Original subtitles

Previously on The Magicians...

A huge reservoir of magic, hidden underneath the castle?

- Where does it lead? - To Roderick's secret chamber?

The Binder had a theory.

When a being of great power, such as a god, is killed,

their energy is lost.

But he believed it could be preserved,

effectively turning the magician into a god.

Oh, thank Christ. I didn't think I'd get through.

Listen, I don't have a lot of time. We need your help.

Surviving first-year students,

I am here to teach you what not to do.

The Library, they don't want you to know it.

Before we go in,

there's a small matter of protection.

- What is it? - Insects.

The bugs only last an hour, so we need to be quick.

Everett's been lying to all of us.

To do what?

To become a god.

- It's locked. - Don't you have the key?

Someone locked us in.

- Who's dying? - My sister.

I found her a body, but I need to find one

that is more durable.

Like yours.

No running away, little not-god.

I'd hate to damage my sister's new body.

Good news, sister.

I have found you

a much more durable body.

But I am going to have

to momentarily kill you again.

I beseech you, Our Lady Underground.

You know what, fuck this.

You said you chose me,

so now's your chance to prove it.

Julia.

Kinda cutting it close, don't you think?

I didn't come here to fix it.

I can't.

You still have a chance.

A choice of what you want to be.

You're saying this whole time me being a human and a god,

this was all just a test?

Well...

Both options are shit.

I mean, you're saying one is pass and one is fail?

You will not fail as long as the decision is yours.

Now go, I can only hold him for so long.

- Oh, shit. - Run!

Jesus Christ, so The Monster took Julia.

We need to find them. Do something now.

We have the axes and the demon bottles.

You have the incorporate bond.

You didn't give two wet shits

when it was Eliot's life on the line,

and now that it's Julia you're suddenly leaning in?

Look, we all care about both of them,

but based on Mayakovsky's formula

casting an incorporate bond strong enough to hold a god

would take an insane amount of power.

Now we need twice as much.

If we go in there without enough juice

they'll just body hop.

- They'll kill us all. - Great.

Where the hell are we gonna find that kind of magic?

Hey, Dean.

I would not go in your office right now, if I were you.

If you shit in my private bathroom again...

No. Well, see,

there's kind of a few Librarian dudes here to arrest you.

Yeah, they're pretty pissed about some lecture you gave

while you were pissed.

I've been expecting them. Come with me.

Thank Christ I wore the right suit today.

The right suit for being arrested, or...

Wait. Are you still drunk?

That's entirely beside the point.

We have a bigger problem.

Kady and Zelda haven't returned from the Poison Room,

and they're running out of time.

Oh, shit.

Who are they, and what does that mean, exactly?

- God damn it, focus, Todd. - Yes.

If I'm going to be arrested, there still may be a chance

that something good can come from it.

Here.

Yes, here.

Take this to the Library book drop immediately.

Tell no one, do you understand?

Sure, keep it confidench. On it.

And try not to "Todd" this up.

I will try not to be myself.

Well, so much for getting Fogg's help.

Well, that's the last of our protection.

On the upside, tasted minty fresh.

Hmm.

Let's go.

Wait.

What the hell?

Hello, there.

Apologies, I was trying not to startle you.

Christopher Plover. Pleasure.

The children's book author?

Oh, you're familiar with my work.

You could say that.

I've read Martin Chatwin's book.

Yes, well, not exactly the highlight of my o e u vre.

You're the pervert who turned him into The Beast.

I'm the man who survived in this place for weeks.

And I can show you how

if you help me escape.

Look, it sucks that Fogg's out of commish,

but who else can we shake down?

Kady was trying to find the Library stockpile.

If we knew where that was.

Found magic, need help!

Who sent you?

- Found magic, need help! - Okay, where?

- Vague as shit. - Oh, sorry.

It's Fen.

Right this way.

High King Fen awaits.

Whoa.

Sort of incredible.

Trippy.

Oh, good, you're here.

- Fen, what is this? - And what's with the fish?

Follow me, come on.

Holy shit.

This is the reservoir?

An ocean of pure magic.

Pretty amazing, right?

I found it. Well, Josh and me.

And Tick was there too, I guess.

But, no, a lot of it was me.

One small problem...

don't touch it!

That's the tiny little problem.

It seems to be protected by some sort of curse.

Look what it did to Josh.

Yo u 're s a yin g Jo s h is a fu c kin g fis h?

Well, of course not. He's a Fillorian Dying Fish.

A Fillorian Fucking Fish

is a totally different species.

Wait, "Dying Fish"?

I really hope that's a metaphor.

Nope, they only live a couple days.

And you're sure that's Josh?

Oh, I saw it happen.

We were gonna come straight to you guys,

tell you all about how we saved the day,

and then he touches the water and next thing I know, boom,

Josh Fish.

Him and his damn showmanship.

So is it bad if it turns white?

Great Umber's taint.

What are you doing?

Dying Fish need eye contact,

almost constantly.

Usually they get it from their fish moms, but we'll have to fill in.

Every pet I ever had ended up in a shoebox or the toilet.

- This one's all you. - It's just until we figure out

how to turn him back into a person.

Or the rest of his life.

I'm not babysitting Nemo

when we're this close to saving Eliot.

- I've got bigger fish to fry. - Shh, Margo!

Don't say "fry" and "fish."

It's not working. He's not getting better.

Margo, please. For Josh?

Damn it.

So I just look at him?

My Gods.

He perked right up.

He's bonded to you.

He thinks you're his mother.

Unfortunately, that's not the first time that's happened.

Closest thing to the reservoir in the books

is the Secret Sea.

It's an underground ocean.

Chatwins sailed across it

with a crew full of rabbit pirates.

Are those pirates who steal rabbits,

or pirates who are rabbits?

Kind of both.

But it doesn't say anything

about the Secret Sea being full of magic or cursed,

so maybe there's a clue that I'm missing.

And if your nerdy bullshit leads us nowhere?

We need a backup plan.

Speaking of bunnies, where are the ones that Fen sent?

I have an idea.

So do all rabbits talk, or...

Some of them you have to bribe with cigarettes first.

Look, about my message...

No, I know. I owe you.

But I can't slip you

that kind of power behind The Order's back.

The monsters have two of my friends,

and who knows what kind of chaos they're causing

while the Library does nothing.

Look, Alice...

I am no stranger to messing up a good thing.

I'm not gonna do that with the Library.

Well, if we don't do something, there might not be a Library anymore.

Then why don't you work with us?

Because your bosses would arrest all of us on sight.

You wanna do some good?

This is your best chance.

I hope you find what you need, Alice.

We're not setting him loose.

All we're promising is to take him with us if we find an exit.

Well?

Do we have a deal?

Moss?

My theory is it counteracts the poison.

Probably why it's the only other living thing

in this place.

Been eating it since I got here

and I'm as healthy as a horse.

How did you get here?

Former prisoner of yours,

Alice Quinn,

seemed to think this was the place I deserved to be.

I can't say I disagree.

Don't bite the hand that feeds you, dear.

Shall we?

Huh.

At least give me my dignity.

Sorry. Protocol.

Well, this was a new suit.

It's a bit loud.

Yes.

It certainly is.

Damn, the history of this place is depressing as shit.

Most world histories are.

Nothing about a way out.

Kady?

Oh, shit.

What?

The moss should have protected you from...

- Oh. - "Oh," what?

The age-suspension spells

Martin used to keep me alive while he tortured me,

it must still be keeping me alive.

Perfect.

So I'm gonna die in the most ironic way possible.

Just like Penny.

Well...

Not necessarily.

If we get back in time...

Wait,

all this time

the Library had a cure?

- Kady... - No, you...

you chose not to save Penny?

- If it were up to me... - It was.

It's called "The Poison Room."

The name is a warning Penny chose to ignore.

No, no, no, you don't get to hide behind the Library.

You think if you're a cog in a fascist machine

that you're not responsible for the people that it kills?

I'll admit, the Library veered

in an authoritarian direction.

Because of Everett. Once we remove him from power...

No, no, it is not just Everett.

It's the whole goddamn Order.

It all needs to be burned down.

Not if it can be reformed.

Look, as someone who lived through

two world wars, I can tell you,

authoritarian regimes, they fail eventually.

See?

Look, even the pedophile agrees with me.

Oh, hardly.

Problem is,

no one will ever let you change.

People always see you for what you've done,

never for who you are.

So at the end of the day,

no matter what you try to become,

some judgmental blonde bitch

always shoves you down a poison well.

Yeah?

Well, then I'm Team Blonde Bitch.

- Where's Fen? - I sent her out for fish flakes

three hours ago.

Wait, you sent her out alone in Manhattan?

Well, I kind of implied it was her fault Josh was a fish

and blah, blah, blah, I'd blame her forever,

so she's cooling off at Benihana.

She never could resist a sharp knife.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to read up on a damn cure

while maintaining constant eye contact with an anchovy.

And they say girls are the ones who get needy

once you fuck them.

Wait, were you and Josh...

Wait, you know about

the werewolf stuff, right?

Who gives a shit?

- Nothing matters. - Okay.

Look, it's not a big deal, all right?

Sometimes we bang. He makes me laugh.

And I like having him around

'cause of the aforementioned banging,

and he just you know, he kind of gets me. So what?

It's not like I'm in love with Josh Hoberman.

It kinda sounds like you are, though.

Have you met me? I don't do feelings.

I'm the bitch with the ice axes.

You can still care about a guy,

werewolf, fish.

And it doesn't make you any less you.

I mean, you can still be a bitch if you want to.

Hmm. Shit.

Maybe I do love this goddamn guppy.

Uh, I think this is the Hedge doctor

that Kady called to fix Pete.

Says he's a veterinarian.

Maybe he can help with the fish-Josh.

Josh-fish.

Way to be useful, Coldwater.

Is this Gordy?

Yeah, I've got fish problems.

- Josh and Margo. - Yeah.

Okay, here's my thing,

um...

I didn't think that I could ever trust you again.

And now...

"And now"?

I find myself wanting to.

When we first met,

I was clinging onto some

naive, idealistic notions of what the world should be.

How people should be.

And I think that I have realized

if I just throw away all that childish bullshit,

I can forgive people.

For not living up to my stupid expectations.

Like yourself?

What if we try again?

I want you in my life, Alice.

I want that, too.

Cyrus.

There was an intrusion in the Poison Room.

It's Zelda.

With a hedge witch.

- Did you follow protocol? - Yes, they're locked in.

But do we really just leave her to die in there?

How long do you think we have?

If we got out now? A few days.

In here? A few hours.

The after-effects of the bugs slowed the...

Zelda? Shit.

Sorry to knock you out like that.

It's the only way we could talk.

You could have freed me.

You brought a hedge witch

into our most protected archive.

I read your book. You're hoarding magic.

Trying to become a god. Why?

I put in centuries of work

before you ever knew the Library existed.

- Oh, so I wouldn't understand. - No, you should understand.

How...

futile it all is.

We work so hard to protect the flame of knowledge,

but there will always be things we can't understand.

Knowledge of the Gods.

By becoming one of them, I can rip their secrets away from them

and bring them back to the Library.

At what cost?

An unkillable god is on the loose as we speak.

In the body of Eliot Waugh.

You intend to take his power.

He has the power to destroy everything,

and all we have are books.

If we want to face that kind of threat,

we need power, too.

Isn't that what Bacchus and the others were trying to do?

They got drunk on their own power.

Some of them literally.

What makes you think you won't fall prey to the same hubris?

Well, I thought I had you.

Excuse me, but isn't this book banned?

Like, really, really banned?

Fuck me. Uh,

we need to get that to the Poison Room.

Immediately. Now, now, now.

You wanted me.

To do what, exactly?

To take over the Library once I'm gone.

To see to the human concerns,

and to fix my mistakes

with the benefit of all the knowledge and the power I would bring.

I wish you'd told me the truth sooner.

So do I.

So, do what you must.

- Follow protocol. - There is a way you can still help me.

I redirected the power I need into a reservoir,

but it triggered a protective spell.

A puzzle I can't solve.

But I've discovered someone who can.

Quentin Coldwater.

Get Quentin to open the reservoir,

and the Library can still be yours to lead if...

Did you slap me?

We need to move, fast.

No. I didn't risk my life to save a child molester.

- He can stay. - What? No.

We had a deal! Tell him!

Well, your moss didn't do shit for us, so...

But I can help you get to the reservoir.

It was a secret of Martin's, and I know all his secrets.

I could share them with you.

Incursion protocol. They're patrolling.

Come on.

Get to the Earth fountain,

I'll hold them off. Go!

Damn it.

Quite a trip you sent me on.

You ruined my suit.

But the good news is,

you're just about my size.

Keep barking, you schnauzer fuck.

It won't bring back your balls.

God, I hate animals.

So...

- Goldfish troubles? - Not exactly.

I see. Not a goldfish. Some kind of hybrid?

Oh, my God.

I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news,

but your fish is a werewolf.

Wait. So are you.

Did...

Did you fuck this fish?

Look, he's a human who's been cursed,

and I need to know how to undo it.

Well, it's definitely not a hedge spell.

And without knowing how it was cast,

not much I can do about it.

So, should I just go ahead and flush it, or...

Again, he's a person.

I'm gonna need you to try a little harder, all right?

Now, if I look away for literally 10 seconds,

he starts to die, and at some point, I'm gonna need to sleep

or drop a deuce, and I don't allow spectators.

Yeah, there is some kind of bond happening there.

Whoa. Your eye is crazy.

Is that a wolf thing, or...

Fairy thing.

Can we focus on fish boy, please?

It's not even attached to your head.

You ever pop it out?

Why the shit would I pop out my own eyeball, Gordy?

So you can point it at your gilled lover

while you attend to lady business.

I don't know, man. It feels pretty stuck in there.

Ahh!

Holy shit, it's working.

I can still see out of it.

You ever touch me again, I'll pop out your balls.

Uh...

See? Problem solved.

I don't know. This seems kind of problematic.

Oh, I got just the thing.

Really?

Why does a veterinarian have a pirate-themed eye patch?

Maybe it's best we don't ask a lot of follow-up questions.

Jesus, what happened to you?

Hey.

- Just... - Hello, Alice.

- Thought he was dead. - Why'd you bring him here?

Because I just might be the only person alive

who knows how to access the reservoir

and save your friends.

- Mmm. - Okay, so, the reservoir.

Yes, well, that's what Martin called it.

I thought it lacked a certain poetry.

So I renamed it the Secret Sea.

Right, the fourth Fillo ry book.

Mmm. Oh, I see you have a copy here.

Ah.

Oh.

- First edition That must be valuable. - Yes.

Well, even more so now.

The Watcher Woman in the books,

she was trying to steal all of magic for herself, right?

And then Martin stops her.

Most of that book is pure tosh.

I had to invent that plot from whole cloth

since, well,

I couldn't exactly publish the stories

as the children told them to me, could I?

I mean, the Flying Forest,

where the Chatwins discovered recreational drug use?

Poor little Jane hearing all about the birds

and the bees from a...

Did you know that centaurs view necrophilia

as a way of honoring the dead?

Don't think I'd get a Carnegie Medal

for explaining that to children.

I mean, then there's all the exaggerations and the lies.

I mean, Martin slaying a dozen mercenaries,

and Jane riding on top of a horse, what, 100 feet tall?

- I mean, what did she call it? - Cozy Horse.

"Cozy Horse." Utter nonsense thrown in there

just to see how much they'd get me to believe,

and then Jane insisted I keep it.

In real life, the ending was much darker.

Oh, Martin did stop the Watcher Woman, that's true.

The Secret Sea

was built by the thirteenth king of Fillory

to consolidate power for himself.

Martin wanted to make sure that no one ever tried

to do the same thing again so he drained the Secret Sea

using the last few drops to set a trap

for anyone who might, one day, try to refill it.

A curse.

Right, so now, one of our friends is a fish.

Well, he was 13 at the time.

You have to forgive his rather adolescent sense of humor.

You know how to fix it?

Mmm.

There's a garden just outside the reservoir.

The Drowned Garden, Martin called it.

Never did know why.

It reacts to your emotions.

You feel happy, a flower blooms.

You feel sad, another one.

So, one of the plants is the antidote?

Indeed.

To make it bloom,

you have to truly love Fillory.

Maybe when I was 12, but...

I don't know, Fillory's taken away a lot of the shit I love.

Martin had the same problem.

He returned as an adult

and could not make the flower bloom.

His innocent love for Fillory

had soured.

I think we can all say why.

Quentin.

It has to be you.

I'm familiar with your books.

Even considering your recent experiences,

Quentin has the best chance of...

making the garden grow.

We don't have much time.

There's a contractor the Library uses

who might be willing to...

Text me if you find somebody.

So it's true? The Library has a cure?

I know, it's bullshit.

Go with her before it's too late.

If this is some noble shit

about you not owing the Library anything...

Oh.

You don't want to be cured.

'Cause for all the terrible shit we've been through,

at least the upside is

that you know that there's a life after death

and you get to spend forever with the other Penny.

And what part of that sounds bad?

The part where you're dead.

I may not know you the way he did,

but I know that that would be a hell of a waste.

Yeah.

Well, most things are.

A lot's changed since I've been gone.

Yes.

The humans made lots of good stuff.

They spend their small lives building things

that we could smash in a heartbeat.

Sounds fun.

Perhaps you can tell me...

Do I have a name?

Why would you need one?

Starbucks, mostly.

This whole time I felt so sorry for you.

Lost and alone.

But you weren't alone. You were with the humans.

You talk like them, you think like them.

I ate a few of them.

Yes, but you care about them.

You think I'm disappointed.

I'm not.

Are you scared of me, little brother?

Would I have worked so hard to bring you back

if I was scared of you?

All I thought about was you.

After I remembered you existed, anyway.

And all I thought about was revenge.

And I got it for you already.

I killed Bacchus.

Iris.

All of them.

Everyone who hurt you.

The question is who put us here?

Our parents.

They made us, called us mistakes.

Abandoned us.

So, what do we do?

I like murder as much as anyone,

but I did all of this

just to be with you.

Can't we enjoy it just for a little while?

That's not what we were made for.

It's not that I am terrified of the Old Gods in any way.

It's just, how do you kill

an intangible thought creature?

Where do you even stab?

They're more vulnerable than you think.

If we can get to their realm.

Which we cannot.

We have a key. A scroll.

Found it a very long time ago on this world.

The Order took it from us.

They didn't even know what they had.

Now,

where would a bunch of Librarians

keep a very, very important scroll?

Oh.

Here.

This has to be it.

It's exactly as Martin described it.

Think happy thoughts

about Fillory.

Pure.

Innocent.

Maybe try talking to it.

Okay, can you just...

Well...

Um, Fillory is...

obviously great.

You know, talking bears, right?

Who could hate that?

And opium in the air.

That was...

smart.

And...

socialized centaur medicine.

Are we screwed

- because Quentin can't get it up for Fillory? - Just...

Look, why don't you try...

Okay, no, stop.

I can't... Look, you're the one that ruined this.

I can't do it with you over my shoulder,

so just, please, just go.

God damn it.

Okay, um...

When I was a kid, I loved the Fizzy River

that they found in book two.

And I loved...

I loved the Upside-Down Desert.

You know, the...

I can't really picture it, but, you know, it sounds...

It sounds cool.

I don't know, I can't, I'm sorry.

- I just... I can't... - Hey. Hey.

I used to love Fillory when I was a kid

because I didn't know what it was.

Plover left out all of the terrible shit,

and most of the good stuff he just made up.

Even the fucking Cozy Horse is a lie.

Remember what you told me

about letting go of who you used to be?

I know, I'm trying.

Don't.

I don't want you to.

Believing in something, really believing,

is almost impossible.

But the Quentin I first met...

he believed in magic.

And in Fillory.

He changed.

He grew up.

Being an adult doesn't mean that you have to throw away

what you used to love.

Then what does it mean?

Seeing the world through new eyes.

And for what it's worth,

the Cozy Horse is real.

I saw her when I was a Niffin.

So big you could build a house on it.

So...

Let's go.

Okay, it's just you and me.

You know the worst part

of getting exactly what you want?

When it's not good enough.

Then what do you do?

If this can't make me happy, then what would?

Fillory was supposed to mean something.

I was supposed to mean something here.

But it's all... It's just... It's random.

It's so random that the only way to save my friends

is to yell at a fucking plant!

Honestly, fuck Fillory for being so disappointing.

You know what, maybe I was better off

just believing that it was fiction.

The idea of Fillory

is what saved my life!

This promise...

that...

people like me...

People like me...

Can somehow...

Find an escape.

There has gotta be some power in that.

Shouldn't loving the idea of Fillory be enough?

Guys.

Guys, something's happening!

Here's the door.

The key to the realm of the Old Gods.

How the hell does this thing work?

Give this to Margo.

If Plover's right, it should cure Josh.

Monsters in Library!

- Sheila must have sent it. - Monsters in Library!

All right, we have to go before they leave.

Okay, I'll grab Margo and the axes.

Hey, you sure this is gonna work?

Well, either it will,

or when you come back we'll both be fish.

Well, that'd be an improvement.

- Okay. - Okay.

Do you feel anything?

Super stressed out?

Okay.

Ugh.

Yeah, I'm totally feeling that.

Okay.

Grab your axes.

Monsters in the Library.

Are you baking for a fish?

He has a refined palate.

Yeah, here, this should fix the whole fish deal.

And, yes, I noticed

that your eyeball isn't in your head, but honestly, we do not have time

for me to hear that story.

- How long does the leaf take? - I don't know.

But you know it works?

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I can't go until he's cured.

If I leave, Josh will die.

- It's okay. - Penny.

I'll bring Eliot back.

I promise.

Damn cheap bastards.

No, no, please!

No!

Shit.

What did you do to get locked in this cage?

Well, I...

I went against every instinct I had.

I tried to make a goddamn difference.

Which, for the record, you should never, ever do.

Julia...

if you're in there,

then I'm sorry...

for everything that happened to you...

Because of me.

Hey, Monster...

Lady.

Adorable.