All language subtitles for Him.and.Her.S01E02.The.Birthday.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,120 'I don't know what came over me, Inspector.' 2 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:10,760 Steve? 3 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,360 Here we go. 4 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,040 Can I lend Jamie one of your DVDs? 5 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:20,360 I'm trying to watch this. 6 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,440 - I've seen this one. - Well, don't... 7 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,920 - The choirmaster did it. - I said, 8 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,720 "Don't tell me." 9 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,960 No, you didn't. 10 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,680 Why would you do that? 11 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:39,720 Calm down, it's only Morse. 12 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:44,200 Yeah, and there's only a limited number of Morses left now because... 13 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:45,920 Because John Thaw died. 14 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,880 Can you stop eating my chips? 15 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,760 Did you know that his first name's Endeavour? 16 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,200 Yeah. 17 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,600 Oh, please, no. It's my birthday! 18 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,480 Please, this is my birthday dinner. 19 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,360 Shall we have sex again? 20 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,240 No, I'm OK, actually. 21 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,920 Oh, right. 22 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,520 - It is your birthday. I don't mind if you... - I'm ill. 23 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,000 I'm not well, I'm too tired. 24 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:35,640 Wow. 25 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,360 - You've got a bogey up your nose. - Which one? 26 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:39,800 Left. 27 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,800 My left. 28 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,160 It's massive. 29 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,280 No, it's not. 30 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:52,920 Come here. 31 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,880 It's because I'm ill. 32 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,040 Oh, look at that! 33 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,880 It's gigantic. 34 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,720 Thank you, fans. 35 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,080 Oh! 36 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:19,480 Do you know, if Jamie wants to watch Morse, he can get the box set himself. 37 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,280 Can... No, can you stop eating my chips? 38 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,040 I told you about that, anyway. 39 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,200 - What? - He's called Endeavour. 40 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,200 - No, you didn't. I told you. - No, you didn't. 41 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,320 Yes, I did. 42 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:35,440 - No, you didn't. - Yes, I did. 43 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:37,120 - No, you didn't. - Yes, I did. 44 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:38,400 Well, we'll agree to disagree. 45 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:39,800 No, we won't. 46 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,000 DOORBELL RINGS 47 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,960 Oh, that's her. 48 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:46,080 Will you get it? 49 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:47,600 I'm weak. 50 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,560 It was a question on Eggheads. 51 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,080 DOORBELL RINGS 52 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,120 Get the door! Don't leave her waiting. 53 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,840 All right. 54 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:19,360 - Hello, Janet. - How is he? 55 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,640 He's... doing extremely well, considering. 56 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:25,720 I've trod in some dog shit. 57 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,920 - OK. - Can you smell it? 58 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,400 No. 59 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,560 Wait a second. 60 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,720 Just wait. 61 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:35,880 Smell it now? 62 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,000 Oh, God, yeah. 63 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,960 I've brought him some echinacea. 64 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,640 - Oh, hi. - How's my poor birthday boy? 65 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,520 Oh... I've brought you some echinacea. 66 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,040 Oh, don't get too close. Ooh. 67 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,800 Ooh, your glands are up. 68 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,080 Are they? Oh, shit. 69 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,520 His glands are up, Becky. 70 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:03,200 Oh, Christ. 71 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,160 Have you had a nice day? 72 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,280 Yeah, it's been good. 73 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,160 Becky got me the Morse box set, so we've been working our way through 'em. 74 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,600 Oh, I love John Thaw, don't you? 75 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,320 - Ooh, yeah. - Did you see him in Kavanagh QC? 76 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,120 - Ooh, hunky. - Wouldn't mind my legs wrapped around... 77 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,600 All right, all right, we don't watch it cos we're perverts. 78 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,200 We like it for the storylines, don't we, Becks? 79 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:25,840 Yeah, course. 80 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,960 Paul and Laura got us into 'em. 81 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:31,040 Yeah, and my uncle works in HMV, so I basically got 'em for nothing. 82 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,080 We've got this scam on. Well, it's not a scam, but... 83 00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,040 Well, it is a scam, I guess. 84 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,880 Management can't detect it, so when there's a sale on, you can... 85 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:42,600 It's to do with vouchers. And you need a special code. 86 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,480 It's complicated. 87 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,560 OK, Becky. 88 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:49,920 Do you want a drink, Mum? 89 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,600 Cup of tea? Becky'll make it. 90 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,000 Oh, thanks, Becky. 91 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:57,880 I can't stay. 92 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,600 Oh! Really? 93 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,280 It's Jenny from college. 94 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,400 Her son's having an engagement party. 95 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:06,600 Why are you going? 96 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:07,880 Well, it's free drinks. 97 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,560 No, I mean, why did they invite you? 98 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,000 Oh, they didn't. 99 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,840 You going to have your echinacea? 100 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:17,800 Er, yeah, definitely. 101 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:21,720 Becks. 102 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,080 How do you... want it? 103 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,720 Well, I think just, um... 104 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,240 Make it. 105 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:30,920 OK. 106 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,400 Could I get a Lemsip? 107 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:39,160 Sure I can't get you anything, Janet? 108 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,760 No, I should pace meself. 109 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,760 So... 110 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,400 Presents. 111 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,400 Mum, you shouldn't have. 112 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,960 I'll start off with the little one. 113 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,600 Very nice. 114 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,680 Oh, wow! 115 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,600 Wow, that's amazing. 116 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,200 I got him to put it on the cuffs as well. 117 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,160 Wow! 118 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,360 Oh, hand cream, very good. 119 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,160 Mum! 120 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:00,600 - Have you got that one? - No. 121 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,000 - They're all about London. - Oh, brilliant. 122 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,440 Oh, that's interesting. 123 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:16,240 Did you know London was the first city to have a subway? 124 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:21,600 It was built in 1863 and it was three and a quarter miles long. 125 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:25,120 No, I didn't. That's fascinating. 126 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,120 - Becks? - Yeah? 127 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,720 - Come here a sec. - I'm busy. 128 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:34,160 Did you know that London was the first city to have a subway? 129 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:39,840 It was built in 1863 and it was three and a quarter miles long. 130 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,640 No, I didn't. That's fascinating. 131 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,080 - Ouzo. - It was on two for one. 132 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:04,360 Oh, where's the other one? 133 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,160 And I got you this. 134 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,200 Oh, look at his little face! 135 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,720 - Do you like it? - Oh, yeah. 136 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:38,960 Oh. 137 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:43,120 Oh, ha, ha! Look at his little nose. 138 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:46,680 He's the cutest little fella in the world! 139 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,680 Hey, Becks, look. "Steve." 140 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,000 - "Steve." - Oh. 141 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,440 It's got your name on it. 142 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,120 It's on the cuffs too. 143 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,000 Oh, that's a nice touch. 144 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,640 What else did you get? - Well, the dressing gown, 145 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,280 er, calendar, book of London facts. 146 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:17,920 What's that one? 147 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,680 Er, London 1,001 Intriguing Facts. 148 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:22,840 No, the calendar. 149 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,960 - Well, it's just a calendar. - What kind of calendar? 150 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,960 - It's a badger calendar. - Badger? 151 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,560 - OK. - Yeah. 152 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,840 - That's cool. - Yeah, it is. 153 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,480 Are you going to have your echinacea, Steve? 154 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:44,800 Yep. 155 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,200 It's very good for you. 156 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,320 Drink it all up, go on. 157 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,160 Go on. 158 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:04,080 It has herbal properties. 159 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:08,560 The Romans used to use it, or the Incas. 160 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,800 Linda McCartney, people like that. 161 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,400 Mm-hmm. 162 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,200 Mm. 163 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,720 Come on, now, 164 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,200 the last bit for Mummy. 165 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,240 That's it. 166 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:34,920 Was that nice? 167 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,160 Mmm. 168 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,440 Do you feel better? 169 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:45,920 - Loads. - Good. 170 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,800 Well... 171 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,240 I should get going. 172 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,680 Oh, really? 173 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,800 I know, but they've put a grand behind the bar. 174 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,560 Did your father send you anything? 175 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,480 - A voucher. - For? 176 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,520 - Next. - Next? 177 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,360 - Next? - Next. 178 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,360 A tenner. 179 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,520 OK. 180 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:17,760 Yeah. 181 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,560 Well, have a lovely evening. 182 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,280 Doing anything nice? 183 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:27,040 Oh, I'll have to see how it goes. I feel so terrible. 184 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,640 I don't want to make myself iller. 185 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,240 Do you think that's possible? 186 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,680 OK, Becky. 187 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,200 Well, happy birthday, love. 188 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,000 Oh, don't get too close. 189 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,600 You text me tomorrow, let me know how you're doing. 190 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,640 Yeah, will do. 191 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:46,960 Bye. 192 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,720 Phoar... I can still smell it. 193 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,160 Yeah. 194 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,000 Well, thanks for the, um... 195 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,560 - I didn't have anything, did I? - No. 196 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,080 OK. 197 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:13,360 - Bye, Steve. - Bye, Mum. 198 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,520 Bye, Janet. 199 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,720 SHE LAUGHS 200 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,120 I don't like badgers. 201 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,240 - A badger calendar? - I don't like badgers. 202 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,000 A fucking badger calendar. 203 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,800 - I used to like 'em when I was a kid, but... - You're 24. 204 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,600 Yeah, not now. 205 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,400 You had your Lemsip? 206 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:37,960 Mmm. 207 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,960 That was quick. 208 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,640 Well, I was thirsty. 209 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,920 I'm ill, I'm not well. 210 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,600 - Oh, I need a wee. - Oh. 211 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:49,960 No, I need a wee. 212 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,720 Why don't you want to have sex with me? 213 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,240 I'm ill. I'm too tired. 214 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,080 Is there any of that posh ham left? 215 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,640 No, you finished it last night. 216 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,280 - Did I? - Yeah. 217 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,680 - Did I? - Yeah, you were really drunk. 218 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:10,040 Oh, God, that's annoying, I was looking forward to that. 219 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,640 Yeah? 220 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,320 Are you serious about not coming out tonight? 221 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,960 I'm not well, look at me. 222 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,320 It's your birthday. 223 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,000 Everyone will be there. 224 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:37,080 Look, can we talk about this in a minute? I can't wee and talk at the same time. 225 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:38,680 They all want to see you. 226 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:42,400 Look, I can't wee and talk at the same time. 227 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,800 Paul's excited. 228 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,000 I can't wee and talk. 229 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,560 Oh, shit. 230 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,840 It's my birthday. I can do what I want. 231 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:14,360 John Thaw? You're disgusting. 232 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,160 I was agreeing with your mum. 233 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:27,640 Actually, I think I need a poo. 234 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,280 I'll have a quick one before the others get here. 235 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,320 As if you can do a quick poo. 236 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:32,920 DOORBELL RINGS 237 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,400 I'll swallow it back. 238 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,520 Thanks for the commentary. 239 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:41,360 Would you get the door? It is my birthday, and I feel so dreadful. 240 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,680 - Oh, hi, Dan. - Hiya, Becks. 241 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,600 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 242 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,000 - How's Steve? - He's fine. Well, he's dying of flu, but he's fine. 243 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,440 Cool. 244 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,880 All right, Dan? Didn't expect to see you. 245 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,800 Well, no-one expects the Spanish Inquisition, do they? 246 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:14,960 What's that? 247 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,800 It's Monty Python. 248 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,840 - Oh, I've never seen it. - I could lend it to you. 249 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,920 Nah, it's all right. 250 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,160 Got you a present. 251 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:26,800 How do you know it's my birthday? 252 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,000 Er, Facebook. 253 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,440 - Are we friends on Facebook? - Yeah. 254 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:32,800 - Really? - Yep. 255 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,720 - OK. - Open it, Steve. 256 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,640 Might be another badger calendar. 257 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,040 Will, erm, Shelly be coming round at all? 258 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,240 Yeah, they'll be round in a minute. 259 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,520 Oh, I should have brushed me teeth. 260 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,600 Given up trying to get Anita back. 261 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,360 I've stopped phoning her, stopped bothering her. 262 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,080 Oh, OK, that's good. 263 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:55,760 Yeah, it was her dad's idea. 264 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,840 Um, erm, 265 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:05,080 - thanks, Dan. - It's an inflatable armchair. 266 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,800 - Really? - Yeah. 267 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,960 - Is that OK? - That's actually brilliant. 268 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,240 Oh, my God. 269 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,200 - Let's blow it up. - I'll do it. 270 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:20,680 DOORBELL RINGS 271 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,520 BANGING AT DOOR 272 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,680 I'll get it, shall I? 273 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,640 - Where's the birthday bastard? - Hello, Paul. 274 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,000 Hiya. Oh, you look lovely, Laur. 275 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,960 Thanks, Becks. Red really suits me. 276 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,320 Wow, is this Shelly or Audrey Hepburn? 277 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,400 - Shelly. - It's definitely Shelly. 278 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,320 Dan, Dan, mate, 279 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:51,800 you were meant to text me the password to that website. 280 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,320 The Asian one, where you can tell them to do stuff. 281 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,920 Oh, yeah, you can let your imagination run wild. 282 00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,640 Well, text me the password. 283 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,560 HE GROANS 284 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,120 Everyone's here, Steve. 285 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,040 - Happy birthday, Steve. - Happy birthday. 286 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,120 Many happy returns of the day, Steve. 287 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,960 - Hi, Shelly. - Hi, Dan. 288 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,200 Here he is, the birthday bastard. 289 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,880 - Nice dressing gown. - Yeah, "Steve." 290 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,320 "Steve. Steve. Steve." 291 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,200 Get dressed, mate. Let's get down The Goose. 292 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:23,600 Steve's not well. 293 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,560 It's glandular, feel my glands. 294 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,040 Oo-er! 295 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,920 Oh, yeah. Have you had some echinacea? 296 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,800 - Yeah. - It's a herbal remedy. 297 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,440 Hippies use it, but it does work. 298 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,520 - Can I feel your glands, Steve? - Oo-er! 299 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,640 - OK, let's sit down. - Ooh, yeah. Yeah. 300 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,880 So, how does it feel to be 24, Steve? 301 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:53,040 Um, pretty different, yeah. 302 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,120 He's like a new man. 303 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:59,760 I was 42 this year, and I don't feel any different from when I was 18. 304 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:11,160 Dan, mate. 305 00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:14,560 Would you mind doing that in the kitchen? Shelly ain't got a chair. 306 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,120 I could, or I could bring one in. 307 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,440 Um, no, probably just do it in the kitchen, mate. 308 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:22,840 - Thanks, Dan. - Thanks, Dan. 309 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:24,720 - Thanks, Dan. - Thanks, Dan. 310 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,560 - See you all in a bit, then, yeah? - Now then, presents. 311 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:35,160 - Yeah. - Ooh. I'll go first. 312 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,240 Right. 313 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,120 - Open it, Steve. - I wonder what it could be? 314 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,200 It's a pizza! 315 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:44,800 THEY LAUGH 316 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,880 We say that at work when a parcel comes in. 317 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,880 Yeah, it's funny! 318 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,840 And once the boys upstairs bought 319 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:07,840 an actual pizza, and it came and we said, "It's a pizza". 320 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,000 MOBILE BEEPS 321 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,400 - And it was a pizza! - Who's that from? 322 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,760 Oh, erm, it's just another birthday... 323 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,480 Did you see what Becky got me? 324 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,000 Oh! 325 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,280 It's genius. Good old Uncle Dennis. 326 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:32,640 Can we borrow 'em? 327 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,160 We're lending them to Jamie first. 328 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:35,920 - No, we're not. - Don't lend them to him, 329 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,880 he might stick his dick in 'em. 330 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,880 - Cos he's gay? - Yeah. 331 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,200 He might stick his dick in a DVD because he's gay? 332 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:44,480 - Yeah. - Yeah? 333 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:45,920 Yeah. 334 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:53,400 Wow. Thanks, Laura, a diary. 335 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,080 So you can put your appointments in it, Steve. 336 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,320 Yeah. 337 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,160 HE PANTS 338 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:20,640 Oi, did you know Inspector Morse's first name was Endeavour? 339 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,240 Yeah. 340 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,120 And I told him that. 341 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,600 No. Fuck it, I said about four days before we even watched it. 342 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,720 - No, you didn't. - We were in the Crown. 343 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,720 I said, "He's called Endeavour", 344 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,760 and then I bottled that prick who pinched your arse. 345 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,040 And I told you, Paul. 346 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:36,800 No, you didn't. 347 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,200 All I know is, I know what I know, and I said it first. 348 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,320 And I saw it on Eggheads. 349 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,480 Oh, for fuck's sake, I've known it for years. 350 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,200 Endeavour Morse, and now I'm getting it thrown back in my face! 351 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,800 Let's all agree to disagree... 352 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,760 Now, hand Steve his present, Paul. 353 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,600 Right, this one's from me. 354 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,560 It's a football! 355 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:09,000 When we're married, you'll receive one present from the both of us, 356 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,760 but it will cost twice as much, just so you know. 357 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,040 Ah, headphones. Very useful. 358 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,840 Well, do you like them? 359 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:31,880 Yeah, course. 360 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,720 Well, you could look more enthused. 361 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,600 No, I am. I'm, I'm very enthused. 362 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,040 Well, put your badge on. 363 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,400 Oh, well, it... 364 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,000 It's a big badge, Paul. 365 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,200 It's your birthday and you're not wearing a badge? 366 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,760 It's a fucking farce. 367 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,040 I'm getting agitated. Let's get down the Goose. 368 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,320 We're watching Steve open his presents. 369 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,040 At least put your badge on. 370 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,320 Put your badge on. Paul's getting agitated. 371 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,560 Yeah, put your badge on. 372 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,960 Paul got it specially for you. 373 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,640 Oh, isn't that nice? 374 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,040 Yeah. You look very handsome, Steve. 375 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,360 Now it's Shelly's turn to give Steve her card. 376 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,640 - Jesus. - Go on, Shell. 377 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,800 Here's your card, Steve. 378 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,560 Kieran made it at school. 379 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:44,680 - Thanks, Shell. - Oh, isn't that nice? 380 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,120 Did it all himself. 381 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,760 - He did all that himself? - Yeah. 382 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:57,880 Look what Steve got! 383 00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,240 Becky. Becky. 384 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,040 Get off. Look what his mum got him. 385 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,040 You stupid idiot. 386 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,080 I used to like 'em when I was a kid. 387 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,400 Did you also like picking flowers and sucking cock? 388 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,480 Well, Becky fancies John Thaw, even though he's dead. 389 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:15,520 Well, Steve gave his dog a hand job. 390 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:16,840 Ugh. 391 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,240 What? 392 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:20,920 I was nine. I was tickling him. 393 00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:22,400 I was as surprised as anyone. 394 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,320 ♪ Happy birthday to you... 395 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:30,360 ♪ Happy birthday to you 396 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:35,240 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Steve 397 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:39,680 ♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪ 398 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:41,400 So I've written a speech... 399 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:42,960 Let's go. 400 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,680 Yeah. Yeah, I think so. 401 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,480 Oh, I'm feeling a bit dizzy. I don't think I'll come. 402 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:47,680 Oh, fuck off. 403 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,280 Seriously, Paul, it's glandular. 404 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,440 Seriously, Steve, fuck off, it's your birthday. 405 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:53,320 I just don't feel up to it. 406 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,040 It's your birthday, you thick prick. 407 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,400 You're coming out and you're gonna drink until you're sick. 408 00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,200 That's an offer you can't refuse. 409 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,720 - I think we should go, Shell. - Mm. 410 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,480 - What will you have to drink? - I might start off with wine. 411 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,800 - Ooh, Shelly! - Or a pint of Stella. 412 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,600 I was thinking I might start off with a wine or a pint of Stella. 413 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,400 Shall I stay at mine, so I don't wake you up? 414 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,000 No. 415 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:14,800 Take my keys, 416 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,960 but give me a call on the way back, so I know it's you, eh? 417 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,400 OK. 418 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,560 Thanks for the presents, everyone. 419 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,480 I'm so sorry I can't come, Paul. 420 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,640 I just think everyone should have a good time on their birthdays, 421 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,080 that's all. Right, happy birthday, mate. 422 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:37,840 He's not coming. 423 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:39,720 Not coming out on his birthday, but there you go. 424 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,640 Each to their own, I suppose. 425 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,000 That's fine, go. Just go. 426 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:46,680 Thanks. 427 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,280 Bye, everyone. 428 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:50,520 It stinks in here, Becks. 429 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:53,160 - Steve's mum trod in dog shit. - Oh. 430 00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:55,600 Oh, she's got it all over the mat! 431 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,840 Oh, I hate the smell of shit, don't you, Shell? 432 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,920 So where do you want your chair? 433 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,200 Just there, facing the bed. 434 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,920 - Get me text? - Yeah, thanks. 435 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,640 And what, do I just type in what I want her to do? 436 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:20,000 Yeah, she does it, yeah. 437 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:21,960 - Poor cow. - Yeah. 438 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,960 Do you want a copy of my speech? 439 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,640 Er, yep. 440 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:30,400 Thank you, brilliant. 441 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:32,320 Brilliant. 442 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,800 Well, I'll leave you to it. Happy birthday. 443 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,480 - Shall I see myself out? - Yeah. Bye, mate. 444 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,480 Bye, Steve. 445 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,840 GROANING COMES FROM COMPUTER 446 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:28,680 Sorry, I promised Jamie. 447 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,600 Can we please hurry the fuck up? 448 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,000 OK, well, stop being annoying! 449 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,320 Sorry, Steve, just getting the... 450 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,960 Can I just have a quick wee, Becks? 451 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,520 Oh, no! No, no, no. 452 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:56,520 ♪ My heart goes boom bang-a-bang boom bang-a-bang when you are near 453 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,480 ♪ Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time 454 00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:04,320 ♪ It's such a lovely feeling 455 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,640 ♪ When I'm in your arms 456 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:11,960 ♪ Don't go away I want to stay my whole life through 457 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,760 ♪ Boom bang-a-bang-bang Close to you ♪ 31456

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