All language subtitles for Him.and.Her.S01E01.The.Toast.aka.The.Interruptions.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,200 You... 2 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,760 are... 3 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,520 very good at blow jobs. 4 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,000 Thank you. 5 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,080 And I am brilliant 6 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:39,120 - at receiving them. - Mm. Yes. 7 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,040 You were very well behaved. 8 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,640 So polite of you just to lie back and take it. 9 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,120 Thank you, I do my best. 10 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,720 You, on the other hand, brought the bloody house down. 11 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,960 Shut up. 12 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:55,240 You're incredibly noisy. 13 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,800 - Why would you say that? - Oh, no, no, no, no, it's not a bad thing. 14 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,360 Course it's a bad thing. Makes me feel... 15 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,760 Like a prostitute. 16 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,720 No. Paranoid. 17 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,720 It makes me feel paranoid. 18 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,280 What do you mean, a prostitute? 19 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:13,920 Well, I don't mean prostitute. 20 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,360 Well, not a professional one. 21 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,040 You've got a long way to go till you're that good. 22 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,000 - Shut up. - When I have sex with you, 23 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:26,280 I close my eyes, and I imagine I'm hunched over a prostitute. 24 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:27,800 Hunched? 25 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,680 It's the only reason I like having sex with yer. 26 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,680 - I'm going for a wee. - Oh, no, stay here and have sex with me. 27 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,680 Get off. 28 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:58,440 "All tall men mind the mad arithmetic." 29 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,200 Six letters. 30 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:03,360 How did we get home last night? 31 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,960 - Barney gave us a lift. - Did he? 32 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,680 Why was he driving when he could have been drinking? 33 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,760 - What? - You heard. 34 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,360 He's starting at HSBC today. 35 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:16,920 Oh, yeah. 36 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,760 Silly old sod. 37 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:22,080 Why's he got himself a job for? 38 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,720 Oh, I think I need a pooh as well. 39 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,240 Charming. 40 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,480 He's been watching "Titanic" again. 41 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,360 Steve, can you make me some toast? 42 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,280 No, er, you'll eat in the bed 43 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,320 and I won't get rid of the crumbs. 44 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,920 - Yes, you will. - Can't you just have it as bread? 45 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:47,240 Raw? 46 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,120 - Yeah. - In the morning? 47 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,280 Yes, why not? 48 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,800 We must have had a million pizzas in there. 49 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,200 Yeah, I know, but it's just something Julie used to do 50 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,320 and I never liked it. 51 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,000 - What? - Don't watch me. 52 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,840 You look so cute on the loo. 53 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,360 Steve. 54 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:20,920 Okay, it's fine, you can have toast if you want. 55 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,800 No, I don't want it now. 56 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,560 Get out. 57 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,520 Obviously it's fine for Julie and her big fucking tits. 58 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,920 They weren't as big as they looked. 59 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,160 How very disappointing for you, 60 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,640 but despite her disappointingly gargantuan tits, 61 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,600 you still found it in your heart 62 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,680 to let her eat toast in bed with you. 63 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,520 What a saint. 64 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,600 - Are you going to make me toast or not? - Oh, shit. 65 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,000 - Beg your pardon? - Er... nothing. 66 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,680 Are you going to make me toast? 67 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,760 Yes, yes, whatever. 68 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,680 - Thank you. - Oh, shh. 69 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,520 Don't let him in, he'll hear me. 70 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,800 It's only Dan. 71 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,120 You all right, Dan? 72 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,680 Morning, campers. This got put through my door. 73 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,800 - Oh, right, great. - Becky stay over last night? 74 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,800 Yeah, her parents have got people staying, so... 75 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,400 Hung over, dare I ask? 76 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,480 Yeah, a bit, but she's fine. 77 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,040 She has an egg before bed so she doesn't get a hangover. 78 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,720 Oh, right, yeah. So why does she do that? 79 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,360 Well, so she doesn't get a hangover. 80 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,520 That's good, yeah. What's she do? 81 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,040 Are you taking the piss? 82 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:05,720 No, I was just... being chatty. 83 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,520 Making conversation. 84 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,120 Well, don't. 85 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,440 Anita didn't reply to my e-mail. 86 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,680 I don't know if she's read it. Know her password. 87 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,720 - Er, been watching "Titanic" again. - Yeah, we heard. 88 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,920 Yeah, Winslet's tits. Yeah. 89 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,760 Thank God for the pause button. 90 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:27,760 Hello, mate. 91 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,840 Er, well, I hope you're with Laura, but... 92 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,920 You know what I mean. 93 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,040 - What? What? - What? 94 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,840 Eurgh, Paul. 95 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,200 What's going on? 96 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,440 Paul, why are you telling me this? 97 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,040 Why is he telling you what? 98 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,160 Oh, you didn't. 99 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,160 Not Sporty? 100 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,240 Oh, you filthy bastard. 101 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,120 Okay, yeah. Okay, okay. 102 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,800 It's fine, it's fine, I'll kill it, it's fine. 103 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,320 Well, I don't know, I'll make something up. 104 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,280 Yeah, speak to you later, mate. 105 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,160 Bye. 106 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,160 Any news? 107 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:13,320 Paul spent the night with a girl who looks like Sporty Spice. 108 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,080 - Sporty Spice? - I know. 109 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:19,960 Sporty Spice. 110 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,120 Do you reckon she does back-to-front? 111 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,800 What's back-to-front? 112 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,440 What's back-to-front? 113 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,680 - Ooh, that's followed you out. - What has? 114 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,720 - Shut the door. - I haven't been doing anything. 115 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,440 - You all right, Dan? - Yeah. 116 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,240 Popped down to say hello, really. 117 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:42,040 - Hello. - Hello. 118 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,600 How was your weekend? 119 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,160 Peaks and troughs, you know. 120 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,360 Peaks and troughs. 121 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,200 I would have preferred to have spent it 122 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,000 with a Spice Girl, but, er... 123 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,480 Dan. 124 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:57,280 - A Spice Girl? - Better go. 125 00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,240 Yeah, thanks, Dan. 126 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,320 He wasn't even wearing a watch. 127 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:05,800 I hate it when people do that. 128 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,000 Why would anyone still fancy the Spice Girls? 129 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,320 Look, it's from Rob. 130 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:14,000 "Steve, having a great time, nice weather, Rob." 131 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:18,280 Why do I care what the weather's like in Spain? 132 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,280 Why were you and Dan talking about the Spice Girls? 133 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,040 We weren't. 134 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,240 Why would anyone still fancy the Spice Girls? 135 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,640 Well, I don't. Come on. Let's have sex. 136 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,840 Why are you lying to me about the Spice Girls? 137 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,560 I'm not. Now get your knickers off. 138 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,680 Yeah, yeah, mm, mm. 139 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,560 Mm. Mm. Mm. 140 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,720 Mm. Mm. 141 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,400 Oh, it doesn't need to be that loud. 142 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,040 Oh, no. 143 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,760 - What? - Oh, God. 144 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,720 - What? - Oh, I bet she's really... 145 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,120 What, what is it? 146 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:09,440 Poor thing. 147 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:13,400 - Rebecca! - It's my sister. 148 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:17,800 She says Paul didn't come home last night. 149 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,960 Have you heard anything? 150 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,040 What, Paul? 151 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:22,520 Yeah. 152 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:24,360 No. 153 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:29,360 Just have a check. No. 154 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,440 Nope. 155 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,800 She's just being a drama queen. 156 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,680 I bet she's sent that text to everyone. 157 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,040 Yeah, it's probably fine, isn't it? 158 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:39,440 Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. 159 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,120 Forget about it. 160 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,800 We're missing "Cash In The Attic." 161 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,400 We're about to have sex. 162 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,240 - Oh, yeah. - Mm. 163 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,960 Ooh. Was that a fart? 164 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:01,360 - No, it was my tummy. - Well, that sounded like a fart. 165 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,640 Are you going to make me toast? 166 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,640 You know I can't have sex on an empty stomach. 167 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,160 Okay. 168 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:12,880 Okay, I'll make you toast. 169 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,800 Fine, but you're eating it on the chair, 170 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,400 and afterwards we are shagging. 171 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,000 Wow. It's like being a princess. 172 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:31,760 Steve, why have you put your mug face down on the floor? 173 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:33,400 Jesus Christ. 174 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,120 Urgh, kill it! 175 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:36,800 - No, he might have babies. - Chuck it out the window, then. 176 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,400 No, no, you can get AIDS from a spider. 177 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,200 - No, you can't! - You can. I saw it on a website. 178 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,120 If he's been crawling round in the blood of an AIDS victim... 179 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,920 Steve, be a man for once in your life and get rid of the spider. 180 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,080 All right, all right, give me that. 181 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,680 Don't touch, don't touch. 182 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,600 Stay behind me. 183 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,600 Yeah, I'll deal with him in a minute, 184 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,880 when I've worked out a plan. 185 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:17,640 Upside down. You put a mug upside down, not face down. 186 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,120 - Ignore him. - Oh, I can't. 187 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,760 Do you want to clear the bed for the fuck fest? 188 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,520 Okay. 189 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,000 - Fuck fest? - What? 190 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:49,320 "All tall men mind the mad arithmetic." 191 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,760 Dan's back. 192 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,280 Hello, hello, hello. 193 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,120 Hi, Laura, you all right, babe? 194 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,200 What a total bastard. 195 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,240 Oh, sh... 196 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:27,720 What are you making? 197 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,000 - Toast. - Ooh, very posh. Yeah. 198 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,680 Thinking I might pop to Azeen, you know, get some fruit. 199 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,000 Okay. 200 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,480 Just read an article about melon, yeah. 201 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:40,680 - Wow. - Fancy getting a melon with me? 202 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,680 Becky could come, too. 203 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,200 Ooh, I'm sure she'd love to, 204 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,400 but we're, er, kind of busy this morning. 205 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:47,960 Sex? 206 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:49,120 Yeah. 207 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:50,920 I heard her hollering earlier. 208 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,760 Don't say that. 209 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,480 Don't be silly. 210 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:05,520 No. No, he shouldn't be putting you through all this. 211 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,920 No, I know. Really? 212 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:10,920 Straight away? 213 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,440 Okay. 214 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,880 Yeah. Course he won't mind. 215 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,120 All right then. 216 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,160 Bye, love. 217 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,080 - Have I outstayed my welcome? - Yeah. 218 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,000 No problem. 219 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,880 Get that fruit. 220 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,040 - Good idea. - Bye. 221 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:44,000 Bye-bye. 222 00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,440 Right... 223 00:12:54,560 --> 00:13:00,440 You hold the plate beneath the toast, you eat it on the chair. 224 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:04,920 Wow, what's this? 225 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:06,840 I thought you might like to watch. 226 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,480 - Really? - Yeah, where do you want me? 227 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,800 On the bed. Arse down. 228 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,440 - Thought you didn't like being watched. - I don't mind, 229 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,400 if you do something for me. 230 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,920 - Like what? - Like... 231 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,560 Letting Laura pop round. 232 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,720 - Laura?! - Well, she's my sister. Steve. 233 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:34,520 She's feeling really down about Paul. 234 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,560 There is nothing wrong with Paul, I told you. 235 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,280 I'll moan and groan as loud as you like. 236 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:40,880 Yeah, well, er... 237 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,160 not too loud. 238 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,120 Mm. Mm. 239 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:50,840 Come here. Mm, mm, mm, mm. Mm, mm, mm. 240 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,600 Oh, that'll be Laura. 241 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,840 - That was quick. - Well, she was on her way already. 242 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:56,520 - So when you asked me if I wanted to watch... - Yeah, and I let you watch me. 243 00:13:56,720 --> 00:14:00,120 - Now be nice to Laura. - Oh, God! 244 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,000 Hello, love, how you feeling? 245 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,880 I'm so worried, Becks. 246 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,000 Look at me, I'm shaking. 247 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,480 He's being a total bastard. 248 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,800 Laura's here. 249 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:21,760 Hi, Laura, are you all right? 250 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,640 Paul didn't come home last night. 251 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,760 Look at me, Steve, I'm shaking. 252 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,240 Yeah. 253 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:30,800 I couldn't even go to work. 254 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,600 Have you heard from him? 255 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,960 No. I'm sure he's fine, though. 256 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,360 He's a big lad, I'm sure everything's tickety boo. 257 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:42,960 I need a piss. 258 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,280 Thanks for sharing that with us. 259 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,320 - Is his phone still off? - Yeah. 260 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,480 I left a message to say that I was here. 261 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:54,160 And I was thinking, 262 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,120 maybe what's happened with little Luke, 263 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,320 with his scans and Luke's Mum, Natalie, the slut. 264 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,040 You didn't flush. 265 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:06,360 Steve. 266 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,880 You did a shit, and you didn't flush. 267 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,520 I didn't want Dan to hear. 268 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,880 You're an animal. I can hardly breathe in there. 269 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,880 Oh, stop overreacting. 270 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,080 - Careful, Steve, there's a mug on the floor. - This is my flat. 271 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,080 - I'm the one who has to live here in your stench. - Oh, well done. 272 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,720 Steve, there's a mug on the floor. 273 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:26,200 If you shit in my flat, you flush in my flat. 274 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,200 You've really got a way with words, haven't you? 275 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:29,560 If you want to do a stinky shit, 276 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,400 go back to your parents' house and do it. 277 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:32,840 My Uncle Dennis is staying over. 278 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,000 There's a mug face down on the floor, Steve. 279 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,480 Yes, Laura, I know! I put it there. 280 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,360 I keep a spider in it. 281 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,160 Face down. 282 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,760 Do you know Dan upstairs? 283 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,680 - Pyjamas. - Yeah. 284 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,760 He's watching "Titanic" for, what is it, the... 285 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,840 - Fourth. - Fourth time this week. 286 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,600 He just split up with a girl that looks like Winslet. 287 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,120 Oh, she doesn't look like Winslet. 288 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,280 She's just fat and posh. 289 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,480 He wanted me to buy fruit with him. 290 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,880 Who goes out of their way to buy fruit? 291 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:24,120 Oh, I'd love a mango. 292 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,120 - What? - Wouldn't you, Laur? 293 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:27,440 Oh, yeah. 294 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,600 What are you going to do with a mango? 295 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,760 - Eat it. - How? 296 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,800 - Don't know. - A mango? 297 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,360 Who the fuck do you think you are? 298 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:39,960 They're like a pound each. 299 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,880 Fucking mango? 300 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,720 All right, Steve, 301 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,960 mind the language, Laura's upset. 302 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:52,360 Sorry, Laura. 303 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:58,760 I'm sure Paul's absolutely fine. 304 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,520 Thanks, Steve. 305 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:03,960 Okay? 306 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,960 Have you seen the new telly? 307 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,320 - Is that it? - Mm, yep. 308 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,920 Not bad, is it? Found it in the skip. 309 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:21,040 Isn't he a dream? 310 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,080 Oh, that's Paul. It's his knock. 311 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:29,320 Go on, Laur, you answer it. Be strong. 312 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,800 Thank God for that. 313 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:41,080 I can explain everything, darling, it's not my fault. 314 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,600 It was events, it was some real nasty events, 315 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,440 and I just missed you so much, darling. 316 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,400 Yeah. 317 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,080 Mm. You going to let me watch you with this? 318 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,760 No, course not. 319 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,840 You're such a pervert. 320 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,120 I don't even know why you bought this thing. 321 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:12,320 Her favourite thing about him is his big dick. 322 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,320 - Isn't that revolting? - Well... 323 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,360 he might have a big dick 324 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,760 but I bet he can't do a dick dance. 325 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,880 Can he, Becks? Can he? 326 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,160 - Shall I do my dick dance? - Yes. 327 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:28,680 Shall I? Yes. Shall I? 328 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:30,880 And you know how I've been with Luke being ill. 329 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,160 I know, I know, I'm sorry. I'm being selfish. 330 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:38,160 Well, you are. You are being really selfish, but that's okay, 331 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:41,280 because you're my darling, remember? 332 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:45,000 ♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm ♪ 333 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,520 Look at it. ♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm ♪ 334 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:49,880 We have a bond and we're getting married. 335 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:53,400 Yeah. Like two become one. 336 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,400 Like, what made you say that? 337 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,280 - Mm, what? - When two become one? 338 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,760 Oh, it's just a phrase, isn't it? 339 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,160 Yeah. Yeah, it is. 340 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:08,640 Yeah. 341 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,280 ♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm, uh-uh-uh-uh ♪ 342 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:15,400 ♪ Uh-uh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, eurrrrrrr ♪ 343 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:17,240 Ooh, yeah. 344 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,960 Thank you, fans. Thank you, fans. 345 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,920 Paul could never do a dick dance as good as that. 346 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,560 No. 347 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,080 And I bet if he did he wouldn't have that 348 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,600 bit of loo roll caught in his foreskin. 349 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,600 What? Ohh. 350 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,000 Mm, do they smell good? 351 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,160 Mm, they smell lovely. 352 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,520 - Do you want to smell? - Mm, yeah. 353 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,880 Course I don't want to smell! 354 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,280 Is everything all right? 355 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,360 Yeah, I was being silly, he was at Iggy's. 356 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:52,960 Probably let her know next time, Paul. 357 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,080 Yeah, sorry. Sorry, everyone. 358 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:58,520 He's forgetful like that, while I'm too far the opposite way. 359 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,040 That's why we're the perfect couple. 360 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,920 - Steve was just doing a dick dance. - Becky. 361 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,520 - A what? - Nothing. 362 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:07,880 If you guys are okay, why don't you treat yourselves 363 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,320 to a nice meal deal, get some air. 364 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,080 Don't let Paul do a dick dance, Laur, 365 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,960 he'd have someone's eye out with that great big thing. 366 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,240 - Yeah. - Yeah, I would. 367 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,480 - No chance of Steve doing that, is there, love? - You're funny. 368 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:19,880 Ooh, is it small, Steve? 369 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,040 No, to be fair, it's not small. 370 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:26,200 - I'm flattered. - But it's not exactly going to split you in two. 371 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,320 It's fine, it's normal size, I measured it. 372 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,760 What? I measured it. 373 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,280 You measured it? 374 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:36,840 Yes, with a ruler. 375 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,960 Oh, that's a lovely image. 376 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,000 Was it a 15-centimetre ruler, Steve? 377 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,480 That doesn't even work. 378 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,120 What, can't you take a joke, mate? 379 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,120 How, how, how did this happen? 380 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:50,760 Why did they invent the microscope? 381 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,000 So Steve could find his dick. 382 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,960 Well, you've nicked that one off Barney. 383 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,200 Why can't you take a joke? 384 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:57,960 Why don't you go back to Iggy's? 385 00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,320 Steve was having a wank the other day 386 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,760 but he couldn't find any tissues, 387 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,520 so he had to use a stamp. 388 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,520 - Did you write that one yourself? - Yeah. 389 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:07,280 - It's really good. - I bet when Paul has a wank 390 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,120 he has to use the whole duvet. 391 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,360 Yeah, I do. 392 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,400 What, and that's a good thing? 393 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,080 You're the inspiration for those little pens in Argos, 394 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,120 aren't you, love? 395 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:19,760 Yeah, yeah, I was. 396 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,920 I was the inspiration for the little pens in Argos. 397 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,360 Very funny. 398 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,480 So my dick's not as big as yours. 399 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,480 - By about ten inches. - Paul's dick's so long 400 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:29,600 - he can't wear shorts. - Ooh, that's funny, 401 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,560 because he can't keep it in his trousers, either. 402 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,280 - What? - What? 403 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:43,600 Steve. 404 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,440 - What? - What's that supposed to mean? 405 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:46,840 Steve. 406 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,760 What, what's that supposed to mean, Becks? 407 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,240 - He didn't mean anything by it. - Steve, what do you mean 408 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,000 he can't keep his dick in his trousers? 409 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,080 Er, nothing, come on, let's go. 410 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,800 As you saying Paul can't keep his dick in his trousers? 411 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:04,400 No! I was joking. 412 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,600 Oh, you know me, I'm always joking. 413 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,400 Maybe you should learn to take a joke. 414 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,040 Now, Becks, how much do I owe you 415 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,920 for that curry the other night? 416 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,120 Why did you lie about you and Dan 417 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,800 talking about the Spice Girls? 418 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,480 Shh, I didn't! 419 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:22,640 Why were you talking about 420 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,160 doing back-to-front with one of 'em? 421 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,040 What? You're crazy. 422 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:27,560 What's back-to-front? 423 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,160 Were you doing back-to-front with a Spice Girl? 424 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:31,320 No, of course not. 425 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,040 It was a deal, weren't it, lamb and a naan, £5.50. 426 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,200 Steve, was he doing back to front with a Spice Girl? 427 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:37,680 Of course he wasn't doing back-to-front 428 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,320 with a Spice Girl, whatever that is. 429 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:43,800 This is Paul, he works in Rymans, as if a Spice Girl's 430 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,560 going to want to do back-to-front with him. 431 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,600 Fuck you. 432 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,360 But you are shagging someone. 433 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,480 - I'm what. - Shh, shh, Laura's upset. 434 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,520 - Steve. - Look, why don't I pop out 435 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,560 - and get us all a mango? - Steve, stop being a prick. 436 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,800 Let Paul answer the question. Paul? 437 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,680 Where were you last night, Paul? 438 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,200 Tell me or you can have this ring back. 439 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,200 Oh, okay. Okay. 440 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:15,000 Steve's got it all wrong, as usual. 441 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,880 - I might not have stayed at Iggy's. - You liar. 442 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,080 I didn't want you worrying. 443 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,480 I ended up going, er, to... 444 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,720 a museum. 445 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:37,920 Which museum? 446 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:41,240 Well, it was just a general museum, Becky, 447 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:45,080 and I bumped into a very nice young lady at the museum 448 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,040 who happens to do some agency work 449 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,360 - as a Mel C look-alike. - You bastard. 450 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,240 No, isn't it, Steve? 451 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,600 Yeah, the exhibits were so fascinating 452 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,080 he stayed there all night. 453 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:57,760 You bastard! 454 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,640 - Jesus, Steve. - Oh, what have I done? 455 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:09,840 You're a little shit. 456 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:11,840 - Mel C? - I know. 457 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:13,280 Mel fucking C. 458 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:14,760 Shh, I know, I know. 459 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,320 What does the C even mean? 460 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,320 - Chisholm. - Chisholm? 461 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,280 - Chisholm? - Yeah. Chisholm. 462 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,640 - Dan. - Hey, Steve, they were two for £1.50, 463 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,160 let's hang out, eat 'em with spoons. 464 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,040 Steve, come here, you prick. 465 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:33,800 Oh, Paul, did you give her what she wanted? 466 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,800 - What she really, really wanted? - Not now, mate. 467 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,240 What's so good about Mel C? 468 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,640 Nothing. There's nothing good about Mel C. 469 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,760 - I've never liked their music, have I? - No. 470 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,480 She did that one with Bryan Adams. 471 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,320 But you're right, we've never liked her. 472 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,640 I am so fucking enraged. Urgh. 473 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,600 Oh, fuck off as well, you little spider dick. 474 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,480 All right, how did you know I did back-to-front with her? 475 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,040 Did yer? What is it? 476 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,600 It's when, when first of all, you do her in the... 477 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,400 what, you've never done back-to-front? 478 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,440 - No, of course not. - You're like a fucking nun. 479 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,720 Right. Laura, let me in, darling, we need to talk. 480 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,640 Go away, Paul, I don't want to speak to you. 481 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,960 I'm not going anywhere, darling. 482 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,280 I believe it when I see it. 483 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,400 Oh. 484 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,040 Don't do this to me, darling. 485 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:28,360 We have a bond. You're my everything. 486 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,040 - We're meant to be together. - Go away, Paul. 487 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,120 OK, you've got five seconds to let me in 488 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,080 before I kick the fucking door down! 489 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,320 What is that? Oh. Er, what is that... 490 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,280 Er, probably just let him, Becks. 491 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:46,320 I'm going fucking mental, darling! 492 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,520 Oh, mental, men... 493 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,400 "All tall men mind the mad arithmetic." 494 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,600 I will smash the glass. 495 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,440 - It stinks in here. - You total bastard! 496 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:14,800 I can't wait for the wedding. 497 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,680 I really need a piss. 498 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,240 How long they going to be? 499 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,320 As long as they need. 500 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,000 Don't you dare. 501 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,360 Where's the spider? 502 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,160 I threw him out the window. 503 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:36,960 Wow. 504 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,280 Very brave. 505 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,520 Someone's grown some balls. 506 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,840 Can I have the toast? 507 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,160 Yeah. Sure. 508 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,000 Thank you. 509 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,680 Are you enjoying that toast? 510 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,920 Yeah, why? 511 00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:14,200 No reason, I'm just glad you're enjoying it. 512 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,800 Thank you for allowing me to eat it in your bed. 513 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,480 Not at all, 514 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,840 just glad you're enjoying it. 515 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,880 Mm, I am enjoying it. 516 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,400 Good, I'm glad you are. 517 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,480 Good. 518 00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:30,840 Good. 519 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,760 Good. 520 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,400 Hmm. 521 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,400 I was up all night worrying about you. 522 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,200 I was sick with worry. 523 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,800 Sweetheart, darling, you're so beautiful. 524 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,960 ♪ Come closer and cuddle me tight ♪ 525 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:54,040 ♪ My heart goes boom bang-a-bang, boom bang-a-bang ♪ 526 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:58,840 ♪ When you are near, boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time ♪ 527 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:03,800 ♪ It's such a lovely feeling ♪ 528 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,640 ♪ When I'm in your arms ♪ 529 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:11,480 ♪ Don't go away, I wanna stay my whole life through ♪ 530 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:15,160 ♪ Boom bang-a-bang-bang close to you ♪ 37393

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