All language subtitles for En.therapie.S01E18.1080p.BluRay.DD+5.1.x264-SbR_track4_[eng]

Sexier than the plasters, huh?

Hello, Camille.

I’m warning you, I haven’t slept.

- You went out last night?
- An awesome party!

I’ve never been so out of it before.

I didn’t want to miss this,
that’s why I haven’t slept.

Luckily, this guy kept me company
till the end.

One of our water-polo team.

Really hot.

I’m dead!

IN THERAPY

CAMILLE,
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2015, 11 A.M.

- You’ll wake me up if I fall asleep?
- I promise.

It’s sort of your fault I haven’t slept.

You didn’t want to miss the session.
That’s quite positive.

I meant

that it was because of you
that I didn’t go home.

Why didn’t you want to go home?

You talked to my mom behind my back.

That was because I wanted her approval
for continuing these sessions.

Yeah, right! You didn’t tell her
I might try to kill myself?

Of course not.

Then why has she been freaking out
since you called?

She’s worried about everything I do.

It’s normal for her to worry about you,
isn’t it?

Did you read your report to her?

I sent it directly
to the insurance company.

It’s strictly confidential.

But if they transmitted it to her,

it could only have reassured her.

She’s sighing all day long.

“Are you going out again?”

Like when my dad dumped her.

She didn’t know
how to make him interested in her.

Do you think your father too
is worrying unreasonably about you?

No need. There’s a link between us.

He can sense when I have a problem.

Did he sense the danger
when you had your accident?

No one could have, it was an accident!

No one could have predicted
that car in my way.

When Rachel told you that you could
no longer look after Zoé,

you were hurt.

Yes.

Your father didn’t sense that?

Why mention him?
I’m talking about my mom.

I’m sick of her!

I go to the pool all the time,
to be with her--

To not be with her!

Last Saturday
she wanted us to go shopping together.

Like the perfect mother and daughter.

And then what?

A hot chocolate?

I tell her what’s going on,
she gives me advice?

Such a cliché!

Do your wife and daughter do that?

I don’t know. Maybe.

I don’t think it’s that easy for you
to permanently shun your mother.

Are you joking?

It’s what I want the most.

Yet you just said

that you go to the pool to be with her.

That must mean that whatever I do
I can’t get rid of her.

Maybe to make her interested in you

you think you have to avoid her.

Rubbish!

Last night’s party
was with people from your club?

Yeah. It was Chloé’s birthday.

She was really nervous because
she’d invited the water-polo team.

She has a house near Asnières.

Her parents are bougies
who are never there.

Why did you decide
to go to this party?

To have fun.

It’s what you do.

Yet you told me you don’t get on
with the girls at the club.

I just wanted a change.

By getting “out of it”,
as you said when you got here?

You need to catch up!

Everyone does it nowadays.

Do you think your daughter drinks
strawberry milkshake when she goes out?

I know enough about her, thanks to you.

But even if I can’t control
what she does, I can warn her.

I know what I’m doing.

I’m stronger than you think.

What makes you think
that I think you’re weak?

At this party,

one of the guys was showing off

with hardcore videos on his phone.

What kind?

ISIS chopping heads off,
suicide bombings,

guys getting run over on the highway...

Have you never seen any?

No, and I’d rather not.

Like the girls at the pool.

When this guy
started showing these videos,

they all started screaming
and covering their eyes.

I was the only one not to react.

Even this guy was impressed.

Did you really feel nothing,
watching those atrocities?

Nothing.

Same for the porn videos after.

Will you call my mom
and tell her what I got up to?

Everything that is said here
stays strictly between us two.

At one point

I even thought you’d called Nico.

He’s worried about me
now that my plasters are off.

He did some special training for me,
like I’m 8 years old.

I’ll never get to the Olympics
at this rate.

But I’m not going to just depend on him.

I’ve been going to Jussieu.
There’s an Olympic-sized pool there.

I go during the normal opening hours.

I can swim as much as I like,

with no one to hold me back.

Have you rediscovered
that feeling of safety in the water

which you mentioned last time?

No, not yet.

Maybe it’s too early to recapture
those feelings in the pool.

Are you a swimming coach now too?

I think you’ll exhaust yourself
seeking that state.

What I mean is,

it takes time
to get back a sense of security.

And I don’t think you’ll manage that
by letting yourself go like last night.

It was a great party.

Are you okay?

- I’ll get some water.
- No, I’m okay.

Are you sure you’re okay?

Yes, I’m fine.

What’s going on, Camille? Talk to me.

We were in Chloé’s bedroom.

Who’s “we”?

The guy from the water-polo team.

He said he was hot for me.

We’d watched all those videos.

He was drunk as well.

And?

When we went into the bedroom,

we stripped off and lay side by side.

He lay on top of me.

He couldn’t at first,
so he asked me to help, and I did.

And we did it.

Again, I didn’t feel anything.

He got up to wipe himself, and...

asked if I’d screwed lots of guys.

He didn’t wait for an answer,

but he asked if...

if I’d been abused as a kid,

because I was like a piece of meat.

Little twat!

Sorry. Carry on.

It’s okay, I don’t care what he said.

When he went back to his buddies,

I stayed in the bedroom.

But I couldn’t sleep.

I was also worried I wouldn’t wake up
in time for this session.

When I closed my eyes
I saw horrible things.

Tell me what you saw.

Green mould, everywhere.

It was horrible.

So I forced myself
to think of nice things.

A field of wheat.

I concentrated on each ear of wheat
blowing in the wind.

But each time I felt
I was falling asleep...

it became like...

I don’t know...

something rotten.

It was awful.

It reminded me of the accident,
no idea why.

I was afraid I’d dream of the accident.

So I got up,

and left the house
without anyone seeing me,

and walked.

It was too early for a train.

I was afraid of getting lost,
I don’t know that suburb.

So I sat on a bench
by the overground station.

What did you think about, sitting there?

Little Zoé.

And her asthma.

I was finding it hard to breathe too.

Just like the night of the accident.

After I left Rachel,

I was riding my bike...

and all of a sudden
I couldn’t get my breath.

My throat felt so tight.

It was like there wasn’t enough room
for the air to get into my lungs.

Go on, Camille. You’re trying to tell me
about the night of the accident.

Carry on.

On my way home
from Nico and Rachel’s place...

there’s this big crossroads.

There’s always loads of cars
driving fast.

I sped up to get through
before the lights changed.

And when I got to the crossroads,

there was this white car
that nearly ran me over... No!

No, I don’t know.

I don’t remember.

Carry on.

I don’t remember, I said!

You mentioned a white car.

This is very important, try again.

I don’t want to.

I’m here, I’m listening.

Keep going. Get back on that road.

You wanted to beat the lights.

I went through the red light.

As I went through the crossroads,

the white car swerved to avoid me.

I didn’t brake.

I kept on going straight ahead.

It wasn’t like me
moving along the road, but...

the road coming towards me.

I felt I was falling into a void.

And...

this feeling of vertigo, but...

without end.

That was what I wanted.

To hear the sound of the car
against my bike, against me.

And then to hear nothing.

I was trying to kill myself,
I’m fucking depraved!

No, you are not depraved.

What happened after that?

Then...

I knew that after the white car

another one would hit me.

I closed my eyes.

Everything was quiet.

I let go of the handlebars.

I felt...

free.

Strong too.

I felt a burst of adrenalin,

more powerful than I’d ever felt
in a swimming race.

I was untouchable.

How could I have thought that?

You thought
you had the situation in hand.

Then came the collision.

A huge bam!

And right after...

I was in the air,

and I felt my lungs filling with oxygen.

After you’d landed
do you remember what you were thinking?

I thought I’d finally killed her.

Who?

Whom did you think you had killed?

I thought it
at the moment I hit the ground.

Whom did you think
you had finally killed?

Camille, is everything okay?

Yes.

Sorry, sir.

Your wife was supposed to pay me.

Sorry to bother you,
but you have to pay me.

- How much?
- 465 euros.

That’s for 31 hours.

Your wife pays me with
the official home-employment voucher.

The book of them is in here.

Right.

Excuse me, something came up.

Everything okay?

Yes, fine. I apologize again.

Stop apologizing.
Unexpected things happen.

The timing of that was bad.

We’d reached an important stage
in our work.

Don’t worry.

I remember perfectly where we were.

I’m curious to know what you meant by
“I’d finally killed her.”

I don’t feel like it now.

Can we stop?

I don’t know what’s wrong,
but I feel totally lost.

You’ve done commendably today,

despite my abandoning you
for a little while.

I’ve already told you,
stop worrying about it.

Why are you so bothered by the idea
that I might worry about you?

Everyone’s always worrying about me.
It pisses me off.

Maybe there’s a reason they worry.

Between two people who trust or like
each other, there’s a sort of pact,

which implies that if either is afraid
of doing something harmful,

they must talk to the other.

The pact doesn’t need
to be written down.

So as not to be too heavy,
like you’re getting!

I won’t try to force
such a pact with you.

It’s not in the spirit
of what we’re doing.

But?

But still.

Still?

How can I be sure,
for as long as our work continues,

until you judge you no longer need me,
that you won’t try to harm yourself?

You sound like my mom.

You don’t have that pact with her,
that’s why she worries about you.

What do you want?

- For me to make you a promise?
- Camille.

Can I trust you?

Yes.

What does that involve?

I don’t attempt suicide
while in therapy?

For example.

It wouldn’t look good!

- Do you have superpowers?
- How do you mean?

Just then I found some sleeping pills.

For a second

I wanted to swallow the lot.

And then I thought
it was completely stupid.

You knew, right?

So you mentioned the pact.

I blame myself for leaving you alone,
and they should never have been there!

But I’m really impressed.

You’ve just made a huge step.

Yeah, well, don’t get carried away.

We’ll talk about it next week.

Goodbye.

Don’t do anything silly
with those pills.

Remember we have a pact, Doctor.