Original subtitles

"SOLD"

Wait, I'm hyperventilating.

Don't stop now!

Oh, my darling!

Oh, Lord!

Quit telling me you're too old!

- I love you! - I love you too.

There's hair in my mouth...

Kids are fun to have and to make.

Say you want a baby with me.

I want a baby with you.

Janne...?

Listen...

Well, I...

Have you been screwing again?

If you were my real father, you wouldn't do that.

That might be because he's dead. Come here, Rickard.

Don't you have enough kids already?

Good morning!

- Does anyone know what day it is? - It's Christmas Eve?

- Yes, and are we expecting anyone? - Our daddies!

- Merry Christmas, Mom. - Oh, thank you, sweetheart.

Santa and my real daddy are coming today!

- Have you been good? - Yes!

Thank God Christmas only comes around once a year.

Christmas is great.

- Thanks, Mom! - You're welcome, my darlings.

- Say thank you to Janne, too. - Thanks, Janne!

What about you, Rickard?

- Merry Christmas, sweetheart. - Is that for me?

You shouldn't have...

Why... thank you.

It's great! Thank you!

Just what I needed! Really.

- I forgot to remove the price tag. - I didn't peek.

Sara...

Who's going to eat all this? You mother?

No, It's for... the guests. There will be 14 of us.

- Who's coming? - The kid's dads and a few others.

- They're coming here? - Of course, we've invited them.

- Why didn't you tell me? - Come on, we've talked about this.

I didn't realize we were actually going to do it.

Don't you remember last year?

You had to shuttle the kids all over the place.

This year, you won't have to leave the house.

- Why today, of all days? - It happens to be Christmas.

I mean, isn't Christmas supposed to be a family affair?

- Will Ake be coming? - Yes, and so will Erik and Gunnar.

- And Ake... - It's going to be great, silly.

Forgive me for being old-fashioned, but you'll have to cancel.

Tell them we're sick, or that we haven't talked it through properly!

- Tell them we're dead! - You know we can't do that.

- The kids would be so disappointed. - Don't my feelings count?

- Here! - Don't be ridiculous.

I'm the master here, they're coming here over my dead body.

Welcome!

We're so glad to see you.

Hello!

A little present for you.

I guess Sara should have hired a butler...

- You seem a little stressed out. - I'm fine...

Welcome!

- What a crowd! - Do you think so?

Hi, it's great that we're all together.

All the kids under one roof.

We'll just have to behave like adults today. Can we talk later?

That leaves only Erik and Pauline.

Have I got his straight? Sara, our hostess this Christmas...

has kids with three different men, including you.

And she now lives with Janne, who doesn't have kids of his own.

And they're all going to be there?

Yes, with their new wives.

And some of them used to be married to each other.

You'll figure it out. One good thing about Sara...

is she has serial relationships.

She doesn't fool around.

- Who was that? - No one.

- And Janne can deal with this? - He's a psychologist.

Christmas is here again, Christmas is here again.

And Christmas lasts until it's Easter.

Christmas is here again, Christmas is here again.

And Christmas lasts until it's Easter...

- Come on, Janne! - Have some mulled wine.

- It's good. - I know, I bought it.

- Oh, isn't this wonderful? - Rickard is the image of Janne.

You'd think he was Janne's, but I know he isn't.

Don't! You don't get to open it!

Daddy!

- Our daughter wants to open a gift. - That's so like you, Ake.

Aways giving in, hoping to keep the peace...

But that's not how it works, it just makes people unhappy.

That's what you call psychology!

Well, if Ake was scared of conflicts...

he wouldn't have got you and Rita pregnant at the same time.

And is it true that your ex-wife became a lesbian?

Let Elin open a present.

Hi, it's Jeanette. Is Ahmed in?

Could you ask him to call me, please?

I'm so happy. I really am.

I've been dreaming of a Christmas like this since I was a kid.

Lots of people dancing, cracking nuts and laughing.

- It was just Mother, Micka, and me. - Well, your father was dead.

- And why isn't Micka here? - She's with her girlfriend.

I'll get it, you can heat some more wine...Welcome!

- Hi there, sweetie! - Hi, Merry Christmas!

- You must be Janne? - Yes...Oh, no.

- What the hell? - Let me help you with your things.

Hello, welcome. I'm Janne I live here.

I didn't think twice about Ake letting us in.

This is Ake. He doesn't know his own name, or where he lives.

It's so great you all could make it. Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to you.

This is our hostess. Sara. Sara, this is Marika.

Well, hello, but who are you?

Marika, 26 years old. Single.

No kids, no cats, and I have no political affiliations.

What a lovely house! May I look around?

I'll show you around.

- Who is she? - Our neighbor.

This place is such a bore.

Rita, this is Marika... Rita's my woman.

This is Thomas.

They're not as bad as they look... They're much worse!

This is Anne, we live together.

Thomas is the only one here who hasn't slept with Sara.

- My cousin's a homosexual, too. - How nice...

He's called Gunnel, and he's almost as cute as you.

- Gunnar! - It's Thomas, you're with me now.

- Gunnar is your ex-husband. - My cousin's name is Gunnar.

Sometimes the lift doesn't go all the way to the top...

This is my brother Gunnar, who's handed down his wife to me.

Call me "Gunnel".

I'm, Eva, Gunnar's present wife.

I used to be married to Janne.

Rickard and Jeanette are my kids.

But Rickard live here... Have we confused you?

No.

We make joint decisions here.

But that's what we did.

That damned Ake acts like he still lives here.

I've got an idea! You can christen the sauna with the guys.

- What, a sauna on Christmas Eve? - Yes!

You can show them what a good job you did...

You did nearly everything yourself.

- But weren't we ready to eat? - That can wait.

None of the others could have done such a good job.

- Do you really think so? - No in a million years.

I turned it on earlier, just in case...

We'll eat later.

Listen, everyone!

Well, Janne has a little surprise!

Right...

Well, all the men are going to christen the sauna.

You women get to do womanly things.

Like wiping the kid's noses, cooking, cleaning up, and so on...

Isn't that a great idea?

- So, to the sauna, men! - Okay!

- I want to take a sauna too... - No, you stay with the women.

Take a sauna? I just get all dressed up.

This is great!

- You did a good job here. - I'm proud of it...

You didn't do it all.

I ran into some carpenters here a few weeks ago.

- Sara and I talked about a sauna. - So did we, in my day.

Don't you remember, Ake? This used to be the boiler room.

- You're letting out the heat. - It's hot in here.

- Run up to Mom. - I want to be with you.

- Then come in. - It's too hot.

Suit yourself, damn it!

- Aren't kids great? - Hell, yes. Speaking of kids...

- Don't you want a "love child", too? - We're working on it.

Not very hard. Sara gets pregnant if you wave your shorts at her.

- Maybe we're not compatible. - That's Bullshit, just get busy.

One thing about Sara, she's a good lay.

- Isn't that so, boys? - Right...

I've never had it better in my life than when I was with Sara.

It was fucking amazing!

She loved getting laid in the closet.

- What are you laughing about? - Sara in the closet.

Does she still do that, Janne?

Ake, weren't you the first to bat?

You haven't heard the best bit.

You mean the map?

- When was this? - I guess we were about 15.

You see, Sara wasn't satisfied, so she gave Ake...

a map of a cunt so he could find his way around.

I looked and looked...

I had the damned thing upside down.

Speaking of the ladies, Rita looks damned good for her age.

- The truth is, she's an animal! - No kidding?

It feels good that Rita hasn't slept with any of you guys.

How do you know? How can you be sure she hasn't?

She can just barely manage to be faithful.

- Wow...now it's really hot. - On to Sherwood Forest!

- Mats! - Yes, dear...

I'm coming.

They're having such a good time over there. So many people, and kids.

A real Christmas.

We could drop by later on.

We can give them that horrible penguin your mother sent.

Merry Christmas was the message, not "go to hell"!

Look!

I guess we'd better wait a while.

- Hi. Are you all alone in here? - Yeah!

Good!

- I've known you a long time, right? - Right!

- And you're never wanted children. - No.

- You know how curious I am. - I sure do.

Well, not that I find it credible...

but Ake says you and Sara are trying to have a baby.

I bet she says stuff like that to let Ake know how happy she is.

- What do you mean? - You never wanted kids.

Have you changed your mind?

If you have four kids, one more hardly matters.

- But the first one is a big deal. - And I don't have any kids.

I'm too old to cart a tiny baby around.

- It's not really your decision. - It is, too.

Sorry, but the woman usually gets what she wants.

- I have a say in it too. I do! - Hardly.

- Do you want to bet? 500 kronor. - Try 500,000.

Are you sick? Well, tell me the reason.

What's up?

Have you had a vasectomy?

- Why did you have a vasectomy? - What would you recommend?

Oh my God, that's unbelievable! When did you have it done?

- Two years ago. - You met each other two years ago.

What did Sara have to say about that?

She doesn't know about it. You haven't told Sara?

And you'll keep your mouth shut. You're the only one who knows!

- You must be out of your mind! - Rita...

You'd better button up that pretty mouth of yours!

- You pass the gas station... - It'll stick to her ear soon.

Pass the gas station. Turn right... Hush!

Not you, Ahmed... They're driving me nuts!

Listen Mohammed... Don't turn right at the station.

Park your camel and let us

Swedes celebrate Christmas in peace.

Do you understand?

- You racist bastard! - Why don't you leave home?

- Find me an apartment! - And will prostitution pay for it?

You think anyone can be bought.

If the price is right, little lady.

- At the right price. - You cannibal, you feed on people!

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

Has anyone seen Janne?

Maybe he's still in the sauna.

How could you?

It was a very simple operation.

It takes two to make that decision.

Doctor Olsson and I were in agreement.

We have kids, and I'm 47 years old, damn it!

- Don't you want kids of your own? - No.

- Janne, you'll have to tell her. - Never.

She'd never forgive me

for foiling her deepest desire.

She'll accept that I can't have kids.

I just helped nature a little.

Poor Sara...

Oh, there you are...

And so are you.

What were you talking about?

Nice sauna.

Christmas secrets.

What did the guys say?

They thought the Carpenters did a really good job.

When we're seated at the table...

Couldn't you stand up and welcome our guests?

- Wouldn't that be nice? - Of course, let me shower first.

Hey, jolly gnomes fill up the glasses and we'll be merry together.

Our time is brief upon the earth with many troubles and little mirth.

Hey, jolly gnomes fill up the glasses and we'll be merry together.

- Cheers! - Merry Christmas!

Go ahead and eat.

Won't you at least drop this vegetarian crap at Christmas?

Vegan. It's not crap. Thousands of animals are murdered every day...

Not now! I mean it!

- I'm no good at speeches... - Then shut up!

If the brothers would pipe down, I'd like to say a few words.

"A few words", that was three.

I'd like to propose a Christmas toast to Sara...

It was Sara's idea that we all bury our hatchets...

Sara and Rita haven't spoken

since Daniel and Elin were born.

We're just a bunch of old friends who became one big family...

Ake was married to Sara while he was fooling around with Rita.

And they both got pregnant practically on the same day...

Maybe a little later.

Let's ease up on the booze, and have a memorable Christmas.

They were in the same ward and gave birth on the same day.

This may even become a tradition.

And I'll be able to say to Elin and Daniel's kids...

that Granddad was present on that first occasion.

I'm not going to have kids, there are too many already.

Elin, you'll have plenty of time to change your mind.

I'd like to propose a toast to the kids since Christmas is for kids.

- And for Jesus! - And for Jesus too, certainly...

Merry Christmas!

Thank you, Ake.

Well...

To all you dear people who sit at our table tonight...

I means the world to me that you're here. It really does.

And Janne, my darling...

I have something I would like to tell you.

Something important...

and very wonderful.

- I'm carrying our "love child". - What?

Congratulations!

That's right...

You'll finally be a father for real.

- That's my Christmas gift to you. - Congratulations, Sara.

Yes, isn't it wonderful? A little baby...

Aren't you pleased?

- I'm sorry? - Aren't you pleased?

Of course I am, I'm just a little surprised.

It's no ordinary surprise.

Now let's all rise and cheer for Sara and Janne.

Sit down, Janne. You're the man of the house.

And we toast...

I think this calls for...

- Hip, hip... - Hurrah...

Hi!

How are you? Aren't you pleased?

Of course I am.

You don't act pleased.

Why didn't you tell me in private?

I tried, but the kids interrupted all the time...

You could have taken the time...

Telling everyone like that!

You put me on the spot.

Why are you so grouchy?

I thought you'd be happy.

You can be a father.

Your sperm's okay and you're not too old.

I think it was a fine occasion to tell it.

That's obviously your opinion.

Is something else bothering you?

No!

- Come on, Donald Duck's on! - We've seen it before.

That's just the point, young lady. It's what you call a tradition.

But it's the same as last year.

Can't you just join us big kids? Oh, never mind!

We're busy, you fucking fatso!

- Tape it if it's so important. - It's just not done!

I don't know why, but so much wells up inside...

when I think about how sweet Janne was to me back then.

When Roland died, I felt like having a baby with Janne, too.

Jeanette and Rickard were still small,

and we were so in love.

Were you together when Roland died?

Roland and I went to marriage counseling. With Janne...

We'd hit a really rough patch no intimacy at all.

And the kids just screamed whenever we looked at each other...

You made it with your therapist?

It might have been a bad choice.

Roland was really hurt, but we were really in love.

Poor Roland, that's shitty.

What was he doing driving around in the middle of the night?

Oh, gentleman

I'd accepted the fact that Janne didn't want to have kids.

But he's having one with Sara.

That means that he just didn't want one with me...

- It's not like that... - What do you mean?

- Can you keep a secret? - Of course I can.

Janne can't possibly be the father of Sara's child...

He's had a vasectomy.

Excuse me?

- Janne isn't capable... - Hold on...

- Doesn't Sara know about it? - No.

- But who is the father? - You tell me...

- Good God! - Don't tell a soul.

- I mean... - I won't.

Silent night, holy night.

All is calm, All is bright...

Round you virgin mother and child.

You have to tell her. Anything else is cruelty.

She's the one who has something to tell me!

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent night, holy night.

All is calm, All is bright...

Shepherds quake at the sight...

- I'm going to find out who it is. - How do you propose to do that?

I hope you're aware your husband is the prime suspect.

Ake?

...Christ the Savior, is born!

Midnight reigns, 'tis so quiet in the houses

in the houses...

If it's Ake, I'm going to kill him!

Do you prefer the others?

I'm sure it's that horny bastard.

He'd jump a worm if it had tits.

See the elves sneak...

Sara has tits.

Listening, watching,

tippy-toeing forward, tip-toe forward.

I swear it brings tears to my eyes!

- How does she find the time? - She's great with kids.

- Aren't they clever? - Very.

When did you find the time?

A lot goes on when you're at work.

So, Rickard lives here and not with you?

We have no choice, the kid detests me.

It seems strange to say it, but Rickard is better off here.

More mothers should be so unselfish about where their kids live.

- I guess that's what I am: selfish. - But I have to live with you!

- You're free to move out. - What are you saying?

Mom, why do you live with Fatso? I don't like it.

Stop it! Rickard reacts like this.

His therapist says he has a great need for attention.

- Stop it! - Why not give him attention?

If you only knew!

Crazy old Gunnar buys everything Rickard points at.

I doubt that's what his therapist meant. Just think about it a little.

Why don't people realize everyone can be bought? Kids included.

- Does Janne really want a child? - Of course he does, Mom.

- He loves me! - That's not the same thing.

- Should I take this out? - Yes, please.

- What a nice dress. - Thanks! I got it in London.

You know what the English say about a pregnant woman?

Isn't that cute?

They mean that she is two people in one.

She pays for two, because she has

a little one in her belly.

Right!

- When were you in London? - The beginning of November.

What did you do beside shopping?

We'll have to talk about it sometime.

About what? I have no idea what you are talking about.

Stop it!

What's the matter, do you feel queasy?

Are you going to have a baby too?

To get pregnant you have to...fuck!

Eva, I told Janne that he has to tell Sara.

Well, he should have done that two years ago.

He thinks Ake slept with Sara.

- Why does he think that? - Ahmed's coming to get me soon.

- He says Ake would screw anything. - You mean anybody.

- No, anything. - Did you hear me?

Who did Ake screw? Besides you and Sara.

Listen, you little witch. You won't live long if you keep this up.

It's Christmas,

is Ahmed allowed out on Christmas Eve?

- They're Muslims, Mom. - Well, you're not going anywhere.

You spend Christmas with the family. It's a Swedish tradition, you know.

Jesus was Swedish? I had no idea!

You're nuts, I'm leaving when Ahmed gets here.

- Mats! Can you find some string? - I can't find anything!

I'm just happy I managed to find this little lady.

Well, this will have to do.

Come on. Mats you're such a coward.

You can't give green penguins to people you don't know.

Who made all this food? It must have taken weeks.

Super Mom.

Without that woman, the world would be less populated.

You just have to do your best.

I'll adopt if I have kids.

- Adopt me. - Where do you live?

Thank God. I managed to procreate naturally.

- Adoption is for barren people. - Come on!

When hormones and test tubes don't work, they have to adopt.

It's the second-best thing, and you know it, Ake.

Anyone who had a choice wants their own kids.

Not someone else's.

You don't know if it'll be white and look like you.

These are our new neighbors.

Helena, Mats and little Josefin.

Well, Hello...

We came to wish you a Merry Christmas.

- We moved in yesterday. - Now nice!

She's adorable...

I'll get back to you.

I'm Sara. Welcome.

It's kind of a mess here. We're a big family.

- Merry Christmas. - Thank you.

Where is she from?

- Vietnam. - Asia. Now...nice.

We'd better be on out way...

Please stay, there's lots of food.

- I'll see them to the door. - Welcome...

I said the girl was cute, right?

isn't that so...

But I said she was a very nice child, I did...

Don't worry, by tomorrow they'll have forgotten all about it.

Have some brandy.

- I'll report her to the police! - Because you...

We can't have kids of our own?

Racism. Harassment. Anything.

- Harassing adoptive parents? - This doesn't seem to bother you.

- Why let it bother you? - I demand an apology!

She should get down on her knees!

- Is that really necessary? - I want her to come to me!

How clever of you to moonlight on Christmas Eve.

- How many stops for Santa? - Five!

Hope it pays well! Remember, you get her over here to apologize.

And if she doesn't, you're out of here!

We should have given her the damned penguin!

I really put my foot in it...

They must think I'm a racist.

I meant that if you had the choice...

It's not that bad.

- No one appreciates my efforts. - Of course they do.

And you don't seem the least bit happy about the baby.

Maybe you don't want a baby with me?

- Of course I... - Do you want the baby?

- It's not as simple as that. - Answer me!

- Do you want the baby or not? - Maybe not right now...

You're 47, when did you plan on having a baby?

- A lot of people older than me... - It's "than I", not "than me".

- Can't you just tell the truth? - There's Jack Nicholson...

Lennart Bernadotte and Yassir Arafat...

Do you, or do you not, want the baby?

No, I don't want to have children.

- Do you want me to get an abortion? - Yes, I do.

- Good God. Why? - For a lot of reasons, damn it.

I'm very busy at work,

and I'm up for promotion in six "months" time.

I barely have the time to drive the kids around as it is.

They go to daycare...

to hockey and swimming and riding and violin lessons.

- To choir practice and... - Acting classes.

- The whole house is full of kids. - Then you've been lying all along.

This morning you said you wanted a baby. Were you lying?

- What the hell was I to say? - How about the truth?

I love you, but...

You don't want the baby, right?

If that's the case, then you can leave!

Get the hell out of here! The choice is yours.

Okay. If that's the way you want it.

- What's the matter? - Erik's seeing someone.

Are you sure about that?

He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't touch me...

I just know it...

- Do you know who it is? - No.

I never really thought about having kids...

- But with Erik it... - Just felt right?

How long had you known each other, something like 15 minutes?

Twenty.

You didn't know him very well. How well do I know him now?

Why would he want someone else? What am I doing wrong?

You don't mean to tell me that you think it's your fault?

You was want to know a secret? Promise not to tell anyone.

Janne isn't the father of Sara's baby.

He's had a vasectomy and Sara doesn't know...

What's so bad about that?

- Come on... - Erik!

Then it's got to be Erik!

What's this? We haven't even opened our Christmas presents...

I've had my present.

- A baby isn't a gift. - You said so, in your little speech.

Janne...

- Janne, look at me. I love you. - I love you too.

But I refuse to have an abortion.

We'll have to talk about it another time.

This couldn't possibly have ruined everything between us?

Yes, it has, it feels like we should form a suicide pact.

Why not do it tonight? Bring in the kids, and Ake...

Sorry.

Let's pull ourselves together, and go and be the world's best couple.

- Is this what you want to do? - Yes, it is.

I promise to be very nice to your former husbands.

I'm really going to try to get to know them for real.

- You need help? - No, I got it.

Pretty girl, Smart!

The kind of girl who knows what she wants. Wouldn't she be fun?

How are things with you and Rita?

Like I said, we can barely manage to be faithful.

You said she barely managed to be faithful.

- There's no difference. - If you say so...

Why are you making a fool of yourself over her, then?

I'm not chasing her.

No, not a horny bastard like you.

Some of us manage to resist temptation,

other poor devils can't.

Nice to hear that you and Sara are friends again.

- Yes, it's nice. - That can happen after a while.

You see things you haven't seen before

and rekindle the flame.

- Third time's the charm, right? - What are you talking about?

Look, Rita is a good friend.

If I find out you've been cheating on her, I'm going to...

I don't know what your problem is, but it has nothing to do with me.

Ho, ho, ho... Are there any good children here?

No.

- No good children at all? - No.

- Have I gone to the wrong house? - Probably. Merry Christmas.

- Who was that? - Some clown in a Santa suit.

Santa! Come back. The kids are expecting you.

This is my husband, Janne. This is Santa.

Here, take this and go in.

- Are there any good children here? - Yes!

- Elin hasn't been very good. - Oh, is that so?

Let's see. Here's a present for Daniel.

Merry X-mas...

How's the construction business?

How's the fruitcake business?

- Here's a big gift for Liselotte... - That's me.

It's from your parents. Maybe they should help you open it.

I can manage on my own.

You see, that lady is my Mom.

And her first husband is my father...

Pardon me if I seem impertinent

but is there something wrong with your eyes?

You haven't visited Johanna much lately.

I guess you come when I'm at work.

I've barely seen you at all this autumn.

You haven't been in when I come.

That's what I gathered.

- Is that a problem? - No, I'm a psychologist.

Look!

You'd better tell me what's up.

Sara, she put her sweater on backwards.

What the hell's our problem? I'm talking to you.

- Here's a gift for Janne... - Well, what do you know?

Thank you, Santa.

- What the hell is your problem? - Calm down.

I want to know what he's up to.

Quiet. Janne had a vasectomy.

It's true, he told Rita that in the sauna.

That means the baby's not his!

Wow, a computer!

I wished for one, didn't I, Janne?

Mom and Sara!

Thanks, Gunnar!

There you go.

- My little friend... - Thanks, Gunnar!

Who the hell moved the garbage bags, and why?

Who is she? And don't you dare ask who I mean!

- Why change something that works? - What a good question.

There isn't any "she"

Who are you so secretive with on the phone?

Who do you see after work?

Why do you turn off your phone?

Is it a co-worker?

- It's Sara, isn't it? - You must be out of your mind.

You might as well admit it!

Liselotte is ours.

And, by the way, Sara happens to be pregnant!

- Check out this computer! - It's great.

And how are you doing?

Good friends, booze and figs. What do you think?

Sara's done such a nice job. Santa and all...

Forgive me! Good friends, booze,

figs and Santa.

- Pinch me! - I was just thinking.

We're the only ones who haven't had kids with Sara.

How does that feel?

I sleep well, I don't have eating disorders. And I can't say...

that I'm afraid to die, not really.

I was just wondering if you... felt left out.

- Poor guy! - I know I'm innocent.

I can't understand why Janne just doesn't tell her.

Do you think he wants his kneecaps crushed?

- He figured his secret was safe. - That's impossible.

Because then he never would have told it to you.

Helena!

Open the damned door.

- I'm freezing to death! - You're drunk.

- Where is she? - She's...

- She's at home. - Did you tell her to apologize?

- But I was Santa... - You get her over here!

Even if you have to drag her by the hair!

We ought to tell Janne, He's making a fool of himself playing detective.

- Tell him what? - I don't know... That we know.

What exactly do we know?

- He doesn't know that we know. - Right, I know.

I almost felt like telling him that I'd slept with Sara, too.

Well, it was tempting after all that talk about love and caring.

Is Sara really that hot in the closet?

Hell, don't even think about it!

I knew you'd still be in here!

Why do you think Erik is seeing someone else?

I can feel it in my whole body, which Erik never touches...

What would you do in my situation?

As a psychologist I would suggest... honesty.

It's very important to be honest in your dealings with one another.

Dare to be vulnerable. Talk to each other calmly...

- I think it's Sara. - Get him to slip up.

Ask the question in different ways. Don't let him know you suspect.

Why do you think so?

- Can you prove it? - I can sense it.

I just thought of something.

Pretend you know more than you do. Best way to get him to talk.

- Lay a couple of traps, too. - What do you suggest?

I've got it. Tell him that you've discussed it with the other woman.

- I should pretend? - Right, then the bastard...

He'll realize the game is up.

Oh lord, look at all that porridge!

I've never seen as much in my whole life...put together.

It took ages!

Should vegans eat porridge? Milk comes from cows...

and they must suffer tremendously when they're milked!

Big brother, big idiot. Little brother, little idiot.

Listen, everyone!

- Has anyone found the almond? - No!

- I found it, but I ate it. - You're supposed to make a wish!

What a little nut case he is!

My wish is that Mom and Janne would get married...

so we could move to a big red house in the country.

- What's he on about? - What's up with you people?

Either you ridicule the kids, or you talk over their heads.

- How many kids do you have? - None!

But I've been a kid myself!

I'm sorry, but I get mad when adults only think of themselves...

and change mates like they change their underwear.

It's time for a song. I'll get the drinks.

- How can you stand it, bro? - Therapy...

People should only have kids...

if they want to love them and help them become good people.

No just to fulfill a dream, keep a man...

tie a woman to her kitchen, or just feel needed.

Indeed!

Erik, Gunnar, or even Ake...

Tell her how much I love my kids.

Wouldn't it be nice if someone came to my defense?

I'm being attacked by someone who doesn't even have kids herself!

- I stand by my opinion! - Is that right? How interesting.

- Don't let your boobs pop out. - You don't have that problem.

- Help yourselves. - Right, why stay sober?

Isn't it bloody typical that Ake plays host?

Cheers!

At least he's trying.

Of course. He's such a nice guy, and we all should be grateful.

Come on, you guys.

Now let's all have a nice time and take care of each other.

Let's celebrate Christmas and enjoy each other's company.

Merry Christmas...

I won't make a long speech.

I just wanted to say: Cheers, you gang-bangers!

Gang-bangers? Men who have fucked the same girl.

Isn't that right?

- What's going on? - What?

You're still mad because I didn't tell you?

- Did you think I'd just get over it? - I was hoping you'd happy.

Darling, don't you think we have enough children?

- Our child will have the best dad. - Don't suck up, please.

What do you want me to do? What's done is done.

Don't you think I know? I know Sara, I know.

- What do you mean? - Just tell the truth.

- Admit that you've been unfaithful. - What?

No wonder someone found his way.

Ake has a map and compass.

- What are you insinuating? - That you're hiding things.

Like that Ake took you virginity.

Or that you had an on-and-off relationship.

I don't know who your first girl was.

Lotta Person. I though she enjoyed it, but she threw up.

- Don't change the fucking subject. - I didn't think it was important.

- I've never been unfaithful. Never! - Well, aren't you a clever one?

Who was it? Was it Ake?

Why do you think that Ake and I...?

Or was it Gunnar, Erik, or possibly Thomas?

Are you accusing me of something, is that what you're doing?

Why not answer my question? Why are you avoiding it?

- Why do you think I was unfaithful? - Because I...

- I can see it. - You can see it? Wow!

That's a good one. The psychologist has spoken!

- Can you prove it? - I can sense it.

Damn you! I've always been loyal to you.

You get out! Get out now!

You've ruined my Christmas Eve!

But you made mine special.

Get out of here!

Calm down, who's next?

I really love Christmas. Who needs TV?

- Or Lars Noren, for that matter? - Who's he?

"You won't have to leave the house...", she said.

- Are you done eating already? - Yes, it was delicious.

- What happened to Janne? - He went for a walk.

- To buy a newspaper. - On Christmas Eve?

- Fig? - Shut the fuck up...

Oh, no!

- What's up? - How much is it?

- Where are you going? - To the office.

My wife threw me out. I have to get warm, I'm freezing.

- Where's your office? - Downtown.

21 kronor.

Here's five.

It seems that's all I have right now.

- Couldn't you just...? - You're in Sweden now.

How would it look if everyone rode for free?

Just get off the bus.

It's Christmas Eve, damn it!

That's nice, thank you. I'll take that.

- So, what are you going to do? - I'll wipe the floor, of course.

Do you have any idea what a floor like this costs?

What are you going to do?

I know! I'll give birth at home.

Right!

I mean, I was born here, so it's be like a family tradition.

Nonsense, you were born in the hospital.

Then the whole family could be together.

It would be a group effort.

You know, at times...

I love them all so mush that it hurts inside.

Can you recall the feeling?

A tiny baby climbing into your bed saying: "Mom, I love you"?

As opposed to a big, hairy man climbing into bed saying I love you?

It feels so right with Janne.

Sara, you just threw Janne out.

I doesn't have to be Erik, it could be any one of you.

You're all her exes. Except for Thomas, of course.

- I already said I was innocent. - What's that?

- What is Thomas innocent of? - The budget deficit.

The destruction of the rain forests and Michael Jackson's nose.

- Do you love me? Say it... - I love you!

Tell me you love me!

Daddy. Mommy.

- Hi there... - Aren't you in bed?

- Go play some place else. - I'm not tired.

- Why don't you go upstairs? - I haven't even yawned.

Go up and we'll tuck you in.

No, we're going to play house.

Hey, I've got a great idea.

Let's play upstairs. Won't that be fun?

- Sara...? - No...

- What the hell are you doing here? - Sara...

I need to see...Sara.

Come back next year.

Liselotte mentioned something...

He would be the best father in the world.

He already is a great stepfather.

- Well, it's her play... - Could it be because of Ake?

- That he was here tonight. - I thought the opening was...

- I never meant to hurt Janne. - No, I know that.

- It's important to Liselotte. - You see...

He doesn't have the slightest reason...

Everything I touch turns into a disaster!

Don't cry.

None of the rest of us could have put on a Christmas like this.

You're strong and capable.

And you're a great mom.

Thanks.

That damned well figures!

- Erik! - Christ...

Erik...

- Erik! -Oh, No

- Please don't touch me! - What's going on?

Erik

What's this about Erik? I thought you were mad at Ake?

- That he took over and played host. - Played host, you say?

And what do you call what Erik did for you?

What about Erik? What's eating you?

Mommy will be right with you.

- Did you get your newspaper? - Shut up!

- Listen to me! - Who are you?

What gives you the right to dump on me and run away?

You've got it all wrong.

If Sara leaves Janne alone,

he will be happy. That's psychology!

- This sucks! - Janne!

He's a little upset...

It's educational seeing a pro handle a crisis situation.

- Mom's pregnant again. - We don't need any more kids.

Janne will leave. That's what men do when they have babies.

There you are!

Rickard says Janne's moving.

No, he's just a little angry.

- Is he moving out? - Are you pleased with your gifts?

Wasn't the computer a great gift?

He took his suitcase.

All Moms and Dads have fights at times.

It doesn't mean we don't love each other.

- Or that we're getting divorced. - You divorced my dad.

- And mine. - And mine.

Well...

Janne, what are you doing?

Move!

Stop it! Take it easy, Janne!

- That's Erik's car. - I know!

- Where are you going? - Away from here!

Why? Well, what do you think?

- I've had enough... - Enough what?

- Porridge? Figs? Booze? - Its Erik's. Erik's!

- What's Erik's? - The baby Sara's carrying, damn it!

- Shit...How do you know that? - Does it really matter?

If it's not his, then it has to be somebody's.

I don't get it. Don't you and Sara have sex?

I'll tell you why I don't want a child with Sara

the real reason.

I can't stand that she's slept with every guy in town...

and had kids with half of them.

I picture her with Gunnar, Erik,

and Ake, and I can't handle it.

That's great coming from a psychologist, right?

You're a man, too. You're normal almost normal...

You shouldn't make fun of Marika for being gay.

- She can't help what she is. - I'm not gay.

And when you left Thomas, I got him!

Doesn't that brain of yours work? Marika wasn't married to Thomas.

He and Micka have a 19-year-old daughter.

How could Marika have a 19-years-old?

I mean, she can't be more than 25 herself?

- I give up. - What do you people actually do?

I mean, I understand what men do, but how do you do it?

Do what? Lay railroad tracks?

Brush their teeth? Perform sack races?

- Don't you ever miss a penis? - Yuck!

I don't want to picture what two men do in bed.

It's disgusting. It's just not natural.

There's been a little misunderstanding here.

I understand where you're coming from. I really do.

I'm not prejudiced against homosexuals.

Could I have a hug?

It's macho bullshit to not accept...

that a woman has had a life before you.

Three lives.

Let's go in, there are lots of goodies in the kitchen.

You should know, you're the one who lives here...

- I've had enough of this. - Janne!

- You're drunk! - Well, isn't that a stroke of luck?

Does Sara Hamrell live here?

Yes, over there. Number 34.

- What do you want her for? - A discussion on adultery.

- What's going on? - I'm damned if I know.

- Janne thinks it's yours. - I'd vote for Ake, myself.

- Ake? Did you do it? - You must be out of your mind.

You do suit each other and maybe the third time's a charm.

Ake and Sara make a good couple?

Sure, you're too smart for him.

Damn it, you may be right.

- Did you knock Sara up? - Hell, no. Not this time.

Damn you!

- You've got to believe me. - I don't have to do any such thing.

- You're such a bad liar. - That's not true.

I'm no worse at lying than other people.

Your ears turn red when you lie, you stupid ox!

I love you, I'd never do anything...

Are you happy now? I'm Carina Bolander.

My husband Kenneth left me tonight, on Christmas Eve.

Are you ready to deal with this mess?

I knew it! I just know it! You've been screwing...

You've deceived me! Don't lie! She's right here!

So, you're having an affair with my husband?

- Pauline, it's not like you think. - No, because it's Sara.

- Who's Kenneth? - Who are you?

You're not sleeping with Carina?

No, Erik's sleeping with Kenneth!

That's why he's leaving me.

Holy shit!

Kenneth's leaving me for Erik.

He had to come out of some damned closet, or whatever it was he said.

On Christmas Eve...

They've been faggots the whole time. They're lied!

On Christmas Eve, do you hear me!

Christmas Eve...

I'm...gay, homosexual.

When did you find that out?

When I saw you in the sauna.

- I need a drink. - What's wrong with that one?

It's gone.

So that's why you weren't interested.

You're been lying all these years?

I never lied to you or Pauline.

But maybe I've been lying to myself.

Hello, I'll be over soon. Kiss.

May the one who has no guilt throw the first stone.

- Poor Pauline... - I'm sure she'll keep her cool.

- Just one minute, young lady! - This isn't good for me.

Nonsense, we're doing this for your sake.

For the sake of our children.

How many of your classmates live with their biological parents?

- There's Lisa... - This is a modern family, you know.

- I think we've done a good job. - Right!

Not many families can handle...

celebrating Christmas with the exes, step-kids and everything...

- Yeah, and Janne got a vasectomy... - That's not the point!

You're pretty square for your age.

Yeah, I don't buy friends.

I don't look down ladies' dresses and I don't sleep with my therapist.

- Have you and Ahmed...? - Of course we have!

Teens have lots of sex. We try all the positions.

You're not pregnant?

Being here teaches me one thing.

To use double condoms for the rest of my life!

- What's so wrong with us? - Thomas can't shut up.

Anne's drunk, Ake's horny, Sara gets pregnant

Janne smashes cars, Erik's gay and Pauline cries.

Do I really need to go on?

Now you know I haven't slept with Erik.

- Then it must be Ake. - Stop it! Let's all stop it.

Can't we get along and have a nice Christmas?

- I ask again: Did you cheat on me? - No!

- Which one of us was the best? - Well, my fellow gang-bangers...

Sara's pregnant and I want to know by whom.

I haven't slept with anyone but you!

- Why don't you believe me? - Janne...

Don't you have something to tell us?

Sara's pregnant without cheating on me.

And I've had a vasectomy.

No, you've got to be kidding!

This must be some kind of joke. You've had a vasectomy...

and I wouldn't know? I don't buy that.

This is just some sick way...

to find out if I've been unfaithful.

- Tell me it isn't true! - It's my life and my decision.

- You can't do things like that! - Tell, I did.

You can't be...? Is that what you mean?

- You can't be a father? - You weren't supposed to know.

You're unbelievable! You're fucking unbelievable!

Was I just supposed to worry why I didn't get pregnant every month?

- You can't do things like that! - It's was my decision.

You decided that I... What were you thinking?

Did it ever cross your mind that I wanted a baby very badly?

That's exactly my point, dear.

So you made the decision: No more kids for me.

- Who do you think you are, God? - It almost seems that way...

Is nothing sacred to you? I just don't get it...

- How could you? - Well, how could you?

You're all out of your minds!

- That's it, I'm leaving - No, you're not!

Mother!

Our Christmas, our family, everything's a shambles...

My dear, sweat, little girl...

- Tell me what's happened. - It's Janne...

Janne's had vasectomy.

- He's destroyed my life. - But the baby...

But you're pregnant. Which one of them is the father?

I want you all to swear it isn't you!

- Put a sock in it... - Shut up!

Hands up and repeat after me. Raise your hands, damn it!

- And stand up! - We've already told you we didn't...

Raise your hands and repeat after me...

Not you!

We solemnly swear...

We solemnly swear...

That we haven't fucked Sara Hamrell...

- That...But we have. - I mean recently!

- Recently, I mean. - I'm not playing this game.

Stand up!

We solemnly swear...

That we haven't fucked Sara Hamrell.

- That we haven't fucked Sara. - Recently.

- Who the hell could it be? - Sara...

Sara...

- What do you want Sara for? - Wouldn't you like to know?

- What do you want Sara for? - I'm not telling you.

-Sara -What the hell?

So you're the fucker!

Die, you fucking Santa!

Sara

That fucking bastard!

- Let go, I'm going to kill him! - Stop it!

- You even fucked Santa Claus! - Stop it!

I've had artificial insemination!

I was inseminated when I was in London.

Time passed...

We tried. We tried for two whole years.

I was afraid you couldn't... That you couldn't be a father.

We've been so happy.

The kids love you as much I as do.

- Sara... - I wanted to help nature along.

I thought you'd be pleased.

It doesn't matter who the fathered the child

because this baby is a gift of love to you.

I did it for your sake.

For you.

I thought you'd never find out.

"ONE YEAR LATER"

I'm not lactating, so I get to drink.

- Hi there, Gus! - Is he awake?

Come here, sweetie.

Did you have a nice nap?

Hi! Anything happen yet?

- This is Ahmed. - Hi, Ahmed. Merry Christmas.

Well, my dearest family members...

Once again we are together...

and that makes me very happy.

Janne, my love, is here along with out darling baby boy.

Janne, I have something I'd like to tell you...

No, no, no!

Hold on now!

Listen to me. Please listen!

Come on!

Will you give me a break?

Listen!

"FOR SALE"