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00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:05,671
orchestral
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00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:07,963
horse neighs, collapses
3
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:13,139
rock
4
00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:19,151
Well, she's gone
5
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:23,189
And I won't be coming home
6
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:26,525
I heard that a broken heart
7
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:29,962
Is better left alone
8
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:32,732
After1,000 miles
9
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:36,102
Maybe I'll get by
10
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:39,939
There's just
one thing to say
11
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:45,010
It's just a matter of time
12
00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:48,114
It's just a matter of time
13
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:50,950
It's just a matter of time
14
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:54,186
Yeah
15
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:18,277
It's just a matter of time
16
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:21,013
It's just a matter of time
17
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:25,216
Yeah, yes, it is
18
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:31,891
It's just a matter of time
19
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:34,927
It's just a matter of time
20
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:40,256
Yeah, yes, it is
21
00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:45,471
cries
22
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:47,840
You know, they say
with every life experience,
23
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,275
there's a lesson to be learned,
24
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:52,378
and, man, did I learn mine.
25
00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:56,315
See, that was me, fantasizing
about every woman I saw.
26
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:58,217
See, I was what you
might call a horn dog,
27
00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:01,787
a playboy, a gigolo.
28
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,323
I'm what you ladies
might call, well...
29
00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:07,426
a scumbag.
30
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:10,963
See, I wasn't a bad guy, it's
just that every girl I saw,
31
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:14,133
I just- I just had to
get into bed with.
32
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,664
panting
Oh, yeah.
33
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:20,406
screams
34
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:21,674
Unh!
Uhh!
35
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,042
Excuse me.
36
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:25,811
Well, almost
every girl I saw.
37
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,704
Uhh!
38
00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:30,816
Anyway, I always
wanted to get married,
39
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:34,253
be a dad, have kids,
but how could I do both?
40
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:38,123
I mean, how could I keep on being
with women, and start a family?
41
00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:41,393
Than I had this
brilliant idea. bell dings
42
00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:42,828
I need to find a girl
that would be willing
43
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,463
to bring other women
into bed with me.
44
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,031
Well, what
happened to Kelly?
45
00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:47,233
I broke up with her.
46
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,734
Well, she
broke up with me.
47
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,636
Actually, she hit me over the
head with a nine iron,
48
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:51,837
then broke up with me.
49
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,005
Unh!
50
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,174
She hit you over the head
with a nine iron?
51
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,609
Actually, it was a
four iron, but who's counting?
52
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:57,543
Unh!
53
00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:59,445
Why?
54
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:01,680
Because I was
cheating on her.
55
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:02,948
Oh.
56
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:04,617
See, I had this
wandering penis problem.
57
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,051
It's like a veining rod.
58
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:08,787
All right, and she was
upset with you, right, Tom?
59
00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:09,955
sobbing
60
00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:11,190
No, I don't think so.
61
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,691
Mm-hmm.
62
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,693
See, every time I see a
new girl, I gotta get her-
63
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,061
Acceptance.
64
00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:17,696
Acceptance?
65
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,064
You can't say no, Thomas.
66
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:21,066
You cheat because
you want the constant love
67
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:25,104
and approval from others because you
never got those things from your family.
68
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:26,872
Your siblings ridiculed you,
69
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:31,010
your dad beat you, humiliated
you, and never accepted you.
70
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,336
Well, not exactly.
71
00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:35,481
Doc, how can my penis
72
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,716
have anything to do
with the family?
73
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,853
Then, when you get
these women to love you,
74
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,454
you want to get rid of them.
75
00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:43,489
Why would I do that?
76
00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:44,990
You question their credibility
77
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,992
if they could love
a loser like yourself.
78
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:48,360
I do?
79
00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:52,031
Yeah. Your family considered
you a loser, Thomas.
80
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,700
And that's why you seek the constant
love and affection from others.
81
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:56,035
To prove them wrong.
82
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:57,970
Doc, couldn't it
just be that I'm horny?
83
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,605
Doubtful, Thomas.
84
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:02,007
Look, you push people
away who love you
85
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:06,545
because you feel unworthy
of love, happiness, self-respect.
86
00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:10,115
And we're seeing these same things
happen in your relationships.
87
00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:11,650
You try and
create obstacles
88
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,519
that'll keep you from
having a happy relationship.
89
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,754
For instance,
remember Jasmine?
90
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,056
Yeah.
91
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,857
Well, you dumped her.
92
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,192
She had hygiene problems.
93
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:22,528
Her vagina was shaved
like the Hitler mustache.
94
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,730
Every time I went down on her,
I thought of the Third Reich.
95
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:25,731
What about Charlene?
96
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,499
She had nine fingers.
97
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:28,500
Well, Debra.
98
00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:29,835
Please.
99
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,136
Look, at least
when I take a dump,
100
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,072
and there's people nearby,
I have the courtesy
101
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,406
to flush to
drown out the noise.
102
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:35,407
farting
103
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,876
Thomas, don�t you see,
104
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,378
you create these problems.
105
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,080
What do you mean?
106
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:45,517
Well, this one... farts,
this one has nine fingers,
107
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:49,254
and this one has
a funny-looking...
108
00:04:49,255 --> 00:04:50,856
hoo-hah.
109
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:51,924
It's not that.
110
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,993
I just need to find a woman
111
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,661
that'll allow other women
into bed with us.
112
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:59,765
That, Derek, is my idea
of the perfect woman.
113
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:04,269
Well, could be hard to find
a woman that accommodating.
114
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:09,608
Perhaps we should call her
the hard to find woman.
115
00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:11,638
laughs
116
00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:15,814
Sorry, Thomas,
it's, uh...
117
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,412
Time's up.
chuckling
118
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,986
I'm telling you, man,
I'm gonna find her. Good.
119
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,121
I mean, there's gotta
be a girl like that
120
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,489
out there somewhere.
Right, right.
121
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,523
We'll see you next week.
122
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:25,984
All right, man. See ya, doc. Right.
123
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:28,894
What do you
think of monogamy?
124
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,764
Well, my father used
to have a coffee table
125
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:32,831
that was made out of that.
126
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,801
No, no, no.
Monogamy. Not mahogany.
127
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:39,038
Oh, oh.
It's absolutely horrible.
128
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:40,506
It's so disgusting.
129
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,108
You mean you've never been
in a serious relationship?
130
00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:46,311
Well, yeah, of course.
I love my boyfriend.
131
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:49,448
Wait a minute, if you love your
boyfriend, why don't you like monogamy?
132
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:53,685
Look, pay me
for the dance.
133
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,894
So, why are you here?
134
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,529
See, I figured
if I found a woman
135
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,130
who's already into
being with women,
136
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:06,698
well, then,
I'm halfway there.
137
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:10,269
Listen, asshole,
the sight of a penis
138
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:13,368
makes me gag.
139
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,545
What?
140
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,013
Yes, that's right.
141
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,406
Single white male...
142
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,247
33?
143
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,190
...seeks bisexual woman...
144
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,358
Just think, I could be
having sex with you
145
00:06:33,359 --> 00:06:36,061
while the girl's
having sex with you, too.
146
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,761
laughs
147
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,101
You're kidding, right?
148
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,169
stammers
149
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,734
...who seeks
relationship with man...
150
00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:48,907
I think we're a part
151
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,209
of the earth, you know?
152
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,544
We're born in the earth,
and we die in the earth.
153
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:54,746
I love everybody.
154
00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:57,449
No, I love everything.
155
00:06:57,450 --> 00:07:00,719
They're all so
beautiful to me.
156
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,454
Everything excites me.
157
00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:05,246
I- Do you
look at people?
158
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:09,795
Look at everyone.
159
00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:12,121
All people excite me.
160
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:14,700
Oh!
161
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:19,665
...but allows man to have sex
with other women with woman.
162
00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:21,607
Hey, do you want to see
163
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:22,975
my impression
of a monkey?
164
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,910
Sure.
165
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:29,748
whimpers, screeches
like chimp
166
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,641
Likes tennis...
167
00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:36,255
I have a hard time getting
it up after doing that crap.
168
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:39,057
Really? I dated
a guy like that once.
169
00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:40,826
It was so funny.
He was a real whacko.
170
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:41,960
He used to punch
himself in the head
171
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,262
because he got
so mad at himself.
172
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,296
I've had some
wacky boyfriends.
173
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,831
My last boyfriend
drank all the milk
174
00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:47,332
from my tits in
the middle of the night.
175
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:49,434
My newborn was starving the
next morning. I was forgiving though.
176
00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:51,270
My father told me
I'm a very forgiving person.
177
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,437
In fact, right before
he died, he told me
178
00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:53,405
dialogue speeds up
I was his favorite child,
179
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:54,573
which really
pissed my sister off.
180
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:55,574
She found out because
I was telling Well.
181
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:56,508
my mother and she was
in the other room.
182
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:57,843
The walls were paper-thin.
183
00:07:57,844 --> 00:07:59,378
Speaking of paper, did you
read The Post this morning?
184
00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:01,079
I did. It had an article
about That's funny-
185
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,714
a guy who made love
to his dog.
186
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:04,716
Speaking of which, my dog
passed away when I was seven.
187
00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:05,684
Oh, really?
188
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:06,685
I cried so hard.
189
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:07,686
I think it affected me
later in life.
190
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:08,787
Now I can't deal
with loss,
191
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:10,248
which is why I won't
go to Atlantic City.
192
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:15,093
See, part of me likes to gamble,
but another part of me doesn't.
193
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:17,294
Which part of you
shuts the fuck up?
194
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:27,005
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
195
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,875
Wouldn't it be great if we were
with another girl right now?
196
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,910
Yeah, you would love it,
wouldn't you, dirty girl?
197
00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:34,446
Come on, let me in!
I was kidding!
198
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,781
I was just kidding!
199
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,482
Okay, great!
Okay, great!
200
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:43,088
Gerald is bigger.
201
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,050
No wonder you need a walker.
202
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,961
Let me in!
Let me in!
203
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,529
Ernie, I think I found
my mission in life.
204
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,065
So what's your big
mission, to rob a bank?
205
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,467
No, I think I figured out
how-to make this
206
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:56,468
relationship thing work.
207
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,636
Relationship thing?
208
00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:59,538
Dude, how many times
I have to tell you,
209
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,640
bang prostitutes.
210
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:03,175
For a few hundred
bucks a night,
211
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,177
you'll save
thousands on alimony.
212
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,546
Yeah, and blow it
on STD medications?
213
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,649
Nah. Dude, what I need to do
is find a girlfriend
214
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,918
that would allow
other women into bed with me.
215
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:15,887
You got a better chance
of robbing a bank.
216
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,556
I'm gonna get
something to eat.
217
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,557
Again.
218
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,553
Yeah, I'm fat.
219
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,662
Want some peanuts,
stutter monkey?
220
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:24,997
Here ya go.
221
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:29,368
My... mom says you...
guys are j-just jealous.
222
00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:31,970
That jealousy line
never works.
223
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:33,238
I know.
224
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,107
Yeah, stutter-face,
we're all jealous.
225
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:38,277
We all want to be
stuttering idiots.
226
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,411
Hey, kid, come here.
227
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,512
Who are you?
228
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,114
Who am I?
229
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:45,179
You gonna tell him,
Joey, or should I?
230
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,953
I'm a warlock.
231
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,955
A male witch.
232
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:52,891
And if you ever
pick on Joey again,
233
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,860
next time you're
trying to go to sleep,
234
00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:56,895
I'll be in your room,
watching you.
235
00:09:56,896 --> 00:10:02,200
In the corner, in the
closet, under the bed.
236
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:05,437
And that night, when you
finally do get to sleep,
237
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:08,006
you'll have the worst
nightmare of your life.
238
00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:09,641
You might
not even wake up.
239
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:11,710
Come on, we don't
believe in warlocks.
240
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,845
Oh, you don't believe
in warlocks? Do you?
241
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:14,846
No.
242
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:15,981
No? Well, watch this.
243
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:17,806
You see
that guy over there?
244
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,620
Unh!
245
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,723
coughing
246
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:27,288
choking
247
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:31,188
coughs
248
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:37,266
Now get out of here before I
turn you into a bunch of frogs.
249
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,475
What's up, Joey?
250
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,511
Hey, thanks, but now
my only friends are gone.
251
00:10:46,512 --> 00:10:47,612
Friends?
252
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:50,148
Joey, those kids
ain't your friends, man.
253
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:51,483
Let me tell you something.
254
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,784
You'll be lucky
in your whole life
255
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:54,319
to have three
great friends.
256
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,754
And that's
in your whole life.
257
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:57,289
I only got one.
258
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,658
Moms don't count, Ern.
259
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:00,826
No, I'm serious, Joey.
260
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,361
I mean, you need
to find kids
261
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,662
that share your
interests, you know?
262
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,997
Kids that you have
something in common with.
263
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,467
That's where you'll
find a real friend.
264
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:11,066
Thanks, Dr. Fuckin' Phil.
265
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,541
bedsprings squeaking, moaning
266
00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:18,710
Ah, come on, guys.
267
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:21,246
Jeez, I'm trying
to sleep here.
268
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:22,714
Man
Move to the right.
269
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:23,715
moaning
270
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:25,650
Even I can't
last that long!
271
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:27,119
telephone rings
272
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,321
Hang on,
I'll be right there.
273
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,783
rings
Don't hang up.
274
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,093
Hello?
275
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:36,094
Thomas.
276
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:37,562
Hey, Johnny, what's up?
277
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,297
Hey, dude, I got
some shit going on.
278
00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:40,298
Yeah.
279
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,433
Fill in for me today.
280
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:42,434
Shit. Again?
281
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,403
Come on, Johnny.
It's Saturday.
282
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,204
I know, I know.
283
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,739
Why can�t you do it?
284
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:48,974
I got a commercial.
285
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:50,142
You got a commercial?
286
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,243
Yeah, national.
287
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,644
National?
Guinness.
288
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,146
Guinness?
289
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,381
Oh, you lucky bastard.
290
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,250
So then
why are you crying?
291
00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,751
My girl just left my, bro.
292
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:01,386
You're crying because
your girl left you?
293
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,221
Are you kidding me?
No, dude.
294
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,756
I'd trade a chick
for a national commercial
295
00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:06,091
any day of the week.
296
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:07,859
Come on, there's a million
other chicks out there.
297
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,428
I don't think
I can live without her.
298
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:12,254
Oh, give me a break.
299
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,834
Jesus Christ, Ken!
What are you doing?
300
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,669
Sorry, I need movie time.
301
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,738
Haven't you ever
heard of Moviefone?
302
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,340
Oh, God!
303
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:23,542
Oh!
304
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:24,776
What was that?
305
00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:27,612
Nothing. Ken's on
a sexual rampage again.
306
00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:29,614
I should go gay.
I'd get more ass that way.
307
00:12:29,615 --> 00:12:30,816
Come on, bro.
308
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:32,550
All right, I'll do it,
but you owe me.
309
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,822
funny voice Hey, kids,
how ya doin'? Come on over.
310
00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:38,523
kids
Yay!
311
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:39,958
How's everybody doin'?
312
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:41,393
kids
Good!
313
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:43,762
What's the difference
between snot and spinach?
314
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,163
kids
What?
315
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:46,932
Kids won't eat spinach.
316
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,533
kids laugh
317
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:50,769
Hey, you guys
wanna see a trick?
318
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:51,970
kids
Yeah!
319
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:53,905
Well, I'm gonna
need an assistant.
320
00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:55,507
Who should
I get over here?
321
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,976
How about the birthday
girl Shelby?
322
00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,145
Shelby, I'm gonna
pick you to volunteer.
323
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:02,547
Well, how can she be a
volunteer if you're picking her?
324
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:03,815
Who are you, Judge Judy?
325
00:13:03,816 --> 00:13:05,450
What am I supposed to do?
326
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:08,186
Why don�t you come over
here and hold this hat?
327
00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:10,288
Hey, get over here,
you varmints!
328
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:12,591
Shelby, give him
his nose back.
329
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:15,560
Get over here!
I'm gonna get ya!
330
00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:17,062
Get over here!
331
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:18,497
You know what,
you keep that one!
332
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:21,132
I'll take his! Besides,
his is funnier looking.
333
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,401
Get over here!
Give me that nose!
334
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:24,803
kids shouting
335
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:25,804
Give me that face!
336
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,039
I only smoke when I drink
337
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,242
I only drink when I breathe
338
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,276
They're some great kids, man.
339
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:33,044
Thanks.
340
00:13:33,045 --> 00:13:34,846
I always wanted
to be a dad some day.
341
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:36,515
burps
342
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:37,949
Is it hard?
343
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:39,784
No, man, being
a good dad's easy.
344
00:13:39,785 --> 00:13:41,953
It's being that good husband
thing that gets a little tricky.
345
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:44,756
I know, right? It's hard
being faithful, isn't it?
346
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,558
Well-
telephone rings
347
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,260
Nah, you know what?
348
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,729
If you're really in love,
you find the right girl,
349
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,398
then after that, you don't even
pay attention to other women.
350
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,333
Oh, my God, you're
such a big guy.
351
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,669
Oh, Seamus!
352
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,437
Woman
Seamus, pick up the phone!
353
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:02,707
Hold on. Hello?
354
00:14:02,708 --> 00:14:05,310
Yeah, Edgar.
Are you kidding me, Edgar?
355
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:08,113
You're fucking leaving me
for a cruise ship?
356
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:12,077
Look, I know that you've
done me a ton of favors-
357
00:14:12,818 --> 00:14:14,519
Motherfucker just
put me on hold.
358
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,288
What an asshole.
359
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,123
Fuck.
360
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:20,125
Yeah, Edgar.
361
00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:22,694
Look, I'm sorry,
but there's no way
362
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,589
I'd keep it available
for you till you get back.
363
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:31,736
Fine. Think Titanic. Bye.
364
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:33,026
God damn.
365
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,610
Fucker.
366
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,845
You know, my wife tells
me you're a good actor.
367
00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:42,681
Hey, thanks, man.
368
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,616
Great with the kids.
369
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:47,586
You know, I'm a producer for
Vito and Valerie's Wedding.
370
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:48,853
Really? Get out of here.
371
00:14:48,854 --> 00:14:50,088
I'm a big fan of that show. A big fan.
372
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:53,625
Yeah, right. Anyway...
373
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:57,028
What would you think about,
just for a little while, now,
374
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:59,264
taking over the part
of Danny, the best man?
375
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:01,299
I would love to.
376
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:04,269
Doesn't mean you're not gonna
pay me for the party, does it?
377
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:07,038
No, man, I'll still pay.
378
00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:09,975
But you gotta know,
Vito and Valerie's
379
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:12,077
is one weird place to be.
380
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,445
What could be
weirder than this?
381
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,046
Vito, you can
forget about it
382
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:16,615
because I'm not
marrying you.
383
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,984
But we�re already married.
384
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:22,354
Well, now we�re
officially unmarried.
385
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,756
Now what we'd like you to do
is talk to some of the actors
386
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,358
who are going to be main
characters in the show.
387
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,026
Jillian plays Valerie.
388
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:31,296
Paul plays Vito.
389
00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:34,165
Edgar, who you are
replacing as Danny,
390
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:38,803
and his showgirl friend Natalie,
played by Danielle. Okay?
391
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:41,640
Okay. Great.
392
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:43,408
Look, it's all about reality.
393
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:44,809
Acting is about reality.
394
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:46,211
Yeah, I know, I'm an actor.
395
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,746
I don't know
what you heard before,
396
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:50,382
but acting is about reality.
397
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,583
Yeah, dude, I know,
I'm an actor.
398
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,518
I took acting lessons
for years.
399
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:57,088
You gotta be real. You have
to be real, do you understand?
400
00:15:57,089 --> 00:16:00,025
The moments,
they need to be real.
401
00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:03,595
You'll be great.
That's what acting is.
402
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,197
It's based in...
403
00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:07,732
Reality.
404
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,523
It's about reality, isn't it?
405
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,238
Okay, Valerie is
the star of the show.
406
00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:16,007
Danny is not the star
of the show, okay?
407
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:17,175
Danny's the best man.
408
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:19,277
Now, Valerie and Danny,
they don't get along.
409
00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:22,113
Danny does best when he
stays out of Valerie�s way.
410
00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:23,548
Okay.
411
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:26,751
Danny deals drugs,
sells stolen car stereos,
412
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:30,722
but best of all,
Danny gets to fuck around.
413
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,090
What do you mean?
414
00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:34,592
Well, you know, gets to
flirt with the audience,
415
00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:37,262
talk about his
sexual escapades.
416
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:40,398
In fact, Danny tells 'em one
time he banged this blond bimbo
417
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:42,200
on the pool table
at Mr. Angelino's club.
418
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:44,002
Wow.
419
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,635
Yeah, shoved a pool cue
straight up harass.
420
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:50,642
Think... pig.
421
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,277
The sell is good.
422
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:54,646
Danny and Natalie
have the best relationship.
423
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,147
The most important
thing to remember
424
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:57,816
is that we are really in love.
425
00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:00,919
We believe that
we have one of the best
426
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,354
and most wonderful
relationships in the show.
427
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,622
I'm a little confused.
428
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:06,124
Edgar told me
that Danny
429
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,158
gets to fool
around all the time.
430
00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:08,159
What?
431
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,661
Yeah, in fact, he told me
432
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:11,830
he banged a girl on the pool
table at Mr. Angelino's club.
433
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:12,964
Are you kidding me?
434
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,766
No.
435
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,769
That... motherfucker's
cheating on me?
436
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,405
Look, I don't know
what he told you,
437
00:17:20,406 --> 00:17:24,843
but Danny is a faithful guy
in a happy relationship.
438
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,112
I won't even tell you what
he did with the pool cue.
439
00:17:28,347 --> 00:17:29,647
I don't get it, Ern.
440
00:17:29,648 --> 00:17:31,216
There's, like,
nobody attractive
441
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,751
in the whole
frickin' play.
442
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,920
You would think with at least
20 some-odd cast members,
443
00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:37,622
there'd be at least
one that's my type.
444
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:40,024
You mean to tell me
not one guy was your type?
445
00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:42,520
Very funny.
446
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,764
What do you care, anyway?
447
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,899
You got a legitimate
acting job
448
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:51,102
instead of playing a clown
for some dopey kids.
449
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:53,404
Yeah, I know.
450
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,807
I just had the feeling
I'd meet at least
451
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,905
one decent chick
in the whole play.
452
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:00,845
I gotta get in shape.
453
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,213
What do you think
I should give up first,
454
00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:03,915
drinking or smoking?
455
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,410
How about eating?
456
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,121
So why do you
come to the gym anyway?
457
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:11,689
For the chicks.
458
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:14,925
Everybody knows the hottest
chicks hang out at the gym.
459
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,192
That's how they stay hot.
460
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,300
199.
461
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:24,269
Hey, chicks.
462
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,404
200.
463
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:27,605
See me training
for the Olympics?
464
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,841
Really? So soon.
465
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:33,805
I thought the Special Olympics
didn't start till June.
466
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:49,460
Now we have the wedding
467
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:53,531
These two loving hearts
468
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:57,802
They love one another
469
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:58,803
I'll break-
470
00:18:58,804 --> 00:18:59,804
Nope.
471
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,940
And now we have-
472
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,775
Damn. Ow!
473
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:04,976
God.
474
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,767
Hi.
475
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,680
Hi.
476
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:11,282
I hear you went to NYU.
477
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:13,852
Uh, yeah.
478
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,486
So did I.
479
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:16,855
Oh, yeah. Great.
480
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:20,959
Okay. Well...
481
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,420
Nice meeting you.
482
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,331
Thomas
Yeah, great.
483
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,266
Oh, damn.
484
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:32,162
What an asshole. Who does
he think he is, De Niro?
485
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:40,912
Everything looks fabulous.
486
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,981
But where are the balloons?
487
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,617
Jimmy, where
are the balloons?
488
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:48,586
Look, Rocco, it's
a long story, okay?
489
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:49,787
Jimmy, where
are the balloons?
490
00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:51,389
Look, yesterday
I went over to Rocco's,
491
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:53,992
and... I'll go
check the rectory.
492
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,560
You check your rectum.
493
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:58,196
God, where are the balloons?
494
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,298
Don't worry about it, Rocco.
495
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:02,430
It'll be fine.
It's just balloons, all right?
496
00:20:03,502 --> 00:20:04,702
Look at Mrs. G.
497
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:07,505
She said she lost 30 pounds
for the wedding.
498
00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:09,874
It's like throwing a deck chair
off the Queen Mary.
499
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,977
laughter
500
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:14,212
She's like Barney.
501
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:17,582
I love you,
I love food
502
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:20,451
laughter
503
00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:22,220
Oh, my God.
504
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,623
It is so nice
to finally meet you.
505
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:28,593
You look just like
that, um, actress
506
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:30,395
from The Poseidon
Adventure.
507
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,897
Oh, my God,
what's her name?
508
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,199
Um, uh...
gasps
509
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,534
Oh, yeah.
510
00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:40,204
Ernest Borgnine.
511
00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:41,773
You don't say.
512
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:44,676
That's a really beautiful
hat you're wearing.
513
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:47,673
Well, I never.
514
00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:51,149
Hey, Eddie Gaga.
How you doin'?
515
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,617
When'd you get out?
516
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:54,886
How's the family?
You got my money?
517
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:57,989
We celebrate the wedding
518
00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,825
Of Vito and Valerie
519
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:04,696
Yi yi yi yi yi yi yah
520
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:05,730
?C�mo est�s?
521
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:07,832
Brooklyn in the house! Hey!
522
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:10,134
Dear brothers and sisters,
we gather here today
523
00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:12,437
to celebrate the love
of Vito and Valerie.
524
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:16,140
speaking foreign language
525
00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:19,010
And let's make it quick
because I got a funeral at 9.
526
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:21,677
Please kiss the bride.
527
00:21:27,152 --> 00:21:30,021
So, how'd you feel
about doing the show?
528
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:32,690
I was a little nervous, man.
529
00:21:32,691 --> 00:21:34,625
Okay, I guess.
530
00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:36,627
You had a better
first day than Edgar.
531
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:38,830
I think he pissed himself.
532
00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:40,798
Paul, I gotta ask you
a question.
533
00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:42,567
How come there's no
hot chicks in this show?
534
00:21:42,568 --> 00:21:43,835
I mean, who cast it?
Rocco?
535
00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:45,103
laughs
536
00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:46,738
Aw, there's a couple.
537
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:48,706
Not Gillian.
538
00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:51,542
Danielle is a whacko.
539
00:21:51,543 --> 00:21:52,910
What about Jennifer?
540
00:21:52,911 --> 00:21:55,179
Jennifer.
Who's Jennifer?
541
00:21:55,180 --> 00:21:57,015
The girl that
plays Marilyn.
542
00:21:57,016 --> 00:21:58,249
You mean the ditz?
543
00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:00,451
Oh, come on.
She's not that pretty.
544
00:22:00,452 --> 00:22:01,886
I don't know, man.
545
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:04,522
Jennifer is one of the
hottest girls in the show.
546
00:22:04,523 --> 00:22:06,157
No, that's the chick
that plays Marilyn, man.
547
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:08,259
She's way too trashy
looking. Okay, yeah.
548
00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:11,562
The trashy ditz not
so pretty, that's nice.
549
00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:12,997
I'm out of here.
Yeah, all right.
550
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:14,499
Wait, it's you.
551
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:15,833
You're Marilyn?
552
00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:17,368
Oh, my God,
you were great.
553
00:22:17,369 --> 00:22:19,771
No, I'm Jennifer,
the girl who plays Marilyn.
554
00:22:19,772 --> 00:22:21,372
Also the girl who tried
to talk to you earlier.
555
00:22:21,373 --> 00:22:23,207
You kind of blew her off.
Now I know why.
556
00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:24,375
Why?
557
00:22:24,376 --> 00:22:25,543
'Cause you're a jerk.
558
00:22:25,544 --> 00:22:26,878
Take care, Paul.
559
00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:29,747
Later, Jennifer.
Yeah.
560
00:22:29,748 --> 00:22:30,748
Hey, wait.
561
00:22:30,749 --> 00:22:32,583
sputters
562
00:22:32,584 --> 00:22:33,985
That was beautiful.
563
00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:35,720
sighs
564
00:22:35,721 --> 00:22:37,121
Hi.
Hey, how are you?
565
00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:39,023
Fine. How are you?
Good.
566
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:41,292
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
567
00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:42,727
Please, please.
568
00:22:42,728 --> 00:22:44,028
That was you.
569
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:46,264
You know, the guitar,
the string, the eye.
570
00:22:46,265 --> 00:22:47,365
And then you were
in character,
571
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:48,933
you have
a ditzy accent...
572
00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:50,268
Yeah, I was acting.
573
00:22:50,269 --> 00:22:52,203
And you were great.
Big fan. Big fan.
574
00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:53,471
Don't kiss up.
575
00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:55,740
Look, I'm sorry.
576
00:22:55,741 --> 00:22:57,909
Whatever.
577
00:22:57,910 --> 00:22:59,544
We are getting off
to a bad start here.
578
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:00,711
Could we start again,
please?
579
00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:02,547
Can we start again, please? Yeah.
580
00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:05,616
Could we start again,
please?
581
00:23:05,617 --> 00:23:08,619
Looks like you've made
your point now
582
00:23:08,620 --> 00:23:10,521
Hey, I'm leaving. Oh, no,
no, no. I'm just kidding.
583
00:23:10,522 --> 00:23:12,423
I promise,
no more singing.
584
00:23:12,424 --> 00:23:14,125
But where are you
going tonight
585
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:16,127
My little angel?
586
00:23:16,128 --> 00:23:18,162
laughs
Okay. You're a whacko.
587
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:20,631
I'm an idiot, actually,
but... A little bit.
588
00:23:20,632 --> 00:23:22,433
He's the idiot.
This guy's an asshole.
589
00:23:22,434 --> 00:23:24,368
I'm a good guy.
590
00:23:24,369 --> 00:23:27,205
So where are you going?
Uh, oh, God.
591
00:23:27,206 --> 00:23:30,308
A few of us from the cast are going to
try and get in a scar party at Tattoo.
592
00:23:30,309 --> 00:23:31,642
Tattoo?
Are you kidding me?
593
00:23:31,643 --> 00:23:33,644
I know the bouncer there.
I can get us on the list.
594
00:23:33,645 --> 00:23:35,213
No, don't try
and be nice now.
595
00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:37,181
I am nice.
596
00:23:37,182 --> 00:23:38,316
Just gotta
get to know me.
597
00:23:38,317 --> 00:23:41,285
I grow on people. Like a fungus. scoffs
598
00:23:41,286 --> 00:23:44,622
dance
599
00:23:44,623 --> 00:23:46,791
Thanks forgetting us
in the club.
600
00:23:46,792 --> 00:23:49,026
No problem.
601
00:23:49,027 --> 00:23:50,561
So, am I forgiven or what?
602
00:23:50,562 --> 00:23:53,898
Ohhh... almost.
603
00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:55,867
Well, how can I complete
your act of forgiveness?
604
00:23:55,868 --> 00:23:57,902
Wow, this dance is,
you know, not hurting,
605
00:23:57,903 --> 00:23:59,937
but, uh,
how about a drink?
606
00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:01,038
What do you want?
607
00:24:01,039 --> 00:24:04,008
Whiskey, baby.
You got it.
608
00:24:04,009 --> 00:24:07,278
laughs
609
00:24:12,918 --> 00:24:15,118
Can I get a whiskey,
please?
610
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:19,423
Trying to get
this girl to like me.
611
00:24:19,424 --> 00:24:21,259
Want a tip?
Sure.
612
00:24:21,260 --> 00:24:23,494
Stop dancing.
613
00:24:23,495 --> 00:24:25,422
Very funny.
614
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:31,402
Excuse me, sir.
615
00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:33,137
Excuse me.
616
00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:34,735
Sir?
617
00:24:37,109 --> 00:24:39,677
Excuse me-
Man, get away from me.
618
00:24:39,678 --> 00:24:41,679
Sir, if you don't mind,
I'd like to cut in here.
619
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,181
I mind.
620
00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:45,049
Now back off of me
before I kick your ass.
621
00:24:45,050 --> 00:24:46,150
Oh, I see.
622
00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:47,485
Big mouth
to overcompensate
623
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:48,753
my tiny little penis.
624
00:24:48,754 --> 00:24:50,254
Excuse me, asshole-
625
00:24:50,255 --> 00:24:52,390
I mean, sir-
but I am with her.
626
00:24:52,391 --> 00:24:54,492
And if you don't take
your stinkin' hands off her,
627
00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:56,260
I'm gonna kick your ass
all over the dance floor.
628
00:24:56,261 --> 00:24:58,859
Oh, will you?
Yes. I think.
629
00:25:00,632 --> 00:25:02,524
B- b-b-b-b-b...
630
00:25:07,239 --> 00:25:09,440
So, am I forgiven?
631
00:25:09,441 --> 00:25:11,842
laughs
Yes.
632
00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:14,579
Thank you.
633
00:25:14,580 --> 00:25:16,147
So do you have
a boyfriend?
634
00:25:16,148 --> 00:25:18,382
Oh, not really.
635
00:25:18,383 --> 00:25:20,651
Not really?
636
00:25:20,652 --> 00:25:22,653
We're kind of
on the outs right now.
637
00:25:22,654 --> 00:25:24,622
Oh. How come?
638
00:25:24,623 --> 00:25:28,392
Uh... he treats me
like a sex object,
639
00:25:28,393 --> 00:25:31,495
he, you know, never listens
to anything I say,
640
00:25:31,496 --> 00:25:33,497
he doesn't care about
what I do or howl feel.
641
00:25:33,498 --> 00:25:36,500
I don't think he's heard a word
I said in the last two years.
642
00:25:36,501 --> 00:25:39,099
And you?
What?
643
00:25:39,905 --> 00:25:41,372
laughs
I'm kidding.
644
00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:43,441
I'm so kidding. laughs Ohhh.
645
00:25:43,442 --> 00:25:45,576
No. I just ended
my relationship
646
00:25:45,577 --> 00:25:46,911
with my last girlfriend.
647
00:25:46,912 --> 00:25:49,247
I'm sorry. Oh, no, no,
no. I cheated on her.
648
00:25:49,248 --> 00:25:52,450
Man, I meet all the winners.
649
00:25:52,451 --> 00:25:53,751
That's horrible.
650
00:25:53,752 --> 00:25:56,754
Yeah, I know, but she was
never right for me anyway.
651
00:25:56,755 --> 00:25:58,356
Uh-huh.
652
00:25:58,357 --> 00:25:59,957
French fries
and brown gravy.
653
00:25:59,958 --> 00:26:02,123
Thank you.
Thank you.
654
00:26:04,296 --> 00:26:06,330
So, you were saying?
655
00:26:06,331 --> 00:26:09,600
Well... never mind.
656
00:26:10,569 --> 00:26:12,370
No, come on, say it.
657
00:26:12,371 --> 00:26:14,105
I just don't think
I could be happy
658
00:26:14,106 --> 00:26:16,207
in a monogamous
relationship.
659
00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:17,908
I mean, I'll never
cheat or anything.
660
00:26:17,909 --> 00:26:19,377
I felt horrible
after doing that.
661
00:26:19,378 --> 00:26:20,845
I'll- I'll never
do it again.
662
00:26:20,846 --> 00:26:22,580
So what are you saying?
663
00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:25,583
Are you sure you won't think
I'm a schmuck foraying this?
664
00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,184
I bet I will think
you're a schmuck,
665
00:26:27,185 --> 00:26:29,086
but you should
go ahead and say it.
666
00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:33,424
Well, in one second
you might be needing this.
667
00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:36,560
See, in a perfect world,
668
00:26:36,561 --> 00:26:40,231
I would like girlfriend to be
with other women with me.
669
00:26:40,232 --> 00:26:42,193
There, I said it.
670
00:26:43,635 --> 00:26:45,061
I don't think
that's that weird.
671
00:26:46,238 --> 00:26:47,471
You don't?
672
00:26:47,472 --> 00:26:49,069
No.
673
00:26:50,108 --> 00:26:52,476
Lots of girls have been
with other women,
674
00:26:52,477 --> 00:26:54,612
or at least, you know,
thought about it.
675
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,981
That's totally something I would
do if I were in love with a guy.
676
00:26:56,982 --> 00:26:58,582
You would?
677
00:26:58,583 --> 00:27:01,249
Yeah. I mean...
678
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,789
Would you let the woman
be with other men in this?
679
00:27:04,790 --> 00:27:07,591
No way!
Absolutely not!
680
00:27:07,592 --> 00:27:09,427
Oh, God, first of all,
I'm way too insecure,
681
00:27:09,428 --> 00:27:12,063
and the thought of touching
another man's naked, hairy ass
682
00:27:12,064 --> 00:27:13,364
would make me puke.
683
00:27:13,365 --> 00:27:14,465
And there's nothing
I want more
684
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:15,866
than a little muff
in the morning.
685
00:27:15,867 --> 00:27:17,435
laughs
686
00:27:17,436 --> 00:27:19,036
You want another
steak to go?
687
00:27:19,037 --> 00:27:20,738
Uh, no,
that's okay.
688
00:27:20,739 --> 00:27:22,406
So have you ever been
with a woman?
689
00:27:22,407 --> 00:27:25,443
Oh.
Oh, Lordy!
690
00:27:25,444 --> 00:27:26,544
Could I have
the check, please?
691
00:27:26,545 --> 00:27:28,176
Thank you.
That would be great.
692
00:27:30,916 --> 00:27:33,184
I have never been.
693
00:27:33,185 --> 00:27:38,255
But... you know,
I've fantasized about it.
694
00:27:38,256 --> 00:27:39,523
And when I was
in ninth grade,
695
00:27:39,524 --> 00:27:41,092
I used to kiss
my best girlfriend.
696
00:27:41,093 --> 00:27:44,628
I mean, we were preparing
for when guys would kiss us.
697
00:27:44,629 --> 00:27:46,997
giggles
Oh, my God.
698
00:27:46,998 --> 00:27:48,632
With tongue?
699
00:27:48,633 --> 00:27:51,435
No, with elbow.
700
00:27:51,436 --> 00:27:53,070
Wow.
701
00:27:53,071 --> 00:27:54,472
So I take it
that might be
702
00:27:54,473 --> 00:27:55,940
something you'd be
interested in?
703
00:27:55,941 --> 00:27:58,943
Well... I don't know.
704
00:27:58,944 --> 00:28:00,643
I mean...
705
00:28:02,381 --> 00:28:04,248
I guess I think if two
people love each other,
706
00:28:04,249 --> 00:28:07,752
then they shouldn't stop
themselves from being happy.
707
00:28:07,753 --> 00:28:12,189
And, if I knew
the guy loved me,
708
00:28:12,190 --> 00:28:14,958
and I was number one
with him...
709
00:28:16,361 --> 00:28:19,797
then, yeah, I guess
I would be okay with that.
710
00:28:19,798 --> 00:28:21,732
Oh, my God, you are
the perfect woman.
711
00:28:21,733 --> 00:28:24,435
I know.
laughing
712
00:28:24,436 --> 00:28:25,636
How's your eye?
713
00:28:25,637 --> 00:28:27,238
Eye?
Uh-huh.
714
00:28:27,239 --> 00:28:30,074
Oh, the eye.
Uh-huh.
715
00:28:30,075 --> 00:28:31,742
I feel like a moron
with this on my face.
716
00:28:31,743 --> 00:28:32,910
You look a little
like a moron.
717
00:28:32,911 --> 00:28:35,202
Do you want some? Here you go. No!
718
00:28:36,281 --> 00:28:38,549
giggling
719
00:28:40,318 --> 00:28:42,319
So your parents
ever come see the show?
720
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:43,487
My dad did.
721
00:28:43,488 --> 00:28:46,490
My mom...
Ugh, forget about it.
722
00:28:46,491 --> 00:28:48,259
I don't even know
where she is, so...
723
00:28:48,260 --> 00:28:50,995
What is she,
a flight attendant?
724
00:28:50,996 --> 00:28:52,863
No, a drug addict.
725
00:28:52,864 --> 00:28:54,231
Aw, jeez, I'm sorry.
726
00:28:54,232 --> 00:28:55,933
Yeah, you know.
727
00:28:55,934 --> 00:28:57,835
She was never really around
when I was growing up.
728
00:28:57,836 --> 00:29:00,104
My dad divorced her
when we were five,
729
00:29:00,105 --> 00:29:01,906
raised us on his own.
730
00:29:01,907 --> 00:29:03,174
But que sera sera.
731
00:29:03,175 --> 00:29:04,575
Whatever will be
will be
732
00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:06,210
Okay, you promised.
733
00:29:06,211 --> 00:29:08,345
I'm sorry.
This is me.
734
00:29:08,346 --> 00:29:11,348
Well, I had a great time.
735
00:29:11,349 --> 00:29:12,583
Yeah, me, too.
736
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:13,984
I'm sorry about your eye.
737
00:29:13,985 --> 00:29:16,353
Aw, that's all right.
738
00:29:16,354 --> 00:29:20,357
Well... this is
where I decide
739
00:29:20,358 --> 00:29:21,892
if I should
kiss you or not.
740
00:29:21,893 --> 00:29:24,395
Would you like to kiss me?
741
00:29:24,396 --> 00:29:26,630
Would I like to?
I would love to.
742
00:29:26,631 --> 00:29:29,600
The question is,
would you like to kiss me?
743
00:29:29,601 --> 00:29:32,236
I guess you're just
going to have to find out.
744
00:29:32,237 --> 00:29:35,706
Oh, God.
All right.
745
00:29:35,707 --> 00:29:38,066
Mm...
746
00:29:46,084 --> 00:29:48,452
You think maybe this is where I
should ask for your phone number?
747
00:29:48,453 --> 00:29:50,721
laughs
748
00:29:52,724 --> 00:29:57,962
When you think you're
all alone in the world
749
00:29:57,963 --> 00:29:59,430
no audible dialogue
750
00:29:59,431 --> 00:30:04,259
When you think you've
never ever been heard
751
00:30:06,471 --> 00:30:10,172
Probably right,
it's probably true
752
00:30:13,745 --> 00:30:16,080
'Cause nobody cares
753
00:30:16,081 --> 00:30:21,375
As much as you do
754
00:30:26,157 --> 00:30:30,985
When you wake me
in the middle of the night
755
00:30:32,797 --> 00:30:37,693
I can't always reply,
but I'll try
756
00:30:39,604 --> 00:30:44,432
Some dreams
are just for you
757
00:30:46,545 --> 00:30:52,579
Not even I can care
as much as you'd like me to
758
00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:56,520
'Cause nobody cares
759
00:30:56,521 --> 00:31:01,349
As much as you do
760
00:31:08,567 --> 00:31:12,030
no audible dialogue
761
00:31:29,721 --> 00:31:33,752
When I have
forgotten my name
762
00:31:36,227 --> 00:31:40,230
You call it out
and there I am again
763
00:31:40,231 --> 00:31:42,499
moaning
764
00:31:46,338 --> 00:31:48,205
I'm ready. All right, hold on a second.
765
00:31:48,206 --> 00:31:49,907
I'll hurry. Oh!
766
00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:51,008
No, no!
767
00:31:51,009 --> 00:31:52,610
No, not for that.
768
00:31:52,611 --> 00:31:56,005
Oh, God.
moaning
769
00:32:06,658 --> 00:32:11,528
I meant... to be
with other women.
770
00:32:11,529 --> 00:32:14,298
What? Really?
771
00:32:14,299 --> 00:32:18,068
Yeah. Well, I mean, I know it�s
going to make you happy and...
772
00:32:18,069 --> 00:32:21,839
I think we should
talk about it.
773
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:23,841
I don't want to do anything that
you'd be uncomfortable doing.
774
00:32:23,842 --> 00:32:27,444
No, it's not that.
I'm good with doing it.
775
00:32:27,445 --> 00:32:30,214
And you don't mind me
participating in it?
776
00:32:30,215 --> 00:32:31,949
No, not at all.
777
00:32:31,950 --> 00:32:34,051
giggles
All right, great.
778
00:32:34,052 --> 00:32:37,521
Well, I have a plan of attack
- Okay, but...
779
00:32:37,522 --> 00:32:39,623
there are going
to be some rules.
780
00:32:39,624 --> 00:32:40,624
Rules?
781
00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:41,959
Rule number one:
782
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,428
we can't be with somebody
that we already know.
783
00:32:44,429 --> 00:32:45,529
No problem.
784
00:32:45,530 --> 00:32:47,231
Rule number two:
785
00:32:47,232 --> 00:32:48,932
we can't be with
anybody at our place,
786
00:32:48,933 --> 00:32:51,702
because I don�t want these
women to know where we live.
787
00:32:51,703 --> 00:32:52,803
Okay.
788
00:32:52,804 --> 00:32:54,271
Rule number three:
789
00:32:54,272 --> 00:32:56,106
I understand you're going
to want to tell your friends,
790
00:32:56,107 --> 00:32:57,941
but only one friend
and that's it.
791
00:32:57,942 --> 00:32:59,510
Why?
792
00:32:59,511 --> 00:33:01,679
Because I don't want,
like, my personal life
793
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:03,881
hitting the gossip pages
on the show.
794
00:33:03,882 --> 00:33:05,215
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
795
00:33:05,216 --> 00:33:08,052
I might have to draw
the line there.
796
00:33:08,053 --> 00:33:10,621
What good is this shit
if I can't brag about it?
797
00:33:10,622 --> 00:33:12,289
Okay, then.
Forget about it.
798
00:33:12,290 --> 00:33:14,258
No, no, all right.
Just kidding, just kidding.
799
00:33:14,259 --> 00:33:16,193
But psychologists aren't
considered friends, right?
800
00:33:16,194 --> 00:33:18,495
What? No.
Yeah, fine, fine.
801
00:33:18,496 --> 00:33:20,230
Great. Easy enough.
802
00:33:20,231 --> 00:33:23,133
And lastly,
rule number four:
803
00:33:23,134 --> 00:33:24,601
whoever we have sex with
804
00:33:24,602 --> 00:33:27,037
we can never
be with them again.
805
00:33:27,038 --> 00:33:29,373
You can never,
and I mean ever,
806
00:33:29,374 --> 00:33:32,543
see that woman again,
be it socially,
807
00:33:32,544 --> 00:33:34,845
business, whatever.
808
00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:37,081
Why?
809
00:33:37,082 --> 00:33:39,583
Because I don't want to have a
relationship with these people.
810
00:33:39,584 --> 00:33:41,151
That would be weird.
811
00:33:41,152 --> 00:33:43,754
ditzy accent It would
ruin the whole thing.
812
00:33:43,755 --> 00:33:45,756
Okay, I guess
I could do that.
813
00:33:45,757 --> 00:33:48,192
I bet you can.
laughs
814
00:33:48,193 --> 00:33:50,394
All right,
where do we find her?
815
00:33:50,395 --> 00:33:51,428
Oh, I got a plan.
816
00:33:51,429 --> 00:33:53,630
I have a friend
at Make a Wish.
817
00:33:53,631 --> 00:33:56,767
laughing
Oh, God.
818
00:33:56,768 --> 00:34:00,037
no audible dialogue
819
00:34:13,718 --> 00:34:18,589
Jen, come on!
820
00:34:18,590 --> 00:34:20,624
Jen! Come on!
821
00:34:20,625 --> 00:34:21,759
Jen, I love you.
822
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,927
Come on, that girl
was ugly next to you.
823
00:34:23,928 --> 00:34:25,195
You're so much
hotter than her.
824
00:34:25,196 --> 00:34:27,931
Please. God, I don't think
this is going to work.
825
00:34:27,932 --> 00:34:29,733
Can't we just
do each other?
826
00:34:29,734 --> 00:34:33,231
Jen, I was just going to do it
like I thought you would, too.
827
00:34:34,606 --> 00:34:36,240
Come on, Jen, you're
the only one for me.
828
00:34:36,241 --> 00:34:37,708
I love you.
829
00:34:37,709 --> 00:34:40,144
Come on, this is just
about sex, right?
830
00:34:40,145 --> 00:34:43,413
Ugh. All right, yes.
831
00:34:43,414 --> 00:34:45,749
I'm sorry.
832
00:34:45,750 --> 00:34:47,251
It's just
the first time, okay?
833
00:34:47,252 --> 00:34:48,719
It's going to take
a little getting used to.
834
00:34:48,720 --> 00:34:51,555
All the guys in there,
staring?
835
00:34:51,556 --> 00:34:53,190
Can't we just use
a prostitute?
836
00:34:53,191 --> 00:34:55,793
That way, it would just be
the three of us at least.
837
00:34:55,794 --> 00:34:57,118
You got it.
838
00:34:58,196 --> 00:34:59,663
Thomas
I think I'm in love.
839
00:34:59,664 --> 00:35:02,266
It was wonderful!
840
00:35:02,267 --> 00:35:03,567
I'm in love!
I can't believe it!
841
00:35:03,568 --> 00:35:05,302
Well, Thomas, that's great.
842
00:35:05,303 --> 00:35:08,205
She's having a hard time getting
into being with the other women thing.
843
00:35:08,206 --> 00:35:09,773
I mean,
she wants to and all.
844
00:35:09,774 --> 00:35:12,676
We just gotta find
the right situation.
845
00:35:12,677 --> 00:35:16,880
Well, you do realize
that you're asking a lot.
846
00:35:16,881 --> 00:35:18,478
Well, yeah.
847
00:35:19,918 --> 00:35:21,585
And you know she loves you.
848
00:35:21,586 --> 00:35:22,953
Yeah.
849
00:35:22,954 --> 00:35:25,189
See, Thomas,
that's where I think
850
00:35:25,190 --> 00:35:27,724
we're having
our little problem.
851
00:35:27,725 --> 00:35:29,026
What?
852
00:35:29,027 --> 00:35:32,095
Thomas, you don't really
think she loves you.
853
00:35:32,096 --> 00:35:34,031
Derek, I know
she loves me.
854
00:35:34,032 --> 00:35:36,066
Thomas, you never
felt loved by your family,
855
00:35:36,067 --> 00:35:38,435
so how can you expect
to feel loved now?
856
00:35:38,436 --> 00:35:41,338
In fact, you are so scared
of not being loved,
857
00:35:41,339 --> 00:35:44,274
you push people away before
they have a chance to hurt you.
858
00:35:44,275 --> 00:35:47,544
I mean, Kelly loved you,
but you didn't think so.
859
00:35:47,545 --> 00:35:49,079
And now Jennifer loves you.
860
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:53,550
In fact, she's willing to have
sex with other women for you.
861
00:35:53,551 --> 00:35:56,153
Thomas, you have got
to realize that your family
862
00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:58,622
through the eyes of you
as a kid is no more.
863
00:35:58,623 --> 00:35:59,790
Yeah.
864
00:35:59,791 --> 00:36:01,525
Stop hearing all those
negative things
865
00:36:01,526 --> 00:36:03,060
your family said to you
866
00:36:03,061 --> 00:36:04,595
and realize that
when you were a kid
867
00:36:04,596 --> 00:36:07,598
you digested the horrible,
negative thoughts,
868
00:36:07,599 --> 00:36:09,633
and a part of you
869
00:36:09,634 --> 00:36:12,069
has made them
your own thoughts.
870
00:36:12,070 --> 00:36:14,538
Basically, Thomas,
just realize that Jennifer
871
00:36:14,539 --> 00:36:18,242
is not your siblings
or your father.
872
00:36:18,243 --> 00:36:19,510
Thomas.
873
00:36:20,645 --> 00:36:22,279
Thomas!
874
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:25,582
Oh!
clock ticking
875
00:36:25,583 --> 00:36:28,085
Time's up.
ding
876
00:36:28,086 --> 00:36:31,188
Wonder Burger!
877
00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:32,890
different inflections
Wonder Burger. Wonder Burger.
878
00:36:32,891 --> 00:36:34,191
Wonder Burger.
879
00:36:34,192 --> 00:36:37,227
Hey, Ern, you get
these prostitutes.
880
00:36:37,228 --> 00:36:38,362
Where do you get them from?
881
00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:39,630
All right!
882
00:36:39,631 --> 00:36:42,432
I see Project Three-way
is back up and running.
883
00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:45,102
Dude, what caliber
of slut do you want?
884
00:36:45,103 --> 00:36:46,904
I don't know, someone hot.
885
00:36:46,905 --> 00:36:49,206
Not any sleazy coke whore
or anything.
886
00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:50,707
I know what you want, man.
887
00:36:50,708 --> 00:36:53,410
You want the Park Avenue
variety, right?
888
00:36:53,411 --> 00:36:54,578
Dude.
889
00:36:54,579 --> 00:36:57,915
Whoa. How much?
890
00:36:57,916 --> 00:37:00,117
700 a night.
891
00:37:00,118 --> 00:37:02,085
whispering $700 a
night? Are you kidding?
892
00:37:02,086 --> 00:37:04,321
changing inflections I love you,
too, honey! I love you, too, honey!
893
00:37:04,322 --> 00:37:06,690
What, you want
the best, don't you?
894
00:37:06,691 --> 00:37:08,859
You don't want to wind up
with the sluts that I bang
895
00:37:08,860 --> 00:37:10,127
when I'm out of cash, do you?
896
00:37:10,128 --> 00:37:11,895
No. No, that's all right.
897
00:37:11,896 --> 00:37:14,364
The last one had
more chest hair than me.
898
00:37:14,365 --> 00:37:15,732
Think her name was Louie.
899
00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:18,835
Thomas Burns, you're next.
900
00:37:18,836 --> 00:37:20,170
Oh.
901
00:37:20,171 --> 00:37:21,338
All right,
see you later, Ern.
902
00:37:21,339 --> 00:37:23,273
I was here first.
903
00:37:23,274 --> 00:37:24,274
Hi.
Hi.
904
00:37:24,275 --> 00:37:26,202
door closes
905
00:37:28,446 --> 00:37:29,680
Hi, guys.
906
00:37:29,681 --> 00:37:33,116
Thomas, this is Miranda
and this is Benjamin.
907
00:37:33,117 --> 00:37:34,952
Benjamin.
908
00:37:34,953 --> 00:37:36,086
Sorry.
909
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:38,355
Hey, Benjamin.
Benjamin.
910
00:37:38,356 --> 00:37:39,623
Oh, sorry.
How are you?
911
00:37:39,624 --> 00:37:42,592
I want you to just...
912
00:37:42,593 --> 00:37:45,529
slate your name
for the camera, okay?
913
00:37:45,530 --> 00:37:46,897
And just begin.
All right.
914
00:37:46,898 --> 00:37:49,366
Hey, look, there are two ways
I could go with this, you know?
915
00:37:49,367 --> 00:37:50,767
Is it okay if I try them both?
916
00:37:50,768 --> 00:37:52,903
I'm sure that
both of your choices
917
00:37:52,904 --> 00:37:54,171
are going to be
just so great,
918
00:37:54,172 --> 00:37:56,006
but really, we have
a lot of people to run,
919
00:37:56,007 --> 00:37:58,442
so just do your favorite.
920
00:37:58,443 --> 00:38:00,243
Thomas, just go
with your gut.
921
00:38:00,244 --> 00:38:01,845
I loved your
cell phone commercial.
922
00:38:01,846 --> 00:38:03,914
Yeah, upstaged by a monkey?
923
00:38:03,915 --> 00:38:05,716
Okay, can we
get started, please?
924
00:38:05,717 --> 00:38:06,717
Thank you.
925
00:38:06,718 --> 00:38:09,052
clears throat
Okay.
926
00:38:09,053 --> 00:38:11,355
expels breath
927
00:38:11,356 --> 00:38:14,024
Hi, my name is Thomas Burns.
My agent is Joseph Weiner.
928
00:38:14,025 --> 00:38:16,426
Honey, where were you?
929
00:38:16,427 --> 00:38:17,761
You know,
I was driving home
930
00:38:17,762 --> 00:38:19,596
and I was thinking
of how much I loved you,
931
00:38:19,597 --> 00:38:21,431
so I decided to bring you
home a little surprise.
932
00:38:21,432 --> 00:38:23,734
Flowers?
Better than that.
933
00:38:23,735 --> 00:38:25,435
Diamonds?
Better than that.
934
00:38:25,436 --> 00:38:27,838
A new car?
Even better than that!
935
00:38:27,839 --> 00:38:29,439
Honey, what could it be?
936
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:30,807
Wonder Burgers!
937
00:38:30,808 --> 00:38:32,309
Oh, my God,
Wonder Burgers.
938
00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:33,310
I love you.
939
00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:34,678
I love you, too.
940
00:38:34,679 --> 00:38:35,746
Now let�s eat!
941
00:38:35,747 --> 00:38:37,614
And, cut.
Thank you.
942
00:38:37,615 --> 00:38:39,916
How was I?
You were great.
943
00:38:39,917 --> 00:38:41,284
Thanks, Ben-hey-mean.
944
00:38:41,285 --> 00:38:45,622
Ben-ha-mean.
945
00:38:45,623 --> 00:38:47,857
Sorry. Take care.
946
00:38:49,527 --> 00:38:51,294
How'd it go?
Okay, I guess.
947
00:38:51,295 --> 00:38:53,096
Well, you never know.
See ya.
948
00:38:53,097 --> 00:38:55,532
Oh, Ern, Ern,
got a tip for you.
949
00:38:55,533 --> 00:38:57,968
The guy in there, he loves to
be called by his first name.
950
00:38:57,969 --> 00:38:59,669
Which-Which is?
951
00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:01,872
Benjamin.
Thanks, man.
952
00:39:01,873 --> 00:39:03,607
All right, take care.
Good luck!
953
00:39:03,608 --> 00:39:05,175
Benjamin.
954
00:39:05,176 --> 00:39:08,712
Wonder Burger.
955
00:39:08,713 --> 00:39:10,640
changes inflection
Wonder Burger.
956
00:39:14,318 --> 00:39:16,453
So where'd you get
this hooker's number, huh?
957
00:39:16,454 --> 00:39:18,755
Eh, it's the place
Ernie always uses.
958
00:39:18,756 --> 00:39:20,290
Ernie?
959
00:39:20,291 --> 00:39:23,060
I don't want to have sex
with someone Ernie's been with.
960
00:39:23,061 --> 00:39:25,595
Why? He's a normal,
upstanding citizen kind of guy.
961
00:39:25,596 --> 00:39:27,764
Oh, yeah, right.
He's with prostitutes.
962
00:39:27,765 --> 00:39:30,000
Look. Here, I got these numbers
out of the Yellow Pages.
963
00:39:30,001 --> 00:39:31,168
Pick one.
964
00:39:31,169 --> 00:39:34,237
Oh, thank you, darling. All right, fine.
965
00:39:34,238 --> 00:39:36,904
dialing phone
966
00:39:37,809 --> 00:39:39,009
Yeah, hi.
967
00:39:39,010 --> 00:39:40,811
Can I get one of your
best body prostitutes?
968
00:39:40,812 --> 00:39:43,410
laughs
Escorts. Sorry.
969
00:39:44,549 --> 00:39:47,451
Yeah. Hold on.
970
00:39:47,452 --> 00:39:48,852
Do you want blond,
brunette,
971
00:39:48,853 --> 00:39:51,321
black, white,
Asian, Latina?
972
00:39:51,322 --> 00:39:53,457
I don't care.
973
00:39:53,458 --> 00:39:55,559
Well-Well,
I've never had Asian,
974
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,727
but Latina
sounds scrumptious.
975
00:39:57,728 --> 00:39:59,763
God, it's like you're
ordering take-out.
976
00:39:59,764 --> 00:40:00,897
All right,
you know what?
977
00:40:00,898 --> 00:40:03,266
Whoever you can
get here the quickest.
978
00:40:03,267 --> 00:40:05,936
All right. You have a
part-time aerobics instructor.
979
00:40:05,937 --> 00:40:06,937
Perfect!
980
00:40:06,938 --> 00:40:09,439
Make sure they bring
a dental damn.
981
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:10,941
H- Hold on.
A what?
982
00:40:10,942 --> 00:40:12,209
A dental damn.
983
00:40:12,210 --> 00:40:13,944
I don't want
to get diseases.
984
00:40:13,945 --> 00:40:16,947
Could you bring
a dental damn?
985
00:40:16,948 --> 00:40:18,248
You don't have
dental damns.
986
00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:20,383
What would that be for?
Okay, I get it, I get it.
987
00:40:20,384 --> 00:40:22,385
No
- Wait. Could you hold on a second?
988
00:40:22,386 --> 00:40:25,388
What? Ask her to bring Saran Wrap.
989
00:40:25,389 --> 00:40:26,790
Saran Wrap?
Yes.
990
00:40:26,791 --> 00:40:29,426
Are you kidding?
No, do it.
991
00:40:29,427 --> 00:40:32,863
clears throat All right,
could you pick up Saran Wrap?
992
00:40:32,864 --> 00:40:35,265
Look, I know you�re
not a grocery store.
993
00:40:35,266 --> 00:40:38,468
I'll throw in an extra 50 bucks
if you bring Saran Wrap.
994
00:40:38,469 --> 00:40:40,537
Great! Okay,
my credit card number is-
995
00:40:40,538 --> 00:40:42,072
yelps
Oh, my God, hold-
996
00:40:42,073 --> 00:40:43,807
I'm so sorry.
Just hold on a second.
997
00:40:43,808 --> 00:40:45,976
What? Then they're
going to know who we are.
998
00:40:45,977 --> 00:40:47,477
Yeah?
999
00:40:47,478 --> 00:40:49,713
So I don�t want fuck me
flyers coming to my house
1000
00:40:49,714 --> 00:40:51,181
for the rest
of my natural life.
1001
00:40:51,182 --> 00:40:53,116
Fuck me flyer?
1002
00:40:53,117 --> 00:40:56,119
All right, I'm just
going to pay cash.
1003
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,688
Yes, the Edwards Hotel,
room 1904.
1004
00:40:58,689 --> 00:41:01,291
Thank you.
Bye.
1005
00:41:01,292 --> 00:41:02,492
I can't believe
I have a hooker
1006
00:41:02,493 --> 00:41:04,461
picking us up
Saran Wrap from a deli.
1007
00:41:04,462 --> 00:41:06,196
giggling
1008
00:41:06,197 --> 00:41:08,565
Honey, that weed
has made me hungry.
1009
00:41:08,566 --> 00:41:09,933
Should I call back
and have her get
1010
00:41:09,934 --> 00:41:12,636
some chicken cutlets
while she's there?
1011
00:41:12,637 --> 00:41:15,605
You're wasted.
cackling
1012
00:41:15,606 --> 00:41:18,475
All right.
shivering
1013
00:41:18,476 --> 00:41:21,111
Okay.
punching buttons
1014
00:41:21,112 --> 00:41:24,281
I need $100 for a tip.
punching buttons
1015
00:41:24,282 --> 00:41:27,142
machine whirring
1016
00:41:30,755 --> 00:41:31,888
Keep the change,
my friend.
1017
00:41:31,889 --> 00:41:33,590
I'm getting laid!
1018
00:41:33,591 --> 00:41:36,485
And you're only giving
me seven? Heh, very funny.
1019
00:41:37,595 --> 00:41:39,029
Hi, I'm Sally.
1020
00:41:39,030 --> 00:41:40,530
Anyone order Saran Wrap?
1021
00:41:40,531 --> 00:41:42,065
Uh, h-hi.
1022
00:41:42,066 --> 00:41:43,833
I'm Jennifer
and this is Thomas.
1023
00:41:43,834 --> 00:41:45,335
Hi, Sally. So nice to meet you. Hi.
1024
00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:47,671
I'm sorry about the Saran Wrap.
We've never done this before.
1025
00:41:47,672 --> 00:41:49,573
We're a little nervous.
That's all right.
1026
00:41:49,574 --> 00:41:51,942
Your wife
is completely gorgeous!
1027
00:41:51,943 --> 00:41:53,210
Relax.
1028
00:41:53,211 --> 00:41:54,377
This should be fun.
1029
00:41:54,378 --> 00:41:55,879
Would you like a drink?
Sure.
1030
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:57,080
How's vodka
and cranberry?
1031
00:41:57,081 --> 00:41:58,381
Sounds great.
1032
00:41:58,382 --> 00:42:01,051
So do I pay you the 500 up
front or do I pay you later?
1033
00:42:01,052 --> 00:42:03,220
500? It's 800.
record scratches
1034
00:42:03,221 --> 00:42:06,089
They told me 500.
Did they tell you that?
1035
00:42:06,090 --> 00:42:08,758
No. 500 is for one person.
1036
00:42:08,759 --> 00:42:11,394
If there's two people,
it's gonna be 800.
1037
00:42:11,395 --> 00:42:12,862
clicks tongue You gotta be kidding me.
1038
00:42:12,863 --> 00:42:15,859
All right, hold on.
I'll be right back.
1039
00:42:17,435 --> 00:42:19,202
You still want this?
1040
00:42:25,443 --> 00:42:26,676
All right.
1041
00:42:26,677 --> 00:42:29,045
All right, she said $800.
1042
00:42:29,046 --> 00:42:31,248
I have $600.
1043
00:42:31,249 --> 00:42:33,850
Which means I need $200.
1044
00:42:33,851 --> 00:42:35,685
Oh, and then
there's the tip.
1045
00:42:35,686 --> 00:42:38,154
Man, I'm so freakin' wasted.
1046
00:42:38,155 --> 00:42:41,891
Well, for a few more dollars
I could be, too.
1047
00:42:41,892 --> 00:42:43,893
machine whirring
1048
00:42:43,894 --> 00:42:47,063
So, are you still
seeing him?
1049
00:42:47,064 --> 00:42:50,834
No. Haven't heard
from him in weeks.
1050
00:42:50,835 --> 00:42:52,736
Do you think
it was the job?
1051
00:42:52,737 --> 00:42:55,038
Nah. That's how we met.
1052
00:42:55,039 --> 00:42:56,773
Never bothered him before.
1053
00:42:56,774 --> 00:42:59,109
Uff.
1054
00:42:59,110 --> 00:43:00,377
Men.
Men.
1055
00:43:07,718 --> 00:43:09,753
Okay, let's party!
1056
00:43:09,754 --> 00:43:12,022
Ho ho ho!
Whoa!
1057
00:43:12,023 --> 00:43:13,023
Wow!
So now what?
1058
00:43:13,024 --> 00:43:14,324
Well, now we get
undressed.
1059
00:43:14,325 --> 00:43:16,359
We get undressed!
1060
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:19,296
It's okay.
giggling
1061
00:43:19,297 --> 00:43:20,330
What are you
waiting for?
1062
00:43:20,331 --> 00:43:22,098
Come on, baby,
give me kisses.
1063
00:43:22,099 --> 00:43:25,468
Mm. Ah.
1064
00:43:25,469 --> 00:43:26,803
Oh, no tongue.
1065
00:43:26,804 --> 00:43:28,004
No tongue? Really?
1066
00:43:28,005 --> 00:43:29,472
Yeah. Safety reasons.
1067
00:43:29,473 --> 00:43:31,274
And going down
on my girlfriend's okay?
1068
00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:34,110
Well, yes, but the $800
doesn't include that.
1069
00:43:34,111 --> 00:43:35,345
What does it include?
1070
00:43:35,346 --> 00:43:39,015
Well, kissing, touching,
feeling, intercourse.
1071
00:43:39,016 --> 00:43:40,150
And no cunnilinguses?
1072
00:43:40,151 --> 00:43:41,885
Well, that would be extra.
1073
00:43:41,886 --> 00:43:43,820
What the fuck you think
the Saran Wrap was for?
1074
00:43:43,821 --> 00:43:45,121
I don't know,
chicken cutlets?
1075
00:43:45,122 --> 00:43:46,556
Thomas Oh, man! You know what?
1076
00:43:46,557 --> 00:43:48,625
It's okay. I don't need
it. No, no, no, no, no.
1077
00:43:48,626 --> 00:43:50,393
How much for everything?
1078
00:43:50,394 --> 00:43:51,995
A thousand dollars
for everything.
1079
00:43:51,996 --> 00:43:54,097
A thousand dollars?
A thousand dollars?
1080
00:43:54,098 --> 00:43:55,565
All right, Jen,
just don't worry about it.
1081
00:43:55,566 --> 00:43:57,767
This whole experience can't
be mired with restrictions.
1082
00:43:57,768 --> 00:43:59,069
That would suck.
1083
00:43:59,070 --> 00:44:00,870
I feel like I'm having sex
with a traffic cop.
1084
00:44:00,871 --> 00:44:02,138
All right,
I'll be right back.
1085
00:44:02,139 --> 00:44:04,134
Stay here,
get more undressed!
1086
00:44:09,714 --> 00:44:12,582
This chick ain't a prostitute,
she's a freakin� thief.
1087
00:44:12,583 --> 00:44:14,284
What's going on?
1088
00:44:14,285 --> 00:44:15,819
It's out of money?
1089
00:44:15,820 --> 00:44:17,320
You gotta be kidding me!
1090
00:44:17,321 --> 00:44:19,356
This has gotta be
some kind of mistake.
1091
00:44:19,357 --> 00:44:22,292
So was your outfit.
1092
00:44:22,293 --> 00:44:25,261
Oh, come on!
Come on!
1093
00:44:25,262 --> 00:44:27,297
All right, I gotta go
to another TM.
1094
00:44:27,298 --> 00:44:28,622
All right. Taxi!
1095
00:44:29,700 --> 00:44:31,201
Taxi!
1096
00:44:31,202 --> 00:44:32,836
Are you kidding me?
1097
00:44:32,837 --> 00:44:34,764
You dick!
1098
00:44:36,107 --> 00:44:38,170
Taxi!
1099
00:44:39,710 --> 00:44:41,602
Taxi!
1100
00:44:47,651 --> 00:44:49,919
I hope he gets here soon.
1101
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:51,554
I have a bachelor
party at 12.
1102
00:44:51,555 --> 00:44:55,018
Mm, I wonder what�s
taking him so long.
1103
00:44:57,161 --> 00:44:59,429
harps
1104
00:45:04,468 --> 00:45:08,037
What the world needs
is love, lots more love.
1105
00:45:08,038 --> 00:45:09,639
It's like
that Hendricks song.
1106
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:11,674
The Hendricks?
Hendricks to me, Hendricks?
1107
00:45:11,675 --> 00:45:14,277
He said, Let love rule.
1108
00:45:14,278 --> 00:45:15,979
That was Lenny Kravitz.
1109
00:45:15,980 --> 00:45:18,381
Right. I'm just saying
there's so much hatred.
1110
00:45:18,382 --> 00:45:20,683
We need love instead.
Who are you, John Lennon?
1111
00:45:20,684 --> 00:45:22,919
Nah, I don't even
like the Stones.
1112
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:24,448
He was in The Beatles.
1113
00:45:25,589 --> 00:45:26,623
Eh...
1114
00:45:26,624 --> 00:45:29,692
tires screeching
1115
00:45:29,693 --> 00:45:31,361
pounding
Wake up!
1116
00:45:31,362 --> 00:45:34,764
Bush, Bush is the one
that brought in all the hatred.
1117
00:45:34,765 --> 00:45:36,266
You know what I'm saying?
1118
00:45:36,267 --> 00:45:38,134
He's- He's the dumbest thing
I ever saw in my life.
1119
00:45:38,135 --> 00:45:39,469
It's the first
president we have
1120
00:45:39,470 --> 00:45:41,371
that I think
I'm smarter than.
1121
00:45:41,372 --> 00:45:43,373
I'm not saying
I'm a genius,
1122
00:45:43,374 --> 00:45:47,977
but I could take this guy
in a Scrabble game, you know?
1123
00:45:47,978 --> 00:45:49,679
pounding
Take him in Scrabble?
1124
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:51,614
You can't take me two blocks
without falling asleep.
1125
00:45:51,615 --> 00:45:54,818
Bush is so money hungry
and oil thirsty,
1126
00:45:54,819 --> 00:45:57,020
he's the one that's causing
all these problems.
1127
00:45:57,021 --> 00:45:59,155
He really is.
1128
00:45:59,156 --> 00:46:00,123
All right, we're here.
1129
00:46:00,124 --> 00:46:01,825
All right, dude,
can you wait here?
1130
00:46:01,826 --> 00:46:03,259
I'll be right back.
1131
00:46:03,260 --> 00:46:05,195
All right, but the
meter's gonna keep running.
1132
00:46:05,196 --> 00:46:06,861
Yeah, not as much
as your mouth.
1133
00:46:13,871 --> 00:46:15,338
Cabbie?
1134
00:46:15,339 --> 00:46:17,006
I can't. I'm waiting
for the guy by the ATM.
1135
00:46:17,007 --> 00:46:18,775
Aw, come on, dude,
you have to hook me up.
1136
00:46:18,776 --> 00:46:21,110
How much is the meter?
It's five, but I can't.
1137
00:46:21,111 --> 00:46:22,879
I'll give you twice as
much if you let us in.
1138
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:24,113
Come on, above the fare.
1139
00:46:24,114 --> 00:46:26,049
Nah, it's wrong.
I'm waiting for the guy.
1140
00:46:26,050 --> 00:46:27,984
I can't.
Clark!
1141
00:46:27,985 --> 00:46:30,320
Come on, man, I'm never going
to get a cab this late at night.
1142
00:46:30,321 --> 00:46:31,521
Do me a favor,
hear me out.
1143
00:46:31,522 --> 00:46:33,022
I'll give you $20
before you start the meter.
1144
00:46:33,023 --> 00:46:34,991
How does that sound? All
right, get in, get in.
1145
00:46:34,992 --> 00:46:36,657
Go!
1146
00:46:37,895 --> 00:46:39,762
Hey!
1147
00:46:39,763 --> 00:46:41,998
What are you,
kidding me?
1148
00:46:41,999 --> 00:46:44,100
Clark
Oh, cabbie, wake up!
1149
00:46:44,101 --> 00:46:45,768
Wake up, cabbie!
Wake up!
1150
00:46:45,769 --> 00:46:50,573
What's the weirdest thing
that's ever happened to you?
1151
00:46:50,574 --> 00:46:55,778
Mm, one time a guy asked me
to shit on his head.
1152
00:46:55,779 --> 00:46:57,046
Yeah.
1153
00:46:57,781 --> 00:46:59,482
Oh...
1154
00:46:59,483 --> 00:47:00,984
Uh-oh.
gurgling
1155
00:47:00,985 --> 00:47:03,152
Jennifer Oh, God! How can you eat that?
1156
00:47:03,153 --> 00:47:05,822
That spicy food would have me
running to the bathroom.
1157
00:47:05,823 --> 00:47:07,724
You kidding? I got one of
those cast-iron stomach.
1158
00:47:07,725 --> 00:47:09,292
Ugh, you're lucky.
1159
00:47:09,293 --> 00:47:10,760
No, I'm a man, baby.
1160
00:47:10,761 --> 00:47:12,228
My stomach
is built for war.
1161
00:47:12,229 --> 00:47:14,998
laughing
1162
00:47:14,999 --> 00:47:17,500
Oh, you're going
to be sorry.
1163
00:47:17,501 --> 00:47:19,836
gurgling
Oh, my God.
1164
00:47:19,837 --> 00:47:23,239
Oh, God. Oh...
1165
00:47:23,240 --> 00:47:25,775
Help! Help!
Stop! Help!
1166
00:47:25,776 --> 00:47:27,243
Help! Stop!
1167
00:47:27,244 --> 00:47:29,479
Let go! Help! Help! Oh, God.
1168
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:30,980
This is awful.
Let go!
1169
00:47:30,981 --> 00:47:34,045
farting
1170
00:47:40,891 --> 00:47:44,683
gurgling
toilets flushing
1171
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,898
farting
1172
00:47:54,405 --> 00:47:57,401
plopping
1173
00:47:59,343 --> 00:48:01,444
farting
1174
00:48:01,445 --> 00:48:04,270
plopping
1175
00:48:10,788 --> 00:48:14,057
farting, plopping
1176
00:48:18,696 --> 00:48:21,297
grunting
1177
00:48:21,298 --> 00:48:24,294
grunting
farting, plopping
1178
00:48:25,803 --> 00:48:31,407
screaming
1179
00:48:31,408 --> 00:48:33,076
grunting
1180
00:48:33,077 --> 00:48:35,511
Oh! Oh!
1181
00:48:35,512 --> 00:48:39,213
whispering What?...
I wonder what she ate.
1182
00:48:40,751 --> 00:48:42,916
sotto voce
Oh, no.
1183
00:48:44,788 --> 00:48:47,352
Holy shit.
1184
00:48:56,066 --> 00:48:57,355
Oh, no.
farts
1185
00:48:59,336 --> 00:49:00,269
Hello?
1186
00:49:00,270 --> 00:49:02,038
Excuse me?
1187
00:49:02,039 --> 00:49:04,273
high voice
I'll be out in a minute.
1188
00:49:08,846 --> 00:49:11,648
Ugh! Sorry!
1189
00:49:11,649 --> 00:49:14,250
Wait a second, you're not
even in a wheelchair.
1190
00:49:14,251 --> 00:49:17,654
nervous laugh
Ate some bad stuff.
1191
00:49:17,655 --> 00:49:19,855
Come on, already.
farts
1192
00:49:21,425 --> 00:49:23,326
Aw, shit.
1193
00:49:23,327 --> 00:49:24,460
Get out of there already.
1194
00:49:24,461 --> 00:49:25,528
I'll be right out.
1195
00:49:25,529 --> 00:49:28,354
farting
1196
00:49:30,167 --> 00:49:32,367
bang
1197
00:49:33,170 --> 00:49:34,337
Come on!
1198
00:49:34,338 --> 00:49:35,798
normal voice
Just give me a break!
1199
00:49:40,277 --> 00:49:42,841
Come on!
1200
00:49:45,816 --> 00:49:47,650
bang
Hello?
1201
00:49:47,651 --> 00:49:49,919
bang
1202
00:49:51,355 --> 00:49:54,724
bang Come on, I've gotta take a shit!
1203
00:49:54,725 --> 00:49:57,084
bang
1204
00:49:58,228 --> 00:49:59,262
Ugh.
1205
00:49:59,263 --> 00:50:02,054
toilet flushes
1206
00:50:08,972 --> 00:50:12,642
I mean, do you ever think
why the national debt
1207
00:50:12,643 --> 00:50:14,711
keeps getting higher?
1208
00:50:14,712 --> 00:50:18,214
Just think, if the president just
taxed everybody another dollar,
1209
00:50:18,215 --> 00:50:20,650
we'd just wipe
the whole thing out?
1210
00:50:20,651 --> 00:50:22,543
Hmm.
1211
00:50:28,358 --> 00:50:30,751
sighs
Come on.
1212
00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,296
men laughing
1213
00:50:33,297 --> 00:50:35,394
ding
1214
00:50:36,266 --> 00:50:38,625
Hello.
1215
00:50:40,571 --> 00:50:41,838
Hello.
1216
00:50:43,240 --> 00:50:45,041
Hey, dude, let me
ask you something.
1217
00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:46,642
If I say hello,
1218
00:50:46,643 --> 00:50:48,745
why can't you respond
with hello?
1219
00:50:48,746 --> 00:50:50,847
Is that that fuckin' hard?
1220
00:50:50,848 --> 00:50:54,016
Is that gonna ruin
your whole freakin' night?
1221
00:50:54,017 --> 00:50:55,685
Hello.
1222
00:50:55,686 --> 00:50:57,153
There.
1223
00:50:57,154 --> 00:51:00,323
Did that hurt
your tonsils?
1224
00:51:00,324 --> 00:51:01,691
You must be having
a bad night.
1225
00:51:01,692 --> 00:51:03,025
Yes, I am!
1226
00:51:03,026 --> 00:51:05,261
You're very observant,
Sherlock, aren't you?
1227
00:51:05,262 --> 00:51:06,329
Who's this,
your partner?
1228
00:51:06,330 --> 00:51:08,998
You, Watson,
do you speak?
1229
00:51:08,999 --> 00:51:12,068
Do you? Or do you
communicate telepathically?
1230
00:51:12,069 --> 00:51:13,236
Because if you do,
1231
00:51:13,237 --> 00:51:15,271
could you hear
what I'm thinking now?
1232
00:51:15,272 --> 00:51:17,597
ding
1233
00:51:18,709 --> 00:51:21,544
He says you can go
fuck yourself, too.
1234
00:51:21,545 --> 00:51:24,245
Now how the fuck did he know
I was thinking that?
1235
00:51:31,688 --> 00:51:33,623
sighs
1236
00:51:33,624 --> 00:51:35,258
What's going on?
1237
00:51:35,259 --> 00:51:36,425
Honey, she's gotta leave.
1238
00:51:36,426 --> 00:51:37,693
I'm sorry.
You took too long.
1239
00:51:37,694 --> 00:51:39,562
What the fuck is this? You know what?
1240
00:51:39,563 --> 00:51:40,563
It's really okay.
1241
00:51:40,564 --> 00:51:42,064
I'm getting
kind of tired anyway.
1242
00:51:42,065 --> 00:51:43,065
What?
1243
00:51:43,066 --> 00:51:44,700
Just relax.
Relax?
1244
00:51:44,701 --> 00:51:46,402
I was just all over
Manhattan getting cash.
1245
00:51:46,403 --> 00:51:49,438
Look, I gotta go.
I'm sorry.
1246
00:51:49,439 --> 00:51:50,973
Do you have my $500?
1247
00:51:50,974 --> 00:51:52,708
$500,
are you kidding?
1248
00:51:52,709 --> 00:51:55,111
Hey, it's not my fault
you didn't have the money.
1249
00:51:55,112 --> 00:51:56,445
Just pay her.
1250
00:51:56,446 --> 00:51:59,806
Oh, my God.
1251
00:52:00,684 --> 00:52:03,352
Night. Be safe.
1252
00:52:03,353 --> 00:52:05,021
So that's it, huh?
1253
00:52:05,022 --> 00:52:06,856
You know what, honey?
It's okay.
1254
00:52:06,857 --> 00:52:08,157
We will do this
another time.
1255
00:52:08,158 --> 00:52:09,859
Jesus Christ,
this sucks.
1256
00:52:09,860 --> 00:52:11,828
It's kind of funny if you think
about it. It's kind of funny?
1257
00:52:11,829 --> 00:52:14,397
I just wiped my ass with a hundred
bucks. I thought it was 500.
1258
00:52:14,398 --> 00:52:16,799
Goddamn ATMs
only give you 20s.
1259
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:18,467
Come on, cheer up.
1260
00:52:18,468 --> 00:52:20,469
We'll get this right
one of these days.
1261
00:52:20,470 --> 00:52:22,305
Now come on,
let's get crazy.
1262
00:52:22,306 --> 00:52:24,607
Wait. How much is this
going to cost me? laughs
1263
00:52:24,608 --> 00:52:26,808
Come on.
1264
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:38,354
whistles
1265
00:52:38,355 --> 00:52:39,917
Hmm.
1266
00:52:42,059 --> 00:52:43,926
I don't know, Thomas.
1267
00:52:43,927 --> 00:52:46,295
I've been thinking
maybe I should settle down,
1268
00:52:46,296 --> 00:52:47,597
start a family.
1269
00:52:47,598 --> 00:52:48,798
A family?
1270
00:52:48,799 --> 00:52:51,400
Jeez, Ern,
what brought this up?
1271
00:52:51,401 --> 00:52:55,004
yelling in foreign language
1272
00:52:55,005 --> 00:52:57,340
Hmm.
Huh.
1273
00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:59,575
Well, I don't know.
I'm not getting any younger.
1274
00:52:59,576 --> 00:53:01,811
My mom keeps
bugging me to spawn.
1275
00:53:01,812 --> 00:53:03,246
Ernie, do you ever
do anything
1276
00:53:03,247 --> 00:53:05,648
that your mommy
doesn't tell you to do?
1277
00:53:05,649 --> 00:53:11,654
yelling in foreign language
1278
00:53:11,655 --> 00:53:13,990
Sure I do.
Like what?
1279
00:53:13,991 --> 00:53:15,258
I don't know.
1280
00:53:15,259 --> 00:53:17,126
She wanted me to be a doctor
or a lawyer and I'm not.
1281
00:53:17,127 --> 00:53:19,061
That's because you got
a 400 on your SATs.
1282
00:53:19,062 --> 00:53:22,297
450. Prick.
1283
00:53:23,066 --> 00:53:24,634
I got a big date
tonight.
1284
00:53:24,635 --> 00:53:26,402
Oh, yeah?
How much she charge?
1285
00:53:26,403 --> 00:53:27,603
Actually,
it's not a real date.
1286
00:53:27,604 --> 00:53:31,533
It's one of those
Jewish singles dating things.
1287
00:53:33,710 --> 00:53:35,311
What the fuck?
Whoa!
1288
00:53:35,312 --> 00:53:37,647
gibberish
1289
00:53:37,648 --> 00:53:40,149
Let's just go by the hole;
she'll never hit it there.
1290
00:53:40,150 --> 00:53:42,385
Leave it to this cheap
public golf course
1291
00:53:42,386 --> 00:53:44,553
to team us up
with the yin-yang twins.
1292
00:53:44,554 --> 00:53:46,422
Hey, Ernie, Jennifer and I
are going to go see
1293
00:53:46,423 --> 00:53:47,423
Darla Weddings
play tonight.
1294
00:53:47,424 --> 00:53:48,925
You wanna come?
No, man.
1295
00:53:48,926 --> 00:53:51,027
I got this
Jewish singles thing.
1296
00:53:51,028 --> 00:53:53,262
Ow! Oh!
1297
00:53:53,263 --> 00:53:55,554
Jesus Christ!
yelling in foreign language
1298
00:53:57,334 --> 00:53:58,868
opening soda can
1299
00:53:58,869 --> 00:54:00,002
yelling in foreign language
1300
00:54:00,003 --> 00:54:01,170
...chubby!
1301
00:54:01,171 --> 00:54:02,505
Hey, yell at me,
I'll fucking-
1302
00:54:02,506 --> 00:54:03,940
Hey, hey!
Calm down, Ernie.
1303
00:54:03,941 --> 00:54:05,208
Calm down.
Lunatic!
1304
00:54:08,178 --> 00:54:11,747
Nobody's gonna tell me
1305
00:54:11,748 --> 00:54:18,009
How-to make a new friend
1306
00:54:19,389 --> 00:54:25,650
I'm on my own again
1307
00:54:34,471 --> 00:54:37,069
Thank you and have
a good night.
1308
00:54:38,041 --> 00:54:39,608
Isn't she great?
1309
00:54:39,609 --> 00:54:40,910
Eh, she was all right.
1310
00:54:40,911 --> 00:54:42,011
laughs
I'm just kidding.
1311
00:54:42,012 --> 00:54:43,045
She's great.
1312
00:54:43,046 --> 00:54:44,547
I need a drink.
Come on.
1313
00:54:44,548 --> 00:54:46,475
All right.
1314
00:54:52,422 --> 00:54:54,256
Hey, man,
you got a Guinness?
1315
00:54:54,257 --> 00:54:55,558
Uh, Guinness.
1316
00:54:55,559 --> 00:54:58,361
Uh, uh, I...
1317
00:54:58,362 --> 00:55:00,363
Tom. Tom Burns.
1318
00:55:00,364 --> 00:55:01,697
Yeah.
1319
00:55:01,698 --> 00:55:03,499
Yeah, it's me,
Dorman Howell.
1320
00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:05,201
Oh, Dorman Howell.
How you doing, man?
1321
00:55:05,202 --> 00:55:06,702
I'm good, man.
How you doing?
1322
00:55:06,703 --> 00:55:08,137
How's it going?
It's going good, man.
1323
00:55:08,138 --> 00:55:09,171
This is my girlfriend
Jennifer.
1324
00:55:09,172 --> 00:55:10,239
Hey, there.
Nice to meet you.
1325
00:55:10,240 --> 00:55:11,774
Hey, there, yourself.
chuckles
1326
00:55:11,775 --> 00:55:13,075
Did you guys
enjoy the show?
1327
00:55:13,076 --> 00:55:14,977
Yes.
Yeah, she was great, man.
1328
00:55:14,978 --> 00:55:17,013
She's really good.
I dig it, I dig it.
1329
00:55:17,014 --> 00:55:19,115
Hey, do you guys wanna-
you guys wanna meet her?
1330
00:55:19,116 --> 00:55:20,783
I'm- I'm friends with her.
1331
00:55:20,784 --> 00:55:22,184
Get outta here.
Yeah.
1332
00:55:22,185 --> 00:55:23,586
You're friends with her? Yeah.
1333
00:55:23,587 --> 00:55:24,720
You have a friend?
Shh!
1334
00:55:24,721 --> 00:55:26,088
I got... one.
God.
1335
00:55:26,089 --> 00:55:28,958
He was hated in college.
He's gonna get us backstage.
1336
00:55:28,959 --> 00:55:30,493
Except for you.
Thanks for remembering.
1337
00:55:30,494 --> 00:55:31,827
laughing
1338
00:55:31,828 --> 00:55:32,862
You guys wanna
get backstage?
1339
00:55:32,863 --> 00:55:34,964
Yeah. Sure.
Yeah. Yeah.
1340
00:55:34,965 --> 00:55:35,965
Come on.
I'll introduce you.
1341
00:55:35,966 --> 00:55:37,633
Oh, my God.
1342
00:55:37,634 --> 00:55:38,701
All right, let's go.
1343
00:55:38,702 --> 00:55:40,636
You owe me for this.
I know.
1344
00:55:40,637 --> 00:55:41,637
laughs
1345
00:55:41,638 --> 00:55:43,305
crowd whistles, cheers
1346
00:55:43,306 --> 00:55:46,166
Hey.
whistles
1347
00:55:48,078 --> 00:55:50,946
Hey, baby.
Good to see you.
1348
00:55:50,947 --> 00:55:52,481
Darla, come here
for one sec.
1349
00:55:52,482 --> 00:55:53,749
Darla, this is
Jennifer and Tom.
1350
00:55:53,750 --> 00:55:54,750
They're friends of mine.
1351
00:55:54,751 --> 00:55:56,052
Hi, Darla.
Hey.
1352
00:55:56,053 --> 00:55:57,887
Big fan, big fan. Thank
you. Thanks for coming.
1353
00:55:57,888 --> 00:56:00,089
Oh, it's wonderful
to meet you.
1354
00:56:00,090 --> 00:56:02,358
Yeah, you, too.
Thanks for coming.
1355
00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:04,493
Darla, Tom's an old
college buddy of mine.
1356
00:56:04,494 --> 00:56:07,063
You might recognize him from
the Sprint PCS commercials.
1357
00:56:07,064 --> 00:56:08,964
Yeah, I'm the guy that
places a call to a monkey.
1358
00:56:08,965 --> 00:56:12,234
Oh, of course.
Yeah, like you saw it.
1359
00:56:13,236 --> 00:56:14,804
Not really.
I didn't think so.
1360
00:56:14,805 --> 00:56:15,805
No, I don't
think so, either.
1361
00:56:15,806 --> 00:56:16,839
Drinks?
1362
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:17,940
You'd ladies
like some drinks.
1363
00:56:17,941 --> 00:56:18,974
Oh, yes.
1364
00:56:18,975 --> 00:56:20,176
You calling me a lady?
1365
00:56:20,177 --> 00:56:21,243
I think I am.
1366
00:56:21,244 --> 00:56:22,611
Yeah, I'll have a beer.
Are you buying?
1367
00:56:22,612 --> 00:56:24,046
Oh, you are
such a cheapo.
1368
00:56:24,047 --> 00:56:25,414
Good, good, 'cause
I have no money.
1369
00:56:25,415 --> 00:56:26,749
Oh, God.
Wild Turkey.
1370
00:56:26,750 --> 00:56:27,750
Hello?
1371
00:56:27,751 --> 00:56:29,218
Uh, yeah,
what she's having.
1372
00:56:29,219 --> 00:56:31,578
Oh. Well, really?
1373
00:56:34,658 --> 00:56:38,327
I gotta tell you, you
were really great tonight.
1374
00:56:38,328 --> 00:56:41,831
giggles
Thank you.
1375
00:56:41,832 --> 00:56:43,499
So, how long have you
been with Thomas?
1376
00:56:43,500 --> 00:56:45,201
Oh, like six months.
1377
00:56:45,202 --> 00:56:47,503
Wow, six months?
That's a long time.
1378
00:56:47,504 --> 00:56:48,504
chuckles
1379
00:56:48,505 --> 00:56:51,474
Good for you.
Are you faithful?
1380
00:56:51,475 --> 00:56:53,409
Well, you know,
we have an arrangement.
1381
00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:55,344
Sort of.
Really?
1382
00:56:55,345 --> 00:56:57,880
What, so you're
allowed to cheat?
1383
00:56:57,881 --> 00:57:03,486
No, but, uh, we-
He-We...
1384
00:57:03,487 --> 00:57:05,321
...are with other women.
1385
00:57:05,322 --> 00:57:06,522
At least,
we would like to be.
1386
00:57:06,523 --> 00:57:08,257
Well, that sounds like
1387
00:57:08,258 --> 00:57:10,693
a really good
arrangement for him.
1388
00:57:10,694 --> 00:57:12,728
I hope you get to be
with other men, too.
1389
00:57:12,729 --> 00:57:15,831
Well, not exactly.
1390
00:57:15,832 --> 00:57:20,169
Well, it sounds like he's got the
better end of the deal, then, huh?
1391
00:57:20,170 --> 00:57:24,634
In fact, I know he's got the
better end of the deal.
1392
00:57:40,390 --> 00:57:41,991
You wanna hear
my impression of Yoda?
1393
00:57:41,992 --> 00:57:43,325
Mm-hmm.
1394
00:57:43,326 --> 00:57:45,594
imitating Yoda
Mmm, a Jedi you are.
1395
00:57:45,595 --> 00:57:46,962
chuckles
1396
00:57:46,963 --> 00:57:49,565
Wanna hear my impression
of Grover from Sesame Street?
1397
00:57:49,566 --> 00:57:50,566
Uh-huh.
1398
00:57:50,567 --> 00:57:52,134
same voice
Mmm, a Jedi you are.
1399
00:57:52,135 --> 00:57:53,269
laughs
1400
00:57:53,270 --> 00:57:54,370
You get it?
It's the same guy.
1401
00:57:54,371 --> 00:57:56,939
You get it?
1402
00:57:56,940 --> 00:57:59,542
Oh, I'm such an idiot.
1403
00:57:59,543 --> 00:58:00,476
Hey, Darla.
1404
00:58:00,477 --> 00:58:01,810
Hey.
1405
00:58:01,811 --> 00:58:03,012
Hey, when's your
album coming out.
1406
00:58:03,013 --> 00:58:05,347
I don't know, a couple months, I guess.
1407
00:58:05,348 --> 00:58:06,682
Oh, so exciting.
1408
00:58:06,683 --> 00:58:07,683
Yeah.
1409
00:58:07,684 --> 00:58:09,251
Yeah, I loved that
last song you did.
1410
00:58:09,252 --> 00:58:10,886
Oh, thank you.
1411
00:58:10,887 --> 00:58:12,154
I think I could sing
the chorus of it.
1412
00:58:12,155 --> 00:58:13,622
No.
No. No.
1413
00:58:13,623 --> 00:58:15,424
God.
1414
00:58:15,425 --> 00:58:17,193
I always thought I was
a good singer, you know?
1415
00:58:17,194 --> 00:58:20,129
Come on. You know what, you
guys, let's get out of here.
1416
00:58:20,130 --> 00:58:23,432
You want to come back to my
place and get some drinks?
1417
00:58:23,433 --> 00:58:25,668
chuckles Yeah.
1418
00:58:25,669 --> 00:58:28,096
Yeah, come on.
Let's go.
1419
00:58:29,472 --> 00:58:31,807
laughing
1420
00:58:31,808 --> 00:58:34,810
Hey. Okay, so, there's
drinks over there,
1421
00:58:34,811 --> 00:58:36,845
there's joints
on the coffee table,
1422
00:58:36,846 --> 00:58:39,774
and I'm gonna go clean
up, and I'll be back.
1423
00:58:41,017 --> 00:58:42,818
Man, this is great.
1424
00:58:42,819 --> 00:58:45,421
Such a nice place.
1425
00:58:45,422 --> 00:58:47,790
God.
1426
00:58:47,791 --> 00:58:50,025
So, how cool is this?
1427
00:58:50,026 --> 00:58:51,994
A Darla Weddings lighter.
1428
00:58:51,995 --> 00:58:53,896
I wonder how much I could
get for this on e-bay.
1429
00:58:53,897 --> 00:58:55,231
Thomas Burns,
put that back.
1430
00:58:55,232 --> 00:58:57,600
Put that back.
1431
00:58:57,601 --> 00:58:59,368
I guess we should
smoke, huh?
1432
00:58:59,369 --> 00:59:02,104
If a gay guy gets
a bartell is in,
1433
00:59:02,105 --> 00:59:03,105
is that foreplay?
1434
00:59:03,106 --> 00:59:04,974
It's good for him.
1435
00:59:04,975 --> 00:59:06,970
both laughing
1436
00:59:22,826 --> 00:59:27,620
So, Thomas, Jennifer tells
me of your little arrangement.
1437
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:32,101
And it sounds
pretty interesting.
1438
00:59:32,102 --> 00:59:33,469
Arrangement?
1439
00:59:33,470 --> 00:59:36,005
Yeah, I mean,
1440
00:59:36,006 --> 00:59:38,874
I've been wanting to fuck
your girlfriend all night.
1441
00:59:38,875 --> 00:59:40,976
If that means
I have to fuck you, too,
1442
00:59:40,977 --> 00:59:43,178
well, I'll take it.
1443
00:59:43,179 --> 00:59:45,447
Really?
1444
00:59:45,448 --> 00:59:46,682
You're serious?
1445
00:59:46,683 --> 00:59:48,712
Uh-huh.
1446
00:59:51,021 --> 00:59:53,889
Do you want to
watch me kiss her?
1447
00:59:53,890 --> 00:59:55,782
Fuck yeah.
1448
01:00:10,907 --> 01:00:12,697
Oh, man.
1449
01:00:30,627 --> 01:00:31,894
Whoa.
1450
01:00:49,512 --> 01:00:51,803
Oh, my God.
1451
01:01:20,710 --> 01:01:24,138
Gracias, mi amigas
1452
01:01:29,919 --> 01:01:33,279
Gracias, mi amigas
1453
01:01:46,569 --> 01:01:50,430
Gracias, mi amigas
1454
01:01:55,678 --> 01:01:57,780
Seven times.
1455
01:01:57,781 --> 01:02:00,276
It's gotta be
some kind of record.
1456
01:02:01,885 --> 01:02:04,620
Seven times.
1457
01:02:04,621 --> 01:02:07,289
Man, that was great.
1458
01:02:07,290 --> 01:02:11,827
God, Darla's so cute.
She's got that kick-ass body.
1459
01:02:11,828 --> 01:02:13,429
Did I just say that out loud?
1460
01:02:13,430 --> 01:02:15,431
What an idiot!
1461
01:02:15,432 --> 01:02:17,599
Oh, TM I!
1462
01:02:17,600 --> 01:02:19,501
Did I just say TM I?
1463
01:02:19,502 --> 01:02:21,670
Oh, how gay am I?
1464
01:02:21,671 --> 01:02:23,005
Pull over.
1465
01:02:23,006 --> 01:02:24,206
What?
1466
01:02:24,207 --> 01:02:27,209
What's the matter?
1467
01:02:27,210 --> 01:02:30,712
Jen, what's wrong?
1468
01:02:30,713 --> 01:02:33,115
Nothing.
1469
01:02:33,116 --> 01:02:34,883
What do you mean, nothing?
Something's bothering you.
1470
01:02:34,884 --> 01:02:37,453
Tell me what it is.
1471
01:02:37,454 --> 01:02:38,687
You were
all over her tonight.
1472
01:02:38,688 --> 01:02:40,456
I might as well not
have even been there.
1473
01:02:40,457 --> 01:02:43,125
Oh, come on, it was-
That's ridiculous.
1474
01:02:43,126 --> 01:02:46,094
No, now you�re going on
about how hot she is,
1475
01:02:46,095 --> 01:02:47,763
and how perfect
her body is.
1476
01:02:47,764 --> 01:02:49,798
Jen, just perfect for us.
1477
01:02:49,799 --> 01:02:53,001
I mean, you know, for the
first time we do this, come on.
1478
01:02:53,002 --> 01:02:54,403
I mean, you know,
I was just saying-
1479
01:02:54,404 --> 01:02:56,071
I mean, how lucky
did we get
1480
01:02:56,072 --> 01:02:57,506
to have the first girl
be this cute?
1481
01:02:57,507 --> 01:02:58,841
Do you want
to keep talking?
1482
01:02:58,842 --> 01:02:59,842
Really?
1483
01:02:59,843 --> 01:03:01,109
No, I'm just saying.
1484
01:03:01,110 --> 01:03:03,045
Okay, I'm sorry.
1485
01:03:03,046 --> 01:03:05,781
I'm really sorry.
It's just the first time.
1486
01:03:05,782 --> 01:03:07,182
I got excited.
1487
01:03:07,183 --> 01:03:10,475
I'm an idiot.
I promise.
1488
01:03:12,422 --> 01:03:13,989
Please, don't
make me beg you.
1489
01:03:13,990 --> 01:03:15,757
I love you.
1490
01:03:15,758 --> 01:03:18,994
I'm an idiot.
I promise, I'm a schmuck.
1491
01:03:18,995 --> 01:03:21,063
How do you say it in
Jewish? I'm a schmuck.
1492
01:03:21,064 --> 01:03:22,197
Please, help me out.
1493
01:03:22,198 --> 01:03:23,432
Shut up, already.
Shut up, already.
1494
01:03:23,433 --> 01:03:24,700
All right,
shut up. Shut up.
1495
01:03:24,701 --> 01:03:27,870
So, are you and Jennifer
gonna see Darla again?
1496
01:03:27,871 --> 01:03:30,639
We kind of have this rule
that we're only supposed to
1497
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:33,609
be with a girl once,
but Darla was great, man.
1498
01:03:33,610 --> 01:03:35,777
A regular pro.
1499
01:03:35,778 --> 01:03:38,113
I see.
1500
01:03:38,114 --> 01:03:40,282
How about you, Derek?
I mean, do you have a...
1501
01:03:40,283 --> 01:03:41,783
...girlfriend?
1502
01:03:41,784 --> 01:03:45,354
Well, this isn't
about me, Thomas,
1503
01:03:45,355 --> 01:03:50,125
but, no, I haven't
found that special...
1504
01:03:50,126 --> 01:03:52,986
...someone as of late.
1505
01:04:00,737 --> 01:04:03,839
Well, it's getting to be
about that time, so...
1506
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:06,942
Hey, um, Darla called.
1507
01:04:06,943 --> 01:04:10,145
She wants to hang out
tonight, maybe get some drinks.
1508
01:04:10,146 --> 01:04:11,780
Yes!
1509
01:04:11,781 --> 01:04:12,781
What?
1510
01:04:12,782 --> 01:04:13,882
Nothing, I'm just having-
1511
01:04:13,883 --> 01:04:15,250
You know, some people
in the gym over here.
1512
01:04:15,251 --> 01:04:16,552
Really?
1513
01:04:16,553 --> 01:04:19,988
I mean, I know it's
breaking rule number one,
1514
01:04:19,989 --> 01:04:23,525
but, um, I don't mind
if you don't.
1515
01:04:23,526 --> 01:04:26,061
I don't have
a problem with it,
1516
01:04:26,062 --> 01:04:28,096
unless, of course, you do. No,
I don't have a problem with it.
1517
01:04:28,097 --> 01:04:29,498
Oh.
1518
01:04:29,499 --> 01:04:31,767
But I told Ernie I'd meet
him for a few drinks. Oh.
1519
01:04:31,768 --> 01:04:33,669
Is it all right if he
came for a little while?
1520
01:04:33,670 --> 01:04:34,770
Don't worry,
he can't stay long.
1521
01:04:34,771 --> 01:04:36,197
Fine.
1522
01:04:40,643 --> 01:04:44,112
Yeah, it's been
really hard to have
1523
01:04:44,113 --> 01:04:46,748
some serious relationships
while I'm on the road.
1524
01:04:46,749 --> 01:04:48,350
Oh.
1525
01:04:48,351 --> 01:04:52,382
Who has better come
on lines, men or women?
1526
01:04:53,856 --> 01:04:56,458
Well, I really
wouldn't know
1527
01:04:56,459 --> 01:04:59,328
'cause I'm too busy
coming on to the women.
1528
01:04:59,329 --> 01:05:02,998
laughs
1529
01:05:02,999 --> 01:05:04,666
Come on,
what about the men?
1530
01:05:04,667 --> 01:05:06,335
The men?
Uh-huh.
1531
01:05:06,336 --> 01:05:09,771
Oh, please.
The men.
1532
01:05:09,772 --> 01:05:11,106
God, I don't think
they really care
1533
01:05:11,107 --> 01:05:13,842
about anything else
except their own penis.
1534
01:05:13,843 --> 01:05:15,310
Damn, that place
is way too loud.
1535
01:05:15,311 --> 01:05:16,545
I couldn't
even hear myself.
1536
01:05:16,546 --> 01:05:18,080
You know, my father
was deaf in his right ear,
1537
01:05:18,081 --> 01:05:19,114
which is weird,
because that's the ear
1538
01:05:19,115 --> 01:05:20,482
he always wanted me
to talk into.
1539
01:05:20,483 --> 01:05:22,284
I don't like loud music.
That's how you get tinnitus.
1540
01:05:22,285 --> 01:05:23,518
That's a constant
ringing in your ears
1541
01:05:23,519 --> 01:05:25,287
that could lead to deafness,
which would just be awful.
1542
01:05:25,288 --> 01:05:26,922
So how does one
get this tinnitus?
1543
01:05:26,923 --> 01:05:28,323
Loud music,
I just told you that.
1544
01:05:28,324 --> 01:05:29,625
Aren�t you listening
to what I'm saying?
1545
01:05:29,626 --> 01:05:30,626
Don't worry,
I'm not mad.
1546
01:05:30,627 --> 01:05:31,627
I'm a very
forgiving person.
1547
01:05:31,628 --> 01:05:33,028
My father
told me I was...
1548
01:05:33,029 --> 01:05:34,529
Hey, what's up?
1549
01:05:34,530 --> 01:05:35,530
Oh.
1550
01:05:35,531 --> 01:05:36,531
Hey, baby.
1551
01:05:36,532 --> 01:05:38,600
What's going on?
1552
01:05:38,601 --> 01:05:40,168
Am I late?
It's 10:00.
1553
01:05:40,169 --> 01:05:42,437
No, no, no.
We got here early.
1554
01:05:42,438 --> 01:05:44,106
chuckles
1555
01:05:44,107 --> 01:05:45,707
How early,
two this afternoon?
1556
01:05:45,708 --> 01:05:48,777
Like 8:30. She got
out of rehearsal early.
1557
01:05:48,778 --> 01:05:51,647
Ah. Hey, Darla, this
is my good friend Ernie.
1558
01:05:51,648 --> 01:05:53,148
Hi. Hey.
1559
01:05:53,149 --> 01:05:54,449
Mm-hmm.
1560
01:05:54,450 --> 01:05:56,051
laughs
1561
01:05:56,052 --> 01:05:58,020
I'm starved.
Can we get anything to eat?
1562
01:05:58,021 --> 01:06:00,322
Oh, well, as to
our conversation,
1563
01:06:00,323 --> 01:06:02,090
but their stomachs
before that.
1564
01:06:02,091 --> 01:06:03,091
What?
1565
01:06:03,092 --> 01:06:04,226
Nothing, tiger.
No, no, no, what?
1566
01:06:04,227 --> 01:06:05,827
No, I gotta go
to the ladies room.
1567
01:06:05,828 --> 01:06:07,462
I really gotta go.
Gotta go. You wanna come?
1568
01:06:07,463 --> 01:06:08,664
I'll come.
Oh, let's go.
1569
01:06:08,665 --> 01:06:10,132
See ya.
1570
01:06:10,133 --> 01:06:11,466
All right, have fun.
1571
01:06:11,467 --> 01:06:15,570
I can't wait to
show her Ernie Junior.
1572
01:06:15,571 --> 01:06:17,439
She's hot.
1573
01:06:17,440 --> 01:06:18,440
She is.
1574
01:06:18,441 --> 01:06:19,833
What's that look?
1575
01:06:21,010 --> 01:06:22,477
Nothing.
1576
01:06:22,478 --> 01:06:23,779
What?
1577
01:06:23,780 --> 01:06:25,681
That guy Ernie's
pretty strange.
1578
01:06:25,682 --> 01:06:29,076
He keeps staring at me with
this stupid smile on his face.
1579
01:06:31,020 --> 01:06:33,021
Get the fuck
out of here.
1580
01:06:33,022 --> 01:06:34,423
That's right.
1581
01:06:34,424 --> 01:06:35,424
You gotta be kidding.
1582
01:06:35,425 --> 01:06:36,925
Nope.
1583
01:06:36,926 --> 01:06:39,761
Jesus Christ.
How'd you do that?
1584
01:06:39,762 --> 01:06:41,263
Don't ask.
1585
01:06:41,264 --> 01:06:43,532
That's every
guy's fantasy,
1586
01:06:43,533 --> 01:06:45,100
to bang two chicks
at the same time,
1587
01:06:45,101 --> 01:06:47,835
and with a celebrity,
no less!
1588
01:06:49,839 --> 01:06:51,406
You lucky bastard.
1589
01:06:51,407 --> 01:06:53,809
No, Ern, skill. Skill.
1590
01:06:53,810 --> 01:06:56,178
Dude, you gotta
make me a videotape.
1591
01:06:56,179 --> 01:06:57,946
Get out of here.
1592
01:06:57,947 --> 01:06:59,715
And Jennifer doesn�t
mind that you�re
1593
01:06:59,716 --> 01:07:01,450
giving it to some other
chick at the same time.
1594
01:07:01,451 --> 01:07:02,818
No, 'cause she's
having a good time, too.
1595
01:07:02,819 --> 01:07:04,753
Wow.
1596
01:07:04,754 --> 01:07:06,288
I don't know
what to say.
1597
01:07:06,289 --> 01:07:07,923
Well, there's a first.
1598
01:07:07,924 --> 01:07:09,324
Fucker.
1599
01:07:09,325 --> 01:07:10,759
Motherfucker.
1600
01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:13,328
So, how you doin'? How's
the prostitute parade going?
1601
01:07:13,329 --> 01:07:15,497
It's actually
all right.
1602
01:07:15,498 --> 01:07:17,132
What, two for one sale?
1603
01:07:17,133 --> 01:07:19,401
I met a nice normal
girl, actually.
1604
01:07:19,402 --> 01:07:20,402
Really? Where?
1605
01:07:20,403 --> 01:07:22,637
At that Jewish
singles thing.
1606
01:07:22,638 --> 01:07:25,874
Great. What happened?
1607
01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:29,678
Well, they made everybody go up and give,
like, a speech about themselves, you know?
1608
01:07:29,679 --> 01:07:31,313
So it's my turn
to go up there.
1609
01:07:31,314 --> 01:07:33,148
I get up in front
of the whole crowd.
1610
01:07:33,149 --> 01:07:35,317
I look over the fucking
crowd, and I say...
1611
01:07:35,318 --> 01:07:37,786
Yeah, uh, hi, everybody.
1612
01:07:37,787 --> 01:07:40,822
My name's Ernest Weinberg,
and I got one question.
1613
01:07:40,823 --> 01:07:42,591
Where the fuck
are the hot chicks at?
1614
01:07:42,592 --> 01:07:44,259
This place sucks!
1615
01:07:44,260 --> 01:07:47,896
I paid 99 bucks to meet a bunch
of old people and their parents?
1616
01:07:47,897 --> 01:07:48,997
Holy shit.
1617
01:07:48,998 --> 01:07:51,666
I've seen younger
faces on cash.
1618
01:07:51,667 --> 01:07:54,202
Oh, and guys, do you
want a piece of advice?
1619
01:07:54,203 --> 01:07:57,773
You want to get laid? Lose
the fucking obnoxious beards.
1620
01:07:57,774 --> 01:07:58,774
This sucks.
1621
01:07:58,775 --> 01:08:00,242
I don't understand
something, then.
1622
01:08:00,243 --> 01:08:01,476
So where'd you
meet the girl?
1623
01:08:01,477 --> 01:08:03,779
On the way out.
She's the coat check girl.
1624
01:08:03,780 --> 01:08:05,479
Sorry!
1625
01:08:08,985 --> 01:08:12,254
Hey.
1626
01:08:12,255 --> 01:08:14,890
You're pretty.
1627
01:08:14,891 --> 01:08:16,825
There's only
one problem.
1628
01:08:16,826 --> 01:08:18,527
She's got a job.
1629
01:08:18,528 --> 01:08:20,929
No. Worse.
1630
01:08:20,930 --> 01:08:22,464
She's got a penis?
1631
01:08:22,465 --> 01:08:24,499
She's Catholic.
1632
01:08:24,500 --> 01:08:25,534
Yeah?
1633
01:08:25,535 --> 01:08:27,335
Yeah, I'm Jewish.
1634
01:08:27,336 --> 01:08:28,370
Yeah?
1635
01:08:28,371 --> 01:08:29,671
Yeah, so, I can't
get serious
1636
01:08:29,672 --> 01:08:30,972
with a Catholic girl,
1637
01:08:30,973 --> 01:08:32,908
it goes against every
part of my religion.
1638
01:08:32,909 --> 01:08:34,810
What, and banging
prostitutes doesn't?
1639
01:08:34,811 --> 01:08:36,778
I can't bring
a Catholic girl home.
1640
01:08:36,779 --> 01:08:38,313
My mom will kill me.
1641
01:08:38,314 --> 01:08:40,582
Oh, my God, there you go
with your mother again.
1642
01:08:40,583 --> 01:08:41,983
What, does she
own your penis?
1643
01:08:41,984 --> 01:08:43,018
Yes.
1644
01:08:43,019 --> 01:08:46,755
Dude, being
a Jew or a Catholic,
1645
01:08:46,756 --> 01:08:48,857
it's like being
a Yankee or a Met fan.
1646
01:08:48,858 --> 01:08:51,026
The only difference
is where a Yankee fan
1647
01:08:51,027 --> 01:08:52,127
could recognize
a good player
1648
01:08:52,128 --> 01:08:54,396
like Carlos Delgado
playing for the Mets,
1649
01:08:54,397 --> 01:08:56,164
the Jews can't
appreciate a good player
1650
01:08:56,165 --> 01:08:57,799
like Jesus playing
for the Catholics.
1651
01:08:57,800 --> 01:08:59,000
Uh-huh.
1652
01:08:59,001 --> 01:09:00,402
I mean, they must be jealous.
1653
01:09:00,403 --> 01:09:03,638
I mean, he's young,
virile, swimmer's body,
1654
01:09:03,639 --> 01:09:05,774
can walk on water.
1655
01:09:05,775 --> 01:09:07,609
And you know what
really pisses them off?
1656
01:09:07,610 --> 01:09:09,277
It's that he was
once on their team.
1657
01:09:09,278 --> 01:09:12,013
That's kind of like when the
Red Sox got rid of Babe Ruth.
1658
01:09:12,014 --> 01:09:14,783
Are you done?
1659
01:09:14,784 --> 01:09:17,853
Dude, do you really believe
Moses parted the Red Sea?
1660
01:09:17,854 --> 01:09:18,954
Yes.
1661
01:09:18,955 --> 01:09:21,323
It was low tide.
1662
01:09:21,324 --> 01:09:22,557
You're going to hell.
1663
01:09:22,558 --> 01:09:24,951
No, I'm going over there.
1664
01:09:29,098 --> 01:09:31,798
Motherfucker!
1665
01:09:35,771 --> 01:09:39,006
moaning
1666
01:09:40,142 --> 01:09:42,410
Jennifer, where
are you going?
1667
01:09:42,411 --> 01:09:44,613
Jen! Wait up!
1668
01:09:44,614 --> 01:09:46,648
Where are you going?
1669
01:09:46,649 --> 01:09:48,576
What's the matter?
1670
01:09:49,318 --> 01:09:50,452
Oh, here we go again.
1671
01:09:50,453 --> 01:09:51,820
Here we go again?
1672
01:09:51,821 --> 01:09:54,689
Now what is it?
This is bullshit.
1673
01:09:54,690 --> 01:09:57,659
You were all over her. You
don't care anything about me.
1674
01:09:57,660 --> 01:09:59,594
Oh, come on, Jen.
Not again with this.
1675
01:09:59,595 --> 01:10:01,463
You know what I think, Thomas?
1676
01:10:01,464 --> 01:10:04,499
Being loved just by me
isn't good enough for you.
1677
01:10:04,500 --> 01:10:07,969
Jen, of course it is. Come
on, will you stop it with this?
1678
01:10:07,970 --> 01:10:09,170
Look, sweetums,
1679
01:10:09,171 --> 01:10:11,740
I love you more
than love itself.
1680
01:10:11,741 --> 01:10:15,844
This Darla chick is nothing more
to me than a sperm receptacle.
1681
01:10:15,845 --> 01:10:17,612
Sperm receptacle?
1682
01:10:20,249 --> 01:10:21,383
You're an asshole.
1683
01:10:21,384 --> 01:10:22,584
Just kidding.
Figure of speech.
1684
01:10:22,585 --> 01:10:24,019
Poetic license.
1685
01:10:24,020 --> 01:10:25,620
Jen, come on.
1686
01:10:25,621 --> 01:10:27,555
Listen, Jen,
you wanted this, too.
1687
01:10:27,556 --> 01:10:29,391
As soon as I started
enjoying myself,
1688
01:10:29,392 --> 01:10:31,059
you gotta fuck it up.
1689
01:10:31,060 --> 01:10:34,329
Oh, here we go. Everything
has to be about you.
1690
01:10:34,330 --> 01:10:35,497
Oh, what are
you talking about?
1691
01:10:35,498 --> 01:10:36,898
You know what, Jen?
You're freaking nuts.
1692
01:10:36,899 --> 01:10:38,833
Totally nuts.
And now you�re gonna leave.
1693
01:10:38,834 --> 01:10:41,796
How typical.
Just great. Just great.
1694
01:10:42,838 --> 01:10:45,333
I hope one day
you get what you want.
1695
01:10:46,075 --> 01:10:47,676
Come on, Jennifer!
1696
01:10:47,677 --> 01:10:48,810
Give me a break!
1697
01:10:48,811 --> 01:10:50,445
I love you?
1698
01:10:50,446 --> 01:10:52,681
I don't know, man.
I'm miserable.
1699
01:10:52,682 --> 01:10:54,049
I'm freaking out.
1700
01:10:54,050 --> 01:10:55,283
I mean, it's been a week.
1701
01:10:55,284 --> 01:10:57,152
I can't eat,
I can't think.
1702
01:10:57,153 --> 01:10:59,554
I can't even jerk off.
1703
01:10:59,555 --> 01:11:02,090
Well, don't you
see her in the show?
1704
01:11:02,091 --> 01:11:04,292
Nah. Edgar's back
from the cruise.
1705
01:11:04,293 --> 01:11:07,028
Unfortunately, his
boat didn't sink.
1706
01:11:07,029 --> 01:11:09,597
Well, why don't you stop
by, say hi, work it out.
1707
01:11:09,598 --> 01:11:11,833
Of course, man.
She's wrong.
1708
01:11:11,834 --> 01:11:13,568
I mean, she'd
agreed to doing this.
1709
01:11:13,569 --> 01:11:15,437
Fuck.
1710
01:11:15,438 --> 01:11:18,773
You know, Thomas, you
realize you ask a lot of her.
1711
01:11:18,774 --> 01:11:22,377
I mean, this threesome stuff
is pretty tricky stuff.
1712
01:11:22,378 --> 01:11:25,613
Especially with
someone you love.
1713
01:11:25,614 --> 01:11:27,882
Thomas, you do know
that she did love you.
1714
01:11:27,883 --> 01:11:29,651
I mean, she does love you,
1715
01:11:29,652 --> 01:11:31,586
and maybe she just
needs to be assured
1716
01:11:31,587 --> 01:11:33,722
that you still
feel the same way about her.
1717
01:11:33,723 --> 01:11:36,658
Maybe it's time
that you reach out to her.
1718
01:11:36,659 --> 01:11:38,293
I mean, do you
still love her?
1719
01:11:38,294 --> 01:11:40,628
I love her
more than anything.
1720
01:11:40,629 --> 01:11:44,888
And can you deal with
just making love to her?
1721
01:11:47,770 --> 01:11:49,637
Thomas, don't let her go.
1722
01:11:49,638 --> 01:11:51,072
Find her.
1723
01:11:51,073 --> 01:11:53,775
Sex, it's temporary.
1724
01:11:53,776 --> 01:11:56,411
But love, real love,
1725
01:11:56,412 --> 01:11:59,738
it's pretty hard to find.
1726
01:12:02,852 --> 01:12:06,321
Hey, Thomas. You got a
callback, too? Congratulations.
1727
01:12:06,322 --> 01:12:07,822
Yeah, same with you.
Great, man.
1728
01:12:07,823 --> 01:12:09,257
Hey, dude, meet
my new girlfriend.
1729
01:12:09,258 --> 01:12:10,258
Maria.
1730
01:12:10,259 --> 01:12:13,460
Hi.
Hi, nice to meet you.
1731
01:12:16,165 --> 01:12:17,625
Nice to meet you.
1732
01:12:18,868 --> 01:12:21,236
Hey, Thomas,
you're next.
1733
01:12:21,237 --> 01:12:23,972
Great. Wish me luck.
1734
01:12:23,973 --> 01:12:25,535
Dude, dude, dude, dude.
1735
01:12:26,776 --> 01:12:28,243
Break a leg
in there, man.
1736
01:12:28,244 --> 01:12:29,444
What do you think?
Huh.
1737
01:12:29,445 --> 01:12:30,779
She's a tomato, huh?
1738
01:12:30,780 --> 01:12:32,147
Yeah, she's great.
1739
01:12:32,148 --> 01:12:34,149
What happened
to her eyes?
1740
01:12:34,150 --> 01:12:36,251
Umbrella accident.
1741
01:12:36,252 --> 01:12:38,486
How you doin', man?
You hear from Jennifer?
1742
01:12:38,487 --> 01:12:40,889
Nah, she's
staying with Tracy.
1743
01:12:40,890 --> 01:12:44,990
Hey, what happened to your mom
and her anti-Catholic position?
1744
01:12:46,262 --> 01:12:47,729
Fuck her.
1745
01:12:47,730 --> 01:12:50,632
Hey, Tommy,
this is Johnny.
1746
01:12:50,633 --> 01:12:52,801
I need you to do this clown
thing for me one more time.
1747
01:12:52,802 --> 01:12:54,436
One last time.
It's in Long Island.
1748
01:12:54,437 --> 01:12:56,671
I'll even let you
bother my father's car.
1749
01:12:56,672 --> 01:12:58,706
I just gotta work this
thing out with my girl.
1750
01:12:58,707 --> 01:13:00,235
sighs
1751
01:13:06,816 --> 01:13:09,451
Great. Thanks for
the job, Johnny.
1752
01:13:09,452 --> 01:13:11,052
I'm a freaking
clown again.
1753
01:13:11,053 --> 01:13:13,655
Who says clown ain't happy?
1754
01:13:13,656 --> 01:13:15,323
So freaking happy.
1755
01:13:15,324 --> 01:13:18,320
That and 9 bucks will get
me a coffee at Starbucks.
1756
01:13:19,061 --> 01:13:20,862
Thomas, what,
are you fucking nuts?
1757
01:13:20,863 --> 01:13:21,863
Why you whining?
1758
01:13:21,864 --> 01:13:23,198
Who the hell
are you?
1759
01:13:23,199 --> 01:13:24,799
I'm your better-half.
1760
01:13:24,800 --> 01:13:27,635
Think of all the hashish
you can get now.
1761
01:13:27,636 --> 01:13:28,837
Thomas, go back to her.
1762
01:13:28,838 --> 01:13:30,905
She loves you.
You love her.
1763
01:13:30,906 --> 01:13:34,075
Forget her. You fucked
her already. Move on.
1764
01:13:34,076 --> 01:13:35,844
Thomas, think clearly.
1765
01:13:35,845 --> 01:13:38,346
Follow your heart.
Go back to her.
1766
01:13:38,347 --> 01:13:40,148
Don't listen to this faggot.
1767
01:13:40,149 --> 01:13:42,951
He wouldn't know a good piece
of ass if it sat on his face.
1768
01:13:42,952 --> 01:13:45,120
His idea of a good time
is playing on
1769
01:13:45,121 --> 01:13:46,955
that fucking
annoying harp all day.
1770
01:13:46,956 --> 01:13:49,757
And by the way, he's a
horrible fucking harp player.
1771
01:13:49,758 --> 01:13:51,059
God had to buy earplugs.
1772
01:13:51,060 --> 01:13:52,427
farts
1773
01:13:52,428 --> 01:13:53,962
Ooh, that smarts.
1774
01:13:53,963 --> 01:13:56,097
Thomas,
think of Jennifer,
1775
01:13:56,098 --> 01:13:57,298
think of you.
1776
01:13:57,299 --> 01:13:59,267
Shut up, you faggot.
1777
01:13:59,268 --> 01:14:00,835
Listen, Thomas,
if he had any pull,
1778
01:14:00,836 --> 01:14:02,170
he'd be riding shotgun.
1779
01:14:02,171 --> 01:14:03,605
Thomas, think about it.
1780
01:14:03,606 --> 01:14:05,473
This one decision
will be with you
1781
01:14:05,474 --> 01:14:08,376
for the rest
of your life.
1782
01:14:08,377 --> 01:14:10,879
Wait. What am I thinking?
1783
01:14:10,880 --> 01:14:12,881
I miss Jennifer.
1784
01:14:12,882 --> 01:14:14,449
Jesus, I love her.
1785
01:14:14,450 --> 01:14:16,351
Who the heck needs
this threesome crap?
1786
01:14:16,352 --> 01:14:20,088
You fucking cocksucker,
bone-smoking faggot,
1787
01:14:20,089 --> 01:14:22,789
homo piece of shit.
1788
01:14:50,519 --> 01:14:52,411
Jen?
1789
01:15:00,296 --> 01:15:02,697
Jennifer moaning
1790
01:15:02,698 --> 01:15:04,098
Oh, God.
1791
01:15:04,099 --> 01:15:06,100
What the fuck is this?
1792
01:15:06,101 --> 01:15:07,902
What the fuck's
going on here?
1793
01:15:07,903 --> 01:15:09,737
Tom?
Yeah, Tom.
1794
01:15:09,738 --> 01:15:11,406
Don't mind me, Jen.
Go ahead, let Darla finish.
1795
01:15:11,407 --> 01:15:13,374
Shit.
1796
01:15:13,375 --> 01:15:15,577
Jennifer, are you kidding me?
You're fucking cheating on me?
1797
01:15:15,578 --> 01:15:17,378
Ugh. Cheating on you?
She broke up with you.
1798
01:15:17,379 --> 01:15:19,414
A week ago.
1799
01:15:19,415 --> 01:15:21,316
Jen, one fucking week?
1800
01:15:21,317 --> 01:15:23,751
That's all it took to get
over me, one fucking week?
1801
01:15:23,752 --> 01:15:26,588
Look, Tommy,
I'm really sorry.
1802
01:15:26,589 --> 01:15:28,389
Can I talk to you
about this later?
1803
01:15:28,390 --> 01:15:29,657
Can I maybe call you?
1804
01:15:29,658 --> 01:15:31,993
Can you call me?
1805
01:15:31,994 --> 01:15:35,630
You're sorry?
1806
01:15:35,631 --> 01:15:37,465
Jen, how can you
do this to me?
1807
01:15:37,466 --> 01:15:39,233
What do you want me to say?
1808
01:15:40,269 --> 01:15:42,770
I like being with Darla.
1809
01:15:42,771 --> 01:15:44,706
She makes me feel good.
1810
01:15:44,707 --> 01:15:49,711
Jen, this doesn't
bother you in the least?
1811
01:15:49,712 --> 01:15:51,179
Are you that
fucking heartless?
1812
01:15:51,180 --> 01:15:53,381
Heartless?
1813
01:15:53,382 --> 01:15:54,549
Give me a break.
1814
01:15:54,550 --> 01:15:55,550
Give you a break?
1815
01:15:55,551 --> 01:15:57,518
How about all
your fucking rules?
1816
01:15:57,519 --> 01:15:59,787
Don't be with
the same women twice,
1817
01:15:59,788 --> 01:16:01,589
don't be with
anyone we know.
1818
01:16:01,590 --> 01:16:02,857
Sound familiar,
doesn't it, Jen?
1819
01:16:02,858 --> 01:16:05,326
You're fucking breaking
the rules here, not me.
1820
01:16:05,327 --> 01:16:06,961
Tom, I think you should go.
1821
01:16:06,962 --> 01:16:08,630
You think I should go?
1822
01:16:08,631 --> 01:16:10,831
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
that's what she said.
1823
01:16:12,868 --> 01:16:14,328
You want me to go?
1824
01:16:19,074 --> 01:16:21,376
Jen, can't you see
she's playing
1825
01:16:21,377 --> 01:16:23,444
some sick kind of
fucking game?
1826
01:16:23,445 --> 01:16:24,712
I'm playing a game?
1827
01:16:24,713 --> 01:16:26,147
I'm playing a game?
1828
01:16:26,148 --> 01:16:27,715
You were the one
that wanted to share her
1829
01:16:27,716 --> 01:16:29,751
with any girl
that was available.
1830
01:16:29,752 --> 01:16:33,187
You know, if I had her
as a girlfriend,
1831
01:16:33,188 --> 01:16:36,057
I would never
share her with anyone.
1832
01:16:36,058 --> 01:16:39,088
Ever.
1833
01:16:39,828 --> 01:16:42,961
Jen, this is it?
1834
01:16:44,733 --> 01:16:47,524
I thought...
1835
01:16:51,340 --> 01:16:53,471
sighs
1836
01:17:08,524 --> 01:17:11,959
grunting
1837
01:17:11,960 --> 01:17:14,862
stuttering
Hey, Thomas.
1838
01:17:14,863 --> 01:17:19,434
This is my friend
Stephanie.
1839
01:17:19,435 --> 01:17:23,705
stuttering
Hi, Thomas.
1840
01:17:23,706 --> 01:17:25,837
Hey, guys.
1841
01:17:27,443 --> 01:17:28,810
Dad, that's him.
That's the guy.
1842
01:17:28,811 --> 01:17:29,811
Him?
Yeah.
1843
01:17:29,812 --> 01:17:31,713
You gotta be kidding me.
1844
01:17:31,714 --> 01:17:33,848
Well, look who it is.
What?
1845
01:17:33,849 --> 01:17:35,483
So where do you get off
telling my kid
1846
01:17:35,484 --> 01:17:37,852
that you're a warlock,
scaring him half to death?
1847
01:17:37,853 --> 01:17:39,354
The kid can't sleep.
1848
01:17:39,355 --> 01:17:41,556
He's been sleeping
in my room every night.
1849
01:17:41,557 --> 01:17:42,590
Look, I'm sorry.
1850
01:17:42,591 --> 01:17:43,791
But maybe if you
teach your kid
1851
01:17:43,792 --> 01:17:45,560
to stop picking on kids
with speech impediments-
1852
01:17:45,561 --> 01:17:46,661
Hey, look, asshole,
1853
01:17:46,662 --> 01:17:48,329
don't tell me
how-to raise my kid.
1854
01:17:48,330 --> 01:17:51,666
Dude, don't make me have to
kick your ass again, all right?
1855
01:17:51,667 --> 01:17:53,801
Ah! Damn!
1856
01:17:53,802 --> 01:17:55,169
God!
1857
01:17:55,170 --> 01:17:59,240
grunting
1858
01:17:59,241 --> 01:18:00,808
Where are you?
Come over here!
1859
01:18:00,809 --> 01:18:02,940
I'll kick your ass!
1860
01:18:06,949 --> 01:18:09,149
Oh, fuck.
1861
01:18:10,185 --> 01:18:13,886
Carry me on your back
1862
01:18:17,593 --> 01:18:22,057
For as long as you can
1863
01:18:25,901 --> 01:18:29,762
Try to get me home
1864
01:18:34,009 --> 01:18:37,445
Don't leave me alone
1865
01:18:37,446 --> 01:18:40,510
But I'm alive
1866
01:18:47,923 --> 01:18:52,319
Bend me, lay me down
1867
01:18:55,998 --> 01:18:58,466
phone ringing
1868
01:18:58,467 --> 01:18:59,967
beep
1869
01:18:59,968 --> 01:19:01,536
answering machine This
is Thomas. And Jennifer.
1870
01:19:01,537 --> 01:19:05,039
Leave a message after the... beep
1871
01:19:05,040 --> 01:19:07,108
Yo, Tommy boy, it's Ernie.
1872
01:19:07,109 --> 01:19:08,976
You're not gonna
believe this.
1873
01:19:08,977 --> 01:19:10,878
Dude, I got
the commercial!
1874
01:19:10,879 --> 01:19:13,281
It's national!
Haha!
1875
01:19:13,282 --> 01:19:16,517
Oh, uh, I'm sorry
you didn't get it, bro.
1876
01:19:16,518 --> 01:19:18,753
Oh, and I'm getting married.
1877
01:19:18,754 --> 01:19:19,954
Dude, call me.
1878
01:19:19,955 --> 01:19:22,990
phone ringing
1879
01:19:22,991 --> 01:19:24,525
beep
1880
01:19:24,526 --> 01:19:26,260
answering machine This
is Thomas. And Jennifer.
1881
01:19:26,261 --> 01:19:29,063
Leave a message after the... beep
1882
01:19:29,064 --> 01:19:31,499
Hey, Thomas, it's Seamus.
1883
01:19:31,500 --> 01:19:33,968
Edgar has to leave for
another cruise again and...
1884
01:19:33,969 --> 01:19:36,337
What? Oh, he isn't going?
1885
01:19:36,338 --> 01:19:39,073
Sorry, Thomas.
Turns out he isn't leaving.
1886
01:19:39,074 --> 01:19:41,239
Hope all is well.
1887
01:19:43,545 --> 01:19:46,143
clatter
1888
01:19:59,862 --> 01:20:02,230
Ken Oh, yes! Oh! Oh, baby!
1889
01:20:02,231 --> 01:20:04,365
Rear, on the rear.
1890
01:20:04,366 --> 01:20:05,399
sighs
1891
01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:07,535
Almost! There it is!
1892
01:20:07,536 --> 01:20:09,203
Smear it on your face,
smear it on your face.
1893
01:20:09,204 --> 01:20:11,005
knocking at door
1894
01:20:11,006 --> 01:20:14,275
moans, yells
continue indistinctly
1895
01:20:14,276 --> 01:20:17,101
knocking continues
1896
01:20:26,755 --> 01:20:29,751
knocking
1897
01:20:33,328 --> 01:20:35,858
groans
1898
01:20:42,204 --> 01:20:44,870
knocking
1899
01:20:47,776 --> 01:20:49,043
knocking
1900
01:20:50,479 --> 01:20:52,580
Hi.
Hi.
1901
01:20:52,581 --> 01:20:53,748
Hi.
1902
01:20:53,749 --> 01:20:55,716
Oh, my God, Derek.
Hi. Um...
1903
01:20:55,717 --> 01:20:58,212
What are you doing here? Thank you.
1904
01:20:59,054 --> 01:21:01,689
Whoa!
1905
01:21:01,690 --> 01:21:03,257
That was weird.
1906
01:21:03,258 --> 01:21:04,786
You don't understand.
1907
01:21:05,794 --> 01:21:07,228
What's up?
1908
01:21:07,229 --> 01:21:08,496
Well, I've been
trying to reach you,
1909
01:21:08,497 --> 01:21:10,565
but your phone's
disconnected.
1910
01:21:10,566 --> 01:21:13,134
So, your friend Ernie,
he gave me your address.
1911
01:21:13,135 --> 01:21:15,069
So I came by.
1912
01:21:15,070 --> 01:21:16,704
Oh, wh-
what's going on?
1913
01:21:16,705 --> 01:21:19,173
There's a commercial
that you're perfect for,
1914
01:21:19,174 --> 01:21:20,374
so I was in
the neighborhood
1915
01:21:20,375 --> 01:21:22,176
so I brought it by
for you here.
1916
01:21:22,177 --> 01:21:26,781
Whoa, thanks a lot.
That's really nice of you.
1917
01:21:26,782 --> 01:21:28,883
Ah, is this it?
Mm-hmm.
1918
01:21:28,884 --> 01:21:31,185
Thanks a lot.
1919
01:21:31,186 --> 01:21:32,620
Cool.
1920
01:21:32,621 --> 01:21:34,055
All right.
Well, take care.
1921
01:21:34,056 --> 01:21:36,223
Take care, Thomas.
1922
01:21:36,224 --> 01:21:41,086
Hey, do you want to get a cup
of coffee or something with me?
1923
01:21:42,030 --> 01:21:43,598
You want to get
a cup of coffee with me?
1924
01:21:43,599 --> 01:21:46,767
I- I haven't showered
in, like, three days.
1925
01:21:46,768 --> 01:21:48,603
Three weeks.
Oh, come on.
1926
01:21:48,604 --> 01:21:50,504
I mean, it's- it just
isn�t a good time.
1927
01:21:50,505 --> 01:21:51,839
You know?
1928
01:21:51,840 --> 01:21:54,775
Don't make me beg.
Don't make you beg?
1929
01:21:54,776 --> 01:21:56,310
No, I'm not gonna
make you beg.
1930
01:21:56,311 --> 01:21:57,578
All right.
1931
01:21:57,579 --> 01:21:59,574
keys jingling
1932
01:22:02,684 --> 01:22:04,018
Don't you have
a boyfriend?
1933
01:22:04,019 --> 01:22:06,153
I did.
I don't anymore.
1934
01:22:06,154 --> 01:22:08,889
He kept trying to get me
to sleep with other women.
1935
01:22:08,890 --> 01:22:10,558
Really?
Really?
1936
01:22:10,559 --> 01:22:12,126
What an asshole.
1937
01:22:12,127 --> 01:22:14,695
I guess the moral
of the story is,
1938
01:22:14,696 --> 01:22:18,633
if you love what you got
and you got what you love,
1939
01:22:18,634 --> 01:22:19,967
don't fuck it up.
1940
01:22:19,968 --> 01:22:23,032
rock
143616
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