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(a cappella classical singing)

-(Alan): It's a brave thing
people do when they fall in love.

It's going to hurt.

Someone's going to get badly hurt.

(music soars accompanied by chimes)

(music fades)

-(Shannon): Just start at "magic like love."

-Okay.

-One line on this one, and then we'll do these two.

-All right. Thank you.

-And I'm going to leave a pen in the room.

-Okay.

-And that'll be done.

(door closes)

Okay. Ready for you.

-I'm from a working-class family

in the land of gangsters and farmers.

-When you read "the land of
gangsters and farmers," you laughed.

-I laugh because it's a funny line.

You want me not to laugh?

People are going to hate me
for saying that from Illinois.

-They're going to hate him for saying that,

"the land of gangsters and farmers."

-Like there's nobody else in this
whole state but gangsters and farmers!

But it's outrageous, so it
probably fits the St. George thing.

-Oh, man, that's hilarious. Okay.

-I'm from a working-class family

in the land of gangsters and farmers.

I always knew I was an artist,

and studied art since I was in the second grade.

(uplifting music)

I was 13 years old,

riding the bus home from art class in 1965.

Suddenly, I noticed a young lady on the sidewalk.

-Help me understand this moment
where you saw Adrianne for the first time.

-It was like an out-of-this-world experience.

Like, who is this creature, you know?

It was that kind of thing.

She just seemed so special, so
out of place in the environment.

Like, this is an ordinary world.

Someone from heaven just
dropped here, and there she was.

Why was she there?

And I was on the bus and we saw each other.

And then she shows up at this party, and it's for her.

I just feel like that's about
as kismet as it gets, you know?

-At 13, when you lived this moment, what were you like?

-I was awkward, socially reticent,

terrible grammar, ill-fitting clothes,

as you know from the wardrobe.

-How does it feel to be the bus driver in this scene?

-I absolutely love being the bus driver!

It's my favorite part

because it's such a great
thing that I can drive the bus

that young Alan is seeing
Adrianne out the window through.

I'm loving this. This is a peak moment.

(gentle instrumental music)

I really feel like my life began when I met Adrianne.

She was a bright light.

She was like this jewel that would
just catch different colors, you know?

She was such a unique person.

Didn't move like other people, talk like other people,

or dress like other people.

She taught me how to love and how to be loved.

I didn't get that from my family,

I got that from her.

(Alan): Can you see me?

-Yeah. -Hello!

So, is this what they mean by fly casting?

(laughter)

Take three.

You think this lure's too
big for these little minnows

we've seen jumping around here?

I think that's just about enough of that.

-What if we went that way,
instead of going under the bridge?

-Let's try.

Some place we've never been before.

(gentle music continues)

-Well, it's been quite a trip!

We're finally home, we're all perfectly exhausted.

And we're looking forward to all the improvements

made by the carpenters while we've been gone.

(gentle instrumental music continues)

-(Alan): Adrianne decided early on

that there would be no Havencrest
if I kept taking commissions.

So, starting in 1979,

everything I did was for the house.

(music fades)

All of the representations
of love are in this painting.

So Adrianne is Venus, the goddess of love.

I'm Tannhäuser, so it's like from the opera Tannhäuser.

Tannhäuser finds his way into Venus's grotto,

so we're in that setting in her grotto.

She's handing him a cup of
oblivion or something like that,

if you could think of it that way.

Because she's kind of got
him captive here in her grotto.

I think the story goes

he was there for a year and a half or something.

But in the background,
these other figures represent

the different possibilities of
love in the world, you know.

Anyway, just trying to get
these colours a little warmer.

Oh, hello!

Hello, buddy.

I'll give you some petting while you're here.

Rub your tummy, huh?

Rub your tummy, yeah.

You're so good.

You're good as gold, good as platinum.

I'm going to step over you now.

-(Shannon): All right, so yeah,

just thinking about what dresses
we could use for the casting.

-I'm thinking this should
be in the running, this caftan,

which flows and it's got that sparkle.

And it seems kind of magical
and otherworldly, you know.

I feel like that's a good choice.

-I love that. That's beautiful, amazing.

And did she make all of these or how...?

-Designed them and had them made.

The seamstresses did it.

I'm thinking there's a couple hundred in storage.

-They're all colour coordinated.

-Yes. They are.

-Is this how she did it or?

-Yeah.

She had a book that would be
the colour, and daytime, evening.

This is one of the very early ones.

She was doing Victorian.

-Oh, wow. That is incredible.

-I feel like the Victorian style works really well.

-Yeah. One of the reasons we were
thinking about using the costumes

is trying to figure out how do
we represent Adrianne in this film.

-Right. Yeah. It's tough. It's a tough one.

I think it has to be artistic and
aesthetic and suggestive and stylized

rather than flat out "this is going to be Adrianne now"

because I don't think we can do it, right?

I mean, that's my feeling.

I just don't think it's possible.

-You mean to get an actor to do it?

-To get an actor to be an impersonation of Adrianne

because she was so one of a kind.

I think it's better to suggest something

rather than fail trying to just say,

"This is her, this is it."

Adrianne was kind of ahead of her time in a way.

I think she'd fit in so well today

with Instagram and TikTok and stuff

because more than once, she said,

"Alan, you have your art that you do, but I am my art."

Which was true.

So designing herself, her hair and her clothes,

and the way she walked and talked,

she was so unique that she really was her own art.

(angelic music)

(music continues)

Adrianne said, if you want to know who I really am,

you have to sit in my doll room.

It's all the things she loved.

Christmas, so there's an eternal Christmas display.

The first painting she did for the house

is this portrait she did of Cartier.

That was her favorite dog.

This one, ladies with hats, we did this together.

We took an old book, took all the photos.

Cut them out, pasted them up here.

She was still connected to childhood, I think.

The little girl part of her.

And she had that Blue-Blue personality,

the little girl that had a little girl voice.

Blue-Blue liked different things
than the grown-up Adrianne.

She said it's never too late to have a good childhood.

She was under the thumb...

Until she finally just broke free.

You know, I helped with that quite a bit.

It was good because then she could live her life.

And she did, all the way.

(seagulls calling)

-It's a remarkable feeling, though.

-What was the song? Do you remember?

-I feel like a maidenhead. What, dear?

-Remember the song?

-A masthead. Quite a difference, isn't there?

What, dear?

(Alan laughs.) -Do you remember what the song was?

-The song, um...

It wasn't I Am the Greatest Star, was it?

What was it? It was in Funny Girl.

-Was it the one about "I'm gonna beat my drum"?

-"I'm going to live and live now.

"Get what I want, I know how."

"I have a visa."

"I have a gold card."

Look who's here! These babies!

Oh, these babies!

No, no! Expensive camera, no!

(gentle instrumental music)

-(Alan): She loved to perform,

so I built her a theater

where we put on many shows and plays

to benefit local organizations.

She had many different personalities and personas,

and she embraced all of them from time to time

in our everyday life.

Adrianne came up with a saying:

"Reality is for those who lack imagination."

She was a prolific artist,

writing books and plays and
starring in homemade movies like

The Day the Queen of Cold Got a Facelift.

-Ah! Perfection again!

I look as fresh, natural, and young as a newborn babe.

No! -What?

-A wrinkle!

Where did that come from?

-Madam is younger than springtime.

-Monkey boy, you are a genius. -I am?

-Yes darling, you're perfectly brilliant!

-Words from the director: What are
you trying to accomplish with this film?

-(Adrianne): Speak of the
surrealistic, symbolistic, metaphysical.

-This is my press agent. (Adrianne laughs.)

-(interviewer): Would you like to press your agent?

-(laughter) I have 17 lines and I can't use any of them!

-I didn't know of her before I got the call for this.

Everything about her is just strength

and creativity

and uniqueness.

And that confidence and humility.

Again, going back to it, it's a unique, powerful...

It's magic, that's a magical thing to have.

Not many people can balance that.

-Very good. You know, Adrianne had
this supreme confidence about herself.

-I just wanted to have you be able to see a few of these.

-I would like to.

-Since we talked about different
ways of representing Adrianne.

-What draws me into Adrianne

is just how unapologetically Adrianne she was.

(Alan laughs.)

She found something that she loved young,

and was like, "This is it, I love this."

And I feel like that goes the same
also with her relationship with Alan.

She fell in love young and was like, "This is it, I'm all in,"

and the two of them just pursued that passion.

Supported each other to the nth degree.

-She's good.

They all got it right away,

like they know who she is just from reading.

It's kind of surprising to me.

-Does it make you feel any different about casting?

Or how do you feel about casting Adrianne?

-It seems more doable after seeing these talents.

I thought it would be quite impossible, but...

It's a tough one.

But seeing more performance things,

that's what you need to know who could do it.

-Yeah.

Everybody ready...

And action!

-(Nathan): I didn't think I'd get a chance to see her again,

but the universe had brought us together.

I saw you from a bus.

And I said to myself,

"Now there's a very special person."

-Oh really?

-Well, I could have been wrong.

-And cut.

-Alan, am I getting closer to...

-Closer yeah, but it was...

I mean, she put her hands on
her hips, she was a head taller,

she looked down her nose and did
this with her head, like, "Oh really?"

-Okay.

-Who are you? What's this peasant talking about?

-(laughs) Yeah, okay.

-She's not impressed at all!

-And it's "Now there's a very special person." Not "This is..."

- "Now there's a very special person!" Thank you.

Now there's a very special person.

-Yeah?

-Okay, great.

We also have to think about how we're telling a story.

Because there's the story of you and Adrianne,

but there's also the story of you now

and also the journey that we're taking with you.

That's another part of the story.

-Yeah, there was one moment back there,

it was in between several takes,

and I just had a moment of, "This is really intense."

and I started to tear up,

but I thought, "No, you're going to be professional."

I noticed how you observe things,

the meaning of things.

And you almost show it to me
sometimes if I'm not thinking that way.

It's like, yeah, I see what you're saying.

(Alan): In those early days, there was a lot in our way.

We were from very different backgrounds and worlds.

I called her constantly.

-What would you know?

You were brought up in an
ivory tower! (Adrianne laughs.)

-She wasn't sure of me,

but I wouldn't give up.

One night, after a heartbreak around another man,

she got drunk and took too many sleeping pills.

(phone ringing, hysterical laughter)

(gentle instrumental music)

My phone calls roused her.

She said I saved her life.

♪ My feelings for him grew ♪

♪ That is when I knew ♪

♪ I loved him ♪

-Thank you, thank you!

-Blow out the candles, make a wish!

From then on, I won her to my heart.

Against all odds, we started
to envision a life together.

We were disowned by both our families,

but love conquers all.

We got marr... (laughs)

Ah! I'm getting emotional.

-Now you're crying!

-So I'll take it from, "But love conquers all."

-Yeah.

What got you emotional there?

-I was getting emotional there, yeah.

-Why?

(laughter)

-Well, it's an intense thing to
be disowned by your families.

But, you know, we did... We got married anyway.

That's what you have to do, and it worked out great.

But it's just remembering
all that youth and struggle

and, you know, uncertainty.

And I like the defiance of it, too.

That sort of gets me.

We got married anyway.

-I love that.

I haven't heard you talk much about this,

so it's interesting to hear that.

Do you want to take a sip of water?

(instrumental music)

-We were famished when we arrived
at the hotel on our wedding night.

I told Adrianne, "Be extravagant."

-Hello, room service.

Send up everything from pages three and four.

-There were so many dishes!

We put them in dresser drawers.

At nine o'clock, we stepped onto the balcony.

I said, "The whole world is beneath you."

We kissed and a violent storm broke out.

(thunderclap)

(instrumental music)

For the next 30 years, we were inseparable.

Only leaving each other's side twice.

Our life was like a real-life fairy tale.

A house made into a living work of art.

It was our temple of love and art.

If architecture is frozen music,

in our house, it's like frozen opera.

(dream-like music)

Adrianne would joke and say,

we give people diabetes sometimes,

when we do our thing like this.

But

we were the smallest club in the world.

We just didn't care, because the families were out.

We were estranged from the families.

And we just had each other,

and we had this little bubble up here on the hill.

And she once said to me, not once, a number of times,

she'd say, "Alan, you're the flagpole",

"and I'm the colourful banner."

And without the flagpole,

the colourful banner just floats away.

So we supported each other.

Kind of kept each other anchored.

She gave me what I needed, I gave her what she needed.

This one.

She was writing journals,

one per year almost, starting in 1974.

This is 1975.

So I actually signed the papers on my birthday.

It was my golden birthday, so
it was November 23rd, I was 23.

So this is the day.

Now she's writing November 24th.

"Yesterday was Alan's birthday,

and our little jaunt to Savannah.

There were a number of surprises, plus and minus.

Minus:

-(Adrianne): the house is on a sloping, terraced hill,

with an eccentric, bumpy, holey driveway.

The mouth of the driveway is between two houses.

At first, I thought it was an alley.

And the house is a sort of salmon pink,

with very white trim.

I began crying.

I told Alan it was because I was so happy.

I really don't know how I feel.

I think frightened is closest to the truth.

Alan loves the house,

and the difficult outside things

are things that he'll have to contend with,

so he must really love it.

-(Alan): So then, it was about a year later,

she said, "I really hate the house."

And I almost had a nervous breakdown.

Pacing around, "what am I going to do?"

Because I had two mortgages,

and didn't see any way of
getting out of all this, you know?

And then we had a discussion after.

It took hours, this discussion.

And then finally she said,

if I can do anything I want with the house,

I think I can learn to love it.

And that was when we decided

anything was up for discussion.

And so once she had transformed the house,

put herself, her ideas, all over the walls and ceiling,

then she was comfortable with it.

And I think by the end,

every inch of it was sacred to her the way it is for me.

So it just took that, you know.

She needed to make it hers.

With that began a lifetime of expansion.

Adrianne would come up with
great ideas and I'd execute them.

-The ceiling is 25 feet high,

and is upholstered with
400 yards of white silk satin.

-All around us were blank canvases

that would become the rooms of our home.

Her creativity was inexhaustible.

She could have decorated ten Havencrests.

This is going to be the magic rehearsal suite.

The living room, dining room,

rehearsal will take place here.

And I have a big mirror which is over there.

I'll get the camera and move it around.

Adrianne can see this tape

and she'll be able to get some
ideas about the room maybe.

This room, the library, has never been videotaped.

You're getting different angles of the caryatid.

Or half of it, anyway.

Supporting that archway, and
Adrianne's will be on that side

where we have the Houdini bust.

This one is representing...

Here's my zoom button.

Representing summer.

We have autumn wheat, you can see it hanging there.

(instrumental music)

You have to give everything all of yourself,

and that's true about love, too.

But everybody's holding back.

They're afraid to give it.

And it's the only way you get it, to give it.

Something's going on with those eyes.

Yeah, looks like it's fading.

Think you can touch that up
with some paint? It'll dry quickly.

Giving you a few things to do in
case you didn't have anything to do.

(phone rings)

Over 30 years, Adrianne and I
handcrafted our 63-room castle,

funded by my mascot company,
Facemakers Incorporated.

This is from the movie.

This is kind of what started
the whole business right here.

It's a little dusty, but you can see...

When I was hired to do that
promotion for this AIP film

called Frogs in 1972,

that's what started the frog costume,

and that's what started the whole company,

and that's what created Havencrest,

because you couldn't have one without the other.

(instrumental music)

Since that first frog head, we
have made thousands of mascots.

We made Tony the Tiger,

Smokey Bear, Woodsy Owl and many, many more.

Our clients include everyone
from Disney to the White House

and your local high school football team.

I tell children that mascots
helped build Havencrest.

Maybe the mascots did build it,

with help from some of our cherubs.

(children whispering)

(angelic voices singing)

From this angle, you can see the original house.

It's just one big fat tower with the bell-shaped roof.

So everything from that tower on
the left, all of that has been added.

So we did stucco,

but we like the look of mortar as
a different colour from the brick,

because that's the illusion, right?

So we painted one brick at a time.

I got very good at this because I did it so often.

So I found the right brush, I
could do it in two strokes for a brick.

A lot of bricks on the house.

Everything we added from that point
on also had to be done the same way.

There's faux wood, marble, carnelian, malachite.

If I could do an all-brick house, and all carved stone...

If I could do marble, Adrianne would have done marble,

I can tell you that.

It would have been the Marblecrest castle!

It's definitely less expensive
to go with these materials.

We did it the only way we could do it.

These are my mortgage wrinkles, by the way.

I used to hide the fact that I was doing faux marble

because I was embarrassed
that I couldn't afford the real thing.

But now people are interested with that.

They like the idea of that craftsmanship, you know?

The house is an illusion.

It's kind of a big magic trick, I guess.

Some days it seems like I'm a
ghost in the house, not Adrianne.

(birdsong)

So Adrianne wanted a door sculpted like that.

It's the same design with Adrianne.

One half of the heart is the
gardenia flower, her favorite flower.

And the other half is the oak
leaves and acorns, my favorite tree.

Semper Noce again, always us.

And the swans. And the swans are known to mate for life.

And then the crown.

The crown is just a symbol of aspiring to noble goals.

So there's a lot of meaning in it. It's a big, heavy door.

Merry Christmas!

(instrumental music)

-Hello, darling.

Welcome to Christmas 1982.

These are a few of the goodies.

From Papa.

A copy of Lady Di's engagement ring.

Very nice.

A General Hospital board game, I love this.

It's Mr. Video recording.

(Adrianne singing)

♪ All is calm All is bright ♪

♪ Round yon virgin Mother and child ♪

♪ Holy infant So tender and mild ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

(more voices join in carol)

-And all the little cornices, is that all plaster?

-It's all different materials,
some is plaster, some is wood.

(angelic music)

The older you get, you look back

and it seems like your life was written by someone,

because it's got that feeling to it, like it's a plot.

When you're going along, it's just all arbitrary.

A door opens, you go through the door.

But then you look back decades
later, like where I am now,

and it's so consistent, like somebody wrote this.

(instrumental music)

(angelic music)

-Who is this heavenly creature?

She seems from another time or place.

(music soars)

(music fades)

-I remember that night walking around and thinking,

like praying to God, like, what do I have to do?

To just like, rewind this.

Can I get her back somehow?

That was a long night there in the funeral parlour.

I slept on the floor.

She was on a table next to me.

And this is why I say the funeral director was so nice,

because Matt said, "Anything you
need, Alan, whatever you want."

And I said, "Well, I want to be with her."

And then he said, "Well, you know",

"right now, cold is kind to Adrianne."

That's how he put it.

So I said, "Then I'll just put a jacket on."

And so they put some bedding on the floor

and made kind of a bed for me.

And I stayed with her.

I remember when it finally got to be morning,

it just seemed like, not just hours, but days.

The birds are singing.

I opened the door, the back door.

And everything's going on still.

You get that feeling of, you know what I mean?

Like, the world's still turning! Like, why?

Why are the birds singing? Why
are people still going to work?

Don't they know what just happened?

Because your life is over.

It just feels like it's over.

And it was over, I mean.

(sigh)

(rueful chuckle)

You always did make me laugh.

I don't want to go back there.

It's so hard.

It's just...

(sniffle)

Because you're in this very dark place

and it's so hard to get out.

So it's easier if you don't go in there.

I have to keep it up here.

I'm thinking of the grief now.

I'm talking about the darkness of the grief.

And how difficult it is to get past all that.

And to just keep walking again.

And keep moving and doing things.

And I don't want to go back
there because it's just debilitating

and that's not what they want for us anyway.

But they're still with you.

And that's what we're saying.

And they're still alive somewhere.

And then they tell you sometimes

that I didn't really die. I'm still here.

It's sad because first of
all, it's beautiful and moving.

But also sad because you want to
be talking to them again right there.

And it's kind of like they're
just out of your reach, you know?

(mournful music)

(disjointed buzzing)

(electrical snap)

Two weeks after she passed, all the lights went out.

But then those TVs turned on

and it was Big Brother season seven.

That was like her favorite show.

And she loved it so much because of the psychology.

Her mother was a psychologist.

And she was like, my show's on, watch it.

And I thought, Adrianne's trying to get through me.

So then I called up Moriah.

She used to do work with the Chicago policemen

to help find people who had passed

because she could connect with the dead.

I just thought she could probably get Adrianne.

Moriah's thing was: when you die, you become energy.

Your wife is just giggling.

Because she has learned how to manipulate it.

And she just thinks it's so
amusing that she's learned this trick.

Moriah also said,

time for Adrianne is so different than it is for you.

So for her, in a blink of an eye,

Alan's going to be here with me.

(gentle music)

(music box is wound, starts playing)

-With all the humility one who has
just written an autobiography can muster,

I welcome you to these pages that are My life.

I hope you'll find humour, romance,

pathos, and drama within.

The form is unusual,

as all the personal pronouns
that refer to Me are capitalized,

as well as those that speak of
Alan and Me after Our marriage.

I did this because I think it is wonderful. (laughs)

To celebrate Our ninth wedding anniversary,

We are giving these volumes to
those We hold most dear, Our friends.

You do Us a great honour by accepting My little tome.

Some of it is very serious, but most of it is not.

A very special person was written
as a monologue or speech, if you will,

and should be read that way,

and should be read the way I talk.

I had the most delightful time writing it.

I hope you will enjoy reading it.

On this, the occasion of Our greatest celebration,

We want you to know that to Us,

you too are a very special person.

Adrianne Blue Wakefield-St. George.

-What gets you there?

-So much of my life I've been asked to

make myself smaller and lesser

and to fit the room that I'm in,

rather than to just fill the space that I'm in.

And the first time that I

met her through research,

the first thing that I felt so drawn to was,

how unapologetically herself she is.

And how I just, every day,

am working to be more like that.

I just feel so thankful to have,

even for a moment, been able to

meet... The words are just coming to me to say, meet her.

And to trust those words,

"You too are a very special person."

It just feels

like kind of what she needed to tell me.

Even though I know this is written,

and many people can read that.

It's a good reminder for everybody to hear that. And...

Yeah.

(instrumental music)

-In late 2008, Moriah said,

Adrianne says you're exhausted.

It's your second Christmas without me.

It's going to be a low point.

That was the Christmas I thought I could stay home.

The previous Christmas, I had gone to Germany

to escape the house for the holidays.

I started reading her journals

on Christmas Eve.

I was sick for weeks with pneumonia

for the first time in my life.

I prayed for death.

She came to me and told me it was not my time.

And there was more to do.

People I hadn't met yet that I could help.

From that point on, I resolved to stay and live.

Though it would not always be easy.

-Does it take you back a bit?

-Yes, well, this is right where Adrianne died.

But, you know, I'm sure people say this.

I've heard people say that it was comforting,

when she first passed, to be
right where... Her side of the bed.

I think people do that. You smell their clothing.

You sleep on their side of the bed.

It's a way to be closer to them.

So, there's that, too.

But I would have disturbing
thoughts because of that day.

And I would just try to block it out.

Just like a big X in my mind
over the scene of her passing.

Because it's just so disturbing. You can't sleep.

But then you have those
moments when you're comforted

by being in their side of
the bed and that sort of thing.

It's like everything is a double-edged sword.

-Because it was unexpected?

-It was so unexpected.

We got the diagnosis and then two
days later we got the medications.

We thought we were just going
to adjust to this lifestyle now.

I Googled it.

Lots of people with congestive
heart failure continue to live

and they just have to do certain things, you know.

I thought, okay, we'll just make an adjustment.

And then suddenly she's just gone.

It was so sudden.

And we were always living in this fantasy bubble.

We were always pushing that stuff away. Reality.

It's a struggle. It's always a struggle.

And it goes on.

You know, you've dealt with loss and it's never over.

So, it's just like you always have
this part of your body removed.

Your arm is gone and it's just gone.

But you get used to the pain.

I think of it that way.

You get used to the pain of it being gone.

But there's still the pain
and there's still the loss of it.

You know?

You always think you're stronger sometimes.

We like to think we're so strong.

But you find you're stronger
than you think sometimes, too.

You don't break.

You just get bruised and you don't break.

I didn't break. I mean, I'm still here.

(instrumental music)

(cheering and applause)

(drumming)

(harp music)

♪ Every morning Get back to it ♪

♪ If we dream it We can do it ♪

♪ Every night You will get through it ♪

♪ If we dream it We can do it ♪

♪ Come on, Alan Let's get to it ♪

♪ If we dream it We can do it ♪

♪ Come on, Alan You'll get through it ♪

♪ If we dream it We can do it ♪

(audience clapping rhythmically)

♪ Come on, Alan You'll get through it ♪

♪ If we dream it We can do it ♪

♪ Come on, Alan You'll get through it ♪

♪ If we dream it ♪

♪ I can do it ♪

(fireworks exploding)

♪ Come on Alan Get back to it ♪

-Well, we talked about fantasy and reality.

And I guess I like the fantasy life better.

Fantasy occupation and fantasy home

and fantasy everything, you know.

It was really odd, when Adrianne passed,

to then enter the real world with real people.

You know, I didn't have a driver's license.

At the time, it was Juan who took me to my first Walmart.

That was an experience.

Because I'd heard about this Walmart place.

I thought, "This is so interesting."

We always dressed up, so I wore a suit and tie

because we were going out in public.

So I wore a suit and tie to Walmart.

And I found out how silly that was.

Because people were in their pajamas or whatever.

I mean, it looked like sweats and things.

Various states of whatever.

And it was huge.

I couldn't believe the size
of it, like a football field.

And you could buy guns and ammunition and food.

I don't need guns and ammunition,

but it's just such an odd thing, you know.

I wanted to get a frozen pizza to have in the freezer.

I thought, "Wouldn't it be nice
to have a pizza if I felt like it?"

So I went to the freezer where they had them.

And there was two whole freezers,

stacks of different brands, different kinds.

And I remember, I had to sit down.

People shopped for us, so we never went to the bank,

the post office, the grocery store, any of that.

And then to finally go down and see,

one whole aisle was nothing but cereal.

Like, the whole thing.

Because the list was always Raisin Bran.

That was what I remembered that I
liked from childhood, always the same one.

So, now there's, like, cookie this and cinnamon that

and sugar candy.

It was like the candy aisle, really, honestly.

It was like the Rip Van Winkle story.

You've fallen asleep, and now
you wake up, it's 100 years later.

That's what it felt like.

I had fallen asleep, and 100
years later, the world is different.

And I thought, how do people do it?

This is so mind-boggling to know what to even choose,

because there's so much to choose from.

(instrumental music)

I was terrified. I was terrified of people.

I wasn't agoraphobic, but on the edge of it.

It's not your fantasy world.

It's not this bubble you've
created, this little hothouse.

Adrianne referred to us as
hothouse flowers, you know.

(birdsong)

-Did you ever feel any resentment
once you came out into the world

that you had lost it for so long?

-No, no.

I was enjoying the traveling,
but always happy to get home.

You know, it's nice to leave, and it's nice to come home.

And I didn't...

The only time I had a struggle with it was when

Adrianne... I had been...

I was ready to go... I was going to trade shows

to promote Facemakers to other costume companies,

because we were doing
wholesale and retail in those days.

I was all set to go. I was
gonna do it, like I had been doing.

And then Adrianne, the day before, was saying,

"Alan, I just can't let you go."

Like that.

Not laughing. It was very serious.

She was emotional.

"Can't let you go." And so then I didn't.

But that was the first time I did feel
like my wings were clipped a little bit,

because I was used to doing it.

But I just adjusted to that,

like I adjusted to snow on my pillow

in the wintertime.

-What do you mean by that?

-Well, that...

She liked it cold. She liked the rooms cold.

So even in December, she would
have a window fan right in the bedroom,

right next to the bed.

So one time in the early marriage, I woke up,

and there was snow on my pillow.

And I just thought, "Wow, I
really have some adjusting to do."

I have to get acclimated to this.

And I did.

I did get used to it.

You can get used to a lot of things

if it's worth it, right? (laughs)

(instrumental music)

Okay.

For your digestion.

Let's see, where did we put that?

Where did we put your liver?

Oh, here it is.

Smell this.

That's a favorite, right?

You love that.

Good for you, too. Liver.

I like liver.

Okay, Prince, all your favorites. There you go, buddy.

(faucet running)

(birdsong)

(old projector whirring)

When I pass,

okay, I get a live review.

Then I would see Adrianne's face.

I feel like I'll see her face first.

And I'll see her face in the distance.

It's kind of foggy around it.

And then it just gets larger and larger,

and I'm with her, and that feeling of warmth.

And just basking in light, like sunlight.

Feeling the warmth of all of that, and the love.

(angelic music)

(waves breaking)

(music grows in intensity)

(seagulls crying)

(music builds, then transforms into gentle piano)

-Hello, darling.

♪ Mystifying death-defying love ♪

♪ I don't want to give up on us ♪

♪ Hold my hand and we'll drive into the white screen ♪

♪ Mythologizing, objectifying us ♪

♪ In a mold of our own design ♪

♪ Glad that I'm feeling fine But I'm lovesick ♪

♪ Love I don't want to recover from ♪

♪ The wild fever that burns me up ♪

♪ In the zeppelin of dreams there high above us ♪

♪ Jump with no parachute but our trust ♪

♪ I don't want a safe landing ♪

♪ It's folie à deux for us now ♪

♪ Lionizing, agonizing love ♪

♪ Please don't blow my illusions of ♪

♪ The orchids that we've become ♪

♪ In the greenhouse inside us ♪

♪ You couldn't write this You couldn't make this up ♪

♪ Nobody does like us ♪

♪ Over the top and sick with wonder ♪

♪ Love I don't want to recover from ♪

♪ The wild fever that burns me up ♪

♪ In the zeppelin of dreams there high above us ♪

♪ Jump with no parachute but our trust ♪

♪ I don't want a safe landing ♪

♪ It's folie à deux for us now ♪

(song continues)

(song ends)

The grief is a sickness,

but it's connected to the love.

So I don't want to give it up.

I think it's finished.

And I think it's the best I can do.

That old line I like about how art
is never completed, just abandoned.

And I feel like that at this moment,

and just about every time I finish something.

It's the best I can do. I have to leave it now.

This was our life.

To change it now, to do something different...

I don't know how I could do that.

It's been my whole adult life.

I think the only scary part is when it is finished,

if I live long enough to actually finish it,

then it'll be, you know, "then what?"

Then what do I do?

I can't think about that now.

It's still a ways off. We've got a lot to do.

We've got a lot of work to do yet.

♪ Now there ♪

♪ Is a very special person ♪

♪ Now there ♪

♪ Is a very special person ♪

-(Nathan): I didn't think I'd get a chance to see her again.

But the universe had brought us together.

I saw you from a bus.

And I said to myself,

now there's a very special person.

Oh, really?

Well, I could have been wrong.

♪ Who is this little upstart? ♪

♪ Who is this heavenly creature? ♪

♪ He's rough around the edges ♪

♪ She's perfectly divine ♪

(wordless singing in unison)

(wordless singing continues)

-(Shannon): Gorgeous.

I think that was a crier for all of us.

That was a crier.

-(Alan): We talked a little before. -Yes.

-But by the way, the gracefulness
of your hand movements,

that's so much like Adrianne.

-Wow, thank you.

-And seeing you in the dress, and then you have...

As I said in the dressing room,

you have that life force, that sort of energy.

She had that love of life.

You either have it or you don't.

When you're giggling sometimes,
she did this "tee-hee-hee",

you've got that, too.

And it's just beautiful to see you in her dress.

And to get that feeling,

like she's standing in this space
that she designed and created

and it's coming back, you know? It's so beautiful.

-Did you ever consider that that your
story would be put up to this scale?

-Of course not. Who thinks of that?

But I know Adrianne's loving it.

She's right here just, you
know, giggling and loving this.

-Wow. Thank you. -Thank you. Thank you both.

(heavenly music)

(music fades)

(chimes)

(instrumental music)

(music fades)

-(Adrianne): Goodbye now!