Original subtitles

SHE SCREAMS No! No!

SHE SCREAMS DRACULA: Hello. I've been dying to meet you.

Count Dracula...

Have you eaten?

I've worked up an appetite. Good thing there are two of you.

No.

Under no circumstances are there two of us.

Take Mina, lose me.

I know you don't like to drink the blood of the dead.

You'd die to save this terrified child?

I'd die to save any terrified child. Why?

Because I'm not like you.

There's a nobler purpose to my life than simply prolonging it.

Settle for her, or take me and learn something.

MINA WHIMPERS

Run.

Go! Now!

Agatha Van Helsing,

I am going to make you last.

You'll be part of me.

You'll travel to the new world in my veins.

Come, boy. Suckle.

HE GROWLS

THEME MUSIC

GULLS CAW

ALARM BLARES

DOG BARKS

FOOTSTEPS

FLOORBOARDS CREAK

Ohh. When did you get in? I didn't hear you.

SHE GROANS

Close the curtains, would you, love?

FLOORBOARDS CREAK

SHE GASPS Who are you?

Er...

S-sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you.

What are you doing here? Who are you? Um...

Are you a friend of Bob's?

Oh, God, did you have to bring him home? Sorry.

He invited me in.

SHE SIGHS What's the state of him?

He's downstairs.

Drunk?

Well, that's certainly one way of putting it.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

What the bloody hell is going on?

Shh...

Bob?

Where's Bob?

Wh...?

What have you done to me fridge?

Is the fridge the white box?

Yeah.

Bob's in the fridge.

Took a bit of...of folding.

HE SIGHS

Look at her.

HE CHUCKLES So, so beautiful.

HE SIGHS

HE CHUCKLES

SHE GASPS

He's alive.

Oh, please, you mustn't worry.

He definitely isn't.

Just a bit restless.

HELICOPTER BUZZES OVERHEAD

Welcome to England, Count Dracula.

What kept you?

Are you hungry?

Agatha!

No...

How long?

Do you need to feed now?

How long was I in the water?

123 years.

HE LAUGHS

Is that all?

I'm sorry?

HE LAUGHS

Ah!

You've been busy. I like the flying thing.

What about this one over here? Does that fly, too?

No, that doesn't fly.

OK, I think we've got this. You can head back.

PILOT ON RADIO: Roger that.

You're not her, are you?

But it's the same bloodline.

Unmistakable.

HE SIGHS

May I see that? Stand your ground, soldier!

It's not a weapon.

No, of course not. It's a camera. May I see it?

Give it to him.

Yep.

Boo!

How did you recognise it?

Can't look like any camera you've ever seen.

I've been around since the 15th century.

Things change. You get used to it.

HE LAUGHS

You do seem to be accelerating, though.

Very good.

Smile.

HE SIGHS

Please.

I'm sure you have a very pretty smile. May I see it?

Want to do it together?

Hmm?

Yeah?

Ah. Smile.

There. Smile.

Drop your weapon! Drop yours!

Drop it! Drop yours!

Now, please, have mercy and smile.

I've been sleeping underwater for more than a century.

There are many advantages to being a vampire,

but it does make it hard to be a morning person.

There.

That's better.

You see? I'm not so bad after all.

Man down! Smile.

Drop that weapon! Don't shoot him!

Do not shoot him!

I said drop it! Smile. Drop it now! No.

I can hear your pulse.

HE CHUCKLES It's very lively now.

HE CHUCKLES

Van Helsing.

HE SIGHS

Descendent, I assume?

Sister Agatha Van Helsing was my great-great-aunt

on my father's side.

I really liked her.

By my understanding, you killed her.

Killing is healthy competition.

Mercy is disrespect.

Oh! Oh!

SOLDIER: Go, go! Follow your orders!

FLICKS SWITCH

I like the noise it makes. That's a nice touch.

SHE WHIMPERS

Listen...he's really not worth your sympathy.

He enjoyed hitting you, you know.

I've acquired some of your husband's memories.

I think you would say that I've downloaded them.

How?

Orally.

May I?

FRIDGE RATTLES

SLICING

SHE GASPS SQUIRTING

Kathleen, isn't it?

WATER RUNS Yeah.

What's wrong with your servants, Kathleen?

Is it their day off?

I'm assuming you have staff.

You're clearly very wealthy.

Wealthy? HE LAUGHS

Yes! Well, look at all this stuff.

All this food.

The moving picture box.

Um, and that thing outside. Bob calls it, um...

..a car.

Is that yours? Yeah.

And this...

..treasure-trove is your house.

It's a dump. It's amazing.

Kathleen, I've been a nobleman for 400 years.

I've lived in castles and palaces among the richest people of any age.

Never, never have I stood

in greater luxury than surrounds me now.

This is a chamber of marvels!

There isn't a king or queen or emperor

that I have ever known, or eaten,

who would step into this room and ever agree to leave it again.

I knew the future would bring wonders.

I did not know it would make them ordinary.

400 years?

Oh, sorry. Uh, 500, actually.

I slept in. Who are you?

I'm a vampire.

No, no, don't be silly, Kathleen.

You know it's true. People always know.

Trust the hairs on the back of your neck.

I'm the reason you have them.

Now...

There usually are questions.

Um...

Do you have a reflection?

I'm sorry? In the mirror.

They don't have reflections in the films, vampires.

Do I look like someone who can't see himself in the mirror? Hmm?

Er...

Most of the vampire legends are wrong...or misunderstood.

But mirrors...

I don't see any less in a mirror than you do.

I see more.

Ah!

MUSIC: Intro to Beethoven's 5th Symphony

Ah, no!

HE LAUGHS Do you have an orchestra?

PHONE BEEPS

Hello?

Oh. HE BURPS

Telephone. Thank you, Bob.

FLOORBOARDS CREAK

BANGING AND SCRAPING

Who else is up there?

FOOTSTEPS

Argh!

HE SIGHS

PHONE RINGS

PHONE RINGS

Get in the box.

How did you find me?

It's not difficult to follow a trail of devastation.

The sun is up. You need to get in the box.

Um, you may not have noticed, but there's a roof over my head.

I've noticed. Whoa! Oh!

Get in the box.

Did you hear me?

Are you in the box?

Meet me downstairs.

Hello?

Count Dracula?

Hello?

OK, I'm coming in.

Keep in mind, I've got people outside.

Anything happens to me, they're going to tear the roof off and let you burn.

Hello?

SHE WHISPERS Where are you?

RATTLING

Kill me! SHE GASPS

Kill me!

Kill me.

Kill me!

Scared yet?

ZOE BREATHES HEAVILY

HE SIGHS

You're killing me.

It doesn't have to hurt.

GURGLING

THUNDER CRACKS

GLASS SHATTERS

VOMITING

Bah!

ZOE: Get the box. Get him in the box.

GURGLING

DRACULA BREATHES HEAVILY

Look at me.

Look at me!

SHE GROWLS

WHEELS RATTLE

DISTANT PHONE RINGS

SOLDIER: Where do we put him?

BLOXHAM: Straight to isolation.

Johnny?

PHONE BUZZES

HE HANGS UP

PHONE BUZZES

HE HANGS UP

PHONE BUZZES

PHONE BEEPS

Hey.

LUCY: Tonight. You could bring someone.

Who?

I don't know, just bring someone.

HE STAMMERS

You're not getting all sentimental on me, are you?

Course not.

Sentimental is just stalking!

See you later.

Bye.

HE CHUCKLES

PHONE DINGS

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

MEG: Lucy!

What time did you get in last night?

It's not healthy.

Yeah, I'll sleep when I'm dead.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

PHONE DINGS

SIRENS WAIL

RAP MUSIC PLAYS

Hey!

Quincey!

Everyone, this is Quincey.

He's an American, from Texas.

SOUTHERN ACCENT: Texas!

Evenin'. Never known a cowboy before.

Are you a cowboy, Quincey?

Uh, no, no.

Not really, ma'am, no. Ma'am!

I mean, I ride quite a bit, but I never really...

He rides?

SHE LAUGHS Come on, cowboy, let's dance.

ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS

I need to pee.

HE GROANS

So, I never asked you what you do.

Lucy didn't seem sure.

Like a nurse or something?

I'm a junior doctor.

But I want to specialise in mental health.

You?

Lucy says you've got money.

Uh...

HE CHUCKLES ...I guess.

You've got to wonder if she'd be into me if I wasn't rich.

But then...

..would I like her if she was ugly?

HE LAUGHS

They do have actual loos here, you know.

LUCY: There's a queue.

You're terrible.

Shut up, it's quicker out here. No, I'm talking about Jack.

What about Jack?

Don't tell me you haven't seen the look on his face.

It's not like I've never shagged him. What's he complaining about?

I think he might be in love with you. Don't be daft.

It was like...three times?

Four, depending what you count.

Oh, you'll get a reputation!

What?!

Thank you, Queen Victoria.

You know what I mean.

I do. It's called slut shaming. Yeah, it takes one to know one.

Why shouldn't I have fun? Jesus, I'm only 22.

It's not like I'm going to marry anyone.

BOTH LAUGH

If it's any consolation, I think you're very cute.

I mean, I know you're not...not gay.

I mean, obviously, what with Lucy and all.

Three times, four?

I mean, no, I just wanted to...

Look, sorry.

Sorry, I wish I'd never...

PHONE BUZZES

CHEERING

Oh, my God.

SAM: Yes, yes, yes!

CORK POPS

PHONE CONTINUES BUZZING

CHANTING

VOMITING

I hope they'll be very happy.

Neither do I.

HE LAUGHS

Want to get a drink?

Yeah, but, uh...

..I can't.

See you.

No!

I didn't have the time to bring anything.

You don't need anything.

We've been trying to contact you for hours.

Sorry, I was in a club. It was...noisy.

So...

..you've actually found him?

You weren't drinking? I don't drink. Good.

Neither does he.

In here.

What do I do with my clothes?

Just leave them on the chair.

Is this information up to date?

Um, yeah, I think so.

TYPING

How many of us are there? You're about to meet everyone.

Here, can you put this on, please?

Hello, Jack.

Zoe.

Dr Helsing.

How are you feeling? It's a big day for science, I suppose.

I wasn't really expecting it on my watch.

I meant, how are you? Oh.

Asymptomatic so far.

Try not to think about it.

I thought you were withdrawing from the programme.

I thought there was a girl. Yeah.

I did too.

Well, come on! The briefing's started.

BLOXHAM: So this is the main part of the ship.

Basically undisturbed for over 100 years.

The original teams were looking in the wrong place.

No-one realised quite how close Count Dracula's ship got

to the British mainland.

Oh, hello. Jack Seward.

Hello, Jack.

Sorry to be so late.

Oh, don't worry, I haven't got to the good bit yet.

Another O negative, I see?

STUDENT: Vanilla.

MUFFLED LAUGHTER

Welcome, Jack.

There's nothing wrong with vanilla.

We searched the wreck for three days,

but what we were looking for was approximately

200 yards south of it.

Now, a box this old,

you'd expect at least a few barnacles.

But look at it!

Untouched by any living thing.

JACK: Well, there you are.

Your life's work.

You don't look so happy.

Yeah. Not as happy as the Pope would be

if Jesus actually turned up.

BLOXHAM: As you can see, even after 123 years,

the body was perfectly preserved.

Or so we thought.

ALL: Oh!

GROANING

The body was not preserved.

Dracula was, in fact, alive.

Though dormant.

Apparently in some kind of restorative coma,

in which he would have remained

if I hadn't been stupid enough to feed him.

So in case you're wondering, yeah, vampires bite.

LAUGHS SOFTLY

You need to know what you're signing up for.

We will keep you safe,

but this isn't just about giving blood.

It's not just another student drug trial.

There is a reason it is better paid.

Now, you will have controlled exposure to a vampire.

Are we clear? Bye.

Obviously, at this point, having triggered his revification,

we opted for tactical retreat.

We resealed the box so nothing could interfere with the process

and we monitored from the shore.

It took Dracula another ten hours to fully revive.

And of course, we were waiting for him on the beach.

Why?

KNOCKING

Did you hear me? Why is that there?

What is it for?

It's a toilet. I'm a vampire.

Why have you given me a toilet?

DOOR BANGS SHUT

Good morning, Count Dracula.

How are you settling in?

Well, uh, I have a chemical toilet.

And this.

You have every book written during your coma,

and somewhere to sit.

Well, I need more than books, Zoe.

MECHANICAL WHIRRING

POWERS DOWN

Take off your coat and roll up your left sleeve.

Why?

Because I told you to, and I can break you with a sunbeam.

I'm coming in.

Make any attempt to attack me,

and my colleague will fully open the roof and burn you to a crisp.

Do you understand?

So you're a doctor this time, are you?

I think I preferred the disappointed nun.

I'm a scientist. Well, that amounts to the same thing.

I'm not Sister Agatha.

I'm Dr Helsing, and I'm the woman in charge of this foundation.

In charge of it?

SHE LAUGHS Oh, of course. I suppose women's rights

are just something you slept through.

Women's what? Did you say rights?

You'll get the hang of it.

No, no, no, please try and explain.

I missed an entire century.

What are...rights?

Nobody has rights, Zoe.

Man, woman or monster.

No-one, nowhere.

It's just a lunatic fantasy.

Or civilisation, as we like to call it.

Give me your left arm. Why?

Because you're going to give blood.

Well, this is a first.

So tell me, what is the Jonathan Harker Foundation?

I can't seem to penetrate the skin.

Oh?

Give it to me.

Take this.

Hold this.

HE SIGHS

Johnny was a fine man.

What has this place got to do with him?

Oh, you remember Harker, then?

Mm.

This foundation was set up by Mina Murray, his fiancee.

Do you remember her? SHE SCREAMS

Barely.

Insipid little thing.

Flavourless, one imagines.

But you left her alive.

Go! Now!

When her father died, she inherited his fortune

and with the cooperation of Sister Agatha's extended family,

they set up this foundation in Jonathan's name.

So you run the family firm.

I've always approved of inherited power.

Democracy is the tyranny of the uninformed.

Only in blood...

..do we find the truth, Zoe.

Our primary purpose is medical research,

but with the stipulation that, were you ever to be found,

you would be trapped, studied, understood, and humanely fed.

You're a unique specimen. No.

I'm a 500-year-old warlord.

And...

..I know mercenaries when I see them.

Who's funding this place?

Because people who can afford mercenaries

are very rarely interested in medicine.

You're withholding information. I'm giving you everything.

Blood is lives.

Everything is in the blood, Zoe, if you know how to read it.

Do you know how to read it?

You couldn't read mine. You choked on it.

I remember the flavour, though.

Um...

..what IS that?

You're...

You're fast, you're clever, driven.

But driven by what?

Agatha was always trying to save everybody, but you...

You hold yourself apart.

Friendless.

Loveless.

Childless.

Compromised. Corrupt, even.

Ahh!

Zoe Helsing, there's a shadow on your heart.

I've sampled this bitter bouquet before,

and these days, I believe,

you call it...

SHE HISSES

..cancer.

That's why your blood was poison to me.

You're dying.

BLOXHAM: Doctor, I need to talk you.

What is it? Who's this?

DRACULA: Oh, hi, Frank.

Sorry. Yes, hello. Bit late - er, trains.

What are you thinking? Get rid of him.

Throw him out of the bloody building!

Dr Helsing, I think you'd better listen.

Who are you? I'm sorry, that's rude of me.

This is Frank Renfield. We've been, um, Skyping.

Hello. Dr Helsing, isn't it?

I-I-I'm sure we can sort all this out. Skyping?

Ah, yes. Um, thanks for this.

You're online? You're not supposed to be online.

Well, don't you know how these things work?

Terribly clever.

Who gave him the Wi-Fi password?

Well, it's my name.

Oh, Jesus. Tell Dr Helsing who you are.

Right. Well, yes.

I'm Count Dracula's lawyer. His what?

His lawyer. His lawyer?

HE CHUCKLES Sorry. Well, not sorry, but, you know.

I'm afraid it does look like you're keeping him here against his will.

And whilst my client doesn't want to make a fuss, well,

that's not really on, is it?

Since when do you have a lawyer?

Um...

..189...6?

Exactly. Yes.

We've been representing Count Dracula since September 12th, 1896.

Well, Hawkins and Wentworth have.

Wasn't there myself.

Not that old! N-No offence.

1896?

We purchased some properties for the Count and arranged his resettlement.

Does it bother you that the man who engaged your firm in 1896

is standing over there without a single grey hair?

HE EXCLAIMS Thank you.

Oh, it does, yes. Quite a lot, really.

In fact, I think it's properly frightening. Don't you?

But the thing is, you see, being well over a century old

is not actually against the law.

What's against the law is you locking him up.

I think you might have forgotten, Dr Helsing...

..Count Dracula has rights.

He's a bloody vampire!

I-I feel that's an emotionally loaded term.

It is the correct term.

It's not a legal term. Has he harmed anyone? Yes. No.

Well, on the beach, he... No.

There were rumours of an incident on the beach a few nights ago,

but there was no trace of anything the following morning,

and everyone has stopped talking about it.

So either there's been some sort of cover-up,

in which case the police will certainly be interested,

or there was no incident to cover up in the first place

and my client is guilty of nothing.

Which would you prefer?

After all, why would a medical research facility

have access to, I don't know, let's say...

mercenaries?

I'm not curious for myself, you understand,

but people are such gossips.

Count Dracula has given a deadline for his release -

11 minutes past eight this evening.

Slightly odd timing, but he has his ways.

It's not odd. It's not odd at all, Mr Renfield.

11 minutes past eight is sunset.

HE CHUCKLES

I'm sending you an e-mail.

Dear Zoe,

thank you for being such a courteous host.

It is, however, the tradition

that the courteous host must speed the parting guest,

and I'm sure you will accord with this.

Also, thank you for your offer of food.

However, it is not my practice to eat cattle.

In the matter of blood, I'm a connoisseur.

Blood is lives.

Blood is testimony.

The testimony of everyone I have ever destroyed

flows in my veins.

I will choose with care who joins them now.

Ripeness is the first moment of decay.

Sweetness is the promise of corruption.

I shall look for the perfect food of this world.

HE CHUCKLES And I will find it.

Never doubt that.

I will find it.

Blood is everything you needed to know, Zoe,

if you understand how to read it.

Have you worked out how yet?

If you ever hope to match me, you'll have to.

FRANK: The Jonathan Harker Foundation - terribly interesting.

Did some tremendous work during the last two flu outbreaks,

but their funding stream is, to say the least, opaque.

One might almost say...occult.

DISTANT SIRENS

PHONE BUZZES

LUCY: Where did you go?

Are you sulking?

Just cos I got engaged?

Jack, don't sulk.

Um, Jack's not here at the moment.

Who shall I say called?

Oh, sorry.

Tell him it's Lucy.

Lucy Westenra.

Who's this?

Hello, Lucy Westenra.

I'm Count Dracula.

WIND HOWLS

DRACULA: Agatha Van Helsing...

..you'll be part of me.

You'll travel to the new world in my veins.

Come, boy. Suckle.

HE GROWLS

GUSHING

SHE GASPS

TRAFFIC SOUNDS OVERLAP

DANCE MUSIC BLARES

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

LAUGHTER CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

I can't do two more days of this. What?

I feel bloody terrible already. Lightweight!

Stick your head out the window. It's the Jagerbombs.

That last one tasted like furniture polish.

Where are the crisps? I can't get the taste out of my mouth.

Somebody said they were getting crisps.

They only had plain ones.

Plain? Oh, Jesus. What's good about no flavour?

FRANK: What was wrong with the physicist?

HE SIGHS

No flavour. And the tennis player?

Stringy.

Master, I am trying to provide you

with precisely the skill sets you're hoping to acquire.

Listen, for 500 years, I have not had to exercise,

but these days everything is done for you

and everything is being delivered, even food.

PHONE DINGS

SAM: Are we nearly there?

ZEV: Another 20 minutes. Ugh!

What? Just texting.

I know that face. What face?

Yours.

Master, you came to me with a programme, a plan,

some genuinely fresh initiatives for...

..well, let's call it what it is...

..world domination.

May I ask, as your lawyer, what are you doing with your time?

You can't afford to feed on just, uh, anyone.

ZEV: Oh, dot-dot-dot. There's a reply coming!

Give it back. Are you not eating with us?

She's drinking with us.

Give it here!

Uh, uh, uh - reply's in.

HE READS OUT LOUD

Lucy Westenra, you're getting married.

Yeah, final days as a free woman. Give it here.

SAM RETCHES How should I reply?

Yes. Just say yes.

"Ms Westenra is available for a late dinner."

I'm saying, though, we've got karaoke!

So who's this one, then?

D? SAM GROANS

Who's D?

What about this one?

"Staying locally. Double first from Oxford.

"Martial arts expert. Non-drinker."

PHONE BEEPS Ah. Sorry. Already have dinner plans.

HE SIGHS I am trying, Dark Lord.

I do sometimes wonder

what it is that you actually want.

MESSAGE SENDS

HE SIGHS

PHONE BEEPS

LAUGHTER

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

What about the Harker Foundation? Are they still taking an interest?

There is some activity.

However, your lady friend has left their employ...

My lady friend?

Dr Helsing.

I'm unclear exactly what's happened,

but I'm assuming...

PHONE DINGS

...she'll take no further interest in you.

Mm.

YAWNS

What's the time?

Half two. HE GIGGLES

You know what?

I think there's blood in my alcohol stream.

Yeah.

Did you hear what I said? I did.

There's blood... ..in your alcohol stream. It was hilarious.

It's the wrong way round, you see?

Stop, you're killing me.

Are you even drunk?

Were you even drinking properly?

Maybe I'm saving myself.

For dinner? Mm!

For D? MESSAGE SENDS

Don't.

Who's hungry at this time of night?

Are you sure about all this?

About what?

Marrying Quincey.

I like him.

You're supposed to love him.

OK, I love him, then.

Cos he loves you.

And Jack loves you.

Everybody loves you.

Yeah, I'm pretty, that happens.

Woo! Listen to her.

Do you know what it's like when you're pretty? Yes!

Everybody smiles.

You never see the world without a big, stupid smile

on its face. HE GROANS

The thing you don't get...

HE SIGHS

..marriage...

..is for life.

Yeah, but life isn't forever.

PHONE DINGS

CAWING

DISTANT SIRENS

PHONE DINGS

Ah!

Tart.

Hungry.

You could've waited.

I need to feed on someone, Lucy.

You don't always give your consent.

I bet this one didn't.

Fast food.

So why does my consent matter?

It doesn't, but it's delicious.

I'm a gourmet, not a glutton.

Why always a graveyard?

I like to spend time with people my own age.

SHE LAUGHS

Yeah, funny guy.

Very funny.

Where will you be buried?

Why?

Because I might want to visit.

That's next-level clingy.

Thank God I'm being cremated. No.

Shut up.

Everyone is. It's a waste of space, all this.

Listen to me.

Do not let them burn you.

Why not?

It hurts. SHE LAUGHS

I've never heard anyone complain.

Well, I have.

I'd say there are...

..nine here.

Yes, nine.

Nine what?

Sufferers.

Come here.

Give me your hand.

SHE GIGGLES

What am I doing?

Listening.

FAINT THUDS

What's that?

What does it sound like?

THUDS GROW LOUDER

Knocking.

Knocking, yes.

On a coffin lid.

From the inside.

MAN: Turn on the lights, please.

WOMAN: 100 million...

Someone turn on the lights! 245,000...

WOMAN 2: I can't...I can't feel it!

Help me! Help me!

HE CHUCKLES Are they vampires?

Nothing so evolved. They're just undead.

The unfortunate few who remain sentient as they rot.

Ah!

The children of the night, what music they make.

BANGING Help me!

VOICES OVERLAP

Ahh!

HE CHUCKLES

CHILD: Bloofer lady. Bloofer lady.

Bloofer lady.

Bloofer?

Beautiful. He means you.

CHILD: Bloofer lady.

How does he know I'm here?

Because he's looking at you.

Right there.

CHILD: Bloofer lady.

Bloofer lady play peekaboo.

Peekaboo!

Some of the little ones wriggle their way to the surface.

I think they can smell the worms.

Can you see me yet?

No, no, no! No, no!

SHE LAUGHS

Don't play with him.

He'll follow you home.

Would he really?

You know, in a very, very long life,

I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like you.

You really don't care, do you?

The perfect food.

ZEV GROANS

HE SIGHS

Lucy?

Shit.

COUNT DRACULA: Dying is the only remaining novelty.

Every other human experience is catalogued somewhere

in your endless chattering libraries.

Nothing comes fresh.

Every living instant is shop-soiled and second-hand

except that one moment in life that no-one can report back on.

In a world of travelled roads...

..death is the last unprinted snow.

You don't half talk a lot of shit.

You know, people don't usually say that to me.

Yeah, you kill them before they can.

Basically, you're blocking people.

Do you love me? No.

Will you ever love me? No.

Well, that's one less thing to worry about.

Aren't you even a little scared of me?

Aren't you afraid of anything?

Even dying?

Everybody dies.

Lucy, you're a very special flavour.

Two minutes,

if you've still got the appetite.

Three. Five.

Special treat.

What do you want to dream about tonight?

Put me somewhere beautiful...

..where no-one can see me...

..where I don't have to smile.

BLOOD GUSHING

"Unscrupulous doctor deployed tanner's knife," 12 letters.

FLY BUZZES

Ah!

Dracula...

..is...

HE SLURPS

..my...lord.

ZEV: Lucy?

Lucy!

Lucy?

Luce?

What the hell?

ZEV ON PHONE: Jack, please, you've got to see her.

She won't see doctors, but she might see you.

SHE MUMBLES

HE CHUCKLES

PHONE RINGS

Could I speak to Dr Helsing, please?

No.

No, I didn't know that.

SHE GASPS

Hello.

Did somebody send you?

Sorry, no offence, but I'm really not a believer.

Zoe?

DOOR OPENS

Sorry, I didn't mean to...

Oh, Jack. Hello.

Sorry, I was...I was dreaming. Please, come in.

Thanks.

Sorry if I startled you.

No, no, you didn't. Ugh.

Try again, I'm incredibly bored.

HE CHUCKLES

I didn't bring any grapes or anything.

I hate grapes. In that case, you're welcome.

SHE LAUGHS

It's very kind of you to come and see your old mentor.

Is it, Jack?

Is it kind?

Oh, Jack.

You were my star pupil.

I only suggested you for the donor programme

so you could get some easy money, get you through college.

I never thought Dracula would actually come back.

Nobody did.

So...

What do you think...

..about Lucy?

It's possible.

Could be him.

Dracula chooses his victims for a reason.

Is there anything...special about her?

I love her.

But she's a perfectly ordinary girl.

She can't be.

Because if it is Dracula...

..what keeps him coming back for more?

SHE TYPES

Hello?

Who's down there?

Is that you?

CHILD: Peekaboo.

SHE GASPS

Peekaboo.

Bloofer lady.

Peekaboo.

May I come in?

Peekaboo.

Please avert your eyes - I, um...

..I have to murder a child.

As we used to say in Vladivostok.

BLOOD SPATTERING

CHILD SCREAMS

I'm ill.

Well, not ill, precisely.

Look at my face.

So, so beautiful.

I'm as white as a sheet.

As the last unprinted snow.

Am I dying?

You're mortal.

You've been dying since the day you were born.

SHE SIGHS

My people have a saying,

"One should always speed a parting guest."

BLOOD GUSHING

KNOCK ON DOOR MEG: How are you feeling, love?

FLY BUZZES

Just going to make some tea. Want some?

I'll bring you a cuppa.

You stay there! You need to keep your strength up.

FLY BUZZING

Help me!

Help me!

Help me!

Help me!

Shh.

Hush, Lucy, you're mine now.

You've nothing left to fear.

You won't be long in your grave.

Your mind screams aloud,

but for now, your body must be silent.

In the midst of life, we are in death.

Of whom may we seek for succour but of Thee, O Lord,

who for our sins art justly displeased?

Yet, O Lord, God most holy... MUFFLED SCREAMS

..deliver us not into the bitter pains of eternal death.

MUSIC: Angels by Robbie Williams

# I sit and wait

# Does an angel

# Contemplate my fate?

# And do they know

# The places where we go

# When we're grey and old? #

No! No!

MUFFLED Help me!

MUFFLED WHIMPERS

Come on.

# And through it all

# She offers me protection

# A lot of love and affection

# Whether I'm right or wrong... #

SHE SCREAMS

It's like...I can hear her.

I can feel her crying for me.

SHE SCREAMS

Help! Help!

BANGING

Hello?

CLANGING

Hello, is someone there?

Is someone here?

Did someone open the furnace?

It's not supposed to be open yet.

LUCY: Did you...

..put me...

What...? ..in the fire?

PEN SCRATCHES PAPER

I'll be with you in a moment.

Where am I?

That is not the question, Zoe.

I may call you Zoe, mayn't I?

The question is - what are Dracula's limitations?

So, we know three things.

He cannot enter an abode without an invitation.

He cannot stand in the sunlight.

And he fears, above all things, the sight of the cross.

But you see, we are wrong.

These three things must be one thing, much tidier.

God is always tidy. Well, according to his own account.

Oh, do stop hanging your mouth open like that.

Dracula drank my blood, and you drank his.

Blood is lives.

What's left of mine is in him, and now also in you.

As he promised, I have travelled to the new world in his veins.

There are an awful lot of people in Dracula's blood,

but I suppose my DNA syncs with yours.

Oh, what a useful vocabulary I now have!

Who are you? It's perfectly obvious who I am.

So, what does Dracula fear? I don't know.

What does he want, then? I don't know.

Yes, you do.

He returned to feed on Lucy Westenra time and time again.

Well, he could feed off anyone in London, anyone in the world.

Why return to one perfectly ordinary girl night after night?

Who are you? Who do I look like?

Me.

Correct! Now, think, think, think.

What does he want, and what does he fear?

I don't know. I don't care. It's not my problem any more.

I am inside your head.

I feel your guilt.

Your foundation,

it was funded by...

Oh, I can't see it.

You don't like to think about it, do you?

Wherever that money came from,

I did good with it.

For many years, yes.

But you also brought Dracula back to life with it,

so he's still very much your problem, and you know that.

What can I do?

Poor child.

As our Lord said that night in Gethsemane,

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

Tell me who you are.

I am the spirit.

And you are the flesh.

The darkness of Dracula shall guide us to the light.

I'm dying. I'm dead.

But I'm Sister Agatha Van Helsing of the St Mary's convent, Budapest,

and neither of us are quite done yet.

HE SIGHS

PHONE BUZZES

ZOE: I need you to pick me up from the hospital.

I'm...discharging myself.

Zoe, you're dying.

Well, don't take too long, then.

LUCY: Beautiful.

Beautiful lady.

Bloofer lady.

So, Master, in conclusion,

I feel we should continue to consider the Harker Foundation

an active personal threat.

HE SNIFFS

62, I think.

Accountant.

We shall, of course, continue to monitor their activities

using agents local to the area, some discreet hacking...

DOORBELL BUZZES ..and your suggestion...bats.

Can I just...?

You don't look very surprised.

You don't look very dead.

I'm getting there.

Finding you wasn't difficult.

A man of your breeding and ego

is temperamentally incapable of hiding.

One just looks for an unnecessarily tall building,

multiple exits, and...

..no view of a church.

Also, your number's listed.

How kind of you...

..bringing a bottle to the party.

Very inferior vintage.

But the gesture is appreciated.

Put him down. Why?

This is England.

Conversation precedes dinner.

HE CHUCKLES

Quite right, Dr Helsing.

You're expecting company.

Yes.

Lucy Westenra?

Ah, you know her?

Well, this is Dr Seward.

It was his phone you stole.

You might say I introduced you.

Ah! And now she's dead.

HE CHUCKLES

If you're expecting Lucy to rise from the grave this evening,

Count Dracula, you might be interested

to know that she was cremated.

Cremated?

But I told her, I warned her...

..and still she let them put her in the fire?

Apparently. No, no, no, you don't understand.

She would have been conscious the whole time.

Her flesh melting, every cell carbonised,

every particle of her being incinerated!

Stings a bit, I believe.

DOORBELL BUZZES

There.

You see?

You have underestimated the resilience of the vampire.

DOORBELL BUZZES IMPATIENTLY Ah!

I've always liked a lively one.

Um, Dr Seward...

She was your friend, was she? Yes.

Now might be a good time to reflect that beauty...

..is only skin deep.

DOORBELL BUZZES

AGATHA: Brave heart, Jack.

Remember, it is the soul, not the aspect, that one loves.

Dr Helsing, you don't sound quite yourself.

Are you all right?

Perfectly.

LUCY: Hello, you.

Did you have much trouble finding the place?

I can always sniff you out, babe.

Jack!

Oh, Jack, what are you doing here?

Oh!

And who's this?

Finally he brings someone.

A bit pale, though, if you don't mind me saying.

SHE GASPS Did you start without me?

I'm not on the menu. I'm an old friend.

We go way back.

Why are you just standing there, Jack?

Kiss me.

Kiss me, Jack.

Kiss me.

Lucy, no.

Come on, Jack, kiss me like you used to.

Kiss me.

Kiss the girl, Dr Seward.

Journeys end in lovers meeting.

What's wrong, Jack?

You can't look at me now?

The boy who looks at me all day, every day. Can't you look now?

What's the matter, Jack?

Lucy, can't you see yourself?

Of course I can see myself.

Bloofer lady.

Bloofer lady!

Everyone... Everyone smiles when you're beautiful.

Why aren't you smiling, Jack?

If you're so beautiful, Lucy...

...why don't you take a selfie?

You smell funny.

She's dying.

Beware the bitter bouquet, Lucy.

The blood of the dying is death to the vampire.

LUCY SNIFFS

You smell of death. It's not just me.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

SHE SCREAMS No, no, no!

My patient, Dr Seward.

SHE SOBS My patient.

No, no...

Lucy, my love,

it's the shock.

It's the shock.

But you've done so well.

You've done so well!

Look at me!

I see you, bloofer lady.

Will I always be like this?

Yes. Promise. Always.

But I was beautiful.

Beauty is never more than a disguise, Lucy, you've outgrown it.

I don't want to. I don't want to!

Listen, listen. SHE SOBS

Shh, shh.

Shh, listen to me. Listen.

Listen to me!

SHE CONTINUES WAILING

Listen!

CHOKES BACK TEARS

You're my finest bride yet.

In 500 years, you were the only one

who willingly opened up her veins.

You knew what was happening.

You embraced it. You accepted it.

Now you can live forever.

Like this? SHE SCREAMS

Look at me!

I don't mind.

Oh, don't you? No.

Well, I do! I mind!

SHE WAILS

SHE WHIMPERS

Lucy.

Kiss me.

SHE WHIMPERS

No, no...

HE SCOFFS

You don't...

You don't want to kiss me...

..like this.

Lucy Westenra, there has never been a day I didn't want to kiss you.

And there never will be.

Oh, Jack.

Oh, Jack.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Do it.

Do it. Do it.

For me.

Do it for me.

SHE SCREAMS

STAKE CLATTERS TO GROUND

HE SOBS

She was my most promising experiment.

Took me 500 years

to make a bride this good.

Now look what you've done.

She was never yours.

Or mine.

Or anyone's.

Well, I suppose she died well.

That's a rare quality, you can take it from me.

Quality, or flavour?

Ah...flavour.

Very particular. In my experience...unique.

She almost seemed in love with death.

AGATHA: That's it. That is everything.

And that's why her.

Jack, you must go.

I can't leave you.

ZOE: I'm about to have a personal conversation with Count Dracula.

And I'm certain he won't want it witnessed.

Why not? Because there's only one thing

in this world that you're truly afraid of,

and finally I know what it is.

I-I don't.

I know you don't.

Dr Seward, you may leave. Get out. Dr Helsing...

No. I can't just...

Jack, if you want to throw your life away

in some act of selfless heroism,

there will be other opportunities.

It's going to be a beautiful day.

Thank you.

Well?

How did it taste?

AGATHA: How did what taste?

HE CHUCKLES

Dr Helsing, I think you drank my blood.

HE SCREAMS

It's 93 million miles away.

It really isn't going to hurt you.

I don't understand.

I have very few breaths left to explain, so don't interrupt.

Consider Count Dracula,

who cannot bear to look in a mirror.

Agatha?

Dracula who won't stand revealed in the sunlight,

who cannot enter a home without invitation.

These aren't curses.

They are merely habits that become fetishes

that become legends that even you believe.

The rules of the beast...

..as we discussed so very long ago.

But why?

What are you afraid of?

You are a warrior from a long line of warriors.

Your grandfather died in battle.

Your father, your brothers, your sons, their sons.

All of them fell as heroes on the battlefield.

But not you.

Not Count Dracula, the warlord who skulks in the shadows

and steals the lives of others.

Unwelcome everywhere.

Who sleeps in a box of dirt yet dreams of a warrior's grave.

Who suddenly found himself in the thrall

of a girl in love with the thing he fears the most...

..death.

And now we know why this works.

HE GROANS

Because it speaks of the courage you long to possess.

The courage it takes to die.

I call you ashamed.

Count Dracula is ashamed.

I don't need this any more.

CROSS BANGS I'm dying.

I am doing the one thing that you can never do, Dracula.

LABOURED BREATHING

You're in pain.

I am equal to it.

You seek to conquer death,

but you cannot, until you face it without fear.

Goodbye, Count Dracula.

Shuffle back to your box of dirt. The game is over. You lose.

You will live forever...

..in shame.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Beautiful.

Look at that, Agatha.

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

It's beautiful.

FLAMES WHOOSH

AGATHA: This isn't real.

This is a dream.

DRACULA: Of course it is.

You're drinking my blood.

And my blood is deadly to you.

Yes.

So you'll die.

So will you.

After all this time, did you think I'd let it hurt?

FLAMES CRACKLE