All language subtitles for En.therapie.S01E13.1080p.BluRay.DD+5.1.x264-SbR_track4_[eng]

- What happened to you?
- It’s nothing.

I thought your plasters were coming off.

The doctor was about to take them off,

then he said they’d created an
imbalance or something in my posture.

An imbalance?

Yes, tension in my neck.

- I’ll help you.
- Thanks.

I didn’t need analysis, see.
One x-ray was enough to see it.

- What?
- My imbalance.

IN THERAPY

CAMILLE – WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2015, 11 A.M.

There’s something for you in my bag.

- For me?
- In the main part.

You want me to...?

- This?
- It’s a space rocket.

You like astronomy and the stars, right?

That’s true.

- Are you giving it to me?
- Yes.

I found it at home and thought of you.

That’s very kind of you, thank you.

It’s my farewell present.

It’s our last session today, right?

Not necessarily.

You said three sessions.

No, I believe I said several sessions,
without specifying how many.

Do you get fed up of listening to people
moaning about their lives?

You think
I find listening to you boring?

Do many lie down on this?

Yes.

And you stay in your armchair?

In that case I sit over there.

- But the patient can’t see you.
- That’s the idea.

It must be true what people say.

What do they say?

That shrinks are bored stiff
by what people tell them,

so they snooze or send texts
or read crap on the Internet.

I think that’s horrible.

Maybe some do that. I don’t.

When I ask a patient to lie down,

it’s to free them from my gaze,

so they can speak more freely.

Can I try it?

Lying down?

No, being in your place.

If you want.

Lie down, then.

I’d say something more like,

“Have you considered
the possibility of lying down?”

Sounds like a polite guy’s sex talk!

Have you considered
the possibility of lying down?

How are you feeling today?

Fine, thanks.

That won’t make me rich!

No, go on, tell me something true.

Something profound.

I did that.

Do you remember the video of Liza,
which you showed me last time?

Yeah.

It was a bit much.

You were pretty husty.

What does that mean?

“Husty” is like...

upset.

So?

So it pushed me
into having a conversation with Liza.

A fiasco!

She didn’t understand
what I was trying to say.

She said, “You’re being weird,
what do you want?”

I realized something.

What was that?

I realized that things
will never again be like before.

She’s no longer a little girl.

She’s transformed.

Transformed?

I think that since time immemorial

children have been transforming
when out of sight of their parents.

Another being
starts to bloom inside them,

day after day, inexorably,
well hidden...

Then, one morning,
there’s no more child.

The child’s been swallowed up
by this other,

this stranger before us.

There’s no way back.

It’s happened to Liza.
She no longer looks at me like before.

I’ve become a stranger to her.

- Is that how it was with your mother?
- I’m asking the questions.

Don’t try to distract me.

How did Liza look at you before?

I suppose she looked at me
like Superdad, a bit of a magician,

because I treated people without drugs,
listening to them behind this door.

I see you’ve got rid
of your coach’s drawing on your plaster.

Yes.

What does that evoke for you, Philippe?

I’m wondering.

I’m wondering
what it represents for you.

You see? I can’t stop myself
wanting to understand.

Do you think that’s normal, Doctor?

Normal, abnormal...

We’re not here to judge.

What does this erasing mean,
in your understanding?

It’s not what I think that matters,
it’s what my patients feel.

What you feel.

What I feel?

What a funny idea!

You think it’s that interesting?

Right now, I don’t think anything else
is as important as that.

Since this session began,

I’ve felt that you’re worried
by the thought that it’s the last.

I gave you a farewell present.

Don’t you understand “farewell”?

You could see it a different way,

and say that you gave me that gift
so something of you would stay here,

in my office.

- Have you had patients my age before?
- Yes, now and then.

Was it the same as with me?

Therapy is very different
from a psychological assessment.

In what way?

Therapy goes at the patient’s rhythm,

there’s no set number of sessions,
the patient directs it.

Yeah, not like we’ve been doing.

Not exactly, no.

You can have your chair back.

Can I have my couch?

So, where shall we start?

- With your present?
- The rocket?

Tell me about it.

I bought if off a migrant in Berlin
when I was little.

What were you doing in Berlin?

A family holiday.

What’s so funny?

We were all pretending to be a family.

Pretending?

My parents were pretending
to still be together,

and I was pretending not to realize.
It was pathetic.

My dad took us to see this church
transformed into a wicked skate-park.

And when we came out,

saw this woman sitting in the street,

with these little scrap-metal toys
spread out.

It was cold,

and she was there, outside.

Seeing her, I thought that she had to be
even unhappier than I was.

I asked for my pocket money,

and it was just enough
to buy that little rocket off her.

Then it was over.

What was over?

My parents got divorced.

When you got back from Berlin?

Not right away.

They kept on pretending
for a few more months.

Then, one Saturday afternoon,

I got back from the pool,
and there they were...

like a couple of idiots,

looking like whipped dogs.

My mom came up to me,

and said,

“I have something to tell you.”

Then she started crying.

She couldn’t stop. Pitiful!

So my dad started saying,

“Your mother and I... blah blah...”

As though I hadn’t guessed ages before.

I thought the two of them were so crap.

After that,

my dad slept on the sofa
for a few weeks.

And then, one day...

he was no longer there.

Where did he go?

Brussels. With his new girlfriend.

While I stayed with my depressed mom.

For a year after the separation
she was off work sick.

She never left her bedroom.

She just stayed there,
crying all day long.

I’d go to school by myself.

I even signed for her
in the parent-teacher contact book.

And it was Nico and Rachel
who took me to training.

Only they knew about the divorce.

It must have been
a very difficult time for you.

At least I didn’t cry all day
like that madwoman.

It doesn’t seem to bother you too much
to talk about it today.

Is that what most patients do,

sob like dickheads
about their shitty lives?

I don’t think
your therapy will work on me.

Why didn’t you go with your father?

I was supposed to, but I didn’t.

Why?

Virginie.

Virginie?

His tart.

She needed peace and quiet
to find inspiration. Right!

She’s a shitty singer.

The two of them didn’t last anyway.

They argued all the time because of me.

My dad really wanted to join him,

but that bitch was dead against it.

So it all blew up in the end.

Do you feel responsible
for their splitting up?

Who else’s fault would it be?

Children aren’t responsible
for what their parents do.

Adults are big enough to make
their own decisions, don’t you think?

Were you already swimming
before you met Nicolas?

I’d never have swum if not for him.

I was still in primary school
when he spotted me.

Thursday afternoons we went to the pool.

My dad taught me to swim early.

I was the only one in the class
who went in the big pool.

Nicolas was already training pros
when he saw me swimming,

and immediately saw my potential.

One week later

my parents enrolled me in his club.

Only my dad, Rachel and Nico
have ever believed in me.

Is that when you became close to them?

A bit.

But it was more
when my parents started falling out.

At that time
Rachel was still swimming at the club.

She knew it was tough at home,
so she invited me to their place.

She was really fond of me.
I was like a little sister for her.

Saturday evenings after training

I’d quite often sleep over.

They were always there for me.

And I destroyed it all.

She was always nice to me,
she trusted me.

Before she left for her course
in Marseille,

she told me she knew
that Zoé would be safe with me,

that I’d take good care of her...

She trusted me more
than her own husband.

And I destroyed it all.

I know what you’re thinking.

“He abused her.” But you’re wrong.

Nico tried to push me away,
he’s not a perv, he’s classy.

He kept his distance and kept saying
that I didn’t know what I was doing.

What were you doing?

I’d noticed that...

his attitude to me had changed.

For example...

he was careful not to look at me
when Rachel was there.

And he started sending me
more and more text messages.

I mean,

we always had done,
but now it was all the time.

And...

he advised me.

He told me to beware of boys.

I realized he was in love with me
when I won the French championship.

The 400 meters freestyle.

After the medals,

he came to the changing rooms.

We leapt at each other
and hugged really tight.

And...

we were both in swimming costumes
and I felt...

He went all red.

I’d never seen him like that before.

He didn’t say anything, he just left.

Like a little boy.

He didn’t want to sleep with me.

At the club everyone thought we were.

But he kept saying we could be close
but must never cross that limit.

When Rachel was in Marseille,

I slept there every night,
babysitting Zoé.

And I got in the habit
of sleeping in the same bed as Nico.

But still just as friends,
we didn’t cuddle or anything.

Then, one night...

a few days before Rachel got back...

I woke up,

and he wasn’t sleeping either.

So...

we did it that night.

I didn’t feel anything.

Really nothing?

It was as if I wasn’t there.

As if I was watching it
from the bedroom door.

The next day
we acted like nothing had happened,

but at training we had a huge argument.

- About what happened the night before?
- No.

Because of my times.

He thought
I wasn’t swimming fast enough.

So he made me do more and more lengths
with no recovery time.

He kept saying,

“One more, come on, one more!
And again, faster!”

I couldn’t keep going, so I stopped.

He went mental.

No one disobeyed him usually.

In front of everyone
he ordered me back in the water.

He said I was lazy, and I’d never get
to the Olympics at that rate.

Then it all went fuzzy.

When I opened my eyes,
I was lying by the side of the pool.

He and the girls were all around me.

He said...

I was too fragile for the top level.

He asked one of the other girls
to take me to the changing rooms.

I still had to babysit Zoé t-hat night.
Rachel was coming back the next day.

Once she was asleep
I wanted to leave,

but he wanted me to stay, to talk.

He wanted to talk
about what happened at training.

He apologized,

and said that...

that if he’d shouted at me
it was for my own good.

That he knew I had great potential
and was a future Manaudou.

But we couldn’t tell anyone
what happened the night before.

It would ruin both our careers.

That night we slept together
for the last time.

We nearly did it, again, but he said no.

Then Rachel got hack from Marseille.

A few days later
we all celebrated Zoé’s birthday.

Towards the end,

Rachel took me outside,
wanting to talk to me.

She thought that while she was away

Zoé had grown too fond of me.

That I’d better not go any more.

Like my parents
before they got divorced...

she was lying.

I realized she knew about Nico and me,
and I apologized.

She said,
“What are you apologizing for?”

She also said
I shouldn’t be too sad about Zoé.

She was a child, she’d soon forget me.

Have you never seen her again?

Yes, once, at the pool.

When she colored in the mermaid.

Zoé won’t forget you, believe me.

How can you be so sure?

Adults often say that,
but they’re wrong.

They might forget, but children never do.

Was it on your way home that day
that you had your accident?

I woke up in the ambulance.

Right.

Do you remember anything in particular
from when you left the pool?

I don’t even remember
getting on my bike.

Just Rachel saying goodbye.

I didn’t want her “goodbye”.

I think she kissed me too.

After that, nothing.

Now I’ve told you,
what will you put in your report?

You want to know
if you caused the accident?

Yes.

When you arrived today...

Tell me the truth!
I’ve told you everything.

I’m just trying...

You see!

You can’t tell me!
You’re a hypocrite, like everyone else!

Sit down, let’s finish the session.

I have to go to the toilet.

Of course.

There.

- Can you manage?
- Yes, thanks.

Camille?

Camille, is everything okay?

I’m going to open the door. May I?

Yes.

- Sorry.
- It doesn’t matter.

I’m such a stupid dunce! I’m sorry.

It really doesn’t matter.

Camille,

we haven’t finished.

Tell me now!
What will you put in your report?

- It’s too early...
- For once tell me what you think!

What do you think?

I keep telling you I don’t remember.

- Maybe you suppose something.
- Nothing!

As I get to know you better,

I feel you struggle
to take care of yourself.

So?

I don’t think you deliberately intended
to crash into that car.

Great!
So what will you put in your report?

At this stage
I could write something like,

“Considering the anxiety felt
by my patient before the accident,

“she may have been distracted.”

That’s too vague.

I don’t know enough yet
to be more precise.

What a liar!

You’re incapable
of telling me what you think!

Did I try to kill myself, yes or no?

Camille,

behaving recklessly
because you feel fragile

is different
from trying to kill yourself.

No, it’s the same.

- You don’t see the difference?
- There isn’t one.

Camille,

I need to know
what you’re feeling right now.

Your problems before the accident
are still there.

Once your neck brace
and plasters are off,

once I’ve handed in my report,

your problems will still be there.

One day you’ll have to face them.

If we don’t do this work, you could
once again be in a dangerous situation.

That’s what you’re asking me today.

“Am I going to hurt myself again?”

You think I could do it again?

It’s not inevitable.

Yes, it is.

I always destroy everything around me.

No, you’re wrong.

I’m going home.

At least there’s nothing
to destroy there.

Look at it differently. You could start
building something new at home.

At home? With my mother?

What have you been smoking?

I have to go.

I’d like to ask you one last thing
before you go.

Go on.

Where do you feel safe?

What do you mean?

Where do you really feel comfortable?
Happy?

I was happy at Nico and Rachel’s place.

But I destroyed everything there too.

But you’ve put all that behind you now.

Why do you say that?

You wiped that drawing off your plaster.

It made me too husty.

Where else do you feel happy?

When I’m swimming alone in my lane.

I watch the tiles on the bottom
going by,

and I feel like I’m flying.

You feel safe in that moment?

Yeah.

Camille.

You can’t stay in the water forever.

One day you’ll have to climb out.

I have to go.

You’re through to Virginie Berthier.
Please leave a message.

Hello, Mrs. Berthier. Dr. Dayan here.

I’d like to discuss the possibility

of Camille continuing her sessions
with me for a little while longer.

You can call me back at this number.
Thank you.