university

and see the tree.

And?

And well...

he wouldn’t even notice.

We had to point it out to him.
It annoyed him.

He was an intellectual,
so he’d pontificate.

“Christmas is pure consumerism.”
And so on.

So the tree...

All he did was moan
about the needles all over the room.

How did Léonora react to the surprise?

She liked it.

Well, I think so. Right?

She got back late, Robin was in bed.

And, when she saw the tree,

she had tears in her eyes
and she hugged me.

Everything’s been fine until now.

I’ve become her little dog.

“Little dog”! What are you on about?

You know what I mean.

I literally castrated myself before you
two weeks ago.

- “Castrated”?
- Castrated, yes.

Literally begging at her feet
to be given a chance.

- Do you regret it?
- No, it’s what she wants.

What do you mean?

I’m trying to make sure it works.

I’m not easy, so I’m doing all I can.

- I thought we were happy this week.
- Yes, because you were happy.

Do you think it’s easy?

What do you want?

If I worry about you, it’s wrong.
If I don’t, it’s wrong...

“I... I... I worry about you...”

Sorry, I don’t understand any of this.
What do you want?

Nothing.

I shouldn’t have come today.

It was a mistake. I’m in a bad mood.

Going to my mom’s tonight,
with my perfect sister...

her perfect family...

All that.

But Damien’s been great. I’m the one
spoiling everything, as usual.

I don’t understand.

Everything’s been fine until now.
No arguments, not even about Robin.

We were happy, I was sure
I was giving you what you want.

Well, yes!

Did I say something funny?

No?

No, it’s when you say
you’re giving me what I want.

- How do you know what I want?
- So what do you want?

I don’t know.

What do you want? Because...
It seems I can never make you happy.

I’m not worn out because I’m tired.

But because my husband’s become
a hot-water bottle.

- A hot-water bottle?
- You used to jump on me for a fuck.

Now you’re so gentle.

No, hang on, you used to say
you didn’t like that, it was demeaning.

Sorry, but I don’t think you know
what you want.

You’re right.

What do you want, Léonora?

Nothing.

I shouldn’t have come today,
it was a mistake.

Why a mistake?

What’s wrong?

I’ve done something horrible.

Tell me.

I slept with Benjamin.

I didn’t even enjoy it,
I felt like a whore.

I don’t what I was thinking.
He picked me up after the last session.

We went for a drink.

He told me he’d booked a hotel room.

I hesitated, then when I got there
I couldn’t do it.

I told him it wouldn’t happen.
It was very clear in my head.

But the next day
the idea returned, like an obsession.

All weekend it’s all I thought about.

So Monday, after Christmas drinks,

we finished a bottle of vodka
and we knew what would happen.

We screwed on the sofa
in the conference room. It was...

I was determined to tell you
when I got home,

to resign the next day,
but when I saw the tree, I...

I couldn’t.

It took my breath away.

It’s okay, Léo.

I’m not angry.

It’s always been my worst nightmare,
but now that it’s happened it’s...

I’m sad for you.

For me?

I’m sad, I’m sad.

Like, I don’t know,
I got down on my knees,

I did all I could to make sure...

that you’d betray me with that asshole
and do yourself so much harm.

You think that it’s linked?

That there’s a cause and effect
between your tenderness and her act?

It’s obvious, isn’t it?

What’s the link?

I don’t know but it seems...
I don’t know...

I’m not even jealous,
it’s like it doesn’t affect me.

I’ve imagined so many times
what my reaction would be, but...

I never imagined it would be this.

I’m sad for her.

For the two of you?

Yes, for her, for us.

What do you think happened?

He’s right, I’m nuts.

I don’t know what I want.

Do you see a link
between his show of love and your act?

When I saw him...

sobbing like that, begging,
I don’t know what went through my head.

I was angry with him.

- Angry enough to destroy everything?
- Yes.

See, I’ve gone insane.

No.

I’m sorry, Damien.

I had only had my breath
taken away like that...

and...

then felt a profound sadness,
impossible to suppress,

when my dad died.

In my memory it was so violent that..

I fell down and sat sobbing helplessly
on the pavement

until the ambulance came
and I was given oxygen.

And they helped me get up.

But the sadness hung on.

I knew it would be
there for a long time.

I’m sorry, Damien.

What link do you see

between what happened
and the death of your father?

I don’t know.

Humiliation?

You felt humiliated
when your father died?

Yes.

His death was humiliating.

How did he die?

Run over by a bus!

- Why is that humiliating?
- I don’t know.

It’s like a child falling off a slide
and dying. It’s a stupid death.

It was late afternoon.

My mom was tidying up the house.

She shouted at me
for getting under her feet.

So my dad...

who’d just got back from work,

suggested we go out for a waffle,

so I wouldn’t annoy her further.

And on the way back

I stopped at the zebra crossing,
like a good little soldier,

and he just stepped out into the road,
his face in his waffle,

without seeing the bus.

One minute he was on his feet,

the next minute
he was lying there, dead.

It’s humiliating, isn’t it?

I don’t think my mom’s
ever forgiven me.

- She blamed you for it?
- Yes.

She didn’t talk to me for weeks.

I suppose you were already
blaming yourself enough.

Say something, Damien.

How many times?

Once, I swear.
Once, and it’ll never happen again.

It’s over.

Please forgive me.

Why did I do that?

Perhaps because you wanted
to make Damien angry.

You can’t bear his tenderness
and you want him to punish you again.

Maybe you have a desire, deep down,
to be punished.

By making all that effort to change,

by becoming loving and kind,
more patient,

Damien no longer satisfies you
in that way.

When he stopped punishing you,

you tried to humiliate yourself
by making love to...

someone.

It didn’t matter who.

Your mother’s never forgiven you
for your father’s death.

In fact,
maybe you’ve never forgiven yourself

for leaving your father
all alone in the road.

This word, “forgiveness”,
is very powerful.

But no forgiveness, in the eyes
of the suffering little girl inside you,

can be equal to that wrongdoing.

Perhaps you think
that by humiliating yourself enough

you will one day obtain absolution.

Someone will absolve you.

You and that little girl.

If Damien forgives you,

then maybe the little girl
who did that terrible thing,

letting her daddy die,

will finally be able to forgive herself.

What will you do with me?

- I loved you.
- You loved me?

And you don’t any more?

I have to say something
to make her feel okay?

Give her hope
that this crisis will pass?

Thanks for trying to make sense
of it all, but it won’t change anything.

She doesn’t want me to forgive her.
What do I do?

What am I supposed to do?

You don’t love me
now that I’ve become kind.

Yes, I do love you.

Tell me what I have to do
for you to forgive me.

- I’ll do it.
- Leave me alone.

- Where are you going?
- Leave me alone.

Stay! Stay for just a minute.

I can’t come to your mom’s.
We’ll talk to Robin tomorrow.

Bye, Doctor, Merry Christmas.

What do I do now?